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DRUMP: "ANTI-JOKES"
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- Опубліковано 12 січ 2015
- It's like a regular Game Grumps episode of only anti-jokes... Enjoy!
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse incapable of understanding human speech promptly shits on the floor and leaves.
which were stolen from antijoke.com
mystic soliloquy yes, so stolen. Someone call the internet police for utilizing the internet.
I liked filthy frank's version more
666th like babeyyyy
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?", The horse responds "My wife left me."
What do you call a dog without legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, he isn't coming.
Omg wow XD
WHY HAVE YOU DONE THIS
stolen
I'm stealing this
TenZEDin Oh no 😂😂
I spent all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me
theEvilToad {GD} Nice one bro.
Evil Toad This is terrible and I'm in tears.
*curls into a ball and crys*
FacePalm
Not bad my freind
How do you kill an introvert?
You starve him to death by putting a stranger in his kitchen
Not gonna lie that'd probably work with me.
+Silver Fang Me too, tbh
Silver Fang
exactly
Was hiding from my relatives before reading this...
That's how I wanna go.
what fucking teacher asks you to make a joke and then gets mad when you tell a joke that makes the whole class laugh?
Irish teachers of course. I should know. Some of them are the laziest people ever. My homework when I was four was to learn the our father prayer.
Evan Young Okay, Evan, we'll just leave you with your prejudices.
KleptoWafflez I'm assuming Evan is in fact irish.
Ted South yes I am.
The Mayor of Space The kind of teacher that wanted you to fail or see that it wasn't that easy to write comedy, even when it really was *that* easy.
A horse walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender asks "why the long face?" And the horse replies- "my wife is dying of a terminal illness"
👏
I laughed too hard at that wtf! 😅
I don't get it
xD
+Robby DePaolo Horses have longer faces than humans do. I think the idea is that we're supposed to think that that fact is part of the joke, but then it turns out to just be the idiom referring to sadness.
He orders a drink... a time traveller walks into a bar.
Aye im 250 wooo yooooh
Boring
oh i like that xD
actually unironically hilarious
Ayy im 500 les go.
I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places
he told me "Don't go to those places anymore"
That's a good one
@@just_a_strange_traveler
*proceeds to break spine in school*
Classic
What's the difference between a porcupine and a Lamborghini?
For the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
Nice
+TheUltraGamer Beautiful
+TheUltraGamer ayyyyy
+TheUltraGamer Here in my garage...
Daaaamn
If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?
499.
What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into the fridge?
Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.
What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
The lion king is having a birthday party, all the animals but 1 arrive. Who's missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.
Sally wants to go to the party but she has to cross a crocodile infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, why?
Because all of the crocodiles are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.
+CaptSteelskin I've seen this before in a meme comic.
+CaptSteelskin genius
Legitimate question: is this the joke that coined the phrase "brick joke"?
No, it is not, and I had never heard that phrase before, however I did a quick search for the term, and apparently this is it: www.madfigs.com/parables/brick.php
(Make sure to read both the brick and airplane jokes)
Holy fuck, I learned from a UA-cam comment. What has the world come to? (seriously thank you for pointing me in the right direction)
And if anyone wants to know what I was talking about specifically, I found a link on my own: tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BrickJoke
The more you know! *ding*
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?
Gloves!!
...just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet
just kiddin, he hasn`t jet opened it
Elizabeth Jensen THATS FUCKED UP 😂😂😂😂
Hahahaha
You know the rule, Timmy: No hands, no cookies!
Noo . . . . . Omfg XD THATS TERRIBLE!! XD
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard , and a German man arrive early to a small concert. they sit in the front row and chat. The setup director is on the stage, and he asks the four men if they can see him alright.
"yes"
"oui"
"si"
"ja"
I got it
Isn't the last man usually German?
That's actually really clever.
I don't get it
there's no Finnish in that joke
Where did Arin go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
Well played, Mark.
+TheBoxKing Umm, as you can clearly see, that is Not Mark so....
Well played, Not Mark
Ha.
+xXx_Mudkip_xXx too soon
Two men who haven't seen each other in years finally reunite.
The first man tells the second man "Hey dude! Let's hang!"
The second man says "Totally!"
They were later found at the gallows.
.-.
That's funny to me XD
Ha.
Ha.
+RunRobotRun911 i ruined the 69 likes
Two chemists walk into a bar, one says, "I'll have H20. The other says, "I'll have H20 too." The second chemist dies.
Jarod Wilfred I see what you did there... lol
I love jokes like that
The bartender says, "You could just order water. I get that you're Chemists and all, but calling common things by their chemical names just makes you sound like a Jackass. Get out of my bar and don't come back."
Both chemists survive because who the fuck has hydrogen peroxide on tap.
@@pepperjack641 universal truth.
What do you get when you mix strawberries and bananas?
A healthy smoothie.
+Some Guy actual answer: to grab his family from the grocery store and properly bury their remains.
+Paithen ... ._.
technically this isnt even a joke. unfunny in multiple ways
Mike Polizzi That's why it's called an anti-joke, dumbass.
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭
Lmao on the floor
+Some Stupid Ginger
OOOOOOOH!!!!
+Some Stupid Ginger My day just keeps getting better XD
oh fuck. i love this.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Cancer
Tommy Laukkanen Oh yeah, I heard that one too
Tommy Laukkanen That's not funny. My grandpa died in one of those camps...He fell from a guard tower.
JossCard42 ...
JossCard42 Strange, my grandpa died in one of those camps too. He was crushed by some fuck who fell from a guard tower.
Rainbow Pigeon What's worse than cancer?
Finding 2 worms in your apple
Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
6 was afraid of 7 because 7 was a registered six offender
+Whitney Cavanaugh XD
Because 7 8 9
Because seven is a registered six offender
i am weirdly reminded of the sentient shade of the color blue from hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
Two muffins are baking in an oven.
The first one says to the other "Duuude, I'm so baked right now."
The second says to the first "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"
Good!
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
If life gives you melons you might be dyslexic.
my friend said Onions were the only vegetable that could make you cry...
I threw a coconut at his head.
@@Theredtail95 that's a fruit!
@@esmooth919 ok. Let me try something else.
He said Onion was the only food that would make you cry...
So, I dumped hot soup down his pants.
I know it doesn’t make sense(and I’m sure I’m not the first to make this joke) but I came up with “if life gives you melons, make demon ale”
@@Theredtail95 there's also the jalapeno
What do you call a broken window?
A pane in the glass
Stealthlock puns are welcome here
Two dyslexics rob a bank. They shouted "Hands in the air, motherstickers, this is a fuck up!" 😂😂😂
this is great
Hana-Umi Productions that was hilarious
Really? I hope you didn't get in too much trouble by the teacher.
Hana-Umi Productions
Funny thing is, it was actually a fuckup. OH THE IRONY.
Hana-Umi Productions but dyslexics mix up letters not words...
Helen Keller walks into a bar, a table, and then a chair.
how many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
certainly not seven, because the light in my basement's still broken!
+MisterSmiley91 and six other people it would seem
+BaconIsWatching
37*
+BaconIsWatching 56*
582*
Lol, the answer I always had for that one was :
"As many babies as it took to make a pile high enough to reach the lightbulb."
What birds always stick together? Vel-crows
What do you call a gigantic bear in the rain? A Drizzly-bear
These jokes are going to the birds...
+Jarod Wilfred I don't think I can BEAR these puns 😏
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
There was a girl with no arms or legs sitting on a beach. As a man walked past her she started crying. The man asked "What's the matter dear?". And the girl replied "I've never been hugged before." So the man hugs her and the girl starts crying again. The man asked "What's wrong now?". And the girl replies with "I've never been kissed before." So the man kisses her but she starts crying yet again. So the man asks "What's the matter now?" The girl replies with "I've never been fucked before." So the man picked her up and threw her in the ocean and said "Well your fucked now!"
you little shit
*xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD*
now you cant tell if she’s crying under the sea
Thunder *Jamaican crab laughter muffled by water*
That's horrible. Only Kafka would enjoy that.
What's blue and lies on the floor?
A baby playing with a plasic bag.
OH GOD MY SIDES.
NO
X,DDD
...Jesus
Ellahluja My jaw dropped when I read that.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM FUNNYYYYYYYYYYYYY JOKE
Yesssss
I like your coat...
+Takeru Takaishi uh hu, uh hu, uh hu
reminds me of arin's Yoda jokes, so hilarious!!!!
What's worse than a dead baby?
Dumpster full of dead babies
What's worse than a dumpster full of dead babies?
One is still alive at the bottom
What's worse than that?
He had to eat his way out
What's worse than that?
He came back for seconds
Jack Duripper God damn dude!
Jack Duripper What's worse than that?
This story gave you an erection
Darqfalls my penis cannot get erect.
Nick Piening
Well now I know what's worse than the other scenarios.
Jack Duripper Jester814??
Why couldn't the man find his map?
He lost his map.
he didn't have one
why?
Gabriella Conklin I thought you were gonna say because Dora stole it ha ha
Gabriella Conklin
I actually really didn't expect that and I laughed out loud and startled my cat
Why did Tim drop his Ice Cream?
He didn't. There was no ice cream.
He has schizophrenia.
There is no spoon, apparently, as well. (I have no clue what that's actually from. It just seemed relevant.)
+Rach Frisella ....matrix
Bepis
Ambulance
Why did Tim drop his ice cream?
He preferred Curry.
Why did Jenny fall off the swing?
Because someone threw a fridge at her
+ShyGuyDY I thought, because she had no arms.
Manti Core We'd say because someone threw a fridge at her at my school lol
+ShyGuyDY The best joke is this...
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Hey what the fuck, I'm Jenny why would you do that
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus
The best part is that voice they do for the Kirby ones.
So true. Angry Yiddish grandfather voice is the best for jokes. XD
+Megan S It reminds me if Yeshmin Blechin, the Greg Benson character!
+Samuel Irvin I'm not familiar with them. Who are those guys?
Megan S Just look up Yeshmin Blechin. He's a character created by Greg Benson. He's just an grumpy old Jewish man who sounds a lot like this.
I agree
ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says "i'll give you a drink if you tell me a joke" and the guy replies "ok so a guy walks into a bar and orders a drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink, so he gets the drink.
And on the pedestal these words shall appear: and on the pedestal these words shall appear: and on the pedestal these words shall appear...
Oh, that's one of my favorite jokes.
You said it wrong...its "Ill give you a drink if you tell me a META joke" ...but still good
Some Guy But where is The Flash? Oh right, he doesn’t do that anymore
Why did little Amy fall off the swingset?
Because she had no arms.
Why did nobody hear little Amy call for help?
Because she had no friends.
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Not little Amy!
What about Arin?
Liaminator haha i forgot that was the name of his wife too. Ok. Modifying the joke just a little bit.
There. Now it can be seen as a Sonic reference lmao
Stout Shako
okay so this is a long one, and It's a bit offensive (sorta)
daughter: dad why did you name
daisy?
dad: because a daisy fell on you head as a baby
daughter 2: dad why did you name me rose?
dad: because a rose fell on your head as a baby.
son with brain damage: hey dad
dad: oh hey Brick
Ark Salem Nice theft there...
A baby seal walks into a club.... .... ..... .... I'll just go.
Oh...My God
I don't get it. :(
Such sad.
Dustin Brown A club as in a weapon
Holy shit. Down for Ice Climbers?
Marco Azoz Fuck yeah!
It's Wolverine's birthday, but what he doesn't know is that there are 3 other mutants at the school whose birthdays are on the same day as his, so when he goes downstairs in the morning and sees the 3 mutants opening their presents, he asks "What the hell's going on here?", to which the professor responds with:
"You're not the only one with gifts Logan."
I was in the park, wondering why frisbees look bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me.
Awesome and soooo underrated
Why did the boy fall off his bike?
His mother threw a fridge at him.
Carl AND SHE SAID THAT HE HAD TO BE COOL
parody of that joke,
Why did monster kid fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
dnt get it
Aurora Tillotson
I get it
Its the monster kid from Undertale, isnt it?
yup...
sarcastically* how did you know!?
its metaphorically impossible!
Even scientist couldn't find that out! *w.d gaster shows up*
The way they say the jokes makes me imagine Grunkle Stan telling them.
kaelang12 And speaking of Grunkle Stan...
My ex-wife still still misses me, but her aim is getting better! Her aim is getting better!
...It's funny because marriage is terrible.
omfg XD
Two fish are in a tank. one turns to the other and says, "how do you drive this thing?"
Two muffins are in an oven, one looks at the other and says:
“Boy, it sure is hot in here!”
The other muffin goes:
“Wow a talking muffin!”
A man's star sign is cancer. And you'll never guess how he died.
He was attacked by a giant crab.
I LAUGHED TOO HARD AT THIS MAN
bo burnham?
+Nurtle Thurtle oh my god yeh !
+Date Masamune In hebrew the word for crab is the same as the word for cancer. go figure.
+Date Masamune what about, he died from cancer
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because Sally has no arms.
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
I love that joke my sister always tells me it and I still laugh
Knock knock
Who's there?
To
To who?
To whom.
That's one of the three jokes my friend says every time we see each other oh my god
LogikHawk Where did the little girl go when the bomb went off?
Everywhere.
Scout Pilgrim Oh god.
Oh no the xbox and and play station have been injured!!!
Here comes the ambulance!!!
WiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiuWiiu
...Okay, I laughed at that one.
😂😂😂😂
aaaaaaAAAAAAAAYYYYY
Omfg
I died a little inside
What's the difference between a moodle and badoodle.
Skaboodle!
EpicJXD from the story about oney telling jokes in class for homework
i cracked up at that joke so many times 😂 it was hilarious 🤣
I don't get that one
what do you call a spanish dinosaur? tyrannosaurus mex
what do you call a dinosaur that doesn't like superman? tyrannosaurus lex
what do you call a cyborg dinosaur? tyrannosaurus techs
what do you call a cereal-eating dinosaur? tyrannosaurus chex
what do you call a dinosaur's curse? a tyrannosaurus hex
and finally.....
what does a dinosaur do during mating season?
tyrannosaurus sex
i regret nothing
+Gordon Kahan
What do you call a dinosaur that goes to the gym? Tyrannosaurus pecs.
What do you call a dinosaur that plays Pokemon? Tyrannosaurus decks.
What did tyrannosaurus lex steal? Forty (40) tyrannosaurus keks. (And that is terrible.)
+Michael Noell what does the dinosaur mating dance include?
the tyrannosaurus flex
Gordon Kahan What do you get when you let a dinosaur pilot a plane? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What do you call a dinosaur with glasses?
Tyrannosaurus specs.
What do you call my former wife?
Tyrannosaurus ex!
I tried writing with a broken pencil the other day, it was pointless
Sans get outta here
I like my women like I like my coffee...
Ground up in a bag in the back of my freezer
Ultimate Roarior I like my women like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee.
That must taste horrible
I like my women like I like my books.
Well read and leather bound.
I like my women like I like my coffee...
With my penis in it.
@@Theredtail95 now thats a joke.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
John.
John who?
John's heart sank, his mothers dementia was getting worse by the day.
shit, someone made this joke already.
Gary Chief
And his name is John...
Stamos *full house theme*
A grass hopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you!" And the grass hopper says "you have a drink named Ralph?"
+Samantha Johnson This one is great tooo
+Samantha Johnson
Good reference.
I have heard this before, but I can't remember when or where... huh.
What did the fisherman say to the wizard?
Pick a cod, any cod.
Took place in Boston.
sandroalimpoos tincksabatin Would you like a Gorp with that Drump and Grump with ice?
Sharon Hocutt Nah i would like some grump choc on that vinaly eis kriim.
K. You will get Grep with Drump and Grump with a new Gorp Sundae.
Oh my god, that joke was on the wrapper of a Penguin chocolate bar I had yesterday. Just replace Fisherman with Penguin
I'm addicted to prescription glasses. Now 20/20 wants to do a story on my life.
Eye know what you mean.
Eye don't get it.
These puns are too much
These puns are too much
These jokes are so corny-a... i'm so sorry
A Spanish man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.
"Quiero calcetines" said the man.
"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here." said the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Well, these shirts are on sale this week." declared the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines." repeated the man.
"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack." offered the salesgirl.
"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines." insisted the man.
"These sweaters are top quality." the salesgirl probed.
"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines." said the man.
"Our undershirts are over here." fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.
"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines." the man repeated.
As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed "Eso sí que es!".
"Well, if you could spell it, why didn't you do that in the beginning?" asked the exasperated salesgirl.
Dyonus this is amazing and underrated
The funny part is that he understands exactly what she was offering him every time 🤣
oh man, that was a lot of work for a S O C K S pun :D
Helen Keller walks into a bar.
And then a chair.
And then a wall.
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They moved all the doorknobs.
Why'd the koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead
Why'd the second koala fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the first koala
Why'd the third koala fall out of the tree?
Peer pressure
+Samantha Johnson Hahaha this is my favourite one yet
why did three other koalas fall out of the tree???
koala centipede...
why did three humans die???
human centipede...
what was a fucked up movie?
human centipede 1 - 2, and soon 3...
why am I here???because fuck you that's why...
why am I so hostile???
don't give a fuck that's why.
why the fuck do I keep asking questions???
because people hate to many questions...
will I please stop???
yes, because I'm a brony, and I'm nice, and I'm not a cuntbag...
so I now leave...
+Samantha Johnson easily the best one.
what do a brick and a sloth have in common?
nothing.
What’s the difference between a brick and a beach ball?
I’M ASKING YOU!
Dan after every joke: hahahaha that's the worst
Arin wtf HAHAHAHA
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
oh
this joke is always a good icebreaker for meeting new people
"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them. Hi, I'm Brianna."
Especially those ladies outside of women's health clinics. They love that one.
oh no
My ex-wife still misses me!
BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN' BETTER!
See, it's funny because marriage is terrible.
soniclovesamygirl Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 85 stories in 10 seconds.
i'll see myself to the bowels of hell.
GRUNCLE STAN WE HAVE A WINNER
Scout Pilgrim wtf man, you're sick. (Θ︹Θ)ს
Swagalious Elisha psssh, that's not even my worst.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness.
Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.
What do you call a camel with 3 humps?
Birth Defect
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Crippled
Ground beef.
What do you actually call a cow with no legs?
A cow that’s not moo-ving anywhere.
Did you know that 5/4 people are bad at fractions?
+Godzelda123 There are 10 types of people:
Those who understand binary and those who do not.
+Godzelda123 There are three types of people: Those who can count, and those who can't.
American Ninja Guy
Wait a minute...
bladiumdragon Not quite sure which one *I* am! *nervous laugh*
5/4, wait
Mom: what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Me: I wanna be like Arin from GameGrumps!
Mom: ...oh no...
what's the different from Arin and a Gamer girl ?
arin's a guy
el deficiente
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
The horse replies, “I was born into servitude, and when I die my feet will be turned into glue.”
The bartender realized he would not be getting a tip.
Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?
Because its the only love they'll ever get.
What do a guitar and a cone have in common?
Neither one of them can climb a tree.
Ketchup
+Littlejohn133 I LIKED THIS WAY MORE THAN I SHOULD'VE
Well one can.If you're talking about a PINECONE
+Yayai Danish pinecones can't climb trees
I asked and I received. Thank you!
Suggestions are welcome ;)
***** I agree 100%.
***** I also agree, I get it drump sounds like grump, you don't need to tell me every 2 secpnds
I liked this just to get this comment to 69 likes
Just Your Typical Brony A dream come true
What's brown and bad for your dental health
A baseball bat :}
Epsilon Grey I like that.
A pile of shit
Wood
Bricks
What's Brown and Sticky?
A stick.
a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?"
the bartender then realizes the horse isnt real, and slowly succombs into his insanity
The sea food disco one kills me every time!
I don't get it.
It's a play on words. The sea food and the body part
he pulled a muscle as in the food muscle
they all get me every time but the one that get's me the most is the dam one
Kirikai Dubs
Huh, you must have a seafood allergy then.
Greatest Pickup Line Ever:
Girl, if you were a fish.......
... You'd be an attractive fish.
dracocrusher well it's better than "does this rag smell of cloroform..." and "nice shoes, wana f@ck?" ...2 lines ive actualy heard ppl try 2 use...the dude tat used the cloroform one got nailed in the nuts...it was great...
Al Blood Yeah. I mean, if you're calling them an attractive fish, at least it's quirky and you call them attractive. Just being like "Does this rag smell like cloroform?" is just like "Hey, I wanna r*pe you...." which is just plain creepy. And with "Nice shoes, wanna f*ck?" it almost sounds like they're only into the shoes, lol!
I just imagine if she says yes, they start getting ready and stuff, she takes off her shoes, and then the guy's immediately like "EWwwww...... Yeah this isn't gonna work." then grabs the shoes and just runs off as fast as he can.
dracocrusher luls! yeah...the saddest part is the that ive ac2aly heard thse 2 used...they didnt succeed but they just sounded so low and dscusting...can deffinatly say those people shouldnt bread...
Al Blood I'd like to say they sound worse when you analyze them, but they sound so bad either way that..... Yeeahhhh....... The heck were those guys thinking?!
dracocrusher uh...alcohol was involved...public intoxication can b funny sometimes! X,X stoopidity will b the death of us all!!! X3 just gota enjoy the stoopid!!!
France, Germany and England decide to have a competition on which countries cat can swim a certain distance the quickest. To save confusion they each name the cat the first three numbers in their language, Germany named theirs Ein, Zwei, Drei. France named theirs Un, Deux, Trois and England named theirs One, Two, Three. The race begins and the officials go the the finish line to await the swimming cats.
Ein, Zwei, Drei won the race, One, Two, Three came second, but Un, Deux, Trois never finished, why?
Because the Un Deux Trois Quatre Cinq
Holy shit
i dont get it
luuk van den hurk the Un Deux Trois cat sunk. it's a pronunciation joke
i will always love this
Rachael brown C'est un très mal blague, mon ami.
I don't know these guys, but they made me laugh for hours
+Isabel Brewer Their channel is the Game Grumps, and they have entire videos devoted to their stupidity. Those ones are the 'Best Of' Game Grumps
They aren't funny anymore though, so don't waste your time.
Isaboble its Danny and Arin aka the gamegrumps, they're in a band together called starbomb and Danny's in a seperate band called ninjasexparty (nsp)
Hope you keep watching these fabulous funny people and enjoy! :D
I beg to differ
RichHobo I agree with him
Rene Descartes walks into a bar and orders a drink. After he's finished the bartender asks if he'd like another. He tries to say "I don't think so.", but he only gets as far as "I don't think..." and POOF! He disappears.
***** Descartes was the 'I think, therefore I am' guy.
+Flyingfox that's the joke
Love it.
+Michael Welsh (Femoman) He says, "No thank you. I have to drive."
A woman and a man were having a conversation.
Woman: Politicians are terrible! They're all thieves!
Man: Ma'am, you're being harsh.
Woman: Why? Are you a politician?
Man: No, I'm a thief.
A couple was lieing down in a field gazing at the stars. Quickly, both of them took notice to the fact that only one of the stars in the sky were visible. The couple began to get curious as to why this strange phenomenon was occurring.
They then went blind blind due to staring at the sun.
Why couldn't the Mexican eat a taco?
He was vegetarian and was offended by the idea of eating meat.
Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it.
This killed me 😂
This joke is like porn. Everyone has seen this.
Anthony Sauls My god . . . . . I'm using this one
*snorts autistically* uH, fOoD iS aCtUaLlY a SeVeRe WoRlD iSsUe *snorts*
True...
You missed the best part of the two fish joke.
"Dam!"
"Dumb bass."
What did little Billy get for Christmas this year?
Polio.
+HiddenTalent77 Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
+Michael Noell Why doesn't billy go to the beach anymore?
He drowned last year
Polio's cured, right?
@@BluesMoth64 It's vaccined against. However, not everyone gets vaccines anymore.
What did Billy get for New Years Eve?
A wheelchair!
Why did the plane crash?
_Because the pilot was a loaf of bread._
What happened to the guy who crashed his car into the river?
He died!
ChaosSorceror_Davidicus
Me too
Here's one:
Two fish are in a tank.
One turns to the other and asks, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
The bartender asked "What will you have?
A time traveler walks into a bar.
He then sees 20 of himself & forgot he time travels here all the time
My favorite bad joke is:
What's the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a stick of glue?
You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
***** This guy gets it
What has four eyes, but cannot see?
A blind guy with glasses.
"What's the difference between a noodle and a bootle? SKADOOTLE!" I LOST IT LOL
What's funnier than 10 children in 1 trash bin?
1 child in 10.
Source of dat profile pic plz
Character is from "Skullgirls" a fighting game on Steam, idk the source
Nurse Valentine YES!
Nurse Valentine 25
What's funnier the that?
10 trash bins in one child
This year during hunting season I shot my first turkey... Scared the shit out of everyone at the grocery store.
How do you get a baby out of a blender?
With a straw
I'm not okay
I had heard "Tostitos."
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my Grandfather. Not screaming and panicking like the passengers in his car
I love how much Dan believes in the ones he reads
"What?!"
"SEAFOOD DISCO!!"
What is their car named?
My car Uba
Damn it that was a good one
?
+Shubham Tiwari say it out loud
+Warr i still dont get it
My caruba
Why did the boy drop his ice cream
He was hit by a bus
Am I the only one that actually find these hilarious? I love these jokes more than any other. I mean isn't it kind of whats jokes are supposed to be?
They're great because you'd expect something zany and off-the-wall, but it turns into something absolutely mundane.
***** Is because there are so bad that they are good haha
Kosaburo Ijymo Like B-Movies!
God bless Bruce Campbell!
***** Of course not! Anti-Jokes and Dark humor are some of my favorite jokes!!
***** They're hilarious because of Arin and Danny's fucking A-Plus delivery.
What do a rabbit and an elephant have in common?
They both start with "R", the elephants name is Randy.
I love how they both immediately default to Gruncle Stan impressions when telling their abysmal jokes
It's not so much the jokes themselves, but how they say them xD
The Venetian Harper yeah the jokes are actually really shitty. If a friend told you that joke. You probably wouldn’t laugh. What makes it funny is the way they giggle in the middle of their jokes and crack up at the stupidest thing. It’s like Markiplier’s try not to laugh videos. The clips aren’t funny, the reactions are funny.
I like my whiskey like I like my women, locked in an oak barrel for at least 3 years with very little oxygen
Dude... That's just.... No..... Why??
+Deathnotefan97 Bruhh XDDDD
+CrystalGhostsAJ JOKES
I like my women how I like my TV shows, naked and afraid.
this is amazing yet horrible.