Is limerence always bad?
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2025
- A discussion of the upsides of limerence, and whether they can be enjoyed safely.
The blog: livingwithlime...
The book: www.amazon.co....
The neuroscience of limerence: • The neuroscience of li...
The five phases of limerence: • The five phases of lim...
Couldn’t thank you enough for posting this. So much shame comes from finding yourself in this position. I used to beat myself up for being prone to limerence. Accepting its positive effects was my first real step towards recovery. After all, it’s so difficult to get rid of limerence because as a self-soothing strategy it’s so incredibly effective. It’s almost impossible to say no to something that works so unbelievably well. Figuring this out took some time, but once you see the complicated pattern and understand how it works, it gets easier to navigate both highs and lows. I was limerent twice in my life. The first experience so destructive it lead to a long and painful psychotic episode that lasted for months. When limerence hit me the second time, I felt somewhat more prepared. I knew exactly what was happening and yet wasn’t able to avoid all the familiar traps. However, this second time I learned to appreciate all the positive aspects you mentioned. For example, since my LO was a foreigner, I found myself having incredibly high motivation to learn the language they spoke. Seriously, the most motivated I’d ever been about anything prior to meeting them. I practiced religiously hence made significant progress. Limerence has eventually faded, the language skills have stayed with me forever. In addition to that, daydreaming was seriously instrumental when trying to survive some of the worst days of my life. I understand that some of it was maladaptive, but I didn’t have any other option at that time. Considering the lack of real external support, talking to an imaginary friend who is understanding and loyal sounded like the lesser of two evils (the first being my endless mental suffering). Although I would’ve loved to not be limerent about anyone in the first place, eventually I’ve grown to appreciate the good that came out of the experience. Thank you for the video!
My now ex- husband got absolutely infatuated and obsessed with someone in a matter of days and she with him. He left my daughter and me in a haste. Within weeks I was in the middle of a divorce all out of the blue, as they rushed to start a new life together. He was pushing for me to sign the divorce papers asap, it turned out later that the female was already pregnant within a few weeks. It was the epitome of evil selfishness and destruction, and it most probably was this ‘ mutual limerence’.
Sorry to hear what you've been through, @cupcake707. This definitely wouldn't fit the "both free and able to form a healthy bond" condition for beneficial mutual limerence. An awful example of how destructive limerence can be in the wrong circumstances.
That's an interesting question. I don't know who I'd be without it. It feels like this is just something that artists may be prone to.
I was waiting to see if attention to fitness and grooming habits would be mentioned, and not surprisingly, they were. Oh boy. When I was limerent I realized I suddenly wanted, no, NEEDED, to try to upgrade myself as quickly as possible. Pretty much started starving myself and exercising excessively. Hated every picture of myself. Spent money on new clothes, most of which I never actually wore. Dark times. Made me realize, yes, I wasn't happy with how I had been taking care of myself prior to becoming limerent, but the price came with a heavy dose of self-loathing to the point that i would completely avoid my limerent if i felt like I wasnt looking good on a particular day. If I felt like i was looking better than usual on a given day, I'd hang around, desperate for a compliment or some kind of positive feedback and if I didn't get it, ugh. Would ruin my whole week. So glad I'm not in that anymore.
Yeah, it can be a benefit, but (like so much in the altered state of mind of limerence), also has a downside and risk of going too far.
It’s all I’ve ever known and I don’t think I’d like to be without it. When I’m feeling the glimmer and the start of limerence I feel positive and happy. I’m like a different person. I know the bad sides that can follow but for me the highs are worth it. Number 5 is the one I relate to the most.
I have limerence behaviour from my teenage . Now am in my early 30s. Several years ago I got to know about the term. Frankly speaking limerence is the only thing that gave me some kind of relief or happiness in my life. I never had any worst experience related to my limerence. The pain after fading limerence also I can bare. But love relationships made me destructive. I can't bare the pain that brakeups gives. Currently am on a break up situation. Reaching 1 year. Even now its aching like first day. I cant bare the pain and am always thinking of ending this life. Now I have thought of making new limerence from escaping the unbearable breakup pain. 1 year i lived pathetically , and before that i was in that trauma bond relationship suffering for 3 years. I can't cope relieve my pain.
I can so relate to you, @flooatt. I'm so sorry you feel this way - it sucks miserably. But please hang on. Your life has a purpose. If you are still breathing, you are meant to be here. I'm sending you a virtual hug. Please seek counseling or call the 988 suicide and crisis lifeline any time you need someone to talk.
Again all of this is very recognizable to me! 🙂
I do believe I've been able to control the "dragon" and use its beneficial powers so far. Stoicism and a deep understanding about human nature and myself helped with that. Plus I'm a very logic driven person, as well (meaning I know It's all just bio-chemical processes).
The only scary part is how long I can ride the wave before it disappears and makes me fall down.
My situation is somewhat complicated however and I do believe I'll be able to land on my feet once I have to break with my limerent person.
Thanks for another insightful video! 👍
I have suffer from this since I was a teenager now. I’m in my 30s right now I’m currently struggling again. What’s weird is that I found this terminology several years ago, so I am aware I suffer from limerance, but it’s like even tho i know that I have it, I cant escape it
There are strategies that can help. There are lots of resources on the living with limerence site if you want to know more, @anonimatosaosa1723.
If you’re married and become limerent for another person it is pure hell! That is my situation now. I love my husband and I don’t want to wreck my marriage but I have this crazy obsession toward another man. Fortunately, nothing has happened, but it was bordering on an emotional affair at one point, at which point I pulled way back on my contact with him. If I could never see him again, I would, but due to certain circumstances I am forced to see him (in a group context, not alone) a couple times a week. I wonder if this is what drug addicts feel like - you crave the thing so badly but you know to succumb to it will destroy your life. I just want it to end.
As an Asexual, I want this addiction
I've heard from asexual limerents, @yoonahkang7384. It's not such a blessing to have obsessive romantic feelings, but still no sexual desire...
Alright I’m up for some good news 😂
I have suffer from this since I was a teenager now. I’m in my 30s right now I’m currently struggling again. What’s weird is that I found this terminology several years ago, so I am aware I suffer from limerance, but it’s like even tho i know that I have it, I cant escape it