Yep. Death Positivity should definitely be more mainstream. It's kinda funny. A collab between a doctor/surgeon and a mortician, both careers I'm considering...
well, I can think of at least one subset of patients he's failed to do that with... of course, from his perspective, they were already sick and not complying with treatment, so he might just consider it a lost cause there. Because if he wanted to effectively prevent those people from becoming corpses, he'd tell them, "just exercise and eat healthy and try not to worry about your body size" (be pro-HAES) instead of assuming weight loss doesn't work for 95% of fat patients because they're ignorant, lazy, or have no willpower (even when his own guest at the time was like "no, it's systemic factors"). I don't know how many corpses he's created with that kind of mentality.
When hearing about replacements being recycled into planes i was kinda chuffed for that person that always wanted to fly, be a pilot or even be a plane deep in their heart❤️✈️ 😊
Even crazier thought is having helped handle and shape a titanium piece of metal that was later put into a plane. That años happened to be recycled from a crematorium.
Caitlin: "I was studying medieval history, and in medieval times, there was a lot of death" My brain: "Oh my god, you're right. Everyone who lived in medieval times are now dead!"
@@clandez6021 The bad part of this is we live longer now but our bodies are only designed to last as long as medieval times. After 40 everything breaks down and you need more and more artificial ingredients to keep it going. So YAY we live longer, but BOO the 2nd half of our live is constant and unbroken pain
@@johnpeace971 I hope you do know that average lifespan doesn't mean people died at that age. It means there were so many that died in childhood that the average got lowered. Most who lived to adulthood would be between 60 and 90 when they did back then too. Higher average lifespan just means not as many die young.
@@clandez6021 That’s from averaging infant mortality rates. Lots of people who survived childhood lives into their sixties. And there are accounts of people for example Edward III of England living to around 64, give or take. So old was still old not 40.
Before my Mother passed away, she left strict instructions on what was to be done. She didn't want to be embalmed and no open casket or church service. We respected her wishes, but when she did pass, my sisters and I washed her body with oils and water like they did long ago. The most intimate moment, taking one last care of her. Washed, dressed and did her hair one last time. We were able to respect her wishes and help our grieving at the same time.
My grandmother washed and laid out the dead as part of the job of being a minister's wife. Here's a fun fact: houses that were built before the invention of the funeral home had one of the interior doors hung with what are called "coffin hinges." Instead of having to remove pins to get the door off the pins are fixed and the door is lifted off the pins and then set on chairs to put the coffin on.
Cathy could do half a dozen vids alone with the magic of Rico's best and most successful 'restorations' remember the episode where the girl gets her head smashed form a road sign ?
She wrote a book called, "Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?" It's basically mortician themed questions kids have sent to her and she has answered. It's very informative and interesting. It's a great way to dip your toes into her world. (She has other books as well but like I said, if you are new to all of this, start there.)
Currently reading this book and thoroughly enjoying it! It's surprisingly informative while entertaining - who knew a book about death could fall under both of these descriptions haha
Their conversation about seeing random bodies vs someone you know is so real. When my boyfriend died, I spent some time with his body shortly after. And it was an incredibly eerie, but also heartbreaking experience. There's something about the way a dead person looks, particularly with the eyes. It was so uncannily sad to look into his eyes, and for the first time know that nobody is looking back at you. He didn't look asleep, he looked dead. He died with his eyes open wide. And I'll never get that image out of my head. But still, I don't regret it. I got to spend one last intimate moment with him.
My little cousin was 29. He looked so old, or his body did, anyway. The stuffed, sewn shut eyes drew me in and I could not help but count the stitches.
I'm so sorry for your loss, but glad you got to be with your loved one at that time. You got to say goodbye to him when no one else was there. My husband passed away very suddenly, unfortunately he was out of town in another State. I was in no shape to drive to the State where he died by myself. So, I never got to say goodbye or see him until the mortician brought him home for the funeral. God Bless.
I really appreciate how the mortician lady addresses that it's okay not to react a certain expected way when faced with the death of a loved one. When my grandpa died, I was entirely unable to cry, yet I was grieving. As opposed to when my cat died, where I basically broke and couldn''t stop crying for 10 days, and was completely hysterical. When you love someone, your reaction to their passing can vary as much as the relationships themselves did, and that's okay. You're still grieving, just in your own way.
I appreciate it too. I was sort of upset that I wasn’t more upset when my dog died. And when’s my nana died I was more upset for my mom than sad about her passing. It took a while to work through my feelings. It’s important for people to give themselves permission to feel whatever they feel, and not be upset with themselves for not “mourning correctly”.
I found Caitlin before I found Dr Mike. Her novel "The smoke gets in your eyes" was an enlightening read and actually helped me get through my anatomy unit at university where we worked with human cadavers. I learned to be less afraid and see it as a part of the journey in life and I worked in a respectful, confident manner on my cadavers which were so kindly donated by the living before the end.
Yes! I had to learn that the hard way, & I did by watching Six Feet Under. The Fisher disfunction was real lol, between that & the deaths I processed so much.
I read her book "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" years ago. I've been a fan ever since. The idea of my family spending thousands of dollars to preserve the shell I used on earth, store it in a pretty box inside a glorified septic tank is absolutely ridiculous. I've been eating animals all my life. It's their turn.
[Spoilers from a 20 year old show In the show, Nate asks for a green funeral and to be quite honest, I want it that way as well: wrap me into a white sheet, in a hole in the ground, simple stone marker.
For a moment I genuinely thought you were saying that your family are vegetarian and you want them to eat your corpse - probably a sign I should go to bed.
At my grandpa's funeral, i told my cousin, "It doesn't look like him." My cousin said, "Remember, that's not really him. It's just a shell." That made it much easier.
When my husband died, I was allowed to see him almost straight away, and he looked exactly the same, just paler. It looked like he was sleeping, and I swear it even looked to me like he was breathing. He was room temperature, not cold, but not his usual warmth. The next day he looked exactly the same, but he was extremely cold. They had moved him to a refrigerated part of the hospital. I was surprised he didn't look any different from the day before. I expected something to be different. After that I wasn't allowed to see him again and he was cremated after a week. I'm glad I got to spend some time with his body. If he had died of covid, I wouldn't have had the luxury. He wasn't the first person I saw dead (his mom had passed seven years earlier) but my entire life had been planned around his continued existence and I'm not done dealing with his abrupt removal from the rest of my life. He enjoyed both of you guys' channels. I remember seeing him watch this video back when it first came out and I'm glad I finally got around to watching it too.
at my grandmother's wake i just remember thinking "oh, look at your hair! it looks so good." and remembering how happy and refreshed-looking she was whenever she got something done with her hair. still whenever i think back to that day i just see her smiling ear to ear about her hair again. so contagiously happy. it means so much to me.
We get too comfortable with pretending that death is not a part of the whole game, but it is. Having someone talking about it in a respectful manner whilst not making it a kind of taboo is really important! I really enjoyed this video! (edit: typos)
My aunt died very recently and I immediately went back to work at the “body farm” at my school and the first donor I put out I actually sobbed because all I could think of was this was someone’s family that died just like my aunt. Luckily my anthropology teacher was there with me and told me it didn’t mean that I was “weak” but that I was feeling normal emotions that would pass. Seeing a dead body is always strange but I guess I had gone callused to it until I lost someone very close to me.
Doing the job you and your peers do is hard, and feeling sad once in a while is actually good. Humans are adaptable social creatures and as such we are usually afraid of death but can be trained to put those emotions aside. I think its entirely natural to feel sad and cry when someone close to you dies. Working with dead bodies or studying death... i dont think youd be able to stay sane unless you found a way to separate your feelings and your logical nature. I dont know what you do or what your job really entails but id strongly suggest having a professional to talk to. Not because you'll go crazy but rather so that you have a way of dealing with your own thoughts and dont get depressed
I think that’s the thing about life. We are spiritual beings in a physical vessel and once we die we leave our vessel behind. That’s what gives me hope of an after life. The fact that we can die and vacate our physical being.
I'm a Hospice nurse, and a patient told me something years ago that was so meaningful. He was asked about what he would like to be done with his body after his death, and he laughed and said "Once the nut is gone, it doesn't matter what you do with the shell." He was 94, and one of the best men I've ever been priveledged to know.
My mom was the same. She said to just put her in the cheapest box we could find. We ended up cremating her and burying her with her stillborn baby. BTW, you guys have a very difficult job. My mom had hospice nurses for the last month of her life. They were so great and so caring. They appreciated we tried to still have fun with her while we had her, teasing each other and joking around. We appreciated that they were there to help us take care of her and took care of us mentally just as well as they took care of her. So supportive. Mad respect for your field. Such an emotionally draining profession but you make a huge difference to the surviving love ones ❤️
KAKAKAKAKAKAK this is wonderful! PRANK! It is terrible! I looked in the mirror and saw something UNPRETTY: my face. KAKAKAKAKAKA! But I am happy agayn because I have TWO HOT GIRLFRIENDS and I use them to get views on my videos! KAKAKAKAK!!! Good day, dear jul
We lost my beautiful grandma last year, she was my best friend -- my everything. She cut my cord when I was born and I was adamant I was going to be with her as she left this world. For 7 long days and nights I sat by her (only leaving her to go to the toilet or to shower), waiting for her to go. It was traumatic to see someone I loved go but I would do it again and again to know she wasn't alone (and she's no longer in pain). What Caitlin said about the body seeming like a shell was my reaction after she had passed. That lady who had now stopped breathing, and her heart stopped pumping was not my grandma anymore, she was a body. Her laugh, her smile, her voice were now figments only in my memories. I felt so guilty at the time that I felt so disconnected to her body but now, a year later I understand that it was my coping mechanism and in the long run helped me be at peace and grieve. Thank you for validating my feelings with that response -- I often wondered if something was wrong with me to feel that way...
Em I absolutely agree. I felt so many different emotions from sadness to relief. It’s so individual! I went and subscribed to Caitlin immediately after the video. As a halloween baby I’ve always had a fascination with mortician work (though don’t think it’s something I could do). I think I’m more interested in preventing death than being around it. This was truly the video I didn’t know I needed. ☺️
I too lost my grandma recently and felt the same emotions as you . I thought something was really wrong with me . I was feeling really guilty about . Its comforting to know thatI'm not alone and your in peace with yourself.
That makes perfect sense to me. I've lost both my moms and my dad in the last 10 years and of course I cried when they were gone. But my reaction to everything as far as seeing them gone I was actually quite calm because I said that's not them that's just a shell and they are already gone. My family always thinks I act strange why do that but just just the way I cope with it and say they're already gone that this is just a shell or prop
Agreed, I watched my mom pass and I was shocked at how quickly it didnt look like her anymore, like an empty shell. I couldn't look at her face once it went gray because it just wasnt her anymore
I’ve recently discovered Dr Mike and love his channel. I am a huge fan of Caitlin for like 3 years. This is the very collab I needed to see. “The Middle Ages were magic”
I thoroughly enjoyed that one, it was a real eye opener to me for what different cultures do, the one particularly about the family's who keep the dead at home for months even years, until they can afford a proper funeral for them was a real eye opener for me.
I'd recommend "Will my cat eat my eyeballs?" By her too. It's such a fun read. If you're into audiobooks, I highly recommend the audio version, she does it (I think she does the audio for all of her books). Anyway I think it's a nice book to recommend for people who are interested in Caitlin and watch doctor Mike
The mortician who took care of my friend's body after she was murdered was a true artist. She was ripped from us and he allowed everyone who loved her in life to say goodbye to her in death. Forever grateful for that gift he gave us.
Morticians are so important and I think generally undervalued until you need them. Not everyone can do that job. I’m very grateful for people like Caitlin who can!
“I think a dead body should look dead." PLEASE BE MY MORTICIAN, oh my gosh I have thought this for years and really hope my wishes will be respected when my time comes. I actually attended a wake for a girl who went to my high school - killed in a car crash in her senior year, a real tragedy - and when I got up to the casket, they had put so much makeup on that she didn’t really look any different from when she was alive. It looked like a lie, and I swore to myself I would not end up like that - death is death, I understand covering up any wounds or gore but let me be pale, geez. 💀
Definitely go to her channel then and watch her videos about different ways you can have your body handled postmortem! Sounds like you want a natural burial, like me. :)
@@Saknika not only that, but she also has plenty of videos on how to make sure your wishes are fulfilled when the time comes. Her channel is amazing, check it out.
@@michelleterra She sure does. I've watched all of them at this point. :) And yet I am still a terribly negligent deathling who has not made her advanced directive yet. LOL
I went to a funeral for a friend in high school as well. Unfortunately she overdosed. I hated seeing her in that box. She looked like she could be alive aesthetically, but all of the life was gone. She was such a vibrant soul in life. So the lack of her personality and the juxtaposition of the perfect face was so jarring to me I understand it can help for some to view the body but I dont ever want to go to an open casket funeral again. And mine will not be either, keep the pretty boxes, chemicals, and make up away. I just want to decompose naturally and return to nature
I agree with everyone. Definately watch her channel. She has great advice on how to get what you want when you die and things like that. I know someone who went to a funeral in the woods (its a certain area people are alowed to be buried a bit like a crematorium or burial sites just in the woods) they had a cardboard coffin and everyone wrote a message on it in coloured markers. People brought their dogs along and everyone was in wellies. She said it was lovely. Also nothing was done to the body. Sorry for the tangent it juat sounds like you wanted something natural. But watch her channel its great
My aunt had medically assisted death, she was in unbearable pain from cancer. Seeing the heavy painkiller go in so she could enjoy some time with us and then when the big injection going in, seeing the colour fade from her face and her eyes close was so emotional and extraordinary to see as it was happening.
THE COLLAB I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED My father died 1.5 months ago now, and having watched Caitlin's videos and read her books, it ended up being such a comfort to me and helped me much more comfortable with his death and with his body. I think it is so much better to embrace and understand the process, and not let it be so "distant" and unfamiliar like we are not accustomed to in the USA.
The way Caitlin describes recognizing that a corpse is not the person that once inhabited it is EXACTLY my experience in seeing death. And it’s what has helped me every time to know that, wherever this dead person is, I know definitively that they are NOT here. And it’s final and it’s KNOWN, and that’s what gives me closure.
When my dad's father passed, I wanted to see the body, but the adults wouldn't let me since I was 7. He was cremated right away. I took that death pretty badly, although it was not my first loved one to die, because I just wanted to see him one last time. to be honest it was knowing he was already ashes that made me burst into tears for 3 days, not really the fact that he had died (we all knew it was coming). When my mother's father passed, it was open casket with night-long wake. It was my first time seeing a dead body in a casket, all dressed up and embalmed. Seeing him like that, I felt at peace. That wasn't my grandpa anymore. It had been, but no longer. I don't think I even cried at the funeral, because although I had been sad upon first hearing of his death (it was an accident, not an illness, so unexpected) I felt numb up until the day of the funeral, and then I just felt peace watching over the body all night, knowing that wasn't him anymore.
When my best friend died, the viewing was emotionally difficult, but it was indeed good closure. She didn’t die in a “traumatic” way, a heroin OD left her braindead and she was ultimately taken off life support. However, she lived rough for years and essentially already looked like a corpse when she was still living because of her addiction. Her funeral director took care to make her look presentable; not alive, but much easier to view. I understood that she was no longer there, but I appreciated very much that someone treated her with the final dignity she deserved.
I absolutely love that you had Kaitlyn on here! She truly is amazing at explaining the hard parts of death. She actually saved my family a lot of money when my father died suddenly. Her videos on cremation and costs and what you do and don't need. So many funeral homes take advantage of people in time of sorrow and need.
When my daddy died, I was holding him, I actually pronounced him and my time is what was used on his DC, I laid in bed with him and held him. I talked to him, rubbed his face, his head, held his hand. I promised him in life I wouldn't let him die alone, that I'd be there to comfort him, and I was. Rest forever peacefully, Daddy. "Remember I love you "
I wish I could have been there with my Daddy when he died. I was living overseas and I had to wait on a red cross message to come through to even be able to fly home to see him.
Doctor Mike, You are spot on about giving life changing news to a patient. When my ENT told me my biopsy was positive for cancer, it was first thing in the morning and he didn't candy coat it. It was straight out. I was really appreciative about that. Luckily my cancer, so far, was successfully treated and I'm still here. Not ready to give Caitlin, or her friends in the biz, any business!!!
When my mother died, she was in a rehab facility recovering from many heart issues, and I was asked if I wanted to go "see her" and I actually declined. I didn't want her laying there in the bed after lots of CPR to be my final memory of her. I had seen her recently when we visited and we sat outside and she was smiling and enjoying the sunlight, and THAT is my final memory of her. I don't regret it for a second...
Im glad you made the right choice for yourself, and im very glad that you dont regret it Idk im just glad for you making the right choice and not feeling like you had to because 'its the thing to do' or whatever
My family and I went through something similar when my grandma was in hospice care. My cousin was scared to leave because she wanted to be there when my grandma passed away, but my aunt told her it may not be a good idea because then thats their last memory of our grandma.
I feel this so much! Its why I am against open casket funerals and why I almost didn't go to my Grandmother's service. I didn't want to see her waxy lifeless body as my last memory of her. I wanted to remember the Grandma that wouldn't take no for an answer if she tried to feed you or give you money, the one whose eyes lit up like a child when I frosted an elephant onto her birthday cake.
I felt the same about my beloved grandmother, who I'd seen recently and visited often before she passed. I'd seen dead bodies of loved ones before, and they honestly horrify me because they no longer look like the person. I didn't want to see her dead body as my last memory of her, when I'd made sure to make lots of memories with her while she was living.
I find it hilarious how she actually looks like somebody who would be a mortician lol. I just think it’s funny when somebody matches their stereotypes so well
there's a running gag where most people she interacts with are badass women with bangs. Seen in a few videos especially the one where she's showing ask a mortician video planning meetings in a vlog lol. But still to me she's actually broadened my mind on how i imagined morticians would be like. I would reccomend many storytelling videos of hers to get a sense of how respectful, educational and charming she is.
I mean I disagree I don’t think she looks like what I thought of for stereotypical morticians. I’ve never actually thought about it but dark brown wavy hair comes to mind instead of black straight for some reason.
I will never not be thankful for this episode because it introduced me to Caitlin ❤️ Watching g Caitlin’s channel took me from almost having a full blown panic attack at the hypothetical discussion of death and end of life planning to me having plans and requests and conversations that I never before thought I could have.
I’m so amused that he basically quizzed Caitlin on embalming for most of the episode & a lot of what I take away from her advocacy is “let the corpse rot in the ground bc embalming fluid ruins the environment.” And of course spending time with corpses. Very important.
While she may be for doing what’s beneficial to the environment, she doesn’t really rally against embalming as a practice. She’s said there are circumstances in which she’d recommend doing so (i.e. transporting the deceased over long distances, extended viewing/visitation durations). Overall, she really just wants a world in which people’s previous wishes regarding their final resting circumstances to be upheld fully. If a person would prefer being embalmed after death, she’s all for it being done. So long as it’s specifically been made clear by them before their death. Her biggest issue, however, is with the more traditional and/or capitalistic ways in the funeral industry. The misinformation that bodies HAVE to present in one way, otherwise the family supposedly doesn’t really appreciate their loved one(s) enough to spend more money. The way they knowingly prey on the already grieving, manipulating them into spending even more money on things their loved one(s) never would’ve wanted.
The whole embalming thing happening in the US is so strange to me. It's really, really rarely done here. Actually I don't know anyone who has ever been embalmed or anyone who has ever asked to that being done to the dead family member or whatever. Embalming here really just happens if there is a good reason for it or it's necessary because of i.e. long transportations etc. On the other hand, graves here are also taken down after 20-25 years (because the soil just did it's thing and the body is gone), except you really want to keep it and pay for another 25 years and then rinse and repeat the process or just let the dead be dead and give up the grave. Some people like to make a family grave, basically a double space and you can bury 4 corpes in there, while I have seen more names on one gravestone, so they basically re used it for their family instead of taking a new one (not possible everywhere) Imagine keeping all the graves forever, eventually you'll just run out of space (even in the USA). It will hit a point where you have more space that is saved up for the dead as for the living. At least I am told that graves in the US aren't taken down and re-used, I don't know if that differs in the states or what.
@@Tippel3 Yeah, here in the states we have what’s known as a “perpetuity clause”. This means, once our burial plot is paid for, we stay there forever. Which sucks, because certain areas are running out of space. I love the idea of shared family plots. Some places like New Orleans, Louisiana still uphold that practice. But most places in the US have made it illegal to have shared family plots.
@@SneakySalaXander perpetuity is a strange concept, especially when imagining the future. Not just the problem with running out of space, what is inevitable. But also how are you going to give any kind of land to someone forever? Maybe in 200 years another war changes country lines, cultures, land etc etc. A grave for 4 people can be made/bought everywhere here, you just need to know from the start because the first 2 bodies will get buried way further down. Just actually re-using the same one and do it again isn't possible everywhere. But I always remember my grandma saying: don't bury me deep down, I don't want to be forced to face someone elses buttcrack for decades 😂😂 That actually gave us a bit of trouble as she was the first person that ended up getting buried there and it was kind of a macabre tetris, just to make sure my grandma doesn't need to look in someones elses buttcrack 😂
I would love to see another collaboration with these 2 wonderful people. Six feet under is where I saw the mom and her friends wash another friends body and sang her out. The song was "Calling all Angels" by The Wailing Jennies. Then they washed Nate's body at the end of the series. Heartbreaking but so moving.
Best. Collab. Ever! I love Caitlin, she has a brilliant, dark, and intelligent humor that I love, and she is so passionate and understanding. Please, do more collabs with her.
8:05 this is what I did with my friend when she died. she had nothing done to her, she had donated her organs, but was having a natural burial with no embalming etc. I sat with her in the cold room, she was in a bed in her pyjamas, and just talked to her. I felt like she had gone, but was still there at the same time. Her vessel was no longer alive but her energy was still tangible and I wasnt scared. I sat and talked to her like I would when she was alive and it was nice. was comforting and really calming. she was 12 when she died, hit by a car, irreversible brain injury. But she saved 4 ladies lives, including a 5 year old girl who has her heart.
Yeah... it's usually never a good sign when results are in, they're unreleased in your EMR, and the doctor wants to have a chat in person to "go over the results." But it did go well once lol
I love Caitlin, and I'm so glad that Dr Mike had her on his channel. The more people who can be steered towards Caitlin's channel, the better. We need more Deathlings!! 🙂
I absolutely love her and her channel. Started watching her about a year ago and she really helped me through the death of my grandfather. She is absolutely amazing at what she does.
Thanks to her I have a full death plan at 27 that's ready to go should I die unexpectedly. I'm not expecting that to happen, but that's kinda the point. If I die unexpectedly, my friends and family will be going through enough pain and stress. Why make them have to bumble through the after death stuff as well when I know very clearly what I want?
Aqua Kirby yeah me too. I some times feel overwhelmed with anxiety about it and I take a break for a while but then binge watch and sometimes even rewatch her videos.
It's sooooo freaking true. With anything in life people now days try to avoid things and being hurt and going around and over. But it'll all just lead to more hurt and sorrow. Go through it. You build spiritual strength that way
When my mom died from cancer, looking at her body, I knew it was just her shell. That wasn't her, and I was okay. acceptance came swiftly. Depression took a while to move on from. 😔 Great collaboration. I like her!
I was a nursing aide at the local nursing home and had to clean up the body right after the person died... it was such a sad moment, when you talked to the person a week ago and helped them, held their hand, and suddenly they are lying there dead. I had a mental break after loosing a lady I took care of for 4 years. I cried for a week! But being an aide, most wouldn’t know we wash them up for transportation from the nursing home to the morgue.
When I was in HS, I had a class called Health occupations, which was basically a CNA class, with a few peeks into higher medical training. During my second year, we had clinical rotations in a small rural hospital, where we were each assigned one patient. We went 3 or 4 times a week from the morning until lunch. My first patient had a terminal heart condition, only I didn’t realize how quickly terminal it would be. She was in her 80s and obviously sick but awake and in good spirits, teasing and making people laugh. Then one day, I came in and she was unconscious. The next day, she wasn’t there anymore. She’d died the afternoon before. That was nearly 40 years ago, and I still think they should not have assigned a patient, who they knew was going to die before our rotation was over, to a 16 year old high school kid in her first hospital experience. Perhaps I should’ve known more or reacted better but even though I’d only met the woman a few weeks earlier, I was devastated.
That is rough and at the same time knowing caring people do the last care tasks is very comforting to the families. Nursing home staff and hospice staff really helped me understand what was going on with a family member who was dying and I know it takes special people to care for folks like that. Thanks for all you did for the ones you helped in your time.
I was supposed to start school to become a psw in September. I withdrew from the program because if this exact reason. I'm not built to say goodbye to people. I'm going to be a mechanic instead. Too much sadness for me. I know that it would destroy me. I will forever admire and be grateful to all of the kind souls that are able to do this kind of work. You have my utmost respect.
@@BeautifulBoreal it's difficult, but,you learn to separate yourself into the carer and the regular person I spent 30+ years nursing people with severe disabilities. 'Life limited' people both children and adults I saw quite a few deaths in that time,and the first person l 'layed out' was an elderly lady who l had nursed for weeks on my first ward as a nursing student. Then l nursed my mother, terminally ill with a brain tumour,over her last weeks at home I didn't think about the fact she was dieing,l just thought about doing what l could for her I didn't really cry till the funeral,though now,18 years later l think of her most days and sometimes cry I went back to work and continued to care for my clients/patients till l took early retirement As l said, it's difficult. I don't know if it's something you learn,or something you just HAVE Human minds are strange for sure
I worked as aide while in nursing school. It’s such a beautiful kind thing to have bestowed upon you to clean and cover the body after death. I always talked to the person as I washed them.
I don't think I could have ever predicted how much both Doctor Mike and Caitlin Doughty have helped me in ways I never thought they would. My mom just died. The doctors were forthcoming. The way they spoke and my knowledge about what little they can guarantee made it obvious things weren't going well and I felt keyed into reality. Once she passed talking to everyone in the death industry felt easier than it could have been. I know about cremation. I felt like I knew what to expect as much as anyone could in that moment. I know this is an old video but I think the biggest thing I've learned is how important it is to spread love even if the person you want to experience it never will.
I agree when she said "dead should look dead" when my grandpa died they put so much makeup on him that he looks like a different person they wanted to make him look like he was alive but they just made him to a different person. I don't care if he wouldn't look good I want him to look like my grandpa I want to remember my grandpa, not the 4 pounds of makeup that's on his face
She speaks a lot about more natural burials in her videos and because of everything I learned from her UA-cam channel I now know I don't want to be embalmed and slathered with makeup when my time comes. It feels so unnatural to me and I don't want a viewing with open casket because if I hate being the center of attention in life, I certainly don't want to be in death. Natural burial all the way for me.
@@XSemperIdem5 My maternal grandmother did not want a funeral at all. She said she wanted to be cremated because she didn't want all those people staring at her. She wanted us to have a celebration of her life. I went home early because of a migraine, as I recall, but I know it ended up with some karaoke. My grandmother would have been pleased, I think. :)
@@SmogValley she has a video about posing the dead including pets. They should look dead, but you can close the mouth and eyes and place them in a less concerning position. But ppl also embalm their pets which makes them look weird.
She's very right about needing to see that the person is dead. My dad died in 1996 when I was 24, which is considered adulthood but realistically is still clinging to a lot of childhood mentality. It was the first death in my family of someone I had seen more than once in my life and the thing that helped me was sitting in the room with my mom and sister and the body. It struck me that on one side of the room were living, breathing people, us... and on the other side were organic but not sentient things... flowers, plants, and my dad's remains. He wasn't there. It wasn't like when you're in the same room with someone who's sleeping. No one's home. And that made it easier to deal with putting that into the ground, something no longer in use and needing to be properly stored, so to speak.
My mom passed away in 2006 and I was 14. It was really hard and when I went up to the casket for viewing I wanted to reach out to her so badly, but I felt like it was highly inappropriate. I don't know if it would have helped with grieving but I do regret not standing there longer to see her.
24 is still young to lose a parent. You can never talk to that person about your life anymore, ask for advice, share happiness and sorrow. So many people these days aren't even married by that age. After my grandmother died and her body was taken to the funeral parlor, my aunt refused to see her because that would be unpleasant . My mother also said I don't have to go. I went because I felt that I owe that last gesture to my grandma whom I loved very much. The experience itself was surreal: it wasn't her, it was only her external covering. All that made my grandmother her own person wasn't there. And the music disturbed me: some badly sung church songs about death, not even proper hyms . And all I needed and wanted at the moment was silence. When my parents were children it wasn't unusual for families in the countryside to take care of the deceased themselves: washing, dressing, holding a vigil so all the family and neighbours could say their goodbyes. It was so much more humane and natural. Now it's so clinical, especially in the west. You put your parents in a nursing home so you don't have to take care of them and expose yourself to the unpleasant sides of ageing, visiting them rarely and not staying long. Then they die in a hospital and the undertaker takes care of the rest. We have forgotten what death is, what ageing is, and that is natural.
I'm in my late 20s and I only learned about Caitlin's work last year on a YT rabbit hole adventure. Having experienced a life-altering medical crisis when I was 19 was difficult but the more I learn from her videos and books the more at peace I am with living the life I have. Seeing these two talk was fun.
Caitlins UA-cam channel was a source of great comfort after I experienced the sudden death of my dad. Her educational videos with a splash of humor were very healing! Thanks for this collab !
It really is wild how different and personal the grieving process is for people. I thought I was going to be a wreck when my grandmother passed away. I was sad and cried some but was holding together better than I expected. Then, a few weeks later, as I was alone and cleaning out her house I pulled out her night stand and a pile of tissues that had fallen behind it kind of tumbled out. I don't know what it was about this little reminder of when my grandmother was alive with a simple act of sitting in her bed and blowing her nose but I just broke down and started sobbing and couldn't stop. I had thought I was over the worst of it after her funeral but it didn't actually hit me and feel real until that moment.
Grief is weird. My friend Jeff has a really good way of describing it, "Grief is like a ball bouncing in a box and inside that box is a button that causes distress when it's hit. At first the ball is really big so it presses the button almost constantly. Over time the ball shrinks so it doesn't hit the button as much. Sometimes though it can hit that button out of nowhere and it feels just as raw as when that button was being pressed all the time."
Dr Mike. Sending you a giant hug. I lost my dad when I was 12. I’m now 26. It’s never easy talking about the loss of a loved one. You’re so strong for being able to be open and talk about it. Take care of yourself!
My dad passed suddenly last month and because of Caitlin's channel we knew what our rights were and what we did and didn't want to happen to the body. My mom and I were out of town and didn't get to see him for a few days but we insisted on no embalming because of the extra expense and because it can make the body look so waxy and unfamiliar.
I'm sorry for your loss. My father also passed unexpectedly at the end of August and I agree, Caitlins channel helped immensely with knowing our rights and educating us about what we can and can't do. I'm glad there is someone out there like her willing to be open and honest about death.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And simultaneously very happy that you knew about Caitlin and about standing your ground! Her channel came into my life after my grandpa died and it helped me a lot with grieving ❤️
She did a wonderful video, I think it was the first one I watched of her, about the funerary traditions of African American folks vs White folks here in America. She brought in historians and experts who actually were POC and had them talk about why things are done the way they are and how it started. I won't give any specifics here because you should watch the video but yeah really good.
I found Doctor Mike first like a year ago or something and Ive been watching a lot of his videos recently. Then I literally found Caitlin 2 days ago and I’ve been binge-watching her videos. Now they’ve done a collab together??? Omg this is like a dream come true! I hope for more collabs together in the future! Great video!
On seeing the body: When my husband died, I saw his body first the same day in the hospital. He looked like he was sleeping; when I was looking at his face, I could swear he was breathing, when I focused on his chest (it was not really moving), I saw his eyelashes twitch. Not that they really did. But it still helped me to accept that he really was dead. Then I saw him again the day of the funeral, and by then, it was just a corpse. My sister in law looked at him and started crying, I didn't - that was no longer my husband, that was very clearly a corpse.
How I felt when my mom died. There was so much sadness she was gone but so much relief she wasn't in pain anymore. Her body was just a shell she no longer needed.
My dad died at home, and his nurse called me to his bedroom just as it happened. I don't feel it was traumatic or anything. He died of brain cancer, and to me I guess his illness was a lot harder than just seeing him stop breathing and his heart stop beating. That moment was incredibly sad, but it was not really painful, not as seeing him decline and loose himself to the tumor. I'm actually glad that I got to be there at that moment, it helped give me closure.
i sat with my husband of almost forty years when he died of a heart attack at 57. i 'talked' to him. begged him not to go, to not leave me, and so much more. the most difficult thing for me, besides the loss, was that he was still warm . i had promised him i would not leave his side, but the cops/paramedics dragged me away to another room. i kept asking everyone, 'are you sure?" 'are you SURE he's dead?'' etc. he had been dead for hours, but he was very overweight, that's what they told me was why he was still warm. all funerals i had ever been to, the bodies were cold, so cold to touch. now of course, i realize they were embalmed, and well refrigerated too. i witnessed his cremation, not embalmed at his request. they couldnt find a coffin large enough to hold him. but they certainly charged me for one, even tho he was just on a plywood board, covered with a sheet. he was bleeding from his nose through the sheet, and that has always bothered me. i didnt think you could bleed, lying on your back, dead for a day. 'are they sure?" nightmare stuff!!
Oh, this was great -- Caitlin Doughty is amazing. Anyone encountering this for the first time should check out her books, too; they are some of the best things I've ever seen written about death and how we deal with it!
Two of my favorite UA-cam stars together in one video! I love how professional and how humane you both are and your wit, intelligence and compassion shines through.
I've been watching this youtuber's videos for years and she changed the way I thought about death, she actually got me interested in this part of the medical field. Mom and dad are christian, so they didn't really talk about death, so she taught me a lot about what happens after death.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing Caitlin in collabs.. More people need to know her name and her message.
Yes!! I am beyond excited to see this collab!! She's amazing and not enough people know about her.
She deserves a lot more subscribers!!!!
same! I wrote my undergrad anthro thesis on the death positive community
Yep. Death Positivity should definitely be more mainstream. It's kinda funny. A collab between a doctor/surgeon and a mortician, both careers I'm considering...
Same! It’s super exciting to see these two in one video. 🥰
Caitlin: "If you don't take care of yourself soon, I will."
Underrated comment! Hilarious and true.
You can always count on a sassy zinger from her!
I think she saw Final Destination and thought Dr. Bludworth was the hero.
Ahahhahahahaha what XD love her
😳😂
“I work on preventing people from becoming corpses” must be the best description of a doctor’s work that’s ever been made.
more accurate'd be to say: 'i try to postpone people's becoming corpses a lil bit' :D bc now one avoids this forever, to be honest.
@@p1rgit So like "IL put death little bit further" ?)
Read this while he said that
My teacher: Laughs in Doctor of American history.
well, I can think of at least one subset of patients he's failed to do that with... of course, from his perspective, they were already sick and not complying with treatment, so he might just consider it a lost cause there.
Because if he wanted to effectively prevent those people from becoming corpses, he'd tell them, "just exercise and eat healthy and try not to worry about your body size" (be pro-HAES) instead of assuming weight loss doesn't work for 95% of fat patients because they're ignorant, lazy, or have no willpower (even when his own guest at the time was like "no, it's systemic factors"). I don't know how many corpses he's created with that kind of mentality.
I love the way Caitlin phrased speaking about the brain. 'You're holding the seat of the soul.' 'It's a privilege.'
Pretty cool.
Titanium hips post cremation are made into signs? So when the sign says "stop", that's a dead person telling you to not get hit by a car.
Why do you have to make it creepy lol
Antonio De La Rosa BAHAHAHAHA!!!
@@dinazwitscher9872 and how about airplane parts, the next plane trip you take could partially be cuz someone died
When hearing about replacements being recycled into planes i was kinda chuffed for that person that always wanted to fly, be a pilot or even be a plane deep in their heart❤️✈️ 😊
Hey I died by a car don’t do it too
I see Caitlin, I click. I am but a simple Deathling.
Agreed
same same. i'd never seen this dude before, though i had heard of him. he seems cool.
She is our Death Mother, after all. ☺
TRUTH
Ikr I love her sooo much😁
"sometimes its made into airplane parts"
good to know I was probably flying on someones titanium hip
at least it's not a stop sign!
@Bjorn Arnesen Billy: Wha- Mommy! I’m scared!
I got this weird witch on a femur with a hip image, so that's fun
its scary to think that someones titanium hip can be the propeller infront of me
Even crazier thought is having helped handle and shape a titanium piece of metal that was later put into a plane. That años happened to be recycled from a crematorium.
Caitlin: "I was studying medieval history, and in medieval times, there was a lot of death"
My brain: "Oh my god, you're right. Everyone who lived in medieval times are now dead!"
If I recall my textbooks, life expectancy was late 30's to 40's in those times
@@clandez6021 The bad part of this is we live longer now but our bodies are only designed to last as long as medieval times. After 40 everything breaks down and you need more and more artificial ingredients to keep it going. So YAY we live longer, but BOO the 2nd half of our live is constant and unbroken pain
I heard her little "the middle ages were magic!" Transition... I like her channel a lot
@@johnpeace971 I hope you do know that average lifespan doesn't mean people died at that age.
It means there were so many that died in childhood that the average got lowered. Most who lived to adulthood would be between 60 and 90 when they did back then too.
Higher average lifespan just means not as many die young.
@@clandez6021 That’s from averaging infant mortality rates. Lots of people who survived childhood lives into their sixties. And there are accounts of people for example Edward III of England living to around 64, give or take. So old was still old not 40.
Before my Mother passed away, she left strict instructions on what was to be done. She didn't want to be embalmed and no open casket or church service. We respected her wishes, but when she did pass, my sisters and I washed her body with oils and water like they did long ago. The most intimate moment, taking one last care of her. Washed, dressed and did her hair one last time. We were able to respect her wishes and help our grieving at the same time.
Even in death the dead deserve to be dressed with respect
Beautiful. This is what Caitlyn urges people to do. To take a part in caring for the body to help you through the grieving process.
My grandmother washed and laid out the dead as part of the job of being a minister's wife. Here's a fun fact: houses that were built before the invention of the funeral home had one of the interior doors hung with what are called "coffin hinges." Instead of having to remove pins to get the door off the pins are fixed and the door is lifted off the pins and then set on chairs to put the coffin on.
I personally dont think I would be able to do that
So brave and awesome of you
The video is too short. We need more of this collab.
I feel the same!!
Hell yeah
I was hoping they would tell me how to clean the trunk of my car, as the smell lingers...
Cathy could do half a dozen vids alone with the magic of Rico's best and most successful 'restorations'
remember the episode where the girl gets her head smashed form a road sign ?
@@davidhollenshead4892 oop-
She wrote a book called, "Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?" It's basically mortician themed questions kids have sent to her and she has answered. It's very informative and interesting. It's a great way to dip your toes into her world. (She has other books as well but like I said, if you are new to all of this, start there.)
And check out her channel! She is amazing!!!!
Yes all her books are fantastic!!
Currently reading this book and thoroughly enjoying it! It's surprisingly informative while entertaining - who knew a book about death could fall under both of these descriptions haha
I have her book "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory." It's a super interesting read (and quite funny at times).
She has a a 3rd book called from here to eternity too! I want all her books so bad!
Their conversation about seeing random bodies vs someone you know is so real. When my boyfriend died, I spent some time with his body shortly after. And it was an incredibly eerie, but also heartbreaking experience. There's something about the way a dead person looks, particularly with the eyes. It was so uncannily sad to look into his eyes, and for the first time know that nobody is looking back at you. He didn't look asleep, he looked dead. He died with his eyes open wide. And I'll never get that image out of my head. But still, I don't regret it. I got to spend one last intimate moment with him.
My little cousin was 29. He looked so old, or his body did, anyway. The stuffed, sewn shut eyes drew me in and I could not help but count the stitches.
This made me cry.
Sorry for your loss , that must have been incredibly hard 😢
I am sorry for your loss, but very much appreciate you sharing. Your words were quite elegantly put I must add.
I'm so sorry for your loss, but glad you got to be with your loved one at that time. You got to say goodbye to him when no one else was there. My husband passed away very suddenly, unfortunately he was out of town in another State. I was in no shape to drive to the State where he died by myself. So, I never got to say goodbye or see him until the mortician brought him home for the funeral. God Bless.
I really appreciate how the mortician lady addresses that it's okay not to react a certain expected way when faced with the death of a loved one. When my grandpa died, I was entirely unable to cry, yet I was grieving. As opposed to when my cat died, where I basically broke and couldn''t stop crying for 10 days, and was completely hysterical.
When you love someone, your reaction to their passing can vary as much as the relationships themselves did, and that's okay. You're still grieving, just in your own way.
Very true
I appreciate it too. I was sort of upset that I wasn’t more upset when my dog died. And when’s my nana died I was more upset for my mom than sad about her passing. It took a while to work through my feelings. It’s important for people to give themselves permission to feel whatever they feel, and not be upset with themselves for not “mourning correctly”.
She’s one of my favourite UA-camr for how she addresses things like this
You should read her books, they are incredibly amazing! She also narrates the audiobooks for them.
@@adelinedumas7801 she narrates them? I just got two of her books from the public library, now I have to listen to them too. Thanks for the info.
I found Caitlin before I found Dr Mike. Her novel "The smoke gets in your eyes" was an enlightening read and actually helped me get through my anatomy unit at university where we worked with human cadavers. I learned to be less afraid and see it as a part of the journey in life and I worked in a respectful, confident manner on my cadavers which were so kindly donated by the living before the end.
Also, YES to the formaldehyde smell I can recall that scent perfectly.
wowua-cam.com/video/zFJ2AN_CZH8J/v-deo.html
Her books have truly changed my life, I reread them all the time
People, don't click on that link, it's spam.
Mirjan Bouma what does it lead you to?
"The only way out is through." Fantastic way of reminding people how to process their feelings.
ua-cam.com/video/kcoQsvWTrHY/v-deo.html
😊 ❤️
That's Robert Frost, right?
Yes! I had to learn that the hard way, & I did by watching Six Feet Under. The Fisher disfunction was real lol, between that & the deaths I processed so much.
@@_the_ is it? I’ll have to look that up.
I read her book "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes" years ago. I've been a fan ever since.
The idea of my family spending thousands of dollars to preserve the shell I used on earth, store it in a pretty box inside a glorified septic tank is absolutely ridiculous. I've been eating animals all my life. It's their turn.
Animals are going to eat you, the bugs are
“The bugs always win”… Gil Grissom CSI
That's what I say
[Spoilers from a 20 year old show
In the show, Nate asks for a green funeral and to be quite honest, I want it that way as well: wrap me into a white sheet, in a hole in the ground, simple stone marker.
@@UncleAnaesthesia I want that too, to just decompose peacefully, i hate the idea of being in a coffin
For a moment I genuinely thought you were saying that your family are vegetarian and you want them to eat your corpse - probably a sign I should go to bed.
At my grandpa's funeral, i told my cousin, "It doesn't look like him." My cousin said, "Remember, that's not really him. It's just a shell." That made it much easier.
I bet it was
Well & his spirit.....
This helps me deal with my own mortality. It’s like I’m a pistachio.
Was he a snail?
I don't think so, @@ijustlikebees, though as a farmer he probably had a keen appreciation for (and dislike of) snails.
When my husband died, I was allowed to see him almost straight away, and he looked exactly the same, just paler. It looked like he was sleeping, and I swear it even looked to me like he was breathing. He was room temperature, not cold, but not his usual warmth.
The next day he looked exactly the same, but he was extremely cold. They had moved him to a refrigerated part of the hospital. I was surprised he didn't look any different from the day before. I expected something to be different.
After that I wasn't allowed to see him again and he was cremated after a week. I'm glad I got to spend some time with his body. If he had died of covid, I wouldn't have had the luxury.
He wasn't the first person I saw dead (his mom had passed seven years earlier) but my entire life had been planned around his continued existence and I'm not done dealing with his abrupt removal from the rest of my life.
He enjoyed both of you guys' channels. I remember seeing him watch this video back when it first came out and I'm glad I finally got around to watching it too.
my deepest sympathy to your broken heart. i can not imagine! 💐
@@treebles Thank you so much :)
Hope youre doing well mate
@@meh8396 Thanks! I'd stay under the circumstances, I'm doing as well as could be expected. Thank you!
❤️
OMG I can’t believe, best collab EVER
HDSJHSH IKR
I KNOW! I'm totally fan-girling over her😱
ua-cam.com/video/kcoQsvWTrHY/v-deo.html
@@arianedennison2395 Same here, omg fangirling! I can't believe he collabed with Aak a Mortician! Loved it!
I’m squealing 😆😆😆
at my grandmother's wake i just remember thinking "oh, look at your hair! it looks so good." and remembering how happy and refreshed-looking she was whenever she got something done with her hair. still whenever i think back to that day i just see her smiling ear to ear about her hair again. so contagiously happy. it means so much to me.
"The middle ages were magic"
Yes!!!
Yes!!!!!!!
Bentham's head...
Secret porpoise
... WITCH!
I like her so much. I love how real and authentic she is.
Same! I absolutely love her!!! She’s a lovely person... And her channel is amazing.
If you liked this you’ll love her channel! Her vids are super informative without seeming macabre or icky.
Her channel is amazing
Patient: “I go to Doctor Mike to take care of me.”
Later, Caitlin Doughty: “You came to me, I’ll also take care of you.”
She don't want you to die
But when you die, she wants you
Lol 😂
That's very beautifully stated.
Words cannot describe how much I loved Six Feet Under, as a show that could have me crying and laughing hysterically in the same episode.
Me too. I love this show!
Fr
Dr Mike referring to a corpse as a "patient" when talking to Caitlin is the most out-of-depth thing ever, & I love it.
Ikr lol it's so endearing
You have summoned the Deathlings Doctor Mike, things may get a little weird arround here now...
you are rIGHT
Yasss!!!
Yep. Had never heard of this guy, but, Caitlin.
Best comment ever
Yeeeeeeeessssssssss
We get too comfortable with pretending that death is not a part of the whole game, but it is. Having someone talking about it in a respectful manner whilst not making it a kind of taboo is really important! I really enjoyed this video!
(edit: typos)
Sony XA1 it’s also because people believe and are afraid that it’s the end but it’s really not so all the more reason it shouldn’t be a taboo
🤣ua-cam.com/video/kcoQsvWTrHY/v-deo.html
@@cyrcara5528 how very interesting! I love everything Africa related ☺️
Check her youtube channel if you haven't already. It's even better. Very informative but still with a touch of humor
Part of the journey is the end.
My aunt died very recently and I immediately went back to work at the “body farm” at my school and the first donor I put out I actually sobbed because all I could think of was this was someone’s family that died just like my aunt. Luckily my anthropology teacher was there with me and told me it didn’t mean that I was “weak” but that I was feeling normal emotions that would pass. Seeing a dead body is always strange but I guess I had gone callused to it until I lost someone very close to me.
Do you go to UT?
How are you lovely
Doing the job you and your peers do is hard, and feeling sad once in a while is actually good. Humans are adaptable social creatures and as such we are usually afraid of death but can be trained to put those emotions aside.
I think its entirely natural to feel sad and cry when someone close to you dies. Working with dead bodies or studying death... i dont think youd be able to stay sane unless you found a way to separate your feelings and your logical nature.
I dont know what you do or what your job really entails but id strongly suggest having a professional to talk to. Not because you'll go crazy but rather so that you have a way of dealing with your own thoughts and dont get depressed
my aunt died recently. she was cremated. my uncle suspects arson.
I think that’s the thing about life.
We are spiritual beings in a physical vessel and once we die we leave our vessel behind. That’s what gives me hope of an after life. The fact that we can die and vacate our physical being.
I'm a Hospice nurse, and a patient told me something years ago that was so meaningful. He was asked about what he would like to be done with his body after his death, and he laughed and said "Once the nut is gone, it doesn't matter what you do with the shell." He was 94, and one of the best men I've ever been priveledged to know.
My mom was the same. She said to just put her in the cheapest box we could find. We ended up cremating her and burying her with her stillborn baby.
BTW, you guys have a very difficult job. My mom had hospice nurses for the last month of her life. They were so great and so caring. They appreciated we tried to still have fun with her while we had her, teasing each other and joking around. We appreciated that they were there to help us take care of her and took care of us mentally just as well as they took care of her. So supportive.
Mad respect for your field. Such an emotionally draining profession but you make a huge difference to the surviving love ones ❤️
She's sooo excited when she talks about dead bodies ,which is sooo cool.
Juli Art dead* bodies,* but it is exciting and cool
KAKAKAKAKAKAK this is wonderful! PRANK! It is terrible! I looked in the mirror and saw something UNPRETTY: my face. KAKAKAKAKAKA! But I am happy agayn because I have TWO HOT GIRLFRIENDS and I use them to get views on my videos! KAKAKAKAK!!! Good day, dear jul
😂🤣🤣ua-cam.com/video/kcoQsvWTrHY/v-deo.html
@@Cassxowary thank you for correcting me.
We lost my beautiful grandma last year, she was my best friend -- my everything. She cut my cord when I was born and I was adamant I was going to be with her as she left this world. For 7 long days and nights I sat by her (only leaving her to go to the toilet or to shower), waiting for her to go. It was traumatic to see someone I loved go but I would do it again and again to know she wasn't alone (and she's no longer in pain). What Caitlin said about the body seeming like a shell was my reaction after she had passed. That lady who had now stopped breathing, and her heart stopped pumping was not my grandma anymore, she was a body. Her laugh, her smile, her voice were now figments only in my memories. I felt so guilty at the time that I felt so disconnected to her body but now, a year later I understand that it was my coping mechanism and in the long run helped me be at peace and grieve. Thank you for validating my feelings with that response -- I often wondered if something was wrong with me to feel that way...
Em I absolutely agree. I felt so many different emotions from sadness to relief. It’s so individual! I went and subscribed to Caitlin immediately after the video. As a halloween baby I’ve always had a fascination with mortician work (though don’t think it’s something I could do). I think I’m more interested in preventing death than being around it.
This was truly the video I didn’t know I needed. ☺️
I too lost my grandma recently and felt the same emotions as you . I thought something was really wrong with me . I was feeling really guilty about . Its comforting to know thatI'm not alone and your in peace with yourself.
That makes perfect sense to me. I've lost both my moms and my dad in the last 10 years and of course I cried when they were gone. But my reaction to everything as far as seeing them gone I was actually quite calm because I said that's not them that's just a shell and they are already gone. My family always thinks I act strange why do that but just just the way I cope with it and say they're already gone that this is just a shell or prop
Wow
Agreed, I watched my mom pass and I was shocked at how quickly it didnt look like her anymore, like an empty shell. I couldn't look at her face once it went gray because it just wasnt her anymore
I’ve recently discovered Dr Mike and love his channel. I am a huge fan of Caitlin for like 3 years. This is the very collab I needed to see. “The Middle Ages were magic”
“From here to Eternity” by Caitlin Doughty is a really good book about how different cultures around the world celebrate and mourn death.
I thoroughly enjoyed that one, it was a real eye opener to me for what different cultures do, the one particularly about the family's who keep the dead at home for months even years, until they can afford a proper funeral for them was a real eye opener for me.
I'd recommend "Will my cat eat my eyeballs?" By her too. It's such a fun read. If you're into audiobooks, I highly recommend the audio version, she does it (I think she does the audio for all of her books).
Anyway I think it's a nice book to recommend for people who are interested in Caitlin and watch doctor Mike
H
wowua-cam.com/video/zFJ2AN_CZH8J/v-deo.html
Suchhhh a good read!
That was a fantastic book
"You see that turbine? That's my grandma's hip"
what a line!
She's still waving!
@@TheBeetrootman LOL
And when the plane crashes it might be your granny wanting you to visit her ;)
@@gray1177 Ghost Granny throwing a tantrum LOL
The mortician who took care of my friend's body after she was murdered was a true artist. She was ripped from us and he allowed everyone who loved her in life to say goodbye to her in death. Forever grateful for that gift he gave us.
wowua-cam.com/video/zFJ2AN_CZH8J/v-deo.html
@@haicoai6269 stop wtf is the point of that video
@@krspykreme5951 spam to get people to watch. just report him
@@pootoobaby738 ye i just did, not the first time that video has been linked in a comment aswell smh
@@krspykreme5951 What video was that
Morticians are so important and I think generally undervalued until you need them. Not everyone can do that job. I’m very grateful for people like Caitlin who can!
“I think a dead body should look dead." PLEASE BE MY MORTICIAN, oh my gosh I have thought this for years and really hope my wishes will be respected when my time comes.
I actually attended a wake for a girl who went to my high school - killed in a car crash in her senior year, a real tragedy - and when I got up to the casket, they had put so much makeup on that she didn’t really look any different from when she was alive. It looked like a lie, and I swore to myself I would not end up like that - death is death, I understand covering up any wounds or gore but let me be pale, geez. 💀
Definitely go to her channel then and watch her videos about different ways you can have your body handled postmortem! Sounds like you want a natural burial, like me. :)
@@Saknika not only that, but she also has plenty of videos on how to make sure your wishes are fulfilled when the time comes. Her channel is amazing, check it out.
@@michelleterra She sure does. I've watched all of them at this point. :) And yet I am still a terribly negligent deathling who has not made her advanced directive yet. LOL
I went to a funeral for a friend in high school as well. Unfortunately she overdosed. I hated seeing her in that box. She looked like she could be alive aesthetically, but all of the life was gone. She was such a vibrant soul in life. So the lack of her personality and the juxtaposition of the perfect face was so jarring to me
I understand it can help for some to view the body but I dont ever want to go to an open casket funeral again. And mine will not be either, keep the pretty boxes, chemicals, and make up away. I just want to decompose naturally and return to nature
I agree with everyone. Definately watch her channel. She has great advice on how to get what you want when you die and things like that. I know someone who went to a funeral in the woods (its a certain area people are alowed to be buried a bit like a crematorium or burial sites just in the woods) they had a cardboard coffin and everyone wrote a message on it in coloured markers. People brought their dogs along and everyone was in wellies. She said it was lovely. Also nothing was done to the body. Sorry for the tangent it juat sounds like you wanted something natural. But watch her channel its great
The A-V Plugs explain why zombies walk so awkwardly.
😂👌🏽👏🏽
😂😂😂😂
That caught me off guard LMFAO!!!
Unless you have a kinky professional of course. Then you might need ex large plugs, lol.
Prevent them to run
“I want you to give me my terminal diagnosis when the time comes.”
Same here sis, same here.
And to offer comfort..
My aunt had medically assisted death, she was in unbearable pain from cancer. Seeing the heavy painkiller go in so she could enjoy some time with us and then when the big injection going in, seeing the colour fade from her face and her eyes close was so emotional and extraordinary to see as it was happening.
THE COLLAB I DIDN'T KNOW I NEEDED
My father died 1.5 months ago now, and having watched Caitlin's videos and read her books, it ended up being such a comfort to me and helped me much more comfortable with his death and with his body. I think it is so much better to embrace and understand the process, and not let it be so "distant" and unfamiliar like we are not accustomed to in the USA.
The way Caitlin describes recognizing that a corpse is not the person that once inhabited it is EXACTLY my experience in seeing death. And it’s what has helped me every time to know that, wherever this dead person is, I know definitively that they are NOT here. And it’s final and it’s KNOWN, and that’s what gives me closure.
There's just an Absence of them ... their soul just isn't there anymore.
Very healthy way to think
When my dad's father passed, I wanted to see the body, but the adults wouldn't let me since I was 7. He was cremated right away. I took that death pretty badly, although it was not my first loved one to die, because I just wanted to see him one last time. to be honest it was knowing he was already ashes that made me burst into tears for 3 days, not really the fact that he had died (we all knew it was coming).
When my mother's father passed, it was open casket with night-long wake. It was my first time seeing a dead body in a casket, all dressed up and embalmed. Seeing him like that, I felt at peace. That wasn't my grandpa anymore. It had been, but no longer. I don't think I even cried at the funeral, because although I had been sad upon first hearing of his death (it was an accident, not an illness, so unexpected) I felt numb up until the day of the funeral, and then I just felt peace watching over the body all night, knowing that wasn't him anymore.
When my best friend died, the viewing was emotionally difficult, but it was indeed good closure. She didn’t die in a “traumatic” way, a heroin OD left her braindead and she was ultimately taken off life support. However, she lived rough for years and essentially already looked like a corpse when she was still living because of her addiction. Her funeral director took care to make her look presentable; not alive, but much easier to view. I understood that she was no longer there, but I appreciated very much that someone treated her with the final dignity she deserved.
I didn’t know I wanted you guys to collab
But this is the best thing ever
ua-cam.com/video/kcoQsvWTrHY/v-deo.html
Same! I am so here for this.
I know! I needed this!
Right!?!? I'm just laying here, catching up on Caitlin and BAM Doctor Mike shows up... I was so excited!!!!!
@@kaykay7322 haha, I know! I don't even know who I was catching up on, it was just there! Both!
I love Caitlin's comment about handling the brain, the personality, thoughts, memories, the soul of a person as a privilege. 💜
As soon as I saw “mortician” in the title and thought “I hope it’s Caitlin!” And it was!
I love everyone from undertaking LA, one of the other morticians was on the trixie and katya show and she was great too
@@ConstantChaos1 lol I just found our name is Constance
I absolutely love that you had Kaitlyn on here! She truly is amazing at explaining the hard parts of death. She actually saved my family a lot of money when my father died suddenly. Her videos on cremation and costs and what you do and don't need. So many funeral homes take advantage of people in time of sorrow and need.
When my daddy died, I was holding him, I actually pronounced him and my time is what was used on his DC, I laid in bed with him and held him. I talked to him, rubbed his face, his head, held his hand. I promised him in life I wouldn't let him die alone, that I'd be there to comfort him, and I was. Rest forever peacefully, Daddy. "Remember I love you "
That's beautiful.
I wish I could have been there with my Daddy when he died. I was living overseas and I had to wait on a red cross message to come through to even be able to fly home to see him.
@@rachelhill5023 I'm so sorry sweetheart. Hugs
@@kristicollett7887 hugs to you too!! I'll see him again one day and give him the biggest hug ever.
Aww. I love this.
Doctor Mike, You are spot on about giving life changing news to a patient. When my ENT told me my biopsy was positive for cancer, it was first thing in the morning and he didn't candy coat it. It was straight out. I was really appreciative about that. Luckily my cancer, so far, was successfully treated and I'm still here. Not ready to give Caitlin, or her friends in the biz, any business!!!
“A dead body should look dead”
~Caitlin 2020
Dead people should be dead! - Doug from Scrubs, circa 2006
Mhmmm yes the floor is made of floor here.
When my mother died, she was in a rehab facility recovering from many heart issues, and I was asked if I wanted to go "see her" and I actually declined. I didn't want her laying there in the bed after lots of CPR to be my final memory of her. I had seen her recently when we visited and we sat outside and she was smiling and enjoying the sunlight, and THAT is my final memory of her. I don't regret it for a second...
Im glad you made the right choice for yourself, and im very glad that you dont regret it
Idk im just glad for you making the right choice and not feeling like you had to because 'its the thing to do' or whatever
My family and I went through something similar when my grandma was in hospice care. My cousin was scared to leave because she wanted to be there when my grandma passed away, but my aunt told her it may not be a good idea because then thats their last memory of our grandma.
I haven’t lost any of my family members yet, they’re all pretty young, younger then 80 I believe.
I feel this so much! Its why I am against open casket funerals and why I almost didn't go to my Grandmother's service. I didn't want to see her waxy lifeless body as my last memory of her. I wanted to remember the Grandma that wouldn't take no for an answer if she tried to feed you or give you money, the one whose eyes lit up like a child when I frosted an elephant onto her birthday cake.
I felt the same about my beloved grandmother, who I'd seen recently and visited often before she passed. I'd seen dead bodies of loved ones before, and they honestly horrify me because they no longer look like the person. I didn't want to see her dead body as my last memory of her, when I'd made sure to make lots of memories with her while she was living.
"There's a lot of death in the middle ages"
Me: ♫ The MidDdLe aGeS wEre MaaaaGiiCcc ♫
And it’s funny too because if you did any tricks or magic in the Middle Ages, you would be executed
Bentham's head!🎵!!🎶!!
Omg I love her cx havent been so active n yt recently but seeing this….I have to catch on her stuff cx
Actually, i found out that everyone who've lived in middle ages they all have died. Everyone. A lot of death.
Lol nice one 😆
She has genuinely helped me go from terrified of death to strangely kinda excited for my natural burial 😂
I find it hilarious how she actually looks like somebody who would be a mortician lol. I just think it’s funny when somebody matches their stereotypes so well
there's a running gag where most people she interacts with are badass women with bangs. Seen in a few videos especially the one where she's showing ask a mortician video planning meetings in a vlog lol.
But still to me she's actually broadened my mind on how i imagined morticians would be like. I would reccomend many storytelling videos of hers to get a sense of how respectful, educational and charming she is.
I mean I disagree I don’t think she looks like what I thought of for stereotypical morticians. I’ve never actually thought about it but dark brown wavy hair comes to mind instead of black straight for some reason.
Caitlin fully embraces the dark goth aesthetic, and we love her for it!
I can only hope to find my mortician Betty Page someday.
Lol she’s looked like that pretty much all her life. When you love learning about death, it happens lol
I strangely love that the titanium hips are recycled and not simply thrown out.
Titanium is very expensive.
@@icouldjustscream yeah so it's important it's recycled
She's exactly what I'd imagine a mortician looking like.
Edit: Wow thanks for the likes!
She reminds me of the goth chick in NCIS
Check out her channel and you can see her house with all her knickknacks. Exactly what you'd imagine a morticians house would look like.
H
wowua-cam.com/video/zFJ2AN_CZH8J/v-deo.html
She even has a fake skull and a taxidermy ferret
Morticia
I will never not be thankful for this episode because it introduced me to Caitlin ❤️
Watching g Caitlin’s channel took me from almost having a full blown panic attack at the hypothetical discussion of death and end of life planning to me having plans and requests and conversations that I never before thought I could have.
The hot doctor is collaborating with the hot mortician. *HELL YEAH.*
YUSSS! 🙌!
*why am I getting bisexual energy even though I have no sexuality yet-*
I'm a straight man so I can't really comment on Dr Mike. But Caitlin is a looker.
Cthulhoop I’m too young to know who is or isn’t as hot lel
But they are both really cool people!And very brave for helping this society :0
@@Cthulhoop who told you that you compliment other men while being straight ?!😅
Dr. Mike: “tElL mE aBoUt ThE sCrEwS”
Me: “Please DONT tell me about the screws”
Oml I read that comment and then he said that
"Just like swirly buttplugs" hahahahahahah
@@NutterButterGaming best line of the whole video! lmao
I love watching Caitlin!! She teaches us about how people Who’ve died, would be profited from or used in a show off like eye
@@hollymchale440 I know right?!?!
I’m so amused that he basically quizzed Caitlin on embalming for most of the episode & a lot of what I take away from her advocacy is “let the corpse rot in the ground bc embalming fluid ruins the environment.”
And of course spending time with corpses.
Very important.
While she may be for doing what’s beneficial to the environment, she doesn’t really rally against embalming as a practice. She’s said there are circumstances in which she’d recommend doing so (i.e. transporting the deceased over long distances, extended viewing/visitation durations).
Overall, she really just wants a world in which people’s previous wishes regarding their final resting circumstances to be upheld fully. If a person would prefer being embalmed after death, she’s all for it being done. So long as it’s specifically been made clear by them before their death.
Her biggest issue, however, is with the more traditional and/or capitalistic ways in the funeral industry. The misinformation that bodies HAVE to present in one way, otherwise the family supposedly doesn’t really appreciate their loved one(s) enough to spend more money. The way they knowingly prey on the already grieving, manipulating them into spending even more money on things their loved one(s) never would’ve wanted.
The whole embalming thing happening in the US is so strange to me. It's really, really rarely done here. Actually I don't know anyone who has ever been embalmed or anyone who has ever asked to that being done to the dead family member or whatever. Embalming here really just happens if there is a good reason for it or it's necessary because of i.e. long transportations etc.
On the other hand, graves here are also taken down after 20-25 years (because the soil just did it's thing and the body is gone), except you really want to keep it and pay for another 25 years and then rinse and repeat the process or just let the dead be dead and give up the grave. Some people like to make a family grave, basically a double space and you can bury 4 corpes in there, while I have seen more names on one gravestone, so they basically re used it for their family instead of taking a new one (not possible everywhere)
Imagine keeping all the graves forever, eventually you'll just run out of space (even in the USA). It will hit a point where you have more space that is saved up for the dead as for the living. At least I am told that graves in the US aren't taken down and re-used, I don't know if that differs in the states or what.
@@Tippel3 Yeah, here in the states we have what’s known as a “perpetuity clause”. This means, once our burial plot is paid for, we stay there forever. Which sucks, because certain areas are running out of space. I love the idea of shared family plots. Some places like New Orleans, Louisiana still uphold that practice. But most places in the US have made it illegal to have shared family plots.
@@SneakySalaXander perpetuity is a strange concept, especially when imagining the future. Not just the problem with running out of space, what is inevitable. But also how are you going to give any kind of land to someone forever? Maybe in 200 years another war changes country lines, cultures, land etc etc.
A grave for 4 people can be made/bought everywhere here, you just need to know from the start because the first 2 bodies will get buried way further down. Just actually re-using the same one and do it again isn't possible everywhere.
But I always remember my grandma saying: don't bury me deep down, I don't want to be forced to face someone elses buttcrack for decades 😂😂
That actually gave us a bit of trouble as she was the first person that ended up getting buried there and it was kind of a macabre tetris, just to make sure my grandma doesn't need to look in someones elses buttcrack 😂
Aquamation will replace cremation sometime in the future.
I would love to see another collaboration with these 2 wonderful people. Six feet under is where I saw the mom and her friends wash another friends body and sang her out. The song was "Calling all Angels" by The Wailing Jennies. Then they washed Nate's body at the end of the series. Heartbreaking but so moving.
Best. Collab. Ever! I love Caitlin, she has a brilliant, dark, and intelligent humor that I love, and she is so passionate and understanding. Please, do more collabs with her.
She has such a great way to explain something so morbid. I love watching her videos.
8:05 this is what I did with my friend when she died. she had nothing done to her, she had donated her organs, but was having a natural burial with no embalming etc. I sat with her in the cold room, she was in a bed in her pyjamas, and just talked to her. I felt like she had gone, but was still there at the same time. Her vessel was no longer alive but her energy was still tangible and I wasnt scared. I sat and talked to her like I would when she was alive and it was nice. was comforting and really calming.
she was 12 when she died, hit by a car, irreversible brain injury. But she saved 4 ladies lives, including a 5 year old girl who has her heart.
Beautiful experience. Thanks for sharing.
Yes, thanks for sharing.
Dr. Mike: Your test results are in, are you available for a 7am appointment?
Me: oof
Out Of Facility?
@@kyndramb7050 it sorta just means 'ouch'
Yeah... it's usually never a good sign when results are in, they're unreleased in your EMR, and the doctor wants to have a chat in person to "go over the results." But it did go well once lol
I love Caitlin, and I'm so glad that Dr Mike had her on his channel.
The more people who can be steered towards Caitlin's channel, the better. We need more Deathlings!! 🙂
I absolutely love her and her channel. Started watching her about a year ago and she really helped me through the death of my grandfather. She is absolutely amazing at what she does.
Thanks to her I have a full death plan at 27 that's ready to go should I die unexpectedly. I'm not expecting that to happen, but that's kinda the point. If I die unexpectedly, my friends and family will be going through enough pain and stress. Why make them have to bumble through the after death stuff as well when I know very clearly what I want?
She is awesome, I love her so much!
Aqua Kirby yeah me too. I some times feel overwhelmed with anxiety about it and I take a break for a while but then binge watch and sometimes even rewatch her videos.
Them: "Infinity war is the most ambitious Crossover event in history"
Me, a person of culture: *shows this video*
Omg yes!
V
wowua-cam.com/video/zFJ2AN_CZH8J/v-deo.html
*_"The only way out is through."_*
What an amazing thing to say.
That's basic Stoic philosophy! Good stuff. Ryan Holiday's Daily Stoic is a decent introduction if you want to know more.
Hi Karla
Yeah if you never get over it you never get through just let things happen and try to stay positive
It's sooooo freaking true. With anything in life people now days try to avoid things and being hurt and going around and over. But it'll all just lead to more hurt and sorrow. Go through it. You build spiritual strength that way
When my mom died from cancer, looking at her body, I knew it was just her shell. That wasn't her, and I was okay. acceptance came swiftly. Depression took a while to move on from. 😔 Great collaboration. I like her!
Caitlin has a great UA-cam channel-"Ask a Mortician"-l've followed her for a couple of years. And her books are terrific!
Am I the only one that sang "the middle ages were magic!" When she said she studied medieval history?
Nope! You are not alone, I did it too!
Haha me too!
Me three!
Yup def did too
that song bite is the 💣!!
I was a nursing aide at the local nursing home and had to clean up the body right after the person died... it was such a sad moment, when you talked to the person a week ago and helped them, held their hand, and suddenly they are lying there dead. I had a mental break after loosing a lady I took care of for 4 years. I cried for a week! But being an aide, most wouldn’t know we wash them up for transportation from the nursing home to the morgue.
When I was in HS, I had a class called Health occupations, which was basically a CNA class, with a few peeks into higher medical training. During my second year, we had clinical rotations in a small rural hospital, where we were each assigned one patient. We went 3 or 4 times a week from the morning until lunch. My first patient had a terminal heart condition, only I didn’t realize how quickly terminal it would be. She was in her 80s and obviously sick but awake and in good spirits, teasing and making people laugh. Then one day, I came in and she was unconscious. The next day, she wasn’t there anymore. She’d died the afternoon before. That was nearly 40 years ago, and I still think they should not have assigned a patient, who they knew was going to die before our rotation was over, to a 16 year old high school kid in her first hospital experience. Perhaps I should’ve known more or reacted better but even though I’d only met the woman a few weeks earlier, I was devastated.
That is rough and at the same time knowing caring people do the last care tasks is very comforting to the families. Nursing home staff and hospice staff really helped me understand what was going on with a family member who was dying and I know it takes special people to care for folks like that. Thanks for all you did for the ones you helped in your time.
I was supposed to start school to become a psw in September. I withdrew from the program because if this exact reason. I'm not built to say goodbye to people. I'm going to be a mechanic instead. Too much sadness for me. I know that it would destroy me. I will forever admire and be grateful to all of the kind souls that are able to do this kind of work. You have my utmost respect.
@@BeautifulBoreal it's difficult, but,you learn to separate yourself into the carer and the regular person
I spent 30+ years nursing people with severe disabilities. 'Life limited' people both children and adults
I saw quite a few deaths in that time,and the first person l 'layed out' was an elderly lady who l had nursed for weeks on my first ward as a nursing student.
Then l nursed my mother, terminally ill with a brain tumour,over her last weeks at home
I didn't think about the fact she was dieing,l just thought about doing what l could for her
I didn't really cry till the funeral,though now,18 years later l think of her most days and sometimes cry
I went back to work and continued to care for my clients/patients till l took early retirement
As l said, it's difficult. I don't know if it's something you learn,or something you just HAVE
Human minds are strange for sure
I worked as aide while in nursing school. It’s such a beautiful kind thing to have bestowed upon you to clean and cover the body after death. I always talked to the person as I washed them.
I don't think I could have ever predicted how much both Doctor Mike and Caitlin Doughty have helped me in ways I never thought they would. My mom just died. The doctors were forthcoming. The way they spoke and my knowledge about what little they can guarantee made it obvious things weren't going well and I felt keyed into reality. Once she passed talking to everyone in the death industry felt easier than it could have been. I know about cremation. I felt like I knew what to expect as much as anyone could in that moment. I know this is an old video but I think the biggest thing I've learned is how important it is to spread love even if the person you want to experience it never will.
I agree when she said "dead should look dead" when my grandpa died they put so much makeup on him that he looks like a different person they wanted to make him look like he was alive but they just made him to a different person.
I don't care if he wouldn't look good I want him to look like my grandpa I want to remember my grandpa, not the 4 pounds of makeup that's on his face
She speaks a lot about more natural burials in her videos and because of everything I learned from her UA-cam channel I now know I don't want to be embalmed and slathered with makeup when my time comes. It feels so unnatural to me and I don't want a viewing with open casket because if I hate being the center of attention in life, I certainly don't want to be in death. Natural burial all the way for me.
@@XSemperIdem5 My maternal grandmother did not want a funeral at all. She said she wanted to be cremated because she didn't want all those people staring at her. She wanted us to have a celebration of her life. I went home early because of a migraine, as I recall, but I know it ended up with some karaoke. My grandmother would have been pleased, I think. :)
Yep. If they're dead they're dead, don't try to make them look "alive" by slapping some makeup on them. Just let them look dead for Pete's sake
@@SmogValley she has a video about posing the dead including pets. They should look dead, but you can close the mouth and eyes and place them in a less concerning position. But ppl also embalm their pets which makes them look weird.
No point looking your best when no one is going to visit you underground.
so...she just promoted her funeral services...ok, I am definitely following her channel LOL
Her videos are definitely binge-worthy!
You will not regret it
you will be quite pleased! Check out her video about eye shadow.......oh wait....i meant NECROPHILIA! 😉
she's hilarious, her videos are fun to watch
I love her videos!!! She is so blunt but so sweet about it...
Mortician: I don't know how many corpses you see
Doctor Mike: ...
ua-cam.com/video/kcoQsvWTrHY/v-deo.html
Dr. Mike I don’t really see corpses and my job to make sure bodies don’t become corpses.
Blue Tube shut up
Honestly I love Caitlin's voice. It's so soothing. I would definitely be comforted if I went through the death of a loved one
This colab was so worth the wait! Caitlin’s historical series is entertaining & informative! I highly recommend.
She's very right about needing to see that the person is dead. My dad died in 1996 when I was 24, which is considered adulthood but realistically is still clinging to a lot of childhood mentality. It was the first death in my family of someone I had seen more than once in my life and the thing that helped me was sitting in the room with my mom and sister and the body. It struck me that on one side of the room were living, breathing people, us... and on the other side were organic but not sentient things... flowers, plants, and my dad's remains. He wasn't there. It wasn't like when you're in the same room with someone who's sleeping. No one's home. And that made it easier to deal with putting that into the ground, something no longer in use and needing to be properly stored, so to speak.
That was the most perfect explanation
My mom passed away in 2006 and I was 14. It was really hard and when I went up to the casket for viewing I wanted to reach out to her so badly, but I felt like it was highly inappropriate. I don't know if it would have helped with grieving but I do regret not standing there longer to see her.
Off topic- are you 48 now then? It seems as if 2020-1996 equals 24, 24 plus 24 is 48.
24 is still young to lose a parent. You can never talk to that person about your life anymore, ask for advice, share happiness and sorrow. So many people these days aren't even married by that age. After my grandmother died and her body was taken to the funeral parlor, my aunt refused to see her because that would be unpleasant . My mother also said I don't have to go. I went because I felt that I owe that last gesture to my grandma whom I loved very much. The experience itself was surreal: it wasn't her, it was only her external covering. All that made my grandmother her own person wasn't there. And the music disturbed me: some badly sung church songs about death, not even proper hyms . And all I needed and wanted at the moment was silence.
When my parents were children it wasn't unusual for families in the countryside to take care of the deceased themselves: washing, dressing, holding a vigil so all the family and neighbours could say their goodbyes. It was so much more humane and natural. Now it's so clinical, especially in the west. You put your parents in a nursing home so you don't have to take care of them and expose yourself to the unpleasant sides of ageing, visiting them rarely and not staying long. Then they die in a hospital and the undertaker takes care of the rest. We have forgotten what death is, what ageing is, and that is natural.
"A dead body should look dead" 💯
Caitlin, you're my favorite😍
I'm in my late 20s and I only learned about Caitlin's work last year on a YT rabbit hole adventure. Having experienced a life-altering medical crisis when I was 19 was difficult but the more I learn from her videos and books the more at peace I am with living the life I have. Seeing these two talk was fun.
When she said “until all of a sudden your mom died” my heart broke for dr. Mike and all the people who were reminded of the loss of their mothers 🤍
@@theresaseng2856 I’m not sure if she knew ahead of time tho 🥺
@@theresaseng2856 the thing is though, if you watch her videos, death isn't such a horrible thing. It's not inconsiderate, it's life.
im pretty sure that she didnt know
That was so insensitive of her honestly
@@kalsoomasghar1344 she probably didn’t know since he told her afterwards
Love Caitlin, I would let her handle my brain. I mean, when I'm done with it, of course.
OPEN UP
NO WAIT IM STILL USING THAT CAITLIN NO-
Caitlyn is better than that chick in mortuary
@Ahmet Özer ah yes, the Instagram Look™. ;)
Caitlins UA-cam channel was a source of great comfort after I experienced the sudden death of my dad. Her educational videos with a splash of humor were very healing! Thanks for this collab !
It really is wild how different and personal the grieving process is for people. I thought I was going to be a wreck when my grandmother passed away. I was sad and cried some but was holding together better than I expected. Then, a few weeks later, as I was alone and cleaning out her house I pulled out her night stand and a pile of tissues that had fallen behind it kind of tumbled out. I don't know what it was about this little reminder of when my grandmother was alive with a simple act of sitting in her bed and blowing her nose but I just broke down and started sobbing and couldn't stop. I had thought I was over the worst of it after her funeral but it didn't actually hit me and feel real until that moment.
Grief is weird. My friend Jeff has a really good way of describing it, "Grief is like a ball bouncing in a box and inside that box is a button that causes distress when it's hit. At first the ball is really big so it presses the button almost constantly. Over time the ball shrinks so it doesn't hit the button as much. Sometimes though it can hit that button out of nowhere and it feels just as raw as when that button was being pressed all the time."
Dr Mike. Sending you a giant hug. I lost my dad when I was 12. I’m now 26. It’s never easy talking about the loss of a loved one. You’re so strong for being able to be open and talk about it. Take care of yourself!
Dr. Mike checking out Caitlin after saying the brain is her favorite part of the body, like 😲😏😍😎
PLEASE NOT HIM LIKING IT 🖐🏽🤠
@@cath7782 he apparently *did* like it.
LMAO HE LIKED IT
Yes! I've been scrolling for this very comment for 100 years meow. Thank youuuu.😁🔥❤
It may be time for Dr. Mike to ditch the “beauty queens” and find a mortician. I’d ship that.
My dad passed suddenly last month and because of Caitlin's channel we knew what our rights were and what we did and didn't want to happen to the body. My mom and I were out of town and didn't get to see him for a few days but we insisted on no embalming because of the extra expense and because it can make the body look so waxy and unfamiliar.
I'm glad you both managed to not get swindled during such hard times :) Caitlin helps give SO much education on funerals
You did a great job! I admire your strenght and I'm so happy that she managed to protect you from scammers
I'm sorry for your loss. My father also passed unexpectedly at the end of August and I agree, Caitlins channel helped immensely with knowing our rights and educating us about what we can and can't do. I'm glad there is someone out there like her willing to be open and honest about death.
I’m so sorry for your loss. And simultaneously very happy that you knew about Caitlin and about standing your ground! Her channel came into my life after my grandpa died and it helped me a lot with grieving ❤️
I love this woman’s take on death and its attendant rituals/mystiques. Her humor is amazing given her profession❤️
She did a wonderful video, I think it was the first one I watched of her, about the funerary traditions of African American folks vs White folks here in America. She brought in historians and experts who actually were POC and had them talk about why things are done the way they are and how it started. I won't give any specifics here because you should watch the video but yeah really good.
You should check out her channel, or any of the books she wrote. Great stuff.
I found Doctor Mike first like a year ago or something and Ive been watching a lot of his videos recently. Then I literally found Caitlin 2 days ago and I’ve been binge-watching her videos. Now they’ve done a collab together??? Omg this is like a dream come true! I hope for more collabs together in the future! Great video!
On seeing the body: When my husband died, I saw his body first the same day in the hospital. He looked like he was sleeping; when I was looking at his face, I could swear he was breathing, when I focused on his chest (it was not really moving), I saw his eyelashes twitch. Not that they really did. But it still helped me to accept that he really was dead.
Then I saw him again the day of the funeral, and by then, it was just a corpse. My sister in law looked at him and started crying, I didn't - that was no longer my husband, that was very clearly a corpse.
I felt the same when my mom died when I was 6.
My condolences.
How I felt when my mom died. There was so much sadness she was gone but so much relief she wasn't in pain anymore. Her body was just a shell she no longer needed.
My dad died at home, and his nurse called me to his bedroom just as it happened. I don't feel it was traumatic or anything. He died of brain cancer, and to me I guess his illness was a lot harder than just seeing him stop breathing and his heart stop beating. That moment was incredibly sad, but it was not really painful, not as seeing him decline and loose himself to the tumor. I'm actually glad that I got to be there at that moment, it helped give me closure.
i sat with my husband of almost forty years when he died of a heart attack at 57. i 'talked' to him. begged him not to go, to not leave me, and so much more. the most difficult thing for me, besides the loss, was that he was still warm . i had promised him i would not leave his side, but the cops/paramedics dragged me away to another room. i kept asking everyone, 'are you sure?" 'are you SURE he's dead?'' etc. he had been dead for hours, but he was very overweight, that's what they told me was why he was still warm. all funerals i had ever been to, the bodies were cold, so cold to touch. now of course, i realize they were embalmed, and well refrigerated too. i witnessed his cremation, not embalmed at his request. they couldnt find a coffin large enough to hold him. but they certainly charged me for one, even tho he was just on a plywood board, covered with a sheet. he was bleeding from his nose through the sheet, and that has always bothered me. i didnt think you could bleed, lying on your back, dead for a day. 'are they sure?" nightmare stuff!!
If people haven’t read her book, “smoke gets in your eyes” you must!!
And her two other books Here to Eternity and Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?
Omg this freaks me out because I always think on those lashes that fall into my eyes and I cant get out. Are they still there? :(
Thanks for the recommendation 👍🏼
That’s my favorite of her books.
I’m back here two months later, having binged Caitlin’s entire channel, to say thank you to Doctor Mike for introducing me to the good death.
Welcome, little baby Deathling!
Welcome! ❤️
same here, i'm going to subscribe Ask a Mortician
Oh, this was great -- Caitlin Doughty is amazing. Anyone encountering this for the first time should check out her books, too; they are some of the best things I've ever seen written about death and how we deal with it!
Two of my favorite UA-cam stars together in one video! I love how professional and how humane you both are and your wit, intelligence and compassion shines through.
YES! SOMEONE IS FINALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS HBO MASTERPIECE!
I feel like “Hip Replacement Recycled Sake Sets” is a business idea just made for Etsy.
I've been watching this youtuber's videos for years and she changed the way I thought about death, she actually got me interested in this part of the medical field. Mom and dad are christian, so they didn't really talk about death, so she taught me a lot about what happens after death.
My Christian parents taught me about death. That's not a trait of the religion.
I love this. Having lost family members and being a Health care professional it is very interesting to get these two perspectives.