I'm not trying to be rude - I truly support your ability to reach out. Saying that, sociopaths don't make "good decisions." Sociopaths make "decisions good for them." Psychopaths have a neurological issue. Sociopaths are formed by life choices resulting in rewards. Your "stone woman who are raped" is extremely narrow in understanding of the totality of Biblical Law. I truly don't understand how you can bully people you claim bully you with a straight face. Regardless, I applaud you investing in getting help. Much success.
I mean if you are a psychopath (usually) you can‘t make great choices... you don‘t feel what a great or in this case a moral choice is because you lack the humanity part...
@@Kohbruh yes and no, people often feel like doing things they shouldn't but choose not too. One of the most common of those is probably fighting(for men at least) if men fought every time they felt the urge, there would be A LOT more fights. We are in control of our minds and body, emotions definitely influence us obviously, but ultimately they are not at the wheel. Assuming you arent a loose canon at least, because yea, there are people with virtually no self control.
@@Kohbruh I just don't think this is true. I think the majority of people spend most of their time hiding the behavior that reflects how they truly feel.
This honestly depends on why people feel what they feel since it could be occurring out of selfishness and disregard to the feelings of others around them. Self-care and self-entitlement are two different words with two different meanings for that reason.
I had a close friend who was a diagnosed sociopath, and I loved how she described it “i don’t really feel emotions, but when I do they are far too extreme” she was never hurtful, she was compassionate and protective
@@sanscriptzipnov1118no. I think that's what people think because of how bipolar gets represented in media and such.that's also why we get painted as angry and homicidal.that's an individual personality thing, not bipolar. I'm bipolar. I always have emotions, I'm actually a pretty emotional person. normally I'm just shy, and very empathetic and sensitive, introverted, but friendly. Manic episodes I'm WAY too happy, on cloud nine, but impulsive and too chatty and don't sleep, then get horribly depressed.but meds can keep the in-between, even, "normal" state. If I forget to take my meds for a bit I go off the rails again.
@·Misanthropic Malcontent· wow exactly...it didn't totally go away. I still not being able to feel bad about things I should. But I am calm and believe in my partner who is also someone like me I could say
@@breakthecycle16 What luxury? I just said you can choose to be a good person. The decision is literally in your hands. And I won't even argue with you about the subjectivity of morality, if you really believe that there's absolutely no universal good or universal bad, then it's not worth debating over.
@@bambambi5918 that wasn't the point the point is to be a good person out of the kindness of your heart not just because you've done something wrong and feel guilty about it.
"I CHOOSE" EXACTLY. I love this. I'm a neurodivergent empath married to a recovering semi narc who was raised by a family of vicious, full fledged narcs. He makes cognitive decisions every day to be a good person inside and out. I have more empathy, love and respect for someone like that than I do for the average human being. I think people who develop free will and use it to the health of all are heroes... and in my eyes, 95% of human beings fall terribly short of that.
I bet that's an interesting relationship to observe. I'd be assuming he is partly motivated by a massive amount of guilt and fear in losing and hurting you? Or something to do with his family and not being like them?
There is no such thing as being an empath. Zero diagnostic criteria for it. It doesn't exist as a diagnosis in the field of psychology. Stop making shit up lol
You are a narcissist's dream, it's rare to find a person that treats us well. I hope your person values you and does his best to love you like you deserve.
Sociopaths, psychopaths and Narcissists cannot feel empathy and therefore no compassion. This is a fact. They can mirror it but they don't really feel it. God bless them all because it starts with a genetic component. You're not a sociopath miss. Nothing could break your heart if you were.
@@shayleeledevre6401 that’s not true. a sociopath can have a broken heart. because at the end of the day, they care deeply about themselves. so if something hurts them, their heart can be broken.
@@ntoxicait yes! Exactly that’s the difference between a sociopath and psychopath! A psychopath doesn’t feel emotions nearly at all even in regards to themselves!
@@ntoxicait Convince yourself of what you will. They get rage not heartbreak. Not being hateful; this is just misinformation. She's either NOT a sociopath or she is and she's lying. Please educate yourself because God bless anyone who gets ensnared with these people. God bless them for the fact that they can't even help themselves. It's sad. Misinformation is dangerous though.
I know people with massive empathy who are still selfish and emotionally abusive. An empathetic person looking down on someone because they don’t have much empathy is already being abusive.
This is pretty eye opening and definitely true. I don't think I've ever thought about it as much as I have since finding this channel and it seems like I have a lot to understand about empathy and a lack of one. Empathetic people have issues too that they can work through with self-awareness and even have issues because of empathy 😅...as an extreme it can be just as detrimental.
Yeah my mother is extremely empathetic and would get mad at me for experiencing emotions because she felt that she was "walking on eggshells" around me. Which in a way makes sense but the way it played out was very abusive. Basically blaming me for my step father abusing me and forcing me to hide things from her so as not to overwhelm her empathy.
@@aderyn7600 I'm an empath and can't deal with other people's problems or emotions because I'm dealing with too much of my own. People think empaths are good people to go to when they need help but not always true. Empaths are often too burned out to help anyone.
@@marionprepon7145 thank you. I've been out for year's and I am healing and getting better everyday. I just wish there was a way to help everyone, and these videos bring so much to light.
My dad was the same. A tyrant who had zero tolerance for emotional expression. “Quit crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” He was also angry and very critical. It is a horrible way to grow up, I feel ya. I’m sorry that you also experience the emptiness. I really like how you say how people with disorders are just desperately trying to be loved by someone finally. They weren’t valued for who they were, only if they act as directed. Conditional love at its worst…
@@MassageMagick1111 No, they meant directed to supress genuine emotions, you idiot. It literally says so in the comment. Her father. Read properly before you comment snappy remarks.
I agree this makes you a wonderful mother and your daughter is very lucky to have you but feel the need to say: it isn't the absence of consistent, warm and attuned care from a primary caregiver that causes ASPD, it's a developmental, neurological condition present from birth.
I've noticed that I have trouble crying and feeling because my mother would get angry when I cried as a child. My sadness more often than not turns to rage because of how I have had to suppress it. 'If you're going to cry, go to your room!' I'll give you something to cry about!' This has devastating consequences on a child.
I don't really have trouble crying but i don't really get sad, i usually just go straight to anger/rage. I was also told to suck it up as a kid. I'm a woman.
I've had the same, also had a father who would tell my other siblings to laugh at us if we cried to discourage us from displaying negative emotion--essentially trying to link this expression to shame. Trying to learn to have more emotional intelligence to this day. I'm sorry your mother was so discouraging and neglectful of you naturally expressing the human spectrum of emotion.
It’s funny to me that people think all sociopaths are the exact same person. All people with bipolar are the same person. All people with narcissism are the same person. Etc. I hope your videos can help educate those types of people who believe that!
I agree. I hate that people generalize so much about mental illness. That's another issue that keeps the stigma of many disorders alive. I wish people would just understand that not everyone with the same mental illness is not the same.
@@mesicaldc ughhhh I was dating a guy years ago and I told him I’m bipolar. His response “oh.. my ex had bipolar and she was crazy. I’m glad you told me.” As if we are the same exact person cuz we share the same diagnosis.
"I choose not to be a shitty person. " Yes!!! This is everything. I've been thinking a lot about people who are sociopaths and how there's a mob mentality when it comes to them. Which is disgusting. I applaud you for coming out and speaking about it. It's very brave of you and I think you're amazing.
But she DOES CHOOSE to be a shitty person. Did you not watch her videos? Stealing a coworkers ideas, taking them to the boss while that worker is out sick, taking credit & then intentionally lying 1 week later for racism & sexism bc he got mad for her screwing him over & she KNEW he'd get fired bc they were working at a government agency that she said would not tolerate that. You are fkn stupid to believe this sociopath. 🤣 you're literally proving how good she is at manipulating ppl- lol yall are pawns 🤣🤣
@@Checkyourself11 would you be interested in commenting about what you’ve found out about sociopathy? I’m a medical student, and I love to learn about other people’s experience.
@@c.m.brodriguez9402Yes this lady is trying to confuse everyone. The information is being spread and her Jezebel nature was to cause confusion through lies and manipulation.
You are different because you seek to do better. I am in an NPD fb group and many of the narcissists there glorify their toxic behavior and love to mock empathic people. There is definitly a difference...
My boyfriend is a diagnosed sociopath. Going on four years and he has never mistreated me. As a matter of fact he's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Thank you so much for speaking out about this, so many people have the wrong idea
He attached to me in his own unique way. We have a great relationship in a very unique way. I didn't post this comment to defend our relationship. I posted it because I was so happy to find a community that would understand. Also, my previous relationship with a person who could technically attach to me almost killed me. Literally. My current boyfriend makes me feel safe, sociopath or not. Never judge a book by its cover. And I absolutely have self love. Something I had to work very hard on after the non sociopath put me in the hospital
Yeah, but those people don't have empathy for their victims though, if they would have it they wouldn't be able to do the things they do. So it does boil down to not having empathy. Just because a person is neurotypical doesn't mean the person has empathy towards everybody and everything and in every situation.
@@daintydane7177 No. That would mean almost everyone would be a narcissist or sociopath. That doesn't make sense. Empaths can be mean too because they are just humans like everyone lmao obviously...
@@saudadeanguish3139 You have to be an empath to understand that empaths are not mean. Its the reason why Sociopaths take advantage of them because of their kind, caring hearts along with codependents. They have a caring nature which makes them vulnerable. Some empaths learn after being in relationships with Sociopaths that being kind is destructive for their well being so they tone down a bit. Not everyone is mean, if you meet someone who is supposed to be a empath but does otherwise simply means its a sociopath who was just pretending cause thats what sociopaths do best so people can fall into ther trap
We are all born with the nature to sin... you are right we each have the ability to hurt, to be angry, to say and do evil things but also to feel guilt, shame, remorse and to apologise in order to rectify the situation. We still daily have to work on ourselves....to make ourselves better before God, animals and humans.... You are right....to be compassionate, kind, generous, good....is a choice! This young lady - Kanika is getting help to understand her disorder and want to be better....I have tremendous respect and love for her because I know it's not easy....I wish her the absolute best! It's retraining your brain and behavior..... God bless her and help her!
Do you mean on purpose ? If someone is a true empath they will never purposely do harm. Or at least they will feel very guilty for even thinking of hurting a r*pist etc. Idk it's just a weird world.
I don't have a pd but I can really relate to the validation part. I was always "the smart one", so much so that other people (family, teachers, friends) made it my identity and it became the source of my self-worth. Because of that and inherent perfectionism I put very high emphasis on getting academic recognition, and I find it quite shattering to not come out at the top of the top.
Me too. At first it was hard(still can be) to cope with not being able to achieve perfectionistic standards in the eyes of others/society, but I then tried to refocus that urge to be better than everyone else to morality. I guess it has done good for me (because many morals are indeed helpful and good), but again, it's not a stable sense of self worth, because it's perfectionistic, rigid, and not objective, there's no end to it. It leads to a bloated sense of entitlement in all areas of life, and when that is unfulfilled it's painful. The 'need of being superior' been causing me a lot of pain actually(I'm sure it''s the source of many others, whether they realise it or not), so I'm trying to find a way out of that.
Same here. I'm not a prodigy but i can say that I'm good at drawing, because of that I received the recognition of my family so, as you said, it became part of my self-worth. Now it is hard fighting against all the pressure and perfectionism I've put on myself, because I feel that if i can't reach those expectations I feel unworthy of love.
@@alix6553 i can relate to anything you've said, I'm fighting against the urge of trying to be better than anyone else. It's hard because it's a mindset I've ingrained in my mind for a very long time, and yeah it causes too much pain to myself and the others surrounding me
Didn’t expect to come here and join a club 😉 I can’t make myself happy, when people say I’m doing a good job I get upset cause they’re naive to my shortcomings so getting compliments is like slapping myself in the face. Maybe I still need to hear it though because all my head says is even if there’s nothing more I can do it’s not good enough and neither am I. Good talk 😂
This is really interesting, thanks for sharing. Something I've always wondered about feeling the need to be "perfect" is, how do you even know what that looks like? I mean someone could get straight As, but there are always going to be people at a better school, getting better grades...even if you never meet them, surely you know they exist? So where does it end really? And what happens when you encounter that? Or is it just according to one's own idea of perfection that you strive for? I guess what I'm saying is we can only be the best version of ourselves, and know that there is no such thing as perfection to begin with because it's all relative and different values take on different meanings according to context is kind of comforting to me actually. And more realistic.
Oh my gosh yes. I have bipolar disorder, someone very close to me has borderline personality disorder, and we are absolutely villainized. Even though I personally have extreme extreme empathy. To the point it is a huge burden. I actually can have a hard time making decisions because my feelings are so overwhelming. But I don’t always tell people I have bipolar disorder because I assume that means I am nuts and every time I get mad that it’s irrational. Like my feelings are no longer valid just because I have a disorder. It’s so weird.
not all bpd is reactive like that, sometimes it’s quiet aswell. i am so sorry you had to endure that. i am diagnosed with both, and it’s ultimately choosing your reaction. i have a lot of cognitive distortions and have to leave to ground myself in many social settings. what we feel isn’t always fact, and it’s just learning how to live with it. so tricky.
My ex-sister-in-law has NPD and she talked openly about it with me and it opened my eyes to how much anxiety was involved. How devastating it felt for her to receive minor criticism or feel like she wasn’t the best at something. She and my brother didn’t end up staying married, but they still co-parent well and treat each other with respect. I love when you said compassion is a choice, because truly it is. The ability to feel empathy doesn’t miraculously make someone a saint.
Thanks for sharing i think its important to show underneath the anti social or mean behaviors can be insecurity and other issues. It really is sad. God help everyone struggling
@@FinalGirl228 remaining friendly with an ex doesn't sound like genuine narcissism. Have you heard of this before? www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237
@@TheMarkmcr I didn’t say they are friendly, I said they are respectful of each other because they have children together. While I shared that I feel empathy for her because I know that she suffers, I did not mention the massive damage and hurt that her negative behaviors brought to our family. Secondly, I’m not the one who diagnosed her, and since you don’t know her, you shouldn’t be trying to either, especially based off the limited information I gave.
I feel you Kanika. I went through very abusive experience as a child, to the point that I did not feel anything. Physically and emotionally. I did not feel physical pain after I was but by a dog and was stitched, or when I fell really hard from my bicycle and hit my head really bad… later as a teenager I realised that I don’t feel any emotions and was severely depressed. I felt empty inside and did not understand what was happening to me. But later I started seeing a therapist and been in therapy since. It turns out that my real self is actually very, very sensitive and I am an empath. Therefore I strongly believe that we can change once we truly connect with ourselves. The difficult part is that connection but once you get there, life changes. I wish everyone to be able to connect with themselves. Life will become beautiful instantly.
I have found that not many therapists are willing to do so so it's refreshing seeing the contrary. Thank you for taking the time to do research on this
@@KanikaBatra I have a new book coming out hopefully in July that is going to present understanding of this in a way it has not been presented before. Using neuroscience, research, and a plethora of personal experience to support the information. It will bring understanding, compassion, insight, and a proposal of an approach to help. Not one that is demonizing and dehumaning. Everyone, especially those with PD's deserves understanding. I'm definitely a fan of yours now!
@@devonkelly44 Thank you! It will be titled, The Human Experience : From Shame to Pain to Growth (not sure about the subtitles). Hopefully out in the summer. 🙏
Personally I have TOO much empathy. So much so that I can basically feel other people's emotions as my own and it affects me very negatively. Causes me anxiety attacks and pre-syncope episodes, amongst other things. So I'm learning to detach my emotions when they're not necessary. I'm sorry that people are so mean and not able to understand you.
Right? If we could just spread the empathy around evenly, we would all be happy! I appreciate your compassion. I don’t think anyone would choose to be a sociopath. I’m not talking about people who think it’s edgy. If they really understood it involves isolation, stigma, emptiness inside, and difficulty in relationships, there wouldn’t be wannabes anymore.
@@brittaolson6550 It'd be fantastic if we could just spread empathy evenly! Thanks for saying you appreciate my compassion. I usually feel like my oversensitivity is a nuisance. I don't get why people would pretend to be a sociopath....it seems like absolute torture for those who actually have it.
I was raised by a destructive narcissist. I was scapegoated and subjected to all manner of abuse throughout my life. If my Dad had even half the self awareness that you have we might be able to have a relationship. But I doubt he ever will. He is a full on shadow player. Well done to you
I have PTSD and have been in trauma therapy and medicated for 6 years after several long term (23 years, 4 years, 1 year) abusive relationships with narcissists and sociopaths. I didn't know what I had been dealing with until 2015 when I escaped the last one and then... proceeded to have a nervous breakdown. 😔 I'm 52 now and don't date anymore. I've dealt with a pattern of toxic relationships and simply can't handle one more. Unfortunately, I seem to attract them more often than not. That never works in my favor, so I stay single. I stumbled upon your channel last year and find you are interesting, smart, (of course also a beautiful young woman) but you made me want to hear you out. To hear your experience. I want to understand how it happened that you became a Sociopath and what that means to you. So thank you. I hope you'll continue educating us and sharing your story. 👍❤
I can relate to you 100000%. I grew up with parents who are addicts and/ or autistic and experienced little to no positive emotion from them. Now that I’m in my early 20’s I have found myself in my past two relationships dating narcissists/ addicts/ sociopaths. They used their ability to turn off emotion to harm me. I also take PTSD meds every day and if I go one night without them I wake up in a River of sweat, no joke. I don’t know many people with my experience, so thank you for sharing. This topic brought forward a lot of people and ideas I normally don’t come across. I would also like to mention to people reading these comments, people who have been abused by narcissists etc. are not “easy targets” or “weak.” We’re prey because we’re envied. People who cannot grasp emotions outside their own are usually enthralled with people who can process so many emotions.
I agree. The word narcissist is flung around with abandon these days. A guy you're casually dating does something slightly selfish, he's got to be a narcissist. It's so harmful. I am sorry you need to deal with judgemental, moronic people. I really enjoy listening to you and hearing a new perspective!
That is true. But conversely, there are plenty of narcissists who are good at pretending to be normal and only revealing their true colors behind closed doors
Wait until you find out about the horrible things she's done to people. People who think she is "good" are the ones that get destroyed by folks like her.
You know you're a sociopath and Kanika's a sociopath when she's said the exact same shit you say. Choosing to be a good person. Choosing to have morals. Choosing to be compassionate, etc. Girl stole all my lines! Love you, my new favorite youtuber.
When I was diagnosed with ASPD I was also appalled... my first reaction was "I want to get better..." So we are not all bad people. Love that you are speaking out on it! Thank you!
I had to at a young age. But i never really understood um.. why. Because i thought the way that i was. Is normal.. but. Now looking back if my mom didnt give me proper treatment. I could've became the worst verison of who I was when i was younger.
I don't belive you have it. People with actual aspd don't immediately think they want to get better. They don't care and are indifferent about the diagnosis. That's one of the main criteria. So either you don't have it and mistook your Dr's. Diagnosis or you were misdiagnosed
It's crazy to me that people will actually be like "you don't look____" and then turn around and discriminate against people who look/act that way. I'm autistic, and I put a ton of effort into masking autistic traits to avoid bullying, but then people are like "you don't look autistic," like they expect me to be stimming 24/7 or something. Absolutely wild that people are also saying you don't "look" like your diagnosis, like wtf??! Neurodiversity doesn't have a look!
Welcome back. The more I think about all of the Narcissists I've known, the more I see how self sabotaging they are. How they process information differently than Neurotypicals do. Much of their abuse is off handed. They're reacting to intense feelings inside of themselves - Not so much the reality of what other people are actually doing. I feel more pity for them than hatred these days. But for a long time I hated Narcissists. I was so consumed in my own pain and hyper-vigilance that I had no empathy left for them. I didn't see the bigger picture of how much pain they were in too. Now if I see someone being manipulative, rageful, vindictive, dishonest, arrogant, predatory etc - I recognize that they already have enough emotional problems without me demonizing them. And unless they become self aware they'll experience many more problems. I don't need to add to people's burdens. Neurotypicals can be self righteous bullies all in the name of empathy . . . Or a lack thereof . . . ??? =)
If you see someone being all that to you,you comply? Or you resist being manipulated? If you resist,you have an open fight on your hand,you know that. Maybe you manipulate the sociopath as well? What is the most empathetic way of conduct in your opinion?
@@ST-yc7uj Now that I see such behavior for what it is I resist being manipulated. I keep my observations to myself and remain polite but distant. I think that's the most empathetic way of handling it. Or going No Contact and not bothering to explain yourself to other people who blindly defend the abuser. Just gracefully removing yourself from their lives. They'll throw a temper tantrum but that's their problem.
@@JohnDoe-gq3tm Thank you for that perspective. You don’t have to be their friend in order to stop perpetuating societal stigma about their PD. And that was a great realization for me On another note your advice also seems like a good way to deal with people who are just assholes whether they’re neurotypical or not. They probably suffer from enough pain without us adding onto it.
I’ve just had horrible experiences with those who are narcissistic or have other mental disorders. It’s hard for me to not be cautious. For this one person I had to deal with who is a severe narcissist and psychopath, she fucked with my life so much that I can’t ever forgive her. My step dad was also narcissistic and just messed up somehow and he abused my mom.
In my early twenties I went through a stage where I thought I might be a sociopath, that journey of self-discovery eventually lead me to realise that while I was entirely cut off from my emotions as a way to survive in a neurotypical world (and a few other traumatic circumstances growing up), I am not a sociopath. It definitely gave me a better understanding and appreciation for the experience of people with ASPD. Now almost 10 years later I've been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, and things make a lot more sense. Thank you so much for sharing some of your story, bringing light to the reality of other ways of being is so valuable.
Let me just say I’m a cat rescuer and my biggest pet peeve is when people hold their cats while they don’t want to be held. I smiled when you said “imma let him run away” 🤌 good job cat mama, what a monster u r huh 🤣🖤🖤 much love
@Hughes SignCo no the cat doesn't hate her and how can you say such a thing about a person and a cat you know nothing about. Cats are independent and they don't really listen to anyone, if they do listen to you then they are getting something out of being a cat who is actually listening to someone. Another thing is don't you realize that this woman is on stage in front of a audience that is probably scaring her cat. You need to apologize for judging her and her cat when it's obvious that you know nothing about animals. You are supposed to love your neighbor as God loves you. I have been studying narcissists personality disorder and sociopath and psychopaths, cluster B personality disorders. You need to start understanding about what others are going through and what they have been through because everyone is going through something different but we all go through life dealing with things that are painful and hurtful like losing a parent.
It's so awesome to hear this perspective!! I'm a therapist and have worked with NPD and ASPD clients who were wonderful to get to know. Keep being yourself and congratulations on your book ❤ look forward to more content!!
Honestly, watching your videos has helped me realize I probably have ASPD. I've suspected it for a long time, but because ASPD's so poorly understood by wider society, people wouldn't take me seriously if I ever tried to talk about it. They'd insist the fact I experience depression, anxiety, rage, etc. proves I'm not a sociopath because they think sociopaths can't experience ANY emotion whatsoever, so I kept talking myself out of thinking I have it. However, after I took a slew of ASPD tests recently and kept getting the same score that put me JUUUST over the threshold, I started looking into it more. After finding you and watching you describe your ASPD, I'm pretty certain I do have it. I use cognitive empathy+a moral code I created to dictate my behavior rather than emotional empathy. I feel numb the vast majority of the time and find it extremely difficult to connect to others on an emotional level. I can feel love, but it's a much more subtle version than what others experience and I only feel it towards a few select people (I do love my cats very much, far more than I love any human). I can turn on charm at will, which has helped me become a successful salesperson and avoid consequences. Most of my facial expressions and mannerisms are performative. I can be very cruel and cold, but due to my personal code, I only do it to people who I decide deserve it. I get a vicious thrill from humiliating, grifting, intimidating, etc. these people. I don't care when people I know die and resent the fact I have to put on a sad act when they do. I only follow rules if I think they're worth following and will break laws as long as I think I can get away with it. I genuinely think I could kill someone and feel fine about it. I never would but that's almost entirely due to a desire to avoid prison. I've been accused of being sadistic, arrogant and manipulative by multiple people throughout my life. I can do bad things and just...push it to the back of my mind like it never happened. I DESPISE weakness. I automatically catalogue people's insecurities, weaknesses, secrets, etc. in case I need to weaponize them at a later date. I clock whether or not somebody can be exploited and used to take advantage of people quite a lot before I made the conscious decision to be a better person. So on and so forth.
@@KanikaBatra you made a fan out of me. Also, you've taught me that there are similarities between someone with ASPD and "normal" people. For example, a "normal" person can steal a car or punch someone out of anger but chooses not to because of their personal moral code or by deciding that the consequences aren't worth the trouble. I'll be ordering your book when I get a chance next week!
@@KanikaBatra Honestly, as a person who doesn't have such disorders, I find your videos really informative, due to which my inquisitiveness has increased.
I have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and have very high empathy for certain things (like animals and experiences other people are having that I’ve also experienced so understand), but also low/no empathy for others things (generally things I can’t understand or wrap my head around). But I, like you, still show respect and compassion most of the time. We can choose to be kind no matter your neurotype. Your videos are very informative and I can kind of relate with quite a few things you’ve talked about 💙
Kanika, I think you are brave. There have always been people who are like you and who have adapted as best they can to live their best life. It is not like sociopaths or other personality disorders just appeared in modern days; it is that they are being diagnosed. And also, there is now social media to share your stories. Every person has value and no one is perfect. We're all working on something. Just keep it up, you are making a positive difference.
Hi! My dad is a sociopath and was mentally, physically and sextually absuive my whole childhood, and I would just like to say I deeply appreciate your honesty and the way you talk about your life
All the best to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I hope you can heal and find support, and love yourself and help yourself build a good life, humble rational non-vain confidence, self-acceptance, succeed, be happy, find love, respect, confidence and acceptance. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I became a sociopath because of trauma. Not blaming anyone for who I am but my experiences made me who i am. There is so much wrong with me and no one understands. I block feelings because I feel them harder than everyone else. Sounds corny but true.
You can heal and integrate the trauma, to develop a healthy sense of ego, self love, and gain empathy, being able to connect with others, feel love, and be authentic./You can cure Sociopathy. But you will need to face the original traumas, face the emptions without dissociating from them, to them arise and to let go. Shadow Work, Parts Work, Inner Child Work, Somatic Experiencing and therapies. Distraction, Addiction, & Dissociation is the way of the Sociopath, this creates apathy, and the constant chasing of highs, and controlfreakism to feel something, and to feel safe.
Interesting that you think that you feel them harder than everyone else. This is something, you cannot even recognize, because you don't see in other people´s minds. So this is purely your belief. But the competition and superiority in that sentence does show narcissism, which is a part of being a sociopath. Interesting. I am highly emphatic, and my feelings are very strong. My emotions can either feed me or tire me. I cannot watch sad stories of people, especially about kids, or pets suffering, because this makes my feelings overbearing, and I feel horrible pain inside for all the victims... I know, that there are many people with strong feelings. Some people show them, some block them like you. My feelings are too much at times, but I don't need to say or feel that others are not. I don't feel like mine must be on the top of the list. This is how having or lacking empathy makes such a difference. I was raised by two cruel narcs and I love to watch this channel to understand, why they did, what they did to me, when I was a child or even now. It is not an excuse, though, and still they will not be allowed back in my life. But the closure brought by understanding is so healing for me.
@@Julienna just because you had shitty parents, it doesn’t mean you should take it out in this person commenting that is also hurting and also went through difficult things. 🌸
I feel that... i was on my way towards psychopathy too, because my dad always hit me violently when i cried, wouldn't allow me to do things that made me happy and was overall just a reckless abusive alcoholic... i started to torture my rabbits and cats as a kid, i lied, i stole, i threatened to kill me with a knive as a 7 year old child, to get what i want. If my mom stayed with my father i would have gone down that rabbit hole... i probably would be imprisoned, but she left him and found a man who was so calm towards me, he never hurt me and only seldomly even got loud when i was to much, and it still took a decade or even more for me to get better... my mom left my father when i was 8 or 9 and i struggled big time until i was like 23... now i feel like i am extremely emotional... i cry so much when i'm alone and it hurts so much that i lost soulmates and people that it feels like its going to break me, the tragedy of life itself pains me more than it should i feel... and it feels so much, and i often thought how other people handle that, if they also hide that, how anyone can life like that... but your comment kinda makes me realise that not everyone feels that way. It's because as a child my way was pathed towards a personality disorder with delay or halt of regular emotional development, which could possibly have led to psychopathy where i would have avoidet to feel emotions at all... or maybe wouldn't even have been able to feel them. And maybe thats why everything feels so much... and to be honest i conciously try not to swallow the emotion down when it comes up, i let it out if i'm alone, because i don't wanna poison myself... but in that moment i feels unbelievably bad, the depth of loss in my heart almost ripps it apart... but as sun comes out after the rain, when the tears are gone it feels better again.
As a psychologist, who works with violent offenders, I thank you for this video! I like your perspective on choice. Well done for destigmatising personality issues!
BPD also started off being highly stigmatized but with a brave few coming out and quashing all the myths, it’s helped to put faces to something that was once deemed so horrible by society.
@@tallyho101 “sociopath” isn’t an actual diagnostic term it’s more slang Borderline personality disorder is the official term for ... sociopath (from what I know)
@@alyfferalves593 I have BPD but I don't have ASPD... soooo no - they are not the same. Most disorders have overlapping symptoms which is what makes them hard to diagnose/distinguish.
I always felt bad when people called me out for having compassion to those with NPD or ASD. I genuinely love psychology and disorders, and I love helping people who are battling a mental disorder: no one deserves to go through what you or anyone goes through. It makes me so sick that people bully people just because of a disorder and throw around diagnostic terms which is unethical and psychologically damaging. Much love to you and healing vibes ❤️
@@user-bl4lf9rg8mThat’s a very ignorant thing to say. You can love people and want them to get help even when they’re mean or abusive. My dad was abusive my whole life and is now on meds and I still love him and hope he fully recovers someday from his problems. Just because you can’t have empty for abusive people doesn’t mean someone else is naive or too young to understand. I’m 23 and have empathy for narcissists and psychopaths and all of that because I see a wounded child. Please don’t try to convince others to hate people.
@@user-bl4lf9rg8m Narcisists are wounded children, so yes, it has everything to do with that. I know narcissists who have relationships and do well because they go to therapy and change their lives. Don’t act like that can’t happen.
It takes courage to admit being a sociopath. You have more feelings than most people I know and I give you immense credit for seeking healthy ways to cope❤
I grew up learning to put my emotions in a compartment because if my feelings were shown my family and “friends” would try to Abuse and control me emotionally. When I would use logic instead I was called a cold bitch. You are amazing and fabulous in sharing your life and being vulnerable.
It's interesting how people respond to trauma differently. I also had a father who did not allow emotions. I grew up in an emotionally neglectful and abusive family. As a result, I have felt invisible and a burden to others. I'm sensitive and feel emotions intensely, and my parents made me feel bad about this. It's obvious to me that I have a hyperactive autonomic nervous system. Being "too sensitive" has been a negative experience for me and has been treated as weakness. I often operate from shame and a need for validation. I find myself masking my emotions and opinions from many people as a result. I seem to align with traits of internalized BPD. I've noticed that society criticizes both too much empathy and expression of emotion, as well as impaired empathy and expression of emotion. Accountability and wanting to do better is what matters. Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective.
The same with me. I even had some traits in my early childhood that one could consider tell tale signs of ASPD eventhough I ws more on the autistic spectrum.
I don't think I've ever crossed a narcissist who wasn't self aware. They never deny they're a narcissist, they just despise when other people expose them for who they really are. They lose control when that mask falls off.
My brother is a Narcissist, not diagnosed, because he never cared to seek treatment and when younger my parents didn't force him to go to therapy. I always thought he was a psychopath, but later I learned the difference and it was truly eye opening. As he cares so much how people see him. He was always cruel to me, I grew up with my an enemy at home, and even when we are siblings and I care for his well being, he is not really part of my life, and it's best that way. I can't say he's incapable of having feelings, or loving, that's not true, but he can be a wreaking ball and I choose not to have him in my life. I feel just for the fact that you go to therapy, that you are open with who you are and why you're different makes you honest, and very human. So wish you all the best.
I'm going through the same situation with my brother (we still live together with my parents). We don't know what his diagnose is because therapy is out of the question, but some of us believe he is a sociopath. He projects all the cruelty on me (before he did that to my sister but thankfully she moved out) and it's very difficult living with him since my parents refuse to accept the situation, and lately he's been getting more and more violent. Anyway I just wanted to tell you that reading your comment was very relieving, because I've felt very lonely and misunderstood with all this (people not believing me because they knew him and my descriptions didn't match what they thought of him). I wish the best for him and pray no one else has to go through all the harshness I suffered, but sometimes (even if it's your brother) the best thing you can do is leave some people out of your life, and that's alright too
@@anabelenlibenson7453 Oh Ana I am so sorry! I feel so sad reading your comment. My brother and I don't live in the same country anymore, the farther, the better. If/when your brother is physically or verbally abusing you, record it, so you have proof and if you feel at any given situation that your life is at risk, call 911. And yes it doesn't matter who they are, or if people agree with you removing that person from your live, you are not in the need of keeping people like that in your life. If you ever need to talk, write me kisaira@gmail.com
Something people forget is that NO ONE does anything that doesn’t benefit them in some way, be it to reduce your own pain, to gain a sense of satisfaction in helping someone else, to feel an oxytocin rush when being intimate with a loved one, etc. It’s also interesting because even empaths have limits-anyone within YOUR group is deserving of love and affection and care, but as soon as you’re “other,” hoo boy, watch out!
I’m someone with BPD who’s suffered from narc abuse & I think everyone has a part in society, we’re all different for a reason, to thrive in different ways. I want to see everyone get better & be their best selves. The stigma leads to people not getting better and the guilt leads to self destruction and destruction around them. End the stigma of all mental illness not just depression & anxiety
I just found you, and my life has been harmed greatly by people with various cluster B traits and diagnoses. None of the aforementioned people are in therapy or trying to really work on who they are. They'd rather be who they are and torment who they choose to torment. The key with you and what sets you apart is that you care about who you are and what you do and how it affects others. Good on you. Thank you for sharing and being willing to be honest about your diagnosis and how you choose to operate in the world.
I have BPD and I already feel judged - people aussuming I'm manipulative and a bad person - I can't imagine living with NPD and then talking about it openly. People love to judge. Thank you for shedding light on a topic that is so often misunderstood!
A lot of people forget that empathy is not the only way a person can care about someone. You may not be able to feel others' emotions, but you can still choose to care about how they feel.
@violet No, I think sympathy is when you've been through something that someone else has; empathy is having the emotional capacity to care about someone else's experience even if you haven't been through it yourself.
When I first came a cross your channel I really didn't know what to think. I was interested and wanted to learn. I'm so happy I stuck around. I have BPD and when you talked about it on one of your videos I thought "OMG! Here someone who gets me! Finally " I am sorry for all the mean and awful things people say to you. It isn't right. You or I didn't choose to be this way but we did choose to get help and that's a big thing. Please keep doing what your doing. There are so many people who appreciate you. I hope your Dad and your partners Grandma will be healthy and strong again. Lots of hugs from Canada 🇨🇦🤗
One of my sisters have socipathic traits, and she's actually really nice, she may not feel empathy like me, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about others well being, she does. She may not be able to put herself in others shoes, but she does care to help you feel better. She does feel compassion.
What you said about moral code is so SPOT ON. I've always wanted to be with someone who does the right thing because of what they believe, not how they feel because feelings are unreliable, illogical. I was never the most empathetic but have become increasingly more so over the past several years. I think all these views fall along a spectrum.
You can learn to be emphatic by listening and repeating the lasts words or what you understood of what the other person said and through mirroring the gestures of the other person. If somebody that this for you, you will feel good and emotionally connected
@@ebufi7957 I actually find that kind of fake and patronizing. I'd rather someone just engage in whatever way is genuine for them or take time on their own to think about how they'd feel in my situation. But it can be a good starting point for some, I guess.
I don't quite get how that works.. As if in like realizing that it hurts the other being instead of feeling guilty about it yourself? Feeling compassion?
I became a both parent orphan since 11. Two of my aunts took custody of me. What your father did to you is what my younger aunt done to me since forever since before my mother died. I'm 33 and she still does not care and puts me down in any way possible and I will not fight back just because traditional family respect. I know that I am a borderline and antisocial person. I know that I am angry and manic and miserable and depressed. I also know that my wounds will NEVER heal. No family. No love. Being mistreated neglected abandoned and raped at 15. NOBODY can judge me because I am a product of society.
I'm sorry I can feel the pain in your words. Based off of what you're saying it sounds like you know the way you were treated was wrong... Kids are so sensitive and by the time people grow up they forget how they used to feel. I hope you've been able to find your own group of people and support system. It baffles me when there are adults who are so mean to kids who they know to have been abused. It makes me wonder what kind of shit they went through relentlessly that makes them think compounding shitty things is helping?
Hi Laura, the best thing to do is to get away from your family and start a new life of your own. Family members are often the most toxic people we encounter over the course of our lifetime
As someone who has faced narcissist abuse from a former partner, I know and understand that not every sociopath or narcissist is abusive. Even now, I can see that some of the abusive behaviors they showed me were most likely because they didn't understand they're own feelings and how to deal with them in a healthy way so they lashed out. I think the stigma is keeping a lot of people from getting help and developing healthier happier lives. You're really brave for making these videos and educating those without aspd or npd❤
You need to get off this channel and watch Dr. Ramani!! You should never try and feel empathy for an abusive person!! Narcs like that don't ever change nor do they care. Be careful!!
@@deedee7780 No I know that I don't have to forgive or empathize with my abuser, I just think it's important to acknowledge that there is a point in life before someone is able to recognize that they are lashing out at others because of an unknown mental illness that is highly stigmatized. I still haven't forgiven my abuser because they still haven't realized they did anything wrong nor apologized, but knowing the reason why helps me not internalize how they treated me.
@@Katiethewizard A lot of Sociopaths knows exactly what they are doing and deliberately do the things to gurt you. Hurting someone is what makes them feel gud Visa versa when the othe person is happy the Sociopath is unhappy. Only a person without self love would knowingly remain with a Sociopaths.
@@daintydane7177 I feel like there is a serious lack of empathy in this reply. Not every sociopath exists to hurt people for pleasure. It's a disorder that they aren't aware of until someone points it out to them. That's like saying that no one who loves themselves would stay with someone who has depression or bipolar disorder. A psychopath or sociopath can realize they have hurt someone and manage to learn from it and get help.
@@Katiethewizard Stop trying to twist the situation. Dont mix it with other dis orders. Sociopaths agenda is to destroy, steel and kill in otder to do this they have to manipulate. They tell people they honestly love them when infact it was just a mask they were wearing to pretend to be what they are not. Their main target are empaths because of their caring and forgiving personality they find them easy to manipulate and use it against them. The best thing for empaths to do is to be cautious and dont be blinded with empathy, the Sociopath has none for you
You're very intelligent. You understand things that most people don't. I understand that depression is so debilitating that, if someone has not experienced it for a long period of time and lived, they would not be able to understand what that means. It's like already being dead but your heart didn't know to stop beating. I was married to a narcissist and I was with him for 27 years all together. The thing is, I met him when I was 15 years old. I saw the abuse. I saw that he was not allowed to show emotion in front of his dad. I saw that his mother rejected him all together. They called him fat and fed him fattening foods. They purposely dressed him in ridiculous clothes. I fell in love with him anyway because, he was intelligent and interesting. And, one day I saw his father humiliate him. I had never seen anyone humiliated before. I took his hand and said come with me and I took him to my house. I made a promise to myself that I would never let another person humiliate him again. By then, he was sort of broken. He didn't know who he was and he didn't know why he was valuable. He was mimicking other people in order to have a personality. I still loved him. I truly believed he loved me. Even if he lost this temper. I didn't believe that he didn't care for me until I found out that he had been with women and women and women. And, he even had another family that he used to spend time with when he told me he was at University. I was at home trying to raise two children in a very deep state of clinical depression and he was spending money that our children needed for milk on this other family. I don't have any bad feelings about him. I got divorced from him 16 years ago. It's just one of those things. If I saw him abusing animals or something that I saw with my own eyes I would have stopped it. I had no idea he was abusing one of our children and probably both. They were afraid to tell me because they saw how much I loved him and they were afraid I would believe him over them. It breaks my heart. They are both messed up now. Anyway, I'm finding that people are really good at judging. And, very bad at looking at themselves. I swear, there are nuns that have done worse things than you probably have done in your life. Certainly priests. I'm not trying to put them down because I was raised Catholic. But I also went to private school and I saw the abuse. I did get to have someone in my life who loved me for 14 years and then he died on our kitchen floor on his birthday. Now, I'm back to you no one and nothing. Trying my hardest not to ever let myself slip into a long season of depression. There's no one here to protect me from me. I do have faith and that is what keeps me going. Take care of yourself. No one should say a word about what you look like or what you say. It isn't their business. If you don't have something nice to say to someone, you should just keep it to yourself. Sincerely, Carly
I really appreciate you commenting about people wanting to get better. I have BPD so there's nothing I hate more than people saying to run from us or assuming that we are only manipulative. I have been in treatment for almost 15 yrs and have been able to learn when to start questioning how I feel so I don't react to situations poorly. It's not like I decided "hey, existing in a violent tornado sounds like a blast"
Love your content. Thank you for being awesome. I have BPD, which I know isn’t the same, but as a personality disorder, I know the struggles and the awful things people throw at others for simply existing, and for having a diagnosis that we didn’t choose. The stigma is only that, stigma. It will never define anyone.
As someone who has suffered at the hand of sociopaths throughout my entire life I completely understand the feeling of wanting to just shun all of them out of society one way or another…however….I also understand that we are all just trying to figure things out as we go and I truly applaud you for being so open and honest about it. I hope you will always find the strength and courage to keep on doing what you’re doing! I subscribed to your channel! All the best to you ❤
I think it helps others realize there's another way to live as well if they see her content, at least I hope lol but I'm sorry to hear about your suffering, that's horrible
My mother has ASPD. Your description of your father reminds me of my grandfather and my mother also exhibited that behavior regarding emotions towards me. She yelled at me or wouldn’t acknowledge me when I was upset and I became a very quiet, non-expressive child. I’m thirty now and I still can’t express emotions easily, I see them as weakness in myself and I expect rejection, though I don’t feel that way towards others expressing their emotions. I think I’m more jealous of people that can express their emotions and be okay with it. I have children now and it’s important to me that I don’t damage my children’s emotional development. I’m trying to be more emotive with them and it’s much easier because my bond to them is way stronger than any attachment I’ve been able to develop before. My mother was not a good mother, but she did try very hard to do the things she thought were right for me while struggling with mental health issues and ASPD didn’t make her a bad person. She’s generous and intelligent and emotionally unavailable lol
I’m related to a sociopath that makes/has made truly disgusting choices. It’s very interesting and informative hearing your stories. We ALL have our issues; at least you are living your truth. Much love xo
Thank you! Listening to you have helped me gain insight and compassion for the sociopath narcissists that I dated for four years. I am a year or so out of the relationship now but this channels helps me understand his side of things. I may have been damaged and hurt by him but I’m able to also understand why that happened and having empathy for someone who really hurt you is very healing. So thank you! Keep doing this for the people who appreciate it!
As someone who went through narcissistic abuse i used to look down and hate narcissists because of what i went through and just did not think positively when hearing the word “narcissist” but this is very eyeopening and i have respect for those who are aware and try to better themselves and be good people
Yes, honestly i hate, well highly dislike, narcissists who refuse to get help. Who refuse to accept their diagnosis and get better. Kanika is the exact opposite of that and others like her will hopefully give others the motivation to better themselves as well.
Hi, I’m new to the channel. I have someone close to me with BPD and I often find her to be my rock, I’m very empathetic and it’s exhausting at times. She is very good at pulling me back to the middle. I applaud you for speaking out about this.
@@rachelraquel758 wait doesn’t BPD mean heightened emotions? Not trying to attack you I’m just genuinely curious since you were talking about empaths befriending sociopaths and narcissists. And people with ASPD seem more middle ground due to their lower emotions
@@nbucwa6621 she said her friend has BPD though, not narcissism, sorry I don't get your comparison bc you're talking about friendships between empaths and narcissists but this wasn't mentioned in this comment 😅🤔 I have BPD and I can assure you while there is a higher rate of comorbidity (39% of people w BPD also show signs of NPD) they are two completely different disorders. Just bc someone has BPD gives you no info on whether or not they are also narcissistic. People w BPD if anything are way extreme when it comes to emotion hence the more current ICD name EUPD (emotionally unstable PD). This might get confused sometimes so I just wanted to clear that up 😊😊
@@alyssapinon9670 I wasn’t talking about empaths befriending narcissists. I never said anything about those. I’m just saying I get easily affected by things and my sister who has BPD sees things as more black and white and can often look at things more logically.
@@rachelraquel758 ok my bad. I understand now. I guess it’s more about how neurotypicals and neurodivergents can support eachother in different ways due to their different ways of processing info
Exactly. I've always felt like empathy is important. And it is to a degree, but compassion is where it's at. Compassion is what saves lives and changes the world for the better. Compassion over empathy. Compassion over everything.
A bunch of Nerotypicals telling someone they don’t have ASPD because of a misconception or a stigma they follow from google is not credible. I love your videos and I have never heard anyone make more sense about this subject and the motives behind aspd and narcissistic behavior.
The crazy part about this is the majority of people like this are also high in denial and/or refuse to seek help, so they just pass it on to their kids and it repeats the cycle. I feel like most people have some type of PD, but refuse to find out and go their whole lives untreated
Clearly all people with ASPD are evil and murderous right? (A joke, just to clarify) All the stigma around mental illnesses is so awful. You can't control you're inner brain chemistry and wiring or what happens to you which contribute to mental illness, but you're actions are what matter. I have BPD and that doesn't make me a bad person. I think I'm actually a very good person who just happens to have abnormal thought patterns. Everyone deserves a voice. Everybody.
@@alyssapinon9670 courage to do what? Say that to people? Please don't ever let ANYONE make you fear ANYTHING.. people are just people. they all have their own insecurities, they all have their faults, their own fears, even people who seem confident and put together..
@@alyssapinon9670 it gets easier the more you do it 😉 I used to be extremely quiet and shy but now nothing holds me back and I'm sure most people wish I would shut up, Lol.. still have a bit of self-doubt at times but it's usually people like us who make the most sense while typically the people who have huge egos and think they have something of importance to say, tend to just have a lot of nonsense and noise that come out of their mouth. It's one thing to doubt yourself due to being modest and humble but please don't let the morons of the world ever make you doubt yourself 💞
These comments sometimes seem extremely disrespectful towards you. I might have a highly stigmatized disorder as well (waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist so I can be properly assessed) and the types of comments like the ones you're getting make me afraid to speak about my experiences. You're doing a great job shedding light on the disorders you're diagnosed with, you're helping everyone who may be seen as inherently evil due to the way their brains work.
A lot of diagnoses are very stigmatized which is one of the reasons I have vlogged about my experiences (mainly bipolar disorder). What I have noticed lately though is that some diagnoses are now elevated as identity & people are encouraged to self-diagnose.
@@BipolarCourage I'm glad you're blogging about your experiences, I think a lot of people can & do benefit from that. I don't think disorders are being elevated as identity though and I think self-diagnosis is an important tool, especially for people who can't afford, financially or otherwise, to get formally diagnosed or assessed. I had to self-diagnose with DID to even start realizing something was wrong because due to the covert nature of the disorder I used to chock amnesia, sudden behavioral changes and sudden emotional changes to other things, like general forgetfulness, being distracted (for time loss especially), not having a fully constructed identity and mood swings. I don't have an on-paper diagnosis but my psychiatrist has said she thinks I have DID (with possible psychosis, we're still figuring things out). A lot of people kn marginalized groups have to be their own doctors in a lot of cases because they aren't being listened to properly. However of course it is important to do a lot of research on these disorders especially if the intent is to self-diagnose because having misconceptions either about the way you work or the way others work can be detrimental. Most people self-diagnose to work on coping strategies though which I don't think anyone can fault them though. Sorry for the long comment, I may have repeated myself, I'm not very good at proof reading. I can understand why self-diagnosis can be frustrating to some diagnosed folk especially if they had to fight to get their diagnosis.
@@BlueMiaou keep working with your clinicians. It is hugely popular currently to self-diagnose with autism & ADHD & call just about everything else a misdiagnosis. The online versions are distorted from the clinical versions & watered down to vague traits.
Thanks for returning and updating us and major CONGRATS on your book! You do a great service for us as a community of people just trying extra hard to find our way in life. Thanks!!!
Thank you for doing this work and sharing! The negative stigma is honestly, truly disgusting and I've been so fed up with it. People with no qualifications are labeling anyone and everyone with cluster B disorders simply because they do something that is not in alignment with what they want or expect. People who have experienced abuse need validation and support. I understand their frustration and have been there myself. But labeling and dehumanising others with toxic judgment, does not help. You're exactly right in that a cluster B does not equal an abusive person. I'm so glad you're raising awareness and educating :)
You’re a very brave girl & I applaud you for educating us as to the real challenges of living with ASPD. You’re right, there are a lot of stereotypes re: those Cluster B personality disorders & we need to just listen to those living with these disorders. You didn’t become this way in a vacuum, certain life circumstances & experiences influenced who you ultimately became. It’s very easy to judge what you don’t understand. It’s a lot harder to openly listen to those who are neurotypically divergent & educate yourself to understand where they’re coming from. You’re a really great person & have much to offer the world. The fact that you CHOOSE to do right says a lot about your character. Keep going, Kanika & just be yourself. So many people are superficial & fake. You, my dear & authentically yourself. I’m really glad I stumbled upon your channel. Blessings to you. 💕
This is really opening my eyes about this mental disorder. Is like you ACTUALLY have empathy, you can reflect about the repercution of bullying,while real bullies without sociopath mental disorder can't be carefull with the emotions of others. You are awesome.
You've given me a very different perspective on those with ASPD. I know someone who I suspect has it and though I enjoy his company - he frustrates the crap out of me. Now I feel I know how to better navigate him due to your insight. You're doing wonderful things to battle the stigma. Keep it up, beautiful 💖
My therapist said that depression have symptoms like not caring anymore, apathy... I have not been diagnosed with anything besides being a recovering addict but I can relate with you a lot.
My entire life I thought something was wrong with me. I felt too much. Not only did I have my own very intense feelings and emotions but I absorbed and could feel the emotions of the people in my environment. I didn't know this as a child and it caused me to feel overstimulated and overwhelmed most of the time and by the time I was 22 years I was an alcoholic. And of course, after a 20 year drug and alcohol addiction that nearly killed me, I got recovery and in the process of healing I discovered that I was an empath. At 40 years old I finally found out what was "wrong" with me. What felt like a curse my whole life has now become a blessing because I am healing and balancing it all out. I'm 45 now and I have accepted the fact that I will always be an "feeler". I just have to be careful about who and what I spend my time with. Wow, what a journey and I have been so drawn towards cluster b personality types because these are the kind of folks I always attracted toward myself. Instead of misunderstanding or judging, I choose to continue to learn and grow and maybe help others. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective because I think we can all learn a lot from each other with open and honest conversations. Thank you❤
Thank you for sharing! I wish my ex with NPD had seen your videos. All this stigma against narcissists was one of the reasons he chose to take his life... Somehow in our society things like Bipolar get so much more empathy and understanding and words like 'narcissist' are being thrown around as easily as calling someone 'ugly'. This makes it very difficult for someone with NPD to ever get better as it triggers shame - an emotion they try their best to avoid. It can be very distructive.
I thought Sociopaths don't have any feelings for anything! they don't understand love, or happiness, they are just void of any feelings Its really very surprising to see a sociopath that says, gets hurt, sad! or even one that craves for being loved!
what people keep missing is that there are "levels, combinations & intensities", so to speak. You can't bunch up all with personality disorders and expect each and every one of them to be the same, bc they're not.
I absolutely love the point about how empathy alone is NOT responsible for being a good person, doing a good deed, being compassionate and not doing harm. 🎯💜
I couldn't explain how grateful i feel for what you've done for people especially those who suffer from ASPD like me. This place isn't an easy place for us to live in, the struggles and stigma are real. Thanks to people like you who speak up and clear the air for us to finally speak up for ourselves. Love you Kanika
Yes we all have free will and I admire your self awareness. Typically that is all it takes, being self aware, mindful, compassionate and intelligent. I know neurotypicals who can't even grasp these concepts.
I just want to thank you for opening my eyes to aspd and how it affects people. My mother is a narcissist and you have made me realize that she wasn't bad because she was narcissistic. She was bad because she blamed me for being sexually abused by my ex boyfriend. She was bad because of the choices she made. Realizing this has made me understand her condition and the condition of narcissists and sociopaths in general. Thank you so much, girlie. You da bestest
But she needs to be made to understand that she cannot blame you for abuse and not be empathetic and expect the same relationship with you she would have if she were properly parenting. I’m sorry you went through that and I hope you can have peace in your own life, with or without her support.
The history that your father wasn’t supportive when you cried is heartbreaking. As parents, they hold this responsibility of validating childs’ emotions and taking care of their child. It’s not your fault. Thank you for sharing. 💛💖 supporting you no matter where you are.
I'm so glad that you are on UA-cam and speaking about your perspective on ASPD and NPD as someone who's living with them. I think you are very brave for being open and honest about your diagnoses, and you've definitely opened my eyes to how awfully Cluster B neurodivergents are treated due to harmful generalizations. I have ADHD and I don't know what I would do if I was turned away by health professionals when I needed HELP! There are always ways to meet in the middle if both sides are willing to work at it--there just has to be an understanding on the part of neurotypicals that our brains do work differently. Already looking forward to your next video! :)
The positive comments are so un-cringe ❤️ I have BPD and was made to feel like I’m the worst. So glad she’s making these videos to show that no one is perfect and we all need love and understanding.
What you describe is the back side of high sensitivity. Really interesting. You know, with the stigmas.... Who are the sick? The really sick persons are the ones who stigmatize and hate people like you or me and pretend to be normal. So openly speaking your truth is absolutely healthy for me and you got my respect❤
It's interesting to me that we share so many similarities in our upbringings. From being a sick kid (chronic kidney problems), excelling in school, etc... it's intriguing to me how our paths led to different results. I have chronic depression, GAD and panic disorder. But I don't experience sociopathy in any way... I'm really happy I found your channel! I love your way of explaining things and how self aware you are.
‘But I can’t help who I am as a person, all I can do is make good choices.’
You are brilliant.
I'm not trying to be rude - I truly support your ability to reach out. Saying that, sociopaths don't make "good decisions." Sociopaths make "decisions good for them." Psychopaths have a neurological issue. Sociopaths are formed by life choices resulting in rewards. Your "stone woman who are raped" is extremely narrow in understanding of the totality of Biblical Law. I truly don't understand how you can bully people you claim bully you with a straight face. Regardless, I applaud you investing in getting help. Much success.
You can help how you treat others
I mean if you are a psychopath (usually) you can‘t make great choices... you don‘t feel what a great or in this case a moral choice is because you lack the humanity part...
@@oedihamijok6504 my psychopath best friend makes better choices than most neurotypicals.
@@KanikaBatra guess I have to correct myself... I wasn‘t precise enough...
You can't judge people for what they feel, only how they behave.
People's behavior reflect how they feel, unless they are a sociopath.
@@Kohbruh yes and no, people often feel like doing things they shouldn't but choose not too. One of the most common of those is probably fighting(for men at least) if men fought every time they felt the urge, there would be A LOT more fights. We are in control of our minds and body, emotions definitely influence us obviously, but ultimately they are not at the wheel. Assuming you arent a loose canon at least, because yea, there are people with virtually no self control.
@@Kohbruh I just don't think this is true. I think the majority of people spend most of their time hiding the behavior that reflects how they truly feel.
Yes love this
This honestly depends on why people feel what they feel since it could be occurring out of selfishness and disregard to the feelings of others around them. Self-care and self-entitlement are two different words with two different meanings for that reason.
I had a close friend who was a diagnosed sociopath, and I loved how she described it “i don’t really feel emotions, but when I do they are far too extreme” she was never hurtful, she was compassionate and protective
I think maybe she was misdiagnosed . Autism in females is very misunderstood and can affect that as well
@@sanscriptzipnov1118no. I think that's what people think because of how bipolar gets represented in media and such.that's also why we get painted as angry and homicidal.that's an individual personality thing, not bipolar. I'm bipolar. I always have emotions, I'm actually a pretty emotional person. normally I'm just shy, and very empathetic and sensitive, introverted, but friendly. Manic episodes I'm WAY too happy, on cloud nine, but impulsive and too chatty and don't sleep, then get horribly depressed.but meds can keep the in-between, even, "normal" state. If I forget to take my meds for a bit I go off the rails again.
Exactly
Sounds like borderline personality disorder. A protective sociopath???
@@RedneckWarlockYeah the sleep thing is the bipolar tell tale sign.
I think becoming a sociopath is a kind of a survival mechanism.
It definitely is.
I did...then somehow it stoped. I found love
@·Misanthropic Malcontent· wow exactly...it didn't totally go away. I still not being able to feel bad about things I should. But I am calm and believe in my partner who is also someone like me I could say
That makes a LOT of sense. Good observation.
It is
Honestly, to choose to be a good person is better than being a good person because you're driven by guilt
@@breakthecycle16 What luxury? I just said you can choose to be a good person. The decision is literally in your hands. And I won't even argue with you about the subjectivity of morality, if you really believe that there's absolutely no universal good or universal bad, then it's not worth debating over.
ua-cam.com/video/XZOOA9heAf0/v-deo.html
I think guilt is a great motivator to be a good person too
@@iaminconstantpain9524 there always has to be a universal balance.
@@bambambi5918 that wasn't the point the point is to be a good person out of the kindness of your heart not just because you've done something wrong and feel guilty about it.
"I CHOOSE"
EXACTLY.
I love this. I'm a neurodivergent empath married to a recovering semi narc who was raised by a family of vicious, full fledged narcs.
He makes cognitive decisions every day to be a good person inside and out. I have more empathy, love and respect for someone like that than I do for the average human being. I think people who develop free will and use it to the health of all are heroes... and in my eyes, 95% of human beings fall terribly short of that.
I bet that's an interesting relationship to observe. I'd be assuming he is partly motivated by a massive amount of guilt and fear in losing and hurting you? Or something to do with his family and not being like them?
There is no such thing as being an empath. Zero diagnostic criteria for it. It doesn't exist as a diagnosis in the field of psychology. Stop making shit up lol
James Fallon is a psychopathic neurosurgeon. He calls himself a pro-social psychopath.
You are a narcissist's dream, it's rare to find a person that treats us well. I hope your person values you and does his best to love you like you deserve.
@@bobostyle1996are you serious? Narcs chew up and spit good hearted people out.... your whining...
“I think compassion is something we can choose”. A word!!!
🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Sociopaths, psychopaths and Narcissists cannot feel empathy and therefore no compassion. This is a fact. They can mirror it but they don't really feel it. God bless them all because it starts with a genetic component. You're not a sociopath miss. Nothing could break your heart if you were.
@@shayleeledevre6401 that’s not true. a sociopath can have a broken heart. because at the end of the day, they care deeply about themselves. so if something hurts them, their heart can be broken.
@@ntoxicait yes! Exactly that’s the difference between a sociopath and psychopath! A psychopath doesn’t feel emotions nearly at all even in regards to themselves!
@@ntoxicait Convince yourself of what you will. They get rage not heartbreak. Not being hateful; this is just misinformation. She's either NOT a sociopath or she is and she's lying. Please educate yourself because God bless anyone who gets ensnared with these people. God bless them for the fact that they can't even help themselves. It's sad. Misinformation is dangerous though.
I know people with massive empathy who are still selfish and emotionally abusive.
An empathetic person looking down on someone because they don’t have much empathy is already being abusive.
This is pretty eye opening and definitely true. I don't think I've ever thought about it as much as I have since finding this channel and it seems like I have a lot to understand about empathy and a lack of one.
Empathetic people have issues too that they can work through with self-awareness and even have issues because of empathy 😅...as an extreme it can be just as detrimental.
Empaths are some of the most emotionally manipulative and destructive people.
@@redditman3701 doesn’t sound like an empath 🤔
Yeah my mother is extremely empathetic and would get mad at me for experiencing emotions because she felt that she was "walking on eggshells" around me. Which in a way makes sense but the way it played out was very abusive. Basically blaming me for my step father abusing me and forcing me to hide things from her so as not to overwhelm her empathy.
@@aderyn7600 I'm an empath and can't deal with other people's problems or emotions because I'm dealing with too much of my own. People think empaths are good people to go to when they need help but not always true. Empaths are often too burned out to help anyone.
Fighting the urge to send this to my narcissistic step-mom that abused me and say, “see. Abuse is a CHOICE.”
dude, ffs you know nothing about this woman, they lie remember
@@__1t__1__r3 yeah but you do right? Tard.
True, I feel you. It proves that my ex chose to hurt me. He had the option to be loved or to hurt me. He chose.
@@ashleyherrera6359 I’m so sorry you had that experience! It can be hard to heal from. I’m glad that at least you’re out now. *hugs*🤗
@@marionprepon7145 thank you. I've been out for year's and I am healing and getting better everyday. I just wish there was a way to help everyone, and these videos bring so much to light.
My dad was the same. A tyrant who had zero tolerance for emotional expression. “Quit crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” He was also angry and very critical. It is a horrible way to grow up, I feel ya.
I’m sorry that you also experience the emptiness. I really like how you say how people with disorders are just desperately trying to be loved by someone finally. They weren’t valued for who they were, only if they act as directed. Conditional love at its worst…
Blessings and unconditonal love for you Sarah
@@mpat100 thank you Pat💜
Same here
Act as directed? You mean be decent to other people?
@@MassageMagick1111 No, they meant directed to supress genuine emotions, you idiot. It literally says so in the comment. Her father. Read properly before you comment snappy remarks.
This is why when my daughter gets hurt I tell her it’s ok to be sad and hold her while she cry’s and help her calm her body slowly. It’s ok to feel.
Thank you!!!
yes! bless you and your daughter
I wish you where my mother in the past. Your child is lucky to have a mother like that. Bless you.
I agree this makes you a wonderful mother and your daughter is very lucky to have you but feel the need to say: it isn't the absence of consistent, warm and attuned care from a primary caregiver that causes ASPD, it's a developmental, neurological condition present from birth.
@@kellymurphy6667 not always
I've noticed that I have trouble crying and feeling because my mother would get angry when I cried as a child. My sadness more often than not turns to rage because of how I have had to suppress it. 'If you're going to cry, go to your room!' I'll give you something to cry about!' This has devastating consequences on a child.
I don't really have trouble crying but i don't really get sad, i usually just go straight to anger/rage. I was also told to suck it up as a kid. I'm a woman.
Hi you look great. I’m a woman but noticed u looked stunning
@@penultimania4295 Defense mechanism.. if your anger died out it’ll probably go to sadness.
I've had the same, also had a father who would tell my other siblings to laugh at us if we cried to discourage us from displaying negative emotion--essentially trying to link this expression to shame. Trying to learn to have more emotional intelligence to this day. I'm sorry your mother was so discouraging and neglectful of you naturally expressing the human spectrum of emotion.
It’s funny to me that people think all sociopaths are the exact same person. All people with bipolar are the same person. All people with narcissism are the same person. Etc.
I hope your videos can help educate those types of people who believe that!
I agree. I hate that people generalize so much about mental illness. That's another issue that keeps the stigma of many disorders alive. I wish people would just understand that not everyone with the same mental illness is not the same.
Ya I agree and definitely feel like it’s a spectrum kind of thing
@@mesicaldc ughhhh I was dating a guy years ago and I told him I’m bipolar. His response “oh.. my ex had bipolar and she was crazy. I’m glad you told me.” As if we are the same exact person cuz we share the same diagnosis.
So true. I’m bipolar and I’m not unstable in relationships nor am I a bad person.
Agreed, except narcissism. They are same
"I choose not to be a shitty person. "
Yes!!! This is everything. I've been thinking a lot about people who are sociopaths and how there's a mob mentality when it comes to them. Which is disgusting.
I applaud you for coming out and speaking about it. It's very brave of you and I think you're amazing.
But she DOES CHOOSE to be a shitty person. Did you not watch her videos? Stealing a coworkers ideas, taking them to the boss while that worker is out sick, taking credit & then intentionally lying 1 week later for racism & sexism bc he got mad for her screwing him over & she KNEW he'd get fired bc they were working at a government agency that she said would not tolerate that. You are fkn stupid to believe this sociopath. 🤣 you're literally proving how good she is at manipulating ppl- lol yall are pawns 🤣🤣
She would take advantage of you in a heart beat don’t put it past her
I'm also a sociopath, and make the choice to be good. It is a choice.
@@Checkyourself11 would you be interested in commenting about what you’ve found out about sociopathy? I’m a medical student, and I love to learn about other people’s experience.
@@c.m.brodriguez9402Yes this lady is trying to confuse everyone. The information is being spread and her Jezebel nature was to cause confusion through lies and manipulation.
You are different because you seek to do better. I am in an NPD fb group and many of the narcissists there glorify their toxic behavior and love to mock empathic people. There is definitly a difference...
Disgusting.
Oh wow 😢
Yea she's different because she's not a sociopath
@@jimmajamma2006 Exactly!!! I think more narc than anything else just here for attention seeking. Which would make sense if a true narc!
@@julief634Yea I think so too. It’s just attention seeking as you say
My boyfriend is a diagnosed sociopath. Going on four years and he has never mistreated me. As a matter of fact he's one of the best things that's ever happened to me. Thank you so much for speaking out about this, so many people have the wrong idea
Yes but he has no ability to attach to you. Why would you ever be with a sociopath. Self love is not there if you choose that.
@@treeseer1573 Have you learned nothing?
He attached to me in his own unique way. We have a great relationship in a very unique way. I didn't post this comment to defend our relationship. I posted it because I was so happy to find a community that would understand. Also, my previous relationship with a person who could technically attach to me almost killed me. Literally. My current boyfriend makes me feel safe, sociopath or not. Never judge a book by its cover. And I absolutely have self love. Something I had to work very hard on after the non sociopath put me in the hospital
He’s figured out that you’re convenient, he doesn’t care about you, he sees you as a useful fool
@@treeseer1573 sociopaths can attach to people and DO FEEL LOVE.
There are millions of people with empathy that still hurt people it is definitely a choice!!!
If they don't care if they hurt people that means they are not empaths. They could be either sociopaths or narcissists
Yeah, but those people don't have empathy for their victims though, if they would have it they wouldn't be able to do the things they do. So it does boil down to not having empathy. Just because a person is neurotypical doesn't mean the person has empathy towards everybody and everything and in every situation.
@@daintydane7177 No. That would mean almost everyone would be a narcissist or sociopath. That doesn't make sense. Empaths can be mean too because they are just humans like everyone lmao obviously...
@@saudadeanguish3139 You have to be an empath to understand that empaths are not mean. Its the reason why Sociopaths take advantage of them because of their kind, caring hearts along with codependents. They have a caring nature which makes them vulnerable. Some empaths learn after being in relationships with Sociopaths that being kind is destructive for their well being so they tone down a bit. Not everyone is mean, if you meet someone who is supposed to be a empath but does otherwise simply means its a sociopath who was just pretending cause thats what sociopaths do best so people can fall into ther trap
We are all born with the nature to sin... you are right we each have the ability to hurt, to be angry, to say and do evil things but also to feel guilt, shame, remorse and to apologise in order to rectify the situation. We still daily have to work on ourselves....to make ourselves better before God, animals and humans....
You are right....to be compassionate, kind, generous, good....is a choice!
This young lady - Kanika is getting help to understand her disorder and want to be better....I have tremendous respect and love for her because I know it's not easy....I wish her the absolute best!
It's retraining your brain and behavior..... God bless her and help her!
“We’re already in the shadows” that’s powerful 🦋
There are so many bad people who have empathy and still choose to harm. People make choices.
Astute observation. Plenty of "saints" out there robbing people blind every day.
Do you mean on purpose ? If someone is a true empath they will never purposely do harm. Or at least they will feel very guilty for even thinking of hurting a r*pist etc. Idk it's just a weird world.
They are not empaths if they were they wouldn't cause harm
I don't have a pd but I can really relate to the validation part. I was always "the smart one", so much so that other people (family, teachers, friends) made it my identity and it became the source of my self-worth. Because of that and inherent perfectionism I put very high emphasis on getting academic recognition, and I find it quite shattering to not come out at the top of the top.
Me too. At first it was hard(still can be) to cope with not being able to achieve perfectionistic standards in the eyes of others/society, but I then tried to refocus that urge to be better than everyone else to morality. I guess it has done good for me (because many morals are indeed helpful and good), but again, it's not a stable sense of self worth, because it's perfectionistic, rigid, and not objective, there's no end to it. It leads to a bloated sense of entitlement in all areas of life, and when that is unfulfilled it's painful. The 'need of being superior' been causing me a lot of pain actually(I'm sure it''s the source of many others, whether they realise it or not), so I'm trying to find a way out of that.
Same here. I'm not a prodigy but i can say that I'm good at drawing, because of that I received the recognition of my family so, as you said, it became part of my self-worth. Now it is hard fighting against all the pressure and perfectionism I've put on myself, because I feel that if i can't reach those expectations I feel unworthy of love.
@@alix6553 i can relate to anything you've said, I'm fighting against the urge of trying to be better than anyone else. It's hard because it's a mindset I've ingrained in my mind for a very long time, and yeah it causes too much pain to myself and the others surrounding me
Didn’t expect to come here and join a club 😉 I can’t make myself happy, when people say I’m doing a good job I get upset cause they’re naive to my shortcomings so getting compliments is like slapping myself in the face. Maybe I still need to hear it though because all my head says is even if there’s nothing more I can do it’s not good enough and neither am I. Good talk 😂
This is really interesting, thanks for sharing. Something I've always wondered about feeling the need to be "perfect" is, how do you even know what that looks like? I mean someone could get straight As, but there are always going to be people at a better school, getting better grades...even if you never meet them, surely you know they exist? So where does it end really? And what happens when you encounter that? Or is it just according to one's own idea of perfection that you strive for? I guess what I'm saying is we can only be the best version of ourselves, and know that there is no such thing as perfection to begin with because it's all relative and different values take on different meanings according to context is kind of comforting to me actually. And more realistic.
Not getting attention when you're happy & healthy is heartbreaking. Feeling like you're supposed to be sick but not show emotion is SOOO hard.
Swear to god
Our sick families do this shit on purpose. They wait till you’re happy to claim that there’s ‘something’ wrong with you
Wow .....Just wow .
Sounds like a living hell ..🫣😥💔
Oh my gosh yes. I have bipolar disorder, someone very close to me has borderline personality disorder, and we are absolutely villainized. Even though I personally have extreme extreme empathy. To the point it is a huge burden. I actually can have a hard time making decisions because my feelings are so overwhelming. But I don’t always tell people I have bipolar disorder because I assume that means I am nuts and every time I get mad that it’s irrational. Like my feelings are no longer valid just because I have a disorder. It’s so weird.
Definitely agree!
not all bpd is reactive like that, sometimes it’s quiet aswell. i am so sorry you had to endure that. i am diagnosed with both, and it’s ultimately choosing your reaction. i have a lot of cognitive distortions and have to leave to ground myself in many social settings. what we feel isn’t always fact, and it’s just learning how to live with it. so tricky.
BPD is worse than ASPD.
@meow With ASPD individuals you can at least count theyll do whats best for them.
@@bibibigbombom822 I don't think we should be classifying serious disorders as "worse" or "better"
My ex-sister-in-law has NPD and she talked openly about it with me and it opened my eyes to how much anxiety was involved. How devastating it felt for her to receive minor criticism or feel like she wasn’t the best at something. She and my brother didn’t end up staying married, but they still co-parent well and treat each other with respect. I love when you said compassion is a choice, because truly it is. The ability to feel empathy doesn’t miraculously make someone a saint.
Thanks for sharing i think its important to show underneath the anti social or mean behaviors can be insecurity and other issues. It really is sad. God help everyone struggling
How do you know your sister-in-law had NPD? Did she get a diagnoses from an expert?
@@deedee7780 yes, she was diagnosed in her early 20s
@@FinalGirl228 remaining friendly with an ex doesn't sound like genuine narcissism. Have you heard of this before? www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20370237
@@TheMarkmcr I didn’t say they are friendly, I said they are respectful of each other because they have children together. While I shared that I feel empathy for her because I know that she suffers, I did not mention the massive damage and hurt that her negative behaviors brought to our family.
Secondly, I’m not the one who diagnosed her, and since you don’t know her, you shouldn’t be trying to either, especially based off the limited information I gave.
I feel you Kanika. I went through very abusive experience as a child, to the point that I did not feel anything. Physically and emotionally. I did not feel physical pain after I was but by a dog and was stitched, or when I fell really hard from my bicycle and hit my head really bad… later as a teenager I realised that I don’t feel any emotions and was severely depressed. I felt empty inside and did not understand what was happening to me. But later I started seeing a therapist and been in therapy since. It turns out that my real self is actually very, very sensitive and I am an empath. Therefore I strongly believe that we can change once we truly connect with ourselves. The difficult part is that connection but once you get there, life changes. I wish everyone to be able to connect with themselves. Life will become beautiful instantly.
I appreciate your courage to use your voice! I am a therapist that wants to help and find a way to support and help those with pd.
I have found that not many therapists are willing to do so so it's refreshing seeing the contrary. Thank you for taking the time to do research on this
@@KanikaBatra I have a new book coming out hopefully in July that is going to present understanding of this in a way it has not been presented before. Using neuroscience, research, and a plethora of personal experience to support the information. It will bring understanding, compassion, insight, and a proposal of an approach to help. Not one that is demonizing and dehumaning. Everyone, especially those with PD's deserves understanding. I'm definitely a fan of yours now!
@@brandysevans8419 That sounds great! Thank you so much for doing what you’re doing
@@brandysevans8419 whats your book called?! i'll keep an eye out!!!
@@devonkelly44 Thank you! It will be titled, The Human Experience : From Shame to Pain to Growth (not sure about the subtitles). Hopefully out in the summer. 🙏
Personally I have TOO much empathy. So much so that I can basically feel other people's emotions as my own and it affects me very negatively. Causes me anxiety attacks and pre-syncope episodes, amongst other things. So I'm learning to detach my emotions when they're not necessary. I'm sorry that people are so mean and not able to understand you.
Right? If we could just spread the empathy around evenly, we would all be happy! I appreciate your compassion. I don’t think anyone would choose to be a sociopath. I’m not talking about people who think it’s edgy. If they really understood it involves isolation, stigma, emptiness inside, and difficulty in relationships, there wouldn’t be wannabes anymore.
Me too! Sometimes my empathy causes me to fly into a rage especially when people I love are being hurt.
Your an empath!
@@brittaolson6550 It'd be fantastic if we could just spread empathy evenly! Thanks for saying you appreciate my compassion. I usually feel like my oversensitivity is a nuisance. I don't get why people would pretend to be a sociopath....it seems like absolute torture for those who actually have it.
@@alyssapinon9670 I've had a few of those moments. Have you figured out how to control it?
I was raised by a destructive narcissist. I was scapegoated and subjected to all manner of abuse throughout my life. If my Dad had even half the self awareness that you have we might be able to have a relationship. But I doubt he ever will. He is a full on shadow player. Well done to you
I have PTSD and have been in trauma therapy and medicated for 6 years after several long term (23 years, 4 years, 1 year) abusive relationships with narcissists and sociopaths. I didn't know what I had been dealing with until 2015 when I escaped the last one and then... proceeded to have a nervous breakdown. 😔 I'm 52 now and don't date anymore. I've dealt with a pattern of toxic relationships and simply can't handle one more. Unfortunately, I seem to attract them more often than not. That never works in my favor, so I stay single.
I stumbled upon your channel last year and find you are interesting, smart, (of course also a beautiful young woman) but you made me want to hear you out. To hear your experience. I want to understand how it happened that you became a Sociopath and what that means to you. So thank you. I hope you'll continue educating us and sharing your story. 👍❤
That is your problem...wanting to hear people out. I mean, that is good in one way but for you, don't give it any entertainment.
@@milkandspice1074 👍 Absolutely.
This is beautiful! 🤍🤍🤍🤍
Oh gosh I’m sorry for your suffering! I pray healing redemption peace and joy over you!
I can relate to you 100000%. I grew up with parents who are addicts and/ or autistic and experienced little to no positive emotion from them. Now that I’m in my early 20’s I have found myself in my past two relationships dating narcissists/ addicts/ sociopaths. They used their ability to turn off emotion to harm me. I also take PTSD meds every day and if I go one night without them I wake up in a River of sweat, no joke. I don’t know many people with my experience, so thank you for sharing. This topic brought forward a lot of people and ideas I normally don’t come across.
I would also like to mention to people reading these comments, people who have been abused by narcissists etc. are not “easy targets” or “weak.” We’re prey because we’re envied. People who cannot grasp emotions outside their own are usually enthralled with people who can process so many emotions.
I agree. The word narcissist is flung around with abandon these days. A guy you're casually dating does something slightly selfish, he's got to be a narcissist. It's so harmful. I am sorry you need to deal with judgemental, moronic people. I really enjoy listening to you and hearing a new perspective!
That is true. But conversely, there are plenty of narcissists who are good at pretending to be normal and only revealing their true colors behind closed doors
I think she’s a good person with her struggles. I’m proud she’s getting treatment. These people need a safe space to heal and grow.
She wants you to belive that. :)
@@schadiel-ghorayeb479 i fully agree with you; we never know as manipulating is natural and intuitive for them
@@sarahmicroWhy? Because they don't have emotional empathy?
@thegaytay4327He didn't fucking say that.
Wait until you find out about the horrible things she's done to people. People who think she is "good" are the ones that get destroyed by folks like her.
You know you're a sociopath and Kanika's a sociopath when she's said the exact same shit you say. Choosing to be a good person. Choosing to have morals. Choosing to be compassionate, etc. Girl stole all my lines! Love you, my new favorite youtuber.
When I was diagnosed with ASPD I was also appalled... my first reaction was "I want to get better..." So we are not all bad people. Love that you are speaking out on it! Thank you!
I had to at a young age. But i never really understood um.. why. Because i thought the way that i was. Is normal.. but. Now looking back if my mom didnt give me proper treatment. I could've became the worst verison of who I was when i was younger.
@@teddieblue6723 you can't be diagnosed under the age of 18/19 or early to mid 20s. If you were a kid and diagnosed you were misdiagnosed.
I don't belive you have it. People with actual aspd don't immediately think they want to get better. They don't care and are indifferent about the diagnosis. That's one of the main criteria. So either you don't have it and mistook your Dr's. Diagnosis or you were misdiagnosed
@@virginiavallek1654 yeah, one size fits all, huh dummy?
@@virginiavallek1654...Or they had conduct disorder and it transitioned to ASPD.
It's crazy to me that people will actually be like "you don't look____" and then turn around and discriminate against people who look/act that way. I'm autistic, and I put a ton of effort into masking autistic traits to avoid bullying, but then people are like "you don't look autistic," like they expect me to be stimming 24/7 or something. Absolutely wild that people are also saying you don't "look" like your diagnosis, like wtf??! Neurodiversity doesn't have a look!
Welcome back. The more I think about all of the Narcissists I've known, the more I see how self sabotaging they are. How they process information differently than Neurotypicals do. Much of their abuse is off handed. They're reacting to intense feelings inside of themselves - Not so much the reality of what other people are actually doing. I feel more pity for them than hatred these days. But for a long time I hated Narcissists. I was so consumed in my own pain and hyper-vigilance that I had no empathy left for them. I didn't see the bigger picture of how much pain they were in too. Now if I see someone being manipulative, rageful, vindictive, dishonest, arrogant, predatory etc - I recognize that they already have enough emotional problems without me demonizing them. And unless they become self aware they'll experience many more problems. I don't need to add to people's burdens. Neurotypicals can be self righteous bullies all in the name of empathy . . . Or a lack thereof . . . ??? =)
If you see someone being all that to you,you comply? Or you resist being manipulated? If you resist,you have an open fight on your hand,you know that. Maybe you manipulate the sociopath as well? What is the most empathetic way of conduct in your opinion?
@@ST-yc7uj Now that I see such behavior for what it is I resist being manipulated. I keep my observations to myself and remain polite but distant. I think that's the most empathetic way of handling it. Or going No Contact and not bothering to explain yourself to other people who blindly defend the abuser. Just gracefully removing yourself from their lives. They'll throw a temper tantrum but that's their problem.
@@JohnDoe-gq3tm Thank you for that perspective. You don’t have to be their friend in order to stop perpetuating societal stigma about their PD. And that was a great realization for me
On another note your advice also seems like a good way to deal with people who are just assholes whether they’re neurotypical or not. They probably suffer from enough pain without us adding onto it.
@@alyssapinon9670 You're welcome.
I’ve just had horrible experiences with those who are narcissistic or have other mental disorders. It’s hard for me to not be cautious. For this one person I had to deal with who is a severe narcissist and psychopath, she fucked with my life so much that I can’t ever forgive her. My step dad was also narcissistic and just messed up somehow and he abused my mom.
In my early twenties I went through a stage where I thought I might be a sociopath, that journey of self-discovery eventually lead me to realise that while I was entirely cut off from my emotions as a way to survive in a neurotypical world (and a few other traumatic circumstances growing up), I am not a sociopath. It definitely gave me a better understanding and appreciation for the experience of people with ASPD.
Now almost 10 years later I've been diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, and things make a lot more sense.
Thank you so much for sharing some of your story, bringing light to the reality of other ways of being is so valuable.
Let me just say I’m a cat rescuer and my biggest pet peeve is when people hold their cats while they don’t want to be held. I smiled when you said “imma let him run away” 🤌 good job cat mama, what a monster u r huh 🤣🖤🖤 much love
@Hughes SignCo no the cat doesn't hate her and how can you say such a thing about a person and a cat you know nothing about. Cats are independent and they don't really listen to anyone, if they do listen to you then they are getting something out of being a cat who is actually listening to someone. Another thing is don't you realize that this woman is on stage in front of a audience that is probably scaring her cat. You need to apologize for judging her and her cat when it's obvious that you know nothing about animals. You are supposed to love your neighbor as God loves you. I have been studying narcissists personality disorder and sociopath and psychopaths, cluster B personality disorders. You need to start understanding about what others are going through and what they have been through because everyone is going through something different but we all go through life dealing with things that are painful and hurtful like losing a parent.
@@robynmattfield2919 "You are supposed to love your neighbour as God loves you".....H'mmmmm🤔😏
It's so awesome to hear this perspective!! I'm a therapist and have worked with NPD and ASPD clients who were wonderful to get to know. Keep being yourself and congratulations on your book ❤ look forward to more content!!
Honestly, watching your videos has helped me realize I probably have ASPD. I've suspected it for a long time, but because ASPD's so poorly understood by wider society, people wouldn't take me seriously if I ever tried to talk about it. They'd insist the fact I experience depression, anxiety, rage, etc. proves I'm not a sociopath because they think sociopaths can't experience ANY emotion whatsoever, so I kept talking myself out of thinking I have it. However, after I took a slew of ASPD tests recently and kept getting the same score that put me JUUUST over the threshold, I started looking into it more. After finding you and watching you describe your ASPD, I'm pretty certain I do have it.
I use cognitive empathy+a moral code I created to dictate my behavior rather than emotional empathy.
I feel numb the vast majority of the time and find it extremely difficult to connect to others on an emotional level.
I can feel love, but it's a much more subtle version than what others experience and I only feel it towards a few select people (I do love my cats very much, far more than I love any human).
I can turn on charm at will, which has helped me become a successful salesperson and avoid consequences.
Most of my facial expressions and mannerisms are performative.
I can be very cruel and cold, but due to my personal code, I only do it to people who I decide deserve it.
I get a vicious thrill from humiliating, grifting, intimidating, etc. these people.
I don't care when people I know die and resent the fact I have to put on a sad act when they do.
I only follow rules if I think they're worth following and will break laws as long as I think I can get away with it.
I genuinely think I could kill someone and feel fine about it. I never would but that's almost entirely due to a desire to avoid prison.
I've been accused of being sadistic, arrogant and manipulative by multiple people throughout my life.
I can do bad things and just...push it to the back of my mind like it never happened.
I DESPISE weakness.
I automatically catalogue people's insecurities, weaknesses, secrets, etc. in case I need to weaponize them at a later date.
I clock whether or not somebody can be exploited and used to take advantage of people quite a lot before I made the conscious decision to be a better person.
So on and so forth.
You are so brave being so open and candid on the internet, hope you just receive love in your channel because you deserve it, thanks for sharing ❤️
Thank you so much!!
@@KanikaBatra you made a fan out of me. Also, you've taught me that there are similarities between someone with ASPD and "normal" people. For example, a "normal" person can steal a car or punch someone out of anger but chooses not to because of their personal moral code or by deciding that the consequences aren't worth the trouble. I'll be ordering your book when I get a chance next week!
@@laurenceknight9350 awww thank you that’s very kind of you!
@@KanikaBatra Honestly, as a person who doesn't have such disorders, I find your videos really informative, due to which my inquisitiveness has increased.
I have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and have very high empathy for certain things (like animals and experiences other people are having that I’ve also experienced so understand), but also low/no empathy for others things (generally things I can’t understand or wrap my head around). But I, like you, still show respect and compassion most of the time. We can choose to be kind no matter your neurotype. Your videos are very informative and I can kind of relate with quite a few things you’ve talked about 💙
Kanika, I think you are brave. There have always been people who are like you and who have adapted as best they can to live their best life. It is not like sociopaths or other personality disorders just appeared in modern days; it is that they are being diagnosed. And also, there is now social media to share your stories. Every person has value and no one is perfect. We're all working on something. Just keep it up, you are making a positive difference.
Hi! My dad is a sociopath and was mentally, physically and sextually absuive my whole childhood, and I would just like to say I deeply appreciate your honesty and the way you talk about your life
Sorry to hear, may God bless you with peace and health
@@vanessak7069 thank you :)
I'm very sorry for your horrific experience. I hope you have a good therapist who helps you.
All the best to you ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I hope you can heal and find support, and love yourself and help yourself build a good life, humble rational non-vain confidence, self-acceptance, succeed, be happy, find love, respect, confidence and acceptance. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@@ytb8361 thank you
I became a sociopath because of trauma. Not blaming anyone for who I am but my experiences made me who i am. There is so much wrong with me and no one understands. I block feelings because I feel them harder than everyone else. Sounds corny but true.
You can heal and integrate the trauma, to develop a healthy sense of ego, self love, and gain empathy, being able to connect with others, feel love, and be authentic./You can cure Sociopathy.
But you will need to face the original traumas, face the emptions without dissociating from them, to them arise and to let go. Shadow Work, Parts Work, Inner Child Work, Somatic Experiencing and therapies.
Distraction, Addiction, & Dissociation is the way of the Sociopath, this creates apathy, and the constant chasing of highs, and controlfreakism to feel something, and to feel safe.
Interesting that you think that you feel them harder than everyone else. This is something, you cannot even recognize, because you don't see in other people´s minds. So this is purely your belief. But the competition and superiority in that sentence does show narcissism, which is a part of being a sociopath. Interesting.
I am highly emphatic, and my feelings are very strong. My emotions can either feed me or tire me. I cannot watch sad stories of people, especially about kids, or pets suffering, because this makes my feelings overbearing, and I feel horrible pain inside for all the victims...
I know, that there are many people with strong feelings. Some people show them, some block them like you. My feelings are too much at times, but I don't need to say or feel that others are not. I don't feel like mine must be on the top of the list. This is how having or lacking empathy makes such a difference.
I was raised by two cruel narcs and I love to watch this channel to understand, why they did, what they did to me, when I was a child or even now. It is not an excuse, though, and still they will not be allowed back in my life. But the closure brought by understanding is so healing for me.
@@Julienna just because you had shitty parents, it doesn’t mean you should take it out in this person commenting that is also hurting and also went through difficult things. 🌸
@@Julienna two narcs as “parents” here too. I am 47 and 3rd year of therapy ❤
I feel that... i was on my way towards psychopathy too, because my dad always hit me violently when i cried, wouldn't allow me to do things that made me happy and was overall just a reckless abusive alcoholic... i started to torture my rabbits and cats as a kid, i lied, i stole, i threatened to kill me with a knive as a 7 year old child, to get what i want. If my mom stayed with my father i would have gone down that rabbit hole... i probably would be imprisoned, but she left him and found a man who was so calm towards me, he never hurt me and only seldomly even got loud when i was to much, and it still took a decade or even more for me to get better... my mom left my father when i was 8 or 9 and i struggled big time until i was like 23... now i feel like i am extremely emotional... i cry so much when i'm alone and it hurts so much that i lost soulmates and people that it feels like its going to break me, the tragedy of life itself pains me more than it should i feel... and it feels so much, and i often thought how other people handle that, if they also hide that, how anyone can life like that... but your comment kinda makes me realise that not everyone feels that way. It's because as a child my way was pathed towards a personality disorder with delay or halt of regular emotional development, which could possibly have led to psychopathy where i would have avoidet to feel emotions at all... or maybe wouldn't even have been able to feel them. And maybe thats why everything feels so much... and to be honest i conciously try not to swallow the emotion down when it comes up, i let it out if i'm alone, because i don't wanna poison myself... but in that moment i feels unbelievably bad, the depth of loss in my heart almost ripps it apart... but as sun comes out after the rain, when the tears are gone it feels better again.
As a psychologist, who works with violent offenders, I thank you for this video! I like your perspective on choice. Well done for destigmatising personality issues!
BPD also started off being highly stigmatized but with a brave few coming out and quashing all the myths, it’s helped to put faces to something that was once deemed so horrible by society.
I've recently found out that ALL of my closest friends have BPD. They did not and do not seem any different than most of the "normal" people I know.
@@tallyho101 “sociopath” isn’t an actual diagnostic term it’s more slang Borderline personality disorder is the official term for ... sociopath (from what I know)
@@alyfferalves593 no, bpd and sociopathy (aspd - antisocial personality disorder) are very different although they are both cluster b disorders
@@tallyho101 it's not your right to diagnose someone.
@@alyfferalves593 I have BPD but I don't have ASPD... soooo no - they are not the same. Most disorders have overlapping symptoms which is what makes them hard to diagnose/distinguish.
I always felt bad when people called me out for having compassion to those with NPD or ASD. I genuinely love psychology and disorders, and I love helping people who are battling a mental disorder: no one deserves to go through what you or anyone goes through. It makes me so sick that people bully people just because of a disorder and throw around diagnostic terms which is unethical and psychologically damaging. Much love to you and healing vibes ❤️
I think you meant to write ASPD (anti-social personality disorder) and not ASD (autism spectrum disorder)
Maybe you are just too young or no experience with them. They are bullies and very dangerous ones.
That's why the best is to avoid them completely.
@@user-bl4lf9rg8mThat’s a very ignorant thing to say. You can love people and want them to get help even when they’re mean or abusive. My dad was abusive my whole life and is now on meds and I still love him and hope he fully recovers someday from his problems. Just because you can’t have empty for abusive people doesn’t mean someone else is naive or too young to understand. I’m 23 and have empathy for narcissists and psychopaths and all of that because I see a wounded child. Please don’t try to convince others to hate people.
@@Antibeautyguru wounded child has nothing to do with that. No hate, just no contact. and let's be clear, Im talking about narcissists only
@@user-bl4lf9rg8m Narcisists are wounded children, so yes, it has everything to do with that. I know narcissists who have relationships and do well because they go to therapy and change their lives. Don’t act like that can’t happen.
It takes courage to admit being a sociopath. You have more feelings than most people I know and I give you immense credit for seeking healthy ways to cope❤
Nah it's easy for us. No courage needed
I grew up learning to put my emotions in a compartment because if my feelings were shown my family and “friends” would try to
Abuse and control me emotionally. When I would use logic instead I was called a cold bitch. You are amazing and fabulous in sharing your life and being vulnerable.
Blessings for you
You can’t win in society. There’s always someone waiting to label and judge no matter what your issues are.
Used to be like that,i choosed to not care what others think,with limits ofc (familly,close friends )
Abuse is abuse, and occurs with or without a personality disorder diagnosis.
Exactly.
It's interesting how people respond to trauma differently. I also had a father who did not allow emotions. I grew up in an emotionally neglectful and abusive family. As a result, I have felt invisible and a burden to others.
I'm sensitive and feel emotions intensely, and my parents made me feel bad about this. It's obvious to me that I have a hyperactive autonomic nervous system. Being "too sensitive" has been a negative experience for me and has been treated as weakness. I often operate from shame and a need for validation. I find myself masking my emotions and opinions from many people as a result. I seem to align with traits of internalized BPD.
I've noticed that society criticizes both too much empathy and expression of emotion, as well as impaired empathy and expression of emotion.
Accountability and wanting to do better is what matters. Thank you for sharing your experience and perspective.
The same with me. I even had some traits in my early childhood that one could consider tell tale signs of ASPD eventhough I ws more on the autistic spectrum.
I honestly didn’t even know that sociopaths or narcissists had this much self awareness. Incredible ❤️ Thank you for speaking out and doing this work.
Most of them don’t have self awareness. Like everything, it’s a spectrum. Most will not seek to understand themselves like this woman has.
I don't think I've ever crossed a narcissist who wasn't self aware. They never deny they're a narcissist, they just despise when other people expose them for who they really are. They lose control when that mask falls off.
Apparently narcissists often know they're narcissistic, but they don't have insight into how it's a problem
It is very rare that someone with a cluster b diagnosis would have this much self awareness.
@@jewelsbarbie my ex sociopath laughed when he was diagnosed..he simply did not care
My brother is a Narcissist, not diagnosed, because he never cared to seek treatment and when younger my parents didn't force him to go to therapy. I always thought he was a psychopath, but later I learned the difference and it was truly eye opening. As he cares so much how people see him. He was always cruel to me, I grew up with my an enemy at home, and even when we are siblings and I care for his well being, he is not really part of my life, and it's best that way. I can't say he's incapable of having feelings, or loving, that's not true, but he can be a wreaking ball and I choose not to have him in my life. I feel just for the fact that you go to therapy, that you are open with who you are and why you're different makes you honest, and very human. So wish you all the best.
I'm going through the same situation with my brother (we still live together with my parents). We don't know what his diagnose is because therapy is out of the question, but some of us believe he is a sociopath. He projects all the cruelty on me (before he did that to my sister but thankfully she moved out) and it's very difficult living with him since my parents refuse to accept the situation, and lately he's been getting more and more violent. Anyway I just wanted to tell you that reading your comment was very relieving, because I've felt very lonely and misunderstood with all this (people not believing me because they knew him and my descriptions didn't match what they thought of him). I wish the best for him and pray no one else has to go through all the harshness I suffered, but sometimes (even if it's your brother) the best thing you can do is leave some people out of your life, and that's alright too
@@anabelenlibenson7453 Oh Ana I am so sorry! I feel so sad reading your comment. My brother and I don't live in the same country anymore, the farther, the better. If/when your brother is physically or verbally abusing you, record it, so you have proof and if you feel at any given situation that your life is at risk, call 911. And yes it doesn't matter who they are, or if people agree with you removing that person from your live, you are not in the need of keeping people like that in your life. If you ever need to talk, write me kisaira@gmail.com
I have two brothers like that.
@@KatherineRoseArt Are they diagnosed, aware of their behavior? how does your family cope? Are they violent?
Something people forget is that NO ONE does anything that doesn’t benefit them in some way, be it to reduce your own pain, to gain a sense of satisfaction in helping someone else, to feel an oxytocin rush when being intimate with a loved one, etc. It’s also interesting because even empaths have limits-anyone within YOUR group is deserving of love and affection and care, but as soon as you’re “other,” hoo boy, watch out!
I’m someone with BPD who’s suffered from narc abuse & I think everyone has a part in society, we’re all different for a reason, to thrive in different ways. I want to see everyone get better & be their best selves. The stigma leads to people not getting better and the guilt leads to self destruction and destruction around them. End the stigma of all mental illness not just depression & anxiety
I just found you, and my life has been harmed greatly by people with various cluster B traits and diagnoses. None of the aforementioned people are in therapy or trying to really work on who they are. They'd rather be who they are and torment who they choose to torment. The key with you and what sets you apart is that you care about who you are and what you do and how it affects others. Good on you. Thank you for sharing and being willing to be honest about your diagnosis and how you choose to operate in the world.
I have BPD, bipolar II and MDD. Thank you for helping break the stigma, I’m so glad I found your channel
I have BPD and I already feel judged - people aussuming I'm manipulative and a bad person - I can't imagine living with NPD and then talking about it openly. People love to judge. Thank you for shedding light on a topic that is so often misunderstood!
A lot of people forget that empathy is not the only way a person can care about someone. You may not be able to feel others' emotions, but you can still choose to care about how they feel.
@violet No, I think sympathy is when you've been through something that someone else has; empathy is having the emotional capacity to care about someone else's experience even if you haven't been through it yourself.
When I first came a cross your channel I really didn't know what to think. I was interested and wanted to learn. I'm so happy I stuck around. I have BPD and when you talked about it on one of your videos I thought "OMG! Here someone who gets me! Finally " I am sorry for all the mean and awful things people say to you. It isn't right. You or I didn't choose to be this way but we did choose to get help and that's a big thing. Please keep doing what your doing. There are so many people who appreciate you. I hope your Dad and your partners Grandma will be healthy and strong again. Lots of hugs from Canada 🇨🇦🤗
One of my sisters have socipathic traits, and she's actually really nice, she may not feel empathy like me, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care about others well being, she does. She may not be able to put herself in others shoes, but she does care to help you feel better. She does feel compassion.
Yes they can learn to intellectualize it
Yes. This.
The inability to feel empathy is called alexythemia. There are a good handful of conditions that have it.
@@kaedatiger no alexithymia is dealing with the inability to identify or describe your own emotions
@@pepperyk4 I'll have to look that up. Maybe I'm misinformed. Thanks.
What you said about moral code is so SPOT ON. I've always wanted to be with someone who does the right thing because of what they believe, not how they feel because feelings are unreliable, illogical. I was never the most empathetic but have become increasingly more so over the past several years. I think all these views fall along a spectrum.
Are you also a sociopath since you mentioned falling on the spectrum, jc.
@@cannonballlight4939 Nope.
You can learn to be emphatic by listening and repeating the lasts words or what you understood of what the other person said and through mirroring the gestures of the other person. If somebody that this for you, you will feel good and emotionally connected
@@ebufi7957 I actually find that kind of fake and patronizing. I'd rather someone just engage in whatever way is genuine for them or take time on their own to think about how they'd feel in my situation. But it can be a good starting point for some, I guess.
I don't quite get how that works..
As if in like realizing that it hurts the other being instead of feeling guilty about it yourself?
Feeling compassion?
The fact that you even came to realize and admit this is an absolute breakthrough
I became a both parent orphan since 11. Two of my aunts took custody of me. What your father did to you is what my younger aunt done to me since forever since before my mother died. I'm 33 and she still does not care and puts me down in any way possible and I will not fight back just because traditional family respect. I know that I am a borderline and antisocial person. I know that I am angry and manic and miserable and depressed. I also know that my wounds will NEVER heal. No family. No love. Being mistreated neglected abandoned and raped at 15. NOBODY can judge me because I am a product of society.
I'm sorry I can feel the pain in your words. Based off of what you're saying it sounds like you know the way you were treated was wrong... Kids are so sensitive and by the time people grow up they forget how they used to feel. I hope you've been able to find your own group of people and support system. It baffles me when there are adults who are so mean to kids who they know to have been abused. It makes me wonder what kind of shit they went through relentlessly that makes them think compounding shitty things is helping?
Hi Laura, the best thing to do is to get away from your family and start a new life of your own. Family members are often the most toxic people we encounter over the course of our lifetime
As someone who has faced narcissist abuse from a former partner, I know and understand that not every sociopath or narcissist is abusive. Even now, I can see that some of the abusive behaviors they showed me were most likely because they didn't understand they're own feelings and how to deal with them in a healthy way so they lashed out. I think the stigma is keeping a lot of people from getting help and developing healthier happier lives. You're really brave for making these videos and educating those without aspd or npd❤
You need to get off this channel and watch Dr. Ramani!! You should never try and feel empathy for an abusive person!! Narcs like that don't ever change nor do they care. Be careful!!
@@deedee7780 No I know that I don't have to forgive or empathize with my abuser, I just think it's important to acknowledge that there is a point in life before someone is able to recognize that they are lashing out at others because of an unknown mental illness that is highly stigmatized. I still haven't forgiven my abuser because they still haven't realized they did anything wrong nor apologized, but knowing the reason why helps me not internalize how they treated me.
@@Katiethewizard A lot of Sociopaths knows exactly what they are doing and deliberately do the things to gurt you. Hurting someone is what makes them feel gud Visa versa when the othe person is happy the Sociopath is unhappy. Only a person without self love would knowingly remain with a Sociopaths.
@@daintydane7177 I feel like there is a serious lack of empathy in this reply. Not every sociopath exists to hurt people for pleasure. It's a disorder that they aren't aware of until someone points it out to them. That's like saying that no one who loves themselves would stay with someone who has depression or bipolar disorder. A psychopath or sociopath can realize they have hurt someone and manage to learn from it and get help.
@@Katiethewizard Stop trying to twist the situation. Dont mix it with other dis orders. Sociopaths agenda is to destroy, steel and kill in otder to do this they have to manipulate. They tell people they honestly love them when infact it was just a mask they were wearing to pretend to be what they are not. Their main target are empaths because of their caring and forgiving personality they find them easy to manipulate and use it against them. The best thing for empaths to do is to be cautious and dont be blinded with empathy, the Sociopath has none for you
You're very intelligent. You understand things that most people don't. I understand that depression is so debilitating that, if someone has not experienced it for a long period of time and lived, they would not be able to understand what that means. It's like already being dead but your heart didn't know to stop beating. I was married to a narcissist and I was with him for 27 years all together. The thing is, I met him when I was 15 years old. I saw the abuse. I saw that he was not allowed to show emotion in front of his dad. I saw that his mother rejected him all together. They called him fat and fed him fattening foods. They purposely dressed him in ridiculous clothes. I fell in love with him anyway because, he was intelligent and interesting. And, one day I saw his father humiliate him. I had never seen anyone humiliated before. I took his hand and said come with me and I took him to my house. I made a promise to myself that I would never let another person humiliate him again. By then, he was sort of broken. He didn't know who he was and he didn't know why he was valuable. He was mimicking other people in order to have a personality. I still loved him. I truly believed he loved me. Even if he lost this temper. I didn't believe that he didn't care for me until I found out that he had been with women and women and women. And, he even had another family that he used to spend time with when he told me he was at University. I was at home trying to raise two children in a very deep state of clinical depression and he was spending money that our children needed for milk on this other family. I don't have any bad feelings about him. I got divorced from him 16 years ago. It's just one of those things. If I saw him abusing animals or something that I saw with my own eyes I would have stopped it. I had no idea he was abusing one of our children and probably both. They were afraid to tell me because they saw how much I loved him and they were afraid I would believe him over them. It breaks my heart. They are both messed up now. Anyway, I'm finding that people are really good at judging. And, very bad at looking at themselves. I swear, there are nuns that have done worse things than you probably have done in your life. Certainly priests. I'm not trying to put them down because I was raised Catholic. But I also went to private school and I saw the abuse. I did get to have someone in my life who loved me for 14 years and then he died on our kitchen floor on his birthday. Now, I'm back to you no one and nothing. Trying my hardest not to ever let myself slip into a long season of depression. There's no one here to protect me from me. I do have faith and that is what keeps me going. Take care of yourself. No one should say a word about what you look like or what you say. It isn't their business. If you don't have something nice to say to someone, you should just keep it to yourself. Sincerely, Carly
I really appreciate you commenting about people wanting to get better. I have BPD so there's nothing I hate more than people saying to run from us or assuming that we are only manipulative. I have been in treatment for almost 15 yrs and have been able to learn when to start questioning how I feel so I don't react to situations poorly. It's not like I decided "hey, existing in a violent tornado sounds like a blast"
Have you looked into psychedelics?
@@deedee7780 I did them a lot when I was a teenager 🙂
I have BPD also & I hate the assumptions people make about us.
Me too ❤
Love your content. Thank you for being awesome. I have BPD, which I know isn’t the same, but as a personality disorder, I know the struggles and the awful things people throw at others for simply existing, and for having a diagnosis that we didn’t choose. The stigma is only that, stigma. It will never define anyone.
As someone who has suffered at the hand of sociopaths throughout my entire life I completely understand the feeling of wanting to just shun all of them out of society one way or another…however….I also understand that we are all just trying to figure things out as we go and I truly applaud you for being so open and honest about it. I hope you will always find the strength and courage to keep on doing what you’re doing! I subscribed to your channel! All the best to you ❤
I think it helps others realize there's another way to live as well if they see her content, at least I hope lol but I'm sorry to hear about your suffering, that's horrible
My mother has ASPD. Your description of your father reminds me of my grandfather and my mother also exhibited that behavior regarding emotions towards me. She yelled at me or wouldn’t acknowledge me when I was upset and I became a very quiet, non-expressive child. I’m thirty now and I still can’t express emotions easily, I see them as weakness in myself and I expect rejection, though I don’t feel that way towards others expressing their emotions. I think I’m more jealous of people that can express their emotions and be okay with it. I have children now and it’s important to me that I don’t damage my children’s emotional development. I’m trying to be more emotive with them and it’s much easier because my bond to them is way stronger than any attachment I’ve been able to develop before. My mother was not a good mother, but she did try very hard to do the things she thought were right for me while struggling with mental health issues and ASPD didn’t make her a bad person. She’s generous and intelligent and emotionally unavailable lol
I’m related to a sociopath that makes/has made truly disgusting choices. It’s very interesting and informative hearing your stories. We ALL have our issues; at least you are living your truth. Much love xo
Thank you! Listening to you have helped me gain insight and compassion for the sociopath narcissists that I dated for four years. I am a year or so out of the relationship now but this channels helps me understand his side of things. I may have been damaged and hurt by him but I’m able to also understand why that happened and having empathy for someone who really hurt you is very healing. So thank you! Keep doing this for the people who appreciate it!
As someone who went through narcissistic abuse i used to look down and hate narcissists because of what i went through and just did not think positively when hearing the word “narcissist” but this is very eyeopening and i have respect for those who are aware and try to better themselves and be good people
Yes, honestly i hate, well highly dislike, narcissists who refuse to get help. Who refuse to accept their diagnosis and get better. Kanika is the exact opposite of that and others like her will hopefully give others the motivation to better themselves as well.
Hi, I’m new to the channel. I have someone close to me with BPD and I often find her to be my rock, I’m very empathetic and it’s exhausting at times. She is very good at pulling me back to the middle.
I applaud you for speaking out about this.
@@nbucwa6621 yeah, there’s so much stigma around mental health. You have to take things case by case and listen to your instincts.
@@rachelraquel758 wait doesn’t BPD mean heightened emotions? Not trying to attack you I’m just genuinely curious since you were talking about empaths befriending sociopaths and narcissists. And people with ASPD seem more middle ground due to their lower emotions
@@nbucwa6621 she said her friend has BPD though, not narcissism, sorry I don't get your comparison bc you're talking about friendships between empaths and narcissists but this wasn't mentioned in this comment 😅🤔 I have BPD and I can assure you while there is a higher rate of comorbidity (39% of people w BPD also show signs of NPD) they are two completely different disorders. Just bc someone has BPD gives you no info on whether or not they are also narcissistic. People w BPD if anything are way extreme when it comes to emotion hence the more current ICD name EUPD (emotionally unstable PD). This might get confused sometimes so I just wanted to clear that up 😊😊
@@alyssapinon9670 I wasn’t talking about empaths befriending narcissists. I never said anything about those. I’m just saying I get easily affected by things and my sister who has BPD sees things as more black and white and can often look at things more logically.
@@rachelraquel758 ok my bad. I understand now. I guess it’s more about how neurotypicals and neurodivergents can support eachother in different ways due to their different ways of processing info
Exactly. I've always felt like empathy is important. And it is to a degree, but compassion is where it's at. Compassion is what saves lives and changes the world for the better. Compassion over empathy. Compassion over everything.
A bunch of Nerotypicals telling someone they don’t have ASPD because of a misconception or a stigma they follow from google is not credible. I love your videos and I have never heard anyone make more sense about this subject and the motives behind aspd and narcissistic behavior.
The crazy part about this is the majority of people like this are also high in denial and/or refuse to seek help, so they just pass it on to their kids and it repeats the cycle. I feel like most people have some type of PD, but refuse to find out and go their whole lives untreated
Clearly all people with ASPD are evil and murderous right? (A joke, just to clarify) All the stigma around mental illnesses is so awful. You can't control you're inner brain chemistry and wiring or what happens to you which contribute to mental illness, but you're actions are what matter. I have BPD and that doesn't make me a bad person. I think I'm actually a very good person who just happens to have abnormal thought patterns. Everyone deserves a voice. Everybody.
The next time someone misuses the words "Sociopaths" and "Narcissists" I'm going to say, "That's not how it works hun."
Hoping to summon that courage one day
@@alyssapinon9670 courage to do what? Say that to people?
Please don't ever let ANYONE make you fear ANYTHING..
people are just people.
they all have their own insecurities, they all have their faults, their own fears, even people who seem confident and put together..
@@merncat3384 thank you! I’m just working on speaking up more and not being bogged down by self doubt
@@alyssapinon9670 it gets easier the more you do it 😉
I used to be extremely quiet and shy but now nothing holds me back and I'm sure most people wish I would shut up, Lol..
still have a bit of self-doubt at times but it's usually people like us who make the most sense while typically the people who have huge egos and think they have something of importance to say, tend to just have a lot of nonsense and noise that come out of their mouth.
It's one thing to doubt yourself due to being modest and humble but please don't let the morons of the world ever make you doubt yourself 💞
because a not-very-sober youtuber said so? huh?
These comments sometimes seem extremely disrespectful towards you. I might have a highly stigmatized disorder as well (waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist so I can be properly assessed) and the types of comments like the ones you're getting make me afraid to speak about my experiences. You're doing a great job shedding light on the disorders you're diagnosed with, you're helping everyone who may be seen as inherently evil due to the way their brains work.
A lot of diagnoses are very stigmatized which is one of the reasons I have vlogged about my experiences (mainly bipolar disorder).
What I have noticed lately though is that some diagnoses are now elevated as identity & people are encouraged to self-diagnose.
@@BipolarCourage I'm glad you're blogging about your experiences, I think a lot of people can & do benefit from that. I don't think disorders are being elevated as identity though and I think self-diagnosis is an important tool, especially for people who can't afford, financially or otherwise, to get formally diagnosed or assessed. I had to self-diagnose with DID to even start realizing something was wrong because due to the covert nature of the disorder I used to chock amnesia, sudden behavioral changes and sudden emotional changes to other things, like general forgetfulness, being distracted (for time loss especially), not having a fully constructed identity and mood swings. I don't have an on-paper diagnosis but my psychiatrist has said she thinks I have DID (with possible psychosis, we're still figuring things out). A lot of people kn marginalized groups have to be their own doctors in a lot of cases because they aren't being listened to properly. However of course it is important to do a lot of research on these disorders especially if the intent is to self-diagnose because having misconceptions either about the way you work or the way others work can be detrimental. Most people self-diagnose to work on coping strategies though which I don't think anyone can fault them though. Sorry for the long comment, I may have repeated myself, I'm not very good at proof reading. I can understand why self-diagnosis can be frustrating to some diagnosed folk especially if they had to fight to get their diagnosis.
@@BlueMiaou keep working with your clinicians. It is hugely popular currently to self-diagnose with autism & ADHD & call just about everything else a misdiagnosis. The online versions are distorted from the clinical versions & watered down to vague traits.
Thanks for returning and updating us and major CONGRATS on your book! You do a great service for us as a community of people just trying extra hard to find our way in life. Thanks!!!
Thank you so so much for being part of this!!
Thank you for doing this work and sharing! The negative stigma is honestly, truly disgusting and I've been so fed up with it. People with no qualifications are labeling anyone and everyone with cluster B disorders simply because they do something that is not in alignment with what they want or expect.
People who have experienced abuse need validation and support. I understand their frustration and have been there myself. But labeling and dehumanising others with toxic judgment, does not help.
You're exactly right in that a cluster B does not equal an abusive person.
I'm so glad you're raising awareness and educating :)
You’re a very brave girl & I applaud you for educating us as to the real challenges of living with ASPD. You’re right, there are a lot of stereotypes re: those Cluster B personality disorders & we need to just listen to those living with these disorders. You didn’t become this way in a vacuum, certain life circumstances & experiences influenced who you ultimately became.
It’s very easy to judge what you don’t understand. It’s a lot harder to openly listen to those who are neurotypically divergent & educate yourself to understand where they’re coming from. You’re a really great person & have much to offer the world. The fact that you CHOOSE to do right says a lot about your character. Keep going, Kanika & just be yourself. So many people are superficial & fake. You, my dear & authentically yourself. I’m really glad I stumbled upon your channel. Blessings to you. 💕
This is really opening my eyes about this mental disorder. Is like you ACTUALLY have empathy, you can reflect about the repercution of bullying,while real bullies without sociopath mental disorder can't be carefull with the emotions of others. You are awesome.
This is so informative. Your humanity lies in your choice to do better and no one can take that away from you.
Having empathy and being a bad person is worse than someone who lacks empathy
Yes the empath is evil.
You've given me a very different perspective on those with ASPD. I know someone who I suspect has it and though I enjoy his company - he frustrates the crap out of me. Now I feel I know how to better navigate him due to your insight.
You're doing wonderful things to battle the stigma. Keep it up, beautiful 💖
Glad these videos are helping out even the ones without the disorder. Thank you so much for the support
Go and watch Dr. Ramani. You will save yourself a lot of pain!!!
My therapist said that depression have symptoms like not caring anymore, apathy... I have not been diagnosed with anything besides being a recovering addict but I can relate with you a lot.
My entire life I thought something was wrong with me. I felt too much. Not only did I have my own very intense feelings and emotions but I absorbed and could feel the emotions of the people in my environment. I didn't know this as a child and it caused me to feel overstimulated and overwhelmed most of the time and by the time I was 22 years I was an alcoholic. And of course, after a 20 year drug and alcohol addiction that nearly killed me, I got recovery and in the process of healing I discovered that I was an empath. At 40 years old I finally found out what was "wrong" with me. What felt like a curse my whole life has now become a blessing because I am healing and balancing it all out. I'm 45 now and I have accepted the fact that I will always be an "feeler". I just have to be careful about who and what I spend my time with. Wow, what a journey and I have been so drawn towards cluster b personality types because these are the kind of folks I always attracted toward myself. Instead of misunderstanding or judging, I choose to continue to learn and grow and maybe help others. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective because I think we can all learn a lot from each other with open and honest conversations. Thank you❤
Thank you for sharing! I wish my ex with NPD had seen your videos. All this stigma against narcissists was one of the reasons he chose to take his life...
Somehow in our society things like Bipolar get so much more empathy and understanding and words like 'narcissist' are being thrown around as easily as calling someone 'ugly'.
This makes it very difficult for someone with NPD to ever get better as it triggers shame - an emotion they try their best to avoid. It can be very distructive.
I thought Sociopaths don't have any feelings for anything! they don't understand love, or happiness, they are just void of any feelings
Its really very surprising to see a sociopath that says, gets hurt, sad! or even one that craves for being loved!
Everyone wants to be loved.
what people keep missing is that there are "levels, combinations & intensities", so to speak. You can't bunch up all with personality disorders and expect each and every one of them to be the same, bc they're not.
@@TinaMay-rr6xi yeah and psychopaths are on the higher level of the antisocial personality spectrum
In my opinion the spectrum goes like this: histrionic, borderline, narcissist, sociopath, psychopath.
I have bpd by the way...
She isn't a sociopath at all .
Self honesty and trying to do the next right thing on a daily basis. Forgiving our past and trying to love unconditionally 💕
I absolutely love the point about how empathy alone is NOT responsible for being a good person, doing a good deed, being compassionate and not doing harm. 🎯💜
i have borderline personality disorder and i'm so happy to have found this channel.
Same ❤
Same ❤
Me too!🥰
Likewise ❤
I couldn't explain how grateful i feel for what you've done for people especially those who suffer from ASPD like me. This place isn't an easy place for us to live in, the struggles and stigma are real. Thanks to people like you who speak up and clear the air for us to finally speak up for ourselves. Love you Kanika
Yes we all have free will and I admire your self awareness. Typically that is all it takes, being self aware, mindful, compassionate and intelligent. I know neurotypicals who can't even grasp these concepts.
I just want to thank you for opening my eyes to aspd and how it affects people. My mother is a narcissist and you have made me realize that she wasn't bad because she was narcissistic. She was bad because she blamed me for being sexually abused by my ex boyfriend. She was bad because of the choices she made. Realizing this has made me understand her condition and the condition of narcissists and sociopaths in general. Thank you so much, girlie. You da bestest
But she needs to be made to understand that she cannot blame you for abuse and not be empathetic and expect the same relationship with you she would have if she were properly parenting.
I’m sorry you went through that and I hope you can have peace in your own life, with or without her support.
@@llamamama2910 thank you. My mom sadly will never stop blaming me so ill cut her off when I can.
The history that your father wasn’t supportive when you cried is heartbreaking. As parents, they hold this responsibility of validating childs’ emotions and taking care of their child.
It’s not your fault. Thank you for sharing. 💛💖 supporting you no matter where you are.
I'm so glad that you are on UA-cam and speaking about your perspective on ASPD and NPD as someone who's living with them. I think you are very brave for being open and honest about your diagnoses, and you've definitely opened my eyes to how awfully Cluster B neurodivergents are treated due to harmful generalizations. I have ADHD and I don't know what I would do if I was turned away by health professionals when I needed HELP! There are always ways to meet in the middle if both sides are willing to work at it--there just has to be an understanding on the part of neurotypicals that our brains do work differently. Already looking forward to your next video! :)
The positive comments are so un-cringe ❤️ I have BPD and was made to feel like I’m the worst. So glad she’s making these videos to show that no one is perfect and we all need love and understanding.
What you describe is the back side of high sensitivity. Really interesting. You know, with the stigmas.... Who are the sick? The really sick persons are the ones who stigmatize and hate people like you or me and pretend to be normal. So openly speaking your truth is absolutely healthy for me and you got my respect❤
i like this. i think it's pretty much opening people's eyes to this.
It's interesting to me that we share so many similarities in our upbringings. From being a sick kid (chronic kidney problems), excelling in school, etc... it's intriguing to me how our paths led to different results. I have chronic depression, GAD and panic disorder. But I don't experience sociopathy in any way... I'm really happy I found your channel! I love your way of explaining things and how self aware you are.