DON'T IGNORE These RED FLAGS Of Narcissism! | Lisa Romano
Вставка
- Опубліковано 21 жов 2024
- #narcissist #narcissism #toxicrelationships Things narcissists enjoy that a healthy person doesn't. Don't ignore these red flags of narcissism. Codependency Recovery Lisa A. Romano Life Coach, Narcissistic Abuse Support Online Program www.lisaaroman...
If you want to spot a narcissist, look for entitlement, exploitation, and a lack of empathy for how their actions impact others. Look for the red flags of narcissism and you will be sure to notice that there are things narcissist enjoy that a healthy person does not. Narcissist enjoy when you are unhappy, joyful, or successful. They enjoy when you are confused, seeking their approval, or when you are full of self doubt.
In this video, I help you better understand a list of things narcissist enjoy that healthy people don't.
✅ Take the Codependency Quiz
www.lisaaroman...
✅ Codependency On Demand Presentation
bit.ly/2RYz0TE
✅SPOTIFY
open.spotify.c...
✅ SUBSCRIBE
bit.ly/32zOvUh
Meditations, Programs, Events and More
✅ www.lisaaroman...
To learn more about her groundbreaking online coaching program that is proving to help transform the lives of others, including psychotherapists, therapists and neuroscientists, visit
✅ The 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program
bit.ly/2TRW4m1
✅ Quantum Healing Master Your Reality Coaching Program
bit.ly/2Clp1jE
✅ Loving the Self Video and Meditation Program
bit.ly/2Se0nq4
✅ BECOME A MEMBER Half Off
bit.ly/2tWazgeYT
🙏 BREAKTHROUGH WARRIOR MEMBERSHIP SITE
Monthly themes, mantras, programs, meditations, podcasts, interviews, webinars, monthly live group call and more. Healing resources all in one place! Private FB group included. Monthly and annual membership available. Cancel at any
time.
☝️ Complete UA-cam Codependency Playlist
bit.ly/31sS3J4
👂 Tune in to Lisa’s Podcast
lisaaromano.lib...
👂 iTunes
apple.co/2lY6i81
😀 Listen to Audio Books for Free 😀
📚 Codependent Now What
adbl.co/2Q484CV
📚 Loving the Self Healing Childhood Programming
adbl.co/2reLLLS
📚 Quantum Tools to Help You Heal Your Life
adbl.co/2E6qf4n
📚 Loving the Self -- Breaking the Subconscious Patterns
adbl.co/2E6qf4n
📚 The Road Back To Me
adbl.co/2E5tk4C
🎯 Facebook
/ codependencyandnarciss...
🎯 Instagram
/ lisaaromano
🎯 Join my online Facebook Support Group
/ adultchildrenofalcoholics
Lisa A. Romano is a Life Coach and bestselling author who specializes in helping people reclaim their lives through ascending old thought patterns and healing faulty childhood subconscious programs. She is an expert in the fields of codependency, narcissistic abuse, and elevating consciousness. She is also one of the most popular meditation teachers on Insight Timer and is the creator of the 12 Week Breakthrough Coaching Program. If you feel invisible, unworthy, and lack a sense of self or purpose, Lisa's work in the field of personal development can help you gain the self-awareness required to breakthrough.
support.coach@lisaaromano.co
Thanks for watching Things Narcissist Enjoy That a Healthy Person Doesn't: Don't Ignore These Red Flags of Narcissism
#narcissism #narcissist #narcissisticpersonalitydisorder #narcissisticabuse #codependency #codependent #lisaaromano #selfhelp #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment
Move away. Close the door. Get a dog. Sleep well🌷🍃. Much love to all survivors. I made it out, YOU CAN TOO💕
i have a cat, i enjoy being on my own, away from the stress of wondering if someone is using me or actually likes me....after
narcissistic abuse of many years, you become tired, very very tired.
Amen ❤
Animals are the greatest healers
❤️🐕🧡🐈💛🦜💚🐢
💙🐇💜🐐💖🐖💟🦋
Right...💯💯I did too!
@Extreme Violet
Ex asked if I was moving. It was asked out of no where.
The way I spot a narcissistic person is they always want you do something for them, and they always NEVER reciprocated.
Then everyone I've helped in my life are narcissistic people?
@@smileanimationsironic3835 I don't know, ask the person you've helped to do something for you and then you'll know.
That's because early on they start training you to be their personal slave because mine did the exact same thing and would never reciprocate and was offended when I ask him for help with something. I should've ran the day that happened, but he always had a way of making me think he was "just kidding".
Right...💯💯
@@1991windsor yes, their look and body language says it all. They don't even have any intention on doing something for you.
A healthy person wants you to have joy. They build you up when you feel down. They don’t enjoy your confusion. Simply: they love you and don’t abuse you.
Great summation!
Exactly!
I have zero idea how that feels
@@hankhill3417
Me either, and that’s just sad.
They see your EMPATHY as your weakness! This says it all.
They do.
They also view forgiveness as weakness and stupidity. As though it’s an opportunity to do more of the same to you later when the time is right for them.
Sick and twisted people. They are demons.
@@oklahomaisok that says it all. How sick is that? Described my family perfectly
@@MJ-qb5ph I’m sure they talked and laughed about me many times, but now I don’t want to go around them. No family gatherings for holidays or anything else because they could crap on me at those too.
People may not always remember what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel. 💗
Absolutely RIGHT!
Married to one for 38 years. (At the same time I had a narcissistic boss). Husband passed away in 2015. I’ve been trying to recover ME now for 6 years. Finally feeling calm, at peace, happy. Have dogs just me and them. Watching these videos help so much to work through all this hell. The brain confusion of living with a narcissistic for so long has to be worked out. A cleansing. I will never marry again.
Two smart moves, dogs and not marrying. Narcissists are terrible and I don't think there's a human on this planet that has not tangled with one before.
Animals are so comforting and loyal.
Yes. Oh no. Husband and boss. Oh man. So glad things are better.
I'm sorry that you endured that. I know the feeling, I was married to one for 25 years. I left him 3 times and on the 4th I finally got the courage to divorce.
Bless you!
"A healthy person doesnt want to doubt your reality". WOWOWOWOW!!!
This is so true for victims of Gangstalking - called Targeted Individuals who are violated and robbed, gaslit and subjected to Neuroweaponry torture for data and then labelled by the perpetrators from the state as mentally illl for.....
Noticing!!
@@emilygraham9968 what? Never heard of this? Could you elaborate further.
@@emilygraham9968 I read a little bit on it and it seems like some people are just delusional and have schizophrenia. I think the lady I talk to you on Pinterest has schizophrenia.
TþţA
??? I don’t understand. If a persons reality isn’t reality how does doubting their reality make one a narcissist?
Narcissist parents,
Are the perfect, happy, giving, friendly people to others, but not to there own children.
Crystal Morrison We must have the same parents. Lol. My parents were always the “pillars of their community” but behind closed doors, it was another story. Oddly enough, I feel like I’m committing a cardinal sin just saying this. :/ They conditioned me to think that critiquing them in any way is unforgivable.
@@Blondie727 yes, me also.
That's because they didn't want anyone else to know the truth.
When I was younger I called our Front door the threshold from hell, as soon as either of them walked through it they changed.
Crystal Morrison Yeah, I still get nauseous when I see my parents house. I call it a house because it was never a “home”. I’m the scapegoat in my family. And you’re right about them not wanting other people to know the truth about them: my dad always threatened me by saying if I said this about what went on, he’d .....(fill in the blank) with my mom nodding in agreement.
@@Blondie727 Song by Carrie Underwood, BLOW AWAY is kinda cathartic for me.
1st sad when I heard it, now I sing out loud with it.
1000% that's why I went no contact 4 yrs ago!
My life is now virtually stress free x
"Narcissists are happy when you're unhappy". 🎯
So true!
And they are unhappy when something really good happens to you.
No wonder my dad seemed to be in a better mood when I was depressed. Makes sense
@@hadessimpett6477 My mom always listened happily to my worries and troubles, but whenever I was really happy about something she'd look for a negative side. When I was around 30 it dawned on me that I could've told her I had won the lottery, and she would have come up with something negative about that.
However, my older sister was far, far worse. She was extremely envious of me, yet she had nothing but criticism and ridicule for everything good about me or my life. She put down everything and everyone that I have ever loved. She tried to destroy all my relationships with relatives. She tried to get between me and my kids even.
Finally I went gray rock with her. It makes me sad, but it's a huge relief.
@@flash_flood_area I wish I could give you a hug. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
They are really good at turning the tables and making the situation about you. Your reaction was wrong, your feelings are wrong, your perceptions are wrong. The spot light comes off of their behavior.
That is correct ,the are master of gaslighting you and the sabotage any attempt to have normal conversation in order to resolve the disagreement in relationship, they will change the subject and turn "spot light on you "
And start bringing up irrelevent things from the past ,criticism and blaim game .
So the best thing is to
Walk Away and never look back
They want us to doubt our own reality.
"your acting crazy."
"Your over been so dramatic. "
God bless u all nark free ppl 🙏
My sister was continually attacking me over my mother. The last draw was as mom laid dying next to us my sister went off on me after I made the comment it is what it is and I hated this part. (I worked in nursing for a number of years) she called me selfish self centered and Mom didn’t love me and never did. This was based on me not giving her money for mom and giving it directly to my mother instead so my sister wouldn’t complain about how much mom wanted to spend. She shoved me and said you’re not blaming this on me either, referring to her outburst. I crept into the corner and hid for a while until she left the room then I quietly slipped away and went home. Sadly I was not there when my mother passed away but you know what after she told me my mother didn’t love me and never did I did not shed one tear and I know that’s awful but everything makes sense now and I do not have a Meaningful relationship with my sister anymore I can’t not after what she did. She was mom’s youngest and mom‘s princess, we often got accused my older sister and I of only wanting be around her because she was so beautiful and we were not yes I came from a very strange family anyway that’s my story.
How true this is!
@@danabyrd891 oh, Dana…. So sad. I am so very sorry💔❤️
The worst day for a narcissists is when they realize you are through with their crap...
💯💯💯💯💯
That's when they become very dangerous.
💯💯
Q
True
I had a narc friend who didn’t have many “secrets” of mine to expose, so she just made up lies. A truly awful person.
Sarah L I'm sorry for your agony. My sister (older) did the same thing to my mother, to me, to others...But when she was around others who weren't involved in her dramas, they thought she was THE nicest person on the face of the earth - so charming, such fun..."How could her mom & sis treat her so badly?!! Just as Lisa is saying, she viewed vulnerability as a weakness. I'll have to come back to this, it hits home far too well.
@@screeningmimi I’m sorry. 😔Every trait you just described: DING 🛎 DING 🛎! Total narcissist. I’ve found the best way to deal with them is no contact.
I was best friends with someone who may be a narc they knew way too much stuff about that I didn't want anyone to know and told people about it. They also made up lies as well. I feel like they know way more about me than I know about them.
m childhood friend did the same with me
@@chyennewhisman7166 Yeah, that’s how they roll. You’re lucky you got away.
My husband does apologize. He does say those things. But he is lying. He is just saying whatever he feels will get him the results he wants.
run away!
My x did the same. Never meant it when he said he was sorry. Repeated the emotional/psychological abuse
... they don’t mean an apology ... it’s obvious when the same offenses are repeated over and over with more empty apologies ...
I'm tired of going thru the same
Yep same with my ex.
Seriously this subject should be talked about in early childhood to break the cycle..so many bad people out their that want to control and break your pure heart 🤬💔❤️
Jo Jo narcissistic parents need to be seen as an abusive household asap
My article, "Relationships: the First 'R'," on my blog "Communication and Creativity," addresses this subject.
Relating to others and communicating in constructive ways should be THE FIRST, most important and continual subject of education K - 12. Teachers and school professionals should be "catchers in the rye" for mental health issues among children and their parents and relatives, identifying problems in kids very very early so they can be taken out of unhealthy situations and the family or at least the child given therapy and maybe a new Foster home.
Yes ! Yes ! Ive watched it happen to all my kids , I have a daughter who is literally sick , because of her mother draining every once of goodness out of her, it's heartbreaking to watch, bit idk what to do
@@DS-mm6fh if she’s underage just tell her if someone’s making her unhappy she doesn’t need to see them
@@chloereed454 yes , if only it were that simple, ya know I was a grown man and I didn't understand how the constant , chaos and stress and walking on eggshells effected my health, I really NVR put it together, but as soon as I left the relationship.... Boom imagine I haven't been sick for weeks on end since, but even when I left I really didn't understand what a narcissist was, it wasn't till a year or two after that I watched a video like this an it smacked me right in the face, I always had thought ohh someday she's gonna grow up, or whatever, but anyways my kids lived w me for 6 yrs after I split up w there mom, my daughter is now 12 , and last year she said she wanted to live w mom, and her mom took me to court and my daughter told the court she wanted to live w mom, but she's an empath like me, and she so badly wants her mother's approval, but anyone who understands a narcissist. Knows it doesn't matter how hard she tries it's NVR going to be enough, and she just absorbs all that evil, an negative feelings from her mom and tries so hard to gain her approval it's literally making her sick, I tried talking to her about it, she went back and told her mom I said she was a narcissist, then she spazzed out, I mean I wasn't trying to run her down, I told my daughter to watch a CPL videos about it, ya know so she could understand it's not her fault that she feels like she's not good enough, but I think my daughter knows she is, but she still trying to make her happy, it's so terrible to watch my daughter have to suffer through this, n it can be hard to leave them..... It took me 10 yrs an within the first 2 yrs I knew I had made a terrible mistake.... But like I said I also really didn't fully understand at the time what I was up against..... Now at least I do.... Luckily my son is still w me but he also longs to have her approval but he doesn't see her nearly as much therefore he doesn't get as much of the abuse..... Idk it's a very hard thing to deal with
My mother used to say cruel things to me and after becoming so numb to her abuse, I no longer reacted to it. One day she started with the name calling, I showed zero emotion whatsoever and she suddenly stopped and with a bewildered look on her face, and a totally different tone, she asked "Why don't I ever see you cry anymore?" And proceed to tell me something was wrong with me because I didn't have any emotions!
I'm sorry you had to experience that abuse.
@@Nikki-en6kd That's nice of you. Thanks!
what a cruel mother you have.
@@fumarate1 the cruel mother probably spent time around cruel people out in the larger Community that's where she picked up those traits
🥺
My experience has been that as soon as they show any weaknesses, they become abusive.
Or for some if they are feeling weak, uncertain, or not in control, they will act out in whatever way to hurt those closest to them.
I think they can almost have real feelings at times but then they realize it's getting too real and immediately start to twist certain things around
Or as soon as you expose their weaknesses, you become their prime target.
Noticed This Morning A Change From Tenderness Last Night To Irritation This Morning,..
I am Now On Guard To Do The Tactics To Short Circuit Any Explosion
Thank you for Sharing your Observation
@@grahamkey8496 yes
My ex narc friend would just say "oh really?" when I shared something joyful with her. Not "wow that's great" so happy for you"
MINE DID TOO! I hated the stupid “oh really” any time I shared something important
Or the classic "that's not THAT good" like when you tell them about a raise or whatever. I just stopped talking to my parents, I couldn't even talk to them about the WEATHER without this crap coming out. It's been 4.5 years.
My schizoid that I'm forced to depend on does the same exact thing.
sounds soooo like my mum!
Yes! Never ever have anything good to say. Their energy is so solemn and depressing. I can't stand those Demons!
Some of these people are actually Emotional Sadists.
Definitely. But they're still human beings with broken brains. That doesn't mean you have to have ANYTHING to do with them, though.
exactly I've seen the look on my mum's face when I was near to crying!
@江俠 That's terrible! It's incredible to think how people can be like this. I am so sorry that happened to you
@Hughes SignCo that's more of a sociopath then, I think. It's learned.
Yes very much and they want to destroy everything you own.
This message was made for me...wow! It’s so sad to learn at 55 years of age that almost all of my close relationships have been with narcissists. I just recently learned that I am an Empath and have some Discernment. I am still trying to figure it all out; it makes me want to leave this world because I feel “too much”. Other individuals emotions, energy, it is so overwhelming that I hardly leave the house anymore even though healthy relationships energize me. It’s just very difficult to find emotionally healthy individuals these days. Those I knew and loved and could empathize with me have passed away.
I’m 50 and learned this finally also, I am happy with the freedom and learning to love myself and do the things I love even if it is by myself. We have the rest of our lives to enjoy and make it the way we want it. We don’t have to worry about someone else getting all out of whack just because we want to go somewhere, we only have ourselves to make happy ❤️🙌🏻🤟🏻💪🏻
I know that feeling and I'm 42. I'm a suicide survivor. I am No Contact with the people who made me essentially unable to cope with life in any reasonable sense. I keep myself distracted with hobbies for now because I am trying to survive, and that is the best I can do right now. When the darkest of dark thoughts come, I revive my mantra: "If I clock out, the bad guys win."
Hey there. I hope you're doing better now. Please, even if sometimes it seems "too much" for us empaths, remember that it is also beautiful. That we've been gifted with a gift that the world NEEDS more than ever, that we are warriors that are fighting a fight with kindness and all kind of little stuff and details that no one notices, but change it all. You ARE important and needed to this world. I know you can feel the beauty of this world from the very core of yourself and maybe, maybe if you listen enough and trust yourself enough and don't shout yourself out, you can also easily recognize that you have the same feelings for you. That you actually enjoy yourself, that you are proud of yourself, no matter what you fear, no matter what you've been told or taught, no matter how hard it can become sometimes. That core is your power, my dear empath. Is the energy that moves it all, is the ccompassion, the willingness to embrace the world... Just don't forget you're part of the world too, so embrace yourself. Walk away from toxic people, no matter who they are, and learn to sincerely wish them the best from the distance, because they surely are suffering, but sometimes you can't help. Sometimes all you've got to do is pray for them while helping yourself. There's nothing wrong in that, this is just another way to love... Someone else AND yourself, which is very necessary and sane btw.
Be proud of who you are, I am of you, because the world need people like that and we need to do our job there.
I wish all the best to you, a very merry Christmas and send you a loooooooong hug
Your my soul sister I feel you your not alone you speak my feelings as your own but its mine as well. I hope that makes sense. Airhugs of positive energy to you and the world
@@tirsden I say I'll sleep on it and when I wake up the sun is usually shining . Thank GODi made it through another dark night. I wont put out my flame bad will not win I refuse . GOD loves me I'm here for a reason. Dont know what it is but we are all important. I'm sorry so many aren't ever told that or shown love and kindness only pain . That sucks. Be good to yourselves and to those you come in contact with it could save a life a smile or a hug randomly words of kindness. That's what we can give that will hopefully be remembered and passed on. Let your love shine on .GOD bless us all and America to.
OMG, you hit the nail on the head... never tell a narcissist your deepest secrets or thoughts. They'll find a way to use it against you. They study people and probe to get this information so they can use it against you, never fails.
I learned this the hard way
Oh, me too.....such a devastating lesson to learn...praying we all learn to love ourselves again. Or perhaps even for the first time.
Much love to all. ❤
I told my ex all about me, so I literally gave him a manual on how to hurt me ;)
That glare you get it from across the room when you're having too much fun, yep nailed that 1 on the head big time
Yes, l know that stare well
Yep, this glare I got from the narcs in my life when I was at my happiest was absolutely awful! I couldn't enjoy parties, simple laughs or even share my achievements without worrying about upsetting them!
They couldn't stand the fact that I was happy. They acted like I was siphoning something from them when clearly they were miserable people who wanted me to be just as downtrodden as they are.
Ooh, my mom did that all the time growing up. Maybe that's why I only really feel comfortable relaxing in my room w the door shut 🤔
It is so joyful... to not walk on eggshells anymore!
I know How you feel I’m free from a 33 year marriage to a narcissist man
@@JennasJoyousJourney
When you go no contact... they always come back to love-bomb you..
I fell for that over and over again!
The last time was in March.. I was love bombed for a week.. I was walking on air...
Then boom the abuse started again..
This time I took control I went no contact.. I will never ever ever walk on eggshells trying to please somebody who only brings me misery and only tries to hurt me..
All I ever gave what's love and my time and my everything!
I am so happy I do not miss my narcissistic jerk I am just so happy to be free and happy to be me!
My youngest son and I alway used the walking on egg shell quote and knew it was real but didn’t really understand why we felt that way towards the narc
@@JennasJoyousJourney I pray you safely get out and soon it gets worse with years.
@@JennasJoyousJourney I feel you.
...I am in a similar situation. Stuck living with narcissistic parents and violent brother. It is both soul-crushing and mind-numbing. Unfortunately, I am also disabled and have a difficult time trying to achieve financial independence. It's amazing how everytime I almost do, they find a way to sabotage my efforts. But I'm not giving up. People like Romano and Ross Rosenberg give me hope and guidance in this endeavor. I hope you and I both see the day we can walk away forever.
The love-bombing is particularly sickening for me, especially now that I am more aware of the toxicity of it all, and how the abuse will inevitably return.
Sending you much support in your journey to freedom. May we stay strong and empowered to seek more fulfilled lives liberated from their control and manipulation, and find each our own peace of mind.
“A narcissist is not happy when other people are happy.” I once took my narc ex to Las Vegas (all expenses paid) for her birthday. I played a slot and I won about 150 bucks on my first pull. Even though she was having a free trip, and was independently wealthy, she got increasingly mad as the numbers kept going up on the pay out (it wasn’t clear how much I won so it was exciting to see the pay out number keep going up.) First sign of many of narcissism
People are weird. To not be happy for someone when something nice happens to them is really telling.
I was married with a Narcissist. I thought I was the wrong person not him. I was waiting for a day for him to change, the little I new the person was me to make the change. I divorced him. Now I am happy
A healthy person wants you to feel equal.
A healthy person wants you to be emotionally well so will resolve arguments.
A healthy person will not want to exploit your secrets or failings even if the relationship fails.
A healthy person feels uncomfortable if they have hurt someone. There is no enjoyment in hurting someone, watching them cry.
Healthy people enjoy the happiness of others. They don't envy others.
A healthy person doesn't want you to doubt your reality. They don't gaslight as they have empathy.
A healthy person will not call you names.
I can especially relate to someone who you trusted with secrets, who embarrasses you by talking about a secret to one of the last people that you wanted to know about it. The narcassist is so proud of themself, that they expertly blame you for being upset for nothing, to distract attention from what they did. They will not admit to violating a trust. They will not show any remorse. They act as if this was a victory of sorts. I refuse to live with someone like this, in their mad, mad world.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I think there needed to be more discussion about exploiting secrets and exposing abuse. I grew up and normalized physical abuse because there was a strict rule of not discussing family matters with anyone. This how childhood and domestic abuse is perpetuated.
@@TheVeggiekat Don't Forget They Really Get Off Of You Feeling Guilty,They May Even Go So Far As To Smugly Say,"I Luv Guilt"Or When U Try To Appease Them With A Gift After An Episode & You Don't Even Know What The Hell You Supposedly Did& They Just Gloat.PrayersNLuv😇😇💝💝🙏🙏✝️✝️💘💘
So everyone who calls someone a name is unhealthy? Are u living in the same world? That means everyone is fucking ILL..
Narcs will MAKE YOU CRAZY, run, don't walk, run and don't ever look back, go full no contact and if you must have contact, grey rock them! You will be forever grateful for it if you do
The "predatory stare" is a very real thing. Lots of articles on it.
Hmmm I’ll have to look that up!
@@phoenix_sol_riseup2556 At the time when there was so much chaos going on (they want you "busy" all the time so you don't notice red flags--mine even woke me up at 3 a.m. a few times to "go fishing under the moon." Right. He just wanted me sleep deprived and disoriented.) it's hard to notice anything small but later, looking back at pictures, his eyes are just dull and "cold." Any smile is forced. When I caught him "staring" at me it was creepy, not a loving stare at all. The whole "relationship" was chaotic and bizarre, each move totally pre-orchestrated by him solely for his gain.
Yes they do have this strange way of staring at you. I wonder what's that about?
There is also the smirk when they see you hurt
You can see it all the time in narcissist that are bad at acting and not very intelligent.
Covert narcissist mostly.
Capture it when taking surprise photos so they don't have time to put a mask
I see people who after years of being around these people actually get serious health issues and end up with no friends. They either took the friends away for themselves or ran them off..
Exactly. That is what they do. I don't see the friends they took as a loss anymore. I see it as a favor, in my behalf. Less to deal with.
My ex did that and even turn my parents away from me which is finally remedied but is taking a long time at least for my mother I’m still not sure on my father but he didn’t talk to him last time he worked for my dad they slowly and methodically take over your life they become you almost it’s really messed up like after my sibling died he really shoved himself into that role and it’s very scary. I have auto immune disease now after this and I have complex PTSD and I have PTSD when I met him but now it’s really bad the stress level I have the doctor said was out the roof they measured it at the time. At the time he was hiding money and our oldest child found that out and he was also having multiple affairs the lady he’s with now is
The lady he’s with now is his brother-in-law‘s sister she’s a social worker and she can’t figure it out and she moved in with them and you know it’s interesting that they can’t stay in an honest committed relationship. I wanted to commit relationship but I am I’m trying to dissect this and heal because I was with this person since my teens and Dom it’s pretty messed me up and our children but my oldest is still playing with fire with them because she needs money for college.
I ended up with health issues. I had to walk away from my kids. Five years later, they are asking questions because they see their Dad for who he is.
My story exactly
He can say sorry- and never means it cuz he always repeats his abusive actions.
Truth
Some don’t ever say they are sorry; they don’t respond at all.
Yes....a REAL and heartfelt apology can be spotted by the fact that.the behaviour is NOT REPEATED....if someone says 'sorry' but repeats the behaviour, it is just to manipulate you and not meant.
💯
Yes, when they say I'm sorry or I love you they never mean it.
The delusion in someone with NPD is also completely mindboggling.
Isn’t it? It is truly bizzare
The People of the Boggled Mind.
I cried listening to this. I cried for the people who are still in this situation and are wondering what's wrong with THEM. I thank GOD every day I got out and got help.
My ex father in-law is right in the middle of it. His wife and now his daughter is back home with them ‘my ex”. He had a heart attack at 37. He’s now in his 70’s and still has no idea. He’s has been living in a mine field. I can see his cognitive health is a mess. I always thought there was something odd about him. He talks robotically, he is quiet, only talks when spoken to, and couldn’t make a decision to save his life if he tried. It’s not him, it’s his wife, she is a raging narcissist, and his daughter. He is completely mentally and emotionally controlled. Brainwashed. Does everything his wife tells him to. He is the worst case of slavery I’ve ever seen. The daughter tried to turn me into her father. She failed, not before almost sending me to a psychiatric hospital. I exploded after 20 years of confusion. I pushed back. It didn’t go down well with her and her family haha. I’m the worst person in the world now apparently. It’s good, suits me just fine. No talking, no contact. This is the best we have ever gotten along. It’s the way I plan to keep it. My mental, emotional and physical health has improved unbelievably. Took some time, but I got there. I’m free. I too feel sorry for people stuck in the same situation I was in. If someone had of told me, I wouldn’t have listened. It seems we have to work it out our selves.
I used to believe there was something wrong with me, but now I can see more clearly how pretty much everything they ever said to me was either projection or an exploitation of my insecurities.
For example, I am autistic so sometimes I misread social cues or come across a bit misunderstood. I found it strange, however, that no one else seems to have an issue thinking I am "rude" or "snap at people" or that they "have to walk on eggshells around me"....although that is exactly how I always felt growing up with my family. I was so naive, I just thought my parents were being nice by telling me the harsh reality my friends wouldn't. But no, they were just projecting and making me even more timid and insecure in the process than I already was to the point I hardly wanted to speak anymore... which worked well in their favor.
I still live with them but am currently fighting for independence. Every time I try to leave - be it via university or a job - they work to sabotage any chance of me achieving autonomy apart from them.
Despite this, I feel grateful everyday that at least I have awoken to the truth. I truly sympathize for those still so deep in the FOG that they still internalize all the gaslighting into their own self-image.
@@q.b.2318 dear Lord, please help quint and open a door for you to get out and be independent with thoughtful, caring friends being sent her way in Jesus name!
I never understood that I had been abused by a narcissist mother and I have a narcissist sister..
Tears are a testament of truth. Let it flow!! 🐑❤️🐑
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G
Man I wish I understood this years ago. It would have saved me years worth of heartache and distress. You can't win with Narcissists, you can only understand their game and keep distance cause they will make you lose your mind.
Including y twin sister, I have several in my siblings. There actually is a way to win, at least if you can pull it off, that is the moral of the story in the movie “WarGames” from 1983: “A strange game: the only winning move is not to play.” (referring to global thermonuclear war).
I ran into this after our oldest brother died, and they went all vulturesque in spewing lies about him having dementia and telling lies, trying to bully me into finding a lawyer to replace the personal representative (executor) for him, overturn his will, force me to pay money to get a pathology report (require an autopsy just to find out all the things wrong with him), donate as much as possible of his body to science, and cremate the rest, overriding his clear wishes for a traditional LDS funeral with burial in the local cemetery. It resulted in me writing a 3 page letter to the 3 of them stating terms for a future relationship with me that involved requiring them not trying to guilt me, use me as resources (which, as much as a couple said it wasn’t about the money, well…) not challenge the will, not speak ill of our deceased brother. First offense: 5 years no communication with me. Second offense: life sentence of no communication with me.
They took long enough, dragged out when they finally challenged the will in court (perhaps due to court costs, perhaps to force personal representative into paying more out of pocket for house payments to cover the estate, because they refused to sign the waiver that’d allow selling the house, etc.) and they did something above and beyond what I’d anticipated: they used our autistic sister as a puppet in court and had her state she was challenging the will, knowing there was a “no contest” clause in the will, which they claimed was written under duress when he wasn’t in his right mind. The truth is, with at least my oldest sister and myself, he discussed his will ad nauseam in phone conversations and in person when I was able to be there in person, so I knew there was no coercion, he knew exactly what he was doing. Well, between doing that to our autistic sister (truthfully, I’d be very surprised if she ever had control of the $2500 for each of us in the will: he died in a small fixed income, forced early retirement due to what eventually killed him) and combined with going out of the way to run things down for the estate both before and after the court case (they folded, I believe they realized they had a weak hand, considering extended family/relatives decided to get into the court fight on our dead brother’s behalf, even though they had zero to gain from the will: you know you’re in trouble when people will use their resources to willingly fight you with nothing to gain otherwise! They were beyond disgusted by their behavior) where the church was the biggest beneficiary, as the church had helped him survive for many years. For me, $2500 doesn’t even cover a month’s of rent and utilities: I was doing what was in my power to get a BiPap machine for him to help keep him around longer, I was wanting to buy him one, but those are prescription items, and his was a more complex case.
After the court case August 2nd of 2020, our aunt (our mother’s sister) was dying of metastatic uterine cancer. The older of the 2 sisters, the sister that has always been abusive towards me, told our aunt on her deathbed that she peed on our mother’s grave (our aunt’s oldest sister) to add to the cruelty (our mother died in 99, we believe in a post-earthly life). The funeral was in late September. She apparently was also going around to relatives using my profile picture where I was hamming it up, making faces, and trying to make them believe some crazy defamatory thing about how bad I was.
I interpret that I made the winning move: I escaped the insanity of their control and stupid drama. Kind of funny and stupid, too, for them to be so hellbent on violating those very reasonable requirements: I wish this weren’t true (I’m nowhere near rich, I couldn’t afford to retire if I wanted to at 3 weeks from turning 50, not sure I can save/invest well enough for 67, even if health holds out) but I have the greatest earning capacity of all the remaining siblings (5 remaining) and greater than all of them, combined, with the most financial resources: when things get tough in the future, their safety net certainly doesn’t include me like I’ve helped in the past.
I do have one thing I need to do: complete a legal will. Of those 3 siblings, I have decided they absolutely will get something befitting their behavior: they’ll get to fight amongst themselves for either a money order for $9.99, a money order for $6.66, or a single penny, all numbers being symbolic. It’d be greatly entertaining watching them fight over that and recognizing the symbolism. I don’t care to know of or attend their funerals, I won’t be there: if there’s anything I can do about it, I don’t want them to know of my death, should I predecease them, until I’m buried and all is squared away as much as possible. They’ve demonstrated they can’t be trusted to honor my wishes for how my body, grave is handled (I consider it to be a grievous sin they tried to force me to do overall in regards to his body and grave) and I know they’ll try to extract all they can out of what I left behind, regardless of what my Will says. I want them to gain no more than the sum total of $16.66 between the 3 of them from my passing, and the message it sends, in hopes it makes them realize how abusive they were, the consequences, and they change their ways. Then again, they didn’t learn that when I do make such promises/threats, I don’t abort them, so odds are against them learning and doing the right things to die after living as healthy as possible, either, so it seems more probable I’d die before them of something random I can’t foresee (riot, acts of war, traffic accident) rather than a health reason.
I know them having no way to communicate with me is the most powerful thing I could do: the message is they don’t matter to me, and as a result, they have zero power over me, and that’ll drive them mad, at least until they perhaps (doubtful) wise-up and change their ways. Even if they change their ways, they went out of their ways to violate those terms, and I’m not taking them back in this life, but if I die first, I just might communicate with them after I’m dead, if I can do it without it being too costly for me ;)
i literally felt like i was losing my mind being with one .
I won the lottery when I stumbled across you! Wow! You have enlightened me to no end! Thank you Lisa.
True Paula. Me too
wow how can anyone get joy out of controlling others, i am happy when others are honest with me, and i am happy when others are being authentic.
Narender Modi is a clasic example study him
This is so so so true.... My unhappiness is their happiness... I am going to be happy now...
Yes, sadly it's all a competition for them. If you're down, they're up. If you're up, they're down.
I am a happy, truthful, confident, vibrant, compassionate n assertive n loving person tt she is not .. sad for her for not being able to be happy for me n to continue loving her false self n could not take criticism well. its her loss, not mine.
Im grateful for who I am n blessed with good health n happiness in my life, she withheld her emotions from talking to me, n couldn't share her happiness for me .. how painful her life must be ...
Exactly!
The key for me is, realizing that their behavior has 0% to do with me!
I had to learn to:
"think and be more aware" of what was happening around me.
Narcissists (overt) target people with self worth issues.
As for all of us, "confidence and self esteem" is something we develop over time. When circumstances such as mental, emotional and physical abuse hinder our development, narcissists see this as an opportunity to get "supply"!
However, Narcissists (covert) also target people who are "kind, loving and helpful" Theses type of people are usually trusting and accepting.
Narcissists use any opportunity to catch us off guard!
Once we learn, regardless of what kind of person "we" are, that the narcissists have an issue with "themselves", we will no longer take it personally and remove ourselves from them.
If we can't remove ourselves, the "knowledge" of them can fortify us and help us cope until we can!
Amen! You shine! They love, LOVE taking all of it away.
Shannon burgess whittle Some people are so unbalanced, mentally n socially unwell, no wonder they are so afraid to accept the real truth about n of themselves to move on n live....
This video just about described my ex that I recently had a horrible breakup. There are not enough words to describe how sick & twisted narcissists can be. It’s so sad.
Narcs are like sociopathic vacuum cleaners without filters.
Slash meat grinders
Yes they are
Me being sick last year was a real eye opener, I couldn’t believe he was telling people how well he was looking after me when the opposite was true, so after 6 months of being baffled, I now know what he is !
Just left after 19 years. Major health issues. I realized after a surgery that as we age, I’d be the ONLY one taking care of him, while he would continue to let me waste away… he said same… “I took 3 days off…” & spent his time off in the garage… we’re better off… just miss my kids 🥲
When you have healthy boundaries, you don’t need to worry about the mental issues of others.
Yes!!!
You do when they're the ones raising you. Once you're an adult though, you can run like hell (assuming you recognize the abuse), and never look back.
@@shaunte5818 it doesn't happen in a vacuum people become toxic and cancerous from being around toxic and cancerous people
@@dampergoldenrod4156 I think Shaunte is saying that when it's your parents that are the narc's that never taught you boundaries and instead destroyed even the merest hint of you developing them every day of your life, it makes it impossible to have healthy boundaries and so you do care about the mental health of other because you were abused into doing so. That is, until you grow up, leave home, and develop those boundaries.
@@jacqslabz That is exactly what I meant. Thank you. 😊
I've just divorced one! Good riddance! It took me 30 years! Narcissistic rage is frightening! The man behind the mask me and my children had to deal with behind closed doors! So true! Thank you for highlighting this!
So glad you got out!! Wish u the best for your journey
@Jazzy's Squad …talk about blaming the victim!!! Your insensitivity is suspicious here
They hate themselves and anything that makes anyone happy or content with being grateful about life
When people ask what my mother does I say, "She's a professional wet blanket."
Professional wet blanket took me out😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Lolololol.....mine too!
I knew for sure my ex was a bona fide narcissist when once after insulting me he smiled and said, "Phew, I feel better" and meant it! I was floored and knew he was a sick puppy. You put to words my experience and I wish I had understood the dynamics earlier or had someone like you 20 years ago.
I realised he was a narc when he never genuinely said sorry.
@@lovelyswimmer1 totally relate. I was married to mine 13 years and not once did the word sorry ever come out of his mouth 😤😅
Yes. That, "phew, I feel better" is because they are using you to dump their garbage onto. Think of it this way: when the garbage can fills up in your home, and let's say you miss a day a taking the garbage out and it stinks. Once you get rid of it, you feel better. However, (think of this figuatively) there are 'some' people who will come into your door with a bag full of their stinky garbage, and they will open the bag and dump it all over your clean floor in YOUR home. They dont care that it is your home, as long as it's not in their home. They know that you will clean it up, and they dont have to. Instead of putting in the work of walking all the way to the dumpster to dump their garbage. They stop at your place to dump it. They dont have to pay for therapy and work on themselves because they are using you in place of therapy to get their relief. They know that you will do the work, pay the money for years of therapy so that they dont have to. Hence, "Phew, I feel better." Its really sick.
I'm an adult who have lived with his parents for the past 5 years. I'm looking for a place to live. Until then, I've learned to pretend that I'm giving my parents the narcissist supply they want. I'm starting an online business behind their back and I'm letting them think I have no goals and that I'm full of self-loathing. It's exhausting at times, but it works.
As I see it, my parents are not entitled to know what's going on in my life and they are narcissists, so I gave up trying to win their approval a long time ago.
Good luck with everything
It can be exhausting living with any narcissist. Is it safe to say you help with chores? I find it's rewarding for me to know I go above and beyond. Dr Les Carter teaches to find ways to hold on to your dignity. They just can't stand it.
Go ahead💪🏾
You shud do chores for them while you’re there.
@@Indusxstan I do
Thanks so much, my therapist had to convince i wasnt the socippath. I feel so mistreated, cheated and disrespected. This clears so much. I made the right desicion but it hurts😞
Crazy that it hurts to say no to evil
@@bryansandiego deep down i dont want to believe that he is actually
He isnt a narcissist, he's a sociopath. Doesnt make him evil tho
@@libertaspax agreed
It hurts so much because we are programmed and saturated with the message that "family loves one other." We equate the abuse with love and gaslight ourselves. What hurts is realizing it was never love; that we don't matter to those people we're "supposed to" matter to most. I'm sorry for anyone experiencing that pain. It was a long road for me but there is recovery and thriving after narcissistic abuse. It starts with self care and love. Love and light to you.
My husband of 23 yrs is a Narc. I never understood why he lied all the time, his things from me, devalued me in front of friends. I just discarded him and moved 2200 miles away. He once told me that he didn’t marry me because He loved me but rather that I loved Him. Bingo.
You are A Brave Woman.
Wow that is a statement Now I wonder,sorry for that but how cruel and telling
My ex said he married so he would have a second income.
Catherine his very rude to that you . Firstly am sure you are a beautiful woman. Always pray, look good and be happy with your self. And work towards your goal . Stay safe.
I escaped my covert narc of 22 years. I have 2 rare diseases and he tried at the end to take me down with my health...He failed...
Good for you. You surviving is sweet revenge.
My parents have been using my health against me as far back as I can recall. But despite my disabilities, I am determined to break free of their abuse and achieve independence.
Hearing your story of strength and perseverance in the face of such abuse is inspiring. Hope you are doing better now and live free of such manipulation.
Good for you. Their manipulation is so powerful truly some people never break free!
I hope those diseases got better, or at least manageable. Many maladies were corrected when I "jumped ship".
Really makes a statement to the world when we can thrive!
Sooner the better!
Go get 'em honey!😍🌺🌺🌺
So happy you got away!🙏💜🙏
My mom hates when I start to be healthy & happy & I'm tries to sabotage me. She will do it all the time
My y mother always said one cruel thing to me before I went home. They day she said not to come back … I never did.
I know how that is!
Samr
@@Margaret709 my mom said many cruel things to me, about me, and now she has memory problems and wants all types of sympathy from me, but she didn't have any sympathy for me back in the day when she was doing her devilish work on my mind and happiness.
My father told me to never come back the other day, right after he said, “get out of here before I kill you.”
It takes a “special” kind of man to say that to his daughter.
Why did this happen? Because I tried to communicate a new boundary with him. I told him that being with someone who is on the phone with my (narc.) sister when they are with me, triggers me. I told him that I am still working on rewiring my brain and nervous system so that I can be ok with it in the future, but I am not there yet. So if he needs to talk with her and he is with me, I will need to leave and when he is done talking with her, he can let me know. If I’m still free, I will return.
His response to me was, “I don’t want to be involved with the rivalry you have with your sister.” Followed by, “why does this have to affect me?” All of this from a “man” that cheated on his wife and took another 17 years to get divorced. I was only 16 when it all began, and by the time they were divorced, more than half of my life had been spent trying to understand why my parents were both so impossible to communicate with, and why they hadn’t been able to settle things and move on with their lives.
Him telling me to never come back was a gift, because now I won’t carry any guilt with me as I move into my new life. My mother was more concerned with not allowing him to take her standard of living down a few notches (financially) than the emotional and mental health of her daughters, for 17 years.
He also looked like he was getting ready to hit me (I let an f bomb slip out for the first time in my life in front of my dad), and when I asked him if he was going to hit his own daughter, he used his forearm to flip my hat off of my head. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, “I am not afraid of you.” Then I hit his hat off the same as he did mine. A switch flipped in me that day and I feel no need to go back or to ever think about him ever again, except to share my story, because none of his friends, extended family, or even former federal agent colleagues would ever believe he was capable of doing what he did. He is that discrete. Had he not been trained for his job by the ATF to control his anger, I have no doubt that he would have hit me that day. He is an emotionally stunted little boy in a 75 year old man’s body. It is very sad, but it is what it is, and I am free.
If you have to be with one don't be honest or sincere. I only share my real feelings with my real friends.
Sad to have to play games in order to survive. But survive we must!
The comment about the being watched when I’m happy and feeling I have to tone it down gave me chills. I have experienced this so many times and it’s a sickening feeling and so powerful too.
The love of many will grow cold, and the rise of narcissistic characteristics in people is a sign of our times, where relationships are just a self-centered transaction...which is really sad.
Pharisees abound!
Narcassist love and thrive on chaos. If life is going well, they'll stir the pot to cause drama. Weird!
There's an old saying.... He who stirs the pot should have to lick the spoon 😋
Facts
My Narcs’s days off of work starts to feel cabin fever, not a homebody. Wants to go out & spend money, buy alcohol.
Yep, I experienced that deep to my core too...
Kept wondering what did I do wrong and how can I satisfy him?!?
You cannot satisfy a narcissist!!!
They're cold and cannot process empathy towards others.
Selfish, arrogant and heartless 💔
That is absolutely true. Look at ones going on in world today and those who's lives have gone on normal...to put it simply are narcissists.
They will give you "enough" or "something" from time to time, just so they can take it all emotionally away...over and over. It's a pattern.
My lawyer calls it "keeping the prisoner alive"
@@thomaspeterson5693 alive enough to torture
Nina Johnson, my ex narc husband would sometimes put on a huge surprise party for my birthday. But really it was all about him and the look at me, I did this now admire what I did. He even 'forgot' to invite people he knew i was close too because giving me a loving gift, a party for ME, wasnt the main objective. Everyone thought he was wonderful but I knew deep inside it was all about him and FOR him.
Breadcrumbing
@Triple Leo Tarot
That's exactly what I was going to say.
I hope Lisa Romano does a video on that.
I think what you said about “joy” hits the nail on the head. We need joy, or internal peace, to be truly happy. We are taught to cultivate that joy using meditation and yoga. However, narcissists RUIN the joy we cultivate ! The question is how do we PROTECT our own joy ? By going No Contact. We must learn to walk away. Toxicity is like that big cockroach that will never die. We have to go away from it if we can’t solve it.
I wish I had found this information 10 years ago. I thought the dysfunction was unique to my situation. 💜
Me too. Was married to a major narcissist for 7 years, but always thought it was me
Me too but I needed it 35 years ago
Well said! Thank you! A narcissist thrives on others misery. They make you hate who you are when you are around them
This is spot on, anytime I look forward to something, or happy about something, my wife always starts a fight every single time.
This is so on point Lisa - I’ve been systematically destroyed by my Narc - yes I’ve played a part too - said and done things that I’m ashamed of but totally and utterly out of frustration, confusion and rejection - every time I tried to talk with her I was blamed, gaslighted, ignored and totally invalidated - I left in May - I’m trauma bonded terribly - but I’m still moving forward - I feel guilty, ashamed, lost and worthless.
Being forewarned is to be forearmed (in a peaceful way)
You are you.(dr Carter) You are okay. Do self love. No negative emotion. Certain kind cannot do love.
Been divorced from my ex.( Narc). For 20 yrs. I'm happier but will never be cured of the mind games. Hate him for that.
Well, you are not worthless or any of those bad things. You're a good person who is strong. You will heal.
They are great actors /actresses...... the are horrible people
Yes! But the question begs HOW DO THEY ALL FIND US!!!
@@elq5317 I agree - I'm trying to figure out how to spot the "poison ivy" of people
@@meredithheath5272 There may be a more sinister bond ....
Really what they are is phenomenally damaged, insecure, immature and self loathing people who create a false personality and project everything onto you in order to deal with it all. Turning you into the "bad guy" helps them not have to face themselves. Just another example of how child like they are. They are deeply wounded and traumatized children incapable of dealing with their personal pain walking around in an adults body. You're simply a distraction that assists them in not having to face themselves. Hurt people hurt people they are the epitome of this.
Mine thought he was Steve McQueen.
18:42. This. My mother’s a narcissist. I’m 40 and have never been married (had issues to work through for obvious reasons lol). Finally met a wonderful man last year and have a healthy relationship. We’re getting engaged. Clearly a HUGE thing in my life. I told my mom and she completely downplayed it. Acted like it was nothing, started trying to make him look bad and started saying things like “well, if you break up”. She also kept cutting me off and tried to turn it into a story about her…15 years ago when she was proposed to by one of her many boyfriends.
I try to avoid her now. I’ll go months without seeing her. Decided to take her out for lunch for Mother’s Day because how bad could it be?
I think what bothers me the most is that I still let it effect me. I’m angry.
Having such an important person in your life that you love and hate at the same time really screws with you. My brother’s like her. The two most important people in my life growing up.
Took me 38-39 years to finally understand why I kept attracting toxic people into my life. Where the anger was coming from.
It’s a life journey. I’ll never be one of those people who has everything figured out. But…I’m trying. For the first time in my life, I’m happy. I’ll never let her take that away from me.
@@jt5792 Absolutely. All of that. That’s the other thing that took me years to figure out…why so many family members hated me for seemingly no reason. Why they’d even seem mad sometimes even though I hadn’t seen them in a long time.
It really does make you feel crazy and like you’re the problem.
Her isolating me didn’t quite have the outcome she was going for though 😊
@@jt5792 You too 😊
It’s actually sad in a way. They’re so empty inside that they literally obsess over others. They fixate on us because they have nothing else. They’re jealous of us for having feelings and knowing what love is. We get to experience life in ways they could never even imagine.
Once I recognized it for the weakness it is, it helped a bit with the anger.
@@supernova11711CD😂
@@supernova11711😂
@supervova11711, Heal thyself and let go. ❤
Narcissists' need to get their way, is more important to them, because theyre selfish. Empaths like us are usually more agreeable, because we don't like conflict. Narcs then will bully and run over people to get their way and us empaths back down. When we do stand up for ourselves, we are told we are being over reactive and should just walk away. Which allows bullies to get away with more stuff, because people are afraid of conflict and putting difficult people in their place
That’s exactly what what is happening that’s just exactly how my husband 😥
Mindy Sinclair I’m sorry Mindy, we will overcome!!
Exactly my current existence with my narc wife
@@mindysinclair7474 say to him, "knock knock?" when he says, "Who's there?" you respond, "not you."
Yes, empaths like us.
I firmly believe learning about narcissism saved my life. I may have lost my biological family, but I'm happy that I'm alive. I never had that before, and I just couldn't put my finger on why. I always assumed what I was told. That something was terribly, horrifically wrong with me and I was a selfish brat. When I learned about narcissism, suddenly the world wasn't so black and white. Shades of grey entered my existence, and all of the wrongs of reality weren't all my fault and ONLY my fault.
Thanks you for your work. I firmly believe you are saving lives by getting the word out about this tricky form of abuse. Learning about narcissism saved my life, and I hope others here are healing and getting on the right path.
If I didn't know better I would have sworn you met my mother. This was so on point it's shocking. Thank you for making this video.
Good Advice. They won't ever apologize specifically I have noticed.
I have met several overt narcissists who have apologized for their abusing me. But it was not genuine. They like to PRETEND that they weren't doing it intentionally. This is a technique of neutralization. The mark of an emotional manipulator is to hurt someone intentionally and then deny that they are doing it intentionally. They absolutely do it intentionally. But they want to keep up with the facade that they are nice people. They apologize not because they are sorry but because they have to.
Deny til they die! Even when EVERYONE in the room knows better, lol, smh so sad! The mountains that they make out of molehills, when a simple apology would save the day! So dumb!
@@wendellignatin1228 yep there some out there. I met my 1st apologetic one a few months ago.
@sg2011 so true
They like to deny that they are abusing people intentionally. It is like oops... I devalued someone and told them they were worthless. I did "mean" to do that. Of course they did. They will be as nasty and cruel as they can get away with.
" narcissists can't be vulnerable " I see this trait as a weakness. It shows a lack of authenticity.
How will you exploit this weakness?
@@wtchoutna why would she want to? Only weak people need to exploit others to gain strength for themselves
I silently seethe with anger when I am kind and try to help someone without expecting reward. And then they twist my kindness around as if my help was not important, almost asking for my approval as I help them. There is no reciprocation from them. But then they come back and ask for more help as they seek superiority. After I get that treatment 3 times, I quietly walk away from them and shake the dust from my feet. I am so much happier in never looking back.
Yes so true. I was so taken aback the first time these things happened with my ex. Now I can spot narcs very quickly
I feel the same way, BUT, what I'm afraid of is meeting some dude with a smooth voice that causes me to instantly drop my guard. Love bombing really messes with a person :(
It took me 5 long, suffered years to recover the self! He was very nice to me but in the end of the day it was all for HIS glory and well being. I'm so thankful G-d and my father I could walk away. I was completly lost and miserable trying so hard to find myself again😭 its something unexplainable!!!
A narcissist is miserable by default and is only happy when they make someone else more miserable than them.
17:05 So true about saying things to hurt someone. The one I knew was visibly excited at the prospect at hurting others. It's sociapathic.
19:35 It's weird when they can't stand others being happy and having what they don't. Not just natural envy "I wish it was me" but they devalue and belittle others' achievements. When you tell something good that's happened to you, then you are "rubbing it in"!
Stay healthy everyone and don't let narcissists rob you of your joy.
I am a vulnerable narcissist and I am making changes to live a better self.
Thank you my mother is joyless and she’s happy when you are upset. If she asks you if you’re disappointed about something. You can see it in her face if you say you’re not disappointed her face shows her true emotions.
That was my Mom too. I'm sorry for you too. It really hurts us growing up.
He's a wonderful, kind, generous, thoughtful man to everyone.....BESIDES me.
No one would ever believe he would ever in a million years do and say the things he does.....the shame and embarrassment is overwhelming...the sheer SHOCK....it's just.....it turns your life completely upside down.
My N sister seemed to enjoy it when someone in a movie got punched hard in the face. I found it a bit shocking. She was the only one in the theatre to laugh out loud. It could have been a laugh brought on by the surprise of it, but given the long history of her strangeness, I doubt it.
While walking to the theatre, she walked about 10 feet ahead of me and the other sister. She looked back, skipping like a child with a big grin, and said, "You wanna know why I'm walking ahead of you? It's because I'm first-born." She was 58 years old at the time. Be careful if you see child-like behaviour in grown-ass adults. They will eventally flip that into dominating, manipulating and controlling, and it won't seem so innocent any more.
@@JennasJoyousJourney Thanks. Good to know I'm not alone in seeing this.
So true! If you didn't like them in 8th grade, you probably wont like them later on. Great post!👍👍👍👍
@Fiona Haliburton They never seem to run out of shocking things to do or say. I value your input. We've all been there in similar situations with mothers like this, mine included.
Wow! That's crazy!! In my case, if my ex went for a walk with me, he always walked 5 feet ahead of me or 7 feet behind me. So strange!!!
Yes! Childlike behavior!!! My mom always threw tantrums and I’ll never forget one day she got in my face and I pushed her off of me, she said that I punched her, then she went outside...had a grin on her face, took a deep breath and then acted as if nothing ever happened. She would never apologize and sees herself as perfection.
So much clarity! Thank you Lisa. Absolutely. So in a twisted way, Narcissistic Parents gift us the impetus to gain, and claim joy for ourselves, if, and as we see their habits as disordered, sick, and unhealthy. They teach us the dirty secrets of unmet needs in our lineages, and nudge us to carry on, or stop, investigate, and create health, clarity, love, unity, appreciation, kindness, authenticity, and joy! Very cool!
Jen Klarfeld,You don't need a narcissist 😈 in your life!
Thank you for sharing. I escaped my ex narc 2 years ago. I was exhausted and wasn't really a person anymore. His constant word salad and put downs his accusations of cheating(he cheated constantly) he was physically sexually and emotionally abusive. He was so dangerous, so glad me and my son got out. These videos are so important for people who have been abused by narcissists. They are a special type of monster. I have ptsd and I'm piecing myself back together for that I'm grateful. Hope everyone is able to escape them xxx
That's how I was right before I decided to leave him. I literally wasn't a person anymore, like numb or something. I was with him for 7 long years. The abuse was mostly verbal but it tore me down. Constantly saying mean things then calling them jokes?
You are beautiful!!! Your hair looks great!! Thank you for these videos! You inspire me!❤️
That's exactly what my ex wife said. "I like the way you make me feel" she even told me "what if I don't know how to love" and that was at her most vulnerable opening up to me.
I love what you explained about joy!! ❤ So true! 100%. The narcissist I dated was always extra miserable and controlling and had zero joy, and tried keeping me in fear at all cost. When I was joyous he was angry at me for it. Now I get it
@Pure Love; Anyone who keeps you in a state of fear is using fear to control you. Cut them off.🙏
I love your hair style and your makeup....
It is really flattering. You always look beautiful Lisa!!
I’m sick of narcissists. I’m sick of the word, I’m sick of their perverse actions, I’m sick of the damage they do, and I’m sick of thinking about them. So I’m not going to anymore. Done. Done. Done.
Heavenly Father, in Jesus name, I pray that you would bring healing to Sara, mind, soul and body. You know her hurts. I pray you would wipe her tears, give her comfort, give her your peace that passes all understanding. Jesus, I pray that you would give her forgiveness towards those who have hurt her so deeply. Thank you Lord that You forgive us all our sins when we confess them to You. You send your sweet spirit to abide with us when we trust you. May we trust you always. You are our healer, our Deliverer. Come, Lord Jesus. We need you!
Sharon Smith Thank you Sharon Smith!
Sara Libby I'm with you. They have wreaked such tremendous havoc upon this culture and this world. I've seen their victims who may never recover and its heartbreaking. I was exposed to multiple narcissists growing up and it was destructive to my development during that time. It's truly sad and unfathomable to people like ourselves who are born with a deep ability to empathize. Just know they are incredibly traumatized, immature people suffering from a form of psychosis. Knowing what they really are and knowing how to test them early on helps get them out of your life sooner than later. Arm yourself with knowledge, healthy self love and functional confidence. They dont want people like that in their lives. People who question them from the beginning, people who stand up for themselves with vigor and people who literally refuse to accept unwarranted abuse. When you develop your emotional strength to such a degree many of them (not all) will want absolutely nothing to do with you. They prefer soft targets, those who are hurting deeply emotionally and those who are co-dependent.
Jay Anthony Very well expressed! I too have been bedeviled by these little Lucifers all my life. Had a narc older sister whose target was me, an ex husband, a very good friend, a live-in handyman, tenants in my home, a neighbor, etc. I am too much an empath and my heart bleeds at the slightest puncture. Because I know they’ve had trauma I wanted to be kind and show them there are caring people in the world. I’ve had to build boundaries and say the N word (No) which they hate. Not only are they cruel and callous but shallow and superficial no matter how many degrees they have or books they’ve read. They waste your time. They are exhausting. I wish I could get back the 20 years I lost to my ex.
My sister apologized to me 2 years ago. She said she had been in therapy for 7 years. She actually admitted she wished she were kind. Years ago she would say she didn’t have any friends. She knew a ton of people but never felt bonded or close to them. I can’t help but feel sorry for some narcs. They seem tormented inside. And some may feel like they don’t want to be like they are. It’s a horrible way to be if you ask me. And duper’s delight? I’ve seen the smirk and it’s terrifying.
@@saralibby9846 I'm sorry that you've been through so much with so many of them. Yes they're extremely draining. Some of them are so unbelievably draining that they are actually murdered by their victims. Those poor wives, children and husbands that were pushed to the brink daily. I'm happy to hear your sister sought therapy and the therapy is actually helping her. That's one little victory. Hold onto them tightly. We really must love ourselves functionally. Ours is a highly narcissistic culture. I'm not saying everyone is diagnosable no not at all. Simply saying if there's any emotional disorder our culture tends to lean toward it seems to be narcissism. I feel it's so important to empower yourself with knowledge psychologically speaking, healthy self love and functional confidence. Reccomend working on these things every single day. I appreciate you sharing that can be very healing. Wont even bother going into my story with you. Its outrageous, sad and a damn shame truly is BUT I survived emotionally and physically. Am very proud of that. One of my greatest accomplishments. Sincerely hope you find the deepest healing possible and know to the core of your being that you are worth fighting for. One of the mantras I live by: This world has taken so much that I absolutely refuse to allow it to take my heart, ability to love, ability to feel real emotions and ability to empathize with other human beings. Hell no! Those things belong to ME. It will have to pry them from my cold dead fingers but it cant have them any sooner than that.
"you need something from people to regulate yourself" very well said
Lisa, just when I think I know everything about narcissism and there is nothing more to glean you open another door into the grand macabre. I can now understand why my sisters rejected all my information about our mother (my ex-mother-abuser) they saw themselves reflected in the message. Thank you, Lisa I am proud to take this journey with you.
Amazingly well said. That was my husband of 30 years and my boyfriend of 2 years after divorce. My life is so good and peaceful now that they're not in it anymore. Lesson learnt. Thanks for the video.
Thank you for this teaching. I feel so affirmed in my decision to separate from an unhealthy spouse. Emotional health is something we as a culture are still learning. After years of counseling, I'm now able to look back and take a deep breath. I'm thankful to Jesus for the many therapists who help us live healthier lives. So thankful.
I had a tarot card reading years ago. I asked why my husband was more interested in his coworker than me. I did't give her any information. She said, "He likes the way she makes him feel." Just what you said!
Yess, my dad and sister are narcissists. It's bad enough then I married one. 12 years more of pain. Finally there's your videos to understand I'm not alone.
I did the same, although I ended up divorcing and am now in a much healthier marriage. I’ve read a lot about this and it seems like the adult children of narcissistic parents doesn’t see red flags as well as healthy people who grew up in healthy environments because for people like us, our “normal” was so far from normal!
This video showed up right when I needed it.
Dating a guy for a year and a half. Love bombed me in the beginning. Flowers, cards, weekend trips, compliments, slow dancing in the kitchen when making dinner for me, etc.
Long story short, if I did something that he didn't like, he would give me the silent treatment. It started out for short periods of time, 2 to 3 days of not speaking to me. As of today, it's been 15 days. He hasn't said a word to me. I have messaged him, left cards on his door, showed up at his house in tears, called, basically begged him to speak to me. I have been going crazy wondering what I did wrong. And I'm sure he is loving it.
I am choosing to walk away and I am taking back my power, TODAY!! I really needed to hear this today. I am not giving him anymore of my attention.
I am so so proud of u for walking away! I really hope you find someone who treats you the way you deserve. I hope you heal from what happened because no one deserves to go through that.
@@fxoxnx thank you. I'm still not reaching out to him. And he's still not speaking to me. I don't deserve it and he doesn't deserve me!
@S B still sticking to it!
I want to warn you. Be proud. You should have walked out earlier but be proud. Know that you will be hoovered some day. You will be ruminating badly. The hoovering will come as a surprise. Romantic. Remember the kisses. Say no. You will be discarded again. Please be prepared and say no. All the best and lots of love.
Oh I hear you ! It started of days then got worse & now it's months..
It's important to recognize if a family member did this stuff to you growing up, because it can effect the way a person learns new things on a job, even. Like questioning yourself a lot, whether you can trust your own judgement. And that's not right. A person should feel like they can trust their own perceptions and abilities to trust their own reality.
The Look! Thank you! It was always so hard to explain to others that about the look my mother would shoot me when we were with extended family & she wanted to make me feel small.
Yes I completely know exactly what you saying. I was shock that when I'm down I saw him more happy and singing along. But anything that makes me happy he always find way to ruin my day. So sad truth.
Sadistic.....they enjoy harming others for pleasure.....animals too, pets are not safe from them...
The psychopathic ones are like that, certainly.
Yes my brother in law used to scream and shout at my elderly mothers dog all the time. I told him he was being cruel but he did not care.
I’ve observed the “Duping Delight” smirk on the face of narcissistic people.
Something in their personality loves seeing pain they inflicted on others.
Most things are about them. I recently started getting to know a guy and I noticed he will talk about himself alot. His job,his workers,his friends. I told him am studying, he never for once asked about the name of my course, I've not been feeling too well. So yesterday he asked via text how I was doing I said not too good. He didn't respond to that,he went right to telling me about himself and how he went out the night before and how he's going back to bed. The day before I texted him in the morning,he responded with a few words and then ignored something I said and didn't respond till almost midnight... Who do these people think they are?
Today he's texting me and I am ignoring his messages. Opening them and not responding. "You speak to someone in a language they understand, it goes to their head. You speak to a person in their own language,it goes to their heart".
Run dont walk save yourself from years of heartache..I live with one for over 35 years
They just can't ever apologize and are pathological liars.
Many of them do apologize with words. Get educated.
@@Recusant_ "I'm sorry you feel that I hurt you, / did this to you". This implies that you imagined what they did and they are just humoring you.
It’s what makes them scary and dangerous
Sherry Simpson you had a really good point and then you blew it. You shouldn't have put get educated at the end of that. Obviously that person is trying to if you think about it. Food for thought. Saying get educated sounds a little short-tempered and insulting.
In almost four years, I have n.e.v.e.r heard "I'm sorry". Even when I'm sobbing.
What a genius this lady is ..hit it on the dot
I'm 57 now all these years I thought something was wrong with me it started with parents then family than friends I'm surrounded by narcissist like I'm in a Michael Jackson video I did never understand it but now I do thank you now I can move forward
Just going thru it with my 3 sons.
Knowledge and awareness is the strongest tool dealing with narcissists. Thank you for the video 🙂 Distance is the only cure dealing with narcissists. Otherwise it’s always going to be a one way street
Very true. I feel so much better knowing the people I have to deal with and how to deal with them. I was truly going crazy doubting myself about how I was feeling around them.
This video has really helped clarify my thoughts on my relationship with my wife. Towards the end of our relationship, I started to notice or realize certain behaviors about her. The fact that she never apologized for anything. When she did, it was always kind of backwards. “I’m sorry you feel that way” “I’m sorry that’s how you feel” getting really angry and defensive about something but when she realized she was in the wrong she would brush it off with “my bad” even these were rare. It was never genuine. Getting her to understand my point of view was literally like arguing with a brick wall. Arguments would always go in circles, there was never any resolution. We would argue about one thing, I’d give my part on it, and if it was sound (in my eyes anyway) she would move onto the next thing to argue about then make her way through a bunch things to argue about then make her way back to the original thing.
I am naturally submissive, I go out of my way to please and ease the discomfort of others, I’m shy and quiet and I have brain damage which has left me with short term memory loss. It’s hard for me to store information, including important information. So trying to keep track of everything I need to use in an argument is extremely hard and then I am left feeling dumb and miserable because I can’t create a defense for myself.
Towards the end, I started to realize there wasn’t something right about our relationship. But it was confusing because she would be so nice to me sometimes. Flowers, gifts, praise, she treated me better than I could have ever imagined but on the other hand, she would always be angry and irritated because everything in the house was a bother to her. Around other people, she acted like the perfect person, talking about how amazing her life was behind closed doors, everybody was miserable.
Now that she is gone, everything feels 100x times lighter. The only time I start to feel bad again is when we are around each other because of our kid. Our kid loves her and is always excited to see her, even though she wanted us to break up in the first place because we were miserable. I feel so bad for her because my wife uses her as a prop for her friends. When she was around, she treated our daughter like she was a bother. Always yelling at her and getting annoyed at her presence. Now she has a house full of pictures of her and pretends to be all about her. But only sees her maybe 2 times a month saying she is busy or isn’t feeling good... I don’t know what I can do for my daughter at this point. I’m grateful she doesn’t see her very much, but at the same time, I feel my daughter will begin to have abandonment issues because her father left her when she was a baby and her other parent doesn’t seem to care unless she feels like it
THANK YOU 4 EXPOSING THOSE UNHEALTHY PEOPLE, WE DO OUR JOB