"Relationships Die in the Conversations that Never happen"
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- Опубліковано 19 лис 2024
- • Are they a Narcissist ...
Relationships cannot survive without one crucial element. The ability for both partners to be honest and vulnerable with each other. Without those, intimacy will not exist. Connection will not be felt, and Trust will erode.
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#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution
LOL when I brought up things and used "I" statements.... he said "that's a YOU" problem.... and yes I finally believed that he was never going to show up for me... AND I stopped making excuses for him and justifying and rationalizing... severing the connection still hurt, but not as bad as when I believed that it meant that there was something wrong with ME ❤
Mine too.
@@lisalambert81865 ❤️
I second this. I talked he didn't listen or when he did he purposefully dismissed or would weaponize it after words.
or when they make them self a victim when you bring the problem up.
It’s honestly time for you to take responsibility for making him feel that way. Unfortunately, women are in so much denial.
Who made it far enough to hear my robot voice? 😂
I’m single (have been 14 years now) and I watch every minute of your videos. 😊
Yes. I heard. Beep boop
🤦♂️
I loved it Jimmy! 😂
It was heard from Spain. Thanks so much for your work and effort.
You nailed it, Jimmy. “Thank you for telling me.” “I can hold space for you.“ “I want to know your heart.“ “Let’s be lovers inside and outside the bedroom.“ Thank you for giving us the words!
I've been saying these things to my husband for years, but...
Yeah you know the rest. Since he still doesn't want to divorce me I guess I'm just going to live a loveless marriage then.
My young daughter and I just escaped an abusive household with a true narcissist. I use your techniques in conversations with her to heal us both and ensure she learns what a safe, healthy, and loving relationship really is. Thank you! ❤
You’re an amazing mom for doing all of this stuff for her. Please keep up the good work.
I feel a slight pang watching this. All of my past relationships were pretty bad from a communication perspective, and for sure a lot of it was on my part, struggling to be vulnerable having grown up in an abusive environment. But it's also highlighting just how often I did struggle with opening up because I felt constantly criticised and punished for opening up with a lot of people and so I shut down.
That said, I was seeing someone for a while recently who's really good with this. It felt really easy to talk through conflicts and we were both really invested in each other's inner worlds. We both really leant in, even if it meant having some difficult conversations. Honestly, a real breath of fresh air. I'd not experienced that kind of emotional safety with someone before. Sadly, the timing wasn't right. She'd just gotten out of the long term relationship and wasn't ready to build something long-term with someone. But we've stayed friends. I'm super grateful she showed me what a healthy relationship can feel like. What a gift. That is the standard I hope to uphold in my next relationship.
So she friend-zoned you?
That's what happened?
Your greatful for getting friend-zoned ?
@@OliHandy2008 He has every reason to be GRATEFUL for his friendship with this woman. He got a good lesson out of it that most people don't.
@@OliHandy2008 I could look at it that way, sure, but I'd be missing the forest for the trees. Romantic connections can end amicably and you can have meaningful friendships with the opposite sex and even exes. This friendship is great because we know each other so intimately. Why shouldn't I be grateful? Why should I throw a good friendship away because the romantic part didn't work out? That's silly.
I feel so moved reading your journey! And honoring her space even though you would have wanted more shows how much healing you have truly done! Blessings to your friendship and to the lucky person you will find to share your life with. ❤
@@OliHandy2008 Are you okay?
It takes two to do this. And if you don't have that you have decisions to make. Stay together knowing things aren't going to change, healing yourself as much as you can and pray.
Or end it
Ever heard "For better or worse"? Because I can assure you just like it takes two to do this. The other person likely feels the same annoyances and issues the other person does...
This is a fantastic advice IF (and that's a BIG if) your partner is a somewhat healthy person. Trying what you suggest with a severe avoidant partner or a narcissist or a psychopath or someone with a severe mental illness will only drive you mad and in the end you will walk away heart broken no matter what you do or say.
True true true. I will add to the list a man on the spectrum. Not capable or interested in providing emotional vulnerability. Leave the relationship. I just finally did leave mine of 5 years last week on the Aries Full Moon 10/17/2024.
@@laurahilton8743 Congratulations, now you can finally start healing ❤️ I left mine about 7 months ago after 3 years together.
Don't see how this is an IF... When you try this with such a partner you'll find out very soon if it will be reciprocated wouldn't you?
@@VyantQuijt Try it, you will see 😂 No, it will not be reciprocated, I can guarantee you. Speaking from experience. Narcissists and severe avoidants are ultra ultra sensitive to any criticism real or perceived, so no matter how much you butter it up they will devalue you or pull away or fight back instead of actually trying to work with you.
It most likely will NOT work with a Narcissistic Avoidant Dismissive partner. Tried it for TWENTY years. Had to leave for my sanity.
My husband and I needed wise counsel like this before we were married 26 years ago. It took us 20 years to learn these lessons through trial and error. I'm sharing this video with my adult children, both in serious relationships, so that they can reap the benefits. Thanks so much for sharing this, Jimmy.
This would save a lot of marriages if people actually did this relationship check in with maturity and open ears and problem solving
Often when I chair my feelings, it is met with here we go again
If you are a woman and engage in the act of "venting", where you basically word vomit all your problems at your husband and require him to just listen and not comment or provide solutions, then further on down the road you can 100% expect that he will hit you with the "here we go again".
The act of Venting, that women today love to do, is insanely damaging to a relationship and communication in that relationship. Because when you require your man to just listen and not comment, not provide a solution,,,,, you are not communicating with him, you are literally taking an emotional dump/shit on him and telling him to just sit there and take it. Its disrespectful to him and having experienced it over 18 years worth it eats away at the inside of you.
Actual communication requires both parties to express their ideas, not just one party sitting there and getting crapped on.
The worst part, as a man, after half a dozen times being told "no, I just want you to listen and hear me." You never know when you are allowed to actually speak, then you start asking your wife if it's alright to speak and give your opinion. By this point you feel inside emasculated and unsure of yourself, because you just want to be loving and not upset your wife. You just want to help, so you let her do it over and over, slowly eating away at your soul.
As a side note to the men, as women do this they WILL loose respect for you. I 100% guarantee it. Because the minute you have to ask your wife for permission to give your opinion it is placing yourself under her dominion.
It only takes a couple of years of that garbage before you begin to become extremely defensive? Why? Because men do not like being crapped on year after year by the one person who should NEVER do that to them. And guess where emotional openness goes? Straight out the door because you know she will weaponize it against you.
I'm sorry to hear that! I hope you know that your feelings are valid and deserve to be listened to and assessed. Sending you love!
I get that too
Maybe one day I’ll meet the person who is willing and able to engage, learn and grow together like this. Thanks
I grew up with loving parents but My dad didn't have the words to verbalize so in my adult relationships I've always been lacking in my ability to verbalize to my partners what my needs are and of course some partners were really bad when I did finally express what I need I would get met with rage or silent treatment.
I'm very grateful to finally have found a man who is able to hear me and I feel safe in expressing my needs and he feels the same. It's such a peaceful feeling.
Well said. I am glad for you.
❤️🔥
This is a great video. When I asked my husband after 21 years, why don't you ever say you love me? He put his fist in my face threatened to hit me. The same thing happened 2 weeks later after years of emotional abuse and gas lighting. After moving out it occurred to me that he seems like he might actually be gay. When I asked my relatives about it they all said they knew I have been married to a gay man! Omg, I divorced him and have managed to maintain an ok relationship with him for the kids and our business despite the fact that he is rude and makes me cry about the half the time I see him. Ugh, Im so sad I spent 21 years of my life in this toxic marriage with someone who refuses to communicate and has an anger problem as well.
I'm stunned that none of your relatives discussed this honestly with you but let you go on in ignorance.
I also wonder if you feel sorry for any other partners he might try to have relationships with...he obviously doesn't know how to be a partner and he will plant the seeds of loneliness, low-self-esteem, shame and dishonesty in everything he ever touches, including, eventually, his relationships with his children.
It's sad that I come from a family of people that are very self centered and no one ever seems to help or support one another. It's just really sad, and so I entered the dating world not knowing how to pick a partner that treats me with love. I now have learned to love myself and not choose people who are cruel to me in my life, that I deserve better. It's so ironic that n@@sherilynn1310replied to me cause that's the name of my exes' sister. Lol
I'm so sorry that happened for you.
Thank You for this Mic Drop Wisdom /Jewels. I asked God yesterday for help in my marriage, and this came across my screen today... Thank you Brother
Love this! We’re all in this together! :)
My single ass enjoyed this video a lot 😂 I think a lot of these things apply with friends and family! ❤
absolutely, healthy communication and emotional safety is a bare minimum what we should give to people
💯
Most definitely, it applies to all relationships across the board.
same 😂
"My single ass" 😂😂😂
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
ua-cam.com/video/vp8tToFv-bA/v-deo.html
"It's not your job to heal them" thanks❤
We’re very early in our relationship and haven’t had any conflicts come up yet. Still watching all of these videos and taking notes so we can start off everything right and build a sturdy foundation for a long relationship. Thanks for sharing your experience and hardships 🙏
The Happy Wife School.
Amen amen 💛🙌💛🙌💛
When it hit me that my partner just wasn't *interested* in having meaningful conversations that addressed issues it didn't hurt as bad because I stopped assigning levels of "care" meaning to the silence... he wasn't capable of the things I expected and it wasn't his fault... I finally grew and healed myself to believe I deserved more and realized it wasn't coming from him, so I had to change since he wouldnt.
Amen is right! I'm doing the same thing right now. Sad but necessary. 😢
Hmmm... Most men would rather have an open and honest conversation with their wife that I know. I smell a bit of BS here.
Even if your opinion is right, clearly her partner fell outside of “most”.
@@ReaveIdono I don't think it's fair to assume it's BS if that was their experience. We all have different experiences every minute or every day. I personally am married to a partner who gets extremely uncomfortable having meaningful conversations such as these despite me trying to do everything I can to help him feel safe, supported and validated. We all have different histories and some people have been taught at an early age not to even try to open up. Life long patterns or beliefs are very difficult to change.
@lisaward3557 I think the problem lies in woman not communicating with a man and instead talking at him tbh. We don't respond well to that. And also typically we have to have their feelings validated without ours mattering. Ever heard of "Happy Wife happy life?" It's a saying for a reason.
Good advice for people without self centered and toxic beliefs and behaviors.
"The way we heal is by taking a brick down, handing it to our partner and seeing if they can hold it without hurting us with it"
For far to long I've had my walls up trying to protect myself from getting hurt, but once you find that partner that makes you feel safe, you start start taking down that wall brick by brick.
man I just had a therapy session where I figured out that I need to have a tough conversation with my partner and I DREAD it.. whats up with this perfect timing, I feel called out lmao
I’ve found there is no such thing as a perfect time to have a hard conversation, only better circumstances to have them under.
Make sure everybody is fed, properly slept, and not already overwhelmed by some other stressor that day and check in first to see if they can chat
Try bringing up a vulnerability with yourself with your partner and see their reaction. If they use it against you or make you feel bad, you do not have a partner who can grow with you as you heal. We often choose partners we match with and I find that the sense of dread to discuss anything is a red flag in me AND in them. Now if they hold your feelings well once you open up, hug you, and support you - you have A KEEPER!!!!!!!
I hope it goes well for you dear. But if not stay strong and make your decision.
Probably your best monologue yet. Finding your content and then Matthew Fray, Stan Tatkin, Mark Groves, Julie Menano, and the gottmans, et al. probably saved my marriage. Saved my life. At least the life that I wanted. And I’ve been unabashedly sharing it all with my married male friends. I can only hope they take it as seriously as I did. Thank you.
And if they won’t, when they broke many promises, told your it was your fault, you still believe it to be so, then please allow yourself the realization that this is what YOU NEED. To be free to find you again
Every part of this hit very hard, especially after me having just told my alcoholic, extremely avoidant and emotionally abusive partner that if things aren’t on a better track by the end of the year we need to start considering our options for going our separate ways. I didn’t realize how scared I’d been to give the long-warranted ultimatum, but I really was. I’m also coming to grips with the fact that even if things are better by the end of the year, perhaps in my end there’s been too much damage done for me to have positive feelings for this person any longer. Time to have some courage and be ready to stand on my own two feet of it comes to it. I can handle being in this situation but I want better for my pets, they are my babies and they deserve a peaceful calm home
YOU deserve a peaceful, calm home and to be loved the way you love your pets. The way you feel and act toward them is what you need and deserve. That you prioritize your pets well being and not yours breaks my heart. You feel so devalued you don’t show up on your own list. I am sorry for the hurt you carry and you are worthy and deserving of abundance.
@@Firstthunderthis!!!
@@Aura983 ☺️❤️
You're exactly right and it's good communication tactics that all adults should be able to do. When you're married to a narcissist wife, this absolutely will not work. I've tried every way imaginable and she will just instantly blame shift and never answer the question. They're impossible.
This is why there is truth in our statement when people ask…
We grew apart.
* yeah… it does imply that at least one person “did grow” but therein lies a coded message those of us in the know KNOW.
i agree 100%, when i met my wife our first rule was "we talk about everything, with honesty" and i love her so much, and in our time together we never once fought, yes not 1 time
Yep - “disagreeing” and “fighting” *can* be two very different things.
There’s something very beautiful about not seeing eye to eye, and *talking about it,* respectfully.
Conflicts are not avoidable, but quarrelling is. Congratulations!
Foundation:
1. Love
2. Honesty
3. Trust
Wow Jimmy, Good video. I have disagreed with so many of your videos because I was trying to apply them with my covert narcissist wife. Our marriage was like a zombie, continuing forward but dead.
Now, we are divorcing. For years, I thought I would NEVER consider marriage again, but the freedom from her entitlement and manipulation makes me start thinking about what marriage could be.
Hopefully, if I find someone again, this will be present in that relationship.
All of the examples on how to say things is gold! Putting thoughts into words in an effective way is so helpful!
I wish. 12 yrs w 6 counselors. A dozen workshops, retreats. 20+ marriage books 1/2 finished. Most suggested this method of examples of how to "put thoughts into words." 40+ years he refuses this method saying he doesn't need help & he doesn't want strangers lecturing him as if he's stupid, but still says, "I'm not sure." "I can't put it into words." Which ends the conversation every time. 🤔
@weddingmom2000 I'm sorry, that's really tough. It sounds like he's not willing to own his side of the street. Hopefully you know you are valuable and worthy of kindness and respect. Communication is key.
LOVE the outline for how to "check in" ❤🎉
What an Excellent video! You are great at distilling so much clinical information and making it as palatable as possible. I am sending this to my partner in a last ditch effort to see if she will be able to take in this kind of helpful information from someone other than me.
Thank you 🙏
Genuine, caring curiosity creates genuine connection 💕
Sums up my whole life. Feeling, the endless building frustration wanting these conversations so bad but always being denied. Effing sucks...thank you for shedding light it helps relieve some of the pressure ❤
Your long form videos are the best.
Fantastic video My five-year relationship ended a month ago. The decision to part ways with the love of my life is something that truly consumes me. Though it's all in vain, I've tried everything to get him back, and I can't fathom my life with anyone else. Even though I've made every effort to quit thinking about him, I can't help but miss him and can't stop thinking about him. Why I am stating this here is beyond me.
It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.
Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?
His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive
Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤
I wish I could have watched this with my husband 20 years ago. We might not be separated now. I liked your robot voice!
We also recently came up with the idea of weekly check-ins and it feels good to see it confirmed here. The challenge for me is to appreciate the times that he remembers rather than to fixate on the times that he forgets. ⚖️
Thank you to you and your wife for sticking together and growing 🥲
I loved the statement "allowing us to tell the truth!"
Ugh, dealing with a lot of regret over not having the courage to have the tough conversations in my last relationship. We broke up 3 months ago and I’m heartbroken over what could have been. We didn’t talk honestly until we already broke up
Lol, i resonate far too much with the comment about exploring emotional armor and "taking the brick down and showing it to our partner to see if they can hold it *without hurting is with it*".
Yes please push this out because I made it very clear this week we dont have to avoid conversations if anything I encourage it. My partner often assumes I wont try to compromise things/see it their way but Im very pushy for their own wants or troubles they dont want to bring up. I know it sounds like an uphill battle but knowing theyve had very poor communication skills because of their upbringing wins half the battle, little by little people need to make the effort to be comfortable together. I really hope people can find happiness from your advice, everyone deserves a relationship where they feel understood and heard.
Did you ever ask yourself why your partners believe this about you? There might be something there for you to look into if they are walking on eggshells around you.
@@ElimEx1 They used to at one point but hardly as much anymore. Granted its been a year and a half since Ive slowly been able to try and help them understand themselves (and to some extent me too). I already know about common pitfalls in attachment theory enough to know how to tackle these problems head on.
@@gatorssbm That's awesome! So many people can't, it's sad. It least to 70% of marriages being unhappy. Latest stats shows only a 17% chance of ending up happy. Not worth the trouble...
The brick wall analogy at the end of the video made me cry.
I still dissociate to these videos ruminating on my ex from 7 months ago. I wanted a relationship with someone I loved so bad and he wasn't ready, and there's no one else that can compare to him in my life yet. In the end I gave up physical intimacy, any quality time, everything. I asked for words of affirmation and nothing more. I gave examples and was promised the world. I wasn't worth the smallest amount of effort to even think about what I could do better to deserve his affections, and everything I did was wrong. I don't believe he loved me as much as he claimed, and here I am at 6am, still watching these videos and working on our relationship without him.
I'm lucky and fully accept that it's part of my girl's job to complain about shit and that she accepts it's part of my job to make fun of some of her shit. Going on 41 yrs together and still getting to know each other.
Thank you Jimmy, this video is gold
So good! Thanks for your good work, Jimmy. May God continue to bless you with wisdom.
Very true, definitely a real factor in my marriage failure but then he wanted to withhold info
Excellent information..... you're so on point 💯
100%. Mine just ended. This was the root cause.
This guy is great - insightful and clear
your videos save my inner world
Your so inspirational thank you for helping me grow mentally and emotionally
I thought it was poor communication but in the end I really think it was willful withholding of information because he just didn't care and was just tearing it down slowly to enjoy the pain.
This is really good! Definitely need to add these check-ins in early within the relationship!
This was beautiful and very helpful, thank you. I'm the one who wants to talk but honestly it terrifies me too!😅
and congrats on a million!!! you deserve it!
Given all of the Videos I have watched and many of yours .... this is the best summary of open communication I have ever heard. I am grateful that you have taken the time to create on line content about relationship. I wished I had heard this before. Gordo
Excellent reminders. Thank you for the work you do!
Bahaha my hubby and I call them staff meetings. 2nd marriage for both of us and still learning lolol
I wish my husband could accept this information and help me with our lack of connection.
Thank you for this video Jimmy! I was inspired to compile it into a document that I could bring to my weekly check-in meeting with my partner.
Thank you for this very clear, concise, presentation.
This is so powerful, thank you ❤
I think this video is great but I do have a bit of critique if that's okay. I think your dedicated videos regarding narcissism are accurate and not harmful, but I do believe sometimes the word narcissism gets thrown around just a tad too casually, like around the 4 minute mark. Sometimes I think the words defensive or self centered-ness are appropriate, but not narcissism. I'm not saying this because I practice the defensive behaviors you've mentioned, but rather because I hope everyone can feel more understood. Maybe, at the very least, you can say "those are narcissistic traits" instead of "that's narcissism."
Anyways, I love your videos and watch them regularly. I find them very calming and easy to digest. I share them with friends too sometimes. I hope you find this critique helpful, and not restrictive on what you want to share. I realize it's impossible to make or say everything perfectly. Just wanted to share my thoughts before I forgot!
Narcissism is an adaptation that employs defensiveness, self-centeredness, and refusal to cooperate, among other things. It is the state of being narcissistic. While we shouldn't be flippantly calling people narcissists, as that requires a professional diagnosis, we absolutely can say that people are existing in a place of narcissism, because it's a defensive strategy that can, and does, exist without a formal diagnosis of NPD.
Thank you Jimmy for all you do!
I love your vids Jimmy! 😍Connection is teh key! Thank you
Perfect timing ❤ Thank you Jimmy!
If it's love, they will make an effort. If not, and counseling is not a consideration for them either, it's time to be real with oneself. I walked away after 3 years of trying. Yes, it will hurt, but time heals ALL wounds.❤☀️🌹
It needs a bit of generosity, romantic surprises too (& putting down our phones…)
Sorry to say that, but some of my situationships were much better and enriching than some relationships. It s all about the partner's emotional maturity and awareness
It's also in large part about honesty. There are an awful lot of situationship people lying about being ready for relationships, and an awful lot of relationship people lying about situationships being fulfilling for them.
Great video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can’t stop thinking about him, I’ve tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can’t, I know why I’m saying this here, I really miss him and just can’t stop thinking about him*
Its difficult to let go of someone you love, I was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but I couldn't just let him go. I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back*
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do I reach one.?
Her name is Maurice Gleti, and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex...
Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked him up online. impressive.
This is great advice thank you. I took some notes
@Jimmy on relationships,
I'd love to see a video exampling how this would look, so we can better emulate it
you are sooooo good!!! you helped me so much-
LOL I love the robot part. Good advice for both people!
These are great ideas but never going to happen in my household! 😢
I actually lost a friend who I used to be really close to because she absolutely refused to talk about a problem we had. I asked her in person and via text if we could talk about it, as I knew she was not seeing things from my perspective and I needed to know why she reacted the way she did as if I were the bad guy because another ex-friend started yelling at me which shocked me tbh. They then ganged up on me and 'kicked me out' of the group. It took me awhile to realise the different reasons why they were jealous of me, each for different reasons. But ultimately that main friendship never got repaired because she purposefully would send me messages of abuse out of the blue when I had not spoken to her in ages. My partner had to take my phone off me and blocked her from Whatsapp and deleted the conversation so I would not see her name in my chats. He was sick of her making me cry every so often out of the blue. My voice wasn't heard so I decided I was better off surrounding myself with people who had open communication with me. It was honestly devastating for me and took about two years to recover from.
No woman wants to take accountability for their actions. You just ran head long into what every man does in a relationship.
@@edwo6648 I am a woman that takes accountability, so I don't know what you mean with that statement. I would make the correction that it takes a certain personality of people who that don't take accountability. I have come across plenty of males and females that don't take accountability. But I would certainly expect it from friends, and of myself to them.
@@strawberrykatnz I didn't say you don't take accountability.
As a man who was married to my late wife for 18 years and who has paid attention to dozens of other relationships personal and work, accountability for the majority of woman, not all, but the majority, is a hard pill to swallow. Women, you being an exception, generally will avoid it like the plague. If I were to put a ratio to it 4 or 5 to 1. 4 to 5 women to every man.
Your story is great, she refused to talk about the problem. OK, refused to acknowledge she may not be in the right..... kinda like maybe there was an accountability issue?
@@strawberrykatnz you are closer to being a unicorn than you realize.
If you want a non pandering perspective try these 2 channels.
Wifey School and The happy House Wife.
I think my biggest problem is not even knowing what I want-I never felt that my needs were important, everyone else came first. Growing up, oldest of 3, I was often pushed aside bc the little ones needed the attention more. When I asked for things, I was told I couldn’t have them & when I complained about something being unfair, “well…life is unfair-get used to it” I learned to ignore what I wanted & just suck it up and do whatever would keep me out of trouble. I have done it for so long, I don’t know what I feel or want-so how do I share it🤷🏼♀️
This is so valuable. Thank you.
yeah true story. any relationship really.
What if he's not curious, he's never curious. I ask me a question I can give him a one word answer and he would just be like, ok. If I do something out of the ordinary, he's never curious, he'll never ask why?
Does the terminator song play in your head when he says fight like robots?
I so badly wish all the "That's too much work" people would get real about that and either get their match or become the kind of person that relationship-type people need.
It's hard to do this with a partner that doesn't speak much about deeper feelings or about feelings at all (especially when you're in a relationship with someone on the autism spectrum). This can feel pretty disconnected. However, by watching close enough, you might see slight changes in their behavior that indicate they're actually working on caring even though your check-ins aren't verbally mutual. Acknowledging it respectfully without actually bringing it up can be exactly what the partner needs and is capable of handling. It's not ideal but it can work still.
When u said that everything u advice can be accomplished with the roommate i remembered my ex boyfriend of four years,and i was saying the same to him.
The problem was he would always agree,but at least 60% of the time wouldnt do that,and i would do those things every single time...
🤷♀️
The robot talk got me haha 🤣
Great information once again Jimmy!!
Robots fighting beep boop 😂
Amazing info.
Thank you. Loved this .
Thank you so much, will apply this even with force 😅
Such good stuff and I’m only 5 minutes in! 👍🏼
All relationships after coming together are heading towards entropy. You have to actively keep it together or that's where you end up.
😢 I've made all of these mistakes and now it's too late. My husband and I decided to seperate yesterday 😢
Weekly Relationship check-in!
No closeness without vulnerability
i wish i could stop making the same mistakes over and over gain because of my over-reactions and insecurities and jealousy. It's like my brain can't stop when triggered and I just mouth off. I'm so sick of myself.
I just had the conversation that never happened and it didn't make it any better bc we BOTH weren't doing the honesty, integrity, trust, listening. The relationship has to be a 2 way street w some things and when it isn't, there's no relationship there either.
I could say anything with genuine intentions, but my partner still wouldn't understand.It's like explaining neuroscience to a 3rd grader. I don't expect her to understand everything I do. But when I'm putting effort into explaining you something, atleast try. She doesn't try and somehow manages to take our conversations destructively. None of them are progressive/ constructive. Dealing with an undiagnosed, unhealed person is unpleasant. If only she could focus on healing her past traumas, the presence of each other would be the answer to everything. She doesn't have to ask me a million questions, and I don't have to keep explaining myself.
From everything I’ve learned, read, and listened to, this is a situation that needs to be escalated to a third party. Relational discontent radiates into all parts of our life. Couples and individual counseling can help. Even if it’s just you. You can only take control of how you show up. Wishing you the best outcome.