My 94 year old mother told us she could.bathe herself. She had stage 4 Alzheimers,, a rheumatic knee, sat in her armchair nearly all day, was deaf and confused. She was bathed gratefully by myself and my sister.Not a pleasant activity.
Aaaaaaw! The first time I showered my ❤one, I was traumatised by my feelings, by their needing the help when they looked so able. Their capability being evident but them having no interest in instigating a shower and change of clothes. The depression has never lifted.
If this is any help with the deafness; my mother kept forgetting where she left her hearing aids so when we speak I hold my phone near my face and using an app called "Transcribe" when I speak it transforms my voice to text and she can read what I am saying. I do all our doctor's visits this way as well.
I am a son (67 years old) that will be picking up my mother from rehab and taking her home after she fell and fractured her hip. I will be moving in with her. For the last two years I have been making her food, giving meds, doing her laundry and cleaning her house. It was always a struggle to get her to shower and change clothes. She didn’t adequately clean herself after bowel movements either. Now I am presented with situation where I will need to assist her bathing, cleaning up after bowel movements, skin care, transfers, etc. I did this all for my father for two years until he passed. He was totally uninhibited and had no problem with me wiping his butt and cleaning him. Now I anticipate trying to do this for my mother will be different because of the different gender but I don’t see how I can have hired help do it regularly. I don’t think she will accept that very well either. We have developed a very close and trusting relationship in recent years, so I really don’t know how it will play out. Any advice from anyone is appreciated.
That is hard. My grandmother needed 24/7 care for the last few months of her life. The siblings rotated and my uncle was one of them. The women took care of bathing etc, but he still had to help dress her and help her in the bathroom. Would love to hear other comment on any similar situations.
@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114 Thank you so much for your videos. I have learned so much from you that the health professionals have failed to inform me of. Watching your videos have helped me to understand the progression of the disease and the characterizations of the stages. I saw all these behaviors but didn't realize that they were characters of the disease. My mother is late stage but up until recently her doctor told me it was normal old age loss of memory. Now all of sudden after she had fractured her hip they are saying it is Dementia and I was contacted by a hospice that wants to give her palliative care. She is 91 years old and a woman of faith so she is prepared for the inevitable but I am shocked. She seems so full of life and although she repeats herself incessantly. My wife is shocked how I patiently repeat the answers over and over. I am a committed Christian as well so although I will miss her I know we all long to return to the Creator and will celebrate it when it comes. It's been hard, but I am self employed, and on Social Security, so I don't have to accept work assignments to support myself. Despite the difficulties, I have found a joy in caring for her. I am compelled to pamper and spoil her, which is really strange because my mother and I were never very close. I guess because she lavishes praise and gratitude on me, it must be fulfilling a deficit that I've had. Again, thank you so much.
I am now two weeks in, and everything has worked out well. We easily got past the embarrassment issue. I am getting a routine together and a support network in place. The memory loss can be difficult, but it can also can make things easier as well.
Been going through a difficult situation with my father for some time now. He just turned 89. We live in the same house, my mother passed away 3 years ago. Right now, I'm having, terrible issues with his hygiene. He completely refuses to get a shower. And since it's winter, he is 100 times worse. He tells me he sponges off, but not sure about that. He also has a digestive issue that causes him to very frequently have to go to the bathroom. That's a bad situation as well, he ends up getting himself dirty and cant clean himself up. He refuses to let me make suggestions. He smells really bad now. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore. It's so upsetting to me and my nerves. I have one older sister that helps but doesn't live here of course. He is in quiet a bit of nerve pain from shingles at least 8 years as well and thats a whole other story.
@@craig9843 I fully understand but I have not come up with a solution. I tell her she has a doctor's appointment and she had diarrhea and is stinky. She will be up close and personal with the doctor so she needs to bathe now so she doesn't embarrass yourself. I lie and say we have to be at the doctor's in an hour so we have to rush. I bought a shower chair that she sits on and I press a button and push her and it sides over to the tub so she never has to stand up until she leaves the bathroom to mitigate the fear of falling factor. By the time she is done showering, she has forgotten all about the doctor. I try to use the memory loss to my advantage when possible. I am frustrated with the smell and fearful that medical people will think I am not taking care of her properly. I got the whole house professionally deep cleaned, the carpets and furniture steam cleaned before I moved in because the smell was disgusting. In my case, we got past the difference in gender and embarrassment issue much easier than I thought. After she came out of rehab for her fractured hip, she was very open to me dressing and bathing her. In the beginning, I spent a lot of time touching her face and hands, and speaking very kindly to her eye to eye. I reassured her that I was there to execute her wishes and not there to run her life. In the beginning, she would wake up in the middle of the night and cry out. I would lay in her bed and pat her back and reassure her until she fell asleep. She realized that she was losing her memory and it was frightening. Now she has complete trust in me and allows me to handle everything and make all decisions. I also took care of my invalid father for two years before he passed away. He was just too hard to move and get into the tub so basically we just sponge bathe him. It was not ideal but she was fine with my brother and I cleaning his butt crack and uncircumcised penis. The undercarriage area in both my mother and my father were the greatest areas for bad smells so if you can at least get those areas cleaned you're doing okay. Best wishes. On a positive note, my mother's personality has dramatically changed. She was a very serious person who could be critical, opinionated and domineering. She is now a different person who is mild and docile, always tells me to do what I think is best. She is very grateful and thanked me profusely regularly. Her voice has changed as well. Her voice is no longer authoritarian but more childlike.
🦋 Many Moon's ago I Worked in Nursing Home's. They were Alway's Short of Help. Each of Us Had like "15" 😮 Resident's to Care For on our Shift. When you were just speaking about Getting the Resident's Into the Shower, They Could Tell them, Today You Get to Have a Good Ole' Back-Scratch ! ! 🙂 Who Really Wouldn't Like That ? Man or Woman. Just a Thought. 🤔
I don't know. Modesty or embarrassment? I've heard people say that it might be sensory? Maybe it bothers their skin? Or their hearing and seeing??? They might view the water coming from the ceiling as a problem, or they may not comprehend it and think it is scary. Sometimes, they are sure they just took a shower.
I pray that you never have to experience what your parents have. Compasses will get you through rough places. Please . Also your diapers stank when they changed you!
My 94 year old mother told us she could.bathe herself. She had stage 4 Alzheimers,, a rheumatic knee, sat in her armchair nearly all day, was deaf and confused. She was bathed gratefully by myself and my sister.Not a pleasant activity.
I agree, it is definitely not a pleasant activity.
Aaaaaaw! The first time I showered my ❤one, I was traumatised by my feelings, by their needing the help when they looked so able. Their capability being evident but them having no interest in instigating a shower and change of clothes. The depression has never lifted.
If this is any help with the deafness; my mother kept forgetting where she left her hearing aids so when we speak I hold my phone near my face and using an app called "Transcribe" when I speak it transforms my voice to text and she can read what I am saying. I do all our doctor's visits this way as well.
Thank you for telling it the way it is... it's a disease that most people don't understand. You make it easier to understand.....God bless.
I like your down to earth way of telling what life is like. I have Parkinson's and not looking to cause all these problems for my love ones.
Sorry to hear that you are ill.
I am a son (67 years old) that will be picking up my mother from rehab and taking her home after she fell and fractured her hip. I will be moving in with her.
For the last two years I have been making her food, giving meds, doing her laundry and cleaning her house.
It was always a struggle to get her to shower and change clothes. She didn’t adequately clean herself after bowel movements either.
Now I am presented with situation where I will need to assist her bathing, cleaning up after bowel movements, skin care, transfers, etc. I did this all for my father for two years until he passed. He was totally uninhibited and had no problem with me wiping his butt and cleaning him.
Now I anticipate trying to do this for my mother will be different because of the different gender but I don’t see how I can have hired help do it regularly. I don’t think she will accept that very well either.
We have developed a very close and trusting relationship in recent years, so I really don’t know how it will play out.
Any advice from anyone is appreciated.
That is hard. My grandmother needed 24/7 care for the last few months of her life. The siblings rotated and my uncle was one of them. The women took care of bathing etc, but he still had to help dress her and help her in the bathroom. Would love to hear other comment on any similar situations.
@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114 Thank you so much for your videos. I have learned so much from you that the health professionals have failed to inform me of. Watching your videos have helped me to understand the progression of the disease and the characterizations of the stages. I saw all these behaviors but didn't realize that they were characters of the disease.
My mother is late stage but up until recently her doctor told me it was normal old age loss of memory. Now all of sudden after she had fractured her hip they are saying it is Dementia and I was contacted by a hospice that wants to give her palliative care.
She is 91 years old and a woman of faith so she is prepared for the inevitable but I am shocked. She seems so full of life and although she repeats herself incessantly. My wife is shocked how I patiently repeat the answers over and over.
I am a committed Christian as well so although I will miss her I know we all long to return to the Creator and will celebrate it when it comes.
It's been hard, but I am self employed, and on Social Security, so I don't have to accept work assignments to support myself. Despite the difficulties, I have found a joy in caring for her. I am compelled to pamper and spoil her, which is really strange because my mother and I were never very close. I guess because she lavishes praise and gratitude on me, it must be fulfilling a deficit that I've had.
Again, thank you so much.
I am now two weeks in, and everything has worked out well. We easily got past the embarrassment issue. I am getting a routine together and a support network in place.
The memory loss can be difficult, but it can also can make things easier as well.
Been going through a difficult situation with my father for some time now. He just turned 89. We live in the same house, my mother passed away 3 years ago. Right now, I'm having, terrible issues with his hygiene. He completely refuses to get a shower. And since it's winter, he is 100 times worse. He tells me he sponges off, but not sure about that. He also has a digestive issue that causes him to very frequently have to go to the bathroom. That's a bad situation as well, he ends up getting himself dirty and cant clean himself up. He refuses to let me make suggestions. He smells really bad now. I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do anymore. It's so upsetting to me and my nerves. I have one older sister that helps but doesn't live here of course. He is in quiet a bit of nerve pain from shingles at least 8 years as well and thats a whole other story.
@@craig9843 I fully understand but I have not come up with a solution. I tell her she has a doctor's appointment and she had diarrhea and is stinky. She will be up close and personal with the doctor so she needs to bathe now so she doesn't embarrass yourself. I lie and say we have to be at the doctor's in an hour so we have to rush. I bought a shower chair that she sits on and I press a button and push her and it sides over to the tub so she never has to stand up until she leaves the bathroom to mitigate the fear of falling factor.
By the time she is done showering, she has forgotten all about the doctor. I try to use the memory loss to my advantage when possible. I am frustrated with the smell and fearful that medical people will think I am not taking care of her properly. I got the whole house professionally deep cleaned, the carpets and furniture steam cleaned before I moved in because the smell was disgusting.
In my case, we got past the difference in gender and embarrassment issue much easier than I thought. After she came out of rehab for her fractured hip, she was very open to me dressing and bathing her.
In the beginning, I spent a lot of time touching her face and hands, and speaking very kindly to her eye to eye. I reassured her that I was there to execute her wishes and not there to run her life. In the beginning, she would wake up in the middle of the night and cry out. I would lay in her bed and pat her back and reassure her until she fell asleep. She realized that she was losing her memory and it was frightening. Now she has complete trust in me and allows me to handle everything and make all decisions.
I also took care of my invalid father for two years before he passed away. He was just too hard to move and get into the tub so basically we just sponge bathe him. It was not ideal but she was fine with my brother and I cleaning his butt crack and uncircumcised penis. The undercarriage area in both my mother and my father were the greatest areas for bad smells so if you can at least get those areas cleaned you're doing okay. Best wishes.
On a positive note, my mother's personality has dramatically changed. She was a very serious person who could be critical, opinionated and domineering. She is now a different person who is mild and docile, always tells me to do what I think is best. She is very grateful and thanked me profusely regularly. Her voice has changed as well. Her voice is no longer authoritarian but more childlike.
Your videos r so good., -I am going thru these things with my mother and I can relate to so much of the things u talk about.
Glad they help!
Real hard is putting it mildly.
Yes, you and your husband have been through He__ and I pray you will reap your rewards in Heaven.
Sadly, we are not alone. Many people deal with both parents having the disease at the same time.
🦋 Many Moon's ago I Worked in Nursing Home's. They were Alway's Short of Help. Each of Us Had like "15" 😮 Resident's to Care For on our Shift. When you were just speaking about Getting the Resident's Into the Shower, They Could Tell them, Today You Get to Have a Good Ole' Back-Scratch ! ! 🙂 Who Really Wouldn't Like That ? Man or Woman. Just a Thought. 🤔
That might help. My mom had a bad back, not sure she would have loved it, but others may love it.
@@lifeunderdeborahspalm-thed8114
I would ALWAY'S Have Them SIT on the Shower-Bench, so They could Really RELAX.
Compassion
What caused this
I don't know. Modesty or embarrassment? I've heard people say that it might be sensory? Maybe it bothers their skin? Or their hearing and seeing??? They might view the water coming from the ceiling as a problem, or they may not comprehend it and think it is scary. Sometimes, they are sure they just took a shower.
I pray that you never have to experience what your parents have. Compasses will get you through rough places. Please . Also your diapers stank when they changed you!