@@bethshannoneagles4777Amen! And HOW can you ever get your children to believe you when this is how they subtlely treat you in from of them, but behind closed doors...pure EVIL? Then your stress increases with more false accusations on top...and smear campaign spread like wild fire, the whole while you do all you can to stay sane! The main thing that helped me....I had/ have THE LORD on my side! Cld NEVER done it without HIM!!🌈 Bible tells me, "He" is my husband.
They also lie about you and try to destroy your life and reputation. They continually blame you for things they are guilty of. Run for your life. Literally. Abusers to the core
There is one kind of person who can neutralize a psychopath/narcissist, and that is a Neurotic. A neurotic person suspects everyone of everything, and they never ever drop their guard around anyone, and this kind of person is extremely frustrating to the narcissist, because narcissists are con men who are trying to get you to drop your guard and become easy prey for them, but not only will a neurotic not do this they will in very short order (perhaps less than a minute) figure the narcissist out and let them know that they are watching them closely. Narcissists hide behind masks their whole lives, and it destroys them to have that mask ripped away from them to show their true selves to someone before they are ready. Neurotics are the arch-enemies and arch-rivals of Psychopaths and Narcissists. I'm not saying we should become full blown neurotics, but we can certainly learn a little from them.
The core of them is evil; the objective of evil is to kill steal and destroy. They actively serve satan and his objectives. Ignoring evil existence allows it to flourish in a world of seclurism.
I once had a phone call from a narcissistic family member and answered with "So, what do you want from me?" After trying to make me feel bad by asking me why I was taking that attitude, I stuck to my guns and said, "You only ever ring me when you want something from me, so what do you want?" They then dropped the pretense and told me what they wanted... It wasn't the only time either.
@@stevereno Let them! The only option would be to cave in and be an enabler for them. It helps when you point out thay asked you to do something so "no" is a perfectly legitimate answer. They will of course play the victim and point out all the times they did things for you, like holding a door open, so saying yes to helping them pack and move (at your expense of course) is only fair... 😆 It's harder to say no when its your boss, but be assertive!
This is scaring me I might've messed up opening up to a friend who's a narcissist but he has feelings for me and I don't feel the same and he can't accept it.
I do not think we have "free will" so you either do things that you want to do or are forced to do. So in that sense, we are all manipulating each other. ITS A SURVIVAL STRATEGY.
Yes a facade they are familiar using in public and that they try to use in private to get the same réponses. My narcissist mother sent me a message and used her false words with me such as Take care Love you when we are french speaking !! I told her how fake it sounded and out of place.
Narcissists will never go out of their way for anyone if it inconveniences them. You cannot count on them. Love is helping others even if you’re struggling. They are the complete opposite.
I am 42. I am finally taking action. I was the scape goat, my sister the golden child. My mom has made my life a struggle and has enjoyed it. She once made me sleep outside in the driveway, for MONTHS. I could use the house for everything as normal. I used my room as normal, all of my stuff was there. But at night, I had to sleep outside. When it started getting cold, I was allowed to sleep in the cab of my dad's truck. Finally it got too cold and I was allowed to sleep on the bathroom floor, just ten feet from my own bedroom. I was a good kid. I did not drink or do any drugs. It just happened I was the scape goat child. I had my first therapist around 13 or 14 years old. My mom wanted them to fix me, but they all said I was fine and that maybe the family as a whole could use therapy. That didn't become a thing. My mom never encouraged my interests, she never cared. She never encouraged college. All she told me to do was to get a job at the DMV because it's Civil Service and they have good benefits. I felt worthless. I still do but I am fighting it. All my life, I have had jobs that barely paid the bills. I know I am smart. I know I am capable. But whenever I try something new, imposter syndrome sets in and I am stuck and remember who I am. I think so little of myself sometimes. The last time I saw my mom, I actually opened up to her about my struggles. She is in a position to help me in several ways, but she never, ever, offers a helping hand without a string attached. I have a wife and a one and a half year old daughter. We have both decided it's time to create a huge distance between us and my mom, not just for my daughters sake, but mine as well. I hope this works.
@@bathemeinchampagne That's what my wife says. My sister, who was the golden child, just came to the realization that our mom is a narcissist. She has two sons just under 10 years old. She is breaking ties completely. She apologized to me for all the years thinking I was the problem. That was nice to finally hear. But yeah, she is breaking all ties with her. I guess I will have to do the same.
I'm almost 35, no kids, no wife. But we have been through the same shitshow. I ended up cutting ties with my whole family after nothing but betrayal like this. Your story, is pretty much the same as my youth. Scapegoat child. Gaslighted as a pathological liar. Anything I said was considered a lie. Therefore I was a convenient free babysit for my half brother and a house slave for 4 days a week. All to get pissed in the face un return. After I rebelled and became highy disobedient she lost more and more control. I also had a girlfriend at that time. My mother smiled while she ruined that relationship and dumped me on the streets after that. I was 19 years old. I even tried reconsiliation. It was nothing else but Stockholm's syndrome. It started all over again. Mother was a overt narcissist, half brother was set up against me later on, also appeared to be a flying monkey narcissist. Father was a covert narcissist, that controlfreak messed me up with financial betrayal. I warned them if they both ever dare to cross my path again, I take matters into my own hands. I cut ties, went homeless, got myself off the streets, I'm home and now no one knows where I live. Yet it would be nice to experience a loving harmonious family that actually sticks together and have eachothers backs in bad times. It only became so hard to find somebody to love.
The best way to treat a narcissist is to totally ignore them, they hate this approach, and will constantly change there tactics to try to get you to be involved in a tit for tat discussion.
Excellent summary of how narcissistic people operate. It's so difficult for empaths to resist this manipulation but I've learnt over the years that I attract these personalities. The difference now is that I can better recognise this toxic behaviour.
Thank you for the comment! That is great to hear you have learned how to better recognize the toxic behavior. That allows you to stay a step ahead of the toxic narcissist.
When they are being nice to you, they still can't help talking bad about another person and how that person has treated them so bad. Just remember, if they fail to reel you in (usually to get you to do something they want) you will soon become that person who the narc was talking bad about. If the narc's new supply knows you they will try to manipulate and turn that person against you as punishment.
They are CONSTANTLY bad mouthing and putting SOMEONE down. Incredibly cruel. Mean for no reason. It is true that it's to make themselves feel better. Meanwhile, listening to their negativity and nastiness drains your soul.
When they bad mouth someone else to you, cheer fully disagree. Eventually they will stop talking to you. If you have a boundary/ rule that to you will not engage in negative talk about anyone narcs will not want to talk to you.
In the theater of a narcissistic relationship, you are both the audience and the unwitting co-star, continuously adapting to the ever-changing script of their ego-centric drama.
This is my mother, 1000%. And I used to fall into her trap over and over. Finally catching on. Thank you for confirming my observations. My next step is to stop trying to win her approval. It's a waste of effort and just keeps me in a weak place.
Good on you for catching on 👌🏽💕 It's so empowering when your eyesight adjusts to see things clearly. Ppl say you can't beat em at their own game but at least you can figure out their silent but significant " rules " 😉
My mother lived to be 94. She passed away when I was 60. It wasn't until a few years ago. I realized that she was a full-on narcissist. I wish I knew it before she passed, I could have made my exit and saved myself a lot of pain.
100% well said!! In my experience, you're so doing the right thing. With my now "late narcissitic so called mother" being onto her meant don't let my guard down for her to keep manipulating to have constant contact which of course I'd to go no contact permanently.. Best thing I ever did & to be honest to remain healthy & same still I didn't attend her funeral & burial services. It was too as if I had my so-called narcissitic father would've kept going to try & get me to breaking point which as it went on for so long them brainwashing people it would've likely been too hard to expose her true self? But I feel no regret only "healthy & healing feelings"- a weight feels as if it's lifted from me with all her negativity & nastiness towards me mainly
@@skippingstones2023me too!! My so-called 💯 Narcissitic 'mother" passed away fairly recently in her 80's & I was sorry when I saw through her as a child narcissim hadn't been talked or known about then? Easier identifying it & working through it with my therapy back then too .
Narcissist are all about you being their new source of validation. They are oh so charming until you are convinced they are your friend, then they unleash their inner turmoil on you once they find out you have the self worth they lack themselves. Then, their envy works on them until they only see you as a competitor. This is where their game gets really ugly, because at all cost they will try to undermine your dignity and peace. The only thing you can do is stay strong in your own self knowledge and not let them make you double think yourself.
I had an older brother who was a narcissist and a pyschopath. Basically they are con men, they are extremely charming and will even do what they can to help you out of your most pressing problem, but they are only doing it to get you to drop your guard long enough for them to really really harm you in some way. In a very short period of time you will begin to really like them very much, probably to the point of wanting them around all the time, to the point of the very best friend you've ever had in your life, and that's when they'll get you into a compromising location or position where no one is around to help you and then they'll show you what their real face looks like behind the mask they've been wearing for you. They're extremely dangerous people, without remorse or compassion, they only know what they need and what they want, and like a Bengal Tiger doesn't feel remorse after killing and eating a Gazelle they won't feel anything after they've harmed you in the worst way possible. Basically they'll feel you're just a fool who trusts people, and that you had it coming. Hope this helps.
Self-interested and calculating people that laugh at others. They take advantage of naive people that want to do good or help others. They con people like sociopaths. A narcissist IS a type of sociopath. Harmful to people and society. They Are Killers, Predators... Their food IS you. They live by gnawing you.
I've given up on my older brother, he takes advantage of everyone, never lifts a finger to help me.. and pretends like all the bad things he's said to me and my wife just never happened. He talks about everyone behind their back. I'm done.
@Michael, wow, that is just like my older brother. Threw away each member of the family when they no longer were useful to him. Mofo even sued me. So glad I don't have to deal with that pos anymore.
If they talk about others in your life to devalue your lovers, friends, and family (as pretend "constructive" criticism that's really DESTRUCTIVE criticism in disguise for their sick ulterior motives)--eventually they'll do that to you. Don't beat yourself up if you believed in their MASK before, because everyone else fell for it too, for little while at least!
Narcissists being nice when they don't know somebody and are in a phase of testing, whether they can abuse the person without consequences or not. Normal people appreciate being nice and friendly to them. Narcissist treats it like it was invitation for abuse. Other words, when they feel the person is safe and harmless, they show their true colors.
I look for consistency in a person's day to day behavior. Worked in a small business with two narcs in supervisory positions. You'd think they'd be in competition with each other, but the opposite was true because they had each other's back and they ran like a pack. They'd be openly critical of others one day, then flip and be super nice the next day. Jekyll & Hyde behavior.
My mother-in-law can alternate from being nice to being aggressive to fake crying literally in a matter of seconds to try and get the response she wants from my husband. Fortunately he has set boundaries and gone low contact, and accepts that she’s ill/narcissistic and it’s not his fault or responsibility. He is polite but refuses to emotionally subsidize her any longer!
So after decades of doing above and beyond for my sister and her family, I got sick and ONE Saturday called and asked her for help. We lived within a 15 minute walk of each other. She had two older teenagers in the house also. She could not get off the phone quick enough and said she had no time. Literally, she could have had one of her kids (16 and 17 years old) go to the store and grab two items for me. That was it. That’s when the scales fell off my eyes. Her tone of voice was also so irritated. The ONE time I asked for help after decades of doing crap for her.
I've learnt the extremely hard way, like most family members, or targets, of highly narcissistic individuals, that they're usually nice when they want something, such as money, s*x, a place to stay, or even just company for hours on end! I've also learnt that the fake niceness often doesn't last for long, depending on what they want and if they get their need at the time met. I know without a doubt now that their so-called change in attitude isn't genuine, unless they've done healing work, which takes time, after stopping drinking and/or partaking in other drugs etc as a way of coping. ❤
my narc neighbour was nice to me when she wanted to borrow my recycling bin as she had too much, and she was nice to me when she gossped with a neighbour that I was selling my house, I wasn't and she wanted to buy it. she was horrible to me when she parked on my driveway and started gaslighting me that she will be only a short time
For some it is a game of baiting you in to test their power, get you to believe that things aren't as bad as you thought, and then dashing your hooe and faith in them. I think some of them get perverse joy from making others hurt.
Especially when they are being too nice...gifts, etc. It would give me anxiety and panic attacks because sometimes they are being nice to you to set you up before they hurt you again.
My father had vanished for 9 years after retiring from the military he convinced me for years to join and when I finally did and was off to war he disappeared he was in for over 20 years and he didn’t even bother giving me any guide and then he contacted me and I knew he wanted something. He wanted me to move in with him has he ages of course NOT and he quickly discarded everyone again I made peace that he will never change and I do not expect nothing from him I just know that I have to protect myself from him and I have no plan on being mistreated by anyone
I have been suffering extreme narcissistic abuse at the hands of my covert malignant narcissist younger sister, ever since my mom passed away in 2012. My life has been sheer hell ever since as she forced my mom to do a will when she was dying of cancer, without my knowledge, leaving everything to her including the family home, and leaving me nothing at all. When I did eventually find out, to my shock and horror, my sister said it was just a piece of paper and I had nothing to worry about, and she would never use it against me. She even begged me not to contest the will as she thought she would get into trouble or go to prison, so like a fool I trusted her and didn't contest it even tho I desperately wanted to. Worst thing I EVER did! She has done nothing but try to use the will against me ever since in order to make me leave my home which I refuse to do, such as lockouts, completely false made up allegations of domestic abuse, which is actually what she is projecting as she is the only one abusing, and forcing me to sign an equity release waiver against my will at a solicitors, which I did as I was terrified of being locked out again or having an "injuction' put on me if I refused to sign. As a Christian, needless to say God came to my rescue and made that signed waiver disappear and they never received it! Thanks be to God. Miracles do happen and the Lord has preserved me and upheld me throughout this ongoing nightmare with the narcissist. What I do know in this battle of spiritual warfare is that I have seen the face of pure evil, maybe the devil himself in the face of my sister, who is actually a baptised Catholic, unbelievably, and it is impossible for a narcissist to be a Christian as they are evil personified, demons in human form, and I truly believe this from my experience.
I'm a retired senior and I rent a room in my ex sister in law's house. She thinks that on top of the rent I pay her each month that my "job" is to cater to her, clean up after her and her three dogs. She goes into narc rages and is just nasty hateful. At least once a week she screams that "my house, my rules" crap at me.
That is a difficult position you are in. It is not so easy to find a place you can pay for on your own. Rents are sky-high. Hope your situation changes.@@tonya--7704
When theyre suddenly being nice for no reason ...I question why now...whats up ....what do they want ? They are buttering you up for a specific reason ... A guaranteed impending blindside feels sickening suspenseful, especially when you don't see it coming 😣
I had a nars ex for 3 years, and the very moment he did not get exactly what he wanted, he lost all empathy and turned cruel. I heard they can also play along "nice" for a very long time!
I spent nearly 6 years with a religious community whose leader was an abusive narcissist, they practice every single one of the behaviors described in this video to a T. It was very traumatizing to myself and to countless others, pray that I can heal.
Short and sweet. My narcs are far away in my past. I want to understand the situations without reliving them. Long videos make me dwell too long in what I want to forget. This concise video is packed with information from which I can learn something before the memories cause too much nausea.
Soooo true . On the one hand , videos such as these are very informational and insightful . On the other, too much , or too long , and it can be triggering as you get “ reminded “ and get lost in that thought of what the trauma is you need to move past from !
Thx 4 this. Describes my new coworker to a T. Never met a person like this before in my life. Googled his “behaviors” & learned that I’m dealing with a true narcissist who acts just like this. Had me under a spell for a while with his smooth talking & “kind gestures” but found out over time. This dude is gonna get fired soon cuz he exploits company resources & vehicles for his own benefit & gain after hours. Plus, he treats others like crap, lies & is just a straight a-hole. Run from these ppl & live free & good!
Love the "don't fall for it" sign over you shoulder - my father was a master at pushing me then a tiny morsel of positive to keep me engaged. The trauma bond is so obvious now, thankful he has passed - but he still stung me in the will, just had to get one last zing in.
Oh yes! When I do anything that is not inline with what makes the Narc look superior I am belittled...usually behind my back…but when I could come in handy and make the narc look important.….my name is dropped all over the place…oooh yes what a privilege they are related to me….🙄
A few months ago, I had to go no contact with a relative conspired to steal money from me and several other family members. This past weekend, I saw her at the funeral of another family member. I was visiting with friends and noticed this relative lurking in the shadows. Eventually, she spoke, but it was because she wanted to feel acknowledged. She felt deflated that she wasn't the center of attention.
I know when they when are nice that they are up to something or getting their supply from somewhere else or you just know that this is the calm before the storm . Agree they won’t ever change .
Draino used to say: “you only give me what you want, not what I need”. This was self projection for sure. He could only take, take, take and then want more. He never gave me what I needed. Thank you for helping me understand Andrew. ❤❤❤
Whatever throws you off balance they will do , also they love playing innocent victim nice guy to all outsiders including lawyers & judges if divorcing
Human relationships can be very complex. If we are honest, we probably all have narcissistic tendencies, which would stir up the narcissist to be more manipulative and controlling.
thanks it's great to have a reminder, because i tend to forget that there even exist people like that... they don't really in my life anymore, but i gotta remind myself to never forget that there actually are such monsters out there...
My older narcissistic sister used to be sweet and nice when I chose to go silent because I couldn't stand her bullying and public humiliation I did fall for it a couple of times cuz I desperately wanted a relationship with her.
I've had a lot of narcissistic ppl in my life. They are not in my life after learning the hard way. I guess it's made me stronger and I can spot a narcissistic person right away. Just even their mannerisms. I see it and I run. I can't handle it. It's so toxic it literally makes me sick. My blood pressure gets really high. I see darkness and I won't be treated crappy and abused. If you leave DO NOT leave any door open to come in and manipulate and turn things around. Cut off ALL communication. They NEVER say they are sorry and it's everyone else. Therefore it will keep going. They don't do anything wrong. They don't look at their behaviors to get help and change. So they will continue being ugly. THEY NEVER CHANGE. I don't like the feeling of being picked at for everything. Being Manipulated,lied to. Head games and going nuts because you are questioning your own sanity. Don't be a victim be a survivor. A life without these horrible ppl is amazing. Happy. Not constantly on edge.
I used to fall for it every time. So relieved and grateful when these people would finally treat me decently, but it was always part of some scheme or trap.
And it is so easy to fall for because they are master manipulators! The more you know, the easier it is to not take the niceness bait they are dangling in front of you.
That’s crazy-making lunacy: to be derogatory to someone so that they would leave; only to be nice (appear normal) to them in the hopes that they will stay. A person gets emotional whiplash from this toxicity.
I threw my ex out 20 years ago and he was a narcissist PLUS. The relationship, for lack of a better way to put it, was over before that but it took me a while to get him out of the house. He treated me and his own children horribly and I didn't want him around them because he was just getting worse by the day. The only time he was nice to me was when I had to nurse him through recovery from an injury and recovery from an illness. When he got better, he went back to being a monster. If you've already identified someone you're with as one of these abominations, leave them. They never change. I was a strong person so I made it out. Just be careful with your exit plan because they are going to make it hard for you and can be very dangerous.
Our covert narc neighbour and it's husband were nice to us yesterday for the first time in 5 years because we hit them with a claim from our solicitor and they know their lies and BS won't save them this time 😊
This is so true. I recorded my coworker talking behind my back for months. I am a quiet person and avoid confrontation,so I have held this anger inside.seeing her everyday makes me sick.
I understand all of this. This is how l lived for many years held captive by a family member who l thought cared. I jumped and I'm out of it but because this person has always been totally dependent on anyone and everyone they can, they are totally mentally ill and are in the world with no ways or means to survive. I only wish our parents had been the ones to stand firm way back in her childhood but that became mine to do in the name of love care and understanding. It doesn't stop for me. Now l cannot shut down at night for fear of her suffering in the cold and dying.
When my father was nice it was to lure me in to come back or to escort him overseas for family reasons and would promise me money on a Visa card so I could do my own thing (then claimed the credit card company called to cancel when we were both on the plane and about to lift off…leaving me stuck with no money in Europe following him around like a free escort really)
Thank you!!! My mother was narcissistic. I survived a lifetime of lies and mind games. Just recently I life two friendships because they were verbally abusive. After lessoning to your video I realized although ending the friendship was painful I was lucky leaving. I didn't trauma bond.!! Thank you. I real validated.
I refused a "favor" he wanted to do "for me" because I could see it was going to cause problems and it wasn't something I wanted done anyway. I was very definite, saying several different times, "DO NOT do this!" He did it anyway, used it against me, and I later found out he got the grass seed he used FREE. He dumped it on a mossy spot under a tree, where it was too dark to succeed anyway, then left for 3 weeks. Yelled at me for not watering it when he got back. Plus, it was somewhere I usually walked across, and I didn't want to deour constantly for his futile project. He figured he'd get "nice" credit for zero cost and work!
I was given a very rare and "expensive" bottle of French wine for my birthday by my Narcissist family member. It was undrinkable! He forgot he gave me a bottle for my birthday and on another occasion bragged about how he got a dozen really cheap bottles of wine (the same one) from the local supermarket...
Thanks for the explanation about the narcissist lacking constancy. Incapable of making themselves feel better.....Is it true that the narcissist lacks a core sense of self?
Absolutely, they have no real sense of self and that's why they can't self reflect and adjust their behaviour or views. They never evolve because within there is a complete void. This is why they construct a false persona but it is not a real reflection of them
I disagree. I think narcissists have an inflated sense of self and that IS a constant. If there was no one who they could "feed" off they just soliloquize about how wonderful they really are. If they meet someone they will immediately puff themselves up, brag, exaggerate, and name drop. For them their image is all there is... deep down they're very shallow.
They have to think they are superior because they mask their true feelings of inferiority. The constant need for validation is like being on a wheel they can't get off.
So true. A narcissist in my family contacted me after 9 years of no contact. Wants to make amends. Ha. Didnt believe it for a second. I was so angry. X
I’m just glad awareness is being raised….i never knew or even thought of a Narcissist…I ran up on a video a year ago and notice the guy I was with fitted the entire description in every characteristic way…I was mind blown becuz I knew some was off about him.. 😊just didn’t know what….Im free I’m healing it’s been a year since the discard and I’ve found myself again….of course he has attempted Hoovers but he’s been on block…….IM DONE!!!!
I always found it odd when they did this. Even at a young age, I always felt they were being suspicious or that they did something bad and to cover up their shame, they do something nice for you but in a couple of hours, there back to their old behavior. Cowards.
I’m working with one and after a lot of niceness, once again, she got nasty for nothing. Shaming me in front of another. I didn’t say a word but my eyes said it all. Then I carried on being myself, chirpy and smiling. I will mark up that phrase « Don’t fall for it ». She has taken up too much of my consideration and she certainly doesn’t deserve it. Things will be different next week at work and all with a smile.
2:10 They take revenge over trivial matters. Firstly they'll be nice and friendly and wait for you to put your guard down. Then they'll strike. They;ll wait for weeks mths and even yrs.
100% well said!! In my experience,with my so-called narcissitic "parents". It's just part of their manipulative games & narcissitic control totally.. All fake nice to get their way to try to keep sucking me in but am so wise to it ad I've been since forever? Overlooking things with them is similar to attempting to forgive your child being naughty & hoping they won't chuck another temper tantrum again especially soon
Funny. I knew a lady who would compliment me on something, no matter how insignificant and act over joyed. After a while something would happen, and she would berate me, insult my job performance, and integrity. It was a game to her, she would take real joy in building people up just so she could shock and tear them down- in the end she is all nice and bubbly to others. Awful woman.
I have such a relative,she doesn't abuse by words but makes living difficult,chaos and dirt everywhere,no wash,no cook,clothes on the floor, her child is humiliated by her but only I see this as she is charming and talkative God protect us
Your description doesn't seem necessarily indicative of narcissism. If those are her primary behaviors then perhaps she's experiencing an undiagnosed physical/mental condition or struggling with depression?
I had and have narcs in my family, then unfortunately I met one when I was down. Unfortunately I married him and was used for about 13 years before him leaving when he found out I wasnt getting some money. I wish he would have left sooner. This was all before I got educated about them by vids like this. Spent almost my whole life not knowing what they were and how they operated. I guess its better late than never. Its true - the whole time was a complete selfish story about him. It started with him doing a tap dance around me till he hooked me then quickly became ALL about him.
My sister was only "nice" to me when I refused to have anything to do with her. When I finally went full no-contact (in 1994) she stalked me incessantly. Until 2009, when I got a friend to write on her last letter, "RTS DEC'D" and sent it back. Since then, she has only stalked me intermittently. But I have security cameras now, so I don't go to the door when she knocks, and she no longer has my phone number. If she sends letters, I'll return them unopened, and reiterate the message that I'm dead
With the covert, malignant narcissist in my life seemed to be at peace and had a smile on his face and a little up-beat, his (trap or snare) plan to harm someone was falling into place. The man was evil.
Yes, that is so true, I had many narcissistic people around me from my bosses to co-workers, neighbors and family. Now I stay away from them all, never knew there are so many sick people in this WORLD.
It is a fiercely abusive cycle that is PROFOUNDLY difficult to break away from. However, the victim CAN and will with determination and the right support system. My choice was to turn to God. It has taken years of seeking His version of truth about who I am and learn to become the person He meant for me to be.
My ex-friend played these games too. Only I had no idea her crazy behavior was due to narcissism right away. It was vexing and confusing and finally unbearable. Finally I began setting boundaries and standing my ground. And she really freaked out, for months on end. I'm glad she's out of my life. But I'm still upset that I ever gave her the time of day. Especially considering she bullied me through other people after calling it quits. I think she was hoping I would go begging to her, and I never did. So her ego suffered, and she wanted to get revenge.
I know a guy like this. Never let him back into my life. The problem is that he expects people that hurt him to apologize to him. When he hurts others, no apologies are given but he tells people to let bygones be bygones.
Oh yeah! I have a voice recorder in my room! May be a camera too. (no not paranoid) and the rest of the house has cameras except the bathroom. And thats just top of the iceberg! I knew only way to change anything was to get the hell out.
When they want something from you or want you to do something for them. That’s your entire worth to a narcissist.
Exactly! 100% correct.
My husband is nice to me when my son is home from college.
He wants my son to see that he treats me well.
So no one believes that he is abusive to me.
@@bethshannoneagles4777Amen! And HOW can you ever get your children to believe you when this is how they subtlely treat you in from of them, but behind closed doors...pure EVIL? Then your stress increases with more false accusations on top...and smear campaign spread like wild fire, the whole while you do all you can to stay sane! The main thing that helped me....I had/ have THE LORD on my side! Cld NEVER done it without HIM!!🌈 Bible tells me, "He" is my husband.
@@jesussaves4262 yes he does!!!I am a True believer of our lord and savior. Jesus Christ.
Thank you for your support
They (narcs) are evil. My siblings inherited this from their father.
Narcs are NEVER sincere. It's a calculating game 24/7. Sickening.
Spot on!
They also lie about you and try to destroy your life and reputation. They continually blame you for things they are guilty of. Run for your life. Literally. Abusers to the core
Totally agree with you! See my comment above. Demons all of them.
There is one kind of person who can neutralize a psychopath/narcissist, and that is a Neurotic. A neurotic person suspects everyone of everything, and they never ever drop their guard around anyone, and this kind of person is extremely frustrating to the narcissist, because narcissists are con men who are trying to get you to drop your guard and become easy prey for them, but not only will a neurotic not do this they will in very short order (perhaps less than a minute) figure the narcissist out and let them know that they are watching them closely. Narcissists hide behind masks their whole lives, and it destroys them to have that mask ripped away from them to show their true selves to someone before they are ready. Neurotics are the arch-enemies and arch-rivals of Psychopaths and Narcissists. I'm not saying we should become full blown neurotics, but we can certainly learn a little from them.
The core of them is evil; the objective of evil is to kill steal and destroy.
They actively serve satan and his objectives.
Ignoring evil existence allows it to flourish in a world of seclurism.
Democrats described.
That is my sister to a "T"
It's real simple! They are nice to you when they want something from you
I once had a phone call from a narcissistic family member and answered with "So, what do you want from me?" After trying to make me feel bad by asking me why I was taking that attitude, I stuck to my guns and said, "You only ever ring me when you want something from me, so what do you want?" They then dropped the pretense and told me what they wanted... It wasn't the only time either.
Yes, but when you say no to them, then they become disagreeable, and increasingly insistent and disagreeable when you tell them “no means no.”
@@stevereno Let them! The only option would be to cave in and be an enabler for them. It helps when you point out thay asked you to do something so "no" is a perfectly legitimate answer. They will of course play the victim and point out all the times they did things for you, like holding a door open, so saying yes to helping them pack and move (at your expense of course) is only fair... 😆
It's harder to say no when its your boss, but be assertive!
And the opposite when they can't get it
well done, that is brilliant, i should try that. @@chrisantoniou4366
I learned in Kindergarten that if someone who doesn't like you gives you a cookie, it's probably not a good cookie!!!!
😅
Yeah, that literally never happened. You must be consumed by the Narcissism Trend, and the quacks dispensing it.
It's the old addage, "Everything I need to know, I learned in Kindergarten!"😅
@@pattylong6014I had my first kiss in kindergarten, but the teacher got in trouble...
Even from cookie monster 😊 lol
They are nice only to collect more information to twist and use against you at some later date.
yes
YES....they use all info against you, not to better you☹️
This is scaring me I might've messed up opening up to a friend who's a narcissist but he has feelings for me and I don't feel the same and he can't accept it.
When they want something. Period. That is the only time they will even slightly treat you like an actual human being.
They simply never change! avoid, avoid, avoid.
So true!
NEVER CHANGE!!!!
The nice side of a narcissist is simply manipulation, nothing more.
I do not think we have "free will" so you either do things that you want to do or are forced
to do.
So in that sense, we are all manipulating each other. ITS A SURVIVAL STRATEGY.
❤😂 sex is better with a narcissist.
The make up sex you get twice a week.
@@gknight4719that's complete crap.
Nice to manipulate
Yes a facade they are familiar using in public and that they try to use in private to get the same réponses.
My narcissist mother sent me a message and used her false words with me such as Take care Love you when we are french speaking !! I told her how fake it sounded and out of place.
Narcissists will never go out of their way for anyone if it inconveniences them. You cannot count on them. Love is helping others even if you’re struggling. They are the complete opposite.
They're only nice to you when they want something from you
Exactly.
I will look for it later on
She's hungry, she's bored, she needs your help.
And she hasn't found her new supply yet.
I am 42. I am finally taking action. I was the scape goat, my sister the golden child.
My mom has made my life a struggle and has enjoyed it. She once made me sleep outside in the driveway, for MONTHS. I could use the house for everything as normal. I used my room as normal, all of my stuff was there. But at night, I had to sleep outside.
When it started getting cold, I was allowed to sleep in the cab of my dad's truck. Finally it got too cold and I was allowed to sleep on the bathroom floor, just ten feet from my own bedroom.
I was a good kid. I did not drink or do any drugs. It just happened I was the scape goat child.
I had my first therapist around 13 or 14 years old. My mom wanted them to fix me, but they all said I was fine and that maybe the family as a whole could use therapy. That didn't become a thing.
My mom never encouraged my interests, she never cared. She never encouraged college. All she told me to do was to get a job at the DMV because it's Civil Service and they have good benefits.
I felt worthless. I still do but I am fighting it. All my life, I have had jobs that barely paid the bills. I know I am smart. I know I am capable. But whenever I try something new, imposter syndrome sets in and I am stuck and remember who I am.
I think so little of myself sometimes. The last time I saw my mom, I actually opened up to her about my struggles. She is in a position to help me in several ways, but she never, ever, offers a helping hand without a string attached.
I have a wife and a one and a half year old daughter. We have both decided it's time to create a huge distance between us and my mom, not just for my daughters sake, but mine as well.
I hope this works.
@@bathemeinchampagne That's what my wife says. My sister, who was the golden child, just came to the realization that our mom is a narcissist. She has two sons just under 10 years old. She is breaking ties completely. She apologized to me for all the years thinking I was the problem. That was nice to finally hear. But yeah, she is breaking all ties with her.
I guess I will have to do the same.
I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience. You never deserved that.
@@cleocatra9324 Thank you. I am learning to overcome it but most importantly, my wife and I want to protect our daughter from her.
I'm almost 35, no kids, no wife. But we have been through the same shitshow. I ended up cutting ties with my whole family after nothing but betrayal like this. Your story, is pretty much the same as my youth. Scapegoat child. Gaslighted as a pathological liar. Anything I said was considered a lie. Therefore I was a convenient free babysit for my half brother and a house slave for 4 days a week. All to get pissed in the face un return. After I rebelled and became highy disobedient she lost more and more control. I also had a girlfriend at that time. My mother smiled while she ruined that relationship and dumped me on the streets after that. I was 19 years old. I even tried reconsiliation. It was nothing else but Stockholm's syndrome. It started all over again.
Mother was a overt narcissist, half brother was set up against me later on, also appeared to be a flying monkey narcissist. Father was a covert narcissist, that controlfreak messed me up with financial betrayal.
I warned them if they both ever dare to cross my path again, I take matters into my own hands. I cut ties, went homeless, got myself off the streets, I'm home and now no one knows where I live.
Yet it would be nice to experience a loving harmonious family that actually sticks together and have eachothers backs in bad times. It only became so hard to find somebody to love.
@@Ominous89 my grandparents really loved each other. I’ve known people who do. It is possible, keep on praying.
The best way to treat a narcissist is to totally ignore them, they hate this approach, and will constantly change there tactics to try to get you to be involved in a tit for tat discussion.
wowwww this is sooooo trueeee
Excellent summary of how narcissistic people operate. It's so difficult for empaths to resist this manipulation but I've learnt over the years that I attract these personalities. The difference now is that I can better recognise this toxic behaviour.
Thank you for the comment! That is great to hear you have learned how to better recognize the toxic behavior. That allows you to stay a step ahead of the toxic narcissist.
I feel the same. Why do I attract them. In the benign they dont show these trade marks?
@@susanjoubert3315the more you learn about recognising toxic behaviour, the less you will attract those people.
well said. watching out for the red flags of manipulation is so helpful,
Empaths are narcisists. They make other people's experience all about them.
When they are being nice to you, they still can't help talking bad about another person and how that person has treated them so bad. Just remember, if they fail to reel you in (usually to get you to do something they want) you will soon become that person who the narc was talking bad about. If the narc's new supply knows you they will try to manipulate and turn that person against you as punishment.
Great comment! Thank you for sharing.
Bingo!
They are CONSTANTLY bad mouthing and putting SOMEONE down. Incredibly cruel. Mean for no reason. It is true that it's to make themselves feel better. Meanwhile, listening to their negativity and nastiness drains your soul.
When they bad mouth someone else to you, cheer fully disagree. Eventually they will stop talking to you.
If you have a boundary/ rule that to you will not engage in negative talk about anyone narcs will not want to talk to you.
@@daisy1441 Totally! When I told my mom I wouldn’t listen to her shit talk the family, she definitely stopped bothering to talk to me much.
In the theater of a narcissistic relationship, you are both the audience and the unwitting co-star, continuously adapting to the ever-changing script of their ego-centric drama.
This is very beautifully put.
So artfully and magnificently stated.
It might be an "ever-changing script" but the ending is always the same... I am superior to you in every way.
yep, always moving the goal post
This is my mother, 1000%. And I used to fall into her trap over and over. Finally catching on. Thank you for confirming my observations. My next step is to stop trying to win her approval. It's a waste of effort and just keeps me in a weak place.
Good on you for catching on 👌🏽💕
It's so empowering when your eyesight adjusts to see things clearly. Ppl say you can't beat em at their own game but at least you can figure out their silent but significant " rules " 😉
My mother lived to be 94. She passed away when I was 60. It wasn't until a few years ago. I realized that she was a full-on narcissist. I wish I knew it before she passed, I could have made my exit and saved myself a lot of pain.
This is my mother as well 😢
100% well said!! In my experience, you're so doing the right thing. With my now "late narcissitic so called mother" being onto her meant don't let my guard down for her to keep manipulating to have constant contact which of course I'd to go no contact permanently.. Best thing I ever did & to be honest to remain healthy & same still I didn't attend her funeral & burial services. It was too as if I had my so-called narcissitic father would've kept going to try & get me to breaking point which as it went on for so long them brainwashing people it would've likely been too hard to expose her true self? But I feel no regret only "healthy & healing feelings"- a weight feels as if it's lifted from me with all her negativity & nastiness towards me mainly
@@skippingstones2023me too!! My so-called 💯 Narcissitic 'mother" passed away fairly recently in her 80's & I was sorry when I saw through her as a child narcissim hadn't been talked or known about then? Easier identifying it & working through it with my therapy back then too .
Ever notice that narcissists will drop out of the blue? Unannounced? They try to keep you off guard. It is a fine art with them!
Narcissist are all about you being their new source of validation. They are oh so charming until you are convinced they are your friend, then they unleash their inner turmoil on you once they find out you have the self worth they lack themselves. Then, their envy works on them until they only see you as a competitor. This is where their game gets really ugly, because at all cost they will try to undermine your dignity and peace. The only thing you can do is stay strong in your own self knowledge and not let them make you double think yourself.
I had an older brother who was a narcissist and a pyschopath. Basically they are con men, they are extremely charming and will even do what they can to help you out of your most pressing problem, but they are only doing it to get you to drop your guard long enough for them to really really harm you in some way. In a very short period of time you will begin to really like them very much, probably to the point of wanting them around all the time, to the point of the very best friend you've ever had in your life, and that's when they'll get you into a compromising location or position where no one is around to help you and then they'll show you what their real face looks like behind the mask they've been wearing for you. They're extremely dangerous people, without remorse or compassion, they only know what they need and what they want, and like a Bengal Tiger doesn't feel remorse after killing and eating a Gazelle they won't feel anything after they've harmed you in the worst way possible. Basically they'll feel you're just a fool who trusts people, and that you had it coming. Hope this helps.
Self-interested and calculating people that laugh at others. They take advantage of naive people that want to do good or help others. They con people like sociopaths. A narcissist IS a type of sociopath. Harmful to people and society. They Are Killers, Predators... Their food IS you. They live by gnawing you.
Billy, you have summed up the psychopathic, narcissistic personality exactly! Read and learn, people.
They want something and they have NO friends.
only the ones who cannot see through them at all
Exactly when all their friends have dumped them and they know you're a vulnerable person.. Then they'll come looking for you.
@@marcfilion 💯 percent
I've given up on my older brother, he takes advantage of everyone, never lifts a finger to help me.. and pretends like all the bad things he's said to me and my wife just never happened. He talks about everyone behind their back. I'm done.
@Michael, wow, that is just like my older brother. Threw away each member of the family when they no longer were useful to him. Mofo even sued me. So glad I don't have to deal with that pos anymore.
If they talk about others in your life to devalue your lovers, friends, and family (as pretend "constructive" criticism that's really DESTRUCTIVE criticism in disguise for their sick ulterior motives)--eventually they'll do that to you.
Don't beat yourself up if you believed in their MASK before, because everyone else fell for it too, for little while at least!
“Run Forest Run!”
Narcissists being nice when they don't know somebody and are in a phase of testing, whether they can abuse the person without consequences or not. Normal people appreciate being nice and friendly to them. Narcissist treats it like it was invitation for abuse. Other words, when they feel the person is safe and harmless, they show their true colors.
That's the guy I ended up with. I had no idea what I was in for; he's been a dishonest user from day 1.
Yuck thats so awful
I look for consistency in a person's day to day behavior. Worked in a small business with two narcs in supervisory positions. You'd think they'd be in competition with each other, but the opposite was true because they had each other's back and they ran like a pack. They'd be openly critical of others one day, then flip and be super nice the next day. Jekyll & Hyde behavior.
so right jekyl and hide and work like a pack
My mother-in-law can alternate from being nice to being aggressive to fake crying literally in a matter of seconds to try and get the response she wants from my husband. Fortunately he has set boundaries and gone low contact, and accepts that she’s ill/narcissistic and it’s not his fault or responsibility. He is polite but refuses to emotionally subsidize her any longer!
'Emotionally subsidize', that's an absolutely fantastic phrase to describe it!
I think the trauma replication they act out all their live will always lead to discard regardless of anything.
So after decades of doing above and beyond for my sister and her family, I got sick and ONE Saturday called and asked her for help. We lived within a 15 minute walk of each other. She had two older teenagers in the house also. She could not get off the phone quick enough and said she had no time. Literally, she could have had one of her kids (16 and 17 years old) go to the store and grab two items for me. That was it. That’s when the scales fell off my eyes. Her tone of voice was also so irritated. The ONE time I asked for help after decades of doing crap for her.
😢😢😢😢😢
I've learnt the extremely hard way, like most family members, or targets, of highly narcissistic individuals, that they're usually nice when they want something, such as money, s*x, a place to stay, or even just company for hours on end!
I've also learnt that the fake niceness often doesn't last for long, depending on what they want and if they get their need at the time met.
I know without a doubt now that their so-called change in attitude isn't genuine, unless they've done healing work, which takes time, after stopping drinking and/or partaking in other drugs etc as a way of coping. ❤
thank you for the comment. I know it will be helpful for others. ❤️
my narc neighbour was nice to me when she wanted to borrow my recycling bin as she had too much, and she was nice to me when she gossped with a neighbour that I was selling my house, I wasn't and she wanted to buy it. she was horrible to me when she parked on my driveway and started gaslighting me that she will be only a short time
For some it is a game of baiting you in to test their power, get you to believe that things aren't as bad as you thought, and then dashing your hooe and faith in them. I think some of them get perverse joy from making others hurt.
When the narc in my life suddenly was nice, my radar was on high alert. I never let my guard down with this person. Never.
Especially when they are being too nice...gifts, etc. It would give me anxiety and panic attacks because sometimes they are being nice to you to set you up before they hurt you again.
I love the message in the background.
Don't fall for it. :) Great post.
My father had vanished for 9 years after retiring from the military he convinced me for years to join and when I finally did and was off to war he disappeared he was in for over 20 years and he didn’t even bother giving me any guide and then he contacted me and I knew he wanted something. He wanted me to move in with him has he ages of course NOT and he quickly discarded everyone again I made peace that he will never change and I do not expect nothing from him I just know that I have to protect myself from him and I have no plan on being mistreated by anyone
well said, that is so hoirrlble
Good on you mate, for respecting yourself enough to say NO.
When my narcissistic in laws are nice, I ask what do they want?
I have been suffering extreme narcissistic abuse at the hands of my covert malignant narcissist younger sister, ever since my mom passed away in 2012. My life has been sheer hell ever since as she forced my mom to do a will when she was dying of cancer, without my knowledge, leaving everything to her including the family home, and leaving me nothing at all. When I did eventually find out, to my shock and horror, my sister said it was just a piece of paper and I had nothing to worry about, and she would never use it against me. She even begged me not to contest the will as she thought she would get into trouble or go to prison, so like a fool I trusted her and didn't contest it even tho I desperately wanted to. Worst thing I EVER did! She has done nothing but try to use the will against me ever since in order to make me leave my home which I refuse to do, such as lockouts, completely false made up allegations of domestic abuse, which is actually what she is projecting as she is the only one abusing, and forcing me to sign an equity release waiver against my will at a solicitors, which I did as I was terrified of being locked out again or having an "injuction' put on me if I refused to sign. As a Christian, needless to say God came to my rescue and made that signed waiver disappear and they never received it! Thanks be to God. Miracles do happen and the Lord has preserved me and upheld me throughout this ongoing nightmare with the narcissist. What I do know in this battle of spiritual warfare is that I have seen the face of pure evil, maybe the devil himself in the face of my sister, who is actually a baptised Catholic, unbelievably, and it is impossible for a narcissist to be a Christian as they are evil personified, demons in human form, and I truly believe this from my experience.
I keep hearing him in my head telling me to “learn the rules”!!! What? The impossible rules that only he knows what they are? No thanks
Exactly. The rules you “learn” just for them to change them again.
Constantly moving invisible goal posts.
I'm a retired senior and I rent a room in my ex sister in law's house. She thinks that on top of the rent I pay her each month that my "job" is to cater to her, clean up after her and her three dogs. She goes into narc rages and is just nasty hateful. At least once a week she screams that "my house, my rules" crap at me.
That is a difficult position you are in. It is not so easy to find a place you can pay for on your own. Rents are sky-high. Hope your situation changes.@@tonya--7704
When theyre suddenly being nice for no reason ...I question why now...whats up ....what do they want ?
They are buttering you up for a specific reason ...
A guaranteed impending blindside feels sickening suspenseful, especially when you don't see it coming 😣
I had a nars ex for 3 years, and the very moment he did not get exactly what he wanted, he lost all empathy and turned cruel. I heard they can also play along "nice" for a very long time!
I spent nearly 6 years with a religious community whose leader was an abusive narcissist, they practice every single one of the behaviors described in this video to a T. It was very traumatizing to myself and to countless others, pray that I can heal.
Short and sweet. My narcs are far away in my past. I want to understand the situations without reliving them. Long videos make me dwell too long in what I want to forget. This concise video is packed with information from which I can learn something before the memories cause too much nausea.
Soooo true . On the one hand , videos such as these are very informational and insightful . On the other, too much , or too long , and it can be triggering as you get
“ reminded “ and get lost in that thought of what the trauma is you need to move past from !
Thx 4 this. Describes my new coworker to a T. Never met a person like this before in my life. Googled his “behaviors” & learned that I’m dealing with a true narcissist who acts just like this. Had me under a spell for a while with his smooth talking & “kind gestures” but found out over time. This dude is gonna get fired soon cuz he exploits company resources & vehicles for his own benefit & gain after hours. Plus, he treats others like crap, lies & is just a straight a-hole. Run from these ppl & live free & good!
Love the "don't fall for it" sign over you shoulder - my father was a master at pushing me then a tiny morsel of positive to keep me engaged. The trauma bond is so obvious now, thankful he has passed - but he still stung me in the will, just had to get one last zing in.
Oh yes! When I do anything that is not inline with what makes the Narc look superior I am belittled...usually behind my back…but when I could come in handy and make the narc look important.….my name is dropped all over the place…oooh yes what a privilege they are related to me….🙄
😢😢😢
A few months ago, I had to go no contact with a relative conspired to steal money from me and several other family members. This past weekend, I saw her at the funeral of another family member. I was visiting with friends and noticed this relative lurking in the shadows. Eventually, she spoke, but it was because she wanted to feel acknowledged. She felt deflated that she wasn't the center of attention.
I know when they when are nice that they are up to something or getting their supply from somewhere else or you just know that this is the calm before the storm .
Agree they won’t ever change .
Draino used to say: “you only give me what you want, not what I need”.
This was self projection for sure. He could only take, take, take and then want more. He never gave me what I needed.
Thank you for helping me understand Andrew. ❤❤❤
It is shocking how closely you summed up my last “relationship”.
I don't think they ever stop trying to Hoover you if you are the one who left.
I’m in midst of divorcing them & they’re being the best they ever could try to be
Whatever throws you off balance they will do , also they love playing innocent victim nice guy to all outsiders including lawyers & judges if divorcing
Hoovering lovebombing if u go back , it’ll be even worse & they will make u pay
😢😢😢😢😢
@@seekerofgrace2058😢😢😢😢 this is very true
NO CONTACT BEST ADVICE!!!No contact beast advice!!!
Human relationships can be very complex. If we are honest, we probably all have narcissistic tendencies, which would stir up the narcissist to be more manipulative and controlling.
thanks it's great to have a reminder, because i tend to forget that there even exist people like that... they don't really in my life anymore, but i gotta remind myself to never forget that there actually are such monsters out there...
I wish this type of information was available decades ago.
My older narcissistic sister used to be sweet and nice when I chose to go silent because I couldn't stand her bullying and public humiliation I did fall for it a couple of times cuz I desperately wanted a relationship with her.
I've had a lot of narcissistic ppl in my life. They are not in my life after learning the hard way. I guess it's made me stronger and I can spot a narcissistic person right away. Just even their mannerisms. I see it and I run. I can't handle it. It's so toxic it literally makes me sick. My blood pressure gets really high. I see darkness and I won't be treated crappy and abused. If you leave DO NOT leave any door open to come in and manipulate and turn things around. Cut off ALL communication.
They NEVER say they are sorry and it's everyone else. Therefore it will keep going. They don't do anything wrong. They don't look at their behaviors to get help and change. So they will continue being ugly. THEY NEVER CHANGE.
I don't like the feeling of being picked at for everything. Being Manipulated,lied to. Head games and going nuts because you are questioning your own sanity. Don't be a victim be a survivor. A life without these horrible ppl is amazing. Happy. Not constantly on edge.
I used to fall for it every time. So relieved and grateful when these people would finally treat me decently, but it was always part of some scheme or trap.
And it is so easy to fall for because they are master manipulators! The more you know, the easier it is to not take the niceness bait they are dangling in front of you.
Narc keep on hovering✅ I blocked my Narc X 6 years back✅ & people who support Narc can marry Narc✅ All Narc supporting each other✅
They always want something so always say no. They want to use you. You’ll notice they absolutely hate the word no. So say no that simple.
January 28, 2024
That’s crazy-making lunacy: to be derogatory to someone so that they would leave; only to be nice (appear normal) to them in the hopes that they will stay. A person gets emotional whiplash from this toxicity.
I threw my ex out 20 years ago and he was a narcissist PLUS. The relationship, for lack of a better way to put it, was over before that but it took me a while to get him out of the house. He treated me and his own children horribly and I didn't want him around them because he was just getting worse by the day. The only time he was nice to me was when I had to nurse him through recovery from an injury and recovery from an illness. When he got better, he went back to being a monster. If you've already identified someone you're with as one of these abominations, leave them. They never change. I was a strong person so I made it out. Just be careful with your exit plan because they are going to make it hard for you and can be very dangerous.
Our covert narc neighbour and it's husband were nice to us yesterday for the first time in 5 years because we hit them with a claim from our solicitor and they know their lies and BS won't save them this time 😊
"it's" 😂
Learned this lesson again after my brother died. My sister can't help herself.
There is definitely such a thing as a constructive narcissist. I know at least one, but he is very intelligent, creative and hard working.
This entire thing works entirely different in a work environment. Especially when the narc has control on the clock.
This is so true. I recorded my coworker talking behind my back for months. I am a quiet person and avoid confrontation,so I have held this anger inside.seeing her everyday makes me sick.
Not forgiving can make you sick. You don't have to be pals but try to forgive. This person is not worth your health.
I understand all of this. This is how l lived for many years held captive by a family member who l thought cared. I jumped and I'm out of it but because this person has always been totally dependent on anyone and everyone they can, they are totally mentally ill and are in the world with no ways or means to survive. I only wish our parents had been the ones to stand firm way back in her childhood but that became mine to do in the name of love care and understanding. It doesn't stop for me. Now l cannot shut down at night for fear of her suffering in the cold and dying.
When my father was nice it was to lure me in to come back or to escort him overseas for family reasons and would promise me money on a Visa card so I could do my own thing (then claimed the credit card company called to cancel when we were both on the plane and about to lift off…leaving me stuck with no money in Europe following him around like a free escort really)
oh wow
This is excellent. Thank you.
You are very welcome!
@@DrEmilyMayfield Again, thank you. I previously liked and just subscribed. : )
Welcome to the Mindset Therapy Family!
Thank you!!! My mother was narcissistic. I survived a lifetime of lies and mind games. Just recently I life two friendships because they were verbally abusive. After lessoning to your video I realized although ending the friendship was painful I was lucky leaving. I didn't trauma bond.!! Thank you. I real validated.
I refused a "favor" he wanted to do "for me" because I could see it was going to cause problems and it wasn't something I wanted done anyway. I was very definite, saying several different times, "DO NOT do this!" He did it anyway, used it against me, and I later found out he got the grass seed he used FREE. He dumped it on a mossy spot under a tree, where it was too dark to succeed anyway, then left for 3 weeks. Yelled at me for not watering it when he got back. Plus, it was somewhere I usually walked across, and I didn't want to deour constantly for his futile project. He figured he'd get "nice" credit for zero cost and work!
I was given a very rare and "expensive" bottle of French wine for my birthday by my Narcissist family member. It was undrinkable! He forgot he gave me a bottle for my birthday and on another occasion bragged about how he got a dozen really cheap bottles of wine (the same one) from the local supermarket...
Thanks for the explanation about the narcissist lacking constancy. Incapable of making themselves feel better.....Is it true that the narcissist lacks a core sense of self?
Absolutely, they have no real sense of self and that's why they can't self reflect and adjust their behaviour or views. They never evolve because within there is a complete void. This is why they construct a false persona but it is not a real reflection of them
Excellent response. Thank you for the comment and helping someone else learn more about narcissists.
I disagree. I think narcissists have an inflated sense of self and that IS a constant. If there was no one who they could "feed" off they just soliloquize about how wonderful they really are. If they meet someone they will immediately puff themselves up, brag, exaggerate, and name drop. For them their image is all there is... deep down they're very shallow.
They have to think they are superior because they mask their true feelings of inferiority. The constant need for validation is like being on a wheel they can't get off.
Spot on video! The niceness is a facade (driven by ulterior motives) and the disdain/deceit is the reality.
Thanks for watching and the comment!
Thank you for busting my bubble!!!🤣🤣🤣 I have a tendency to fall for this trick but I'm getting much better at it. Thank you for this information.
So true. A narcissist in my family contacted me after 9 years of no contact. Wants to make amends. Ha. Didnt believe it for a second. I was so angry. X
I’m just glad awareness is being raised….i never knew or even thought of a Narcissist…I ran up on a video a year ago and notice the guy I was with fitted the entire description in every characteristic way…I was mind blown becuz I knew some was off about him.. 😊just didn’t know what….Im free I’m healing it’s been a year since the discard and I’ve found myself again….of course he has attempted Hoovers but he’s been on block…….IM DONE!!!!
Spot on information!! Run far away !!
A Narcissist will kick you to the curb for someone that is an easy target for various reasons. I.e. status, sex, age, ego boost !!!
They are nice when they feel vulnerable, and they are their true self when they think you are vulnerable.
I always found it odd when they did this. Even at a young age, I always felt they were being suspicious or that they did something bad and to cover up their shame, they do something nice for you but in a couple of hours, there back to their old behavior. Cowards.
I coulda used a video like this 30 somethin' yars ago! thanks doc!
Glad it was helpful!
Good video. I've been through it and I know all about it. I'm between a friendship with someone who has displayed all the signs of a narcissist.
I’m working with one and after a lot of niceness, once again, she got nasty for nothing. Shaming me in front of another. I didn’t say a word but my eyes said it all. Then I carried on being myself, chirpy and smiling. I will mark up that phrase « Don’t fall for it ». She has taken up too much of my consideration and she certainly doesn’t deserve it. Things will be different next week at work and all with a smile.
2:10 They take revenge over trivial matters. Firstly they'll be nice and friendly and wait for you to put your guard down. Then they'll strike.
They;ll wait for weeks mths and even yrs.
Absolutely true. 💯%
The sign in the back 🙏🏾✨
100% well said!! In my experience,with my so-called narcissitic "parents". It's just part of their manipulative games & narcissitic control totally.. All fake nice to get their way to try to keep sucking me in but am so wise to it ad I've been since forever? Overlooking things with them is similar to attempting to forgive your child being naughty & hoping they won't chuck another temper tantrum again especially soon
Funny. I knew a lady who would compliment me on something, no matter how insignificant and act over joyed. After a while something would happen, and she would berate me, insult my job performance, and integrity. It was a game to her, she would take real joy in building people up just so she could shock and tear them down- in the end she is all nice and bubbly to others. Awful woman.
I have such a relative,she doesn't abuse by words but makes living difficult,chaos and dirt everywhere,no wash,no cook,clothes on the floor, her child is humiliated by her but only I see this as she is charming and talkative God protect us
Your description doesn't seem necessarily indicative of narcissism. If those are her primary behaviors then perhaps she's experiencing an undiagnosed physical/mental condition or struggling with depression?
You only ever hear from them when they want something.
I had and have narcs in my family, then unfortunately I met one when I was down. Unfortunately I married him and was used for about 13 years before him leaving when he found out I wasnt getting some money. I wish he would have left sooner. This was all before I got educated about them by vids like this. Spent almost my whole life not knowing what they were and how they operated. I guess its better late than never. Its true - the whole time was a complete selfish story about him. It started with him doing a tap dance around me till he hooked me then quickly became ALL about him.
My sister was only "nice" to me when I refused to have anything to do with her.
When I finally went full no-contact (in 1994) she stalked me incessantly. Until 2009, when I got a friend to write on her last letter, "RTS DEC'D" and sent it back.
Since then, she has only stalked me intermittently. But I have security cameras now, so I don't go to the door when she knocks, and she no longer has my phone number. If she sends letters, I'll return them unopened, and reiterate the message that I'm dead
With the covert, malignant narcissist in my life seemed to be at peace and had a smile on his face and a little up-beat, his (trap or snare) plan to harm someone was falling into place. The man was evil.
Currently battling a narcissist trying to hoover me back in. Not happening!
Yes, that is so true, I had many narcissistic people around me from my bosses to co-workers, neighbors and family. Now I stay away from them all, never knew there are so many sick people in this WORLD.
WOW! short and Truthful ..Thank you!
You are so welcome! Thank you for watching!
This was spot on and I appreciate your explanation. Thank you 💕
🙏🏾 YES THANKS YOU LORD JESUS 🙏🏾 Yes That Is So TRUE 💯 Do Not TRUST THEM 💯
so true this is the best shortest summary of a narc i have heard
Thank you for the kind words and your support!
It is a fiercely abusive cycle that is PROFOUNDLY difficult to break away from. However, the victim CAN and will with determination and the right support system. My choice was to turn to God. It has taken years of seeking His version of truth about who I am and learn to become the person He meant for me to be.
My ex-friend played these games too. Only I had no idea her crazy behavior was due to narcissism right away. It was vexing and confusing and finally unbearable.
Finally I began setting boundaries and standing my ground.
And she really freaked out, for months on end.
I'm glad she's out of my life. But I'm still upset that I ever gave her the time of day. Especially considering she bullied me through other people after calling it quits.
I think she was hoping I would go begging to her, and I never did.
So her ego suffered, and she wanted to get revenge.
I know a guy like this. Never let him back into my life. The problem is that he expects people that hurt him to apologize to him. When he hurts others, no apologies are given but he tells people to let bygones be bygones.
Oh yeah! I have a voice recorder in my room! May be a camera too. (no not paranoid) and the rest of the house has cameras except the bathroom. And thats just top of the iceberg! I knew only way to change anything was to get the hell out.