How to Get Over That Broken Heart-But Also Learn From It
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- Опубліковано 24 чер 2018
- Scientists today think reason and emotion aren’t at odds like they’ve traditionally been presented, and even rely on each other to help us get through this thing called life.
Hosted by: Hank Green
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Crying during a phone commercial, probably the easiest way to describe me.
I just like how hank excitedly ran around in front of the camera as part of the filming of this. 5:18
Heh I chuckled at that part
Yes! I watched that part like 3x!!!
Couldn't decide which time stamp to go with, but this video is very much against everything my mother tried to instill in me throughout childhood. She kept (and keeps) telling me that I need to immediately 'calm down' and 'knock it off'. She insists that emotions have to be controlled no matter what. From experience, I can tell the viewers of this video one thing: *suppressing your emotions is NOT healthy!* So if you need to let out steam, find a good, healthy way to do it instead of letting others force you to sit still and keep quiet. Schools are especially detrimental to mental health.
HauntedShadowsLegacy My mother did exactly the same thing, and it destroyed who I was. I'm still lost, and I've no clue who I am anymore.
In my country this is how you raise your children so not just me but everyone else seemed to do it better than me till I became numb. It makes me seem more put together but really I'm not I just feel nothing.
I can't say I'm any different (I'm also an ADHD brain, which, as in many psychiatric disorders, comes with emotional disregulation which means I pretty much feel every feeling to the max - there's no "a little sad". Suppressing it also leads to expressing it in destructive ways.
I have ADHD, too, Jessica. I know about emotional disregulation, as I have it. My mom, however, still believes that regulating my emotions is still something I should easily be capable of with no extra effort. So whenever my brother pushes my buttons and is an overall jerk (five days out of seven, he is), it's my fault that I get mad and express it by cursing or leaving a family function. Because I guess she thinks humans shouldn't have an emotional breaking point.
Jessica Kuligowski Last year at the age of 18 I found out about ADHD for the first time in my life and I really think I have it. It is the only thing that ever felt like an explanation for everything I have been through but unfortunately I don't think I can get diagnosed anytime soon and even if that happened medication is really expensive in my country and the idea of mental health treatment isn't popular in my country or accepted by my family . Here they don't believe in mental problems they think it's all in your head and you are fine ,don't just think about and things like this. But knowing about ADHD just helped me accept myself a little bit but I guess the damage has already happened.
Where's Muscle Hank to tell me emotions are for wimps?
Muscle Hank is too health-conscious to let suppressed emotions exist.
Zaman Siddiqui I didn't realize how much I look forward to his posts!
I really hate my empathy sometimes, it can be a very controlling thing...on the other hand, I'm glad I have it.
I know how you feel.
I think Hank's mix of philosophy and comedy is so effective, because in our own heads we tend to take the negative emotions to seriously, while crancking up a joke about them makes them seem way smaller. Love it.
This is a great video for HSP's (highly sensitive people). We often feel emotions very strongly and the intensity of these feelings can be overwhelming at times.
There are so many myths surrounding the relationship between our emotions and reasoning, thank you so much for making this video! As a person with a lot of feels it's reassuring to be reminded that logic and emotion work together to form our whole experience, and that emotional regulation is a skill we can practice and get better at.
In the middle of May, I gave birth to a stillborn little boy just a week before my due date. Learning to reframe the situation as a challenge rather than an emotional blow was actually really helpful. Yes, there are definitely moments that make me cry or send me into downward spirals of "what ifs", but hugs and people willing to talk through what I'm feeling have been the best things to get me through this.
By GOD GRACE AND MERCY ,l happy 4 u!.
Psalm 31:24
Be of good courage,and He shall strengthen your heart,
💗All u who hope in the LORD.
Is this.... SciShow Love?...
yes
Why do I see you on every video I watch? XD
Software Man +
Well, I have been depressed enough to wish emotional parts of my brain to be removed. I'm sure I'm not alone.
relatable
Kinda relatable, but to be honest personally I don't know which one I'd rather have removed.
Depression in emotional form fucked me up a lot but I think my perfectionism/anxiety was more crucial to the failures and disappointments I had in life.
But... When I'm depressed, the problem is more a *lack* of feeling [also lack of interest, drive, appetite, etc].
Other times though, I get what you're saying.
Have you tried taking over the counter anti-inflammatory meds? There have been a couple studies that show that inflammation is causally linked to depressive behavior and mood. Makes sense as it's the same sort of mood you get in to when you have a really bad cold, and your body is trying to redirect its energy to the immune system.
I haven't tried it, as since I started running every day, my depression has really quite subsided. I'd really appreciate seeing someone with depression actually try it in case it comes back to get me lol.
Flourish and Books - Well yeah, it is good to recognize your thoughts and feelings, and address them -- as long as you don't discourage people from taking their meds if they need them. Quackery kills.
as someone who goes through heartbreak, right now, this is really helpful.
Yeah weirdly enough, that third person thing works wonders for me. If I feel like I'm about to cry in public, I pretend my mind is some other person jeering at me, and for some reason that "tough love" approach works for me. It's usually the "it's ok, you did your best" comments that would make things worse for me, so maybe that's why.
Wait, emotions and logic arise from the same parts of the brain? They're equally important in making good decisions?
The comment section is going to be wonderful!!
But bear in mind it's the emotional part that decides what "good" is; and no, what Hank said doesn't _prove_ the regions responsible for emotions and reason are the same or even overlap, just that they interact (no duh); historically, it seems more plausible emotions came first, via the limbic system - the 'cerebral cortex' is a later upgrade ;)
I love Hank Green! I want to grow up to be him 😜
"It's okay to have feelings..."
But I'm a machine, designed to accomplish a task...
My name is Connor. Youre starting to piss me off, Connor.
*COIN FLIPPING INTENSIFIES*
But adapting to human unpredictability is one of your features.
Unfortunately, they get mad when I ask personal questions.
Guys, stop it. He's alive
"Pain teaches you not to put your hand on a hot stove." Indeed, especially related to dating.
I have unrequited love with SciShow :/
Awww, who says it's unrequited?
Very much needed video [for humanity]
I feel all the feels!!!!!!! (I have ADHD and Autism which makes my emotions more noticable and stuff)
Perfect timing of this video. I need this after I broke up with my gf of 4 years. Hope it helps me
Edit. Nope didn't help at all. Sigh
Sorry to hear about the situation. Still upset about it? I'm willing to lend an ear (or a comment thread, I guess).
oopsy444 try headspace, all the best with it, hope you recover in a constructive manner
oopsy444 I feel your pain, what helped me most is music, a smoke, drawing(some activity to be alone with yourself and your thoughts) and TIME! and that last one is the hardest, no matter what, time really does heal it, or more like fades it, i hate to say this... :( but hold on!
Ditto. Don't worry, man. It doesn't get better. Just more numb.
It takes time to reflect. Time.
Thank you for sharing some science into emotions. Emotions can be so troublesome sometimes. But they can also be wonderful. What a dichotomy
Thanks, Hank. I was broken up with a few weeks ago, so this is helpful to look at it from a more scientific way.
Thank you for making this video, explaining emotions in a way that more logical people like myself can understand. This has been very illuminating for me.
5:13 That’s second person singular.
winner
oh you right it should have been “hank should remember that”
but I think talking to yourself vs talking in third person should both have the same effect of distancing a person’s self from their emotions, right?
confiscator +
Great vid, love the stuff!
I cried after Data couldn't have his emotions back in Star Trek: The Next Generation 6th season finale. I still feel sad.
Same! And now I'm crying
Great video!!!!
Your videos are awesome!
Best video ❤
Thanks!
Dude seriously I've been having a rough time getting a hold of my irritation at work and I will try to apply what I feel I e taken from this and see what happens. Thanks SciShow!
I HAVE NEVER CLICKED SO FAST ON A VIDEO
This is perfect timing
Thank you.
To truly cry, to truly be angry, to truly be happy is actually very satisfying. If i consciously allow myself to feel these strong emotions they become pleasant, in a different, unique way.
this is such a timed video for me personally, I need better ways to deal and work around my feelings
Interesting video!
there are no breaks on the feel train!
This episode was a million times better than my last psychologist >.>
Very interesting!
Perfect timing 😢
this is pretty much how I already thought of it. glad to know science backs it up.
I wish I could just, wish away my feelings
Maybe check out this guy ua-cam.com/video/xr6VawX2nr4/v-deo.html
I want that 14 minutes back.
Hank, I love you ♥️
that one episode of Fairly Oddparents where Timmy wishes he didn't have emotions
Trixie: Stop ignoring me ignoring you
I'm emotional but also very rational. You can make rational decisions while still feeling your emotions. As this video said, you can let your emotions guide you and use information about how you feel to make well-informed decisions.
you are my hero
My amygdala was replaced with Orbeez.
I don't generally feel any emotions when I'm by myself, even if something happens that would normally cause a response. The only time I get strong emotional reactions is when someone else "brings them out of me" or I reflect their feelings.
Is anyone else like that or just me?
As an over emotional person I use all these things to help me calm down. Doesn't always work, but as you said the older I've gotten the easier it's become.
thank you, next next..
Sometimes I feel my emotions so much that it makes me wish I could have a lobotomy and feel nothing. I know I shouldn't be, but I get scared of my fear or sad about my sadness, so it becomes a loop. What hank says is true, you need to accept your emotions and stop trying to cover them up, and stop experiencing them as something negative but as something you can overcome. But it's easier said than done. Thanks for the video.
Can you do an episode on psychosomatic illness? I find the topic very interesting, and I would love to learn more about it!
My emotional subroutines have been naturally selected for me to seek motivation on dopaminergic activity regulated by certain behaviors that make me want and keep alive, while my logic unit computes from observed patterns in nature that I'm just a bunch of atoms and whether I'm alive or dead is not compulsory, relevant and/or necessary. In conclusion, I can't find one thing that could possibly go wrong with that.
What we experience as "Emotion vs Reason" is probably better described as "Short term vs Long term".
Most people think I'm totally stoic and unemotional. I'm just really good at focusing whrn it counts
When it counts ?
LYES BOUDECHICHE yup I wasn't particularly focused when I wrote that comment or else I would have caught the type-o
The pain best teacher
5:17 Pretty sure the office had a fun time filming that bit.
Getting over a breakup right now....this showed up in feed...think Google might be listening to me
Grand Opening at Salmonella Café come on in we have a nice and warm atmosphere
When people say emotional=irrational 😒😒😒
Its only been a year of crying at phone commercials im totally fine
I have really weak emotions. I get to think about my decisions, but it's very hard for me to just go with my gut. Sometimes I wish I could actually experience a situation like the others do.
Now I get why, when I'm sad and don't wanna deal with it, I go study...
You can remove emotions pretty well with opioids but looking at the addicts you can see the consequences of their stupid decisions because we really need our emotions. If the emotions are all gone you`ll not even know if your decisions are stupid or not because you will not care about it.
"It's just a movie" cries while watching Lord of the rings
Since we're discussing emotions, could you do an episode on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?
5:24 Heard “... and framing others too”
Easy.. 3AM bar-close one night stand. You feel like 'you still got it', and you definitely learn a lesson when your Doctor tells you what that new rash is.
I dont wanna get over, I just want them back!
This topic reminds me of Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler. Read if your interested in modern sci-fi.
In Chinese martial arts, one of the ‘harmonies’ to create power is to balance emotions and logic.
If you're the kind of person who feels all the feels, you might wish you could shut them down for a little while. The more we study our brains, the more that kind of dichotomy between reason and emotion is disappearing. Different parts of your brain process cognition and emotion, and they have an effect on each other. Psychologists have found that negative emotions can help us make better decisions, just like physical pain can teach you not to put your hand on a hot stove. In a 2015 study, researchers found that emotions play a bigger role in the brains of "emotional" people than they do in rational ones. From listening to your feelings instead of fighting them, to looking for the silver lining, to re-framing an emotional situation into something that's actually a challenge to overcome, we've looked at some of the best ways to help you manage your emotions.
I've always thought Logic and Emotion are contrary to each other, seems like emotions just serves a smaller and more needy purpose of helping you make better judgments.
Still, you'd probably be better off listening to your rational and logical mind, because emotions are usually short-sighted and happen in the spur of the moment.
What did Hume say? Reason is, and ought only be, the slave of the passions (emotions)? Sounds about right. Wasn’t popular in his time, but it’s definitely a fact that he’s been dignified.
Emotions guide and control logical thought.
Always Glackin
Mr Spock strongly disagrees. 🖖
*oh my gosh finally a video for me*
can you do a episode on anxiety disorders
This kinda makes me think about MBTI and it's cognitive functions. Understanding those functions and how they stack up makes MBTI more useful and nuanced in my opinion.
They pretty much understand why folks would say stuff like "I'm a Thinker AND a Feeler!" because, to varying extents, everyone is. It's just the orientation and priority that distinguishes your type. Understanding and integrating your thinking and feeling functions when you make choices can help you grow as a person and become more mature.
A feeler out of touch with their thinking function can jump to all the wrong conclusions (when you have high affective but low cognitive empathy - if someone is mad, it can be very easy to assume it was your fault.) And as mentioned in video - the higher reasoning stuff can really help you make better sense of the bigger picture by creating some distance.
A thinker out of touch with their feeling function can be brash and callous, definitely. But it can also show up as not realizing their own biases and values coming through in their decisions. And it can be easy to lie to oneself about how above all of that you actually are. And definitely, it helps in assigning a value to that process too (as the video describes), why follow scientific method if you don't care about what it's goals are?
S. Holloway have you watched their video on personality testing?
Actions (or things), make us think, & Usually it's a groomed assumption, or stereotypes taught to us. That thought’s positivity or negativity, is the only thing that can be changed. We can't control or change others or nature's actions.
That -/+ thought evokes an emotional (spiritual/biochemical) response equally positive or negative to our thought. That emotional response, comes out in physical actions or words (without will power) that makes others think & feel... repeat. With will power, & maturity one can learn to control or exchange emotional responses for logical ones.
Example: my actions are words, how you interpret my words, is how you "think about" or relate to them. Depending on, if you relate them to a, positive or negative thought, results in a positive or negative feeling or emotion. The emotional response will, create a positive or negative idea, action &/or words based on the preexisting response, or a reaction
Thank you Mr hank , your steal doing this amazing show , really your r an special person
If you can tell me, how to lower my loued voice? that make every one annoying from me that will be awesome
It always feels bad if you lose a bet, but that doesn't necessarily mean you made a bad bet. Emotions might be helpful in simple situations, but the more complex it gets and the more chance is involved in the outcome emotions alone are not a good indicator whether or not you made the wrong decision.
I used to be able to turn off my emotions. Then my pug reached his expiration date. Now the weirdest things makes me tear up. I hate it.
"Emotions bring the body into the loop of reason." --Antonio R. Damasio
I'm born to feel
If I ever have a daughter I will call her Amygdala...that will be fun when she is a teenager....STOP BEING SO EMOTIONAL!!
Name her Goku. That's gonna be fun. Real fun. Seriosly.
Realzies tho.
It's like the Universe is speaking out to me when I saw the notification of this video popped up. (T_T)
In the last few days, I've been going through the motions of being rejected by someone whom I have been dating over the last month. I've shown my interest & made clear of my intentions that I do like this person. Party B and I clicked and we have similar interests despite some differences in our life principles.
Then, I discover Party B has a lingering one-sided crush on a colleague at work. I approached B to talk about it & B decided that it's best that nothing progresses to the "next stage", as B wasn't sure how to reciprocate my feelings & feels guilty that I wasn't being told upfront.
"There is no point in me giving you that hope, lets just part ways peacefully. Being friends is still on the cards though, " B said with a smile.
I acknowledge the decision B made, however I feel my efforts has been wasted. I still think about B on and off, but I wonder how am I able to be friends with someone whom I have invested in emotionally? I will have to suppress my feelings for this person whenever we meet to hang out.
Ah...such is love.
This is how my broccoli feels when they get rejected by me.
niki123489 lulz XD. Needed that. Thanks. 👍🏼
I just realised if that's the case then it shouldn't be surprising to have an emotional AI
Where was this video 5 years ago
So, is Plato why we say "hold your horses" when people get carried away?
Step one: Prevent the situation entirely by never speaking to women because you're terrified of them. Simple!
get over it, they're just as terrified of you.
wait no, stay there if that's the case..
Thomas Jefferson wrote this
💙
The Cerebral Cortex is the processing powerhouse.
How does depression and anxiety tie into the idea of controlling emotions? Should people with mental issues be expected to be able to do the same? Does it depend on the person and circumstance? Is it always wrong to expect them to just pick themselves up, or are there cases where people with mental health issues can fix themselves up with a little help
No Gavin and Muscle Hank in top comments? wtf is going on?!
OMFG D: HOW DO YOU KNOW?
In my head there're two "me"s constantly talking to eachother, debating stuff. Does that count as third person?
I still don't like strong empathy. I feel logic is generally the better way to go. Yes having empathy to some degree seems important and is for clear reasons I find emotions screw things up to much.