The CIA's 638 Attempts to Assassinate Castro

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  • Опубліковано 7 лют 2025
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    Music by Epidemic Sound

КОМЕНТАРІ • 2,4 тис.

  • @halfasinteresting
    @halfasinteresting  5 років тому +3813

    This will hopefully be the last video where I sound like a squeaky pack-a-day smoking mouse. I went to the doctor, and he said the only thing that could cure my illness would be more HAI topics. I have some of those, but I need more to get 100% better, so submit your ideas here: docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfUdlvw6YgU44J8AnM2U_ZvRMyvh_CUM51LYSqF5nYJB9d1-w/viewform?usp=sf_link
    As a reward for curing me, if we use your topic, we'll send you a free HAI t-shirt.

    • @fm.s07
      @fm.s07 5 років тому +6

      Half as Interesting hi

    • @linuskarlsson9449
      @linuskarlsson9449 5 років тому +8

      Take care bro and hope you get to rest some!! 👌

    • @QuarioQuario54321
      @QuarioQuario54321 5 років тому +6

      Half as Interesting I submitted the M185 video(twice in fact) where’s my shirt?

    • @linuskarlsson9449
      @linuskarlsson9449 5 років тому +8

      @@QuarioQuario54321 Maby someone submitted it before you?

    • @ChrisKodiak
      @ChrisKodiak 5 років тому +8

      0:49 "Fulgencio Batista", but pronounced 'Bastista'?

  • @Smile200-z4y
    @Smile200-z4y 4 роки тому +3576

    I want a tv show where each episode is an assassination attempt and the tagline is "Curse you Castro"

    • @cpsbBXCX
      @cpsbBXCX 3 роки тому +31

      "Curse you, Castro the Marxist-Leninist!!!"

    • @theeclipsemaster
      @theeclipsemaster 3 роки тому +201

      @@cpsbBXCX i immediately read that in doofenshmirtz voice

    • @darthdiamo6902
      @darthdiamo6902 3 роки тому +24

      @@theeclipsemaster Same.

    • @planefan082
      @planefan082 2 роки тому +66

      @@theeclipsemaster "We've got 104 years of the human lifespan and we've come along just to end his..."

    • @jclindsay007
      @jclindsay007 2 роки тому +91

      and Castro never even realizes that he's being targeted, instead just doing stuff like drinking milk all day.

  • @etuainicola
    @etuainicola 5 років тому +11753

    Imagine being the guy in charge of killing castro, he must've went crazy after the 600th attempt

    • @edgelord8337
      @edgelord8337 5 років тому +402

      He was probably on drugs.

    • @noahbowie5985
      @noahbowie5985 5 років тому +811

      I think by attempt 100 he probably would've been fired
      The next guy can't be as bad as the last guy.

    • @BothHands1
      @BothHands1 5 років тому +360

      edge lord
      everyone was on drugs. it was the 60's

    • @edgelord8337
      @edgelord8337 5 років тому +45

      @@BothHands1 true.

    • @kalleguld
      @kalleguld 5 років тому +296

      What if he succeeded? He'd be out of a job.

  • @IeshiAke
    @IeshiAke 5 років тому +7286

    I hope that someone in the operation called the explosive seashell "sea4"

  • @LogeySmalls
    @LogeySmalls 5 років тому +5451

    This video is about assassination attempts and the first words are, “This video was made possible by Skill Share.” What exactly are they teaching over at Skill Share?

    • @losgatossonmuychidos
      @losgatossonmuychidos 4 роки тому +31

      DejaVoodooDoll 😂

    • @Noah-hb2mu
      @Noah-hb2mu 4 роки тому +5

      Alfredo Acosta that would be creepy

    • @drmadjdsadjadi
      @drmadjdsadjadi 4 роки тому +6

      How not to kill Castro.

    • @hardlyb
      @hardlyb 4 роки тому +72

      I hope if they have classes in assassination, that they aren't based on CIA training manuals.

    • @philippplayz
      @philippplayz 4 роки тому +3

      666 likes : NOIce

  • @abashir7866
    @abashir7866 4 роки тому +4081

    "The poisoned cigars went to an unidentified person"
    I feel bad for him

    • @rekt632
      @rekt632 4 роки тому +42

      Abdullah Bashir Omg I do too

    • @shrekonion8307
      @shrekonion8307 4 роки тому +376

      "Oh wow a bunch of cigars? I feel bad for the sucker who didnt get these"

    • @arnowisp6244
      @arnowisp6244 4 роки тому +16

      RIP.

    • @jakehix8132
      @jakehix8132 4 роки тому +92

      @@shrekonion8307 Probably happened on repeat until all the cigars were gone...

    • @Cube_Box
      @Cube_Box 3 роки тому +81

      and that's why they write "cigars kill you" on the back of the box

  • @poofbomb-minecraftmore1883
    @poofbomb-minecraftmore1883 5 років тому +3104

    Castro wasn’t able to die, he never completed his life’s greatest work; cows that could live in the Caribbean heat, and give lots of milk

    • @edgelord8337
      @edgelord8337 5 років тому +408

      Sam o nella academy wants your location.

    • @omkarnagarhalli5217
      @omkarnagarhalli5217 5 років тому +162

      Ubre 🅱️lanca intensifies

    • @mrfcknlux1674
      @mrfcknlux1674 5 років тому +302

      He actually archived it. It was a Zebu and Holstein cow mix most of his breeding effort didn't pay off but he managed to create one cow meeting his wishes. The cow was named "Ubre Blanca" which translated means "White Udder" she is said to have peaked at 110L mild a day. Updates on her well being and milk procurement was reported daily in the Cuban newspapers and after her death, he made a giant marble statue in her honor.

    • @aardappelmethoed1151
      @aardappelmethoed1151 5 років тому +2

      another potato :O

    • @GURken
      @GURken 5 років тому +19

      nice Channing Tatum avatar

  • @cerjmedia
    @cerjmedia 5 років тому +2163

    Imagine spending $10,000 to order an assassination on someone, and they're just like "sorry, I've never got around to it"

    • @Giblet12
      @Giblet12 5 років тому +86

      @@naddarr1 Thats roughly 90k when adjusted for inflation. Still not alot tho.

    • @khhnator
      @khhnator 4 роки тому +31

      you would be surprised how liberal government entities are with money that technicly ain't theirs

    • @TheMcstevester
      @TheMcstevester 4 роки тому +25

      I'm assuming they would've paid after so they probably never lost it

    • @yaykruser
      @yaykruser 4 роки тому +19

      I would have done it for maybe like 10 million or so, but not 10k ,
      Imagine paying for the flight and the gun, and your escape vehicle, and then ending up with a loss.
      Or even worse: failing, getting captured and tortured for the rest of your live.

    • @halfounceofhell
      @halfounceofhell 4 роки тому +2

      basically any sibling or parent when you ask them to do something

  • @Ludovicus1769
    @Ludovicus1769 4 роки тому +2889

    Castro: *Dies of old age*
    The US: Yeah, we definitely won.

    • @kakyoindonut3213
      @kakyoindonut3213 4 роки тому +118

      the CIA: "we did it mr. president, we use Natural Selection as the weapon to kill him"

    • @treeman12815
      @treeman12815 4 роки тому +8

      @@kakyoindonut3213 😹😹

    • @Ektalon
      @Ektalon 4 роки тому +81

      “We got him!”

    • @benx6264
      @benx6264 3 роки тому +26

      Castro: Dies of old age
      Sure, that's what they want you to think.

    • @Ludovicus1769
      @Ludovicus1769 3 роки тому +78

      @@benx6264 Oh no, there’s a crazy person in the comments.

  • @canehdiansteve3455
    @canehdiansteve3455 4 роки тому +597

    It's hard to imagine that anyone could fail at anything 638 times consecutively. That's an astronomical number of failures.

    • @horminmangfi5653
      @horminmangfi5653 4 роки тому +8

      Reality is funny!

    • @ckl9390
      @ckl9390 2 роки тому +61

      To be fair, sounds like a good amount of those attempts were actually plans that were abandoned before being tried. I don't think that technically counts as a failure.

    • @yonki2694
      @yonki2694 2 роки тому +11

      Ever played dark souls?

    • @Cal90208
      @Cal90208 2 роки тому +7

      @@ckl9390 If they started it and gave up it’s a failure

    • @ckl9390
      @ckl9390 2 роки тому +10

      @@Cal90208 Exploratory planning and deciding to not do it based on high likelihood of poor outcomes could be counted as a success. A success of the plan screening process. If it was already implemented and had to be retracted in the field then that could be considered a failure of both the plan and the screening process.

  • @alicemadness2915
    @alicemadness2915 4 роки тому +680

    “(...) which investigated whether the CIA had ever abused its power, which is kinda like investigating wether snoop dog has ever smoked weed.”
    this is the best line in this video and it’s way underrated

  • @JaysonT975
    @JaysonT975 5 років тому +3417

    "Looking into whether the CIA abused their power" LOOOOOL good one

    • @nicolas44991
      @nicolas44991 5 років тому +217

      that's like saying water is wet

    • @zakarian3892
      @zakarian3892 5 років тому +248

      that's like investigating if snoop dogg smokes weed

    • @MagicalBread
      @MagicalBread 5 років тому +43

      nicolas44991 umm. Water isn’t wet.
      I’ll whoosh myself now.
      r/whoooooooosh.

    • @OmnipotentNoodle
      @OmnipotentNoodle 5 років тому +78

      Hmm yes the floor here is made of floor

    • @notaidan4451
      @notaidan4451 5 років тому +65

      Hmmmmm yes today we’re going to investigate if humans breathe.

  • @radianzero
    @radianzero 5 років тому +7205

    Castro: *Dies of old age*
    CIA man who tried to kill him 600 times: "I've won......
    But at what cost?"

    • @doctordoc2351
      @doctordoc2351 5 років тому +34

      @@Twebs12 stop doing this, your video sucks

    • @yuantan9292
      @yuantan9292 5 років тому +289

      There's a joke that Fidel Castro once said: "I'd not die until America is destroyed"
      He died less than a week after Trump won the election.

    • @myguy6762
      @myguy6762 5 років тому +19

      Chui Qiu that’s pretty epic if I do say so myself

    • @the_actual_alex
      @the_actual_alex 5 років тому +30

      @@yuantan9292 oof

    • @zacktrever1878
      @zacktrever1878 5 років тому +15

      *HE PLAYED US LIKE A FIDDLE*

  • @chichan9013
    @chichan9013 5 років тому +2705

    CBS Putin Interview
    Interviewer: "3 times president, 5 assassination attempts I'm told. Not as much as Castro who have interviewed, I think he must have had 50 but there's a legitimate 5 I've heard about."
    Putin: Yes, I talked with Castro about that. And he said to me, _"Do you know why I'm still alive?"_ I asked him _"Why?"_ , "Because I was always the one to deal with my security personally."

    • @midnightdragon67
      @midnightdragon67 5 років тому +148

      That's smart

    • @mobashshirkareem976
      @mobashshirkareem976 5 років тому +330

      Yeah I have seen that interview. But I don't think that the CIA stopped trying to kill Putin after 5 attempts. He is a nightmare for them, so it's very likely that there are way more than 5 attempts to kill him failing to do so.

    • @hypernovic5301
      @hypernovic5301 5 років тому +17

      Hey how's Corona.

    • @ray224k2
      @ray224k2 5 років тому +24

      Hypernovic he’s doing fine.just watching tv

    • @lifesimulator3964
      @lifesimulator3964 5 років тому +33

      Hypernovic
      Lol, now that you mentioned Corona. The president of China has disappeared & rumors are saying maybe he's infected

  • @jacobe4836
    @jacobe4836 4 роки тому +283

    It’s crazy to think how much a pill getting stuck in a freezer changed history.

  • @Palemagpie
    @Palemagpie 3 роки тому +252

    Castro's security team. "We are either, the greatest security team in the world
    ...or theyre legitimately incompetent"

  • @michaelhowell2326
    @michaelhowell2326 5 років тому +286

    Little known fact: Wiley the Coyote was the Director of the CIA at the time most of the assassination attempts.

  • @legendarynoodle2438
    @legendarynoodle2438 5 років тому +1829

    Everyone who isn't judging an leader by his hat size, should lose his right to vote in my opinion.

    • @niensaddestofthesad8151
      @niensaddestofthesad8151 5 років тому +65

      *The Cuban government wants you to get rid of the opinion bit*

    • @leecrumpler77
      @leecrumpler77 5 років тому +37

      Sometimes hats fail though, which is why I like good old fashioned facial hair

    • @oxybrightdark8765
      @oxybrightdark8765 5 років тому +8

      You and Kim Jon Un would be good friends.

    • @peterbonnema8913
      @peterbonnema8913 5 років тому +8

      But hatsize isn't something that gets voted on.... it gets measured.

    • @oxybrightdark8765
      @oxybrightdark8765 5 років тому +1

      Peter Bonnema height, not head diameter

  • @ChaotiX1
    @ChaotiX1 4 роки тому +166

    New recruit: "so I take them out quickly and efficiently, right?"
    CIA: *We don't do that here.*

  • @josephlitjc6430
    @josephlitjc6430 3 роки тому +71

    The funniest thing about this is that some CIA agent after the 637th attempt must've been like : "Ok , hear me out guys, what if THIS time, we actually succeeded?"

  • @Pakanahymni
    @Pakanahymni 5 років тому +565

    "[Report], which investigated whether the CIA had ever abused its power - which is kind of like investigating whether Snoop Dogg has ever smoked weed."

    • @j3pu69
      @j3pu69 5 років тому +2

      Torille

    • @jeffreyau9751
      @jeffreyau9751 5 років тому +43

      Dude no way, Snoop's such a good christian child he will never touch the devil's lettuce

    • @connorkelleher2537
      @connorkelleher2537 5 років тому +8

      Leonis Krigorian the post office is literally a government owned monopoly

    • @robertjarman3703
      @robertjarman3703 5 років тому +10

      @Leonis Krigorian They had a large scandal in the 1820s where the postmaster general was handing off high ranking positions to political loyalists like their close family members.

    • @armadillolover99
      @armadillolover99 5 років тому

      Leonis Krigorian The post office has a legal monopoly on delivering mail. Nobody besides them is allowed to deliver mail except for special deliveries (like contracts or important business documents). If FedEx were to deliver a postcard, they could be prosecuted for breaking the law. If that’s not abuse of power, idk what is.

  • @wahabartwork2487
    @wahabartwork2487 5 років тому +423

    50 years later: *HAI uploaded '90000 attempts of cia to kill Kim jong un'

    • @aidan8858
      @aidan8858 5 років тому +9

      The CIA would love it if you could... take him out

    • @petersmythe6462
      @petersmythe6462 5 років тому +8

      DPRK is a nuclear country with China sitting nextdoor. It fails and the DPRK leadership retaliates in kind. You've just killed the POTUS.

    • @behemoth6141
      @behemoth6141 5 років тому +5

      @@petersmythe6462

    • @centralintelligenceagency5923
      @centralintelligenceagency5923 5 років тому +9

      We're on 267 right now.

    • @wahabartwork2487
      @wahabartwork2487 5 років тому +2

      @@centralintelligenceagency5923 wait wut 😂😂😂

  • @vtron9832
    @vtron9832 5 років тому +234

    So basically the CIA was Tom and Fidel was Jerry.

    • @SpeedBird6780
      @SpeedBird6780 4 роки тому +30

      No, The CIA was Wile E. Coyote and Fidel was the Roadrunner.

    • @osheridan
      @osheridan Рік тому +2

      How dare you insult Tom like that

  • @frocco7125
    @frocco7125 5 років тому +1860

    Country with oil: *elects left wing government*
    CIA: "Allow us to introduce ourselves!"

    • @granterickson5784
      @granterickson5784 5 років тому +34

      I didn’t realize Cuba was a big oil producer...

    • @LuuxanCreosai
      @LuuxanCreosai 5 років тому +214

      @@granterickson5784 No, but they have the next best thing!
      *BANANAS*

    • @fieldmarshal7298
      @fieldmarshal7298 5 років тому +67

      CIA: That wasn't very cash money of you

    • @frocco7125
      @frocco7125 5 років тому +101

      @@granterickson5784
      Yeah it was kind of a joke, bc countries with stealable oil and countries with left wing governments are the main targets of the CIA and US-sanctions, if you look into the history of that.

    • @calvinnickel9995
      @calvinnickel9995 4 роки тому +140

      CIA: How many Central and South Americans do we have to kill before you realize that Socialism doesn’t work?

  • @Macinatorecazzaro
    @Macinatorecazzaro 5 років тому +351

    When everyone tries to kill hitler and fails
    Hitler: OK IM GOING TO DO IT MYSELF

    • @rekt632
      @rekt632 4 роки тому +6

      Lol ikr

    • @RetractedandRedacted
      @RetractedandRedacted 4 роки тому +14

      Britain had several plans to kill Hitler but decided against it as Hitler was winning them the war and they were worried about someone more competent becoming in charge.

    • @Ihaveagasmask
      @Ihaveagasmask 2 роки тому +2

      @@RetractedandRedacted imagine being so incompetent that they think that you being alive is better because anyone else being in charge

  • @deep.space.12
    @deep.space.12 5 років тому +487

    I was expecting a video about bricks....

    • @tales9476
      @tales9476 5 років тому +18

      I know... Where is the brick video? We need it.

  • @zz-rw1vb
    @zz-rw1vb 5 років тому +1230

    God: Fine, I'll do it myself

    • @edgelord8337
      @edgelord8337 5 років тому +35

      He lived his life long and outlived everyone else.

    • @SpeedBird6780
      @SpeedBird6780 5 років тому +85

      Or did the CIA bribe God???

    • @edgelord8337
      @edgelord8337 5 років тому +4

      @@SpeedBird6780 can you stop.

    • @SrMorais
      @SrMorais 5 років тому +7

      @Mycel yeah bro you just blasphemed

    • @hdono8542
      @hdono8542 5 років тому +2

      jesus said elon musk cant go to heaven

  • @driftracerepeat7334
    @driftracerepeat7334 5 років тому +246

    CIA: *CANT KILL CASTRO*
    DEATH: *"FINE I'LL DO IT MYSELF"*

    • @davidfreeman3083
      @davidfreeman3083 4 роки тому +3

      Pinochet (looking down from 'up there'): I told ya my CHOPPERS are better. And my DINA is also BETTER!

    • @cheesecracker835
      @cheesecracker835 4 роки тому +3

      Death 50 years later:

    • @imasheep6298
      @imasheep6298 3 роки тому +2

      Actually thay did kill him he just had a totem of undying 638 of them

  • @SF-eg3fq
    @SF-eg3fq 3 роки тому +51

    "the secret for a long life is having the CIA spending 40 years trying to kill you"
    lmao

  • @copperymarrow1583
    @copperymarrow1583 4 роки тому +358

    me: "What's the wifi password?"
    friend: "Its on the back of the router."
    back of the router: 1:23

  • @adamolsson3728
    @adamolsson3728 5 років тому +457

    HAI - We are gonna try to be uncontroversial
    Also HAI - *Proceeds to roast Batista, the US aswell as the Cleveland Browns*

    • @soupycask
      @soupycask 5 років тому +95

      Most sane people would acknowledge that Batista was a dick.

    • @ethank5059
      @ethank5059 5 років тому +72

      Roasting the Browns isn't controversial. It's a fact, universally acknowledged, that they deserve it.

    • @edgelord8337
      @edgelord8337 5 років тому +7

      @@soupycask he was a douche bag.

    • @bigsexycheeks8740
      @bigsexycheeks8740 5 років тому +6

      @@ethank5059 they earned it by losing so much, rip browns

    • @PotatoGawds
      @PotatoGawds 5 років тому +3

      Savage

  • @jaredj631
    @jaredj631 5 років тому +705

    Catholics are like:
    “Hell yes I judge leadership by The size of a hat”

    • @leonleon2021
      @leonleon2021 5 років тому +33

      Yep, just look at pope's hat.

    • @EcclesiastesLiker-py5ts
      @EcclesiastesLiker-py5ts 4 роки тому +12

      He is the most Pope, for he has the most hat.

    • @svengonsalves8538
      @svengonsalves8538 4 роки тому +7

      There is now a meme where the popes hat is a ps5

    • @j_rivera2007
      @j_rivera2007 4 роки тому +8

      Exactly why Catholicism the best (this is the only reason)

    • @j_rivera2007
      @j_rivera2007 4 роки тому +1

      Mogaaj Fghgf but was John f Kennedy orthodox? Didn’t think so

  • @tim..indeed
    @tim..indeed 5 років тому +613

    Breaking news for most US citizens:
    In the Cold War, especially in Middle and South America, the US were rarely the good guys.

    • @mccaylawhite18
      @mccaylawhite18 5 років тому +22

      Tim Fischer who wouldn’t know that?

    • @RoyalFusilier
      @RoyalFusilier 5 років тому +181

      If somebody has grown up in the US all their lives, like me, it can often come as a violent shock, but uh yeah. It's actually astounding how often something like "a free election happens for the first time in decades, a moderate socialist is elected who begins, I dunno, giving people health care, and the CIA fucking murders him and installs a fascist dictator."
      Like, it's not just something that happened. It was the official, ongoing, continuous, and relentless policy of this nation.
      I don't know why the fuck I'm even saying "was", like we're not probably trying to do it even now.
      It's like when somebody learns that the Nazi death camps were not Germany's first time with the concept, and they hear about the colonialism in Africa, that during the German Empire, long before fascism was literally even invented, they were doing the exact same thing to native populations, down to having evil scientists experiment on them.
      Fascism is capitalism's reaction to being challenged by socialism.

    • @SP-rt4ig
      @SP-rt4ig 5 років тому +68

      @@RoyalFusilier The US certainly committed terrible crimes, but you seem to be missing the definition of Fascism. Fascism would a state a totalitarian state where people are monitored for their ideas or what they saw, where businesses and the workers 'cooperate' to form an economy under the guidance of the state, an extreme nationalist regime, and with the leader having a cult of personality. What you seem to portray is simply a utilitarian military dictatorship, led by military juntas. Terrible, nonetheless, but Fascism is an often misused word which has almost lost its meaning due to how often it is used as a pejorative.

    • @AureliusLaurentius1099
      @AureliusLaurentius1099 5 років тому +29

      @@RoyalFusilier
      TBH Nobody was
      The Soviets and Chinese were no better.

    • @dfghj241
      @dfghj241 5 років тому +18

      @@SP-rt4ig no. fascism has a much better definition: fascism is when, independent of which form of government is employed, the democracy of the workers, and whatever means they have of organizing, are supressed, dismantled and disabled. that is what fascism is. now the democracy of the workers has very little to do with the democracy of the rich and powerful. that can be supressed under fascism but rarely, usually because those who back fascist governments are the rich and powerful to begin with. what is the democracy of the rich and powerful? simple: elections, congress, boards of directors, and economic or political forum you can think of. now what is the democracy of the workers? the ability to strike, the ability to organize into grassroot or political movements and parties, student movements, the ability to manifest their political wishes in the streets, these are the democratic tools of the workers, nothing else. a fascist government can very well try and ideologically control the people, but thats unnecessary: in countries with more severe restrictions on the state's capacity to supress organization of the masses for political battle, we see much more ideological control then in totalitarian and opressive states, who just need to kill and arrest...

  • @Earl_Black
    @Earl_Black 4 роки тому +71

    imagine trying to kill Fidel Castro but you failed 638 times and get fired and then Castro dies of old age

  • @apexalaska
    @apexalaska 4 роки тому +101

    The CIA in movies: "we are the most elite spies and assassins in the world, we topple governments and make tyrants disappear!"
    The CIA IRL: "we are literally just a bunch of criminals stealing tax payer dollars to break international laws and fail at everything we do".

    • @SometimesCompitent
      @SometimesCompitent Рік тому +5

      And yet… you sport an avatar supporting them.

    • @apexalaska
      @apexalaska Рік тому

      @@SometimesCompitent the fuck are you talking about? My pfp is literally 100% anti CIA.

    • @eges72
      @eges72 Рік тому

      CIA is like the most evil hollywood-ish organisation in the world that prepares many plots to destroy the world but end up failing miserably

    • @forehand101
      @forehand101 Рік тому +10

      ​@@SometimesCompitent That's not what "Lets Go Brandon" means. It came from a reporter at, I believe, a NASCAR race where the crowd was cheering "F*** Joe Biden" but the reporter was like "Oh yeah, they're like cheering your name Brandon! ha, ha, ha.. Let's Go Brandon!" to the winner of the race. Then all the Trump lovers just kinda ran with it for some reason.
      But the saying is basically anti-Biden who is currently the president and thus a form a anti-government saying. Deeper meaning for most who say it could be support of former US president, Donald Trump, but the government didn't seem to like him terribly much either.
      Regardless, the saying is not really involved with the CIA at all. The US flag could be in support of the CIA vaguely, but the flag means so many things to so many people. It could just be support of the idea of the country, or straight up support of the government. Either way, dumb saying and the US government is corrupt af no matter who is charge.

    • @doraemon402
      @doraemon402 Рік тому

      That's why movies are a problem, because they're propaganda

  • @SupremeLeaderKimJong-un
    @SupremeLeaderKimJong-un 5 років тому +1372

    We remain great friends with Cuba, we miss Comrade Castro

  • @NotAmira_
    @NotAmira_ 5 років тому +144

    Mission failed, we-
    Wait.

  • @rubbers3
    @rubbers3 5 років тому +67

    That "boy meets military superpower" story... Man, that *ESCALANTED* quickly.

  • @IvailoStoychev
    @IvailoStoychev 4 роки тому +115

    If there were 638 attempts between the 1960s to the 2000s, that essentially means Castro had an attempt assasination practically at least one every week.

    • @christiaansjouw5680
      @christiaansjouw5680 2 роки тому +4

      Bruuuuhhh...

    • @palinanavitskaya6133
      @palinanavitskaya6133 2 роки тому +34

      That's 638 attempts in the span of 40 years, which means around 16 attempts per year (638 divided by 40 is 15.95). As there are 52 weeks in a year, it could therefore have not been one attempt every week, or even 2 weeks. Though, you may be working with some information that I am not (for example the density in which the attempts happened - which could mean one assassination attempt per week happened at one point in those 40 years).

    • @morceen
      @morceen 2 роки тому +5

      @@palinanavitskaya6133
      🤓
      But also nice

  • @ThatPyukumuku
    @ThatPyukumuku 4 роки тому +50

    As tumblr user "lesbianshepard" described it:
    "It's a little known fact that in the 60s and 70s the CIA was actually run by wile e coyote"

  • @pranavkonjeti
    @pranavkonjeti 5 років тому +279

    "The only thing the USA hates more than a healthy diet"🤣🤣

    • @gungunsana.m9795
      @gungunsana.m9795 4 роки тому

      Hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣

    • @certifiedgoat7067
      @certifiedgoat7067 4 роки тому

      Lmao 😂😂

    • @Jayako12
      @Jayako12 3 роки тому

      Well, with Castro's regime you did loose weight

    • @chompythebeast
      @chompythebeast 3 роки тому +2

      This is the “One Joke” for capitalists completely uneducated in socialism but what they’ve heard through American media in the same way the Attack Helicopter joke is the One Joke for transphobes

    • @tylerlackey1175
      @tylerlackey1175 3 роки тому +1

      @@chompythebeast reddit moment

  • @slamwall9057
    @slamwall9057 5 років тому +807

    Prediction: the video will say that the CIA should have used skillshare
    Edit: Disliked because it missed that golden opportunity

    • @tmfan3888
      @tmfan3888 5 років тому +6

      *prediction: the sponsor is any vpn providers
      FTFY

    • @anselmschueler
      @anselmschueler 5 років тому +5

      @@tmfan3888 he literally said the sponsor at the beginning of the video

    • @tmfan3888
      @tmfan3888 5 років тому +3

      @@anselmschueler ofc i know, i mean he should guess the sponsor 2 b vpn providers b4 clickin the vid cos the title is there...

    • @slamwall9057
      @slamwall9057 5 років тому +1

      @@tmfan3888 I made this comment just after I found out it was sponsored by skillshare

    • @sabersz
      @sabersz 5 років тому +2

      Imagine disliking a video not because the video is poor quality but because he didn't make a shitty joke about a sponsor.

  • @amedievalknight6yearsago691
    @amedievalknight6yearsago691 4 роки тому +26

    CIA Agent: "Stay Down, Final Warning."
    Fidel Castro: "I Can do this all day."

  • @monsieur1936
    @monsieur1936 4 роки тому +102

    The only thing in which CIA was better than KGB was “FAILING IN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPS” 😂

    • @certifiedgoat7067
      @certifiedgoat7067 4 роки тому +1

      😂😂😂😂

    • @michellesheppard9253
      @michellesheppard9253 3 роки тому +4

      Oof, good one!
      KGB attempts on Tito: 22 (all failed)
      CIA attempts on Castro: 638 (same as above)
      My bad if there's someone that the KGB has tried to kill more than Tito.

    • @monsieur1936
      @monsieur1936 3 роки тому +9

      @@michellesheppard9253 Tito replied to Stalin and said “Stop sending people to kill me. We’ve already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle. If you don’t stop sending killers, I’ll send one to Moscow, and I won’t have to send a second.”
      Also, that wasn't KGB which attempted Assassinations on Tito, it was NKVD.

  • @olbradley
    @olbradley 5 років тому +26

    The CIA took the Road Runner to another level.

  • @vnikyt
    @vnikyt 5 років тому +260

    Dude, fresh lemons, fresh ginger, and herbal tea and keep making these pun-packed videos

    • @therwfer
      @therwfer 5 років тому +5

      Nah, youre both wrong. Vodka. Lots of it.

  • @pranav4450
    @pranav4450 5 років тому +52

    Imagine being the guy trying to kill castro but in the end u end up dying of old age before Castro

  • @mina86
    @mina86 5 років тому +152

    "In the end, Castro died--"
    So, what you're saying is that CIA succeeded.

    • @amollo3143
      @amollo3143 5 років тому +26

      They now have successfully failed at killing him

    • @fieldmarshal7298
      @fieldmarshal7298 5 років тому +12

      USA: i see this as a strategic win

    • @chavezhurtado6483
      @chavezhurtado6483 4 роки тому +3

      Mission Failed ✅

    • @konradplatt3833
      @konradplatt3833 4 роки тому +8

      It seems they finally decided to blackmail God into killing Castro

    • @inaki5989
      @inaki5989 4 роки тому

      They hired time itself to do the job xD

  • @PLANDerLinde99
    @PLANDerLinde99 4 роки тому +21

    Remember when he fought off zombies in the Pentagon with JFK, Nixon and McNamara?

    • @braeman01
      @braeman01 2 роки тому +1

      Black Ops 1 Reference

  • @JackOLanter
    @JackOLanter 3 роки тому +7

    That legend survived 638 attempts and here I am... almost choked on my own saliva while sleeping.

  • @ravenlord4
    @ravenlord4 5 років тому +43

    America: Coyote and ACME corp.
    Cuba: Roadrunner

  • @ruthpemberton1758
    @ruthpemberton1758 5 років тому +46

    Woah! A new SkillShare logo! This is a change in my routine I don't think I can handle...

  • @zacktrever1878
    @zacktrever1878 5 років тому +54

    I believe the roadrunner and coyote was based on CIA attempts on Fidel Castro
    *BEEP BEEP*
    *Zoom*

  • @Sinstarclair
    @Sinstarclair 4 роки тому +9

    Fun Fact: One of Castro's Assassins (Ilona Marita Lorenz) later on had an affair with Castro after Castro himself found her out.

  • @morganfreeman4204
    @morganfreeman4204 4 роки тому +14

    That’s a lot of “mission failed, we’ll get em next time”

  • @builderpepc7803
    @builderpepc7803 5 років тому +30

    "this video is sponsored by skillshare"
    curiosity stream: *visible confusion*

  • @mikaxms
    @mikaxms 5 років тому +76

    I can confirm the poorly written jokes part is true.

  • @OlafoWaffle
    @OlafoWaffle 5 років тому +43

    At a certain point in this failed attempts, the Cuban gov't had to be like "Awwww, you almost got'em better luck like time!" or "You know what, the plans for this attempt will go right up on the fridge, you're kid tried his best..."

    • @kabobawsome
      @kabobawsome 4 роки тому +4

      I mean, that was basically Castro's personal reaction to most of the attempts that were discovered.

  • @devlinmorin7615
    @devlinmorin7615 2 роки тому +4

    Being bad at assassination is probably the most positive thing Ive heard about the CIA.

  • @babydriver6473
    @babydriver6473 4 роки тому +13

    HAI: *Starts sponsor*
    Me: Ight, imma head out.

  • @ultimatestoryteller
    @ultimatestoryteller 5 років тому +31

    The Cleveland Browns joke hit real hard

  • @VaraNiN
    @VaraNiN 5 років тому +87

    0:48 BaStista? Already looking forward for this year's mistakes video 😜😘

  • @stylesrj
    @stylesrj 5 років тому +51

    Wasn't there also attempts to try and ruin Castro's image, like powder that would cause his hair to fall out and thus no longer be known as "The beard"

    • @gnualmafuerte
      @gnualmafuerte 5 років тому +4

      Well, he already was a deranged murderous dictator, there wasn't much of an image to destroy.

    • @stylesrj
      @stylesrj 5 років тому +25

      @@gnualmafuerte
      The people at the time loved him more than the other guy and the CIA figured that Castro's beard was rather iconic...
      I mean would you recognise Che Guevara without his distinctive beard? Or Abraham Lincoln?
      There certainly was an image to destroy and revolutionary leaders kinda need that image...

    • @gnualmafuerte
      @gnualmafuerte 5 років тому

      @@stylesrj People were scared shitless of him, it's not the same thing. Ernesto Guevara was already executing dissidents.

    • @stylesrj
      @stylesrj 5 років тому +17

      @@gnualmafuerte
      The point is that the CIA figured that there were many ways to kill Castro besides trying to actually kill him.
      Destroying his image was one of them and one such way was powder that would cause hair loss because the CIA obviously has a division of highschoolers who'd come up with all sorts of wacky pranks...

    • @dfghj241
      @dfghj241 5 років тому +5

      @@gnualmafuerte lol sure pal, you sure know what you are talking about huh

  • @AverytheCubanAmerican
    @AverytheCubanAmerican 5 років тому +17

    Reminds me of Fidel’s episode on The Simpsons, he claimed they named a street after him in San Francisco. Homer checked off that he was there to assassinate Castro

  • @____7460
    @____7460 4 роки тому +12

    How many stock images do you want?
    Half as interesting: *yes*

  • @elliotttheneko
    @elliotttheneko 5 років тому +13

    The CIA is the greatest spy service!
    Ana Montes and Castro: *laughes*

  • @adamp9348
    @adamp9348 5 років тому +6

    The CIA is literally Plankton trying to get the Krabby Patty formula.

  • @jacobw703
    @jacobw703 5 років тому +12

    Reminds me of Discworld, when Death goes on vacation and saves that guy whose drowning (and wanted to die). When the guy asks him why he saved him, Death responds:
    FOR LATER

  • @jimmyryan5880
    @jimmyryan5880 4 роки тому +78

    Americans "why do you care about our politics so much"
    Me looking at all the destabilise countries, toppled democracies and installed brutal dictatorships around the world.

    • @lead_sommelier
      @lead_sommelier 4 роки тому +2

      O I L

    • @finitewehosh6542
      @finitewehosh6542 4 роки тому +1

      We aren't the only ones to do that you know. Ukraine is a case and point.

    • @lead_sommelier
      @lead_sommelier 4 роки тому

      @@finitewehosh6542 not the only one but by far the worst

    • @itismethatguy
      @itismethatguy 4 роки тому +1

      Indonesia, Iraq, Afghanistan too

    • @itismethatguy
      @itismethatguy 4 роки тому +1

      Btw UA-cam isnt accepting some of my comments and replies which write about History. (also kind of anti-British but with reasons and 100% facts. I was writing about colonization) It shows an error when I still write the comment and try to post it

  • @gamerparker123
    @gamerparker123 2 роки тому +2

    “You are being hunted down by the CIA. What do you do?”
    Me: “Oh no! Anyways.”

  • @GlennHtx
    @GlennHtx 5 років тому +19

    You forgot the last part of the classic story, girl dies in tragic blimp accident over the Orange Bowl on New Year's Day.

    • @jst7714
      @jst7714 5 років тому +2

      "Goodyear?" "No, the worst."

  • @booboss
    @booboss 4 роки тому +5

    I just love this type of humor. This is the best humor you can get at the entire planet. It's ridiculous, making serious things sounds like it was pitty. I just love it :-)

  • @KC-dx3cy
    @KC-dx3cy 3 роки тому +5

    This is the perfect way to study for my exam on Wednesday about the Cold War

  • @Free_Krazy
    @Free_Krazy 4 роки тому

    Literally this sounds like some cartoon where the CIA is trying to kill Castro, but no matter how hard they try, Castro doesn't even notice lol

  • @babylonisfallen4411
    @babylonisfallen4411 4 роки тому +3

    "Controversial"
    that's a great word to use when those in power want to decide what is true

  • @Fred_uyz
    @Fred_uyz 5 років тому +17

    vaaz's voice in the distance: Have i told you, the definition of insanity?

    • @davidbalyan
      @davidbalyan 5 років тому

      oof if only you spelled vaas correctly

    • @Fred_uyz
      @Fred_uyz 5 років тому

      @@davidbalyan well, never saw it written.... i just played the game, i didnt geek out over it..

    • @davidbalyan
      @davidbalyan 5 років тому +1

      @@Fred_uyz did u like the game?

    • @federicoolivares8251
      @federicoolivares8251 5 років тому

      @@davidbalyan a lot in fact, I replayed it a few times back to back. Loved taking outposts in different ways

    • @davidbalyan
      @davidbalyan 5 років тому

      @@federicoolivares8251 same. it's my favorite game. the story is better than any other.

  • @abandonedchannel281
    @abandonedchannel281 5 років тому +7

    Gusano: We’ll kill him this time
    Castro: Am I a joke to you

  • @TheMisanthropistTM
    @TheMisanthropistTM 5 років тому +4

    You know, when my boss had to talk to me about when I've failed for the 600th time, he didn't because he fired me long before that.

  • @mrturtle9129
    @mrturtle9129 6 місяців тому +1

    If it wouldn't happened in real life, then if someone would make a plot for a film with it, it will be considered as absurd

  • @erniestruckman
    @erniestruckman 5 років тому +1

    This man is flipping off the CIA and the grim reaper at the same time tbh

  • @jerry3790
    @jerry3790 5 років тому +5

    You know, Castro wasn’t that bad in the end. He might’ve been a little dictatory in his youth, but died a charming old man. He could’ve been your grandpa or something.

    • @zackgeorgly5099
      @zackgeorgly5099 5 років тому +5

      Some terrorists end their life as a statesman, and some statesmen end their life as terrorists.

    • @jacaredosvudu1638
      @jacaredosvudu1638 Рік тому

      Mf ya know Mengele?

  • @aidanw9378
    @aidanw9378 5 років тому +4

    If the CIA has taught me anything, it's to never give up on your goals.

  • @Open3yes
    @Open3yes 5 років тому +5

    The jokes are literally hidden so well you laugh when you come over it.

  • @joshkeitz2990
    @joshkeitz2990 2 роки тому +1

    "we introduced a box of poisoned cigars onto the island of Cuba, how TF is the one guy there we don't like not dead?"

  • @kndrdfndindngoudng
    @kndrdfndindngoudng 4 роки тому +2

    So basically 2% attempts, 98% ideas, calling them attempts if they never left the planning phase is disingenuous.

    • @joshuadowdle9691
      @joshuadowdle9691 2 роки тому

      Finally. I thought more people would have been commenting about this. Only 1 of the 7 "assassination attempts" that were detailed was an actual failed attempt. Even that one is hard to call an attempt. The waiter spilled the poison, so the attempt couldn't be made.

  • @zacross8504
    @zacross8504 5 років тому +52

    Castro: I won’t die until America is destroyed
    Trump: *is elected*
    Castro: *Dies*

    • @sabersz
      @sabersz 5 років тому +1

      Watch his SOTU speech, you guys have it going good unlike us in the UK.

    • @jamesmorris4530
      @jamesmorris4530 5 років тому +2

      Rip Curl 69 id rather have trump as king of USA than having the liberals tske full control like the UK. Too much of each side is the end, but the left already showed how bad they’ll fuck it up in Europe

    • @spikeopine
      @spikeopine 5 років тому +2

      James Morris what? you think Boris Johnson is a liberal lmfao

    • @Giblet12
      @Giblet12 5 років тому +1

      There aren't many good candidates for this election.
      Bernie looks like he'll keel over at any moment
      Warren likes to pretend that she's native american
      Biden is just full on senile; in an interview. He was asked by a woman of color what he would do if she was his daughter and got pulled over. His response was "Firstly, if you where my daughter you would be Caucasian, and you wouldn't be pulled over."

  • @iskaykabeya609
    @iskaykabeya609 Рік тому +3

    CIA wanted him dead because he was so handsome more than all them demons combined.

  • @marioandres4878
    @marioandres4878 4 роки тому +7

    The writing in this channel is really really really clever. I enjoy it so much!

  • @BlueEngland
    @BlueEngland 4 роки тому +1

    CIA: tries to kill Castro over 600 times
    Castro: is a chad and dies a natural death

  • @judabug323
    @judabug323 3 роки тому +1

    Amazing, informative, and wonderful. My life was changed from this video.

  • @TheRealGuywithoutaMustache
    @TheRealGuywithoutaMustache 5 років тому +13

    You never know. 639th time could’ve been the successful attempt. Never surrender.

    • @edgelord8337
      @edgelord8337 5 років тому +1

      Cia: I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling communist.

  • @mattp.272
    @mattp.272 4 роки тому +6

    I’m from Cleveland and I absolutely lost it with his reference to total absolute failure being almost as bad as the Cleveland Browns. Love my Browns but we deserve this ridicule after the seasons we have been playing.

    • @train_go_boom2065
      @train_go_boom2065 3 роки тому

      I also live in ohio and loved it

    • @AlMai222
      @AlMai222 3 роки тому

      I too am a Clevelaneer

    • @RickImus
      @RickImus 3 роки тому

      Washington Generals (Harlem Globetrotters reference) would have been a good choice, as well.

  • @Dogebro200
    @Dogebro200 4 роки тому +2

    CIA: *tries to kill Castro*
    Natural causes: Ok my tern!

  • @jonathanaugustin647
    @jonathanaugustin647 3 роки тому +2

    Fidel Castro basically had real life plot armor.

  • @colemanmoore9871
    @colemanmoore9871 Рік тому +1

    The mafia trying to kill Castro makes sense. They lost a ton of money when Castro took charge. The Italian mob had hotels and casinos in Cuba before the revolution. So, it was a shared interest by the Families and the US Gov.

  • @rachelellebye5203
    @rachelellebye5203 5 років тому +15

    Last time I was this early, Castro still only had moustache

  • @jeffreyhuang3814
    @jeffreyhuang3814 5 років тому +3

    Castro: Dies
    CIA: I see this as an absolute win!

  • @bigalsworth
    @bigalsworth 4 роки тому +3

    These jokes are fantastic. Thanks for the much needed laughs and info.

  • @slendo_boi
    @slendo_boi 2 роки тому +2

    It was all the milk that Castro was drinking. I’m convinced of it.

  • @DP-NTDieselForklift
    @DP-NTDieselForklift 4 роки тому +1

    wow what a great video
    i learned so much thank you HAI!
    this video cured all my addictions
    i love you HAI