Me too. I couldn't understand my own father but now with Abilify I understand him. I'm trying to understand everyone and get along with them thanks to this medication and my psychiatrist and counseling.
You're absolutely right about opening up communication about psychosis. I'm glad you're sharing this. Hearing other peoples experiences helped me more than anything.
2019 was when I had my first manic psychotic episode. I had enough awareness to know that this was not normal, but at the same time my delusions made me believe I was going crazy because I got cursed by the devil. My emotions became so overwhelming that I would start banging on the walls screaming. I would cry at night because when I looked in the mirror my body in the reflection would melt and become distorted. I swore to myself whatever anger I felt I would take out on myself, but one night I threatened to kill my little sister. She was so scared of me, and all at once I knew I couldn't run from this anymore. I reluctantly told my therapist about these issues and now I'm on mood stabilizers... and I have never felt so happy and stable in my entire life. It's crazy how much bipolar changes you. My entire childhood was basically one long depressive episode, while my high school life was complete mania. But now with my mood stabilizer I actually feel like a person again.
I was diagnosed with bipolar but I think I’m schizoaffective. I’m always paranoid, cut off people because of it, I get dramatic mood swings that I don’t really show on the surface but feel inside. Everyone can tell something is wrong with me. I don’t know how much longer I’ll care to keep going before ending it all
Thank you for your bravery in telling this story. Do you ever feel like saying, "my brain saw/heard X" or "my body saw Y" instead of "I"? Sometimes I when I say "I did /say/ hear" people think that it was me as a person and my mind, rather than my illness. It's the chemicals in my brain that make me be this way, not an active choice i make.
OH MY GOD i feel like fucking crying i couldn’t explain this to anyone but yea i like hear but not literally hear but think A thought I didnt put in my head like overlapping my thoughts
Thank you so much for sharing this. I had a very similar episode and have felt so ashamed, but this has helped me understand it so much better. Thank you!!
Thank You for this explanation!!! I am homeless and just diagnosed with MDD. Im currently being treated and feeling better,but it’s gonna be awhile before I’m 100% I’m Not Giving Up!!! ❤❤❤
Thankyou sweet soul for your bravery to share, both in the video and in telling those around you. It helps the public understand and also those like myself who have experienced similar to know there are others. You are an inspiration, blessings.
Great job telling your experience to the world because people need to understand that our own minds can send us mixed signals. Which would eventually create unusual visuals that on the outside have us looking like we are Day Dreaming or Wake Walking (fully awake but seeing dream like characters).... Drugs are not the only problem, Alcohol isn't the only problem, It's people lying about their life experiences and not helping others see the truth about the "MIND".
I remember 'snapping out of it' at one point, and suddenly seeing the 'actual' room I was in around me and thinking 'hoooolllly fuck I am tripping sooooo hard'. I had totally forgotten I was just in my bedroom, but instead thought I was basically taking a tour of this consciousness factory.
Yes I did loose myself it's very scary I would not wish that to anyone. I disappeared for a day I miss my work I don't pick the phone and I don't know where I was. There's 0,00 memories left.
This has nothing to do with anything but I love your accent😄. As well I was diagnosed this year with bipolar disorder and am looking for information. Good grief getting help where I am is like pulling teeth.
Yesterday I was driving home from a freinds birthday and I thought someone had crawled into my trunk and was going to kill me and I was freaking out and nearly crashed into a building. Sometimes I see people following me in the corner of my eye and I often hear people call my name. One time before I had haluciated someone raising my outdoor garages door and I thought they were robbing me so I called the cops and ran in armed shouting I was going to kill them but nobody was there and there was no signs of anyone. Alot of times I hear sounds in my house at night. I don't know if this is like extreme paranoia or psychosis.
How long can this last? My 18 yr old daughter has been in the hospital for 18 days now and she has only gotten a little better. She says she is confused alot. And thinks she sees ppl that r relatives visit her but they never have visited
Is it common for people with bipolar manic to have isssues with taking their medication? I just wanted to know if it was normal. My mom takes her pills for months then she’ll stop and then have a episode
May I ask how old you were when you had your first psychotic mania event? My partner is 32 and has recently been hospitalized for his first psychotic mania event.
I had my 1st episode in 2017 I remember it so well my thoughts were so chaotic I was under the belief that I was some sort of prophet who could talk to God And my behavior became very strange and erratic looking back on it I can see it now but at the time it seemed very rational to me The experience felt so real even to this day I question whether or not I really did talk to God it Really f***** up my psyche for a long time It's only the last 2 years that my life has had any semblance of normality which is saying a lot considered coronavirus happened around years ago Oddly enough when in psychosis though I was at peace more than I had ever been in my life And in a way it was kind of a good thing because Well I was in psychosis The God i believed I was hearing told me to stop doing drugs and I've been sober ever since so we in a way it was kind of a blessing There was also a particular phrase That surrounded the entire experience It went I am you you are me and we are it we just haven't figured it out yet I was under the impression that everything In the universe was a single entity Playing a game with itself where it pretends That it doesn't know what it is so it can live out every possible Experience
I relate so hard to your experience. I also felt like God was communicating directly with me during my episode. Some of the things that happened to me were so weirdly specific that I almost can't believe it was all in my mind. So to this day I don't know what was real and what wasn't. It's so confusing I feel like I can't 100% move past my episode.
@@sapphire19885 Same bro, it's hard to move past it. Like once it happens, it happens. You're never completely the same. No matter how hard you try to be. There's always before the episode and in some ways it's a good thing and in others it's not like I have found myself more comfortable with myself than I have ever had been but at the same time, it makes it harder to integrate Myself back into the normal way. I used to be no matter how comfortable I am with myself. It is increasingly harder to be stable in Dobbs are cohesive schedule I'm more scattered brand than I ever have been no matter how comfortable I am with myself and well. I'm happy I'm comfortable with myself. I wish I could have Kept the routine that I once had at the same time And then there's also The Times when I become very erratic and I have these manic highs where I want to go out and meet people and have these high expectations that just aren't realistic And these really awesome ideas that I know are awesome. But to put into practice is just unrealistic like no matter how good of an idea it is, if it's an unrealistic idea, it's never gonna work regardless of how you feel about it and how other people might feel about it. So trying to work out those manic, highs and how to deal with them Is probably my biggest struggle The depressive low is suck like i'm out of commission for at least three or four days but the manic highs are what's really Putting me down because I'm super happy. But the second I stop being super happy. I realize that no matter how many good ideas I have or no matter how much Positivity, I'm putting out It's an Unrealistic standard for me to expect other people to understand and reciprocate that feeling And that's really what brings me into my depressive, episodes. It's almost like the manic hives that make me so happy. Are the same manicized that bring on the depressive episodes that keep me so low.
@@sapphire19885 Still trying to work that out, but my main point is there's before you had the episode and there's after you had the episode and you're never gonna be the same person.You were before the episode in some ways.That's good in some ways.That's bad it's really how you look at it more than anything
@@minimayhem1996 Yes you're very right. I absolutely have separated my life into being "before the break" and "after the break". I don't get manic anymore or really that depressive. I'm on medication now that keeps me stable. I'm just kind of meh. I have such deep shame around my actions during my episode that I broke off/ghosted quite a few friendships. It was really bad at I had to be involuntarily hospitalized twice within a month. My husband of 15 years left me even after I became stable again because, in his own words, he couldn't forgive me for what I put him through. Even though that was my first and only bad episode ever in all those years. I don't know I'm just not the same person I used to be. I used to be funny and a lot more vibrant but I feel like my brain has been permanently changed by what I went through. That combined with being mad at God for putting me through what he did when it all came about because I asked for help from Jesus. I was desperate for help and relief but got put through hell instead and ruined my life.
what you mean ? my partner is taking Vyvanse at the moment and he became like the person I cant know anymore, antisocial, obssesed with certain activities (lego organasing for hours or before organising bicycle pieces for long time, or cleaning little pieces of it hours). Im very concern about it, he became unemotional, verbally aggresive. It almost look like he is heading to psychosis, because he said he is ok but I cant see he acts super weird.
he just doesnt look well and act usual. He was diagnosed for Adhd but I think he has BPD, its in a process. But I dont know how they can also prescribe these tablets to people with drug addiction (weed and alcohol in the past). That is concern ing me even more how professional doctor - super famous in a capital where we live can give him this
@@tjradmila updates? and yeah, vyvance is serious stuff, its one component away from meth and from my experience taking it for add, it caused torrettes, i lost 60 pounds, and totally changed personality wise
As a child, i’ve seen the same atoms and the same dark shadow of a man in my door way pointing and laughing at me. I’ve always wonder weed what it meant…
@@jeanaglowacki6874 I was little and didn’t understand but my mom told me it was “probably the devil laughing at me” horrible to tell a child but I I totally believe it. and that is when I asked to go to church .
It's hard to believe anyone can share this. Usually they have no self awareness, even after taking treatment and stabilizing. And actually talking about what happened is very unpleasant to them and can even trigger a relapse because they seem to throw the memories "under the rug" but in their mind everything they experienced was real and we're the crazy ones for refusing to admit it's real.
I can tell your not very educated in this subject and your statements demonstrate prejudice towards mentally ill people. Saying they usually have no self awareness, even after treatment is totally untrue. Another falsehood is that talking about what happened can trigger a relapse. I don't think you realize your talking about a brain disease in which psychosis is triggered by abnormal changes in brain chemistry and matter.
Your pineal gland is open. You are a talented psychic/mystic We all create our reality I found a shaman helpful and had a spiritual awakening You are exactly what you say you are. We go from god self to devil self Understanding this has changed my entire view on bipolar and how i handle it. See youtube bipolar waking up 💜
This is absolutely terrifying. There must be thousands of homeless people experiencing this and no one even knows. Thank you for sharing your story
Me too. I couldn't understand my own father but now with Abilify I understand him. I'm trying to understand everyone and get along with them thanks to this medication and my psychiatrist and counseling.
And I live near many of them in Skidrow LA. Damn!
You're absolutely right about opening up communication about psychosis. I'm glad you're sharing this. Hearing other peoples experiences helped me more than anything.
2019 was when I had my first manic psychotic episode. I had enough awareness to know that this was not normal, but at the same time my delusions made me believe I was going crazy because I got cursed by the devil. My emotions became so overwhelming that I would start banging on the walls screaming. I would cry at night because when I looked in the mirror my body in the reflection would melt and become distorted. I swore to myself whatever anger I felt I would take out on myself, but one night I threatened to kill my little sister. She was so scared of me, and all at once I knew I couldn't run from this anymore. I reluctantly told my therapist about these issues and now I'm on mood stabilizers... and I have never felt so happy and stable in my entire life. It's crazy how much bipolar changes you. My entire childhood was basically one long depressive episode, while my high school life was complete mania. But now with my mood stabilizer I actually feel like a person again.
I was diagnosed with bipolar but I think I’m schizoaffective. I’m always paranoid, cut off people because of it, I get dramatic mood swings that I don’t really show on the surface but feel inside. Everyone can tell something is wrong with me. I don’t know how much longer I’ll care to keep going before ending it all
Thank you for your bravery in telling this story. Do you ever feel like saying, "my brain saw/heard X" or "my body saw Y" instead of "I"? Sometimes I when I say "I did /say/ hear" people think that it was me as a person and my mind, rather than my illness. It's the chemicals in my brain that make me be this way, not an active choice i make.
OH MY GOD i feel like fucking crying i couldn’t explain this to anyone but yea i like hear but not literally hear but think A thought I didnt put in my head like overlapping my thoughts
Thank you so much for sharing this. I had a very similar episode and have felt so ashamed, but this has helped me understand it so much better. Thank you!!
good vid. It is truly difficult to understand this type of stuff unless one has experienced it. good job
Thank You for this explanation!!! I am homeless and just diagnosed with MDD. Im currently being treated and feeling better,but it’s gonna be awhile before I’m 100% I’m Not Giving Up!!! ❤❤❤
Thankyou sweet soul for your bravery to share, both in the video and in telling those around you. It helps the public understand and also those like myself who have experienced similar to know there are others. You are an inspiration, blessings.
A remarkable story. Thanks for sharing it.
Thanks for listening!
Great job telling your experience to the world because people need to understand that our own minds can send us mixed signals. Which would eventually create unusual visuals that on the outside have us looking like we are Day Dreaming or Wake Walking (fully awake but seeing dream like characters).... Drugs are not the only problem, Alcohol isn't the only problem, It's people lying about their life experiences and not helping others see the truth about the "MIND".
Pro trick : you can watch movies at Flixzone. Me and my gf have been using them for watching a lot of movies recently.
@Billy Shepard Yea, I've been watching on flixzone for since december myself :)
I remember 'snapping out of it' at one point, and suddenly seeing the 'actual' room I was in around me and thinking 'hoooolllly fuck I am tripping sooooo hard'. I had totally forgotten I was just in my bedroom, but instead thought I was basically taking a tour of this consciousness factory.
did you feel like you r losing your mind abilities ? like u dont know who u r anymore u forgot all ur informations ? your feelings and emotions ?
Yes I did loose myself it's very scary I would not wish that to anyone. I disappeared for a day I miss my work I don't pick the phone and I don't know where I was. There's 0,00 memories left.
I have severe memory loss and impairments from my episodes of psychosis...
Did you recover?? I haven't... Almost 2years ago now...
@@marciamarciamarcia1650 you can do it!!
I was stabbed 13x n shot 2x by my actions
This has nothing to do with anything but I love your accent😄. As well I was diagnosed this year with bipolar disorder and am looking for information. Good grief getting help where I am is like pulling teeth.
Yesterday I was driving home from a freinds birthday and I thought someone had crawled into my trunk and was going to kill me and I was freaking out and nearly crashed into a building. Sometimes I see people following me in the corner of my eye and I often hear people call my name. One time before I had haluciated someone raising my outdoor garages door and I thought they were robbing me so I called the cops and ran in armed shouting I was going to kill them but nobody was there and there was no signs of anyone. Alot of times I hear sounds in my house at night. I don't know if this is like extreme paranoia or psychosis.
those could be real demons that you were experiencing about.
I pray and hope your getting better.
Thank you for sharing your experiences!
Thank you for this video. I have completely embarrassed myself in a manic episode 🤦
It’s okay. Be kind to yourself.
How long can this last? My 18 yr old daughter has been in the hospital for 18 days now and she has only gotten a little better. She says she is confused alot. And thinks she sees ppl that r relatives visit her but they never have visited
is your daughter okay?
updates? be careful with those meds
for me the psychosis went away with anti psych + bipolar meds
Hello ! Thank you so much for sharing your experience ! ❤
I'm so glad I'm not alone...
I love you Sally. You're so charming and inspiring.
thank you so much for sharing ur experience
Thank you for sharing this 💙
thanks for telling ppl what its like, great video
Is it common for people with bipolar manic to have isssues with taking their medication? I just wanted to know if it was normal. My mom takes her pills for months then she’ll stop and then have a episode
@@Gothboy95 would u like some help 4ur mother
@@Gothboy95 i do the same, i forget taking them tbh.
@@Gothboy95 maybe. It's to feel less numb.
May I ask how old you were when you had your first psychotic mania event? My partner is 32 and has recently been hospitalized for his first psychotic mania event.
I'm wondering if it's possible to get psychotic during a mixed-state episode?
Doing ok?
Yes, psychotic features can occur in episodes with mixed features.
I had my 1st episode in 2017 I remember it so well my thoughts were so chaotic I was under the belief that I was some sort of prophet who could talk to God And my behavior became very strange and erratic looking back on it I can see it now but at the time it seemed very rational to me The experience felt so real even to this day I question whether or not I really did talk to God it Really f***** up my psyche for a long time It's only the last 2 years that my life has had any semblance of normality which is saying a lot considered coronavirus happened around years ago Oddly enough when in psychosis though I was at peace more than I had ever been in my life And in a way it was kind of a good thing because Well I was in psychosis The God i believed I was hearing told me to stop doing drugs and I've been sober ever since so we in a way it was kind of a blessing
There was also a particular phrase That surrounded the entire experience It went
I am you you are me and we are it we just haven't figured it out yet
I was under the impression that everything In the universe was a single entity Playing a game with itself where it pretends That it doesn't know what it is so it can live out every possible Experience
I relate so hard to your experience. I also felt like God was communicating directly with me during my episode. Some of the things that happened to me were so weirdly specific that I almost can't believe it was all in my mind. So to this day I don't know what was real and what wasn't. It's so confusing I feel like I can't 100% move past my episode.
@@sapphire19885 Same bro, it's hard to move past it. Like once it happens, it happens. You're never completely the same. No matter how hard you try to be. There's always before the episode and in some ways it's a good thing and in others it's not like I have found myself more comfortable with myself than I have ever had been but at the same time, it makes it harder to integrate Myself back into the normal way. I used to be no matter how comfortable I am with myself. It is increasingly harder to be stable in Dobbs are cohesive schedule I'm more scattered brand than I ever have been no matter how comfortable I am with myself and well. I'm happy I'm comfortable with myself. I wish I could have Kept the routine that I once had at the same time And then there's also The Times when I become very erratic and I have these manic highs where I want to go out and meet people and have these high expectations that just aren't realistic And these really awesome ideas that I know are awesome. But to put into practice is just unrealistic like no matter how good of an idea it is, if it's an unrealistic idea, it's never gonna work regardless of how you feel about it and how other people might feel about it. So trying to work out those manic, highs and how to deal with them Is probably my biggest struggle The depressive low is suck like i'm out of commission for at least three or four days but the manic highs are what's really Putting me down because I'm super happy. But the second I stop being super happy. I realize that no matter how many good ideas I have or no matter how much Positivity, I'm putting out It's an Unrealistic standard for me to expect other people to understand and reciprocate that feeling And that's really what brings me into my depressive, episodes. It's almost like the manic hives that make me so happy. Are the same manicized that bring on the depressive episodes that keep me so low.
@@sapphire19885 Still trying to work that out, but my main point is there's before you had the episode and there's after you had the episode and you're never gonna be the same person.You were before the episode in some ways.That's good in some ways.That's bad it's really how you look at it more than anything
@@minimayhem1996 Yes you're very right. I absolutely have separated my life into being "before the break" and "after the break". I don't get manic anymore or really that depressive. I'm on medication now that keeps me stable. I'm just kind of meh. I have such deep shame around my actions during my episode that I broke off/ghosted quite a few friendships. It was really bad at I had to be involuntarily hospitalized twice within a month. My husband of 15 years left me even after I became stable again because, in his own words, he couldn't forgive me for what I put him through. Even though that was my first and only bad episode ever in all those years. I don't know I'm just not the same person I used to be. I used to be funny and a lot more vibrant but I feel like my brain has been permanently changed by what I went through. That combined with being mad at God for putting me through what he did when it all came about because I asked for help from Jesus. I was desperate for help and relief but got put through hell instead and ruined my life.
I saw the shadow guy too...
it's a spiritual existence. ephesians 6:12
Love her accent
Thank you for sharing
Anyone with a comorbid adhd be careful on stimulants.
what you mean ? my partner is taking Vyvanse at the moment and he became like the person I cant know anymore, antisocial, obssesed with certain activities (lego organasing for hours or before organising bicycle pieces for long time, or cleaning little pieces of it hours). Im very concern about it, he became unemotional, verbally aggresive. It almost look like he is heading to psychosis, because he said he is ok but I cant see he acts super weird.
he just doesnt look well and act usual. He was diagnosed for Adhd but I think he has BPD, its in a process. But I dont know how they can also prescribe these tablets to people with drug addiction (weed and alcohol in the past). That is concern ing me even more how professional doctor - super famous in a capital where we live can give him this
@@tjradmila medication can cause this. look into trauma and disasociaton
@@tjradmila updates? and yeah, vyvance is serious stuff, its one component away from meth and from my experience taking it for add, it caused torrettes, i lost 60 pounds, and totally changed personality wise
Do you remember the psychosis episode?
As a child, i’ve seen the same atoms and the same dark shadow of a man in my door way pointing and laughing at me. I’ve always wonder weed what it meant…
i got the dark shadow man too and when I was in psychosis i perceived it as the devil
@@jeanaglowacki6874 I was little and didn’t understand but my mom told me it was “probably the devil laughing at me” horrible to tell a child but I I totally believe it. and that is when I asked to go to church .
It's hard to believe anyone can share this. Usually they have no self awareness, even after taking treatment and stabilizing. And actually talking about what happened is very unpleasant to them and can even trigger a relapse because they seem to throw the memories "under the rug" but in their mind everything they experienced was real and we're the crazy ones for refusing to admit it's real.
I can tell your not very educated in this subject and your statements demonstrate prejudice towards mentally ill people. Saying they usually have no self awareness, even after treatment is totally untrue. Another falsehood is that talking about what happened can trigger a relapse. I don't think you realize your talking about a brain disease in which psychosis is triggered by abnormal changes in brain chemistry and matter.
You sound like you have experience with one person who's still in denial
Brave girl
❤
Your pineal gland is open.
You are a talented psychic/mystic
We all create our reality
I found a shaman helpful and had a spiritual awakening
You are exactly what you say you are. We go from god self to devil self
Understanding this has changed my entire view on bipolar and how i handle it. See youtube bipolar waking up 💜
I'd like to learn more please
I’d like to learn more please
maybe more medication might help
Do you have the demonic possession?
I do NOT biopler I. but soe ya..
Taking marriage 💑 proposals?
.....but possibly you ARE MORE EVOLVED
Jesus Christ of Nazareth...
Nice complexion. YIKES 😬
Did this comment make you feel good to say?