What I HAD to STOP in order to FULLY recover // Eating meat? Believing my own BS? Active hobbies?
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- Опубліковано 23 чер 2024
- In this video I share a selection of the things that I had to stop in order to get fully recovered. For me these included: living that conveyor belt existence, modifying food/drink orders, not eating all meat, my active hobbies, the extensive list of things I supposedly 'didn't like', engaging in my OCD behaviours, prioritising my career/education and believing my own BS.
If you would like me to explore any of these topics in more detail then please do let me know in the comments below and thank you, again, for your love and support! :)
Please note: everyone's recovery journey is unique and it may be that the points I make in this video are not accessible and/or relevant to you so please, as always, take what helps and leave the rest.
Website: www.isr-recovery.com
Instagram: @emilyspence__
Podcast: Unrestricted
I'm working through compulsive issues as well (huge part of eating disorders for so many from what I've learned) so TOTALLY relate to bringing home take-away and immediately heating in microwave. I'm past that one but a laundry list of others that have been brought to my attention in therapy. I would love to hear more about your journey combating Obsessive Compulsive thoughts/behaviors while recovering from your ED, if you don't mind sharing. Thank you! As always, a very timely video for me! ❤
I am definitely going to do a video discussing my experience with ED-linked OCD behaviours as I realise that I've not shared much about this yet and I do feel its a really important topic! Thank you again for your support and I'm pleased you resonated with my sharing here x
hi emily!
i've been absolutely binge-watching your channel these last few days :) (i have four more full length videos of yours open in other tabs, lol!) i really appreciate your experience and how you explain things, and i've been consuming a lot of content similar to yours - tabitha, as per usual, being among my favorites ;) - and it's great to see a more active creator such as yourself in this recovery space!
i was hoping for the chance to ask your input on my position. i have a lot of trepidation regarding this all-in, honoring hunger form of recover i've been applying, and a lot of this boils down to my individual circumstances. i can recognize disordered thoughts and body dysmorphia that go a long way back in my life - but i was only actively eating disordered for six months. i hear a lot of validating of sufferers that weren't severely underweight (also me, so thank you for that) but so often it's within a larger conversation of "you've struggled with this for YEARS! of course your body has YEARS to make up for!" but... mine doesn't!
i'm still experiencing extreme mental, and occasionally physical hunger a little under 3 months into recovery, although to be fair, there were a few bouts of more severe restriction/lapses in those 3 months, and honoring that hunger also frequently meant honoring... *most* of it. or honoring the *low-cal* portions of it. i think i've been actually eating unrestrictedly for the past week or two.
all this to say - and if you've gotten this far, i really appreciate your time - i'm restored to likely at or above my pre-ed weight, which i know to be toward the upper end of my set point range. my hunger is not slowing down. given i underwent such a brief period of restriction, would you assume reactive hunger principles still apply, or is this more likely to be a form of overindulgence without physiological basis? i'm incredibly disturbed by this prospect of continuing to gain over my set point range.
i understand that you don't know me, and are not my coach, but i've seen you respond to a few comments, and would feel extremely privileged if you were to offer your input on this circumstance i so rarely see discussed :) it's very difficult for me to consider my anorexia legitimate. i 100% understand if you don't see this comment, or lack the time or interest to offer your input here; you have no obligation, and i hope you have a lovely day :)
Hey there, thank you so much for your kind words and support of my sharing- it really does mean the world to me and I am more than happy to respond. I have actually just today shared a video that covers pretty much exactly this topic because it is one that comes up regularly both in sessions and in my DM's/comments etc. You can absolutely trust your body and the length of time you spent actively engaging in your ED does not change this one bit. Your journey is valid, your hunger is valid and your need to engage in the FULL recovery process is 1000% valid. I encourage you to challenge this judgement, to march into this resistance and to hold onto the fact that your body knows what it's doing. It is the expert in what it needs and your job is to keep listening to it: honouring ALL your hunger, prioritising rest and doing the opposite of what ED says at every opportunity. I hope this helps and I send you lots of love! :) xx
@@emilyspence2961 wow, thank you so much for your time and consideration in this response! i just watched the video; it is exactly the subject i've been hoping to see in this space - thank you for putting it out there. it really resonated with me when you spoke about how you can never convince your eating disorder to accept recovery or see it as deserved/worthwhile/necessary/etc., because it by definition never will, and we have to commit to rebelling against it regardless. but, god... when your body is changing, logically choosing to pursue said rebellion is just made so difficult 😅 but i will do my best to take your message to heart, and continue actioning recovery! thank you again for your lovely response, video, and ongoing presence online. you're doing amazing, powerful work, and it does not go unseen or unappreciated ❤
Hey Holless, you got this!❤️ just saying xx keep going.
@@recyclefiiish7753 this is very sweet of you 🥺♥️♥️ unfortunately, i am giving up 😂 maybe i'll be back here eventually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ thank you for the encouragement, though ♥️
Brilliant!!❤❤❤ thank you
Hello, I just listed to your Feb 20 podcast about “Attack Breakast” and could not find a place to make a comment. I have the opposite problem. I wake up at 5 am and eat breakfast right away. Morning snack is easy too. These are objectively large meals compared to the rest of the day. I struggle a bit more at lunch. Then more at afternoon snack. By dinner I find it very hard to access the intentions I made at the beginning of the day. I’m hungrier earlier in the day so that helps too. I realize that wasn’t your experience but if you could speak to it from perhaps another client’s experience that would be wonderful. I am intentional about making those earlier meals and snacks as large as possible knowing my struggles later in the day but the fullness is real (loved the pilled on fullness).
Hi Becky, thanks for this question: I know that you also sent it to me on instagram and I answered it via DM there :) x
Actually I didn’t which is odd. I only use IG on chrome so I don’t use it to comment. Coincidentally I checked it the other day and added you bc I love your content🤷🏼♀️ That’s the first time I checked it in literally months.
Oh wow; you've pointed out some exact things I experience too! The hot food thing, yes! The modifying orders. Aversion to red meat. Conditions to permit eating. I found it assuring that while we might not allow these, that's a choice and we can push through even if we don't want to, and just have it 'forcfully' to show the ED who's in charge. I'm very scared of the most mundane shop-bought sandwiches, but endlessly curious if only I could try one...
Some of this though; we know is not a healthy thing; for example just 'eating what you want'. We might want to eat fun foods...but these are artificially abundant and marketed to us; they sell, and the modern economy is not optimised for our health! Recover, but surely there's room here to 'be smart' too...?
Pleased to hear you resonated with aspects of this video: forcing ourselves to take recovery aligned action is a crucial part of the journey to ED freedom :)
Hi Emily💓 This video is one of my favorites of yours. I can really relate to every single category, and I'm especially glad you mentioned the odd OCD food requirements -sensitive to temperature, environment, noise, utensils, obsessive cleaning, and more. There are so many little things!!! The average person would never imagine what we do on a daily basis haha 🫠
Being a vegan for over a decade has added an interesting layer of difficulty to my recovery journey as well🙁 And don't even get me started on the regimented exercise! sucks away all the joy and desire to engage in anything else that makes life wonderful. (the way my ED got me living like I’m prepping for a bikini competition for the past several years😭💀) Anyway, this disorder is truly tormenting. It consumes you relentlessly, while it steals precious moments you should be cherishing with friends/family, leaving little to no room for laughter. I'm deeply grateful to have someone like you who shares incredibly similar experiences and demonstrates that overcoming them is possible. Your courage and encouragement has been/are incredibly meaningful to me. Thank you for being such an empowering figure!!!!♥️ I will now go eat my cereal for dinner😌🥣
Thank YOU for your love and support and sharing
How did u get yourself to follow through with the new recovery actions. I find every excuse in the book to just keep doing the same things when it comes to the moment where I’d need to make a different pro-recovery choice
Hey there, thank you for this question and I've actually added it to my video topic list because it's one that comes up a lot. The key thing I would say to you is to remember that in recovery you cannot wait to be ready because that moment simply never comes. You have to be willing to do the work and to commit to the action taking regardless of how you feel in the now about it. I totally recognise that this is easier written/said than done but at its core this is the simple truth so I encourage you to get honest about those excuses, honest about the reality of where continuing like you currently are is going to lead, and to then get clear on the actionable changes you need to make. Set yourself clear intentions, make use of any support network that you have available to you and use your power to choose what you do next to serve YOU, not your ED. I hope this helps and thanks again for the great question x
Guys, let this comment be THE SIGN for all of you who are stuck in quasi recovery or/and have disordered relationship with movement (and wait for 'higher power' to stop). I am telling you right now- just stop. I am being here since I remember- subscribe Emily's channel and all of the other REAL-recovery accounts... I've been in quasi for +3 years (eating was fine but excercising was something I just couldn't stop doing...even though I haven't had my period since 2016...). But 2 weeks ago THE ACCIDENT MADE ME STOP EXCERCISING. I broke my leg... and I know that it wouldn't happen if I didn't have osteopenia... I am not able to move and I will not be allowed to even walk for the next 6 weeks. It is very, very, very hard for me. The stillness is almost unbereable...
But I try to find hope in this situation and believe that life gave me a big chance to TRULLY and finally recover. To go through the biggest fear...
So, for all of you who comes here to get permission to eat and REST- let this comment be your permission...
Sorry, because it is not the subject of the video but... I really wanted to write this! And of course, thank you @Emily Spence for all of your content. It is more than helpfull especially during difficult moments! Hugs, xx 💙
Thank you so much for sharing Gabriela and I am 1000% onboard with you seeing the silver lining of this experience for you. Your message of permission is a loud and important one and I want to mirror this straight back to you as you boldly navigate this ED fear and resistance. Eat and rest, eat and rest, eat and REST. You've got this
Thank you for the video! I am in quasi recovery now, and I have stopped eating dairy products as I get eczema, acne, and sometimes even have to go to the toilet afterwards (part of why I got ED), I also become more health conscious, feel sorry for the animals, and become plant-based, still eating eggs, stopped eating meat, and only eating some seafood occasionally. Even though I feel comfortable, my parents keep pushing me to eat meat (I am Asian and they believe I have to eat meat to gain weight), Would you say this is still ED beliefs? Thank u 🙏🙏
Hey Michelle, firstly, thanks for your support, it really means a lot to me. Secondly, it is not for me to answer this question, but instead for you to dig deep and be honest with yourself about what your core, recovering self knows to be true. YOU are the expert in your journey and so it is YOU who is best placed to answer this xx
@@emilyspence2961 Not at all, love and appreciate how you share your experience & thoughts! Thank you, I definitely need to give time to listen and ask myself. 🙏
How where your days back then? And how could you afford recovery financially?
At this stage of my recovery I was working 3 days per week which enabled me to cover my basic costs whilst also being able to prioritise the work I needed to do to get out of quasi. My day to day life at this time was pretty quiet but I did spend time seeing friends and going out around this x
There is a difference between forcing yourself to eat ultra-processed foods (even though they are proven to be bad for you) for the sake of “full recovery” and actually recovering to be healthy. Like I am in my recovery journey right now and definitely am not planning to go from an ED to a diet that accepts eating ingredients that we can’t pronounce, added sugar or whatever is not beneficial for us. If I am going to be healthy it’s physically as well as mentally.
I recovered to be both mentally & physically healthy and I eat all foods that I like, including processed foods and sugar. There’s nothing wrong with that.
the issue it with the restrictions which is really easy to do when you aren't eating the perceived unhealthy foods, which i agree with you, by the way.
There is no way I would eat mcdonalds as a way to recovery but i also understand that there are healthy foods i also won't eat for various reasons.
Everyone's journey is unique to them: my recovery, and recovered life, very much involve eating ALL foods and that is what has worked for me to be fully ED free and to restore both my mental and physical health. What matters is that we each focus on our own path/plate/body/journey and, where relevant, share love and support to others walking their paths around us.
@@emilyspence2961 that’s true and I agree with that sentiment because we are all different and have our own journeys. Sorry if that came across as judgmental.
I forced myself to eat processed food, as a way to counteract the years of forcing myself not to eat it✌️ So yeah I ate McDonald's even if I didn't want to just to show my body that it was fine