Smash That Victim Mentality in 2 Steps
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- Опубліковано 13 сер 2015
- Confused about what to text him? Just copy and paste any of these 9 texts - bit.ly/1EpQNbm
"Why me?" "What is wrong with me?" "Why is this happening?"
When things don't go our way, it's easy to go into "victim mode" and ask ourselves the kind of questions that send us into a negative downward spiral.
But there are 2 questions you can ask yourself that will put you on a positive path to overcome your bad circumstances and turn everything around. I tell you what those questions are in this week's LOVElife...
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I’m 15 I’m glad I discovered Matthew so early. His advice will stick with me for life
You are very lucky, i wish I discovered him at 15
You GO GIRL!! ❤
what i eventually did was:
1. watch Matthew's vids on breakups
2. read books on Stoicism, especially on Epictetus
3. Read Mark Mansons guide to self knowledge
4. understand the science behind Anxiety so i know how to better handle it.
and within a week i broke out of the break up trauma.
Give it a try.
The mind can be a very dark place if it chooses to be. So understand your mind, while emotions are not in your control, your behaviour is. Learn to take the control back.
How's it all going now mate?
@@graememac376 Hey, got married this July, so going great.
But looking back, i think i was lying to my self with the previous response. It took a lot of work to heal, and sometimes, you just have to be patient with yourself and let the mind heal on its own. i cant Control the chemical imbalance in the body, so i try to let go and let it sort it self out. all attempts to discipline the mind is still helping me to stay cool.
But for what mainly helped me was Stoicism and a simple line from Epictetus, to control what you can, and let go of what you can't. Sounds simple enough but powerful enough to get you started on the healing. Cheers \m/
1) What do I need to do now? (Action mode)
2) Is there anything to do to avoid this happening again? (Preparation mode)
The "what do I need to do" question has saved me from growing up feeling like a victim in life. I went to a high school that put me in a 'special needs' classroom because I was an immigrant from a non-English speaking country. Doing this earned them government subsidies, but they never actually spent those subsidies on me. They used me for money from age 12-15 (4 years), neglecting my human/child rights to a fair education in 21st century Australia!
"What I needed to do" was work hard even though they told me I wasn't good enough. I scored high in all my subjects and got a scholarship to a private school that treated me well. If I didn't focus on a "way out" I might've become depressed, paranoid and drug addicted, but now I am happy and feel strong enough to help others. You cannot afford to permanently identify yourself as a victim.
You go Val I had a similar experience because I was ethnic minority
A few years ago, I started asking this question whenever a not so ideal relationship ended. I've become much better at choosing people I'm better matched with and at communicating my most important needs and desires. Although I haven't yet found the love of my life, every new relationship has been more loving and fulfilling than the last.
Great advice! Making mistakes in life is inevitable, we are all going to make them. But a lot of people don't understand that mistakes are actually great learning tools. Instead of dwelling on a mistake & beating yourself up over it, utilize it to your benefit. Because this happened, I know better now. I am learning, improving & progressing. It's all part of our growth. We make better choices & we learn to help ourselves instead of staying stuck in a victim mentality. We become more empowered by moving on from the mistake, than allowing it to defeat us.
Direct, straightforward, practical. 8 mins of pure gold!
" Focus on the bright side! The best teacher is ur last mistake ! "
🙈🙉🙊
I am so grateful for your support. Finally, I had the courage to walk away from the person who wasn't worthy of my love. I am indebt to you for the rest of my life. You changed my perspective and made me realize my worth. Thanks so much. Love and blessings to you.
i wish there would be more books from you.
Sheila Wood Amen!!
we need more men like him;)
This 8 minute video should give you just about everything you need to tackle anything in life
I really needed to hear this. I am at a point in my life where the universe just keeps throwing things my way. Even though I have picked myself up from these types of situations before, sometimes I let my emotions and emotional exhaustion get to me. Instead of dealing with problems I have a tendency to put them off or hide from them. That key word of "What do I need to do?" is something I will be carrying in the back of my head from here on out. Thank you! Great advice
Don't condemn yourself for at first feeling sorry for yourself. You won't stay there. That's the key! Good for you!
Love this episode!!! It reminds me of the question "What is right about this situation that I'm not seeing?"
Amazing advice, as always. Im so glad that there are people like you in this world, Matt.
I don't think it's one or the other. It is perfectly human and fine to feel like a victim and be angry at first! Expressing honest emotions and thoughts is healthy. Then you can move on and take action. Not many just sit there and cry. We take action, we prepare for the future, we correct mistakes. We don't have to deny honesty.
Thanks for all you do! You're so great at helping people!
I love that guy - he is always really honest about his experience and I like how humble he presents the situations and everything...I find it nice to check up to what I do and react on daily basis and what advise I can get about it...Thank you for your work...
Brilliant. So simple. Just goes to show that what's happening with our thoughts doesnt always need to affect the actions we take! ☺
you have solution for all the problem. I always come and watch your videos whenever i am down not only in my love life whenever i feel down. Thanks Mattew
YOU ROCK on so many levels Mr. Hussey!!!
Valuable advice, thanks Matthew- max respect for the work you do to help us!
Mathew i always come to you in my hard time .. i have tend to go towards depression if something triggered me... i always tried very hard not to go there n my last chance is your videos .. i m from india may be we are never going to meet in our real life but i want to say thank you for saving me ... you saved me many ways a person can be saved.. thank you for act like a barrier... thank you for inspiring me.. thank you
This is a fantastic video. This approach comes naturally at work and can definitely be translated into our personal lives. Thats been my mission this year to develop this skill in avoiding a victim mindset. Nice to see advice that cements the concept so practically.
The question should be 'how can we lower the risk of this happening again' because we can never plan for something to never happen unless we are not taking any risks or trying anything.
The best we can do is try to lower risk.
Essential advice that's always good to remind ourselves, thanks.
Great advice as always, Matthew! I actually need to hear this because I felt like this sometimes and I really refused to play the victim. Thanks!
Thank you. Matt. You've always been inspiring and amusing.
You're advices boosting my heart, thank you Matthew hussey. Love you more.
another wonderful video, Matthew :D
Great advice....never pays to ask why; just do what you need to do. Keep your chin up!
I jotted down the points under “life lessons”
I don’t know any of you but I want all of us to have a beautiful life. When I’m stable I swear I’ll be back and help all of those that need the help I need now. God speed y’all
Good judgment is based on experience. Experience is based on bad judgement.
Very applicable when you have an unplanned trip.
THANK YOU Metthew!!! you are always reminding me of the important thoughts :)
Mathew Hussy- a Project Manager at heart ;)
I'm writing these down as my GO TO questions when things don't go as planned in my business!!
Mr. Hussey....thank you!
Thank you so much...i m going through breakup right now.. Watching your videos per day..to make me feel strong.. I always believe god is with in us He is with all of us.. After watching you this video i felt he is talking to me through you.. I mean you are like a angel in my life.. I m thinking exactly the same which you hv discussed in this video but after this video my thinking is changed thank you so much sir..
So simple and makes complete sense!
You are a legend, Matthew. Love you so much!!! :)
Fantastic advice
I really needed that piece of advice, Matthew! thanks a bunch;)
So simple, I love it!!
Superb! Just needed to hear this :)
I appreciate the message - not encouraging victimhood is so important! I discuss how some people get validation & encouragement mixed up particularly when it comes to this topic in the last video on my channel as well, from a parenting perspective. I hope messages like ours empower people to avoid labeling themselves a victim! I just subscribed to your channel too, keep up the content.
This wasn't what I had expected. Your message was easy to understand, and easy to immediately apply. I cope well when a relationship doesn't work out. Most of my life, I've been really lucky that I've attracted and accepted kind, altruistic, and generous people, that despite the fact they want to wring my neck, they show up to support me when my life goes sideways. Except for one time. My health went south and I needed a lot of help. The person I thought I could count on told me to never contact them again. It was bizarre. Can you say alcoholic? Do I hate this person? Yes. Do I hate all alcoholics? Yes. Did other people hold me up in love and support. Yes, they did. I think I was applying my morals and values to that person rather than checking to see if deep down they really were like me in that sense. Alcoholics are like rabid dogs. You can't reason with them.
When you're dealing with an alcoholic or drug addict, you aren't dealing with a person, you're dealing with a drug. An amoral, uncaring drug. Which is almost worse because then, you can't even hate a person.
it's a good idea to remember that we should learn what dependence on a drug means to someone using it to cope with reality. hating what we don't fully understand short circuits emotional - spiritual growth.
oh my god 💓💗 u are speaking bout my last relationship 😣😚
and by the way. its not alcoholics only. ah 😔 yeah
Thank you for your help !
I love your videos thank you so much for your time and hard work
I absolutely love this! TY
Love that advice! 👍🏻
This is exactly what i needed right now :)
Awesome content - Destroying victim mindsets is so important! It's something I discuss in the latest video on my channel as well, & providing a blueprint for my child on how to be tough & not embody victim mentalities. Thank you for the content.
thank you this really is insightful and proactive… helps a woman free her mind and shows her how she can move forward and kill being paralyzed in the mind. tx for the free therapy- it helped me… I owe you a dessert :)
I loooooved this one! so applicable to love and life in general :) x
Where are the people?? They miss a lot if they don't know about your videos Matt. I'm always looking forward to see your new videos! Theres just one thing you haven't "treated" yet, it's jealousy. I would really love to see a video about that soon, since it can affect everyone. Very interesting would be a video about people that are extremly jealous towards their partner .. Thank you!!
this is the very important mindset for deal with a lot of difficulties including major crisis both emotional and financial and social .
it happen to every one, how to change your mode . you explain and really gets to the heart, not only points
This is great advice 🙏
Something I needed to hear
Thank you so much for this video :)
Thank you so much ♥♥♥♥
Great content Matt (as awlays)!
Very interesting and so true :)
I got the answer...... Thanks..... 🙏🙏
THANK YOU! You should write books about life in general besides relationships ;)
Thanks, I will start anaylyzing how I react in moments of crisis. I think the steps you missed is accountability and gratitude. Taking accountability for the part you may have played in the situation. I'm an amazing problem solver and jump right into action when anything goes astray outside of my control, but I still get stuck in victim mindset based on my upbringing. I hope that taking a bit more ownership over why I think bad things keep happening to me and why I've been unable to see the good things will help a lot too.
Thank you :)
Thank you!
Actively engage and communicate confidently with men in all walks of my life.
How wonderful Matthew thank you! :) I discover Brenè Brown this week and I'm feeling it and taking action.
“What do I do?”
Then
“How can I make sure it doesn’t happen again?”
Great Video! Would you make a longer video / audiobook on this topic?
Thank you
you are amazing ♡
How can we get access to your IMPACT Masterclass? On a side note, your videos literally make my day! I get so happy when i see you've posted new content :)
thank you.
Great principle to apply in life and buissnsss 👌💕We can only do that when we hit a wall or problem. Life is constant learning 🤗We should take the lesson and stop crying: Why me? victim mode!
Point. Philosophy. ☺ "What do I gotta do NOW" NOT about poor me.
Loves this. Reminds me of the concept of Build-Measure-Grow from lean startup. Which made me ask how can I utilize this to grow my personal life. So glad to hear you relate the same concept to family/friends/etc. I feel less reaching. Cheers.
you spoke to me.
You're awesome
0:36 I wanna see Jamesson's beautiful face ;) (never appears ;)
i love you Matt!!! 😘😍😘
I love u, thank u 😘
Great advice - victim mentality just paralyses people more than the thing they are dwelling on. Teh bad thing is likely in the past, yet the victim mentality last forever if we let it
beautiful
brilliant
omg you are so amazing and charming i like watching your videos not only because you give great advice but i find myself having a crush on you lol blown away by your charm.
I have good insight after a breakup which was actually my wish since we have met a bit better. i read books, spend time by my own and trying to be on top again. not bcs of the games to manipulate him to get him back but bcs when i was single i was there and it felt the best. i miss to be the control of my life, enjoy it and be successfulamd stop giving my energy into negative circle of playing a role of a victim, accusations, judging, spying, stressing out... when we met i liked his characteristics a lot but he never could accept me by looks. i was confused what to do, i wanted to leave but the other voice said to me to keep it as a challenge. i wanted to make him liking me and i made a mistake. i didnt focus on how to make myself better looking so that i would feel good. bcs i started from wrong reasons all went down for me. then i started to play a victim, trying to control his actions. when i saw he isnt into me i said maybe if i do better he will like me only. i have become obsessed and lost all control over myself. i used to judge those women bcs i was always very mentally strong but no matter how much this experience put me through im really glad to understand more life situations. i faced the moments how it is when u give your power to enjoy life into the hands of someoneelse and that ur happiness becomes dependant on their actions. i believed a good woman has to sacrifice own needs to make a man happy and bcs i am a good person i wanted to make him happy but i took all differently in a wrong way. i put him on a piedestal while i didnt matter for myself any longer and that "looks" thing made me so much low i had no motivation. i see i should stop all further connection the day when he showed me i need to do more so he can be loyal and accept me only. i should walked away that time. but he was also trying with me to not hurt my feelings. this all started from wrong reasons. i dont know why i could never really leave him, i guess i was to weak bcs i had nth more to keep me happy but his presence. its hard to realize u have a partner only and nth more bcs u became lazy for all the rest but realizing the the manipulations and all u did in relationship put u on that level I think its crutial. no blame, u just let go completely of pain and give time and energy now to urself only to heal and be on top. we control own happiness. there r good books of psychologist Robin Norwood who helped me a lot to understand what failure I have become but if u let go of unhealthy patterns and person not for u will bring u on top level. let him go completely, stop trying to control him and rather give love to urself and then one day give it to someone who accepts u with no need to change u so they can be or stay with u.
I really hope my courage to open up here will help someone to get a better life.
U r the best😊
That’s what’s MY issue with dating-coaches! Matt says it himself! “If I didn’t have this exact experience, I wouldn’t have learned this and that. This & that is something I NEED to learn so I in the future better can cope with issues”! Precisely!!! But IF you go to a dating-coach & think he/she can give vital answers or tricks they can use to find the man/woman, then they’re wrong! Yes, you can use some tricks, just as when you listens to your friends experiences! But when it comes to life, especially love, there isn’t a faster way or guarantees! You NEED to make your own experiences so the day YOU are ready, you’ll be prepared cuz you’ve been trough all the heartaches, mistakes and awful relationships! You can’t force life, there’s time for everything, and it’s almost a guarantee that IF you don’t focus too much on finding the one,two or three but you use time to grow as a human being, spiritually or in the way you feel you need to grow, when you’re not looking, when you’re in a great place in your life BAM 💥 universe will provide you with what you need, not what you want! What you need! Coaches teaches you tricks (many you can use, but do you think it’s better to learn in irl or ?) but coaches can’t give you time, the time in life where you learn these things that you need! We’re all different,different cultures, colors, ethics etc and coaches often don’t include that a black woman or Asian woman are brought up differently than a white western girl! So your essence don’t fit with the coaches guides! Then you can find one of your descendent,but they still can’t give you what you NEED & that’s life-experience!
I very much enjoy listen to Matt, he’s intelligent but I already KNOW what he’s talking about,why? I’m over 40 & I’ve lived & living! I do think many can use he’s guidance but NEVER forget who you are,and live to experience so when you’re ready, have faith the universe will provide you with what you need, and not what you want , for what you want mostly ends up being a failed relationship,but you learn each time you meet a person wether it’s a fraction of a second or years! But the best advice he does give is; GO OUT THERE AND LIVE,DO NOT BE AFRAID!
And you learn by being a victim, you grow. Some are stuck, but they’ll get up when they’re ready! You just can’t force life ! #createnothate ❤️
Gold! Right on :D :D :D
Naw my first response isn’t what did i do wrong when someone hurts me, or how can i make it so this never happens again because thats not realistic, people hide their true nature in the beggining. I dont ask myself why do these men find me or why do i pick them? thats insane and i refuse to make excuses for the way men hurt me. My response is usually what did he do wrong?
In a world of emotionally unavailable men i dont think its healthy to blame the person for choosing a man that is part of the majority of emotionally inept men. Especially when they hide their true nature.
I wish i could say there are alot of emotionally available mature men out there like yourself but there just aren’t. Even men i surround myself with who are friends, or who are gay are unable to tap into that side where they truly connect with someone due to societal expectations that they should not be emotional. Thus leading to hurting women or men. Now i can sit here and psychoanalyze why this happens to me or why i surround myself qith such diaconnected men or i could know that the most obvious answer to a question, is usually the right one. There is nothing wrong with me, its them. After dating quite alot of men the trend is no longer me. The trend is emotional retardation that i have nothing to do with because im not that important to every man i meet.
In otherwords, maybe teach men consistency instead of teaching women its their fault for choosing an man who hurt her.
I wish i could say all of the men showed me signs of who they were in the begging but that is far from the truth. They hid their true nature until they thought i would accept it and when i didnt i was “cold hearted bitch” and “needed to lowere my expectations” when they would cheat on me.
So, am i a victim? Hell no. There is nothing wrong with you women, its them. And all we can do is try to guide them to emotional honesty and guide ourselves away from blame. Its a stand still really. Not his fault for societal norms and not her fault for choosing an emotionally inept man who is part of the billions of them.
Now am i saying some women dont show patterns of choosing men who are wrong for them. On the contrary some women do show patterns, but for the most part that just isn’t true. And am i saying all men are emotionally unstable? No but for the most part, most of them are.
This is opposite of victim mentality, this is blaming the victim.
First, what company rents out a "studio" that has an echo? ---- unless it was just a studio intended for photography only(??)
Anyway, strong advice - great vid. Glad I saw it.
!!!! perfect
Wow soooo true
I wish I could listen to him live, someone knows what can I do to listen his show live? I'll appreciate the info 😊
What do we need to do. How do I stop from creating the mistake again.
How to change and be in the action mode!!
It reminds me of the proactiveness habit of Stephen Coley. Be proactive not reactive.
What do I need to do?
What do we do now?
How do we make sure that this does not happen again?
What do we need to do? ;) Keep Calm & Talk About It. Simply Infiltrating Thought.
Hi Matthew, I like what you commented in the video, however, what if you thought hard about the questions and have no answers to them? This often leads to further disappointment and depression