"If you don't change or grow, you fossilize and you die. If you change too much, too fast, there's no stability. It's chaotic, and you disregulate." Esther Perel
Why is changing too fast or too much seen as a bad thing?? I'm an Aries..I hate moving slow. I move quickly in life and especially on my passions. The reason I accomplish my goals is because I enjoy moving fast. Stability is a very dicey word. It sounds like they're saying that stability = slow moving and slow evolvement. To me, i interpret "stability" as boring, predictable, contentment.
In a world where people jump from one partner to the other, I really want my relationship to last, ideally a lifetime. I'm sick of all this hook-up/Tinder crap. I just want to have one intimate relationship, and I won't give up until I'll get that, keep working on myself, keep searching.
Noticed how she paused when she said “You can’t expect one person to give you what a whole village is supposed to give you”!! She paused to really let that sink in! This is so true in modern day marriage. We expect our partners to be everything for us!
@@GreatnessClips--Your videos are great, however as much as she makes some good points I disagree with her on this, Your partner is just that, your partner. He/She should be top priority, first friend, confidant, helper etc.....than comes your other friends etc......How many times do we see with cheating/infidelity that if you have a "True Partner" he/she will not allow you to go outside the relationship which causes damage, yet we've seen female/male so-called friends (relatives, co-workers, bosses, neighbors, strangers etc....) destroy marriages/relationships. You have to make your partner "Top Priority at all times" and never get dormant/lazy/lax etc.....keep up the surprises only between the 2 of you. If that partner goes and cheats after that, good bye. People in relationships are letting outsiders and their influences determine what's best for their relationships and when this happens and continues marriages/relationships will continue to fall and crumble.
The "fix yourself first" that she's railing against a little bit starting at (7:25) resonates with me. "It's by being with others than you get to know who you are. Not just by sitting there alone saying 'who am I? who am I?'". This has been my experience. It's through the lens of a relationship that I learn most about myself and using that mirror that shows me where I need to improve. "Relationships help you to become who you are." Thank you. This is what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it.
As she said, I learned MOST about myself because of my past relationships instead of allowing a partner to make assumptions of who I am or should be. After the relationship ended, I gained insight on who I am, what I want, what I dont want...etc. Reshaped and evolved me into who I truly am as a person.
2:46 just discovered this channel and I love how the host is actively listening and looks soo engaged. This is not just an interview, its him genuinely listening to learn!
That's because she's willing to answer questions directly. Most women only talk in code and hint at things. Men are excellent listeners. How else would humans have gotten to the moon, built skyscrapers and advance technology since the beginning of time. Not by dropping hints and speaking with vagueness and word games. She is different.
I'm always enlightened when I listen to Esther Perel. She digs deep, doesn't mince words and her wisdom is always extremely thought-provoking. These conversations are golden.
Happiness is when the individual is happy with themselves first. Then, meet the same partner who is also doing the same. Two hearts who are committed to growing together and having the same vision for the future. ❤️
I think Esther Perel is the best therapist I've ever witnessed. Every moment/ things she says have nuggets of wisdom. In church, it would be called 'conviction" (a good thing) that inspires us to change for the better. I also like the relationship dynamic between Esther and Lewis. You can see the mutual respect and just watching them you see shades of attraction and chemistry, and yet reservation which is a result of wisdom. Very cool!
I have met so many Americans who never travel outside of their own town. It's astonishing! Even with little money I manage to travel anywhere I want, live there, and learn the language.
Esther! I am 65 years old. I recently found you and you are teaching me so much . If only I found you years ago when I was in my long time marriage . I am sharing you with my 3 daughters . Thank you lovely lady ❣️
I found this so helpful. I am newly involved with a wonderful human after having spent 2 1/2 years single and working on myself. Now that I have a romantic interest, i.e. an attachment, I've noticed triggers and urges for old conditioning arising which prompted me to wonder if I should just stay single. And the answer is: no. Being with this person is helping me to better implement the version of myself that I want to be, which - quite simply - is to be more aware than I was yesterday. In a rudimentary way, it's necessary to practice new behaviors and ways of being and the *best* platform for this is while in relationship.
One person can't give you everything you need.... relationships help you to become who you are...make you whole....🤯mind blowing....I don't have to be whole first before I get into a relationship 😆
I am so amazed by this video. I know Esther is such a great counselor with this matter. But what I loved the most was how Lewis was so into every word that she said, he took notes. Congrats for the amazing and inspiring work to both of you.
Calibrating expectations. Picking your battles. Doing new things. Taking responsibility and knowing if something is t working. We all have such expectations and are too willing to walk away too fast. Fast food love.
I have been raised for interdependence and loyalty but later in life I have learnt the necessity of being independent and putting boundaries. I like being alone. I like spending time with myself but also being with and serving with love to my close one's.
@@jolaola1987 I'm an Aries. I dont know the rest of my planetary alignment because I am planning to get a birth time rectification (aka my birth time is inaccurate so I need a specialist to help me narrow it down😔)
Totally my Story... And while Im learning to put boundaries, my partner is very self relient, meaning he doesnt need nor has a big community of people around him
Ester is truly gold! I am insanely jealous! I want some time with her! 😲 I have always felt the cultural pressures of being _that_ man type that is expected of me (e.g. the three Ps) instead of where my heart truly lies with my true authenticity. She is a welcome breath of fresh air that men have hearts and feelings too. ❤
Buddhism teaches that people are a mirror into your soul. if you wish to learn who you truly are, just look at your relationships, and your interactions with other people. She is spot on.
It's called chemistry and it is either there or not. The biggest mistake people make is pretending to be someone or something you are not. Be true to yourself.Genuine Love is alot harder to find than people think.
I found this segment to be both enlightening yet familiar. Dating can be something of a toy because people are too afraid to go that extra mile. Simple things will immediately erode interest. How often does anyone face disappointment at work & you just simply quit? How often does a family member disappoint & you just cut them out of your life? For some reason-although we don't have perfect families or perfect jobs-we feel there must be that perfect partner out of a million! Love & partnership exist in the exchange of thoughts, passions, experiences & yes, disappointments. In the words of the oft quoted James Baldwin, “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
I feel you but actually if you were in a relationship and grows together the same roof. You will experience with no freedom and you'll have an overwhelming responsibility in The HOUSE. My life is a sabotage once in a while.
Im dont know to say this but maybe youll find best guy for you. Before i have worked and when i stop working focusing just in the house its feels like big regret.
I've been with my husband 31 years (married 27)... our morals & values align... we have similar backgrounds & desires for the future. Our love story developed into a life story. Whilst there is no one size fits all to a parternership - I try to instill a sense of authenticity in my daughter to ensure she finds a lifelong partner. Good luck to those who are still looking.
A wonderul and inspring presentation, especially the need for calibrating expectations of relationships and breaching disappointment. Very true and useful !
Wow. Today while I was working, I came up with this scenario in my head about love stories being a distraction and a fairly tale but life journey ( Esther said life story) is what you’d really want in live. I’m blown away
BRAVO BRAVISSIMO!!! There is no more to the point video about relationship then THIS ONE. And I saw hundreds of them. THANK U ESTHER PEREL Thank you Lewis, for inviting her.
We expect so much from one another. But often don’t see the joy in what we have. We always think that somehow this person needs to be in our guidelines to make us happy.
I really love hearing this. I found that through emotional healing sometimes our values can change. When Ester speaks about the couple in which the man more interdependent and the woman is more self reliant and doesn't want to socialize much, sometimes it's due to the dificult upbringing that creates some social blockages thqt blocks some of the branches of the vagal nerve (polyvagal theory) and, through my own experience, as we heal then our way to relate socially also changes. Fascinating topic. Thank you!
So true. People are all lost today, especially men. Everyone wants to follow the script instead following the heart, and that's why there is no happiness in relationships
@@crystalanamericaninsicily it depends on why you're not happy. Sometimes it has nothing to do with your partner, but a good partner can see that and help. They have to be aware and care though.
Relationships do help you grow. However, and this is a big "however," if you are constantly attracting, or a better word, choosing the wrong men, then it does behoove you to stop and look at the patterns and learn new behaviors that will then help you choose better people. I think there is such a "huge' emphasis/message, particularly in the US on focusing on "yourself" (especially for women) and mothering yourself and taking hot baths and doing things that make you happy and having your own life, etc., that it starts to tip the balance away from constructive ways of being. It takes us away from the original purpose, which is to get out and connect in meaningful ways with people. There is a delicate balance here and it's really worth paying attention to this; not to fall into the trap of going from one bad or failed relationship to another and another, and another where one is apt to shift the responsibility from ourselves with regards to doing our part to be a better person to another person in the hopes that they will make us feel and be better.
Damnit this woman always blows me away! I say woman because this is a example of what a Woman should aspire to be. Smart, realistic, intuitive and connected. Respect to Esther.
I take so much notes from this interview ...this will definitely help in finding the one..n life after that. So much impressed by her she is real genius lady. ALSO the host is a active listener n asks relevant questions. Loved it so much to learn.
7:15 I super agree! We really need others or a relationship to know more about yourself and learn to love yourself. Self reflection is okay but isolation to learn to love yourself for a long period of time is something I really don't agree! 🙏
I believe that when you find the one would help you grow in every sense, life and relationship is about building up each other not oneself. Intensity and diversity
This conversation is Powerful! You need to calibrate in your relationship, you can be mad, and still care … most importantly be responsible for yourself….Esther you’re Beautifully Brilliant, such a Gift to all!!! thank you both very much …Grateful
I agree with everything except not working on yourself before going into a relationship. It’s ludicrous to think you can only work on your self when you’re with a other person. So, what if you never find a partner? You’ll never become the best version of yourself? Make no sense! Beside that working you you is your own responsibility first. Not your partner’s... this is why most people don’t change. Think about it. What a smart and brilliant woman. Thank you for your good work. Very inspiring 👏
Problem is, it is so hard to find a person with similar understanding. There are so few who have faith and attitude to work on a relationship. Most want it easy and just don’t want to put effort. Also the unrealistic expectation of happiness, as happiness has become the biggest commodity of the century.
This is powerful. I was raised on independence but want interdependence and community. Once I see I cannot have community with a person I do not calibrate like she suggest- I leave because I am use to being independent . Brilliant lady
(9.25) excellent advice - never heard it articulated so well. All young people should hear this - especially if you are the romantic type and not very pragmatic in life.
Some great nuggets in this discussion - e.g., at 8:55 she says “There are many people you will love, and they are not necessarily the same people that you will make a life with…Are you looking for a love story or are you looking for a life story?”
"If you don't change or grow, you fossilize and you die. If you change too much, too fast, there's no stability. It's chaotic, and you disregulate." Esther Perel
I agree with that 100%
Why is changing too fast or too much seen as a bad thing?? I'm an Aries..I hate moving slow. I move quickly in life and especially on my passions. The reason I accomplish my goals is because I enjoy moving fast. Stability is a very dicey word. It sounds like they're saying that stability = slow moving and slow evolvement.
To me, i interpret "stability" as boring, predictable, contentment.
@@jojoc326 The speed is in the eye of the beholder.
❤
In a world where people jump from one partner to the other, I really want my relationship to last, ideally a lifetime. I'm sick of all this hook-up/Tinder crap. I just want to have one intimate relationship, and I won't give up until I'll get that, keep working on myself, keep searching.
Once you're up for it, you just have to let people know... Most women are in the same place as you.
Same.
You will find it Jonathan! ♡
If you are have issues in your relationship check yourself don't blame in on the dating site..
Same feeling🙏
Noticed how she paused when she said “You can’t expect one person to give you what a whole village is supposed to give you”!! She paused to really let that sink in! This is so true in modern day marriage. We expect our partners to be everything for us!
💯
@@GreatnessClips--Your videos are great, however as much as she makes some good points I disagree with her on this, Your partner is just that, your partner. He/She should be top priority, first friend, confidant, helper etc.....than comes your other friends etc......How many times do we see with cheating/infidelity that if you have a "True Partner" he/she will not allow you to go outside the relationship which causes damage, yet we've seen female/male so-called friends (relatives, co-workers, bosses, neighbors, strangers etc....) destroy marriages/relationships. You have to make your partner "Top Priority at all times" and never get dormant/lazy/lax etc.....keep up the surprises only between the 2 of you. If that partner goes and cheats after that, good bye. People in relationships are letting outsiders and their influences determine what's best for their relationships and when this happens and continues marriages/relationships will continue to fall and crumble.
The "fix yourself first" that she's railing against a little bit starting at (7:25) resonates with me.
"It's by being with others than you get to know who you are. Not just by sitting there alone saying 'who am I? who am I?'". This has been my experience. It's through the lens of a relationship that I learn most about myself and using that mirror that shows me where I need to improve.
"Relationships help you to become who you are."
Thank you. This is what I needed to hear, exactly when I needed to hear it.
Is it me being in need of a romantic relationship or is it Lewis becoming more and more attractive?
As she said, I learned MOST about myself because of my past relationships instead of allowing a partner to make assumptions of who I am or should be. After the relationship ended, I gained insight on who I am, what I want, what I dont want...etc. Reshaped and evolved me into who I truly am as a person.
Actually I only get to know myself more when I'm alone. I die to myself when I'm in the company of others; I contract and become smaller.
@repossession Beautiful.. You are at the right place at the right time. Go go Good Luck !
This was some serious wisdom.
“You learn to love yourself in the context of relationships with others....It’s being with others that you get to know who you are. “ Esther Perel
Best part of the interview ❤
This!!!
I just loved that point ❤️
2:46 just discovered this channel and I love how the host is actively listening and looks soo engaged. This is not just an interview, its him genuinely listening to learn!
That's because she's willing to answer questions directly. Most women only talk in code and hint at things. Men are excellent listeners. How else would humans have gotten to the moon, built skyscrapers and advance technology since the beginning of time. Not by dropping hints and speaking with vagueness and word games. She is different.
@@woodspirit98 sexist
@@woodspirit98 Oh goodness grief. "Men are losers." This statement is of the same quality as yours. 🤦♀️
I'm always enlightened when I listen to Esther Perel. She digs deep, doesn't mince words and her wisdom is always extremely thought-provoking. These conversations are golden.
🙌
Happiness is when the individual is happy with themselves first. Then, meet the same partner who is also doing the same. Two hearts who are committed to growing together and having the same vision for the future. ❤️
Married for 33 years this year and we dated for 3 years before . We still really enjoy being around each other .
Love this🧡
I love this woman, every time she opens her mouth I’m learning something new!
If you thought Esther Perel is great, wait till you discover Susan Winter, also on youtube.
“Taking responsibility is the ultimate freedom”
Yes exactly
I think Jordan Peterson says much the same thing
@@simonmasters3295 yep. "pick your damn sacrifice" is what i think JP says 😉
So true
Whose quote is this? Love it! 👌🏼
This was excellent!
I've been married 31 years, and Esther's information and advice is very correct.
sheeesh
1. Calibrate and diversify your expectations.
2. Do new things outside of your comfort zone.
Nice summary - this was my takeaway also.
3. Diversify
Esther HAS to be one of the top relationship experts ever! I love her so much. Amazing insight ever single time she opens her mouth.
I think Esther Perel is the best therapist I've ever witnessed. Every moment/ things she says have nuggets of wisdom. In church, it would be called 'conviction" (a good thing) that inspires us to change for the better. I also like the relationship dynamic between Esther and Lewis. You can see the mutual respect and just watching them you see shades of attraction and chemistry, and yet reservation which is a result of wisdom. Very cool!
I never felt connected to any counselor the way I connect with her advice. She is absolutely a blessing
"Ask, "Who can I be in a relationship?". OMG. #Truth. Thank you!
" by being with others, it is how we will find ourselves, and Who We Are". So true!
On point. 🤗
If there miserable how can they make you happy.
Holy shit her answer to taking care of yourself first literally changed the game for me!
I have met so many Americans who never travel outside of their own town. It's astonishing! Even with little money I manage to travel anywhere I want, live there, and learn the language.
So?
Personal growth, investment.
Bon Voyage¡🌴
Esther! I am 65 years old. I recently found you and you are teaching me so much . If only I found you years ago when I was in my long time marriage . I am sharing you with my 3 daughters .
Thank you lovely lady ❣️
If you thought Esther Perel is great, wait till you discover Susan Winter, also on youtube.
@@jefftan8024 both are really great :) And Carol it is never too late to love again! :)
She's a very good teacher in my opinion
I like u
I m single ❤❤
I found this so helpful. I am newly involved with a wonderful human after having spent 2 1/2 years single and working on myself. Now that I have a romantic interest, i.e. an attachment, I've noticed triggers and urges for old conditioning arising which prompted me to wonder if I should just stay single. And the answer is: no. Being with this person is helping me to better implement the version of myself that I want to be, which - quite simply - is to be more aware than I was yesterday. In a rudimentary way, it's necessary to practice new behaviors and ways of being and the *best* platform for this is while in relationship.
🧡
Its nice to have similairities but its greater to learn different aspects that u havent learned yourself were u are now .
One person can't give you everything you need.... relationships help you to become who you are...make you whole....🤯mind blowing....I don't have to be whole first before I get into a relationship 😆
I am so amazed by this video. I know Esther is such a great counselor with this matter. But what I loved the most was how Lewis was so into every word that she said, he took notes. Congrats for the amazing and inspiring work to both of you.
Calibrating expectations. Picking your battles. Doing new things. Taking responsibility and knowing if something is t working. We all have such expectations and are too willing to walk away too fast. Fast food love.
This is one of the best podcasts on relationships.
Calibrating your standard, diversification, and doing new things with your partner. I love this and will keep in mind.
I have been raised for interdependence and loyalty but later in life I have learnt the necessity of being independent and putting boundaries. I like being alone. I like spending time with myself but also being with and serving with love to my close one's.
Are you an Aquarius or Capricorn?
@@jojoc326 no, im Pisces but 1st degree of it so kind of Aquarius as well in vedic astrology. I have a Venus in Capricorn though. How about you?
@@jolaola1987 I'm an Aries. I dont know the rest of my planetary alignment because I am planning to get a birth time rectification (aka my birth time is inaccurate so I need a specialist to help me narrow it down😔)
Totally my Story... And while Im learning to put boundaries, my partner is very self relient, meaning he doesnt need nor has a big community of people around him
You learn to love yourself in the context of others! Being with others helps you learn who you are! Sooo good!
Your life partner can be your love partner. Period. Be blessed.
I love all matters relational,and everything Esther Perel has to say.
People change with age, their resources change, health can change, desires change, abilities change! Of course relationships can change as well!! 👏🏻
👍
Very smart Lady ... She carries lots of knowledge and wisdom. Don't be fooled by just what you see, I like that !
Ester is truly gold! I am insanely jealous! I want some time with her! 😲
I have always felt the cultural pressures of being _that_ man type that is expected of me (e.g. the three Ps) instead of where my heart truly lies with my true authenticity.
She is a welcome breath of fresh air that men have hearts and feelings too. ❤
This 20 mins is more valuable than months of therapy 👌🏻
🤍this woman knows how to dance with Grace.
Love all her advice.
Thank you Lewis
Glad you enjoyed it! Means a lot! 🧡
Omg the self work bit was crazy true. We’re social beings
Buddhism teaches that people are a mirror into your soul. if you wish to learn who you truly are, just look at your relationships, and your interactions with other people. She is spot on.
I agree
That's something you hear quite a lot in the US.
.
I’ve taken more notes in 20 minutes than I have in full hour-long podcasts. Great questions and great information. Thank you.
You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡
Creative couples, not just stable ones, keep the spark.
It's called chemistry and it is either there or not. The biggest mistake people make is pretending to be someone or something you are not. Be true to yourself.Genuine Love is alot harder to find than people think.
8:27 “Why don’t you ask yourself, ‘Who do you want to be?’” Brilliant.
👍
I found this segment to be both enlightening yet familiar. Dating can be something of a toy because people are too afraid to go that extra mile. Simple things will immediately erode interest.
How often does anyone face disappointment at work & you just simply quit? How often does a family member disappoint & you just cut them out of your life?
For some reason-although we don't have perfect families or perfect jobs-we feel there must be that perfect partner out of a million! Love & partnership exist in the exchange of thoughts, passions, experiences & yes, disappointments.
In the words of the oft quoted James Baldwin, “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”
the most sensible or realistic relationship advice I've ever heard
Even at 40, loved these tips. Hopefully I will find my life partner next time...not just love ❤
I feel you but actually if you were in a relationship and grows together the same roof. You will experience with no freedom and you'll have an overwhelming responsibility in The HOUSE. My life is a sabotage once in a while.
Im dont know to say this but maybe youll find best guy for you. Before i have worked and when i stop working focusing just in the house its feels like big regret.
Higher your Standards...don't settle.
@@crystalanamericaninsicily she's 40.....
@@rally_chronicles 40 is still hot baby!
I've been with my husband 31 years (married 27)... our morals & values align... we have similar backgrounds & desires for the future. Our love story developed into a life story. Whilst there is no one size fits all to a parternership - I try to instill a sense of authenticity in my daughter to ensure she finds a lifelong partner. Good luck to those who are still looking.
Love this🧡
A wonderul and inspring presentation, especially the need for calibrating expectations of relationships and breaching disappointment. Very true and useful !
Wow. Today while I was working, I came up with this scenario in my head about love stories being a distraction and a fairly tale but life journey ( Esther said life story) is what you’d really want in live.
I’m blown away
In a world where DISNEY has hijacked the ethic of MILLIONS
BRAVO BRAVISSIMO!!! There is no more to the point video about relationship then THIS ONE. And I saw hundreds of them. THANK U ESTHER PEREL Thank you Lewis, for inviting her.
I love that this interviewer takes notes!!!
🧡
I've been married for 18years and my wife wife always tells me that we have simple happiness 💕
Every time I hear Esther, I want to listen to my favorite music. It's revelation every time. Each and every word matters.
You are such a wise woman. Thank you for sharing your intellect
Be excellent to each other, misakes are okay, practice boundaries, move forward, backward, and around, move forward
We expect so much from one another. But often don’t see the joy in what we have. We always think that somehow this person needs to be in our guidelines to make us happy.
Don’t forget about us in our 40s, being single for years and looking for a relationship
Some epic questions!! Esther! 😃👏🏼👏🏼 THANK YOU !!
These is the best thing ever happened in my life. Today I saw a great woman in you mama. Am proud of you.
I really love hearing this. I found that through emotional healing sometimes our values can change. When Ester speaks about the couple in which the man more interdependent and the woman is more self reliant and doesn't want to socialize much, sometimes it's due to the dificult upbringing that creates some social blockages thqt blocks some of the branches of the vagal nerve (polyvagal theory) and, through my own experience, as we heal then our way to relate socially also changes. Fascinating topic. Thank you!
You're welcome,thank you for tuning in 🧡
This conversation was very thought provoking. I feel encouraged and empowered.
Thank you. 👍🏻
You're welcome,thank you for tuning in 🧡
So true. People are all lost today, especially men. Everyone wants to follow the script instead following the heart, and that's why there is no happiness in relationships
💜
Bs
People are all lost today, especially women. Lolololololol
Wow, finally a person who is talking sense on how to grow in a relationship....thank you for this amazing content.
You're welcome, thank you for tuning in 🧡
“Go fix yourself” can be about spiritual growth, to grow the soul. This is done in solitude.
If you want to be a team player you should be in a team.
I enjoyed her interview and perspective. The interviewer on the other hand was responding without listening based on his questions and responses.
This woman is so wise, and gives Real advise.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Esther I love you since my first encounter of your TED talks and I can't love you enough everytime you appeared! Love you!
I’m here making notes and repeating what’s been said. Thank you for these amazing interviews Lewis! They keep me coming back
Power pack .....true realisticall love this lady !
When your partner is happy and wants your happiness. This what makes a good Relationship. If your Partner is miserable...they can't make you happy.
Well.. No one can "make" you happy. It's not up to that person to be your personal supply of joy and sunshine 😂
My husband is happy, I struggle with happiness, right now.
@@cinmac3 How can your husband be happy if you're not?? What is he doing to make you feel good??
@@sammywildflower1617 Yes. But if I'm in a Relationship and I'm not happy...something is WRONG!!
@@crystalanamericaninsicily it depends on why you're not happy. Sometimes it has nothing to do with your partner, but a good partner can see that and help. They have to be aware and care though.
You have helped me. Listening to you speak is thoroughly amazing because what you speak of is so relevant to humanity.
What a lovely discourse! Sound, common-sensical, but also highly entertaining. It’s a gas!
Relationships do help you grow. However, and this is a big "however," if you are constantly attracting, or a better word, choosing the wrong men, then it does behoove you to stop and look at the patterns and learn new behaviors that will then help you choose better people. I think there is such a "huge' emphasis/message, particularly in the US on focusing on "yourself" (especially for women) and mothering yourself and taking hot baths and doing things that make you happy and having your own life, etc., that it starts to tip the balance away from constructive ways of being. It takes us away from the original purpose, which is to get out and connect in meaningful ways with people. There is a delicate balance here and it's really worth paying attention to this; not to fall into the trap of going from one bad or failed relationship to another and another, and another where one is apt to shift the responsibility from ourselves with regards to doing our part to be a better person to another person in the hopes that they will make us feel and be better.
Damnit this woman always blows me away! I say woman because this is a example of what a Woman should aspire to be. Smart, realistic, intuitive and connected. Respect to Esther.
A woman does not have to aspire anything! Every woman is free to do what she wants and is great in her own way. The same actually goes for men!
I take so much notes from this interview ...this will definitely help in finding the one..n life after that. So much impressed by her she is real genius lady.
ALSO the host is a active listener n asks relevant questions. Loved it so much to learn.
16:16 from the "belief, aspiration, yearning" to know the true core of " independence" or "intedependence" preference.
7:15 I super agree! We really need others or a relationship to know more about yourself and learn to love yourself. Self reflection is okay but isolation to learn to love yourself for a long period of time is something I really don't agree! 🙏
Yes it’s all about how you repair - “bids for connection”
Yes I'm looking for a Life story. Life partner. Values and building a life together.
Thank You!
You're welcome🧡
Lewis is SO into Esther's...every word 😅 love it 👏🏾💖
I believe that when you find the one would help you grow in every sense, life and relationship is about building up each other not oneself. Intensity and diversity
do you need help in your relationship my dear friend if you do get in touch with him on WhatsApp ok
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This conversation is Powerful! You need to calibrate in your relationship, you can be mad, and still care … most importantly be responsible for yourself….Esther you’re Beautifully Brilliant, such a Gift to all!!! thank you both very much …Grateful
Glad you enjoyed it! Means a lot!!!
I agree with everything except not working on yourself before going into a relationship. It’s ludicrous to think you can only work on your self when you’re with a other person. So, what if you never find a partner? You’ll never become the best version of yourself? Make no sense! Beside that working you you is your own responsibility first. Not your partner’s... this is why most people don’t change. Think about it.
What a smart and brilliant woman. Thank you for your good work. Very inspiring 👏
I have grown so much 4.5 years single . Boy have I realized some things
I could listen Esther all day long...
👍
I needed to hear all of this
Glad this was helpful!
I love Lewis diligently taking notes. 😂 SAME.
Problem is, it is so hard to find a person with similar understanding. There are so few who have faith and attitude to work on a relationship. Most want it easy and just don’t want to put effort. Also the unrealistic expectation of happiness, as happiness has become the biggest commodity of the century.
This was the most refreshing discussion on relationships I have ever encountered. Few have resonated with me so much.
True! I learnt to love myself within a relationship!
It's like talking to your wise mum. He's even writing the answers down. Hahaha I love Esther.
Esther is great should have set course in college we could all do with this quality advice. Thank you
Never heard of Esther Perel
But damn she's good. 👍
🙌
This is powerful. I was raised on independence but want interdependence and community. Once I see I cannot have community with a person I do not calibrate like she suggest- I leave because I am use to being independent . Brilliant lady
Glad you enjoyed it!
Life story & love story
Finally I understand it
Wish i could like this 1000 times..
Thanks, Lewis...absolutely agree with Esther here became what and who you want! Don't be a devil and expect an angel!!!
YES!!, ITS ABOUT THE REPAIR!! 😃👏🏼👏🏼IN RELATIONSHIPS "
Top best thing Esther said !! 🎉🎉🎉
"Are you looking for a love story or a life story?"
♥️
*Precisely.*
Both! We only come into this life once.
I have a beautiful house, beautiful child, no worries about money...a truly lovely life but a loves-less marriage, trust me...take the love story.
@@mackaruchi28 Hello, if you are u happy, why dont you get a divorce then?
Love, love is what makes relationship longer, if it does not , than it's not love, it's a business
Hi
(9.25) excellent advice - never heard it articulated so well. All young people should hear this - especially if you are the romantic type and not very pragmatic in life.
Respect, be thankful, give all you can.
You onky get as much out of it as much you give.
Some great nuggets in this discussion - e.g., at 8:55 she says “There are many people you will love, and they are not necessarily the same people that you will make a life with…Are you looking for a love story or are you looking for a life story?”
🧡