I'm soooo happy I finally did not hear someone say "must think of someone of the opposite sex" while talking about lovingkindness meditation. That heteronormative claim doesn't apply to everyone! And thank you! This is the most clear and inclusive material I've seen on metta meditation so far! 😊 🙏
"Heteronormative", used to be expressed as "normal", that is, pertaining to the majority. And incidentally, I've been exposed to various Buddhist practices across a range of cultures, for decades, and I've NEVER come across anything remotely reassembling what you are implying in your comment, that is, that there is an explicit hetero-centric bias in Western Buddhist circles. (I leave aside the question as to how traditional Buddhist societies deal with homosexuality as a an entirely different matter) You seem to me to be looking for something to complain about, like most people I encounter who cultivate victim-status.
Radiating loving kindness"Not to opposite sex" is kind of a "safety measure", as to some people, especially in the beginning stage when you are chanelling the loving kindness towards a single person, the loving thoughts might proliferate and manifest into sexuality. It's more important not to hold any negativity towards the safety net or towards anything at all. If it does pose to be an issue to you, be grateful of your purer mind and wish others also have the same purity that you posses.
Thank you my great Teacher you have helped me a lot in every single class you share, you help me clear my mind and understand little bit more, for sure I'll heard several times in order to improve my understanding. Lotus for you. Evangelina Cortes.
Having been assaulted on quite a few occasions I have found it very useful to conceptualize lovingkindness as wanting what is best for the other person - which in a Buddhist context involves them overcoming greed and ill will - instead of conceptualizing it as liking the way they are right now.
Yes that's worth emphasizing Rufus. After all, what is really best for them is that they cease being driven by unskillful emotions. Be well my friend. 🙏
Lovingkindness, because you truly grounded yourself in the way of peace, it is now benefitting you, healing spirit energy is flowing that is restoring your body, and now your moral stance is respected as the best, there is no ill intent towards you who honestly does not lift arms against others in defense.
Great video Doug. We first used with our students the formula of beginning with themselves to send metta to them. But they had difficulties because WE , as western people, have a lot of troubles sending love to ourselves. We solved this difficulty beginning to generate this loving kindness state with loved ones , then ourselves, then neutral, then “enemies” and finally all beings
Thanks Jorge. Yes, I think we have to find out in practice which process makes the most sense for us. The great thing is that there are so many options to choose from! 🙂
As the love of a mother for her child is related to the cherished care of the creator for the creation, so the practitioner, creating their inner world, gives it the greatest gift of heaven on earth. Then, extending that heavenly gift to the wider world. Thanks for sharing your kindness.
This concept of Living/Kindness is a crucial component in everybodys Life. Of all the basic pillars in ones Life...This would seem to be the #1 priority.
It's interesting you call it cultivating skillful emotions. I'm a well trained actor and I found that focusing on the emotional aspect of Metta actually made it harder for me. Probably because emotions are the result of consciousness and not the ground itself. I find it much more helpful to connect to the part of me that genuinely wants to see people happy and well and when I send Metta to other people, I tune into their essence and the love flows from there. Emotion plays a part but it has more detached, consistent, energetic quality.
Hi, found your channel in Nick Nimmin’s comments section. Perfect timing, I’ve just recently heard about the loving kindness meditation in a book about positive psychology and been meaning to do a little research.
Great! Glad to hear it Heather. Nick's got a great message there, I'm glad you followed me over. Yes, lovingkindness is a great practice. Please let me know if you have any questions! 🙂
Metta means good will in as a immesaurable and a universal attitude. This is the most practical and applicable aspect towards all beings. But metta can be an expression of loving kindness to individuals
It was good see the video footnote about storgē as a fourth form of love. I've been taught that this is the familial or kinship love that is experienced in closely bonded families. Whether you believe in a literal Eve from the Abrahamic faiths or the mitochondrial Eve of science, it is indisputable that we are all descended from a common ancestor. There are no humans to whom we are not all related. We are all cousins of some degree. Storgic love reminds me of that relatedness, driving me to want the best for every one of my relatives.
I'm been enjoying your series and learning much from you. In this video, I found the part about regarding enemies as neutral particularly helpful. A couple of things I wonder about. In the metaphor of a mother and her child, Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu interprets the child as being our feeling of Metta rather than other people, that we must protect our feeling of benevolence as a mother protects her only child. Also, I've heard a couple of Theravada monastics recommend practicing the Brahmaviharas as antidotes to the hindrances, particularly ill will, rather than needing to get rid of the hindrances before working on the Bramaviharas. Do your studies support these interpretations?
Yes, that all makes sense. We shouldn't assume there is a single correct interpretation or practice implied in these suttas or later commentarial texts. Often the material is vague enough to encompass a number of alternatives. Certainly mettā was considered an antidote to ill will and anger even in the suttas. So we can think of a progression in practice, if we begin with ill will, we practice mettā until the ill will disappears, and then once the hindrances are completely gone (if they are ever gone for us!) we can practice the Brahmavihāras as routes to jhāna.
A part of me is scared about doing this and being introduced to factors that may be of the opposite nature of love and kindness... but i guess thats where we use compassion....
Hi Doug, i have a question relating to loving kindness meditation. The phrase says: " may all be happy".. I am currently wondering, is it that we imagine that they are currently not happy, and by wishing this we in turn suggest that they could be better ? If so.. then isnt the intial thought w negative one? Because we begin by imagining that the people are sad ? Or is it a state of mind where i am actively saying goodbye to hatred ? As in, in my head i imagine myself as a person who would once wish bad things upon that person, but now due to buddhist practice, i am waving goodbye to those " bad" or rather " familiar" thoughts ? More so are there any pitfalls for the latter ?
There are many ways to practice lovingkindness. But if you are imagining they are currently not happy, that sounds more to me like compassion meditation than lovingkindness in particular. Check out the other Brahmavihāras and you will get more of a flavor of the differences between them. 🙏
One of the aspects of Buddhism that I most appreciate is its scientific nature. We are encouraged to be curious, to observe "things as they really are," and to cultivate insight as an antidote to delusion. In this context, I have difficulty with metta. It's less challenging for me to imagine how cultivating positive thoughts about others can benefit ME than to understand the mechanism and efficacy of "broadcasting" lovingkindness to others. From a scientific perspective, how is lovingkindness meditation supposed to work?
Well the point of lovingkindness is to encourage you to foster attitudes that are more than just about how things benefit you, and towards an open kindness and compassion towards others. It does this through repeated training. Just as you would train to throw farther by trying to throw again and again, you train to think kindly of others by trying to think that way again and again. There is no magic in it.
@@DougsDharma All fine and good, Doug. What I don't get is how my thinking kindly of others really benefits them. How is this different from the New-Agey statement that "I'm sending you positive energies?" How does metta actually work to benefit others? I apologize if answering this takes too much of your time. Perhaps you could refer me to relevant reading. I consider myself a secular Buddhist, with little faith in things unseen.
I don't know how that relates to Buddhism, but in my loving-kindness practice I just try to acknowledge preferences that I already have. "may you be free from suffering" is me examining whether I would make the person not suffer if I could. And the answer is yes. Of course it's possible that most Buddhists see that completely differently, but for me it's just another investigation/reminder.
Hi, Doug! Thank you for such great videos! They've been very useful. I have a couple of questions: 1. You said that it's not skillful to do this practice imagining a romantic partner, since there will be attachment and other feelings. But at the same time it says that it's okay to picture people who we care for (like teachers, friends and so on). So it's okay to have some level of attachment at the beginning of the practice? And how do you tell if your loving kindness completely pure or if there's some kind of attachment stuck to it? 2. You said that it's not skillful to avoid negative emotions using loving kindness. You said that first you have to deal with the negative emotion and then practice loving kindness. Or when a situation requires not to have anger etc. But then where's the antidote function of the loving kindness? If I deal with my anger first, then I don't need an antidote anymore. Actually this question has been bothering me for a while. And I'm not sure if I'm avoiding or not. I'll give an example. One time a had a sore throat and I was afraid that I caught an infection. I started having all kinds of thoughts and I felt fear and aversion arising in me. I tried to watch these thoughts with equanimity, they would pass, but then they would come back again. After of a few cycles, I got tired and decided to practice loving kindness to the bacteria and viruses. And it worked. I stopped having fear and I felt love and compassion towards these small beings. So I'm confused, was that supressing? Where did the fear go? Did loving kindness supress it? Was it skillful?
I wouldn't worry too much about such questions, they are more in the realm of skillful practice, and each person and each occasion will be different. If you find it useful to use lovingkindness as a quick antidote to anger, it may be useful to do so. The point though is to be aware of what is going on. Is aversion arising to the anger? Then be aware of the aversion. Be aware of the anger itself rather than pretending it isn't there. Sit with your thoughts about your teacher or friend: is there attachment there? How does it feel? I think Buddhaghosa's point about not using a romantic partner for lovingkindness practice is that romantic or sexual feelings might arise, which are anathema to a practicing monastic.
I have a question that I seem to not be able to find an answer to. When you recite this mantra, “may I be happy and free from suffering”, are you saying it out loud, in your head, or trying to cultivate a “feeling” within of that phrase?
Usually you don't say these phrases out loud, but only in your head. You are reciting them to yourself in order to cultivate the accompanying feeling, for example of lovingkindness or compassion.
I wonder if spreading lovingkindness to the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc directions has an implication like "worshipping the six directions" in the Sigalaka Sutta ( www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.ksw0.html ) where the directions corresponded to people in different relationships with the "worshipper": parent, teachers, wife & children, friends & companions, servants & workers & helpers, and ascetics & brahmins. Against this reading is the addition of three extra directions to the 4 cardinal directions plus up and down: across, everywhere, and all around.
Right, I think they are related, but the practice in the Sigalaka Sutta is more complex and involved. The Brahmavihāra practices are to an extent very simple, just the cultivation of a particular emotional state.
It's difficult for me to focus on many people in one meditation session. I feel it dispersive. Is it correct to practice reducing the number of people or even turning to just one?
Well originally the Buddha's advice was not to focus on people at all in the Brahmavihāras, only to extend out the emotional state in each direction. That might be an easier practice then for you.
Okay. I foud your video explaing metta. As you described, the english translation of metta is loving kindness. But it is not. Metta means non hatred or friendliness or the opposite of hatred. It is not loving kindness. There no word called Loving - Kindness (combining two word Loving and Kindness together). It is wrong translation. The meaning kindness falls under the Karuna word (one brhma vihara). This wrong translation (Loving - Kindness) misguide you through dharma teaching. This wrong translation has been spreaded across all english translations of pali. You can find the meaning of metta through the alternative word maitri. It means non hatred or oposit of hatred only In Metta meditation, what is done is improving non hatred instead of hatred. It is not about affection or love. My advise is to you is , go only with correct meaning of paliword manually as needed. It gives best viwe of dharma.
Non-hatred in Pāli is "avera" not "metta". Metta means something like "friendliness" or "kindness" (related to "mitta", "friend"), however the standard English translation for it now is "lovingkindness". Personally I prefer just "kindness", though often adopt the standard translation so as not to confuse. It is the same general notion.
@@DougsDharma Yes. Avera is pali word for non hatred. Avera or non hatred comes with the meaning of metta. Avera or non hatred is to express the meaning of metta. You can see friendliness and non hatred (Avera) have the same quality. On the other hand, i dont suggest you to express kindness with metta. Kindness is with Karuna. It is not with metta.
I'm soooo happy I finally did not hear someone say "must think of someone of the opposite sex" while talking about lovingkindness meditation. That heteronormative claim doesn't apply to everyone! And thank you! This is the most clear and inclusive material I've seen on metta meditation so far! 😊 🙏
You're very welcome Shannan. Be well! 🙏
"Heteronormative", used to be expressed as "normal", that is, pertaining to the majority.
And incidentally, I've been exposed to various Buddhist practices across a range of cultures, for decades, and I've NEVER come across anything remotely reassembling what you are implying in your comment, that is, that there is an explicit hetero-centric bias in Western Buddhist circles. (I leave aside the question as to how traditional Buddhist societies deal with homosexuality as a an entirely different matter)
You seem to me to be looking for something to complain about, like most people I encounter who cultivate victim-status.
Radiating loving kindness"Not to opposite sex" is kind of a "safety measure", as to some people, especially in the beginning stage when you are chanelling the loving kindness towards a single person, the loving thoughts might proliferate and manifest into sexuality.
It's more important not to hold any negativity towards the safety net or towards anything at all.
If it does pose to be an issue to you, be grateful of your purer mind and wish others also have the same purity that you posses.
Thank you my great Teacher you have helped me a lot in every single class you share, you help me clear my mind and understand little bit more, for sure I'll heard several times in order to improve my understanding. Lotus for you. Evangelina Cortes.
You’re very welcome Evangelina but I’m only passing on the wisdom of the Buddha and his wise followers. 🙂
Thank you Doug
Having been assaulted on quite a few occasions I have found it very useful to conceptualize lovingkindness as wanting what is best for the other person - which in a Buddhist context involves them overcoming greed and ill will - instead of conceptualizing it as liking the way they are right now.
Yes that's worth emphasizing Rufus. After all, what is really best for them is that they cease being driven by unskillful emotions. Be well my friend. 🙏
Precisely. Wishing for people to be different is like any other sort of well wishing.
Lovingkindness, because you truly grounded yourself in the way of peace, it is now benefitting you, healing spirit energy is flowing that is restoring your body, and now your moral stance is respected as the best, there is no ill intent towards you who honestly does not lift arms against others in defense.
Great video Doug. We first used with our students the formula of beginning with themselves to send metta to them. But they had difficulties because WE , as western people, have a lot of troubles sending love to ourselves. We solved this difficulty beginning to generate this loving kindness state with loved ones , then ourselves, then neutral, then “enemies” and finally all beings
Thanks Jorge. Yes, I think we have to find out in practice which process makes the most sense for us. The great thing is that there are so many options to choose from! 🙂
As the love of a mother for her child is related to the cherished care of the creator for the creation, so the practitioner, creating their inner world, gives it the greatest gift of heaven on earth. Then, extending that heavenly gift to the wider world. Thanks for sharing your kindness.
You’re very welcome Gary, thanks!
This concept of Living/Kindness is a crucial component in everybodys Life. Of all the basic pillars in ones Life...This would seem to be the #1 priority.
Yes, I think so too.
Splendid summary of metta practice and its development! 😊
May you, everybody, be well! ❤🙏🏻
Exactly so xiao mao, thanks and you too! 🙏🙂
LOVINGKINDNESS....THAT PRETTY MUCH SUMS UP A GOOD WAY TO LIVE LIFE.
Yes it does! 🙂
It's interesting you call it cultivating skillful emotions. I'm a well trained actor and I found that focusing on the emotional aspect of Metta actually made it harder for me. Probably because emotions are the result of consciousness and not the ground itself. I find it much more helpful to connect to the part of me that genuinely wants to see people happy and well and when I send Metta to other people, I tune into their essence and the love flows from there. Emotion plays a part but it has more detached, consistent, energetic quality.
Yes each of us will have different strategies that work best. What's important is the result of kindness to others and kindness of mind. Thanks Paul.
Thank you, Doug!
My pleasure!
Loving kindness, my Spirit is Clean! [Lifnei Iver]
Glad to hear it! 🙏
Hi, found your channel in Nick Nimmin’s comments section. Perfect timing, I’ve just recently heard about the loving kindness meditation in a book about positive psychology and been meaning to do a little research.
Great! Glad to hear it Heather. Nick's got a great message there, I'm glad you followed me over. Yes, lovingkindness is a great practice. Please let me know if you have any questions! 🙂
Doug's Secular Dharma I will, thank you 🙏
Thanks your videos really clear up the practices for me.
P.s. I’m loving the book!
🙏
Great to hear, Poppy, you're very welcome! 🙏😊
Metta means good will in as a immesaurable and a universal attitude. This is the most practical and applicable aspect towards all beings. But metta can be an expression of loving kindness to individuals
Yes it certainly can be. In the Metta Sutta it is described in similar terms.
It was good see the video footnote about storgē as a fourth form of love. I've been taught that this is the familial or kinship love that is experienced in closely bonded families.
Whether you believe in a literal Eve from the Abrahamic faiths or the mitochondrial Eve of science, it is indisputable that we are all descended from a common ancestor. There are no humans to whom we are not all related. We are all cousins of some degree. Storgic love reminds me of that relatedness, driving me to want the best for every one of my relatives.
Thanks Mark! 🙏
may you all be happy and free from suffering!
You as well! 🙏
Ok, what are you doing for it?
Well explained. I understood properly.✌️🙏. Original Mettta practice is best.
Super-helpful
Glad to hear!
I'm been enjoying your series and learning much from you. In this video, I found the part about regarding enemies as neutral particularly helpful. A couple of things I wonder about. In the metaphor of a mother and her child, Ṭhānissaro Bhikkhu interprets the child as being our feeling of Metta rather than other people, that we must protect our feeling of benevolence as a mother protects her only child. Also, I've heard a couple of Theravada monastics recommend practicing the Brahmaviharas as antidotes to the hindrances, particularly ill will, rather than needing to get rid of the hindrances before working on the Bramaviharas. Do your studies support these interpretations?
Yes, that all makes sense. We shouldn't assume there is a single correct interpretation or practice implied in these suttas or later commentarial texts. Often the material is vague enough to encompass a number of alternatives. Certainly mettā was considered an antidote to ill will and anger even in the suttas. So we can think of a progression in practice, if we begin with ill will, we practice mettā until the ill will disappears, and then once the hindrances are completely gone (if they are ever gone for us!) we can practice the Brahmavihāras as routes to jhāna.
A part of me is scared about doing this and being introduced to factors that may be of the opposite nature of love and kindness... but i guess thats where we use compassion....
That's right. Try it and see what happens. 😊
Hi Doug, i have a question relating to loving kindness meditation. The phrase says: " may all be happy".. I am currently wondering, is it that we imagine that they are currently not happy, and by wishing this we in turn suggest that they could be better ? If so.. then isnt the intial thought w negative one? Because we begin by imagining that the people are sad ? Or is it a state of mind where i am actively saying goodbye to hatred ? As in, in my head i imagine myself as a person who would once wish bad things upon that person, but now due to buddhist practice, i am waving goodbye to those " bad" or rather " familiar" thoughts ?
More so are there any pitfalls for the latter ?
I think I'll try the waving away thing.... as in imagine saying," goodbye" to the various thoughts and wishing good instead.
There are many ways to practice lovingkindness. But if you are imagining they are currently not happy, that sounds more to me like compassion meditation than lovingkindness in particular. Check out the other Brahmavihāras and you will get more of a flavor of the differences between them. 🙏
"I have no enemies"
🙏
One of the aspects of Buddhism that I most appreciate is its scientific nature. We are encouraged to be curious, to observe "things as they really are," and to cultivate insight as an antidote to delusion. In this context, I have difficulty with metta. It's less challenging for me to imagine how cultivating positive thoughts about others can benefit ME than to understand the mechanism and efficacy of "broadcasting" lovingkindness to others. From a scientific perspective, how is lovingkindness meditation supposed to work?
Well the point of lovingkindness is to encourage you to foster attitudes that are more than just about how things benefit you, and towards an open kindness and compassion towards others. It does this through repeated training. Just as you would train to throw farther by trying to throw again and again, you train to think kindly of others by trying to think that way again and again. There is no magic in it.
@@DougsDharma All fine and good, Doug. What I don't get is how my thinking kindly of others really benefits them. How is this different from the New-Agey statement that "I'm sending you positive energies?" How does metta actually work to benefit others? I apologize if answering this takes too much of your time. Perhaps you could refer me to relevant reading. I consider myself a secular Buddhist, with little faith in things unseen.
It helps them by making you more aware of kindness in your own actions towards them. Again, there is nothing magic here.
I don't know how that relates to Buddhism, but in my loving-kindness practice I just try to acknowledge preferences that I already have. "may you be free from suffering" is me examining whether I would make the person not suffer if I could. And the answer is yes.
Of course it's possible that most Buddhists see that completely differently, but for me it's just another investigation/reminder.
Hi, Doug! Thank you for such great videos! They've been very useful. I have a couple of questions:
1. You said that it's not skillful to do this practice imagining a romantic partner, since there will be attachment and other feelings. But at the same time it says that it's okay to picture people who we care for (like teachers, friends and so on). So it's okay to have some level of attachment at the beginning of the practice? And how do you tell if your loving kindness completely pure or if there's some kind of attachment stuck to it?
2. You said that it's not skillful to avoid negative emotions using loving kindness. You said that first you have to deal with the negative emotion and then practice loving kindness. Or when a situation requires not to have anger etc. But then where's the antidote function of the loving kindness? If I deal with my anger first, then I don't need an antidote anymore. Actually this question has been bothering me for a while. And I'm not sure if I'm avoiding or not. I'll give an example. One time a had a sore throat and I was afraid that I caught an infection. I started having all kinds of thoughts and I felt fear and aversion arising in me. I tried to watch these thoughts with equanimity, they would pass, but then they would come back again. After of a few cycles, I got tired and decided to practice loving kindness to the bacteria and viruses. And it worked. I stopped having fear and I felt love and compassion towards these small beings. So I'm confused, was that supressing? Where did the fear go? Did loving kindness supress it? Was it skillful?
I wouldn't worry too much about such questions, they are more in the realm of skillful practice, and each person and each occasion will be different. If you find it useful to use lovingkindness as a quick antidote to anger, it may be useful to do so. The point though is to be aware of what is going on. Is aversion arising to the anger? Then be aware of the aversion. Be aware of the anger itself rather than pretending it isn't there. Sit with your thoughts about your teacher or friend: is there attachment there? How does it feel? I think Buddhaghosa's point about not using a romantic partner for lovingkindness practice is that romantic or sexual feelings might arise, which are anathema to a practicing monastic.
🙏🙏🙏
🙏😊
I have a question that I seem to not be able to find an answer to. When you recite this mantra, “may I be happy and free from suffering”, are you saying it out loud, in your head, or trying to cultivate a “feeling” within of that phrase?
Usually you don't say these phrases out loud, but only in your head. You are reciting them to yourself in order to cultivate the accompanying feeling, for example of lovingkindness or compassion.
Doug's Dharma thank you Doug. I appreciate you!
Metta The Philosophy and Practice of universal love. By Buddharakhita. . Got.print out.
I wonder if spreading lovingkindness to the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc directions has an implication like "worshipping the six directions" in the Sigalaka Sutta ( www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.ksw0.html ) where the directions corresponded to people in different relationships with the "worshipper": parent, teachers, wife & children, friends & companions, servants & workers & helpers, and ascetics & brahmins. Against this reading is the addition of three extra directions to the 4 cardinal directions plus up and down: across, everywhere, and all around.
Right, I think they are related, but the practice in the Sigalaka Sutta is more complex and involved. The Brahmavihāra practices are to an extent very simple, just the cultivation of a particular emotional state.
Sir, apart from this online video institute, what else you do in every day life /career for your livehood?
Doug, where (location) you live in America?
Can you talk about the 32 auspicious signs and 80 beauty spots of Buddha?
Hi Peta, my earlier video on whether the Buddha was bald dealt with the 32 marks and some related topics. 🙂 ua-cam.com/video/N9ltD8wYQCQ/v-deo.html
💗
It's difficult for me to focus on many people in one meditation session. I feel it dispersive. Is it correct to practice reducing the number of people or even turning to just one?
Well originally the Buddha's advice was not to focus on people at all in the Brahmavihāras, only to extend out the emotional state in each direction. That might be an easier practice then for you.
Okay. I foud your video explaing metta. As you described, the english translation of metta is loving kindness. But it is not. Metta means non hatred or friendliness or the opposite of hatred. It is not loving kindness. There no word called Loving - Kindness (combining two word Loving and Kindness together). It is wrong translation. The meaning kindness falls under the Karuna word (one brhma vihara). This wrong translation (Loving - Kindness) misguide you through dharma teaching. This wrong translation has been spreaded across all english translations of pali.
You can find the meaning of metta through the alternative word maitri. It means non hatred or oposit of hatred only
In Metta meditation, what is done is improving non hatred instead of hatred. It is not about affection or love.
My advise is to you is , go only with correct meaning of paliword manually as needed. It gives best viwe of dharma.
Non-hatred in Pāli is "avera" not "metta". Metta means something like "friendliness" or "kindness" (related to "mitta", "friend"), however the standard English translation for it now is "lovingkindness". Personally I prefer just "kindness", though often adopt the standard translation so as not to confuse. It is the same general notion.
@@DougsDharma Yes. Avera is pali word for non hatred. Avera or non hatred comes with the meaning of metta. Avera or non hatred is to express the meaning of metta. You can see friendliness and non hatred (Avera) have the same quality. On the other hand, i dont suggest you to express kindness with metta. Kindness is with Karuna. It is not with metta.
The pali word for Love is pema (prema). You can serch it. So you will get the meanings.