You're Not allowed Dating Preferences... According To Tiktok
Вставка
- Опубліковано 18 жов 2024
- Today's reaction video discusses dating preferences.
⭐FOLLOW ME⭐
~ Instagram - / patiencexina
~ My Music & Email (Business Enquiries ONLY Please. I'm Not Currently Looking For An Editor. Thanks)
linktr.ee/pati...
“Keep the children off of TikTok.”
That might actually save the world.
Tik tok was originally for teenagers but then all the adults came. it used to be really fun in 2019 but now it’s draining
Tiktok is a fun app and a lot of my friends and family enjoys sharing their cool dances and just have fun in general. But there are just too many toxic sh*t in it.
Keep children (heck, include teenagers below a certain age) off of social media in general. It clearly does more harm than good, especially to young girls. If men are more prone to physical violence, women hest excel at relational violence, and social media is a breeding ground for it.
@@Tyler_W you’re so old and out of touch💀can’t wait for your generation to be gone
@@Tyler_W i totally agree. I live in Austria. Here, 70% of the girls from the age of 10-14 think about suicide. 30% of them has tried it. I don‘t know how many percent died, but it is disturbing, isn‘t it? And social media has an huuuuge influence on this. 😢
Not being attracted to someone sexually is not hating them.
At the end of the day you can't help who you are and not attracted to
Yeah, it'll be bloody weird if we all had to find everybody sexually attractive in order to like them and not hate them. God, we live in a ridiculous world.
Exactly , you're attracted to what you're attracted 🤷♀️. Nobody feel guilty for it.
No buts it's very strange not to be attracted to someone based on a their r*ce or country etc and it's not so much "wrong" coz Ur not hurting anyone but u shod really look at why because it is strange lol we all look and act sometimes different and similar to ppl from our groups and others. it's more so sad because your limiting yourself from potentially meeting incredible ppl and loves hard to find
Haha are u stup*d 😂 it's not about everybody, it's about Evreyone that belongs to a certain group and no it's not hate but it's we*rd n makes no sense lol as I just said ppl can look different and similar to ppl in the own groups and others, maybe u should consider why n how you've been brainwashed to ignore that and logic and common sense 🤣
people are allowed to have what ever preferences they want. what bothers me is when people don't respect someone just because they're not their type.
What bothers me is when people don't respect someone because their own political agenda makes them intolerant of humanity and reality.
@@spudpud-T67 well if your political agenda goes against who i am as a person then yea i’m going to judge you and distance myself from you, idk what to tell you.
@@spudpud-T67 i think there’s a difference between i wouldn’t date you/want to be your friend vs i wouldnt save your life in the face of imminent death
This is complex. Coz Treating others with respect is the bare minimum of human interactions BUT to not give someone the extra nice routine (as we tend to do for the people we like) is not the same as disrespect.
YES
“Someone not wanting to date you is not oppression.” Brilliant statement.
real
the fact that we have to say it out loud is crazy
So if a woman doesn’t want a short , bald, fat , broke man then she has phobias ?
@@Navy35 Have you not watched the Tik Toks she showed on this video😊? According to a fat short person...the answer is yes
I find that my "physical preferences" fade away the more I get to know a person. If I meet you and at first I find you attractive, but you turn out to be a trashy person than that attractiveness will dissappear, and vice versa.
Physique attracts, personality keeps.
Yea, I have this issue where I'm ok but really not ok with trashy...
I like to rant, and low key have a lot of energy
So when stereotypical white trash or ratchet people come my way I'm glued to them, but then they throw a fist fight in public over something small and I hate them
I hope one day I get more calmer friends 🥲
I don't want to be stuck in that type of thinking land
Same.
@@RenaudKyoku oh, truth 👏 👏 👏!
Yes, there’s a lot of average looking boys I’m interested in because they’re kinda like able.
My ex-husband is gay. When we were dating, he was "Waiting until marriage". So we got married at some point and he thought he could train himself into liking women. No. Doing that made us both feel disgusting and it made me feel like I was 'r@&$ing him (though he did consent). There was the tension of this was the worst thing for him. Here's the deal, if someone isn't interested in you or attracted to you, IT WILL NOT WORK. & trust me, getting your feelings hurt momentarily from rejection is SO much better than investing years of your life, trying to make it work, everyone hitting the lowest of self-esteem because everyone feels gross, and then having to divorce.
I’m actually so sorry,, but how is your relationship between you and your ex husband now? And have you moved on completely? I’m very intrigued into how this situation may of settled?
@a Thank you!
@@sakginzedits7543 My relationship with my ex, I have him blocked because he kept harassing me on messenger. He doesn't want his family finding out he's gay and he feels I put him in a situation where he has to explain to his family and friends why we divorced. We've actually been divorced for 4 years now & I'm so happy to have my life back. I had to do a lot of work though to remind myself of my worth and to gain my confidence back. He used to gaslight me really bad in fear of me leaving & I had to overcome everything he made me believe about myself. As for his story, we come from a small town, so people still talk. I hear he's on dating apps still claiming to like women, but he's still seen at the gay bar and leaving with men.
@@wouldntyouliketoknow12345 it sucks that still want you back as a "beard" because he's to cowardly to come out, or find an actual willing woman to becoming his temporary beard.
And instead gaslights and wastes the time of unsuepecting woman like he did yours.
@@jimmyjohnjoejr homosexuality is genetic, is not chosen, and cannot be changed. You cannot force yourself to be attracted to something your not.
Plenty of gay men have married straight women, and none of them ever become straight.
They either cheat on their partners with men, are distant from their partners, project masculine feature on their partners because they aren't attracted to women,
have dysfunctional relationship with their straight partner because they aren't attracted nor are romantically in love with them and the stress from being closeted find itself coming out in other ways,
Or they realize they can't change their sexuality and end up getting divorced with their straight partners and leave behind a distraught wife. (and or children, if the dads a dic)
Nothing can make a gay man straight. Just like how nothing can make a straight man gay. Forcing people into relationships with people they aren't attracted to and will *never* be attracted to, is excessively cruel and unfair, not only to the gay person, but also to their unknowing partners who are stuck in a lie, and wasted time that can never be given back.
It sets up potential families with failures that will eventually boil over.
I think part of the trouble is, a lot of people like those in these TikToks who feel this way about dating preferences, don't get that no one is entitled to getting a date. You are either someone's thing or you're not. There really isn't any need to overcomplicate this.
Keep it simple
and i can guarantee that if you aren’t one person’s preference, there are plenty of other people out there who DO see you as their preference. i don’t understand being upset over someone not being attracted to you when there are most likely plenty of other people who are.
@@crab2195 agreed… for example: there’s a lot of people who love bigger people… as a bigger person myself, it becomes a bit tricky finding the ones who have healthy normal attraction, and the ones who are are chubby chasers (fetishising)
@@gaf407 yes! there are some men that will only date bigger women, which is totally fine unless it borders fetishization. that’s why it’s preferable to date someone who isn’t only attracted to people who fit in one category. everyone has a type and not everyone fits into that type, which is okay. i’ve always been open-minded about things, especially when they’re trivial such as weight and height. i’ve always been told i look young so i try to stay away from men who constantly tell me that… it’s weird. but there’s someone out there for everyone, and they will love you regardless of the “group” you fit into.
The hilarious part is that these are almost always the same people that will tell you that incels problem is that they think they are "entitled" to love and sex.
To this day I find it ironic that this came right after the Me Too movement. We went from being told "you never have to touch or have sex with someone you don't want to, for any reason" to "if you won't touch me or have sex with me you're phobic!"
Why do they now feel so entitled to the unwilling bodies of others?
it always happens when women do something for their autonomy. these people come and turn everything 180 degrees. you can see it through the history
@@lovelymill there is so much misogyny right now that's totally acceptable. Notice they never ask "what is a man," it's always women who have to lose their individuality and autonomy.
The reason they ask “what is a woman” is precisely because we care more about women’s autonomy. People are more concerned about trans women going into women’s spaces and women’s identity than we are men’s.
@@brycenlanager1216 exactly. because if a woman wants to transition into a man and compete theres no real advantage and really its more of a disadvantage to you. but if someone who was male for most of their life transitions into a woman to compete against biological women there's an inherent advantage to doing so.
theres a reason we have a male and female league in most sports... because men and women are different biologically and thats not sexist to admit or say, ive seen a 500 pound man out run a chick who actively works out and weights like 110 pounds... not saying that woman cannot be faster/stronger than some men.
its why we as a society are more upset by trans people doing into female bathrooms instead of male ones. the Wi spa incident is a prime example, YES not everyone who transitions into a woman is a weird creeper... but there are people who will and HAVE used the trendyness of the LGBTQ+ movement to creep on women/children. laws that says i as a man cannot enter female bathrooms is there not to stop me the average man from going in but its in place to deter and punish those men who WOULD go in there and creep.
society atm doesnt care much about men, you see it in the entertainment we consume and comments made on social media, sexism against woman is bad but sexism against men is not only okay but glorified?
control, they want the people that they are attracted to be with them or be included in the pool potential mates at the cost of that person autonomy.
You know how I deal with people not wanting me? I move on to someone who does. Very easy.
That's how you do it!!😁
Exactly.
Exactly. There’s no point in trying to get people that don’t like you to like you 💀
@@timotheechammywammy3214 why would people even want someone that doesn't want them? It seems sad.
@@cantsay2205 its a waste of time honestly
My friend was on the lesbian dating app 'her' and she got banned for saying she didn't want to date pre opp trans women. apparently being a lesbian and not liking penis is no longer acceptable...who knew being this progressive would make us very regressive. You're so right about these new ideas erasing the concept of sexuality.
I tried lesbian dating apps and my preference is not T what's so ever. Not only can I not say that but they are filled with T now and women are forced out of our own apps.
This one drives me crazy too. I’ve heard people say that a trans person shouldn’t have to disclose to someone their dating that they are trans. I’m sorry but I get to choose if I date someone who was born with a penis vs someone who had one created by having surgery.
How do they not see how homophobic that is?!
@@thesandravshow especially when the post surgery ones don’t even look right to begin with much less are real and can procreate. Like what happened to consent? This is scary 🤦🏾♀️
What fucks my head up is when I see a trans profile that says “only into straight guys that like women. No gays”
At that point I think you’re in a glass house letting stones fly
Not one person who has complained about dating preferences has ever been both attractive and likable
racial preferences are definitely wrong
You're wrong but also missing the issue by a mile
LITERALLY. THANK YOU 💀
They're not ready to hear this 😂
@@PepsiFuture lol really!? Any examples there!?
prefrences are fine just don’t degrade people you arent attracted to. simple as that.
I agree
usually is the people that I'm not attracted that degrade me( white etero man, the worst in 2023)
I know this comment is old but it is a very salient point.
You can not want to date anyone you like for whatever reason but people making that point usually seem to have to do it in the most insulting way possible, then wonder why they get called bigots lol.
Don't degrade the people who AREN'T attracted to you. This works the other way around as well.
100%. Just because I prefer strawberry ice cream doesn’t mean vanilla shouldn’t exist 😅
“love is love!”
unless you have a preference that i don’t like
racism isnt a preference
I absolutely find it discriminatory for supermodels not to date me 😛
Right?!? Why can't they just get off their high horse & love me🤣 It's just pure hatred, body shaming, & lack of openness to gender fluidity!
Ew
I think a lot of people confuse "I respect you as a person" with "I find you attractive". They can definitely occur separately. And closed mindedness can be confused with having preferences as well.
The truth is dating in itself is very subjective and is not as inclusive as we want it to be. Dating is discrimination we don’t know it. You can still respect someone who’s 4’8 but probably don’t want to date them
These are also the same kinds of people who would describe friends as a "queer non-romantic poly couple." I'm not kidding, I've seen it in stupid articles by these people. I don't think they understand the concept of ANYTHING not being sexualized.
@@CoryTheRaven Oh my goodness . . . THIS. Is spot on.
If you are talking about people who won't date other ethnicities because they don't think interbreeding should occur, then yes, you can call that racism.
@@jessenoreligionno5731 I don´t think so. You can perfectly fine combine not discriminating someone because of their ethnicity in your whole life while wanting your kids to be the same ethnicity as you. Nobody has right to have children with you so you are not "oppressing" them or rewoke them any of their rights by your choice of your partner.
I've dated a Chinese woman and I was called a fetishist due to her race, I've dated a black woman and was called something similar (coloniser) and now I'm dating a white woman I'm racist. The same people saying this are the ones saying that a gay/lesbian can't choose who they're attracted to until it comes to transgender at which point you can choose who you're attacted to.
You've got to love the moving of the goalposts so you can always be called something.
All these sad single or worse, aggressively polyamorous people need to shut the fucc. It's damned if you do, damned if you don't. And if you were single I bet they would probably call you an incel. No winning when dealing with these types.
colonizer? im so sorry🤣🤣🤣
@@divacandyfulikr these people are insane
Only if you are a white heterosexual male. I’ve heard BM say that they would never date a BW and it’s called preference, but if a WM says that he prefers someone of his own race he’s called racist and yes you’re right if he prefers WOC he’s called a fetishized
This! I’ve even heard that trauma around certain genital leading to wanting to avoid encounters with those genitals is “phobic”. Like yeah- i literally am frickin scared, that’s kinda the whole point. That doesn’t mean I hate the person or think they are invalid, it means i don’t owe anyone sex.
Let's just call this what it is, predatory. They're literally trying to manipulate people into dating them. Which is not only unattractive that someone is that insecure about themselves that they have to do something like this to get a date, but it's also a giant red flag. A lot of these people need to work on handling rejection before they even consider dating anyone.
It's scary how often that manipulation works too.
Right? I used to have a friend who would always complain to me about how no girl he ever went out with wanted to have a second date with him. He was of the opinion that "just because someone isn't attractive to you doesn't mean you shouldn't give them a chance" which is... problematic, to say the least. I tried making him understand that no one is entitled to anyone's affection or time, he didn't get it.
Anyway he tried hitting on me and when I rejected him he ghosted me but that's another story lmao
This kind of people suck tbh
@@nahicorua What a disgusting guy lmao, even the weights wouldn't have saved him
I said the same thing, only I didn’t call it ‘predatory’ because I couldn’t think of the term for it.😂 But, you’re right that it is that. If it’s not their health that’s hindering them, then it’s their personality. And a lot of people would rather use their physical identity to pull the “woe is me” card instead of changing something about themselves that could be changed.
@@aniyamarie8370 even if if is physical, still doesn’t change that tbh. Everybody wants somebody they don’t mind looking at
Shaming someone or guilt tripping them into sleeping with or dating you is extremely messed up. Like that alone makes someone really undesirable. I'm sure most people have preferences & that does not mean they dislike those they're unattracted too. It just means they aren't romantically attracted & that is perfectly okay.
Thank you for summing things up perfectly
I mean, call a spade a spade. Under law, coercion of any form is force. Sexual coercion is rape. If someone shames you into having sex with them, they have sexually assaulted you.
"Shaming someone or guilt tripping them into sleeping with them" is a form of entrapment and could catch them a s.o charge if they dont start acting right real soon tbh like
I dont see this situation any different than a dude using the blue-balls guilt trip to get laid, and it's pretty fcking gross and genuinely predatory to use your identity as a way to guilt ppl into sleeping with you when they've said "no", "no" still means "no" regardless of what delusion you're tryna force everyone to live in.
(Had a someone on fb who was MtF, only dabbling in makeup and the aesthetic tbh, but sHe tried to use "well since im a girl i cant be a p3do" or "that was Logan, Im Sapphi now:3" excuse when it was found out at 20 *while still identifying as a dude* sHe slept w a 15 year old sHe knew off fb for less than a week. Everytime it's brought up sHe says the samething like people in these groups need to start being held accountable especially when they're using their identity as a shield when it comes to literal crimes like the one i mentioned. I know you mentioned both dating and physical relations but it really is a problem for disgusting people to be using a life others do live genuinely, check out Blaire White if you have the time or intrest, as a way to hide their true, depraved, nature)
It's rapey to demand someone not have preferences, no matter what it is. Sex is the one place where you get to discriminate however you want. This isn't a workplace, neighborhood, or school. I don't have to be equal opportunity, with my vagina. People need to learn to love and accept themselves, so they're not so hung up on needing validation from EVERYONE. Growing up, I was told that not everybody is going to like me, and that's none of my business!
Amen to all of that. 👍
WELL SAID! I wish everyone would catch up on this kind of mindset. 👏
@@reluctantly_human77 💙
@@Keyuntay 💙
This is the comment I needed
I think dating preferences are perfectly okay, I think the issue arises when people treat someone like shit when they don't fit dating preferences. As a girl who is tall and overweight, I've had pleasant conversations and friendships with people who would never date me, and I've had extremely dehumanizing interactions with people largely due to the fact that they aren't attracted to me. You just have to cut your losses and recognize that some people are just assholes.
It's okay to have preferences but no one has the right to shame or put down others. No one has the right to make others feel bad about how they look. But preferences are fine. I believe it's possible to both have personal preferences and be body positive at the same time.
@@elnorface Yeah exactly. You can find someone unattractive because of their body type and still treat them like a person and be body positive.
About the fetishization of a race, I just wanted talk about my personal experiences. I’m East Asian, and when dating I have felt like some men were just interested because I’m Asian, whether that’s because they have some gross stereotype about Asian women or they just wanted to try someone “exotic”. It has made me a bit insecure, because now I’m always very skeptical when a guy outside of my own race is interested in me because I’ll worry that he just wants to try an Asian girl.
you "felt" that , maybe is not the men , its you , just saying. Personally , I don't find black woman attractive for the most part , but I dont mind dating a beautiful black woman , on the other hand , asian woman in general are way more attractive in my eyes . Im in my 40s , and because of the demographics of my country I had only dated white woman , because is rare to find other ethnicities.
@@EdyMar77 Wait wait, I’m confused how your comment is related to hers? All OP was saying is that she’s skeptical of men who fetishize her. Why are you talking about black women😭
Is fetishizing a race that much different than fetishizing big boobs or long legs, both of which are deemed acceptable by most people?
@@TK-cg4ks All he is saying is that sometimes it might be you thinking about he has a fetish for a certain race when he genuinely likes you because he finds you attractive
@@TK-cg4ks Nothing wrong about talking about black women as long as he is not being racist is all good
I feel like dating your preference is ok. There is nothing wrong with it. As long, you are not talking bad about the people you do not have a preference to.
Fax
It's absolutely fine. But it can also be morally questionable, and there's nothing wrong with reflecting on beliefs we have when forming relationships. However, this wokeism shit has gone too far.
Idk man, we should maybe go back to talking a little tiny bit of bad about fat people. Fat women still think they're beautiful and act accordingly entitled. That shit never used to happen. Not to mention it's getting more and more rare to find somebody that isn't fat, at least here in the US. Fat shouldn't be the norm.
You decided to speak nothing but factual statements
@@ForeverMasterless simply don't date fat women, they are entitled to feeling sexy, them being fat literally does not affect you, the fact that you only mentioned women is quite nasty imo.
In my opinion, I think the only time I would say preference is prejudice is when you go out of your way to put down those who are not your preference to uplift those who are. But even then, do you and, I wouldn’t want to change your mind. Personally, I like people who like me. Preference is perfectly natural and everyone is entitled to like what they like.
I think preferences are prejudices. Like, I'm Asian. So the prejudices against South Asians and black people definitely exist. I'm pretty sure the standard of light skin, straight hair, and thinner lips weren't around when we became humans. There are biological components like the appearance of healthiness, healthy skin, hair, body. But for the prejudiced components, I can't change it now. I just try to keep an open mind and treat people well regardless of attraction.
Yeah!! You don’t have to be attracted to them, just don’t be mean to them!
i like you.
I think preference is fine even tho I've never had one , even with body type lol but exclusion is wrong and potentially dangerous ..n also just sad to limit yourself like that with so many amazing ppl in the world
@@yellomello6952 so if I understand correctly, you’re saying that the western beauty standard (blonde, blue eyes, fair skin, etc.) is not biological because there would be no need for it to be biological, and therefore is prejudiced? Because if that’s what your saying then I 100% agree
As a redhead, I find dating preferences not only acceptable, but welcomed. I would hate to get with someone that didnt respect me while denying the opportunity for someone that did actually find me completely attractive. Preferences is what makes people happy, its a life fact and relates to everything.
Well to be fair, I do find you attractive 😂
Fellow redhead here. I completely agree 😭 Isn’t it so much nicer to date someone you know love red hair ??? Why wasting your time with someone who’s « neutral about every body type/appearances » when you can date someone who LOVES the way you look ?
Also a redhead here. I had the biggest crush on a guy in highschool who didn’t like my red hair, green eyes, pale skin, or freckles. I could call him “gingerist” or something, but I recognize that I’m just not his cup of tea. The man I’m now happily married to loves me AND my features! Why should I compromise for someone who is only willing to put up with how I was born so avoid seeming prejudice?
Having a preference is human nature, for literally anything. There's a reason why we have a favorite color, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite genre of music. We're not all going to have the same preference, meaning not everyone will prefer you. People need to stop trying to change people's dating preferences or forcing people to be attracted to something that they aren't. As long as they don't make people feel bad for not fitting their preferences, I don't see an issue
That's a good point, people shouldn't walk around insulting the groups that they don't want to date, no one likes hearing that, but you can't force yourself to be attracted to a person you don't find attractive. There isn't a single person alive that every member of our species wants to sleep with, that's normal, I don't see why this is so hard for people to grasp.
Attraction is a choice. Racial dating preferences are racist.
@@tubblestop414 People only say it's racist when people of color have a preference for white people. What if a white person has a preference for people of color. Is it still racist?
@@tubblestop414 not necessarily but it can be skewed in common social patterns influenced by a racist society maybe just encourage people to broaden their horizons and go against the grain instead of simply following social patterns and norms
Here’s the problem with preferences. There’s a point where it just gets flat out weird. If I have a preference for tomato, lettuce, and roast beef for a sandwich--that’s cool. Does that mean I ONLY eat tomato, lettuce and roast beef? No, it means if I had to pick between the turkey and beef, I’m more likely to pick beef. That doesn’t mean I always pick beef. People take these so called preferences and use that for why they basically exclude an ENTIRE group of people from their dating circle. Which--I’m sorry, but that’s weird as fuck. Sometimes the person with big ass tittes is your prefrence....but she’s also a raging bitch that makes you wanna off yourself. So you’re gonna overlook the woman who uplifts you cause you prefer big tits??? If you said yeah, then your preferences make you look weird as fuck to me. What you PREFER shouldn’t be the final decision on who’s best for you. Unless, you’re just being superficial and only want like.....sex or something.
"If you don't like your outcomes you should change your actions."
Amazing
Changing your actions requires an awareness that one can analyse and change oneself. These TikTok-ers have elected to change the world instead.
But they would call that "victim blaming" or some such bs.
This is why I say that "victim blaming" is not always wrong. If you're stuck in a pattern that you don't like even if it is through no real fault of your own. It is absolutely YOUR responsibility to first notice, and then break that pattern.
It might not be your fault that you're in the position that you are in, but it IS your responsibility to get out of it. Otherwise you stay stagnant, which is irresponsible.
You might not have caused your situation, but you are enabling it.
At the end of the day the only person responsible for you is you.
why should one person change their actions, when they are already doing more than the people who are getting dates, and the only reason they don't get dates is because society has labeled them as "undesirable"?
The example in the vid refers to overweight people, but many overweight people eat healthily and exercise regularly, they just have a slow metabolism. My BMI is on the underweight category, but I eat a lot of junk (late last night I ate 2 pieces of cheesecake just cause I felt like it) and have done 0 minutes of exercise for months, even years. I don't have a problem getting dates, but my actions are worse than those of the people who aren't getting dates. Idk about y'all but I think that's Dumb with a capital D.
@@TadanoCandy Maybe they should do less then? Less is often more.
@@TadanoCandy life isn't fair and maybe they should try harder or change their approach if they are not getting the results they want.
“genital preferences” is just a weirder way of saying sexuality 😂
everything following that statement was pure gold. you love who you love.
Yeah, very few people are pansexual, most of us have a sexual orientation that excludes someone, that's just how it is. If you want to call 99% of the population bad people for how they were born, go right ahead I guess, but people aren't going to be guilted into dating people of a certain sex. Every time I've heard the "if you don't date me you're transphobic line", every single person in the room shugs and says "okay, guess I'm transphobic then". This is really not a good strategy.
i guess thered be an issue when, for example, a girl is dating a trans guy, and he didn't have the bottom surgery, that's not a lesbian relationship, is straight, even tho they're the same genitals
Imagine fighting for years to get society for understanding that sexuality isn't a choice only for your own community to turn around and say. "It's a choice and not choosing me is -phobic"
@xoxo Right and the thing that gets me is that "non-men" now definitely includes men. It's gone way past expecting all lesbians to date trans women who have at least started to medically transition and change their appearance, now we're expected to date "non-binary" men who haven't done any medical or stylistic transitioning at all. These people will scream at women, call them bigots and threaten violence for not being attracted to them. There's no logic to it at all, it's just a bunch of standard incels who are enraged that women want to enforce their own sexual boundaries. They don't see "cis women" of any orientation as human beings with feelings that matter, we're just validation props and sex toys that exist for them.
We should have clamped down on this madness years ago, but too many of us have the attitude that "everyone who claims to be in the lgbt is a poor little victim that needs my support and sympathy". Sorry, but we don't need to be "inclusive" of sexual harassment and mistreatment.
Bi people exist ...
i’m a plus size girl, and while i wish that more people liked plus size women, i would never want someone to be with me just because they feel like they have to. preferences are fine.
Patience Xina has a dog in the fight.
I'm sure a lot of other plus sized men like plus sized women.
Thank you for making this. These people on tiktok need to touch grass. I say this as a progressive, elder Gen Z. It’s like they’ve never gone out to a bar or coffee shop - scanned the room - and noticed a person or two they find cute. No one considers the political ethics in the flirting butterflies brought on by public eye contact.
Also - the note about entitlement at the end hit home. Any time an influencer posts an outfit and someone is commenting about the details with this energy: “WHERE IS THIS FROM GIVE ME THE LINK HELLO?!? SOMEONE ANSWER” The critical thinking skills have left the chat.
Preferences are 100% natural. I have been overweight my whole life,but dating has never been an issue because I am cool as hell lol Years ago,a dear friend,who was also a big girl,used to get BIG MAD at me because I got male attention. I had to finally tell her it was because I wasn't being an obnoxious ass. Everyone has certain things they inherently prefer when searching out a potential partner. For myself,I have found that an attractive personality can overshadow any other attribute that one might have or may possibly lack.
I'm a big girl and my skinny friends get so jealous because I get so much male attention, I also hate when people say oh just lose weight like it's so easy. It's not so easy when you have a condition that literally turns everything you eat and drink into fat.
Slay
if your friend gets mad at you for getting more attention, that is not a friend 💀 this is not a competition
@@princessmimithepug6719 ….there is no such condition, but u shouldn’t lose weight for anyone unless u want to
@@xrrgr actually yes there is, it's called hyperinsulinemia where your body over produces insulin and keeps blood sugar extremely high the body can't reduce the blood sugar so it automatically turns everything into fat. People who have this condition cannot lose much weight and if they do they can't keep the weight off.
I think most people label innocent preferences as “discriminatory” when the people they’re chasing after aren’t attracted to them. If it’s not their health, then it’s their personality is hindering them in the dating field.
This
Dating is discriminatory, however it doesn't mean it isn't questionable SOMETIMES
No4hing about racial preferences is innocent.
@@tubblestop414 it's not innocent but weird people are gonna prefer certain races anyway. Even if people aren't racist they can still be xenophobic. I have no racial preference and I don't personally see why other people would.
@@ntrg3248 maybe it's because I love black women's skin tones? Maybe it's because I love how black women are shaped? Maybe it's because I'd rather be with someone culturally relatable?
I think you said it best at the end. People nowadays are just so entitled. Imagine that you've got life so good and have essentially faced little to no struggle that you have to make an issue of other people's dating preferences and dare to call it oppression...us "modern" people are too spoiled😅
me and my bestfriend are both dating short men. my boyfriend is 5ft6, and her fiance is 5ft5. because i am only 4ft11, ppl dont ever mention my boyfriends height to me.. but my best friend is 5ft10, and is constantly ridiculed over her and her fiances height difference, even though she just has a preference for short guys. I think that some people dont want to accept your preferences when it doesnt "make sense" in their head.
That's SO Fucked up.
You really gotta be insecure to look at a couple and be like, "You shouldn't be with that short dude because you're so tall."
It's EVEN MORE TOXIC if the partner LISTENS to the insecure people and breaks up with them.
If you love someone and you get criticism over it, I think it's your right to go up and slap the haters. Too many people criticizing and being toxic over stupid shit, but not enough of them face actual cosnequencs. A slap here or there should put most adults in their place.
But I also hate most adults as is because they have such elitist attitudes just for being older.
Nobody deserves respect and nobody deserves to be listened to.
Put up the middle finger, cut people out of your life, or give them a good ol' slap to shut them up.
those are pretty average heights.
@@chesterlestrange7725 The heights themselves may be average, but it is not average for the woman to be five inches taller than the man. There's nothing wrong with it, but it is rare, and some people have given up on dating someone they otherwise find attractive, and may even love, because they cannot bear society looking down on, and even chiding (or outright bullying) them because they don't fit the mold of what a "proper couple" is "supposed" to look like.
I've always stated my preference is tall men but end up dating men around 5ft6 most of the time. I guess I don't really know what I like 😆
@@ousontmeslunettes9891 depends how tall you are. Tall in comparison with you is not necesarily the same as taller than average. For a woman that is 5,3 a tall man could be 5,6 or 5,7 and above that it can be overwehlming/uncomfortable/intimidating. But for a woman that is 5,7 a tall man is 6ft to 6,2, regardless of what society could say
“Keep your children off of tiktok” that is the truest thing i have ever heard
As someone who has no genital preference, there is a difference between "I'll never date a trans person" and "I don't want to sexually interact with this set of genitals".
I don't get why this is so hard to understand. You can fully support someone's human rights and expression without wanting to date them.
Exactlyyy
THANK-YOU! Someone can both: 1) see an LGTB+, Trans person as a human being who deserves respect and human rights AND 2) not want to sexually interact or date a person of this demographic if they are not sexually attracted to them. It's very simple to do both.
I'm a cis man who has so much love and respect for people in the LGTB community; I don't feel the need to date or have with sex with them to prove this (and I never felt they needed this from me either). I always figured kindness, humility, consideration, and respect is enough.
@@6ixpoint5ive And I absolutely agree, also as someone who would be considered apart of the LGBT+ community. I don't believe that in order to embrace someone whole heartedly and with compassion and kindness, that you must also embrace them intimately in terms of your own body and space.
I absolutely love pandas and I hate that deforestation is dwindling their numbers, but I also wouldn't own one as a pet or want one in my backyard. People have completely taken away the meaning from phobias. Being transphobic can literally mean anything now.
Edit: In a way, calling someone transphobic when they genuinely love and respect all people from all walks of life, is kind of like giving someone inherent power that they don't even want.
As a trans person, I totally agree! Plus, for years we've always associated certain genitals with certain genders, and that sort of thinking is hard to undo because it's more of a subconscious thing. If someone isn't sexually attracted to me because I have a certain set of genitals, that's fine! That doesn't mean they don't see me as my gender identity or as a person worthy of respect, it just means they don't feel comfortable touching my bits lmao. This also disregards the fact that you can fall in love with a person without feeling sexually attracted to them! Not only asexuals, this probably also applies to some people of other sexualities (ex. gay, lesbian) who are in a relationship with a trans person. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction can be intertwined or two separate things depending on the person, after all!
Anyway, TLDR: Not feeling comfortable with having sexual intercourse with a trans person is not inherently transphobic, and relationships with trans people don't necessarily need to include sex.
but some people think that their human right is to be wanted by you..........thats what they think
I have listened to left-view and right-view youtubers and most of the times they either talk very loudly to prove a point, only make fun of the opposite side condescendingly without any proof or logic, or just laugh to mask their inability to explain why they think it's ridiculous. You are different, I love your calmness, your neutral free-thinking spirit, your logical explanation and proof, and your voice omg I'm obsessed with the way you talk.
Agreed with almost everything, but let's not delude ourselves, she is not a "neutral free-thinking spirit" ─ she is still very much drawn towards traditionalism and conservatism, and this inclination seems to influence every facet of her thought, all the way down to artistic preference (e.g. how she prefers old architecture and music). I greatly respect her generally empathetic and understanding attitude ─ which is very rare nowadays in political contexts ─ but she is still pretty strongly biased towards conservatism; she often simply ignores issues that challenge her viewpoint (which I understand is probably subconscious) and instead focuses on claims that are a lot easier to poke holes in. This video is the perfect example: even among the woke left, believing that preferences are -istic and -phobic is a fringe view that only a tiny minority subscribe to, yet Patience made a whole video about it.
You can say many positive things about Patience, but impartiality/objectivity is not one of them (to be fair, I've never met or seen anybody that I could truly say is impartial/objective when it comes to politics in my entire life; superficially rational figures such as Sam Harris ─ who you would expect to be especially rational given his experience in meditation ─ are still very much driven by emotion, natural preferences, conditioning, etc [in the case of Sam Harris, his views are greatly influenced by frustration and hatred]).
@@maxkho00she’s like me, cares about the facts and data over baseless opinions which is nice considering mainstream news media has become so propagandized instead of reporting the facts and data which is a much appreciated breath of fresh air
@@Evan124aAnd like my wife, oh so easy on the eyes.
@@maxkho00have you watched her “why so many people left the left” video? She said many young conservatives nowadays are not exactly “conservative”, their viewpoints are considered liberal/progressive just 5 or 10 years ago. It’s just that what you consider the bridge or the middle point between liberal and conservative has been moved so much towards the left, so whatever you claim her view as conservative doesn’t make her right wing. She still stays in the middle, it’s just the middle point has moved leftward so you consider her as conservative.
And if you think she’s conservative, oh boy do I have news for you. You should’ve seen the conservative people in my country. What the right wingers in the US do seems like a child’s play here. In the west world I’d be considered a conservative, but in the east world I’d be a liberal. When in fact, I’m neither.
Also, so what if she fancies old architecture/music? You think being your political view has something to do with the aesthetic one enjoys? By that logic no liberals love Disney’s classic princesses, seeing as they’re from old legends from centuries ago. She’s also from the UK where old architecture/vibe is still prevalent, so she could be influenced by that. But anyways that doesn’t tell you anything about her stance.
@@bingusbinted That's not entirely true. She would definitely be considered conservative 10 years ago and even 20 years ago. Issues of racism were starting to get raised in the 19th century and were at the forefront of international politics by the 20th century. Her skeptical stance towards claims of racism (which I generally agree with) definitely wouldn't be popular among 1990s progressives. Third-wave feminism also emerged in the 1990s, so again her opposition to the feminist approach (large parts of which I also agree with) would be considered conservative in the 1990s. And of course, her adherence to traditional gender roles would always be considered conservative as well. That's just to name a few.
She might have been considered slightly left-of-centre in the 1920s, but that's the latest she could claim to be a centrist.
As to her architectural and musical preferences, of course they have no direct bearing on her political views, but they do betray her traditionalist way of thinking. There is a stronger correlation between artistic preferences and political inclination than you might expect, although that shouldn't really be surprising if you think about it conceptually.
This sounds like sexual coercion. When I was young I remember my mom warning me not to allow guys to manipulate me into having sex with then and not to fall for “if you love me, you’ll have sex with me!”.
This sounds exactly the same.
@@Jumpyman_thegamerYT These type of stuff always goes both ways.
@@cherilynsarts8845 Yeah no shit Sherlock. The original comment was talking about manipulative men. I commented about manipulative women. Didn’t you read the comments?
@@Jumpyman_thegamerYT you didn't add anything to the original comment
@@_CL I don’t care about your approval.
@@Jumpyman_thegamerYT last thing I'd want to give a man who inserted himself in a conversation just to self-victimize is my approval.
Amen. I'm fat, dark skinned and tall and my cousin told me those are the three things working against me being attractive. It hurt because I can only change one of those things. I used to be very outgoing and ask guys out. My logic was if they say yes cool but if they don't I move on. I don't get mad. But it blows my mind how many people try to guilt you into their beliefs. It's crazy we are almost loosing the right to disagree.
Dark skin and short are definately not "unattractive" traits.U should just look into PPL who finds those things attractive ❤️
@@bubblysprinkles they definitely are. Majority of cultures worldwide see being dark and short a negative which indicate that there are inherent biological reasons that made influenced them that way (dark skin being able to better hide signs of sickness: skin conditions, STIs, and being short reducing your chance of being stronger being a few reasons). And it wasn't all the "bri ish colonisation" fault either. Even African countries have their "Lightskins" deemed more attractive than their darker peers.
@@ibrahimhassaan6188 light skin definitely doesn’t make someone attractive 😑
I feel you
Your cousins a hater lol
As an overweight man, I absolutely upvote everything you shared in this video. If women aren't interested in me because of my weight, that's fine with me. I take responsibility for being overweight (binge eating disorder, stress eating, depression, the whole schbang). The funny thing is I'm attracted to what they call "plus size" women. (like Latecia Thomas and Rebel Wilson pre weight loss 🥵). But they always seem to say something to the effect of "na we'll look funny together" and I say "That's okay. We'll leave no food behind for them". 😈 But no takers so far.
You should start working out and dieting, because you're gonna feel better about yourself when you start seeing the results, and it should help with depression and other disorders. I am no professional psychiatrist, but I'll give a shoot and say your mental issues are related to being overweight. Obviously, there might be some other issues that are contributing, but we know at least one that can be fixed with some willpower. So go fix that shit, don't be "fatty".
Rofl yup. One of the funniest hypocrisies of the modern age is fat women trying to convince the world and themselves that they're beautiful and screaming that men should be dating them, meanwhile there are all these equally overweight men who would be happy to date them that they just don't see. Got a bunch of lizzos thinking they deserve a Channing Tatum. Literal delusion.
Before starting a diet...go to therapy. I tried it once and I stopped going after just one day because I was too scared of finding the truth of why I do certain things. I started going to therapy again it's a journey. I have been writing everything I have been going through during the week and finally scream, cry and let my feelings out for 1 hour.
I found out my binge habits were for my dad attitudes towards me for just being 10 pounds over my ideal weight...10 pounds! 🤣. That's when my binge habits just keep growing and growing.
@@njmfff rude asf
Awww you’re amazing!!!
100% agree with all of this oh and I'm fat (working on my weightloss journey), married and happy. I love to exercise and the only real "fatphobia" (i hate that word) is people who make nasty comments while I'm exercising; like as if me sweating while walking in the park is the worst thing on earth, but for every one of those there are like 20 people cheering me on...105 lbs down and still working. Great video
Keep up the good work!
I think it’s horrible to shame people for trying to better themselves and lose weight. It’s discouraging and makes no sense to do so. I wish you the best of luck in your journey!! 💪🏾🙌🏾
Remembered when at some fitness club one trainer filmed one of the guest who was a fat woman and when she was excersining. He made very nasty comments about her weight and wrote shit like "people like her should not come to fitness clubs if she doesn't want to be shamed for being fatty". He was stupid enough to publish the video. The most of people didn't support him, judged him and reported the video to his boss. This man tried to excuse himself that he didn't mean anything wrong or insulting about his words. But you know, such ass excuses never work. He was instanlty fired after this. It was a very big win for our society cause usually, in Eastern Europe, there are not much of reputation institute. People can be really mean, scream insults, bully someone and they get away with nothing.
You're amazing! Best of luck!
Great job! Though I wouldn't consider that "fatphobia" so much as infantile or just generally being a disgusting idiot. (UA-cam just tried to censor this comment though I was using the same word the poster used and don't think in a derogatory way. Am I wrong?)
Imagine being "educated" into going on a date with someone you're not attracted to 😂. If there's one thing I learned from relationships, it's that you DON'T want to be with someone who "settled for you," much less someone who affirmative actioned for you lol
Haha well said
“Just go to the people who do find you attractive. Why do you spend energy on the ones who don’t?” This is the line. Why don’t people get this? Who cares? People act like one or a few people not liking you dictate if you’re attractive or not. There’s are too many people in this world to be bothered with the percentage that don’t like you. Just say “so” and shrug and go about your way.
As an overweight yet confident person, I 5000% agree. If your fat, and your not getting your dating outcome as you desired, losing weight is a great way of doing it. It is your choice to lose the fat, it is your choice to go out and jog, eat better, and be more active, to lose said weight. It'll take time, and lots of dedication, but your fruits will flourish. I was super overweight, but lost some pounds by simply dancing and stop drinking sodas. It's very much doable.
It depends. I'm glad it worked for you, but it may not work for someone else. There are a thousand of reasons involved
@@lucianacarvalho3136 Excuses. We control every bit of food that enters our mouth and anybody can find 30 minutes out of their day to take a walk or just do some home exercises. Unless somebody is force feeding you and you're being worked like a slave from morning to night every day, there is no reason why it cannot be done.
Stress eating is not an excuse, just like how we don't excuse stress drinking.
@@flochforster22 yeah, but I'm not talking about excuses, I'm talking about real hard situations that we have to deal with. For exemple, I have chronic pain, so any exercise is a torture for me. Other people may have hormonal problems or take medications that affect how full they feel when eating. Not everything is black or white. I understand what you mean, that we need to take responsibility for our lives and deal with our problems. I'm just acknowledging that it can be hard.
@@lucianacarvalho3136 Okay, I agree with your point. It can be difficult if you have other health issues.
Had no idea my comment blew up so much, so let me add a personal perspective. I, MYSELF, can lose the weight if I so decide to eat better, and do more then weights. My mother, however, is 52, pre diabetic, and have some health issues that make it difficult for her to lose the weight (said some doctors) so it is difficult for her to do much (I do most of the work on the house, aside from my job) So yea, in certain conditions, weight lost may be more difficult to impossible. In NO WAY I endorse mocking people of said weight. But if the majority of men and women only look for fit partners, don't blame them for not giving any relationships. I personally, believe in CONNECTION, where if 2 people click, love can happen. I dated a fit soccer girl, as well as a chubby messy girl. I went out with them because I felt something with them, and they too feel something back. You will find love eventually, it'll just be with the right one. let your heart guide you.
It's so refreshing to find a young person who is analytical and yet open minded enough to hear other's perspectives. I personally think that most attraction is biological, but there is a certain amount that is governed by personal taste. Being 67, my taste in the physical aspects I find to be attractive has changed several times over the years. I also think that a large factor that can override physical attraction is personality. If you find someone's personality very attractive, it can override physical aspects that you might not normally be interested in. Toxic, or negative personalities rarely find love, just because they are toxic or negative.
Spot on as always Patience! As a curvier lady myself who's actively trying to lose weight because I don't subscribe to the fat positive idea, I don't believe that if someone doesn't find a fat, trans, different race person etc. attractive it makes them a bigot. The hypocrisy and double standards in the body positive movement is so toxic, don't see short kings ranting on TikTok about any rejection they may face.
Agreed, we need to be realistic. I have dental issues and I am well aware that I am undatable until i fix them.
I blame TikTok for making people believe that dating preferences are bad. I think we would be much better off of as a society of that toxic app didn’t exist.
Self-confidence for a short king adds about 2 feet of attractiveness.
Right? you have every right to choose who you get into a romantic, intimate and sexual relationship with. It’s your business & everyone is attracted to different things, that’s the beauty. I wouldn’t want anyone dating me out of pity or bc they’re afraid of being a bigot lmao.
I love Daz black, who said that if you want to help someone overweight, don’t just say everyone else is wrong, support them!!
I have a preference for not blonde. However that's because most of my family (extended family included) is blonde. I see blonde and think "I'm probably related to you". I'm also not a fan of overly tall because I'm like five foot nothing and I find it concerning how easy it can be for some to just pick me up and walk away. I have a cousin who does that every time he sees me and I hate it. My preferences didn't come from no where, they came from life experience, and I can give a reason for each and every one. Some were learned harder that others.
Oh
Your cousin does WHAT? 😭😭😭
I get this! I’m not attracted to redheaded men because I’m a redhead and I always think he must be my 3rd cousin or something. Since redheads are so rare lol
This is exactly what Steve Lacy said about not being able to date his own ppl (black people) because he had that same sense of familiarity and people went BATSHIT CRAZY and started calling him racist 😭😭 It's so dumb imo that this is even a discussion topic, we all have preferences!!
How tall are you and how tall is your cousin that he can just pick you up and take you away?! 🧐😅
I actually can't stomach watching tiktoks like this, it feels like the common theme is patronizing narcissism, I feel so bad for the people and children who are mindlessly consuming this content.
Also thank you for talking openly and honestly from a common sense perspective on these topics, really enjoying your videos!
Racial preferences are not racist unless you bash the races you’re not attracted to. Then it starts getting racist
The old saying “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is prescient here. It’s very simple, everyone has their own preference. The rise of social media and more specifically tiktok, has led to this attitude whereby anyone with a phone wants to chime in with their pointless hostile opinions. It’s made people have an over inflated ego of themselves and when it comes to these “issues”, these kinds of people on TikTok make these dating videos where they’re essentially talking to a brick wall because none of us give a shit. Good video 👍
People have been like this before TikTok, and even before the rise of social media. I'd hear stories all the time of people guilt tripping others for having a personal preference. To blame all our problems on social media all the time because we don't want to take responsibility of how toxic humans can be all by ourselves is dishonest. It's just more noticeable now. I'm aware of the dangers of social media, but one good thing about social media is that the toxic side of humanity is shown more.
I LOVE your point about consent. We each have a right to choose who we spend so much of our time, our feelings, and ourselves with. And if someone isn't into you? Maybe stop chasing them.
I’m a shorter guy (5’8)
Im a decent looking guy and I’ve had plenty of women write me off due to my height. Guess what? That’s their prerogative! Does it sting? Of course it does. I love your bottom line here: “we’re not owed anything.” Any issue I may have in non reciprocating feelings of attraction is just a manifestation of my frustration!
Good video, thank you.
I always thought that it was a great filter. Someone rejects you based solely on such a superficial thing? They weren't worth your time to begin with.
5'8 really isn't short... Don't let those women gaslight you into thinking you're short.
Honestly the height thing is stupid
@@barbiebindi what about 5'6. im that height, im only 21 already planning to quit dating
@@navaneethsivan5861 I’m 5”4, so at least you’re taller than me 😂
How someone faces rejection is a good way to find out how mature and rational someone is. And believe me, nobody finds an inferiority complex attractive. So next time somebody tells you they don't feel attracted to you, be strong. Its not personally against you, you don't have control over anyone's attraction. Find someone you like that also likes you.
I love you!! (I’m gay) but I love your intelligence! And I love the fact you’ve picked up on these woke trans activists, doctors and teachers who don’t seem to realise how anti-gay they are. They’re now saying to young effeminate boys and/or tomboys “you’re trans”! God forbid they might only be lesbian or gay! Just leave kids alone, let them be kids and figure things out for themselves in their own time.
Or even just going through a faze! I had a ton boy faze. It was because I had a brother and a lot of male cousins, I wanted to fit in. I can’t imagine if the world had tried to convince me it was because I was trans and should permanently change my body. I’m scared for my kids.
Woke morons are so giddy about LGBTQ, some celebrate trans as if they were truffles to be dug up.
Saw a TikTok teacher being "so proud of (finally) getting her first trans student". A 6yo kid, mind you. Like some rare pokemon.
More of you based gay folks need to speak up my friend! Thank you
@@michaelquaid4679 Agreed - a bi female
@@valorie444 and straight men LOVE bisexual women. We can't help ourselves
Also some people have "racial" preferences because they feel more comfortable and relatable with someone from their culture (or a similar culture). I used to be open to idea of dating anyone but now I honestly prefer to date someone from my country.
I'm on a similar strain in a slightly different scenario. I am white but grew up in a highly Asian community. I was one of 5% of white people in my schools, both primary school and secondary school. I spent basically every class every year as the only white person and had crushes on Asians in my classes. I spoke with my classmates in mandarin sometimes, because I can speak mandarin. Going into university with lots more white people was a cultural shock for me because I wasn't used to it. I wasn't used to the culture either, since I grew up with tiger parents and oriential values (shoes off indoors, rice at every meal etc). I felt bad when white guys expressed interest in me, and I wasn't attracted to them. But listening to this video makes me feel better and less ashamed of the fact I don't have a preference for white guys. They make for great friends and I respect them, I just struggle to date them
I'm white and grew up around mostly white people, but they've never been my dating preference or who I'm attracted to, so, I've got the opposite "problem".
@@beast6213 same
I think it’s important to note the difference between race and culture, as you could date someone in your race but from a different culture or date someone part of your culture but a different race.
yes but thats different..... wanting your own race is because off familiarity and presverence. Most racial preferences are due to attraction, physical, mental, etc
I used to say "Twitter is the gutter of humanity where our mental degradation is amplified."
TikTok takes that to a whole new level.
📠
have u not been in reddit? 4chan, facebook or redpill yt? holy hell....
Tiktok is the storm drain that collects all the runoff from the gutters
I was a fat person and I was definitely lazy. When I got off my ass and worked hard and lost weight I felt light and more energetic and yes found love! I also tried to find a lot of reasons of why no one was attracted to me… it was all bullsh*t
In the end a high amount of SMV could give us higher chances to win in dating
Well done for loosing weight and living a healthy active life. I'm very proud of you.
I'm amazed that she was able to keep a straight face when watching each of these videos.
Ikr she looked like she wanted to roll her eyes at some of em haha
It's so refreshing to hear someone explain all this so calmly and reasonably. I've been demonized for rejecting advances by trans men, and I'm left wondering when it stopped being okay for me to consent of who I will/won't spend my time with and be intimate with. It's so frustrating and I feel like I'm the crazy one sometimes and it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one confused by all this. I'm cool being friends with anyone from any group if we get along and have things in common. But dating is *meant* to be selective and idk why it became -ist or -phobic to have certain preferences... Like can we not go down this route? Please?
then what's your preferences in a guy ? Tall or small ? Muscular or skinny ? Black or white ?
@@jean5605 Kind of in a weird place with that actually xD I have my preferences visually speaking, but honestly, a guy who matches the picture is bonus points once I am already into him at best, it was always going to be character that mattered most to me though (and I can proudly say I stuck to that xD)
I like a guy taller than me. Somewhat athletic build, fair skin, dark hair but on the longer/messier side, literally any eye color that isn't a plain brown color... My fiance, however, is almost none of these xD The exact person in terms of character that I was looking for and I love him to pieces, but also not the kind of guy I thought I was going to be with if that makes sense
@@jean5605 I would assume (and I could be wrong) that one of her preferences for a man is that he’s biologically a man. Nothing wrong with that.
@Ana Luisa same. Or a trans man. The chemistry isn’t there, plus I don’t date misogynists.
I think sometimes preferences, be it to desire or avoid can come from a prejudice. (Such as how black women are demonized and Latina & Asian women are fetishized).
But in concerns of preferences to avoid, I'm pretty sure the person with the preference and the person that isn't their preference want to avoid eachother for reasons I assume to be obvious. If a guy doesn't wanna date black girls why the fuck should I try to hit him up anyway????
They should keep dating preferences in apps because it helps you avoid THOSE kinds of people (those who either dislike you or would fetishize)
It's always easier to filter through people when they wave their red flags
This exactly. Also I love your profile picture
Yess and I agree
The statistics are clear. The overwhelming majority of men want a female to bear children, with a low body count, who is friendly, fit, and feminine.
You can try and vilify each of these in turn but you will find rational arguments for each that ARE NOT based in ANYTHING but logic and statistics.
@@n8_is_gr8 sounds kinda insecure
@@beastyboy101bo Omg burn. 😅 Got em'.
Preference is completely okay as long as you do not hate on people you are not attracted to and still treat them respectfully. I'm 22 and have never dated someone. I know that the people around me do not see me as attractive and that's completely fine. Aside from being asexual, I also only ever had one crush. I've only ever been asked out once. It was man who I saw sometimes on my way to university. I declined the offer (because of my preference) and he still treated me respectfully. When we see each other on my way to uni, we give a small nod to one another as a greeting. There is nothing wrong with all of this.
Preference is Preference and as long as you do not treat people like shit who do not meet your criteria you are fine.
@@TOM-TOM-TOM well the thing is in my case, as an Asexual, I do not really find anyone attractive. My preference in this case was based on the persons age. I'm in my early 20s while he was somewhere in his 30's, which I personally think is too much of a age gap for me
Your channel is really bringing forth important discussions which, in today's world it has been near impossible. I'm a liberal, but I have to agree that many people who are self proclaimed liberal end up not actually practicing liberalism. They are unable to listen and to understand. people have such strong beliefs that there are few aspects that discern them from the religious fanatics. Common sense is being hit hard these days just to not hurt the feelings of the few. And the conservatives look at the liberals and say we are all insane.
traditional (almost arranged!) marriage was an agreement between 2 men. the sexual revolution complicated and confused everyone. liberalism needs to be constantly propped up. civilization was a compromise on both men and women's sexual strategy (women settling down early, and men caring for women in older age, men being monogmous and women not playing the field) but it also harnesses male energy to build and maintain civilization. now men don't feel they owe women anything and neither do women = civ collapse. In the same way taxation without representation is tyranny, you can't force men at gunpoint to support women they're not having sex with. see how easily this whole thing comes crashing down?
real
Exactly! I am conservative but I understand that there's a huge difference between people who want a different type of government over another and people who are always loudly preaching about different inherently bigoted issues with society. Where I live I find a lot of those people just are parroting stuff they heard in school (I'm 19 so a lot of my friends are in high school or college), but they don't really understand the issues or have their own formed opinions about them. I find those people difficult to be around at times, but I see nothing wrong with people like you who actually ARE liberals and do their research and have formed their own educated opinions. Those people I respect and enjoy spending time with.
“I am opened to hearing the perspectives of other people, bc they might have some points I’ve not considered”
That open mindedness you just displayed got me to subscribe. Very refreshing to hear
"Keep your children off of TicTok" Sounds logically reasonable to me.....
And that open-mindedness made me want to off myself after hearing that Asian woman speak 🤪
@@lowkeyalien6477 kids shouldn't be on social media period
It’s sad to celebrate such a thing when it should be normal (but yea, i agree)
I'd like to add my personal experience to the "preference of races" conversation. I am from Central-Eastern Europe. It is basically an all-white population that surrounds me and I grew up in that environment. At first, I felt that I was attracted to people who are similar to me because those are the features I got used to seeing in my whole life. It happened throughout the years of watching content from all kinds of people across the world thanks to the internet that my preferences have changed, or more like widened. The more I saw of people the more I felt familiar with different features and so I found myself basically not having a preference anymore, my focus shifted to very different areas. Attraction comes naturally, one can't control it even if it was partly conditioned in our earlier years in some cases. Also, it changes like people change all the time.
You're taking about natural attraction to those who've provided and protected and loved you as you were raised . There shouldn't be any reason to look outside your immediate community for a date .
In the case of having a preference either looks height or race , but those who would be chosen are too smug .maybe not ambitious enough or independent . Too emotional , who cry to get their own way .Then you travel go to college or work and meet people with more grown up priorities and that's the main good reasons for leaving your comfort zone .I hate political correctness and the entitled ness of certain women , who use a birthday or astrology to manipulate the date in their favour .
Well said 👏 👌
I think most of us are like that. Since I grew up and live in Brazil I'd say my selection is pretty wide already since most people here are mixed.
@@prettyfirefly1011 that wasn't natural occurrence though sorry to say .It was government eugenics .10 million yt foreigners from Israel Russia and wartorn Europe were given paid travel , a free cruise and citizenship upon arrival between 1890-1930 .
BEST COMMENT
Ironically, the things they push for is bigoted to anyone who isn't wholeheartedly pansexual. And even then, they expect you to have equally-divided energy in every preference like slices of pie.
There's a huge difference between seeing someone as outright inferior because of their unchangeable feature versus having preferences in dating. Besides, why would you want to date someone who isn't likely to like you back?
I think I've seen enough 'not smart' social media post that when I watch your videos is like a relief of fresh air that people like you exist
fr
That girl's video on genital preferences reminded me of the time "super straight" was a thing on tiktok 😅 which was just hilarious to me. The truth is some people wouldn't be able to date a trans person and they is nothing wrong with that at all 🤷♂️ that does not mean they hate trans people or think they shouldn't exist🤦🏽
Exactly. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to date a trans person. Transidentidy is complex, it's a whole lot to understand and unpack and there are a lot of other things at stake like attraction in itself. Most trans people I've met or heard from agree with that statement.
Although I think super straight was a dumb thing because making up a sexuality just to say you don't feel like dating trans people is weird, it would be like saying you're skinnysexual or something like that.
Fr, no one should be prying into your sexual preferences anyways, let alone attacking you for them lol
As someone who is trans, I agree. However, the super straight thing was super weird and Lowkey kinda transphobic cause they made a whole sexuality about it. Though, having a genital preference is not bad.
@@JJ.23 im really curios, how is it tphobic if they make a sexuality out of having a non trans preference? Its like when Lesbians say they only like women isnt it? I really font mean to offend.
@@idontreallyknowagoodname4191 oh sorry I wasn't talking about preferences in of itself that isn't transphobic at all. It's just saying you're super straight that is.
These videos are therapy to me. If it weren't for people like you, I'd begin to think that it's socially unacceptable to follow common sense.
Fr it’s truly beginning to feel that way these days T^T
As of 2022 it kind of is socially unacceptable, but it’s important to fight
These videos make me disgusted with the freaks she’s analysing. I appreciate her for the sane take on their stupidity. But Something tells me these morons will eventually run her out of town. That is the scary part. Saying what she says is now socially unacceptable and in some cases it’s deemed criminal and could land someone in prison. We as a society are only two steps away from being North Korea.
Not wanting to date someone is fine. But telling someone that they need to change or making fun of someone, because you dont want to date them is rude.
"if you dont like your outcomes you need to change your actions so that you can have better outcomes'' love this
Absolutely agree with everything you said. Attraction comes down to biology which is out of our control.
You cannot expect to date a supermodel if you aren't exactly the model type yourself. it's unrealistic to expect your partner to be the partner of your dreams meanwhile you refuse to be the same for them.
I’m all about bringing equalness to a relationship, giving and receiving.
However i don’t quite agree with your statement. In the form of attraction, that a different subject to expectation.
If you are insecure of a super model but wanna date them, chances are your insecurity will stop you from approaching them.
But if you’re confident, you probably can get what you want and desire. Of course If they don’t like you, different story. But shooting your shot should never be hindered based on the status of someone.
Most super models don’t date very good looking partners, OR average looking people. There are plenty of relationship where one person looks hot, the other doesn’t. Super models don’t dare just super models.
Even Ariana grande married a broker. Imagine if he was so insecure saying ‘I’m just a broker, i can’t get her’. Well, shoot your shot.
And If you know the law of attraction and those practicing it, i know some people in real life close to me that did, they got the people of their dreams. They first worked on their self concept, meaning, feeling deserving of the what they want, and got it. No lie, no kidding, no BS. Search it up.
If you limit yourself saying, I’m average, i deserve average, well… you get average.
@@EggEnjoyer 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
@@EggEnjoyer yeah, i do think it depends on a lot of things in a persons life. how they are raised and just stuff that happen throughout the person's life. although, i would say most of the things develop early on. and then just might take time to discover it. its not 100% biological as it is not 100% societal.
@@EggEnjoyer it actually goes further back than that. Pale skin (relative) was a marker of a high social status for centuries because it meant you weren't out working the fields. That's how many different cultures first got the status quo that white/paler skin was attractive or a marker of success/wealth. That same sentiment has been carried into the modern day in many of these cultures even though the original reasoning behind it is no longer valid.
@CrunchyWolf no wtf are you on? I'm Asian and I can say that's how Asian cultures got a sense of pale skin = good, it has been a thing since long before colonization. Europeans is quite actually opposite they perfer to tan themselves, that's why you see Asians with an umbrella in the sun while white people go to the beach.
The world needs more open discussion like this. No bias, no judgements, just good ol' critical thinking. Great videos, keep up the good work
I love your take on all of this. I feel like I'm going crazy with all this stuff. Is there discrimination if you're not attracted to a person who has poor body hygiene or someone who is a serial cheater. It's insane
I definitely think representation plays a small role in shaping who some people are attracted to though. Like if the only black people you're exposed to are from maury and big momma's house you might subconsciously assign certain traits to them in your head. Like before Korean dramas and Kpop music took off globally it seemed the common view of Asian men were, dweeby, unmasculine, docile, etc.
It has played a role in the beauty standards that we try to copy. not what we find attractive. A woman went to different cultures and spoke to men and also looked at art from thousands of years ago and they found that mens physical preferences have never changed. The beauty industry is mainly run by gay men and women so what we see represented isn't what ordinary straight men find attractive.
The media has affected women's preferences though. But not mens.
@@lucyhuiii may i ask what were the preferences that the men were finding attractive
@@morganjanaeee they found that men have always been attracted to slim women with an hour glass ish type body. Not an exagerated one like what we see nowadays on Instagram but a more natural, subtle one, with large breasts and a round bum. They also found that men like women with a normal body fat % so they don't care about abs or or muscle tone as much as we think they do.
@@lucyhuiii I think that big bums and lips were not popular until Kim k though. People were teased for that. And there are some places that men prefer more thicker women, and places where they prefer very thin.
I’ve ranted to friends about this in the past, glad you talked about it. There are lines between having preferences and being discriminatory. What someone finds attractive is highly subjective, so there is nothing wrong with having preferences if you aren’t a garbage person to those you may not prefer. Social media has become a disease, especially for those who spend way too much time on one and don’t use their brains. Preferences are natural, just be a good person to everyone, even if they aren’t potential romantic partners.
I think not dating a black woman even though you’re attracted to her, because she is black is discriminatory. But not dating a black woman because you aren’t attracted to her is preference. I think that’s the difference ppl are missing.
Did you people go to public school?
Picking ANYTHING over another thing for any reason is discrimination. All preferences are discrimination. If you have any reason at all for choosing one thing over another, that's discrimination.
Discrimination is GOOD. I discriminate against drinking bleach and choose water instead. I discriminate against making $10 an hour to make $25 instead. Even racial discrimination is perfectly okay so long as it isn't the government doing it.
God damn, learn fucking English.
@@bobjohnson1633 Did you even make it to school?
I remember on tik tok some girl was asking a question for guys on why they don’t wanna date or marry a stripper. One guy answered that he doesn’t want to wife them because he’s not comfortable with his woman being touched or showing her ass to other men. He said there’s nothing wrong with strippers. He repeated that it’s him personally why he won’t date one. Then a girl stitch his tik tok and started to get mad at him and she didn’t make sense. I defended him but I got cursed out by her followers 😅
Wow…😅 that’s disappointing… I am a woman, and no hate to strippers, but I can see where that guy is coming from. Also, that realm, to include sex work, can be potentially very dangerous for women…
@@Blakmagic88 I had to go look for that video again to see what the hell she was saying and it’s on UA-cam and a lot of people were calling her out
if the girl is ok with dating gigolos and strippers then she do it, why expect others to do it? I myself wont date cops/soldiers/race car drivers/deep sea delvers/ etc etc because I have preference of men not dying early.
"Next time you see someone and think: wow, that booty fat, remember that is a political statement" Loved this hahaha
Phat 😉
You are fast becoming one of my fave UA-camrs. I'm so glad to see other people around my age group who have retained their critical thinking.
Dating, at it's very core, is discriminatory. The opposite of it, as you very correctly said, is allowing anyone who demands it access to your body. I've been saying this for so long. It also makes a mockery of being gay or lesbian (or whisper it, heterosexual). I have heard so many gay and lesbians being forced and shamed into wanting to date a trans with the genitals they don't like. Like how the hell did we get here? You have transwomen trying to shame straight men into wanting to sleep with them. Seriously, how the hell did we get here?
Actually I know how we got here sadly and I wish more people would have realised sooner.
“You’re not entitled to attraction” 😮 well said
The reason why you're getting so many subs right now is because you know how to articulate yourself in a way that doesn't sound like you're giving your opinion but just an unbias opinion and that's great for getting people to listen to you even if they don't necessarily agree with you. We need more culture/political mixed content like this!
You are brutally honest and not only do I really appreciate it, but I really admire it. Thank you for a great video!
I think what a lot of people are trying to say is that many preferences are formed by societal expectation. At the very least, don’t degrade others who fall outside of your preference, and everyone will probably be happier as a result
FACTS!
Yes exactly. Don’t make it out be like your preferences should also be the standard. Thank you!
I think attraction boils down to familiarity. You tend to not go date someone completely outside of your bubble. This is not just with whatever interests you have, but also skin color, religion, body type, etc. If you live in a predominantly white area with a white family and white friends, it'd be very likely you end up with a white person. I don't think there's any shame in that, and that's coming from somebody who is dating a black girl. I don't really care if my white friends tell me they wouldn't date a black girl, considering the way they live it only makes sense.
Ppl are too obsessed with race talk. I am Nigerian and I find constant race talk annoying. May be because I grew up there. Just date who you like and let everyone else have their peace
@333life how come?
idk it depends on how u word it. if your friends came and said “i wouldn’t date a black girl” or “i don’t find black girls attractive” it would lowkey sound sketchy. However preferring to date your race is totally valid, saying that u wouldnt date a specific race does sound questionable in my opinion because you haven’t met every person from that race so it can sound bad.
To a certain exent
@@mercuriology45 facts.
Race fetishization definitely exist, but sometimes the line can be blurry. I definitely agree with you on the fact that people have appearence preferences and that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with the person's race. The thing is that most people won't think anything if a person is dating an attractive person of their own ethnicity. If they date someone attractive outside of their ethnicity, though, they get accused of racial fetishization quite easily. That's because most people won't quiestion that the love between people of the same ethnicity isn't just surface level deep. But tend to easily assume that if the person is of different ethnicity, it's just based on looks. There is a difference between liking certain features on a person and liking the idea of that person. Usually people with race fetish seem to have very stereotypical views on certain ethnicities. Of course, if you date someone just based on their looks it's always kinda dodgey. For some people it's important to realise that they can't assume anything about a person based on their appearence and they should know the difference between a shallow crush and actual love before getting into a relationship. I hope that this makes sense :). And obviously I'm not a professional, but this is the opinion I have formed.
The question is - how much of the stereotypes about different ethnicities true? Coz its seems its a lot. And some are based on biology and others on culture. Like - Its a lot more likely to get a tall black guy than asian. And if you if you want more passionate and fiery gf - going after a latina is natural. It doesnt mean that all latinas are like that, but your chances are pretty much higher.
As I remember, at the beginning of 20th century, it was highly forbidden for white women to date black men cause it was considered as "degrading white race". If a black man even dared to talk romantically with a white woman, he would be very much punished and sent to prison as "a sex predator". And the fate of white women who dated black men were not better. They were raped/murdered for "being an inkpot" and "degrading white race".
In my country, the 90% of population is predominantly white. No one even minds here if the white man dates a woman of other race, it's even considered by our white men as "a priviledge to have such exotic woman". But when our white woman dates a man not from her race (and even worse, a foreigner), men on the Internet will throw poops at her like buttmonkeys, screaming slurs like "inkpot" (yes, it's our derogatory term for white women dating foreigners, cause "these bitches spoil our gene pool"), "whore" etc. and in worst cases, stalk her, commit hate crimes to her and doxx her. When USSR fell and the borders were opened, the nationalism and racism highly raised in our country. Imagine if a woman of my nationality dare to openly say on the Internet she prefers to date more Central Asian men than our white men, whoo boy, it will be a very hot debate.
No one spoils other "gene pools", it's a very stupid and anti-scientific logic. Double standards are bullshit. No one has a right to shame someone for their preferences in dating only because they have opposite views on same things.
@@alexforce9 yes, height matters with race. asian people tend to be more petite/shorter. (i'm asian) but- there is no science behind hispanic women being more passionate/fiery... that's literally a stereotype which contributes to hispanic women being sexualized/fetishized. being passionate and fiery are personality traits. they are simply words to describe who you are. it has nothing to do with race.
@user-cw1bp9fj2e a fetish is a form of sexual want or desire. racial fetishes are based on stereotypes. like how asian women are pictured to be very submissive, how hispanic women are more fiery, etc. there is a difference between a fetish and a preference. a question you need to ask yourself is, "why and how do i find these different races more attractive?". it really depends on what you like and what the situation is.
@1 2 fetishizing includes being attracted to somebody excluding their sexual organs so by definition if you are, let's say straight male, and date a black girl you are fetishizing only if the sole reason of you dating her is her race. So preferences are largely different than a fetish and you definitely only have a preference, just like most of us do.
I just found your channel today. It is refreshing to hear a reasoned, articulate, and calm discussion of sensitive issues absent the usual rancor we must often endure. It's the kindness, really - so yeah I have subscribed. 🙂
I followed you on Instagram which I never go the extra effort to do for youtubers because you're such a breath of fresh air. We need more people brave enough to speak these truths out loud.
would you date a black guy ?
Those against “preferences” seem to usually be the type who willfully made themselves unattractive (physical and/or personality) or limited themselves to a smaller pool of people who might be attracted.
Relationships are mutual. Immature people think they can be totally self-centered and still be viable as a partner. You can improve yourself and become someone that is easy to love. That’s a positive. It means there is hope.
Thank you for being a sane, rational human on the internet.❤
Bright, young, and using common sense thinking…. We need millions more of you
a huge part not talked about is culture. Many of us have different cultures or religions and would rather find someone who share those values instead of someone who thinks the opposite. In some religions, the spouse must convert so they can wed. So yes, it is important to have preferences to make sure your partner and you both stay true to yourselves. And culture-wise, people want to be understood and continue traditions. I have dated outside my culture and find it difficult at times to be understood and for my culture to be appreciated. Additionally, if you are someone who is attractive, it can be overwhelming to have so many options. Of course you will have a filter system and standards to narrow down your choices. If one person spends a lot of time in the gym of course they will prefer someone who puts in the same effort. As for the intimate parts, many people date to marry and have children. Some of those people in that community are unable to give that to them. My personal advice to people having questions or trouble with these things is to see a therapist. Most Tiktokers do not have the correct information and are speaking out of speculation
VERY well written. 🙂
Got tbh... I will never date religious again. He tried to convince me that I was stupid for believing dinosaurs used to walk the earth.
I have always been an equal opportunity dater but over time, you realize some peoples faiths (and some cultures) are deeply incompatible with your life and goals. Folks who try to pressure folks with false accusations of phobias, racism etc can kick rocks.
I love that you brought up 'personality'! I feel like people are too focused on appearances these days... you know, with how dating apps tend to be centered on appearances (there might be some other information in the profiles of their users, but, let's face it, appearance and preferences play a big role in determining who you want to date in these apps). I feel like a person can be as attracted to another person of their preference all they want, but the fate of their relationship will still be determined by their personalities and how they connect. I think people are starting to forget that relationships are, well, relationships... they're connections that you build together-not just appearances and preferences... and that's why some people are getting bitter about anything that they feel don't benefit them... but that's just me.
thank you Xina
i’m 21, never dated anyone but constantly had some guilt about having dating preferences..
this video really clarified my feelings and thoughts thank you 👍
@1 2 Why don't you like white guys?
I’m fat and I got rejected by a fat girl for my weight. A year later I was dating a thin girl and the girl who rejected me told me I only like her because she’s skinny.
I love that Patience! 'I do not consent' as a response is perfect! Love your videos! ❤️
Amen ♥You are not entitled to my body or time.
I’m a simple guy. Patience uploads, I give it a view.
Same, bro. 👍
Agreed!
As simple as 1, 2, 3.1415926535897932384.
her accent is so fucking hot
I think this sentence is so important “we can’t change what we are attracted to”. I’m a woman and have a good male friend, he is a great human being and I value him as a good friend, but nothing more. I often wished I could fall in love with him or at least find him attractive, (and friends and family wish that as well), but that’s just not something I can force.
as a "fat" person, i don't blame people who want someone healthier. it's based on health and if working out is super important to them, they should be with someone who cares about the same things
For real tho; some people want to date a person who when they climb the stairs, aren't terminally winded 😹 like gee, that's not discrimination in the way they feel; that's just cos life is too short to get beat up by a flight of steps on the daily.
Love your take! I'd also be interested to hear your thoughts on how this applies specifically to the black men who loudly announce that they don't want to date/marry any black women at all. To me that's the one example that comes off more as negatively discriminatory rather than simply being a natural preference
She did say in the video that she doesn't care, but she disagrees with people feeling the need to put people down and annouce that they think certain people are unattractive.
@@lucyhuiii agree, at the end of the day these aren’t guys whose attention is worth seeking anyway
@@scarletmelodie7 exactly! It's not even worth getting upset over tbh.
I just ignore them and date outside my race. They’re irrelevant
I like living in a society where judgmental assholes can freely express how much of an asshole they are. It may not be nice to listen to but now we know exactly who to avoid, haha
It’s so true how the newer generation is becoming super duper entitled. In the early 2000s when there was a joke on TV about an old geezer complaining about how young people are too soft and entitled, I didn’t get it! But now???? It’s TOO TRUE 😢
There's a reason dating apps have photos if people didn't have any "preferences" they would just date anyone and that has never been the case and it's totally natural
When I took an anthropology of sex and sexuality class, one of the talking points was a culture where it was sexy to be fat. These people on the whole didn't have stable access to food. Showing you had enough excess to keep weight on meant you might be a good provider. I think as with most things there is both a biological and environmental factor.
I have a friend in germany who told me that they have to pay to bring their leftovers home from a restaurant. They consider it gluttonous that you ordered more food than you could eat, and you're penalized financially and socially for that. I'd love to share that with anyone who complained about "fat-shaming"