My Friend Cheated on Her Husband (How Do I Still Support Her?)
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- Опубліковано 6 сер 2024
- My Friend Cheated on Her Husband (How Do I Still Support Her?)
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A person who can betray their spouse is a very dangerous person. If they will lie and deceive the person they sleep next to every single night…why on Earth would friends think they’re safe with this person? Run. Bad company corrupts good character.
This is very true. It never dawned on me back then but it is common sense now. That friend who cheated on her husband eventually tried hard to sow seeds of discord my marriage. After she has made a mess of her life, she did her best to bring mine down as well. The Bible always gets it right, doesnt it :)
Well said.
That’s is very false, infidelity happens in a lot of marriage. Doesn’t make them a bad person. You that wrote this, you have lied and done bad things, how you judge this person is weird. I have great friends that have made mistakes. Like delony said it’s who they are after a mistakes that defines them not making the mistake
@@shachede6828 Infidelity is not a mistake, it's a choice. It's always bad regardless of the situation or circumstances surrounding it. Simply because someone has done wrong or bad things doesn't mean that same person can't call out other bad behavior.
@@1981lashlarue there's a difference between a mistake and an accident. No one accidently cheats, that we can all agree on, but choices can still be mistakes.
Calling out bullshit is one of the top priorities of real friendship.
Yes. Nailed it.
Back your friend up by being honest with her, especially when she is lying to herself about the potential consequences a deception this destructive can backfire on her with.
This is the stuff true crime stories and news reports are made of.
A dentist just got popped for poisoning his wife because of cheating. Shannan Watts and her family died because her hubby was cheating. Domestic violence happens when somebody perceives another is cheating.
It's dangerous. Stop playing.
Results can be unpredictable at best.
Not everybody goes to crime but you never know when your cheatee might snap when they find out or whatever.
Better to end it with integrity or let them know you have felt tempted and want to recommit to them instead of go down that path.
That is respectable.
Continuing to lie and bring others down with your deception... Isn't going to help anything long term. The truth always finds a way to leak out. Eventually. Things come around. Not worth it.
Thank you for reminding folks that a true friend stays honest and holds each other accountable. At least honest about their discomfort with deception. Better not to be drawn in. Friends like this don't have your best interests at heart, only their own, in the moment.
They'll be the 1st to throw you under any proverbial bus as soon as the truth hits the fan. You watch.
When he finds out about her, she'll deflect by saying you knew the whole time and didn't tell either. Or worse - that you encouraged her to keep the secret. She lies. Remember. She lies. Do not put it past her to lie about you.
Agree, and if you can't then it's not a quality friendship
*Yes, I ended a 14 year friendship with a buddy because he bragged about sleeping with his neighbor's wife as a flex. I asked if he told her husband since he's always smiling in his face when he's hanging out with us, he said of course not.* I'm not judging my former friend as a bad person, I don't think I'm better than him, he's just someone I no longer cared to associate with. Mutual friends called me ridiculous, all good, I cut ties with them as well too (5 people with relationships ranging from 10-15years). Living life on easy mode ever since.
Totally off-topic, but I just wanted to tell you I loved your user name. I also hate Nicolas Cage lol.
@@aubrey6538 Hating Nicolas Cage is never off topic
I had a "friend" who cheated on her bf and from that experience i realize that is not someone you ever want to associate yourself with
Same! She cheated on her husband and was the worst person afterwards...it's sad cause they had kids
The ability to own the mistake is as impactful as the mistake itself
@@mooneyes2833 wow.
Smh
If you could cheat on your spouse that you vow to love, honor, and respect, I'd hate to know what you would to me who's a friend
@Stephen, It really isn't.
Not only did she cheat, she is actively choosing to keep what she did from her husband. This isn't a momentary betrayal but a continued one. Disgusting.
She doesn’t deserve that man smh
Having been cheated on and TONS OF PEOPLE KNEW AND DIDN’T TELL ME - It was humiliating. It is humiliating knowing I went to dinner and hung out with with people who knew. It was over a decade ago and I’ll never forget it. Drop this girl as a friend and I honestly think your husband should tell her husband. He deserves the truth and a real friend wouldn’t let someone waste their life away under these circumstances. You probably cant say that as a therapist but as someone who was cheated on and everyone knew and no one told me … HE WOULD WANT TO KNOW. If you care about him, y’all do the right thing here. Screw your friend, she’s not a good person.
dont be so hard on yourself. Its not natural to be monogamous
@Gringo, That doesn't explain why so many happily make it work. I've noticed a pattern with cheaters and players, they're never truly happy with themselves. That's why they can't stay put, they look everywhere but within because it's uncomfortable.
You’re right. Been there & it is very humiliating AND she tried to paint me as the one who deserved it
@@boston312 troll. Betrayal and hurting others is never good
@@jordanferguson2254 you call 50 percent of successful marriages happy? Thats pretty dismal if you ask me on how half of these marriages end up in separation
Years ago, my best friend cheated on her husband with a married man she worked with. I mistakenly thought my role as her best friend was to support her (I was in my early 20s and didnt know better). I watched as she wrecked her home and destroyed her husband/family, knowing what she was doing was wrong. Two marriages were destroyed because of her selfish, immature actions and as much as I wanted to tell her that truth, I didnt because I thought I was supposed to support her; thats what friends did (especially best friends), right?? WRONG. It happened 25 years ago and to this day I want to tell her ex husband how sorry I am for SUPPORTING her in doing something I knew was wrong and that hurt him/his family so badly. I will always regret supporting evil instead of calling it out as I should have because it might have prevented destroying 4 people who were entirely innocent in that scenario. Big surprise-that best friend was a narcissist who only cared about herself and once I saw her for what she was, I left her in the dust. Oh, so did the piece of crap she cheated with AFTER he cheated on her. Lesson learned: Do the RIGHT THING; dont support what you know is evil/wrong.
Agree.
I feel like people who cheat on their bf and expect their friends to support are delusional.
People like that are toxic and should be avoided at all cost.
You live and learn.
Amen 🙏
I'd still reach out to your friends ex husband and apologize, it may be good closure for you and him.
@@amiblack8294 Good luck, a letter keeps it non confrontational. As someone who was cheated on and no one ever apologized (cheater or enablers) it has hurt me deeply.
My dad is friends with a man who cheated on his wife while she was battling breast cancer. They later divorced and he married the lady he cheated with. Then that marriage ended in divorce, too. My dad tells me this story to me so I don't make mistakes like his friend did.
Lol, I mean you reap what you sow.
My abusive father, a CPS social worker behind closed doors, walked out on my mom who was acutely ill in the 70's. My father married his mistress, a county health care nurse, got married. I found my father's nude photo, under his legal name, on Gay Chubbies. So true. "If they will do it with you, they will do it to you."
My father died in 2014. My mother died 2.5 yrs ago.
My ex was caught in infidelity and I realized later that her friends and family had helped her hide it for months on end. Absolutely zero character on her side of the aisle. On top of it all, they blamed me for the affair, told me I was wrong to divorce her over it and then threatened me and my family with violence and murder when I went through with it. The upside is that it gave me all the justification I needed to completely sever any ties which might have been left between me and her side.
@@wordsalad01 I made peace with it pretty quick, thankfully. I accepted that they were all toxic people and I could cut them off without feeling like I lost something. Even the woman who had been my best friend in high school sided with my ex and helped fund her legal fight (because feminism or something) and I kicked her to the curb. Never looked back. Good riddance to them all.
@@Astro95Media That is INSANE!!!!! People actually threatened you with violence because you left your cheating ex?! And the same ones who were threatening you were actually helping to COVER UP her cheating to begin with?!?! That sounds like the ultimate desperation! Glad you left that toxic landscape! If they were willing to go that far to force you to stay in a relationship like that they only cared about their image. You leaving and disclosure of the reason puts THEM in a bad light and they couldn't have that! If I was in that position and my cheating-ass ex-girlfriend's friends threatened to attack me if I left her my response would be "Whose first and which hospital parking lot you wanna get dog walked! Cause if you wanna go that far then LET'S GO!!
So sorry 💔
My God this is insane!!
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What did you think of Dr Johns advice? What would you add to it if you were also advising this caller?
One of my friends cheated on her husband with his best friend. I left the friendship. He was a great guy and didn't deserve it. If she is willing to treat the most important person in her life this way, then why would I trust her to be a decent friend.
I disagree. If that was ur sister, u wouldnt be so black and white. Its this so it equals that.
Not just the betrayal from his wife, but also from his “best friend” to sleep with his wife has to hurt even more.
@@justincarrillo226 why would u drown urself in a cup of water??? if ur wife and best friend do that to u honey. MOVE ON! take comfort in the fact that neither of them appreciated u nor loved u.
Bingo!!!
hey he chose to marry her, let him deal with it
Cheating is NOT a mistake; it is a choice to lie and to hurt others.
Yes and choices can be deliberate and a mistake
@randybobandy9828 it's only a mistake if you regret what you did AFTER it's been done at that point, in my opinion, it no longer matters..
If this caller' friend's husband was the one cheating, would she inform the friend?
Make the application, child.
Confession is not repentance. People just want to get the load off their chest so they can feel better but now you're stuck with this burden.
A friend that co-signs your actions isn't necessarily a "supportive friend", the friend that tells the truth isn't necessairly a "hater"
How do people not see that someone who doesn't feel bad about cheating on their spouse also won't feel bad betraying you either.?
Its not just the cheating which is harmful enough by itself, its the way her "friend" has humiliated her husband by telling these details to everyone but him and the way she parades him around on double dates to make him look crazy. Plus, she is demanding that others lie for her. That "friend" is manipulative. You can hear the anxiety in this callers voice. She thinks that she has to be the one to fix her friend's marriage.
Stay away from her, she will go after your husband next 🎉
You are the company you keep
First thing I thought. Don't let him around your husband.
I have a close friend who cheated on her husband. Not excusing her behavior by any means, but she did it in retaliation to his abuse. She took all the right steps before and just got desperate and lonely. I held her accountable. I told her what she already knew; that she needed help, and get out of her marriage. She proceeded to get the divorce, and go to see a therapist and read some self-help books. She does show remorse for what she did, and now has a better understanding of herself and her relationship patterns. Reason why she and I are still friends, is because of how she handled the consequences of her actions.
Yes. A person can make a mistake. It's the unrepentent that you need to really worry about .
@@kellharris2491 Exactly. Well, I know she would never ever cheat on her current part. Plus her ex-husband? Now he is having a hard time with his new partner. We knew he was the problem the whole time, however she was a problem for staying. Very proud of her for how she has redeemed herself and worked on her healing.
@@kellharris2491 Cheating is never a mistake. It is a series of conscious decisions.
My ex (that i found) sex messaged one woman for months, set up a dating profile, got fired for sexual misconduct, smoked pot, and messaged other women fishing. I didnt want to leave as i had young kids and didnt want to see them half of the year. So i found happiness elsewhere. I made the wrong choices absolutely, solely as i didnt want to not see my kids. I had never cheated the whole 20years but i became a shell of a person, chronically lonely (ex moved to the spare room so he could watch his cam girls) and felt emotionally abused. All situations are different. I did therapy for years, and have no cheated since.
@@kmb5678 I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm glad you're doing better today.
Would you defend a friend that robbed a bank? It’s called integrity. If you have it - there is no room to support a “friend “ like this.
Sad. The woman has no integrity. No morals. Drop that friend. You could become like her if you don't.
True
A) Cheated on her husband, and b) telling people about the affair: if she'd betray her spouse, why would you think she'd be any more loyal to a friend?
Her husband def deserves to know the truth ❤ he's in the dark and when, not if, when he finds out he is going to know instantly who his real friends are. Not fair at all to him
dont tell him. If the poor sap finds out it might initiate a divorce and then the cheating wife will be rewarded in divorce court. Just let it be
It’s crazy how women are cool with having friends like this, I wouldn’t hang around another man who behaves this way
“Some” women…
That’s a SWEEPING generalization.
Think there are some men who would also remain friends. Not sure this is a gender thing.
i know of many more men who support their cheating friends, they will also cover form them.... but yeah, women definetly do it too, seen it happens.
@@l-train7876 The world is full of generalizations... Like in general women are useless & for the streets.
One time my co-worker's husband started flirting with me online and it was pretty much second nature for me to let her know. She appreciated it.
Saving this video! I’m constantly loosing friends bc this is how I respond to ppl after I find out that they are ok with doing things that are shady or goes against my morals. Seems like most ppl think you back your friends up regardless of what they do and personally I can’t commit to being that kind of person. People are quick to say your judging them but in my head I’ve really just lost trust in that person. If your willing to lie steal or cheat to get your way and don’t see anything wrong with it then it’s only a matter of time before you do the same to me bc that is just a part of who you are. Going forward I think I need to change how I respond. Not making it about what they did but more so I don’t want to continue that friendship bc it makes me uncomfortable.
Those people arent your friends and you should be glad to be rid of them. Having integrity, ethics and morals is a rare thing these days; continue to commit to being a person of character. Ever notice that the ones screaming the loudest about being judged are the ones doing the shadiest stuff? Choose your friends carefully and keep being who you are. I like your new approach because peoples behavior speaks volumes about their character. Good quote from Maya Angelou-When people show you who they are the first time, believe them. if you have to POINT OUT to somebody that their behavior is immoral, selfish, and destructive then theyre not anyone you want as a friend anyway.
Be careful who you associate with because your potential partners will vet you with people who you hang out with. If they see you with women who likes to party, cheats, and goes out a lot those are red flags to men. So either you get ghosted or you get pumped and dumped. Men are simple. It is either you are the one we bring home to see our mom or just a pump and dump.
I’ve lost a friend recently because she has screwed over her ex (who I’ve only met a couple times), she got bored of him and now thinks she has a right to take his council house off him when he has no support network and depression and she has family everywhere that she could move in with while she’s on the housing list (where as a woman and single mother (not his child) she will be higher priority than he is). I’ve just lost all respect for her, told her it was wrong, she moved in with him so it’s his house not hers and she got in a mood. We haven’t spoken since and I’m not sad.
Let’s be friends because I just lost a close friend to calling her out on her bullshit
I had a neighbor whose college buddies were married, and they would go to Thailand to enjoy the sex trade. They told their wives that they went there to buy suits. I couldn’t believe my neighbor kept their secret. Disgusting morals.
Then get a STD to bring home to their wives
*This friend will cheat on her husband with your husband.
*Or she'll try, anyway.
*Dump her & move on with your life.
*Don't hang around with liars.
I told my friend about talking to someone that I had no business talking with. She loved me enough to tell me I was being selfish. In her love I heard that and stopped talk to them and told my husband. It took awhile to gain his trusted back but I sure am thankful for her loving friendship and her honesty and not going along with what I was doing. ❤
THAT is a good friend you have there. Those friends are a rarity, especially in this day and age. So is taking accountability. This comment was refreshing and helped restore my faith in humanity :)
That is great but WHY were you talking to another man when you were married? It's not like you were unaware that what you were doing was disloyal until your friend pointed it out.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 After finding out he was watching porn and replaced me I was in a place of not feeling good enough of a women. It was a very depressing and low spot in my life. So thar guy who I talked with came alone told me I was plenty good enough and couldn't get enough of our phone calls. I'm so thankful, I didn't follow where that could have lead. My husband is a wonderful man and I wouldn't trade him for no one.
@@kareenodum1734 so you were opening yourself to entertaining other men the second you are mad at your husband? masterbating is not cheating, but talking to another man and giving him the impression you are interested in him IS.
Just flip it around, if your husband found out you were masterbaiting and he decided to start flirting with a co-worker, would that fly?
I get that you feel bad about what you did, but the fact that you are still attempting to justify it in a small way is disturbing. If I were your husband, I would wonder if you were going to chat up Steve from sales every time we got into an argument.
@@nickdipaolofan5948 I guess you aren't a women and will not understand. Nick you seem like you are justifying why porn wouldn't be so bad. 🤔 If he felt lonely while I'm being selfish and someone floated his boat with some flirtation then I hope he would come to me and let me know what's going on. It take two for a relationship to work.
She needs to confront her and hold her accountable. Her friend needs to hear it, even if it is a fight. Saying nothing enables terrible behavior to continue
how is she suppose to hold her accountable when the system doesnt even hold her accountable? She can divorce her husband and take him to the cleaners.
Youre right. Her silence endorses the behavior and makes her complicit.
@@boston312 you are right, of course.
At least he’ll know. Take his lumps, going through the machine and move on with his life instead of living her lie and being her fool for who knows how long.
Anyone that cheats on their spouse is of poor moral character and you should question your relationship with that person.
Yes-THIS. Spot on.
Donald Trump
If I had been on this call, I would have asked Jon if if I should give the chance to redeem her actions. For example, to tell her she must tell her husband the whole truth that week. some women might take that as a needed wake up call and humbly say, you know what? You’re right. But if they respond, defensively, there’s your answer: the friendship is done.
Several years ago I was on a mission to grow and repair my relationship with my brother. Growing up he wasn't around much because he had other interest but as he got older he expressed an interest in being closer. I obviously obliged because I wanted that as well. Everything was great. We hung out, grabbed food together, had long discussions but it all came to a head when I witnessed him cheating on his wife. I went to his home one afternoon to spend some time, he said he wanted to go out he hugged and kissed his wife and son then we left. Not 30-40 minutes later we arrive at some woman's home where he proceeds to kiss her neck and rub her butt then let her know that he'd be back later. All this while his younger brother is in the car with his son calling his phone. I said all that to say that you do not have to enable someone's actions no matter who they might be to you. I went on to not invite him to my wedding because if he is that carless with his own wife and family how can I possibly trust him around mine?
I broke 2 friendships over them cheating/mistreating their partners. I won’t stand next to someone watching them casually hurt others no matter how much I love them.
💝
What she needs to tell her is simple.
Let her know that this information is HEAVY, and that what she really needs is a trained therapist because she cannot help her, and literally does not have the expertise to do so.
I have done this with multiple friends who kept dumping stuff on me, and it worked and we remained friends.
If she didn't know the husband that would be it. But she knows the husband and they hang out together, so it complicates things. I would have to tell my friend that I will not hang out with her or them together until she tells him. And if she chooses not to, I can't be friends with her. Not because I judge her but because it's logistically impossible to stay friends and lie to my friends at the same time.
That “friend” will not be loyal to you if she isn’t with her husband. She’s not above sleeping with your man. Lose her.
I would probably say “I don’t agree with cheating so I don’t want to hear about it. I will be here for you when things fall apart, because they will”.
I would not tell her husband, give unsolicited advice or anything like that. Just distance yourself.
Good friends will always hold you accountable for your mistakes and forgive you when it's needed
My old friend cheated on her husband. I told him. She hated me. Oh well 😢I don't need losers for friends.
I admire your integrity and strength to do the right thing. Youre so much better off without that kind of person in your life.
@@amiblack8294 What a kind thing to say 💕 Thank you, sweet person ❤
@@jasminemariedarling Most welcome :)
You were her friend not her husband’s. 😱
You should have given your friend a chance instead of finishing her marriage like that?
Maybe, you were jealous of her or you liked her husband. LOL
@@kalaln323 Her friend should've been faithful to her vows, she's not the victim in this, her husband is.
I’m sad for people who defend their friends no matter how garbage and toxic they are. They need help and are the reason why predators and wrongdoers feel enabled to do what they do knowing they always have a safe space they can lie in 🙄🙄🙄
I always route for their toxic friends to betray them in the worst. My cousin always excused her friend’s lying and cheating until her friend slept with her fiancé and got pregnant by him. I laughed hysterically and my aunt and uncle won’t speak to me. It’s all good because I’m not loosing a wink of sleep.
Not friends *women
Don't be friends with a cheater, simple!
"I don’t think character is the initial incident. Character is what you do AFTER the initial incident." - this was amazing. This was something I was trying to make sense of for so long. Because yes, people are dumb, they do stupid things but they also regret it and grow from it. So where is the line that will help you define whether you should shun this person or support them through this growth? This answers a lot of questions. I have never been cheated on (afaik) but instinctually always felt one thing - that my partner lying and hiding the cheating will hurt me more than the actual cheating itself. A temporary lapse of judgment I can deal with (I'll still not forgive them) but knowing that this is my hard boundary and then choosing to actively hide it from me shows lack of character.
What?
I had a toxic best friend I had to leave behind because she cheated in her husband constantly. I couldn't handle it
You have morals😊
If she does that to her husband, what makes you think she won’t deceive and lie to you? Kick her butt to the curb
You dont. You tell her she isnt worth knowing and ghost her forever.
Why would you want to support someone who cheats on their spouse?! I’d lose all respect for them and not want to be around them anymore.
I wouldn’t cut off my beat friend for that, at least, right away.
Poor husband. He's married to a cheater and hanging out with people who know.
If I ever found out my friend was cheating on their boyfriend or girlfriend, I would go out of my way to tell them. 110%.
I would dump this “friend” in a heartbeat. It’s not the cheating that would bother me, it’s the lack of character that would make me question who I am as a person and what I will tolerate.
Yes! And the fact that the friend would think I'd be OK with it. No way Jose!!
Birds of the same feather flock together..... Best be done with that friend. If she can betray the love of her life what do you think she can do other people?
That hussey friend might some day want to try the caller's husband. Sadly some cheaters like the thrill.
Dr. Delony awesome advice. You gave this woman a "road " she can go down and feel good about her conscience. It puts it all back on her cheating friend and not on her.
This just proves what a wide berth these choices make. It’s a tornado that upturns everything in its path.
Wouldn't be my friend anymore. You shouldn't have best friends who are liars, and self-serving.
Why would anyone want to stay friends with a person like that? If they can be so treacherous to their spouse, who they’re supposed to love, do you expect them not to be as treacherous to you? She has shown you her true colors. Believe her! You don’t want to have that person in your life! I would tell her that to her face along with a very emphatic “EEEW”!
Keep your friend away from your partner and watch your back.
Aside from the damage that her friend is doing to her marriage, this woman needs to fully understand how supporting this will also affect HER marriage.
If her husband sees that she’s willing to support and aid in the deceitful behavior of her best friend, what assurances can she then give to her own husband that she won’t do something like that to him? The answer is, she can’t.
So the only real choices here are, force the friend’s hand to come clean with her husband, or immediately cut off all ties with her.
Dr. Delony is blessed to have such great friends
If she betrays her husband, she will betray her best friend.
Everyone makes mistakes. It's not a reason to stop a friendship. At the end of the day I would give my opinion but the rest is not my business. She might be a very good friend but a lousy spouse.
Everyone does make mistakes, however, a mistake like this reveals a lapse of character. Someone either has integrity or they dont. Theyre loyal or theyre not. Theyre honest or theyre not. Someone who would do that to her husband would do worse to her friend. Poor character doesnt differentiate between spouse and friends. Even if the cheater has been a good friend to that point, her narcissism and selfishness will eventually extend to her friend.
@@amiblack8294 thank you for sharing!
Cheating is not a mistake. Cheating is a series of conscious decisions made by a person knowing what damage it can do to their partner. A partner should have their partner's back not stab it. So if you are with a cheating spouse you are actually sleeping with the enemy.
@@BarnzTT 💯 Agree that cheating is intentional and cheaters will often disagree with such comments. They have excuses how it was a "mistake" etc. Sleeping with someone that isn't your spouse/partner is a build up of (avoidable) events, not a mistake.
A mistake is, oops I have locked myself out, not oops I slept with my coworker again (married or not) 🙄
If my wife’s friend is a HWO , my wife has to answer me a serious question(WHY ARE FRIEND WITH A HWO?) she can’t answer most likely and things will be different between us 😮
What's hwo please
Tough stitch!
Great advice, Dr. D!
I'd take said friend aside and say, "I'm really uncomfortable with the fact that you are so comfortable with deception. I don't want to interfere in your marriage or be dragged into the drama I know deception causes. I urge you to be as honest with your husband as you have been with me. And I beg you to be honest with yourself before you make any more moves that may come with such devastating and unpredictable consequences.
Until you prove that you value honesty in relationships by telling your husband the whole truth, I don't feel comfortable spending time with you because I don't want to lose respect for you or wonder what you might be lying to me about.
If you and he are having rough times, kt's up to you to solve those without interlopers, as a mature adult. Get divorced first if you have to have other guys. No problem. But even the other guys won't respect you if they know you are married and lying like this, so I'm concerned you could be setting yourself up for a harmful fall. It would hurt me too much to see that happen to you. That's another reason I want to take a step back from our friendship until you figure yourself out with integrity. Call me when the folks who love you can fully trust you. Until then, best of luck with everything, sincerely. I hope it all pans out for your long term best interest, and I'll miss you! So I hope you figure it out soon. Thanks."
You are the company you keep.....walk away.
My advice before I listen to this video is to tell your friend how you feel about it. Discussing it from a perspective of how you describe it / relay it to John, here. My bff almost did this and even her talking about wanting to really bothered me.
Tell her hey this is not ok for my sense of morality & has me feeling uncomfortable. We can’t live our friends life for them but we can help hold them accountable by expressing other perspectives.
If you were actually a real friend/good person you will tell anyone if they are getting cheated on.
“It’s not my secret to tell” is a TERRIBLE excuse. It’s actually your responsibility to save that poor family from your disgusting friend. It’s the least you could do morally. If I find out that somebody would keep a secret like that I immediately cut them off.
I was in a relationship for 4 years, about to get a place with my ex, and her SISTER called with like 8 witnesses to tell me that my ex was cheating on me. I have so much respect for her. She saved my ass, and made sure that the rest of my life was safe from attaching more of myself to that terrible woman.
Why do you want to support a cheater? Why does that even matter? Call her out.
And also I would end the friendship.
If you're being a terrible to a other person by being a cheater or otherwise in some way have shown you are a person who completely lacks integrity and character, I'm not going to be your friend.
Those things are important in a friendship.
It's not that we might not be able to rebuild sometime down the road.
But if one of my friends told me they were actively cheating on their partner? They're not my friend anymore and I'm giving them an ultimatum to tell the other person or else I will.
I can't stand cheaters. And they sure as hell don't merit being supported. Whatever the hell that even means in this context.
Im glad his friends told him that. It was a disgusting comment whether he says it was a joke or not!
I'd listen and let it go in one ear and out the other. She's a grown woman and she'll need to figure it all out herself. Don't add or involve yourself to the drama.
You are the sum of the five people you spend your time with. I let my business partner go when he fooled around.
I would tell my friend that I can't be friends unless they tell their partner they cheated.
and then she gets rewarded in divorce court taking the poor man to the cleaners. Its best to just say nothing
Sounds like you need one less friend in your life and should tell her husband.
He gave great advice on how to handle this
A cheater & an active daily liar. Great friend.
My ex cheated, I got out of the marriage pronto. She went on to marry 2 more men and cheated on them too. Our daughter no longer has anything to do with her mother, saying she had to cut the toxicity from her life.
Her. Poor. Husband. 💔
Don’t remain friends with a cheater
Been in her shoes. Had to walk away from a friendship. Feel zero regrets from the decision.
If you support this friend who cheated, it says alot about what kind of person you are. The people you hang around with, you are at some point bound to have the same thoughts/opinions/agreements etc.
I’d be forward with my friend if she ever did something so heinous. Don’t ever condone or make light of something that goes against your morals for the sake of maintaining a friendship. People who cheat are usually habitual liars and cannot be trusted.
The caller says they are couple friends so what is the callers husband opinion and does he know. He may make the decision for them all.
Momentary betrayals are bad regardless of what they do after. Husband should get the info sooner rather than later so he can run.
I wouldn't want a friend like this in my life. I would cut off communication with her entirely, but not before telling the husband every single detail. If she is okay to do this to her husband, it speaks volumes to the kind of person she is. Hopefully the caller makes the right choice and throws the trash away instead of trying to reason with it.
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth." I Corinthians 13:7
"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works," Hebrews 10:24
True friendship does what is right and good. Think of how many marriages could be saved if friends encouraged wisdom and accountability from those first flirtatious moments. Actual love is hard, because it is willing to confront and seek the long term good of the friend. Love isn't allowing friends destroy their lives and the lives of others just to keep the friendship untested.
I wouldn't want to be friends with this type of person anymore, and that's coming from someone who maintained a friendship(and has now known the person closely for 20 years) with someone that did cheat, but owned up to it and took time to rectify the situation. She clearly wants to keep it hidden which is showing her true colors. Someone who was truly remorseful would confess and deal with the consequences and take steps to repair the relationship. Friends who are deceitful and don't want to face consequences are not friends you want in your life.
Ummm … Short Answer: Don’t. I was cheated on by my girlfriend and her sister knew, and it made me not respect / dislike her and her sister.
I agree completely. Are you going to lie, continue to cheat, and continue to betray your spouse?
I don’t get the conviction to supporting a friend who did something wrong because your friends. I get loving them no matter what or being by their side like emotionally or whatever, but like if my best friend raped a girl or something and there was a vote for Justice to be served with 20 years in prison. I’d legitimately vote they get 20 years in prison. Why? They did something wrong. Sorry if I’m heartless or sound terrible but, I don’t get why the relationship status changes morality here.
Youre not heartless; its called having a moral compass.
No you're right. It's the other attitude that sows corruption in society.
Committing felony rape and cheating on spouse are both immoral, but is a poor comparison beyond that.
I liked Delony's answer but I totally understand that most people don't actually want friends who will "hold them accountable." They want people they know who will have their back, right or wrong.
And considering that we all commit sin in our lives, few people actually want to be judged by their friends.
@@michaelh2282 I sin but I would like my friends to help make it harder, not easier.
@@colmwhateveryoulike3240 I agree as that is what a good friend does.
I happy to see that many women in the comment section agree that we as people of values can’t condone this behavior. I know women that allow it, and it makes uncomfortable to know that a potential partner could be cheating and her friends would hide it. It gives me some hope!
Saying and doing are two completely different things when the sh*t hits the fan.
If I were in your place I would simply advise my friend towards the right path. You don’t have to enable or disable her . Simply guide her to choose fidelity and keep out of the drama.
This is one of the reasons I don’t have many close friends. I feel like this is super common and I hate it.
It has been my experience that most women expect you to be constantly available to listen to their gory details, silently endorse their shitty behavior and will call you judgmental if you actually hold them accountable.
Is like if she committed a crime, she will have to face all the consequences for her cheating.
If that was a crime a lot of people would be in prison lol
there are no consequences for her cheating. America is a no fault divorce nation. The divorce courts will reward her for this behavior
Character flaws usually bleed into how they are with you.!if they cheat on them they will cheat you somehow in your relationship. They are not trustworthy.
Dr. John is talking about the integrity factor. Be friends with people of integrity. I totally agree! Then, unbelievably he recommends as one option, ghosting her lifelong friend. Ghosting a person shows weakness and cowardice, not integrity. You sit down with her and tell her the truth. Or if that is too difficult, send her a note in the mail even! Maybe even suggest she seek help to figure out why promises and commitments are easy for her to break. Explain how that behavior has ripple effects and how you were, as well, swept away by these ripples.
Dr. John, please do not recommend ghosting as an option in a call where you are discussing integrity as it appears hypocritical.
I didn’t think about Character being what people do after a stupid things done. That actually make me rethink about what I would tolerate and not tolerate.
Birds of a feather flock together
I have an EX-FRIEND who cheated on her husband with a married man with toddler twins! Yes, they both n
Knew the other was married and both had families they destroyed.
What unavoidable mess. Sad for the victims, both adults and kids
Yeah….I dropped my girlfriend for doing that. Then she calls me out of the blue 5 years later and she is strung out on meth and her poor husband has been going through hell. No regrets. Unfortunately I have had to let too many friends go lately.
I have an ex who cheated and is strung out on meth. Lost everything
@@starrjohnson1327 I’m so sorry….I know the feeling. My son put me through hell for 10 years!! I also watched my father drink himself to death. It is trauma! We do need therapy! I had a couple bad counselors…..so I am hesitant to try it again. I like this guy though….so far
blame the husband for marrying a meth addict
Yeah for the sake of that poor man please tell him
Put yourself in the shoes of the victim. Wouldn’t you want to know? I say yes! I would appreciate someone telling me the truth about my partner!
Nope none of her business...she has to get away from that friend.
Someone I know cheated on their husband . The person they cheated with , hit on me . I made it perfectly clear that I wasn’t interested at all ! I also told my husband what happened . My husband asked me if I wanted him to talk to the guy . I said no because I made it clear that I wasn’t interested .
Iron sharpens iron and vice-versa.
I guess now the whole country knows
I bet she lied about hernme and location but it would be wonderful if the husband listened, be should know.
@@elizabetha8565 hopefully finds out, truth always comes out in the end
Her husband has the right to know. So he can make a decision to either stay in the marriage or leave.
She’s a phony friend… she knows by calling in someone will recognize her voice and her best friend’s husband will find out. A good friend would tell her best friend that she needs to be better while staying in her place.