Women who use child support on themselves while their kids are in rags should lose custody of the kids since 90% of the women you can tell use the CS on themselves
Devon is the absolute best. I knew a Devon named Alice, she used to beat up bullies both girls and boys, she us now married to one of the boys she used to protect.
If someone got wind of how OP’s mother and stepfather treated him, they would contact social services to remove him from those toxic jerks, place him in foster care, and then, with a loving adoptive family; in fact, OP should’ve been taken away from his mother and stepfather, and placed with wonderful foster/adoptive family, and he would have a good life.
22:22 That comment is the stupidest opinion I have heard and while I see their point in maintaining relationships it was up to the brother mother dad and grandparents, not OP. He doesn't owe anyone anything especially not an apology and doesn't have to let bygones be bygones. Edit: clean up
I agree. Sounds like it was from OPs family who's trying to rugsweep the whole context of why OP is NC with the family. I also find it disturbing how the family talks about OP as if he's deceased, and OP now is just the "gay friend" where OPs brother is asking for advice. I'd tell OP to stay clear for sure.
To be honest, if I was OP, I would have just laid out the truth to his ex brother’s son. “Your father is homophobic and will make your life miserable and so will your grandparents ” and all that jazz, cause that’s what OP knows of his ex-family. Also, OP literally mentioned he got blackmailed and he did try to reach out to his ex-parents but got ignored. Yeah, who exactly is the one who “doesn’t want to forgive and let it go”? Cause OP did tried and they ignored. Hypocrites, all of them. I’ll probably end up making the poor kid more scared of his family, so it’s a good thing I’m not OP. I’m petty as fuck and hell be damn if I would think of the child at the moment of pettiness when I hear that they talk about OP like he’s the one who didn’t tried to reconcile when he fucking did!
Ong! I was hoping someone would have commented this. For me it sounds like someone who hasn't experienced major relationship shattering problems like this. And I'm glad, but that doesn't invalidate what happened. And from what it sounds like, they want to rug sweep. So that just shows they aren't sorry. Seeing as the underlying issue isn't resolved what is stopping another blow up from happening? Because I've tried to reconcile with my NC family without waiting to see if they had changed and it was only a few months before the last blow up that made me go full NC since.
“So, dear nephew, let me tell you about how i was relentlessly bullied by your dad, how he gave me crippling mental issues that i have to treat to this day and how i overcome it - somewhat. Oh, and btw, we are meeting in a mcDonalds because i cannot be in the same room with him without getting a panic attack.” Like, seriously, what does the brother think is gonna happen. Also, “your mother loves you no matter what” - in what way? In spirit? If you love you show it, you don’t do it hush hush so the person you love (in this case her own SON) don’t find out and might think you actually care.
23:44 wtf? Dude thinks he cooked by saying “You’re selfish for not forgiving the people who cut your out for being gay, and turned a blind eye as you suffered your entire childhood”. Question, why is it that we aren’t owed the ability to not forgive, yet apparently they are owed forgiveness? It’s not self serving nor is it selfish to not forgive someone. It’s a choice. No idea what that guy is talking about when he talks about an aunt letting her niece go to foster care, no one unironically says “you go girl”. The delusion is unreal.
S2: that commenter talking about mending fences needs to shut up. If that’s not wat op wants to do he doesn’t need to and nobody has any right to try to force him to either.
On story 2 I think Op shoudl send a message to his nephew telling him, if he ever feels unsafe with his parents to come to his house and explain, in as much detail as possible, what his father put him through while blackmailing him for his sexuality and that the grandparents never did anything and the only person whi has respected his boundaries and dignity is his aunt.
@@raquel.garcia.1995Western women tend to think that African men are less conservative than locals so they tend to date them. It mostly comes from ignorance and unwillingness to acknowledge local conservatives and see eye to eye to them. It’s so bad that most Western liberals will refuse to speak to or even give generic golden rule courtesies to conservatives.
When story 1 OP said they got bullied for being introverted and suspended for fighting back, I felt that shit in my bones. School systems here with their zero tolerance policies punish everyone blindly. Your choices as a bully target are fight back and get in trouble for it, or let yourself be assaulted and do nothing. It's pathetic.
2nd Story- OP you don’t have to makeup with the family just because Rick finally apologized, he only reached out because he needed something from you, if he didn’t have a feeling that his son was gay, he wouldn’t have reached out. And don’t listen to the last commenter, you don’t have to be the bigger person when you were the one mistreated and kicked out of the family. You don’t even know Rick’s son, he’s pretty much a stranger.
Exactly. People like that commentor are just emotionally unintelligent. Forgiveness is a choice, a choice is by definition NOT an obligation. It’s not like we’re talking about forgiving some small thing either. The brothers literally ruined OP’s childhood and the family completely cut him off. What if OP had just committed s*icide because of the mental and emotional anguish they put him through? Would that commentor still be talking about selfishness and forgiveness? Ridiculous, ppl like that just want to appear enlightened and go against what they perceive to be the popular cultural movement. Who wants to break it to them that no one unironically says “you go girl” anymore?
It's a good thing Reddit isn't a thing in Westeros; some redditors would definitely be so full of themselves as to have the Hound try to pal it up with the Mountain and let bygones be bygones. Some wounds won't heal, and some people won't change.
I think people confuse forgiveness with ignoring what the person did and keeping them in their life Forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's for you. It's saying that they have no room in your head at all anymore. It's healthy The point you should get to is when the people who hurt you come into your head, you don't feel an overwhelming hatred for them where you burn with revenge and hurt. They're not worth it Forgiveness doesn't mean you reconcile. Forgiveness doesn't mean they shouldn't be punished. Forgiveness doesn't mean that what they did was OK. Forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to keep them in your life. Forgiveness doesn't mean they deserve a second chance They don't deserve forgiveness. Most people don't. But we forgive so we can move forward. You're never gonna forget. NEVER But it's a lesson you should keep. That's you recognize red flags and don't tolerate foolishness There are too many people who are bitter about little things and who refuse to forgive and end up becoming terrible people. No matter what happened, not forgiving will affect your life. I don't care if you push it out of your head and try not to think about them. When you don't work things out with yourself and go through the stages of grief (yes you have to go through them when you've been hurt badly) it will absolutely destroy you eventually. If you think about someone and you get hatred and feel rage, you have not forgiven them and it will affect your mental state. My father is 80 years old. He still hates his stepdad who has been dead for 30 years. He's a miserable hateful old man. He covered it up for the longest time. He didn't bring him up or mention anything him but every time someone mentioned him, he would get upset. It wasn't the type of upset where "I've been hurt but I'm not gonna hate them and I'm overcoming it" It was the "I'm glad he's dead/ I'm glad he's burning in hell/ I hope he never stops suffering/if he was still alive i would kill him" kinda upset Yeah. Don't be like that I've been raped, emotionally, verbally and mentally abused by my ex husband and i honestly can't say i hate him. Yes it is hard sometimes but i push it out and refuse to let him live in my head because he doesn't deserve that space
Yeah, no. I do not forgive someone who has not asked for and shown through their actions that they have taken responsibility for what they did. Forgiving someone who has done nothing to deserve it is a hollow victory. Don't fool yourself. I say, understand why the person did what they did and then move on. You thought the person was someone they weren't and thus are disappointed when you find out who they really are, when you find out that you misjudged them, so I say just get over your disappointment.
Usually I'm the one pointing out that forgiveness is you going "ok I'm letting go, I'm not going to hold onto the burden that you've put on me with your actions." But I must admit that sometimes people do things that are unforgivable (it's a word in our vocabulary for a good reason). I have 2 cases like that and I'll never forgive them even though I wasn't directly hurt by them.
@@LadyBernthat is very logical. I get it 100% But I will tell you I was married for 15 years to a narcissistic abuser. He gaslit me and then lovebombed me in a continual cycle. He made me think I was crazy and that everything was my fault. It wasn't until after I left that I saw the damage he had done. He had abused me in every way possibly except he didn't hit me but honestly, I would rather have gotten hit because then I would have justified leaving because the way abuse is portrayed a lot of the time is physical. Then he married my bff right after the divorce went through. Suspicious right? And then my friend killed a 20 year friendship by choosing my ex. I don't hate them. I don't hate him for raping me, manipulating me, verbally and mentally and emotionally abusing me for 15 years. I don't hate my father who neglected me my entire life and verbally, emotionally and mentally abused and manipulated me. He just died but I made my peace and because I didn't hate him when he died, I got closure. I'm fully at peace with that situation. I had no bitterness towards him. My father hated his step father from the time he was 20 until he died at 80. he lived in that bitterness and hatred and there was a point where I did hate him and cut him because he acted just like that man because of how much hatred he had. He took that hatred out on me I refuse to be the same way I don't hate my mother for defending my father's abuse as "he's not normal/he had a hard childhood/ he doesn't know what he's doing" which is exactly why I took it for so long I don't hate her for disowning me twice for marrying a black American. I don't hate her for putting me down and being racist. I don't hate her for not taking my mental health seriously and low key mocking it and then pretending it's not real Yes, some of that is completely unforgivable BUT I have peace. I will pick my peace over holding grudges (regardless of how serious the offense is) I have peace. You can do what you want but I know I would rather let things go. It doesn't mean that what they did was right or that they shouldn't suffer for it. They absolutely should. But it's your decision. Just remember that if you don't make peace with it, it will affect you into your old age and you will become like my father. That's one of the things that helped me forgive him
@@shells500tutubowhat did you think I was talking about? That's exactly what forgiveness is You let it go and go past it because you can't change it. It's when you hold onto that and continually think about them and how they wronged you and let that keep you angry is when it's a problem But pushing past it and letting it go is forgiveness. You don't have to tell them you forgive them. You make your peace with it and move on. You don't let any thoughts of them put you into a rage And I'm doing anything but fooling myself. I have been through hell and back over and over again my entire life. I've learned a thing or 2 and value my peace above all. I won't detail everything I went through but my entire life was abuse save maybe 3 or 4 years. I value my peace. They can do what they want but they aren't my concern. I think you are very confused as to the definition of forgiveness because your last paragraph is talking about that exactly
2nf story, that comment saying op was bad for jot reaching out sucks so much. Op was kicked out and abandoned, ignored and abused. Op has 0 responsavikitybto do anything for that family
I would tell the nephew that his dad is only “supportive” because he knows what he did to his own brother. Like wth. Also I think people think that the son is like a teenager or something but it’s been 24 years. The son is likely now 24 or at least in his 20s. He’ll be fine knowing what kind of person his dad actually is. (Wrote this comment before finding out the nephew’s age but my point still stands)
In story 2 I would warn the brother I’m gonna be honest and that could turn his nephew against his brother. And while uncle isn’t required to support the nephew that would be the right thing to do, but it wouldn’t make him a bad person to not do so. I’d encourage him to support the nephew especially given his circumstances in this family. But keep the boundaries and make sure they understand reconciliation isn’t guaranteed.
The way the comment is written,it reads like someone that knows OP. I'm just wondering if someone found OP's post. It could be the sister or the brother. Or someone else in the family. Or maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet this morning.
@@cyndirankin I agree, buuuut it’s definitely more of a boomer thing. Also saying ‘bad show’ they’re either a troll or genuinely old. Very very uncommon phrase nowadays
Story 2, seeee this is why i won't marry into certain cultures. I'm the child of immigrants. Hell to the no am i gonna marry someone from either culture. Technically neither is known for disrespecting women in modern society but the old social attitudes are still there where women were disrespected. I'm not gonna get into this type of relationship with someone whose very culture has made it normal to mistreat women This is NOT a race thing. It is CULTURAL. I'm not marrying any type of Asian, I'm not marrying an African, I'm not marrying anyone in specific Hispanic cultures because I KNOW what they're like. I honestly don't even care if they're the child of immigrants like me. I'm as red blooded of an American as you can get but i had to fight my parents on it. I had to fight their opinions and their pressure to be a certain way to please them. And unless something who is the child of immigrants has done that, I'm not gonna even think about it cuz I'm not ending up like this girl. Sometimes even then i wouldn't. Don't just marry someone because you "love them" Look at everything that marriage entails. Look at what their cultural attitude is. Look at their parents
My very best friend's mother told us when we were around twenty-three, "Under no circumstances should you marry an African man". Mom was from a West African country, not Nigeria, btw. At the time I thought that was funny, but her mother married a South American man, her sister a Swiss man, and even her brother married an American woman. Over the years I have come to understand just how different that continent and Asia are so very different culturally, even while appearing superficially Western. And this is not a racial thing. I would not recommend a very American woman to marry a white South African man either. It's not in their DNA, it is a very strong societal thing, and women are definitely not first class citizens. And about the Caribbean, one young Black Jamaican female comedian refers to West Indian men as "nautical Nigerians". I was ROFLMAO at that one.
Ive noticed that with immigrant family's they do whatever possible to never even date or marry within their culture, or if they do they marry someone who isnt the son or daughter of immigrants and are like 3 or 4 generations removed
The comments would have still told OP to leave if OP was a man. They would have called the wife a gold digger. In fact, if the genders were reversed, this post probably wouldn’t have been made, because the parents wouldn’t have complained because the man was working and had to miss the trip.
Story 3- All those people talking about counseling just don't understand. This is a major CULTURAL issue, and MAYBE, if the counselor is an American of Nigerian or West African descent, they could have at least a discussion of what is going on in their marriage, and the husband will be more likely to respect the counselor. But I can tell them what is going on. Op is a second class citizen and always will be, the husband is to be obeyed and respected at all times, and the husband's parents are to be served, revered and respected no matter how horrible they treat their DIL. Also, when the husband strays (which he will), it is "just what a man does, and what is wrong with you for being upset about it. A man has needs." Op had stars in her eyes, thinking she was marrying someone from a different culture, and had a "love conquers all" mindset. It doesn't, and she doesn't love him, she lusts him. Big difference. More people should learn the difference, rather than whining that, "but I love him so much, even when he is abusing me" crap. Divorce is the only sane option here, and she should go scorched earth, maybe even get a Nigerian-American lawyer from a different tribe, like an Igbo. Strength is respected, compromise is seen as weakness, so she needs to remember that and practice it with her soon to be ex and his family. Op, be confident and unyielding, because you are right in everything you are thinking, so act like it.
I doubt getting a Nigerian counselor would be helpful this is coming from a Nigerian man. Most if not all of the people I’ve met are willing to die on a hill they’ve made irrespective of they are right or wrong and in most cases you are coerced to see past it saying “it doesn’t matter if he’s right or wrong he’s your father and he wants what’s best for you” I’ve heard this one so many times I’ve lost count
The man, the myth, the legend, Devon. Moral story: be like Devon.
story 1 this is why cheaters must never ever ever be given custody since this happens more and more often each year passess.
Agreed.
As this sounds like it is in another country, the rules are different. But, purging those problems is very therapeutic.
Women who use child support on themselves while their kids are in rags should lose custody of the kids since 90% of the women you can tell use the CS on themselves
We all need a “Devon” in our lives.
CORRECTION: We should ALL be like Devon!
I have a Devon, Her name is Debjani,
she is younger than me but behaves like a big sister to me
@@Zayification we can all be their for each other.
Devon is the absolute best. I knew a Devon named Alice, she used to beat up bullies both girls and boys, she us now married to one of the boys she used to protect.
If someone got wind of how OP’s mother and stepfather treated him, they would contact social services to remove him from those toxic jerks, place him in foster care, and then, with a loving adoptive family; in fact, OP should’ve been taken away from his mother and stepfather, and placed with wonderful foster/adoptive family, and he would have a good life.
22:22 That comment is the stupidest opinion I have heard and while I see their point in maintaining relationships it was up to the brother mother dad and grandparents, not OP. He doesn't owe anyone anything especially not an apology and doesn't have to let bygones be bygones.
Edit: clean up
Honestly, OP's family shouldn't have disowned him anyways over being gay. Family is supposed to love you unconditionally.
The only explanation is the brother made that comment lol
I agree. Sounds like it was from OPs family who's trying to rugsweep the whole context of why OP is NC with the family. I also find it disturbing how the family talks about OP as if he's deceased, and OP now is just the "gay friend" where OPs brother is asking for advice. I'd tell OP to stay clear for sure.
To be honest, if I was OP, I would have just laid out the truth to his ex brother’s son. “Your father is homophobic and will make your life miserable and so will your grandparents ” and all that jazz, cause that’s what OP knows of his ex-family. Also, OP literally mentioned he got blackmailed and he did try to reach out to his ex-parents but got ignored. Yeah, who exactly is the one who “doesn’t want to forgive and let it go”? Cause OP did tried and they ignored. Hypocrites, all of them. I’ll probably end up making the poor kid more scared of his family, so it’s a good thing I’m not OP. I’m petty as fuck and hell be damn if I would think of the child at the moment of pettiness when I hear that they talk about OP like he’s the one who didn’t tried to reconcile when he fucking did!
Ong! I was hoping someone would have commented this. For me it sounds like someone who hasn't experienced major relationship shattering problems like this. And I'm glad, but that doesn't invalidate what happened. And from what it sounds like, they want to rug sweep. So that just shows they aren't sorry. Seeing as the underlying issue isn't resolved what is stopping another blow up from happening? Because I've tried to reconcile with my NC family without waiting to see if they had changed and it was only a few months before the last blow up that made me go full NC since.
“So, dear nephew, let me tell you about how i was relentlessly bullied by your dad, how he gave me crippling mental issues that i have to treat to this day and how i overcome it - somewhat. Oh, and btw, we are meeting in a mcDonalds because i cannot be in the same room with him without getting a panic attack.”
Like, seriously, what does the brother think is gonna happen.
Also, “your mother loves you no matter what” - in what way? In spirit? If you love you show it, you don’t do it hush hush so the person you love (in this case her own SON) don’t find out and might think you actually care.
23:44 wtf? Dude thinks he cooked by saying “You’re selfish for not forgiving the people who cut your out for being gay, and turned a blind eye as you suffered your entire childhood”. Question, why is it that we aren’t owed the ability to not forgive, yet apparently they are owed forgiveness? It’s not self serving nor is it selfish to not forgive someone. It’s a choice. No idea what that guy is talking about when he talks about an aunt letting her niece go to foster care, no one unironically says “you go girl”. The delusion is unreal.
Thats reddit for you, someone always needs to pretend they have 100% moral purity
OP don't break the NC you did that for a reason and your family except your sister don't deserve to be let back into your family.
S2: that commenter talking about mending fences needs to shut up. If that’s not wat op wants to do he doesn’t need to and nobody has any right to try to force him to either.
On story 2 I think Op shoudl send a message to his nephew telling him, if he ever feels unsafe with his parents to come to his house and explain, in as much detail as possible, what his father put him through while blackmailing him for his sexuality and that the grandparents never did anything and the only person whi has respected his boundaries and dignity is his aunt.
On the third story..as a Nigerian woman born and raise in Nigeria with soft-traditional values, your first mistake was marrying a Nigerian man.
Yeah Africa is as conservative as the Middle East. I don’t understand how women chose men from those cultures.
@@raquel.garcia.1995Western women tend to think that African men are less conservative than locals so they tend to date them.
It mostly comes from ignorance and unwillingness to acknowledge local conservatives and see eye to eye to them.
It’s so bad that most Western liberals will refuse to speak to or even give generic golden rule courtesies to conservatives.
Devon the goat
Devon the GOAT
Reddit really wanted to place this man with an abuser that's messed up
Male victims aren't taken serious, and Reddit is a mostly anti-Men's Rights sphere.
When story 1 OP said they got bullied for being introverted and suspended for fighting back, I felt that shit in my bones. School systems here with their zero tolerance policies punish everyone blindly. Your choices as a bully target are fight back and get in trouble for it, or let yourself be assaulted and do nothing. It's pathetic.
Same but I don't regret it. The bullies learned I wasn't afraid to be suspended to defend myself and they left me the f alone for the rest of school
@@mercuriallily Oh yeah, 100%. It was the only way to get through to their savage mentality.
Story 3 idk i think OP is YTA. He showed his true colors before they got married and she accepted the conditions, culture, and marriage.
2nd Story- OP you don’t have to makeup with the family just because Rick finally apologized, he only reached out because he needed something from you, if he didn’t have a feeling that his son was gay, he wouldn’t have reached out. And don’t listen to the last commenter, you don’t have to be the bigger person when you were the one mistreated and kicked out of the family. You don’t even know Rick’s son, he’s pretty much a stranger.
Exactly. People like that commentor are just emotionally unintelligent. Forgiveness is a choice, a choice is by definition NOT an obligation. It’s not like we’re talking about forgiving some small thing either. The brothers literally ruined OP’s childhood and the family completely cut him off.
What if OP had just committed s*icide because of the mental and emotional anguish they put him through? Would that commentor still be talking about selfishness and forgiveness? Ridiculous, ppl like that just want to appear enlightened and go against what they perceive to be the popular cultural movement. Who wants to break it to them that no one unironically says “you go girl” anymore?
Devon is the G O A T
It's a good thing Reddit isn't a thing in Westeros; some redditors would definitely be so full of themselves as to have the Hound try to pal it up with the Mountain and let bygones be bygones. Some wounds won't heal, and some people won't change.
I think people confuse forgiveness with ignoring what the person did and keeping them in their life
Forgiveness isn't for the other person. It's for you. It's saying that they have no room in your head at all anymore.
It's healthy
The point you should get to is when the people who hurt you come into your head, you don't feel an overwhelming hatred for them where you burn with revenge and hurt.
They're not worth it
Forgiveness doesn't mean you reconcile.
Forgiveness doesn't mean they shouldn't be punished.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that what they did was OK.
Forgiveness doesn't mean that you have to keep them in your life.
Forgiveness doesn't mean they deserve a second chance
They don't deserve forgiveness. Most people don't. But we forgive so we can move forward.
You're never gonna forget.
NEVER
But it's a lesson you should keep. That's you recognize red flags and don't tolerate foolishness
There are too many people who are bitter about little things and who refuse to forgive and end up becoming terrible people.
No matter what happened, not forgiving will affect your life. I don't care if you push it out of your head and try not to think about them.
When you don't work things out with yourself and go through the stages of grief (yes you have to go through them when you've been hurt badly) it will absolutely destroy you eventually.
If you think about someone and you get hatred and feel rage, you have not forgiven them and it will affect your mental state.
My father is 80 years old. He still hates his stepdad who has been dead for 30 years. He's a miserable hateful old man.
He covered it up for the longest time. He didn't bring him up or mention anything him but every time someone mentioned him, he would get upset. It wasn't the type of upset where "I've been hurt but I'm not gonna hate them and I'm overcoming it"
It was the "I'm glad he's dead/ I'm glad he's burning in hell/ I hope he never stops suffering/if he was still alive i would kill him" kinda upset
Yeah. Don't be like that
I've been raped, emotionally, verbally and mentally abused by my ex husband and i honestly can't say i hate him.
Yes it is hard sometimes but i push it out and refuse to let him live in my head because he doesn't deserve that space
Yeah, no. I do not forgive someone who has not asked for and shown through their actions that they have taken responsibility for what they did. Forgiving someone who has done nothing to deserve it is a hollow victory. Don't fool yourself.
I say, understand why the person did what they did and then move on. You thought the person was someone they weren't and thus are disappointed when you find out who they really are, when you find out that you misjudged them, so I say just get over your disappointment.
Usually I'm the one pointing out that forgiveness is you going "ok I'm letting go, I'm not going to hold onto the burden that you've put on me with your actions."
But I must admit that sometimes people do things that are unforgivable (it's a word in our vocabulary for a good reason). I have 2 cases like that and I'll never forgive them even though I wasn't directly hurt by them.
@@LadyBernthat is very logical. I get it 100%
But I will tell you I was married for 15 years to a narcissistic abuser. He gaslit me and then lovebombed me in a continual cycle. He made me think I was crazy and that everything was my fault.
It wasn't until after I left that I saw the damage he had done.
He had abused me in every way possibly except he didn't hit me but honestly, I would rather have gotten hit because then I would have justified leaving because the way abuse is portrayed a lot of the time is physical.
Then he married my bff right after the divorce went through. Suspicious right? And then my friend killed a 20 year friendship by choosing my ex.
I don't hate them. I don't hate him for raping me, manipulating me, verbally and mentally and emotionally abusing me for 15 years.
I don't hate my father who neglected me my entire life and verbally, emotionally and mentally abused and manipulated me.
He just died but I made my peace and because I didn't hate him when he died, I got closure. I'm fully at peace with that situation. I had no bitterness towards him.
My father hated his step father from the time he was 20 until he died at 80. he lived in that bitterness and hatred and there was a point where I did hate him and cut him because he acted just like that man because of how much hatred he had. He took that hatred out on me
I refuse to be the same way
I don't hate my mother for defending my father's abuse as "he's not normal/he had a hard childhood/ he doesn't know what he's doing" which is exactly why I took it for so long
I don't hate her for disowning me twice for marrying a black American. I don't hate her for putting me down and being racist. I don't hate her for not taking my mental health seriously and low key mocking it and then pretending it's not real
Yes, some of that is completely unforgivable BUT I have peace.
I will pick my peace over holding grudges (regardless of how serious the offense is)
I have peace.
You can do what you want but I know I would rather let things go.
It doesn't mean that what they did was right or that they shouldn't suffer for it. They absolutely should.
But it's your decision. Just remember that if you don't make peace with it, it will affect you into your old age and you will become like my father. That's one of the things that helped me forgive him
@@shells500tutubowhat did you think I was talking about?
That's exactly what forgiveness is
You let it go and go past it because you can't change it.
It's when you hold onto that and continually think about them and how they wronged you and let that keep you angry is when it's a problem
But pushing past it and letting it go is forgiveness.
You don't have to tell them you forgive them. You make your peace with it and move on. You don't let any thoughts of them put you into a rage
And I'm doing anything but fooling myself. I have been through hell and back over and over again my entire life. I've learned a thing or 2 and value my peace above all. I won't detail everything I went through but my entire life was abuse save maybe 3 or 4 years.
I value my peace. They can do what they want but they aren't my concern.
I think you are very confused as to the definition of forgiveness because your last paragraph is talking about that exactly
@@shadowcollins4589 it doesn't affect me at all to hold this grudge. Congrats to you for moving on though
This brought tears to mine eyes.
2nf story, that comment saying op was bad for jot reaching out sucks so much. Op was kicked out and abandoned, ignored and abused. Op has 0 responsavikitybto do anything for that family
I would tell the nephew that his dad is only “supportive” because he knows what he did to his own brother. Like wth. Also I think people think that the son is like a teenager or something but it’s been 24 years. The son is likely now 24 or at least in his 20s. He’ll be fine knowing what kind of person his dad actually is. (Wrote this comment before finding out the nephew’s age but my point still stands)
The nephew’s 16 they said it in the post
The Lord Blessed Devon.... he's a chosen. ❤❤❤
Devon is a real G
In story 2 I would warn the brother I’m gonna be honest and that could turn his nephew against his brother. And while uncle isn’t required to support the nephew that would be the right thing to do, but it wouldn’t make him a bad person to not do so. I’d encourage him to support the nephew especially given his circumstances in this family. But keep the boundaries and make sure they understand reconciliation isn’t guaranteed.
God damn boomer comment near the end of story 2. “But faaaaaamily!” Jfc.
Seriously, probably blames op for being the ‘problem’ in the family as well because of how he worded his comment too.
No, do not blame boomers for that. I have heard this from every generation.
He's also really making a lot of assumptions about OP
The way the comment is written,it reads like someone that knows OP. I'm just wondering if someone found OP's post. It could be the sister or the brother. Or someone else in the family.
Or maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet this morning.
@@cyndirankin I agree, buuuut it’s definitely more of a boomer thing. Also saying ‘bad show’ they’re either a troll or genuinely old. Very very uncommon phrase nowadays
Seeking therapy could be a great step toward healing.
Story 2's final commenter is probably the single most stereotypical sanctimonious Redditor I have heard in a while. Just spewing absoloute crap 😂
Sounds like a typical Tuesday 🥱🥱
Story 2, seeee this is why i won't marry into certain cultures.
I'm the child of immigrants. Hell to the no am i gonna marry someone from either culture.
Technically neither is known for disrespecting women in modern society but the old social attitudes are still there where women were disrespected.
I'm not gonna get into this type of relationship with someone whose very culture has made it normal to mistreat women
This is NOT a race thing. It is CULTURAL.
I'm not marrying any type of Asian, I'm not marrying an African, I'm not marrying anyone in specific Hispanic cultures because I KNOW what they're like.
I honestly don't even care if they're the child of immigrants like me.
I'm as red blooded of an American as you can get but i had to fight my parents on it. I had to fight their opinions and their pressure to be a certain way to please them. And unless something who is the child of immigrants has done that, I'm not gonna even think about it cuz I'm not ending up like this girl.
Sometimes even then i wouldn't.
Don't just marry someone because you "love them"
Look at everything that marriage entails. Look at what their cultural attitude is. Look at their parents
My very best friend's mother told us when we were around twenty-three, "Under no circumstances should you marry an African man". Mom was from a West African country, not Nigeria, btw. At the time I thought that was funny, but her mother married a South American man, her sister a Swiss man, and even her brother married an American woman.
Over the years I have come to understand just how different that continent and Asia are so very different culturally, even while appearing superficially Western. And this is not a racial thing. I would not recommend a very American woman to marry a white South African man either. It's not in their DNA, it is a very strong societal thing, and women are definitely not first class citizens.
And about the Caribbean, one young Black Jamaican female comedian refers to West Indian men as "nautical Nigerians". I was ROFLMAO at that one.
Ive noticed that with immigrant family's they do whatever possible to never even date or marry within their culture, or if they do they marry someone who isnt the son or daughter of immigrants and are like 3 or 4 generations removed
Agreed! I'm 1st generation American and you are 💯 correct. Hard pass.
Thats cool and all but it doesn't pertain to the 2nd story at all
I'm Carribean. I'm marrying an African. He is an absolute angel and he was born and raised there... So... I wouldn't agree with you
I think the father did the favoring of OP because he felt sorry for what Op went through it's a good thing it was stopped before it got worse
This content is really interesting, I like it a lot.
Also, given that they pay their writers the high wages of $0.00 per hour, I think they're getting what they paid for.
62nd story do not get involved with your shifty family, especially you brother, if he didn't need your help would he still reach out?
I’m confused. I thought he was w/ his bio dad.
Story 3: Why woukd they cut off his brother?
Retirement home speedrun
Commenting for the algo
W DEVON
sheesh
Change the gender in the last story and see how fast the comments change
The comments would have still told OP to leave if OP was a man. They would have called the wife a gold digger. In fact, if the genders were reversed, this post probably wouldn’t have been made, because the parents wouldn’t have complained because the man was working and had to miss the trip.
First in chat
❤️❤️❤️
Story 3- All those people talking about counseling just don't understand. This is a major CULTURAL issue, and MAYBE, if the counselor is an American of Nigerian or West African descent, they could have at least a discussion of what is going on in their marriage, and the husband will be more likely to respect the counselor.
But I can tell them what is going on. Op is a second class citizen and always will be, the husband is to be obeyed and respected at all times, and the husband's parents are to be served, revered and respected no matter how horrible they treat their DIL. Also, when the husband strays (which he will), it is "just what a man does, and what is wrong with you for being upset about it. A man has needs."
Op had stars in her eyes, thinking she was marrying someone from a different culture, and had a "love conquers all" mindset. It doesn't, and she doesn't love him, she lusts him. Big difference. More people should learn the difference, rather than whining that, "but I love him so much, even when he is abusing me" crap.
Divorce is the only sane option here, and she should go scorched earth, maybe even get a Nigerian-American lawyer from a different tribe, like an Igbo.
Strength is respected, compromise is seen as weakness, so she needs to remember that and practice it with her soon to be ex and his family. Op, be confident and unyielding, because you are right in everything you are thinking, so act like it.
I doubt getting a Nigerian counselor would be helpful this is coming from a Nigerian man. Most if not all of the people I’ve met are willing to die on a hill they’ve made irrespective of they are right or wrong and in most cases you are coerced to see past it saying “it doesn’t matter if he’s right or wrong he’s your father and he wants what’s best for you” I’ve heard this one so many times I’ve lost count
Day 220 of commenting to help secretvoices
Devon the goat