Females are always talking about wifely duties, yet they won't stop having premarital sex. Y'all pick and choose what y'all going to and not going to do.😂
Women, y’all gotta be more realistic and ask yourselves, “Am I really worth marrying? Do I have the characteristics of a wife? Am I mature enough yet? Am I providing peace or am I providing disorder to his life? What am I bringing to the table? Do I really want this man or do I just feel pressured to marry because of influences around me? Can I hold him down when he’s going through a hard time?” And if you check all those off correctly and he still don’t wanna marry you? Leave that boy. But most of the time, women ask for something they can’t even provide themselves and that’ll never make a man wanna marry you. Sometimes it takes living together to see these things more clearly.
@@CowboyPrice but hell in this day in age does it really matter if women are willing to divorce at a 60 percent clip within 5yrs for all i know the study could be 68% if shacking up b4 marriage
Wrong, wrong, wrong! Living with each other or not is not a guarantee that the relationship will work. That's a very weak point, what happens to put in the work for example patience, communication, tolerance, and sacrifice? 30 years of marriage I am still learning in my marriage.
@@mirrielleachu3231Because that's time and money wasted if it turns out your love was blinding you. I just wanna know what would you do if you married your highschool sweetheart, but everything just felt dulled after maybe 5 years and your love wasn't that strong anymore? Would you stay together? Get a divorce? Btw this has nothing to do with my previous statement I'm just genuinely curious 😅
That's a nooo for me. These modern couples live together for 10 years, get married and it last 2 yrs. Same difference. Yes, you don't know someone until you live with them, do business with them or travel with them.
@@kokolatte825 stats say more women leave marriages. So it makes sense for modern couples(at least the ones that are engaged) to live together for a bit before tiying the knot, at least to see if their partner are in it for the long haul because marriage seems like a huge financial risk to men in the west. Here in Africa, we're still traditional so that's a no.
If what you say is true that you if dated them before you moved in, that means yoh were dating them improperly from the start which would be that there is no proper way to date. Unless you mean if you were already living with that person before you dated then that would be an improper way to date and would've only been proper if you dated them first.
@falconplayz3420 you drew a lot of assumptions based on your own reasoning but maybe you should revisit YOUR assertions or reasoning rather than say what I did not. Let's start from the top of YOUR reasoning and start over. Remember the original assertion was that you had to live with someone etc before ....
Be careful who you listen to, I mess with buddy on some of the things he says but when someone says something is mandatory and can't show you the success to failure rate, I would not listen to that man. All he got, is what most women live off of, anecdotal examples. He acts as if there is no other way to see who a person is except if you live with, that is absolutely incorrect. There are so many other situations you can be in to see who someone is.
@@nikkinikki2895 bs, people did it the other way for hundreds of years. The longer you live with somebody before marriage does not result in longer marriages. You are just repeating something you heard somewhere.
I totally agree with this comment. Do not listen and fall victim to shacking up with a man or woman before marriage. The success of that relationship will significantly fail before you can even think about making it down the aisle.
I played house for 15 yrs. Now here I am 36, single mom of 3. Don't listen to this bs. Follow yah, discernment, and instincts when deciding on your life partner.
Some People need to live together at least a few Months to see how it is living together,The Divorce rate went up to high during Covid because Females couldn’t stand living with their Husbands when they was stuck at Home and the same goes for Sport Players,once they retire sometimes their Wives Divorce them but they can’t stand living together,its hell for them
@@redscorpion9325 Nah. All the things you need to "know" can be found out before moving in together. Are they clean? Do they keep a clean home? Pop up on a random day/time they are not expecting you. You'll see all you need to see from how they keep THEMSELVES to how they keep their home. Do they know how to cook? This is nothing a few "dinner dates" at the crib can't reveal. Are they good with money? Are they helpful or are they selfish? You can find this out in countless ways. If need be, make UP a situation in which you need to "borrow" money or are in need of some type of financial "help" just to see where their head is at. No need to move in with or marry someone who is not a team player. Are they career oriented? Hard working or lazy? What are their family ties like? Are they close knit or will you be marrying the black sheep of the family? People think moving in together will reveal certain things because you are up close. I believe the opposite. When you are too close, sometimes you miss things that are very important. 😉 Moving in=lots of pre-marital sex on the regular. Sex dulls your senses. You WILL miss things that were right in front of your eyes because you were blinded by the sex.
@@redscorpion9325 no they shouldn’t co habitation is the exact reason men don’t marry women because “they’re basically married “ when they live together nope it’s a set after a month men know if they wanna be with someone.
Unfortunately a lot of people assume “shacking” will lead to marriage when sometimes it leads to being a long term live in boyfriend or girlfriend. I know someone going on year number 6 with no ring and is complaining. Never give marriage benefits before marriage because they’ll be no incentive to get married. Living together is a marriage benefit
This is the dumbest advice I’ve ever heard. All the benefit no real commitment. This is how you get stuck in a relationship for years and never feel the need to get married becomes y’all are “basically married anyway”.🙄😒
First of all, legal marriage doesn’t benefit men. Men know this. There’s nothing you can do to change that. All you can do is hope that he ignores all of that and marries you anyway.
@@SimonKnight1023 well I’m just going to assume that you’re not a Christian because that’s something that only a faithless man would say. A wise man knows and understands EXACTLY what benefits a good woman adds to his life and values her for it.
@@corrissamayberry5736 Jesus is cool with people marrying in front of a democratic, secular judge? Ok. Like what? Besides sex and children what exactly can women do for men that men can’t do alone? What inherent skills do women possess that men can’t live without? Regardless, men don’t need a legal marriage to reap benefits.
@@SimonKnight1023 most Christians that I know exchange vows in the presence of a minister and God, not a judge so there’s that. And marriage has always had a legal aspect to it since the Old Testament. The vows were always legally binding. Also, if you really want to know what a wife adds to a man’s life I suggest you turn to the Holy Bible where it’s completely mapped out for you. A good place to start would maybe be Proverbs 31. Like I said a wise and godly man understands so if you don’t then maybe you should self reflect. Maybe it’s not the women that are solely the problem 🤷🏾♀️, but you be blessed ok✌🏾
No bc living with someone, they never have to marry you. They know it's a huge deal to move out. It's one thing if you have just a suitcase vs half a house.
I disagree....the statistical correlation of people living together and divorce is crazy. Jordan Peterson has a great outlook on this topic! Marriage should not be taken lightly however I'm thankful that my wife loves me INSPITE of my crazy behind. Her love gives me grace to get it right and I the same with her! Just my opinion 😎
Jordan Peterson is how old?!? His logic doesn't apply to the MODERN world of dating and relationships. Don't get me wrong- he makes tons and tons of sense!! But...you won't know until you live with a woman, HOW SHE MOVES!!! You won't know if you can fully trust her until you see her actions, on a daily basis. Activity with her phone, social media, her attitude towards you when you're in her PERSONAL space, if she cleans up behind herself, etc. There's absolutely no way you'll ever know these things FOR SURE, until you are living with a person.
That study has been invalidated already. They got their results by comparing hyper religious couples that wouldn't live with each other for religious reasons before marriage, and also wouldn't divorce each other even if unhappy for religious reasons, and compared them to non religious couples living together and with no religious barrier to divorce. In other words the data is compromised and the study in no way proves what it sets out to a prove. Hence debunked.
@@davidleonard7439 I hear what you are saying and I agree to some extent. The only problem is that the same can be said about each of us individually. Meaning IF we are honest with ourselves, going from single to married we men deal with the same thing. I don't believe in order to trust someone I have to live with them. Marriage is an act of faith. The fact is that life happens (death of children, spouse sickness, accumulation of wealth...ect) we don't know how they or us would react or behave once life hits. When you date, you hide things....marriage reveals those things once hidden. Even for us men. Many people go into it with the thought of if my partner does Xyz then they are going to quit on the relationship....we don't know exactly what is in our partners hearts much less ours. We must be careful when we say "I would never do____" the truth is that God hasn't allowed you to meet that person or situation that would push you to that point! How do you stay committed to someone without practicing commitment. Just my opinion that's all!
Marriage is from god and needs to be rooted in Christ. If we are using discernment and take our time in finding partners it will be fine. Living together isn’t necessary before marriage
@@SimonKnight1023 yes my guy lol I guess it's a matter of personal belief in Jesus Christ. Shacking up so to speak is wrong on so many different accounts. Most ascribe to their version of Christianity which normally is the opposite of what Christ TAUGHT. Forbidden activity is just that. Fornication is a HUGE DIFFERENCE maker in relationships today, which is why our people lacks the necessary discipline we need to for a profitable community. Notice this phenomena has led to the baby mama baby daddy cultural crisis that has plagued us to date. Case in point God can't and WON'T bless this practice or mindset.
@@d.t.williams5034 I don’t think Jesus wanted people to get married in a courthouse either. We probably shouldn’t associate modern day standards with Biblical laws. Traditional marriage wasn’t even traditional at the time.
@@SimonKnight1023 ok I see what side of the spiritual spectrum you're own. You either believe or you don't. This argument you made is saying Christ is not good enough for today 🤷🏾♂️🤔
Doesnt matter. Living with someone and marriages are very different. Ive lived with multiple people single and did it married and it was the same. It didnt help. I would tell people dont do everything at once. Like dont get married, live together, any other major changes, and have kids all at once. There are break-in periods and issues that happen no matter what. Too many at once makes people quit because they never learned how to manage all that.
I've heard people suggest that couples take the first year of their marriage to settle in and figure married life out a bit before they start having kids. That's probably one of my favorite suggestions for marriage that I've heard.
Many people move in together and will never get married, because they're comfortable with the situation. Have a strong spiritual foundation, have a conversation about expectations, uphold your wedding vows, then move in.
Exactly any woman listening to this is setting herself up you don’t move in with a man unless there’s legal evidence of a marriage because then he’ll see he can get a wife without actually being a husband.
@@theghostofumarskoolishere.4632 Being married legally is for taxes purposes and divorce. I can't blame a man for treading lightly on that, but personally, I wouldn't move in with a woman that I'm not married to. People need to understand what it means to be a wife and husband. It goes beyond money and sex.
@@soloyolo904 and that’s exactly why women should be married it secures a bag if you marry the right person and play it smart I definitely don’t think women should just marry to marry
Ehh, i think a lot of people would disagree with this.. you do need to find multiple ways to vet your person but that doesnt mean you HAVE to live together to do so.. go traveling or on adventures, do hard things together and see how they handle pressure.. then you’ll know the deal 💯
Why not go all the way? Why take so many trips/dates to find out about them, when you could just live with them & see EVERYTHING organically? There's no place to hide if you guys live together. The sooner y'all do, the sooner y'all will know if there's potential for a long term marriage. Why not be fully prepared?
@@michael43567 because on the other hand you could just be speeding up the process in which yall clash.. when everything can be tried and tested beforehand.. i mean at the end of the day people are gonna have flaws.. so at some point you’ll have to accept that no matter what you do.. but rushing to move in together is just not smart.. even the bible mentions shacking up and i bet there’s a reason for that lol
@neal cassady and you took one statement out my entire comment 😂 and in no way did i actually say “traveling is the same as living together” try a little harder
@@YouKnowDT that's good. You'll learn a lot from y'all having a clash. Why get married, THEN be surprised that she gets physically aggressive when y'all clash? Get everything out in the open before marriage so that you're sure she's the one you want to commit to.
The problem is that people move in a physical relationship before they even know each other. The problem that creates is that you stop getting to really know them because your in a state of limerence rather than getting know them enough to actually love them or recognize they wouldn’t work in a partnership. Moving in doesn’t doesn’t do that playing house doesn’t guarantee a good partnership in fact statistics show the opposite.
@@AzrielTheOne based on what? Personal opinion? If 2 people are bad for each other, shacking up is irrelevant to the outcome of their relationship. Imo, most people do not properly vet each other which is what causes the diffulties in most relationships.
I disagree with that. You don’t have to live with someone to know who they truly are. Having sleepovers can show how a person lives and what their habits are like . going on a long car ride and going on a trip together can show what a person is like under stress too. How someone treats a waiter also tells a lot about a person too and how they treat animals and children
I disagree, marriage changes the dynamic. You don’t get to test drive a marriage commitment. This is why taking it slow and being intentional is so important. Having real conversations and being a part of each other’s lives is bigger than just “living together”. Playing house isn’t showing u a dang thing.
Men…find yourself spiritually and set values/boundaries that center you and your purpose. You don’t need to live with someone to know who they are. Ask your partner and or anyone what their values are? They’ll show you their true colors. Values are the cornerstone to the ethics and politics of a relationship. With this day and age leading with sex and lust leads you to move in with someone you met on a high while being high in a club or bar, and not realizing the true nature of the relationship. With divorce rates increased of 80% cohabitation isn’t a solution for marriage but a solution for divorce. Men stay on your purpose, control your desires, media will have you chasing the wrong things and you’ll wake up with a kid from a woman you never truly loved
Was looking for this in the comments to debunk it. That study has been invalidated already. They got their results by comparing hyper religious couples that wouldn't live with each other for religious reasons before marriage, and also wouldn't divorce each other even if unhappy for religious reasons, and compared them to non religious couples living together and with no religious barrier to divorce. In other words the data is compromised and the study in no way proves what it sets out to a prove. Hence debunked.
You want to have an idea of the person you're living with before you sign a contract to be legally tied to and responsible for them. Anyone who doesn't, can go gamble blindly with their future themselves.
@@leonfrancis3418 so let me get what you’re saying. You sell, or combine everything you own, change your address, maybe move away, set up a financial arrangement, maybe change jobs and possibly even drag children along for a test run? Then, how long are you “testing” the person before you decide they’re worthy? That’s an even bigger gamble than marriage and without any legal protection. What if your “roommate” dies, then you (neither are any potential children) protected legally. You test run a car because you have options. A person”s heart and life deserve more than a test run. Either you’re committed legally, or not. Please don’t bring up “common law” because that’s still a test run also.
@@leonfrancis3418 They have a lot of conflicting studies on different countries and various groups. For the US, Best take away I can get from it based on the conclusion and Theories is the culture. I agree that people should cohabitate for a bit, but like this channel talks about about, you got women and men choosing the wrong people or staying together for the wrong reasons and not discussing commitment. Plus, the shared finances can force you to be stuck together And it doesn't help if you do it with multiple people either. It is very nuanced. Then there is the issue where some will see it as enough and not want marriage.
I disagree 💯. I'm all for living in respectable proximity (no out of state or out of the country mess) but not moving in bc the roles of a marriage kick in immediate including submission. "Where you going?" "What time you gonna be home" "what's for dinner" "did you wash the dishes" "why you spend xyz on____ when we supposed to be on a budget" "when you going grocery shopping" "how much did that cost?" "I gotta leave...my man/woman calling" .....then bills may or may not have to be split.....you have to determine who is going to move in with who, or whose name(s) are going to be on the lease....etc. Why go through all of this to find out you not going to marry this person? I pefer to have open lines of communication about all these things before marrriage and stay over at eachothers places every so often to get a feel of it and see if we could cohabitate as husband/wife one day....but NOT MOVE IN. Things do not drastically change in a person when living together if you put the work in vetting someone before marriage. You'll just notice daily habits like snoring, nervous ticks, messiness, germphobe (me lol) ..etc. You'll notice these things by sleeping over often lol.
As a woman, I’m not moving in with anybody before a ring is involved b/c I think that’s the perfect time to know that both parties have chosen each other and are ready for the full time trial before marriage. It lessens the risk of ending up a maid to somebody who needs to split bills with you for 3 years before still thinking “you’re not the one”. You should be using your discernment about your partner during all of the dating stages, not just when you live together. Helps everybody waste less time with the wrong fit.
God will bless the union that fits by his order, it's in the Bible, when a man finds a woman he finds a good thing? BY HIS ORDER! Anything outside of it will never work. Yesterday gone, tomorrow not promised, unrepentant, habitual sin, will take you to hell.
@@Johnny.G7 I’m sorry marriage sounds scary to you and you don’t want to be taken advantage of but neither do women. I have a girl friend who moved in with a boyfriend under the promise that he would marry her…that was literally the only reason she moved in with him..8 years later he was still dangling the idea of the ring until she had to leave. She’d cooked and cleaned and helped with bills and still did not get what was agreed upon after already performing as a wife that she never became. That is not what I want for myself. It’s not a fairytale for each party to hold down your own household until a ring is presented. It’s just smarter.
@@amaragrace94 i think it makes the most sense. Back in the day even that would be considered “shacking up” but if you really want to test the living together compatibility, it seems only best to do it once that man has officially taken you off the market…and you still have time to work out the differences before the wedding day. Win/Win.
@@Johnny.G7 please don’t be obtuse. You know what the ring signifies and why they exist. I don’t want to live with a man that has no intention of marrying me - so yes, a ring that means “it’s time to plan a wedding” is the only reason I’d live with a man that is not my husband yet.
I told a friend of mine to do the 2 week test with his girlfriend, one of you (preferably the woman) packs a bag and stays at the others place for a minimum of 2 weeks. If the two of you can’t make it 2 weeks without major issues, or you find yourself fighting to reach the finish line, you might want to rethink your relationship. He didn’t listen, now he’s miserable… 🤷🏾♂️= told ya!
Not even next to each....setting each other up for possible temptation...nah let's get married then move in. If I was in love with the right man God sent...no sir....not next door please...across town...he open that door....be standing right there 🤣, we gotta remember...we still human.
Living with someone is not a sin lol its not scriptural. But I do think living with someone before marriage causes unnecessary attachments if things go bad. From my personal experience
Yeah as a person who is currently moved in with my girlfriend, it is very nice to know but the scientific literature has showed that people that move in together before marriage have a less likely chance of actually succeeding. It’s playing the role of husband and wife but not providing the same commitment.
WRONG. PROPERLY COURT 1ST. YOU SHOULD BE ENGAGED WITHIN 1 YEAR & OR LESS WITH A WEDDING DATE SET. MEN KNOW, IT DOESN’T TAKE THAT LONG. NEXT IF YOU HAVE TO 😩 YALL LIVE IN AN AIR BNB TEMP FOR 3 MONTHS TO SEE HOW IT GOES…& NO SEX TO REALLY SEE IF YALL CAN LIVE TOGETHER). BUT, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET THIS INFO HONESTLY WITHOUT LIVING WITH THEM. & DONT SELL YOUR HOUSE. THEN WHEN YOUR MARRIED MOVE IN A PROPERTY TOGETHER. IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT WHILE YOUR ENGAGED GIVE THE RING BACK. & GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE. BEING A LIVE IN GIRL FRIEND IS A SCAM FOR WOMEN. DONT DO IT. & HONESTLY IF YALL MOVING IN YOU MINE AS WELL GET MARRIED. IF HE WANTS YOU TO SIGN A LEASE, CAR, PHONE, & BILLS TOGETHER BUT NOT GET MARRIED RUN. VET PROPERLY LADIES. REMEMBER DAING IS FOR DATA. & DONT WASTE YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND COULD BE TRYING TO FIND YOU & YOUR “BOY” FRIEND IS BLOCKING HIS VIEW.
You don't have to live together first to find this stuff out. If people would just spend the time and communicate and observe the potential spouse instead of dating, you will see a lot in somebody.
I always advise people to pray for a mate coz God knows someone .pray, fast and ask God and the Holy spirit will answer you.people pretend and so you have to ask the maker.
I beg to differ!!, after sharing my comments, I glanced over fellow comments, I find, if we do not agree with much of anything else, politics, we stand firm, through our upbringing, our beliefs, guidance in life, so much so, I have to "Shout Out", to my people!!!, our friends!!!, whom for once!, we agree!!, hopefully, there will be many more times in the future, when we again, meet in the Fork of the road, if only just to agree, "God Bless!
Nope. Worst advice ever. That's how babies come. That's how people get comfortable. And that's how you end up being the lifelong girlfriend/baby mama with no actual wedding. Nope! Nope! NOPE! Wherever you at, stay right there until our last names match.
I really pray that the men listening to this man have excellent role models back home that can actually guide them and use this content as pure entertainment and nothing else. It’s really concerning to see someone push this agenda and claim to want to see relationships succeed. Date right! Do relationships right! This is not IT!
Moving in before marriage is tricky... 5- 20 years later still not married and living together. The things you talking about is for pre marital Marriage counseling.
It’s because men benefit the most when a woman moves in without marrying her. You get the husband benefits without having to commit. This is why me are less likely to marry a woman who moves in with him. Why would he when you’re doing everything without commitment from him. That’s why I told my daughters they will never move in with a guy that they’re not married to💯💯
Just pray for God to reveal anything that’s hidden so that you won’t be led astray. Ask him for red flags. Show me who this person is etc. That’s the best prayer point while dating/while searching for the one. But you don’t need to move in with them.
Married for a decade+ and NO. 😂 You’ll keep working on your relationship for a lifetime…it’s a commitment like no other. Statistically cohabitation before marriage = higher risk of divorce. Don’t do it, there’s nothing binding in togetherness in order to evolve to the next stages.
His advice makes sense only for people who think marriage is a continuation of dating and start a relationship without knowing what they want and should expect on the long term.These people just go with they flow and see if works...when it does work, it's an exception. For people with a traditional view of marriage, they'd know what qualities to look for in a partner and what they should bring to the table.If your partner has those essential qualities, get married then move in.There's always going to be something off about a person you'll discover when you move in together but it's usually not that important.If the person meets your core expectations and you're married, you'll work through it...if you're not married, you'll most likely take the easy way out. I know some will say you need to play safe and be sure you are a good match before you tie the knot.The question I ask is ; is it safe to take a lease with someone you're not sure of,to potentially have a baby by that person (yes ... you'll be having unprotected sex), to invest financially on that person, get involved with that person's family, close your options for that person?
Imagine getting married and finding out that the person you married. Has a porn addiction. Has company at their house ALL OF THE TIME. Has an eating disorder. Has a hidden drinking or drug habit. Doesn’t actually see his kids when he says he does. Doesn’t actually know how to cook. Spends way too much money. Is insanely cheap. Is a hoarder. Is an obsessive gamer. Doesn’t actually attend church. Doesn’t bathe regularly. They clean up when they see you. Has an obsessive ex that likes to stop by. Has hidden debt. Has OCD. Throws things in anger. Is verbally abusive. Has a sex addiction. Has a social media addiction. Barely ever stays home. Actually hates sex. Spends more time at parents house then their house. Pays bills late. Steals things. Always puts their friends first. Abuses or neglects their dog. Doesn’t compromise AT ALL… Regulate the time lived together before marriage to a year at most. That is the length of a 1 year lease. After a year you are either A. Married at the court house legally and planning a wedding. Or B. Going your separate ways.
Me and my husband of 19 years lived together for 8 months before we got married. I think a lot of people may be against this because they end up dating men who have no intentions on marrying them so they end up living together for 5 and 10 years with no commitment.
Bro speaking pure facts. You absolutely have to live with somebody for years to truly get to know them. To really know their personality and their character. Way too many people marrying complete strangers yet they are convinced that they know who their spouse is.
Nope court them and inquire and dig deep long enough before marriage. Being self disciplined and holding off will bring the authentic person out faster than living with them bc if he/ she can restrain self and take the steps and show consistency before marriage without living together and the key is time. Don't rush.
Nooo! Please do not listen to this man. You can live separately from someone to see how they are, but cleanliness can be corrected and worked on over time. Their character, heart, and work ethic matters more.
Well it’s not just definite that the relationship is not going to work out if you move in pre marriage. Do you guys have pre-marital sex? There’s a much greater affect from pre-marital sex then pre-marital moving in. Just sayin.
Amen, I agree. God made marriage btw man and woman. Get to know each other while dating, get engaged and take your time, pray about. You'll get it right if true love. Don't listen to this idiot.
Moving in with somebody first clouds the eyes and emotions. Being real serious and open about finances, housekeeping, and emotions can be seen with the eyes by visiting each other’s home and spending real time together, not just going out to dinner or movies. Being open and speaking to each other and asking questions is the key. Being physical DOES NOT help knowing how a person keeps house, finances, or their character.
Very true me and my boyfriend dating 3 months and moving in together and he the best man I ever live with and he ask me to marry him after one year we still love care and see the truth about him I’m blessed
I was wondering when I would see someone respond this way. That’s something I was taught. I actually just heard that from an older friend of my family. She was married for 52 years and her husband and her didn’t live together until they were married, mind you they were engaged for 3 years before they got married. So are morals a factor people think with anymore? Ijs
Statistics show that people who live together before marriage get divorced at a much higher rate than those who waited to live together after marriage.
@neal cassady No back in the day it wasn’t about a payday. Well not in the situation I was referring to. She was socialite, because her father was rich and her husband was poor. So the money was hers not his try again.
I disagree you don't have to do that. You'll see the signs when commitment comes into view. Try before you buy can have the same effect after marriage 💑 they turn into a whole different person.
You didn’t vet her properly… you didn’t ask the right questions, you didn’t do no pop-up surprise visits at her house, or consult her family about her personality or how she grew up. You learn a lot by being observant and asking the right people the right questions
We was living together in Tokyo Japan 1994. I can still remember after I said "I do?" And she told me that she owned my black ass. That's when I noticed that I made a terrible mistake.
I agree..you never know until you live with them. I knew someone that was working oversea. He got married and wasn't always home with his wife....after he decided to transfer back to the US...he found a lot about her that ended up in divorce. I do understand why people are against shacking up before marriage but sometimes you don't know who they are.
I disagree with you on this one homie especially if we talking marriage under god the Bible says Hebrews 13:4 ESV Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Can't go along with shacking up. At a certain age both men and women should have a solid foundation established. If he or she does not, that's your answer. Quality person is going to be responsible and respectful from the beginning.
Facts! Was dating a girl that I thought kept a clean house until we started living together. I found out that she only cleaned up for my planned visits smh. Hair was everywhere at all times, dishes under furniture and all smh. They can imitate wifey traits until you're around enough to see the truth in person.
That was nothing a few "unplanned" visits couldn't have revealed. You gentlemen have to be wiser... A family member of mine is going through the same mess right now. These chicks have been conditioned to be fraudulent until they get what they want.
Everyone that knows me know that it isn't wise to pop up at my place, they will be left waiting at the door. It's wise to respect people and their households. You could be out of town, busy or just not in the mood for company so it's best to plan visits and we both did that out of respect for one another. It was wise for us to share a home before marriage because filth would have definitely been an issue for me. I got off easy and I'm ok with that. Good luck to your fam tho.
@@dudedude5247 Nothing at all wrong with what you've said. For some men, a woman who doesn't cook or keep a clean home is not a deal breaker. They learn to tolerate it. For others (like my fam) it is LITERALLY why she doesn't have a ring and is about to be single. I totally agree with the mutual respect of making one's presence known before coming over on the regular. But from time to time--yeah. I would absolutely encourage the occasional pop up to potentially see just how he/she is living. It makes ALL the difference. ANYONE can clean up real good when they know company is en route. The real question is if your house looks and smells like trash when you think no one is coming. Are you literally COMFORTABLE living in squalor? And for many of these chicks--the answer is YES! But you wouldn't know that, because they are meticulous about hair, nails, and overall outer appearance. It's all a game. And too many men are falling for it.
Your man was there before the kid & you created the kid WITH him. He'll also be there after your kid grows old and moves out. You can also have another kid. Put your wife/husband first.
@@michael43567 no, you put who needs to be first first. It’s one family unit. Your children are more dependent so sometimes they just need to be first, but you can also get external help so you make time for your spouse’s needs. It’s about balance. Even still kids are not a “liability”… and that was the word he used.
@@justonetime6179 True, I guess you need to put kids first as they're more dependent. But I believe if you put your wife/husband first, the family will stay together, and this results in the kid getting the full support they need.
Living with the woman I thought I’d married was the worst mistake of my life. If I could go back in time I would have never done it..that’s my # 1 regret in life Lol but I understand the message though
@@deebrown7160 that been happened it’s all in the past lol..but it’s interesting how you say “ just move out “ when you have finances tied with people..a livelihood etc things aren’t that simple. I think that gets overlooked heavily in relationships today. Once you are together you are ONE with that person. All that love goes out the window lol I’ll tell you that much…hard lesson learned brother.
@@deebrown7160 pardon me ! No disrespect..& yeah before my experience I didn’t truly grasp finances in regards to relationships either. Money isn’t everything but you def have to have that in order to sustain yourself & the person you with. We live & learn..& make a better future for ourselves. Wish you the best Ms !
My husband and i did not have sex before marriage, and were married until death do us part. We put ALL our cards on the table before marriage! Married nearly 30 years. Nothing is perfect, none of us are perfect. There are no guarantees on anything, but we can make adjustments and overcome challenge that come our way!!
Here let me help. First get back to God. A woman’s heart should be so lost in God a man must seek him to find her. Then the biblical blessings of marriage are yours. Second. Stop actually taking people like this guy and KS and any women on this same stupid talk advice. It sound so good to some of y’all. Cause you don’t actually listen. Or realize this is just their opinion and not based in fact. Stop letting UA-cam or Tic tic or your mom or her dad into y’all relationship. Definitely keep your single friends out. You want advice, pray. Then talk to one another. COMMUNICATE!!!!! Why do I keep bringing up prayer and the Bible. Men. Men have this notion that women must submit because it’s biblical. Ok yes. But……. Context fellas. The first verse in that teaching on marriage is…….. submit yourselves to one another. Also men. The Bible says to love your wife as Jesus loved the church. The church is the bride of Christ. If y’all quoting scripture quote it all
What does any of this change seeing as the biblical god isn’t even real one and two a magical creatures can’t give you knowledge…chile this just don’t make sense.
Facts... - Livin' with someone is the "closest" level to being married to someone. 100% agreed. - That's when the "talkin' " start showin' up the "walkin'." - At least a year.
Now, how long are they supposed to live together before they realize they're not meant to be married? Then catch hell trying to get them out of your house and possibly have to get the courts involved with a damn 30-day eviction notice. Nope!!! Keep it as is. If they're spending time at each others house enough, they'll be able to see each others ways. His azz sounds foolish to me. 🙄
Noooo..don't play house...you end up cooking, cleaning and all the wifely duties but without the ring, they end up just wasting 7 years of your life.
Agreed!
Females are always talking about wifely duties, yet they won't stop having premarital sex. Y'all pick and choose what y'all going to and not going to do.😂
He's right and wrong , With that Situation , You can be dammed if you do or your dammed if you don't .❤😢😅 WOW
Period
Women, y’all gotta be more realistic and ask yourselves, “Am I really worth marrying? Do I have the characteristics of a wife? Am I mature enough yet? Am I providing peace or am I providing disorder to his life? What am I bringing to the table? Do I really want this man or do I just feel pressured to marry because of influences around me? Can I hold him down when he’s going through a hard time?” And if you check all those off correctly and he still don’t wanna marry you? Leave that boy. But most of the time, women ask for something they can’t even provide themselves and that’ll never make a man wanna marry you. Sometimes it takes living together to see these things more clearly.
The rate of divorce is higher for people who lived together before engagement
Exactly! Trying to tell them but their listening to unwise advice from these red pill content creators. Smh
Is that really a true study or did you just make that up ? Seems like it would be the other way around
@@CowboyPrice nah there was a pretty concrete study about shacking up before marriage actually leads to worst outcomes
@@And1one757 I'd like to see it like I said seems like the opposite would be true.
@@CowboyPrice but hell in this day in age does it really matter if women are willing to divorce at a 60 percent clip within 5yrs for all i know the study could be 68% if shacking up b4 marriage
Wrong, wrong, wrong! Living with each other or not is not a guarantee that the relationship will work. That's a very weak point, what happens to put in the work for example patience, communication, tolerance, and sacrifice? 30 years of marriage I am still learning in my marriage.
Why go into something blindly though? You gotta be absolutely sure there's nothing about the other person that's an absolute red flag.
That’s not his point the point is to learn your partner before you make such a decision
@@mikewaddy8149 what better way to learn about a person than to live with them?
@@if.i.dusse_somyself7683what a better where to learn above the womanbu love than to married them.
@@mirrielleachu3231Because that's time and money wasted if it turns out your love was blinding you.
I just wanna know what would you do if you married your highschool sweetheart, but everything just felt dulled after maybe 5 years and your love wasn't that strong anymore? Would you stay together? Get a divorce?
Btw this has nothing to do with my previous statement I'm just genuinely curious 😅
That's a nooo for me. These modern couples live together for 10 years, get married and it last 2 yrs. Same difference. Yes, you don't know someone until you live with them, do business with them or travel with them.
That don't make sense to me. The only way I see that happening is because the divorce and child support system mostly favours women.
@@bibishakikunioteko9945 what doesn't make sense to you? Statistics?
@@kokolatte825 stats say more women leave marriages. So it makes sense for modern couples(at least the ones that are engaged) to live together for a bit before tiying the knot, at least to see if their partner are in it for the long haul because marriage seems like a huge financial risk to men in the west. Here in Africa, we're still traditional so that's a no.
When did he ever say live together for 10 years and not get married??
The mistake is staying with someone for 10 years without being married. Most men know within a year if he wants to actually marry a woman.
I didn’t live with my wife until we were married. We serve Yahuah, so we ain’t shacking up
Exactly! Well done. NO SHACKING UP. 🙅🏾♀️🙅🏾♀️
Was looking for this post ✊🏾
Thank you!! 👏🏾
Amen!
As a Christian person, I totally agree.
I disagree with this wholeheartedly. If you have to live with someone before marriage, then you didn't date them properly
💯
Volume dear 😂❤
Fact!
If what you say is true that you if dated them before you moved in, that means yoh were dating them improperly from the start which would be that there is no proper way to date. Unless you mean if you were already living with that person before you dated then that would be an improper way to date and would've only been proper if you dated them first.
@falconplayz3420 you drew a lot of assumptions based on your own reasoning but maybe you should revisit YOUR assertions or reasoning rather than say what I did not. Let's start from the top of YOUR reasoning and start over. Remember the original assertion was that you had to live with someone etc before ....
Be careful who you listen to, I mess with buddy on some of the things he says but when someone says something is mandatory and can't show you the success to failure rate, I would not listen to that man. All he got, is what most women live off of, anecdotal examples.
He acts as if there is no other way to see who a person is except if you live with, that is absolutely incorrect. There are so many other situations you can be in to see who someone is.
U don’t really know a person until you live with them
@@nikkinikki2895 bs, people did it the other way for hundreds of years. The longer you live with somebody before marriage does not result in longer marriages. You are just repeating something you heard somewhere.
Dude is married and him and his wife good. Who tf are you?
That's right
I totally agree with this comment. Do not listen and fall victim to shacking up with a man or woman before marriage. The success of that relationship will significantly fail before you can even think about making it down the aisle.
I played house for 15 yrs. Now here I am 36, single mom of 3. Don't listen to this bs. Follow yah, discernment, and instincts when deciding on your life partner.
Exactly. If a man is serious, he knows within 2 years...max.
Don't use your platform to promote Sin.
I REFUSE TO LIVE WITH A MAN AGAIN BEFORE WE ARE MARRIED!!! I'm not being a WIFE and Girlfriend prices!!!
🙏
This is absolutely stupid af. People should marry and take their vows seriously. Then move in together.
Some People need to live together at least a few Months to see how it is living together,The Divorce rate went up to high during Covid because Females couldn’t stand living with their Husbands when they was stuck at Home and the same goes for Sport Players,once they retire sometimes their Wives Divorce them but they can’t stand living together,its hell for them
@@redscorpion9325 Nah. All the things you need to "know" can be found out before moving in together.
Are they clean? Do they keep a clean home? Pop up on a random day/time they are not expecting you. You'll see all you need to see from how they keep THEMSELVES to how they keep their home.
Do they know how to cook? This is nothing a few "dinner dates" at the crib can't reveal.
Are they good with money? Are they helpful or are they selfish? You can find this out in countless ways. If need be, make UP a situation in which you need to "borrow" money or are in need of some type of financial "help" just to see where their head is at. No need to move in with or marry someone who is not a team player.
Are they career oriented? Hard working or lazy?
What are their family ties like? Are they close knit or will you be marrying the black sheep of the family?
People think moving in together will reveal certain things because you are up close. I believe the opposite. When you are too close, sometimes you miss things that are very important. 😉
Moving in=lots of pre-marital sex on the regular. Sex dulls your senses. You WILL miss things that were right in front of your eyes because you were blinded by the sex.
I agree wholeheartedly
@@redscorpion9325 no they shouldn’t co habitation is the exact reason men don’t marry women because “they’re basically married “ when they live together nope it’s a set after a month men know if they wanna be with someone.
The guy in the video is offering very bad advice. This is not how it's done. Stop listening to these YouTubians that have nothing to offer.
Unfortunately a lot of people assume “shacking” will lead to marriage when sometimes it leads to being a long term live in boyfriend or girlfriend. I know someone going on year number 6 with no ring and is complaining. Never give marriage benefits before marriage because they’ll be no incentive to get married. Living together is a marriage benefit
This is the dumbest advice I’ve ever heard. All the benefit no real commitment. This is how you get stuck in a relationship for years and never feel the need to get married becomes y’all are “basically married anyway”.🙄😒
Yes ma’am! You hit the nail on the head. This is not wise counsel. It’s very misleading.
First of all, legal marriage doesn’t benefit men. Men know this. There’s nothing you can do to change that. All you can do is hope that he ignores all of that and marries you anyway.
@@SimonKnight1023 well I’m just going to assume that you’re not a Christian because that’s something that only a faithless man would say. A wise man knows and understands EXACTLY what benefits a good woman adds to his life and values her for it.
@@corrissamayberry5736 Jesus is cool with people marrying in front of a democratic, secular judge?
Ok. Like what? Besides sex and children what exactly can women do for men that men can’t do alone? What inherent skills do women possess that men can’t live without?
Regardless, men don’t need a legal marriage to reap benefits.
@@SimonKnight1023 most Christians that I know exchange vows in the presence of a minister and God, not a judge so there’s that. And marriage has always had a legal aspect to it since the Old Testament. The vows were always legally binding. Also, if you really want to know what a wife adds to a man’s life I suggest you turn to the Holy Bible where it’s completely mapped out for you. A good place to start would maybe be Proverbs 31. Like I said a wise and godly man understands so if you don’t then maybe you should self reflect. Maybe it’s not the women that are solely the problem 🤷🏾♀️, but you be blessed ok✌🏾
100% disagree. Take your time before marriage and don't move in together too soon.
No bc living with someone, they never have to marry you. They know it's a huge deal to move out. It's one thing if you have just a suitcase vs half a house.
My wife and I did this, we lived together before marriage and it helped a lot! We are going on 19 years of being together 💎
For how long?
I swear people go harder for not living together before marriage, than they do for not having children before marriage!
💯
Backwards
‼️‼️‼️
I don't agree because If everyone lives together before marriage nobody would probably get married.🥺 Just my opinion 🤷
Don't be sad, only 1 in 4 black women get married anyway. 🤷🏾♂️
And marriages would be long lasting.
You're only looking at one side of the coin.
Ya but they get divorced so it might be the ones getting married are the ones that were going to make it either way
I disagree....the statistical correlation of people living together and divorce is crazy. Jordan Peterson has a great outlook on this topic! Marriage should not be taken lightly however I'm thankful that my wife loves me INSPITE of my crazy behind. Her love gives me grace to get it right and I the same with her! Just my opinion 😎
Jordan Peterson is how old?!? His logic doesn't apply to the MODERN world of dating and relationships. Don't get me wrong- he makes tons and tons of sense!!
But...you won't know until you live with a woman, HOW SHE MOVES!!! You won't know if you can fully trust her until you see her actions, on a daily basis. Activity with her phone, social media, her attitude towards you when you're in her PERSONAL space, if she cleans up behind herself, etc. There's absolutely no way you'll ever know these things FOR SURE, until you are living with a person.
That study has been invalidated already.
They got their results by comparing hyper religious couples that wouldn't live with each other for religious reasons before marriage, and also wouldn't divorce each other even if unhappy for religious reasons, and compared them to non religious couples living together and with no religious barrier to divorce.
In other words the data is compromised and the study in no way proves what it sets out to a prove.
Hence debunked.
@@davidleonard7439 I hear what you are saying and I agree to some extent. The only problem is that the same can be said about each of us individually. Meaning IF we are honest with ourselves, going from single to married we men deal with the same thing. I don't believe in order to trust someone I have to live with them. Marriage is an act of faith. The fact is that life happens (death of children, spouse sickness, accumulation of wealth...ect) we don't know how they or us would react or behave once life hits.
When you date, you hide things....marriage reveals those things once hidden. Even for us men.
Many people go into it with the thought of if my partner does Xyz then they are going to quit on the relationship....we don't know exactly what is in our partners hearts much less ours. We must be careful when we say "I would never do____" the truth is that God hasn't allowed you to meet that person or situation that would push you to that point!
How do you stay committed to someone without practicing commitment. Just my opinion that's all!
Marriage is from god and needs to be rooted in Christ. If we are using discernment and take our time in finding partners it will be fine. Living together isn’t necessary before marriage
I disagree with you on this one bro. Can't expect things to go right living wrong
Thank you Mr Williams Im glad you called out this bull.
Living wrong?
@@SimonKnight1023 yes my guy lol I guess it's a matter of personal belief in Jesus Christ. Shacking up so to speak is wrong on so many different accounts. Most ascribe to their version of Christianity which normally is the opposite of what Christ TAUGHT. Forbidden activity is just that. Fornication is a HUGE DIFFERENCE maker in relationships today, which is why our people lacks the necessary discipline we need to for a profitable community. Notice this phenomena has led to the baby mama baby daddy cultural crisis that has plagued us to date. Case in point God can't and WON'T bless this practice or mindset.
@@d.t.williams5034 I don’t think Jesus wanted people to get married in a courthouse either. We probably shouldn’t associate modern day standards with Biblical laws. Traditional marriage wasn’t even traditional at the time.
@@SimonKnight1023 ok I see what side of the spiritual spectrum you're own. You either believe or you don't. This argument you made is saying Christ is not good enough for today 🤷🏾♂️🤔
Please don't take marriage advice from just anyone
Doesnt matter. Living with someone and marriages are very different.
Ive lived with multiple people single and did it married and it was the same. It didnt help.
I would tell people dont do everything at once. Like dont get married, live together, any other major changes, and have kids all at once. There are break-in periods and issues that happen no matter what. Too many at once makes people quit because they never learned how to manage all that.
🤔🤔 I never thought of it that way!!👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
I've heard people suggest that couples take the first year of their marriage to settle in and figure married life out a bit before they start having kids. That's probably one of my favorite suggestions for marriage that I've heard.
Great point. I wouldn't mind moving In together a couple months after getting married to be honest. Keep the honeymoon phase going !
That is a great theory.
Y'all saying the same thing
Many people move in together and will never get married, because they're comfortable with the situation. Have a strong spiritual foundation, have a conversation about expectations, uphold your wedding vows, then move in.
I agree. It's a double edge sword. People are literally not having these conversations though.
Exactly any woman listening to this is setting herself up you don’t move in with a man unless there’s legal evidence of a marriage because then he’ll see he can get a wife without actually being a husband.
@@theghostofumarskoolishere.4632 Being married legally is for taxes purposes and divorce. I can't blame a man for treading lightly on that, but personally, I wouldn't move in with a woman that I'm not married to. People need to understand what it means to be a wife and husband. It goes beyond money and sex.
@@soloyolo904 and that’s exactly why women should be married it secures a bag if you marry the right person and play it smart I definitely don’t think women should just marry to marry
@@theghostofumarskoolishere.4632 So, Women should only marry if it benefits them, not for love or to be a support system to her man?
Studies show that couples who live together before marriage more likely to divorce and marriage ain't the same as shacking up. Different rules bruh
What studies show that cohabitation cause divorce? No fault divorce leads to divorce
@@if.i.dusse_somyself7683 doesn't cause it but you're more likely to divorce if you shack up
@@Heirphoria13 based on what? Just because 2 things are happening at the same time doesn't mean there's a correlation
Ehh, i think a lot of people would disagree with this.. you do need to find multiple ways to vet your person but that doesnt mean you HAVE to live together to do so.. go traveling or on adventures, do hard things together and see how they handle pressure.. then you’ll know the deal 💯
Why not go all the way? Why take so many trips/dates to find out about them, when you could just live with them & see EVERYTHING organically?
There's no place to hide if you guys live together. The sooner y'all do, the sooner y'all will know if there's potential for a long term marriage.
Why not be fully prepared?
@neal cassady dumb as hell loool. Literally everyone is happy on a holiday. That tells you nothing about how a woman is day to day
@@michael43567 because on the other hand you could just be speeding up the process in which yall clash.. when everything can be tried and tested beforehand.. i mean at the end of the day people are gonna have flaws.. so at some point you’ll have to accept that no matter what you do.. but rushing to move in together is just not smart.. even the bible mentions shacking up and i bet there’s a reason for that lol
@neal cassady and you took one statement out my entire comment 😂 and in no way did i actually say “traveling is the same as living together” try a little harder
@@YouKnowDT that's good. You'll learn a lot from y'all having a clash. Why get married, THEN be surprised that she gets physically aggressive when y'all clash?
Get everything out in the open before marriage so that you're sure she's the one you want to commit to.
Wow, so edgy how he preaching exactly the opposite of what actual statistics prove!
@Neil Stewart what stats?
@Neil Stewart who’s stats?
@Neil Stewart Did Kelly Raley write this piece?
The problem is that people move in a physical relationship before they even know each other. The problem that creates is that you stop getting to really know them because your in a state of limerence rather than getting know them enough to actually love them or recognize they wouldn’t work in a partnership. Moving in doesn’t doesn’t do that playing house doesn’t guarantee a good partnership in fact statistics show the opposite.
Stats show that shacking up is bad for marriage. You can see how a person live just by visiting
No you can't. People can put on an act for a couple hours. You live with someone 24/7 for months, you learn WAYY more
How can stats actually prove cohabitation was the reason divorce happen? Cohabitation isn't the reason people file for divorce
@@michael43567 not at all. Shacking up is just bad business
@@if.i.dusse_somyself7683 I said nothing as it being a cause to divorce. I said it was bad for business
@@AzrielTheOne based on what? Personal opinion? If 2 people are bad for each other, shacking up is irrelevant to the outcome of their relationship. Imo, most people do not properly vet each other which is what causes the diffulties in most relationships.
Very true you never know how a person really is until you live with them.
I disagree with that. You don’t have to live with someone to know who they truly are. Having sleepovers can show how a person lives and what their habits are like . going on a long car ride and going on a trip together can show what a person is like under stress too. How someone treats a waiter also tells a lot about a person too and how they treat animals and children
People can hide their true colors for years. Don't shackup. Do it the right way.
I disagree, marriage changes the dynamic. You don’t get to test drive a marriage commitment. This is why taking it slow and being intentional is so important. Having real conversations and being a part of each other’s lives is bigger than just “living together”. Playing house isn’t showing u a dang thing.
Yh it is....it's showing you what the future may look like for ya'll as a couple.....BASIC COMMON SENSE.
Men…find yourself spiritually and set values/boundaries that center you and your purpose. You don’t need to live with someone to know who they are. Ask your partner and or anyone what their values are? They’ll show you their true colors. Values are the cornerstone to the ethics and politics of a relationship. With this day and age leading with sex and lust leads you to move in with someone you met on a high while being high in a club or bar, and not realizing the true nature of the relationship.
With divorce rates increased of 80% cohabitation isn’t a solution for marriage but a solution for divorce.
Men stay on your purpose, control your desires, media will have you chasing the wrong things and you’ll wake up with a kid from a woman you never truly loved
Straightest fact!!! I’ve been saying this for decades! You need to live together for at least one year, AFTER formal engagement! It’s essential!
Agreed, especially on the AFTER engagement. And I don't believe in long engagements, so that year will be spent planning the wedding.
Couples who live together have an even higher percentage of divorce. Hmmmmmmm?
Bad advice and he actually believes himself.
Was looking for this in the comments to debunk it.
That study has been invalidated already.
They got their results by comparing hyper religious couples that wouldn't live with each other for religious reasons before marriage, and also wouldn't divorce each other even if unhappy for religious reasons, and compared them to non religious couples living together and with no religious barrier to divorce.
In other words the data is compromised and the study in no way proves what it sets out to a prove.
Hence debunked.
You want to have an idea of the person you're living with before you sign a contract to be legally tied to and responsible for them.
Anyone who doesn't, can go gamble blindly with their future themselves.
@@leonfrancis3418 so let me get what you’re saying. You sell, or combine everything you own, change your address, maybe move away, set up a financial arrangement, maybe change jobs and possibly even drag children along for a test run?
Then, how long are you “testing” the person before you decide they’re worthy? That’s an even bigger gamble than marriage and without any legal protection.
What if your “roommate” dies, then you (neither are any potential children) protected legally. You test run a car because you have options. A person”s heart and life deserve more than a test run. Either you’re committed legally, or not.
Please don’t bring up “common law” because that’s still a test run also.
@@leonfrancis3418 They have a lot of conflicting studies on different countries and various groups.
For the US, Best take away I can get from it based on the conclusion and Theories is the culture. I agree that people should cohabitate for a bit, but like this channel talks about about, you got women and men choosing the wrong people or staying together for the wrong reasons and not discussing commitment.
Plus, the shared finances can force you to be stuck together
And it doesn't help if you do it with multiple people either. It is very nuanced. Then there is the issue where some will see it as enough and not want marriage.
Yup I think bruh needs to do more research.
I disagree 💯. I'm all for living in respectable proximity (no out of state or out of the country mess) but not moving in bc the roles of a marriage kick in immediate including submission. "Where you going?" "What time you gonna be home" "what's for dinner" "did you wash the dishes" "why you spend xyz on____ when we supposed to be on a budget" "when you going grocery shopping" "how much did that cost?" "I gotta leave...my man/woman calling" .....then bills may or may not have to be split.....you have to determine who is going to move in with who, or whose name(s) are going to be on the lease....etc. Why go through all of this to find out you not going to marry this person? I pefer to have open lines of communication about all these things before marrriage and stay over at eachothers places every so often to get a feel of it and see if we could cohabitate as husband/wife one day....but NOT MOVE IN. Things do not drastically change in a person when living together if you put the work in vetting someone before marriage. You'll just notice daily habits like snoring, nervous ticks, messiness, germphobe (me lol) ..etc. You'll notice these things by sleeping over often lol.
I disagree 100%. Don’t move in before y’all are married. That’s how you become complacent and stop intentionally dating each other.
You not suppose to shack up, that's a sin, the Bible teaches against this.
As a woman, I’m not moving in with anybody before a ring is involved b/c I think that’s the perfect time to know that both parties have chosen each other and are ready for the full time trial before marriage. It lessens the risk of ending up a maid to somebody who needs to split bills with you for 3 years before still thinking “you’re not the one”. You should be using your discernment about your partner during all of the dating stages, not just when you live together. Helps everybody waste less time with the wrong fit.
God will bless the union that fits by his order, it's in the Bible, when a man finds a woman he finds a good thing? BY HIS ORDER! Anything outside of it will never work. Yesterday gone, tomorrow not promised, unrepentant, habitual sin, will take you to hell.
Yeah I'd prefer to be engaged first and live together during the 6 months to 1 year while planning the wedding.
@@Johnny.G7 I’m sorry marriage sounds scary to you and you don’t want to be taken advantage of but neither do women. I have a girl friend who moved in with a boyfriend under the promise that he would marry her…that was literally the only reason she moved in with him..8 years later he was still dangling the idea of the ring until she had to leave. She’d cooked and cleaned and helped with bills and still did not get what was agreed upon after already performing as a wife that she never became. That is not what I want for myself. It’s not a fairytale for each party to hold down your own household until a ring is presented. It’s just smarter.
@@amaragrace94 i think it makes the most sense. Back in the day even that would be considered “shacking up” but if you really want to test the living together compatibility, it seems only best to do it once that man has officially taken you off the market…and you still have time to work out the differences before the wedding day. Win/Win.
@@Johnny.G7 please don’t be obtuse. You know what the ring signifies and why they exist. I don’t want to live with a man that has no intention of marrying me - so yes, a ring that means “it’s time to plan a wedding” is the only reason I’d live with a man that is not my husband yet.
I told a friend of mine to do the 2 week test with his girlfriend, one of you (preferably the woman) packs a bag and stays at the others place for a minimum of 2 weeks. If the two of you can’t make it 2 weeks without major issues, or you find yourself fighting to reach the finish line, you might want to rethink your relationship.
He didn’t listen, now he’s miserable…
🤷🏾♂️= told ya!
Bro bro Idkkk about this one. Me and the wife moved in after marriage. Shits been chill and it’s been 4 years now.
Congratulations! ❤ y’all keep being great
No that's against God's word. Maybe in apartments next to eachother.
Where?
Not even next to each....setting each other up for possible temptation...nah let's get married then move in.
If I was in love with the right man God sent...no sir....not next door please...across town...he open that door....be standing right there 🤣, we gotta remember...we still human.
Living with someone is not a sin lol its not scriptural. But I do think living with someone before marriage causes unnecessary attachments if things go bad. From my personal experience
If you're sleeping together I think that's a greater sin
That part, this world is so lost 😔 and they encouraging others to do the same
Yeah as a person who is currently moved in with my girlfriend, it is very nice to know but the scientific literature has showed that people that move in together before marriage have a less likely chance of actually succeeding. It’s playing the role of husband and wife but not providing the same commitment.
WRONG. PROPERLY COURT 1ST. YOU SHOULD BE ENGAGED WITHIN 1 YEAR & OR LESS WITH A WEDDING DATE SET. MEN KNOW, IT DOESN’T TAKE THAT LONG. NEXT IF YOU HAVE TO 😩 YALL LIVE IN AN AIR BNB TEMP FOR 3 MONTHS TO SEE HOW IT GOES…& NO SEX TO REALLY SEE IF YALL CAN LIVE TOGETHER). BUT, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET THIS INFO HONESTLY WITHOUT LIVING WITH THEM. & DONT SELL YOUR HOUSE. THEN WHEN YOUR MARRIED MOVE IN A PROPERTY TOGETHER. IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT WHILE YOUR ENGAGED GIVE THE RING BACK. & GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE. BEING A LIVE IN GIRL FRIEND IS A SCAM FOR WOMEN. DONT DO IT. & HONESTLY IF YALL MOVING IN YOU MINE AS WELL GET MARRIED. IF HE WANTS YOU TO SIGN A LEASE, CAR, PHONE, & BILLS TOGETHER BUT NOT GET MARRIED RUN. VET PROPERLY LADIES. REMEMBER DAING IS FOR DATA. & DONT WASTE YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND COULD BE TRYING TO FIND YOU & YOUR “BOY” FRIEND IS BLOCKING HIS VIEW.
I keep saying this but nobody wants to listen. Oh well!
You don't have to live together first to find this stuff out. If people would just spend the time and communicate and observe the potential spouse instead of dating, you will see a lot in somebody.
But you see more and see it quicker if you're living with them
You want marriage perks without making the commitment… makes no sense
@Bla Bla how so?
I always advise people to pray for a mate coz God knows someone .pray, fast and ask God and the Holy spirit will answer you.people pretend and so you have to ask the maker.
No do not shack up, keep the commandments
The bible dont say nothing bout it.
Yeah this is only for Americans. If you come from a conservative Christian African culture like me u def not moving in till yall married😂😂😂😂.
I beg to differ!!, after sharing my comments, I glanced over fellow comments, I find, if we do not agree with much of anything else, politics, we stand firm, through our upbringing, our beliefs, guidance in life, so much so, I have to "Shout Out", to my people!!!, our friends!!!, whom for once!, we agree!!, hopefully, there will be many more times in the future, when we again, meet in the Fork of the road, if only just to agree, "God Bless!
Nope. Worst advice ever. That's how babies come. That's how people get comfortable. And that's how you end up being the lifelong girlfriend/baby mama with no actual wedding.
Nope! Nope! NOPE! Wherever you at, stay right there until our last names match.
I really pray that the men listening to this man have excellent role models back home that can actually guide them and use this content as pure entertainment and nothing else. It’s really concerning to see someone push this agenda and claim to want to see relationships succeed. Date right! Do relationships right! This is not IT!
Exactly...PURE ENTERTAINMENT
U know enough and you see the signs sometimes it’s more difficult to get rid of a live in partner than actual spouse
Moving in before marriage is tricky... 5- 20 years later still not married and living together. The things you talking about is for pre marital Marriage counseling.
It’s because men benefit the most when a woman moves in without marrying her. You get the husband benefits without having to commit. This is why me are less likely to marry a woman who moves in with him. Why would he when you’re doing everything without commitment from him. That’s why I told my daughters they will never move in with a guy that they’re not married to💯💯
Y'all sounding real simpish, giving off grew up without a daddy vibes 🤢
Just pray for God to reveal anything that’s hidden so that you won’t be led astray. Ask him for red flags. Show me who this person is etc. That’s the best prayer point while dating/while searching for the one. But you don’t need to move in with them.
I 100% disagree. I've done it twice and it didn't work out.
So if you’ve would’ve Married then you would’ve got Divorced twice so it did work out
That’s your experience though lol it works for some people.
That's biggest mistake you can ever do
Married for a decade+ and NO. 😂 You’ll keep working on your relationship for a lifetime…it’s a commitment like no other. Statistically cohabitation before marriage = higher risk of divorce. Don’t do it, there’s nothing binding in togetherness in order to evolve to the next stages.
I agree lol. That's how you really really get to know a person. Better safe then sorry
Live separately while in a relationship just alternate living in each other's domicile.Do not move in together from the very beginning.
Nah…. I won’t shack again… delivered… Smuv, it doesn’t work for everyone to do it that way
That’s the point
His advice makes sense only for people who think marriage is a continuation of dating and start a relationship without knowing what they want and should expect on the long term.These people just go with they flow and see if works...when it does work, it's an exception.
For people with a traditional view of marriage, they'd know what qualities to look for in a partner and what they should bring to the table.If your partner has those essential qualities, get married then move in.There's always going to be something off about a person you'll discover when you move in together but it's usually not that important.If the person meets your core expectations and you're married, you'll work through it...if you're not married, you'll most likely take the easy way out.
I know some will say you need to play safe and be sure you are a good match before you tie the knot.The question I ask is ; is it safe to take a lease with someone you're not sure of,to potentially have a baby by that person (yes ... you'll be having unprotected sex), to invest financially on that person, get involved with that person's family, close your options for that person?
You must be married. This is true.
Imagine getting married and finding out that the person you married.
Has a porn addiction.
Has company at their house ALL OF THE TIME.
Has an eating disorder.
Has a hidden drinking or drug habit.
Doesn’t actually see his kids when he says he does.
Doesn’t actually know how to cook.
Spends way too much money.
Is insanely cheap.
Is a hoarder.
Is an obsessive gamer.
Doesn’t actually attend church.
Doesn’t bathe regularly. They clean up when they see you.
Has an obsessive ex that likes to stop by.
Has hidden debt.
Has OCD.
Throws things in anger.
Is verbally abusive.
Has a sex addiction.
Has a social media addiction.
Barely ever stays home.
Actually hates sex.
Spends more time at parents house then their house.
Pays bills late.
Steals things.
Always puts their friends first.
Abuses or neglects their dog.
Doesn’t compromise AT ALL…
Regulate the time lived together before marriage to a year at most. That is the length of a 1 year lease. After a year you are either
A. Married at the court house legally and planning a wedding.
Or
B. Going your separate ways.
exactly
Yes a year tops should give you all of the information you need. Anything past a year is a waste of time.
i agree with you
Or use better discernment and consult Gos
You do not need to move in . You need to be adaptable
You BOTH need to be adaptable
I made that mistake... We would visit for weeks at a time and it was fine. Moved in and shit went downhill fast
Me and my husband of 19 years lived together for 8 months before we got married.
I think a lot of people may be against this because they end up dating men who have no intentions on marrying them so they end up living together for 5 and 10 years with no commitment.
Bro speaking pure facts. You absolutely have to live with somebody for years to truly get to know them. To really know their personality and their character. Way too many people marrying complete strangers yet they are convinced that they know who their spouse is.
NO!!! 3 months prior to the actual wedding date- sure move in.
Other than that .. DO NOT LIVE TOGETHER before marriage.
I agree 100% 😊👍🏼
Nope court them and inquire and dig deep long enough before marriage. Being self disciplined and holding off will bring the authentic person out faster than living with them bc if he/ she can restrain self and take the steps and show consistency before marriage without living together and the key is time. Don't rush.
Nooo! Please do not listen to this man. You can live separately from someone to see how they are, but cleanliness can be corrected and worked on over time. Their character, heart, and work ethic matters more.
Avoid this like the plague. Terrible advise.
Terrible terrible advice.
Well it’s not just definite that the relationship is not going to work out if you move in pre marriage. Do you guys have pre-marital sex? There’s a much greater affect from pre-marital sex then pre-marital moving in. Just sayin.
Amen, I agree. God made marriage btw man and woman. Get to know each other while dating, get engaged and take your time, pray about. You'll get it right if true love. Don't listen to this idiot.
So because people moving in and breaking up or divorcing it’s bad it was gone happen regarding if they not for each other
If one is neat, orderly and together, the opposite type person will absolutely destroy your nerves.
Might end up being a whole monster 😆
👀✅✅&✅
This is facts thou
I think saying the vows does something that no one can fully predict. You could be living together but deep down, you know it's not the real deal.
Moving in with somebody first clouds the eyes and emotions. Being real serious and open about finances, housekeeping, and emotions can be seen with the eyes by visiting each other’s home and spending real time together, not just going out to dinner or movies. Being open and speaking to each other and asking questions is the key. Being physical DOES NOT help knowing how a person keeps house, finances, or their character.
Very true me and my boyfriend dating 3 months and moving in together and he the best man I ever live with and he ask me to marry him after one year we still love care and see the truth about him I’m blessed
As a man. This is 100000000% accurate
If a wedding is the ultimate goal, none of that matters.
For me, it’s to get engaged first and then move in. Never would I move in with a boyfriend. I can hold myself down pretty well. I ain’t in a rush.
I thought I was the only one sharing this opinion.
No your not
It’s a bad idea.
People used to get married then move in. That was the normal. Now everyone's living together. Those marriage seem to last longer
I was wondering when I would see someone respond this way. That’s something I was taught. I actually just heard that from an older friend of my family. She was married for 52 years and her husband and her didn’t live together until they were married, mind you they were engaged for 3 years before they got married. So are morals a factor people think with anymore? Ijs
@@tiffanyjames7894 married since 1994. We didn't live together first.
Statistics show that people who live together before marriage get divorced at a much higher rate than those who waited to live together after marriage.
@@misslisa904 true fact
@neal cassady No back in the day it wasn’t about a payday. Well not in the situation I was referring to. She was socialite, because her father was rich and her husband was poor. So the money was hers not his try again.
I disagree you don't have to do that. You'll see the signs when commitment comes into view. Try before you buy can have the same effect after marriage 💑 they turn into a whole different person.
Interestingly enough the statistics don't support this theory regarding cohabitation.
I disagree!
I was dating my ex-wife for 2+ yrs, before we got marry. It changed up when we did. Wolf disguised in sheep clothing.
You didn’t vet her properly… you didn’t ask the right questions, you didn’t do no pop-up surprise visits at her house, or consult her family about her personality or how she grew up. You learn a lot by being observant and asking the right people the right questions
We was living together in Tokyo Japan 1994. I can still remember after I said "I do?" And she told me that she owned my black ass. That's when I noticed that I made a terrible mistake.
Yes yes yeeeesss. Hygiene, eating, cleaning and sleeping habits all contribute to good health living together.
I agree..you never know until you live with them. I knew someone that was working oversea. He got married and wasn't always home with his wife....after he decided to transfer back to the US...he found a lot about her that ended up in divorce. I do understand why people are against shacking up before marriage but sometimes you don't know who they are.
Moving in together doesn't guarantee anything been there done that I'm going to try something different this time you funny dude.
I disagree with you on this one homie especially if we talking marriage under god the Bible says
Hebrews 13:4 ESV
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
The Bible is also against sex before marriage which vast majority of y'all Christians do.
@@michael43567 of course
No! This man is a fool. These new age black men need to listen to the Honorable Minister Louis Farrakhan.
Can't go along with shacking up. At a certain age both men and women should have a solid foundation established. If he or she does not, that's your answer. Quality person is going to be responsible and respectful from the beginning.
Facts! Was dating a girl that I thought kept a clean house until we started living together. I found out that she only cleaned up for my planned visits smh. Hair was everywhere at all times, dishes under furniture and all smh. They can imitate wifey traits until you're around enough to see the truth in person.
You were nasty too like attracts like.
That was nothing a few "unplanned" visits couldn't have revealed. You gentlemen have to be wiser...
A family member of mine is going through the same mess right now. These chicks have been conditioned to be fraudulent until they get what they want.
Everyone that knows me know that it isn't wise to pop up at my place, they will be left waiting at the door. It's wise to respect people and their households. You could be out of town, busy or just not in the mood for company so it's best to plan visits and we both did that out of respect for one another. It was wise for us to share a home before marriage because filth would have definitely been an issue for me. I got off easy and I'm ok with that. Good luck to your fam tho.
@@dudedude5247 Nothing at all wrong with what you've said. For some men, a woman who doesn't cook or keep a clean home is not a deal breaker. They learn to tolerate it. For others (like my fam) it is LITERALLY why she doesn't have a ring and is about to be single.
I totally agree with the mutual respect of making one's presence known before coming over on the regular. But from time to time--yeah. I would absolutely encourage the occasional pop up to potentially see just how he/she is living. It makes ALL the difference. ANYONE can clean up real good when they know company is en route. The real question is if your house looks and smells like trash when you think no one is coming. Are you literally COMFORTABLE living in squalor? And for many of these chicks--the answer is YES! But you wouldn't know that, because they are meticulous about hair, nails, and overall outer appearance. It's all a game. And too many men are falling for it.
This guy always gives bad advice.
“Live with them before marriage”
“Kids are a liability, put your man first”
Red flags every time!
Your man was there before the kid & you created the kid WITH him.
He'll also be there after your kid grows old and moves out.
You can also have another kid.
Put your wife/husband first.
@@michael43567 no, you put who needs to be first first. It’s one family unit. Your children are more dependent so sometimes they just need to be first, but you can also get external help so you make time for your spouse’s needs. It’s about balance.
Even still kids are not a “liability”… and that was the word he used.
@@justonetime6179 True, I guess you need to put kids first as they're more dependent.
But I believe if you put your wife/husband first, the family will stay together, and this results in the kid getting the full support they need.
Living with the woman I thought I’d married was the worst mistake of my life. If I could go back in time I would have never done it..that’s my # 1 regret in life Lol but I understand the message though
Damn really? Just move out
@@deebrown7160 that been happened it’s all in the past lol..but it’s interesting how you say “ just move out “ when you have finances tied with people..a livelihood etc things aren’t that simple.
I think that gets overlooked heavily in relationships today. Once you are together you are ONE with that person. All that love goes out the window lol I’ll tell you that much…hard lesson learned brother.
@@marcusg2166 I never lived with anyone before so I love your wisdom I didn't even think about finances. And its sister not brother.👄
@@deebrown7160 pardon me ! No disrespect..& yeah before my experience I didn’t truly grasp finances in regards to relationships either. Money isn’t everything but you def have to have that in order to sustain yourself & the person you with. We live & learn..& make a better future for ourselves. Wish you the best Ms !
My husband and i did not have sex before marriage, and were married until death do us part. We put ALL our cards on the table before marriage! Married nearly 30 years. Nothing is perfect, none of us are perfect. There are no guarantees on anything, but we can make adjustments and overcome challenge that come our way!!
You find out trifling when you get married and he can’t pick up his dirty drawls!! …learned that from a First Lady!
Facts bro. Even go away for a week or 2, I left friends behind over holiday dramas. -😥😂😂😂😂 Hair in the plug whole😂😂😂😂
Here let me help. First get back to God. A woman’s heart should be so lost in God a man must seek him to find her. Then the biblical blessings of marriage are yours.
Second. Stop actually taking people like this guy and KS and any women on this same stupid talk advice. It sound so good to some of y’all. Cause you don’t actually listen. Or realize this is just their opinion and not based in fact. Stop letting UA-cam or Tic tic or your mom or her dad into y’all relationship. Definitely keep your single friends out. You want advice, pray. Then talk to one another. COMMUNICATE!!!!!
Why do I keep bringing up prayer and the Bible. Men. Men have this notion that women must submit because it’s biblical. Ok yes. But……. Context fellas. The first verse in that teaching on marriage is…….. submit yourselves to one another. Also men. The Bible says to love your wife as Jesus loved the church. The church is the bride of Christ. If y’all quoting scripture quote it all
I agree.
Facts
What does any of this change seeing as the biblical god isn’t even real one and two a magical creatures can’t give you knowledge…chile this just don’t make sense.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
you've said it all!
Facts...
- Livin' with someone is the "closest" level to being married to someone.
100% agreed.
- That's when the "talkin' " start showin' up the "walkin'."
- At least a year.
Now, how long are they supposed to live together before they realize they're not meant to be married? Then catch hell trying to get them out of your house and possibly have to get the courts involved with a damn 30-day eviction notice. Nope!!! Keep it as is. If they're spending time at each others house enough, they'll be able to see each others ways. His azz sounds foolish to me. 🙄
Kinda agree since you're going to spend an extended time with each other