Being childfree by choice? The ethics of Children.
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- Опубліковано 10 бер 2022
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I was in my early 20's when i decided i didn't want kids. Everyone said "oh when you find the right partner you will change your mind" i'm now in my 50's with a partner who didn't want kids either. I think people finally believe me.
I was 16 when I decided I didn't want children, of course I got comments like "oh, you'll change your mind" I think I was 40 when they finally believed me.
I had my ONE kid at 29. We were bothered quite frequently by people asking when we were going to have kids, but what was WAY WAY WAY worse? After we had the one kid, people asking when we were going to have MORE! Honestly! People could not wrap their heads around the fact we only wanted one! (I call him my one singular sensation!) We only WANTED one and I have kidney disease, so yes! Only one. Mostly it was other friends with MORE kids, trying to justify their decisions to have multiples. The three of us have done well. I ended up sacrificing my career and staying home to avoid daycare, but I was ok with that. I got to raise this AMAZING kid!! I got to stick with my hobbies, for the most part. We were delayed buying our own house, having multiple cars, etc., but I feel he's worth it. Travelling and experiencing life through his eyes is wonderous!! Now, he's about to graduate highschool and THIS is where I'm feeling a bit lost. He's been my world. He'll still be my world, but just altered a bit. I have cats, so I baby them and they come second only to my son and husband. So I get the pet thing, but a kid really does add a whole different level of intensity to your life. I have anxiety, too, but worrying about him and his needs took the worry off of myself. The anxiety shifted. And he's just gotten more awesome as he's gotten older. We lucked out! HE may never have kids with the career and lifestyle he's planning, but we'll always be here for him. 😊
I'm in my early forties. I have never ever wanted kids, not dreaming about it as a teen, twenty-something, thirty-something...etc. Etc. I just don't want them. Simple as that. I feel happy for my friends who wish to have kids and have them. I love the kids around me, and I don't mind friends bringing their kids with them when visiting me.
- Even if they usually do not bring their kids with them (most of their kids are older now kindergarten, school, etc.) I have worked with kids and teens. I didn't enjoy working with kids that much, the only thing I did enjoy working with kids was: being creative with them! Kids are often super creative and fun in that way. I am good at drawing, writing, and stuff like that. So that part was excellent.
I did enjoy working with teens! You can communicate with them on a different level, and even if they can be a bit of a challenge, there's so much potential there!
I am glad that when people leave my home and take their kids with them, - it's all quiet and friendly here. No sticky fingers or toys all over the floor! Lol! 😂😂😂
I come from a Asian community that puts emphasis on marriage and having children. I'm in my early 30s.....and I've been telling my family and extended family that I didn't want kids since my late teens. They still can't wrap their heads around it and think I'm crazy. They keep asking me who's going to look after me when I'm older etc
Who's going to look after you when you're old then?
In my sixties and all the peeps who wanted had children, thank god they had them. All the peeps who didn’t want children, thank god none came along.
In your heart you know, it’s just your mind hasn’t caught up.
So glad you use the term 'child free' as opposed to 'childless', which I think has its own connotations. We decided to be child free many years ago, now in our 35th year together, and no regrets!
We have been criticised for being selfish for not having them...then having the follow up remark 'well, who is going to look after you in your old age?' - which in itself is not a good reason to have a family and is just a pot-kettle-black thing. I could go on about the subject, but ultimately it is your decision. Not having kids was the right decision for us and I simply wanted you to know that you can have a long and happy marriage/ relationship without having children, because we have done it. Best wishes...
With you on this one, never ever wanted to put more people on this planet, which I thought was overcrowded way back in the seventies. What is annoying are the self righteous halo polishers preaching about net zero etc and at the same time, breeding like rabbits. Boris Johnson take note.
My partner and I have decided that whatever happens, happens. We would be thrilled with kids and without. We have made the choice that we won’t be defined by whether we have offspring or not. We’ve had all the serious talks about having kids (schooling, home life, parenting, diet {I don’t eat meat and he does}, etc.) so we know what we will do when/if the time comes but we just aren’t bothered either way.
I really liked how she explained the family tree it makes sense 👍
I don't buy expensive brands because they aren't necessary - cheaper versions are perfectly acceptable, almost exactly the same and don't cost the Earth. I could spend more money on fancier restaurants, a flashier car or designer clothes, but I don't need to, so I don't. Even if I had money to spare, I wouldn't. Most of the time, you're paying for the name, not a higher quality, anyway.
You can't predict your future or the worlds so no point worrying about it.
I was 25 when my eldest was born, had two more in the 10 years that followed and now I'm 57 and living nowhere near where I grew up. But I have my 3 adult children, their 3 partners and so far 3 grandchildren all nearby and while I'm still young in mind and body my 52 year old wife's health is failing her.
The thought of losing her is terrifying but I wont be alone.
Your body, your choice, only you can make the decision.
Choice is that it just doesn't pencil. Importantly, it seems like a highly elaborate and inefficient process. If an organism's sole purpose was to breed then it would do so with some specialization. But it seems there's so much more to a hoom'n life that's often unexplored or neglected before the question is even posed. i attribute this to a rise in consciousness.
Morning Yvette Iv just about got over the bmw drivers vlog can’t say that didn’t hurt, anyway a choice to have children or not is personal and should be respected, however I think you would make a great mum and don’t forget they would have duel passports and an English accent😁😉
Looking at my friends with kids, the exhausted premature aged faces, the financial struggle: staying childfree is the best thing I can do for myself.
I earn good money, I want it for myself. I love to travel, I love spintanous weekend trips. I love my youthfull face and my hot intact body. I love sitting on the couch all weekend, playing videogames and smoke pot.
I am not a caring person.
I hate household work, that's why I pay a housekeeper.
Motherhood is nothing for me.
I'm a guy, but share your views entirely. I feel you should have a child if you really want to, not just because it's 'expected' by society/family/peers. I totally agree on the whole idea of not contributing to the problems that humankind have created on this planet.
I also personally think however that it should be done so responsibly, whereby you've (ideally) planned for it so know you can afford it, rather than have to rely upon government funding to live. Mostly because I think you should want to provide the best life possible for your child and for them to have at least what you did from your own upbringing, but ideally better.
I am however also still open minded. For me, it will also obviously depend on the views of my future partner (I'm single 😔).
One thing that you didn't cover that has made me think a bit more is old age. As you get older, you can generally do less with your own life and so there is an element of getting joy from seeing your children grow up.
I'm also unsure about my own beliefs in death, but if that is it when you die, then the thought of not being able to pass on a part of who I am and any memories, knowledge, family history etc after my passing kinda makes me feel quite sad and empty at that thought.
The issue with society, modern life is that it's untenable. Propagating oneself puts the statement into motion that things are fine to carry on as they are. They are not.
I knew from my late teens that I didn’t want kids, but also never met a man with whom I’d want to have them! In my twenties I was engaged to someone, but I realised that he did want children, so I couldn’t marry him (there were quite a few other reasons for not marrying him, though). My family didn’t put any pressure on me as my two older siblings went on to have children, so I didn’t feel like I had to “continue the line”. I’m now in my sixties and don’t feel I’ve missed out on anything, although I worry about becoming ill or infirm, not that having children necessarily means they’ll look after you in later life. I have a dog and two cats for companionship and strangely my oldest friends don’t have children either, and a couple of them I’ve known since childhood.
It's a shame that people only have children "to look after them in their old age" How selfish is that?
Surely offspring have the right to their own lives instead of being blackmailed by their parents.
@@jillhobson6128 I didn’t say that, but I would’ve loved the chance to look after my mother in her old age. Unfortunately she died suddenly at the age of 69.
@@jillhobson6128 There's no guarantees. But it is correct that it's not the sole reason. It's usually just passed off as *a reason* .
Your a bit of a deep thinker Yvette Such adorable quality you have there and your sweet baby face and nice friendly nature🌄
We have no kids, that the way things worked out. I'm 56 now, so its not going to happen and we're fine with it
To be fair, we have not had hassle from the family at all, so lucky there.
I hate it when you go to a wedding and the parents say "hopefully there will be the patter of tiny feet soon", makes me cringe. What if they don't want, or can't have kids?
Live you life without regret, thats the key to it
I'm not bothered about having children (at the moment at least), partly because of the increase in population issue. The population in Europe is already decreasing (even with people living longer), so why not follow that trend.
It may not quite be an issue with the rise in populations. But rather people have made it a habit of living beyond their means. This is referring to peoples' waist lines both physically and metaphorically. People start consuming and they don't know when to stop. If you follow the trend of population decline, eventually you will reach zero. No, it's about implementing consistency and stability. Now try educating the rest of the world about it.
I'm one of those 30 something year olds that never wants kids. I like being lazy because my business and trade is demanding. I cant afford nor do I want a house. I kinda just wanna live in the woods tbh.
Make sure it's what you really want if there is any doubt ...your not sure then . Things will never be perfect things will always come up its life. Just make sure it's YOUR choice so later when your older you don't have regrets and not bitter towards women who do have children. I'm I. My 40s and not married and no kids I've committed to this decision so I could care less what any one thinks neither should you.
It's a question of economics not ethics. Most people are unable to afford kids.
Most people can't afford kids never what ever age most people just have them and just get on with it in working class council estate Areas especially
With the cost of living right now, it's a hard one to call..... It's becoming a joke.
I don't think you should worry about what society thinks you should or shouldn't do as yours and daniels happiness is the most important thing so it's something you should decide as a couple if it's something you wish to have one day it's one else's business
Great points at the end. To me, children cost money, time, freedom and make a mess. If I could have a 16 year old, I might, and just skip the earlier years and go straight to a self-supporting individual.
You are so talented and gorgeous ❤️❤️ can you tell me about a famous traditional dish in London please 🙏🥀
Tea + Digestives
Don't have children unless you're sure you want them my wife and I have two sons when the eldest got married my wife went out with her friends every Friday we also had dogs all the time our sons are now 32 and26
The propagation of life is a question seldom asked apart from the _overthinking_ hoom'ns who pose them. The purpose of life is to propagate itself at seemingly all costs. But then the prospect eventually dies out when the environment becomes exhausted. Yes climate change may be the result of over consumption. But then again it may not - it is just a singular blindsided choice. I personally don't know what to make of many of these profound and fundamental questions. Hoom'nity is such a contradiction and I consider to have lost considerable faith.
Have you ever watched the movie "Idiocracy" A fun comedy, but very poignant with regards to what might happen when intelligent conscientious people stop having kids.
True I only see stupid people reproducing
Is she off having kids now
Is that why? She has not done any UA-cam videos for six months?
I think people's lives have just become too busy, and combined with the insane cost of living these days its no wonder fewer and fewer women are having kids - particularly those at the upper end of the gene pool. We are storing up colossal problems for our future because of this.
if money was the main consideration, nobody would have kids.
I agree. For some people (like me), family is everything. And I love children. I'm thankful every day that I decided to be a mother, and look forward to having grandchildren one day as well. Interestingly, both my sons are in their mid 20's and really want to have children. But I would never tell someone their decision to not have children is "wrong". It is a very personal choice.
Curious that usually the inane of society appear to have a great deal of wisdom in these regards.
@@Newtube_Channel not so curious that people with nothing of value to add quote inane nonsense to pretend wisdom.
Come to live in Serbia and then make financial calculations with and withot kids... 🤣
Go on, I'm listening.
Obviously, if no one had kids the human race would die out, but it's good to have the choice. I never wanted to have children, but I married someone wonderful who did and our son was born and I changed my mind. My wife died when he was three, but we have always been close and it broke my heart when he finally left home. I was lucky enough to re marry and have another son and a daughter who I love to bits. Yes, life is easier without children, but you cannot place a value on the relationship you have with them. Plus I know when I'm much older they will look after me the same way that I have and will look after them.
Nope. Most people don't give up their lifes to care for their parents.
@@CordeliaWagner sweeping statement and bad spelling :P
Me and my husband had 3 children. When I had my first child my husband wanted more. He loves are children. Best father.
The advantage of you mentioning having children being just 'having 2 children" imo isn't very strong argument aside from just 'i want it'. almost sounds like a reason as merely a biological urge. But good that you don't just give in to this urge and think about the compatibility of your life style vs parents life style.
Even money isn't a problem, and there is some sweet good moment about hanging out with children, I still think the bad still out-weight the good. The responsibility for an entire human being, it's a taboo people usually don't talk about how much they dislike their children openly, how hard being parent is, what if you hate them? I guess most people don't consider that, its just perceived as the most awful thing u can do to your own child, no decent human would do that, even you feel that way ...you still have to pretend you "love" them no matter what.
even if you do everything correctly they might turn out to be not successful and can't move out from your home end up stuck with you forever or even worse they might turn out being "we need to talk about Kevin" . Also imagine even they aren't that type of bad but are you capable of being there if they have life time disease/mental illness that need your full attention and care forever? It's a big gambling that one can't regret because it's how being a parent is. Just ask yourself how determine you could be .
Maybe adoption could also be an option if considering all the worse scenario you still want children, that is at least more ethical and don't affect your body due to pregnancy and giving birth.
It's better to regret not having children than regret having one
..Life is short, live your best life!
Women who have children are NOT empty shells. You have a baby not a lobotomy. 😮
I respect everyone’s choices to have children or not but whilst the responsibility is enormous (and I don’t get the idea that you have thought about these in great depth) mothers still have a personality. But yes our needs do go on the back burner for almost two decades.
I have friends who have completely lost themselves because they've been so wrapped up in their children. Society needs to stop perpetuating the idea that women must give 100% of themselves to their kids. You're allowed breaks. You're allowed to be everything other than a mummy. Drop them off at a nursery etc for a day and go and be yourself for a day.
Fundamentally, the people who have have met who don't want children is just been based purely on selfish reasons, they don't want them getting in the way of their lives.
That's perfectly fine. I don't like kids, why should I have them?
Mine are!
“Childfree by choice” is redundant. Childfree means choice. It’s a sub-category of “childless”. Language only works if we all use it the same way.
I gather that you won't be troubling the often overworked and under resourced 'Brats and Twats' dept. anytime soon.
Raising a child in modern day society is borderline child endangerment/child abuse. Raising a child away from modern day society is the best thing you can do for your child.
Jesus, I had know idea you thought this way, In my opinion you and your fella would be fantastic parents and provider's, so as long as your hearts are in it(which I can see they absolutely are) no pressure but I think you would regret it.
Why did you put an apostrophe in "providers"? It's not possessive, just plural.
kids are duty for society and country. Of course, it is expensive and hard. But life without suffering and over easy is no good. God created human to work hard and produce many kids.
Earth is overpopulated. And children are no duty.
Your overthinking it. If a woman feels she has a need to have a child and your in a stable relationship then providing your partner wants it too then she should go ahead. You would be a real good mum, no doubts. Your a worrier, you will focus that on your child. What's the point of worrying about climate change? It is so the human race/ life can continue. If all woman decide against child birth because of climate change then the human race is finished. As long as you and you partner have incomes then the economic argument is something you cannot assess. If people did not have kids because of the cost then the human race would be extinct!
A final point every woman I know who got to 40 plus without having kids they suffered medically, something you should be aware in your profession.
Do you mean suffered medically trying to have children, or just in their general health?
@@dallasjansen2226 The stats on breast cancer in woman clearly show there is more risk to women who have never been pregnant. Secondly there is the menopause which is often a worse experience for these woman. I know of three woman who had no children. One got menopause problems and subsequently died of cancer. Two got cancer quite young and because of treatment could not have children. They survived but suffered badly with menopause which as you are probably aware is not just a physical thing, it can affect they mental health as well.
Well, all the women I know who've had breast cancer were parents. And my mom had a terrible menopause experience. So go figure.
@@detectivefiction3701 yes there is no definite rule in biology. I am sure many many woman have had the terrible disease who had children, but it is the case that most woman do have children, my point is simply the % is higher in those who do not. A friend of mine got breast cancer and recovered she couped with the treatment etc as well as you can expect, and mentally certainly a lot better than now in her 50s childless and with the menopause. My original point was simply to say yes you can have " more of a life" and certainly it's the ladies choice, but their are long term consequences whatever the choice. My mother suffered badly with the menopause and I would not wish that on anyone.
Total nonsense. Maybe you are not thinking enough, and we think just as much as we should? Also, why would anyone "need" a child and a partner, if they don't want that? Just a waste of time.
Every woman who I know who has given birth actually has complications from childbirth. So... Is my anecdotal "evidence" worse than yours? Maybe look at the actual data. Childbirth is dangerous, and there is no true correlation between childlessness and health problems if you look on a large scale of data