Can I just say, I really like this style of parenting, I am not a mom, but speaking from being a daughter it sounds very healthy. I'm 26 and have been battling with mental health issues for 4 years now. One thing that therapy made me realize is that the whole "your childhood is the answer to your adulthood issues" is quite true. Growing up I was a perfectly well behaved child my parents say that to this day, I never gave them any sort of problems, my dad often said he could have 10 kids if they all were like me. Thing is I was well behaved because I was taught to represse my "negative" emotions, I was only allowed to emote if it was viewed as "positive" emotions, as a result if I didn't feel any of the "positive" emotions, I would just shut down and became quiet and that was seen as me being an angel. The only reason I was able to do that as a toddler, was that I happened to be emotionally intelligent child, therefore I was able to observe and control the things I felt, (repressing the heck out of everything) and never had explosive amounts of emotions like other toddlers who were doing so because they feel a lot and don't know how to deal with it. My parents weren't very aware of me (I'm the eldest of 4) and they praised me for never giving them trouble, I learned that I could only get there attention by overachieving, because being well behaved had put me in the background. Obviously this led to me being an overworking adult, never satisfied with herself, constantly feeling guilty for having "negative" emotions, because I wasn't taught that they were normal and I certainly wasn't thaugt how to deal with them. Anyway I'm on my journey, and I certainly don't blame my parents, they did the best they could with what they knew, and when it's my turn to be a parent I hope I can truly give my best too. I'm sorry this is so long, what you said really resonated with me. I'm not even sure if I made any sense haha lots of love SJ hope you and your family are well 💛
Why do you not have a book yet??? Love this series - so incredibly helpful for a mom who is compelled to follow this parenting method but NO idea how to go about effectively doing it.
Oh my goodness....I’m so glad I’ve found your channel tonight! I’ve got 3 girls, 8, 4 & 22 months and in lockdown...really struggling with all 3 and different issues.....well after watching a few of your videos tonight I feel like I’m gonna slay this patenting thing when we all wake up tomorrow 🤞🏼 thank you for sharing and summarising all you knowledge! Wish me luck ! Xx
Couple quick questions. First, what do you do when it is a situation that involves a hard deadline or something that is for their health? I understand things can be avoided by planning ahead or using techniques like distractions or asking for help. But say for example, you are going to be late for an appointment and the child wont get dressed? Or they have a soiled diaper and refuse to let you change it? For arguments sake, assume you've tried everything and the melt down continues. You're definitely going to be late and the child is definitely getting a diaper rash. What then? These are actual examples from my past week. Also, what do you do when no one else in the child's life employs gentle parenting? How does that impact the work you do and how the child responds?
I love this style of parenting! I learn more & have grown more as a mom with each of my children. I wish I knew about this parenting style when my oldest was really little.
Emma Churms ah thanks Emma; glad it makes sense - it’s something I read so much about and always find little snippets useful and other peoples examples xxx
This is really interesting, I'll be trying this out with my 18month old daughter. I always feel like like the tantrums are directed at me and take it personally. So I think this will really help me. Thanks SJ! x
Ah thanks Kay, yes I always used to and this really helped me hearing that they can't control it - I was always trying to get them to 'stop' and now I just go with it and I don't even try to leave as then I get super stressed. Also knowing I could say no and then comfort them - that helped me a lot. I used to stay super firm and almost holding away the emotions but now I say no and then if they're upset I still swoop in and cuddle them as the No stands firm but I don't have to, if that makes sense. x
@@SJ_Strum this makes perfect sense, looking forward to the next video on this - love the idea of saying no but adding in the cuddle - saying no has been a battle of me getting cross, then Evelina getting sad and then me being more upset because she's sad! x
I always used to take it personally too and feel guilty for not always handling it the best way. 18 months is a great age but emotions def start to run high. You might enjoy my channel, I talk alot about raising a toddler and offer toy ideas, playroom tips etc. Would love for you to take a look. :) xxx
This is so interesting and comes at a really good time for me. My little boy is 15 months old and up until now he has been very well behaved and he still is most of the time. He is at a point where he no longer wants to be in his push chair and wants to walk everywhere himself. In general when we are outside he is fine, but as soon as we go into a shop it very quickly turns to chaos! He gets so excited about all the things on the shelves, being able to put things in the basket etc. I think it also just very exciting and overwhelming for him. I will have to try some of these techniques!
Lucya 12 OMG Evelina is exactly the same in the buggy! I had to drop it and we only go places I don’t need the buggy now; I know it’s not always possible but it’s so tough isn’t it! The shops also are a no go for us; I just totally changed our activities around her now and it avoids so many dramas as I was finding the buggy battles so stressful! X
I think this may be the most helpful video I have ever watched. I have a 2.5 year old and everything you said was exactly how I am feeling and also how she must be feeling too. I couldn't appreciate this video more. Thank you SJ, amazing job xxx
Love the bagette story - I had a similar pregnancy related rage over a tin of beans once! I love this way of parenting - have read so many books in this subject and it makes so much sense to me! I would love a video on gentle parenting tips for specific situations e.g. - fussy eating, potty training xx
ha ha - i was watching this back and laughing about how into the baguette story I was!!! It so stuck in my mind!! I'll look up some techniques, I'm not an expert at all but love to read about these things xxxx
What you said of the transition from baby to toddler is exactly how I’m feeling! When I’m unable to comfort my one year old I feel like a bad Mom-when he was little it was just boob & good to go after I acknowledged his feelings-this is for sure new territory in the world of toddler emotions. Feel like my life for the next little while will be practicing mindfulness and naming his emotions.
Great video, I’m new here and already saw few of them ! You look wonderful, I’m due in 8 weeks with baby number two and you are my inspiration ! I loved how you talked about weight loss to make you feel happy not to look slim for its own sake. I also love the talk about gentle parenting method - that’s how I try to raise my 2 year old but I found myself something shouting .... this pregnancy is driving me a bit crazy ... mum guilt comes after ... anyways - All the best x
I’ve had the challenge of my beautiful seven year old daughter who was always so good and hardly ever had tantrums is now having them at seven, now she has a two year old sibling. So the age gap with the different timed tantrums and bickering that is so hard. We have just started to homeschool so that is a new change which my eldest has taken to really well but I think sometimes they are overwhelmed with one another. Sadly I have no support with them but I take it in my stride to be there for them both as much as I can each day
Since your last video it really made me realise I needed to change my parenting method. I am so happy to say we are a happier and a calmer house. I very rarely raise my voice now. I in myself feel less wound up. So thank you I have found these most useful. ❤️❤️
Wow that's so lovely to hear - thanks for the message! IT's so good to have these techniques up our sleeves and share ideas; just having the tools I think helps keep calm when you're in the front line of parenting!!! xxxx
what an interesting topic ! My parents used to taught me that the most brave loving gesture a parent can give to their child is saying "No" when is needed. Just like when you say "I won't let you". I'm so happy that was raised by two extremely kind and firm people. As an only child people would expect me to be spoiled but there has always been discipline and love in the way I was raised. It was so lovely to watch this video. Brought me back to my childhood and made me so grateful for my parents xx
Kat M me too! It’s not always possible to keep calm in every situation but I think aiming for it and trying this most of the time really makes me feel better x
I began training my boy to learn to read at 14 months. Despite the fact that I am uncertain concerning teaching my son how to read at 14 months, I made a decision to do it right and also made use of this reading tip. He is able now read through a whole book without my assistance at two years and four months. . Get this guide over here *4ChildrenReading. Com*
Thank you SJ, I have a 1 year old little girl with a big fabulous personality but she is already VERY strong willed and this just resonated me with immediately. I’ve been getting frustrated lately with lots of ‘little things’ and I haven’t been feeling very patient so this helped a lot and was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you xxx
Wow... this video opened up a wonderful dialog between my partner and me. Thank you for sharing! It turns out that he and I have the same views and ideas about what makes a good parent, and how we want to raise our future children. Thank you as always, SJ!
My son is so hyper active! He loves to run around and climb (he’ll be 2 in June). And I have NO clue how to apply gentle discipline for him. My family is the “spanking” kind of family and I don’t like that. I need so much help lollll
Brianna spanking is not the answer you need to get some specific strategies to handle your child’s behaviour then you can implement this parenting style
Mrs KFK ha ha; I do!!! It’s always to do with my own mood though and not really the kids - but I do try to warn them sometimes! I say I’m super tired as Evelina has been poorly which means I might be snappy: and then I feel like it’s a disclaimer - ha ha!
SJ Strum I think that’s so true. My patience and tolerance levels definitely differ depending on my time of the month, as much as I don’t like to admit that. I have a nearly two year-old (and an eight year-old), so ordered the book you recommended above. Looking forward to more videos on this topic! x
First of all, I love your voice! I love your positive parenting videos! I would love to raise my baby using some of your techniques. Thanks for sharing!
I love this so much SJ, you are such a gentle, refreshing voice on this but also I love what you said about the balance of being firm. I wish I had had this style of parenting so really applaud you for this. I think if we are constantly invalidated as kids and told that our very real experiences aren't true then it's awful. I actually struggle with emotion regulation as a young adult now cos I wasn't allowed to feel my feelings so I can absolutely vouch for what you said xx
Ah thanks so much Amelie; I'm so so emotional as well and am very lead by my emotions over my head. Sorry you struggle with it now; it's so true that things stay with us xx
I am really enjoying this video and its content, but I am also very distracted by the mirror behind you and seeing the door in it, because I'm always expecting something to happen
I wished i fount this page 4 yrs ago 😢 hoping its not to late if i start when my eldest is 5 years next month i feel such a bad mum plus i struggle with social anxiety,depression and Dyslexia so feel like am failing my boys i always wanted to be the kind of mum thats close/best friend
You are a great mom and I can bet your doing your best. It’s not too late but one thing we have found is that when you switch to a different parenting there could be a gap between your current style and your parenting style so you may have to address certain behaviours before moving to gentle parenting 😊
My daughter is 2 and she thinks everything is a game. She runs into the road, grabs dangerous stuff, does the exact opposite of what I asked her to do while smiling and looking back at me as if I’m supposed to chase her how do I get her to listen it becomes so frustrating for me
My little boy has problem reading books even though he managed to graduate from pre-school. The trainer sensed concerns that he might be able to enroll grade and advised to hold him back. But I didn’t stop trying right until I discovered this particular *4ChildrenReading. Com* a reading guidebook. His own reading abilities are excellent for the 1st grade student and also his development definitely surprised the trainer. She also stated the story to other people.
Hi Sj I've just started watching your gentle parenting videos. They are great. I am a new parent myself so love hearing about this theory. I was thinking whether this crazy scary world that we live in is making us into these more controlling parents as it's our way of protecting our children from all these horrible things we hear and see. What do you think? I love your videos I watched your baby name videos when I was pregnant. We called our little man Myles. What do you think of this name?
Kate Reece ah thanks Kate! Yes I did one called “positive discipline” recently that was more focussed on the older ones but Finn definitely has the most emotional tantrums in our house!! X
Hey! Nice shirt. What about when the child says “I want chocolate milk” and when you don’t give it they say “I only want a daddy” In this video it seems like you’d suggest saying: “I understand you wish I were dead bc you like chocolate milk, but I said no so how about some orange juice” What do you do when the respect isn’t reciprocal? What do you say when they are out of control in public demanding toys?
Great video SJ. I am soon going to visit my 18 MONTH old granddaughter. She was the easiest of babies but gets testy now. So hard for them to learn how to assert themselves now that they can. I love your positive style of helping them navigate this new territory. I will definitely try your techniques as they make so much sense.
I keep making so many mistakes and keep backsliding still at times. I find when tired i definitely start to revert to ways of communicating that i dont believe in.
Hey. I think gentle and respectful parenting can start from birth. firstly by trying to keep them informed of whats going on in their life, I always try to tell them hat you are doing, like I am going to change your nappy now or I am going to pick you up now. Trying to understand how they might be feeling and communicating that, like you seem like you might be hungry so lets go and get some food', even if you arent sure, it shows the child you are trying hard to understand their needs. Open honesty and communication is key. It will help them with learning to communicate too. Hope that helps. You might like my channel. Would love for you to take a look. K xxx
I'm a bit confused about the whole gentle parenting movement. How old are your children now? I didn't think gentle parenting was about discipline but then mentioned you don't have to discipline them as "much" at 4:01-4:04. Meaning you discipline them. What do you do when your child or children have already done something inappropriate? Like throwing food, hitting etc? I don't know what to do at this point. I've been gentle parenting and in some ways it works but in other ways I see I'm just being a push over and they're picking up on that.
Another thing is I have to constantly work on myself to better support my child with their emotions so that i can be ok with being present for their emotions when they are ready. Young children dont have the vocab we have and even adults struggle to communicate and deal with their emotions in positive way... so how can a child? Yet it astounds me that so many adults have expectation that young children are able to just say it and not carry on or should know better. Even 2 night i kinda feel torn about how i handled my tired 4 year old in car when they started to lash out in (frustration) mostly tiredness but we were about to go for icecream and i aborted mission as i really dont see the point if theyre going to be so unhappy in car and so tired that theyre repeatedly getting all worked up...she needed sleep not ice cream But u can imagine how much worse it made it. I had already tried to give them time and talk them through twice although their second "moment" was much shorter. I gave heads up that if we werent ok in car we wouldnt go get ice cream as i wanted it to be a nice trip and for her to enjoy the ride to get the ice cream too. that was the third or fourth moment and i pulled out. Of course it upset her more. I feel bad about taking something away that i said we'd do. But worse of all i stopped showing empathy at a point. While I'm trying to be a positive parent ALL THE TIME! I feel it is something that takes not just rewiring ourselves but staying on top of and regularly connecting with resources and others that aim for similar whether it be You tube, studies, books, and/or friends. Oh and not getting too far behind in sleep ourselves too often.
Thank you SJ, this was really useful and interesting especially as I have a 2 year old as well! Do you have any advice on older children’s (5/6) gentle parenting around tantrums etc. X
I am familiar with those concepts and I know I can make the most difference by working on my triggers, but sometimes I just feel like I can't do it. My almost two year old wakes up happy, two minutes later she is having a screaming meltdown about the smallest thing. And on, and on, and on. One crysis after the other. When I go down to her level to name her feelings and give my compassion she either runs or throws herself, or hits me. And if I just take a moment away from her to breathe...she mostly just stops!!! I feel wrong for trying so hard to connect with her, and even wronger for letting her alone with her feeling. I just feel that I'm doing it all wrong and am causing her to act out that way.
IT's definitely not you doing it wrong at all, kids are all so different and some need to be left alone to go through their emotions and some prefer hugs and cuddles - so you're totally right to let her have her space to breathe. She'll probably always be like that, then when she calms down you can maybe go through the activity activity again calmer. One of my children has to 'peak' before he'll calm down and I just need to ride that out as well, it's weird as now I can literally leave and get on with something as I 'know' he's not ready for me yet. xxxx
I get the whole kinds of gentle parenting and I can go along with it but my daily struggle is the simple concept of me and my husband asking my toddler to do something. Put your shoes on, put your cup away, let’s go brush teeth. The daily tasks. And it almost never happens the first time we ask. I just don’t know what the next step is to not have me and my husband asking five times over. If the answer is to give a consequence then I would literally be giving a consequence all day long.
Toddler don’t get consequence, it’s not necessary. Use the “ first then this “ strategy. So they don’t move on until the complete when they were told to do. So even if you have to have to do hand over hand help complete the task.
@@Warefamily2024 if your toddler is screaming and hitting in public you should remove him from the area. Eg if it’s in the store you will have to take him out by doing this you are stopping the show while disconnecting from him. No talking, no eye contact take him out until he calm down.
@@Warefamily2024 yes your toddler is at the stage of development where everything is based on cause and effect. I do this that happens I scream and hit and I get the candy I want they do not yet have the cognition to reason so is getting down to their level and reasoning it’s not the time or place for that strategy. When they are calm we can talk but even then it is not necessary a hug will go a longer way than a talk
Yes it’s so different isn’t it! I’m a bit the opposite as First time I think I was super gentle but kind of had so much time it was a luxury - Freddie had the longest bedtime routine with massages and all sorts and Evelina gets a bit short changed as I’m more of a manager mum with so much to do and I’m a little less patient as I feel under time constraints! But I think that’s why language has helped me a lot as I need her to cooperate and not feel pushed around I guess xxx
Elisabeth Birnie I linked one great book I the description that is probably my favourite but I’ll do a list. I love how the calm and connect with your toddler by the baby whisperer too x
I have read a fab book by Janet Lansbury called Elevating childcare. Would definitely recommend. You might also enjoy my channel where I talk about all things toddlers, play, montessori, being a mum and childminder and respectful parenting. K xxx
Thank you Esthe - I'm really appreciative of the contribution. I love the wisdom. Thank you for saying: "I know you are really angry right now. The other kid took the toy and you wanted to play with it. It feels helpful and nourrishing.
Great advise!!! But what if you were never taught about your emotions how are you supposed to identify their emotion in the moment? Serious question. I'm lost with what to do with my toddler. I was taught abuse and talking down is how you deal with children and I dont want to be that kind of parent. Please help
Thank you SJ for this I’m going to get the book your vlog has helped me as I have a 2 year old I have been struggling on how to handed and reply back to his emotions at the moment as he is talking-ish but doesn’t understand so his emotions are wild! Thank you really going to take parts into consideration going forward xxxx
The book is amazing; really practical too. Oh yes they get SO frustrated. Giving choices helps - so with Finn's speech delay we learnt to always give choices and recommend other people looking after them give choices to avoid having to ask direct questions or try to interpret their toddler speak. It's fun once you start putting the techniques in place as it's like a project - ha ha!
Gosh emotional are so high when they turn 2, my little one is 2.5 and it is so full on. I talk alot about parenting a toddler on my channel, you might enjoy it. :) xxx
Thanks for this SJ I have always struggled with parenting my two eldest and having a bigger gap between the second and third I really want to take the opportunity to try and do it better this time. My youngest turned two at the weekend and he is ok for the most part but he has certainly had episodes of throwing himself on the floor so thank you for giving me a different way of understanding it and dealing with it x
Emma Blakeley ah thanks Emma!! I’m really happy you found something useful in it; I’ve read so many books and articles lots of things stayed with me so I think it’s always helpful to share and I remember the emotions bit helped me calm down so so much! I used to think I had to correct the behaviour almost; but now I jsit feel like I’m helping them through it makes me so much calmer xxxx
How do you deal with "naughty" behaviour? Kicking or biting another child or saying mean things for example? My LO is on the cusp of being a toddler and I'm interested in how to deal with her change in behaviour.
KM 2607 there’s a few different things but mainly the theory I’ve read says that it’s usually just curiosity - you need to be firm teaching that those behaviours are not OK. But that they don’t get punished as they are too little to really learn that way. So I also read we should observe and look for the trigger; is it always at playgroup for example they might be overstimulated in large social situations so taking them to sit down every 10 minutes for a quiet 2 minutes with mummy. Or if it’s just hitting to get their own way then say something like “I won’t let you hit” - then let them play and if it happens again they learn the consequence “we can’t play that game anymore” then focus on teaching the positive behaviour like “gentle hands” I read lots of techniques and there are so many great books I’ve linked one I love in the description xx
This is a tricky one and is always not nice to encounter. It is totally normal and natural though and believe me, they grow out of it. If you know your child is in this phase then I would remain really close by when they are with other children so you can be there to stop the or intervene. If you can stop them before it happens simply step in and say 'I cannot let you bite her/him' and thats it. Sometimes if you make too much of a big deal they do it more. I would always remain calm, never shame or tell them off because they don't know what they are doing or that it is naughty. They just have high emotions and no way to control them. It is hard not to get mad, I totally get it but keep calm and over time it will get better. I would always go to the person who got hurt and make sure they are ok and validate their feelings. Hope that helps. You might like my channel, please take a look. K xxx
Just watched this for the second time.. I’m sure I viewed it last year when my little one was 2, and I was the same as you, fine taking her out m, could calm her down etc.. however.. a year later... I hate taking her out 😢 in fact even before lockdown it was less and less and her dad would take her, Mainly due to I was pregnant/ now baby is here so I couldn’t cope with both! The issue is she never wants to leave a place, the park, a friends house anywhere she just changes and a full meltdown happens and just goes wild and doesn’t listen to anything I’m saying and I try to reason with her with everything.. nothing works and then when we talk about it later she’ll say sorry but it never seems to get better .... 😬😬😬
Thank you so much for this video! My nephew is currently throwing horrendous tantrums and it’s had me stressed about my son going through the same thing. You really explained this amazingly and I’m feeling more confident about my son reaching this stage. Question, how do you deal with violent behaviour?
Awh this is beautiful! I practice this way of "Parenting" in my childcare. We don't discipline the children when they are not behaving appropriately we use what we call "Redirection". Turning the emotion into appropriate behavior. There are a few steps to figure out how to help a child each situation. my formula is this: 1. realize what is causing or triggering the behavior 2. try to come to an understanding of the emotion the child has during that behavior 3. redirect that energy into a behavior that's more positive. Repeat Repeat repeat! ;) Example: I had a child who would let out all extra energy when parents were around, becoming rough and uncontrollable. I realized this was due to excitement and she wanted to "show-off" unfortunately her showing off was to be more aggressive with toys and other children. So every time another parent came. I became her positive demonstrator of ways she could use her excitement and energy like Jumping up and down to get the excitement out, saying excuse me to a parents and show them an activity she was focused on. This helped her and eventually she only did the redirected behavior.
I love that idea; so true about redirecting and figuring out the cause. Freddie used to storm away upstairs when I got home from work everyday and be super angry with and it upset me so much; but I realised the nanny was handing over to me and taking my attention by telling me about the day so as soon as I noticed and just made a little game about him opening the door to a silly knock and I asked her to leave right away and handover later; he was so much happier. Definitely a good technique, there's always a better way xxxx
@@SJ_Strum Yes! exactly. that was awesome of you to of done! Thanks again for making this video. All your videos are so sweet and give off such good vibes!
Thank you so much for this video! I’m new to gentle parenting but I have already seen the differences in my 23 month old. The issue I have is when she is with the sitter (who is a relative) during the day while I work full time. The sitter is more about fear discipline and telling her to stop crying. I worry it pushes us back on the gentle parenting and my daughter acts out a lot on the days she is with the sitter. What should I do? What are you suppose to when my daughter spends most of the hours in the day with the sitter who isn’t following gentle parenting? I’d love some advice thank you!
Loved this video! You are amazing! Are you familiar with RIE/Respectful Parenting? I’m loving the book by Janet Lansbury called No Bad Kids - Toddler Discipline Without Shame. Really loving this approach for my 2 little girls! Hope you are feeling much better xx
Yes I've just discovered it and have been loving reading up on it - I need the book as I've just been reading articles. Have you followed The Mellow Mama on UA-cam? She follows RIE as well xxx
SJ Strum I love the book! It is something I wish I discovered while pregnant. Janet Lansbury also has a podcast called Unruffled, it’s so good as she covers so many different parenting struggle topics! Love The Mellow Mama, she is so clued up about it!xx
I definitely am on the conscious/empathetic parenting side of the scale, and it’s lovely you are highlighting this kinder gentler parenting thinking. Another good book I’ve loved (I actually have it on audio book which is great when out with the buggy) is ‘no drama discipline’ by Dan siegul. It’s on a similar sort of vein as you are talking about here but backs everything up with his studies on how the brain works. Super interesting and I’d highly recommend. Lx
What do you do if your toddler is throwing toys to another baby (almos 1 yo) not with intention to hurt and the other mom raise her voice to your son asking to stop before you can react ? Thanks for the advice
Ooooh that's hard isn't it, I wouldn't worry. It's not going to cause any damage on a one off, if it's a family member or friend I'd just be really intentional to speak to my baby like 'I know you're playing so nicely, this is how to pass gently' and model how you'd react. It's hard to confront somebody about it isn't it xx
Wonderful video, will be trying to implement these techniques to avoid the battle of wills that start the day and set the tone for the day most days! You’re so right about taking things personally, I often feel that way when Charlotte has a meltdown, because she will claim she doesn’t love me and tells me to go away. She is going through a phase of telling me she’s horrible, which she unfortunately told a stranger earlier today and the lady must have thought I’m abusive. I’ve been told it’s a way of asking for reassurance.
Ahhh yes I'm sure it's reassurance. And confidence; it's so hard to hear them say negative things. Freddie used to say he was 'dumb' all the time and it upset me so much. He did eventually stop saying it but took a lot of reassurance. One technique I read is to notice the good behaviour without tonnes of praise so it's not over the top - just 'you ate all your dinner' 'you got in the car when I asked you to' and just comment on it and it builds up in their mind all the good things they're doing. xxx
I have an 18 month old that’s just starting to discover his emotions and I was very confused as to why he was changing. Thank you for shedding some light on a new point of view so I might help and understand him better ❤️
Claire Vance same, my 18 months old daughter changed so suddenly I’m slowly coming to terms with what’s actually going on and trying to find the best ways how to manage her feelings
LOVED this! My daughter is only 1 but is certainly developing her personality and likes/dislikes - I can see me rewatching this a lot over the next few years to help us navigate life together. Some really helpful tips. Thank you!
Ah I'm so glad thanks Suzanne, I love reading things for older kids as then when it suddenly starts happening I have all the techniques - I'm Ready For You! ha ha! xxx
SJ Strum absolutely! So glad I found your channel (although gutted I didn’t realise there were loads of fab going back to work/flexible working videos etc) until recently - I’ve still watched them though 😂 good to start thinking about these things and developing a parenting style now in any case x
My son will scream while I am trying to talk to him. I would hold his hands and get down to this level and try talking to him about it that it’s not okay but he screams every time I try talking to him like he doesn’t want to hear it. How do I go about this?
I’ve been struggling so much, my husband is gone for 3 months and my daughter is about to hit 2. As you can imagine, it’s extremely difficult to try and maintain a calm demeanor when she’s hitting me and throwing a tantrum often. I appreciate your videos and I’m going to apply your tips to my everyday life.
As I am watching this video, my almost three year old grabs the iPad and says, mom that looks like Cinderella!
OMG best thing ever! ha ha ha! Next Video I'll do in cinderella outfit for her - ha ha!
Can I just say, I really like this style of parenting, I am not a mom, but speaking from being a daughter it sounds very healthy. I'm 26 and have been battling with mental health issues for 4 years now. One thing that therapy made me realize is that the whole "your childhood is the answer to your adulthood issues" is quite true. Growing up I was a perfectly well behaved child my parents say that to this day, I never gave them any sort of problems, my dad often said he could have 10 kids if they all were like me. Thing is I was well behaved because I was taught to represse my "negative" emotions, I was only allowed to emote if it was viewed as "positive" emotions, as a result if I didn't feel any of the "positive" emotions, I would just shut down and became quiet and that was seen as me being an angel. The only reason I was able to do that as a toddler, was that I happened to be emotionally intelligent child, therefore I was able to observe and control the things I felt, (repressing the heck out of everything) and never had explosive amounts of emotions like other toddlers who were doing so because they feel a lot and don't know how to deal with it. My parents weren't very aware of me (I'm the eldest of 4) and they praised me for never giving them trouble, I learned that I could only get there attention by overachieving, because being well behaved had put me in the background. Obviously this led to me being an overworking adult, never satisfied with herself, constantly feeling guilty for having "negative" emotions, because I wasn't taught that they were normal and I certainly wasn't thaugt how to deal with them. Anyway I'm on my journey, and I certainly don't blame my parents, they did the best they could with what they knew, and when it's my turn to be a parent I hope I can truly give my best too. I'm sorry this is so long, what you said really resonated with me. I'm not even sure if I made any sense haha lots of love SJ hope you and your family are well 💛
Why do you not have a book yet??? Love this series - so incredibly helpful for a mom who is compelled to follow this parenting method but NO idea how to go about effectively doing it.
Oh my goodness....I’m so glad I’ve found your channel tonight! I’ve got 3 girls, 8, 4 & 22 months and in lockdown...really struggling with all 3 and different issues.....well after watching a few of your videos tonight I feel like I’m gonna slay this patenting thing when we all wake up tomorrow 🤞🏼 thank you for sharing and summarising all you knowledge! Wish me luck ! Xx
Couple quick questions. First, what do you do when it is a situation that involves a hard deadline or something that is for their health? I understand things can be avoided by planning ahead or using techniques like distractions or asking for help. But say for example, you are going to be late for an appointment and the child wont get dressed? Or they have a soiled diaper and refuse to let you change it? For arguments sake, assume you've tried everything and the melt down continues. You're definitely going to be late and the child is definitely getting a diaper rash. What then? These are actual examples from my past week. Also, what do you do when no one else in the child's life employs gentle parenting? How does that impact the work you do and how the child responds?
These are very good questions that I think is important to answer because time and real life situations does not always seem to fit in this model
I love this style of parenting! I learn more & have grown more as a mom with each of my children. I wish I knew about this parenting style when my oldest was really little.
A Mom for Every Season brilliant I’m definitely going to use the advice xx
Wonderful video sj I have a two year old little girl to. I really admire your parenting style it makes so much sense xxx
Emma Churms ah thanks Emma; glad it makes sense - it’s something I read so much about and always find little snippets useful and other peoples examples xxx
Emma Churms 🧡
This is really interesting, I'll be trying this out with my 18month old daughter. I always feel like like the tantrums are directed at me and take it personally. So I think this will really help me. Thanks SJ! x
Ah thanks Kay, yes I always used to and this really helped me hearing that they can't control it - I was always trying to get them to 'stop' and now I just go with it and I don't even try to leave as then I get super stressed. Also knowing I could say no and then comfort them - that helped me a lot. I used to stay super firm and almost holding away the emotions but now I say no and then if they're upset I still swoop in and cuddle them as the No stands firm but I don't have to, if that makes sense. x
@@SJ_Strum this makes perfect sense, looking forward to the next video on this - love the idea of saying no but adding in the cuddle - saying no has been a battle of me getting cross, then Evelina getting sad and then me being more upset because she's sad! x
I always used to take it personally too and feel guilty for not always handling it the best way. 18 months is a great age but emotions def start to run high. You might enjoy my channel, I talk alot about raising a toddler and offer toy ideas, playroom tips etc. Would love for you to take a look. :) xxx
This is so interesting and comes at a really good time for me. My little boy is 15 months old and up until now he has been very well behaved and he still is most of the time. He is at a point where he no longer wants to be in his push chair and wants to walk everywhere himself. In general when we are outside he is fine, but as soon as we go into a shop it very quickly turns to chaos! He gets so excited about all the things on the shelves, being able to put things in the basket etc. I think it also just very exciting and overwhelming for him. I will have to try some of these techniques!
Lucya 12 OMG Evelina is exactly the same in the buggy! I had to drop it and we only go places I don’t need the buggy now; I know it’s not always possible but it’s so tough isn’t it! The shops also are a no go for us; I just totally changed our activities around her now and it avoids so many dramas as I was finding the buggy battles so stressful! X
I think this may be the most helpful video I have ever watched. I have a 2.5 year old and everything you said was exactly how I am feeling and also how she must be feeling too. I couldn't appreciate this video more. Thank you SJ, amazing job xxx
Ah that's so amazing to hear, thanks so much Lisa xxx
Love the bagette story - I had a similar pregnancy related rage over a tin of beans once! I love this way of parenting - have read so many books in this subject and it makes so much sense to me! I would love a video on gentle parenting tips for specific situations e.g. - fussy eating, potty training xx
ha ha - i was watching this back and laughing about how into the baguette story I was!!! It so stuck in my mind!! I'll look up some techniques, I'm not an expert at all but love to read about these things xxxx
What you said of the transition from baby to toddler is exactly how I’m feeling! When I’m unable to comfort my one year old I feel like a bad Mom-when he was little it was just boob & good to go after I acknowledged his feelings-this is for sure new territory in the world of toddler emotions. Feel like my life for the next little while will be practicing mindfulness and naming his emotions.
This made me feel a lot better
Can you do desert names next???? Looking for names connected to my Arizona roots!
I will do x
Great video, I’m new here and already saw few of them ! You look wonderful, I’m due in 8 weeks with baby number two and you are my inspiration ! I loved how you talked about weight loss to make you feel happy not to look slim for its own sake. I also love the talk about gentle parenting method - that’s how I try to raise my 2 year old but I found myself something shouting .... this pregnancy is driving me a bit crazy ... mum guilt comes after ... anyways - All the best x
I’ve had the challenge of my beautiful seven year old daughter who was always so good and hardly ever had tantrums is now having them at seven, now she has a two year old sibling. So the age gap with the different timed tantrums and bickering that is so hard. We have just started to homeschool so that is a new change which my eldest has taken to really well but I think sometimes they are overwhelmed with one another. Sadly I have no support with them but I take it in my stride to be there for them both as much as I can each day
This was an amazing video! God bless you, beautiful 🌻. Thank you for sharing.
I'm here to learn to re-parent my inner child and build a healthy relationship with myself .
Since your last video it really made me realise I needed to change my parenting method. I am so happy to say we are a happier and a calmer house. I very rarely raise my voice now. I in myself feel less wound up. So thank you I have found these most useful. ❤️❤️
Wow that's so lovely to hear - thanks for the message! IT's so good to have these techniques up our sleeves and share ideas; just having the tools I think helps keep calm when you're in the front line of parenting!!! xxxx
You are totaly right and it's the small things that makes a big difference. 👍❤️
This is a great testimony keep up the good work Emma
what an interesting topic ! My parents used to taught me that the most brave loving gesture a parent can give to their child is saying "No" when is needed. Just like when you say "I won't let you". I'm so happy that was raised by two extremely kind and firm people. As an only child people would expect me to be spoiled but there has always been discipline and love in the way I was raised. It was so lovely to watch this video. Brought me back to my childhood and made me so grateful for my parents xx
I love how you make that comparison and understanding from your own experience with the baguette
This makes so much sense. Will definitely be putting this into practice with Elsie x
This has been a useful reminder for me, thank you! I try to use gentle parenting but I find it quite hard to be consistent with it x
Kat M me too! It’s not always possible to keep calm in every situation but I think aiming for it and trying this most of the time really makes me feel better x
I loved this video! Honestly so needed this with the girls now 3 and 2 it can feel so full on but this has helped loads so Thankyou xxx
My little girl is 2.5 and is so full on so I totally feel you! You might enjoy my channel. :) xxx
I began training my boy to learn to read at 14 months. Despite the fact that I am uncertain concerning teaching my son how to read at 14 months, I made a decision to do it right and also made use of this reading tip. He is able now read through a whole book without my assistance at two years and four months. . Get this guide over here *4ChildrenReading. Com*
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Very timely for me! I just bought that book.
Thank you SJ, I have a 1 year old little girl with a big fabulous personality but she is already VERY strong willed and this just resonated me with immediately. I’ve been getting frustrated lately with lots of ‘little things’ and I haven’t been feeling very patient so this helped a lot and was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you xxx
Wow... this video opened up a wonderful dialog between my partner and me. Thank you for sharing! It turns out that he and I have the same views and ideas about what makes a good parent, and how we want to raise our future children. Thank you as always, SJ!
My son is so hyper active! He loves to run around and climb (he’ll be 2 in June). And I have NO clue how to apply gentle discipline for him. My family is the “spanking” kind of family and I don’t like that. I need so much help lollll
My son is 22months now and I stopped spanking bc he started hitting me back and also they cry even louder. All I can say is consistency
Brianna spanking is not the answer you need to get some specific strategies to handle your child’s behaviour then you can implement this parenting style
I absolutely love this. I really liked how you gave examples too! Hope you’re feeling better.x
Thanks so much xxx
Your voice is so calming and soothing - I can never imagine you losing your rag! 🙈😂 Love these videos 👌🏻 x
Mrs KFK ha ha; I do!!! It’s always to do with my own mood though and not really the kids - but I do try to warn them sometimes! I say I’m super tired as Evelina has been poorly which means I might be snappy: and then I feel like it’s a disclaimer - ha ha!
SJ Strum I think that’s so true. My patience and tolerance levels definitely differ depending on my time of the month, as much as I don’t like to admit that. I have a nearly two year-old (and an eight year-old), so ordered the book you recommended above. Looking forward to more videos on this topic! x
First of all, I love your voice! I love your positive parenting videos! I would love to raise my baby using some of your techniques. Thanks for sharing!
You might enjoy my videos. I talk alot about raising a toddler and positive/respectful parenting, would love for you to take a look. :) xxx
AMAZING Video and Tipps. Thank you so much. Youre fantastic
Ah thanks for watching Jackie xxxx
@@SJ_Strum 🙏🏻❤❤
Hey! You might enjoy my channel! x
I love this so much SJ, you are such a gentle, refreshing voice on this but also I love what you said about the balance of being firm. I wish I had had this style of parenting so really applaud you for this. I think if we are constantly invalidated as kids and told that our very real experiences aren't true then it's awful. I actually struggle with emotion regulation as a young adult now cos I wasn't allowed to feel my feelings so I can absolutely vouch for what you said xx
Ah thanks so much Amelie; I'm so so emotional as well and am very lead by my emotions over my head. Sorry you struggle with it now; it's so true that things stay with us xx
I am really enjoying this video and its content, but I am also very distracted by the mirror behind you and seeing the door in it, because I'm always expecting something to happen
I wished i fount this page 4 yrs ago 😢 hoping its not to late if i start when my eldest is 5 years next month i feel such a bad mum plus i struggle with social anxiety,depression and Dyslexia so feel like am failing my boys i always wanted to be the kind of mum thats close/best friend
You are a great mom and I can bet your doing your best. It’s not too late but one thing we have found is that when you switch to a different parenting there could be a gap between your current style and your parenting style so you may have to address certain behaviours before moving to gentle parenting 😊
My daughter is 2 and she thinks everything is a game. She runs into the road, grabs dangerous stuff, does the exact opposite of what I asked her to do while smiling and looking back at me as if I’m supposed to chase her how do I get her to listen it becomes so frustrating for me
That’s sounds like attention seeking behaviour. She wanting a reaction out of you good or bad.
I love this. Feeling is healing.
My little boy has problem reading books even though he managed to graduate from pre-school. The trainer sensed concerns that he might be able to enroll grade and advised to hold him back. But I didn’t stop trying right until I discovered this particular *4ChildrenReading. Com* a reading guidebook. His own reading abilities are excellent for the 1st grade student and also his development definitely surprised the trainer. She also stated the story to other people.
Hi Sj I've just started watching your gentle parenting videos. They are great. I am a new parent myself so love hearing about this theory. I was thinking whether this crazy scary world that we live in is making us into these more controlling parents as it's our way of protecting our children from all these horrible things we hear and see. What do you think? I love your videos I watched your baby name videos when I was pregnant. We called our little man Myles. What do you think of this name?
I’ve found this video really useful thanks Sj would you be able to do similar but how you use gentle parenting for your older boys? Thanks :)
Kate Reece ah thanks Kate! Yes I did one called “positive discipline” recently that was more focussed on the older ones but Finn definitely has the most emotional tantrums in our house!! X
Thank youso much for sharing this .. 💚💚✨✨
Hey! Nice shirt.
What about when the child says “I want chocolate milk” and when you don’t give it they say “I only want a daddy”
In this video it seems like you’d suggest saying: “I understand you wish I were dead bc you like chocolate milk, but I said no so how about some orange juice”
What do you do when the respect isn’t reciprocal? What do you say when they are out of control in public demanding toys?
Michelle sounds like you have some challenging behaviours on your hands. You need to find some specific strategies to handle those behaviours
Love your blush and lip colour. Do you mind sharing what they are? Love gentle parenting as well. So wonderful xx
Great video SJ. I am soon going to visit my 18 MONTH old granddaughter. She was the easiest of babies but gets testy now. So hard for them to learn how to assert themselves now that they can. I love your positive style of helping them navigate this new territory. I will definitely try your techniques as they make so much sense.
I love this! 100% agree !
Thanks Lara x
I've just found you and I'm now binge watching all your videos! I'm in Scotland. Do your kids speak Swedish too? Loving your channel x
Thank you for this.
I keep making so many mistakes and keep backsliding still at times. I find when tired i definitely start to revert to ways of communicating that i dont believe in.
Be mindful of your triggers and create a plan that will help you stick with your strategies 😊
Being mindful is the key just keep practicing
How do you gentle parent really young Toddlers/babies who cannot talk?
Hey. I think gentle and respectful parenting can start from birth. firstly by trying to keep them informed of whats going on in their life, I always try to tell them hat you are doing, like I am going to change your nappy now or I am going to pick you up now. Trying to understand how they might be feeling and communicating that, like you seem like you might be hungry so lets go and get some food', even if you arent sure, it shows the child you are trying hard to understand their needs. Open honesty and communication is key. It will help them with learning to communicate too. Hope that helps. You might like my channel. Would love for you to take a look. K xxx
I'm a bit confused about the whole gentle parenting movement. How old are your children now? I didn't think gentle parenting was about discipline but then mentioned you don't have to discipline them as "much" at 4:01-4:04. Meaning you discipline them. What do you do when your child or children have already done something inappropriate? Like throwing food, hitting etc? I don't know what to do at this point. I've been gentle parenting and in some ways it works but in other ways I see I'm just being a push over and they're picking up on that.
Another thing is I have to constantly work on myself to better support my child with their emotions so that i can be ok with being present for their emotions when they are ready. Young children dont have the vocab we have and even adults struggle to communicate and deal with their emotions in positive way... so how can a child? Yet it astounds me that so many adults have expectation that young children are able to just say it and not carry on or should know better.
Even 2 night i kinda feel torn about how i handled my tired 4 year old in car when they started to lash out in (frustration) mostly tiredness but we were about to go for icecream and i aborted mission as i really dont see the point if theyre going to be so unhappy in car and so tired that theyre repeatedly getting all worked up...she needed sleep not ice cream
But u can imagine how much worse it made it. I had already tried to give them time and talk them through twice although their second "moment" was much shorter. I gave heads up that if we werent ok in car we wouldnt go get ice cream as i wanted it to be a nice trip and for her to enjoy the ride to get the ice cream too. that was the third or fourth moment and i pulled out. Of course it upset her more. I feel bad about taking something away that i said we'd do. But worse of all i stopped showing empathy at a point. While I'm trying to be a positive parent ALL THE TIME! I feel it is something that takes not just rewiring ourselves but staying on top of and regularly connecting with resources and others that aim for similar whether it be You tube, studies, books, and/or friends. Oh and not getting too far behind in sleep ourselves too often.
Next time could you use regular font where the background is purple please? It was hard to read
Do you tell them what theyre feeling whilst they are screaming or do you wait till theyve calmed down and does this work with a 18 month old
Thank you SJ, this was really useful and interesting especially as I have a 2 year old as well! Do you have any advice on older children’s (5/6) gentle parenting around tantrums etc. X
I also have a two year old so definitely resonate with these points. Toddler can be hard work for sure. :) You might enjoy my channel. xxx
Random but your baguette story is good customer service too lol
I am familiar with those concepts and I know I can make the most difference by working on my triggers, but sometimes I just feel like I can't do it. My almost two year old wakes up happy, two minutes later she is having a screaming meltdown about the smallest thing. And on, and on, and on. One crysis after the other. When I go down to her level to name her feelings and give my compassion she either runs or throws herself, or hits me. And if I just take a moment away from her to breathe...she mostly just stops!!! I feel wrong for trying so hard to connect with her, and even wronger for letting her alone with her feeling. I just feel that I'm doing it all wrong and am causing her to act out that way.
IT's definitely not you doing it wrong at all, kids are all so different and some need to be left alone to go through their emotions and some prefer hugs and cuddles - so you're totally right to let her have her space to breathe. She'll probably always be like that, then when she calms down you can maybe go through the activity activity again calmer. One of my children has to 'peak' before he'll calm down and I just need to ride that out as well, it's weird as now I can literally leave and get on with something as I 'know' he's not ready for me yet. xxxx
Ray it’s not your fault. You just need to find the right strategies to handle those challenging behaviours and you and your child will be fine
So let's say you put the wrong plate down, I'd get them the plate they want to avoid the meltdown. But thats not right either is it?
I get the whole kinds of gentle parenting and I can go along with it but my daily struggle is the simple concept of me and my husband asking my toddler to do something. Put your shoes on, put your cup away, let’s go brush teeth. The daily tasks. And it almost never happens the first time we ask. I just don’t know what the next step is to not have me and my husband asking five times over. If the answer is to give a consequence then I would literally be giving a consequence all day long.
Toddler don’t get consequence, it’s not necessary. Use the “ first then this “ strategy. So they don’t move on until the complete when they were told to do. So even if you have to have to do hand over hand help complete the task.
@@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382 So if a toddler is screaming and hitting in public you have zero consequences for them?
@@Warefamily2024 if your toddler is screaming and hitting in public you should remove him from the area. Eg if it’s in the store you will have to take him out by doing this you are stopping the show while disconnecting from him. No talking, no eye contact take him out until he calm down.
@@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382 Do you find that works better than getting on their level right than in there in the moment?
@@Warefamily2024 yes your toddler is at the stage of development where everything is based on cause and effect. I do this that happens I scream and hit and I get the candy I want they do not yet have the cognition to reason so is getting down to their level and reasoning it’s not the time or place for that strategy. When they are calm we can talk but even then it is not necessary a hug will go a longer way than a talk
Really in the mood for a baguette now.
ha ha me too!!!! :)
I have an 8 year old and a 21 month old totally different parenting experience with a big gap. I’m more gentle with my toddler and my expectations
Yes it’s so different isn’t it! I’m a bit the opposite as First time I think I was super gentle but kind of had so much time it was a luxury - Freddie had the longest bedtime routine with massages and all sorts and Evelina gets a bit short changed as I’m more of a manager mum with so much to do and I’m a little less patient as I feel under time constraints! But I think that’s why language has helped me a lot as I need her to cooperate and not feel pushed around I guess xxx
SJ Strum I agree it was very similar with my eldest and I too
Have you read any good books or know any good websites etc about gentle parenting? If so could you make a video with some recommendations?
Elisabeth Birnie I linked one great book I the description that is probably my favourite but I’ll do a list. I love how the calm and connect with your toddler by the baby whisperer too x
I have read a fab book by Janet Lansbury called Elevating childcare. Would definitely recommend. You might also enjoy my channel where I talk about all things toddlers, play, montessori, being a mum and childminder and respectful parenting. K xxx
Thank you Esthe - I'm really appreciative of the contribution. I love the wisdom. Thank you for saying: "I know you are really angry right now. The other kid took the toy and you wanted to play with it. It feels helpful and nourrishing.
Great advise!!! But what if you were never taught about your emotions how are you supposed to identify their emotion in the moment? Serious question. I'm lost with what to do with my toddler. I was taught abuse and talking down is how you deal with children and I dont want to be that kind of parent. Please help
Thank you SJ for this I’m going to get the book your vlog has helped me as I have a 2 year old I have been struggling on how to handed and reply back to his emotions at the moment as he is talking-ish but doesn’t understand so his emotions are wild! Thank you really going to take parts into consideration going forward xxxx
The book is amazing; really practical too. Oh yes they get SO frustrated. Giving choices helps - so with Finn's speech delay we learnt to always give choices and recommend other people looking after them give choices to avoid having to ask direct questions or try to interpret their toddler speak. It's fun once you start putting the techniques in place as it's like a project - ha ha!
Gosh emotional are so high when they turn 2, my little one is 2.5 and it is so full on. I talk alot about parenting a toddler on my channel, you might enjoy it. :) xxx
Thanks for this SJ I have always struggled with parenting my two eldest and having a bigger gap between the second and third I really want to take the opportunity to try and do it better this time. My youngest turned two at the weekend and he is ok for the most part but he has certainly had episodes of throwing himself on the floor so thank you for giving me a different way of understanding it and dealing with it x
Emma Blakeley ah thanks Emma!! I’m really happy you found something useful in it; I’ve read so many books and articles lots of things stayed with me so I think it’s always helpful to share and I remember the emotions bit helped me calm down so so much! I used to think I had to correct the behaviour almost; but now I jsit feel like I’m helping them through it makes me so much calmer xxxx
It’s hard getting the balance and having patience at This stage xxx
How do you deal with "naughty" behaviour? Kicking or biting another child or saying mean things for example? My LO is on the cusp of being a toddler and I'm interested in how to deal with her change in behaviour.
KM 2607 there’s a few different things but mainly the theory I’ve read says that it’s usually just curiosity - you need to be firm teaching that those behaviours are not OK. But that they don’t get punished as they are too little to really learn that way. So I also read we should observe and look for the trigger; is it always at playgroup for example they might be overstimulated in large social situations so taking them to sit down every 10 minutes for a quiet 2 minutes with mummy. Or if it’s just hitting to get their own way then say something like “I won’t let you hit” - then let them play and if it happens again they learn the consequence “we can’t play that game anymore” then focus on teaching the positive behaviour like “gentle hands” I read lots of techniques and there are so many great books I’ve linked one I love in the description xx
This is a tricky one and is always not nice to encounter. It is totally normal and natural though and believe me, they grow out of it. If you know your child is in this phase then I would remain really close by when they are with other children so you can be there to stop the or intervene. If you can stop them before it happens simply step in and say 'I cannot let you bite her/him' and thats it. Sometimes if you make too much of a big deal they do it more. I would always remain calm, never shame or tell them off because they don't know what they are doing or that it is naughty. They just have high emotions and no way to control them. It is hard not to get mad, I totally get it but keep calm and over time it will get better. I would always go to the person who got hurt and make sure they are ok and validate their feelings. Hope that helps. You might like my channel, please take a look. K xxx
@@SJ_Strum We do lots of gentle hands, its a great things to introduce. Love your video K xx
This sounds somewhat like challenging behaviours which needs some specific strategies to help both you and your child overcome
Just watched this for the second time.. I’m sure I viewed it last year when my little one was 2, and I was the same as you, fine taking her out m, could calm her down etc.. however.. a year later... I hate taking her out 😢 in fact even before lockdown it was less and less and her dad would take her, Mainly due to I was pregnant/ now baby is here so I couldn’t cope with both! The issue is she never wants to leave a place, the park, a friends house anywhere she just changes and a full meltdown happens and just goes wild and doesn’t listen to anything I’m saying and I try to reason with her with everything.. nothing works and then when we talk about it later she’ll say sorry but it never seems to get better .... 😬😬😬
Thank you so much for this video! My nephew is currently throwing horrendous tantrums and it’s had me stressed about my son going through the same thing. You really explained this amazingly and I’m feeling more confident about my son reaching this stage. Question, how do you deal with violent behaviour?
Really useful for me as someone who works in child care in the 2-3 yrs room, please do more of these!
Oh thank you I was trying to gently parent my toddlers but I wasn't sure how to set up boundaries and say no.
Do you have any tips for someone who hasn’t practiced gentle parenting and the kids are 3 and 2 and they want to start
Very helpful thank you. You say ‘she’ and I wondered who this philosophy comes from 😍
I feel like I have a hard time communicating with her when she is having a tantrum bc she just screams and talks over me lol
I know this is crazy. But can you do a makeup tutorial?
I can do - it's very simple! x
SJ Strum Yes! I’d love to see one too
Yay! 💚
I believe she already has one on her channel.
don't make-up
I think Everything's must be natural
Awh this is beautiful! I practice this way of "Parenting" in my childcare. We don't discipline the children when they are not behaving appropriately we use what we call "Redirection". Turning the emotion into appropriate behavior. There are a few steps to figure out how to help a child each situation. my formula is this: 1. realize what is causing or triggering the behavior 2. try to come to an understanding of the emotion the child has during that behavior 3. redirect that energy into a behavior that's more positive. Repeat Repeat repeat! ;) Example: I had a child who would let out all extra energy when parents were around, becoming rough and uncontrollable. I realized this was due to excitement and she wanted to "show-off" unfortunately her showing off was to be more aggressive with toys and other children. So every time another parent came. I became her positive demonstrator of ways she could use her excitement and energy like Jumping up and down to get the excitement out, saying excuse me to a parents and show them an activity she was focused on. This helped her and eventually she only did the redirected behavior.
I love that idea; so true about redirecting and figuring out the cause. Freddie used to storm away upstairs when I got home from work everyday and be super angry with and it upset me so much; but I realised the nanny was handing over to me and taking my attention by telling me about the day so as soon as I noticed and just made a little game about him opening the door to a silly knock and I asked her to leave right away and handover later; he was so much happier. Definitely a good technique, there's always a better way xxxx
What a load of rubbish
@@SJ_Strum Yes! exactly. that was awesome of you to of done! Thanks again for making this video. All your videos are so sweet and give off such good vibes!
Thank you so much for this video! I’m new to gentle parenting but I have already seen the differences in my 23 month old.
The issue I have is when she is with the sitter (who is a relative) during the day while I work full time. The sitter is more about fear discipline and telling her to stop crying. I worry it pushes us back on the gentle parenting and my daughter acts out a lot on the days she is with the sitter. What should I do? What are you suppose to when my daughter spends most of the hours in the day with the sitter who isn’t following gentle parenting?
I’d love some advice thank you!
My situation exactly
Loved this video! You are amazing! Are you familiar with RIE/Respectful Parenting? I’m loving the book by Janet Lansbury called No Bad Kids - Toddler Discipline Without Shame. Really loving this approach for my 2 little girls! Hope you are feeling much better xx
Yes I've just discovered it and have been loving reading up on it - I need the book as I've just been reading articles. Have you followed The Mellow Mama on UA-cam? She follows RIE as well xxx
SJ Strum I love the book! It is something I wish I discovered while pregnant. Janet Lansbury also has a podcast called Unruffled, it’s so good as she covers so many different parenting struggle topics! Love The Mellow Mama, she is so clued up about it!xx
I definitely am on the conscious/empathetic parenting side of the scale, and it’s lovely you are highlighting this kinder gentler parenting thinking. Another good book I’ve loved (I actually have it on audio book which is great when out with the buggy) is ‘no drama discipline’ by Dan siegul. It’s on a similar sort of vein as you are talking about here but backs everything up with his studies on how the brain works. Super interesting and I’d highly recommend. Lx
What do you do if your toddler is throwing toys to another baby (almos 1 yo) not with intention to hurt and the other mom raise her voice to your son asking to stop before you can react ? Thanks for the advice
Ooooh that's hard isn't it, I wouldn't worry. It's not going to cause any damage on a one off, if it's a family member or friend I'd just be really intentional to speak to my baby like 'I know you're playing so nicely, this is how to pass gently' and model how you'd react. It's hard to confront somebody about it isn't it xx
Wonderful video, will be trying to implement these techniques to avoid the battle of wills that start the day and set the tone for the day most days! You’re so right about taking things personally, I often feel that way when Charlotte has a meltdown, because she will claim she doesn’t love me and tells me to go away. She is going through a phase of telling me she’s horrible, which she unfortunately told a stranger earlier today and the lady must have thought I’m abusive. I’ve been told it’s a way of asking for reassurance.
Ahhh yes I'm sure it's reassurance. And confidence; it's so hard to hear them say negative things. Freddie used to say he was 'dumb' all the time and it upset me so much. He did eventually stop saying it but took a lot of reassurance. One technique I read is to notice the good behaviour without tonnes of praise so it's not over the top - just 'you ate all your dinner' 'you got in the car when I asked you to' and just comment on it and it builds up in their mind all the good things they're doing. xxx
I have an 18 month old that’s just starting to discover his emotions and I was very confused as to why he was changing. Thank you for shedding some light on a new point of view so I might help and understand him better ❤️
Claire Vance same, my 18 months old daughter changed so suddenly I’m slowly coming to terms with what’s actually going on and trying to find the best ways how to manage her feelings
LOVED this! My daughter is only 1 but is certainly developing her personality and likes/dislikes - I can see me rewatching this a lot over the next few years to help us navigate life together. Some really helpful tips. Thank you!
Ah I'm so glad thanks Suzanne, I love reading things for older kids as then when it suddenly starts happening I have all the techniques - I'm Ready For You! ha ha! xxx
SJ Strum absolutely! So glad I found your channel (although gutted I didn’t realise there were loads of fab going back to work/flexible working videos etc) until recently - I’ve still watched them though 😂 good to start thinking about these things and developing a parenting style now in any case x
I really enjoyed this! Thank you!
I’d love to see more of these pleeeeease 😊 with real life examples too!
So glad I found your channel!
Perfect timing! I was just looking for a video yo describe this
J GroatMillar ah amazing! X
So so interesting! Thank you
I love this video ❤ Thank you xxx
Thank you x
My son will scream while I am trying to talk to him. I would hold his hands and get down to this level and try talking to him about it that it’s not okay but he screams every time I try talking to him like he doesn’t want to hear it. How do I go about this?
Vanessa this sounds like quite the challenge for both of you. You might need to get some
Specific strategies to handle this challenging behaviours
When you're 22 and nowhere near having kids 😂😂😂 good advice for the future though
I’m 19 and watching ahah!!
It’s good to know I’m not the only one
I mean I’m 22 with a 2 year old🤣
Me at 22 with a toddler lol
Im 21 with a toddler and about to give birth to my second why does age matter?
I’ve been struggling so much, my husband is gone for 3 months and my daughter is about to hit 2. As you can imagine, it’s extremely difficult to try and maintain a calm demeanor when she’s hitting me and throwing a tantrum often. I appreciate your videos and I’m going to apply your tips to my everyday life.
SOUND OF MUSIC!