How to Protect Yourself (and Your Sanity) With People Who Don't Respect Boundaries
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
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Ninja Boundaries
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Thank you so much for your videos. I'm a therapist, and I send your videos to my clients all the time. You have a real gift for explaining things in a real, practical way. The way you empower people to take charge of their own healing is so wonderful, and so compatible with a lot of the therapeutic approaches from folks who do attachment trauma work. I really appreciate you.
Thank you so much for these kind words. So happy to here that you've found Anna's content helpful. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Ninja Boundaries:
1. If you go to see people, own your decision and *only go if you actually want to go* .
2. Think through your plan, *_slowly_* . Give yourself the time to anticipate the kind of stressful situations that are likely to happen and how you can prepare for them.
3. Use your boundaries but not as weapons. Don't demand that other people change their behavior, this can be perceived as aggression and it's likely to be met with more aggression. Instead, have a Plan B if things become uncomfortable. If you need to leave, you can do that, but try do it as gently as possible.
4. Acknowledge to yourself the emotions this brings up for you: sadness, anger, disappointment, shame, feeling ignored. You can feel these things but you don't have to discuss it during the visit.
5. Limit you time in situations that stress you. Try limiting your contact to about 30 minutes or 2 hours or do whatever time you like so that you have a way to step back and calm down if the need arises. (You can do this by telling the person you're visiting beforehand that you have another obligation that's going to take you away at a certain time)
6. If possible, gravitate to the people in the room that you actually don't mind spending time with.
7. Don't talk about controversial things. Try to remain as neutral as possible.
8. Take care of yourself. Get your sleep no matter what, get fresh air and exercise no matter what, eat protein with every meal and drink lots of water.
9. Use a grounding exercise to help you disperse negative thoughts and feelings: bit.ly/3608opl Take your time to think about and process how you feel both before and after your visit.
10. Have a Plan B. If things go south during your visit, have a place where you can go to decompress. It it's the holidays, organize to have accommodation where you can stay over-night in case things get weird or ugly.
Thank you for taking the time to list everything for everyone 😊
Thank you so much!
Thanks for making the effort to summarize a list.
I remember one holiday get together at my mother's where my grandmother just took over every conversation, wouldn't let people finish their thought, diverted the topics, and was just generally self-centered. She got more narcissistic as she aged. The next gathering, several of us decided to bring activities. Someone brought a list of holiday trivia questions, someone brought a holiday-themed jigsaw puzzle, someone brought Uno cards. We got my grandmother involved in all these activities and were able to enjoy each other. From then on, we always had some activities to do. This at least allowed us to talk about the game or puzzle but also got my grandmother absorbed in something so others could chat.
When I was growing up, my mother always had a reason to leave her mother's house early to get us out of there. We always had to go to another holiday party that same day and couldn't stay. This was literally true as she always planned something so it wouldn't be a lie. Her sister was sometimes frustrated because she felt my mother prioritized my father's side of the family, but it was self-protection. Sometimes you also have to accept that others don't like your boundaries. It's part of the cost of boundaries. Not everyone likes it, and that is not your problem. Focus on the positive people and your own situation.
I moved hundreds of miles away to have my boundaries.
Me too. Internal and physical boundaries help.
I wish I’d done that!
I think only attending when I genuinely WANT to attend has been the biggest lesson for me. Showing up because I felt guilted and manipulated only lead to me having an attitude and provoking abuse but when i genuinely want to attend, I go grounded and open hearted and feel that if they ruin it then it’s on them, I tried.
It overall gives me more of a sense of control and safety that I began with the intention of actually wanting it, rather than being forced or trapped.
Just simply deciding to leave or limiting your time with a person is a very subtle, simple yet effective way of setting boundaries which usually works against people who don't respect your boundaries.
"limit your time with people that stress you". that is my mantra when dealing with social obligations with relatives and inIaws. Quality visits given in short doses seems to make the situation go down Iike a fine wine. If you can get out of there before they can start into their agenda, it's been a pleasant event and you've saved your sanity and they don't know any better. Never over stay your weIcome say your pIeasantries and get away quickIy, "my where had the time gone - Ioved seeing you'aII "
I've been watching you and Patrick Tehan for some time now, and I can honestly say you two have been more helpful than any therapists I've tried. Your videos on relationships have been helping me recently. thank you for all you do and please keep doing it.
I listen to Patrick too and dr. Ramani
Awesome! Thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Amen yes love this lady. She’s amazing. God bless you special 🙏🏼❤️
@Unit in Harmony
That's my experience too.
Usually more harm than good.
@@violetskye6863 yes and Dr Les Carter at surviving narcissism.
I’m the “accomplished” black sheep of the family. And I have to go to a gathering on Thanksgiving that is bound to bring up all the old stuff. I’m already nervous and it’s 24 hours away. This video was very helpful.
It's a holiday classic :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
My dad and I share very different views on almost everything - politics, religion, etc. He is also has Stage 4 cancer so I want to connect with him before he passes. When he brings up a controversial subject I'll let him get some words in (although I've even interrupted him if he starts getting long-winded) and then I'll say "Ok dad! New subject. So -" I'll prepare the new subject in advance. For us, it's music. I'll share what ever artist I've been into lately and it really gets him going. I've been able to connect with my dad so, so well using this method!
I work with a woman who makes rude comments.. she doesn't realize I can hear everything she is saying in her work area because it echos. She tries to embarrass others by talking about their mistakes. I have to be strong and not let her get to me. I used to be so heartbroken when I used to hear her mention my name followed by some terrible cruel comments making fun of me. But thanks to you I'm being strong. Standing my ground. I'm not going to let her decide how the world sees me. She is one person.
I am SO proud of you!
It’s about her own insecurities, you clearly already see right through her!
She doesn’t have the awareness that what she is doing is making herself look bad, which is sad.
You go be you❤️🌹
I've had this too many, many times, what you have to realise and I know how hard it is because I have to constantly remind myself also that these people are deeply troubled and emotionally immature and it's about them and not you x
“As I usually do when I want to get rid of someone whose conversation bores me, I pretended to agree.”
-Albert Camus
Oh, so THAT'S it...I'm going to try that out with a few people who don't take the hint. Thanks for the heads up 👍
Hmm. My husband used to do that. Would agree with me just to close down a discussion. Then he would just go ahead and do what he wanted to do anyway.
Passive aggression that kills trust and cooperation when in a relationship.
I ended things once I realised that about him.
It didn't take long. Just wish I'd discovered it about him *beforehand* though 🤦♀️
@@annfoster5190 It’s my best strategy even before reading Camus😂
@@ellie698 okay, let's amend the above comment: do that with people that don't matter that much and that don't take a hint. Don't do it with partners and other important people in your life and have important/difficult discussions
@@xLiLlyx98
🙂👍🏼
I honestly can't associate with people who don't respect my boundaries. Not everyone is malicious when they violate boundaries but I still can't be around them. It makes me feel too unsafe and disregulated.
Thank you for this. Yes, we cannot discuss hurt with those who do the hurting.
For me, it's a colleague. I'm so glad I'm watching this now ahead of a required corporate gathering.
Fantastic video. It took me 59 years to learn all this stuff on my own but this past weekend my oldest son got married and it was ALL GOOD!!!! A few days earlier I was able to say to my mom: “I’m sorry I can’t talk to you about [this wedding-related thing]” and you know what? NO DRAMA!! I feel happy!! If anyone is reading this and thinks it’s not possible - believe me - follow these instructions (that I had to learn on my own without the benefit of our brilliant CCF) and you can do it too!! ❤️
Ninja boundaries against all the godzillas in our lives :)
Phew this is hard as i am like a sponge with peoples moods and feeling and i swing from strong woman to little child when those red flags are flying ...across the room ...thanks for your advice .
You got this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
maybe you are a very empathic person. in that case, your empathy plays tricks on you, and makes you believe other people's emotions are yours. if you are an empathic person you need to learn how to be YOU while feeling like anybody else. you must master that exercise. try to step back and just realize: "oh so this is what this person really feel, or think... interesting." try to feel precisely who is feeling what. while doing this you'll learn not get overwhelmed.
@@dianemoril7612 Thank you.. coming from a family of 10 I think sets the pattern of feeling as a collective and if a parent is violent and the other submissive it certainly gets confusing for a child so young I want to release myself from those patterns ..I realise logic is good as a starter and one must have a strong sense of self ...which I have struggled with as seemed to have blended into my siblings ..long story but i appreciate you wise words very much ...Thank you .
Seek to observe vs absorb. It keeps you in your frontal lobe. Habits get stronger with practice. You can practice anywhere.
At work, my new boss, the new Executive Director, is ABRASIVE and UNREASONABLE! Example, she told the front desk staff (who I'm one of) that we should all develop "nurses' bladders" so we don't need to leave the front desk to urinate! She is making things worse at the assisted living facility where I work. People are quitting in marketing, nursing, food service, front desk, etc., making things worse for those that are left by causing staffing shortages. Recently. She has fired people on the spot and had them escorted from the building! I try to avoid her because she triggers my CPTSD, but that isn't always possible because I have to work near her under her watchful eye! I'm not sure what to do. I'm proceeding carefully, and PRAYING!
Been there/ done that. Document everything she does if it is abusive, unprofessional, etc. Document the date, the approx. time, and what her behavior was. It sounds like a pattern so administration needs to know this is going on but make sure administration will keep it confidential until they decide to intervene. I got a witch-boss fired at my job by documenting her abusive and nasty behavior toward myself and other staff. If you just verbalize the complaints to administration (whoever HER boss is) they won't do anything but when it it's in writing they know it could show up in a court of law so they take it seriously. I worked in healthcare for 35 years; your boss has a boss too. Find out who it is and document the issues as specifically as possible. DOCUMENT., and make a copy of your documentation for yourself before turning it in. Good luck!
Leave!
Are you in a union, this sounds like illegal behavior?
Valerie R. I have recently, in the past year lived an almost identical situation and after numerous toxic work situations nearing retirement I cannot keep up anymore with the regular work week and have decided to go part time and have a very tight financial situation but in order to save my health I need to get away more.. there comes a time where it is just too much. Stay safe and God bless you!
@@jenniferlynn3721 I'm seriously thinking about it!
I like that you mentioned AA meetings. I have gone to two meetings in my life to show support for others.
The first time I went to one was a bit awkward, but wasn’t that bad tho. They just had me introduce myself and I said I was an alcoholic, because I thought I had to lol.
All I said was, “My name is Brittany, and I’m an alcoholic.” And that was all I said the whole time. The rest of the time I just listened to everyone else talk.
The other meeting I went to, which was recent, was at a different location and they didn’t have me introduce myself there.
Honestly, it was a really good experience just to hear people’s stories and how they changed their lives for the better. It was inspiring to know what kind of struggles they had and how they overcame them.
There was a moment when it got silent for awhile when they were sharing stories and I felt like everyone wanted to give me a chance to share something, since I was “new” there.
Of course they didn’t know I was just there for a friend, so they probably all thought I was being shy on my first day or something lol
Although I didn’t have anything to share with them about myself, I did want to tell them how inspiring their stories were to me. I just didn’t say anything when I had the chance, because I got nervous when I was about to say something.
I’m sure it would’ve meant a lot to them to know they had a positive effect on someone, and I wish I would’ve shared that. So, from now on, I will try to say something if the opportunity to comes up again. I feel like I missed out on something by staying silent.
Anyway, thanks for reading this if you did. I wasn’t gunna share this at first, but figured I might as well since it could help someone.
God bless
That was interesting to read, Brittany.😀 I was in a kinda similar situation many years ago when I went to a weekend workshop done by a well known life coach. After some planned classes, someone just randomly got up and stood in front of us all to tell us what they were feeling, and then it triggered everyone else, one by one, to go to the front and do the same. I was the last one and I didn't get up because I felt I had nothing to say, but maybe I could have just said that I was grateful to be there and thanks to the coach, or something like that ('cos they were all looking at me and waiting....! I just sat there and shrugged my shoulders). Anyway, good to read what you wrote. Hope you're well. And the amazing C. C. Fairy too🤩...thank you.
I have been trying to heal after growing up in a dysfunctional family and marrying a narc then another covert narcissist. I can feel the change inside myself as I have a firm sense of who I am and when someone tries to break me down or nudge me off course I ground into who I am. I love who I am! So when someone suggests I say “like” to much or I should sell my car and buy another car or criticizes me…it just doesn’t affect me. I can’t be easily swayed!
I find it’s better to avoid triggers like family meetings to keep my mental sanity.
I’m reminded of that saying “living well is the best revenge”. It’s not that you have more. It’s that you ARE better within yourself. Also keep an attitude of curiosity like an anthropologist visiting a distant tribe.
Never underestimate the power of emotion. Writing is really good, as Anna says, every day.
Boundaries are great,I saw my mother last years for the first time in 20+ years. I stopped listening to others opinions and set very firm boundaries, no derailment when my mum told other people were better. The response is that's good I'm glad you have a positive relationship. I also rewarded myself with a treat on the same day! it took three years of setting the boundaries via phone, it was worth it 😸
This is so damn accurate! Two weeks ago I had to visit my family and stay there for two weeks. It just took me a few hours to sit and cry about my bad decision of visiting them, I felt suffocated and ignored by their behaviors. There were numerous times I weeped off, but the real attack hit when I got back to my home away from the family. My brain is thinking "I am safe now as I am back to my safe place, away from those people", but my subconscious or idk what was reacting in a bad way, I was getting anxiety attacks, feeling disoriented, seemed to have forgotten how I used to live here. Just two weeks did this! What you said, "3 days wasted because of the trauma received after a visit to family" - that's exactly what happened and for me it was an unsolved mystery. This video gives me comfort :) thank you!
I feel what you're saying. At least it's information to guide you going forward.
I’d spend the weekend with my parents and then go home exhausted from navigating through the experience. It took a week to get over it. It takes its toll. Please put your wellbeing first. You deserve happiness. ❤
I actually laughed out loud at 6.08 in the vid, imagining me talking so reasonably to some of my dysfunctional family members lol
Just re-watched, a few days before Thanksgiving, after a hard year. Having a few tricks up my sleeve is a gift for the weeks ahead. Thank you. 💝
Hi Anna, Ann Foster here. I'm new to your channel and I appreciate your kind approach to various emotional issues and I learn a lot on your videos I will share with others 😊 God bless and keep you and yours 🥰
Welcome to the channel. Grateful you're here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
thank you, i signed up for the free course 💛
im being stalked (plural) and also am trying to get a job after not being able to work for years. i feel better than ever, but want to be prepared!
That free course is everything :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can attest to this technique safeguarding my sanity and well-being ❤️
Wonderful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
A great example orf how overthinking can be healthy and nurturing.
I love the concept of "Ninja Boundaries"! Can relate to that. And I need them.
Glad you related to it. Thanks for being here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
One area where i struggle is with over talkers who talk out their anxiety and feelings nonstop...they can go on and on and it's feels overwhelming to keep listening. I try to wait for transition time to change the momentum of the conversation to be more even handed or i try to say my points when the person is taking a pause in talking...but it amazes me that I attract these types of conversations...i may seem vulnerable to these conversations...I had to be abrupt at times by letting them know i need to leave...it catches them off guard. But i am working on engaging in these types of conversations without letting others over take or hijack the conversation with their viewpoints ....because they seem to have my undivided attention. One thing i am trying more is gauge the intention of the other person for the conversation. This helps me not get reeled in to deep with their talking points if i have a feeling their intention may be to vent ... I try to see it coming so as not to give too much attention to it so I can switch to another topic if possible to steer conversation in a more positive tone...how do you handle situations like these...thanks for your videos
Thank you Anna, I’ve had such a difficult couple of years… it’s started way before the pandemic, but it also had exaggerated my challenging relationship with certain people. I am not sure if it’s all them or me or both of us being not compatible or whatever else the reason… but to cut the long story short… I am grateful you’re bringing this topic here. I personally think there is nothing more important in life than relationships. Be it with yourself and others. However, there is also nothing more complex at times. I am scared to see some people as they bring the worst triggers and yet I know not seeing them at all is making things bad as well. So I guess will have to learn some of techniques you’ve mentioned. Still triggered even thinking about it though :(
Small steps :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
this is what i needed rn
Same
Right on time :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh Anna, I should have listened to this 2 weeks ago. Thank you for your very good advice!
Love the new thumbnail format! It's so elegant!
I love how you assume that disregulated person is still capable of thinking clearly and acting rationally 😢😮
What has really helped me is sticking to a routine. If you have a solid routine alone/apart from the stressful event, do it. It will give you back the control that you long for when you are disregulated. Like Anna said, drink water, eat protein, get fresh air, and have an exit plan.
It is still hard for me to not get sucked into other people’s antics sometimes, but the routine really helps me exist outside of the situation.
@@mintyhippo8125 I like this idea of pre-making a structure that you can lean into, when disregulated later. Having pre-made movements that take away as much in the moment decision making as possible. That's a good idea.
Making ourselves into victims is also not the way to go. Giving up and saying you can't control yourself while disregulated doesn't really give much confidence that you CAN ground yourself or act differently to PREVENT becoming MORE disregulated to the point of losing control of yourself in the moment.
I've been making myself the victim almost my entire life and it has never done me any good besides keeping me miserable and putting blame on others who don't deserve it
@@PoptartParasol This!!! It’s SO difficult and not to in any way invalidate what a struggle it is but like with everything else you want to get better at: practice, practice, practice. You start very small in situations that aren’t even all that triggering to you and with a lot of time, work, and compassion for yourself you will eventually start to see a difference. 💙
@@ixizn Right, even with a routine, I’ve been working on it for a while and I still can get sucked in sometimes. The CTPSD didn’t happen over night, and healing won’t either. Be patient with yourself. Take pride in any improvements you make, and take notes on how you could handle certain things better next time.
*THANK YOU FOR THIS. THANK YOU.* 🥺❤
Very insightful, great wisdom!
Daily Practice is critical!
Thank you so much for all your videos - your insights and advice have and continue to help me so, so much!!
You have made my life so much better- keep going!
Very true. Thank you.
Great advice!!.. good to know there are options for uncomfortable situations...
Right on time
Thank you so much, Crappy Childhood Fairy and team!
Watched this one twice. (May watch it again later & take notes.) Off to watch the scapegoat one & sign up for the workshop. I'm determined to no longer be as triggered by my family of origin. Thank you again.
You got this! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
omg thank you i love you for posting this and i love this video!
I'm so glad!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm so thankful for your videos !
Thanks for supporting the Fairy Channel :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you, that means so much to me😍❤️
Thankyou for this video ❤❤
Thank you Anna!
It is really helpful and it improved my experience with messy people.
Yay, glad you're here
-Cara@TeamFairy
This video came at the right time!! Thank you so much!!
You're welcome. Thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Hi, Anna! I'm a big fan of your work! Thank you for all that you do to make these videos and help others. God bless you!
Thank YOU for watching and supporting the channel. :) - Ashley, Team Fairy
I LOVE this advice...and the recommended videos that followed ...(The Family Scapegoat: When YOU Get Blamed for Everything and Ways CPTSD Can Look Like Narcissism - How To Become More Self-Aware ) were all wonderful advice! I so appreciate that you're going beyond the "victimhood" perspective and offering useful information for how to get out of that perspective. Very refreshing and necessary step after having watched enough videos on narcissism from the victimhood perspective...which are a useful first step in recognizing the patterns of narcissistic abuse, but tend to be sort of a "dead end" at some point, once we've gotten the validation we usually need from them.
Glad these videos spoke to you. Thank you for being here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thank you Anna! This is so helpful for setting healthy boundaries with family and neighbors
Glad that you found this helpful. Thanks for watching! - Ashley, Team Fairy
Thanks for this 🙏😁
Loving the new thumbnails on the latest two videos, Anna! Looking very professional 😄👍🌟
Yay, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you
Thank you. Two of my siblings just celebrated Father's Day with dad together without inviting me. I only found out about it when I asked dad what he did for Father's Day. (I had taken him out for breakfast.) My third sibling (who lives in another country) says that it was probably a last minute unplanned thing and if it wasn't, they probably thought that I wouldn't attend due to covid. This exclusion and then my telling my brother about it, and his excuses/rationalization/minimalization of it is our pattern. I just don't know if I should "go along to get along" and not say anything about these things ("for dad's sake"). I tell my distant brother about it because, in the past, telling my two local siblings about it created significant tension. I'm always wrong, overinterpreting things, etc. At no point do I have a valid point. And now I'm wondering if I am indeed making too much of these situations (which, individually, don't look like a big deal, but, collectively point to exclusion.) Death by a thousand cuts? Micro-exclusions accumulating to become Ghosting?
Were they invited to breakfast with your Dad?
@@ratherboutside2 Good point. Dad and I have breakfast every Sunday morning, and they have a standing invitation. They know when and where we go. They have never accepted my invitations in the past.
Alone one-on-one time with Dad trumps their shared events any day and twice on Sunday 😉
I think you are amazing ! You are so gifted !
Wow, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I’ve Actually Used this phrase in a conversation w a friend.
Loooove it
Sometimes it is not so bad having no family left. For the most part I can just put this behind me. I did really dread the times I hd to interact with my adoptive famiy after I left home. I always came home with a full on migrain. I did learn as you are saying here to just get through it and not stir the pot. I think holding it all in made my head explode after. Thus the mirgain??? Going to go watch your coping tools now. I am sure I can use them in life experiences like the need to go to the grocery store.
Exactly :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you so much love
You're welcome, thanks for being here. - Ashley, Team Fairy
I thought cause I have self awareness and realised I'm quite a people pleaser with low boundaries that was all I needed to heal. But after today I'm seeing how our brains are programmed certains ways from childhood and its a daily thing to put these boundaries up. Like how you said dont try and be the hero. I try and help everyone - family to work and I just can't do it anymore. For a few years I've been noticing how I've been taught to be since childhood and its so hard to break out of. I see now changing, growth is a real process.
I see growth as a lifestyle now vs a “temporary diet.”
Think your plans
Anticipate situations, and know how you'll respond, dont do it impulsively, do it slowly
Great video Anna! I’m still not going to my step dads birthday lol but these are great tips for other stuff! 🙏♥️✨
Glad you found the tips helpful, thanks for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
You gave me the validation I needed at step one. No I don’t want to go, I’ve only been doing it because my husband wants me too.
God I really needed this today. Thank you.
Happy to hear this video spoke to you. Thank you for watching. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Love your glasses Anna .. great shape for your face X
Hi Anna, It's Gerald from Earlier :D I wanted to thank you for directing me to this video and I am finding it very beneficial. I really see this as a reminder on how to deal with My Father. Between the Three of us ( my parents and I) He's the one I would have to be extremely Tactful with. Ironically, How I deal with Him is how I dealt with my friends since they often view me the same way, (quick to judge, quick to say I'm doing this and that blah blah blah), it's an Uphill Battle. Yet, I believe He will come around. I talked to My Mother about our Zoom after and It makes me proud to hear that we are making progress in healing... together. She even suggested family therapy. Over the course of a week, I been opening up about what was going on.. I was right not to judge because she had no idea sadly. (That's a Whole other subject LOL). We ALL have trauma, but only me and her are actively looking to improve. Hopefully, My father will join us too. Thanks for the videos and more importantly, for taking the time and efforts to lead by example. - Gerald
Wow, I'm so happy to hear this! I remember saying you are meant for great things, and that your light was getting brighter but so quickly, you shared the light with your family. This work gives me such happy surprises. Please give a hug to your mom. I wouldn't be surprised if your dad gets fomo and wants to heal too!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy She sends Hugs and Pinches 🤭. ( It’s a thing we do where you “pass the pinch”). LOL, That would be amazing. For now, I will continue to go on this journey and be my most authentic self. I will show him that Love Never Fails.
PS. If you’ll have me, I do believe I’ll submit a story. I don’t wanna rush it but.. I do feel in the very near future I will have one to tell you ❤️
Hi Anna, I'm a newbie to your channel from the UK. I am having therapy and starting to look after ME and I am now starting to understand how PTSD is affecting me and my relationships. Setting boundaries is something I wasn't brought up with but I will speak to my therapist tomorrow for guidance and listen to you more.
Thank you
Thank you for your comment and congratulations on healing! Most of us were brought up without boundaries or completely dysfunctional boundaries ... now we learn as adults.
Julie@TeamFairy
Ninja boundaries!
Love it 😎👍
I feel I've built them for family, but I'm working on my ninja boundaries and plan B for random salespeople. Particularly when it's a service I'm interested in who knock on the door unexpected, I struggle so much when they push at my boundaries to the point I'd rather not answer the door! I've told so many times to *just* say this or *just* do that, but somehow I'm so easy to twist into 'just' a quote...
I think this is why I just activated ghost protocol. Cause, no.
Sis, please feel free to write the Ghost Protocol Manual (GPM). I'm here for it!
@@sonyaPsalm27 I second that!
I would pay real money for the GPM
Treat the ex as a ghost, dead to you, when not interacting. The haunting will go away with time and processing it all. When interacting, become the ghost yourself, greyrocking through the motions. The situation is a graveyard, leave flowers and go home to life afterwards.
-Clifnotes version of the GPM
I love this! Thank you 💖💖💖
Thanks for listening!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you for sharing your wisdom to aid our journey, I have been in recovery from substance abuse, C-PTSD, along with other mental health issues for 3 years. I love your channel!
I haven’t even heard you and this is a title I want to tattoo on myself.
Anna's great!
Ninja boundaries sound PERFECT
This is good for pushy salespeople as well.
Thanks Anna, you understand. But how is socialising good for us? What are the benefits?
I love your videos Thank YOU so much. Can you heal if your living with several people who have cpstd? I am on healing journey trying to be compassionate with those around me, but Im constantly triggered like 3/4 time almost daily? Can I heal or should I move out?
I would start here: bit.ly/38JfzK1 it is a free course with a technique to get to what is the most honest thing for you :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@the stumbling sinner, you can’t heal if you’re getting triggered that often so I would move if it’s feasible for you. You might even find your relationships will improve with a bit of physical separation.
I'd like to have mini Anna in my pocket at all times!! :)
😊
i setup the Great Wall with those who has zero respect/keep probing for juicy news, by saying 'Don't ever call me again'.
What if that person is your mother and she "just" wants the best for you but doesn't recognize that you are not a criminal that she should be taking care of?
All good advice. Unfortunately, my FOO require all our behaviours and roles to be enmeshed and to serve the group as of old. Any deviation is noted and even natural responses that don't totally agree with their positions are perceived as a threat.
How do we protect ourselves from families who can't tolerate any change in us, even or perhaps especially neutrality?
I realized I do not have strong boundaries because of my parents. My mom especially never ever respected my wishes and that affected my father ,too.I meet someone new and I am kind ad friendly and I believe very well behaved and I like asking questions and I am interested in peopel. but I ne after another meeting gasligters and peopel play mind games and tell lies and they start to talk with me with these new age fortune teller psychic talk. I don like it. and it makes me sick and I loose my energy dis regulation and I later realize their lies and what they were doing and it is very upsetting. How can I deal with this?
There's nothing wrong or new age about being psychic. I believe most everyone has had psychic experiences before.
Whether it's knowing who is calling you or thinking of someone who you run into. A dream that comes true or a feeling that changes your action and saves your life.
Psychic doesn't mean that it's anything bad, it's actually a good thing. It's how your spirit guide communicates with you.
Reverend Donna Seraphina is one of the very best.
I can definitely relate to that.
@@lorimiller4301 I AM SORRY BUT IF SOMEOEN PLAYS MIND GAMES WITH YOU AND GASLIGHTS YOU AND MAKES UP STORIES TO CONFUSE YOU WITH THEIR WHATEVER THEY ARE DOING AND IT IS WRONG, WRONG AND WORNG.
@@lorimiller4301 And I do no but sprit guides so on.. I fed up with these peopel. I do not wanna do anything with them and their mean behavior. however , they do not stop interacting with this way.Will you like someone reads your private diary and then uses agains you ?
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I have decided that I am not going to be in situations where I have to constantly repel trespasses on my boundaries. No family member or friendship is worth that exhaustion. I realize that I may have contact with people who test my boundaries, but it will not be people who I am emotionally invested in.
If I start a conversation with a potential friend on Facebook and that person is unwilling or unable to respect the boundaries that I give, I do not waste my effort in trying start a friendship with someone who is going to be difficult.
About a year ago, I started to become aquatinted with a fellow transgender person on Facebook. She constantly mis gendered me, told that it was weird that I was transitioning from F to M, when being F was so much better. She kept talking graphically about her sex life, even after I told her that I was ok with it, due to being a survivor of sexual assault. She responded by saying that she was just being open. I ghosted her and felt good about my decision.
Most transgender people who I have met, are extremely respectful of the boundaries and comfort of those around them
I have a question - what is the difference between cptsd and depression? Are they interrelated like in the brain?
Like the new thumbnail
How far will u push this boundary before I say "ouch"? Who is the disrespectful one? you for pushing me too far and expecting too much from me? or me from not being tolerant enough of your schedule, your desires, your wants, ideas, and behaviors ?
God you are right see my misstakes i do .
❤️
👍
Ha! I didn’t want to go 😂😭👍
Me neither!
-Cara@TeamFairy
What if i am the difficult person?
My husband.
I love this channel and these ideas. What about when they are saying racist or transphobic things though, or even just talking trash about someone in the family?
Pretending to agree in that situation seems like it's adding to something dangerous or at least harmful.
Don't agree if you don't share the outlook but don't expect to change anyone for having their biases.
Just don't engage with them in any conversations. It's not hard. Just tell someone you're not interested in the topic and they'll either change it or you walk away.
How do you deal with people who have autism and use their autism as an excuse for not respecting boundaries? (Mind you, there are people who use autism as an excuse and don't really have it - and still expect others to believe it and not respect boundaries).