The 50/50 Debate Is OVER!!! (thank GOD)
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- Опубліковано 7 лют 2025
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In this episode, Elle breaks down the viral TikTok trend "telling my husband I can't pay the mortgage" and what it reveals about modern relationships. The trend features wives playfully telling their provider husbands they can't pay the mortgage, despite never being responsible for it, leading to confused and sometimes offended reactions. Elle analyzes how this trend sparked discussions about 50-50 relationships versus provider dynamics, pattern recognition in women's experiences, and the ongoing challenges of financial equity in relationships. She also shares practical advice for women seeking provider relationships, including maintaining financial independence and properly managing family finances.
![trad wives are indentured servants? - life after trad wife [broke, homeless, regret]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RgxuDYOoPxM/mqdefault.jpg)
![If he has a “boymom,” RUN. [son confronting narcissistic mom]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ly-9gCIvo5k/mqdefault.jpg)
It really isn't 50/50 if the women works AND does all the chores...like grow up
She inherently risks so much more living with a man, stats don't lie, that's the riskiest situation.
Not to mention, men usually make more money and get to pick where they live. Its nit fair to ask for 50/50 is he makes more and can afford more, while the woman is struggle to keep up.
Exactly it’s NEVER been 50/50 ever!!!
Exactly, and studies showed again and again that women just do more house chores and child rearing than men. Even in cases where she is the breadwinner. Especially how is 50/50 going to work if you are pregnant and have to look after your children the first 3 years?? Like come on!!
Precisely, 50/50 implies 50/50 finances AND 50/50 domestic labour. Or an equivalent, me and my partner do finances based on net income and strive for 50/50 domestic labour, though I currently take up more since I can WFH. I think 50/50 works great, it's fair and both partners can maintain their financial independence. But it has to include 50/50 domestic labour
I broke up with my boyfriend because when he was sick, I was there taking care of him, running around to get medicine and making sure he felt supported. But when I got sick he brushed it off like it was nothing told me it “wasn’t that serious,” and even refused to buy me medicine when I asked. That’s when it hit me, if he couldn’t show up for me at my weakest he didn’t deserve me at my best.
Ladies, take note. A man who can’t stand by you when you’re struggling whether you’re sick, tired, or down is not worth your time. Test their willingness to show up for you when you need it most. That’s when you’ll truly see their worth.
Literally same thing happened to me and it flipped a switch in my head like nooooo, when they can’t even care for you when you are sick is wild
Try imagining the most vulnerable time- after giving birth /pregnant. And then he says trust me i wont do it again ill be better but at the time not i ly was ne not helping, he was stressing you out about dumb bullshit as well -later i learned is a narcissistic behavior
I feel like there’s a lot of key information that you’re leaving out that would make you look a lot worse in your story
@MikeHawk-c5t he was stressing me out because he wanted to me to join him and my mom for dinner who flew in across the country to visit me. I am trying to recov3r in b3d upstairs and can barely walk let alone sit down upright in a chair. I force myself to take my ass downstairs excruciating pain "down there" and am hunched over the table trying to eat food. Groaning in pain because it hurts to hold myself up. It hurts to stand it hurts to sit. It hurts to lay down. But h3 just needed me to join him as he took a break from gaming... do u have anymore questions? Or I there more to the story in which you would judge I somehow deserve this. He knows now or at least he says he knows he wasn't there for me but in reality it might have been easier if he wasn't there at all.
did the man- child learn from his behaviour?
I had a boyfriend that didn't realize what partnership meant. I had an issue with money, and he joked that I should prostitute myself. He didn't see it is as his issue. I felt that I had been good to him, and it was going on two years, and I had a financial issue. I never asked him for money, but I thought he should offer to help. For him to joke about it, and tell me, like, "Well maybe you should go sell it," Sobered me right up. I not only broke up with him, I upped my financial game. At this point - I now make more than him. He has tried to come back, but not my problem. He lost a real one. The idea of being with someone that wouldn't help me in a desperate time, like I would help them out, is disgusting. But people do it all the time. Love isn't just hugs and kisses, babies and chores, its going to war together and helping each other out so. we both survive. And hopefully everyone wins in that mindset.
Exactly! Partnership is about being there for each other even when they are struggling. How can one say they love someone and then watch them struggle? I couldn't imagine letting my S.O. proverbially drown when I could help them. I also would be gutted if my S.O. decided that I wasn't worth helping, especially if they wanted to be with me for life. At some point there will be bad times and I don't want to be with a fair-weather-friend when illness or financial hardship strikes.
I understand that some people put themselves into shit situations over and over again, but that's not what I'm talking about here.
What an odd thing to say especially as a bf, im happy you got out of this ❤
You have all the right to feel that way. For him to joke about selling your body to get through a difficult financial situation is very telling. I'm glad you made it out. It's a redirection and protection for you. ❤️
Girl you were PREACHING with that last part!!
Yass QUEEN!!! His loss!!
Notice... providers are paying mortgages, while 50/50 are paying rents. That´s a pattern too.
Oh my gosh exactly. My ex bf lived with his family members and paid $100 in rent. Until now he could never buy a house and always drives a beatup car. The last draw before I dumped him that he was so mean to a pregnant woman in the rain when she asked us to help her. The lady didn't impose any threat and it was in front of the pubic store. Treating people like this was unacceptable to me.
💯
Yes! I noticed this too!! That told me everything I needed to know about those men!
@ssoomee 🎯
in this economy?? 😭
50/50 in finances BUT 0/100 in other aspects of a relationship. These men have it made in the shade.
Yeah, only share HIS historical responsibility, never yours.
Finances? Does he share the pregnancy, postpartum, and breastfeeding/nursing?
And the 50/50 dusties have their friends come over to watch football and invite them to eat 100% of the food the woman has to pay 50% of.
All of that AND HE WILL STILL CHEAT and look at other women in public while having odd corn in his search history.
@@icantwiththisWere they that low? 🤣 🤣 . I could never imagine that but yeah it happens.
(PLS READ TILL THE END) My opinion: if men expect women to do all housework, take care of him and the kids, then he should work his a-- off to give his wife a very comfortable life, take her to vacations, cover all her expenses etc.
EDIT: I made this comment because men nowadays demand women to do everything for them but the males aren't willing to do their part.
I second this
this! domestic labour is an endless labour and he should be compensating her for it!
Amen sister
@@mrchicken2022 Lose, not loose.
@@mrchicken2022Agreed, plus him being away a lot from working opens up cheating. He pays for everything and the wife takes care of everything, so she'll be too tired to physically and emotionally cater to him consistently without feeling drained.
He's going to get those needs filled from someone. And if he goes outward, she can't say much cuz he pays for everything so he'll feel entitled. Its just a toxic dymanic. It requires a lot of trust. I dont think many ppl can handle the lifestyle.
As a childfree person I used to think 50/50 made sense, because if you're not having kids the domestic labor can be pretty evenly split. And then I saw what happened when my dad passed, how he set up my mom to never worry about money EVER again. It dawned on me: even in "equitable" hetero partnerships, the man is-- more likely than not-- going to die first. Even if you're able to split bills and chores, your man still needs to set you up to not struggle after he departs this earthly existence.
Absolutely this. My husband is 11 years older than me and I'm a housewife. We don't have children. He's 52 and is a blue collar union guy. He's made it a priority that I'm taken care of when he passes OR if he becomes disabled. He never wants me to suffer or struggle. Men that truly love you want you to be ok when they can no longer take care of you.
@@CMarie.im jealous of u girl
THISSS, and the other comment on this comment to BECAUSE YES
Or the kids too. Thats also why there're god fathers/mothers
I’m childfree and unless I’m fully financially supported like I’m am now … a relationship of any kind is simply not benefiting or convenient for me in any way. I don’t need/want it.
Children or not is a lot of energy and commitment. Trust me is a lot of labor. I’m married and fully provided for, I don’t even do house chores because he pay a cleaner and he cooks 😂 that’s the only way I will live with a mahhh nnn.
If we divorce I have my finances on check, I can be happy and content living on my own. 😅
The man working on his laptop in his Christmas PJs saying "don't worry, this house is taken care of" is the greenest green flag I've ever seen.
Immediately, I would tell the kids to go play outside 🤣
Right? Omg wowie
really 🟢🟢🟢
Oh he’s dad material for sure. 👍 easy on the eyes too. Reminds me a bit of my man.
@@prettynpetty8342 😂😂😂 He’s a true alpha male!
When we used to have financial problems he would "joke" about putting me on a street corner to " earn" money. I didn't but when a guy says something like this he isn't joking, he's trying to feel you out to see if he can pull this sick crap.
Yup! Such an icky thing to say.
Yep. Narcissist.
Holy crap that is terrifying.
That is… concerning…. Who raised him??
@a.b.2405 I actually met his mom and she was a lovely and gracious woman. Half of her kids on the other hand were monsters. I blame the extreme conservative upbringing that they were forced to live by their father. It didn't help that my ex husband was the baby of the family and had no consequences.
I went to an all girls school and I’ll never forget our anatomy teacher telling us to NEVER split bills with a husband because you can go 50/50 on the money but you’ll ALWAYS be doing more just by growing and birthing his child. Can he be pregnant 50/50 too? Responsibility will never be 50/50 so don’t take on MORE stress on top of child rearing. Thank you so much Mrs. Fisher I doubted you but you were completely right 💯💯
Wow! Great teacher!!
YES! This should be the main focus of 50/50 discussions. Period.
@@law9169 💯💯💯
@@El_izabethheartshe was a nurse for over 20 years and married with a family that whole time so she was speaking from experience!! She probably saw soooo many women get ran ragged trying to work while providing and having children. Like she said “50/50 doesn’t exist”
@@law9169right!! She broke it down so well, like he can go blow off steam if he gets tired but you are 100% taking on immeasurable responsibility and risk for 9 months so the LEAST he can do is be a provider for the family
My parents told me I should make as much money as I can but when it comes to finding a decent husband, unless he's the one who get pregnant or willing to pay a surrogate mother to bear our child, there's no 50/50. Being pregnant and giving birth are literally life sacrifices, if a man could not appreciate and compensate on that, just forget it.
Factual! Good on your parents.
Schrodinger’s feminist
Her money is her money, your money is also her money 😂 GTFO
@@MikeHawk-c5t Hope you’re happy about living alone.
@ your mother visits me often
Men want 1950s housewives so bad but don’t realize that in the 50s, men still had to work almost everyday so their housewives could have food to cook with and cleaning supplies. Cuz their wives literally had no money.
@@tougeruzbay that's what a lot of women still do not understand. I see so many naive comments where they think marriage is going to mean the guy is "serious." And in some cases the woman doesn't know what she really wants either and marries, then regrets it.
Ah they realize it honey, they are not dumb, they are just trying to get a deal on the cheap and PLAY dumb.
@@lorena6248 they want "50/50" but then they (m3n) work less and/or the wife ends up working more and he eventually gets bored and cheats or leaves for the next target.
If I provide financially, don’t expect me to be a housewife
If i provide fiancially and as a man im also a housewife i mean like i can be a women if i say and women can be men now so this issue is a non issue
only if you actually are a housewife and not allowing your husband to do any chores.
100% ?! At that point he’s literally your child
😭😭
@@therealmanifestellethey should have their ish together or they can just stay lonley(for the boys)
Literally
People should come in knowing what’s expected of them. I rather do house hold chores and take care of kids than work a 9-5 and pay 100% for everything.
Except that you you don’t even pay 100% as a single mother, unless the father is dead. He’s not even your child - where kids owe us nothing - he’s a predator 😢
Reminder: _every dollar you make is 90 cents into his pocket._
A study showed that women spend 90% of their income on the household, and men 30%. So if you think about it, the math maths: make more money, and you'll upgrade the household to spend it not on you.
Oh literally! They will purchase the absolute bare minimum and everything beyond that (we're talking fabric softener and such) is 'frivolous'.
@@alexbesong5731paying for household items and cleaning/hygiene supplies isn’t frivolous. You can’t live without toothpaste, toilet rolls and detergents. Restocking all those products is very expensive when I was living alone and very expensive when living as a family. If a woman is paying for all of that on top of 5050 on rent, it’s literally financial abuse. The 50/50 is an illusion at that point.
This is so true.
Yes! Absolutely!
When I was with my rich ex, who earned 4 times more than me, he wanted 60/40, sounded better than 50/50, huh? Nope, it’s not. I paid for all the groceries and utilities bills, which are the basis of household. While he paid for the car and internet. Yes, he paid more, due to the high expenses of the car, but it was for his own convenience, not mine. I never had the chance to touch the steering wheel. And I still take public transport to go to work. He would only fetch me if he wanted to control what time I ended my meetups with friends. He just said, “Oh, I will fetch you at 9pm,” when I was meeting my friends at 7pm!
Never 50/50 or 60/40 again!
In fact, I will never have any relationship ever again. Frankly speaking, I was too traumatized by my time with that ex.
The way the provider men reacted to this made me feel warm and happy. I know exactly what I want now.
Same
Yes 🙏
50/50 is a roommate, not your man. Ladies do not settle!
@@tougeruzbay 100 100 als means child care and domestic work and taking care of each other in terms of health etc. dont fall for the 1950 trad husband because money is the bare minimum. it cant be that men only put money when there is so much more that needs to be done to support a family (time, labour and ideas). because even the trad husbands are not and never did fully compensate women for the labour that they had to and were forced to put into the family.
Only if I can be the provider too.
Just saw a post from a woman whose husband insisted on 50/50 at the beginning to their relationship and she agreed because she "wasn't a gold digger". She was making $35K at the time, he was making $100K. Then they have 2 kids (they agree she is responsible for the medical bills, he's responsible for the kids - whatever that means). She can only work a bit what with 2 babies and all, and ends up spending all her savings and taking on a $13,000 credit card debt. She feels ashamed and finally brakes down and tells him she can't pay her share of the bills one month. He loses his mind and berates and humiliates her. And then she's on Reddit asking people, GENUINELY asking people if she's not crazy for maybe, poossibly thinking that this isn't quite fair? I honestly lost my mind. The level of brainwashing from patriarchy is insane. She has literally been subsidizing this man's lifestyle for YEARS by not taking on all the household work, carrying and birthing his children, and then raising them. She has being paying HIM for the privilege of being his domestic drudge, and all she got out of it was a $13K credit card debt. INSANITY. Absolute insanity.
what was the response on that reddit post? i honestly believe if you can't provide for your children on your own without considering your man you shouldn't give birth that's literally how so many women get stuck in toxic abusive relationships they can't leave it's my nightmare I won't have 2 kids when i make 35k birth control is cheaper even if my husband is well off because what if he change or leave or die or whatever let him pay for the kids and you save up your money especially if you do not make that much of money and to be honest this is common in relationships with income gap it seems people who earn more look down at their partner who earn less then them it's not necessarily just men but a flaw of the capitalistic world we live in
That's so sad. If he loved her at all, he would never want this for her, much less humiliate her for it. Wrong guy.
Oh my God, that’s tragic.
Omg THE INSANITY
omg! do you know what advice reddit gave or what she did? or maybe a link so i can see instead? i feel so worried for her now! that’s so awful!! 😭💔
My mom’s husband inherited money for the downpayment for his house. He was able to pay off the house early, so they didn't have to worry about mortgage. But he used this to justify making her pay 50/50 for everything else, like groceries, bills, and vacations. This approach left her unable to build wealth or save for retirement, trapping her in a cycle of financial insecurity. Now, she has no choice but to rely on him in retirement, creating an unfair dynamic where she’s financially dependent on someone who hasn’t supported her long-term security.
OMG! Sound about right. My bf is paying off his mortgage because he can borrow from his mom for nothing.
same with my parents, my mum paid the electricity and grocery bills AND took care of the housework. her husband paid the other bills. he says it is 50/50. his logic is only on the financial aspect. pathetic
This is weirdly my situation. I’m 23 with 2 kids I got from that man, 36 The entire relationship until the end I was unaware the house and truck and everything that was there before me came from inheritance. But he was dead broke and getting fired from jobs while I was with him. Got 6000 for child tax credit which was the most money I ever had and he spent it all within less than a month. 2000 on tires etc crap that wasn’t needed. When we left even with a year long protection order, he still holds all of our belongings. We left in march. This is his 3 rd woman he’s made kids with and abused and now pays child support to. He has this cycle and apparently tells the neighbors now that he will just find or create a new family to use my little boys room and all of our belongings. I’ve been told the only way to get anything or any money for the things is to find a pro bono lawyer in Georgia who can work in the small claims court. If anyone has any resources or information I would be so grateful!! May god bless and protect you all ❤
@baileywalden23 wish I could help but I'm not from the US sorry. good luck with everything and hope things get better. lots of love! God bless.
@ thank you for taking the time to read my long message! You’re so sweet for offering to begin with. Thank you for your support 🙏 sending love and prayers your way
I’m breaking up with my bf today.
Good luck queen! You got this. 🫶
Yay remember you deserve the best !
Hope you are doing well ❤
I hope you feel at peace with this decision. All the best. ❤️
Yes ❤
Thank you Elle for being a good teacher and a good moderator for the comment especially removing all the no-nuance nellies and below-bare-minimum-low-effort-men out of the spoiled girlie support group and makes us all here very warm and welcomed. I have binged-watched all your videos including the very first video and read all your recommended books and I really loved your teaching of "malicious compliance" instead of burying myself with doom and gloom being a woman. For the first time in 5 years I treated myself to a healthy lifestyle and never felt more confident to the point that I am meeting new people in a mixer next week. Thank you Manifestelle for this channel.
Thank you for being here 🥹 glad the sgsg can help🫶🏽
My boyfriend offered to live together (we live in a very rocky situation money wise) and when I told him that I cannot pay half of everything, he said "Why do you care? I'll pay everything, I want you to live with me and I know what it takes"
EDIT: To make things clear:
1. I am not interested in marriage. I don't want the law involved in my relationships and I want the freedom to walk away painless when I feel that stuff isn't right.
2. Not interested in kids. I have some health conditions and I have a neurodivergency that makes stuff difficult even for me, sometimes. I wouldn't put a child in a situation where I couldn't take care of it. If I was in the right mental space to have a child, I would of course settle down, because a child is a mutual and permanent responsibility.
3. I want to get my own place, eventually. I want to move in while working and saving for a house that's mine and mine only. I live in a small village and he lives in a big city, without a job I cannot move but I cannot have a job if I don't have a home in the city's work place. Of course, in this small village, there are no options for me. We will live together until is necessary, not permanent but I'm not willing to waste my savings in rent.Having my own place doesn't mean "yeah right I'm gonna leave him when I get one, no, don't read stuff that I didn't write. What I mean is that I want the financial security of being independent if things don't go as planned. I don't want to move back to my parents, I don't want to go back to my village and I don't want to waste savings in a "lifesaver" rent if we end up splitting (which can happen, the possibility is never zero). marriage to me is just a piece of paper, don't need that to prove or receive love and I don't want to take care of that in law-speaking terms. To me, "marriage" is when people choose each other everyday and that is good enough.
Love that for you, bestie!
Sweet!
Can be dangerous have your own money always
I love this for you. Keep leveling up no matter what though.
@@Iamliterallythatgirl I didn't say that I don't have my own Money, I said that I can't afford to live in those expenses. I have my savings, they will not get wasted in rent
If it’s truly 50/50, it’s 50/50 in every type of work. 50% of the chores and finances and parenting if you have kids. You don’t get to stop at the money
exactly!!
That is true but I still also think that the man should pay more on the household and kids since the woman went through a lot during pregnancy and child birth I think of it as a way of him cherishing his partner and his children through this and showing how he appreciates what she went through to bring those children to life
I agree
Impossible. Men can't carry children or breastfeed. Like it or not, children are attached to mom for like two years after birth. Dad can help, but it's never 50/50.
@@_goblin-_-mode_ I was looking for this response. Its NEVER 50/50 for women unless they're being taken care of financially and emotionally and we can build a home in peace
When I was dating in my 20’s I remember pushing for equality and 50/50 only to hear men tell me I was too picky and asking for too much. It was ridiculous! I want a partner not a child. I would always end these “debates” saying “I’m not somebody’s momma. If I want to struggle and be broke I can do that by myself.” I hate when men who can’t get their lives together try to trick women into be less when they refuse to be more.
Totally agree! And when we leave them, they always say something manipulative and mean like, "With your attitude, you'll never find a man that puts up with your ish." Well, guess what? We have no problems finding better man then them. 😂
@ exactlyyyy! I proudly tell men I’m a cat lady. 😂 You can’t insult me when I proudly mention it first.
Yes you are so right. They don’t even want 50/50. They want wmn to do more than that.
@@leia3772 Truth! I like to brag that I'm a cat mom. That would make any guy who wants kids run away. I'd prefer a child free partner with a pet, not kids.
That makes no sense, you'd spend the same money single than in a 50/50.
I used to be big on equal partnerships in marriage. Your channel has slowly opened my eyes to the fact that there really is no 50/50, though. At the base level, men always benefit more than women from being in a relationship.
relying fiancially on men 100% will give you even less benefits let's be real though i agree that 50/50 relationships where women do more in a relationship and work outside and inside are not IT
ALWAYS. They benefit the most from everything.
Yes also mn never put their health on the line for chld brth or earning potential or 100% child rearing risk (wmn don’t up and leave the chldrn). Society is safer for them too. Also, when it comes to smex, wmn can easily get smex. There is no real 50/50 at all.
It is not about not working, but keeping it to ourselves. Like my momma taught me, the women's money should not pay for house things. @@nanomia edit: my parents are married for 35 years and still going strong.
@@nanomiakeep working. Do not let him see a dime. ❤
50/50 finances ignores all the extra work women put into relationships and their families, while at the same time women still make less than men and are at a huge career disadvantage if they have kids
THIS!! 🎯
Funny, bc today's time women are making MORE than their counterpart, and furthering in education and the work sector. Women also benefit more on the maturity leave compared to men, but at the same time, you decided to have a kid. That's like someone being more privileged then another person on the bus just bc they pushed another being in this world like men cannot. Unless you got the sources to back this up, all I would say is there is many RP channels that reuse the news vid of the women complaining to the men on the news that women should be treated better yet they do not wish to test the common men any better at all. I believe you know abt money branching and yk..."dating-down" as women say. Men just date (which many women don't get still)
This makes me more sad as a single mother of one...
EXACTLY!! It makes no sense to do 50/50 when it's 0/100 in household work
Agree
I was married to a down low 50/50 man. Worst decision I ever made. Now I have two kids with him. Learn from our mistakes girlies.
@@Artemis-athenamaybe she found out after she married him. Don’t be so quick to jump to conclusions from 1 brief statement
😢 this is why I've refused to give any ex children....
@@JustBreathe-it4fl Is it a red flag if he thinks 50/50 is good because that's mean I won't have to follow all his opinions cuz he would be paying for everything or that I will have autonomy something like this and said if he's paying for everything means tht it would come at the price of my freedom?? I hope he will change his mind cuz I can't believe he said that lol initially he said he would pay for everything on this one trip so sounded like he was provider mindset also I am from a not so rich country compared to him?!
@@JustBreathe-it4fl and yet so many here are still naive and think marriage is "the real deal." Something similar happened to me.
Honestly think all men asking women to go 50/50 are down low. They dont like or see the value of women except for giving them kids and free labor. I hope you have found freedom and peace
I just left my abusive husband yesterday. This channel was a huge motivating and inspiring factor in my decision, so thank you SO much. I payed 100% the whole marriage and we have a child. I’m 22, so I’m fortunate to still have my whole life in front of me. Thank you again, your work is so important 💗
Great job sis 👑 you got this
Congratulations girl!!! You've got this!!!!
I tried this on my husband today and he looked at me like I had two heads. He pays all the bills, thank God.
@@tougeruzbay Cook, clean, dishes, laundry, birth and care for the children etc.. hope this helps.
Ps: paying bills is nothing groundbreaking. Everybody does. Also men would be paying bills regardless of whether they’re married or not.
@@tougeruzbay it's always the "uh and what do you do?" 🤓 Gosh...😒
@@tougeruzbay nyenyenye
@@tougeruzbay nyenyenye🤓
@@tougeruzbay”easy napoleon 🤓“
"Men who require 50-50 are selfish." Yes!!!
💯
They Are abusers... not selfish. They know ehat they are doing
@@iaf4454 🎯
0:33 you just brought up the most amazing point! These dudes don’t even ask why! They don’t even care why! The other men who are not 50/50 not only laughed at the idea, but almost every one of them asked why their woman was saying this. But zero percent of the 50/50 bros stopped to even consider there might be some issue. They immediately lobbed the ball back across the court.
Losers.
Nothing is more scary than when you need help financially and the help isn’t there. When your man sits on his hands and the only way out is to go into debt. I’m so glad I’m single now!
Exactly
Absolutely and it’s better to be single in most these “50/50” cases in my opinion. You’re better off with a roommate at that point.
I need to heal from the 50/50 mindset. I want to cry thinking about how I allowed certain men to treat me in the past.
so is it truly the 50/50 fiannces or the mistteatment? because a lot of relationships 50/50 works for them great but it usually 50/50 in everything it's partnership
All to many of us want to cry when we think of that
@@nanomia it was "50/50" only in finances except when they forget their wallet or forget the bills. All other tasks to keep household running were on me. Honestly now, I refuse to live with another person, even roommates, and I am honestly embarrassed how I let myself be treated like a maid in the past. Need time to heal from being used like a rag.
@@ConfusedCornflowers-ui7pi sounds like he was a leech! I'm sorry you went through this :( Take your time to heal i also learned hard lessons in life we all go through it you need to acknowledge where you went wrong and forgive yourself and love yourself if you love yourself you will never allow anyone else to treat bad no matter who they are sending you love 🤍
transmute it, you already lived the past, you dont have to torture yourself thinking about it still, as people we learn by making mistakes, forgive yourself, its never too late to be better and tomorrow is a new day
This is so beautiful. I should have just stopped working and paying half the rent in my first marriage, because our baby refused the bottle and only drank a couple ounces while she waited for me to come home from work. Some babies do fine with that, but she didn’t, and she didn’t gain enough weight the first year. 50/50 wasn’t working and I didn’t even understand at the time that I should have quit my job. My baby suffered because of this lie that 50/50 is just fine.
I'm so sorry. It was not your fault at all. You're a good mama in an impossible situation.❤
thank you for sharing 🤎
My grandma was just telling me the same thing- having to quit her job because of my aunt’s failure to thrive. It’s a bucket of ice water on the idea that you can have babies with a non provider man because you don’t even want to be a stay at home mom.
You have to have the tools to survive the worst case scenario
Smart Baby 🪽 teaching you a lesson. ❤❤❤
@@El_izabethheart And giving me a good story to tell the world so that I can keep future babies safe!
After watching your videos for a while I moved out from my bf. We paid rent 50/50, but I paid 80% of other expenses, while also cleaning the house. He's cooking but he's very messy. He had no job for 2 years just side hustle, but never worried about money
1,5 month ago I moved out. Now he have to pay and clean by himself. We are still dating. I'm waiting 4,5 months more, if he won't find a stable job and won't learn how to clean we are splitting up
It's very empowering move for me
Thank you Elle!
PERIOD
When I was still naive, I used to pay for 50-90% of dates/food etc. and spend loads on gifts to please my ex. He works project based as electrician and I was dating him for 3.5 yrs. I was very understanding. I started seeing him for what he is when he gave me a box of cosmetics worth £5. It was on clearance and was literally being thrown away. I didn't want to offend him so I accepted it. I thought he was short of fund and was trying to save money. Later on, I realized he gave his online friends gift cards worth £25,£50,£75 and £100. He has never met them in person but online buddies for 10yrs. I was his woman for almost 4 yrs. I felt so small and disrespected.
And you're still giving him time to get his sh!t together?? You're still letting him have access to you??
congrats! that’s super healthy,, i feel like people want women to just up and leave at these problems but love and respect revolves around working with each other so give him that chance but once you have your answer do what’s best for you
@emilycatherine8940 thank you for such kind and wise words!
The worst part is most of the time is not 50/50, women do work both labor at home and at work itself. They provide both money and taking care for the house
then require dude to do the labor at home too or the relationship is over
@@Forcebewithyou594 it’s not that simple.
@@Forcebewithyou594If it was that simple this wouldn't even be a discussion. In 50/50 relationships it is not ever truly that. The woman not only works and pays the bills but is expected to be the main caretaker of the home and children. THAT is NOT 50/50.
@@manifest2203 yes, it is. before moving in. simply have a conversation. Hey, what chores do you like doing? these are my primary favorites. I work best with a plan. we should make one? so i need to know which chores you plan on doing. This simply sets the ground work, and if you can't communicate this, you shouldn't be in a relationship
@@TheOMGRamen Somewhat true but then a man is usually expected to be the one to fix the car (if possible) and fix things around the house when they break, upgrade them i.e his wife wants a new kitchen etc. Not to mention deal with (put his life on the line) any potential threats e.g a home invasion, dangerous people out in the world etc. Lastly men usually earn a bit more and women usually control the household finances anyway...
My partner pays for all of our bills. he earns significantly higher than me (literally earning peanuts compared to his salary but I am earning more than the average in my country) and when we started living, he told me that he will never ask me to pay my part of the bill but he want me to save up my money. he also ALWAYS pick up the bill when we go out all the time and takes me out to shopping a few times a year. when other people (specifically men in my workplace and I work in a male dominated field) learn about this, they always seems so confused and ask me "what does he get out of all that? are you just that good?" (implying that he pays for everything because I am "good" in bed). those men doesn't understand how being a provider makes my partner happy. he always tell me that I make his life so much better and that he thinks that he doesn't deserve me because of how I take care of him when other people think that I'm the one undeserving of my partner.
I can't describe how much I hate it when people imply that when a man gives his partner everything it's only because she's "good" in bed; and not just because he simply wants to. As if the only way we deserve something is because we "give" something in return (beyond the norm) 🙄.
Those Men in your workplace talking on your sex life… that’s sexual harassment
@@Bubileaf I told them off at the time. I'm a bit afraid of mentioning anything about HR since my field is a male dominated one and most people in our HR are men.
@ 😣 painful. I hate this for you.
@@Bubileafno it's not
Currently laying in a bubble bath knowing damn well my hubby would be incredibly offended if i even thought i had to pay a single bill 💅 shout out to all my spoiled girlies out there you are worth it ❤
I'm not lazy I take care of 2 kids and an acreage, tend to a garden and make sourdough and baked goods while my hubby works away from home for 30 days at a time (he gets a nice free gym, Buffett meals, housekeeper) but if your lazy I'm glad your trying to change that, but don't be to hard on yourself ❤❤
@@amberanderson528 heaven forbid someone has a bubble bath 😭 amber you will meet the 50/50 man of your dreams dont worry and you can be hard working for him while he gets his princess treatment from you. i hope you feel empowered and thank you for taking the trash out of the dating market
@@IslaKristalmaoo such a queen reply, the wording is chefs kiss 🤌🏼
Claiming this energy ❤ I love this for you, diva!! This is how every woman should be loved.
@@Mountainlife902 not really getting your logic here... OP sounds happy and like she has a good husband. You sound like you are bitter about your situation, otherwise why would you be trying to tear another woman down and calling her lazy because she is in a bubble bath and her husband is a proud provider?
Really rare to find men like this though. Most guys make women feel bad for them not being able to financially contribute as much.
not to defend them or naything just my observation but it's a capitalistic world people in general look down at other people who can't make a living for themselves men who fail at capitalism feel even worse and are lower status in society
Yeah but that doesn't really make it right to lash out like that at women just because there to lazy or depressed to get help I get it they don't change but sometimes this is a lie they can survive without women I've seen it they just don't like it because that's a lot of work to out earn a woman. If he didn't have a very good upbringing or a large family to keep him lifted up you lose either way with them because they need women to be unsuccessful in order to thrive and that toys wirh her woman hood qhwh you pay rhwk like teenager
@@nanomiaI get that but the last part is rightfully understood and makes sense. How do you lose at a game that your are rigged to win? And how do you lose to a person when the game was rigged for them to lose? You SHOULD feel shame if you're that person. That's like, extra losing.
I think women understand that we're just unwilling to make adjustments for modern men anymore because many of us have tried living off men like that but even when you allow them to be the leader now he's suddenly bitching telling his wife or gf to get a job. They are not conditioned to provide for us like that because they raised us in 50/50 households the only men i've seen live like this are not in a normal tax bracket
. If being wealthy is the only way for men to be inspired to live like traditional men then they need to stop complaining about women working it's not his business what she does with her life if he doesn't like her that way. He can find another sucker.
Stop going after the ones with abs. 😂
This summer, I had a conversation with a 50/50 man. He told me him and his gf broke up over bills. He drives a train making 6 figures. His girlfriend made significantly less. He said she should pay half because she gets half the benefit of living there. He lives in a camper and rent is lot rent! 🤣😂I thought about it. 🤔 I'm living mortgage free in a 3000sqft cape cod. I also have mortgage free rental property. If me and this 50/50 man built a future, how would he ever match my 50%?
Thats not 50-50 he is saving money while getting a maid .... Is he makes 6 times more he needs to pay 6 times more, not half the bills, is as easy as that, why american women have such a hard time understanding this ....
If he makes 100,000 and you 35,000 then he SHOULD be paying everything ans you save your money ... But if you really want to give money a more equal aproach will be he paying 70% of everything and you only 30%
HIS 50 AINT AS BIG AS YOUR 50 😂❤
If I'm paying rent anywhere I want my own room and bathroom, sir. 😄
@@vocexsetaexactly! Cuz we are just roommates in that case.
@@vocexseta That's exactly what it came down to when I lived with a dusty, back in the early 1990s. We were cutting all the bills down to 50/50, with each of us taking home almost the same amount every month. Long story short, in no time he was bitching that I should pay MORE than 50% of the rent, because he was paying child support to his ex. I told him, "Fine, I will pay SLIGHTLY more than 50% of the rent, BUT I'm moving into the guest bedroom as of TONIGHT." OMG, he howled about it non-stop! It was also a battle to get him to pay 50% of the food bills, and it wound up that I had to insist that each of us pay ONLY for the food that WE ate. Even then he was constantly buying cheap canned food then eating MY FOOD while I was at work! Yup, we broke up and I'm willing to bet that bum is still unmarried.
Just keep in mind if your relationship fails and you've never contributed to paying the mortgage, you might be less entitled to stay. I've heard about couples where "he pays the house, and she pays the groceries" or something similar. Just keep in mind one is an investment and the other is an expense.
That's actually a valid point, thank you for pointing that out!
@laiatezenas3300 Thank you for replying! Hopefully having people interact will make others see it, and given the conversation, I really want people to get this perspective.
@laiatezenas3300 I just read my comment again and I realised it just says "keep in mind" over and over again 😅😂
@@Shuang_Shuang Hahaha don't worry, I tend to do that a lot as well 😆
this us very important point thank you for adding this!
50/50 men is proving to be a character flaw it is a litmus test for selfish, ungenerous, passive, codependent, incompetent men.
what about women who depend 100% on men aren't they also passive and incompetent by the standards of our capitalistic world?
@ depends if you’d put a salary on emotional labor or not. Sounds like you don’t 🤷🏾♀️
@@Heteropessimista well I expect my husband to do emotional labor as well otherwise why would I be with him? so...
💯 it's narcissistic men who want this
@@nanomia statistically that is the exception not the rule. Non 50/50 men are principled on equity because they recognize and appreciate the societal and minimized burden of invisible labor including breastfeeding, childbearing, homekeeping etc. is a full time job. 50/50 dusties want to fool women into the equality principle because there is no such thing unless they get a uterine implant. Even the authors of the 80/80 marriage recognize that it is impossible to be 50/50 so it is better to be over generous as a result. Like cultures that fight over the dinner bill. It also says that men have the tendency to backslide in contributions to the partnership so they should aim for 90/80 knowing this .
It can never be 50/50 especially in a relationship where you eventually want kids. They can never 50/50 with you on hormonal contraceptives, pregnancies, postpartum, body changes(including hairloss, incontinence), breastfeeding, risks of death from miscarriages, birth etc. Why should you do all that for free when people are paying surrogates and egg donors 100k+ to do it for them and that’s not even including aftercare. No matter how kind, how supportive or generous they are can even out the work you put in to give them a family. Heck if they have a low sperm count you still have to be the one to put your body through IVF
This! 💯
This is everything that it's all about, society benefits off of women putting themselves through all that and has the audacity to demand we jump straight back into work, sex, cleaning, tending to extended family. It's not a vibe, pregnant and post partum care needs to be much more prioritised. So many women are treated like dirt during this time.
These dudes are 50/50 on rent but 0/100 on EVERYTHING else 😂
Cooking, cleaning, having children. It can never be 50/50 they can’t have children and usually do not help around the house 😊😊😊
@@COGJUDAYA It can always be 50/50, they can do the house chores and take care of the kids.
Don’t let fear of being alone hold you back!!
One of my besties recently ended a 10 year relationship because of this ish.
3 years ago it was particularly bad; me and another bestie pulled her aside and asked how she could still be in this situation: she paid the bills, cooked him breakfast and dinner, cleaned up after him and he spent the whole day gaming. He was like her adult son who didn’t even say hi when we came over. I didn’t understand how she could even want to sleep with him when she’s like his mom.
I told her that if it wasn’t for the fact that they were living on her dad’s property that she wouldn’t be able to afford him. That doing everything for him is a luxury she can’t afford and it’s not even luxurious.
At the time she started freaking out, almost crying, saying he provided for her emotional needs, that things had improved since he cheated on her in the first year of their relationship…
Then six months ago she finally snapped, dumped him, kicked him out and admitted that he wasn’t even really taking care of her emotional needs and told us about all the other downsides of their relationship that she had been hiding.
Now she’s shocked at how little she misses him. She still cares about him but there’s no grieving the relationship.
She’s holding a higher standard for the men she’s seeing and it’s paying off because she’s not allowing herself to waste time and energy on men who are unable to show up in a relationship.
She’s also trying to work on her emotional neediness and the things in herself that allowed all that bs simply because she didn’t want to be alone.
Don’t pay for someone’s life simply because you want a warm body at home. You’re cheating yourself and it’s just a matter of time until you snap back into your senses. Just make sure you have an escape route when that happens.
Luckily my friend can keep living on her dad’s property for free and she knew she never wanted kids so she’s not tied to this man. But some women want kids no matter what and wind up with a kid, a man-child they have to deal with for LIFE and expenses they can barely manage.
Last night my friend asked “why are these men attracted to me?” and I asked “Why are YOU attracted to THEM?” These men aren’t hard to find, they’re hard to maintain.
Be careful ladies, men are getting smart to this. My ex husband was a provider while we dated, had a great job and paid for most things. Once we got married (and I got pregnant almost right away) he got laid off from his job and proceeded to stay at home playing video games. He was exactly like the loser men in the video, if I said we were short money that month he would just shrug his shoulders and say “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sure it will all work out”.
Then when I tried to leave him he told everyone he was clinically depressed and I was abandoning him. So I ended up staying married and supporting a mooch far longer than I should have.
Please keep sharing ur story😮 more girls and young women need to be shown how devious males can be. It's like how many men pay lip service to the notion that they would like to see less violence and disorder from other members of their own sex, but they never seem to actually advocate for the policies that would generate and enforce a reduction and eradication of violence.
I choose to just leave them alone as my standards and bounderies dont allow them to be in my presence ...50-50 conversations with a guy...easily takes him out of the options...im not a maid,mother,chef etc for free . Also mirroring their energy "you better come complete or leave thats not Not my fault your a Dependent leach !" To immature boys
right? I just don't even have the energy to discuss it with them, just get them out of here lol
Hes got to provide . Its Have your ish together or Stay single .
I watched so very many of these videos, I couldn’t look away. The peace and contentment in the voices of the wives whose husbands are on top of things…. Priceless. And the “men” who stare at their women clueless… it’s like watching a train wreck. The sad part is that the men are enabled to sit back and kick their feet up when us women step in and make them comfortable. Let’s stop enabling these men!
I agree. I see this as learned helplessness. I dated this guy who bought a industrial dishwashing machine after he got divorced. After eating dinner at his house for a few months, one night, he was putting some of the dishes into the dishwashing machine while I was cleaning the stove and said, "Is this how you put in dishes?" I told him, "Well, you should know since you bought the dishwasher way before we met." Sometimes we lose patience and say, "Let me do this since it takes longer to teach you." We can't buy into their ish! It's worse after you have kids. All the housework and childcare falls onto our shoulders.
The most valuable resource someone gives you is their time. Time is life's most valuable resource. If I have a friend who I want to go out with but can't pay, it's not even a question, I pay as I know their financial situation. In the past, I've had tougher times and they treated me. Money ebbs and flows, time is finite. Know what is most of value.
Ladies choose wisely, choose for you convenience. I hate to see my mother tired always because she has 2 work shifts, she's always stressed with house chores, her work, raising my little sister and her husband finishes his shift and just watch movies.
Women should never pay 50% financially because we always end up doing more and being more loving. Men must pay 70% of the chores, especially if you're going to do some house chores and working in your own job. And also!!!! Even when men pay more, that does not exclude them in participating in house chores, and helping you, and obviously raising properly their children.
Like that's the bare minimum!!!
Don't fall for 50/50, he should be contributing more financially to the house always
This is the mindset of REAL Providers. It’s not even a discussion. They take pride in caring for their woman. Period.
Who needs a provider? Get a job, make your own money.
Elle, this format of adding short n sweet financial tips to your popular topic videos instead of whole videos that get hardly any views is a great move
Love your interpretation! I wish more young woman would wake up to this value and stop giving their youth away to below bare minimum men. In man's point of view we are only valued til our 30's but we waste our youth with men that don't value us in our 20's so we are basically never valued.
I’m 28 and wasted my 20’s on relationships that weren’t for me, I’m so afraid of becoming “too old” 😢
I disregard this rule because they switch the goalpost anyway. Nowadays, if you're "over 25" you're apparently too old now. So it's literally be young and broke to date or "older" or have some money.
You are worth so much more than your very short 20s❤
Most women are smarter, more educated, richer, happier and better looking because they live with less stress in their 30s and older!
You're not too old to be happy, healthy and beautiful ❤
So true
I wasted my youth on worthless men in my 20's. I learned a lot of valuable lessons and found a good guy in my 30's. Didn't get married to him until I was 50. Guys who tell us we "aged out at 25" are predators. They purposely target us at 18 - 24 years old. Why? Because they want to groom us. Don't fall for this. My husband is not interested in dating younger women. I talked to an ex-boyfriend a few years ago. He is a predator and had told me before we broke up that I had aged out. He wasn't too happy when I wouldn't go and visit him because I am married and won't go anywhere near any of the guys I have dated. This guy was 10 years older than me. He is now single and is still trying to find young girls he can pray on. He spent the majority of his life being a player. Now he's all alone when he was the jerk that told me that no guy would ever want me because I was too old at 25.
I went out to lunch with my husband earlier today and I wanted his opinion on pursuing a graduate degree in cybersecurity because it’ll make me more financially secure. And he said “*Know that my goal is for your health and happiness.*”
He comes from a 2-parent household and I believe that it contributed to his values of ensuring his wife’s health and happiness. 😊
When someone asks why I’m not married, I’m just gonna send this vid.
Certain men should not have access to women.
@ sadly 99.999999999998% of them believe it’s their birthright 😒
@ What if I don’t want to marry? Maybe that’s why I’d send them the video you unnecessary XY.
@ Or how about not marry at all? Crazy concept huh? Not all men deserve a woman and a family. Women are allowed to choose what they want to do. Just be a you’re feeling a certain doesn’t mean that’s how ALL people feel. Stop pushing your XY draconian ideals onto others.
@@celeste3100that’s rude
Nobody in this world is unnecessary.
You wouldn’t want someone to say that to you would you?
Who else knew Elle would make this video? I knew as soon as I saw the trend😂😂
😂😂 you get me
@@kojo2773 no
Same
If a man with financial difficulty finds a woman who helps him build, she's called the 'RIde or Die Chick'.
If it's a woman, she's just a gold digger.
@PurpleAmiga thank you I agree
Know one calls women from wealthy families, who marry rich men Golddiggers, most of them are basically waiting for a husband who will pay for the lifestyle that their family gave them, they may have a career but I doubt it pays them enough to cover all their bills. Why can't women less economical well off ask for husband who can make the bills, after all men can benefit more from being married in their careers, while women can be considered a liability when they get married.
People do call them that and shame them for wanting to recreate the environment they grew up in. It's wild. TBF, I have only met two guys my age who aren't 50/50, and they aren't full providers, they do 70/30% . When I asked them why they didn't cover everything, expecting them to say they couldn't afford it, they acted shocked and said it "wouldn't be fair" and that they wanted to save up the rest "just in case"- of divorce, of course.
When I asked them if it wasn't problematic for their gf, they admitted that THEY wouldn't have agreed to this if they were women, but since their girlfriends put up with that system, they'd keep going.
Women who wish for anything besides 50/50 are shamed for it in Europe and told to lower their standards. Meanwhile, men admit that if they could be a tradwife, they'd do it in a heartbeat 🥴
I guess we teach people how to treat us 🤷🏻♀️
I'm still single, btw. After years of only getting 50/50 or men-children who actually wanted to be provided for, I realised that being in a relationship would cost me a lot more- even financially- than being single.
@@laiatezenas3300Is it a red flag if he thinks 50/50 is good because that's mean I won't have to follow all his opinions cuz he would be paying for everything or that I will have autonomy something like this and said if he's paying for everything means tht it would come at the price of my freedom?? I hope he will change his mind cuz I can't believe he said that lol initially he said he would pay for everything on this one trip so sounded like he was provider mindset also I am from a not so rich country compared to him?!
There's no right or wrong solution. Some women are in 50/50 relationships and it works well for them, some women are provided are provided and it works for well.
But by 50/50, I mean 50/50 on bills, rent, cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids. Any women paying half the bills but doing 100% of the rest is an idiot. That's not 50/50 that's 90/50 and 90% is for the women.
true!
I would genuinely want a true 50/50. I dislike housework, like my job and it pays me well. Honestly I believe it’s easier to find a man who’ll pay all the bills with zero housework than a true 50/50 😢 My ex was close but years in got very lazy.
I also think it's dangerous rhetoric to push the 100% provider. An average wage in the UK is 29K and wages are sticky (not rising at an inflation rate). 29k in the UK probably just covers rent.
A UK resident probably needs both partners working on average. Dreamy men who can hold the sky, statistically it's not going to happen. The pyramid of wages is real. So if we are now telling young women only acceptable versions is 100% provider that's fighting for a very small likelihood. Math isn't mathing.
We probably should encourage the dynamics of both working together work /home... if the argument is men are not contributing at home.
You still as the woman are getting the shorter end of the stick, because we age faster doing the same amount of work, and we have a body clock that men do not. He can start over with a young woman when he is finally doing really well financially because of your help all the years. It happens more often than you would think.
@@tarrysmileBritain is not the country by which we measure things
The thing is that yes women can work and pay their own bills etc. But if you decide to marry a man make sure he is a provider. Because guess what ladies, we are the only ones getting pregnant and birthing children and breast feeding them. Yes men should be active fathers and not just a pay check. But when you have children your views will change. You will want to be with your baby and take care of them, and you need a provider husband to do that. It's not good to toss your baby off to daycare where your child is constantly getting sick and also catching forever diseases like cold sores etc from other kids.
Make wise choices.
i think women should fight for national paid maternity leave like other developed countries depending on men is not the real solution it's very risky I was shocked when i heard USA don't have national paid leave for mothers like some countries (up to a year!) and now i understand why so many American women are against 50/50 relationships or are choosing their careers and not having children. USA should joining other developepe countries in taking care of mothers.
This.
Wisdom
Wisdom and Maturity !!
A good husband means he is a provider..
no . I love my job. The solution is to give birth in a country where there is a longer maternity leave
I had a boyfriend once...who I briefly lived with. We both worked, but all of my money went towards rent and bills...and all of his money went towards HIMSELF. He spent his money on whatever he wanted...movies, video games, junk food, whatever he wanted. He didn't worry about paying for necessities even once...that was all on me. That situation lasted about 2-3 months before I left!
P.S. I got my own apartment...and he moved back in with his mommy.
It literally feels like raising a child. Never wanted to have a child in the first place and now dating experience has proven to me I definitely don’t want to be a mom.
That man asking if she can work overtime has to be a joke ✋
Lol, laughed when I saw his aesthetic. Surprised he didn’t get his phone slapped or his face.
That guy is a clown... cause I don't want to work? Lel...
To the ladies that want to be mothers or are already, never forget that pregnancy is 100/0 with you carrying all the possible health risks and most responsibilities(men can walk away any time). And let's be real the work men put on the baby and woman after is nowhere near enough the amount women do. So unless those 50/50 men are saying they will be the ones to care for the baby for 9 months after it's born, or do their own chores and food then they are not in fact 50/50 men. Men can't even back up all the bull that say. More pathetic tho, are the women that agree so they get picked or bcs they genuinely believe the men and yet prob don't realise they're not even getting a true 50/50 arrangement. 😂
so what's thr solution? cause depending 100% financially on men is not the ideal at all it hurts women more than it benefits them so what's your solution?
@nanomia 1st of all you should never 100% depend on them, if you can work do it, if you have a paycheck you're not 100% dependent as you have your own money.
As for the ideal, it is finding a man that is respectful and loving enough to want to provide on the appropriate needs.( rent, dates, house necessities) If you do you should spend money on things like gifts for him ofc, things you need if he doesn't already buy them and as for house labor if he pays for the majority it truly depends on your own work as well, does it leave you exhausted? Then discuss with him abt the house labor.
Now on the not so ideal, you will meet a man and he will suggest the 50/50, you should make sure that he actually respects that lifestyle. Like I said if he wants kids then he should be prepared to either take care of them after birth or hire a nanny to help you otherwise his 50/50 is a lie. If neither wants kids, then in this lifestyle he should be doing all of his chores on his own and you your own, bscly devide the chores fairly, if he doesn't agree to making his own food but at the same time wants you to pay for half the dates and rent , he doesn't respect you enough, he's looking for a lowkey mommy/slave(ofc if you are not tired and want to cook for 2 for ex. then ofc it's ok but he should not take that for granted).
If he actually agrees to do his own chores and do 50/50 in a true way then at least he is true in his intentions, it is up to you to decide if it is worth it and how much his other attributes are good enough to overlook a true 50/50 life and stay with him instead of maybeee finding a provider who isn't also a misogynist that yes pays for stuff but doesn't treat you right.
Always advocate for your rights and fairness if the relationship is abt to get serious and never be afraid to ask questions that will reveal what a future relationship will be with him, and ofc if he's actually an honest man don't settle on matters such as always cooking for him just bcs he tries to justify it by saying the previous gen of women did free house labor. Don't settle just bcs he's cute and you feel in love, if he can't treat you right just imagine of the years wasted on the wrong person. Bscly if you are open and serious abt your opinions from the start you will also save a lot of time and will weed out all the men that were trying to trick you as they will show you their true nature. And if you're thinking of the housewife lifestyle the one where the woman has no job outside of the house, don't think abt it ever, it is so so dangerous even If your man truly loves you. I think Elle also did a vid on this topic and why it's not just stupid but dangerous for women who are not rich.
💯
@@KateT01 thank you for your comment you raised a lot of important points 💖💖 I'm quite honest and blunt woman if i don't like something i say it or if my needs aren't being met i also say so this allowed me to not waste time on men and a lot of them really tirs to please me when i advocate for myself so that's definitely a good advice currently focusing on my own goals I'm not dating but I've seen a lot of my friends in shitty relationships where they don't even speak up it makes me scared to go back to dating to be honest but I'll keep your advice on my mind
@nanomia the solution: 1. As Elle mentions in her videos, he needs to be putting money in a savings and retirement account for you and 2. "His money is his money and your money is your money". And side hobby businesses you do go to you.
I’ve been very fortunate to have my partner, he is supporting me through me furthering my education & taking care of all the bills so I can just focus on that. And we’ll be revisiting how we’ll be splitting up the bills once I have my bachelors or more. He wants to make sure I have a safety net in the event something happens to him, & can’t provide anymore. 💕
Love your videos and the content but also thank you for putting captions at the bottom for people who may need it! Wayyy better than the auto generated stuff. Thanks for speaking up for the spoiled girlies and using this information to best protect ourselves. Happy holidays!
Happy holidays bestie!!!🫶🏽
50/50 Calculations;
50% for Men is their payment for the Woman's services and maintenance during a relationship. That's why when they pay, they expect to 'hit it' on a regular basis. The payment cover some bills that both the guy and girl consume (food, electricity, etc.) but above all else, they expect the Girl to give in to ALL of their demands.
Whereas Women pay 50% of the bills to contribute to the household bills. She doesn't expect the Man to do the laundry every tuesday or cook on weekends because of the 50%. She would be willing to do the drop off and pick-ups of the kids, cook, clean, have s*x without thinking "Oh, I already gave $800 this month, he should cook and clean for me."
If Women start matching Men's energy, no relationships would last. 😂
I started matching. It didn’t last 😂 I’m doing better than ever tho no regrets
And if men started matching women’s energy relationships wouldn’t start😂
Hi elle, writing from india, anti women content has reached here as well... One man has committed suicide stating that he was harrassed by judiciary n his wife for alimony n maintenance... Whole media is covering this topic...its very disturbing to c when women are Excersicing their rights they are termed gold diggers... I remember u saying when women r hurt they distance themselves from men but when men are hurt they access women n hurt them... I genuinely feel this is a classic example of this situation. There was no investigation was done on womens side n only coz the man committed suicide he is labled as hero who didn't pay a penny to his wife... This whole situation is so scary.... Request u to make one video on this n the importance of maintenance n child support... N mental health of women in this day n age. Love ur content❤
@Kumavat299 Hey! I'm also a girl from India. The way you wrote "only because he commited sui*ide" is so insensitive. Girl, he ended his life! It's not a joke. Nobody di*s because it's fun to die. He wrote a 24 page sui*ide note and a 2 hour long video. He even attached proofs in his tweet.
I am a girl and I ofcourse I support women but not blindly! Please have some empathy🙏
@@Kumavat299 Girl! Please have some empathy🙏. The way you casually wrote "only coz the man committed s****de" is very insensitive.
I am also a girl from India and I support women but not blindly.
So sad, dear... so sad
I am from sri lanka
I feel sorry for all indian sisters.❤
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I love that you give actionable items like the retirement account and making sure not only that you have access to but custody of the money accounts and keep an eye on them.
What changed my mindset from 50/50 to being engaged to a provider man is just looking how other women got the best of both worlds - caring and loving man + provides fully financially. I was like, why can’t I have that too? And I DID, and so can you
Where do I find them 😢
As a disabled person who CANNOT overwork myself or I will be bedridden, I need a partner willing to do shit with me. I can literally only do so much.
Edit: Aka, I need some taking care of, especially when a flare up happens.
I loved the term you used "biological labor". This term needs to be common place to help society explain that aspect of a relationship!
These past few months I have been in awe of my husband because he has advocated for me to work less and stay home while pregant. He pays for pretty much everything. He also still pays for our oldest to go to school 3 days a week and comes home and cooks dinner most nights. He does all the grocery shopping and tries to do other household chores. At times I feel guilty for not being able to do more but this pregancy has been difficult and high risk. He is showing me true love everyday and showing me how a woman's biological labor needs to be respected.
I just tried this on my husband. He asked why, then I said I have other stuff to pay for and he said ok lol.
Good relationships aren't 50/50. They're 100/100. Also, Elles nails are fine af.
I ended up paying 75% of the bills when I wasn't working and doing all of the household chores.
He's my ex now. I pay 100% of my bills and still do all the household chores but now I'm not cleaning up after a hobosexual man 🙃
My opinion: My husband takes pride in providing for our family. He says it’s a flex’s.
Im a lesbian and I am the provider in the relationship and I love it so yes there is such a thing as a woman provider that is happy lol. My wife does so much for me its the least I can do honestly.
It's cool you can see the value in the male role but as a bio female it's distorted for you to be playing it. Lean INTO your natural sex not away from it
@@El_izabethheart are you okay?
@JadeHeartLove Wow clearly this channel is not my type of crowd. I just told you I was happy. Incredible that you think you know me better than I do
I'm so happy for you! ❤ I feel like the fair share of labour is sooooo much better in queer relationships since we're challenging the status quo and heteronormativity from the start, and by that we deconstruct what's thought of as a default roles.
As a pan girlie I'm leaning into not dating cishet men, because of what I've seen in my parents' (and other cishet couples I've grown up around) relationship, as well as how they function within those traditional gender roles. Deprogramming themselves from that is a work not many of them are doing and I don't want to risk living that way.
don't bother engaging with JadeHeartLove, that user is 100% a bot, seen them spamming the comments section. Not spoiled girly vibes at all. I'm glad you seem so happy in your relationship 💕
The first 50/50 guy saying, “Can’t you just do some overtime or something?”, while wiping his nose with HIS FOREARM like he’s still a little boy instead of grabbing A TISSUE is………something. 😒
@@shannalee80 💯 “I don’t want to have to go back to work” 🤮🤮
He wants her to get two jobs while he has none...I don't understand how he has a girlfriend in the first place.
50/50 isn't 50/50 unless he's doing 50% of the domestic labor, 50% of the mental load, 50% of the emotional labor, and 50% of the childcare. Until then he's benefiting from your free labor.
Absolutely.
I was one of the women who agree with the 50-50, now I understand why you disagree with it, I finally open my eyes, man never do 50 of the chores, even if there are not children, 50-50 is bullshit, thanks to open my eyes, I'm not going to put me in the situation where I live with a man, here in my country men say "yes I do chores" then weponize incompetence appear.
Girl these vids are life changing! Always sitting at the front 💗
I just truly believe you should marry someone who can at least continue your lifestyle for when you have kids and take some time off and contribute more to make up for to that will hurt your career
I hear you. But hear me out. I met my husband 7 years ago and he made more than me hands down but I'm working in a more profitable space (he's an electrical field engineer, and I'm in IT). I didn't have a certain luxury life style but I managed to triple my salary since then because he supported me, believed in me and pushed me to ask for more. His salary did not grow that much because he decided not to do overtime and not travel on long trips abroad and spend more time with our daughter (oh yeah I had a kid during this period too) so now my salary is twice as big as his and our life style is good/comfortable because of me, not him. He's a great husband and father and in a way it was him who put his carrier on hold to be a better father to our girl. I don't know where I'm going with it tbh, sorry for rambling. I guess what I'm trying to say I don't want women to feel bad if they make more money than their spouses...
i think this is USA based advice because women who live in Canada or Europe or other countries take paid leave up to a year and return to work normally it's truly a crime to make a woman lose her career just because she wanted a family but the father's career continue as usual i was shocked the first time I heard this
@@annarennie this warms my heart! good for you for having a good man as a husband and a father to your children! yes totally it's okay to earn more than your man if he's also supporting you and is an active partner in the home i think online discourse are pushing a very narrow views on how relationships should be and a lot of influencers are lying about their owns relationships so take it with a grain of salt I'm suspicious of any content that says women should depend on a man financially hmm but yeah every relationship is different you set your own standards and what you want your partner and relationship to be. I'm an ambitious woman as well and I want a husband that's supportive of my goals so hearing your story gave me some hope 💖
@nanomia Thank you for your kind words ❤️
Agree.
there is this Ytuber who has multiple health issues that impacts their ability to work but she is the breadwinner in their relationship & I often think how does that make sense? To pick the person most likely to not be able to provide long term as the sole provider for the household? What type of man thinks this is okay or even a good idea?
Luckily they are not planning on having kids,
50/50 is flawed in so many ways. Most see it as financial, however in partnerships between men and women it can never be 50/50 if children are involved unless it's adoption or surrogacy etc.
I'm so glad I'm not wired to even find these men appealing. I love being single. I mean, it's great to have a companion, but I am not desperate enough for company to bankroll a man's lifestyle. And he is IMMEDIATELY friend-zoned (or nixed) if I have to go dutch. It's wild that some men provide the bare minimum and act like they're the prize. If you're a broke down man in survival mode, you should NOT be looking for a woman. You should be out looking for the right MAN to coach you and help you get your shit together ...and once that shit is ALL THE WAY together, then you can look for a woman whose life you can enhance with your presence.
"Can't you just do overtime on the weekends? I don't want to have to go back to work." That's not a husband. 🤮
50/50=Begging for the bare minimum
Men eat more than I do, men drink more than I do and they take more space than I can. I am no way going for 50-50...Btw, those types are so irritating if you would like to observe them. You will anyways end up saying "go away" to them.
Any time i hear hate comments from boys i drop money in piggy bank than reply (any where) this includes Pick me women "Dont get mad Get paid" money challenge thanks elle
The dude leaning against the door with the most sarcastic “Oh ThAnK GOD you let me know 🙄” is my favorite 😅
Same, made me cackle
A grown man whining "I don't want to have to go back to work" is insane 🙄.
My ex
YOU ARE SAVING LIVES ❤❤❤❤❤❤
🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
This is why I don't want to get married. I don't want to get trapped in a fake promise of perfect partnership with a guy that will change after situation get serious or understands the equality of relationship in very vaque way. It must be 100/100 or I'm not dating you. I can pay for a dinner, 80% of the rent, buy groceries from my pocket and also take care of the house and have full time job. But I also expect that from you most of the time, if we ever move in together. If you're not showing me those traits from the start it's probably going to be a quick affair nothing more
What would you gave him in return??
@rifaislam6666 i'm financially stable, i have a car licence, i'm a good listener, i have a good education, i can cook and clean, i'm good with kids and pets, i'm responsible with money, i don't smoke, i party rarely with my friends
I don't understand what you want in the end. 50_50 in everything or a provider men
excuse me, someone ordered an ocean of abundance that needs to be delivered ASAP.
😂😂😂
I still want a 50/50 relationship - my ideal situation is both partners working (less pressure if one loses a job) but low-stress jobs for a good quality of life and able to equally share non-work responsibilies. Like, both people being fully responsible/able as if they were a fully functioning human adult, but less pressure. I grew up with a single widowed mom, so figured 2 partners = half the work. The reality is men just wont step up on the mental load and domestic tasks and this is not realistic, so solo life for me. Also I dont want kids - if kids are involved then def agree it can never be 50/50 due to the woman's sacrifice.
Absolutely, when there's children it can NEVER be 50/50. I don't know why that is such a difficult concept for men to grasp?!
Also unfortunately alot of men will run away from their responsibilities after a child is born so they can access another '50/50' woman with no children.
Why is "the woman is the breadwinner" being described as "50-50" in these tiktoks & the video?
This is the video I have been unknowingly waiting for. I have been recognizing patterns in people for years and moving accordingly. That’s how I interact with the world. I’ve been told over and over again by one man that that is unfair, that I’m keeping score, and more. I feel so validated in knowing I’m not the only woman who does this and that it’s our talent. I think it goes hand in hand with our social intelligence. Thank you 😊
Wow. This whole time men have been gold diggers 🤯
If women need to be in a 50 /50 situation he better do 50% of cooking, cleaning and kids labour!!!
5:36 financial abuse. She's paying 100%
How? But I thought the men paying everything in the beginning was good? So it's ok for them to be financially abused?
14:30 OMG when time is rough women are taking on more work and reducing their men's work, while most men aren't doing more domestic labor or child care but have their financial work cut to half. what a wild awakening. when it's time for men to do more work too they actually are doing less. why are we babying these men?
Whenever i get the urge of getting a boyfriend, i watch these videos, and then reality hits back.