My heart is breaking for you letting go will be the hardest but most courageous thing we can do for our loved one. My husband is 76 years old with stage four Alzheimer’s Dementia. I am 75 and his only caretaker, we are married 55 years. He went from being my husband to being my little boy. His long term and short term memory are gone, it is heartbreaking. I do all the decision making, driving, banking, etc. when I ask him to do the simplest thing he gets to anxious about everything and gets angry. Life has changed I cry at night when he is asleep just to release my pent up emotions. Thank you for your video it helps me in coping with his terrible disease.
I am 75 and my husband 80 and in same situation as you. I do so much I am exhausted. We been married only 17 years as we met latter in life. He had lost his wife to diabetes and I my husband @ 49 to a sudden heart attack. He was 65 and very vibrant, strong to this. It is very hard to watch his decline. We had put a pool in our backyard for us & family. He did all the pool work, now it is my job. Taking out the garbage, handling finances, shopping, etc. I have 3 sons who try to help at time. He has 2 children who think they just have to call in which he doesn’t remember. I had to finally tell them, this is your dad, you need to help. Finally… one son agreed. I have done everything wrong in handling my husband’s dementia only frustrating me. I have learned to just take everything in stride. Doctors haven’t helped but these videos have taught me a lot. I dread what the future may be. I thought my heart was totally broken after my other husband died. Being alone was the roughest in our home. It took me years and thank God I was still working as a nurse or I don’t know how I would have survive. That and my time with God drawing strength from him. And now many years later here I go again. My heart feels for you especially after all the years you have been married. The memories you have of all your years together & he probably has none. It is like lost time. But stay strong…you will be like me be going through that valley shadow of death…as others…but one day…there will be light. Let us all pray for each other. Why we are going through this, we don’t know. We won’t until our day comes and we join them.
It's heartbreaking. My mum, who has mixed dementia had a pacemaker fitted in 2019 as her heart rate was 36 as opposed to 90ish. Had we known about her having to be placed in a nursing home at the start of lockdown and the heartache we have all felt daily since March 2020, it may have been kinder to let nature take its course. Hindsight is a terrible thing
Don't be hard on yourselves, Deborah. God's calling her home, and she sounds ready to go. Be kind to yourself, and to your Mum. Go with it and just be there at the end. I hope it's peaceful for you all. xx
Deborah, I'm so sorry to hear. Looks like it is your moms time. The exact same thing as you described happened to my mom just recently. Thanksgiving she was ok I brought her to my nieces for dinner. !2-13 she had a mini stroke and was brought to the hospital. Was released two days later after talking with the dr's and her Geriatric dr. decided treatment was just going to prolong the inevitable. They suggested Hospice at that time. I held off because I felt guilty giving up. Christmas time her kids and grandkids all came over at times and she was happy but you could see her getting worse. Mom had a living will and a DNR stating no treatment to prolong her life that way. My Dad and her did that 10 yrs ago which is very important to know as you said. I cried and agonized over the decision that it was the end of her life. I cared for her for 7 years at my house and promising her I would never let her go into a nursing home. I would never let her die alone. 1-17-22 started Hospice care and they delivered a hospital bed. Getting her up was becoming more difficult, That night getting her in bed she lost all control of her legs and was all limp. I decided that night to keep her in bed. She was slipping away faster than I predicted. She wasn't eating or drinking much a few weeks prior but after that day she couldn't drink,eat or take her meds. I knew the end was approaching soon. She slept without waking but knew when I or someone was talking to her from her body language. 1-24-22 Hospice nurse came in and gave her 48-72 hrs. I didnt leave her and she had other family members come to greet her and say good buy. 1-24 at 3am she took her last breath. She was burried next to my dad and her twin sister 1-31 on her 82nd birthday. Watching my mom deteriorate like that is the saddest thing I have had to live through. My heart goes out to you and everyone that is going through this. Now I feel so lost now. I gave up my personal life to give my mom the best care and happiness for her end of life. I will pick up the pieces and so will you. What makes it better is knowing she will no longer be confused and she is at peace with my dad and all her siblings. I am a lucky man to have had the opportunity to have that special relationship with my mom and to give back for raising me. Good luck to you and everyone having to go through this.
I am just now discovering your videos. My mom lives with us. She's 75 and has vascular dementia in about stage 5/6, and it's frustrating to me, that it looks so different for each person. I work from home and she has caregivers come in each day, so I can work, but it's still so stressful. Thank you for posting these. You are helping so many people and probably don't realize it (because you taped these a while back). Well, I'm here for it, and thank you, thank you, thank you!! 🥰
Such a rapid change could be caused by a mini stroke. My mother had an ischemic accident, commonly called mini stroke and that changed her overnight. She is back from hospital but much much worse than before it happened. Physically, her mobility has not been impacted too much but her mind went so bad overnight
It is truly heartbreaking to see our parents go through this. I hate this disease!! My mother is in stage six. I have hospice assistance now. This helps. It’s horrible what happened to your mom with the other resident. I know the time is soon. I just pray she goes to sleep and passes quietly. Hugs and prayers for you.
The same thing happened to my grandmother last month. She suddenly stopped eating and became less responsive. We took her to the hospital and by mid the next week she was totally non-responsive and passed a week after going into hospital. All the resources out there about dementia talk about how it's a slow decline even at the end so we were all shocked. Most of us didn't get to say goodbye or spend time with her in the last few weeks because we all expected she'd linger on like they tell you usually happens; she was still at home and we were just starting to arrange getting her into long-term care. Like you say here, it was probably better that she didn't get to that point and got to pass on her terms. There should be more awareness that sometimes that final decline happens quickly like this. I'm so sorry you are at this point with your mom.
The disease is usually a slow progression, but if they get sick or something else happens (and the patient can't tell you what's going on) then they can go quicker than expected. My mom has a ton of other health issues and we expect one of those to take her before the dementia does.
I soooo needed this. Two days ago my Mom was officially diagnosed with Alzheimers Dementia. Her doctor showed me the list of ailments she has which is 40 and she more than qualifies for Memory care. Things do change very quickly at times! Most of the time she doesn't remember who I am or what she did just a minute ago. I am not too concerned about her going into care because she will have better care. Thank you for your videos. They are a huge help.
Very sorry about your mother. Lost our parents in their 80's due to old age and health issues 20 years ago. Tough time of life but "letting go" was the name of the game at that time. Wife 72, now one year into dementia diagnosis. Whole different story at that age and after 40 years of marriage. Much appreciate your channel and discussion. Thank you.
I have recently found your videos. They are so helpful and a blessing to me. Mom is in a nursing home now, she broke her hip at my brother's home. She wants to go back but that won't happen....and yes, I've become a good layer! She gets mad and 2 minutes later she i pleasant as can be...thank you for doing these videos!
Thank you! This is all new to me. My mom decided to go to an assisted living in December. Physical reasons and a little bit of memory. I was going every day at first (I'm the only one ... My brother passed away 2 years ago ..) she is being well taken care of....but the guilt and her control... Thank you for sharing your journey so others can learn
Deborah, I am so sorry for the turn of events with your Mom. Bless her 💜. I have something very similar to Lupus and I know first hand the pain she is in. When a flare hits in our system every thing hurts from head to toe. Have they tried a steroid dose pack? That would bring down her inflammation and better control her pain It would be considered palliative care I know for me if I made it to 86 and in chronic pain I would say let me go..it's so exhausting Deborah to not be able to just do the basic things. Prayers for you both 🌺🌺
I finally got it! I now know what I need to do and will begin the process to transition my dad to a assisted living or memory care facility. Don’t know which would fit. Research time. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
God bless you. My dad has dementia, but he is still not too bad. The main thing my mom deals with is his anger at times. My heart goes out to you. I so appreciate your sharing your journey. I have learned so much already and I just found your channel. You and your mom and are my prayers.
Hi Deborah, I discovered your videos today and want to thank you for educating me. I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I am a 76 year old female, and my name is Charlotte. Dec. 2nd, I will travel from Arizona to Georgia to live and care for my 92 year old sister. She has been living alone and has dementia or Alzheimer's. After watching many of your videos, I think my sister could be in stage 3 or 4. She has been sick for about 5 years and started with Sundowners. Currently, my sister's daughters take her a noon meal, which she usually eats half and saves the rest for dinner. I want to thank you again for the videos. I subscribed and have indicated a like on each one I have watched. I hope to continue watching. Charlotte
It was so painful to watch you. I know how you feel . I lost my Mom in 2019. She was in a home with dementia. had a really weird thing happen with her heart they took her to the hospital, I picked her up and she told me it took forever for anyone to come, I figured it was her judge of time. But I mentioned it to the head nurse she looked it up and it took 29 minutes for anyone to show up,she told me she thought she was going to die all alone! I quit my job and we moved her into an addition my husband and I had added to our home for whoevers parents needed it. So at the end after my Mom was here for months my Mom under my care, she quit eating and two weeks later she was gone. I know all the stages you talk about but Hospis had me giving her Morphine towards the last day I have had issues worrying about did I kill her with the morphine I don't know but my Mom had told me she prayed to God every night to not let her wake up in the morning, so did I help her??? I don't know but it is hard because they are not themselves and they know it! My Mom became a huge flirt and it hurt me to know she has no control and to know how embarrassed she would be for her actions at the end, because it was not her. But I felt your pain saying do I just let her go?? It is a hard thing as I imagine you know by now.
Glad you are back. Big prayers for your mom. I agree hold off on haldol. Have they checked her teeth and gums? In the elderly infection doesn’t always have fever. Have you considered hospice?
She's pretty defiant so no one can check much. They will let her stay in her apt. at assisted living until she passes. Assuming she doesn't fall and break something.
Your mom has severe leg edema - this means very poor circulation. I do TCM so I can tell from the face, but here I can't see her face. Swollen feet are edema, heart problem ... very sad, my heart goes out to you. If you give her the Curcumin almond milk she will eleaviate the pain. Another thing you can do is give her a coconut, the fruit. Put a straw in that. The coconut water is a superfood - it contains all the nutrients a body needs. Please do not give her ice cream. Dairy raises mucus in the body. It is just going to give her more inflammation and pain in her back. She should be juicing vegetables, drinking that, and I'm surprised no one is giving dimentia patients Lion's Mane. That supplement makes huge improvements. Perhaps not in late stage, but really... it's not something that has side effects so why not
You can eleaviate that pain in her back by giving her 500mg of Curcumin in almond milk 3 times a day. You'll see it will improve very fast. This also help on sciatica when the bubble forms between the discs
(((((Hugs)))) I'm not one to have the right words at the right time, but know everything I can't say is in my heart and sending it to you. ❤❤ Praying for your strength, patience and peace. 🙏🙏🙏
My heart is breaking for you letting go will be the hardest but most courageous thing we can do for our loved one. My husband is 76 years old with stage four Alzheimer’s Dementia. I am 75 and his only caretaker, we are married 55 years. He went from being my husband to being my little boy. His long term and short term memory are gone, it is heartbreaking. I do all the decision making, driving, banking, etc. when I ask him to do the simplest thing he gets to anxious about everything and gets angry. Life has changed I cry at night when he is asleep just to release my pent up emotions. Thank you for your video it helps me in coping with his terrible disease.
I am 75 and my husband 80 and in same situation as you. I do so much I am exhausted. We been married only 17 years as we met latter in life. He had lost his wife to diabetes and I my husband @ 49 to a sudden heart attack. He was 65 and very vibrant, strong to this. It is very hard to watch his decline. We had put a pool in our backyard for us & family. He did all the pool work, now it is my job. Taking out the garbage, handling finances, shopping, etc. I have 3 sons who try to help at time. He has 2 children who think they just have to call in which he doesn’t remember. I had to finally tell them, this is your dad, you need to help. Finally… one son agreed. I have done everything wrong in handling my husband’s dementia only frustrating me. I have learned to just take everything in stride. Doctors haven’t helped but these videos have taught me a lot. I dread what the future may be. I thought my heart was totally broken after my other husband died. Being alone was the roughest in our home. It took me years and thank God I was still working as a nurse or I don’t know how I would have survive. That and my time with God drawing strength from him. And now many years later here I go again. My heart feels for you especially after all the years you have been married. The memories you have of all your years together & he probably has none. It is like lost time. But stay strong…you will be like me be going through that valley shadow of death…as others…but one day…there will be light. Let us all pray for each other. Why we are going through this, we don’t know. We won’t until our day comes and we join them.
I am in the same situation… and on top of it nobody understand the loneliness that comes with it! I really feel for you ❤
It's heartbreaking. My mum, who has mixed dementia had a pacemaker fitted in 2019 as her heart rate was 36 as opposed to 90ish. Had we known about her having to be placed in a nursing home at the start of lockdown and the heartache we have all felt daily since March 2020, it may have been kinder to let nature take its course. Hindsight is a terrible thing
My mom was moved in the midst of lockdown as well. No visitation is very difficult on them.
Don't be hard on yourselves, Deborah. God's calling her home, and she sounds ready to go. Be kind to yourself, and to your Mum. Go with it and just be there at the end. I hope it's peaceful for you all. xx
Deborah, I'm so sorry to hear. Looks like it is your moms time. The exact same thing as you described happened to my mom just recently. Thanksgiving she was ok I brought her to my nieces for dinner. !2-13 she had a mini stroke and was brought to the hospital. Was released two days later after talking with the dr's and her Geriatric dr. decided treatment was just going to prolong the inevitable. They suggested Hospice at that time. I held off because I felt guilty giving up. Christmas time her kids and grandkids all came over at times and she was happy but you could see her getting worse. Mom had a living will and a DNR stating no treatment to prolong her life that way. My Dad and her did that 10 yrs ago which is very important to know as you said. I cried and agonized over the decision that it was the end of her life. I cared for her for 7 years at my house and promising her I would never let her go into a nursing home. I would never let her die alone. 1-17-22 started Hospice care and they delivered a hospital bed. Getting her up was becoming more difficult, That night getting her in bed she lost all control of her legs and was all limp. I decided that night to keep her in bed. She was slipping away faster than I predicted. She wasn't eating or drinking much a few weeks prior but after that day she couldn't drink,eat or take her meds. I knew the end was approaching soon. She slept without waking but knew when I or someone was talking to her from her body language. 1-24-22 Hospice nurse came in and gave her 48-72 hrs. I didnt leave her and she had other family members come to greet her and say good buy. 1-24 at 3am she took her last breath. She was burried next to my dad and her twin sister 1-31 on her 82nd birthday. Watching my mom deteriorate like that is the saddest thing I have had to live through. My heart goes out to you and everyone that is going through this. Now I feel so lost now. I gave up my personal life to give my mom the best care and happiness for her end of life. I will pick up the pieces and so will you. What makes it better is knowing she will no longer be confused and she is at peace with my dad and all her siblings. I am a lucky man to have had the opportunity to have that special relationship with my mom and to give back for raising me. Good luck to you and everyone having to go through this.
I am just now discovering your videos. My mom lives with us. She's 75 and has vascular dementia in about stage 5/6, and it's frustrating to me, that it looks so different for each person. I work from home and she has caregivers come in each day, so I can work, but it's still so stressful. Thank you for posting these. You are helping so many people and probably don't realize it (because you taped these a while back). Well, I'm here for it, and thank you, thank you, thank you!! 🥰
Such a rapid change could be caused by a mini stroke. My mother had an ischemic accident, commonly called mini stroke and that changed her overnight. She is back from hospital but much much worse than before it happened. Physically, her mobility has not been impacted too much but her mind went so bad overnight
It may be TIAs. Hard to say.
It is truly heartbreaking to see our parents go through this. I hate this disease!! My mother is in stage six. I have hospice assistance now. This helps. It’s horrible what happened to your mom with the other resident. I know the time is soon. I just pray she goes to sleep and passes quietly. Hugs and prayers for you.
The same thing happened to my grandmother last month. She suddenly stopped eating and became less responsive. We took her to the hospital and by mid the next week she was totally non-responsive and passed a week after going into hospital. All the resources out there about dementia talk about how it's a slow decline even at the end so we were all shocked. Most of us didn't get to say goodbye or spend time with her in the last few weeks because we all expected she'd linger on like they tell you usually happens; she was still at home and we were just starting to arrange getting her into long-term care. Like you say here, it was probably better that she didn't get to that point and got to pass on her terms. There should be more awareness that sometimes that final decline happens quickly like this. I'm so sorry you are at this point with your mom.
The disease is usually a slow progression, but if they get sick or something else happens (and the patient can't tell you what's going on) then they can go quicker than expected. My mom has a ton of other health issues and we expect one of those to take her before the dementia does.
“Time to let go” I love this, so real and honest. There is a time to live, and a time to die…
I soooo needed this. Two days ago my Mom was officially diagnosed with Alzheimers Dementia. Her doctor showed me the list of ailments she has which is 40 and she more than qualifies for Memory care. Things do change very quickly at times! Most of the time she doesn't remember who I am or what she did just a minute ago. I am not too concerned about her going into care because she will have better care. Thank you for your videos. They are a huge help.
Praying Gods perfect will and comfort for your mom from the pain and you and yours for the heartache.
Enjoy listening! Going through what you’ve experienced. Very comforting!
Very sorry about your mother. Lost our parents in their 80's due to old age and health issues 20 years ago. Tough time of life but "letting go" was the name of the game at that time. Wife 72, now one year into dementia diagnosis. Whole different story at that age and after 40 years of marriage. Much appreciate your channel and discussion. Thank you.
I have recently found your videos. They are so helpful and a blessing to me. Mom is in a nursing home now, she broke her hip at my brother's home. She wants to go back but that won't happen....and yes, I've become a good layer! She gets mad and 2 minutes later she i pleasant as can be...thank you for doing these videos!
Thank you! This is all new to me. My mom decided to go to an assisted living in December. Physical reasons and a little bit of memory. I was going every day at first (I'm the only one ... My brother passed away 2 years ago ..) she is being well taken care of....but the guilt and her control...
Thank you for sharing your journey so others can learn
They do use guilt and control! Even it they weren't that way when they were well.
I call that “the quiet before the storm,” when taking care of my grandmother. It could be anything but is usually a uti. 😢
Sending you tons of hugs and prayers for you and your Mom. I have the absolute best memories of her when we were growing up.
I'm going to start my own video log about my Mom. God bless her i want to keep her with me as long as possible.
Great idea!
@@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114Thank you!!!❤
Hi. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Im so sorry, no words will be right. I will be praying for her to be pain free, and comfort for you.
Deborah, I am so sorry for the turn of events with your Mom. Bless her 💜. I have something very similar to Lupus and I know first hand the pain she is in. When a flare hits in our system every thing hurts from head to toe. Have they tried a steroid dose pack? That would bring down her inflammation and better control her pain
It would be considered palliative care
I know for me if I made it to 86 and in chronic pain I would say let me go..it's so exhausting Deborah to not be able to just do the basic things. Prayers for you both 🌺🌺
Your poor Mom. So sad. I hope my Father, in stage 4, doesn’t go through this. RIP, Deborah’s Mom and MIL and FIL.
You have a strength n realism about you that few of us have. I hope to develop some of these traits...
Hospice can assist with this pain
I’m so sorry. We’ve been there. I feel like you do. Sometimes it’s just time to let go.
Deborah, your honest and painful videos are so brave and have helped those of us going through this too.Thank you so much.
You are doing great work...thank you so much for your revelations.
It is 2-18-2024....You are so strong. Thank you for sharing!!!
You have my deepest condolences 💐
I finally got it! I now know what I need to do and will begin the process to transition my dad to a assisted living or memory care facility. Don’t know which would fit. Research time. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.
God bless you. My dad has dementia, but he is still not too bad. The main thing my mom deals with is his anger at times. My heart goes out to you. I so appreciate your sharing your journey. I have learned so much already and I just found your channel. You and your mom and are my prayers.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it is hard. But appreciated. My mother-in-law has this horrible disease. I so appreciate your videos.
Hi Deborah, I discovered your videos today and want to thank you for educating me. I am sorry for the loss of your mom. I am a 76 year old female, and my name is Charlotte. Dec. 2nd, I will travel from Arizona to Georgia to live and care for my 92 year old sister. She has been living alone and has dementia or Alzheimer's. After watching many of your videos, I think my sister could be in stage 3 or 4. She has been sick for about 5 years and started with Sundowners. Currently, my sister's daughters take her a noon meal, which she usually eats half and saves the rest for dinner. I want to thank you again for the videos. I subscribed and have indicated a like on each one I have watched. I hope to continue watching. Charlotte
It was so painful to watch you. I know how you feel . I lost my Mom in 2019. She was in a home with dementia. had a really weird thing happen with her heart they took her to the hospital, I picked her up and she told me it took forever for anyone to come, I figured it was her judge of time. But I mentioned it to the head nurse she looked it up and it took 29 minutes for anyone to show up,she told me she thought she was going to die all alone! I quit my job and we moved her into an addition my husband and I had added to our home for whoevers parents needed it. So at the end after my Mom was here for months my Mom under my care, she quit eating and two weeks later she was gone. I know all the stages you talk about but Hospis had me giving her Morphine towards the last day I have had issues worrying about did I kill her with the morphine I don't know but my Mom had told me she prayed to God every night to not let her wake up in the morning, so did I help her??? I don't know but it is hard because they are not themselves and they know it! My Mom became a huge flirt and it hurt me to know she has no control and to know how embarrassed she would be for her actions at the end, because it was not her. But I felt your pain saying do I just let her go?? It is a hard thing as I imagine you know by now.
Praying for you. I am in the same situation with my Mam. Bless you. Tricia. 🙏❤️
I can’t even imagine seeing her like that!
Glad you are back. Big prayers for your mom. I agree hold off on haldol. Have they checked her teeth and gums? In the elderly infection doesn’t always have fever. Have you considered hospice?
She's pretty defiant so no one can check much. They will let her stay in her apt. at assisted living until she passes. Assuming she doesn't fall and break something.
Your mom has severe leg edema - this means very poor circulation. I do TCM so I can tell from the face, but here I can't see her face. Swollen feet are edema, heart problem ... very sad, my heart goes out to you. If you give her the Curcumin almond milk she will eleaviate the pain. Another thing you can do is give her a coconut, the fruit. Put a straw in that. The coconut water is a superfood - it contains all the nutrients a body needs. Please do not give her ice cream. Dairy raises mucus in the body. It is just going to give her more inflammation and pain in her back. She should be juicing vegetables, drinking that, and I'm surprised no one is giving dimentia patients Lion's Mane. That supplement makes huge improvements. Perhaps not in late stage, but really... it's not something that has side effects so why not
You are so brave
You can eleaviate that pain in her back by giving her 500mg of Curcumin in almond milk 3 times a day. You'll see it will improve very fast. This also help on sciatica when the bubble forms between the discs
(((((Hugs)))) I'm not one to have the right words at the right time, but know everything I can't say is in my heart and sending it to you. ❤❤ Praying for your strength, patience and peace. 🙏🙏🙏
Thank u for sharing
When a change is this quick, we look into whether my husband has a UTI…
They checked. It turned out to be meds. She was always very sensitive to them.
Give pain medication for pain.
Start morphine