getting ghosted by docs has happened to me multiple times and every time its a tiny bit traumatic cus I get this thought like "I can't even pay someone to give a fuck about me"
My therapist, like my mental health professional who knows I have abandonment issues, ghosted me.. don't know how to recover from that, but it's also kinda funny
@snoason1930 aahh, the same happened to me! She legit said I have a lot of abandonment that's gone on in my life .. then proceeded to not only fall asleep during sessions but when I decided to stop much later to find a new therapist she was supposed to call me to check in and help me find one... Never heard from her again
I had my top surgery canceled a week before my pre op appointment (and 3 weeks before my date) and when I was finally about to have surgery later, I never got that excited feeling back. it was really hard feeling so numb, but my brain just didn't want me to be disappointed like that again. even AT the hospital, in my gown, I was so neutral about the whole event bc it felt like it still wouldn't happen. I think grief is really common in the trans experience. waiting to feel like ourselves, not having the resources, etc.
I totally feel that. I was first supposed to have surgery on July 19 (the day of that microsoft shutdown) and they cancelled it. I was distraught, and they rescheduled for August 7. I didn't want to get my hopes up that day because part of me kept thinking it wouldn't happen.
I had this experience with getting a hysto. I was one week out from surgery when, due to a bunch of insurance bullshit it got canceled. It took me nine months, changing doctors twice and insurance three times before I could finally make it happen. Even then I had to ask my boss for an advance AND apply for a credit card so I could even pay the deposit. It was a deeply stressful and exhausting nine months of my life.
To be trans is to grieve. In a million ways. There is also immense joy available for us - but I say to others often that to be trans is to grieve. Part of our strength , however unfair.
I have mine scheduled in 9 days and I hope that doesn't happen! I had this experience buying a house. The one that actually went through I didn't dare believe until after we had the keys.
As a CMA myself, you probably talked to the ladies in administration, but once it came to scheduling, the surgeon said "Oh hell no, he will be advertising our name ahead of the surgery and if anything bad happens it will ruin our business." It probably had absolutely nothing to do with you personally, or the money. It was your access to the trans community that was a possible threat. My best guess is they ghosted you because they didn't even want to contact you again incase you put them on social media blast for it, with the receipts. Backing out of very cheap advertisement because you don't want the chance of bad publicity incase you fail, isn't exactly something you want written in an email. They also weren't gunna do it for full price because they really can't stop you from saying who did your top surgery, and if somehow it did turn out that you needed a revision, you could still put them on blast for it. It's not libel if it's true.
At that point they could've said "we'd like you to wait with posting these until you know you're happy with the result, and if you need revisions you do not mention our name. Here is an NDA for that." it's not libel if it's true but if it's not illegal it can be covered by an NDA. Maybe that would change some stuff about what compensation would be appropriate, or they could do revisions at a discounted rate if they end up being neccesary (thus showing that even if you're unlucky and a Bad Thing happens, these are good people to get your surgery/revision done at.) Either way this is one of the least professional ways to handle this situation.
@@Treegona some clinics are so weird about NDAs. the first surgeon i had my date fully booked and paid for just suddenly said they needed a therapist note to confirm i had the "capacity to consent" because informed consent is no longer real for certain diagnoses + i wasnt able to get that note cus i was coming from terf island, i said i was more than happy to sign an NDA and they were like noooo we'd never make u sign an NDA thats so dehumanising :(((( like idk have u considered how dehumanising it is to say i don't have the capacity to consent to what's done to my body lmao im over it please let me sign a piece of paper!!!!!
I have ADHD and the amount of stress from perceived rejection is crippling. It’s not silly. ADHD is a disability too often just not taken seriously. It’s a joke to most people.
I used to wonder why rejection made me want to implode and then I discovered it’s yet another thing explained by my ADHD. 😂💩 so fun finding out all the ways it impacts my life that I previously just thought were my own personal shortcomings. They’re still things that are my responsibility to work on and take ownership of but it feels a little better knowing this is just another symptom of ADHD and not some nonsensical trait that comes from nowhere with no explanation.
Congratulations! I just had my top surgery on August 26 after waiting 18 years and firmly believing it would never really happen. The fact that its done now and I’m recovering still hasn’t fully set in but I’m still super excited.
Ty, none of us think that you're one of "those creators." Everyone uses the tools we have to benefit ourselves. And you said it yourself: you were giving them one HELL of an offer for advertising to a specific demographic that often pays CASH for the type of service that many other people use insurance for. I have followed you for damn near a decade, and I am in tears with excitement for you! Sending you so much love!!
I relate to the full on rejection from a potential client after your correct valuation of your work, them not even attempting to make a counter offer. It sucks because for them it means nothing but for you it means second guessing your own worth ever after. You're definitely not an entitled influencer type Ty, they were being weird, unprofessional and frankly stupid, because they could have said "Hey we can really only take 1k off the price max because of our expenses" and I bet you would have gone for it, especially if you had only had positive experiences with them.
This is exactly what I was going to comment but you have said is far more succinctly than I could have. Them not even counter offering but instead simply ghosting you? Wildly unprofessional and genuinely childish. I’m so sorry they did that to you man.
Can I ever relate to the struggles of navigating ADHD and how traumatic it can be to have something go sideways. Something that would be a setback for a non-ADHD person becomes a thing that can completely knock a person off balance, as if falling off a mountain and having to work your way back up but with injuries. It's no surprise that it took as long as it did after being ghosted the 1st time. That's devastating, and I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm also sorry about the psycho neighbors. I'm so happy that there is a strong possibility of it happening this time, and I hope your recovery goes really well!
I understand the heartbreak. I was on my way to Wisconsin from Indiana this September 3rd for female feminization surgery. We made it through Chicago when I got a call from the surgeon's nurse. They asked me when the last time I took mounjaro. I told them on Saturday. They said they would call me back soon. When they called back they said I was supposed to have not taken it for two weeks before the surgery never mind the fact they never told me that. So, my surgery was canceled. Lots of tears have been shed even now as I'm sharing my story. It is not easy to get over waiting almost two years for the surgery only to have it canceled.
@@calamityjean1525 probably. As a young teenager I was getting my tonsils out and told not to eat or drink 8 hours before my report time, which was like 10am. So I stayed up till 2am and drank a couple glasses of water knowing I'd be thirsty in the morning. At the hospital I was scolded for drinking water past midnight "because midnight is always the surgery eating cutoff, everyone knows that" (I was a young teen and this was my first ever surgery, why would I know that?). Like how does having someone with a 6am report time and someone with a 2pm report time have the same eating cutoff make sense? I did end up getting surgery because it was "just" water and my surgery time wasn't till noon. But somehow they were concerned about water I drank 10 hours before I was put under? Meanwhile two years ago it was "stop eating 8 hours before report, and water only up to 2 hours before, after that use the smallest sip to take any pills".
I totally get that whole "managing the expectations" thing when you've had so much rejection. I'm so incredibly chuffed for you having a date so close, so much good luck and good vibes for it all!
Congrats on your upcoming surgery!! that's super exciting. absolutely wild behavior from that first place, literally all they had to do was say no thank you instead of choosing violence.
I'm so sorry. As an autistic I've just gotten used to that kind of behavior, so in a weird way it's validating to see someone else talk about how hurtful this kind of ghosting is
Ty being so open about the ADHD and RSD struggles that went along side these events is really enlightening to understanding my own experience with both. I categorize my struggles lately as anxiety, with a big focus on social anxiety, but I think RSD has a lot more to do with it than I thought. I always wrote RSD off as me being too sensitive and RSD possibly not being a real valid thing since it doesn’t have much in the way of official documentation yet (last I checked anyways). But no, I don’t think so. I relate to this so hard and it’s so validating to know I’m not alone in feeling so hurt when I get my hopes up and things go sideways. In a lot of ways I’ve stopped trying and stopped getting my hopes up because it’s too traumatic when they get let down.
I relate so hard to it not feeling real until you're literally being gassed out 💀💀 I had my top surgery during the locked down portion of the pandemic, and my surgery date ended up being moved 4-5 months forward because another patient had dropped out of the process for whatever reason. So, I had the same feeling with the opposite timeline, my process moved so fast that it didn't feel real. Obviously, I'm thrilled to have had it done and very lucky I was moved forward, not back, but I just thought that was interesting. I hope your surgery goes well!!
Same, I got approved for surgery in June of this year and when I called to schedule a date they said they had a cancellation and could get me in in July. I thought I was going to have to wait until next summer since I couldn't get surgery during the school year
Oh my goodness! They could have made a counter offer or even just said no or something. Rude! But even aside from that, my sister once told me not to go to a doctor's office who makes me feel like they're doing me a favor. I think that advice could apply for any place you go.
I'm pretty shocked that the office that ghosted you didn't even attempt to make any kind of counter offer. Maybe the lady you spoke to promised things before even clearing it with the surgical team? Maybe they were worried your hopes were so high that you would be hyper critical of any potential 'errors'...? No matter the reasoning I can't wrap my head around totally ghosting you though. Like you said it's better to hear a 'never mind we can't do this' or 'those terms don't work for us' instead of the unprofessional nature of being ghosted by people you were willing to pay to *entrust your life to by agreeing to a surgery with them*. Wild.
Congrates and I hope all goes well. It is amazing how a rejection from a Doctor can impact your life. I went to see a psychiatrist in 1985 when I was 14 and he just told my parents it was a phase and that I was immature and would grow out of it. Set me back a decade. It is just not right, if you don't want to treat a patient the least you can do is send them to another doctor.
Honestly, this is your life and career.. you’re running an online business and you have so many followers… your thought process made sense. I have made respect for you and I understand the rejection trauma.. too relatable. I’m so happy and excited for you man, can’t wait to see how this goes for you.
I had a vaguely similar experience with my surgery process. My primary doctor required me to have a psych eval before clearance. And I finally found one but she sent it to the wrong fax several times and when the primary finally got it they weren’t satisfied with it. And then instead of working with me or telling me she didn’t want to work with my anymore the psych ghosted me. I went to another psych for the eval and he reached out to the first one for her thoughts of me, but she ghosted him too. Ludicrous behavior for a professional. And because of that I wasn’t able to get the medical clearance within 30 days of my date so it got postponed. And then like five days before the rescheduled date my surgeon got injured and it had to get rescheduled again! I wouldn’t get my hopes up until I was in the hospital that morning. But it finally happened and everything went great and now I’m like a week and a half post op!
Honestly had a very similar experience to at least your second attempt where I had to flee my state due to my situation being suddenly unsafe after a threat on my life right before what was supposed to be my consult, I am actually now two months post op as of tomorrow and honestly it still doesn’t feel real
I relate to how hard it is making appointments and having to call doctors. Ive been getting my scoliosis fixed and by god i absolutely hate phone calls. Its so many steps including those dumb robot operator things. Especially when you have to call one person and then call someone else and call the first person to tell them what the second person told you.
Something not dissimilar happened to me. I had a consult with a surgeon in New York City in 2022 when I was 15 and would have had surgery at 16. They told me my age wouldn’t be an issue and were supposed call us in a month with a surgery date. They didn’t. Then two months later my mom called them to ask about the surgery and they told us that I was too young and they’d missed my birth date and given me the consult as a courtesy. I was devastated. We’re gonna try again next fall when I’m over 18.
so hyped to hear you're getting surgery man.I remember watching your videos before I'd even come out. I'm coming up 2 years post op in December and 6 years on T in September just gone. Can't wait to watch your surgery videos.
@@Lulu-xl5cm it’s common to congratulate ppl when something good happens, what’s uncommon is your reaction of calling it a cruel world that good things happen and ppl being happy about it and honestly that’s the cruel world
Having an experience like that really sucks, but It is great to hear it's working out now. I had delayed my top surgery for 8 years due to misinformation. When it was suddenly a possibility I found one of the top surgeons in my area, who took my insurance and the process rolled really quickly when it started. Then a few days before my surgery I heard my surgeon was being sued for bullying people over bad ratings. Made everything super awkward, but I was so close and my insurance was cooperating so I went through with it and had no problems.
I definitely know what you mean about it not feeling real until it's actually physically taking place. the last few days before my top chop were just panic attack after panic attack cuz I was afraid the rug was gonna get pulled out from under me at the last second. and then the hours of waiting in the exam room immediately prior to surgery were AGONIZING as well. pro tip tho: make sure you have lots of easy-to-consume food ready for the first week of recovery cuz you're gonna need it even tho you'll probably be sleeping most of the first few days
OMG! Oct 10th is my stage two of phalloplasty in Seattle, Washington! Congrats! You where one of the people I watched in my early transition which has actually been 10 years with 6 years of medical transition. Young me appreciates your story.
So stoked for you to finally get top surgery!! I hope it'll be as freeing and euphoric as you can imagine, and even more than that. I can completely imagine how awful and demoralising being rejected/ghosted was, I'd be the same way. I don't know if I have rsd, but i do have autism and am very sensitive to things changing and indeed, rejection, so you're definitely not dramatic or whatever for having those strong feelings. My top surgery was delayed for two years due to all different kinds of circumstances, and that was already hard to cope with, but nothing close to being completely ignored after getting so close to it. I'm honestly in awe of what you had to go through in those years and how you managed to get to this point. You didn't deserve all that, but you definitely deserve this surgery!! Best of luck!
I’m so excited for you to be able to finally get your top surgery! Being ghosted by doctors is literally so annoying it’s happened to me so much after I’ve tried to get appointments. I hope everything goes well and I wish you well in your recovery
I am so happy for you! As a fellow ADHD & RSD person (though cis), I really feel for the trauma and mountain-climbing involved in just getting what you need. You're a total icon, and I'm so pleased you are finally able to take this step! xxxx
as someone who has come out, started HRT, had top surgery and a revision since I first discovered this channel, I just wanna say that you really deserve this. your videos have been so helpful to other people's journey's that it's only right for you to finally get the care and support that you need. wishing you all the best!
Eyyyyyyy adhd gang! Thanks for opening up about how hard it can be to plan/coordinate multi-step tasks/phone calls. I know it's not really what the video is about but hearing that other people struggle that way makes me feel less shame for having the same kind of difficulties.
Really stoked for you on this and sending good vibes your way for it all to go smoothly! Top surgery turned into a battle for me as well. Lucky to live in a province that covers most of the cost, but had to pull together requirements for coverage, then a 5 month wait to get a consult, then a 9 month wait for the date after that. Surgery was cancelled twice due to covid surges -- second time with only 24 hrs' notice and no available date of reschedule. Finally lucked into a cancellation and went in for surgery during a 50cm/20" blizzard lol. If intake had been scheduled even an hr later it would've been cancelled again. So just wanted to send some solidarity bc I know at least a version of how hard the headspace gets when top surgery falls through (and more than once), and wouldn't wish it on anyone. The good news is once it's finally done, the peace and euphoria that follows completely blasts away the grief. Then to make it even better, there's an entire year of "firsts" you get to savour as you get to experience your chest in every scenario and season. I'm 2.5 yrs post-op now and it's lost none of its wonder. (Also imo not wrong at all to seek partnerships to reduce or cover costs. What's wrong is that anyone has to pay out of pocket for necessary care, and that the system/cost puts it out of reach for too many people. Completely fair to leverage any tools at your disposal.)
Ty I probably been watching your vids for 10 years at least. Just wanna say man congrats I'm so happy for you buddy no one deserves it more than you do brother always been a great ambassador for our community
I'm so happy you're getting it done now. So proud that you stuck to it and now it's going to happen. Good luck on the surgery and i hope you have a speedy recovery and the results will be awesome.
The title made me tear up -- I'm so glad it's really going to happen for you. I'm autistic and ADHD and have a fear of going to see medical professionals due to medical trauma so I can totally relate to how insurmountable it is to make that shit happen, ugh. Your persistence is very inspiring -- I'm currently working up the nerve to see someone for a challenging condition of mine and hearing you push through much tougher circumstances is making me feel like I can push through mine and my anxieties around it. I always love your more transition-focused videos! I hope you make more of them through this surgery process, if only about how you're feeling after recovering!
i also got rejected and ghosted two years ago while trying to get top surgery after it was going well at first u__u but your story really helps me feel like i'm not alone and gives me hope that i could still get surgery one day - thank you for making this video and congrats on finally getting there!!!
What a rollercoaster of a story. I am so happy that you finally will be able to close this chapter. I wish you nothing but the best, speedy healing and that you'll be satisfied with your results. I feel you a lot on the rejection dysphoria/ADHD topic, too... ouff. In Germany, the procedure for getting top surgery is very different to the US, but even though it wasn't near as dramatic as in your case, it didn't feel real until I was chatting with the anaesthetics nurse lying on the table and they had to up my dose, cuz my ADHD apparently also makes me less receptive to certain anaesthetics >_< Anyway, all the best for you, Ty!
i’ve always wondered why you haven’t had top surgery yet and now it all makes sense. those experiences have to be the most soul crushing experiences ever. i would crumble if it even happened once. i’m so happy for you dude!congratulations you’re finally getting top surgery! operation get riddy the titty is a go!!!
Man... they really fucked you over by ghosting you like that for seemingly no reason... after hyping you up so much. they should at the very very least write you an official apology... But hey! Congratulations on finally securing the surgery you need :D
I'm a gay man and I am so attracted to you!! You are the epitome of masculinity and I loved your OF pictures. There is nothing about your bottom that makes you less masculine! Now, having said all that, I do believe you owe your community a bigger shout-out to the doctor who ghosted you. I would like to ask you to reconsider exposing him/her/they/them by giving the office name and the person with whom you dealt because you can save your fellow trans people the shame or embarrassment of getting the cold shoulder. I know you're trying to be diplomatic, but fuck that noise. Love you and really respect you, too!
Congratulations on finally getting top surgery! Your videos were some of the first I found that helped me with my own transition and I'm so happy that you're finally getting it after so long :)
I relate SO MUCH about how hard it is to deal with scheduling, following up on time and the "if it's more then 2 steps it feels like a mountain"! I am also diagnosed with ADHD, and I have felt a failure so many times because of how difficult it is for me too to do all those things. I am working on it and learning that it's not me being lazy or dumb, it's just part of the challenges I face! I do want to start the process to change my name and gender officially, and that is another mountain that I will have to climb. But I will get the help I need to get it done, and I will do it!
Even when I got my top surgery it didn't sink in, it got through me only through time, like when I was actually able to go to the pool, I just got realisation momments which are amazing because it just feels too good to be true. And yes, it's amazing. One thing, as an adhd man I gotta say that it's hard not to have "stress balls", not in a sexuall way AT ALL but apparently when I didn't have them anymore I've got nothing to do with my hands😂😂😂😂 but totally worth it!!
I'm so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with the clinic that first time, but I'm beyond thrilled that you're finally getting your surgery - and so soon! I'm not sure how the waiting lists are where you are now, but for the surgeon I went with in Chicago, I had to wait over a year just to get in for a consult, then another seven months for the surgery (would've been a full year if I'd gone through insurance), then an additional month when they had to move my surgery date. Which definitely doesn't compete with waiting for ten years (!), but of course any delay feels endless when you're dealing with dysphoria. Anyway, huge congrats that it's finally happening, and I hope you have a smooth and speedy recovery! Getting top surgery was seriously the best decision I ever made, and I'm so glad you're finally getting it after wanting it for so long! ❤
Im so sorry you had to go through that and I am glad you finally get to have your surgery. As someone whose ADHD presents itself very similarly (rejection sensitivity and multi step tasks feeling overwhelmingly impossible) I can relate so hard to your experience. I was in the army for a 7 years and got injured and medically retired and now have medical insurance through the VA. It took me nearly 2.5 years after I was out of the army to finally get enrolled in the VA healthcare system both through my own (at the time undiagnosed) ADHD procrastination and the VA just being incredibly slow due to understaffing. I remember feeling like I had been ghosted by the VA when I was trying to have my initial consultation for my mental health because I had run out of my SSRIs I was prescribed when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder while in the army, and the date of my phone call appointment came and went. After trying to call a bunch of times over a month I gave up and decided to pay for therapy out of pocket, but couldn’t bring myself to reschedule a new consultation appointment to see a psychiatrist since my therapist is just a psychologist. Two months after that, I finally get a call outta the blue from I assume the doctor I was supposed to have my consult with. He was so apologetic and emotional when he explained that their entire department was being let go and replaced by contractors and the only reason he was calling me now, was so I didn’t feel like he was just dropping me out of nowhere and so I didn’t feel unstable by bouncing from doctor to doctor which is very common when dealing with the VA. I don’t think he realized I had never spoken to him before so I just let him apologize cause he was clearly going through it. A little over a month after that, out of the blue, someone who I assume was one of the new contractors called me to finally do my consultation and other than his follow up to make sure my in person appointment was scheduled I never heard from him again and have since been seen by three different psychiatrists. I decided to continue paying for therapy out of pocket because I didn’t want to have to potentially start over again and again but I still have to go through the VA to get my prescriptions and they were the ones who had to test and diagnose me with ADHD so I could get medications. I’m somewhat greatfull to the Army and VA because I have never had to pay for medical care, especially when I had shoulder surgery and a colonoscopy, but it’s very hard to not get jaded sometimes when it feels like there’s no consistency through care and appointments can be dropped suddenly or doctors will up and leave for various reasons.
Super huge congrats! I had an in person refusal after a consult with the surgeon in my area. Why? Because she has a BMI requirement and I'm fat. It's been over 2 years since then and I am finally close to my goal weight for my BMI. I'm hoping to go back to the surgeon by the end of the year and get surgery next year.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! My first consultation with a plastic surgeon for top surgery, he refused to do the liposuction i want on my thighs, he told me to lose weight, recommended me to buy his friends fasting book, and kept pushing it even after I said I didnt want to lose weight at that time. I left him and cried when i got home, and went to another surgeon who did charity cleft lip reconstructions for kids in malaysia and instantly I knew he was a more trustworthy person, and he never even mentioned my weight until I brought it up and he said itd be no problem, he had photos of results for guys bigger than me. I ended up losing weight before my surgery anyway, and my new surgeon said there wasnt enough fat to lipo on my thighs anymore so im still thick, but anyway im so glad i didnt go with the first guy. If thats your only option im sorry youve been denied like that, its so fucked up, some people cant lose the weight and regardless fat trans people deserve to transition.
Ty, i haven’t seen any of your videos in what feels like forever, so it’s nice to see your face again! (i feel like the algorithm hasn’t been showing your videos in my feed 😕). all that said, that’s hella sketchy from the first surgeon’s office! …i have no firsthand knowledge of how sponsorships work, or what’s a reasonable offer or ask for that sort of thing, but one thing i DO know for sure is that the thing that is *un*reasonable was their lack of communication. makes sense to be cautiously optimistic. but i hope 10/10 really pulls through for you! and lastly: i don’t know you know you, but i’m proud of you for working through all the trauma to be able to feel okay (or okay enough) to share all these previous almost top surgery experiences. 💪🏼
I'm recovering from top surgery now, my final post op is actually the same date as your surgery lol. Make sure to stock up on baby wipes for when you can't shower, and remember not to wear your favorite shirts over bandaged nipple grafts cuz they might get stained. And most importantly resist the urge to do too much when you start feeling better. Im still struggling to remind myself i shouldn't be lifting more than 15 lbs. 😅 Waited half my life for this and been stuck wanting to leave a job I hate for 2 years because I didn't want to change jobs in the middle of planning the surgery. Now I'm recovering well and already got a new job offer from the 1 job application I did while on medical leave. Ready to head back to work on Monday and submit my 2 weeks notice. 😂 edit: spelling error
good luck with your surgery, i hope you get whatever treatments and surgeries you need as fast as possible, only the best of wishes on the results, shit can be very unnerving, and especially when it feels like your doctors aren't taking you seriously, but ideally that doesnt get in the way of their work above all others
@Ty Turner I'm really sorry that happened to you. I've had the same fear of being denied trans healthcare / top surgery. I hope I can get top surgery soon. I'm really happy for you ! Can't wait to see you're results! :')❤
I had a super similar experience with trying to get T Didn’t happen until I was able to move to Canada to seek asylum. Each denial was world shattering, especially with that ADHD RSD. I’ve now been in Canada and on T for 5 years and tbh it still doesn’t feel real sometimes Congrats on surgery though!! I’m so pumped for you, I can’t believe I’ve been following along for so long and like, you’ve waited so long and tried so hard man. Really happy for you
Sorry to hear about your experience! Please don't feel like what you felt about it all was silly, because it's all very valid and understandable! As an older woman diagnosed late with ADHD I can completely relate to the mental loop this all threw you through. At over 40 I have developed the habit of expecting the worst, or at least avoiding excitement over things because I otherwise the overwhelm if it doesn't happen will be unbearable. Also really relate to the difficulty you have with completing tasks with multiple steps, and this is the number one thing I would say has the biggest negative impact on my life. We can't change it, one does not simply write notes or try harder when their disorder is something which literally changes the way their brain functions. All the best to you and I wish you a speedy recovery, and the confidence you deserve to have! 🤗
In the cadence of "I have no mouth": I have ADHD and I must Book an Appointment. I feel like there's kind of two types of medical trauma. Medical trauma of a treatment going poorly and medical trauma from your healthcare providers proving to you that they Do Not Care, you Do Not Matter and they Will Not Help You. I can still actively tell you about the time I was told that because of the exact neurotype I have I, a 27 year/old, would have to talk to a *pediatric psychiatrist.* Because no-one else was being taught about the way brains like mine work. What - did they expect me to just spontaneously combust when I turned 18??? It took me half a year to even _make an appointment,_ never mind the months between that and when my intake appointment was scheduled. Hell - even after my first appointment to get evaluated I was still worried my psych would refuse to diagnose me because the symptoms of the diagnosis I already had and the thing I was being evaluated for "have overlap".
That's just so weird that they ghosted you like that! I mean, if they weren't happy about your proposed discount, they could have just said so and negotiated. It's not like it could have been so offensive that they refused to even talk to you. The only thing I can think of is the woman you talked to didn't have the authority to okay it and when she proposed it to the doctor, he rejected the idea. But even then, it seems like they could have just told you.
Yeah I feel like that's probably what happened. But as you said they really could have just told me and I would have paid to still have it lol so weird
Christ man that sounds like a pretty rotten experience. You were giving them a pretty sick deal imo! Don't know your channel and this my first time here, but congrats on getting to this point!! 3rd times the charm right!? Good luck on the top chop!!
Havent finished the vid, congrats on top surgery!!!!! honestly, I feel the bit about the more you pass, the more you notice the problems. I'm in an awkward situation where when I first cut my hair, I passed (plus binding/hoodies) some of the time, but I'd be happy but also terrified cuz of my parents, and I felt like I had to be 'honest'. But then I passed more over the next few years and improved everything, it was great, but then, as expected, soon the euphoria kinda faded and it's normal, so when someone calls me a girl, it's awkward af and if its infront of people who dont know me its horrible, but then being called a dude is normal. (but I still have flashes of euphoria with stuff at times, but not often). But I'm pre everything, a bit curvy, with narrow ribs, but I pass cuz of styling, and yet It's dependant on my clothes and grooming, so its weird af and it just makes everything else worse cuz I pass but everything except say, my face (sometimes), muscles, and my voice when i do it properly, is seriously sucky. Really looking forwards to college, and have plans for T! Also, I'm very lucky to have parents who, when i came out to them (really freakign late, but I'd dropped so many oblivious sayings throughout life that they weren't really surprised) they were chill. Sorry, rant, but I feel ya man. Congratuiations with the top surgery, and it sucks you had that ghosting! Especially after they hyped you so much!
I understand why you feel this way about it. I never expected it too but juts having the initial talks with surgeons about surgeries can be such an emotional rollercoaster because there is so much emotional baggage attached to the surgeries. It can be extremely taxing EVEN if all goes perfect just for alle the fears and emotions that come with it. It going badly or getting ghosted sounds horrible
So excited for you for your surgery! I just stumbled across your channel today. As someone who has worked in healthcare for years and also sells art. I definitely don’t feel like your price breakdown for services rendered in exchange for surgery was far off or unrealistic. It happens often that creators are undervalued and I’ve also been ghosted before for art I’ve drafted before the “final product” was created. It sucks and it’s definitely shitty on their part for how they chose to ghost and not respond. I don’t often sell art anymore and more often give it away because of the bad taste being ghosted has left in my mouth. I can’t relate to it being tied to a major, affirming surgery, but I can understand it would be very harmful and traumatic to have happen. You deserved more respect than you were treated with in that scenario. Congrats, again!
Congratulations!! :D I relate heavily to that feeling of not trusting it until it is literally happening, I can definitely understand having those trust issues after being ghosted like that. I'm so excited that this is finally happening for you!!
You are such a beautiful genuine person Ty, I’m so sorry your road to Snoopy surgery has been tough…I’m so happy for you now that it’s so close. Sending you well wishes for your surgery & recovery 🤗
I only had 2+ years from when i first started the top surgery process and my surgery day and i completely understand the not believing it's really happening. Congrats on your surgery day!
So happy for you! You deserve to feel the joy and relief! My first follow up appointment I sobbed the whole time bc it finally set in that this is real and I'm no longer carrying this literal and emotional weight.
congratulations! super excited for you! 🎉 i have just finished paying off my top surgery loan, it's been four years and i am grateful for my body everyday. i will be thinking of you on the 10th!
The medical profession can be weird and very varied about commercialism and media exposure. Some doctors have colleagues or even family that look down on those things, and think it's not medically ethical to be blatantly promoting something that some people disapprove of, and making discount deals in exchange for surgery. They may worry about their reputation, or be worried about who you are as a patient, that you might somehow embarrass them in their association with you. I moved to a southern city and needed some medication for pain, just like Motrin, not opiates (this was years ago). I had to find a new doctor in town. I went to the appointment and filled out the paperwork and gave it to the receptionist. They called me, but instead of seeing the doctor, I was primly informed "The doctor will not see you". I was baffled. Later I thought it was maybe because I dressed a little "hippieish", or maybe because I (honestly) listed the medications I was taking for my bipolar disorder. Very weird and upsetting. I just had to try going somewhere else.
Congrats, man!! I'm sorry you went through so many struggles to get here. I'm also sorry for all the traumatic events you've had to fight through to get here. I understand a little, I was supposed to have my top surgery on the 9/23/24 but my surgeon got covid last week. I still haven't been rescheduled and its so stressful. Honestly its hard because I could be going in a month from now, two weeks or it could be next week.
Wow Ty, I'm genuinely so elated for you. I went from being a deeply closeted trans guy who started following you and other trans guys on youtube without knowing why, I just liked your vibe. Now I'm also scheduling my own top surgery too. Your work online does have an impact, don't forget that. Happy healing 🤙
Congrats bro! Sounds like you’ve fought a long time for this and you deserve it! Wishing you a smooth operation and a speedy recovery when the time comes ❤🎉
I'm watching this while I can't sleep because I'm nervous about my top surgery in 4 hours! I'm super happy for you and thank you for your videos that helped me in my early transition 😊.
That story is so wild and awful, I'm so sorry they did that to you! So happy for you you're finally getting top surgery, congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 wishing you a smooth recovery, best of luck to you!
keep pushing and never abandon your goals and vision for your body! I’ve had a bilateral breast reduction, panniculectomy, and abdominoplasty, last July. It’s important to have good communication and respect from the office staff and especially the doctor. I’m sorry that you had issues with getting your surgery and neighbors! I relate to this so much! I’m glad you’re in a safer place and found the right surgeon to take care of you! You deserve it! Eat lots of protein before and after surgery, and follow all the care guidance. I was so tired after! You will have to take a break from the gym, but then you can live your best life on the beach with no shirt! I’m so excited 😆 and happy for you. I had a prior surgery no go before I found my surgeon. My higher power had something even better for me! A setback is just a set up for a comeback! I am so much more confident and comfortable in my body now, and you deserve this! 🙏✨💖
Ghosting is a juvenile response that is so infuriating to the victim. If you are in a dialogue with someone, and they say something that makes you uncomfortable, be a fucking adult and respond. “No” would have been an answer. People can work with answers, even if they don’t like them.
getting ghosted by docs has happened to me multiple times and every time its a tiny bit traumatic cus I get this thought like "I can't even pay someone to give a fuck about me"
My therapist, like my mental health professional who knows I have abandonment issues, ghosted me.. don't know how to recover from that, but it's also kinda funny
@snoason1930 aahh, the same happened to me! She legit said I have a lot of abandonment that's gone on in my life .. then proceeded to not only fall asleep during sessions but when I decided to stop much later to find a new therapist she was supposed to call me to check in and help me find one... Never heard from her again
I'm sorry you feel that way. ❤
real
I’m so sorry for that. That’s horrible
That's very unprofessional of them to ghost you like that.
Seriously, who does that?!
He should name and shame them.
Sorry, I keep trying to answer another comment, but UA-cam keeps pushing the answer on your comment. Weird bug today. Also can't use emojis.
Glad to hear you'll finally be able to get some things off your chest.
bruh 😭😭🤣🤣
this joke never gets old tbh
@@mellessin1191
I am excited for the day that I can finally say it
😂😂
hehehehehee nice : )
I had my top surgery canceled a week before my pre op appointment (and 3 weeks before my date) and when I was finally about to have surgery later, I never got that excited feeling back. it was really hard feeling so numb, but my brain just didn't want me to be disappointed like that again. even AT the hospital, in my gown, I was so neutral about the whole event bc it felt like it still wouldn't happen. I think grief is really common in the trans experience. waiting to feel like ourselves, not having the resources, etc.
i had mine cancelled a week before the date, i feel u
I totally feel that. I was first supposed to have surgery on July 19 (the day of that microsoft shutdown) and they cancelled it. I was distraught, and they rescheduled for August 7. I didn't want to get my hopes up that day because part of me kept thinking it wouldn't happen.
I had this experience with getting a hysto. I was one week out from surgery when, due to a bunch of insurance bullshit it got canceled. It took me nine months, changing doctors twice and insurance three times before I could finally make it happen. Even then I had to ask my boss for an advance AND apply for a credit card so I could even pay the deposit.
It was a deeply stressful and exhausting nine months of my life.
To be trans is to grieve.
In a million ways.
There is also immense joy available for us - but I say to others often that to be trans is to grieve.
Part of our strength , however unfair.
I have mine scheduled in 9 days and I hope that doesn't happen! I had this experience buying a house. The one that actually went through I didn't dare believe until after we had the keys.
The fact they ghosted you is unprofessional and disgusting behavior. I’m so happy you’re now getting it!
As a CMA myself, you probably talked to the ladies in administration, but once it came to scheduling, the surgeon said "Oh hell no, he will be advertising our name ahead of the surgery and if anything bad happens it will ruin our business." It probably had absolutely nothing to do with you personally, or the money. It was your access to the trans community that was a possible threat. My best guess is they ghosted you because they didn't even want to contact you again incase you put them on social media blast for it, with the receipts. Backing out of very cheap advertisement because you don't want the chance of bad publicity incase you fail, isn't exactly something you want written in an email. They also weren't gunna do it for full price because they really can't stop you from saying who did your top surgery, and if somehow it did turn out that you needed a revision, you could still put them on blast for it. It's not libel if it's true.
Transgenderism is SO capitalist 🤑
At that point they could've said "we'd like you to wait with posting these until you know you're happy with the result, and if you need revisions you do not mention our name. Here is an NDA for that." it's not libel if it's true but if it's not illegal it can be covered by an NDA. Maybe that would change some stuff about what compensation would be appropriate, or they could do revisions at a discounted rate if they end up being neccesary (thus showing that even if you're unlucky and a Bad Thing happens, these are good people to get your surgery/revision done at.)
Either way this is one of the least professional ways to handle this situation.
@@Treegona some clinics are so weird about NDAs. the first surgeon i had my date fully booked and paid for just suddenly said they needed a therapist note to confirm i had the "capacity to consent" because informed consent is no longer real for certain diagnoses + i wasnt able to get that note cus i was coming from terf island, i said i was more than happy to sign an NDA and they were like noooo we'd never make u sign an NDA thats so dehumanising :(((( like idk have u considered how dehumanising it is to say i don't have the capacity to consent to what's done to my body lmao im over it please let me sign a piece of paper!!!!!
Huge bruh moment right there damn
Mars and Tree, both good points. They could have discussed a lot of things with him before even starting things, so they were both on the same page.
I have ADHD and the amount of stress from perceived rejection is crippling. It’s not silly. ADHD is a disability too often just not taken seriously. It’s a joke to most people.
Are you sure it's not bpd? Because I really can't think of another reason why you'd make someone's top surgery about you.
#bpdpride
100000% true
I used to wonder why rejection made me want to implode and then I discovered it’s yet another thing explained by my ADHD. 😂💩 so fun finding out all the ways it impacts my life that I previously just thought were my own personal shortcomings. They’re still things that are my responsibility to work on and take ownership of but it feels a little better knowing this is just another symptom of ADHD and not some nonsensical trait that comes from nowhere with no explanation.
Thank you for speaking up mate.
This is a BPD thing too
Congratulations! I just had my top surgery on August 26 after waiting 18 years and firmly believing it would never really happen. The fact that its done now and I’m recovering still hasn’t fully set in but I’m still super excited.
You waited so long it’s almost time to regret it and try to go back to what you actually are.
@ 😁
Ty, none of us think that you're one of "those creators."
Everyone uses the tools we have to benefit ourselves. And you said it yourself: you were giving them one HELL of an offer for advertising to a specific demographic that often pays CASH for the type of service that many other people use insurance for.
I have followed you for damn near a decade, and I am in tears with excitement for you! Sending you so much love!!
I relate to the full on rejection from a potential client after your correct valuation of your work, them not even attempting to make a counter offer. It sucks because for them it means nothing but for you it means second guessing your own worth ever after. You're definitely not an entitled influencer type Ty, they were being weird, unprofessional and frankly stupid, because they could have said "Hey we can really only take 1k off the price max because of our expenses" and I bet you would have gone for it, especially if you had only had positive experiences with them.
This is exactly what I was going to comment but you have said is far more succinctly than I could have.
Them not even counter offering but instead simply ghosting you? Wildly unprofessional and genuinely childish. I’m so sorry they did that to you man.
Exactly. They’re so shitty for that and deserve all the negative reviews
Can I ever relate to the struggles of navigating ADHD and how traumatic it can be to have something go sideways. Something that would be a setback for a non-ADHD person becomes a thing that can completely knock a person off balance, as if falling off a mountain and having to work your way back up but with injuries. It's no surprise that it took as long as it did after being ghosted the 1st time. That's devastating, and I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm also sorry about the psycho neighbors. I'm so happy that there is a strong possibility of it happening this time, and I hope your recovery goes really well!
I understand the heartbreak. I was on my way to Wisconsin from Indiana this September 3rd for female feminization surgery. We made it through Chicago when I got a call from the surgeon's nurse. They asked me when the last time I took mounjaro. I told them on Saturday. They said they would call me back soon. When they called back they said I was supposed to have not taken it for two weeks before the surgery never mind the fact they never told me that. So, my surgery was canceled. Lots of tears have been shed even now as I'm sharing my story. It is not easy to get over waiting almost two years for the surgery only to have it canceled.
I'm so sorry. Did they expect you to read their collective minds?!
@@calamityjean1525 probably. As a young teenager I was getting my tonsils out and told not to eat or drink 8 hours before my report time, which was like 10am. So I stayed up till 2am and drank a couple glasses of water knowing I'd be thirsty in the morning. At the hospital I was scolded for drinking water past midnight "because midnight is always the surgery eating cutoff, everyone knows that" (I was a young teen and this was my first ever surgery, why would I know that?). Like how does having someone with a 6am report time and someone with a 2pm report time have the same eating cutoff make sense? I did end up getting surgery because it was "just" water and my surgery time wasn't till noon. But somehow they were concerned about water I drank 10 hours before I was put under?
Meanwhile two years ago it was "stop eating 8 hours before report, and water only up to 2 hours before, after that use the smallest sip to take any pills".
I totally get that whole "managing the expectations" thing when you've had so much rejection. I'm so incredibly chuffed for you having a date so close, so much good luck and good vibes for it all!
Congrats on your upcoming surgery!! that's super exciting. absolutely wild behavior from that first place, literally all they had to do was say no thank you instead of choosing violence.
I'm so sorry. As an autistic I've just gotten used to that kind of behavior, so in a weird way it's validating to see someone else talk about how hurtful this kind of ghosting is
Ty being so open about the ADHD and RSD struggles that went along side these events is really enlightening to understanding my own experience with both. I categorize my struggles lately as anxiety, with a big focus on social anxiety, but I think RSD has a lot more to do with it than I thought. I always wrote RSD off as me being too sensitive and RSD possibly not being a real valid thing since it doesn’t have much in the way of official documentation yet (last I checked anyways). But no, I don’t think so. I relate to this so hard and it’s so validating to know I’m not alone in feeling so hurt when I get my hopes up and things go sideways. In a lot of ways I’ve stopped trying and stopped getting my hopes up because it’s too traumatic when they get let down.
congrats on your top surgery date Ty! 3rd times a charm 🎉
I relate so hard to it not feeling real until you're literally being gassed out 💀💀 I had my top surgery during the locked down portion of the pandemic, and my surgery date ended up being moved 4-5 months forward because another patient had dropped out of the process for whatever reason. So, I had the same feeling with the opposite timeline, my process moved so fast that it didn't feel real. Obviously, I'm thrilled to have had it done and very lucky I was moved forward, not back, but I just thought that was interesting.
I hope your surgery goes well!!
Same, I got approved for surgery in June of this year and when I called to schedule a date they said they had a cancellation and could get me in in July. I thought I was going to have to wait until next summer since I couldn't get surgery during the school year
I'm sorry that clinic ghosted you, that's so heartbreaking. But also I'm so excited for you! Congrats on your top surgery date!
Oh my goodness! They could have made a counter offer or even just said no or something. Rude! But even aside from that, my sister once told me not to go to a doctor's office who makes me feel like they're doing me a favor. I think that advice could apply for any place you go.
So true.
So excited for you!! Top surgery was literally the best thing I've ever done for myself
This video shocks me because I thought you already had it, I never would have known unless you said something lol. Either way congrats man
Same here! Minor pity party: man I wish I had that kind of luck.
Congrats on the top surgery!
I'm pretty shocked that the office that ghosted you didn't even attempt to make any kind of counter offer. Maybe the lady you spoke to promised things before even clearing it with the surgical team? Maybe they were worried your hopes were so high that you would be hyper critical of any potential 'errors'...? No matter the reasoning I can't wrap my head around totally ghosting you though. Like you said it's better to hear a 'never mind we can't do this' or 'those terms don't work for us' instead of the unprofessional nature of being ghosted by people you were willing to pay to *entrust your life to by agreeing to a surgery with them*. Wild.
Congrates and I hope all goes well. It is amazing how a rejection from a Doctor can impact your life. I went to see a psychiatrist in 1985 when I was 14 and he just told my parents it was a phase and that I was immature and would grow out of it. Set me back a decade. It is just not right, if you don't want to treat a patient the least you can do is send them to another doctor.
Honestly, this is your life and career.. you’re running an online business and you have so many followers… your thought process made sense. I have made respect for you and I understand the rejection trauma.. too relatable. I’m so happy and excited for you man, can’t wait to see how this goes for you.
I had a vaguely similar experience with my surgery process. My primary doctor required me to have a psych eval before clearance. And I finally found one but she sent it to the wrong fax several times and when the primary finally got it they weren’t satisfied with it. And then instead of working with me or telling me she didn’t want to work with my anymore the psych ghosted me. I went to another psych for the eval and he reached out to the first one for her thoughts of me, but she ghosted him too. Ludicrous behavior for a professional. And because of that I wasn’t able to get the medical clearance within 30 days of my date so it got postponed. And then like five days before the rescheduled date my surgeon got injured and it had to get rescheduled again! I wouldn’t get my hopes up until I was in the hospital that morning. But it finally happened and everything went great and now I’m like a week and a half post op!
Honestly had a very similar experience to at least your second attempt where I had to flee my state due to my situation being suddenly unsafe after a threat on my life right before what was supposed to be my consult, I am actually now two months post op as of tomorrow and honestly it still doesn’t feel real
I relate to how hard it is making appointments and having to call doctors. Ive been getting my scoliosis fixed and by god i absolutely hate phone calls. Its so many steps including those dumb robot operator things. Especially when you have to call one person and then call someone else and call the first person to tell them what the second person told you.
Something not dissimilar happened to me. I had a consult with a surgeon in New York City in 2022 when I was 15 and would have had surgery at 16. They told me my age wouldn’t be an issue and were supposed call us in a month with a surgery date. They didn’t. Then two months later my mom called them to ask about the surgery and they told us that I was too young and they’d missed my birth date and given me the consult as a courtesy. I was devastated. We’re gonna try again next fall when I’m over 18.
That was really shitty that they ghosted you and didn't just renegotiate like professionals. 🙄
I'm so glad you're actually getting it soon 🎉🎉
Congratulations, Ty Man!🎊
Thank you Jackie!! 😭🙏❤️
so hyped to hear you're getting surgery man.I remember watching your videos before I'd even come out. I'm coming up 2 years post op in December and 6 years on T in September just gone. Can't wait to watch your surgery videos.
WOW getting my bottom surgery the same day
Congrats 🎉🎉
congrats and I hope it all goes well
Congrats
and people congratulate this poor person D: what a cruel world we live in.
@@Lulu-xl5cm it’s common to congratulate ppl when something good happens, what’s uncommon is your reaction of calling it a cruel world that good things happen and ppl being happy about it and honestly that’s the cruel world
Having an experience like that really sucks, but It is great to hear it's working out now.
I had delayed my top surgery for 8 years due to misinformation. When it was suddenly a possibility I found one of the top surgeons in my area, who took my insurance and the process rolled really quickly when it started. Then a few days before my surgery I heard my surgeon was being sued for bullying people over bad ratings. Made everything super awkward, but I was so close and my insurance was cooperating so I went through with it and had no problems.
I definitely know what you mean about it not feeling real until it's actually physically taking place. the last few days before my top chop were just panic attack after panic attack cuz I was afraid the rug was gonna get pulled out from under me at the last second. and then the hours of waiting in the exam room immediately prior to surgery were AGONIZING as well. pro tip tho: make sure you have lots of easy-to-consume food ready for the first week of recovery cuz you're gonna need it even tho you'll probably be sleeping most of the first few days
OMG! Oct 10th is my stage two of phalloplasty in Seattle, Washington! Congrats! You where one of the people I watched in my early transition which has actually been 10 years with 6 years of medical transition. Young me appreciates your story.
So stoked for you to finally get top surgery!! I hope it'll be as freeing and euphoric as you can imagine, and even more than that.
I can completely imagine how awful and demoralising being rejected/ghosted was, I'd be the same way. I don't know if I have rsd, but i do have autism and am very sensitive to things changing and indeed, rejection, so you're definitely not dramatic or whatever for having those strong feelings. My top surgery was delayed for two years due to all different kinds of circumstances, and that was already hard to cope with, but nothing close to being completely ignored after getting so close to it. I'm honestly in awe of what you had to go through in those years and how you managed to get to this point. You didn't deserve all that, but you definitely deserve this surgery!! Best of luck!
I’m so excited for you to be able to finally get your top surgery! Being ghosted by doctors is literally so annoying it’s happened to me so much after I’ve tried to get appointments. I hope everything goes well and I wish you well in your recovery
I am so happy for you! As a fellow ADHD & RSD person (though cis), I really feel for the trauma and mountain-climbing involved in just getting what you need. You're a total icon, and I'm so pleased you are finally able to take this step! xxxx
thank you
as someone who has come out, started HRT, had top surgery and a revision since I first discovered this channel, I just wanna say that you really deserve this. your videos have been so helpful to other people's journey's that it's only right for you to finally get the care and support that you need. wishing you all the best!
that ghosting is absolutely crazy. Why didn't they just reject the offer if they didn't like it? that clinic sounds incredibly unprofessional
Eyyyyyyy adhd gang! Thanks for opening up about how hard it can be to plan/coordinate multi-step tasks/phone calls. I know it's not really what the video is about but hearing that other people struggle that way makes me feel less shame for having the same kind of difficulties.
Really stoked for you on this and sending good vibes your way for it all to go smoothly!
Top surgery turned into a battle for me as well. Lucky to live in a province that covers most of the cost, but had to pull together requirements for coverage, then a 5 month wait to get a consult, then a 9 month wait for the date after that. Surgery was cancelled twice due to covid surges -- second time with only 24 hrs' notice and no available date of reschedule. Finally lucked into a cancellation and went in for surgery during a 50cm/20" blizzard lol. If intake had been scheduled even an hr later it would've been cancelled again.
So just wanted to send some solidarity bc I know at least a version of how hard the headspace gets when top surgery falls through (and more than once), and wouldn't wish it on anyone. The good news is once it's finally done, the peace and euphoria that follows completely blasts away the grief. Then to make it even better, there's an entire year of "firsts" you get to savour as you get to experience your chest in every scenario and season. I'm 2.5 yrs post-op now and it's lost none of its wonder.
(Also imo not wrong at all to seek partnerships to reduce or cover costs. What's wrong is that anyone has to pay out of pocket for necessary care, and that the system/cost puts it out of reach for too many people. Completely fair to leverage any tools at your disposal.)
Ty I probably been watching your vids for 10 years at least. Just wanna say man congrats I'm so happy for you buddy no one deserves it more than you do brother always been a great ambassador for our community
October 10!!! So soon! So excited for you! I had FFS this year and it was life changing. Sending you so much love and healing vibes!
I'm so happy you're getting it done now. So proud that you stuck to it and now it's going to happen. Good luck on the surgery and i hope you have a speedy recovery and the results will be awesome.
The title made me tear up -- I'm so glad it's really going to happen for you. I'm autistic and ADHD and have a fear of going to see medical professionals due to medical trauma so I can totally relate to how insurmountable it is to make that shit happen, ugh. Your persistence is very inspiring -- I'm currently working up the nerve to see someone for a challenging condition of mine and hearing you push through much tougher circumstances is making me feel like I can push through mine and my anxieties around it. I always love your more transition-focused videos! I hope you make more of them through this surgery process, if only about how you're feeling after recovering!
i also got rejected and ghosted two years ago while trying to get top surgery after it was going well at first u__u but your story really helps me feel like i'm not alone and gives me hope that i could still get surgery one day - thank you for making this video and congrats on finally getting there!!!
What a rollercoaster of a story. I am so happy that you finally will be able to close this chapter. I wish you nothing but the best, speedy healing and that you'll be satisfied with your results.
I feel you a lot on the rejection dysphoria/ADHD topic, too... ouff.
In Germany, the procedure for getting top surgery is very different to the US, but even though it wasn't near as dramatic as in your case, it didn't feel real until I was chatting with the anaesthetics nurse lying on the table and they had to up my dose, cuz my ADHD apparently also makes me less receptive to certain anaesthetics >_<
Anyway, all the best for you, Ty!
i’ve always wondered why you haven’t had top surgery yet and now it all makes sense. those experiences have to be the most soul crushing experiences ever. i would crumble if it even happened once. i’m so happy for you dude!congratulations you’re finally getting top surgery! operation get riddy the titty is a go!!!
Man... they really fucked you over by ghosting you like that for seemingly no reason... after hyping you up so much. they should at the very very least write you an official apology...
But hey! Congratulations on finally securing the surgery you need :D
I'm a gay man and I am so attracted to you!! You are the epitome of masculinity and I loved your OF pictures. There is nothing about your bottom that makes you less masculine! Now, having said all that, I do believe you owe your community a bigger shout-out to the doctor who ghosted you. I would like to ask you to reconsider exposing him/her/they/them by giving the office name and the person with whom you dealt because you can save your fellow trans people the shame or embarrassment of getting the cold shoulder. I know you're trying to be diplomatic, but fuck that noise. Love you and really respect you, too!
Congratulations on finally getting top surgery! Your videos were some of the first I found that helped me with my own transition and I'm so happy that you're finally getting it after so long :)
Good luck with your surgery. May the healing process be quickly and the pain be bearable!
I relate SO MUCH about how hard it is to deal with scheduling, following up on time and the "if it's more then 2 steps it feels like a mountain"! I am also diagnosed with ADHD, and I have felt a failure so many times because of how difficult it is for me too to do all those things. I am working on it and learning that it's not me being lazy or dumb, it's just part of the challenges I face! I do want to start the process to change my name and gender officially, and that is another mountain that I will have to climb. But I will get the help I need to get it done, and I will do it!
Congratulations on your top surgery! Mine is coming up in November on my birthday. Can’t wait to watch your videos as I prepare.
Even when I got my top surgery it didn't sink in, it got through me only through time, like when I was actually able to go to the pool, I just got realisation momments which are amazing because it just feels too good to be true. And yes, it's amazing.
One thing, as an adhd man I gotta say that it's hard not to have "stress balls", not in a sexuall way AT ALL but apparently when I didn't have them anymore I've got nothing to do with my hands😂😂😂😂 but totally worth it!!
I'm so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience with the clinic that first time, but I'm beyond thrilled that you're finally getting your surgery - and so soon! I'm not sure how the waiting lists are where you are now, but for the surgeon I went with in Chicago, I had to wait over a year just to get in for a consult, then another seven months for the surgery (would've been a full year if I'd gone through insurance), then an additional month when they had to move my surgery date. Which definitely doesn't compete with waiting for ten years (!), but of course any delay feels endless when you're dealing with dysphoria. Anyway, huge congrats that it's finally happening, and I hope you have a smooth and speedy recovery! Getting top surgery was seriously the best decision I ever made, and I'm so glad you're finally getting it after wanting it for so long! ❤
I’m so happy you’re finally getting your surgery!
What that office did to you was reprehensible. You’re such an amazing guy Ty
As always, congratulations on the surgery date. Take it easy after and post when you've recovered enough energy.
Im so sorry you had to go through that and I am glad you finally get to have your surgery. As someone whose ADHD presents itself very similarly (rejection sensitivity and multi step tasks feeling overwhelmingly impossible) I can relate so hard to your experience.
I was in the army for a 7 years and got injured and medically retired and now have medical insurance through the VA. It took me nearly 2.5 years after I was out of the army to finally get enrolled in the VA healthcare system both through my own (at the time undiagnosed) ADHD procrastination and the VA just being incredibly slow due to understaffing.
I remember feeling like I had been ghosted by the VA when I was trying to have my initial consultation for my mental health because I had run out of my SSRIs I was prescribed when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder while in the army, and the date of my phone call appointment came and went. After trying to call a bunch of times over a month I gave up and decided to pay for therapy out of pocket, but couldn’t bring myself to reschedule a new consultation appointment to see a psychiatrist since my therapist is just a psychologist.
Two months after that, I finally get a call outta the blue from I assume the doctor I was supposed to have my consult with. He was so apologetic and emotional when he explained that their entire department was being let go and replaced by contractors and the only reason he was calling me now, was so I didn’t feel like he was just dropping me out of nowhere and so I didn’t feel unstable by bouncing from doctor to doctor which is very common when dealing with the VA. I don’t think he realized I had never spoken to him before so I just let him apologize cause he was clearly going through it.
A little over a month after that, out of the blue, someone who I assume was one of the new contractors called me to finally do my consultation and other than his follow up to make sure my in person appointment was scheduled I never heard from him again and have since been seen by three different psychiatrists. I decided to continue paying for therapy out of pocket because I didn’t want to have to potentially start over again and again but I still have to go through the VA to get my prescriptions and they were the ones who had to test and diagnose me with ADHD so I could get medications.
I’m somewhat greatfull to the Army and VA because I have never had to pay for medical care, especially when I had shoulder surgery and a colonoscopy, but it’s very hard to not get jaded sometimes when it feels like there’s no consistency through care and appointments can be dropped suddenly or doctors will up and leave for various reasons.
Super huge congrats! I had an in person refusal after a consult with the surgeon in my area. Why? Because she has a BMI requirement and I'm fat. It's been over 2 years since then and I am finally close to my goal weight for my BMI. I'm hoping to go back to the surgeon by the end of the year and get surgery next year.
I'm so sorry that happened to you! My first consultation with a plastic surgeon for top surgery, he refused to do the liposuction i want on my thighs, he told me to lose weight, recommended me to buy his friends fasting book, and kept pushing it even after I said I didnt want to lose weight at that time. I left him and cried when i got home, and went to another surgeon who did charity cleft lip reconstructions for kids in malaysia and instantly I knew he was a more trustworthy person, and he never even mentioned my weight until I brought it up and he said itd be no problem, he had photos of results for guys bigger than me. I ended up losing weight before my surgery anyway, and my new surgeon said there wasnt enough fat to lipo on my thighs anymore so im still thick, but anyway im so glad i didnt go with the first guy. If thats your only option im sorry youve been denied like that, its so fucked up, some people cant lose the weight and regardless fat trans people deserve to transition.
Ty, i haven’t seen any of your videos in what feels like forever, so it’s nice to see your face again! (i feel like the algorithm hasn’t been showing your videos in my feed 😕).
all that said, that’s hella sketchy from the first surgeon’s office!
…i have no firsthand knowledge of how sponsorships work, or what’s a reasonable offer or ask for that sort of thing, but one thing i DO know for sure is that the thing that is *un*reasonable was their lack of communication.
makes sense to be cautiously optimistic. but i hope 10/10 really pulls through for you! and lastly: i don’t know you know you, but i’m proud of you for working through all the trauma to be able to feel okay (or okay enough) to share all these previous almost top surgery experiences. 💪🏼
Congratulations and good luck! I hope your surgery goes smoothly with minimal pain and no complications.
YOOOOOOO LETS FUCKING GO i hope you have a super speedy recovery man!!!!
I'm recovering from top surgery now, my final post op is actually the same date as your surgery lol.
Make sure to stock up on baby wipes for when you can't shower, and remember not to wear your favorite shirts over bandaged nipple grafts cuz they might get stained. And most importantly resist the urge to do too much when you start feeling better. Im still struggling to remind myself i shouldn't be lifting more than 15 lbs. 😅
Waited half my life for this and been stuck wanting to leave a job I hate for 2 years because I didn't want to change jobs in the middle of planning the surgery. Now I'm recovering well and already got a new job offer from the 1 job application I did while on medical leave. Ready to head back to work on Monday and submit my 2 weeks notice. 😂
edit: spelling error
good luck with your surgery, i hope you get whatever treatments and surgeries you need as fast as possible, only the best of wishes on the results, shit can be very unnerving, and especially when it feels like your doctors aren't taking you seriously, but ideally that doesnt get in the way of their work above all others
@Ty Turner
I'm really sorry that happened to you. I've had the same fear of being denied trans healthcare / top surgery. I hope I can get top surgery soon. I'm really happy for you ! Can't wait to see you're results!
:')❤
I had a super similar experience with trying to get T
Didn’t happen until I was able to move to Canada to seek asylum. Each denial was world shattering, especially with that ADHD RSD.
I’ve now been in Canada and on T for 5 years and tbh it still doesn’t feel real sometimes
Congrats on surgery though!! I’m so pumped for you, I can’t believe I’ve been following along for so long and like, you’ve waited so long and tried so hard man. Really happy for you
YOOOOO!! Congrats! I hope everything goes well and that you have all the support you need. Surgery in October is metal af.
Sorry to hear about your experience! Please don't feel like what you felt about it all was silly, because it's all very valid and understandable! As an older woman diagnosed late with ADHD I can completely relate to the mental loop this all threw you through. At over 40 I have developed the habit of expecting the worst, or at least avoiding excitement over things because I otherwise the overwhelm if it doesn't happen will be unbearable. Also really relate to the difficulty you have with completing tasks with multiple steps, and this is the number one thing I would say has the biggest negative impact on my life. We can't change it, one does not simply write notes or try harder when their disorder is something which literally changes the way their brain functions.
All the best to you and I wish you a speedy recovery, and the confidence you deserve to have! 🤗
In the cadence of "I have no mouth": I have ADHD and I must Book an Appointment.
I feel like there's kind of two types of medical trauma. Medical trauma of a treatment going poorly and medical trauma from your healthcare providers proving to you that they Do Not Care, you Do Not Matter and they Will Not Help You. I can still actively tell you about the time I was told that because of the exact neurotype I have I, a 27 year/old, would have to talk to a *pediatric psychiatrist.* Because no-one else was being taught about the way brains like mine work. What - did they expect me to just spontaneously combust when I turned 18??? It took me half a year to even _make an appointment,_ never mind the months between that and when my intake appointment was scheduled.
Hell - even after my first appointment to get evaluated I was still worried my psych would refuse to diagnose me because the symptoms of the diagnosis I already had and the thing I was being evaluated for "have overlap".
Thank you for mentioning how hard phone calls and follow ups is for you, that's so validating to hear
That's just so weird that they ghosted you like that! I mean, if they weren't happy about your proposed discount, they could have just said so and negotiated. It's not like it could have been so offensive that they refused to even talk to you.
The only thing I can think of is the woman you talked to didn't have the authority to okay it and when she proposed it to the doctor, he rejected the idea. But even then, it seems like they could have just told you.
Yeah I feel like that's probably what happened. But as you said they really could have just told me and I would have paid to still have it lol so weird
@@TyTurner Well, I'm glad you're getting the procedure now, and I'm wishing you the best in recovery.
Christ man that sounds like a pretty rotten experience. You were giving them a pretty sick deal imo! Don't know your channel and this my first time here, but congrats on getting to this point!! 3rd times the charm right!? Good luck on the top chop!!
Havent finished the vid, congrats on top surgery!!!!! honestly, I feel the bit about the more you pass, the more you notice the problems.
I'm in an awkward situation where when I first cut my hair, I passed (plus binding/hoodies) some of the time, but I'd be happy but also terrified cuz of my parents, and I felt like I had to be 'honest'. But then I passed more over the next few years and improved everything, it was great, but then, as expected, soon the euphoria kinda faded and it's normal, so when someone calls me a girl, it's awkward af and if its infront of people who dont know me its horrible, but then being called a dude is normal. (but I still have flashes of euphoria with stuff at times, but not often). But I'm pre everything, a bit curvy, with narrow ribs, but I pass cuz of styling, and yet It's dependant on my clothes and grooming, so its weird af and it just makes everything else worse cuz I pass but everything except say, my face (sometimes), muscles, and my voice when i do it properly, is seriously sucky. Really looking forwards to college, and have plans for T! Also, I'm very lucky to have parents who, when i came out to them (really freakign late, but I'd dropped so many oblivious sayings throughout life that they weren't really surprised) they were chill.
Sorry, rant, but I feel ya man. Congratuiations with the top surgery, and it sucks you had that ghosting! Especially after they hyped you so much!
I understand why you feel this way about it. I never expected it too but juts having the initial talks with surgeons about surgeries can be such an emotional rollercoaster because there is so much emotional baggage attached to the surgeries. It can be extremely taxing EVEN if all goes perfect just for alle the fears and emotions that come with it. It going badly or getting ghosted sounds horrible
So excited for you for your surgery! I just stumbled across your channel today.
As someone who has worked in healthcare for years and also sells art. I definitely don’t feel like your price breakdown for services rendered in exchange for surgery was far off or unrealistic. It happens often that creators are undervalued and I’ve also been ghosted before for art I’ve drafted before the “final product” was created.
It sucks and it’s definitely shitty on their part for how they chose to ghost and not respond. I don’t often sell art anymore and more often give it away because of the bad taste being ghosted has left in my mouth. I can’t relate to it being tied to a major, affirming surgery, but I can understand it would be very harmful and traumatic to have happen. You deserved more respect than you were treated with in that scenario.
Congrats, again!
I hope the surgery willl bring you closer to yourself. You so deserve it. It's on my dad's birthday so I'll remember you all day. You got this!
Sorry for your previous experiences but I'm so hopeful for your top surgery & wishing you a smooth & speedy recovery ❤
im 2 years postop and it still doesnt feel real to me! congrats on making it through all this, life really tests us sometimes
Congratulations!! :D I relate heavily to that feeling of not trusting it until it is literally happening, I can definitely understand having those trust issues after being ghosted like that. I'm so excited that this is finally happening for you!!
I’m so happy for you! I hope your surgery and recovery process go so so well
13:45 Okay Linkin Park!
You are such a beautiful genuine person Ty, I’m so sorry your road to Snoopy surgery has been tough…I’m so happy for you now that it’s so close. Sending you well wishes for your surgery & recovery 🤗
I only had 2+ years from when i first started the top surgery process and my surgery day and i completely understand the not believing it's really happening. Congrats on your surgery day!
So happy for you! You deserve to feel the joy and relief! My first follow up appointment I sobbed the whole time bc it finally set in that this is real and I'm no longer carrying this literal and emotional weight.
congratulations! super excited for you! 🎉
i have just finished paying off my top surgery loan, it's been four years and i am grateful for my body everyday.
i will be thinking of you on the 10th!
The medical profession can be weird and very varied about commercialism and media exposure. Some doctors have colleagues or even family that look down on those things, and think it's not medically ethical to be blatantly promoting something that some people disapprove of, and making discount deals in exchange for surgery. They may worry about their reputation, or be worried about who you are as a patient, that you might somehow embarrass them in their association with you.
I moved to a southern city and needed some medication for pain, just like Motrin, not opiates (this was years ago). I had to find a new doctor in town. I went to the appointment and filled out the paperwork and gave it to the receptionist. They called me, but instead of seeing the doctor, I was primly informed "The doctor will not see you". I was baffled. Later I thought it was maybe because I dressed a little "hippieish", or maybe because I (honestly) listed the medications I was taking for my bipolar disorder. Very weird and upsetting. I just had to try going somewhere else.
Congrats, man!! I'm sorry you went through so many struggles to get here. I'm also sorry for all the traumatic events you've had to fight through to get here. I understand a little, I was supposed to have my top surgery on the 9/23/24 but my surgeon got covid last week. I still haven't been rescheduled and its so stressful. Honestly its hard because I could be going in a month from now, two weeks or it could be next week.
Wow Ty, I'm genuinely so elated for you. I went from being a deeply closeted trans guy who started following you and other trans guys on youtube without knowing why, I just liked your vibe. Now I'm also scheduling my own top surgery too. Your work online does have an impact, don't forget that. Happy healing 🤙
Congrats bro! Sounds like you’ve fought a long time for this and you deserve it! Wishing you a smooth operation and a speedy recovery when the time comes ❤🎉
CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!! getting top surgery is my dream, I cant wait to turn 18 so I can start saving the money for it!
I'm watching this while I can't sleep because I'm nervous about my top surgery in 4 hours! I'm super happy for you and thank you for your videos that helped me in my early transition 😊.
That story is so wild and awful, I'm so sorry they did that to you! So happy for you you're finally getting top surgery, congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 wishing you a smooth recovery, best of luck to you!
keep pushing and never abandon your goals and vision for your body!
I’ve had a bilateral breast reduction, panniculectomy, and abdominoplasty, last July. It’s important to have good communication and respect from the office staff and especially the doctor. I’m sorry that you had issues with getting your surgery and neighbors! I relate to this so much!
I’m glad you’re in a safer place and found the right surgeon to take care of you! You deserve it!
Eat lots of protein before and after surgery, and follow all the care guidance. I was so tired after!
You will have to take a break from the gym, but then you can live your best life on the beach with no shirt! I’m so excited 😆 and happy for you. I had a prior surgery no go before I found my surgeon.
My higher power had something even better for me! A setback is just a set up for a comeback!
I am so much more confident and comfortable in my body now, and you deserve this! 🙏✨💖
Big congrats man. This surgery truly is life changing and liberating. :)
You are so adorable and so happy! Even though that whole getting ghosted experience was horrible, it's so nice to see you happy now.
Ghosting is a juvenile response that is so infuriating to the victim. If you are in a dialogue with someone, and they say something that makes you uncomfortable, be a fucking adult and respond. “No” would have been an answer. People can work with answers, even if they don’t like them.
thank you! it's so validating to hear because I blamed myself for so long and felt like I screwed up my shot at getting surgery
October 10 IS really soon! I'm so excited for you & wish you a speedy recovery!
Thank you for sharing this, I’m sure many people can relate. I’m so glad it’s finally happening for you!!!