The Shame of ADHD
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and Meditation, and now Trauma!
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Comprehensive mental health resources here: explore.healthygamer.gg/menta...
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Having ADHD feels like not having root/admin privileges to your brain
That’s so true, lol 😭
💯😭😭😭
I got that reference
Spotted the linux user cus you mentioned root first loll
I love Dr. K, but a 3 hour stream on ADHD is ironic
lol. For me I can easily listen to hours long videos that I’m interested in on UA-cam like this one, but I struggled so bad to pay attention in any of my classes.
I watch his stuff while doing other things like cleaning, playing video games, or sometimes even during cardio so I can digest the info while still being productive.
@@myownfreemind6627 For sure, I do the same, but 3 hours is daunting...especially compared to his shorts. lol
It's only 2 hours actually
@@minininja8923EVERYONE CAN PAY BETTER ATTENTION TO STUFF THAT HE IS INTEREST IN INSTEAD OF STUFF TAHT YOU DONT CARE ABOUT. ITS NOT AN ADHD THING
"mom would be sad" is a phrase that we hear in our minds that prevents us from suicide. So when it says mom would be sad, that means feeling suicidal but not following through on it
Damn, you made me cry. I guess this phrase is the only reason why I am alive... maybe also "doggo would be sad".
The sole reason I'm still alive is because I promised my mother I wouldn't harm myself.
The Swedish military proverb "Everything takes twice as long as you think, and nothing takes less than an hour" has been useful for me to more accurately estimate how much time I need for things. And the added "if I think it'll take an hour, four hours is more likely correct".
Lol love it
Being called gifted as a child and then not achieving anything makes me think my life is a waste. Always thinking about ending it but cant even get up do THAT 😪
I feel you, way too much.
I hope you can find a way to no longer being suicidal anymore with the right life changes, therapy, building a supportive network of friends etc etc.
You're not a waste, man. You're a person and is enough to deserve a life of happiness, content, and meaning. Don't worry about achieving the goalposts people prop up for you, it will never be enough. Find your own purpose and progress. Take care of yourself above all, you got this man :)
Talk to a professional. The right one will immediately help you and give you some hope. I was in your shoes only a year ago, and this week I have recovered enough to start my first job in 5 years!
You are achieving being you. You are doing it perfectly, and being YOU is what you were put here to do.
If you are struggling, please talk to a professional. I would say that you should talk to family or friends as well, but family and friends sometimes say the wrong the thing or struggle to understand. You should talk to the people you love, but ALSO talk to a professional.
Intro & Disclaimer: 06:32
Mental Health Awareness Month: 07:12
Community Events (Hackathon & Creative Jam): 11:16
Trauma Module: 14:19
Book Recommendation: 18:43
*ADHD Discussion:*
ADHD Self-Doubt & Shame: 23:23
- The Impact of Effort-Based Diagnosis: 23:56
- ADHD and Depression: 24:53
- Underdiagnosis and Overdiagnosis of ADHD: 28:44
- The Damaging Effects of Mistaken Blame: 31:21
- Learned Helplessness and Internalized Shame: 32:55
- Relatability and the Shame Complex: 44:50
Undiagnosed ADHD & Time Blindness: 52:20
- Barkley's Model of ADHD: 52:57
- Nonverbal Working Memory Deficits: 57:19
- Time Perception Issues: 1:00:40
- Impact on Executive Functioning: 1:03:04
- Perseveration and Working Memory: 1:05:25
- The Role of Video Games in ADHD: 1:06:03
- Time Blindness and Estimation Difficulties: 1:07:26
ADHD and Emotional Regulation: 1:18:25
- Arousal Control Deficits: 1:19:40
- Affective Dysregulation: 1:20:55
Verbal Working Memory & ADHD: 1:23:50
- Deficits and Their Impact: 1:23:50
- The Power of Articulation and Narrative: 1:27:01
Addressing ADHD: 1:36:54
- Importance of Articulation and Self-Questioning: 1:36:54
- Compensatory Mechanisms and Prosthetic Brain: 1:40:19
- Addressing Shame and Misconceptions: 1:44:04
ADHD in Society: 1:44:29
- Rising ADHD Diagnoses: 1:44:29
- The Role of Technology: 1:46:17
- Parental Age and Neurodiversity: 1:51:33
Laziness and ADHD: 1:52:16
- Redefining Laziness: 1:52:16
- Conscientiousness, Time Management, and Effort Regulation: 1:53:54
- Procrastination and Time Blindness: 1:56:30
*Q&A with Kruti:* 2:04:52
- Trauma Guide Production: 2:13:59
- Supporting Healthy Gamer: 2:21:29
- Future Guides & Topics: 2:26:57
- Financial Health & Mental Health: 2:40:38
- Regional Pricing: 2:46:13
- Coach Recruitment: 2:50:20
- Tondor Oven Update: 2:55:30
- Retreats and Conferences: 2:54:58
*Closing Remarks (Dr. K):* 3:05:50
Thank you!
Thx :]
As always
The most useful comment under every dr k live stream
If I could give you 20 thumbs up, I would. Good job dude.
Thanks!!!!
I'm 40 and just got diagnosed a year ago. It seems so tragic. The first two hours totally call me out and almost completely described me by name, date of birth, SSN, my mother's maiden name, my first pet, the street I grew up on, my middle name, my father's middle name, my first friend's name, my favorite color, my favorite food, my favorite color, my biometric data, my favorite MTG card, my favorite sports team, the first song I learned to play on an instrument, and the name of my first crush. What the fck?
Please don't be me. Please don't. If anything in this video makes sense please help yourself. Please. Say no to everyone in your life who doesn't believe you and stand up for yourself and be defiant until the end. There's no shame, guilt, or any punishments anyone can do to you that are worse than you not being yourself and living a life of shame and regret. If you wind up kicked out of school, homeless, in jail, in debt, abused, and even disowned and left with nothing that's better than not being yourself, taking control of your life, standing up for yourself, or doing good things for yourself, your mental health, your wellbeing, and your future.
There's a point where your parents, friends, teachers, and anyone else don't know what's best for you anymore. It comes way earlier than you think. Don't let anyone put their hopes and dreams on you. Don't conform to any type of life especially if you don't choose it for yourself. They don't live your life, you do.
I don't want to be 40. I wish I knew all this when I was 21. When I was 21 I wanted to be 10 again even knowing now that I didn't know or understand anything when I was 21. I regret, I feel shame, I feel guilt. I hate MYSELF. People I love to death, need in my life, and trusted with everything see me now and... It's hard to feel those things and know it was me being passive. Don't live for other people, they'll keep living either way. Their feelings are just subjective opinions.
Do something no one else has ever done before. Get help! No one does that! When someone says, "Really? I thought you would..." or "I never thought you would ever do or be into..." or "That's just not like you" that's their own copium. That's their immaturity. They've always done to themselves what you are doing to yourself now. Break out of that.
Don't protect yourself, create yourself. You have every right and anyone who's an obstacle or who tries to put feelings on you about your thoughts or actions is an obstacle that you NEED to walk past and leave behind. Afterwards, you have to be acknowledged. Whoever clings to the past and tries to give you "You're not the child, or whatever man/girl/boy/woman/person I knew" is just afraid that they're getting older and you are developing into who you're supposed to be. But, that's who you're supposed to be! They have some maturing to do, not you!
This world has no more rites of passage. If you do right by you that has to be respected, if not, you still have to be yourself.
This makes me really sad so I hope this helps someone.
I am 61 and was diagnosed yesterday. My marriage would have been happier if I had known earlier. And grad school wouldn't have been put off until I was 60. I have spent decades learning to adapt. I wish I had known earlier.
There is no help, no one will ever love me, I am out of hope
I hope U find hope in it, not just regret ❤ Bro you're 40, like.. I could date you. 😂🤷♀️ Thats not "old" You have such a long time to spent. Choose wisely my ADHD friend. 😊
@@davidcrawford9026that's your Ego!
Not YET!
Listen and learn, watch the last talk. I wish you the best ❤
@@valerierussell686729, recently diagnosed. My mom too, 61.
Just wish you the best. And 'unknown' greetings ❤
After watching this I’m genuinely shocked, people exist who can just CHOOSE what to focus on? Like just say “I will work on this until I decide not to consciously”… I’d have a PHD if I could do that,
I just bawled my eyes out watching this because I have been working really hard to get into med school (I am currently in community college) and today i just heard from my family that due to how I "am" it will never be possible. I've never lived up to others expectations and I've never felt good enough but I know that I am trying
I’m in pretty much the same boat here, a psych student working really hard to take care of myself and achieve in school at the same time. it’s so tough for me because it’s hard to trust myself, but i’m making so much good progress by utilizing tools (I love Notion it’s been a game changer) and In the last few months, I went from a 2.0 to a 3.0 GPA, quit vaping, got a job, and now im working on implementing habits (basic hygiene stuff like brushing my teeth, skincare routine, drinking water, getting exercise, eating healthy) which is still tough and a process, tbh the only things ive gotten down completely are the skincare and teeth routine and minor improvements in my diet, but regardless a year ago i never would have thought that improving like this would be possible, especially unmedicated. Your efforts will pay off, just please remember to be kind to yourself. It can be hard especially if you have depression as well, but every step is valuable, every time you push yourself out of your comfort zone and try to do positive things for yourself, thats huge. In regard to being in college, We belong here 100%! both of us have extremely useful perspectives in our respective industries. Your parents are simply factually incorrect
You are doing good, better than I did. I dropped out, keep at it and screw them
@@levana2269 Thank you so much you are very sweet♡ I am medicated which has helped inmensely but that lasts a couple of hours and isn't an ultimate "cure".
About improving, for me what is very difficult is to manintain those new habits for more thank like a couple of weeks. One little change in my life or mental health and they are gone and it's back to square one :(
@@cassierbutler6073 Dropping out ≠ doing better or worse. I hope wherever we end up that we can find peace and happiness!!
One thing i always considered a blessing with our "small RAM" is i cant hold even traumatic events in my active memory for long, so that really helps to move forward in life. Of course that also applies to "good memories" so thats little sad, but you know. We have to appretiate the little things.
I wish this was true for me. I got a panic attack from a noise that I thought was someone saying something in a specific way yesterday, over a year and a half after the original traumatic event.
Idk if that's really a blessing though fr bc like 2 of my childhood dogs died like kinda bsck to back over the beginning of the year and I literally don't feel shit about it, and that's not even getting into the swooth of other stuff that's happened over the years. But yeah, I'm just trucking right along like ain't no difference was ever made. However, I feel like that ability to just keep moving forward comes with baggage that is just not immediately obvious
@@witherschatlong term memory isn't affected. And fearful stuff resurfaces. But of you know how to refocus to something relaxing (book, videogame, pet) then you woi live with that fear in the moment so much.
It’s actually a curse. The subconscious catalogs it and holds it and the memory challenges that keep you from accessing it keep you from processing it. This leads to things like dysautonomia and psychosomatic illness. eventually life will outpace your ability to function and you will reach total burnout. Dealing with it for a year and a half and it took me over a year and so many doctor’s visits to figure out what was going on. Finally sorting it after a few months in trauma therapy and I feel hopeful.
Heard we can't develop habits. This might be why :/
1hr 30min in when he said his patients say “I’m not a real person” really got me. I described it to my therapist as I am not really a person, I just look like one. I feel like a homunculus, an artificial recreation of a human body and mind but lacking a soul or driving force.
I don’t relate to this personally but it sounds painful. Hope this gets better for you
Meditation and just being alone with yourself helps. I remember saying to myself I don’t even know what I want I’m just trying to survive to my minds expectations. It helps to literally just let go and sit or lay down on your bed in the dark and just let your mind run its natural course for up to an hour at a time. Eventually over time you start reprograming yourself to cherish that self connection, and the cycle repeats. That was the initial step for me try it out
the time blindness is so real. I have trouble doing anything before set appointments. if im up at 9 and have an appointment at 3 nothing will get done in those 6 hours. how long does it take to shower? to go grocery shopping? to do laundry? no idea and since I dont want to be late to this appointment I won't do any of it.
I feel that, the wild part is that this just magically goes away with medication (at least for me). An hour actually feels like an hour regardless of what I’m doing
Dr. K: give me 5 minutes
*one hour left on the vod*
"Let's talk about time blindness y'all"
“Regular 5 minutes or Alok 5 minutes?” I felt that
came to comment this, so glad someone else did
"he's terrible at managing his own schedule"
I have this worry about literally everything. What if I just happen to have flaws that map themselves as ADHD, autistic, depressed, introverted, etc? How can I ever be sure any of these diagnoses are correct?
Same. I feel like a fraud everyday of my life. I've been looking for medical help for a while and I have the same fear as you
See a professional. It might help to write down symptoms you experience so you don't forget to mention 50% of them.
Depending on where you live there might be a massive waiting list to finally see a therapist, or it might be expensive, but it's 1000% worth it. You'll thank yourself later
At the end of the day your symptoms are what matter. The diagnoses are supposed to map to your symptoms, not the other way around. Person-centred therapy not therapy-centred person
Also watch the video at 42:20 dr k talks about this exact situation people find themselves in and how absurd it can be
I have Adhd and autism and it probably created the complex trauma that he mention in a recent video but I was still getting better watching the videos, going to the psychologist and taking the medication when I only knew I had Adhd, it was not complete progress but still progress. Also introversion is not a probem, is more a personality that can be good or bad depending in the context, around half of the population is introverted
I spent 32 years desperately trying to be neurotypical. I just can't. The world isn’t built for us
I’ll be 32 in July and I’m not optimistic that things will ever get easier. Optimistic enough to watch this, somehow, although the search for a “fix” itself feels more and more like an endless cycle of confirming and reconfirming my own hopelessness.
Yes. I've felt that "I don't belong here" meaning, this particular world, the rules in which it operates, almost my entire life. Started around when I had to start thinking of my future and the life ahead. Getting by day-to-day with no future burdens to deal with was easy. Having to decide the rest of my life, in general, was just something I couldn't do.
Turned 32 in Feb. I felt the same as you until I got medication for depression and anxiety that can also be used for adhd along with anxiety medication that also puts me to sleep. Finally been able to have a good couple years. Sometimes I'll run out of medication, and I'm reminded of how hard life used to be.
I'm not officially diagnosed with add or adhd because seeing a specialist in my country takes very long and is expensive.
@@CrocodileRay thanks
@1:19:00 I don’t think the “mom would be sad” refers to disappointment, it’s referring to the common last reason people don’t end their own lives, “but my parents would be sad”. I know, it’s dark but I think that’s what they mean there
Yeah, I think both interpretations kinda work.
Yeah, I just saw that and was about to comment this same thing. 😬
I can relate to this.
Dr K, I’d love to see you talk about the neuroscience and effect of non stimulant ADHD medication. I take Guanfacine because I have addictive tendencies and didn’t want a stimulant. It helps a ton but I find self research online about non stimulant effects very sparse. I’d love to learn more and hope I’m not the only one. Your videos have helped me more than therapy and I’d love to hear your take. Beyond grateful for you and all the work you do.
I’ve was diagnosed in my 20s and my family’s initial reaction is that I don’t have it and my problems will go away with time.
I had a stable upbringing and great grades, because everything felt easy. But also I had different social quirks (interrupting others, not being able to sit still, months of insomnia at a time, not being able to focus in a conversation if I’m not engaged, sensory issues, and more).
Once I was fully in charge of myself for the first time in college, I fell apart.
This led to my minor undiagnosed OCD becoming a monster that took over my every day life. I had all of these new intense fears and I didn’t understand how to control it. I irrationally believed I and others were constantly in danger and tried to control it through compulsions. My diagnosis and intervention through therapy saved me.
But I didn’t have the ability to talk about my ADHD beyond what someone on tik tok could say in 30 seconds. So I study discussions like yours to give me the tools to combat the imposter syndrome.
What actually solved my imposter syndrome? Working with students in SPED as a music therapist. I see myself in their quirks that we either address or accept, and there have even been moment when I have to satisfy a whistling compulsion and it makes my younger student giggle with me.
Diagnosed at 46 and have always underachieved despite being labeled "gifted" in elementary school. What a waste of a life.
Hey, I would really like to share something encouraging you to not think about your life as "wasted".
I know the passing of time is unstoppable and perhaps you feel as if you are now stuck with a life that you wish turned out different. Until recently at least, I was feeling that way, as well. I spent a lot of attention on the achievments of others, sometimes looking up the year of birth of someone I admire, or whose life I would love to emulate. If they were younger than me, I would feel extremely disheartened and regretful over my life choices, if they were older, I would delusionally use it as a boost to my self-esteem, thinking: "They were THAT old when they got to the life I would love to live. There is still time!"
They haunt me too, you know. The "glimpses" of the life I could have lived. I have convinced myself that my young adulthood has mounted up to nothing more than empty dreams, addiction cycles and meaningless stimulation. Footsteps planned, but never wandered.
But the truth that I found is that this pent up resentment that has slowly eroded my self-worth; has become just as much a blanket I could hide under, as any other stimulant I abused to free me from the responsibility of emotional self-regulation. I never wanted to identify as a victim, but resenting my life that much, what else could I see myself as? And then I started resenting that I had so much resentment for myself, cause deep down I knew it was a cop-out.
My point is this. To free oneself of deeply held convictions might arguably be the hardest thing anyone can do. But the fact that you describe your life as a "waste", the same as I did, means that there is a part of you that believes it deserves to be happy and I believe that part deserves to be heard without being shut down by the bully voice in our head that is just as scared. I have struggled with an intense period of derealization and the one thing I learned from that, which has changed my life forever is that there is NO PART of ourselves that truly wants to hurt us, that truly wants to see us fail. All the shit our minds do, that eventually end up hurting us, are only there because they want to protect us from discomfort and pain in the first place.
Now I can't speak for your life, and I genuinely mean well and hope you don't perceive this as condecending, but you are 46 my dude/lass, so what? At the end of the day, it is impossible for you to be behind in life, as you are and will be the only person to have ever walked your footsteps. And I genuinely believe that there is an astounding, unbelievably beautiful richness to your story that you can look back on and use to shape the adventure you want to have while you're still with us on this earth. All the shit, all the regretful decisions you made, the people you have loved and lost, they don't have to define you.
If you find some way to not live in regret, but acceptance, I believe you will find the energy and mental clarity to pave a path ahead that you will be proud of. I will say though, I believe to succed in that, you have to acknowledge that this will happen incrementally. No matter how dark and deep the forest, the only way to get out is by taking one step at a time.
I realize this is something I also need to tell myself, apologies, if it does not resonate with you in the same way.
I just believe in us. And that's a conviction I had to earn.
Not a watse of life. A waste of life if you choose death. You are very young and know that
Life begins at 40 so I've heard
As I've gotten older I've become more aware that our societies markers of success are trash. Calling my life a waste based on those markers of success is pointless. The only thing that matters is if I can find happiness or enjoyment in the moment. Chasing after society's idea of success and worth is stressful and not enjoyable.
Can we get AuDHD content ?? For those of us who have both autism + ADHD diagnoses, that would be awesome since the DSM didn't allow for dual diagnosis for so long... it's a blindspot/neglected area in the profession that you could hopefully help attend to and bridge some of the gap.
I'm really thankful for this channel. I'm 29 and suspect I have ADHD. I've had a rough upbringing and even rougher early adulthood that I think alot of was caused by ADHD. I can see how much farther I'd be in life if I had gotten diagnosed as a child. Unfortunately my parents were too busy fighting to worry about any of that. And on top of that my mom thinks ADHD/autism is fake. Even though it doesn't really matter what she thinks as I'm an adult, it still hurts and triggers me to hear that. Because in my mind, if it isn't ADHD than I'm just a shitty person and bad at everything. Some parents don't understand that they can still hurt their children when they're adults. Some of us just need to be believed.
I've been thinking about how people with adhd often have more intense emotions and higher levels of anxiety.
So, when you think about your mom, and her fear of adhd being fake, remember it might be driven by her own adhd.
And same for you with your anxieties. I was able to talk to my primary care physician about ADHD, get the quick in-office questionnaire and then start non stimulant meds. When straterra worked for me, I knew I had adhd, because straterra is only approved for adhd, nothing else.
And, because I have adhd, straterra helped massively with my anxiety.
This might not be the lath for you, but I mention it because it might be easier than pursuing a full diagnosis with your levels of anxiety.
You may not be that better off if you were diagnosed young, in fact you may have been better off without it. I got diagnosed when I was 12. Kaiser just threw a bunch of different heavy-dose ADHD meds at me, and they REALLY messed me up. Now I'm 24, still dealing with an eating disorder and a psychological disorder caused by these prescriptions.
Very comprehensive video on ADHD as well as the tools needed to fight it. From the calendar, extensive journaling, time blocking and pomodro for time blindness, med,... I've also developed my own similar variants by trial and error over 10 years, glad to know those were the correct adaptive mechanisms.
I have read so many ncbi articles and self-help books on ADHD but nothing beats this. Keep up the good fight Dr. Kanojia.
Do you journal emotional situations and did that help to create a connections?
An interview with Russell Barkley would be amazing as he is, as far as I am aware, one of the most published researchers on ADHD. Surprisingly, he has a youtube channel and uploads regularly. He reviews articles on ADHD and provides commentary, it is really interesting.
yes!!! agree 100%
This is a great idea!
This video helped put my ADHD in a better perspective. Shame and guilt is a driving factor with a good portion of my thoughts and a big reason for that is how other's thought and interacted with me throughout childhood. Students seeing my flaws assumed i was either unintelligent or plain weird which is nothing against them since we don't understand mental science at that age but it definitely impacts how we feel about ourselves and thus questions our own state of being.
Yeah, I had a teacher who I suspect had adhd in college and the students were brutal to him. I empathized because I knew I would be exactly the same if I had to teach
dr k and his wife are seriously the best thing ever they're so cute together omg
I have ADHD, and was diagnosed just recently after getting my PhD in math & computational bio. I got a bunch of honors and stuff but still secretly thought "but I don't know how to read b/c there's something wrong with me. I can't have ADHD if I have achieved!" So the flaw wasn't that I was unable to achieve, but that any achievement had to come at this severe price as a consequence of "Malicious motivation" (a phrase I got from Tamara Rosier's book). So I was taught that "being calm in life" was a fantasy.
What is this malicious motivation you are talking about? It is fear of dissapointment or arxiety as a coping mechanism?
Congratulations on the PhD! I'm writing up mine in an Arts/Humanities subject and it's actual torture trying to get to work each day and then stay focused.
That is absolutely, unequivocally, my FAVORITE episode of TNG. EVER. I teared up good the first time I watched it, the moment Picard turned around and yelled at the Cardassian. It really resonated something fierce with me, deep inside.
I've always had a REAL hard-on for fairness, and truth- to the point where it's kind of screwed things up for me. I've always felt my entire life like I've been fighting a sisyphean battle with the world, and internally I've always seen myself as a kind of, "broken toy." Think, the island of misfit toys from... I think the old Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer stop-motion cartoon. Just a defective little boy, who could never get it right. I still see that boy in me, quite a bit. In a lot of ways, I still *am* that boy.
I never thought it could be from growing up with ADHD. It makes sense though, in the same way that TNG episode did. The idea of it resonates; although I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe it's not true at all, maybe I'm making it up. Hell, I wouldn't even know what to do with an epiphany like that if it was one. Hard to turn a new leaf at 40. Still, it's good to know. At least I know why I like that episode of Star Trek so damn much now.
As a fan of this episode, you must remember that they actually had broken him at this point. He tells the councilor later that not only would have been willing to say there five lights until the others came in to release him, he actually says he saw 5 lights as well.
@@Austin-xx2nuRight? Good point man! I actually *did* forget that part lol. He indeed was broken, and through sheer force of will, or triumph, or maybe some sort of moral fortitude, stood in defiance. Gave that Cardassian a big "fuck you" and walked out under his own power like a G. Or maybe it was because in that moment, he realized his crew were alive, and coming for him, and that gave him the strength to rise back up like a boss.
I think I'm gonna hang out and watch that episode again. It's been a while, anyways. One of the downsides switching to streaming services I suppose, one never gets to appreciate the random chance of catching old, good, re-runs.
i have everything described except poor verbal working memory. i have really good verbal working memory i think in fact, which is why i use it as a crutch for all the other deficits i do have. my entire life revolves around words and numbers. it's why i have a job as a software engineer, why i did relatively well in school as it's all words and numbers for the most part, why i'm good with statistics and money and why i'm good at abstract and moral reasoning. if i didn't have that i would be truly screwed, but because i do i've been able to get by my entire life, even if i always felt on the verge of being found out or exposed as being an idiot. i can always talk and reason my way out of everything, for the most part, and can bring value to society through the things i'm actually good at.
I'm the exact same way - I got through most of my papers in undergrad by going to office hours and talking all my ideas out. It's been a problem in grad school because so often people assume that being able to talk it out = easily translating that to writing, when there are so many things to balance while writing that it's easily overwhelming
I have a great vocabulary for my level of education. However, when it is time to recall particular words while speaking to people, I am unable to bring them to mind. I know the word, but, I end up with this tip of my tongue problem constantly. What is frustrating is that I perceive people to think I am dumb and that my vocabulary is small, however, I just mix up the word because my sorting mechanism is faulty. Its not that I do not know the word I am searching for, it is that in the moment I cannot remember it.
same
Damn, ADHD really hits me hard, this felt like a 4 sec vid to me...
Now that I've seen the other comments on how this video bugged for a day this joke makes a lot more sense.
Fun fact, Dr Russell Barkley has his own UA-cam channel and does ADHD lectures similar to Dr K! He also does debunking videos on common misconceptions or debunks on influencer grifters who incorrectly talk about things like ‘it can be cured with your diet’ or ‘it’s just trauma’, etc
Dr Barkley has helped me a ton with his videos
Index:
26:00 how You start feeling that You are defected
38:00 believing that I have a flaw (I don't know what's wrong w me)
45:00 manifestations of shame
52:00 "tomorrow I will put my life together"
57:45 ADHD memory debuff
1:10:50 what TO DO about this?
1:18:35 Mood meter
1:23:50 poor verbal working memory
1:28:25 articulate feelings
(please add papers)
The problem with advice like this "articulate feelings". Is that when I tried to use the emotion wheel - I realised that I only feel bad emotions - overwhelm, tiredness, shame, judgement, stress, boredom, or rush.
What really helps me is doing constant breaks between tasks to move away from the problem (pomodoro with bigger breaks). And also trying to tell chatGPT to help me out by using it as a rubber duck debugging tool
I believe the question in the intro is a VALID question. There are many distinct factors that could cause symptoms that are similar to ADHD symptoms. It's important to get an accurate diagnosis from a professional instead of thinking you have ADHD shame when you don't.
Thank you for creating these videos and the modules. You're helping our family of four rise up from the mental health pit ashes now that we've realized we've really been struggling through ADHD/AuDHD and that neurodivergence has been what underlies our anxiety/depression and not the other way around.
The audio fading every time that graphic pops on the screen is incredibly distracting.
Is this how OBS works? There has to be a way to fix this.
@@ubertrashcat no, that's how his obs works
Agree, keeps making me think I got a notification
Yeah drives me absolutely nuts 🥜
@@HHH7756 I'm annoyed at those notifications, too, especially when I'm listening to something while driving, or if it obscured half of my GPS screen for a few seconds.
This one hit way too hard. Thank you for this detailed explanation of the downstream problems.
I'm sitting here, getting tears in my eyes with how relatable this all sounds and how so much is tied to shame.
I remember asking my therapist. "Hey can we maybe test if I have ADD? I seem to relate to many things and seem to have mostly friends that have ADHD."
We do a self-reporting test and I'm in the upper percentile.
Then she goes "Yeah ok, but why does a diagnosis matter to you? It wouldn't change anything and you're doing so well now anyway."
Now I wonder whether I was just so deeply ashamed by that comment to bring up the topic anymore and never pursue it from that point on..
My ADHD is so bad I had planned to play a specific game over the weekend and kept putting it off and forgetting until the weekend was over 😂
Hlo
Same. I cant even muster the will to do the things I LIKE to do
@@mka8915 plz tell me
Forgetfulness,leaving task uncompleted,
Not following curriculum,
Switching task,already suffering from anxiety disorder
,can't able to study but want to study,engage in task making,feeling hard to start work,shaking legs,
Knowing subject syllabus can be completed in 1 week but still procrastinate even if it's easy
ARE THEY ALL SIGNS OF ADHD?
@@army-st3dx Pretty much, yeah. I can relate to all of those and I just got my diagnosis a few weeks ago. You should definitely speak to a psychiatrist!
@@Dulcis90 how you feel after taking medication ?
Gosh I wish I was able to be here for the live stream to send a chat. I didn’t get diagnosed until after I graduated college. I sooo badly wish I was diagnosed earlier, but my mom didn’t believe in it and I was naturally good at test taking…had to wait til I was on my own insurance to go to a therapist who “discovered” that my anxiety issues were related to my brain being unable to filter thoughts. I actually cried the first time that I realized that I didn’t think like other people. The first time I took meds, my thought process finally felt like I could filter and think about things one at a time and not get sooo overwhelmed that I just freeze and panic
Congrats on graduating, I was diagnosed after being out of college for eight years. I didn't graduating unfortunately. With accommodations and meds I might have made it.
Plz help me
Dr. K, the bottom-up, break-it-down-systemically approach to the modules (and your teaching style in general) is so incredibly helpful in understanding myself and others and making breakthroughs. As humans we still need to do the work, *and* having mental frameworks for so many parts of my psyche that I wasn't taught about in school is *so* helpful and stacks up my drives in the direction of change, and that gives me confidence (which even helps me with making change in itself). Thank you so much for your resources, all of the knowledge and wisdom that you share, and the well-structured and intuitive ways you present them in.
Now European scientists in Sweden or somewhere found out that Artificial intelligence, is not very intelligent.
Sam Vaknin said few years ago something similar about AI.
They said it puts together wrong information about humans, all kinds of inaccurate information about humans and it looks like a strange mixture "mambo jumbo" nonsense
or like some strange caricature of information.
....But they found out AI has very strong "convincing" power....to aply this "mumbo jumbo" nonsense on people, probably through the screen.
They found out that Artificial intelligence is able to convince people about "it´s own" truth by 82 percent.
and as we know human brain can be very easily hypnotised or brainwashed by screens, some people can believe nonsense if they get soime "gift" or "prize for it"...like catfishing by AI probbaly.
Or if they dont practice metacognitive thinkling method, or meditation, thye are not immune to wrong info, if thyea llow it and dont iuse their own intuition and calm attitude.
So be careful what you read on internet and dont take it seriously, if some channel or article say to you some nonsense, it may be also result of AI "convincing" powers and strategies. Especially dont give these informations to little children or to teenagers who dont understand life and who need positive example.....especially about family values or men and women values etc.......because then we may became the caricature the artificial intelligence thinks about people., if small children will start to watch the nosnsese, because their memory needs normal hobbies and habits.
I love Russell Barkley, I was diagnosed with ADHD in early high school and it took me a long time to take it really seriously that it was in fact what was wrong with me, it took watching a lot of his content to unequivocally prove to myself that ADHD really is the problem.
I was diagnosed with adhd in elementary school. One thing I thought of when you mentioned time impairment reminded of something.
If I have to start getting ready for work at 3, be there by 4, then when 3 hits, I feel more compelled to continue doing that thing, whether it's guitar or games. It feels like I get this big rush when I'm in this stressed state of "I need to go, but I'm almost finished." It's like I'm thriving in that space of panic kinda.
SAME! It makes me so mad cause my brain also acts like it’s the last time I’m ever going to be able to do whatever it is that I’m doing… even though I know that is def not true
@@DevDawg323Wow, I think I felt the same way but never heard it articulated so well. I'm having chain epiphanies???
I'm in the same frickin boat man. Every day..my work is getting onto me. They keep saying "You live 10 minutes away, how are you always late?"
THIS
Preordered the trauma guide, first thing I’ve purchased from you, but I’ve been listening to your content for multiple hours a day (on average) over the past few months, so it’s about time I compensated you for it 😂
Thank you for all that you do! Your well-rounded perspective is refreshing!
I sure hope it works. Otherwise, this market and these products would be an even less moral version of those dating coaches that sell expensive courses to people desperate for a date. If doing this visibly generates a large amount of money and proves to be a significant market, then selling garbage to a desperate population is absolutely going to turn into the standard.
As it is, I don't quite trust the guy. I'm getting a vibe from him and his timing in the zeitgeist. It seems rather convenient in several ways, and he described a rejection of being forced to alter genetic code to deal with a slightly worse than average seasonal flu as a stupid an hostile rejection of obvious kindness. That is not a thing that can be ignored. Died Suddenly is a documentary that is worth looking up for more information on this. There are many information sources, with many qualified medical professionals speaking about this.
I think time blindness, and Barkley's concept of externalizing time to make up for the deficit, helps explain why I enjoy online chess so much: There's a TIMER on the screen. An hour in, great vid so far. I watch a lot of Dr Russell Barkley content and this is spot on.
I suck at meeting any deadline yet I manage my time great during a chess game. I don’t think it’s a timer though. Having a clock within reach doesn’t help that much with being late for me.
"Prosthetic brain" 100% best mental image.
I feel like talking through all the feelings in a feelings wheel can help a lot. Figuring out that something doesn't fit was my first step to figiring out my emotions.
Also, just everyone who spends too much time on the internet are more likely to have adhd in general. That's why it feels like everyone has ADHD, but if you walk outside. It doesn't look like that so much.
I love his long videos. Makes driving to different errands so much easier
I thank you so much for your work...... I bought every guide & Im currently in therapy you confirmed why it was important for me. I cant wait to join the Group next. I felt so defective now I'm learning to accept & not mask. FREEDOM :)
I got diagnosed recently at 22.5 years old and MAN so many things make much more sense. Medication has helped me immensly with almost every part of my life and I’m on track and moving faster than expected.
When Dr K says improve verbal working memory, I can say it really works. I really struggled to deliver presentations, speak in a group at work, freeze when put in a spot.I was terrible at speaking and speaking up. I joined Toastmasters and started working on public speaking skills. It transformed me. It felt like therapy, blissful experience. I had to work on articulating what I want to say in a speech, that helped me build focus, concentration. It was uncomfortable, but you cant be dissociated. This is also why I hatedtexting, writing but speaking verbally more n more ,has helped me boost my confidence. Now I am no longer crippled with anxiety when I need to reply on text,and can handle any impromptu presentations.
What happened to the video? It's now 4 seconds long. I really hope we can get it back!!
Go to twitch
Thanks. Whatever happened it's back now.
Personal gripe: can you turn off the audio crossfade when you change scenes
Ha but I've always liked the way it sounds
Kruti describing Alok sounds exactly like Yvonne describing Linus. I'd love to see a collab between those two scatterbrain chads one day. Part one: Linus builds a PC for Alok, part two: Dr. K. makes Linus tear up on stream.
Reacting to this one to upvote it
Who are those people beyond first names?
@@VioletEmerald Linus is the founder of the largest tech enthusiast UA-cam channel in the world (Linus Tech Tips), Yvonne is his wife and she also plays a role in the company (I can't remember which one).
I remember being constantly told by different people as a child that "I know you're smart kid, you can do better/should put more effort"
About problem solving - 1. Problem becomes clear
2. You're repeating your mistake and trying to understand what you did wrong
3. Your ram is low so you're actually don't remember how and why exactly you did the thing. Only some major points and with this much information it's impossible to figure out a problem
4. You're giving up until you'll repeat it again
As a result you know you've got a problem, but can't really figure it out and can't solve it while being pressured mostly by yourself and a by some people around for making this mistake.
WHY isn't this POSTED on UA-cam? I couldn't watch it live, because of a prior obligation. I had been looking forward to it. I am devastated.
Note: The post that remains on UA-cam is 4 SECONDS long. I mean, I know it's about ADHD... 😉 but I can watch Dr. K for hours, rivited. Where is the full stream posted?
Go to twitch
@@vishnuax8737 Thank you. 👍✌️
Love you Dr. K. You’re very helpful. It’s been a blessing that I’ve struggled so much with ADHD because it caused me to seek out the likes of you - which keeps me interested. Hyper-focus mode activated!
For me, it feels like ADHD has a lot of backpack space but two action bar slots. I can pull out random memes from 2010 and chain them together but then ill just be thinking about memes for a while
I have ADHD :( I was diagnosed late as an adult. I can’t help but always think how different my life could’ve been had I known about it earlier
This video has been incredibly helpful. I have been checking Tim Fletcher and Dr Barkley's work , read the How to ADHD book, but implementing the strategies havent been the best. I keep going back to laziness. I will definitely be picking up the modules by Dr K.
6:32 Dr. K Appears
1:41:08 Dr. K Disappears
1:41:19 Dr. K Appears
2:04:35 Mrs. K Appears
2:13:21 Dr. K Disappears
3:05:36 Mrs. K Disappears
3:05:57 Mrs. K Appears
3:06:06 Mrs. K Disappears
3:06:10 Dr. K Appears
3:07:17 Dr. K Disappears
The scene that happens after Picard's proclamation "There are four lights!" is him admitting that at the end he really did see five lights. So even this fictional stalwart figure of virtue could have his thinking distorted by outside pressures.
But how many genders do you see Picard
@@jonmartin3220 I mean the higher-ups who care the most about this question and giving it a definitive answer are almost always huge fans of torture and anti-whistleblower laws, and quite a few high-profile US politicians even oversaw torture in person, you really don't have to look deep
@@mooreanonumbers abusers love it 👍
That’s another banger! They won the battle but lost the war. He wouldn’t give them the satisfaction. If they were more clever they would’ve changed the number of lights throughout the experiment so he couldn’t tether himself to his defiance
Yeah along my way I can across those studies of the orphaned kids who displayed ADHD and autistic traits I definitely think theres something in those observations that's important
It’s awesome that you focus so much on trying to keep it affordable while also taking care of your people. Great work!
I would love it if you could take a look at ADHD and space. I am starting to realize that one of the largest natural solutions for ADHD is space. What do i mean by space. Space. Litteral hard, physical space. I have noticed that free space mostly ameliorates my ADHD. If i have enough space that i can just start doing and producing right out of bed, everything is fine, mostly. Pretty linear relationship also. Lack of mental ram is compensated by having i.e. a separate table for paperwork where you can leave it alone for a month and come back to it, wholly untouched, and pick up on the spot. Same for technical stuff. The worst part is having to reassemble equipment just to move it back to storage. A workshop should be large enough that you can have 20 projects going while waiting for parts and coworkers to complete their jobs. Im looking at buying a farm or an abandoned factory. I suspect that would make me happy for decades. Probably would end up a little bit hoard-y, but i dont care. Junk on a pile in a half collapsed barn is time you didnt spend hauling it away, barn AND junk, saved time, a good thing.
Listened to the first hour with very serious intentions, now I am going to make myself a decaf hot chocolate coffee and catch up on work I'm behind on 😭 thanks brain 🧠
39 male and just learning how to be cohesive with my emotions. So communicating with my parents would be a good thing to learn.
I'm also just now able to be one with my emotions, but I don't know what to do with them because of lack of experience.
I grew up as a bit of a mute kid growing up and "not meeting his expectations" was always on my report cards.
Part 2 for most damaging thing is being told "you know what you did wrong?" and not being given context for it.
oof. I recall being told "to find the thing holding back your focus" or some BS like that.
Something that I've very rarely been asked is "what do you need/want?" without some other lexure or heightened emotions going on.
56:28 Why the heck wasn't I diagnosed with ADHD as a teen? I have nearly all of the things listed here.
I remember when I was like IDK a preteen when mom was giving me a huge list of things to do and from my perspective she asked why I didn't start the first one while still adding to the list of things that I likely did not know how to do them.
I also HATE Time as a feature of life. I can't go to the mall without worrying how long it'll take me to get dressed and ready and what path to take while going out there before shit closes after supper. I've literally wasted a life time pondering Time for a task.
Oh oh, To add to this. Back last year I had some sort of mental shut down crash breakdown thing. Finally coming out of it this spring and.... I think I finally understand how much time is in a day. But as I said with emotions I don't have the experience to know what to do with that knowledge. Heck I might still be wrong about a lot of this.
I'm still scared to cook anything complex because of not knowing the passage of time it takes to allow something to heat up.
We went out for my birthday cake one year and got a few things for supper... and forgot the damn cake! Had to go back and get one.
I started using timers for cooking simply to remind myself to shut everything off when I'm done. Some form of bullet journal or colander might be my next step to improve my time blindness.
Also, Amazing stream.
32:57 Dr. K casually dropping the biggest insights ever about my abusive childhood causing a state of learned helplessness I'm still dealing with at age 34 in a few areas. That... explains a LOT. I definitely could never do anything right with my mom and always doubt myself in everything. It caused so many problems for me.
I wish the video had subtitles, I’m loving it and as someone late diagnosed with adhd because my parents didn’t understand what it was (now they have some notion, but I wish I could be more understood), I wanted to show them this, but even if they had the patience for such a long video, they can’t speak English
Umm why is the video 4 seconds long?
Sad thing on that one chart is my mom IS sad. She knows I'm miserable and I couldn't really explain why. But I've been so bad about tackling the things I know will get me to a better place emotionally. Then I started to learn about ADHD...I'm not sure yet, but it's painfully on point the more I learn about it. And I'm almost 30
You could share this video with your mom
"The more engaging, the internet becomes. The less engaged our brain is." @ 1:48:35
Very well put. 🖊
Where is the video..I've been waiting to watch ?
I like the RAM example. The “scaffolding” I use to accommodate my RAM is also similar to the power up procedure in “Apollo 13.” The scene where they need to figure out a way to turn on the modules without exceeding 20Amps at any point. Work, exercise, spouse, parent, home maintenance, car maintenance =radar, heat, landing, communication modules. If my scaffolding exceeds 20Amps it burns up and it all follows momentum.
I'm not diagnosed with ADHD but I have been failing college classes over and over to the point of losing my financial aid due to the lack of focus and motivation. I'm in therapy and on meds for depression and anxiety and my psychiatrist is one of the people who told me i'm not putting in effort and that i'm distracted by the internet ect. Meanwhile I have all my notes printed out and try to attend lectures and have poured money into classes fully intending on passing them. Part of me is paranoid that I might just be influenced by the internet to think I might have ADHD, but I have an appointment tomorrow and I think I'll request an evaluation. I'm scared it might be just because i'm stupid and not trying hard enough. So whether I get diagnosed or not I think i'll still have this overwhelming dread about everything.
Same man. I would feel like a fraud even if my psychiatrist told me for an hour that I have ADHD. For me I am just a pathetic excuse of a wretched human being
One thing that helped me get through college was I picked a topic that I can hyper focus on. I was supposed to go to college to get a degree, but if it's not something you're interested in enough to go to class and you probably will hate it as a career too. There's also technical schools and other pathways to jobs that make money that don't require so much book study too. (For example electrician). But yeah I think the key is finding something that's easy to hyper focus on, it makes studying a whole lot easier.
Wow, I skipped straight to the ADHD discussion and it opened with exactly what I needed to hear. I was diagnosed over a year ago but I have barely told people because i havent trusted the diagnosis. Still trying to figure it out emotionally.
Just the idea of the list of needing to move exhausted me
52:29 make that 55 years old, in my case … and still about 18 months to wait until I am diagnosed and medicated (I’m waiting for nearly 3 years already, and haven’t been able to work for 12 years). The grief is bad.
3 hr stream about ADHD - can’t help but think 💭 he got his hyperfocus on huuurd. Can imagine the hyperfo-rage if he gots interrupted. Good work DR. K.
The «you have so much potential, you JUST have to use it» did so much more damage to me than I believe
1:27:56 I could never describe this. Like I feel a bunch of emotions but the only 4 words I ever use for them are ‘anxious’, ‘frustrated’, ‘tired’ and ‘happy’ and one of these isn’t even an emotion.
it is spooky just how much I relate to the ADHD experience that dr.k talks about. I so relate to having difficulties both studying AND having to by groceries on the same day. its really hard. I have been assessed for ADHD before and was told I dont have it. that was 12 years ago now. I am beginning to think the psychiatrist who assessed me was wrong. I was given schizophrenia as a diagnosis instead and was medicated for it. the medicines had horrible side effects, and the diagnosis was eventually dropped. I am beginning to wonder if I should go in for a new assessment. the problem is that it is mentally draining to be in therapy, and I worry it might affect my studies.
Honestly, you don’t have to be in therapy to treat your adhd (it is very helpful) but just having medication can alleviate a lot of the symptoms. Just seeing a nurse practitioner or psychiatrist once a month helps alot!
Also, I promise it’s worth atleast getting the assessment because if you do have adhd, not getting a diagnosis is going to affect your studies even more in the long term.
@@notnyah104 the point you made about the studies being affected more by not getting an assessment is a good one.
Definitely get second opinions if you suspect a psychiatric diagnosis like schizophrenia might be wrong!
2:36:00 Dang, I really hope people aren't being hard on Kruthi and overly critical of her! What she's trying to do with Healthy Gamer has been great so far, and nothing gets built overnight. She and Dr. K. make a great team!
Thank you, Dr. K!
My approach to my recently diagnosed ADHD: I've lived my whole life with an arm tied behind my back, I've pushed and forced and worked on all these challenges and difficulties and made it. Now, I can treat the thing that tied my arm behind my back and actually work on things that matter to me without that "handicap".
I am so glad that I can now get ready in a methodical way. I'm not jumping every moment because I've just remembered a massive step/task that I had forgotten. I'm not bouncing from room to room as I remember things I want to do. I'm not obsessively checking the time, thinking "Okay I'm good" and then "Oh fk I'm late" for literally no reason. I can, in an organised way, get through tasks from step 1 to completion.
Now that? Has been wild for me.
Wrote a shopping list to remember what to buy, forgot it at home......😂
Went to the shop to get a fitting for plumbing, then went to the toilet and left without it, found an excuse for the customer, left again and then couldn't remember where I put it.
Lol iconic
I use google keep, I can access it from everywhere. And I can sort each entry based on where it is in the store.
But sometimes I forget my phone.
In high school, I forgot to bring my backpack to school😭
Also thank you, Mrs. K., for supporting this channel in the background. It seems to me that without you, this channel could not be the way it is.
is the entire comment section gaslighting me into thinking that this isnt really a 3 hour video and is rather 3 seconds please tell me
Go to twitch
Dr.K was the reading so got diagnosed at the age of 22 with ADHD. I’ll be forever grateful 🙏
I think one of the things these studies sometimes miss when looking at time blindness is that complexity multiplies the level of impairment. If you ask me how long it will take me to chop up an onion, I can estimate that relatively easily. If you ask me how long it will take to go grocery shopping, I will fuck that up every time.
When you say chop an onion, my brain's 1 image is of me standing at the counter with an onion and a knife. Easy to estimate.
When you say grocery shopping, my brain conjures the image of me with a shopping cart at the store..... But there are a lot more steps than that. I have to make a list, get dressed, find my keys and my wallet and my shoes then run back into the house for my phone. I have to drive to the store. Now I'm in the position I pictured with the cart, but grocery shopping is basically a scavenger hunt because the store is constantly rearranging the aisles. I have to wait in line at the register, scan, and bag, and pay. Then back to the car where i have to unload my cart and put it back. Then i have to drive home, unload and put away all the groceries.
My brain makes its initial time estimate based on the step I visualize, but I only visualized one step. I've done enough grocery shopping to know that it doesn't take half an hour, despite what my brain wants to tell me, but if I were doing an unfamiliar task with steps I've never completed before, my estimate would be wildly off.
I got tested for ADHD because it would have explained a lot of my behavior. I have a hard time organizing my thoughts, paying attention to boring tasks, etc. I've had Adderall before and it made me feel superhuman and able to focus.
Not only did I test negative, they told me I DEFINITELY didn't have ADHD because of how I did during the tests. They said I had some symptoms of anxiety but I haven't gotten further tested yet.
omg that bts od the trauma guide filming was too good. I couldn't stop smiling and laughing, we need more of that type of content.
hmm I keep ignoring the fact I almost certainly have this, but occasionally I watch one of these types of videos and It reminds me how accurately this fits me. I haven't finished watching yet so I don't know if you will get to this but I also get into a sort of waiting mode if I know I have to be somewhere, I know I can't do anything else, I have to actively and consciously wait and watch the time, the second I don't do that.... *poof* hours just flew by and I totally missed the appointment.
Setting alarms for events is all very well but how long do you need between the alarm and the event... 5 mins before can be fine or still hopefully late, 2 hours before can be enough (going to the airport) or total overkill to the point I still miss the appointment because the alarm was too early
I really identified with the conscientious aspect of my life, with the evidence that I have created and released over 525 songs since 2020. Using an external time management "prosthetic brain" will prove to myself that I am in no way lazy, at least not completely. I'm really happy that these videos are here. I want to buy the Healthy Gamer mental health guide, but I don't have money for it. I'm looking forward to it, though.
I bought your book on impulse while watching this episode 😅.
I hope to improve my communication skills with it 🙏
One of the best things for me has been setting a daily alarm for every 5 hours. 7:30 am, 12:30 pm, 5:30 pm, and 10:30 pm. That helps me know that time has passed, and so I might get sucked in, but I'm aware I'm getting sucked in. Now I have to train myself to set a timer so that when I discover I'm gaming too much I can ease out of it with a timer. (Once this goes off you have to stop).
please fix your obs transition, the audio ducks out while you're speaking and it's distracting
Thanks a lot for your help
Dr K talking about ADHD life was feeling so gut wrenching...I balled my eyes out. Maybe I have ADHD I have no one to talk to about it. I will just be ridiculed and gaslit. Nobody understands. I will live with the label of being lazy for the rest of my life.
My mind has to optimize little ram lol
For someone who is on the other side, how do you help the person with ADHD?
There comes a point where you feel like you can't help anymore.
Imagine the scenario, you schedule a coffee with your ADHD friend to 3pm cause that's when you are free in the weekend, at 4pm you have to go to your mom's house for other things, at 3pm you are in the coffee but your friend only arrives at 3h50pm, now you have to leave, you can be tolerant and say "it's ok, next week we can meet", then next week comes and the same happens, and the same.
How do you deal with it? Do you just accept that your friend is like that, give up on trying to meet with him, and the friendship starts to fade, and he starts to feel bad for it?!
What's the alternative?
I feel like there comes a point where you can't do anything else, and inevitably, the person is gonna feel worse.
Some ideas for alternatives: You might schedule more than one hour of time with them so there's more room to maneuver. (Speaking as a person with ADHD, the idea of getting ready and going out just for a single hour feels viscerally stressful and psychologically demanding, I feel rushed just *thinking* about it. Scheduling for two or three hours would feel a lot more relaxing and leisurely.) You could go directly to their place for coffee, maybe even pick up coffee from the coffee shop and bring it to them or meet them where they are. You could tell them to arrive at 2pm so when they show up an hour late, they're right on time for your (actual) 3pm meetup. Your friend might have some ideas of their own, if you ask them. Did you two talk about the reasons why it happened? Why they were late? Did you ask them what you can do and ask their opinion/advice on how it would be best to connect with them? They might be happy to brainstorm better solutions if you're demonstrating understanding and support.
@catherine31544 Sometimes I go to his house, yes, we try to talk about it, he also does that in is job, always late to open a store to clients, there how can he get better? Because the boss won't accept him being always late, he has received warnings. And from other friends too.
@@MAVP5 It's really nice and caring of you to want to help your friend! Unfortunately there's only so much that you yourself can do...at a certain point it's your friend's responsibility to figure stuff out for himself. And sometimes that means making mistakes and dealing with the consequences of his actions. You can't protect him from that. As his friend, it's not your job to help him keep his job....and you might suffer if you take on that burden for him. It's important to let your friends make their own mistakes sometimes...but if he asks for support or advice, maybe direct him to this channel for some good tips. Just keep talking to him and trying to meet for coffee and giving emotional support. That's the best help you can give him. :)
@MAVP5 if the ADHDer is determined to help himself from lateness issues there are a lot of strategies that tend to help. Alarm reminders to signal when to stop one thing and start transitioning. Actively timing how long things take. Adding in buffer time. Suggesting they plan to be early and if they fear being bored or wasting time while waiting planning on a thing to do while they're there early, like in the old days it would be reading a book and now probably something on their phone lol. Giving yourself some kind of a reward for being on time or even for progress and being less late than before instead of the only reward being avoiding shame or feeling like it's not enough to be on time one time because you were late every other time. You have to start somewhere. But also. If they are THAT late that's absurd. Especially if you have to leave at 4. You need to tell them ahead of time this is unacceptably late and is hurting you and you can't continue to plan coffee with him if he can't be much closer to on time the next time if not early.
@@catherine31544 thanks for the advices, I will try to keep that in mind
I skipped the first first part of the live stream and focused on the second half which co relates the increasing ADHD diagnosis with internet/technology and I find it very true, technology is definitely one of the foremost reasons of ever increasing ADHD patients. There are a lot of symptoms that a chronically online person would check off in ADHD diagnosis.
I am a good communicator, this is part of my NDness. I am autistic language is my jam and I have spent my entire life being told I don't know how to communicate so I learned it, I got better. Turns out NTs have no idea how to communicate. Communication is not the problem it's cognitive empathy. If NTs knew how to communicate I wouldn't have to guess what they were hinting at
How close is the HG Institute to making their coaching certification publicly available? I've been interested, but I would generally perfer getting a certification at HG