Thanks for sharing. I have been in a similar situation. And another lesson to learn that you may not have mentioned: I guarantee you there was a lot of flattery involved with these two women in the beginning of your relationship with them. Watch for flattery next time. It is a sure sign of manipulation. And a friendship that is quickly gained that way is also normally quickly lost.
I agree! Flattery and alignment in all the things are red flags. If they join your church, Bible study, homeschool group, get the same vacuum you just did, eat at your fav restaurant....ruuuunnnn away! Lol I think an additional lesson here is our daughters. We need to help our daughters to BE good friends. No hair flipping. If your daughter has a new bff every couple of months, she may need help learning to be a good friend. Good friends work out uncomfortable situations with grace and love and stay friends 💜
Holly Danielle agreed; when my best friend calls me out I listen and receive what she has to say cause I know she loves me and wants to point me to Christ. It takes humility and maturity to have honest friendship.
I think flattery is sweet when it is authentic. It isn’t always manipulation. I have actually made it a point to try to say the kind things I feel about those in my life. It lifts all of us up. It does have to be authentic though, otherwise it’s a waste of breath.
This makes me feel sad. I belong to a MLM and being on my "team" is the last thing I want for my friends. I love what I do and sell, but I don't have the time to train anyone properly and I don't want to ever mix business with friendship in that manner. A few friends that have wanted to join I have directed to another member that is better suited to help them. As for the rest, buy or don't buy their wallet has nothing to do with my love for them. I'm sorry you have had these experiences 💜
May I make a suggestion (bc I've been here before)? Never work with women, especially when dealing with serious or "drama* situations, via text. Call or talk in person. I'm a pastor's wife and deal with many conflicts and have learned this lessons both by doing it the wrong way as well as the right way. Also, instead of making statements ("that was offensive and you should apologize") ask questions ("how do you think that conversation went? Do you think it accomplished what you wanted? What do you feel the main issue is here?). This helps you remain open minded to both sides and out of the drama yourself. Just some thoughts for future drama 😑
Although I agree with you in a lot of way for some of us who communicate better in writing then we do in person it has helped me to be able to write down my thoughts ahead of time and think through what I am saying, and how I am saying it before I say it. I feel it also gives me time to pray about what I am writing and if I think it’s not coming from a good place I can always edit or delete it. Once the wrong words leave your mouth you can take them back. I think sometimes texts and emails get a bad wrap because of technology but before all of the technology people frequently wrote letters to communicate important things as well. Personal confrontations can sometimes evoke to much reaction as well and if this women was highly reactive things could have went bad fast. I think in this instance she would have gotten the same reaction either way because this person didn’t like being criticized
“Man’s rejection is God’s protection”.. I’ve heard that and been comforted many times by it. It’s so unfortunate that these things happen in “Christian” circles.. just shows how many lives are still influenced by the enemy. Sorry you’re going through this! Thanks so much for sharing. I love your personality (do you know your Myers Briggs type?).. seems similar to mine. I’m very straightforward and am super bothered by lies and deception.
This is why I have never joined a homeschool group. Park day is a requirement? What?! That is very controlling. I am way too much of a free spirit for stuff like that. Haha. Sorry you went through this!
And didn’t the leader of the group say it would be a “no requirements” year? Changed quickly to a park requirement lol! Clearly she was manipulated and you were singled out. But great for you for learning from this and sharing your story. Female friendships are hard to navigate but the right ones will enhance your life so much! I pray God puts the right friends into your life. I kept asking a woman at my church to lunch and to hang out etc, and I kept getting rejected. It felt very personal, and I finally got the hint and stopped asking and pursuing friendship with her. I asked God to lead me to a friend that needed what I had to offer, and vice versa. He led me to another special needs mom at the church. He’ll show you the right relationships because he knows friends are important, even Jesus needed friends. Love and prayers to you from St Louis!
I’m guessing that the policy doesn’t state that park play dates are required.. I’m assuming it states that it’s a requirement to be ACTIVE in the group. No one in there right mind would ever put that in writing. I feel she used the park play dates as an excuse to kick her out of the group EVEN though she has ALWAYS been few active. I always try to speak and do the right thing but DANNNG. that’s enough to take anybody over the edge.
Most of them are like that because they want you to participate but I do agree that that is very controlling. When they are Christians, I don't like that they have "standards" for how kids and how you should act some stuff is reasonable and some stuff is not. But it is controlling.
Yea, this stuff goes on in homeschool groups. The interesting thing is a lot of "Christians" talk the talk, but don't walk their talk. I have left both homeschool groups and churches because of it. My homeschool group was into teaching classes. After years of struggles and drama, I asked myself, "why am I doing this? I wanted to homeschool my kids not have others doing it." So we left and never looked back. Then I enrolled my kids in homeschool classes in arts, museum, ballet, soccer, science, nature, and Pittsburgh Zoo even had homeschool classes so they could have interactions and relationships with other kids. Both my kids graduated in 2015 & 2017
I need prayer. It seems like my son is not being invited back to his homeschool group. My heart is broken for him. His heart is broken too. He says he wants to go to public school and he's terrified to try to join another homeschool group at the last minute and I feel so lost and confused as to what to do. I don't understand how people who say they are Christian can do this to a child.
This is the exact reason why I have zero close female friends. I have many acquaintances and that is as far up the friendship ladder as I go. I am a nice person and would help anyone, but not one person, other than my family, knows the inter-workings of my life. I am drama free and I want to keep it that way! Sorry this happened to you and your kids are feeling the ramifications. You seem like you would be a great friend to have! 😊
I’m the same way. But I feel a little sad not having the close friends I did when I was younger. It’s just hard to make friends, I get turned off to a lot of people for a lot of reasons, gossip. And when women only complain and crapping on their kids and husbands. Not that I’m not guilty of these things sometimes but it’s just something that gets tiring ugh
As a Catholic homeschooler of 17 years, I have never had this problem. Probably because as Catholics most of us Catholic homeschoolers have lots of children so we don’t have time to have a “structured” homeschooling group. We just email or call and say, “Hey, this is going on! Join us!” It’s always been very unstructured and I personally have always appreciated this. They only structured group I ever belong to was MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) about 20 years ago. I enjoyed it at first but after about a year noticed the clickish behavior of some and left. I have experienced that women are generally difficult to work with. I noticed that right out of highschool when I went into the workforce 30years ago. My recommendation is to be around people that more or less go with the flow.
I just moved and met up with some Catholic moms this past week. ALL the kids were awesome! There had to be about 10 moms there and all so totally chill and welcoming (genuine) . I am praying that I can be a blessing to this group. They regularly meetup once a week for park days, after Mass, a Legion of Mary time, and a Co-op too. It seems like they are very flexible even though there is a lot of participation. Say prayers for me that it is a blessing.
I wanted to update my comment. I love these women still. I had a miscarriage this pass weekend and the amount of women taking care of me and my family is amazing. I am still feeling so blessed to be in this group and know these women. I pray for other women to know this joy.
Wow, I never comment. I'm a Muslim, but can relate to a lot of what you said just as a mom and human. That is for the words of wisdom. Also, the fact that you were able to dig deep and find the lessons within all the hurt shows what an amazing person you are. Wishing you all the best ❤
I won’t join any homeschooling groups outside of social media just because I’m awkward & I rather just not having to get out of character while my babies are watching me. Nope, I’ll just have them join YMCA groups & classes. I’ve had issues with being the outsider because I was “Black” I know this because I would always try to start up conversations(I’m not & convo starter) & it was like why you here type crap. I rather for my babies not have to deal with that. I said my peace & left the group.
Becoming Holistic Mom I can relate so much to the awkward thing. I’m very shy and reserved at first so people thing I’m stuck up and pretentious, and it’s always so hard for me to get over that first impression. I hope you find success in your homeschool journey!
That is absolutely awful! I can't understand the mentality of "you're black and I'm not so why are you around." What the heck does skin color have to do with anything other than it makes the world a more beautiful place than it would be if we all looked the same? I am so sorry they were awful to you, some people just suck.
I remember waiting in line at a local Mother's Day Out program to get information to join a MOPS group. They addressed the caucasian ladies infront and behind me. They basically looked directly through me. I'm not originally from USA and over the last few years I've begun to understand that Christian doesn't correlate to invitation or acceptance. 💔
This is an unfortunate thing that happens in basically any type of group- it's happened in church, in small groups, in public school, in study groups, in mom groups, in dad groups... it just seems to be an unavoidable risk when you get any groups of people together. It's the reason I have just a few very close friends and not really anyone else.
I've kind of distanced myself from a mom's group that I've tried to joining. They are very stuck up & didn't seem to want to be around me. I got tried of forcing a simile around them just so my son can have a play date. I wish women didn't have to be like this.
Ashlee, your best video to date. I love that you were real about what can happen to any of us. I actually had applied to a group, a well known group and was denied because my daughter has spinal surgery every 6 months... Yep! Denied due to a disabilitiy. I vowed to never put us through that pain again. I believe you nailed it when you said the gal, can't call her a leader, fell into the position by default... She clearly isn't QUALIFIED to head a group. I'm sorry you & your children's hearts have been hurt by woman clearly not serving the LORD. 💔 James 1:26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Sending you a very big hug.
This was fascinating, because I didn’t even know homeschool groups could be like this! 😳 Thank you for filling me in, so I won’t be shocked if I encounter something similar. I’m grateful to say that my homeschool group is completely relaxed and full of grace. Since I’ve had my baby twins, I’ve had to step out of a leadership position in our group, and also attend less than half of our events - and everyone is totally okay with it! They understand. The ladies at my church are like that, too. 💗 I’m feeling SO incredibly blessed right now! I hope you’re able to find a new support group, or find reconciliation with your other friends, if possible. Again, thank you for sharing and giving us practical tips of things to watch out for. 😘
I was asked to leave a group because they said that having a kid who sometimes have meltdowns due to Austism was scaring the other kids. I was like wow instead of educating them they ask me to leave.
colorado girl sad because Autism is on the rise. Christians need to wake up. Especially pastors and how they run their church. Most are not autistic friendly whatsoever.
Ugh I can understand that one. You would think that mature adults would see that as an opportunity to teach their children about special needs and being inclusive. But some people are just ignorant.
I could understand if the meltdown involved hurting other kids and you totally ignored it....but I would be willing to bet large amounts of money that wasn't the case! I'm sorry they were awful, what a wasted teaching moment on their part.
I love how you said your weren’t going to give the classic Christian statement that you have forgiven them. You will, but it shows how raw and real life this incident was and also how being a Christian we aren’t always perfect, but that we go through real life feelings and situations too. ♥️
It's OK to allow ourselves the journey of forgiveness. Many times I want to forgive, I know I will end up with forgiveness as a final result, but I need time to process the emotions and the thoughts that come through the situation without the guilt that I'm "going to bed angry"...again. It's OK to have a journey of it
I know this video is two years old but oh my goodness this hits home with me right now! I have dealt with more drama in homeschool groups than any other groups...and we participate in "Christian" homeschool groups. We are taking a break this semester because it was affecting my mental health and was causing more stress than it was worth. Thank you for being so open and honest. ❤
I’m almost at the end of your video and want to say “YES,” to all the red flags you listed. I will not even bring those kind of women into my inner circle. Second thing, when the Bible talks about not judging, it’s referring to judging non-believers or judging someone who is struggling with the same sin you struggle with. So, I’m a sphere of Christian, believing women, we are given Biblical permission to approach that person in love to share what you see IF you are closer to them! My hubby and I have been in ministry leadership for about 12 years and the number 1 issue I see is this. People don’t realize that believers are SUPPOSED to sharpen each other by calling out the best in each other, and sometimes that means we have to discuss sin patterns!
I'm liking this video only in support of you sharing & bringing awareness to mean moms. We are in a homeschool group that is.... okay. I haven't connected with a single mom, they are all VERY conservative, & pretty exclusive. My daughter hasn't connected with any of the children either. This group meets every Friday. Bleh. Its HARD to make friends as an adult, as a mom, and as a homeschool family. Its truly unfortunate. I turn toUA-cam, to watch mamas like yourself for a sense of understanding. Not the same as in person communication & community for my family! I can't even touch on how unfair to your children this is. How incredibly upsetting.
I feel really sad reading these comments. I know some situations can not be helped because other people's actions are out of our control.... But it's sad to read things like "I'll never be part of a group because women are catty."... Yes, someone women are, but why let that stop you and your children from receiving the benefits of friendship and togetherness? Those uncomfortable moments are few and far between, and sometimes they are easily avoided if we can just be willing to give grace to someone who's being catty. It's kind of like marriage... I could become offended every time my husband makes a snarky comment, and live in a marriage where there is constant offence and bickering, OR I could let it roll off my shoulders, assuming that he's just having a rough day and didn't really mean it. By not making it a big deal, I avoid blow-ups, hurt feelings, and more drama. I also think that sometimes things don't get as out of hand if we handle them face to face instead of through texting. That's hard in 2018, but true!! It's a lot harder to face someone down with an ultimatum, and tell them they MUST be at the park, if you have to tell them that face to face. It's a lot harder to make a nasty comment to someone when you can see the hurt you're causing on their face. I know there are exceptions and some people really are mean and deceitful, but I would like to think that most of us try not to be that way. What a shame that so many wonderful mothers, with wisdom and special gifts and talents, are afraid to share all of that with others.... Step out and BE the group you wish you could have! Learn to roll with the bumps. We NEED each other!
Love This Calling personally this comparison isn’t the same I found men to get along easier with than women and my husband I’m romantically involved with so I put in more effort and time to get along while friends come and go it’s not the same commitment.
It doesn't have to be the same commitment in order to give grace and let thinks roll off our shoulders instead of becoming offended. I know that sometimes men can be easier to get along with... But women will cry with you when you're hurt, and they understand things that men will never understand because we go through things that they do not. We need each other.
This kind of drama happens among men, too. Oh, the stories I've heard. Instead of being catty, though, it's more along the lines of an "I'm more man than you are" attitude, and one-upping the other. Just as there are wonderful men, there are horrible ones, too. And the same applies to women. This is not a "woman" thing, and it's sad that we are perpetuating this idea among ourselves.
Oh, the stories I could share after 18 years involved in homeschool communities and in various leadership roles. A couple years ago my family was so significantly wounded and impacted by one "Christian" group we were immensely invested in that we needed to step away from all homeschool group involvement and church. You mentioned if you lead a group you would want it to be one you start so you could set the expectations. PLEASE know homeschool group leadership can be one of the loneliest journeys!! Leading people in a volunteer group and being their friends does not work. Your "friends" will like you until you make a decision they don't agree with or benefit from. Your "friends" will talk with others about you and your children. People who are not doing the work and carrying responsibility often have A LOT of opinions about what you are doing "wrong". Even if you are clear about the focus and expectations of the group, people will want something different and they will not be nice getting their points across to you ... even in a group with a Biblical foundation. There are many things I LOVE about homeschooling but the social community has been our greatest challenge!!
Takers will always be takers. They are super unhealthy and always out for themselves and what others can do for them- no good friendship can ever come from that. That’s a ministry and we walk away when we’re finished ministering to those people. And we do need to have boundaries with those people because they’re not for you- they’re for themselves. Ugh. I’m so sorry ash. You are beautiful and an amazing friend and mama. I’m so proud of you.
Stuff like this is always so hard...relationships are hard. An interesting side-note that we've noticed since raising backyard chickens over the last 9 years or so is that a flock of hens that has a rooster around will not fight. But a flock of hens with no rooster will "hen-peck" each other constantly to figure out their pecking order. I'm not saying we are just like chickens, but there's an interesting dynamic that seems similar to our social groups! My kids are about the same age as yours (4 boys, ages 5-11) and we've been a part of a group for 3 years as well. The first two years were like the "honeymoon period" and this last year we've really had to struggle to maintain a drama-free group. It's hard. I think the key, other than the fact that women can be emotional and easily hurt, is that friends don't have to be committed to each other, like spouses or even extended family are when things get rough. They can love you one day and leave you the next and that's hard. Thank you for sharing because I'm sure many of us have been in similar situations. Not only do we have to find friends for ourselves, but we also have a responsibility as homeschooling parents to give our kids access to kids they could be friends with...all while juggling the 5 million other responsibilities we have!
HOMEsteadSCHOOLED you rock. I’ve managed people for over twenty years and I’ve always noticed mixed gender teams are always more professional and higher performing comparing all other factors
Funny you mentioned that. Last time I went to the Zoo the Zookeeper was telling us a story how the same thing happened with a group of female gorillas after their male leader died until the Zoo was able to bring in a new one.
Funny you should mention that. Last time I was at the Zoo the Zookeeper told us a story how this group of female gorillas went into chaos after their male leader died. They didn't calm down and go back to normal until a new male leader was brought in. He would break up fights and get them to do what they were supposed to do.
In 2007, I lost a baby and my dad. During the end of that year and the start of 2008, some of the homeschooling moms in our group started kicking me while I was down. It was a good old fashioned witch hunt. The mistreatment of my children was the final straw. I left in 2008. It's been 10 years since I have been in a homeschooling group. Don't think I'll ever join another. I've been homeschooling 20 years and have 14 years of homeschooling to go. 😂 I put my kiddos in classes, such as at the art museum or karate studio...no more women only led groups. I'm praying for you. ❤️
Team Boyd the same thing happened to me with a mom group I was in. PPD, husband job loss and my mom died all within a few months. And they just saw weakness and attacked. It was terrifying.
So sorry that happened to you💛. I had to quit in middle of a homeschool year about 6 years ago bc I was pregnant with my 6th baby & was exhausted!!! My husband was about to have knee surgery, I was burnt out, had gestational diabetes issues & could not physically do it all so I put 2 of my kids in public school from January & I got a nasty email saying that if I don’t finish the co op commitment I would be banned from ever rejoining😳 I was so heartbroken that here I was sweating, feeling faint and close to delivering my baby (January 11th) and it was beginning of December but I had to do what was right for my health and family....and even though they wanted me to continue to fulfill my teacher assisting duties for the one class I knew they had floater moms that could help...anyways...I felt bad about not finishing but I was so burned out I was having a mini break down. I kept thinking they better hope they never need to put their kids in school or have a crisis where moms treat them Like dirt. I would never make a mom feel like garbage due to struggles she & her family are going through. I ended up only having 2 of my boys in school only from January to April and was back to feeling better🙌🏼 more refreshed and blessed no thanks to the rude homeschool moms in that group. I am in a different group but very cautious as to what I say/do and how much I get involved bc sadly I never know when someone will be nasty hater. As a Certified Christian Life Coach that has coached many married couples over the years and led marriage or women’s Classes or Bible Studies of 30-55 people it seems to be a “threat” to moms groups when they find out my gifts, so I’ve learned to not talk much at all in parent meeting at co op bc I don’t want a target on my back. Lol. I say do what works for you and your family with no apologies!!!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I quit saying I’m sorry and embrace who God created me and my family to be to serve HIM!!!🙌🏼 I don’t like being boxed in😂. So someone telling me I have to go to park day or schedule field trips...ummm #noThanks!!! Lol
@@kimscofield80 This happened to several women I know. The witches pretended to be kind but like sharks smelling the blood in the water they attack at any sign of weakness or vulnerability.
Ok I’m coming out w my story RIGHT NOW because I’m so grateful you’ve created a platform here where women can empower other women. THANK YOU FOR COMING FORTH W THIS MUCH NEEDED HONESTY!!! I no longer feel alone now that you’ve shared. This happened to me too! My children and I were totally shunned by my homeschool family of 3 years…what did I do? Not anything too bad at all. We had a trip to butterfly world and i carefully privately spoke up for a friend w 2 babies who was being sent home after making a 45 min trip!. The homeschool mom leader of trip lost her check. All I did was politely ask if she could help her. Then when she said no, I took a walk around the leader and lovingly, without bad mouthing anyone, got the feiend a discount so she wouldn’t have to pay in full that day or be sent home. The leader of the trip- just a mom like me must have been Close w the president of the organization because she somehow bad mouthed me and lied so much about me, I was called by the leader, not allowed to speak, and hung up on never to be included again, not even 3 years later when new president came in. I was treated like a criminal. I was a STELLAR member prior to that, heading trips to Legoland and kind and encouraging to all. I was so devastated from being shunned along w my kids from our homeschool family of 3 years, I had to see a therapist. Then the new group I joined where I felt loved joined the ole group that shunned me and 2 years later, I was not allowed to rejoin. So I lost more friends I’m really well now because I attend regular 12 step meetings for women who are abused and God sent me some new friends
Insightful as I’m considering to start looking for a coop/ community for homeschool and this reminded me to use discernment and to live with integrity when challenges come up with someone and they will at some point. Thank you for showing respect for those involved you seem very wise and full of integrity 🥰
The best groups are the ones you don't get attached to anyone in. Stick to events and outings. Once the personal space veil is pierced things get sticky because expectations start brewing. Plus it sucks when you are the one putting out effort and others stand you up or blow you off while posting on Social Media what they do with others. Lies are revealed easily on SM.
New to the homeschool world. A homeschool mom kicked me out of her group because she had a problem with me chatting and joining another mom's group. I thought it was childish on her part as any issues she has with someone else has nothing to do with me especially because I'm new and trying to get to know a lot of people in the homeschool community. I was hurt by her reaction. I took this as a Blessing. It's so much easier to meet people at the park.
Currently has a 16 year friendship end because the coop I'm in and my friend had a falling out so now my friend has decided we can't be friends anymore. I feel like I'm back in highschool
My new rule of thumb - any homeschool group that forces participation from anyone is an instant NO for me. It’s a good way to filter out the negative spaces. Instantly I can tell it’s not going to be my kind of people. 😆
Hearing your story was so helpful to me. Before I even started homeschooling (about a year and a half ago), I had a very similar experience with my mom friend group. I’m still trying to heal from it. It is so hard making new friends after an experience like this. I hope you have healed and moved on-hearing you talk about it has helped me see my own experience more clearly ❤️
These types of "situations" can really cut to the heart. Given the fact that you've been a part of the group for some time & given so much along the way. Whether in a "homeschool mom's group", a church or work setting, or even just one on one ("friend" or family member even), they're really hurtful & sometimes out of left-field! Thank you for expressing your feelings about this experience in order to help others...definitely feel for ya!
So true! I always say that when someone tries to gossip to me about someone else, Im like so what do you say about me? You are such a honest, pure, generous person, anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend..their intentions werent true and its their loss! Thank you so much for sharing!
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. While I personally have NEVER gone through hurt through. Homeschool groups, I've watched dear friends go through it, and that caused me to leave and not want to support it. But I think you are right, we aren't to become isolated after these situations. How can we "bear one another's burdens", if we are isolated. How to we build one another up? Gossip is horrible. You should do a video on WHAT gossip is. Gossip is a deliberate attempt to make someone look bad.
1. Your transparency is so refreshing. I have definitely felt this way within a mom get together group. 2. When we are successful and look like we are doing well with things people are jealous and act like this at times. It's so frustrating. 3. I relate to you in a lot of ways and absolutely love watching your videos. Keep them coming and keep your head up girl, you are awesome!
Texting is a difficult form of communication. A tone you're not wanting to infer can be conveyed. And you also miss out on hearing feedback from and "reading" the other person.
Sounds like that group is headed for major drama anyway - maybe it's a blessing in disguise? That you're out of it now instead of going through a year or two of drama? Doesn't make it feel any better though.... I'm so sorry :(
Sorry this happened to your sweet family! But you are so right on about the wisdom gained from all this and to keep pressing on! Also, it is true Middle school and high school does take a bit longer each day and it’s hard to commit to mornings or even at all! Keep on mama you rock! ❤️
I'm so sorry you went through this but am glad you chose to share! Why are mom groups so hard when we are all just looking for the same thing, community and acceptance?! I have really struggled in this area and still have not found the right group for us. I thought after high school cliques and mean girl bullying would not be a thing anymore. If only... Praying for you as you continue to deal with the raw emotions. Maybe take the other women that were kicked out and start your own group?
I love love love this video. Your transparency is inspirational, it’s very sad that you have to go through all this. I don’t understand why this has to happen, the disrespectful actions towards other moms. It has to stop! Community is so very important when homeschooling, and to deny someone that is denying their kids, totally not fair. I’m so proud of you for letting all of it out respectfully and tastefully. That says something about character ❤️ huge hugs from me!
I KNOW THIS IS AN OLD VIDEO...However....This story is precisely why I stay away from people, especially groups of women. If I feel a vibe or off energy about someone, I will not continue talking to them. I am always very observant of someone and their behavior and how they carry themselves. Thank you for your story, it's just sad that women have to be that way. Most women. It is also so ridiculous that the "group leader" had requirements of everyone as if everyone has the same life and schedule. She would be a great cult leader, that is someone that likes control and doesn't give others room to breathe and live their own lives. You do NOT need to be in a group like that at all.
So much wisdom in your video! I am so impressed with all the insights you have so soon after the even. It’s difficult to think clearly when we’re angry and hurt. You are a very wise soul. Your experience reminds me of that story about the snake who says, “You knew what I was when you picked me up.” Hubby and I have been trying to teach our kids about “snakes” after having quite the run-in with them throughout our own lives. Your red flags that you’ve noticed are spot on. When someone flatters you, needs you, wants to join everything you’re a part of, calls and texts you constantly after only a short friendship, they are a “snake” and will eventually bite you. We also should never invite someone in need into every part of our life, like you said. It’s so tempting, especially when the person is so willing and responsive, but we should be wary when people are so easily transformed into exactly the person we want them to be. They will take over your life and then push you out of it. We can choose one or two things to invite them to share with us, but we shouldn’t try to be their savior. They should rely on their own Savior. Then, they can make the transformation they really need. And, they will be a better friend. I think this is a lesson that every healthy person will eventually learn, unfortunately. That’s why the healthy ones become so difficult to find and make friends with. We become guarded and cautious. We make our homes and our families our sanctuary.
Thanks for sharing this. I just started homeschooling in September. It’s been great so far, but many people I talk to seem to be pushing that I need a group to do homeschool “correctly.” Ive been very cautious and haven’t joined a group, mostly because I’m trying to find my own footing first as I try to figure out how we like to homeschool. This is such a great cautionary tale for me to know what to look for if we decide to go that direction in the future. Thanks for your openness.
I’m super happy I’m an introvert after watching this. Jk. I have 2 friends, I might see them 1x per month. We are a super independent family, wed night/Sun church is more than enough socializing for our 5 girls and us. I watch the girls skirt right around the cliques at church and go hang with the shy girls left out,or sit by themselves and answer questions with 0 self consciousness 🤷🏽♀️
Oh Ashlee, I’m so sorry this happened to you! That totally stinks and hurts big time. We’re not currently in a HS group. I feel like it’s sometimes hard for me to connect with other women in large group settings. I’m the type of person who has one or two really close friends and then mostly acquaintances. Thanks for sharing this story and I hope going forward that you’ll connect with some true friends who will reciprocate love and support! 💕
Thank you so much for this video! It has inspired me to not give up. It’s so hard to fit into a group of caddy women. That has been my experience even with my church and it is heartbreaking. As homeschool moms and Christians, we can’t give up! Knowing you went through it and that so many people have, lets me know I’m not alone. Feeling alone in the homeschool community is something that shouldn’t happen. We can pray for these women. Pray that they truly start understanding the effects of their actions and their tongues. 💗💕💗💕
It is clear what an empathetic person you are. The struggle of being an “empath” is we tend to delay putting up boundaries when we should because our hearts are driven with compassion and a desire to help the vulnerability we intuitively recognize in people; perhaps be the “person” someone significant wasn’t for us in our past. You are level headed and wise in all of your take aways for the future. Hopefully the nastiness of this situation quickly dissipates for you. Jesus values you so much! Thank you for all of the intentional care and transparency you invest in the community your channel has brought together!!💕💕
Abundant Life Essential Wellness The struggle is real. It's a constant drain to be so empathetic and equally disheartening to know that such a huge chunk of humanity could care less about all the things that we feel so deeply about. It is both a blessing and a curse.
Stacee Massey I completely agree... I think it’s an important skill, and It comes with a learning curve. Lol It’s heartbreaking sometimes because we know our intentions. That being said, for the many who have no appreciation for all you do, I’d imagine there are many who treasure it 😊
I could have told this EXACT story down to each red flag! I am still hurting but moving on. I have 6 children who need community and we also do it through sports, dance and community activities. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hi! Yes, I’ve found homeschool groups difficult in the past as well and in the end just decided that being part of the groups was not really worth all the effort and the work that I was putting into them. My children enjoy their activities like Girl Guides, Scouts and Dancing and don’t miss being part of homeschool groups.
Oh girl... just so much yes to all this. I haven't gone through this specific instance, but I have very much felt the pain of rejection from the "in group" within the homeschool community. I have also learned so much about boundaries. You totally hit the nail on the head about wanting to extend grace to other woman so overlooking things, but in turn needing to be able to set boundaries for your life and your family's life. Praying for peace for you friend!
I hate that this happened to you. A few years ago I had a group of "friends" and things went sour out of nowhere over ONE of them suddenly having a big problem with me being facebook friends with someone she had had issues with. Looking back I think there was a very jealous/deceitful person in the mix - whispering in her ear just to get me out of the picture. It was devastating, though. It was already a really tough time for me and then those women talked about me so much that no one in our entire community would even look at me - people who had always said hi, chatted with me, etc. Eventually the one with the problem came to her senses and our friendship was restored. But the situation kind of changed me and it's been hard to overcome the fear that it could happen again! Yikes, I wrote a novel here. Thanks for being so open and sharing!
I’m sorry this happened to you. Women can be such an amazing support for each other, so I’m really glad you are learning some valuable lessons but not giving up entirely. You are a great example of how great and supportive women can be…keep up the good work!
That was a ridiculous requirement for a homeschool group, so that makes it completely obvious what her intention was. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Red flags shouldn't be ignored in any relationship so you have learned a lesson we all have to at one point. Just remember that most people really aren't that way. It can be hard to remember that when going through something like this, but deep down most people are kind and generous. Focus on the good in your life and this will pass. I had something similar happen with a family member this past Fall and it made it hard to see the good in others for a bit. But after being away from them for a while, it was such a relief to have gone our separate ways. Praying for peace and closure to come quickly for you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your transparency is encouraging. I’ve been so motivated by watching your videos in my own journey homeschooling four kids, balancing fitness, housework, and all the other responsibilities. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you taking the time to make these videos and share your life with us...it’s being used in great ways :). I’ll be praying for you as you process all of this.
❤❤ praying for you, Momma. I run and operate a group specifically for those who have been hurt, outcast, don't fit in... We are a homeschooling family. I began this ministry 4 years ago because I met people going through this exact same thing. Which, is terribly sad.
This popped up on my feed. I have been following you for a few months now and this video just came up today. I think I needed to hear it. I’ve been treated ugly by other moms in a homeschool group and the biggest reason has been because I don’t participate in all the functions. If my kids have work they have finished we do not go and I’ve been ridiculed for this. I actually teach my kids and some moms in my group seem baffled by that. It’s a shame that women are this way.
Thank you for sharing this. I went through something similar (twice!), and so appreciate your honesty in sharing what you saw as "red flags." They were in my situations too, and I feel just a bit wiser after listening to what you had to say and reevaluating my situation in light of it. Thank you for your vulnerablility!! God's best to you and yours!!
Wow this story is so sad. What happened to teaching our kids the good in the world. Grown woman teaching their kids how to bully. I am praying for your family!
That’s so crazy! #nothanks. Lol. Our co op offers activities etc but I rarely go on their field trips bc I like to do trips with homeschool friends we actually hang out with :) works great! No pressure, no crazy schedules & we can eat our packed lunches in the parking out of the back of our vehicles if we choose. Lol.
I am new to your channel and fairly new to homeschooling. And I am super grateful for your honesty and information. Definitely very helpful. I will continue to stay prayed up in my journey and will lift you up in yours. May God continue to bless and protect you in all you do. This job is definitely the hardest I've had and I totally agree, we should uplift each other up instead of tearing down!
Liked before watching because I'm never disappointed by your videos. Stay strong Mama! Stay real! We appreciate real! I saw your preview for this video yesterday and I'm so glad you made this! Thank you!
I switched co-ops because several of the women in the previous group felt it was necessary to insult my clothing and question my parenting and homeschooling style. They were also very pushy with their mlm products they sell, and also very competitive. I don't like people who act like their lives are perfect, that's very fake to me. We switched to a new, much larger and far more organized co-op last year, and my kids are SO much happier, as am I. :)
Went to a homeschool meeting at the LIBRARY - and totally got frozen out bc the 3 moms who typically attend were not open to new moms joining. A PUBLIC library. Won’t be back.
My best friend, who's been homeschooling for 20+ years, mentioned that she encountered that alot. So she just didn't even bother with them after awhile.
I completely understand your feelings, my husband is a pastor and we were hurt by a group of people several times in a few short years. People we thought of as not only friends, but family. It took us a long while to forgive. We thought we had, but it was all just boiling up in our hearts. Finally we have forgiven these people, and moved on. It feels good to let it go, but I agree, it takes a long time sometimes. It hurts so bad, and makes it hard to trust again. It’s been about 5 years, and I’m finally letting people get close again. I’m praying for you, and your heart to heal. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. 😢
Learning experience for sure! It sounds like you were dealing with narcissistic behavior. It leaves you reeling and confused. That leadership dynamic was toxic and cutting ties with that is a positive choice. There are plenty understanding and supportive communities out there! I'm glad you aren't letting this experience discourage you ♡
I’m sorry you had to deal with this situation. I appreciate that you made this video. It’s important for us to share life’s imperfections so others know they aren’t alone.
Have you reached out anymore to these 2 women (the leader of the group and the one that you had brought in)? Maybe you can meet with each of them privately just to discuss and talk through what exactly happened. It seems there might be some misunderstanding or to at least discuss your side and point of view. Not necessarily to get back into the group, but so that you can have closure and move forward in forgiveness.
I have a 17 year old child whom I've homeschooled since he was 5 years old and we're on our second to last year of homeschool. I have never joined a homeschool group. My homeschool friends are all online friends because I don't trust people and situations like this. I'm so very sorry that this happened to you! I just found your channel and felt an immediate connection so I don't understand people and this kind of behavior. I pray God fills the spot this left for your sweet children. These ladies weren't thinking of the kids, just themselves.
Ashlee, I am so sorry to hear this. You will find peace, another group whether you create one or find one and you will forgive them in time. Your heart is beautiful. It is so sad to me because I feel like you were taken advantage of from the start and used and abused. But that was the devils plan. God knew this would happen and he has big plans for you and your kiddos! Way to stand up for your friend btw! I would have done the same thing! Thank you for sharing!! Prayers!
Thank you for sharing! I have experienced deep hurt in a similar way... and even was told I was no longer trustworthy when it was the opposing party that broke my trust and really wounded me. I so wish that I could find a friend like you! I hope that you were able to maintain friendships with the other two ladies who were part of the group and also hurt by the situation. Prayers and blessings!
The co-ops I’ve looked into (which do not work out for my family for so many reasons!!) All has requirements that no more than 1-2 meetings can be missed. I could never commit to that. Ever. What mom of kids can guarantee that? 🤦🏼♀️
Man oh man. Ugh I’m so sorry this happened to you. It errks me so much that grown women can be like this- especially in a community that so desperately needs “community!” Love you ash.
dang... mom of 4 kids under 10 here, I homeschooled for several years, but now have my kids in public school (not for any reasons regarding groups, but it was the BEST decision I made for this season in life!), I still early homeschool my little babes though, and there are things I miss about homeschool. I never joined a group, partially cause it was so hard to get out of the house on my schedule, let along somebody else! Anyways...I felt like this needed to be said for anybody reading: This is my personal opinion on the matter, not as a former homeschool grouper, but as a woman/mom: this sort of thing happens in any kind of woman organized group when women feel powerless in their own lives (their marriage, their careers, their kids, anything), and they place their identity in something (being a homemaker, pastor's wife, group organizer, children's ministry leader), and because they feel powerless in their own lives, they don't know how to stay in their lanes, and they seek to control other women (because that is who they feel licensed to control). This is why there is SO MUCH DRAMA WITH WOMEN. Can you ever imagine this sort of thing happening with men? No. Women are supposed to be protectors of people's hearts; we have a lot of power to hurt or help people. Ladies, let's be powerful women and choose to control only ourselves. I've been part of a "cult". Cults do not have anything to do with religion; cults are cults because of certain characteristics. Characteristics such as exclusivity, rules that are made by a leader, and can only be broken by a leader, shunning people who have left, scaring people into missing their calling if they leave, rejection of anything that doesn't fit leaders' standards, controlling people's time/money/schedule/resources.. and did I mention CONTROL? Whether it be an MLM, homeschool group, church, family, club, a cult will seek to control you for their own purposes. It can be hard leaving any cult, because even the strangest groups have some sort of good thing to them, maybe the leader helped you make more money, or helped you through a difficult homeschooling period, etc. Strong feelings of guilt and fear can overwhelm people who suspect something is off within their group, and want to leave. I hope any moms reading this will pay attention to that gut feeling, if they are having it. Anyways, I'm sorry that happened to you (and all the other women on here who have had the same thing happen!). Such a yucky feeling. I bet your story has given a lot of other moms out their the courage to acknowledge the same stuff in their own circles. Thank for sharing!
Awe Sorry to hear this we were rejected over 2 yrs ago from a non friendly group and been "solo" since.. YUK. Vibes and Red flags discernment with others I have been watching you for a while now. With Success comes trouble.. I like this page and all Your good insight and encouragement Keep it up! We appreciate you here! xo Shaunda
It's so sad to come across such petty people in our lives. It's hard to believe at times that people who we trust and call our friends can be that way. It's shocking. Thank you for sharing. My group is very small but not demanding. I try to do me and my kids as much as possible to avoid problems like that. Stay strong Ashlee, the lost volunteer mom and specially a great friend. ❤ hugs to your little ones over the sad news of not being part of a group they thought it was forever sort of speak.
Spouses can be so horrible sometimes. I resonate with this so much. I've been craving a really good friend for years, just one. But the things I do aren't ever enough. There's always another friend they like better, or they move on quickly. It's been probably close to 20 years since I've had a best friend. It's exhausting always giving everything you have, and it still not being enough. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm so glad that you still seem to have retained a couple friends from that situation. I'll be praying you find some better options for groups for you and your kiddos. ❤
This is why my mom never joined these groups when I was homeschooled and why i have never joined any with my homeschooled kiddos. I just cant with that stuff. Ive always been the one that doesnt fit in, and it makes it super awkward as it is. So instead do things like girl scouts, church groups etc
What a great video!! You are a very brave, strong and motivational woman! We need more people like you- standing up for truth. If someone is at a point in their life to change and humble themselves they will embrace it (criticism) and do something about it, but if not they will attack you and be in denial mode. Way to stand your ground. I am so amazed at how gracefully you resolved the fact that this shouldn't and won't pave your future.... that you can still go forward without it pulling you away from the things you love. Sending you and your enemies prayers, love and good vibes.
That's why I don't join homeschool groups. Some of them have required things that I can not/will not do. My kids education is more important than their bylaws.
So sorry to hear about this! It’s so sad when our actions don’t reflect God’s love, especially when another sister in Christ needs help, not criticism. It sounds like you’re taking a healthy viewpoint, and I’m so thankful to you for sharing your story! So many traumatized mamas have come forward to share their stories as well; what a beautiful ministry this thread is. Praying for hope and healing for all these ladies, and praying for sustained strength and wisdom to know how to respond to your viewers, Ashlee. Thank you for sharing! Way to go, sister!
Gosh I’m so sorry this has happened to you. This kind of drama should never happen within a homeschool and especially a Christian group. Whatever happened to grace and truthfulness, acceptance and common courtesy? I am so sorry. You have a wonderful outlook after the fact and I’m glad that you can pass on those teachable moments to us as well. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I appreciate this so much. I am not a home school mama but I watch you for ideas about how to further teach at home / ways to connect with the community. I really related to being a Christian woman and feeling like you need to invite people into all aspects of your life and I appreciated your advice on that. You don’t have to let someone in all the parts of your life. It’s ok to pick and choose where you let people in. I am going through it with a mama that has attached herself to me and it’s such a one sided friendship. I’m sorry you and your kiddos had to go through this. It is never easy. I commend you for standing up for your other friends and saying something, it takes a strong person to do that. I hope you find another group that works with your lesson plans and older children. I’m praying for your family!
It sounds like a homeschool group I got kicked out of here on base. I'm sorry if my child or I get sick and cant make all the events. I especially dislike it when they ask for opinions and then belittle you for your opinion and then they all jump on you for it.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I appreciate your honesty and your authenticity for sharing all this with us. I haven’t joined any homeschool groups locally, for a few reasons, but a big one is time commitment. I work full-time. I have had so many nasty, hateful, very hurtful things said to me both in online homeschool groups and in person, all because I work. I really want a sense of community with some homeschoolers because we don’t have any friends who homeschool. I love that you concluded the video with life lessons. Hugs mama.
We're going through that right now. We live in a rural area and for the past few years there was only one group within an hour and a half of us. Unfortunately the lady who runs the group is constantly rude to me and others that aren't in her clique. It makes it tough bc the kids also need friends but the drama she causes is just so unbearable
I needed this so much right now!!! Thank you so much for this video! God is so good to put just the right words and people in your life when you need them!! ❤️❤️❤️
Did you all sign a document of agreement at the beginning of the co-op? I would just refer to it not being written anywhere and therefore keep going. If she made a fuss then too bad- you fulfilled your commitment so your children deserve to have the classes and field trips others planned as well. There is often too much drama from women when they are in groups.
Girl. This is so true in so many aspects of life. You are being a great example to your children about leaving a situation or a place if it's not the right place for you. Putting yourselves first is never a bad idea. I'm only 10 minutes into the video but I think this will be true for the whole thing.
Wow, good thing you got out of there. I haven't ever been in a group where it was MANDATORY to attend. That is ridiculous. Keep Strong Momma, You will find what is best for your family!!!
I came across your channel and was instantly hooked! So honest &open. I recently went through something similar with a moms group and it’s been really hard to handle. Thanks for posting this!
This might be somewhat unsolicited advice but maybe the 3 of you that have kinda been ousted could start your own little group and write up expectations and who is doing what (and maybe make it more simple over all) etc. And with whoever is still in the group, you can be friends with them if they are still willing to have the relationship (you don't have to try and get them out of the group or with your new group or anything like that - just keep it as an informal friendship.) I don't say this to minimize how you feel after the situation - I've had a lot of my own painful situations in life and sometimes it can be hard to think of what beneficial thing can be done next - so disregard this if it's not helpful but please consider it because it might actually be helpful to you. 😀
Thank you for sharing your story. I have not encountered this kind of issue in my long 5 months of homeschooling (haha), but I am no stranger to ADULT bullying. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. I am so sorry your trust was broken. There is nothing more important than trust in a relationship, and there's nothing that damages a relationship more than trust that has been betrayed with deception. My heart breaks for your little kids. Kids suffer way too often as collateral damage to immaturity from the people who should be protecting and guarding their hearts. At the same time, I am excited to hear where this school year takes you, who God leads you to meet! I think it is STILL going to be a great year for your homeschool!!!
I have heard more negative comments about homeschooling groups than positive. I am not sure if I will find a homeschooling group or not. I haven't started homeschooling yet, but we will be there soon. I myself am a low drama person, and I feel like my friends who have homeschool groups have had a lot of drama with other homeschooling moms. We are very social and do a lot of activities, playdate activities etc.....I am sorry this happened to you . I think it is good to share these stories. For some reason, the pettiness of high school carries on to many women as adults. Some women are so competitive and manipulative. We all want the best for our kids. Women need to support one another!
I would encourage you to continue to keep your eyes and ears open to a potential group. I have only homeschooled for 3 years (I have 2 kids) but I have been pleasantly surprised with 2 out of the 3 groups I've found. Our weekly coop is my favorite, there are great classes and I felt welcomed and comfortable. I teach fun classes all the time, it can be overwhelming at times, but my kids love it and I don't feel any drama there. We just fit right in and I was not expecting to feel that way. I don't mesh with everybody and some have much different views than me, but when it's Monday, we all just have a fun and educational time for the kids. The groups haven't always worked out like that, but I wanted to let you know that you may just stumble upon a group that fits with your wants and needs. I also visited several by popping in for one meeting to see how it felt. I left a few quicker than others, but I did find a few good ones. Best of luck!
One thing I’d suggest, respectfully... if you want to say something confrontational such as “you shouldn’t have done that, you need to apologize...”. Always try your best to say that in person and not in a text.
Thanks for sharing. I have been in a similar situation. And another lesson to learn that you may not have mentioned: I guarantee you there was a lot of flattery involved with these two women in the beginning of your relationship with them. Watch for flattery next time. It is a sure sign of manipulation. And a friendship that is quickly gained that way is also normally quickly lost.
Long lasting friendship are usually the ones formed over a period of time.
Wow that is so truthful and definitely did begin that way
I agree! Flattery and alignment in all the things are red flags. If they join your church, Bible study, homeschool group, get the same vacuum you just did, eat at your fav restaurant....ruuuunnnn away! Lol
I think an additional lesson here is our daughters. We need to help our daughters to BE good friends. No hair flipping. If your daughter has a new bff every couple of months, she may need help learning to be a good friend. Good friends work out uncomfortable situations with grace and love and stay friends 💜
Holly Danielle agreed; when my best friend calls me out I listen and receive what she has to say cause I know she loves me and wants to point me to Christ. It takes humility and maturity to have honest friendship.
I think flattery is sweet when it is authentic. It isn’t always manipulation. I have actually made it a point to try to say the kind things I feel about those in my life. It lifts all of us up. It does have to be authentic though, otherwise it’s a waste of breath.
If I had a dollar for every relationship with a mom that completely fizzled after I didn’t join their MLM 😬
Heather’s Handmades right!
Heather’s Handmades I’d be rich!
It’s so sad:( but true!
This makes me feel sad. I belong to a MLM and being on my "team" is the last thing I want for my friends. I love what I do and sell, but I don't have the time to train anyone properly and I don't want to ever mix business with friendship in that manner. A few friends that have wanted to join I have directed to another member that is better suited to help them. As for the rest, buy or don't buy their wallet has nothing to do with my love for them. I'm sorry you have had these experiences 💜
Seriously 😒 😂
May I make a suggestion (bc I've been here before)? Never work with women, especially when dealing with serious or "drama* situations, via text. Call or talk in person. I'm a pastor's wife and deal with many conflicts and have learned this lessons both by doing it the wrong way as well as the right way. Also, instead of making statements ("that was offensive and you should apologize") ask questions ("how do you think that conversation went? Do you think it accomplished what you wanted? What do you feel the main issue is here?). This helps you remain open minded to both sides and out of the drama yourself. Just some thoughts for future drama 😑
Yes! This. Always address things like this in person.
Jackie Gable this was my advise too lol.
I logged on to make the same suggestion. Intent is hard to discern via text. These types of conversations tend to be received better in person.
Although I agree with you in a lot of way for some of us who communicate better in writing then we do in person it has helped me to be able to write down my thoughts ahead of time and think through what I am saying, and how I am saying it before I say it. I feel it also gives me time to pray about what I am writing and if I think it’s not coming from a good place I can always edit or delete it. Once the wrong words leave your mouth you can take them back. I think sometimes texts and emails get a bad wrap because of technology but before all of the technology people frequently wrote letters to communicate important things as well. Personal confrontations can sometimes evoke to much reaction as well and if this women was highly reactive things could have went bad fast. I think in this instance she would have gotten the same reaction either way because this person didn’t like being criticized
How to handle a hot potato. Just know, they always blow up anyway: that is no fault of your own!!!
“Man’s rejection is God’s protection”.. I’ve heard that and been comforted many times by it. It’s so unfortunate that these things happen in “Christian” circles.. just shows how many lives are still influenced by the enemy. Sorry you’re going through this! Thanks so much for sharing. I love your personality (do you know your Myers Briggs type?).. seems similar to mine. I’m very straightforward and am super bothered by lies and deception.
I like that quote and so true.
This is why my husband and I don't have many friends and most of them are twice our age.
Alisha Berrey here too!
Me too!
Yep! Our youngest friends are 10 yrs older than us. We're 27 and 29
SAME!
Same here
This is why I have never joined a homeschool group. Park day is a requirement? What?! That is very controlling. I am way too much of a free spirit for stuff like that. Haha. Sorry you went through this!
Madison Hopper right?! That’s why we do this!
And didn’t the leader of the group say it would be a “no requirements” year? Changed quickly to a park requirement lol! Clearly she was manipulated and you were singled out. But great for you for learning from this and sharing your story. Female friendships are hard to navigate but the right ones will enhance your life so much! I pray God puts the right friends into your life. I kept asking a woman at my church to lunch and to hang out etc, and I kept getting rejected. It felt very personal, and I finally got the hint and stopped asking and pursuing friendship with her. I asked God to lead me to a friend that needed what I had to offer, and vice versa. He led me to another special needs mom at the church. He’ll show you the right relationships because he knows friends are important, even Jesus needed friends. Love and prayers to you from St Louis!
I’m guessing that the policy doesn’t state that park play dates are required.. I’m assuming it states that it’s a requirement to be ACTIVE in the group. No one in there right mind would ever put that in writing. I feel she used the park play dates as an excuse to kick her out of the group EVEN though she has ALWAYS been few active. I always try to speak and do the right thing but DANNNG. that’s enough to take anybody over the edge.
Most of them are like that because they want you to participate but I do agree that that is very controlling. When they are Christians, I don't like that they have "standards" for how kids and how you should act some stuff is reasonable and some stuff is not. But it is controlling.
same. I work and homeschool and feel very isolated from full time homeschoolers sometimes. it’s hard to find your tribe
Yea, this stuff goes on in homeschool groups. The interesting thing is a lot of "Christians" talk the talk, but don't walk their talk. I have left both homeschool groups and churches because of it. My homeschool group was into teaching classes. After years of struggles and drama, I asked myself, "why am I doing this? I wanted to homeschool my kids not have others doing it." So we left and never looked back. Then I enrolled my kids in homeschool classes in arts, museum, ballet, soccer, science, nature, and Pittsburgh Zoo even had homeschool classes so they could have interactions and relationships with other kids. Both my kids graduated in 2015 & 2017
congrats on your grads!
I need prayer. It seems like my son is not being invited back to his homeschool group. My heart is broken for him. His heart is broken too. He says he wants to go to public school and he's terrified to try to join another homeschool group at the last minute and I feel so lost and confused as to what to do. I don't understand how people who say they are Christian can do this to a child.
1. You just became my favorite.
2. Thank you for not being for sale. So many channels are becoming all about direct sales.❤️
How bout now?
@@planetvegan7843 😆
This is the exact reason why I have zero close female friends. I have many acquaintances and that is as far up the friendship ladder as I go. I am a nice person and would help anyone, but not one person, other than my family, knows the inter-workings of my life. I am drama free and I want to keep it that way! Sorry this happened to you and your kids are feeling the ramifications. You seem like you would be a great friend to have! 😊
ussms1107 Thankyou! Definitely more peaceful when it’s just you and your fam! I’m headed back that direction.
ussms1107 Amen sister. Same here!
I’m the same way. But I feel a little sad not having the close friends I did when I was younger.
It’s just hard to make friends, I get turned off to a lot of people for a lot of reasons, gossip. And when women only complain and crapping on their kids and husbands.
Not that I’m not guilty of these things sometimes but it’s just something that gets tiring ugh
Same here no drama
As a Catholic homeschooler of 17 years, I have never had this problem. Probably because as Catholics most of us Catholic homeschoolers have lots of children so we don’t have time to have a “structured” homeschooling group. We just email or call and say, “Hey, this is going on! Join us!” It’s always been very unstructured and I personally have always appreciated this.
They only structured group I ever belong to was MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) about 20 years ago. I enjoyed it at first but after about a year noticed the clickish behavior of some and left.
I have experienced that women are generally difficult to work with. I noticed that right out of highschool when I went into the workforce 30years ago. My recommendation is to be around people that more or less go with the flow.
I just moved and met up with some Catholic moms this past week. ALL the kids were awesome! There had to be about 10 moms there and all so totally chill and welcoming (genuine) . I am praying that I can be a blessing to this group. They regularly meetup once a week for park days, after Mass, a Legion of Mary time, and a Co-op too. It seems like they are very flexible even though there is a lot of participation. Say prayers for me that it is a blessing.
I wanted to update my comment. I love these women still. I had a miscarriage this pass weekend and the amount of women taking care of me and my family is amazing. I am still feeling so blessed to be in this group and know these women. I pray for other women to know this joy.
Wow, I never comment. I'm a Muslim, but can relate to a lot of what you said just as a mom and human. That is for the words of wisdom. Also, the fact that you were able to dig deep and find the lessons within all the hurt shows what an amazing person you are. Wishing you all the best ❤
Fatima Muhammed This🙋🏽♀️ Jewish homeschooling mom couldn’t have said that better! Took the words right from my heart!
💕
I am a non-religious mom, and I can also relate. Thank you for sharing!
I don't think she is Jewish, she is Christian
I won’t join any homeschooling groups outside of social media just because I’m awkward & I rather just not having to get out of character while my babies are watching me. Nope, I’ll just have them join YMCA groups & classes. I’ve had issues with being the outsider because I was “Black” I know this because I would always try to start up conversations(I’m not & convo starter) & it was like why you here type crap. I rather for my babies not have to deal with that. I said my peace & left the group.
Becoming Holistic Mom I’m so sorry you had to deal with that!
Becoming Holistic Mom I can relate so much to the awkward thing. I’m very shy and reserved at first so people thing I’m stuck up and pretentious, and it’s always so hard for me to get over that first impression. I hope you find success in your homeschool journey!
Protect them from the nastiness
That is absolutely awful! I can't understand the mentality of "you're black and I'm not so why are you around." What the heck does skin color have to do with anything other than it makes the world a more beautiful place than it would be if we all looked the same? I am so sorry they were awful to you, some people just suck.
I remember waiting in line at a local Mother's Day Out program to get information to join a MOPS group. They addressed the caucasian ladies infront and behind me. They basically looked directly through me. I'm not originally from USA and over the last few years I've begun to understand that Christian doesn't correlate to invitation or acceptance. 💔
This is an unfortunate thing that happens in basically any type of group- it's happened in church, in small groups, in public school, in study groups, in mom groups, in dad groups... it just seems to be an unavoidable risk when you get any groups of people together. It's the reason I have just a few very close friends and not really anyone else.
I've kind of distanced myself from a mom's group that I've tried to joining. They are very stuck up & didn't seem to want to be around me. I got tried of forcing a simile around them just so my son can have a play date. I wish women didn't have to be like this.
Agree. I’ve felt like this with women in my church!
@@LittleMrsMiddleton same!
Ashlee, your best video to date. I love that you were real about what can happen to any of us.
I actually had applied to a group, a well known group and was denied because my daughter has spinal surgery every 6 months... Yep! Denied due to a disabilitiy. I vowed to never put us through that pain again.
I believe you nailed it when you said the gal, can't call her a leader, fell into the position by default... She clearly isn't QUALIFIED to head a group.
I'm sorry you & your children's hearts have been hurt by woman clearly not serving the LORD. 💔
James 1:26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.
Sending you a very big hug.
Giddy-up & go gang so sorry that happened to you?
@@GraceandGrit we're tough skinned. Adore you.
Valley & Brave Girl❤️
This was fascinating, because I didn’t even know homeschool groups could be like this! 😳 Thank you for filling me in, so I won’t be shocked if I encounter something similar. I’m grateful to say that my homeschool group is completely relaxed and full of grace. Since I’ve had my baby twins, I’ve had to step out of a leadership position in our group, and also attend less than half of our events - and everyone is totally okay with it! They understand. The ladies at my church are like that, too. 💗 I’m feeling SO incredibly blessed right now! I hope you’re able to find a new support group, or find reconciliation with your other friends, if possible. Again, thank you for sharing and giving us practical tips of things to watch out for. 😘
I was asked to leave a group because they said that having a kid who sometimes have meltdowns due to Austism was scaring the other kids. I was like wow instead of educating them they ask me to leave.
colorado girl that’s what I’m worried about! I’ll be homeschooling my six year old this fall for grade two. He’s also on the spectrum.
colorado girl sad because Autism is on the rise. Christians need to wake up. Especially pastors and how they run their church. Most are not autistic friendly whatsoever.
Very sad. Homeschool is not a bubble we all live in this world and have to learn how to conduct ourselves with many different people.
Ugh I can understand that one. You would think that mature adults would see that as an opportunity to teach their children about special needs and being inclusive. But some people are just ignorant.
I could understand if the meltdown involved hurting other kids and you totally ignored it....but I would be willing to bet large amounts of money that wasn't the case! I'm sorry they were awful, what a wasted teaching moment on their part.
I love how you said your weren’t going to give the classic Christian statement that you have forgiven them. You will, but it shows how raw and real life this incident was and also how being a Christian we aren’t always perfect, but that we go through real life feelings and situations too. ♥️
Alyssa Beth yes. I had to say that, I’m not there yet but I will be ❤️ Thankyou for taking the time to watch!
Grace and Grit you will get there
It's OK to allow ourselves the journey of forgiveness. Many times I want to forgive, I know I will end up with forgiveness as a final result, but I need time to process the emotions and the thoughts that come through the situation without the guilt that I'm "going to bed angry"...again.
It's OK to have a journey of it
I know this video is two years old but oh my goodness this hits home with me right now! I have dealt with more drama in homeschool groups than any other groups...and we participate in "Christian" homeschool groups. We are taking a break this semester because it was affecting my mental health and was causing more stress than it was worth. Thank you for being so open and honest. ❤
I’m almost at the end of your video and want to say “YES,” to all the red flags you listed. I will not even bring those kind of women into my inner circle. Second thing, when the Bible talks about not judging, it’s referring to judging non-believers or judging someone who is struggling with the same sin you struggle with. So, I’m a sphere of Christian, believing women, we are given Biblical permission to approach that person in love to share what you see IF you are closer to them! My hubby and I have been in ministry leadership for about 12 years and the number 1 issue I see is this. People don’t realize that believers are SUPPOSED to sharpen each other by calling out the best in each other, and sometimes that means we have to discuss sin patterns!
I'm liking this video only in support of you sharing & bringing awareness to mean moms.
We are in a homeschool group that is.... okay. I haven't connected with a single mom, they are all VERY conservative, & pretty exclusive. My daughter hasn't connected with any of the children either. This group meets every Friday. Bleh.
Its HARD to make friends as an adult, as a mom, and as a homeschool family. Its truly unfortunate. I turn toUA-cam, to watch mamas like yourself for a sense of understanding. Not the same as in person communication & community for my family!
I can't even touch on how unfair to your children this is. How incredibly upsetting.
lynsey miller I agree with you, community can be found in other ways! I’m sorry you haven’t been able to connect more deeply In that group!
Lynsey Miller I applaud your candor. I'm right there with you.
I feel really sad reading these comments. I know some situations can not be helped because other people's actions are out of our control.... But it's sad to read things like "I'll never be part of a group because women are catty."... Yes, someone women are, but why let that stop you and your children from receiving the benefits of friendship and togetherness? Those uncomfortable moments are few and far between, and sometimes they are easily avoided if we can just be willing to give grace to someone who's being catty.
It's kind of like marriage... I could become offended every time my husband makes a snarky comment, and live in a marriage where there is constant offence and bickering, OR I could let it roll off my shoulders, assuming that he's just having a rough day and didn't really mean it. By not making it a big deal, I avoid blow-ups, hurt feelings, and more drama.
I also think that sometimes things don't get as out of hand if we handle them face to face instead of through texting. That's hard in 2018, but true!! It's a lot harder to face someone down with an ultimatum, and tell them they MUST be at the park, if you have to tell them that face to face. It's a lot harder to make a nasty comment to someone when you can see the hurt you're causing on their face.
I know there are exceptions and some people really are mean and deceitful, but I would like to think that most of us try not to be that way. What a shame that so many wonderful mothers, with wisdom and special gifts and talents, are afraid to share all of that with others.... Step out and BE the group you wish you could have! Learn to roll with the bumps. We NEED each other!
Love This Calling well said! 👏💗
Oh gosh, you are wise.
Love This Calling personally this comparison isn’t the same I found men to get along easier with than women and my husband I’m romantically involved with so I put in more effort and time to get along while friends come and go it’s not the same commitment.
It doesn't have to be the same commitment in order to give grace and let thinks roll off our shoulders instead of becoming offended.
I know that sometimes men can be easier to get along with... But women will cry with you when you're hurt, and they understand things that men will never understand because we go through things that they do not. We need each other.
This kind of drama happens among men, too. Oh, the stories I've heard. Instead of being catty, though, it's more along the lines of an "I'm more man than you are" attitude, and one-upping the other. Just as there are wonderful men, there are horrible ones, too. And the same applies to women. This is not a "woman" thing, and it's sad that we are perpetuating this idea among ourselves.
Oh, the stories I could share after 18 years involved in homeschool communities and in various leadership roles. A couple years ago my family was so significantly wounded and impacted by one "Christian" group we were immensely invested in that we needed to step away from all homeschool group involvement and church. You mentioned if you lead a group you would want it to be one you start so you could set the expectations. PLEASE know homeschool group leadership can be one of the loneliest journeys!! Leading people in a volunteer group and being their friends does not work. Your "friends" will like you until you make a decision they don't agree with or benefit from. Your "friends" will talk with others about you and your children. People who are not doing the work and carrying responsibility often have A LOT of opinions about what you are doing "wrong". Even if you are clear about the focus and expectations of the group, people will want something different and they will not be nice getting their points across to you ... even in a group with a Biblical foundation. There are many things I LOVE about homeschooling but the social community has been our greatest challenge!!
I am so experiencing this right now!
People who lie move from friend to friend because eventually they are found out.
Takers will always be takers. They are super unhealthy and always out for themselves and what others can do for them- no good friendship can ever come from that. That’s a ministry and we walk away when we’re finished ministering to those people. And we do need to have boundaries with those people because they’re not for you- they’re for themselves. Ugh. I’m so sorry ash. You are beautiful and an amazing friend and mama. I’m so proud of you.
JAIMIE KIGHT I value your perspective so much! Thankyou!!!❤️
Stuff like this is always so hard...relationships are hard. An interesting side-note that we've noticed since raising backyard chickens over the last 9 years or so is that a flock of hens that has a rooster around will not fight. But a flock of hens with no rooster will "hen-peck" each other constantly to figure out their pecking order. I'm not saying we are just like chickens, but there's an interesting dynamic that seems similar to our social groups! My kids are about the same age as yours (4 boys, ages 5-11) and we've been a part of a group for 3 years as well. The first two years were like the "honeymoon period" and this last year we've really had to struggle to maintain a drama-free group. It's hard. I think the key, other than the fact that women can be emotional and easily hurt, is that friends don't have to be committed to each other, like spouses or even extended family are when things get rough. They can love you one day and leave you the next and that's hard. Thank you for sharing because I'm sure many of us have been in similar situations. Not only do we have to find friends for ourselves, but we also have a responsibility as homeschooling parents to give our kids access to kids they could be friends with...all while juggling the 5 million other responsibilities we have!
Guinea pigs often same can have group females they fight introduce male n the upsets quell
HOMEsteadSCHOOLED you rock. I’ve managed people for over twenty years and I’ve always noticed mixed gender teams are always more professional and higher performing comparing all other factors
Funny you mentioned that. Last time I went to the Zoo the Zookeeper was telling us a story how the same thing happened with a group of female gorillas after their male leader died until the Zoo was able to bring in a new one.
Funny you should mention that. Last time I was at the Zoo the Zookeeper told us a story how this group of female gorillas went into chaos after their male leader died. They didn't calm down and go back to normal until a new male leader was brought in. He would break up fights and get them to do what they were supposed to do.
In 2007, I lost a baby and my dad. During the end of that year and the start of 2008, some of the homeschooling moms in our group started kicking me while I was down. It was a good old fashioned witch hunt. The mistreatment of my children was the final straw. I left in 2008. It's been 10 years since I have been in a homeschooling group. Don't think I'll ever join another. I've been homeschooling 20 years and have 14 years of homeschooling to go. 😂 I put my kiddos in classes, such as at the art museum or karate studio...no more women only led groups. I'm praying for you. ❤️
Team Boyd the same thing happened to me with a mom group I was in. PPD, husband job loss and my mom died all within a few months. And they just saw weakness and attacked. It was terrifying.
So sorry that happened to you💛. I had to quit in middle of a homeschool year about 6 years ago bc I was pregnant with my 6th baby & was exhausted!!! My husband was about to have knee surgery, I was burnt out, had gestational diabetes issues & could not physically do it all so I put 2 of my kids in public school from January & I got a nasty email saying that if I don’t finish the co op commitment I would be banned from ever rejoining😳 I was so heartbroken that here I was sweating, feeling faint and close to delivering my baby (January 11th) and it was beginning of December but I had to do what was right for my health and family....and even though they wanted me to continue to fulfill my teacher assisting duties for the one class I knew they had floater moms that could help...anyways...I felt bad about not finishing but I was so burned out I was having a mini break down. I kept thinking they better hope they never need to put their kids in school or have a crisis where moms treat them
Like dirt. I would never make a mom feel like garbage due to struggles she & her family are going through. I ended up only having 2 of my boys in school only from January to April and was back to feeling better🙌🏼 more refreshed and blessed no thanks to the rude homeschool moms in that group. I am in a different group but very cautious as to what I say/do and how much I get involved bc sadly I never know when someone will be nasty hater. As a Certified Christian Life Coach that has coached many married couples over the years and led marriage or women’s Classes or Bible Studies of 30-55 people it seems to be a “threat” to moms groups when they find out my gifts, so I’ve learned to not talk much at all in parent meeting at co op bc I don’t want a target on my back. Lol. I say do what works for you and your family with no apologies!!!!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 I quit saying I’m sorry and embrace who God created me and my family to be to serve HIM!!!🙌🏼 I don’t like being boxed in😂. So someone telling me I have to go to park day or schedule field trips...ummm #noThanks!!! Lol
Kimberly Scofield 🙏🏼
@@kimscofield80 This happened to several women I know. The witches pretended to be kind but like sharks smelling the blood in the water they attack at any sign of weakness or vulnerability.
Ok I’m coming out w my story RIGHT NOW because I’m so grateful you’ve created a platform here where women can empower other women.
THANK YOU FOR COMING FORTH W THIS MUCH NEEDED HONESTY!!! I no longer feel alone now that you’ve shared.
This happened to me too! My children and I were totally shunned by my homeschool family of 3 years…what did I do? Not anything too bad at all. We had a trip to butterfly world and i carefully privately spoke up for a friend w 2 babies who was being sent home after making a 45 min trip!. The homeschool mom leader of trip lost her check.
All I did was politely ask if she could help her. Then when she said no, I took a walk around the leader and lovingly, without bad mouthing anyone, got the feiend a discount so she wouldn’t have to pay in full that day or be sent home.
The leader of the trip- just a mom like me must have been Close w the president of the organization because she somehow bad mouthed me and lied so much about me, I was called by the leader, not allowed to speak, and hung up on never to be included again, not even 3 years later when new president came in. I was treated like a criminal.
I was a STELLAR member prior to that, heading trips to Legoland and kind and encouraging to all.
I was so devastated from being shunned along w my kids from our homeschool family of 3 years, I had to see a therapist. Then the new group I joined where I felt loved joined the ole group that shunned me and 2 years later, I was not allowed to rejoin. So I lost more friends
I’m really well now because I attend regular 12 step meetings for women who are abused and God sent me some new friends
Insightful as I’m considering to start looking for a coop/ community for homeschool and this reminded me to use discernment and to live with integrity when challenges come up with someone and they will at some point. Thank you for showing respect for those involved you seem very wise and full of integrity 🥰
The best groups are the ones you don't get attached to anyone in. Stick to events and outings. Once the personal space veil is pierced things get sticky because expectations start brewing. Plus it sucks when you are the one putting out effort and others stand you up or blow you off while posting on Social Media what they do with others. Lies are revealed easily on SM.
New to the homeschool world. A homeschool mom kicked me out of her group because she had a problem with me chatting and joining another mom's group. I thought it was childish on her part as any issues she has with someone else has nothing to do with me especially because I'm new and trying to get to know a lot of people in the homeschool community. I was hurt by her reaction. I took this as a Blessing. It's so much easier to meet people at the park.
Currently has a 16 year friendship end because the coop I'm in and my friend had a falling out so now my friend has decided we can't be friends anymore. I feel like I'm back in highschool
@@crystalcanada4773That happened to my son and I as well.
My new rule of thumb - any homeschool group that forces participation from anyone is an instant NO for me. It’s a good way to filter out the negative spaces. Instantly I can tell it’s not going to be my kind of people. 😆
Hearing your story was so helpful to me. Before I even started homeschooling (about a year and a half ago), I had a very similar experience with my mom friend group. I’m still trying to heal from it. It is so hard making new friends after an experience like this. I hope you have healed and moved on-hearing you talk about it has helped me see my own experience more clearly ❤️
I feel like some people were jealous of you
100%
These types of "situations" can really cut to the heart. Given the fact that you've been a part of the group for some time & given so much along the way. Whether in a "homeschool mom's group", a church or work setting, or even just one on one ("friend" or family member even), they're really hurtful & sometimes out of left-field! Thank you for expressing your feelings about this experience in order to help others...definitely feel for ya!
So true! I always say that when someone tries to gossip to me about someone else, Im like so what do you say about me? You are such a honest, pure, generous person, anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend..their intentions werent true and its their loss! Thank you so much for sharing!
Megan Thankyou ❤️
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. While I personally have NEVER gone through hurt through. Homeschool groups, I've watched dear friends go through it, and that caused me to leave and not want to support it. But I think you are right, we aren't to become isolated after these situations. How can we "bear one another's burdens", if we are isolated. How to we build one another up? Gossip is horrible. You should do a video on WHAT gossip is. Gossip is a deliberate attempt to make someone look bad.
1. Your transparency is so refreshing. I have definitely felt this way within a mom get together group.
2. When we are successful and look like we are doing well with things people are jealous and act like this at times. It's so frustrating.
3. I relate to you in a lot of ways and absolutely love watching your videos. Keep them coming and keep your head up girl, you are awesome!
Savannah Renfroe Thankyou! So very appreciate you!
Texting is a difficult form of communication. A tone you're not wanting to infer can be conveyed. And you also miss out on hearing feedback from and "reading" the other person.
VictoriousLaura yes, so much misunderstanding
So true!
Sounds like that group is headed for major drama anyway - maybe it's a blessing in disguise? That you're out of it now instead of going through a year or two of drama? Doesn't make it feel any better though.... I'm so sorry :(
Bethany Atkinson it’s definitely is and I’ll get to a place of seeing that soon!
I agree!
Sorry this happened to your sweet family! But you are so right on about the wisdom gained from all this and to keep pressing on! Also, it is true Middle school and high school does take a bit longer each day and it’s hard to commit to mornings or even at all! Keep on mama you rock! ❤️
I'm so sorry you went through this but am glad you chose to share! Why are mom groups so hard when we are all just looking for the same thing, community and acceptance?! I have really struggled in this area and still have not found the right group for us. I thought after high school cliques and mean girl bullying would not be a thing anymore. If only...
Praying for you as you continue to deal with the raw emotions. Maybe take the other women that were kicked out and start your own group?
I love love love this video. Your transparency is inspirational, it’s very sad that you have to go through all this. I don’t understand why this has to happen, the disrespectful actions towards other moms. It has to stop! Community is so very important when homeschooling, and to deny someone that is denying their kids, totally not fair. I’m so proud of you for letting all of it out respectfully and tastefully. That says something about character ❤️ huge hugs from me!
Party of Seven thanks so much for listening!
I KNOW THIS IS AN OLD VIDEO...However....This story is precisely why I stay away from people, especially groups of women. If I feel a vibe or off energy about someone, I will not continue talking to them. I am always very observant of someone and their behavior and how they carry themselves. Thank you for your story, it's just sad that women have to be that way. Most women. It is also so ridiculous that the "group leader" had requirements of everyone as if everyone has the same life and schedule. She would be a great cult leader, that is someone that likes control and doesn't give others room to breathe and live their own lives. You do NOT need to be in a group like that at all.
So much wisdom in your video! I am so impressed with all the insights you have so soon after the even. It’s difficult to think clearly when we’re angry and hurt. You are a very wise soul.
Your experience reminds me of that story about the snake who says, “You knew what I was when you picked me up.” Hubby and I have been trying to teach our kids about “snakes” after having quite the run-in with them throughout our own lives. Your red flags that you’ve noticed are spot on. When someone flatters you, needs you, wants to join everything you’re a part of, calls and texts you constantly after only a short friendship, they are a “snake” and will eventually bite you. We also should never invite someone in need into every part of our life, like you said. It’s so tempting, especially when the person is so willing and responsive, but we should be wary when people are so easily transformed into exactly the person we want them to be. They will take over your life and then push you out of it. We can choose one or two things to invite them to share with us, but we shouldn’t try to be their savior. They should rely on their own Savior. Then, they can make the transformation they really need. And, they will be a better friend.
I think this is a lesson that every healthy person will eventually learn, unfortunately. That’s why the healthy ones become so difficult to find and make friends with. We become guarded and cautious. We make our homes and our families our sanctuary.
Thanks for sharing this. I just started homeschooling in September. It’s been great so far, but many people I talk to seem to be pushing that I need a group to do homeschool “correctly.” Ive been very cautious and haven’t joined a group, mostly because I’m trying to find my own footing first as I try to figure out how we like to homeschool. This is such a great cautionary tale for me to know what to look for if we decide to go that direction in the future. Thanks for your openness.
I’m super happy I’m an introvert after watching this. Jk. I have 2 friends, I might see them 1x per month. We are a super independent family, wed night/Sun church is more than enough socializing for our 5 girls and us. I watch the girls skirt right around the cliques at church and go hang with the shy girls left out,or sit by themselves and answer questions with 0 self consciousness 🤷🏽♀️
Oh Ashlee, I’m so sorry this happened to you! That totally stinks and hurts big time. We’re not currently in a HS group. I feel like it’s sometimes hard for me to connect with other women in large group settings. I’m the type of person who has one or two really close friends and then mostly acquaintances. Thanks for sharing this story and I hope going forward that you’ll connect with some true friends who will reciprocate love and support! 💕
Taming the Frizz Thankyou so much! 💕
Thank you so much for this video! It has inspired me to not give up. It’s so hard to fit into a group of caddy women. That has been my experience even with my church and it is heartbreaking. As homeschool moms and Christians, we can’t give up! Knowing you went through it and that so many people have, lets me know I’m not alone. Feeling alone in the homeschool community is something that shouldn’t happen. We can pray for these women. Pray that they truly start understanding the effects of their actions and their tongues. 💗💕💗💕
It is clear what an empathetic person you are. The struggle of being an “empath” is we tend to delay putting up boundaries when we should because our hearts are driven with compassion and a desire to help the vulnerability we intuitively recognize in people; perhaps be the “person” someone significant wasn’t for us in our past. You are level headed and wise in all of your take aways for the future. Hopefully the nastiness of this situation quickly dissipates for you. Jesus values you so much! Thank you for all of the intentional care and transparency you invest in the community your channel has brought together!!💕💕
Abundant Life Essential Wellness your words mean so much and very much resonate with me
Abundant Life Essential Wellness The struggle is real. It's a constant drain to be so empathetic and equally disheartening to know that such a huge chunk of humanity could care less about all the things that we feel so deeply about. It is both a blessing and a curse.
Stacee Massey I completely agree... I think it’s an important skill, and It comes with a learning curve. Lol It’s heartbreaking sometimes because we know our intentions. That being said, for the many who have no appreciation for all you do, I’d imagine there are many who treasure it 😊
I could have told this EXACT story down to each red flag! I am still hurting but moving on. I have 6 children who need community and we also do it through sports, dance and community activities. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hi! Yes, I’ve found homeschool groups difficult in the past as well and in the end just decided that being part of the groups was not really worth all the effort and the work that I was putting into them. My children enjoy their activities like Girl Guides, Scouts and Dancing and don’t miss being part of homeschool groups.
Oh girl... just so much yes to all this. I haven't gone through this specific instance, but I have very much felt the pain of rejection from the "in group" within the homeschool community. I have also learned so much about boundaries. You totally hit the nail on the head about wanting to extend grace to other woman so overlooking things, but in turn needing to be able to set boundaries for your life and your family's life.
Praying for peace for you friend!
I hate that this happened to you. A few years ago I had a group of "friends" and things went sour out of nowhere over ONE of them suddenly having a big problem with me being facebook friends with someone she had had issues with. Looking back I think there was a very jealous/deceitful person in the mix - whispering in her ear just to get me out of the picture. It was devastating, though. It was already a really tough time for me and then those women talked about me so much that no one in our entire community would even look at me - people who had always said hi, chatted with me, etc. Eventually the one with the problem came to her senses and our friendship was restored. But the situation kind of changed me and it's been hard to overcome the fear that it could happen again! Yikes, I wrote a novel here. Thanks for being so open and sharing!
I’m sorry this happened to you. Women can be such an amazing support for each other, so I’m really glad you are learning some valuable lessons but not giving up entirely. You are a great example of how great and supportive women can be…keep up the good work!
That was a ridiculous requirement for a homeschool group, so that makes it completely obvious what her intention was. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Red flags shouldn't be ignored in any relationship so you have learned a lesson we all have to at one point. Just remember that most people really aren't that way. It can be hard to remember that when going through something like this, but deep down most people are kind and generous. Focus on the good in your life and this will pass. I had something similar happen with a family member this past Fall and it made it hard to see the good in others for a bit. But after being away from them for a while, it was such a relief to have gone our separate ways. Praying for peace and closure to come quickly for you.
Stephanie Walker focus on the good, is exactly what I plan to do, and you all are a huge part of the good
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your transparency is encouraging. I’ve been so motivated by watching your videos in my own journey homeschooling four kids, balancing fitness, housework, and all the other responsibilities. I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate you taking the time to make these videos and share your life with us...it’s being used in great ways :). I’ll be praying for you as you process all of this.
cmddavis Davis Thankyou for letting know what I do matters!
❤❤ praying for you, Momma.
I run and operate a group specifically for those who have been hurt, outcast, don't fit in... We are a homeschooling family. I began this ministry 4 years ago because I met people going through this exact same thing.
Which, is terribly sad.
Delightfully Feasting yes, praying your continued to be used as a light.
This popped up on my feed. I have been following you for a few months now and this video just came up today. I think I needed to hear it. I’ve been treated ugly by other moms in a homeschool group and the biggest reason has been because I don’t participate in all the functions. If my kids have work they have finished we do not go and I’ve been ridiculed for this. I actually teach my kids and some moms in my group seem baffled by that. It’s a shame that women are this way.
This is why I don't have a "mom gang" my husband is my best friend
Thank you for sharing this. I went through something similar (twice!), and so appreciate your honesty in sharing what you saw as "red flags." They were in my situations too, and I feel just a bit wiser after listening to what you had to say and reevaluating my situation in light of it. Thank you for your vulnerablility!! God's best to you and yours!!
Wow this story is so sad. What happened to teaching our kids the good in the world. Grown woman teaching their kids how to bully. I am praying for your family!
Megan totally! Trying to spin it for good!
I have NEVER heard of park days being a requirement.
SodbusterLiving ya they weren’t and then they were
That’s so crazy! #nothanks. Lol. Our co op offers activities etc but I rarely go on their field trips bc I like to do trips with homeschool friends we actually hang out with :) works great! No pressure, no crazy schedules & we can eat our packed lunches in the parking out of the back of our vehicles if we choose. Lol.
Hahahaha! I thought the same thing!
Some groups are like that. Mandatory attendance or you get a phone call.
@@GraceandGrit an unwritten rule
Oh yeah, those women DEFINITELY watched this video.
I am new to your channel and fairly new to homeschooling. And I am super grateful for your honesty and information. Definitely very helpful. I will continue to stay prayed up in my journey and will lift you up in yours. May God continue to bless and protect you in all you do. This job is definitely the hardest I've had and I totally agree, we should uplift each other up instead of tearing down!
Liked before watching because I'm never disappointed by your videos. Stay strong Mama! Stay real! We appreciate real! I saw your preview for this video yesterday and I'm so glad you made this! Thank you!
Simply Myla K. Thankyou ❤️
I switched co-ops because several of the women in the previous group felt it was necessary to insult my clothing and question my parenting and homeschooling style. They were also very pushy with their mlm products they sell, and also very competitive. I don't like people who act like their lives are perfect, that's very fake to me. We switched to a new, much larger and far more organized co-op last year, and my kids are SO much happier, as am I. :)
Went to a homeschool meeting at the LIBRARY - and totally got frozen out bc the 3 moms who typically attend were not open to new moms joining. A PUBLIC library. Won’t be back.
My best friend, who's been homeschooling for 20+ years, mentioned that she encountered that alot. So she just didn't even bother with them after awhile.
I completely understand your feelings, my husband is a pastor and we were hurt by a group of people several times in a few short years. People we thought of as not only friends, but family. It took us a long while to forgive. We thought we had, but it was all just boiling up in our hearts. Finally we have forgiven these people, and moved on. It feels good to let it go, but I agree, it takes a long time sometimes.
It hurts so bad, and makes it hard to trust again. It’s been about 5 years, and I’m finally letting people get close again.
I’m praying for you, and your heart to heal. I’m so sorry you had to go through this. 😢
Mika Spencer so sorry you endured such a struggle!
Learning experience for sure! It sounds like you were dealing with narcissistic behavior. It leaves you reeling and confused. That leadership dynamic was toxic and cutting ties with that is a positive choice. There are plenty understanding and supportive communities out there! I'm glad you aren't letting this experience discourage you ♡
I’m sorry you had to deal with this situation. I appreciate that you made this video. It’s important for us to share life’s imperfections so others know they aren’t alone.
CrunchyMamaBear exactly
Have you reached out anymore to these 2 women (the leader of the group and the one that you had brought in)? Maybe you can meet with each of them privately just to discuss and talk through what exactly happened. It seems there might be some misunderstanding or to at least discuss your side and point of view. Not necessarily to get back into the group, but so that you can have closure and move forward in forgiveness.
I have a 17 year old child whom I've homeschooled since he was 5 years old and we're on our second to last year of homeschool. I have never joined a homeschool group. My homeschool friends are all online friends because I don't trust people and situations like this. I'm so very sorry that this happened to you! I just found your channel and felt an immediate connection so I don't understand people and this kind of behavior. I pray God fills the spot this left for your sweet children. These ladies weren't thinking of the kids, just themselves.
Ashlee, I am so sorry to hear this. You will find peace, another group whether you create one or find one and you will forgive them in time. Your heart is beautiful. It is so sad to me because I feel like you were taken advantage of from the start and used and abused. But that was the devils plan. God knew this would happen and he has big plans for you and your kiddos! Way to stand up for your friend btw! I would have done the same thing! Thank you for sharing!! Prayers!
Hustle & Shine Thankyou friend, I definitely do feel taken advantage!
Thank you for sharing! I have experienced deep hurt in a similar way... and even was told I was no longer trustworthy when it was the opposing party that broke my trust and really wounded me. I so wish that I could find a friend like you! I hope that you were able to maintain friendships with the other two ladies who were part of the group and also hurt by the situation. Prayers and blessings!
The co-ops I’ve looked into (which do not work out for my family for so many reasons!!) All has requirements that no more than 1-2 meetings can be missed. I could never commit to that. Ever. What mom of kids can guarantee that? 🤦🏼♀️
Jessica Jones yes that’s too hard, we homeschool to be free
Man oh man. Ugh I’m so sorry this happened to you. It errks me so much that grown women can be like this- especially in a community that so desperately needs “community!” Love you ash.
JAIMIE KIGHT love you girl, thanks for being my community!
dang... mom of 4 kids under 10 here, I homeschooled for several years, but now have my kids in public school (not for any reasons regarding groups, but it was the BEST decision I made for this season in life!), I still early homeschool my little babes though, and there are things I miss about homeschool. I never joined a group, partially cause it was so hard to get out of the house on my schedule, let along somebody else! Anyways...I felt like this needed to be said for anybody reading:
This is my personal opinion on the matter, not as a former homeschool grouper, but as a woman/mom: this sort of thing happens in any kind of woman organized group when women feel powerless in their own lives (their marriage, their careers, their kids, anything), and they place their identity in something (being a homemaker, pastor's wife, group organizer, children's ministry leader), and because they feel powerless in their own lives, they don't know how to stay in their lanes, and they seek to control other women (because that is who they feel licensed to control). This is why there is SO MUCH DRAMA WITH WOMEN. Can you ever imagine this sort of thing happening with men? No. Women are supposed to be protectors of people's hearts; we have a lot of power to hurt or help people. Ladies, let's be powerful women and choose to control only ourselves.
I've been part of a "cult". Cults do not have anything to do with religion; cults are cults because of certain characteristics. Characteristics such as exclusivity, rules that are made by a leader, and can only be broken by a leader, shunning people who have left, scaring people into missing their calling if they leave, rejection of anything that doesn't fit leaders' standards, controlling people's time/money/schedule/resources.. and did I mention CONTROL? Whether it be an MLM, homeschool group, church, family, club, a cult will seek to control you for their own purposes. It can be hard leaving any cult, because even the strangest groups have some sort of good thing to them, maybe the leader helped you make more money, or helped you through a difficult homeschooling period, etc. Strong feelings of guilt and fear can overwhelm people who suspect something is off within their group, and want to leave. I hope any moms reading this will pay attention to that gut feeling, if they are having it.
Anyways, I'm sorry that happened to you (and all the other women on here who have had the same thing happen!). Such a yucky feeling. I bet your story has given a lot of other moms out their the courage to acknowledge the same stuff in their own circles. Thank for sharing!
Awe Sorry to hear this we were rejected over 2 yrs ago from a non friendly group and been "solo" since.. YUK. Vibes and Red flags discernment with others I have been watching you for a while now. With Success comes trouble.. I like this page and all Your good insight and encouragement Keep it up! We appreciate you here! xo Shaunda
It's so sad to come across such petty people in our lives. It's hard to believe at times that people who we trust and call our friends can be that way. It's shocking. Thank you for sharing. My group is very small but not demanding. I try to do me and my kids as much as possible to avoid problems like that. Stay strong Ashlee, the lost volunteer mom and specially a great friend. ❤ hugs to your little ones over the sad news of not being part of a group they thought it was forever sort of speak.
Mayra Choto Thankyou!! Merry Christmas!
Spouses can be so horrible sometimes. I resonate with this so much. I've been craving a really good friend for years, just one. But the things I do aren't ever enough. There's always another friend they like better, or they move on quickly. It's been probably close to 20 years since I've had a best friend. It's exhausting always giving everything you have, and it still not being enough.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I'm so glad that you still seem to have retained a couple friends from that situation. I'll be praying you find some better options for groups for you and your kiddos. ❤
This is why my mom never joined these groups when I was homeschooled and why i have never joined any with my homeschooled kiddos. I just cant with that stuff. Ive always been the one that doesnt fit in, and it makes it super awkward as it is. So instead do things like girl scouts, church groups etc
What a great video!! You are a very brave, strong and motivational woman! We need more people like you- standing up for truth. If someone is at a point in their life to change and humble themselves they will embrace it (criticism) and do something about it, but if not they will attack you and be in denial mode. Way to stand your ground. I am so amazed at how gracefully you resolved the fact that this shouldn't and won't pave your future.... that you can still go forward without it pulling you away from the things you love. Sending you and your enemies prayers, love and good vibes.
That's why I don't join homeschool groups. Some of them have required things that I can not/will not do. My kids education is more important than their bylaws.
So sorry to hear about this! It’s so sad when our actions don’t reflect God’s love, especially when another sister in Christ needs help, not criticism. It sounds like you’re taking a healthy viewpoint, and I’m so thankful to you for sharing your story! So many traumatized mamas have come forward to share their stories as well; what a beautiful ministry this thread is. Praying for hope and healing for all these ladies, and praying for sustained strength and wisdom to know how to respond to your viewers, Ashlee. Thank you for sharing! Way to go, sister!
Gosh I’m so sorry this has happened to you. This kind of drama should never happen within a homeschool and especially a Christian group. Whatever happened to grace and truthfulness, acceptance and common courtesy? I am so sorry. You have a wonderful outlook after the fact and I’m glad that you can pass on those teachable moments to us as well. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I appreciate this so much. I am not a home school mama but I watch you for ideas about how to further teach at home / ways to connect with the community. I really related to being a Christian woman and feeling like you need to invite people into all aspects of your life and I appreciated your advice on that. You don’t have to let someone in all the parts of your life. It’s ok to pick and choose where you let people in. I am going through it with a mama that has attached herself to me and it’s such a one sided friendship. I’m sorry you and your kiddos had to go through this. It is never easy. I commend you for standing up for your other friends and saying something, it takes a strong person to do that. I hope you find another group that works with your lesson plans and older children. I’m praying for your family!
Dawn Schneider Thankyou for being here! And letting me know something I said resonated. ❤️
It sounds like a homeschool group I got kicked out of here on base. I'm sorry if my child or I get sick and cant make all the events. I especially dislike it when they ask for opinions and then belittle you for your opinion and then they all jump on you for it.
Yes exactly!
I am so sorry this happened to you. I appreciate your honesty and your authenticity for sharing all this with us. I haven’t joined any homeschool groups locally, for a few reasons, but a big one is time commitment. I work full-time. I have had so many nasty, hateful, very hurtful things said to me both in online homeschool groups and in person, all because I work. I really want a sense of community with some homeschoolers because we don’t have any friends who homeschool. I love that you concluded the video with life lessons. Hugs mama.
We're going through that right now. We live in a rural area and for the past few years there was only one group within an hour and a half of us. Unfortunately the lady who runs the group is constantly rude to me and others that aren't in her clique. It makes it tough bc the kids also need friends but the drama she causes is just so unbearable
I needed this so much right now!!! Thank you so much for this video! God is so good to put just the right words and people in your life when you need them!! ❤️❤️❤️
Did you all sign a document of agreement at the beginning of the co-op? I would just refer to it not being written anywhere and therefore keep going. If she made a fuss then too bad- you fulfilled your commitment so your children deserve to have the classes and field trips others planned as well. There is often too much drama from women when they are in groups.
One Mama To Another no documents 😰
I agree, it would need to be in a written document stating that you were expected to attend every week for this rule to be enforced.
Girl. This is so true in so many aspects of life. You are being a great example to your children about leaving a situation or a place if it's not the right place for you. Putting yourselves first is never a bad idea. I'm only 10 minutes into the video but I think this will be true for the whole thing.
Ali Lopez Ali in my comments!?! Wow! My day is made, thanks for your love girlfriend 🥰
Wow, good thing you got out of there. I haven't ever been in a group where it was MANDATORY to attend. That is ridiculous. Keep Strong Momma, You will find what is best for your family!!!
I came across your channel and was instantly hooked! So honest &open. I recently went through something similar with a moms group and it’s been really hard to handle. Thanks for posting this!
This might be somewhat unsolicited advice but maybe the 3 of you that have kinda been ousted could start your own little group and write up expectations and who is doing what (and maybe make it more simple over all) etc.
And with whoever is still in the group, you can be friends with them if they are still willing to have the relationship (you don't have to try and get them out of the group or with your new group or anything like that - just keep it as an informal friendship.)
I don't say this to minimize how you feel after the situation - I've had a lot of my own painful situations in life and sometimes it can be hard to think of what beneficial thing can be done next - so disregard this if it's not helpful but please consider it because it might actually be helpful to you. 😀
Thank you for sharing your story. I have not encountered this kind of issue in my long 5 months of homeschooling (haha), but I am no stranger to ADULT bullying. Bullies come in all shapes, sizes, and ages. I am so sorry your trust was broken. There is nothing more important than trust in a relationship, and there's nothing that damages a relationship more than trust that has been betrayed with deception. My heart breaks for your little kids. Kids suffer way too often as collateral damage to immaturity from the people who should be protecting and guarding their hearts.
At the same time, I am excited to hear where this school year takes you, who God leads you to meet! I think it is STILL going to be a great year for your homeschool!!!
I have heard more negative comments about homeschooling groups than positive. I am not sure if I will find a homeschooling group or not. I haven't started homeschooling yet, but we will be there soon. I myself am a low drama person, and I feel like my friends who have homeschool groups have had a lot of drama with other homeschooling moms. We are very social and do a lot of activities, playdate activities etc.....I am sorry this happened to you . I think it is good to share these stories. For some reason, the pettiness of high school carries on to many women as adults. Some women are so competitive and manipulative. We all want the best for our kids. Women need to support one another!
I would encourage you to continue to keep your eyes and ears open to a potential group. I have only homeschooled for 3 years (I have 2 kids) but I have been pleasantly surprised with 2 out of the 3 groups I've found. Our weekly coop is my favorite, there are great classes and I felt welcomed and comfortable. I teach fun classes all the time, it can be overwhelming at times, but my kids love it and I don't feel any drama there. We just fit right in and I was not expecting to feel that way. I don't mesh with everybody and some have much different views than me, but when it's Monday, we all just have a fun and educational time for the kids. The groups haven't always worked out like that, but I wanted to let you know that you may just stumble upon a group that fits with your wants and needs. I also visited several by popping in for one meeting to see how it felt. I left a few quicker than others, but I did find a few good ones. Best of luck!
One thing I’d suggest, respectfully... if you want to say something confrontational such as “you shouldn’t have done that, you need to apologize...”. Always try your best to say that in person and not in a text.
Lord have mercy. Shame on them. So many 'christians' going to church and not actually christian.