As someone who also felt like something was "wrong" with me my whole life, the day I found out I was ace was like finally throwing off a huge boulder that had been weighing me down, affecting every aspect of my life. No longer does a casual question on my romantic life from a colleague give me a rush of anxiety, no longer do I force myself to partake in activities that I don't really want to engage in just because I "should" want those things, no longer am I waiting for "the right person" to help me finally see what I've been missing. If only asexuality was more openly talked about when I was younger, I could have avoided so many years of pain and anxiety. It's videos like this that will increase awareness and make things a little easier for the younger generation, so thank you so much for posting this. I know it's hard, but it makes such a difference. Those awful comments from the queer community towards Yasmin show categorically that discrimination of ace folk is real and pervasive.
i feel like this "discourse" comes around every year for pride, and it hurts every. single. time. This is straight up just what people have said about bi people, "you're not gay enough to be LGBT". Oh, you're attracted to the opposite gender? Excluded. Too straight. Who cares that you're also attracted to people of the same gender? Oh, you aren't attracted to the same gender? Excluded. Too straight. Who cares that you're also not attracted to the opposite gender? what makes it somehow even worse is that one of the first online forums by and for asexuals has taken the stance that microlabels don't exist, and you can't ever be sex-positive or experience sexual attraction if you want to be called ace. It's not just coming from within the larger queer community. Some of it comes specifically from within the asexual community. There is no winning with exclusionists. They're always gonna find a reason why you "make the community look bad". In the end, all you can really do is be yourself and find someplace where you can express yourself for who you truly are. One day we'll all be turned to ash, and the arguing will finally have ceased. One day, we might get treated as actual human beings. Let's hope that day comes soon
Heard you on the ace community also having exclusion problems. I saw quite a bit of that when I was on my Google rampage trying to figure my own shit out, and boy oh boy did it not help. I was lucky enough to find some articles on Medium from an aroace writer who's on the more positive to indifferent end and those really helped. And the exclusion from the greater queer community has been something I've been simmering about since coming out because finding I have to explain myself over and over for stupid things like "but didn't you try dating someone" or "how is it a spectrum" is exhausting
Not long after understanding I am on the aroace spectrum (grey romantic and ace) there was an ace person on TV and my father said "what's the point of living then they're not useful they should just die" he says he's an ally and he acknowledged somehow that ace people existed he just think we should just die Needless to say I never came out to him
I never comment on youtube videos, but this hit too close to home not to. It took me 2 years after finding out asexual and aromantic were identities to actually realise that that was me. I was bullied in primary school for at least 6 months for having a crush on an older classmate despite the fact that I've never had a crush in my life and the counsellor I spoke to about it turned around and said 'Well, have you ever asked them to stop?', and I already had multiple times. I stopped saying anything and pretended to feel things through secondary school, until I realised I was aroace, so I wasn't bullied again. And that's ignoring all of the comments I've heard as an adult. I've also felt very excluded from pride as there is a lot of sexual representation at pride (and I'm not saying they don't deserve a place to do that at pride after all the oppression they've faced, they really do) but as someone closer to the sex-repulsed label, it can be very difficult navigating pride. Also going to pride reminds me of what I'm missing out on as I would love to have a romantic relationship with someone, but telling someone you don't actually have a crush on them and potentially may never, doesn't really build up a good relationship. I would also need to set stricter boundaries in the relationship, which again making people feel more uncomfortable in the relationship. I've now given up on the idea of relationships and will just stick to having best friends as it's much easier. Sorry for the rant, and thank you for this video, it helps spread awareness of these identities and also the spectra they exist on. It also helps people like us feel like we're less alone, as there's far more of us than people realise and we deserve a place to exist in society without people telling us we're just 'spicy straights' or just 'attention-seeking'. Thank you for being braver than I ever could by making a video this personal!
I made a small effort to listen to aro/ace stories this pride because I'm not either of those things, that's how I figured out I'm trans after all, and there were three separate moment in this video where I was thinking "shit *am* I aromantic??" (I'm not, pretty sure I'm not at least, but I know myself better now)
Thank you for making this video I’m aroace (sexually and romantically repulsed) and only one of my friends actually believes me and doesn’t try to “find the right person for me”
@@michaelinlofi thank you I appreciate it I just hope that sometime soon aroace people will be more excepted everywhere especially in the queer community
hey this was great, and i respect your candor. but you are so so right. people don't hate us, they dismiss us. that that's just not cool. we don't understand you so you're just not real. bah. circling back to your netflix and chill analogy... also has that exact thing happen. haha.
🧡💛🤍🩵💙 (This gets long sorry) The irony of the main argument being ‘aroace people don’t experience stigma/hate/whatever so don’t count’ when saying that is dismissive, invaliding and often used as erasure and therefore is literally being aro/acephobic in and of itself is astounding. Even if its just the “stupid” things, like not really knowing why you were so uncomfortable with the suggestion of ‘kiss this person’ in truth or dare, or never having an answer to ‘who is your (celebrity) crush’, the aroace experience in the world we exist in is often so alienating, because no, we aren’t ‘spicy straight’, we are asexual. We are aromantic. And we should be able to be visible and proud without hate. Anyway if anyone needs some good aroace rep in media, by an aroace author!, ik its fairly old news at this point but pick up almost any alice oseman story. Loveless in particular is essentially just her personal experience and wow it hit hard. Also, now I want to hear the ‘the Doctor should be written as asexual’ rant, because you are so right.
Heyo, just a quick note:
I think you meant sex-favourable instead of sex-positive. They are not the same
Get pinned, because you are right and I would like everyone to see this correction.
That's what I get for not scripting 😅
As someone who also felt like something was "wrong" with me my whole life, the day I found out I was ace was like finally throwing off a huge boulder that had been weighing me down, affecting every aspect of my life. No longer does a casual question on my romantic life from a colleague give me a rush of anxiety, no longer do I force myself to partake in activities that I don't really want to engage in just because I "should" want those things, no longer am I waiting for "the right person" to help me finally see what I've been missing.
If only asexuality was more openly talked about when I was younger, I could have avoided so many years of pain and anxiety. It's videos like this that will increase awareness and make things a little easier for the younger generation, so thank you so much for posting this. I know it's hard, but it makes such a difference. Those awful comments from the queer community towards Yasmin show categorically that discrimination of ace folk is real and pervasive.
Why is it every year that twitter always creates pride discourse? This is infighting that isn’t needed.
I thought this might have been an aphobic video at first but hi fellow Denmark invader
i feel like this "discourse" comes around every year for pride, and it hurts every. single. time. This is straight up just what people have said about bi people, "you're not gay enough to be LGBT".
Oh, you're attracted to the opposite gender? Excluded. Too straight. Who cares that you're also attracted to people of the same gender?
Oh, you aren't attracted to the same gender? Excluded. Too straight. Who cares that you're also not attracted to the opposite gender?
what makes it somehow even worse is that one of the first online forums by and for asexuals has taken the stance that microlabels don't exist, and you can't ever be sex-positive or experience sexual attraction if you want to be called ace. It's not just coming from within the larger queer community. Some of it comes specifically from within the asexual community.
There is no winning with exclusionists. They're always gonna find a reason why you "make the community look bad". In the end, all you can really do is be yourself and find someplace where you can express yourself for who you truly are. One day we'll all be turned to ash, and the arguing will finally have ceased. One day, we might get treated as actual human beings. Let's hope that day comes soon
Heard you on the ace community also having exclusion problems. I saw quite a bit of that when I was on my Google rampage trying to figure my own shit out, and boy oh boy did it not help. I was lucky enough to find some articles on Medium from an aroace writer who's on the more positive to indifferent end and those really helped.
And the exclusion from the greater queer community has been something I've been simmering about since coming out because finding I have to explain myself over and over for stupid things like "but didn't you try dating someone" or "how is it a spectrum" is exhausting
i crave more videos of aro/ace folk discussing aro/ace stuff, so thank you so muchhhh
You're more than good... you're ACE! (Apologies to Sylvester McCoy)
Not long after understanding I am on the aroace spectrum (grey romantic and ace) there was an ace person on TV and my father said "what's the point of living then they're not useful they should just die" he says he's an ally and he acknowledged somehow that ace people existed he just think we should just die
Needless to say I never came out to him
Jesus I'm so sorry that happened to you. But you are valid, and you are loved by us. To hell with your father for saying that shit
seriously??? that's quite horrible.
@@sylvianartist8930 yet not the worst thing he has said or done
do people not realize that asexual people are also a part of the community??? they need to sit down and educate themselves
Hopefully the more noise we make the more people have to listen
👍
I never comment on youtube videos, but this hit too close to home not to. It took me 2 years after finding out asexual and aromantic were identities to actually realise that that was me. I was bullied in primary school for at least 6 months for having a crush on an older classmate despite the fact that I've never had a crush in my life and the counsellor I spoke to about it turned around and said 'Well, have you ever asked them to stop?', and I already had multiple times. I stopped saying anything and pretended to feel things through secondary school, until I realised I was aroace, so I wasn't bullied again. And that's ignoring all of the comments I've heard as an adult. I've also felt very excluded from pride as there is a lot of sexual representation at pride (and I'm not saying they don't deserve a place to do that at pride after all the oppression they've faced, they really do) but as someone closer to the sex-repulsed label, it can be very difficult navigating pride. Also going to pride reminds me of what I'm missing out on as I would love to have a romantic relationship with someone, but telling someone you don't actually have a crush on them and potentially may never, doesn't really build up a good relationship. I would also need to set stricter boundaries in the relationship, which again making people feel more uncomfortable in the relationship. I've now given up on the idea of relationships and will just stick to having best friends as it's much easier.
Sorry for the rant, and thank you for this video, it helps spread awareness of these identities and also the spectra they exist on. It also helps people like us feel like we're less alone, as there's far more of us than people realise and we deserve a place to exist in society without people telling us we're just 'spicy straights' or just 'attention-seeking'. Thank you for being braver than I ever could by making a video this personal!
I made a small effort to listen to aro/ace stories this pride because I'm not either of those things, that's how I figured out I'm trans after all, and there were three separate moment in this video where I was thinking "shit *am* I aromantic??" (I'm not, pretty sure I'm not at least, but I know myself better now)
Thank you for listening. I wasn't sure what the audience for this was gonna be outside of other aro/ace folk so it means a lot to hear from you
Thank you for making this video I’m aroace (sexually and romantically repulsed) and only one of my friends actually believes me and doesn’t try to “find the right person for me”
God that's gotta be a pain in the ass. I'm sorry to hear that, keep your head up :)
@@michaelinlofi thank you I appreciate it I just hope that sometime soon aroace people will be more excepted everywhere especially in the queer community
hey this was great, and i respect your candor. but you are so so right. people don't hate us, they dismiss us. that that's just not cool. we don't understand you so you're just not real. bah. circling back to your netflix and chill analogy... also has that exact thing happen. haha.
All we can do is keep making noise. They'll have to take us seriously eventually!
🧡💛🤍🩵💙
(This gets long sorry)
The irony of the main argument being ‘aroace people don’t experience stigma/hate/whatever so don’t count’ when saying that is dismissive, invaliding and often used as erasure and therefore is literally being aro/acephobic in and of itself is astounding. Even if its just the “stupid” things, like not really knowing why you were so uncomfortable with the suggestion of ‘kiss this person’ in truth or dare, or never having an answer to ‘who is your (celebrity) crush’, the aroace experience in the world we exist in is often so alienating, because no, we aren’t ‘spicy straight’, we are asexual. We are aromantic. And we should be able to be visible and proud without hate.
Anyway if anyone needs some good aroace rep in media, by an aroace author!, ik its fairly old news at this point but pick up almost any alice oseman story. Loveless in particular is essentially just her personal experience and wow it hit hard.
Also, now I want to hear the ‘the Doctor should be written as asexual’ rant, because you are so right.