1. detachment from the person to ease us into being comfortable with reality. 2. have goals and move forward or backwards (which way we want to go). I wish you well, co-dependents! You can do it and recover :)
I'm currently doing IFS therapy, and for the first time in my (58-year-old) life, I can feel this little child inside myself yearning for love, recognition, care and safety-all the things I didn't get in my childhood and was desperately hoping to get from another person. Thinking rationally has no value because it doesn't stick. But Katie is right about getting still and nurturing yourself. Unfortunately, that means detachment from all those toxic influences in your life. It's a difficult process, but it's so worth it! I wish everyone a safe home-bringing of that deeply hurt part inside you.
Melody Beattie has really opened my eyes and my heart… I relate so much to her story and the evolution of codependency, and what it is, and it’s simplest terms… Loving somebody more than we love ourselves. Learning to set boundaries.
Melody, your words hit such truth within. I have worked through many forms of addiction... this last addiction took form in just the manner of which you speak. Loving someone else more than myself.... essentially looking for my self validation from that person I loved so deeply. On the other foot, I am very independent, to which I am blessed as I never tolerated for long someone or something to undervalue me before total self devastation and destruction. Now, finally, I recognized this behavior, and realized that I ultimately undervalued myself and others were just mirroring my thoughts about myself. I love your words... may all who listen to your words be blessed to find the strength within to heal their traumas no matter how subtle and subliminal their traumas may appear. There is nothing greater than self love to put oneself on a most loving path forward. Bless you and your work to heal other humans and hand back to them their own loving hearts to cherish forever. 😍 ❤
A pioneer in recovery. Melody Beattie helped me with addiction and codependency. The Language of Letting Go is my go-to daily read. I can’t think Melody enough. She made it through losing her son, and still gave to the recovery communities. Love her. Thanks for having this great teacher on your program Katie. 💯♥️
I am an adult child of alcoholics, a nurse and a mother of three. I’m concerned that there is little discussion of this topic compared to when I was a young person in the 1980s and 1990s. I too benefited greatly from Melody’s books and would love to help with reigniting the public interest in this topic!
There are tons of discussions on this topic. It is huge in recovery and personal development circles. It is a main topic addressed in regards to relationships. Codependency is self abandonment, at its heart…which leads to all sorts of relational sabotage. I’d say it’s more widely known about (more accurately known) than in the 80’s for sure.
I remember back in 1989, I found Codependent No More when I was in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. Thank you, Melody. This book gave me hope and a way out of being codependent. ❤
Mind if I ask you how long it took you to get the courage to move out? I'm trying to help my BFF leave a DV relationship and move in with me, then focus on addressing her polysubstance abuse. (Her drug of choice is "more") Her partner treats her like a POS. This afternoon she sent me a picture of the results of her French braiding the $#%&'s hair! I'm getting very tired of being the sounding board but never having my advice taken 😩.
i know your question isn't for me but i want to add my opinion. Sadly, in these kinds of situations, it's not your place to try to rescue her or save her. You CANNOT change someone else, they need to want to change, and the desire to change needs to come from inside of themselves, not from someone else. Speaking as someone who's been in a similar situation with one of my best friends, this is my advice. Your strong desire to fix her life is a sign of your own Codependency that needs addressing. Please read "Codependent No More" urgently! It will save YOUR life, and will give you the strength and understanding to deal with other people in your life who are dealing with problems such as these. In the 22 years that I've known my bestie, I've supported her through dealing with her horrendous husband who mistreats her. SO MANY TIMES I've thought she was definitely going to leave him, or she did leave him only to go back. It's NEVER happened, and all its done is drained my energy. So now i listen, i give my advice in a detached way, and step back to allow her to make her own life choices. She knows I'm always here for her IF SHE CHOOSES to leave him and come to me for help and support. Over all this time, she's never managed to leave him for good, but she has managed to find her own inner strength and courage. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but i hope it may help you to see an alternative way of looking at it 🙏
@@FAAFOX2 There is an entire chapter on Detachment in Melody’s book. As codependents we focus on the addict’s behavior to the detriment of ourselves. Detachment allows us to detach from the addict and focus on our needs and recovery. It becomes self preservation when we stop trying to control things we have no business trying to control. I say this in love and not judgement. ♥️
@@FAAFOX2 There is an entire chapter on Detachment in Melody’s book. I learned to turn the focus away from the addict in my life and to my own recovery and therapy. It gave me the courage to leave a very dangerous relationship.
This message contains so much wisdom!!! Thank you so much Melody for sharing your story and mapping the way out of codependency! You changed my life for good❤
I am so great full for Melody’s work in codependence. I have been reading her work for years and I am making slow process. When I saw that she revised Codependent no more, I instantly bought it. God bless you Melody and thank you for the help you have been in my life!
So grateful for your words, resonated so deeply for me. I recently figured out my codependent nature, struggling so this is what I needed right now. Buying the book now! Thank you so very much! ❤❤
❤u and am so grateful, Melody---you saved my life literally and spiritually several times. I go back to your books quite often when I need a reminder. Your books were so special, unique, helpful, etc., back in the day when 1st published and still now. Thank you really
Interesting info. When that piano wasn't blasting and I could hear what she was saying, I was able to start understanding a little bit. I'll have to find out more about this
I know what you mean but scripture such as the bible teaches that women should honour their husbands but men should treat their wives with love and respect. This shows that God sees us as equals but in our own way
I'm currently drunk and hating myself because I do this and this and this for everyone else and I'm always a people pleaser, (drunk or sober). And I can never do anything for myself or my own happiness because my family is rough and my job is non stop work work work, and I can't find time for myself. I know this sounds like run on sentences but I need help for myself and I need time for myself so I can help myself but all I have is me myself and UA-cam. I can't get time off for counseling and I can't get time off even so much to make phone calls without it being too late after I'm off work... I sleep until 11:00 and I wake up and go to work... I close at 10 pm and my whole day is gone..
I prefer some of the older definitions of codependency. I feel like my codependent behaviours are never about actually loving others, they are motivated by self-protection.
Great video. A lil feedback maybe have the music lower or no music at all. It was hard to focus on your words with it playing in the background. Thank you very much for sharing this video.
But narcs and bpds also don`t love themselves enough. This makes them codependents too. So what is the difference? I see no difference. You could tell me what is the difference and how you measure the "level of love"?
@@smellinflowrs Narcs and bpds don't take responsibility for what they do. Co-dependents take way too much responsibility. Narcs and bpds blame others. Co-dependents blame themselves.
I’m sorry. Know you are loved and god will send you someone that cares about you and values you… sometimes god makes things like this happen on purpose god works in mysterious ways but everything that is in gods plan is meant ti happen and everything will be okay
This thought crossed my mind as well. But she is speaking from experience, and while there are gendered terms used, it is never used in opposition. I feel the overall value of her words outweighs the gender specificity.
Quit blaming alcoholics, people need to take responsibility for the way there own life is going and stop blaming your problems on alcoholics. Thats all i ever hear. This world is supposedly going down because of alcohol, are you guys really that weak that you need somebody to blame.
Her book of daily devotions- THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO never gets old! ❤ Al-Anon is the gift I gave myself. 🙏🏼 Let go and Let God!!
I just downloaded it. Thank you!
Let God in our heart 🙏
Melody Beattie, Letting Go saved me ❤
1. detachment from the person to ease us into being comfortable with reality.
2. have goals and move forward or backwards (which way we want to go).
I wish you well, co-dependents! You can do it and recover :)
Dear Melody, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Forever grateful. Much love to you always.
I'm currently doing IFS therapy, and for the first time in my (58-year-old) life, I can feel this little child inside myself yearning for love, recognition, care and safety-all the things I didn't get in my childhood and was desperately hoping to get from another person.
Thinking rationally has no value because it doesn't stick. But Katie is right about getting still and nurturing yourself. Unfortunately, that means detachment from all those toxic influences in your life. It's a difficult process, but it's so worth it!
I wish everyone a safe home-bringing of that deeply hurt part inside you.
Melody Beattie has really opened my eyes and my heart… I relate so much to her story and the evolution of codependency, and what it is, and it’s simplest terms… Loving somebody more than we love ourselves. Learning to set boundaries.
Melody, your words hit such truth within. I have worked through many forms of addiction... this last addiction took form in just the manner of which you speak. Loving someone else more than myself.... essentially looking for my self validation from that person I loved so deeply. On the other foot, I am very independent, to which I am blessed as I never tolerated for long someone or something to undervalue me before total self devastation and destruction. Now, finally, I recognized this behavior, and realized that I ultimately undervalued myself and others were just mirroring my thoughts about myself. I love your words... may all who listen to your words be blessed to find the strength within to heal their traumas no matter how subtle and subliminal their traumas may appear. There is nothing greater than self love to put oneself on a most loving path forward. Bless you and your work to heal other humans and hand back to them their own loving hearts to cherish forever. 😍 ❤
A pioneer in recovery. Melody Beattie helped me with addiction and codependency. The Language of Letting Go is my go-to daily read. I can’t think Melody enough. She made it through losing her son, and still gave to the recovery communities. Love her. Thanks for having this great teacher on your program Katie. 💯♥️
I am an adult child of alcoholics, a nurse and a mother of three. I’m concerned that there is little discussion of this topic compared to when I was a young person in the 1980s and 1990s. I too benefited greatly from Melody’s books and would love to help with reigniting the public interest in this topic!
There are tons of discussions on this topic. It is huge in recovery and personal development circles.
It is a main topic addressed in regards to relationships. Codependency is self abandonment, at its heart…which leads to all sorts of relational sabotage.
I’d say it’s more widely known about (more accurately known) than in the 80’s for sure.
Quit blaming alcoholics y'all needa worry about yourself
@@BOIZONGROWstating the facts is not blaming
I remember back in 1989, I found Codependent No More when I was in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. Thank you, Melody. This book gave me hope and a way out of being codependent. ❤
Very similar story here. Thank you Melody!!🙏❤️🙏❤️🙏
Mind if I ask you how long it took you to get the courage to move out? I'm trying to help my BFF leave a DV relationship and move in with me, then focus on addressing her polysubstance abuse. (Her drug of choice is "more") Her partner treats her like a POS. This afternoon she sent me a picture of the results of her French braiding the $#%&'s hair! I'm getting very tired of being the sounding board but never having my advice taken 😩.
i know your question isn't for me but i want to add my opinion. Sadly, in these kinds of situations, it's not your place to try to rescue her or save her. You CANNOT change someone else, they need to want to change, and the desire to change needs to come from inside of themselves, not from someone else.
Speaking as someone who's been in a similar situation with one of my best friends, this is my advice. Your strong desire to fix her life is a sign of your own Codependency that needs addressing. Please read "Codependent No More" urgently! It will save YOUR life, and will give you the strength and understanding to deal with other people in your life who are dealing with problems such as these.
In the 22 years that I've known my bestie, I've supported her through dealing with her horrendous husband who mistreats her. SO MANY TIMES I've thought she was definitely going to leave him, or she did leave him only to go back. It's NEVER happened, and all its done is drained my energy. So now i listen, i give my advice in a detached way, and step back to allow her to make her own life choices. She knows I'm always here for her IF SHE CHOOSES to leave him and come to me for help and support. Over all this time, she's never managed to leave him for good, but she has managed to find her own inner strength and courage.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but i hope it may help you to see an alternative way of looking at it 🙏
@@FAAFOX2 There is an entire chapter on Detachment in Melody’s book. As codependents we focus on the addict’s behavior to the detriment of ourselves. Detachment allows us to detach from the addict and focus on our needs and recovery. It becomes self preservation when we stop trying to control things we have no business trying to control. I say this in love and not judgement. ♥️
@@FAAFOX2 There is an entire chapter on Detachment in Melody’s book. I learned to turn the focus away from the addict in my life and to my own recovery and therapy. It gave me the courage to leave a very dangerous relationship.
This book saved my life.
Rreading your CODEPENDENTS GUIDE TO THE 12 STEPS now. It's fantastic, just like THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO.
I’m reading her new revised version now and stumbled across this video. This was great. I feel encouraged to dive further into her books
“I’m gonna be dealing with a group of my mom.” Lol! I so relate, and I’m so glad I joined an Al Anon group and read Melody’s books. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this video! You have explained so eloquently and wisely, with such compassion what codependency is! I am really grateful. 🙏🙏🙏
I absolutely 🧡Melody …..her book has helped me so much….thank you Melody ♥️✨
This message contains so much wisdom!!! Thank you so much Melody for sharing your story and mapping the way out of codependency! You changed my life for good❤
I am so great full for Melody’s work in codependence. I have been reading her work for years and I am making slow process. When I saw that she revised Codependent no more, I instantly bought it. God bless you Melody and thank you for the help you have been in my life!
So grateful for your words, resonated so deeply for me. I recently figured out my codependent nature, struggling so this is what I needed right now. Buying the book now! Thank you so very much! ❤❤
❤u and am so grateful, Melody---you saved my life literally and spiritually several times. I go back to your books quite often when I need a reminder. Your books were so special, unique, helpful, etc., back in the day when 1st published and still now. Thank you really
Melody you changed my life, your book is well used. ❤❤❤❤❤
Interesting info. When that piano wasn't blasting and I could hear what she was saying, I was able to start understanding a little bit. I'll have to find out more about this
Wow Melanie you look gorgeous! Thank you for your work❤❤
wow, I love this! so helpful. detachment. I am thinking of all the coda stuff I've suffered in acting & writing.
I’m learning how to love myself. I can’t believe how much disdain I had for me. 😢❤
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, experience, and expertise!
✌❤🌎
most religions and societies which are patriarcial, socialise women to be co-dependant
I know what you mean but scripture such as the bible teaches that women should honour their husbands but men should treat their wives with love and respect. This shows that God sees us as equals but in our own way
@@mark-ge2yland vice-versa
I'm currently drunk and hating myself because I do this and this and this for everyone else and I'm always a people pleaser, (drunk or sober). And I can never do anything for myself or my own happiness because my family is rough and my job is non stop work work work, and I can't find time for myself. I know this sounds like run on sentences but I need help for myself and I need time for myself so I can help myself but all I have is me myself and UA-cam. I can't get time off for counseling and I can't get time off even so much to make phone calls without it being too late after I'm off work... I sleep until 11:00 and I wake up and go to work... I close at 10 pm and my whole day is gone..
This gives me hope ❤
Excellent book!
I'm a male and this is helpful for anyone lol me and my wife are using these for us. I'm an addict...
I never knew what codependency really was! I am so thankful for my recovery group helping me find this' i have to work on it for sure! ❤
What about when there is a newborn in the picture, I want to let go but can't also. I owe my child the best life but I can't communicate that.
I prefer some of the older definitions of codependency. I feel like my codependent behaviours are never about actually loving others, they are motivated by self-protection.
Wonderful 😊
Your codependent no more work book is very hard to find for a couple years now?
Great video. A lil feedback maybe have the music lower or no music at all. It was hard to focus on your words with it playing in the background. Thank you very much for sharing this video.
Totally agree - can’t watch
But narcs and bpds also don`t love themselves enough. This makes them codependents too. So what is the difference? I see no difference. You could tell me what is the difference and how you measure the "level of love"?
There’s a big difference between cluster Bs and empathic codependent folks.
They usually aren’t trying to self reflect or change either
@@smellinflowrs Narcs and bpds don't take responsibility for what they do. Co-dependents take way too much responsibility. Narcs and bpds blame others. Co-dependents blame themselves.
Thank you ❤
Tyyyyy
Been like ir forever. My mum ignores me as a kid then picked narc ex. Then codependent on friends, kids
Much needed
I love myself, but only as a friend. Im sure this will be considered a regent at some point .
My wife left me and I can’t let go😢
I’m sorry. Know you are loved and god will send you someone that cares about you and values you… sometimes god makes things like this happen on purpose god works in mysterious ways but everything that is in gods plan is meant ti happen and everything will be okay
Turn off the music!!!
The music is great?
I really dislike the piano in this video lol it is so distracting
Hmmmm. IMHO Interesting how distracted the piano was for you. Maybe your soul wasn't truly ready to hear the message?
❤️
That’s me
The loud music makes this hard to listen to
Rejected anger shame
I love ur message but it should be for all sexes ty ❤
💜♾️🙏🏼🕉️
asian culture doesn't have many borders boundaries
caretakers caretaking is better
Why women? Let's go gender neutral. Especially when speaking from the heart to the heart as you do. All souls yearn to be free.
This thought crossed my mind as well. But she is speaking from experience, and while there are gendered terms used, it is never used in opposition. I feel the overall value of her words outweighs the gender specificity.
🙄
Gosh trying to listen to the wise words this lady says with a piano recital in the foreground is so annoying
Quit blaming alcoholics, people need to take responsibility for the way there own life is going and stop blaming your problems on alcoholics. Thats all i ever hear. This world is supposedly going down because of alcohol, are you guys really that weak that you need somebody to blame.
I’m a man bruh
Idolatry.
???