My mom is cooking “giò thủ” here, it’s a special food we made during new year! You can check out her amazing cooking skills on the video I linked up there ❤
It looks absolutely delicious! I am originally from Venezuela where we also cook with plantain leaves… but live in France where they are hard to find. I can imagine the happiness it must have been to prepare this dish with your family ❤
I know you are happy with your german boyfriend, but having kids away from your family is really hard. I am a Mexican living in Germany ( w German husband) and before my baby was born the distance to my family was hard but manageable now with my baby I really wish I lived closer to them so they could see my baby often but also to have more support (motherhood is isolating) now flying 20+ hours with a baby is suuuuper hard, now I really wish I had never moved so far away 😔
Gio thu or head cheese is atraditional Vietnamese Tet ( New year) food. This is not a cheese at all, but a cold cut made from a pig’s head but can also be made with calf or sheep. Congealed together by the natural gelatin of the head organs, gio thu is served as a cold cut and also luncheon meat. During the Tet celebration it is often served as a charcuterie to be dipped in soy sauce and chili peppers. Various forms of head cheese can be found all over the world. In Vietnam, the gio thu is made with pretty much anything you can find on a pigs head.. including the ears, snout, cheek, and tongue. You can also use the ham hock as well since it contains mostly skin and a small bit of pork meat if you can’t find cheek. This is combined with black fungus, fish sauce, garlic and shallots, and black peppercorns and congealed to a chewy and crunchy goodness.
From my perspective, you likely would not have discovered this closeness if your stayed. Sometimes it takes moving away to allow you to grow closer. That's the way it was with me and my family
“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” Miriam Adeney
It is hard, but you can do it! My husband and I moved 1000s of miles away from both his parents and mine (who live 20 min from each other) when our first child was 1.5 years old. We have had 3 more since then. We see them once or twice a year.
My husband and I also lived a long way away from both families. Yes having children without family nearby is difficult, but we had no choice. We all survived and meeting up eventually is probably better than always being together and being taken for granted. ❤
@@sarahwong5592Im mostly scared of having my first child away from our parents. I feel like if I can get their help with the first one, the rest will be less terrifying with experience 😅
As a child of parents from 2 different countries, the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child” has brought people into our lives that become family as well. They didn’t replace birth family of course, but as a kid I grew up with the comfort of aunts, uncles, and cousins of various backgrounds. Our sense of family grew, and that is such a comforting thought to me, even as an adult. The world becomes a less scary place when your sense of where family can be found expands. Even if it’s hard to imagine now, this may be an opportunity in disguise for you, too!
As a German married to an Italian, living with our kids in America, it's so hard! My papa passed two years ago and it really hit me hard how much we're missing.
😭 fr fr... As a child I too didn't understand like Uyen did but as an adult I love their company and crave their closeness. Momey is important for fulfilling our needs guys but can never fulfill one most important thing i.e. family. Never let em go and never forget to show gratitude towards them if you can🥺
Especially because Jamaica also has a real heart and soul ❤ that is unmatchable! My moms side of family born n raised there... as a Canadian I went to Jamaica when my father died at 14.. at 16 I landed and I cried because I really realized why I was the way I was, warm etc. Very different from my German family on my dads side. And loud lol ❤
aw, hoping you can visit jamaica again soon! moving so far away, especially with such a culture difference, seems like an extremely hard thing to do and endure every day. love from an argentinian
And it will be harder and harder to be away from them as they get older. Knowing that a goodbye can be the last and I will eventually return to a place without them, breaks my heart every time.
Not necessarily. There is high chance that the end of the evil world ruled by satan and the day God restores earth with everyone healthy and eternal (resurrected many) is gonna happen in this century. Of course no one still knows the day when exactly but the signs prophesied in the bible are coming true. So the day is closer than ever. Believe what you will, but one thing that is truly unbelievable is that such a complex existence such a galaxy(galaxies) and the way earth looks and the complex beings such as human appeared out of nowhere, by some big bang explosion, space bacteria or whatever. If we came from an evolved tiny bacteria, let remember a bacteria is also a life. Where did that life come from?
This comment will probably go unnoticed, but relatively not long ago I saw a post on Instagram. It said "People tend to count time in days, and it is a mistake. When you live far away from your family and maybe are able to visit your home even once a year, if your parents are around 60 years, you probably have "not about 20-30 years with them", but "20-30 times in total". I was crying, weeping. I felt those words so strong. I've been living abroad for 5 years already, and I couldn't visit my family for FIVE YEARS at this point. My kitty has died, I bid him farewell like I will return in 6 months, and he was waiting for me for around 4 years... to never come back. I am so afraid to lose my grandma who is 82 years old. I am going to finally visit my family this summer, but how can I say goodbye to her like this? I am so scared those words would be my last words to her. She used to say that she will not die until she attends my wedding and now she dropped the hurdle to "I want to meet until I die". It breaks my heart so much. There are so much words I want to tell to her, to hug her and eat delicious food prepared with love by her, and what if those few days I will go back home would be the last?.. My significant other is in the country I live now, and he won't be able to find a job in my country as he doesn't speak the language, so we can't just go to my hometown together. I am tearing apart... People, especially those who are planning on going live abroad or far away from your family, please, cherish time with them if you are in good relationships. The time is precious
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (far from Tokyo or other big international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia (where Baikal lake is). It used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, but now I have to go Japan-Korea-China-Irkutsk, it takes 27-48 hours one way and 3 to 13 times more for tickets (some tickets now cost 3400 USD one way). And working in a small and old Japanese company I have around 10 days of paid leave annualy (I am left with 7 or 6 due to getting influenza). With 10 days of holidays and 4 days needed to just go there and back, visiting home is quite difficult...
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (not near any international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia. Tokyo and Irkutsk used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, and now it takes 27 to 48 hours one way. Ticket prices had also skyrocketed, costing now 3 to 13 times more than 4 years ago (some flights cost as much as 3400 USD one way). Considering I have only 10 days of paid leave annually (working in a small and old Japanese company) and getting 1100 USD monthly with 135 bucks to save for anything, it rather difficult to visit family frequently...
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (not near any international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia. Tokyo and Irkutsk used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, and now it takes 27 to 48 hours one way. Ticket prices had also skyrocketed, costing now 3 to 13 times more than 4 years ago (some flights cost as much as 3400 USD one way). Considering I have only 10 days of paid leave annually (working in a small and old Japanese company) and getting 1100 USD monthly with 135 bucks to save for anything, it rather difficult to visit family frequently...
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (not near any international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia. Tokyo and Irkutsk used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, and now it takes 27 to 48 hours one way. Ticket prices had also skyrocketed, costing now 3 to 13 times more than 4 years ago (some flights cost as much as 3400 USD one way). Considering I have only 10 days of paid leave annually (working in a small and old Japanese company) and getting 1100 USD monthly with 135 bucks to save for anything, it rather difficult to visit family frequently...
Same here. Narcissistic mother, and I can finally breathe after moving out and meeting a wonderful husband. The distance actually made our relationship healthier, especially now that she doesn't have her emotional punching bag available 24/7. For the first time in my life, I can actually be my own person and live life as I imagined it to be!
Uyen, this hits home. I moved abroad last year and for once this actually made me realise how good it is to have my mum close to me. The silver lining is now we call almost everyday when time permits and the journey home is much sweeter. I hug my mum every chance I get and pray she has a long life because I simply cant imagine how life is without her. But truth is, our ageing parents are on borrowed time now 😢
To everyone who has family that is loving and supportive please please just cherish them no matter how far away they are. Its a gift not everyone gets & although blessed with amazing people in my life there has always been a longing for a family. ❤🙏🏻
Yup. I hope you're doing well. Only other comment I found talking about this. Looking at the comments makes me feel a bit lonely in my experience, even though that's definitely not the case. I got amazing people in my life. That's what matters!
The support system is no joke. I’m living near family now and it really makes a whole difference for all parts. And it’s not the big things. It’s the everyday. I pick up groceries for everyone and they take care of the furry child when I have to go to work. The small help becomes so big.
@@Ark-ys2up Why is it enmeshment to have some chores helped out by family? Isn't enmeshment depending on them/prioritising them over most things (even yourself) etc? Not that.
@@Ark-ys2up furry babies are still family to and it sounds like just family helping each other out idk if you know but usually families will not want to deal with a human child for the work it takes yeah it will help to live near family when you have a child but not everyone is just gonna be up for watching a child as apposed to a dog or cat
@@Ark-ys2upidk as someone who had deep enmeshment trauma this post seems kind of wholesome. There is a difference between unhealthy dependence or loving actions
It‘s interesting because this really is different for every person. I have friends that are very much like you, they go back to Turkey much more frequently to visit their family. For me I‘m fine if I go back there only once a year or something and definitely can‘t imagine living closeby
Exactly! I think that you don't have to have a bad relationship with your family to be fine with meeting just once a year or so. You just don't have the deepest bond and you focus on your new family and that's fine. Doesn't mean you don't love your parents neccessarly.
Yeah but if you're fine with visiting your family once a year you're probably not that close, no offense. Some people are much closer with their family and when they move away it's really hard for them and they want to go back so often and that's why a lot of people end up moving back later in life. Neither it's bad it's just the circumstance in which people find themselves in.
Absolutely. I don't like living near my family. So so so glad to live in a different city and don't have to deal with all the taxing family stuff and gossip. Cause where I live, living nearby to your immediate family also means living nearby to your extended one! I've also seen so many older people who go back to live near their family even though they can afford living in some, better places. I would never understand that as for me, I always have this passion to fly and explore the world. I guess I was taught this way too by my mom cause my mom was an adventurer herself.
It's a very sad reality for us who migrate. My mum left our country for us to have a better life. My grandma died during COVID and she couldn't see her. That changed her
I understand how you feel! It so important to be near with family. Now I far from my parents and in my country is a war and each day I lay sleep and pray to God that my parents will survive and when I wake up first of all I check the news from their city. If you can't visit they often - just let them know that you love them so much, say it each time. Also I want to say thanks to you country and your people for your support Ukraine 🇺🇦❤️🇩🇪
Very true and very emotional. So true. So after Covid true. Even 20kms was an astronomical distance. Staying close by your family you get along is a real blessing.
Your relationship with your mum improved because you are far away. Now she sees you as an adult, as someone on her level. Now you can talk eye to eye. If you kept living nearby, she would still look you as her child, would have the possibility to be nosy and so on. It can hurt being away from your family, but going FAR away usually is the best. The distance improves the relationship. (of course, it doesn't always need to be THAT far away 😂 but far enough so parents can't show up whenever they want)
Moving a distance away from family helps you form closer ties with your husband / wife as you must depend on each other with no one else close by. It can be a good thing.
My family (except my brother) still sees & treats me as of I'm 17. I left at 18, & was gone for thirty years. No interest in knowing me as an adult. No interest in treating me as an adult. They WATCHED my brother grow up, get married, raise kids-- Be an adult. My adulthood, marriage, Motherhood "didn't really happen" on some level, because they didn't watch it. It's maddening I'm leaving here as soon as humanly possible.
Your words just hit a bloody nerve 😭😭 I'm a European expat living in Australia. Before I met and married my Australian husband I always wanted to live abroad, and now that I'm abroad I'm realizing what an enormous blessing it is to have your family and friends close. I once told my dear mum (who is a Korean expat herself and lives in Europe now) that I love living abroad but also that my heart aches for my own country, every day. She said that feeling of homesickness will never go away, my heart is now divided between two home countries. That was kind of an eye opener and helps me accept my pain and sadness when I have a bad bout of homesickness.
Yes exactly. I wish I realised this when I was younger... I moved from one EU country to another, but still 2500 km is so far away that with 3 kids we can usually travel to my home country only once a year. 😢
My mom left her country and raised me alone…now we have a new country with so many opportunities and my children and I live close by and see her daily…it’s a blessing! One day I hope you have a large family to love in Germany!
Definitely take any family help you can get! Unfortunately for my first baby, i was 1000 miles away from any family, and for my second baby, nobody in the family was young/ healthy/trustworthy enough to ever babysit. It's not impossible by yourself at all, but having family help would've been nice.
I totally felt this... especially when you mentioned having a baby. I think about that all the time. How difficult it will be and how my baby won't have their extended family around
As someone who grew up far from family, the baby would probably feel fine growing up. The difficulty would be in building up a support system wherever you are.
My husband is British, I'm Australian, we live in Aus. He misses his family so much, and we also are scared to have a child without family support (I have no family close by). It's very hard to be an international couple, just know you're not alone
don't look that as so bad,as international couple,me and my husband was also without family,we got a child with autism,you know i have experience with one without autism and one with,it's actually same and it's good,you need to be organised and make plans also there is a kindergarten and the rest of the day you can all spend time together and have some fun its never bad to have children,my mother died very early so i couldn't count on her at all,from his side to far,but my wish to have children overcome all thinking,am blessed and happy (we even adopted one,and i have a cat 😂😂❤❤❤❤belive in God and pray for the best outcome and will be all good
m daughter married a wonderful man who lived and worked in South Africa. Everyone approved of him. I was sad, but I knew finding the right man was important. When she had our grandchild, my husband flew all that way...as unfortunately I have a disability. He stayed to help with the diaper changing, running errands, in fact he taught them all his tricks. People were shocked to see an old man, changing diapers and able to quiet a small infant. My son in law, copied him and learned it is nice to be a hands on father. Also in the US, he found the entire family would get down on the level of the baby/toddler and play. Just because you can afford help, and working parents need help, it doesn't mean you can't also enjoy play time.
Have been living approx 7000km from my native country for the last 10 years, and yes, I completely get that feeling. It gets a lot harder still when your parents age or fall seriously sick. My dad suffered through a major heart related medical emergency, 3 years of cancer treatment, and finally dementia before he passed away last year. My mom had 2 major accidents from falling - she's 80 now - over the last 3 years. Luckily for her recovery time I was lucky to be able to come and spend 2-3 months with her until she was better. For my dad's long term medical issues when he was still alive it was just not possible. Even if you make it home 2-3 times a year (an accumulated 3-4 months) you still always feel like you're neglecting your family and it often hurts. On the other hand I'm living with the love of my life whose family is like my very own and I love my life where I am, and if I hadn't made the decision to come and live here I might have wondered all my life 'What if?' and might even have resented the things or people that held me back. At 40 I can say there is a tradeoff to all things in life. Everything has a cost. You seek adventure outside, you pay the pain of missing the people you grew up with. You stay at home, you pay with the uncertainty of 'But what if?'. You open your heart to loving people, you pay with the fact that one day there is bound to be some sort of goodbye. You close your heart to loving people, you live a life of loneliness. Everything comes at a cost.
Very well & beautifully said. Thank you for expressing my reality (minus being able to go back 3-4 times a year... I went 9 years with seeing my birth family, due to poverty). It is a trade-off, for sure.
For me, I'd choose my mother over the "what if". Its because I'm still not ready to lose my mother. A lot of people said to start finding love and marry. All people will die someday. So I have to start finding love because what will happen to me if after my mother passed away. I said that if I marry someone, I had to leave my mother and live with my husband. I have to give priority to my husband than my mother. What if something happen to her while I'm with my husband at hundred or thousand km than my mother. I can't do that. My guilt will slowly killing me. I rather something happen to her when I'm near her. At least, I'd know that I'd do my best to help her before her time end. Many people told me, its not healthy to be with my mother as an adult. I had to start to be independence from my mom. But it's hard to distance my mother after I take care of her since I'm 14 years old to 30 years now. For now, my priority is my mother. What happen after my mother, that is future me problem. I want to focus on her first. My father is a policeman. But my big and strong father lose tho heart attack when 1 was a 14 years old. I guess, I'd never get over the death of my father. His sudden death make me scared to lose someone precious to me when I'm not near. So, that is my choice. This is my opinion only. I'm not trying to start an argument. I just want to tell my story. Everyone is different. So everyone have the right to make their own decision. My only wish, we all will content and live with our decision 😊
you sound like you have a wonderful relationship with your mother. If you are happy with her, and she is happy with you, don't feel obliged to change. You sound like you have weighed your options. Trying to be "normal" will not necessarily bring you any further happiness. My mother is anxious, and my parents bicker, so living with them is not for me. If I had your mother I would happily stay.
@@thaqwacarpet3685it's your life and choice and you should do what makes you happy and as a lucky side effect, make your mom happy. Don't let others tell you it's not healthy and you should do it like "every adult" blabla. That is not their choice to make. You only have one mom and you will live knowing you showed her how much you loved her instead of feeling guilt because you moved and only ended up seeing your mom just a few more times. I have gone through waves. It's too Personal to go into why but I have had times I found it hard to visit my parents. Now my dad is gone, mom had to go to a care facility and I decided to visit my mom twice a week when I still can. I am thankful I get this time with her.
I'm on the other side of this coin. My lovely husband left his country and family in order to be with me. My family treats him no different than their own son, like his own family. But my husband has worries about not being there with his parents when they fall ill in the future. He is a precious gem for anyone around him and I can't shake off this feeling of guilt that I stole him from them, even though nobody implied a such thing to me. We were long distance for 4 years before we got married and I know what a blessing his presence is. I can't help but feel it's unfair to his family that I get to have him now and they don't. We have been married for 7 months and I occassionally have thoughts of letting him go now instead of him having a painful future with me away from his family. It makes me cry to even imagine that but what do I do with this feeling of guilt? I love him so much and I can't imagine myself being something that makes his life worse in the long run. Am I worth spending his life without his family? What if he could find someone from his country and be happier with her? I'm not sure if I will ever find an answer. Maybe I'll die asking. I hadn't realised this reality of being an international couple while we were beyond excited about uniting with one another. I hadn't realised it would mean asking the love of my life to leave everything else for me. This is the heaviest burden I ever had to carry.
It hurts me how much I understand this. My family is in south America and I'm in the Netherlands. We video call every week, but every time, it looks like they are just older and older. I'm missing everything, sacrificing everything to live my selfish dream. Stay strong.
It is not selfish of you, you are where you were meant to be and I know they are proud of you. Make time for them whenever you can and visit, but do not ever feel that you are selfish because you are a gift not only to yourself, but to your family. You are also the proof to those who are coming after you that dreams can come true. Cheer up and shine. Make them proud.🌟
I feel this way. My siblings and I have become separated by thousands of miles since our mom passed, I live near my extended "family" but they are not supportive and for example if I had no running water they wouldn't offer me a shower or to bring some water or anything... but they would expect that I'd do this for them. It's a disheartening situation being around people who you thought cared and realizing they really don't care and being so far from those who would literally give their life for you and who you would do the same for.
I know the feeling 😭 💔 I miss my family too, I’m in the same country but I’m about 8 hours away now and I can’t just pick up and leave whenever I want either Home is where the heart is, and my heart is longing for my mom’s food too 😭 ❤
I can totally relate. As a German living in China for almost 15 years, I also wish to see my family more often. Right now its already 3 years since i saw the last. I love living here, but from time to time i wished we could live closer together.
Thank you for spreading the message. I think way too many people think of living in a different country as "trendy" and "awesome", and while certain places do have amazing pros, it gets old quickly when you can't be with those you love, away from the place where you grew up and belonged to for so long. Some days are blessings, some are hard for those of us whose hearts belong to more than one place ❤
My mum brought me up by herself & when I was younger, the thought of living near her horrified me. Thankfully I realised just how much she did for me & now I live a 10 minute walk away from her. I’m so lucky & blessed ❤
This hits so close to home And I was so saddened to hear, I hope whatever you decide to live you’re always surrounded by love even if it’s not your family ❤ I work 2-3 weeks out of state every month and I can only imagine the heart ache being away from family and native home for long periods of time, considering I get homesick after a week haha. Especially because most people aren’t able to travel back and forth due to money, age, residential status etc. Anyway, cheers to you and your family!
My sister and brother-in-law, really lives close very close to our house, although they met in Dubai very far away from my house . It’s really a blessing and we all enjoy it very much
I feel that .. being a single immigrant 9700km away from my friends and family .. is hard sometimes. It's only now that i can't go see them that i realise how much they mean to me. You videos are always so relatable and make me smile, thank you ❤️
I always will appreciate and love my mom for leaving her family behind to come to Canada for a better life for us. When women have a baby in her home country, they are taken care of so well. Surrounded by family, including your own mother (if alive) to help you. She left that behind and raised me, the first child, alone (with dad but without entire support system) by herself. I can’t imagine how hard it was, how stressed she was, how she missed home. It makes me so sad when I think about it but I’ll forever be grateful 🩷💕
I'm a 15 hour flight from my family and miss them so much. It's hard having children away from family, but the good thing is that you and your partner can really choose how you guys want to parent without too much input from family. It's a blessing too. There is some advice that I took from family that I regret and my husband and I have since changed it and are so happy.
this is exactly what i’m going through on a smaller scale (2.5 hrs) and that pain of not being able to see my family every day is unexplainable. sending love
I also moved a 14 hour plane flight away from family. No support network makes having kids sooooo hard. Germany at least has a lot of public services to relieve the burden but it can't fill that hole in your heart ❤❤
I feel you so much. I’m French and live in Japan. I have a young child and it really changed my whole perspective. I miss my family even more and it’s hard to know that they’re missing out a lot and can’t see our child grow as much as if we lived nearby. We try to see each other twice a year but it’s not easy when you don’t have a lot of vacation time and it’s very costly
Yeah. The older I got, the more I understand how much of a struggle being an adult is, let alone being a parent. I realize how much my mom had sacrificed for her children. Her money, time, and energy to provide for me and my brother's basic need of living and school. Her literal happiness and "me time" just to raise us to become successful and happy. And I really want to give back to her for being close and takes care of her.
That's so true, living near your family is a blessing, feeling connection and belonging is such a human need. One surprising positive though for me was that I actually started making more effort to connect with my cousin while I'm abroad, and our relationship blossomed, before we would mainly meet for Easter and Christmas and now we talk and we always meet when I visit my home country
Having a family is a blessing! I moved away at 25 from home far away thinking oh I will just fly back home no worries! Well the distance does matter:( Many holidays I spent wishing I was home missing my family and it hurts ones heart! Now my parents are gone and what I would give to come home one more time , saying hi Mom I am home! God bless
This is so true! It’s expensive and hard to travel and the feeling gets worse as your family ages. Here’s hoping easy and cheap travels to everyone who lives far from home❤❤❤
I am an an indian, and i am really proud about that because majority of the indians dont leave our own house or buy our own house unless our childhood house is full and no space left. Even though it full, we still live together. Living together makes us feel the love.❤
i live only about one and half hour away from my parents in a different city and I can't visit them regularly...once or twice a year at most... and you have to travel 20 hours must be really tiring and ... and I can only imagine what you go through....You are right about about the child also..having mother's support during pregnancy and postpartum is a blessing...
I remember when I first got married and we were on our honeymoon and I busted out crying. I mean uncontrollably crying. All night. My poor husband thought he did something wrong. He tried to console me and asked what was the matter. With tears rolling down my face I said, “I want my Mama…” ❤️😭
@@erin6945 it's more like the sudden realisation that it's no longer temporarily being away from your family but you've settled in a location far away from them. And when U go through the most important moments of your life ie getting married, not having your close family there can be very tough. Especially when your parents start getting old and you realise you're far away from them and can't spend as much time as U want with them. Nowhere comparable to "going on a vacation away from the family"
@@cuteDRAGO I understand, I've moved away. I've also been very homesick. I was simply stating it was odd that she was on vacation, and felt so homesick. I was just curious if she had never been away before because it seemed like such a strong reaction.
My mother passed away a long time ago. I would do anything to be able to visit her again and spend a day with her. Even though your family is far away visiting is still possible. Just make sure to cherish every time as if it were the last time and tell them all how you love them just in case. ❤
So true. I am an American living in Taiwan. I have lived here for 11 years, both of my kids were born here. My mom is afraid of airplanes so she has never visited. I have only been able to visit home four times, due to the high cost and amount of time needed to take off work. 😢
Aww I feel you. I’m in the same boat, and it’s been a rollercoaster ride. I leave my family all sad, then as I’m just getting over it, I fly back home and the cycle continues. On the bright side of things, I appreciate home and family much more than before ❤
I think you are super brave. I don’t think I could ever live that far from my family. The furthest I lived from family was a 2 hour plane ride. You’ve learned English, you’re learning German and you have so much great stuff going on.
I moved from Scotland to The Netherlands. And it’s so easy (and fairly cheap) to go back home and see my family. In that sense, I’m blessed! And I do miss them every day😔🥲😔
To me people always said that homesickness would only really be strong during the holidays. As someone who is also living abroad (in Germany too actually), it feels really validating to hear someone else say that they long for home and it’s normal ❤. It’s been 6 months for me, so not nearly as long as you, but I can’t help but still feel that pull home.
I moved from Germany to Canada and live here since 3 years. I feel exactly the same! I go back 2 times a year, but our relationship is great now, too. Because we choose to see each other 😊
As someone who moved to another country as well… it really improved my relationship with my parebts and my family. Like you, I really cherish my time with them and it feels near impossible to think of having a child here without their support. BUT I truly believe I wouldn’t feel quite like this if I lived closer. It’s more special that way. You learn to appreciate it more when it’s not a given and every visit and every memory you create is something you won’t forget. Also, there’s less fighting and less disagreement because you know the time you have together is limited… why spend it fighting with each other. :)
Yes! I tell my mom all the time, please be honest with me. If anything happens, I'll drop everything and be by my grandma's or her side. I only hear about when they fall ill months later! It's terrifying but I have to trust that if the worst did happen, she'd tell me, otherwise I'd be sick with worry far too often.
Even though I still live in the same country, I am separated from my family by over 4,000 kms. My heart goes out to you and your parents. It is very difficult, but finding a loving supportive partner is very difficult.
I know how you feel. We are South Africans who live in Australia and raising your kids away from family is hard. We did however make great friends and they kinda became our new little family ❤
I am 2000 miles away from home here. I feel the struggle, especially as my parents age and need me more. My heart💔 is split between the land that saw me grow and where my husband is🌎❤️.
As an Italian living in Usa at the moment(with my American husband) I understand you. I got so depressed sometimes because of this! I miss my family so much and to be honest I can’t wait to move back even if I can’t at the moment because of work.
You have support when you have a child. It is your boyfriend/husband. The thing with family support by the upper generation is, that there are often conflicts about the raising of the children, especially if your childhood was not easy with them.
I understand you. When I was single I would visit my parents once a year and it was not a big deal. Being close to family becomes most important after having children. Being able to drop a child off at grandparents' for a few hours when you have to go shopping, or have a doctor's appointment means so much. Staying home with a newborn 24/7, not having any help from anyone, or even anyone close to vent all the frustration and lack of sleep... Don't recommend 😢
i can absolutely relate to that. i moved from Germany to Austria 720km away when i was 19 because of my boyfriend at that time. I can not spontaneously watch a movie in the evening with my mom or something like that. I can not just go to her an hug her. It always requires Vacation and planning in advance. I dont live that far away from my family like you Uyen, but I think i can really understand you and i wish you the best!
I totally understand you, especially now that I'm waiting for our baby, I really feel the lack of family support 😢 as I got older being thousands of kms away from them became more and more difficult
This is so sweet- we lived in Canada for a few years and it made me realise the value of family. We have 4 kids and it’s so nice that they see their grandparents a lot.
100% agree - I have been trying to explain this to my husband. It is also very upsetting to look at legislature and see that in my EU country's law my mom is not considered to be my family. :(
Something not a lot of people mention is definitely the longing for family when you move away. I moved away for college and I just can't wait to go back home and be with my family. It's not that I don't like the freedom and living by myself, but it's the fact that I always have somewhere to go, someone to sit with and someone to share the good and the bad with, what I lack. Especially when I don't really have close friends and haven't found a partner. Also, I'm really afraid of losing the ones I love, so I feel really sad when I have to go months without seeing any of them, and I wish sometimes that I didn't make such a big decision to move so far away.
My mother came to Germany over 50 years ago and found the love of her life in my father. Unfortunately, his family was against this relationship and therefore rejected us from the beginning and wanted nothing to do with us. I also often feel alone because my mother's side of the family who would love to spend time with us doesn't live here. Traveling to spend time together is very expensive and therefore only possible very rarely. Since my father died 20 years ago and my mother is now very old and I will soon be alone, my thoughts are often very lonely and sad. I don't normally talk about this but your post just touched me so much. Thank you very much for your honest words.
It is a blessing to be near family. I moved from south africa to Texas and have a 2 and a half year old that my dad hasn't seen since she was 2 months old. It's such a struggle
I hear you. I'm Swedish, living in Australia ❤. Once you have children, you miss all the things you had growing up. And you miss it for your kids. And you miss your family. But there are good things too of course. But the will always be a small piece of your heart in another home ❤
I empathize with that sooo much 😭😭😭 I'm going to study abroad for a few years and I already can't wait for the day I finish and get to see my family again in person ❤️❤️
I live just 15min drive away from my family after getting married, but I still totally agree with what u said. Still missed home, still always happy to go back home and let my mum feed me ❤ I guess it's a feeling and sense of closeness we feel after moving out
These are the harder things of life. It makes the time you spend with them so much more valuable ❤. We all only have so much time. That includes you too. Keep living in a way that makes you most happy.
My brother is also far from home. But I see it as a blessing. Our country is far too rough for a gentle soul like him. And our parents are like city lights, they outshine all the stars so that you can barely see them. My brother deserves to shine just as brightly as my parents, and he deserves to live where his kindness and generosity aren’t used against him. He deserves a life of quiet and peace. And he has that where he lives now. I do miss him, but I want him to be happy and safe.
This is a beautiful and open video speaking to the sacrifices immigrants make in life. It's painful to be so far away from loved ones. I am grateful for the internet, and for ways to stay connected, even when we can't be in the same place. It's not the same, but it's something.
My mum raised us far from any family, and I had to raise my kids without practical family support. As such I believe supportive family support is vital for children and their parents, only because I don't know what it's like to have family that supports you instead of sabotage you when they're annoyed with you 😢 Im glad you long for your family
I would LOVE to watch your cousins/siblings show off their own lives overseas! You can absolutely feature them here, and send them the Adsense back (so you can still feel like you support them❤️, I know how hard it is worry about your family “back home”❤️). Make it a segment! This way they can make more money from the videos due to your platform, AND you will get to feel like you’re still very much a part of their lives without worrying!!❤️
G'day, Uyen, from Australia. Both husband and I thought the same, but you know what, it was actually easier to grow your children by ourselves, and everyone here has been doing that. Our kids are thriving and much more independent, more determined. You and your partner will be fine. Just keep up with the good work as you always have. Cheers.
Same. I'm living in the USA. I'm from Australia. I love my wife and her family. I love the USA too but it doesn't feel like home. I miss Australia and my friends and family.
My mom is cooking “giò thủ” here, it’s a special food we made during new year! You can check out her amazing cooking skills on the video I linked up there ❤
It looks absolutely delicious! I am originally from Venezuela where we also cook with plantain leaves… but live in France where they are hard to find. I can imagine the happiness it must have been to prepare this dish with your family ❤
Your mom is so hard-working but makes everything look so easy, like my mother-in-law. I admire these women so much!
@@belkomtuhallacas 😁❤️
I know you are happy with your german boyfriend, but having kids away from your family is really hard. I am a Mexican living in Germany ( w German husband) and before my baby was born the distance to my family was hard but manageable now with my baby I really wish I lived closer to them so they could see my baby often but also to have more support (motherhood is isolating) now flying 20+ hours with a baby is suuuuper hard, now I really wish I had never moved so far away 😔
Gio thu or head cheese is atraditional Vietnamese Tet ( New year) food. This is not a cheese at all, but a cold cut made from a pig’s head but can also be made with calf or sheep. Congealed together by the natural gelatin of the head organs, gio thu is served as a cold cut and also luncheon meat. During the Tet celebration it is often served as a charcuterie to be dipped in soy sauce and chili peppers.
Various forms of head cheese can be found all over the world. In Vietnam, the gio thu is made with pretty much anything you can find on a pigs head.. including the ears, snout, cheek, and tongue. You can also use the ham hock as well since it contains mostly skin and a small bit of pork meat if you can’t find cheek. This is combined with black fungus, fish sauce, garlic and shallots, and black peppercorns and congealed to a chewy and crunchy goodness.
From my perspective, you likely would not have discovered this closeness if your stayed. Sometimes it takes moving away to allow you to grow closer. That's the way it was with me and my family
Yeah I’ve heard the same from friends
distance makes the heart grow fonder, as they say
Agree!
I agree. I made the same experience. Moreover your perspective changes when you have a baby or when your parents get old and ill.
Agree
I just live 500km away from my family, but I have the same feelings.
To be honest, it is very far away
Same
But guess what I left everything just couple of days ago there and shifted❤
Me too
Me too!😢
@@sanneh4362 most of the time its ok.. but on other days I feel homesick
“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” Miriam Adeney
“i cant imagine having a child over here without my family support” she said that so true ❤
It is hard, but you can do it! My husband and I moved 1000s of miles away from both his parents and mine (who live 20 min from each other) when our first child was 1.5 years old. We have had 3 more since then. We see them once or twice a year.
My husband and I also lived a long way away from both families. Yes having children without family nearby is difficult, but we had no choice. We all survived and meeting up eventually is probably better than always being together and being taken for granted. ❤
@@sarahwong5592Im mostly scared of having my first child away from our parents. I feel like if I can get their help with the first one, the rest will be less terrifying with experience 😅
As a child of parents from 2 different countries, the idea that “it takes a village to raise a child” has brought people into our lives that become family as well. They didn’t replace birth family of course, but as a kid I grew up with the comfort of aunts, uncles, and cousins of various backgrounds. Our sense of family grew, and that is such a comforting thought to me, even as an adult. The world becomes a less scary place when your sense of where family can be found expands. Even if it’s hard to imagine now, this may be an opportunity in disguise for you, too!
As a French, married to an Indian and having 2 little boys in the USA, I sure agree!
I can totally relate to you....as an American that married a Brazilian living in Europe with two young sons. Some days are very hard being far away 😢
After marriage, the girl is expected to move far from her own family, in Indian culture. She is expected to live with husband.
That isn't true the girl is supposed to go to the husbands house@@bdancestars
As a German married to an Italian, living with our kids in America, it's so hard! My papa passed two years ago and it really hit me hard how much we're missing.
Why do you live in the US, not France? ;0; just curious. I am Ukrainian married to an American. We're waiting for the war to be over to move there.
I understand this so much. I spent two years away from family and being back for the last week has been a blessing
Yesss I didn’t want to leave 😭😭😭
I’m so glad you got to go back! God bless y’all!✝️❤️
😭 fr fr... As a child I too didn't understand like Uyen did but as an adult I love their company and crave their closeness. Momey is important for fulfilling our needs guys but can never fulfill one most important thing i.e. family. Never let em go and never forget to show gratitude towards them if you can🥺
Made me emotional as a Jamaican living in Argentina. Home will always be home!
Home is where your family is rather ❤
Especially because Jamaica also has a real heart and soul ❤ that is unmatchable! My moms side of family born n raised there... as a Canadian I went to Jamaica when my father died at 14.. at 16 I landed and I cried because I really realized why I was the way I was, warm etc. Very different from my German family on my dads side. And loud lol ❤
A untouchable heart and soul ♥️
aw, hoping you can visit jamaica again soon! moving so far away, especially with such a culture difference, seems like an extremely hard thing to do and endure every day. love from an argentinian
MUCHACHOOOOOS 🇦🇷❤
first off: *i'm not crying you are*
"the reality of being an immigrant", so honest and raw. everyone should see this!!
And it will be harder and harder to be away from them as they get older.
Knowing that a goodbye can be the last and I will eventually return to a place without them, breaks my heart every time.
Not necessarily. There is high chance that the end of the evil world ruled by satan and the day God restores earth with everyone healthy and eternal (resurrected many) is gonna happen in this century. Of course no one still knows the day when exactly but the signs prophesied in the bible are coming true. So the day is closer than ever. Believe what you will, but one thing that is truly unbelievable is that such a complex existence such a galaxy(galaxies) and the way earth looks and the complex beings such as human appeared out of nowhere, by some big bang explosion, space bacteria or whatever. If we came from an evolved tiny bacteria, let remember a bacteria is also a life. Where did that life come from?
Stop😭
As a fellow immigrant, I felt this deeply in my heart.
So true
Me too.
This comment will probably go unnoticed, but relatively not long ago I saw a post on Instagram. It said "People tend to count time in days, and it is a mistake. When you live far away from your family and maybe are able to visit your home even once a year, if your parents are around 60 years, you probably have "not about 20-30 years with them", but "20-30 times in total". I was crying, weeping. I felt those words so strong. I've been living abroad for 5 years already, and I couldn't visit my family for FIVE YEARS at this point. My kitty has died, I bid him farewell like I will return in 6 months, and he was waiting for me for around 4 years... to never come back. I am so afraid to lose my grandma who is 82 years old. I am going to finally visit my family this summer, but how can I say goodbye to her like this? I am so scared those words would be my last words to her. She used to say that she will not die until she attends my wedding and now she dropped the hurdle to "I want to meet until I die". It breaks my heart so much. There are so much words I want to tell to her, to hug her and eat delicious food prepared with love by her, and what if those few days I will go back home would be the last?..
My significant other is in the country I live now, and he won't be able to find a job in my country as he doesn't speak the language, so we can't just go to my hometown together. I am tearing apart...
People, especially those who are planning on going live abroad or far away from your family, please, cherish time with them if you are in good relationships. The time is precious
Where do you live, and is it far away from your family?
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (far from Tokyo or other big international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia (where Baikal lake is). It used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, but now I have to go Japan-Korea-China-Irkutsk, it takes 27-48 hours one way and 3 to 13 times more for tickets (some tickets now cost 3400 USD one way). And working in a small and old Japanese company I have around 10 days of paid leave annualy (I am left with 7 or 6 due to getting influenza). With 10 days of holidays and 4 days needed to just go there and back, visiting home is quite difficult...
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (not near any international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia. Tokyo and Irkutsk used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, and now it takes 27 to 48 hours one way. Ticket prices had also skyrocketed, costing now 3 to 13 times more than 4 years ago (some flights cost as much as 3400 USD one way). Considering I have only 10 days of paid leave annually (working in a small and old Japanese company) and getting 1100 USD monthly with 135 bucks to save for anything, it rather difficult to visit family frequently...
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (not near any international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia. Tokyo and Irkutsk used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, and now it takes 27 to 48 hours one way. Ticket prices had also skyrocketed, costing now 3 to 13 times more than 4 years ago (some flights cost as much as 3400 USD one way). Considering I have only 10 days of paid leave annually (working in a small and old Japanese company) and getting 1100 USD monthly with 135 bucks to save for anything, it rather difficult to visit family frequently...
@@sowhat1674 I live in Japan (not near any international airport), and my family is in Irkutsk, Russia. Tokyo and Irkutsk used to be connected with a 5 hours direct flight Narita-Irkutsk, and now it takes 27 to 48 hours one way. Ticket prices had also skyrocketed, costing now 3 to 13 times more than 4 years ago (some flights cost as much as 3400 USD one way). Considering I have only 10 days of paid leave annually (working in a small and old Japanese company) and getting 1100 USD monthly with 135 bucks to save for anything, it rather difficult to visit family frequently...
Not for everyone sadly, I am only happy when I am away from my mother
It’s understandable. I grew up with narcissistic parents and can totally relate.
That is totally fair
Absolutely understand.... Growing up with narcissistic abuse...can't relate safety and love with my mother around
Same here. Narcissistic mother, and I can finally breathe after moving out and meeting a wonderful husband. The distance actually made our relationship healthier, especially now that she doesn't have her emotional punching bag available 24/7.
For the first time in my life, I can actually be my own person and live life as I imagined it to be!
Me too. I grew up in a dysfunctional and abusive household. I feel safe and happy when I'm away from my family.
Uyen, this hits home. I moved abroad last year and for once this actually made me realise how good it is to have my mum close to me. The silver lining is now we call almost everyday when time permits and the journey home is much sweeter. I hug my mum every chance I get and pray she has a long life because I simply cant imagine how life is without her. But truth is, our ageing parents are on borrowed time now 😢
To everyone who has family that is loving and supportive please please just cherish them no matter how far away they are. Its a gift not everyone gets & although blessed with amazing people in my life there has always been a longing for a family. ❤🙏🏻
Yup. I hope you're doing well. Only other comment I found talking about this. Looking at the comments makes me feel a bit lonely in my experience, even though that's definitely not the case.
I got amazing people in my life. That's what matters!
The support system is no joke. I’m living near family now and it really makes a whole difference for all parts. And it’s not the big things. It’s the everyday. I pick up groceries for everyone and they take care of the furry child when I have to go to work. The small help becomes so big.
"no jock"
@@Ark-ys2up Why is it enmeshment to have some chores helped out by family? Isn't enmeshment depending on them/prioritising them over most things (even yourself) etc? Not that.
@@Ark-ys2up furry babies are still family to and it sounds like just family helping each other out idk if you know but usually families will not want to deal with a human child for the work it takes yeah it will help to live near family when you have a child but not everyone is just gonna be up for watching a child as apposed to a dog or cat
Aka Love.
@@Ark-ys2upidk as someone who had deep enmeshment trauma this post seems kind of wholesome. There is a difference between unhealthy dependence or loving actions
It‘s interesting because this really is different for every person. I have friends that are very much like you, they go back to Turkey much more frequently to visit their family. For me I‘m fine if I go back there only once a year or something and definitely can‘t imagine living closeby
Exactly! I think that you don't have to have a bad relationship with your family to be fine with meeting just once a year or so.
You just don't have the deepest bond and you focus on your new family and that's fine. Doesn't mean you don't love your parents neccessarly.
Yeah but if you're fine with visiting your family once a year you're probably not that close, no offense. Some people are much closer with their family and when they move away it's really hard for them and they want to go back so often and that's why a lot of people end up moving back later in life. Neither it's bad it's just the circumstance in which people find themselves in.
Absolutely. I don't like living near my family. So so so glad to live in a different city and don't have to deal with all the taxing family stuff and gossip. Cause where I live, living nearby to your immediate family also means living nearby to your extended one!
I've also seen so many older people who go back to live near their family even though they can afford living in some, better places. I would never understand that as for me, I always have this passion to fly and explore the world. I guess I was taught this way too by my mom cause my mom was an adventurer herself.
I know people like that, but most felt regret not being there more often, when their family members were no more.
As a Turkish student studying in Canada I feel EXACTLY like her. Especially during wintertime…
It's a very sad reality for us who migrate. My mum left our country for us to have a better life. My grandma died during COVID and she couldn't see her. That changed her
I hope migrants living far from home/family in Europe return to their home country
I understand how you feel! It so important to be near with family. Now I far from my parents and in my country is a war and each day I lay sleep and pray to God that my parents will survive and when I wake up first of all I check the news from their city. If you can't visit they often - just let them know that you love them so much, say it each time.
Also I want to say thanks to you country and your people for your support Ukraine
🇺🇦❤️🇩🇪
Very true and very emotional. So true. So after Covid true. Even 20kms was an astronomical distance. Staying close by your family you get along is a real blessing.
Your relationship with your mum improved because you are far away. Now she sees you as an adult, as someone on her level. Now you can talk eye to eye.
If you kept living nearby, she would still look you as her child, would have the possibility to be nosy and so on.
It can hurt being away from your family, but going FAR away usually is the best. The distance improves the relationship.
(of course, it doesn't always need to be THAT far away 😂 but far enough so parents can't show up whenever they want)
Moving a distance away from family helps you form closer ties with your husband / wife as you must depend on each other with no one else close by. It can be a good thing.
My family (except my brother) still sees & treats me as of I'm 17.
I left at 18, & was gone for thirty years.
No interest in knowing me as an adult.
No interest in treating me as an adult.
They WATCHED my brother grow up, get married, raise kids--
Be an adult.
My adulthood, marriage, Motherhood "didn't really happen" on some level, because they didn't watch it.
It's maddening
I'm leaving here as soon as humanly possible.
@@redwoodrebelgirl3010 i feel so sorry for you...
I agree i totally agree
I was on the other side of the city and that was perfect .
Your words just hit a bloody nerve 😭😭 I'm a European expat living in Australia. Before I met and married my Australian husband I always wanted to live abroad, and now that I'm abroad I'm realizing what an enormous blessing it is to have your family and friends close. I once told my dear mum (who is a Korean expat herself and lives in Europe now) that I love living abroad but also that my heart aches for my own country, every day. She said that feeling of homesickness will never go away, my heart is now divided between two home countries. That was kind of an eye opener and helps me accept my pain and sadness when I have a bad bout of homesickness.
Sounds like my family. You do the best you can. And always visit when you can
Yes exactly. I wish I realised this when I was younger... I moved from one EU country to another, but still 2500 km is so far away that with 3 kids we can usually travel to my home country only once a year. 😢
My mom left her country and raised me alone…now we have a new country with so many opportunities and my children and I live close by and see her daily…it’s a blessing! One day I hope you have a large family to love in Germany!
Definitely take any family help you can get! Unfortunately for my first baby, i was 1000 miles away from any family, and for my second baby, nobody in the family was young/ healthy/trustworthy enough to ever babysit. It's not impossible by yourself at all, but having family help would've been nice.
I totally felt this... especially when you mentioned having a baby. I think about that all the time. How difficult it will be and how my baby won't have their extended family around
As someone who grew up far from family, the baby would probably feel fine growing up. The difficulty would be in building up a support system wherever you are.
My husband is British, I'm Australian, we live in Aus. He misses his family so much, and we also are scared to have a child without family support (I have no family close by). It's very hard to be an international couple, just know you're not alone
don't look that as so bad,as international couple,me and my husband was also without family,we got a child with autism,you know i have experience with one without autism and one with,it's actually same and it's good,you need to be organised and make plans also there is a kindergarten and the rest of the day you can all spend time together and have some fun its never bad to have children,my mother died very early so i couldn't count on her at all,from his side to far,but my wish to have children overcome all thinking,am blessed and happy (we even adopted one,and i have a cat 😂😂❤❤❤❤belive in God and pray for the best outcome and will be all good
m daughter married a wonderful man who lived and worked in South Africa. Everyone approved of him. I was sad, but I knew finding the right man was important. When she had our grandchild, my husband flew all that way...as unfortunately I have a disability. He stayed to help with the diaper changing, running errands, in fact he taught them all his tricks. People were shocked to see an old man, changing diapers and able to quiet a small infant. My son in law, copied him and learned it is nice to be a hands on father. Also in the US, he found the entire family would get down on the level of the baby/toddler and play. Just because you can afford help, and working parents need help, it doesn't mean you can't also enjoy play time.
Have been living approx 7000km from my native country for the last 10 years, and yes, I completely get that feeling.
It gets a lot harder still when your parents age or fall seriously sick. My dad suffered through a major heart related medical emergency, 3 years of cancer treatment, and finally dementia before he passed away last year. My mom had 2 major accidents from falling - she's 80 now - over the last 3 years. Luckily for her recovery time I was lucky to be able to come and spend 2-3 months with her until she was better. For my dad's long term medical issues when he was still alive it was just not possible.
Even if you make it home 2-3 times a year (an accumulated 3-4 months) you still always feel like you're neglecting your family and it often hurts.
On the other hand I'm living with the love of my life whose family is like my very own and I love my life where I am, and if I hadn't made the decision to come and live here I might have wondered all my life 'What if?' and might even have resented the things or people that held me back.
At 40 I can say there is a tradeoff to all things in life. Everything has a cost. You seek adventure outside, you pay the pain of missing the people you grew up with. You stay at home, you pay with the uncertainty of 'But what if?'. You open your heart to loving people, you pay with the fact that one day there is bound to be some sort of goodbye. You close your heart to loving people, you live a life of loneliness.
Everything comes at a cost.
Very well & beautifully said.
Thank you for expressing my reality
(minus being able to go back 3-4 times a year... I went 9 years with seeing my birth family, due to poverty).
It is a trade-off, for sure.
For me, I'd choose my mother over the "what if". Its because I'm still not ready to lose my mother.
A lot of people said to start finding love and marry. All people will die someday. So I have to start finding love because what will happen to me if after my mother passed away. I said that if I marry someone, I had to leave my mother and live with my husband. I have to give priority to my husband than my mother. What if something happen to her while I'm with my husband at hundred or thousand km than my mother. I can't do that. My guilt will slowly killing me. I rather something happen to her when I'm near her. At least, I'd know that I'd do my best to help her before her time end.
Many people told me, its not healthy to be with my mother as an adult. I had to start to be independence from my mom. But it's hard to distance my mother after I take care of her since I'm 14 years old to 30 years now.
For now, my priority is my mother. What happen after my mother, that is future me problem. I want to focus on her first. My father is a policeman. But my big and strong father lose tho heart attack when 1 was a 14 years old. I guess, I'd never get over the death of my father. His sudden death make me scared to lose someone precious to me when I'm not near.
So, that is my choice. This is my opinion only. I'm not trying to start an argument. I just want to tell my story. Everyone is different. So everyone have the right to make their own decision. My only wish, we all will content and live with our decision 😊
you sound like you have a wonderful relationship with your mother. If you are happy with her, and she is happy with you, don't feel obliged to change. You sound like you have weighed your options.
Trying to be "normal" will not necessarily bring you any further happiness.
My mother is anxious, and my parents bicker, so living with them is not for me.
If I had your mother I would happily stay.
@@thaqwacarpet3685it's your life and choice and you should do what makes you happy and as a lucky side effect, make your mom happy. Don't let others tell you it's not healthy and you should do it like "every adult" blabla. That is not their choice to make. You only have one mom and you will live knowing you showed her how much you loved her instead of feeling guilt because you moved and only ended up seeing your mom just a few more times.
I have gone through waves. It's too Personal to go into why but I have had times I found it hard to visit my parents. Now my dad is gone, mom had to go to a care facility and I decided to visit my mom twice a week when I still can. I am thankful I get this time with her.
I'm on the other side of this coin. My lovely husband left his country and family in order to be with me. My family treats him no different than their own son, like his own family. But my husband has worries about not being there with his parents when they fall ill in the future.
He is a precious gem for anyone around him and I can't shake off this feeling of guilt that I stole him from them, even though nobody implied a such thing to me. We were long distance for 4 years before we got married and I know what a blessing his presence is. I can't help but feel it's unfair to his family that I get to have him now and they don't. We have been married for 7 months and I occassionally have thoughts of letting him go now instead of him having a painful future with me away from his family. It makes me cry to even imagine that but what do I do with this feeling of guilt?
I love him so much and I can't imagine myself being something that makes his life worse in the long run. Am I worth spending his life without his family? What if he could find someone from his country and be happier with her? I'm not sure if I will ever find an answer. Maybe I'll die asking. I hadn't realised this reality of being an international couple while we were beyond excited about uniting with one another. I hadn't realised it would mean asking the love of my life to leave everything else for me. This is the heaviest burden I ever had to carry.
It hurts me how much I understand this. My family is in south America and I'm in the Netherlands. We video call every week, but every time, it looks like they are just older and older. I'm missing everything, sacrificing everything to live my selfish dream.
Stay strong.
It is not selfish of you, you are where you were meant to be and I know they are proud of you. Make time for them whenever you can and visit, but do not ever feel that you are selfish because you are a gift not only to yourself, but to your family. You are also the proof to those who are coming after you that dreams can come true. Cheer up and shine. Make them proud.🌟
I feel this way. My siblings and I have become separated by thousands of miles since our mom passed, I live near my extended "family" but they are not supportive and for example if I had no running water they wouldn't offer me a shower or to bring some water or anything... but they would expect that I'd do this for them. It's a disheartening situation being around people who you thought cared and realizing they really don't care and being so far from those who would literally give their life for you and who you would do the same for.
I know the feeling 😭 💔
I miss my family too, I’m in the same country but I’m about 8 hours away now and I can’t just pick up and leave whenever I want either
Home is where the heart is, and my heart is longing for my mom’s food too 😭 ❤
I can totally relate. As a German living in China for almost 15 years, I also wish to see my family more often. Right now its already 3 years since i saw the last. I love living here, but from time to time i wished we could live closer together.
You lived in one of the most settled stable countries and you chose China? I guess the settler machine never stops eh.
Thank you for spreading the message. I think way too many people think of living in a different country as "trendy" and "awesome", and while certain places do have amazing pros, it gets old quickly when you can't be with those you love, away from the place where you grew up and belonged to for so long. Some days are blessings, some are hard for those of us whose hearts belong to more than one place ❤
My mum brought me up by herself & when I was younger, the thought of living near her horrified me. Thankfully I realised just how much she did for me & now I live a 10 minute walk away from her. I’m so lucky & blessed ❤
This hits so close to home And I was so saddened to hear, I hope whatever you decide to live you’re always surrounded by love even if it’s not your family ❤
I work 2-3 weeks out of state every month and I can only imagine the heart ache being away from family and native home for long periods of time, considering I get homesick after a week haha. Especially because most people aren’t able to travel back and forth due to money, age, residential status etc.
Anyway, cheers to you and your family!
My sister and brother-in-law, really lives close very close to our house, although they met in Dubai very far away from my house . It’s really a blessing and we all enjoy it very much
I feel that .. being a single immigrant 9700km away from my friends and family .. is hard sometimes. It's only now that i can't go see them that i realise how much they mean to me.
You videos are always so relatable and make me smile, thank you ❤️
I always will appreciate and love my mom for leaving her family behind to come to Canada for a better life for us. When women have a baby in her home country, they are taken care of so well. Surrounded by family, including your own mother (if alive) to help you. She left that behind and raised me, the first child, alone (with dad but without entire support system) by herself. I can’t imagine how hard it was, how stressed she was, how she missed home. It makes me so sad when I think about it but I’ll forever be grateful 🩷💕
I'm a 15 hour flight from my family and miss them so much. It's hard having children away from family, but the good thing is that you and your partner can really choose how you guys want to parent without too much input from family. It's a blessing too. There is some advice that I took from family that I regret and my husband and I have since changed it and are so happy.
this is exactly what i’m going through on a smaller scale (2.5 hrs) and that pain of not being able to see my family every day is unexplainable. sending love
You are real for that🤝 greetings from Finland🇫🇮🤝
I also moved a 14 hour plane flight away from family. No support network makes having kids sooooo hard. Germany at least has a lot of public services to relieve the burden but it can't fill that hole in your heart ❤❤
I feel you so much. I’m French and live in Japan. I have a young child and it really changed my whole perspective. I miss my family even more and it’s hard to know that they’re missing out a lot and can’t see our child grow as much as if we lived nearby. We try to see each other twice a year but it’s not easy when you don’t have a lot of vacation time and it’s very costly
This is what I did as a young mother. It is hard.
Yeah. The older I got, the more I understand how much of a struggle being an adult is, let alone being a parent. I realize how much my mom had sacrificed for her children. Her money, time, and energy to provide for me and my brother's basic need of living and school. Her literal happiness and "me time" just to raise us to become successful and happy. And I really want to give back to her for being close and takes care of her.
This is so emotional 🫠❤️
You are such a sweet kid. I understand you so well. Sending you hugs.
That's so true, living near your family is a blessing, feeling connection and belonging is such a human need. One surprising positive though for me was that I actually started making more effort to connect with my cousin while I'm abroad, and our relationship blossomed, before we would mainly meet for Easter and Christmas and now we talk and we always meet when I visit my home country
Having a family is a blessing! I moved away at 25 from home far away thinking oh I will just fly back home no worries! Well the distance does matter:( Many holidays I spent wishing I was home missing my family and it hurts ones heart! Now my parents are gone and what I would give to come home one more time , saying
hi Mom I am home! God bless
This is so true! It’s expensive and hard to travel and the feeling gets worse as your family ages. Here’s hoping easy and cheap travels to everyone who lives far from home❤❤❤
I am an an indian, and i am really proud about that because majority of the indians dont leave our own house or buy our own house unless our childhood house is full and no space left. Even though it full, we still live together. Living together makes us feel the love.❤
i live only about one and half hour away from my parents in a different city and I can't visit them regularly...once or twice a year at most... and you have to travel 20 hours must be really tiring and ... and I can only imagine what you go through....You are right about about the child also..having mother's support during pregnancy and postpartum is a blessing...
I remember when I first got married and we were on our honeymoon and I busted out crying. I mean uncontrollably crying. All night. My poor husband thought he did something wrong. He tried to console me and asked what was the matter. With tears rolling down my face I said, “I want my Mama…” ❤️😭
Had you never been away from your family before that? I'm very close with my family, but even as a child on vacation, I never got that homesick.
@@erin6945 it's more like the sudden realisation that it's no longer temporarily being away from your family but you've settled in a location far away from them. And when U go through the most important moments of your life ie getting married, not having your close family there can be very tough. Especially when your parents start getting old and you realise you're far away from them and can't spend as much time as U want with them. Nowhere comparable to "going on a vacation away from the family"
@@cuteDRAGO I understand, I've moved away. I've also been very homesick. I was simply stating it was odd that she was on vacation, and felt so homesick. I was just curious if she had never been away before because it seemed like such a strong reaction.
@@cuteDRAGObut it was a honeymoon, so surely it was temporary?
@@erin6945 No had not been away from my Mama ever
My mother passed away a long time ago. I would do anything to be able to visit her again and spend a day with her. Even though your family is far away visiting is still possible. Just make sure to cherish every time as if it were the last time and tell them all how you love them just in case. ❤
So true. I am an American living in Taiwan. I have lived here for 11 years, both of my kids were born here. My mom is afraid of airplanes so she has never visited. I have only been able to visit home four times, due to the high cost and amount of time needed to take off work. 😢
I know a ship would take a long time but could she do that?
Aww I feel you. I’m in the same boat, and it’s been a rollercoaster ride. I leave my family all sad, then as I’m just getting over it, I fly back home and the cycle continues. On the bright side of things, I appreciate home and family much more than before ❤
I think you are super brave. I don’t think I could ever live that far from my family. The furthest I lived from family was a 2 hour plane ride. You’ve learned English, you’re learning German and you have so much great stuff going on.
I moved from Scotland to The Netherlands.
And it’s so easy (and fairly cheap) to go back home and see my family.
In that sense, I’m blessed!
And I do miss them every day😔🥲😔
To me people always said that homesickness would only really be strong during the holidays. As someone who is also living abroad (in Germany too actually), it feels really validating to hear someone else say that they long for home and it’s normal ❤. It’s been 6 months for me, so not nearly as long as you, but I can’t help but still feel that pull home.
I moved from Germany to Canada and live here since 3 years. I feel exactly the same! I go back 2 times a year, but our relationship is great now, too. Because we choose to see each other 😊
I feel this to my core. I married a man from argentina. We luve in argentina, I'm happy but I also miss my family dearly!!!❤❤
As someone who moved to another country as well… it really improved my relationship with my parebts and my family. Like you, I really cherish my time with them and it feels near impossible to think of having a child here without their support. BUT I truly believe I wouldn’t feel quite like this if I lived closer. It’s more special that way. You learn to appreciate it more when it’s not a given and every visit and every memory you create is something you won’t forget. Also, there’s less fighting and less disagreement because you know the time you have together is limited… why spend it fighting with each other. :)
What I regret the most about living far away from my parents was that they hide their sickness and they only let me know when it's too late
That's what most people do. Children lying to their family of being fine and versa.
Yes! I tell my mom all the time, please be honest with me. If anything happens, I'll drop everything and be by my grandma's or her side. I only hear about when they fall ill months later! It's terrifying but I have to trust that if the worst did happen, she'd tell me, otherwise I'd be sick with worry far too often.
Even though I still live in the same country, I am separated from my family by over 4,000 kms. My heart goes out to you and your parents. It is very difficult, but finding a loving supportive partner is very difficult.
I know how you feel. We are South Africans who live in Australia and raising your kids away from family is hard. We did however make great friends and they kinda became our new little family ❤
I am 2000 miles away from home here. I feel the struggle, especially as my parents age and need me more. My heart💔 is split between the land that saw me grow and where my husband is🌎❤️.
As an Italian living in Usa at the moment(with my American husband) I understand you. I got so depressed sometimes because of this! I miss my family so much and to be honest I can’t wait to move back even if I can’t at the moment because of work.
So true 😢 I live in the States and miss being able to hang out with my family in Germany ❤
I moved from the states to Italy to be with my husband.. 25 years, this year. The long distance from family has its ups and downs😊
You have support when you have a child. It is your boyfriend/husband. The thing with family support by the upper generation is, that there are often conflicts about the raising of the children, especially if your childhood was not easy with them.
I understand you. When I was single I would visit my parents once a year and it was not a big deal. Being close to family becomes most important after having children. Being able to drop a child off at grandparents' for a few hours when you have to go shopping, or have a doctor's appointment means so much. Staying home with a newborn 24/7, not having any help from anyone, or even anyone close to vent all the frustration and lack of sleep... Don't recommend 😢
i can absolutely relate to that. i moved from Germany to Austria 720km away when i was 19 because of my boyfriend at that time. I can not spontaneously watch a movie in the evening with my mom or something like that. I can not just go to her an hug her. It always requires Vacation and planning in advance. I dont live that far away from my family like you Uyen, but I think i can really understand you and i wish you the best!
I can relate to this. Staying near parents is a blessing.
I totally understand you, especially now that I'm waiting for our baby, I really feel the lack of family support 😢 as I got older being thousands of kms away from them became more and more difficult
Family is so important 😊❤.
For everyone with abusive family
Being far away is also a good thing always remember that
Real family is those you choose to be with not just blood
This is so sweet- we lived in Canada for a few years and it made me realise the value of family. We have 4 kids and it’s so nice that they see their grandparents a lot.
Thank you for this video Uyen..I am from a Chinese family (also living in Germany with my boyfriend) and I long for them more as I have grown up.
Absolutely know what you mean. I lived a short flight away and missed out on so many things - being back home has been such a blessing
100% agree - I have been trying to explain this to my husband.
It is also very upsetting to look at legislature and see that in my EU country's law my mom is not considered to be my family. :(
Living near by Family is definitely a blessing, and not everyone is lucky . ❤ Been away from home from last one and half decade.
African, Arab, Asian and Latin people always adore family and act upon this great value. ❤
We have the same dish in México ❤ thi kind of similarities blow my mind. I hope life brings you peace 🕊️
Thank you for being so vulnerable with us!
Something not a lot of people mention is definitely the longing for family when you move away. I moved away for college and I just can't wait to go back home and be with my family. It's not that I don't like the freedom and living by myself, but it's the fact that I always have somewhere to go, someone to sit with and someone to share the good and the bad with, what I lack. Especially when I don't really have close friends and haven't found a partner. Also, I'm really afraid of losing the ones I love, so I feel really sad when I have to go months without seeing any of them, and I wish sometimes that I didn't make such a big decision to move so far away.
My thoughts exactly. Foreigner in the UK here, can’t imagine having kid here without a support of my family
My mother came to Germany over 50 years ago and found the love of her life in my father. Unfortunately, his family was against this relationship and therefore rejected us from the beginning and wanted nothing to do with us. I also often feel alone because my mother's side of the family who would love to spend time with us doesn't live here. Traveling to spend time together is very expensive and therefore only possible very rarely. Since my father died 20 years ago and my mother is now very old and I will soon be alone, my thoughts are often very lonely and sad. I don't normally talk about this but your post just touched me so much. Thank you very much for your honest words.
It is a blessing to be near family. I moved from south africa to Texas and have a 2 and a half year old that my dad hasn't seen since she was 2 months old. It's such a struggle
I hear you. I'm Swedish, living in Australia ❤. Once you have children, you miss all the things you had growing up. And you miss it for your kids. And you miss your family. But there are good things too of course. But the will always be a small piece of your heart in another home ❤
I empathize with that sooo much 😭😭😭 I'm going to study abroad for a few years and I already can't wait for the day I finish and get to see my family again in person ❤️❤️
You made me cry....i hope you the best and you will be a good mom
I'm sorry your fella ended up being so far away. Wishing you and yours the best. Thank you for both your humor and your honesty.
I live just 15min drive away from my family after getting married, but I still totally agree with what u said. Still missed home, still always happy to go back home and let my mum feed me ❤ I guess it's a feeling and sense of closeness we feel after moving out
These are the harder things of life. It makes the time you spend with them so much more valuable ❤. We all only have so much time. That includes you too. Keep living in a way that makes you most happy.
My brother is also far from home. But I see it as a blessing. Our country is far too rough for a gentle soul like him. And our parents are like city lights, they outshine all the stars so that you can barely see them.
My brother deserves to shine just as brightly as my parents, and he deserves to live where his kindness and generosity aren’t used against him. He deserves a life of quiet and peace. And he has that where he lives now.
I do miss him, but I want him to be happy and safe.
This is a beautiful and open video speaking to the sacrifices immigrants make in life. It's painful to be so far away from loved ones. I am grateful for the internet, and for ways to stay connected, even when we can't be in the same place. It's not the same, but it's something.
Uyen, you touch my heart. Your longing is so difficult and painful!! I wonder if you two can live in Vietnam some time.😢
My mum raised us far from any family, and I had to raise my kids without practical family support.
As such I believe supportive family support is vital for children and their parents, only because I don't know what it's like to have family that supports you instead of sabotage you when they're annoyed with you 😢
Im glad you long for your family
I would LOVE to watch your cousins/siblings show off their own lives overseas! You can absolutely feature them here, and send them the Adsense back (so you can still feel like you support them❤️, I know how hard it is worry about your family “back home”❤️). Make it a segment! This way they can make more money from the videos due to your platform, AND you will get to feel like you’re still very much a part of their lives without worrying!!❤️
G'day, Uyen, from Australia. Both husband and I thought the same, but you know what, it was actually easier to grow your children by ourselves, and everyone here has been doing that. Our kids are thriving and much more independent, more determined. You and your partner will be fine. Just keep up with the good work as you always have. Cheers.
Thank you for talking about this I feel the same way ❤
Same. I'm living in the USA. I'm from Australia. I love my wife and her family. I love the USA too but it doesn't feel like home. I miss Australia and my friends and family.