Honestly, I don't care if my husband ever touches me again after what he did. I get no joy out of our sex life anymore. It's totally different for me because I feel that he doesn't value our intimate life. Our sex life will never be the same and I'm so tired of trying to work past it. I didn't deserve what he did and I don't deserve to have to force myself to be intimate with my own husband. This is something no one should have to deal with.
In the end you talked about how affair sex is more like masturbation with a person and nothing about it is intimate, and nothing like that „becoming one“ feeling in a longterm relationship. But my girlfriend who cheated on me with a guy she’d known for only three weeks admits, that she experienced the same kind of „bubble“ feeling with the affair, that she ha‘d previously only experienced with me. This fuckin hurts. How could they be THIS intimate?? Before the affair our sex had always been amazing, albeit may be not as regular as it used to
It really depends on the reason for which she chose to cheat. And what her weaknesses are. Not every relationship is worth saving, it's really up to you to decide if it's worth saving, and that's something no specialist can help with.
What about if this happened in your own bed? I can’t get over this. He has nothing new to offer me. I feel dirty. Like if he gave me cancer in my heart. Can’t see him with compassionate eyes. He smashed my life to bits.
Started watching these try to wrap my head around this found out 5 days ago still trying to wrap my head around this I'm at a lost for words this type of hurt is more painful then any type of pain I have ever felt befor
It’s still a struggle believing that the A sex wasn’t better than the marital sex. We had been each other’s only partner for 10 years. it seems unlikely that the newness, the thrill, even the taboo aspect of it being an A, didn’t make for some spectacular sexual experience. My husband has repeatedly said it wasn’t that great, and mixed with all the shame, it actually was kind of awful. Idk that I can really believe that.
I feel the same way as you do I'm a betrayed male spouse. D-day 5 weeks ago. She hasn't told me all the details, now she wants to be intimate with me. I feel like she got to play both fields and now wants me back. And I feel like heck why cant I play both fields then and just come back and say I'm sorry I made a "mistake"
@@elijahmeza2479 wow buddy, I’m in the same boat as you, 14 months after D DAY, we decided to stay together to work on the marriage and make it stronger BUT every few weeks I get these visions and thoughts of “them” together and it burns me beyond belief. Like, why can’t I go have “fun” like you did 😞
@@AL_FARID_23 and @elijah meza. Truly understand your pain. It's an awful place to be in. But don't go against your morals or beliefs. Doing like they did and being unfaithful will definitely not make you feel better, nor the relationship. You either work on the marriage or walk away. Heal yourself first...that's hard but critical to discovering and being you. The unfaithful will bear the consequences.
Seems so complicated and painful, don’t understand the obsession of staying with someone who decided their relationship wasn’t worth anything when they decided to stray. So much pain and destruction for 5 minutes… smfh
I believe it's a bit more complicated than this. The cheating rates are crazy, so yes, you can decide to just move on, start a new relationship, and the same thing happens again. What then? But if you find yourself in this fucked up situation, and you can save your relationship with lessons learned for both sides, can't it be that you might have lower chances of going through this shit again?
I am new to your videos and have a question. My husband's infidelities and shady behaviors online came out almost 2 years ago. It's not on my mind 24/7 like it was, but I still have a long way to go, we have a long way to go. Could you please let me know where to start on all of your videos? I'm thinking it will be more beneficial to me/us if we watch them in some logical order. Is there some master list? Thank you so much! I have a feeling you are a godsend for me to be able to explain why I'm "still not over it", how to get him to understand why I try to get him to see things from my perspective, etc ...
welcome to the videos and community my friend. i'm sorry that you qualify to be here, but so glad you found us and the videos. unfortunately i have no idea where to start as ive done so many of them they are just out there. i would jump in and see what works for you. there are a lot of them but once you start to maybe get a handle on what you need and what you can search by topic and subject word in youtube and it usually will grab them. take care for now my friend. appreciate you kind words.
I only see videos on this channel about regaining sexual intimacy...but i see ZERO videos on hysterical bonding, which through some research i have found is pretty common. Can you guys PLEASE make a video about hysterical bonding and how to deal with the confusion and shame that comes with that for the betrayed spouse. Its something i am struggling with and i know im not the only one. I feel so much pain and anger...yet i WANT my husband more than i ever have. It feels like my body is betraying me and would be helpful to have more information on this topic.
I’m listening to this from a place of my spouse still being in the middle of his limerant affair and not having (yet?) arrived at a place of even feeling any remorse or desire to reconcile. But I’m trying to spend this time learning strategies so I will be ready when his limerence ends. My question is this: when you schedule sex or even force yourselves to have conversations about your physical intimacy plan, doesn’t the lack of spontaneity relegate it to boring and clinical versus the “naturally titillating” sex that the unfaithful spouse has been having with the affair partner? Doesn’t that cause the unfaithful to regret returning or long for the excitement and emotional immaturity of the affair?
No. Spontaneous sex is great...yes. But so is scheduled intimacy. Life's stresses get in the way of that Spontaneous nature, so it's much better to schedule physical time than to not have it at all. Not to mention, it opens up dialog between partners and results in deeper intimacy than simply acting on animalistic desires.
#AR. Thanks for sharing this. Every time that happened to me , I tried as you said not to compare myself or visualize how it was with the other person but it not always easy. I also pray and ask God to help me love again the way he loved me. But I have a question. Now I don't think I can feel that desire again to have sex, because he keep going back to the AP while telling me and making promises that it was over. So I just feel like she is better than I that why he can't stay away. I need help because I am devastated right now just found it out couples weeks ago that he still says I love you to her
Could you please provide some pointers on how to find a good sex therapist who can also deal with infidelity isues? We tried word of mouth a year or so ago and didn't really come up with anything helpful. Are there specific training programs that list practitioners by zip code, for example? or national association/accreditation that are good to look for or avoid? Thanks.
How long is the healthy time frame for sexual intimacy to resume? My wife is still in her affair and indicates that she would only choose me if she gets sex straight away. The reason she justify her affair is she didn't get enough sex. Our frequency was about 1-2/week before separation. She was expecting sex in the separation which she didn't get and went on to the affair. It has been going on for 1 year now.
Honestly, I don't care if my husband ever touches me again after what he did. I get no joy out of our sex life anymore. It's totally different for me because I feel that he doesn't value our intimate life. Our sex life will never be the same and I'm so tired of trying to work past it. I didn't deserve what he did and I don't deserve to have to force myself to be intimate with my own husband. This is something no one should have to deal with.
It's been a year... How are you doing now? Update?
Agree with you ma'am
Trust me I know. She picked a pervert who made hidden camera porn a posted it!
Same. I'll never touch another woman again. Disgusting.
In the end you talked about how affair sex is more like masturbation with a person and nothing about it is intimate, and nothing like that „becoming one“ feeling in a longterm relationship.
But my girlfriend who cheated on me with a guy she’d known for only three weeks admits, that she experienced the same kind of „bubble“ feeling with the affair, that she ha‘d previously only experienced with me. This fuckin hurts. How could they be THIS intimate??
Before the affair our sex had always been amazing, albeit may be not as regular as it used to
It really depends on the reason for which she chose to cheat. And what her weaknesses are. Not every relationship is worth saving, it's really up to you to decide if it's worth saving, and that's something no specialist can help with.
What about if this happened in your own bed? I can’t get over this. He has nothing new to offer me. I feel dirty. Like if he gave me cancer in my heart. Can’t see him with compassionate eyes. He smashed my life to bits.
You can overcome it get rid of the bed
They were in my bed too! I feel so disrespected!! I hate them both!
Started watching these try to wrap my head around this found out 5 days ago still trying to wrap my head around this I'm at a lost for words this type of hurt is more painful then any type of pain I have ever felt befor
Hang in there 👍🙏
I love these guy’s videos! At EMS weekend in March I met both of them and they have changed my life!
I admire this guy. I am not capable to take back a cheater. For me was better to part ways.
It’s still a struggle believing that the A sex wasn’t better than the marital sex. We had been each other’s only partner for 10 years. it seems unlikely that the newness, the thrill, even the taboo aspect of it being an A, didn’t make for some spectacular sexual experience. My husband has repeatedly said it wasn’t that great, and mixed with all the shame, it actually was kind of awful. Idk that I can really believe that.
I feel the same way you do. Its a big issue for me.
I feel the same way as you do I'm a betrayed male spouse. D-day 5 weeks ago. She hasn't told me all the details, now she wants to be intimate with me. I feel like she got to play both fields and now wants me back. And I feel like heck why cant I play both fields then and just come back and say I'm sorry I made a "mistake"
@@elijahmeza2479 wow buddy, I’m in the same boat as you, 14 months after D DAY, we decided to stay together to work on the marriage and make it stronger BUT every few weeks I get these visions and thoughts of “them” together and it burns me beyond belief. Like, why can’t I go have “fun” like you did 😞
@@AL_FARID_23 that puts you no where.....it does not get rid of the pain only makes more pain.....
@@AL_FARID_23 and @elijah meza. Truly understand your pain. It's an awful place to be in. But don't go against your morals or beliefs. Doing like they did and being unfaithful will definitely not make you feel better, nor the relationship. You either work on the marriage or walk away. Heal yourself first...that's hard but critical to discovering and being you. The unfaithful will bear the consequences.
Seems so complicated and painful, don’t understand the obsession of staying with someone who decided their relationship wasn’t worth anything when they decided to stray. So much pain and destruction for 5 minutes… smfh
💯
I believe it's a bit more complicated than this. The cheating rates are crazy, so yes, you can decide to just move on, start a new relationship, and the same thing happens again. What then? But if you find yourself in this fucked up situation, and you can save your relationship with lessons learned for both sides, can't it be that you might have lower chances of going through this shit again?
I’m inside my own head & it’s killing ME!
Me too
Join the club
How you been doing?
Great video. I love hearing from John.
I am new to your videos and have a question. My husband's infidelities and shady behaviors online came out almost 2 years ago. It's not on my mind 24/7 like it was, but I still have a long way to go, we have a long way to go. Could you please let me know where to start on all of your videos? I'm thinking it will be more beneficial to me/us if we watch them in some logical order. Is there some master list? Thank you so much! I have a feeling you are a godsend for me to be able to explain why I'm "still not over it", how to get him to understand why I try to get him to see things from my perspective, etc ...
welcome to the videos and community my friend. i'm sorry that you qualify to be here, but so glad you found us and the videos. unfortunately i have no idea where to start as ive done so many of them they are just out there. i would jump in and see what works for you. there are a lot of them but once you start to maybe get a handle on what you need and what you can search by topic and subject word in youtube and it usually will grab them. take care for now my friend. appreciate you kind words.
I only see videos on this channel about regaining sexual intimacy...but i see ZERO videos on hysterical bonding, which through some research i have found is pretty common. Can you guys PLEASE make a video about hysterical bonding and how to deal with the confusion and shame that comes with that for the betrayed spouse. Its something i am struggling with and i know im not the only one. I feel so much pain and anger...yet i WANT my husband more than i ever have. It feels like my body is betraying me and would be helpful to have more information on this topic.
It will pass when reality sets in! Then you will turn so cold you will not want to see him. It's a phase.
I’m listening to this from a place of my spouse still being in the middle of his limerant affair and not having (yet?) arrived at a place of even feeling any remorse or desire to reconcile. But I’m trying to spend this time learning strategies so I will be ready when his limerence ends. My question is this: when you schedule sex or even force yourselves to have conversations about your physical intimacy plan, doesn’t the lack of spontaneity relegate it to boring and clinical versus the “naturally titillating” sex that the unfaithful spouse has been having with the affair partner? Doesn’t that cause the unfaithful to regret returning or long for the excitement and emotional immaturity of the affair?
@ToFishTeacher Divorce is always an option.
No. Spontaneous sex is great...yes. But so is scheduled intimacy. Life's stresses get in the way of that Spontaneous nature, so it's much better to schedule physical time than to not have it at all. Not to mention, it opens up dialog between partners and results in deeper intimacy than simply acting on animalistic desires.
You guys posted this video at the perfect time. I needed this. Thank you.
Thank you so much for everything you do
#AR. Thanks for sharing this. Every time that happened to me , I tried as you said not to compare myself or visualize how it was with the other person but it not always easy. I also pray and ask God to help me love again the way he loved me.
But I have a question. Now I don't think I can feel that desire again to have sex, because he keep going back to the AP while telling me and making promises that it was over. So I just feel like she is better than I that why he can't stay away. I need help because I am devastated right now just found it out couples weeks ago that he still says I love you to her
Could you please tell me what “IFS” therapy is? I know EMDR, and other trauma release modalities, but not familiar w IFS.
Thank you gentlemen.
Internal Family Systems. I think it's Wade's favorite modality.
If it's been nearly a year and intimacy is still a major problem, can the marriage go on?
wife and I both had been on both sides my self it was hard for me to step up to follow the start the act
Could you please provide some pointers on how to find a good sex therapist who can also deal with infidelity isues? We tried word of mouth a year or so ago and didn't really come up with anything helpful. Are there specific training programs that list practitioners by zip code, for example? or national association/accreditation that are good to look for or avoid? Thanks.
Hi Erica - if you email us at support@hope-now.com, we'd be happy to point you in the right direction. To healing, The Hope-Now Team
How long is the healthy time frame for sexual intimacy to resume? My wife is still in her affair and indicates that she would only choose me if she gets sex straight away. The reason she justify her affair is she didn't get enough sex. Our frequency was about 1-2/week before separation. She was expecting sex in the separation which she didn't get and went on to the affair. It has been going on for 1 year now.
I shouldn’t have watched this video :/