Re: Ignoring tantrums.... the only point I would add is that you need to explain to your child why you are not going to respond to their attention seeking behaviour or tantrum. If you just start ignoring them, it will cause the behaviour to escalate. A simple "mommy is not going to talk to you when your yelling because that is not how we treat eachother in our family" or something and then do planned ignoring. You need to give children the respect of knowing why you are not talking to them :)
I agree with you, ignoring them might seem like but not be the correct option so letting them know why you're doing it would help them understand what's wrong about their behavior and try to express themselves better.. it's not related to tantrums in particular but when I was young, I used to sit closer to the tv than everyone else in my family "because I couldn't see" when I was further but my mom thought it was for attention because her friend's son did something similar and when they checked, his eyes were fine so she ignored it and kept telling me to "sit with them" or "don't get too close to the tv".. it was only after months of me repeatedly saying I can't see that she took me to the oculist and I ended up wearing glasses. tbh, I was hurt after knowing the reason, I felt like "how could she not believe me, she knows I never lie.. and I thought she knew I wasn't the kind of person to do that" I was old enough (12) to not be greatly affected by it but if something like that happens with a small child repeatedly without explanation, it'll negatively affect them as they grow up...
Agreed! We say something along the lines of 'I can't understand you when you are crying like this, calm down and then I can help you' and then ignore the behaviour until they get to a state where they are ready to communicate better. Works great with my stubborn toddler!!
My parents had a rule that you can't talk it timeout unless you were apologizing. One time my sister was in timeout and noticed a toy monkey was on fire, my parents kept shutting her up when she tried to warn them. Luckily the only thing burned was the monkey, but I still think if your child is trying to tell you something you should probably listen.
holy shit. I'm glad only the monkey burned but that situation sounds really scary. It must be frustrating as a kid when you're trying to do the right thing (warning your parents about a fire) and your parents shut you down and don't listen to you.
@@julieannelovesbooks that’s what I always tell myself while dealing with every situation. They are still people. If something would upset or frustrate me, chances are it’s going to do the same to him. I think sometimes parents forget that kids are just little people! Little people, with big emotions and feelings (and sometimes mouths🤣)!
@@michiebutterfly7785 I feel that so much! Babies aren’t babies, they look like babies, but it’s a disguise for a tiny person. A tiny person that’s discovering the world for the first time and discovering emotions etc etc without having the coping mechanisms in place adults have to deal with those emotions. So the emotions feel insurmountable at times. I think we should give babies much more credit for what they’re going through 😂
When dealing with tantrums I have literally told my child “if this is how you are wanting to get mamas attention this ain’t it and I won’t respond but you can do this....and I will help you/ listen” and it has worked! She places her hand on me and waits cause we agreed that means she needs me and I can finish what I’m talking about or doing with out interrupting.
I'm going to try this. We have 4 (and one on the way) all under 7, and interrupting/tantrums are a big part of life especially for the 3 year old, they're very competitive sometimes.
One of my favorite phrases for my toddler is “this is not a choice.” When she has to hold my hand in the parking lot, it’s not her choice. When we wash our hands before meals, it’s not a choice. If she balks and starts a tantrum, I say “it is not a choice. You will hold my hand.” And after 6+ months of that, she understands that that phrase means she won’t get her way.
That's a great phrase! We do something similar & I agree it helps massively. Like in the real world, sometimes the adults need to be in charge & make the decision, the kiddos can't, that's just how it works.in some instances yes like "which t-shirt do u wanna wear today?" but when it comes to health & safety, absolutely not. Explaining why is also great!
My kids DO have quiet time daily, about an hour, with their doors CLOSED! Of course they can come out if they actually need something or to go to the bathroom (duh!). I want them to associate being alone with relaxation and play. I want them to learn that being alone is healthy and that they are complete without anyone else to amuse, validate, or constantly assist them.
Yes totally agree. Being able to close my door was super important because it made me feel independent and that I didn't need to rely on my parents 24/7. Having that barrier taught me that's it's ok to be alone and that my own company is enough
Hello Sarah, I liked your video, but disagree in the last point when it´s about kids under the age of two. I work as a neurologist in Germany and a colleague of mine is studying toddlers neurology. In the 80s she found out, that children under two don´t have the physical ability to handel their frustration about rejection, so the they begin to scream and so on. If you hold your child closely in this moment, you will help them develop their hormonal und physical ability for handling stressfull situations, because they will grow neurologic connections faster. Many children who don´t get extern support by bringing themselves down in this tantrums or children you don´t have this phase of rebellion can´t handle stress well when they´re grown up. anyway like your point of view in many ways. Love from Germany!
This! ESPECIALLY true for kids with trauma. I’m a foster mom and I do “sympathize” with my kids during a tantrum. But also re-direct their behavior. “I can see that you are very frustrated that you cannot have that toy your sister is playing with. It is okay to be frustrated but it is not okay to hit her. Would you like me to hold you or should we go get your chewie?” (He has some sensory needs so chewelry will calm him) and if he escalates the tantrum and starts hitting me “Wow, I can see that you are very angry with me but I will not allow you to hit me. It seems like you need some help controlling your body right now, I will hold your hands until you can stop hitting” (and then I gently hold his hands rubbing them or kissing them to help him calm down) then after the tantrum we “re-do” the situation. “Let’s try this again and see how we can handle it better this time”. I tell him he can’t have the toy and we find another solution that works for everyone. Helping kids name their feelings at a young age is so powerful.
@@Evelyn-pw2tc my personal opinion is that it's better for kids to not have screen time, especially if they are that young. I do think it's nice to watch a movie with your kid or have set times when they can watch something, but I don't think kids should have control over the remote or have access to a phone or a tablet or something. I'm not sure about the psychological research behind children using screens so this is only my personal view and is in no way the best way for every family to handle screentime.
@@UnePetiteAmie Sounds like we have very similar ideas on parenting in this situation. I also agree that there are MANY good ways to parent a child and every child is different. I have a 12 year old who is developing into a very lovely little man but let me tell you; this. Child has been work!🤣
Most of my 3 year old's tantrums end abruptly when I say things to her like, "I know you are feeling so sad and upset right now, I would feel the same exact way if I didn't get to have ______, it's okay to be upset, mommy cries sometimes too, I'm sorry you are feeling this way, you'll feel happy again soon, it's okay." Sometimes when we verbalize their feelings for them it helps them feel heard and then the need to scream ends.
I was always the child/kid who wanted and needed to know why. Not in a disrespectful way, but I was curious to know why we didn’t say things/do things so could learn from it. It was so much easier to obey if I knew why I was
There was a psychologist I heard once who said: let’s put it this way, if we, as adults, for instance don’t like or feel like sharing our phone, or computer, or camera, or whatever, then why is a child any different? If no one forces us to share when we don’t want to, why force a child to share? As you said some moments are made for teaching the sharing stuff but some are not! I’m with you girl 👏🏻
@@Gamph your point? Do you get off on trying to seem superior with your self-righteous, egotistical behavior? Because all you appear to be is rude and childish. Grow up and leave me alone, mkay?
I don’t have kids, I don’t even plan on ever having children myself yet I love watching your videos with your adorable kiddos ☺️ your videos are the best
With the tantrums, what we do is sympathize with the emotion and tell them their feeling is valid, but the behavior isn't. For example, if my two year old throws a tantrum because she wants something her sister has, I tell her she can be frustrated she doesn't get to play with it, but hitting/ screaming/ etc isn't acceptable and then give x,y,z options on what she can do instead. I think that somewhat sounds similar to your philosophy, but we might place a bigger emphasis on accepting and feeling the emotion, but having different ways to deal with that.
This to me makes more sense. Children throw tantrums because they are not yet mature enough to deal with their emotions. As a parent I feel like it’s our responsibility to teach them how to regulate their emotions. That means those emotions are to be respected and acknowledged, but behaviors can be deemed appropriate versus not.
Spot on. I will say though, I don't expect my kids to always obey immediately, I ask once and wait a minute-ish before reinforcing (unless it's an emergency) because I don't always drop what I'm doing if someone asks me to do something, so why would I expect anything different from my kids.
I believe the example Sarah was using was more in a emergency way. Touching something hot, walking in front of a car, hitting someone etc. A firms STOP, needs to be followed. The answer like Sarah said is don't over use No and Stop, try to explain the reason you are asking. Truth hurts Moms, if you kids are brats, it is your parenting.
@@denisejones1863 I think you misunderstood my comment. I was not contradicting or criticising Sarah, I was simply sharing how I do it a little bit different. And I whole heatedly agree, there are emergency situations (did I not give that disclaimer in my original comment?) where it is important for a child to respond to a STOP! My children are not brats, they are very obedient, well behaved, and well mannered.
@@krystinaabbott4661 X2. Give them the opportunity to think and decide what they want to do, and review with them if what they have chosen is safe for them. 👌
11:49 -> 11:56 . Honest criticism that is not meant to be hateful : if something is natural ( whatever that even means , because its a very vague term ) DOESN'T MEAN IT'S SAFE in anything wether it be skincare or in this case detergent (example:pretty sure there's poisonous plants in nature soooo.... , not sure that's safe in any case ) . Another thing , water,air... are chemical compounds or a mix of them ,so is anything made of matter in this world , so please , stop demonetizing the word chemical, PLEASE .(unless it's specified to be dangerous)
Hey guys, I started teaching my little guy breathing techniques while upset when he was about two. He would take deep breaths slowly in and out and then sit for a minute to get himself together (obviously led at that age). It got to the point where he was able to do it himself and then eventually self regulate!:)
@@susanma4899 I actually didn't get christmas presents when I was around 6 years old because of bad behaviour. But I also think the no-presents-for-christmas threat sucks. I don't lie to my children and so I did never tell them Santa would actually exist. I remember very good how I felt betrayed from my mom when I found out he doesn't. I can very good tell my children that christmas gifts are a loving tradition and if they would so much annoy me to need any threats, I could also easily tell the truth that it is ME who does not want to gift anything to children with such bad behavior. Sorry if my english is bad, I'm from germany!
My mom refused to and successfully did not directly use the word "no" until I was near the age of 3. She heard all of these other children parroting back to their parents "No no no" like it was a joke. Mom wasn't keen to go through that. So, instead, as you pointed out, she used other words or directed me away from situations that could end in the kind of disasters only toddlers seem to be capable of.
I can attest firsthand how helpful it has been to limit the amount of times I say "no" or "stop" etc. They're powerful words and should be used for, primarily, for powerful/serious moments.
Yes!!!! Don’t nickname body parts!! Children need to know what their parts are so they can communicate correctly when needed to. I hope bad things never happen to anyone’s children but please teach them what their actual anatomy is called in case they need help. Also, they need to say the correct terms in court for it to be “valid”
I agree with all except the use of DON’T. Psychologically it’s hard. When I say, “Don’t think about a pink elephant.” You would have already thought about it. So instead of “Do not touch.” I will say “Keep your hands by your sides.” Followed by the reason. First time mom to be but kinda “parent” my brother who is 14 years younger than me. Nice reminders 😊
@Alexis O To get that quick response in a dangerous situation, it's best to say "stop!" Or "freeze!" Or other quick explicative word. I find it's better to phrase things to say what a child should do rather than what they shouldn't.
Definitely! Kids get a shock regardless whenever we use a stricter tone if they're about to do something dangerous or bad, so they'll stop what they're doing to look at you (cuz you're the one who is doing something bad in their eyes, ie: yelling). And if the situation is calm enough, I quickly explain in a few words that "this is dangerous, we can't touch it." And I've seen confusion turned into understanding on the face of baby. The best thing to is to create a "yes space" where there isn't anything that you say no to. That's why baby proofing is important, done with or without tools. A kid constantly getting told no gets anxious and stubborn and irritable, bcz they think we're just stopping them for no reason, even if we are explaining ourselves.
@Alexis O Yes or perhaps stop but only when it's dangerous. hehe my mom is a VERY protective mom and probably says things in urgency even when it's not and it could lead to desensitisation, if you know what I mean. ahha Still a great mom nevertheless :)
I work in a nursery and I see so many parents implementing rules and regulations that just do not work in the child's best interest. I understand that the parent has the final say it's just difficult to follow their rules when their child is so upset. X
I count, but to 5. Some kids need wait time. There is plenty of research into this wait time. But I agree being clear and consistent with the amount of time is important in gaining compliance.
Yes that’s the only thing I didn’t necessarily agree with. I get it, that a child needs to know to obey the first time, but I do like to give them a countdown to acting on their obedience because my little girl is really particular and needs to feel like she put her things down or away and I actually appreciate that. So I’m fine with her not always dropping what she is doing immediately to obey, as long as she has the intention to
Yeah. Actually I think counting is very helpful with my son and it teaches him to react right away (I count to 3). He's 4. But I use it in a compleately different way, then what Sara said. It's never a time for disobedience. Its time to stop what youre doing, finish something up real quick, comprehend what mama is saying and come. After some time my son learned its best to come on 'one'. And there have to be consequences if the child does not listen, like cutting a walk short if kiddo runs away and wont come back when you count... But I think its respectful to give your child a few seconds to react
I love the open door thing when they are in time-out. I’m 14 and don’t plan on having kids any time soon, but I really loved this video. Growing up, when my parents would put me in time-out, they would always close the door. I would always feel like they were mad at me and didn’t love me anymore (obviously, that was not true). If they had left the door open, I wouldn’t have felt that way. However, now that I am older, I do appreciate the privacy of having my door closed. Sometimes, after my parents and I have been in an argument, I will close my door just to let them know that I need some space to cool down. But, as a kid, having the door be left open by them def would have made me feel better. :)
I’m pretty sure I came up with a new term - SCARENTING! It’s a style of parenting that focuses on disciplining using fear. Such as when your dad gets home you are going to get a big spanking! Or Go to sleep or the bad man will take you (true story I knew someone who told their child that!)! There is tons of ways parents use fear for disciplining and it’s never a good outcome!
It reminds me of some primitive society: "don't go near the swamp or the swamp man will pull you underwater!" Those sayings were invented to protect kids because in those days, yeah, kids roamed freely outside. But to threaten death because you can't go to sleep...wow, that is just twisted.
That's exactly how I was educated as a kid... 🤷🏻♀️ I've started to have anxiety growing up because of the "fear" of doing something or so.. Yes I grew up being obedient to my mum, but just because I've always been "scared" of her and her reactions 🤷🏻♀️ Please parents, don't do it. It can cause traumas, anxiety and just bad things when your child is growing up!
I have been following you and watching your UA-cam videos for years. Now that I have my own child and have reached the toddler stage, I have felt completely lost in my parenting strategy. I rewatched your ‘mom talk’ playlist because you’ve always had this natural wisdom with everything you talk about. I can’t honestly tell you enough how much I appreciate the parenting tips you have listed. I feel so much better about how I’m feeling and what my next steps should be. I’m not a naturally reactive mom/person but lately I feel I’ve been letting parenting get the better of me. These videos have really helped push the restart button. Sarah, keep doing you! You are very much appreciated!
I love how connected youtube is and just how yall intertwine and share and jump off of ideas of one another. I appreciate it so much and the world needs more love like this!
Counting down gives the child a chance to think and act. Yes 20 is extreme, but 321 works fine. If you say stop there might be a freeze moment for the child which is a reflex and the 321 helps adults also not pounce and punish too quickly. The goal is to teach them that whatever they were doing then was wrong- the moral reason why you mentioned- and giving them time to think helps as well as discussing after the punishment why they were punished
@@allysonmcknight979 Yes, that's great advice! The best thing you can do as a parent is lead by example. Taking a moment to calm yourself will help you face the situation and it's important to care for yourself too- you can give 100% when you don't feel it ❤️
i'm sitting here at 20 years old with no kids yet but I just love hearing your view and style with things! I respect this video because you really seem to prioritize an incredibly, healthy relationship with your kids, in a way that inspires respect and openness for them. Love you all !! ❤️❤️
My mom was the same! For her with me was bedtime means stay in your room and do your thing till you’re ready to go to bed, but no coming out unless it’s to go to the bathroom
Totally resonate with the baby talk. Lol. My parents were VERY against baby talk and nicknaming things, and my sister and I got super confused when we were babysat by someone and they called a small paper-cut an “ouchie-boo-boo.” 😂 We were only 4 and 5 but we were so confused by the way this lady was talking. 😂
Yes! We do teach our children to share, but they don’t always have to. Personal property is a biblical principle and that is something that we definitely want to enforce in them. If one child has a toy, for that time they are the steward of it.
I don’t have kids, but I’m a preschool teacher. These parenting videos are so helpful in learning how to better address behavior in an effective but age-appropriate way. Thank you!
LM EM you’re correct. I’ve also taken college courses on child development and teaching children. I’ve also done a lot of training through work. The videos are just a nice way to get ideas for behavior management and redirection. 😊
Also, THANK YOU for leading by example and not coddling your children when they throw tantrums!!! That is a huge issue I see with so many young parents. Kids need standards for behavior!
I love the explaining your "no" or other words. Growing up I always heard "because I said so and that's that" and it wasn't until I was older that after some time would ask "why" and then my parents realized that I was ok with their decision, I just wanted to know their reasoning behind it.
Omg literally it took me so long to speak up and finally start questioning why I wasn’t allowed to do something because I was scared. But I now realise I should’ve been doing it a lot earlier because a lot of it just didn’t make sense
I love that everything you’ve said was, to a T, exactly how I parent. My son is 7years old, everyone tells me how good, kind, and “adult” he is. I just want to laugh because they get so surprised that a kid can act like that 😂 guys it’s really how you treat them! The words you use and don’t use! It’s the respect you and your children create when you treat them as PEOPLE who are learning and you are guiding them and teaching them. It’s a different mindset, but it is so worth it!! I don’t deal with half the things I hear from other parents. ❤️ they are just little people learning new things. Be the kind of person you would have needed at that time.
I agree with you on lots of things in this video. When you talked about sympathy in tantrums and the fact that it's okay to ignore your child when he's misbehaving, a year ago, I would have totally agreed with you. However, I am currently reading a book called "No-drama discipline" that changed my perspective about it. This book gives a total new approach to teach our kids and proposes a new way to handle tantrums by connecting then redirecting. It's really interesting and I'm sure you would love it!😄
100% I read heart to heart parenting and the concept of connectedness rather than control. It's such a beautiful, loving approach and I have found my relationships with my children thrive.
I identify with SO much of this as a parent. My eleven month old is super strong willed and I really appreciate your gentle approach while still maintaining boundaries and a good example for your kids. You put into words my exact thoughts and I hope to emulate this as a new mom! 👍😌
Ok, so any time I fall in love with a UA-cam kindred spirit and see this kind of video, I emotionally prepare myself like “it’s okay if their views on parenting are different than mine”. GIRL! Yes and hallelujah, amen, amen let’s stand before the Lord. Spot. On. Our children need boundaries to teach them the right responses when things don’t go their way. I’ve seen kids who are “positive disciplined” and what I’ve observed is seeds of rebellion and mamas who have to negotiate with their child to get them to do anything. But I also see the value of not saying no just for the sake of saying no. I love your videos, Sarah! Keep bringing the encouragement!
Haha go Mom! My Mom ONLY used the word one, once she said ONE that meant oh shit I better stop whatever I'm doing. Still to this day, at 35 years old if she said it now I'd stop in my tracks 🤣
I absolutely love your approach ❤️ so refreshing to hear someone so young be into teaching their children rather than “coddling” them and just making their adult life awful where they won’t know how to act. You’re definitely not like most of the young mom generation today and I love it ❤️ thanks so much for sharing! I hope the Lord continues to bless y’all’s lives!
You mentioned the counting topic in a another video and it just resonated with me in a way I've never considered before! I changed my approach with my children and explained that I would not be counting anymore because I expect them to obey the first time and it has been a game changer, thank you! These other tips are great too!
My exboyfriend told me about a girl who was in class with him, and she taught her daughter to name her vagina cookie. And she constantly went to her teacher... I think it was... saying “they touched my cookie”, and she never paid attention because she thought it was a cookie. And then she told her mom, thats how it was discovered someone was sexually asaulting her. Whats the problem with teaching them the word vagina?? My cousin taught her daughter to call it “carterita” that would be little purse. And I was 😒
Well....I see the point, but language and culture also play a role. With no doubt teaching the correct names will eliminate any guessing, but in my language I have yet to come across someone who was taught or taught their child a different "nickname" for penis/vulva/vagina. Is just the names children use for their private parts and it wouldn't cause any confusion like "so-and-so touched my cookie! Err...so what?!". And there are plenty of "nicknames" that we expect/know children to use frequently, for multiple things, in spite of them knowing the correct names.
Yes! I know too many child abolish victims. Children who know correct anatomical names are less likely to be abused according to statistics. Bad guys are scared off by the knowledge that a child knows exactly how to tell on them.
Having a nickname is fine when the child is very little say 5 years old. But once they start school they should know the proper word for body parts and other objects.
@@stephanieseahorse7931 well but of course, and most make that transition as they grow. A 1-2 year old will almost exclusively call "miau" (meow) to a "gato" (cat); a 2-3 year old will go back and forward between the two words; a 3-5 year old will use the proper word 99% of the time. Just a simple example of my initial comment. But like I said, how languages work, how much room they leave or not to interpretations, plays influence on this matter. Best advice: if in doubt, just teach the names.
When my kids tantrum especially in a shop I just tell them stop it, this is wrong, we can talk about what is bothering you at home and then I turn around and walk to the next isle and within 10 seconds they would be by my side with a I'm sorry mommy and when we get home we talk about what happened and how they could've communicated to me at that time what they wanted or needed and how they could've handled the situation different. Also want to add only time a bedroom door is closed is to give them or ourselves privacy for getting dressed after having a bath or shower in the evening or getting ready for school in the morning.
I agree with so many of these. Funnily though, I have never baby talked to my daughter or nicknamed anything (except for her name) but that stuff just comes naturally to her. She has decided that hugs are now called huggles 😂. I honestly hope she never changes that one 😂, it’s way to cute.
I just stumbled across this video, but I thoroughly enjoyed all the points you made. Especially the one regarding counting because I am currently 23 years old pregnant with my first child and I have 3 stepchildren ranging ages 6-10. We've always used counting up to 1,2, and then 3. I resonate with the concept of obedience the first time and it was just eye-opening to realizing that we're making it seem okay to wait to obey instead of obeying immediately.
Love this video!! Specifically the no baby talk and tantrums!! Thank you thank you! I know you'll probably do a future video on some of these things, but I just have a couple questions. :) 1. Any tips on how you get your children to listen the first time? 2. The open doors... When during a timeout or quiet time, I can't get my kid to stay in place or sit still! The only way he knows it's actually alone time is if I close the door. Leaving it open he just runs back out and clings to me 😬 wondering how you've helped your kids know to stay put.
i seriously LOVE your parenting videos! I have learned so much from those! I love to hear how you interact with your kids because i respect you so much and you're such an inspiration to me. keep it up, mama!
Would love to see more parenting videos from you! Christian parenting, sleep and babies/toddlers, your approach to parenting, discipline, play and toys, education, etc.
This was so helpful. Particularly the not just saying no, but being more specific, stop, dont do x,y,z. And tantrums, still working through these and as a Christian mom I find it hard to navigate! Thank you so much! SOMETHING I DO NOT FOLLOW is giving kids rewards, especially in regards to food.
I count to 3. You have 3 seconds to rethink your choice. My kids know when things are serious and immediate obedience is mandatory and when I’m letting them make a choice. I want my kids to leans how to make their own choices. I’m 27 and my kids are 10, 5 and 2. I let my daughter close her door when her little brothers are bothering her. My kids know they’re body parts. I tell them why they have them and what they’re for. My kids also know that in polite conversation that’s not what everyone will call those parts. My kids don’t throw tantrums often and I’m so happy about it. If we’re in public I scoop them up like a sack of potatoes and I tell them I understand they have feelings but we have things to do. At home I’ll take the time to help them figure out how and why.
I count as well, but it’s when I’m not pleased with the speed at which my toddlers are going lol. For example, if I tell them to pick out a book for bed and it takes ten minutes for my four year old to dawdle around to it then I count to ten and if a book isn’t in my hand by ten then no books. Rules are made to be broken. You do what works for your family. A lot of the things Sarah says about her kids just aren’t realistic for me because I have a child with brain inflammation and things in my house are bonkers, like BONKERS. And it’s not because of my parenting lol
Story time of how I lost a friendship because I gave her some advice on how to handle a tantrum. My friend and I went out for coffee and some shopping for our selves or so I thought. She said very upset, how is your daughter so well behaved? I smiled and just said thank you. Well she proceeded to tell me her son had been acting so much to the point of even hitting her. She told me what was going on I listen and so on well when she was done and I felt I could comment I asked, what kind of discipline she was using practicing with him? And said have you tried time outs or maybe removing him from what’s making him so upset? She looked at me and said are you saying I should be hitting my child too? I was honestly shocked and said absolutely NOT I’m just saying if he’s doing all of this things is maybe time to step in and take control instead of just letting him do whatever he wants. That’s all I was saying then she said I grew up in a home where I would get beat up just for saying the wrong thing so I will not punish my children and it took me a minute to understand her but at the same time I don’t because I can I understand how she felt as a child but I also think she needs to let that go when it comes to being a parent and do the right thing for him. Teach him to control his anger and tantrums before is too late.. I will always be here to listen to her if she ever has bad memories or feels some type of way about her upbringing but I feel I also have to be a friend and tell her it is ok to discipline your child and you’re not being a bad parent for doing so.. well she was clearly very upset about my comments and never called or texted me again and I friend not going to lied more then I should’ve to try to fix what I felt was my fault but I realized it wasn’t working out so I decided to give her space and not push my self on her, wich was very sad to be honest, but at the same time I realized I’m ok with her not being in my life she has other priorities and opinions and clearly they were not the same as mine so as much as I love her as a human being we had grown in to different people and didn’t share the same opinion about raising children so end of story I moved on she moved on I have different friends and so does she and it works for the both of us…
I worked in a childcare center for a few years, and so many of these things were applied to or proved by me experience in my job. Parents who counted for their kids had spoiled kids. Self-soothing is important. Properly labeling things make life way easier and avoid miscommunication. Know how to deal with your individual child; not all methods work for all people. You are the adults and they are the children; make sure they know that.
I am childfree, but as a daycare and preschool teacher in the past I was taught to do like the no baby talk and a few other of your ways too. Your doing great.
Baby talk is actually a developmentally important step in learning language. I get not wanting to use it during important times like prayer, but while playing with them, it helps them learn to differentiate sounds while they're babies.
This is true, but only until 6 months or so, maybe up to a year. After that, their communication skills are starting to develop and I personally feel that it’s important for them to hear and understand correct words. However If your 2 year old, for example, comes up and asks for a “dwink”, you shouldn’t correct them, just repeat back to them to correct form of the word; “sure, you can have a drink.” Then hand them their cup. As Sarah said, children aren’t stupid, and we shouldn’t make them think they are or enforce a saying a word incorrectly just because they’re little.
@@sydneybailey5522 I agree with everything you just said. Modeling a behavior (or in this case speech pattern) is an extremely effective way to help little ones learn.
baby talk actually can delay speech. baby talk where you're speaking gibberish and not using real words is NOT the same as speaking in high pitch tone that is interesting for babies and catches their attention, so long as youre using real words. :)
Children using their own "baby talk" and conveying their own meaning through informal structures and methods is a developmentally important step, but adults using silly voices and improper words when talking to children is not. Babies are learning to recognise the sounds of their language, isolate words and sounds in what they hear, and build vocabulary. Adults giving nonsense baby talk as language input for the child is not a helpful thing for development.
I agree with you, I baby talked to my sons and they were very good at learning, excellent students, they both have now amazing jobs, I don’t think it’s really an issue.
So for open door policy: at what age are the kids allowed to have closed doors? What rules would surround that? How do you handle privacy for the kids with each other? Love you Sarah!! ❤️
So what do you do if they dont listen the first, third or FIFTH time?? You and melina both said you don’t give them chances but what do you do to instill obedience?
The key is consistency. Be consistent in your rules and the discipline that will follow breaking them. "If you don't pick up the toys, then you can't have TV." Be honest to yourself about following through, even if the child cries and goes crazy. Let them know why as well, especially if they behave in an undesired way. Actions always have consequences. Likewise, reward good behavior with positive words, and sometimes treat them. Things like this take time, routine, and consistency.
I think she means if she says “no” and they don’t listen, to immediately have a plan for discipline and to go through with it. That’s what I do. If my toddler touches something and I say no and give her a warning, but she goes back to it, I immediately put her into time out and explain why she is there. She has to apologize before leaving. She is not allowed to leave until the timer goes off. She knows why she is there and knows that I meant no the first time. I don’t wait to use discipline because then she won’t take me seriously. This is a good tool she will use in adulthood.
Some of actually most of the words is what I needed to hear right now. As a first time mama any help even from my husband because of corona separation. Thank you. I feel stronger now
Counting gives children an opportunity to make a good choice themselves rather than imposing adult will. This allows them the chance to develop making good choices by gentle prompts rather than immediate consequences or discipline. I wouldn't count to 20...i ask once and then count to 5 and then move.
I find with most parenting style and discipline techniques, they work better for some children/families than others. It's great that it works for you; it was really effective for my nephew, too. My son (2yo), however, just continues counting the numbers and then ignores whatever I asked if him.
I read somewhere that after asking them to do something, in order to teach them to follow orders we have to be swift in helping them to do the right thing. At a smaller age they may not be able to make the right decision and some kids take this as an experiment to see what happens if I dont do what mommy wants. So after I tell my old to do something and he doesn't, I see if he is about to do it, if he isn't I get up quickly and help them do it. For important things they dont get a chance to be disobedient. But I only do this for important things. Normally I ask myself "why do I need him to do this and why is it important to me." I never wanna be that controlling mom who requires absolute obedience from my child bcz that suppresses their own autonomy and decision making skill. And I think complete obedience is towards God only, I dont wanna teach my kids "obedience", I wanna teach them to live in consciousness, to be aware of themselves and their surroundings and know what is right and wrong and to do the right thing bcz they want to. If they do the wrong thing, I want them to learn the consequence for themselves (obviously as is appropriate for their age).
I absolutely 💯 percent agree with your parenting style! And I love how you know why you decided to do what you do, it’s backed up with reasoning, not just fallowing a trend and that’s huge.
Definitely resonated with your parenting style! You explained really well why you don’t do a certain thing. Like why you don’t say No as often, but it still has its purpose. Thought this was a really well worded video! Lots of people will learn from this 🥰
I love these tips! The only thing I would disagree with is #7. I think it's great to explain to a child why you are saying no sometimes, but at others it becomes a matter of obedience. They should be willing to obey you even with no reasoning behind it. Love your videos! You're amazing!
As a soon-to-be Behavioral Analyst, I can say that these are all incredible tips! The only one I would say could use some leeway is the open door policy. I completely understand the goal of that (especially with very young children), but I know that when I was a child, the time I got to spend alone playing in my room was so important to me. Thanks for sharing Sarah!
I always find parenting “advice” quite a dangerous thing. Every child is so different. I guess we won’t know how well your techniques have worked until your children are fully grown and functioning as adults. I think your heart is in the right place trying to share what may be working for you. If any parents are reading my message, please just do you and don’t be affected by anyone’s opinions - it’s such a personal thing and no right way about it xx
Thank you for creating such a great spectrum of content! I am an newly engaged to a wonderful man who already has a child, so i am stepping into an instant family situation. Subjects like parenting, marital, house, cooking, and also caring for myself is all stuff I want to be absorbing and your channel provides a little of everything! Love it💛
I agree with a lot of these. The counting though I count to 3 ONLY when it's not something that is going to harm them or make them disrespectful. For example: If I say it's time to get our shoes on and go to the store, and my kids do not immediately get up to listen I will say 1-2-3. but if I get to 3 there are repercussions.
I am 20 and my mom is 45 and we still call some things by a nickname we used to use in the past when I was a kid or even when my cousins were kids. It’s just funny and every nickname has a little story behind it and I think that’s beautiful.
I totally agree with accounting thing. But I also do the accounting thing sometimes to give them the opportunity to make the right decision to do it on their own if that makes sense.
I saw Milena’s video first and then a few days later your video was suggested 🤗 I think topics like these are SO NEEDED because reality is people have different parenting styles and people really struggle with parenting and hearing “New ways” to parent can be super beneficial. Im 💯% on board with the no baby talk or no counting. Kids are little geniuses in the making. Their brains are soaking up new information by the second. I also think its super important to allow children to think for themselves and give them a fare chance to respond with their words. I always felt belittled and like I didnt have a voice because I was told “shut up, dont speak, be quiet” ect. And never given a chance to voice my feelings or given an explanation from my parents on why?!? So I also agree with explaining to children why your needing them to do or not to do something so they understand, because knowledge is power.
You have some good tips. Counting can work in certain situations, though. Obviously not if safety is an issue and definitely not counting to 20. When we count it’s to three, no exceptions. I think giving a few second to let kids reach good decisions can be a great thing. I’m with you on the sharing and the word no, also. We don’t force our boy to share, he can if he wants to and usually does. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but your use of the term “train” struck me as kind of different. Maybe it’s because I just read about that book, how to train a child (can’t remember the exact name, but it’s something like that), and it was rather disturbing.
Always good to hear you on parenting. My 5 kids are slowly transitioning back into my care after the ministry apprehended them (for good reasons). I’m rediscovering who I am as a parent after a 13 year abusive marriage/family situation. Can’t wait to continue to raise them the way I always wanted.
i’m with you on every single one of these! i’m a young mom as well. the baby talk especially resonates with me 😂 when i had my daughter, i was honestly bewildered at the way most people would speak to her 🤨🥴 and even now at 3 years old! she was an early talker, she is way ahead of the curve in that department and i really think me speaking to her like a human being has attributed to that. baby talk always felt so strange and unnatural to me lol
I love the fact that you didn't mention which kid didn't throw tantrum. I really appreciate the way you think and action and even I don't have kids, if I will ever have I'll think of this video and the great advice you gave us. Definitely more parents should act like this.
Hey Sarah, first time to your channel and I have to admit that I clicked with great trepidation! As a mum of two (11yrs and 8yrs) and a primary school teacher, I am super excited to hear you speak. Well done and congratulations on such a great stance - your title should actually be 'Parenting Rules that we should ALL follow'. Discipline is so hit and miss now, that I more often see parents who are so soft on their kids. Both my children work successfully in the entertainment industry and as they are working in an adult domaine, their disciplined attitudes means they are never a burden on the adults who have to work with them. Keep it up and big love from Sydney, Australia xx
Same! When my kid throws a tantrum and throws himself on the floor I just leave him there... but it’s a huge set back when his dad is around for it 🤦♀️
@@tatianabuchanan3627 I have a 12 year old. He is a tricky little guy! We have had to try many different parenting styles different times in his life: I will tell you, this is one thing that really works! It works for when they get a little older and the tantrums stop, but the mouthiness starts! 🤣No sense in arguing with a 12 year old! I wait til he is done (while pretending I am not hearing him) and calmed down before we talk about it!
Great video! I love that you agree with the no baby talk. Talking to them like they are actual human beings that deserve respect not some incompetent being. Also the telling them why they can't do something instead of just "because I said so." No nicknames especially to body parts is sooo important.
I'm a cat mom but I'm watching this haha! Definitely loving that you and Milena are friends because I was thinking about it the other day that y'all would really get along!🥰
Yes yes love this! Would love a video on what you also DO do as far as parenting style. How do you do timeouts? How do you teach your child to obey the first time? How did you get your children to share a room during bed time? Your children seem like angels!
I just wanna day children have personalities and some parenting tips work for some children and not others u have to get to know your children and raise them accordingly
A very interesting video! I did need to flip my phone over though because I can't watch so much hand movement. I find it really over the top on UA-cam these days. I think people are told to move a bit more to keep engagement but I can't listen and watch hands at the same time apparently . Flipping my phone and listening gives me the same great content. I agree on a lot of points!
Me too but honestly sometimes it feels like I’m never going to meet someone, settle down, and be a mother.. even though it’s something I want more than anything…
Thank you! I totally agree with all of this! A lot of people I know do not agree, so it's nice to see someone of similar age parenting in the same way. I have 3 boys and this type of parenting makes life WAY more enjoyable!
I love this!! Nicknaming things is super annoying so I’ve corrected many a family member on correct terms, especially for my boys’ genitalia. I definitely don’t sympathize with tantrums. Instead, we regularly talk about how to calm down when they aren’t tantruming so they have the techniques to calm down and I say to them “when you have calmed down and are done, we can talk about it.” They both know that we have to talk through things before they are “released” to play again. I dont sugar coat real life consequences either so my four year old knows that if he doesn’t have his seat belt straps on and the chest clip where it should be, he could get hurt in the event of a car crash and others real life consequences as well.
Me just sitting here watching this vid even though I don't have kids.... Love you Sarah!
x2... but good training
So as I’m not the only one 😂
My kids are 19, 27, and 30...and I'm watching too!
Same
Lol I’m a kid
Re: Ignoring tantrums.... the only point I would add is that you need to explain to your child why you are not going to respond to their attention seeking behaviour or tantrum. If you just start ignoring them, it will cause the behaviour to escalate. A simple "mommy is not going to talk to you when your yelling because that is not how we treat eachother in our family" or something and then do planned ignoring. You need to give children the respect of knowing why you are not talking to them :)
I agree with you, ignoring them might seem like but not be the correct option so letting them know why you're doing it would help them understand what's wrong about their behavior and try to express themselves better.. it's not related to tantrums in particular but when I was young, I used to sit closer to the tv than everyone else in my family "because I couldn't see" when I was further but my mom thought it was for attention because her friend's son did something similar and when they checked, his eyes were fine so she ignored it and kept telling me to "sit with them" or "don't get too close to the tv".. it was only after months of me repeatedly saying I can't see that she took me to the oculist and I ended up wearing glasses. tbh, I was hurt after knowing the reason, I felt like "how could she not believe me, she knows I never lie.. and I thought she knew I wasn't the kind of person to do that" I was old enough (12) to not be greatly affected by it but if something like that happens with a small child repeatedly without explanation, it'll negatively affect them as they grow up...
I agree with you too.
P
Agreed! We say something along the lines of 'I can't understand you when you are crying like this, calm down and then I can help you' and then ignore the behaviour until they get to a state where they are ready to communicate better. Works great with my stubborn toddler!!
I always tell my daughter to let me know when she's ready to talk and then walk away.
My parents had a rule that you can't talk it timeout unless you were apologizing. One time my sister was in timeout and noticed a toy monkey was on fire, my parents kept shutting her up when she tried to warn them. Luckily the only thing burned was the monkey, but I still think if your child is trying to tell you something you should probably listen.
holy shit. I'm glad only the monkey burned but that situation sounds really scary. It must be frustrating as a kid when you're trying to do the right thing (warning your parents about a fire) and your parents shut you down and don't listen to you.
@@julieannelovesbooks that’s what I always tell myself while dealing with every situation. They are still people. If something would upset or frustrate me, chances are it’s going to do the same to him. I think sometimes parents forget that kids are just little people! Little people, with big emotions and feelings (and sometimes mouths🤣)!
@@michiebutterfly7785 I feel that so much! Babies aren’t babies, they look like babies, but it’s a disguise for a tiny person. A tiny person that’s discovering the world for the first time and discovering emotions etc etc without having the coping mechanisms in place adults have to deal with those emotions. So the emotions feel insurmountable at times. I think we should give babies much more credit for what they’re going through 😂
@@julieannelovesbooks 💯🥰
When dealing with tantrums I have literally told my child “if this is how you are wanting to get mamas attention this ain’t it and I won’t respond but you can do this....and I will help you/ listen” and it has worked! She places her hand on me and waits cause we agreed that means she needs me and I can finish what I’m talking about or doing with out interrupting.
I'm going to try this. We have 4 (and one on the way) all under 7, and interrupting/tantrums are a big part of life especially for the 3 year old, they're very competitive sometimes.
One of my favorite phrases for my toddler is “this is not a choice.” When she has to hold my hand in the parking lot, it’s not her choice. When we wash our hands before meals, it’s not a choice. If she balks and starts a tantrum, I say “it is not a choice. You will hold my hand.” And after 6+ months of that, she understands that that phrase means she won’t get her way.
I also like how you depersonalize it. Instead of saying, "You have no choice," you say, "This is not a choice."
That's a great phrase! We do something similar & I agree it helps massively. Like in the real world, sometimes the adults need to be in charge & make the decision, the kiddos can't, that's just how it works.in some instances yes like "which t-shirt do u wanna wear today?" but when it comes to health & safety, absolutely not. Explaining why is also great!
My kids DO have quiet time daily, about an hour, with their doors CLOSED! Of course they can come out if they actually need something or to go to the bathroom (duh!). I want them to associate being alone with relaxation and play. I want them to learn that being alone is healthy and that they are complete without anyone else to amuse, validate, or constantly assist them.
Yes totally agree. Being able to close my door was super important because it made me feel independent and that I didn't need to rely on my parents 24/7. Having that barrier taught me that's it's ok to be alone and that my own company is enough
Hello Sarah, I liked your video, but disagree in the last point when it´s about kids under the age of two. I work as a neurologist in Germany and a colleague of mine is studying toddlers neurology. In the 80s she found out, that children under two don´t have the physical ability to handel their frustration about rejection, so the they begin to scream and so on. If you hold your child closely in this moment, you will help them develop their hormonal und physical ability for handling stressfull situations, because they will grow neurologic connections faster. Many children who don´t get extern support by bringing themselves down in this tantrums or children you don´t have this phase of rebellion can´t handle stress well when they´re grown up. anyway like your point of view in many ways. Love from Germany!
That’s so interesting!!!
This! ESPECIALLY true for kids with trauma. I’m a foster mom and I do “sympathize” with my kids during a tantrum. But also re-direct their behavior. “I can see that you are very frustrated that you cannot have that toy your sister is playing with. It is okay to be frustrated but it is not okay to hit her. Would you like me to hold you or should we go get your chewie?” (He has some sensory needs so chewelry will calm him) and if he escalates the tantrum and starts hitting me “Wow, I can see that you are very angry with me but I will not allow you to hit me. It seems like you need some help controlling your body right now, I will hold your hands until you can stop hitting” (and then I gently hold his hands rubbing them or kissing them to help him calm down) then after the tantrum we “re-do” the situation. “Let’s try this again and see how we can handle it better this time”. I tell him he can’t have the toy and we find another solution that works for everyone. Helping kids name their feelings at a young age is so powerful.
What bout tantrums of wanting screen time for toddler below age 2? How do you handle them? How much screen time is recommended?
@@Evelyn-pw2tc my personal opinion is that it's better for kids to not have screen time, especially if they are that young. I do think it's nice to watch a movie with your kid or have set times when they can watch something, but I don't think kids should have control over the remote or have access to a phone or a tablet or something. I'm not sure about the psychological research behind children using screens so this is only my personal view and is in no way the best way for every family to handle screentime.
@@UnePetiteAmie Sounds like we have very similar ideas on parenting in this situation. I also agree that there are MANY good ways to parent a child and every child is different. I have a 12 year old who is developing into a very lovely little man but let me tell you; this. Child has been work!🤣
Most of my 3 year old's tantrums end abruptly when I say things to her like, "I know you are feeling so sad and upset right now, I would feel the same exact way if I didn't get to have ______, it's okay to be upset, mommy cries sometimes too, I'm sorry you are feeling this way, you'll feel happy again soon, it's okay."
Sometimes when we verbalize their feelings for them it helps them feel heard and then the need to scream ends.
Great advise!
I couldn't agree more!!
Yes!!! Just acknowledging their feelings makes a huge impact.
This is stupidly helpful! Going to be having my first baby in the next few weeks so living for content like this 💚
Can't wait until your little one is coming 😍
@Jagger Angel Repent , Jesus Christ is coming back
Repent.
@Charles Knox Repent , Jesus Christ is coming back
Repent.
@@chiaraaimee Repent , Jesus Christ is coming back
Repent.
I was always the child/kid who wanted and needed to know why. Not in a disrespectful way, but I was curious to know why we didn’t say things/do things so could learn from it. It was so much easier to obey if I knew why I was
There was a psychologist I heard once who said: let’s put it this way, if we, as adults, for instance don’t like or feel like sharing our phone, or computer, or camera, or whatever, then why is a child any different? If no one forces us to share when we don’t want to, why force a child to share?
As you said some moments are made for teaching the sharing stuff but some are not! I’m with you girl 👏🏻
Don't have kids, don't have a boyfriend/husband, don't even have a crush, don't plan on it anytime soon, but here I am
Ommmggg so unique of u😱
@@Gamph your point? Do you get off on trying to seem superior with your self-righteous, egotistical behavior? Because all you appear to be is rude and childish. Grow up and leave me alone, mkay?
Same buddy
I don’t have kids, I don’t even plan on ever having children myself yet I love watching your videos with your adorable kiddos ☺️ your videos are the best
Same. I dont want to be a mom, but I like watching her videos
Me too!
As a mom of six in her 40's, I just want to say, you have learned so much, so early. I wish I had known half as much in my 20s. Good for you girl!
With the tantrums, what we do is sympathize with the emotion and tell them their feeling is valid, but the behavior isn't. For example, if my two year old throws a tantrum because she wants something her sister has, I tell her she can be frustrated she doesn't get to play with it, but hitting/ screaming/ etc isn't acceptable and then give x,y,z options on what she can do instead.
I think that somewhat sounds similar to your philosophy, but we might place a bigger emphasis on accepting and feeling the emotion, but having different ways to deal with that.
This to me makes more sense. Children throw tantrums because they are not yet mature enough to deal with their emotions. As a parent I feel like it’s our responsibility to teach them how to regulate their emotions. That means those emotions are to be respected and acknowledged, but behaviors can be deemed appropriate versus not.
@@helenanel1453 definitely!
Spot on. I will say though, I don't expect my kids to always obey immediately, I ask once and wait a minute-ish before reinforcing (unless it's an emergency) because I don't always drop what I'm doing if someone asks me to do something, so why would I expect anything different from my kids.
I agree with this. I expect my kids to listen to me- but I also can respect a polite "mom, may I finish X first"
I believe the example Sarah was using was more in a emergency way. Touching something hot, walking in front of a car, hitting someone etc. A firms STOP, needs to be followed. The answer like Sarah said is don't over use No and Stop, try to explain the reason you are asking. Truth hurts Moms, if you kids are brats, it is your parenting.
@@denisejones1863 I think you misunderstood my comment. I was not contradicting or criticising Sarah, I was simply sharing how I do it a little bit different. And I whole heatedly agree, there are emergency situations (did I not give that disclaimer in my original comment?) where it is important for a child to respond to a STOP! My children are not brats, they are very obedient, well behaved, and well mannered.
I totally agree with you.
@@krystinaabbott4661 X2. Give them the opportunity to think and decide what they want to do, and review with them if what they have chosen is safe for them. 👌
11:49 -> 11:56 . Honest criticism that is not meant to be hateful : if something is natural ( whatever that even means , because its a very vague term ) DOESN'T MEAN IT'S SAFE in anything wether it be skincare or in this case detergent (example:pretty sure there's poisonous plants in nature soooo.... , not sure that's safe in any case ) . Another thing , water,air... are chemical compounds or a mix of them ,so is anything made of matter in this world , so please , stop demonetizing the word chemical, PLEASE .(unless it's specified to be dangerous)
Great point!
I’ve always thought about this too and how people always think that “natural is good” pretty sure natural cyanide isn’t good
I think the implications/connotations of each word are helpful/understood.
Hey guys, I started teaching my little guy breathing techniques while upset when he was about two. He would take deep breaths slowly in and out and then sit for a minute to get himself together (obviously led at that age). It got to the point where he was able to do it himself and then eventually self regulate!:)
That’s awesome
At Christmas I never say "Be good or Santa won't bring you presents."
I expect good behaviour from my kids for its own sake.
Yeah, how many kids have not gotten presents from Santa for being bad? ZERO. It's the emptiest threat ever.
@@susanma4899 I didn't get presents one year lol
I tend to say this and never thought about how empty of a threat it is and how it sounds so goofy. Definitely going to stop!
@@susanma4899 I actually didn't get christmas presents when I was around 6 years old because of bad behaviour. But I also think the no-presents-for-christmas threat sucks. I don't lie to my children and so I did never tell them Santa would actually exist. I remember very good how I felt betrayed from my mom when I found out he doesn't. I can very good tell my children that christmas gifts are a loving tradition and if they would so much annoy me to need any threats, I could also easily tell the truth that it is ME who does not want to gift anything to children with such bad behavior. Sorry if my english is bad, I'm from germany!
My mom refused to and successfully did not directly use the word "no" until I was near the age of 3. She heard all of these other children parroting back to their parents "No no no" like it was a joke. Mom wasn't keen to go through that. So, instead, as you pointed out, she used other words or directed me away from situations that could end in the kind of disasters only toddlers seem to be capable of.
90% of the comments: I don’t have kids but I’m still going to watch this. 😂😂
I can attest firsthand how helpful it has been to limit the amount of times I say "no" or "stop" etc. They're powerful words and should be used for, primarily, for powerful/serious moments.
Yes!!!! Don’t nickname body parts!! Children need to know what their parts are so they can communicate correctly when needed to. I hope bad things never happen to anyone’s children but please teach them what their actual anatomy is called in case they need help. Also, they need to say the correct terms in court for it to be “valid”
Yes 100%
That "pff, no can I have a drink?" Haha🤣
I agree with all except the use of DON’T.
Psychologically it’s hard. When I say, “Don’t think about a pink elephant.” You would have already thought about it.
So instead of “Do not touch.” I will say “Keep your hands by your sides.” Followed by the reason.
First time mom to be but kinda “parent” my brother who is 14 years younger than me. Nice reminders 😊
@Alexis O To get that quick response in a dangerous situation, it's best to say "stop!" Or "freeze!" Or other quick explicative word. I find it's better to phrase things to say what a child should do rather than what they shouldn't.
Definitely! Kids get a shock regardless whenever we use a stricter tone if they're about to do something dangerous or bad, so they'll stop what they're doing to look at you (cuz you're the one who is doing something bad in their eyes, ie: yelling). And if the situation is calm enough, I quickly explain in a few words that "this is dangerous, we can't touch it." And I've seen confusion turned into understanding on the face of baby. The best thing to is to create a "yes space" where there isn't anything that you say no to. That's why baby proofing is important, done with or without tools. A kid constantly getting told no gets anxious and stubborn and irritable, bcz they think we're just stopping them for no reason, even if we are explaining ourselves.
@Alexis O Yes or perhaps stop but only when it's dangerous. hehe my mom is a VERY protective mom and probably says things in urgency even when it's not and it could lead to desensitisation, if you know what I mean. ahha
Still a great mom nevertheless :)
@@annefeygin3106 hehe yea, I'll totally use stop. hehe Freeze is so cute though. hehe Like playing a game of catch :)
@@netforce13 I want to practice this. I love the respectful parenting concept and creating more yeses than nos. hehe
I work in a nursery and I see so many parents implementing rules and regulations that just do not work in the child's best interest. I understand that the parent has the final say it's just difficult to follow their rules when their child is so upset. X
You’re right, every kid is different.
I count, but to 5. Some kids need wait time. There is plenty of research into this wait time. But I agree being clear and consistent with the amount of time is important in gaining compliance.
Yes that’s the only thing I didn’t necessarily agree with. I get it, that a child needs to know to obey the first time, but I do like to give them a countdown to acting on their obedience because my little girl is really particular and needs to feel like she put her things down or away and I actually appreciate that. So I’m fine with her not always dropping what she is doing immediately to obey, as long as she has the intention to
Yeah. Actually I think counting is very helpful with my son and it teaches him to react right away (I count to 3). He's 4. But I use it in a compleately different way, then what Sara said. It's never a time for disobedience. Its time to stop what youre doing, finish something up real quick, comprehend what mama is saying and come. After some time my son learned its best to come on 'one'. And there have to be consequences if the child does not listen, like cutting a walk short if kiddo runs away and wont come back when you count... But I think its respectful to give your child a few seconds to react
I love the open door thing when they are in time-out. I’m 14 and don’t plan on having kids any time soon, but I really loved this video. Growing up, when my parents would put me in time-out, they would always close the door. I would always feel like they were mad at me and didn’t love me anymore (obviously, that was not true). If they had left the door open, I wouldn’t have felt that way. However, now that I am older, I do appreciate the privacy of having my door closed. Sometimes, after my parents and I have been in an argument, I will close my door just to let them know that I need some space to cool down. But, as a kid, having the door be left open by them def would have made me feel better. :)
I’m pretty sure I came up with a new term - SCARENTING! It’s a style of parenting that focuses on disciplining using fear. Such as when your dad gets home you are going to get a big spanking! Or Go to sleep or the bad man will take you (true story I knew someone who told their child that!)! There is tons of ways parents use fear for disciplining and it’s never a good outcome!
True word!
It reminds me of some primitive society: "don't go near the swamp or the swamp man will pull you underwater!" Those sayings were invented to protect kids because in those days, yeah, kids roamed freely outside. But to threaten death because you can't go to sleep...wow, that is just twisted.
That's exactly how I was educated as a kid... 🤷🏻♀️ I've started to have anxiety growing up because of the "fear" of doing something or so.. Yes I grew up being obedient to my mum, but just because I've always been "scared" of her and her reactions 🤷🏻♀️
Please parents, don't do it. It can cause traumas, anxiety and just bad things when your child is growing up!
I have been following you and watching your UA-cam videos for years. Now that I have my own child and have reached the toddler stage, I have felt completely lost in my parenting strategy. I rewatched your ‘mom talk’ playlist because you’ve always had this natural wisdom with everything you talk about. I can’t honestly tell you enough how much I appreciate the parenting tips you have listed. I feel so much better about how I’m feeling and what my next steps should be. I’m not a naturally reactive mom/person but lately I feel I’ve been letting parenting get the better of me. These videos have really helped push the restart button. Sarah, keep doing you! You are very much appreciated!
Ooo this should be interesting. I don’t have any children but still gonna watch this video in its entirety!! 👌👌👌
I love how connected youtube is and just how yall intertwine and share and jump off of ideas of one another. I appreciate it so much and the world needs more love like this!
Counting down gives the child a chance to think and act. Yes 20 is extreme, but 321 works fine. If you say stop there might be a freeze moment for the child which is a reflex and the 321 helps adults also not pounce and punish too quickly. The goal is to teach them that whatever they were doing then was wrong- the moral reason why you mentioned- and giving them time to think helps as well as discussing after the punishment why they were punished
恵理Ellysia sometimes I have to countdown for myself before I respond to my child’s behaviour!
@@allysonmcknight979 Yes, that's great advice! The best thing you can do as a parent is lead by example. Taking a moment to calm yourself will help you face the situation and it's important to care for yourself too- you can give 100% when you don't feel it ❤️
@@allysonmcknight979 I just count to myself sometimes, to calm myself down
I absolutely agree
My kid would count with me 🤣
i'm sitting here at 20 years old with no kids yet but I just love hearing your view and style with things! I respect this video because you really seem to prioritize an incredibly, healthy relationship with your kids, in a way that inspires respect and openness for them. Love you all !! ❤️❤️
My mom was the same! For her with me was bedtime means stay in your room and do your thing till you’re ready to go to bed, but no coming out unless it’s to go to the bathroom
Totally resonate with the baby talk. Lol. My parents were VERY against baby talk and nicknaming things, and my sister and I got super confused when we were babysat by someone and they called a small paper-cut an “ouchie-boo-boo.” 😂 We were only 4 and 5 but we were so confused by the way this lady was talking. 😂
Yes! We do teach our children to share, but they don’t always have to. Personal property is a biblical principle and that is something that we definitely want to enforce in them. If one child has a toy, for that time they are the steward of it.
Sarah, you are spot on! Delayed obedience is disobedience!!!
legit all of the things you and milena said i was like THANK YOU , people with common sense who have kids. your kids are so lucky to have you
I felt personally validated as a parent after watching their videos haha.
I don’t have kids, but I’m a preschool teacher. These parenting videos are so helpful in learning how to better address behavior in an effective but age-appropriate way. Thank you!
@@lucybean2844 She has 3 children so probably has insights and experiences that a 'trained professional' may not have.
LM EM you’re correct. I’ve also taken college courses on child development and teaching children. I’ve also done a lot of training through work. The videos are just a nice way to get ideas for behavior management and redirection. 😊
Sharing: imagine someone ripping your phone out of your hands mid conversation and said 'share!'. Yeah no.
Also, THANK YOU for leading by example and not coddling your children when they throw tantrums!!! That is a huge issue I see with so many young parents. Kids need standards for behavior!
I love the explaining your "no" or other words. Growing up I always heard "because I said so and that's that" and it wasn't until I was older that after some time would ask "why" and then my parents realized that I was ok with their decision, I just wanted to know their reasoning behind it.
Omg literally it took me so long to speak up and finally start questioning why I wasn’t allowed to do something because I was scared. But I now realise I should’ve been doing it a lot earlier because a lot of it just didn’t make sense
I am 26 Mom of 2 aaaaaand i just like your channel a lot. I adore how you light up UA-cam with love and positivity and no judgement. 🥰
I love that everything you’ve said was, to a T, exactly how I parent. My son is 7years old, everyone tells me how good, kind, and “adult” he is. I just want to laugh because they get so surprised that a kid can act like that 😂 guys it’s really how you treat them! The words you use and don’t use! It’s the respect you and your children create when you treat them as PEOPLE who are learning and you are guiding them and teaching them. It’s a different mindset, but it is so worth it!! I don’t deal with half the things I hear from other parents. ❤️ they are just little people learning new things. Be the kind of person you would have needed at that time.
I agree with you on lots of things in this video. When you talked about sympathy in tantrums and the fact that it's okay to ignore your child when he's misbehaving, a year ago, I would have totally agreed with you. However, I am currently reading a book called "No-drama discipline" that changed my perspective about it. This book gives a total new approach to teach our kids and proposes a new way to handle tantrums by connecting then redirecting. It's really interesting and I'm sure you would love it!😄
100% I read heart to heart parenting and the concept of connectedness rather than control. It's such a beautiful, loving approach and I have found my relationships with my children thrive.
I identify with SO much of this as a parent. My eleven month old is super strong willed and I really appreciate your gentle approach while still maintaining boundaries and a good example for your kids. You put into words my exact thoughts and I hope to emulate this as a new mom! 👍😌
Ok, so any time I fall in love with a UA-cam kindred spirit and see this kind of video, I emotionally prepare myself like “it’s okay if their views on parenting are different than mine”. GIRL! Yes and hallelujah, amen, amen let’s stand before the Lord. Spot. On. Our children need boundaries to teach them the right responses when things don’t go their way. I’ve seen kids who are “positive disciplined” and what I’ve observed is seeds of rebellion and mamas who have to negotiate with their child to get them to do anything. But I also see the value of not saying no just for the sake of saying no. I love your videos, Sarah! Keep bringing the encouragement!
Lol my mom was NEVER a counter. She always said you do what I say when I say it, im not giving you time to think about it 😂
Haha go Mom! My Mom ONLY used the word one, once she said ONE that meant oh shit I better stop whatever I'm doing. Still to this day, at 35 years old if she said it now I'd stop in my tracks 🤣
I’m not a mom yet but I see so many people who don’t really parent and I want to be different. Thank you for this video!
I absolutely love your approach ❤️ so refreshing to hear someone so young be into teaching their children rather than “coddling” them and just making their adult life awful where they won’t know how to act. You’re definitely not like most of the young mom generation today and I love it ❤️ thanks so much for sharing! I hope the Lord continues to bless y’all’s lives!
You mentioned the counting topic in a another video and it just resonated with me in a way I've never considered before!
I changed my approach with my children and explained that I would not be counting anymore because I expect them to obey the first time and it has been a game changer, thank you!
These other tips are great too!
Sitting here soaking all of your wisdom Sarah! Youre awesome
My exboyfriend told me about a girl who was in class with him, and she taught her daughter to name her vagina cookie. And she constantly went to her teacher... I think it was... saying “they touched my cookie”, and she never paid attention because she thought it was a cookie. And then she told her mom, thats how it was discovered someone was sexually asaulting her. Whats the problem with teaching them the word vagina?? My cousin taught her daughter to call it “carterita” that would be little purse. And I was 😒
Well....I see the point, but language and culture also play a role. With no doubt teaching the correct names will eliminate any guessing, but in my language I have yet to come across someone who was taught or taught their child a different "nickname" for penis/vulva/vagina. Is just the names children use for their private parts and it wouldn't cause any confusion like "so-and-so touched my cookie! Err...so what?!".
And there are plenty of "nicknames" that we expect/know children to use frequently, for multiple things, in spite of them knowing the correct names.
I've been seeing that exact phrase go around in a meme, so sad
Yes! I know too many child abolish victims. Children who know correct anatomical names are less likely to be abused according to statistics. Bad guys are scared off by the knowledge that a child knows exactly how to tell on them.
Having a nickname is fine when the child is very little say 5 years old. But once they start school they should know the proper word for body parts and other objects.
@@stephanieseahorse7931 well but of course, and most make that transition as they grow. A 1-2 year old will almost exclusively call "miau" (meow) to a "gato" (cat); a 2-3 year old will go back and forward between the two words; a 3-5 year old will use the proper word 99% of the time. Just a simple example of my initial comment.
But like I said, how languages work, how much room they leave or not to interpretations, plays influence on this matter. Best advice: if in doubt, just teach the names.
When my kids tantrum especially in a shop I just tell them stop it, this is wrong, we can talk about what is bothering you at home and then I turn around and walk to the next isle and within 10 seconds they would be by my side with a I'm sorry mommy and when we get home we talk about what happened and how they could've communicated to me at that time what they wanted or needed and how they could've handled the situation different. Also want to add only time a bedroom door is closed is to give them or ourselves privacy for getting dressed after having a bath or shower in the evening or getting ready for school in the morning.
THANK YOU for touching on the topic of sharing. It is equally important for children to learn to wait their turn as it is to share.
I agree with so many of these. Funnily though, I have never baby talked to my daughter or nicknamed anything (except for her name) but that stuff just comes naturally to her. She has decided that hugs are now called huggles 😂. I honestly hope she never changes that one 😂, it’s way to cute.
I just stumbled across this video, but I thoroughly enjoyed all the points you made. Especially the one regarding counting because I am currently 23 years old pregnant with my first child and I have 3 stepchildren ranging ages 6-10. We've always used counting up to 1,2, and then 3. I resonate with the concept of obedience the first time and it was just eye-opening to realizing that we're making it seem okay to wait to obey instead of obeying immediately.
Love this video!! Specifically the no baby talk and tantrums!! Thank you thank you!
I know you'll probably do a future video on some of these things, but I just have a couple questions. :)
1. Any tips on how you get your children to listen the first time?
2. The open doors... When during a timeout or quiet time, I can't get my kid to stay in place or sit still! The only way he knows it's actually alone time is if I close the door. Leaving it open he just runs back out and clings to me 😬 wondering how you've helped your kids know to stay put.
i seriously LOVE your parenting videos! I have learned so much from those! I love to hear how you interact with your kids because i respect you so much and you're such an inspiration to me. keep it up, mama!
You and Milena are my favorites i can't even explain how much i admire you 😍😍😍😍😍😍
21 year old mom of a freshly one year old!! I always love hearing what other parents do to parent their children and better themselves. Love this 💛
Would love to see more parenting videos from you! Christian parenting, sleep and babies/toddlers, your approach to parenting, discipline, play and toys, education, etc.
This was so helpful. Particularly the not just saying no, but being more specific, stop, dont do x,y,z. And tantrums, still working through these and as a Christian mom I find it hard to navigate! Thank you so much! SOMETHING I DO NOT FOLLOW is giving kids rewards, especially in regards to food.
I count to 3. You have 3 seconds to rethink your choice. My kids know when things are serious and immediate obedience is mandatory and when I’m letting them make a choice. I want my kids to leans how to make their own choices. I’m 27 and my kids are 10, 5 and 2. I let my daughter close her door when her little brothers are bothering her. My kids know they’re body parts. I tell them why they have them and what they’re for. My kids also know that in polite conversation that’s not what everyone will call those parts. My kids don’t throw tantrums often and I’m so happy about it. If we’re in public I scoop them up like a sack of potatoes and I tell them I understand they have feelings but we have things to do. At home I’ll take the time to help them figure out how and why.
I count as well, but it’s when I’m not pleased with the speed at which my toddlers are going lol. For example, if I tell them to pick out a book for bed and it takes ten minutes for my four year old to dawdle around to it then I count to ten and if a book isn’t in my hand by ten then no books. Rules are made to be broken. You do what works for your family. A lot of the things Sarah says about her kids just aren’t realistic for me because I have a child with brain inflammation and things in my house are bonkers, like BONKERS. And it’s not because of my parenting lol
Counting teaches delayed disobedience.
Story time of how I lost a friendship because I gave her some advice on how to handle a tantrum. My friend and I went out for coffee and some shopping for our selves or so I thought. She said very upset, how is your daughter so well behaved? I smiled and just said thank you. Well she proceeded to tell me her son had been acting so much to the point of even hitting her. She told me what was going on I listen and so on well when she was done and I felt I could comment I asked, what kind of discipline she was using practicing with him? And said have you tried time outs or maybe removing him from what’s making him so upset? She looked at me and said are you saying I should be hitting my child too? I was honestly shocked and said absolutely NOT I’m just saying if he’s doing all of this things is maybe time to step in and take control instead of just letting him do whatever he wants. That’s all I was saying then she said I grew up in a home where I would get beat up just for saying the wrong thing so I will not punish my children and it took me a minute to understand her but at the same time I don’t because I can I understand how she felt as a child but I also think she needs to let that go when it comes to being a parent and do the right thing for him. Teach him to control his anger and tantrums before is too late.. I will always be here to listen to her if she ever has bad memories or feels some type of way about her upbringing but I feel I also have to be a friend and tell her it is ok to discipline your child and you’re not being a bad parent for doing so.. well she was clearly very upset about my comments and never called or texted me again and I friend not going to lied more then I should’ve to try to fix what I felt was my fault but I realized it wasn’t working out so I decided to give her space and not push my self on her, wich was very sad to be honest, but at the same time I realized I’m ok with her not being in my life she has other priorities and opinions and clearly they were not the same as mine so as much as I love her as a human being we had grown in to different people and didn’t share the same opinion about raising children so end of story I moved on she moved on I have different friends and so does she and it works for the both of us…
I worked in a childcare center for a few years, and so many of these things were applied to or proved by me experience in my job. Parents who counted for their kids had spoiled kids. Self-soothing is important. Properly labeling things make life way easier and avoid miscommunication. Know how to deal with your individual child; not all methods work for all people. You are the adults and they are the children; make sure they know that.
I am childfree, but as a daycare and preschool teacher in the past I was taught to do like the no baby talk and a few other of your ways too. Your doing great.
Baby talk is actually a developmentally important step in learning language. I get not wanting to use it during important times like prayer, but while playing with them, it helps them learn to differentiate sounds while they're babies.
This is true, but only until 6 months or so, maybe up to a year. After that, their communication skills are starting to develop and I personally feel that it’s important for them to hear and understand correct words. However If your 2 year old, for example, comes up and asks for a “dwink”, you shouldn’t correct them, just repeat back to them to correct form of the word; “sure, you can have a drink.” Then hand them their cup. As Sarah said, children aren’t stupid, and we shouldn’t make them think they are or enforce a saying a word incorrectly just because they’re little.
@@sydneybailey5522 I agree with everything you just said. Modeling a behavior (or in this case speech pattern) is an extremely effective way to help little ones learn.
baby talk actually can delay speech. baby talk where you're speaking gibberish and not using real words is NOT the same as speaking in high pitch tone that is interesting for babies and catches their attention, so long as youre using real words. :)
Children using their own "baby talk" and conveying their own meaning through informal structures and methods is a developmentally important step, but adults using silly voices and improper words when talking to children is not.
Babies are learning to recognise the sounds of their language, isolate words and sounds in what they hear, and build vocabulary. Adults giving nonsense baby talk as language input for the child is not a helpful thing for development.
I agree with you, I baby talked to my sons and they were very good at learning, excellent students, they both have now amazing jobs, I don’t think it’s really an issue.
So for open door policy: at what age are the kids allowed to have closed doors? What rules would surround that? How do you handle privacy for the kids with each other?
Love you Sarah!! ❤️
So what do you do if they dont listen the first, third or FIFTH time?? You and melina both said you don’t give them chances but what do you do to instill obedience?
The key is consistency. Be consistent in your rules and the discipline that will follow breaking them. "If you don't pick up the toys, then you can't have TV." Be honest to yourself about following through, even if the child cries and goes crazy. Let them know why as well, especially if they behave in an undesired way. Actions always have consequences. Likewise, reward good behavior with positive words, and sometimes treat them. Things like this take time, routine, and consistency.
I think she means if she says “no” and they don’t listen, to immediately have a plan for discipline and to go through with it. That’s what I do. If my toddler touches something and I say no and give her a warning, but she goes back to it, I immediately put her into time out and explain why she is there. She has to apologize before leaving. She is not allowed to leave until the timer goes off. She knows why she is there and knows that I meant no the first time. I don’t wait to use discipline because then she won’t take me seriously. This is a good tool she will use in adulthood.
You give a consequence. Sometimes you say something and they do it repeatedly.....punishment.
Some of actually most of the words is what I needed to hear right now. As a first time mama any help even from my husband because of corona separation. Thank you. I feel stronger now
Counting gives children an opportunity to make a good choice themselves rather than imposing adult will. This allows them the chance to develop making good choices by gentle prompts rather than immediate consequences or discipline. I wouldn't count to 20...i ask once and then count to 5 and then move.
I find with most parenting style and discipline techniques, they work better for some children/families than others. It's great that it works for you; it was really effective for my nephew, too. My son (2yo), however, just continues counting the numbers and then ignores whatever I asked if him.
After requesting the child to do something, isn’t that their chance to make a good choice? Why would they need even more time?
@@annefeygin3106 🤣🤣🤣🤣 hilarious little kiddo. Same with mine.
I read somewhere that after asking them to do something, in order to teach them to follow orders we have to be swift in helping them to do the right thing. At a smaller age they may not be able to make the right decision and some kids take this as an experiment to see what happens if I dont do what mommy wants. So after I tell my old to do something and he doesn't, I see if he is about to do it, if he isn't I get up quickly and help them do it. For important things they dont get a chance to be disobedient.
But I only do this for important things. Normally I ask myself "why do I need him to do this and why is it important to me." I never wanna be that controlling mom who requires absolute obedience from my child bcz that suppresses their own autonomy and decision making skill. And I think complete obedience is towards God only, I dont wanna teach my kids "obedience", I wanna teach them to live in consciousness, to be aware of themselves and their surroundings and know what is right and wrong and to do the right thing bcz they want to. If they do the wrong thing, I want them to learn the consequence for themselves (obviously as is appropriate for their age).
My parents would count to 3
I absolutely 💯 percent agree with your parenting style! And I love how you know why you decided to do what you do, it’s backed up with reasoning, not just fallowing a trend and that’s huge.
I'm not a mom yet, but thank you for sharing!
Definitely resonated with your parenting style! You explained really well why you don’t do a certain thing. Like why you don’t say No as often, but it still has its purpose. Thought this was a really well worded video! Lots of people will learn from this 🥰
I love these tips! The only thing I would disagree with is #7. I think it's great to explain to a child why you are saying no sometimes, but at others it becomes a matter of obedience. They should be willing to obey you even with no reasoning behind it. Love your videos! You're amazing!
As a soon-to-be Behavioral Analyst, I can say that these are all incredible tips! The only one I would say could use some leeway is the open door policy. I completely understand the goal of that (especially with very young children), but I know that when I was a child, the time I got to spend alone playing in my room was so important to me. Thanks for sharing Sarah!
I always find parenting “advice” quite a dangerous thing. Every child is so different. I guess we won’t know how well your techniques have worked until your children are fully grown and functioning as adults. I think your heart is in the right place trying to share what may be working for you. If any parents are reading my message, please just do you and don’t be affected by anyone’s opinions - it’s such a personal thing and no right way about it xx
I’m sure that’s why she put a disclaimer at the beginning of the video
Sarah mentioned this in the beginning👍🏻
Thank you for creating such a great spectrum of content! I am an newly engaged to a wonderful man who already has a child, so i am stepping into an instant family situation. Subjects like parenting, marital, house, cooking, and also caring for myself is all stuff I want to be absorbing and your channel provides a little of everything! Love it💛
I agree with a lot of these. The counting though I count to 3 ONLY when it's not something that is going to harm them or make them disrespectful. For example: If I say it's time to get our shoes on and go to the store, and my kids do not immediately get up to listen I will say 1-2-3. but if I get to 3 there are repercussions.
I am 20 and my mom is 45 and we still call some things by a nickname we used to use in the past when I was a kid or even when my cousins were kids. It’s just funny and every nickname has a little story behind it and I think that’s beautiful.
I totally agree with accounting thing. But I also do the accounting thing sometimes to give them the opportunity to make the right decision to do it on their own if that makes sense.
I saw Milena’s video first and then a few days later your video was suggested 🤗 I think topics like these are SO NEEDED because reality is people have different parenting styles and people really struggle with parenting and hearing “New ways” to parent can be super beneficial. Im 💯% on board with the no baby talk or no counting. Kids are little geniuses in the making. Their brains are soaking up new information by the second. I also think its super important to allow children to think for themselves and give them a fare chance to respond with their words. I always felt belittled and like I didnt have a voice because I was told “shut up, dont speak, be quiet” ect. And never given a chance to voice my feelings or given an explanation from my parents on why?!? So I also agree with explaining to children why your needing them to do or not to do something so they understand, because knowledge is power.
You have some good tips. Counting can work in certain situations, though. Obviously not if safety is an issue and definitely not counting to 20. When we count it’s to three, no exceptions. I think giving a few second to let kids reach good decisions can be a great thing. I’m with you on the sharing and the word no, also. We don’t force our boy to share, he can if he wants to and usually does. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but your use of the term “train” struck me as kind of different. Maybe it’s because I just read about that book, how to train a child (can’t remember the exact name, but it’s something like that), and it was rather disturbing.
Always good to hear you on parenting. My 5 kids are slowly transitioning back into my care after the ministry apprehended them (for good reasons). I’m rediscovering who I am as a parent after a 13 year abusive marriage/family situation. Can’t wait to continue to raise them the way I always wanted.
i’m with you on every single one of these! i’m a young mom as well. the baby talk especially resonates with me 😂 when i had my daughter, i was honestly bewildered at the way most people would speak to her 🤨🥴 and even now at 3 years old! she was an early talker, she is way ahead of the curve in that department and i really think me speaking to her like a human being has attributed to that. baby talk always felt so strange and unnatural to me lol
Once your kids start talking, I think they actually feel insulted by it. Especially if they hear it from people outside the family.
I love the fact that you didn't mention which kid didn't throw tantrum.
I really appreciate the way you think and action and even I don't have kids, if I will ever have I'll think of this video and the great advice you gave us. Definitely more parents should act like this.
When she mentioned rapunzel’s hair I instantly knew what she meant! I had wanted the same 😃
Hey Sarah, first time to your channel and I have to admit that I clicked with great trepidation! As a mum of two (11yrs and 8yrs) and a primary school teacher, I am super excited to hear you speak. Well done and congratulations on such a great stance - your title should actually be 'Parenting Rules that we should ALL follow'. Discipline is so hit and miss now, that I more often see parents who are so soft on their kids. Both my children work successfully in the entertainment industry and as they are working in an adult domaine, their disciplined attitudes means they are never a burden on the adults who have to work with them. Keep it up and big love from Sydney, Australia xx
Your parenting style sounds identical to mine. ❤
Same! When my kid throws a tantrum and throws himself on the floor I just leave him there... but it’s a huge set back when his dad is around for it 🤦♀️
@@tatianabuchanan3627 I have a 12 year old. He is a tricky little guy! We have had to try many different parenting styles different times in his life: I will tell you, this is one thing that really works! It works for when they get a little older and the tantrums stop, but the mouthiness starts! 🤣No sense in arguing with a 12 year old! I wait til he is done (while pretending I am not hearing him) and calmed down before we talk about it!
@@michiebutterfly7785 Repent , Jesus Christ is coming back
Repent.
Great video! I love that you agree with the no baby talk. Talking to them like they are actual human beings that deserve respect not some incompetent being. Also the telling them why they can't do something instead of just "because I said so." No nicknames especially to body parts is sooo important.
I'm a cat mom but I'm watching this haha! Definitely loving that you and Milena are friends because I was thinking about it the other day that y'all would really get along!🥰
Yes yes love this! Would love a video on what you also DO do as far as parenting style. How do you do timeouts? How do you teach your child to obey the first time? How did you get your children to share a room during bed time? Your children seem like angels!
I just wanna day children have personalities and some parenting tips work for some children and not others u have to get to know your children and raise them accordingly
A very interesting video! I did need to flip my phone over though because I can't watch so much hand movement. I find it really over the top on UA-cam these days. I think people are told to move a bit more to keep engagement but I can't listen and watch hands at the same time apparently . Flipping my phone and listening gives me the same great content. I agree on a lot of points!
Same with the knowing I wanted to be a mom since I can remember.
Me too but honestly sometimes it feels like I’m never going to meet someone, settle down, and be a mother.. even though it’s something I want more than anything…
Thank you! I totally agree with all of this! A lot of people I know do not agree, so it's nice to see someone of similar age parenting in the same way. I have 3 boys and this type of parenting makes life WAY more enjoyable!
This is great advice I just found out I’m expecting with our first child. Thank you for the great advice. Love your videos always.
Congratulations on your pregnancy!! 🧡😊
I love this!! Nicknaming things is super annoying so I’ve corrected many a family member on correct terms, especially for my boys’ genitalia. I definitely don’t sympathize with tantrums. Instead, we regularly talk about how to calm down when they aren’t tantruming so they have the techniques to calm down and I say to them “when you have calmed down and are done, we can talk about it.” They both know that we have to talk through things before they are “released” to play again. I dont sugar coat real life consequences either so my four year old knows that if he doesn’t have his seat belt straps on and the chest clip where it should be, he could get hurt in the event of a car crash and others real life consequences as well.