I’m a therapist and I think the work you do is infinitely more effective than 95% of therapists out there. Most therapists become therapists because they had a messed up childhood and they are trying to vicariously fix their wounds through “helping” other people. Most therapists haven’t done their own work to heal and they end up causing more harm to their clients than good...just like you experienced. Many therapists talk a good game about trauma but VERY few actually understand it and what it does to the brain and how to help people with it. THANK YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY, Anna!
Thank you for speaking up! That's been my experience: that few therapists understand trauma or how to help people who are traumatised. The last therapist I saw did exactly what you said, caused me more harm than good. Last time we spoke I was dysregulated for several weeks as a result of my own trauma being triggered by her unprofessional behaviour. Never spoke to her again. Wish I'd been able to say exactly what she'd said/done to her and the clinic she works for, but it was too dysregulating for me to explain it. Even now, over a year later, I can't do it.
I totally agree. My 34 year old sister in law got out of rehab a couple years ago after getting divorced and is on anti-depressants is now a "therapist" charging $200/hour, but recently admits she could hardly cope with having a huge tree removed from her yard due to storm damage. She is now interfering in my marriage by influencing my husband with very bad advice. I have always hoped for the best for her but I believe people that have not truly healed often develop a false self/front as a "therapist" as a cover for their unhealed trauma. I actually think this is dangerous. I do not believe she should be advising anyone.
My goodness, you speak the truth that the profession doesn't want to acknowledge. It's the elephant in the room. I've been as damaged as helped by a whole string of trauma therapists.
I had a therapist who was a racist. I had a therapist who played head games. I had a therapist who told me my memories were "false." I had a therapist who blamed everything on my disability. One told me I did not have C-PTSD, and I had one who told me I CHOSE to feel insulted when someone insulted me. I'm done with talk therapy.
Oh wow. I tried Al anon, decided it wasn't for me. Saw one therapist who was very gentle, handed me a bunch of DV flyers while I insisted that wasn't it. I must have said something wrong, or he just had too much to drink. She suggested a domestic violence support group. I tried that but was still in denial. I didn't speak for the first six weeks. I just listened to find out how the group worked, what the rules are. It was free. After hearing bits if my story from other women, I realized I wasn't the only person this happened to. But regular talk therapy I felt like once I had vented and been validated, i was ready to DO something, not just talk about it. I asked how to deal with the trauma, they claimed we just talk about it. Frustrating. I had to do my own research to even learn that there were other types of therapy out there.
I had a therapist that flirted with my now ex husband, another that only wanted to talk about the holocaust, another one that took personal phone calls during therapy. I just started therapy again and started out by saying, "I need empathy" and I am getting it.
I talked with a therapist for many years, and i never felt I gained any insights or made progress. Ive learned more and healed more in the last two years, watching you, Anna, Patrick Teahan, Dr. Ramini, and Dr. Les Carter- all on UA-cam. I’m incredibly grateful, especially to you, Anna! Thank you for this amazing channel and sharing your gifts and knowledge!!❤❤❤
I agree, and I would add Dr. Susan Winter also. Her videos are the ones that helped me the most. Also, I trained as a therapist at a top University, but none of what I needed to learn was learned in school. All of the truly worthwhile things were learned from my own experience at work and in my personal life, as well as continued study that I did on my own.
"You should only work with licensed therapists" is exactly what kept me stuck and continues to keep MANY people suffering with cptsd stuck due to lack of money, health insurance, access to appropriate therapists, and appropriate knowledge.... spoken by a survivor of 20 years of traditional talk therapy that BARELY moved the needle, myself.
@Texasgirlinacrazyworld try psychodynamic therapy and cognitive behaviour therapy Attachment theory Pray Give your stress, unhappiness and pain to God Write diaries Reflect on what you learned in your horrible experiences God's love is bigger than all your suffering ✝️🫂🙂🙏☯️☮️X
I'm a licensed therapist. I send your videos to my patients regularly, including the videos in which you mention quiting therapy. You might not be licensed, but are clearly doing therapeutic work. Kudos! Insisting that a person only work through their trauma with a licensed therapist is like telling people they should only EVER exercise with a personal trainer. I have a feeling that the therapists that make those claims are worried about one thing: losing money. So there. Keep on making these great videos. They're also really helpful to us therapists who watch them! Ironic.
I can relate to both side of this coin. I had therapist that would make me talk about the past and I had the same reaction complete disregulation. And it felt like talking about it was more about the therapist than me. Then resently I spoke to numerous therapists until I found one that promised that they would see me and not make me talk about the past. And then it was a game changer. I found an amazing therapist who would talk about my day to day life with me and how I was creating my reality.
yes I agree. I understand the point of exposure-style therapy and talking about our trauma. But when I finally found a therapist who focuses more on the present, the now, (ie we almost never talk about the past) it made a huge difference. If anyone here is interested, look for a therapist who is open to positive psychology + acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Check out Steven Hayes's Ted talk (he created ACT) psychological flexability: turning pain into purpose.
All the advice I ever got was to “write a letter to my abuser but don’t send it.” It did nothing for me. I certainly didn’t want to discuss anything with my abuser even if they were not there. It derailed me. It made me feel intensely vulnerable because my abuser would have enjoyed knowing how they hurt me. What did help, when discussing my intense abuse with anyone, was to pretend there was more than one of us being abused. I’d say “we” or “my brother and I”. It just made it easier to discuss. The listener would take what I said, no matter how outrageous it sounded, as truth. If there was another person with me then there was a witness so it must have happened. Even therapists don’t always know how perverse and strange an abuser can be. The truth can seem unbelievable!
@stacy youst I have used “they/them” for most of my life but in the beginning I didn’t know why. It was just that I felt an inner relief of tension when I did it. Thanks for the back up reply.
My doctor put me in touch with a woman who wouldn't talk about my past. I found it extremely frustrating because as I see it all my problems stems from past experiences and she wanted to talk about here and now. I totally close off from the world so nothing happens day to day, we had nothing to talk about and she kept saying it doesn't matter what happened in your past trauma is trauma and we need to learn how to deal with now. I felt it was a real struggle to have conversation about nothing so eventually I said she just had to sit and listen to my life story so we can try and get somewhere. Then she said she needed time to process her emotions as I was telling her. Her emotions! She's supposed to be my therapist, I shouldn't be needing to deal with her triggers. I just wanted her to pick through my issues and help me deal with things. I just wanted her to listen to me but instead she wanted to brush the past under the rug. I was so pissed off. She said well if you are getting nothing from therapy it's ok to stop. But I wanted to finish the course, but ended up quitting a week early because she just kept nagging me to quit. I feel talking to her annoyed me so much and didn't help at all.
Exactly. Why do I want to be a broken record and relive it over and over to someone who doesn't really know and care about me? It just didn't work for me.
@@myfuturepuglife Yes and so many of my therapists would forget and ask me the same questions many times that it became untenable to continue! If I didn't matter enough to remember anything about me, why was I going to that therapist- is what I thought! This is not helping I would think!
Yes and those stories have neural pathways that we need to weaken so we can create newer ones that allow us to address the present & future in a more helpful, positive, constructive way.
"It's a movement that recognizes HEALING as the result we want, not just treatment, not the preservation of old rules and ideas about who's in charge of healing. I'M IN CHARGE OF MY HEALING, YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR HEALING. We ask professionals for guidance and we ask survivors for guidance, and when it doesn't work, we try something else." Anna Runkle is dropping the truth bombs we all need to hear. Thank you to this community and thank you to Anna for destroying unhelpful mental health paradigms.
God it makes me so mad when these therapist claim that people like YOU are harming people. It's exactly people like YOU and other youtubers who actually help people, NOT the licenced psychologists. I've known people who went to therapy for 30-40 years without feeling any better.. Then they found a coach or a counselor that had knowledge about dysregulation and dysfunctional family systems on UA-cam and started working on themselves with those UA-cam videos as the backbone - and had amazing transformation. I'm one of those people.
Me too! I found a narcissist abuse/c-ptsd coach here in UA-cam online group therapy since January and it's been nothing short of amazing!! I'm healing finally ❤️
Well, speak for yourself. My therapist has been a tremendous force in furthering my own healing and personal development I realize the first part of my comment may come across as a little flip but my point is, don’t casually disparage ALL therapists because of your own experience. This isn’t even what Anna is saying. She is explaining that she gave therapy a very honest shot, and found it still wasn’t for her and is telling her viewers that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them if it doesn’t work for them either, and that there are other options. That’s it, not that all therapy = bad. I feel the need to explain this because clearly most people don’t have critical thinking skills and automatically make the thought jump from a nuanced statement to a black and white blanketed one.
This is eye opening as a marriage and family therapy masters student! Marriage and Family therapists are trained to approach therapy by looking for dysfunctional systems and patterns in families and not just what pertains to the individual. And postmodern and narrative therapy models are very person centered and reject the idea of the therapist as the expert. They see the person as the expert on their own life experience. It is definitely worth interviewing and getting to know several therapists because there are so many different models and approaches
Its so true living through the trauma yourself can help others greatly. Now. I never am ashamed of my past and I will do anything for anyone else to help them through because no one should ever feel the pain I did. I find a lot of those with trauma and mental illness can really help and guide each other. I can speak for everyone but I am so here for everyone and anyone who has suffered and needs guidance with their CPTSD.
Similarly, doctors hardly study nutrition. It's a system for big corporations and insurance companies. Thank God for our current technology where we can find ppl like Anna who truly want to help. 💟
I've never had luck with therapists. I'm so good at hiding my true feelings that I find myself saying what I think they want to hear and not my true feelings.
I think that's something that we women are trained into doing. I've seen very good therapists who have helped me a lot (having spent much time and money to do so and well worth it) and it wasn't until one pointed this out that things began to change for me. GL
I came to EMDR after several tries with regular talk therapists. My last talk therapist before EMDR once broke down in tears during session because she couldn't figure out how to help. Of course she's just human and was having a human response, but it felt so invasive to me; I couldn't believe that, now, I was responsible for making her feel like she was good at her job, despite the lack of progress we were making, so I had to cut it off.
I can totally relate. I remember having trouble writing checks at the end of a session. I didn’t feel “safe” talking with therapists because I had immediate issues that I needed to work on - as a single mom with 2 special needs kids I didn’t have time to play around; I needed to find a way to be more present and did not need to waste my time entertainingly some stranger. I felt like my boundaries were constantly being violated by my therapists….they always wanted to go back to the childhood crap. I still have great contempt for and distrust of traditional mental health practitioners.
At a very, very vulnerable point in my life I had a therapist tell me, after three sessions, that I was just "determined to be miserable". This was over 15 years ago and I still hear it clearly. Fortunately, I found a better therapist many years later whose methods really helped me. I think healing can come from many places and the only important thing is that we find something that helps us heal, and have the best possible life we can. I hope everyone out there struggling finds what they need.
Therapy can be a hit or miss and when it’s a “miss” the effects are severe. Being vulnerable to any individual (licensed or not) can be scary. Thank you for sharing, this video was helpful for me!
hey Anna, before I watch this video I need to thank you so much. You've changed my life. I started talking to a guy recently and he was nice but immediately started talking about sex. I stopped him and laid out my boundaries. I told him that I can't force him to respect my boundaries but if he isn't able to respect them, he can leave. I wasn't like this before, I used to give in, I was a people pleaser. I'm happy single and I'll be happy if I find a good person. Thank you once again❤
I have consulted multiple licensed therapists (and one psychiatrist) who have failed to provide meaningful guidance or recommendations. I can tell you that some of them made both my mental and physical health even worse. A licensed therapist once told me "I wish my father would have committed suicide like yours did, he would have died sooner and I wouldn't have had to deal with my father's death caused from smoking cigarettes". Or another one of my favorites: "Don't come see me if you're gonna complain about everything". That's what a licensed therapist told me, wish I was conveying a hyperbolic remark, but it's literally what she said to me. From that, I learned not trust a licensed therapist just because they have a license. It takes SO MUCH MORE than a license to be a good professional. I think that whatever hate you get is from people who don't really understand trauma. I've tried multiple approaches in trying to heal from trauma, and to me, you are one of the few people that understands how it works. I don't mind you not being a therapist at all. For the content that you provide to the public, I am very thankful to you and your team. I'm looking forward to starting my course soon!
No, I completely believe you as I've had similar experiences working with many therapists over the years with most not helping and some further harming me saying and doing some very inappropriate things. I know those experiences were horrible for me and I've been doubted when I tried to talk about some of it which just makes it worse. So I wanted to say I believe you and you're not alone ❤
@@strashnayavedma9674 Thank you ❤ I'm doing so much better than before, and I'm still learning about the different processes and options available to people like us. I hope that you are doing better, too ❤ it takes work, but with the guidance of people like the Fairy it all becomes clearer and things start making sense
I had a licensed therapist tell me that I just had a really awful life, as far as she could see nothing could be changed, and then she asked me what I expected her to do about it in a dismissive voice.
@@meagiesmuse2334 I get that therapists are also people like us, but comments like those do more damage and no good. I feel you, sorry that you had a similar experience
Anna, my ex-spouse suffered severe childhood trauma. You have helped me understand what might be going on with her, and given me the grace of being able to feel compassion instead of anger. Thank you so very much for that. I truly appreciate the work you are doing, and I hope mental health professionals will embrace it.
Therapy was gaslighting for me. CBT in particular taught me that my reactions to the wrongdoings is the only thing I can control. Sure, this is true, but this just not applicable on trauma survivors/traumatic situations. As a trauma survivor, I took that as “if I didn’t have this reaction, maybe things would have been different” this is harmful because I essentially found a way to blame myself for my trauma in a different way. CBT also taught me to see the other persons side/empathize, again, this is great in a non traumatic/non abusive conflict, but not in the latter. Therapy operates as a one size fits all model, and trauma does not fit these models.
I hear you with CBT doing more harm than good. It set me back years. It assumes the self is a closed system and doesn’t put enough weight on identifying the relational and societal causes of trauma. Consequently, it is hard to see what is not our fault and what is our responsibility. This is dangerous, as the full brunt of responsibility for what happened to us falls on our shoulders to deal with-when we were probably already dealing with toxic shame, self-blame, and overwhelm to begin with. I’ve found narrative therapy to be more helpful if you’re looking for a different one-on-one modality to explore. Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best with your continued healing journey. 💛🌿
Lovely Anna, I’ve working as a psychotherapist for the past 25 years. I find your work down to earth and effective. I think those therapist who say you shouldn’t do this are insecure and closed not to learn what’s out there. Keep up the good work sis. ❤️
I just told a therapist I felt like I was getting worse and quit and was told I was quitting "the process". It was unbelievable and made me feel like I was being crazy but the evidence was there. I'd taken a few weeks off because I was really suicidal and didn't want anyone involved if the worst happened and after the suicidal feelings passed I saw me handling things better and felt more in control but I didn't want to be thinking I was better when I wasn't so I asked to go every other week...he said no...every week or nothing. I knew I had to do what made me strong so I had to go but now I'm dealing with another abandonment and by a therapist so I've been feeling really bad. Thank you. This is really reassuring that I was right it was making me worse and not feel so down on him...he didn't know. Thank you so much for this and all your videos! 💖🐾🗡️
Therapy is amazing, it helps untangling so many things we have gone through and get it out of our chest. Unfortunately, I don't think neither the field of therapy nor the field of justice knows enough about CPTSD to help us move through it safely. I agree with you about the fact that most of it creates dysregulation instead of really healing us.
If you already are struggling, it is a fool's gamble to think that these people can help and the field itself refuses to do the work to help us which forces us to gamble with them or just do it alone.
I had a theraphist that used EFT(tapping technique) while talking through stuff, and I always left the session feeling lighter and positive. When leaving a regular pshycologist I would always leave worse then when I came in, heart and mind racing. So I totally agree.
Personally, therapy helps me seeing myself and understanding my emotions. I’m in therapy since about 9months and I’ve recognized that it isn’t such an easy & magical process as I expected it to be. BUT: I feel like I have a lot of new tools that help me by dealing with my own life-and by “tools” I don’t mean concrete instructions but understanding and new perspectives. E.g. before I’ve started therapy I’ve never actively questioned simple things like “why did I react this way?” “why did I feel this way?” I wouldn’t try understanding what happened but judging myself based on whether my reaction/feeling made me a bad person or not. Now I most of the time feel much more relaxed and not-at-war with myself. It very slowly helps me in gaining self-awareness and by that confidence and better self-esteem.
I have also gotten this from therapy but only over years and years of trying everything and I still need help because it's not just reactions holding me back at this point. Finding DBT skills was life changing for me but I still don't have much of a life and can't even work. therapists label me as resistant every time I need to slow down but this work is exhausting and I've been doing it for 2 decades now. It's impossible for people like me to continue to make progress like that; it's been DECADES of work, I will need to rest at times.
Sounds like you’re on your way and found a good track. The best ones are pretty difficult and kind of a slog but the mountain can still be beautiful on the way up OR down - or on side tracks! The healing is rarely linear or contained to one small thing. It really feels like there are a lot of good, regulated mental health options now.
PLEASE KNOW THIS!!! I have CPTSD. I show your posts to my lovely hubby (a police officer of 25 yrs) & my 17 yr old son. You use the words I don’t know how to use, & they watch you & GET IT!!! You are helping sooo many people on so many different levels that you’re not aware of! TY SO MUCH!! 💕
I worked recently with EMDR and for some reason I still got dysregulated and felt very abandoned by the therapist who let me go home, suicidal, after the sessions. His apparent disinterest in hearing what happened to me was a trigger in itself. I've literally told nobody most of my stories and felt weirdly invisible in my life and childhood. I would like to try it again after I get anyone to witness some of my experiences and even tell me whether they were as wrong as they felt and why they've haunted me for decades. Maybe after I feel exhausted by the telling, then I could sit there and robotically move my eyes back and forth in order to clear or reprogram those neural pathways.
I think we forget that we can also let the therapist know what we need, instead of letting them guess. Because every client has different needs, even from session to session. So maybe in that instance with your therapist, the following session you could have let him know that you need some “debrief” time after the EMDR before going home. And as much as some people don’t want to verbalize over and over what happened in the past, it is important that someone has heard our story at least once. Hope this helps 🙏🏻💕
you could have had bad luck with the therapist maybe. I mean, there are therapists with high narcissistic personalities too of course, I had more than 1. Something else is that you might not have been able (yet) to ask for what you needed and express your feelings. I understand you need the recognition. Even a 'wow!' can be so soothing. Yet... we need to learn to go do that for ourselves (called 're-parenting'). Otherwise, we let another person, again, have power over our happiness. And we know that's dangerous. I would like to encourage you to try emdr again with someone else and express your needs and wants. And maybe try something like CoDA (Codependents Anonymous).
@@d.2110 My understanding about getting EMDR therapy is, at least for the most part, you don't just go do EMDR. The therapist and client need to develop some sort of trust first, which of course takes some talking. Some people WANT to talk. It's just that they need the right person to talk to about it.
@@d.2110 Really just depending on the professional to read the signs as I am not a professional and didn't know I had become disregulated. I tried to get another appt but was unable for a week, during which time I made plans to drive into the ocean.
Anna, I love your messages. I've been seeing a therapist for years, and only start watching you this year. I have healed so much in the past few months from watching your videos! I found that my therapist tried to fix the symptom while you go right to the core. For years, I've been following my therapist's advice, reading the books she suggested, yet, each time I finished a session, I felt more angry and worthless. Since watching your videos and doing the daily practice, I've learned to calm myself down, and to accept me and love me for who I am. I have one "good bye" session scheduled with my therapist in June, and that's IT!!! I am still learning/healing, but I am more confident that this is my journey, and only I know what's the best for me. Yes I am my therapist.
Good for you for realising that you are the expert when it comes to knowing what works best for you. A good therapist knows that and works with you on that basis. Unfortunately many don't. You're making great progress, and I wish you all the best in your continued healing journey.
you've more to offer than any therapist I have ever dealt with. let all the people with letters behind their name set down, shut up, and take notes. luv what you do, kudos!
I had many therapists that didn't help at all but my last one did. I had an intensive group and private therapy course and we did DBT sessions. It was much less talking therapy and more based on skills and coping mechanisms. She taught me how to cope in the present moment and wasn't so focused on the talk therapy. X
THIS. THIS, is why I've avoided therapy for narc mum abuse! For over 10 years..... My misery does not like company. When I'm NOT thinking about it, or suffering from the abuse of the day, the very LAST thing I want to do, is TALK/ THINK about it!! And yes, I HAVE tried therapy in the past. Just winds me up, and makes me super hyper manic. The mouth runs 1000 miles an hour! And I just end up a drained mess. For days, sometimes.... It's all that built up trauma flooding out. Just as you said! It's upsetting as hell, for some of us, to speak about it. Especially, when we get so few precious moments of peace! So glad someone gets it! 🙏 This video popped up in my suggesteds, and I dropped everything immediately to watch it! This is truly incredible! 🤭 YOU, are incredible! 🥰 You've helped me SO much the past cpl years! More than a therapist ever did/could. THANK YOU! 🙏❤️ Unfortunately, my gp wants me to start 'therapy' now.🙄😔 She said, I think you're schizophrenic.😂 THATS, how upset I get/am, when I have to see her. No. Not schizophrenic. I have severe cptsd from over a decade of my mum's abuse. THAT, and I KNOW I have medical cptsd. I've been suffering from several health issues, and severe chronic pain, this past decade, as well. Snowballed...... Coinkydink? Me thinks not.🤔 Mind, body, connection!! Of course the constant abuse made my health fail. One disease turned into yet another, and so on. Rinse, repeat. Unfortunately, now that I've healed enough to have broken the trauma bond, and am trying to leave her property, my health is at rock bottom. The gp has/ is sending me for a multitude of tests and scans. Cancer. The MRI on my spine showed 'holes' in my spine. Next scan is the full body one, where they inject RADIOACTIVE DYE into the BONE MARROW. 😬😳 Im really tripping on this one. Cancelled twice already. Gotta do it. I'm trying to get disability, and one must do everything the Dr. orders, or no disability.😬😔 I NEED THIS DISABILITY ASAP!! I'm leaving one way or the other. Almost out. Even with my extreme chronic pain, I get up every day, and push through. I WILL NOT DIE HERE!! NOPE! She would LOVE to watch it happen.... Would RELISH it. She's sociopathic, as well. Whatever her official diagnosis, I do know for sure, she's one masochistic, evil, sick puppy. I WILL NOT GIVE HER THAT!! I WILL NOT GIVE HER THE PLEASURE OF WATCHING MY DEATH!! (I'm 51, btw.) Severely trauma bonded all these years. What a sad shame. If only I'd known what a narc was in the first place.😒 But, live and learn. Right?? All lessons. The Divine plan. Gotta believe that, or I'll lose my mind.... I broke the cycle , btw.🤭😁💪 My dawta, is loved immensely, and knows it. She turned out incredible! Heart of gold, well rounded, just an amazing human overall. I did it!! Yay!! 😁🤭🥰 When I think of this as my life's purpose, and reason for all the trauma and abuse, I am a-o-k. I'd do it all again, if I had to. Just for her. To break this curse. I AM AT PEACE. 🙏❤️🥰 Sorry, this is so lengthy. I'm hoping others who read this, will realize just HOW BAD it can get. Maybe someone will heed my warning. RUN NOW! GET OUT! THEY WILL NEVER EVER EVER CHANGE! IT ONLY GETS WORSE AS TIME GOES ON!! RUN! RUN! RUN! GET OUT NOW!! SAVE YOURSELF!! PLEASE!!🙏 And dear madam, screw those aholes who've just got to inject their 'opinions'. Seriously!! 🙄 Pay em' no mind. F'ers.🤭😇 (They're probably narcs! 😁😒) A medical degree is wonderful and all, but THIS is something one MUST live through, to actually, TRULY, comprehend. It really IS. It's hell on earth. Keep on doin' you, boo!! 😘 You're helping soooooo many ppl. God knows, you've helped me tons! I love you so much! You are a queen!! 👑❤️🙏😘
I once went to a family therapist, who when I arrived, fiddled around for the first 5 minutes trying to find my file. I was paying $55/hour. I had an appointment, so he certainly knew I was coming. Seeing him was the biggest waste of time (and money). Now if I have a problem, I talk to God in prayer, and he helps me find solutions. It's cheaper, and deepens my faith.
I am a therapist. I appreciate and relate to what you are saying. I also quit therapy. I like your writing technique and I could see how it could work. When I was really in crisis with health a couple years ago, what helped me was Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) aka "tapping." I believe that the processes are all similar as in your writing technique, EMDR, and EFT, where you make a simple statement about the trauma and then allow the meditative mind to process it. My tapping coach is not a licensed therapist, yet working with her has been really helpful. I think that the agency I work for has retraumatized people, in some cases, by being too aggressive with traumatized people. I hear and appreciate what you are saying. Thank you.
This subject stirred me so much I wrote out all the ways talk therapy has not only failed me for the 30 yrs I've been seeking help but has further traumatized and harmed me in so many ways, realized I missed the whole video, deleted, and went back to pay attention to what you're saying. 😂 To make a long story short YES!! I'm so right there with you! I make better progress on my own with books, videos by people like you, and other sources.
Thank you for this video... I've been in talk therapy and started EMDR last year. It has helped, but I also had to retell and relive horrendous memories that would put me out for days. On the side, I also diligently did work on my own-- I was consistently writing, journaling, learning about how to regulate myself through channels like yours and talks by Dr. Gabor Mage and Dr. Bessel van der Kolk. What I didn't know is that there is no need to retell the traumas during EMDR. This is completely news to me, because I have been asked to retell out loud what memories are within my head, the flashbacks and bad things that happened, the session would end with me being completely and utterly dysregulated and overwhelmed. The therapist would also tell me how bad my childhood was compared to theirs, or would give endless validations even when it made me feel uncomfortable. There were also emotional reactions my therapist would have while in EMDR that would lead to me feeling shut down. They made it seem like I needed to keep retelling past truamas until I was numb to it... Which hasn't been the case at all. Before ending the sessions with my therapist, I will try to do EMDR without having to say out loud those stories. Thank you once again for sharing!
I experienced the opposite. The therapists I met didn’t want to hear my story at all. I had remained silenced for years and once I garnered up enough courage to discuss the trauma; I was constantly shut down. I know now that I simply needed help processing the emotions connected to the traumatic events but the therapists I hired never gave me that chance. Now that I am in my thirties, I have processed those painful emotions through self-talk and a supportive spouse, so if there’s such a thing as luck then maybe that’s how I lucked out in this awful circumstance. 🤷🏽♀️
Dissociative issues are so much more prevalent than is recognised: I thought of you when I read this quote from "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation" by Janina Fisher - "As the client reports “too much activation,” “too much noise in my head,” “too many thoughts going too fast,” or “critical voices humiliating me,” the therapist asks her to see what happens if she asks the parts to “just sit back a little” or “sit back and make more room for you. Explain that you can help them better if they will sit back just a little.” Framed in this way, the parts are not threatened, and there is something in it for them-the availability of help." -from Janina Fisher book on
I hope someday that The Body Keeps The Score and Waking The Tiger will be required reading for all therapists. 🙏Until then... we have wonderful resources like this channel that help us where traditional ones fail. Thank you for everything you do, our lovely Fairy! ❤️
I was in talk therapy for trauma phobia ,anxiety & I couldn't believe what this Physciatrist was telling me "your not suppose to feel like that," "your suppose to feel like this" I'm feeling invalidated, if I said something about my age (I'm a senior & so is she in our 60's) she would correct me to say age is but a number. & I'd say we'll I'm way older & been around longer than a 30 year old!! This wasn't therapy it was her control, I got the heck away & dumped her & the antidepressant I was on!! Because I know it's OK to feel what I was feeling until I'm healed!!
After a time of feeling so numb and beaten down, I Feel Soo inspired by you, so much that I thought you were a therapist!! but you are shattering walls and so incredible! Thank you. All in one morning, I’ve been in tears, laughing, smiling, angry, aware and feeling all of it. So alive and it’s feels tiring but good and freeing. I don’t care about certification anymore, I care about relating with real human content. Thank you 10 million times to you and your videos helping me feel more connected, inspired and supported.
Since I stopped talking about the horrible things that happened to me I have a better life. I still talk about it sometimes just so that people know what I'm dealing with, but all in all, I stopped talking about my bad parents and various other issues all the time.
I don’t talk to anyone about my past but the therapy I went to. Some people don’t feel safe telling people what they went through and a therapist is meant to be a safe space. When you can’t speak about your traumas with friends or family the only ppl left is a therapist.
Anyone ignorant enough to call you "dangerous" is a part of the CPTSD problem, Anna. Your courses and videos are affording me an effective way to true healing. Please keep up the good work!!
I really had the luck of my first therapist being well versed in these new theories. She was wonderful. I genuinely believe the stunt in my emotional growth over the last few years was largley in part of loosing her when I had to move.
I just discovered your channel today & wish I found you sooner! My (5th) therapist of 5 yrs. suddenly left the clinic I've been going to for 12 yrs/ short notice. I was left hung to dry, hard-detoxing from psych meds I've been on 11 yrs., as the clinic nurse never renewed my prescriptions, never returned calls or messages...all while the head psychiatrist went on vacation. The 7yr. anniversary of my father's death last month coincided with my last phone session with her, after being denied entry into the clinic (phone only) during the 3 yr. pandemic unless I got vaccinated. Unfortunately, health issues @ 68 made that a huge no-no. This has been 3 weeks in hell, left alone through grueling physical withdrawals & disregulation. Ten years ago, I begged them for EMDR therapy, having read so much about it, but it was denied unless I was addicted to opioids as a 'drug seeker,' despite already being prescribed cancer-strength pain meds for long term stress turned into fibromyalgia. Watching this episode pulled me out of darkness swallowing me & 180° shifted me out of that place. This information may have saved my life today, and I'm grateful. Thank You🙏
Thank you. I went through this from about 13 onward, over 2 decades also. I learned what disregulation means from YOU Anna. Thank you. I thought I was just really sad and upset. I'd be told "times up" and feel SO VULNERABLE! Soaked in tears, trying to breathe, while getting shuttled out for the next client. So many times I left shattered, ready to step in front of a bus. Often I'd have to pull over into a nearby parking lot to recover before I could drive home. When I'd say something about it, they took it like I was complaining or not trying. I also got shut down with annoyed looks and comments. When a therapist picked apart how I dressed, insisting if I looked better I wouldn't feel bad, she didn't think that maybe I dressed kind of sad because I was broke, and often homebound with agoraphobia, stress and depression. Talk about feeling hopeless from a therapist! She completely missed what was at the base of it. I tried EMDR too, but they had me relive the trauma first. I'm going to try it again without the first weeks spent on detailing my history & feeling retraumatised. Therapy is not good for all. This subject needs to be shared, often. For a long time I felt like if therapy doesn't work, I'm doomed or broken. Thanks to Anna and other alternatives I found. Everyone is unique. Keep trying and give yourself credit for hanging on.
The first time I made the daily practice I felt I never lived before. I kept asking myself how I was living with all of this pain, and how incredibly the practice removed it and gave me room to breathe or to truly live. It's been years now and I still have the same effect and people around me wanted to know the secret power that gave this courage to handle the world. Thank you Anna you make my life better and I am in tears writing this to you. I love you.
I had therapy as well but it NEVER worked, it did not progress into healing. To be honest, it made me feel more of a victim mentality. This channel and similar are MOST helpful to me. I found myself being dishonest to a therapist as well because I didn't want them to "think" I wasn't "improving"...... I knew HOW I got emotionally damaged..... I NEVER learned how to overcome it all.... the therapist (I had 4 different ones) did most of the talking explaining to me what trauma was, something I already knew.
The issue is that when an image of “health” is created and pursued, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for those deemed “unhealthy” by comparison. They’ll be stuck there forever- because the image of health, in reality, relies on the image of non-health to sustain it. It’s quite the paradox- and the solution lies in not finding the solution ;)
I appreciate that you don't claim to be a therapist. You talk about what helped you. It might help us, it might not, but it's not hurting us to try. I'm so glad you're doing well now.
I'm 57 with a narcissistic father and passive aggressive codependent mother. First husband angry and second husband narcissistic. I've been in and out of all types of therapies, etc. throughout my life. Everything you say rings true to me. None of the therapists helped at all. I mostly felt worse. I just kept reliving the past and creating more chaos. Dr. Joe Dispenza was the first person who actually helped me (meditation and not talking about the past at all, just moving towards feeling good emotions), but I got stuck on needing to heal my past (without reliving it and expecting antidepressants to fix it). I needed to heal my past so that I would stop co-creating my messy life. Although I have been seeking relief and help all my life, until I believed that I could heal, I was just going around in circles going no where. And you appeared in my life magically. THANK YOU! I've watched about 15 of your videos so far (all in 3 days) and WOW! How did you know? No one knew. No one could help. No one understood until you came along. Wow. I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
Ketamine therapy has been really helping me. I've been in various types of therapy on and off for 34 of 39 years. Very few times has therapy been helpful and often times it ends up being traumatizing. Not just re-traumatizing, but new trauma in addition to old trauma. I don't know how ketamine therapy works to help but it feels like an emotional reset.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I am just in the process of signing up for Ketamine infusion therapy too. It is my last ditch try at resolving my CPTSD. Talking for years and years to professionals has not helped. I am entering my late 60's and would like to have year or two of clarity, energy, closeness and relative peace. Depression, anxiety and fear have secretly ruled my adult life and colored most of my choices. I'm adept at covering, hiding and lying about it. I got treatment for my drug addiction (3 1/2 yrs clean from opiates and tranquilizers), divorced my husband of 38 yrs, quit smoking after doing it for 50 yrs, and am trying to care about and love myself the best that I can. I wish I didn't feel so damned sad and kind of hopeless. I recognize the realities of my life and it is terrifying to feel so shaky, even after making significant progress. I am hoping against hope that Ketamine is helpful. The hype on it about brain reset and growing new neural pathways is promising and appealing. My fingers, toes AND eyes are crossed!!!
It sounds scary to me to get Ketamine in the mail and do it yourself. What if you have a bad reaction? What are you supposed to do then? I have seen ads in my UA-cam feed. Thats not disturbing, Lol.
My therapists enjoy talking with me too much so it becomes like a hang out session which is so awkward for me as the client. Your videos are so helpful and so validating. Thank you. ❤️
Thanks for sharing about your past conflicting experiences with talk therapy, Anna! I’ve had similar experiences with being dysregulated during and after therapy sessions- dealing with the judgment and/or blank stares. And minimal to no practical coping techniques/guiding insights. Your free exercises and advice as preventatives/approaches to manage triggers from your own research, practice and compassion- (practical ways to ground and deal with CPTSD)- are gifts to the world. Thanks for your generosity and courage. Your openness, innovation, honesty and persistence in helping people with CPTSD starting with your own journey is what makes you as impactful and trustworthy as you are. It shouldn’t be radical for mental health professionals / counselors to connect to clients in the way that you do (sharing your own personal experiences and practices in managing CPTSD) in the field- yet that framework of division/distance is still prevalent. Each survivor of abuse and neglect has the right to figure out their own unique path to recovery and growth… and thank goodness for platforms like yours where folks are exposed to accessible techniques / free guidance - to feel seen/heard/empathized. Keep up the wonderful work :)
Wow, what you share here is SO important and I've never heard it talked about. Thank you so much for getting it out into words. What's going on in the present often has to be dealt with first, and looking into the past isn't always helpful at a given point. The only talk therapy I have found helpful is with soul mates (rare friends) I've known and built trust with over time, who share equally from their own lives, and don't charge $ for their time.
This advice was life changing for me! I thought I was too broken for therapy to work! This totally explains why talk therapy has not worked and the way you described it, is scientific. The "hopefulness" that next session will be better, is the worst part...or maybe it was all the wasted money!?
Knowledge is power. Understanding how we got this way is the foundation we need. Talk therapy wants you to figure it out yourself but to have some help you realize this isn’t your fault, and not reliving it is priceless. Thanks for this.
I agree. I have a stutter and it gets so bad when I try to narrate traumatic past events. I find writing really easy and healing. I cannot afford a therapist and your channel has really helped me.
I've written hundreds upon hundreds of pages to my mother in this year like last year to my sadistically Catholic mother but now I don't give her Narc Supply by sending her them. No more books of stamps 4 months or so, so far.
I love what you are doing Fairy. I am a therapist and I recommend your channel frequently. I totally agree that talk therapy is not going to do anything for trauma. I felt very sad for you that your therapy brought you so much grief- until EMDR. Yes EMDR and Somatic Experiencing both release a different part of the brain than talk. Let’s keep learning and sharing what we discover. 👏❤️👍🙏
Along a similar vein, I homeschooled my children. I'd get flack from some who who educated & licensed to be teachers, my own mother in law being one of them. Now that my children are grown, respectable & successful business in their chosen businesses, she tells me I knew what I was doing as the proof is in how my children behave & treat others. I knew how to raise & teach my 3 children due to my own life experiences. So, when I hear you that those who are educated & licensed are hassling you, my question is what do THEY need therapy for? If they are threatened by you, they need to take stock of the fact that we are not all square pegs that fit in square holes. We are all unique & those who find success should be honored & praised for marching to their own drum. I appreciate the confidence you exude as you tell 'them' just who the hell you are! You do it with might & are empowered in who the hell you are! U Go, Anna!
Love you Anna! Count me as a life you have saved by teaching what you have learned, when no one else could. I thank the stars for your teachings every single day!✌️💜✨️
Alfred Adler has an entire chapter on therapy and fees, and why it's ripe for abuse. The fact is when you're charging by the hour with no clear cut marks of "success", the opportunity for a therapist to waste hours just letting you spin your wheels is too great. Easy money. The fact is whether its Depth Psychology or SSRIs or Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy or any of it, the need FAR outweighs good help. Most therapists have NO clue how to help. And in most modern cases, theyre either there to let you talk and talk and make money, or they're drug dealers. It is VERY hard to find someone with actual answers. (And thats why I love this channel). **btw in case youre wondering, Alfred Adlers theory on psychology is actually enormously simple. He believed that in our youth we suffered blows based on our body defects or humiliation that gave us an Inferiority Complex and our entire life is spent trying to cope with that wound. Normally we do this by developing a Superiority Complex that drives us to horrible decisions trying to get one over on others. To essentially employ a Power drive to heal: and if youre successful you become a perfectionist and work obsessed. If youre bad at it you become maladaptive, defeated and withdrawn. To combat this, he said we need to develop "Social Usefulness", that is to do basic tasks and jobs where we help others. Thats it. Simply being useful to someone else. This is kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous where the goal is to take you and your bad decisions out of the center of your world, and be there for others. Not in an enmeshed, codependent way, but in a genuine way. To get out of your head, be productive, build confidence as a productive person that eventually can be dependendable. To Adler, that's what was healing.
I'm very into Adler as a masters level student in a family therapy program. He deserves much more credit for his philosophy than he receives in our culture (of "rugged individualism")
I also made nearly no progress while working with my therapist. I doesn't help me to talk about my feelings and why I feel this or that way. It's like a discussion, why my cake recipes never work - interesting, but I need solutions and practical advice how to fix things. Your videos helped me immensely to gain more insight and - the most important thing - to change my strategy/ behavior. Thank you so much! ❤️
Thank you for this!! Anyone out here reading this if you’re in therapy and it’s the right thing for you, right on! And I am not saying that I would never go back to therapy however it is so helpful to know that I am not the only one that it wasn’t a miracle cure for
Best possible answer you could give, not defensive, no hurt feelings, because you know who you are so much that this does not offend you. That is proof of how effective this is
I've been trying your writing technique and it worked for me, and my sister. I'm recommending it to my friends, even my teenage nephew, whenever he had a nightmare. Thanks for being an excelent example of living a life with purpose.
Surely the most 'qualified' person to help me with my mental health is someone who has felt it, been through it and then truly understand its affects. There has been 'healers' on this earth as long as there has been humans so for the longest time these were people who shared their experiences and wisdom, those who had the urge and expertise to help others not just having studied it in books. Hearing you talk about your own experiences in itself helps me so much, to know I'm not alone or being judged for how i am feeling. Keep doing yiur amazing work, thank you so much for providing so much free content meaning its accessable to so many who would struggle to get help otherwise 🥰
As a therapist with a doctoral degree, I think YOU are WONDERFUL! Your work is important! There are many roads to healing; how short-sighted of the nay-sayers to think only licensed therapists can help. Carry on! #cptsdrevolution #partofthemovement
You are the ONLY voice that hits the nail on the head for me. You were there, so was I. You came out the other side. You're helping me get there too. Therapists, while compassionate, never lived it, just studied it (it's pretty easy to tell). Hence why they couldn't spot the signs in you back then, it wasn't in the textbook yet. Thank you for encouraging us to take ownership of our healing. No one around me understands that I CAN do this myself. Sometimes flailing around looking for answers lands you right in the lap of exactly what you need.
Wow! I'm 73 and experienced childhood trauma. I knew I had problems in my 20s but never got any kind of professional help. In my 50s after too many years sabotaging myself in every possible way except becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol, I self diagnosed as having bipolar disorder based on symptomatic behaviors. I avoided cognitive behavioral therapy but do take mood stabilizing meds. Only now, thanks to what in learning from Anne, Dr Ramani, and the gentleman who wrote The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, I'm beginning to understand the physical effects in the developing brain and how to heal (neuroplasticity). The brain is like a muscle; use it or lose it and we can learn to regulate our emotions rather than allowing a diagnostic label to define us. Thank you!!
I will say it definitely depends on the therapist and how the person is approaching their problems in all fairness but a lot of this is so valid . Especially remembering that there were times without therapy and even therapists will agree you don’t have to talk about past stories or truamas to get better 👍👍
ASD. Verbal + audio sensory overload are a constant source of anxiety & burnout. Talk therapy is like prescribing smoking to someone who has lung cancer. Writing thoughts/feelings gathers cotton wool & knits them into a blanket.
Thank you for this! I have had the exact problem you describe every time I have tried therapy. The story you tell about being flustered and unable to write the check is sooo relatable. I can’t tell you how many times I have felt that way in my daily life. Repeating the trauma stories doesn’t make sense to me especially when I’ve worked through so much of it in my own way already. The last time I sought help I saw both a therapist and psychiatrist. I was not only thrown completely out of wack emotionally for the duration of the process, but I felt like the psychiatrist completely ignored what I was telling him. Rather than listening to my concerns over my current life challenges and the anxiety it was causing, he told me I was depressed and insisted on prescribing anti-depressants. His reasoning was that I cried when I talked about my childhood and in his words “crying isn’t a symptom of anxiety.” I told him I didn’t agree with him but had a very difficult time articulating my feelings probably because I was experiencing the disregulation you speak of. His total dismissal of my struggles with anxiety, which has been a life long issue for me, was incredibly demoralizing and also triggered a lot of shit from my past surrounding feelings of never being listened to and understood. I was so angry and disillusioned by this experience it impacted me for weeks after breaking it off with both the therapist and the psychiatrist and it brought about a temporary depression I had not been experiencing previously. I have always sought to heal myself of my past traumas since I’ve never had any luck when seeking the help of others, and I have been successful at this in a lot of ways, but I still struggle all the time. It is amazing to hear someone talk about similar experiences and to offer alternatives to traditional therapy. Thank you so so much! ❤️
The writing it and then reading it to my sponsor is what worked for me too. That's how my sponsor did steps with me - starting with step one. When I sponsor someone, that's how I ask them to do it too. Sometimes we have to start with and practice with slogans and then move to step one.
I definitely have had some rough therapy experiences. I first saw one at age 12, just a few sessions with a child psychologist that my Mom eventually screamed and cursed at during a brief session between the two of them. When I was 16, I was sent to a neuro-psychiatrist who I confided in about self harm, feeling suicidal and being verbally and physically abused by my parents. I told her I'd rather go to a group home or psych ward than live them. She then asked them to come in for a session and right in front of them did the following: 1) accused me of cutting for attention (all my cuts were hidden). 2) said the state law of legal corporal punishment was on my parent's side so they were allowed to hit me. 3) that if I entered inpatient treatment I would manipulate my doctors into believing I was sicker than I was so I could stay longer. I was stunned and felt very, very alone and small. I stopped seeing her shortly after. I tried a couple more times in the years after but never had stable insurance so I couldn't really build trust. Finally in my mid 20s, I met a counselor I could really confide in and after I told her a deep, shameful and painful secret, she moved her practice and I never saw her again. One day when I have good insurance I want to try again but this has been truly exhausting.
Anna you are an amazing force of nature and healing. You have helped me so much. I've had to access free help as I cannot afford therapy and your videos are so helpful, insightful and connecting for me. You have shone light on my dark areas and accelerated my healing, along with the 12 steps, which led to a relationship with God. Keep going and thank you.
Yeah, I had two young lady therapists bully me in an outpatient program because I didn't return their flirtations. Both moved on to other clients romantically, but actually bullied me. Crazy out there. One wasnt even my therapist.
My therapist has helped me see the way my brain thinks, and tools to correct it. I do feel horrible after my sessions and cry all day, but with time I can see the shroud of darkness lifting and it’s beautiful out. Healing pain takes pain and I’m willing to go through the fire to come out gold. Anna, I want to thank you ❤ your channel started my healing journey and learning about Dysregulation saved me. Keep up the fight everyone! Having CPTSD for me is like being at war with my self BUT, there are tools to win the everyday battles that Anna provides to us all ❤ Thanks again ❤
I agree Anna, It took a somatic and trauma-informed therapist using EMDR and other transformative therapies to help me. I think the problem I had with basic talk therapy is the therapist didn't ask the right questions.
I had a life changing therapist who specialist childhood trauma and sexual abuse. I found her in my early 30s after experiencing more trauma with several and even many other therapists who claimed to be specialist in trauma. By the time I met my beloved therapist, it took almost a year just to undo the trauma from being harmed by these previous therapists. This therapist literally took me by the hand and supported me in a calming reassuring manner that always validated my feelings and fears, and was able to put the abuse separate from me and who I was. I can go on and on about how life changing she was, but sadly, she passed away from cancer. I was devastated from her loss as if she was like my family but I thought I had enough tools to keep me going. But sadly, about 5 years ago, I had some life altering events. And three years ago I had a stroke. So your videos and another online therapist have been my life line because I don’t trust the therapists out there after experiencing my early damage done by therapists. I take with your global statement that therapists don’t work or cause more damage, etc. Although some or many are not good quality, there are a few superior therapists. I would encourage us wounded travelers to find what is out there, to find that needle in the haystack like I did. I would certainly not want to discourage people to seek help but in due diligence. In honor of my beloved Sherry Hummel, I speak up on her behalf. She changed lives in her lifetime.
I am a therapist and I have CPTSD. I agree and this video is powerful. If talk therapy is not making you better, absolutely you should leave and find something that does work. i do suggest CCF episodes to my clients. Whatever it takes to increase awareness and healing . Happy recovery people. Get there anyway you can!
Thank you for your clarity here Anna! I can relate more then you know. I did do EMDR once. My eyes rolled back in my head. I had a hard time recovering from that. Even had a migraine. Talk therapy has done the same with my focus and the lack there of. I am ready to start your free Course about deregulation. It has been a long journey here. What you say makes a lot of sense and I'm finally ready to give it my best effort to succeed! Thank you Anna! Sincerely, Nina in Colorful Colorado ♡
My talk therapist stated she didn't believe I had been sexually abused as a child even though documentation existed when I reported to the police through an agency, was investigated by social services, and other victims were found. A year of wasted therapy and resources. She quit the practice with a two weeks notice although she had a good reputation and was highly recommended. Therapy is service. Sometimes it's necessary to shop around. Good to hear the therapy of quality discussed from a consumer POV.
It’s been the same for me as well. What first helped me was finding wonderful people such as you Anna, providing information that helped me realize and lift the fog on what’s actually happening with me - properly diagnose this as CPSTD rather than the whole list of disorders I’ve been given. Thank you for everything you’re doing to help people 🙏🏻 This also encouraged me to take charge of my own healing. Techniques and practices that help me get out of the mind and into the body are working wonders. And a major thing (perhaps the most) has been guided plant medicine workshops (such as Ayahuasca) which have allowed me to process and heal. I’m finally finding self love for the first time in my life.
Well, I'm a therapist who work with CPTSD on a daily basis, and I agree with you: teaching a fragile patient skills to regulate their anxiety is critical before going into any sort of trauma - either spoken or imagined. Mostly we eventually (and very carefully) get there, but if not, then we'll work with the patient's problems in other ways. There are different techniques for this/different models like IPT/ISTDP/EMDR etc. To just expose someone to their trauma without working with regulating the anxiety first risks causing re-traumatisation/a dysregulated response above the threshold as you said. Then again, there are differents schools for this and perhaps there is a preferred tradition in the States I'm not aware of (I'm not American). I will also just mention the other side of the coin when it comes your, and others, critique of "talk therapy": It's very common with patients who "just want to talk", and who can get fairly annoyed when I point out that just talking is in fact not therapy. Not everyone is open to the idea they might have to work on their behaviour, learn different techniques etc to heal. Anyway, thank you for sharing your perspective and valuable experiences when it comes to healing from complex trauma, I will certainly watch more of your videos :)
I'm about to start my practicum (as an MFT student trainee) in 2 weeks, and I'm drawn mostly to experiential and somatic approaches, whereas so many others in my cohort just want to take a "person-centered" approach and just "be a safe vessel" for the client. Effffff That! I have explicitly told therapists (and PhD psychologists!), "you need to interrupt me and guide me when I'm dysregulating" ... They'd try for a few weeks then back to the same old "and how does that feel? What do you want to do?" bullcrap. Thank goodness I found my current therapist who has me slow way down to do the necessary somatic work, and to really understand it in order to accept that the work is worth doing.
I found you right before my father died, after caring for him 18 yrs. Codependency, abandonment, and more. I know my past. Just looking forward to my future and so grateful to you ❤ 🙏. I will be checking out your course, thank you.
I stumbled upon this, have been glued to your valuable and insightful stuff for the last few weeks. Your stuff is brilliant, a goldmine. I am still disocciatve after years of work. I trained as a therapist, but it was dysregulation, what I understand as dissociation, lack of the ability to focus, prevented me from finishing my license and I had to go on disability to survive. This probably coincided with becoming aware of the horrific childhood stuff and that cluttered my mind so much, I would go blank, was in a fog of overwhelm, frequently and couldn't even hold a job at McDonald's. I'm busy mining gold on your channel and am so grateful I discovered you and your experiences and ways of dealing with cPTSD. When I tried EMDR for 6 months, I would come out feeling worse than I went in. I said a trained monkey could have done the job and probably would have given an empathic grunt now and then. The guy acted so robotic, which came across to me as cold and uncaring. I felt re-traumatized from that. Your work is extraordinarily insightful. You get it. Thank You for sharing your valuable words.
THANK YOU! It is given FREELY as bad advice often. Many people don't know that there are really bad therapist out there. AND if you are lucky to get a really good one, it still can be more of a set back. Good luck finding someone trauma-informed if you feel it is for you.
You are making such an amazing contribution to CPTSD understanding!!! I love the voice you are contributing - you are incredibly aware and real, unlike many people who speak on this stuff, and you are demonstrating that changing the world doesn’t require set qualifications and starts with healing yourself! You are a beautiful demonstration of self-healing and it is a blessing to see you working your magic! ✨✨❤️
Anna, this matches my experience perfectly (well, all but the check-writing part). I ended my decades-long work with a therapist a couple of weeks ago. And then I found your channel and website three days ago. I was blown away by it. Thanks for all the wonderful work you continue to do.
I was asking the therapist am I doing therapy wrong because I was suffering just as you explained with the dysregulation and cptsd symptoms. Thank you for validating my experience and emotions so kindly. Sending positive vibes xo
you've hit the nail on the head for me, my childhood trauma is multi layered from parents to institutional ect, recently I had what I would call invasive therapy and the childish notions I used to protect myself for all those years were cleared away, and I recalled exact details. in a nutshell I've spent the last 3 years in a triggered state. Thank you for showing me there is a way out of this mindset.
You are a beautiful amazingly brave soul...thank you for your passion and assertiveness to advocate for the "desperate" people that want nothing more than to heal and be the best versions of themselves!! Thank you!!
I’m a therapist and I think the work you do is infinitely more effective than 95% of therapists out there. Most therapists become therapists because they had a messed up childhood and they are trying to vicariously fix their wounds through “helping” other people. Most therapists haven’t done their own work to heal and they end up causing more harm to their clients than good...just like you experienced. Many therapists talk a good game about trauma but VERY few actually understand it and what it does to the brain and how to help people with it. THANK YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY, Anna!
Thank you for speaking up! That's been my experience: that few therapists understand trauma or how to help people who are traumatised. The last therapist I saw did exactly what you said, caused me more harm than good. Last time we spoke I was dysregulated for several weeks as a result of my own trauma being triggered by her unprofessional behaviour. Never spoke to her again. Wish I'd been able to say exactly what she'd said/done to her and the clinic she works for, but it was too dysregulating for me to explain it. Even now, over a year later, I can't do it.
I absolutely second this !!
DITTO!
I totally agree. My 34 year old sister in law got out of rehab a couple years ago after getting divorced and is on anti-depressants is now a "therapist" charging $200/hour, but recently admits she could hardly cope with having a huge tree removed from her yard due to storm damage. She is now interfering in my marriage by influencing my husband with very bad advice. I have always hoped for the best for her but I believe people that have not truly healed often develop a false self/front as a "therapist" as a cover for their unhealed trauma. I actually think this is dangerous. I do not believe she should be advising anyone.
My goodness, you speak the truth that the profession doesn't want to acknowledge. It's the elephant in the room. I've been as damaged as helped by a whole string of trauma therapists.
I had a therapist who was a racist. I had a therapist who played head games. I had a therapist who told me my memories were "false." I had a therapist who blamed everything on my disability. One told me I did not have C-PTSD, and I had one who told me I CHOSE to feel insulted when someone insulted me. I'm done with talk therapy.
Oh wow. I tried Al anon, decided it wasn't for me. Saw one therapist who was very gentle, handed me a bunch of DV flyers while I insisted that wasn't it. I must have said something wrong, or he just had too much to drink. She suggested a domestic violence support group. I tried that but was still in denial. I didn't speak for the first six weeks. I just listened to find out how the group worked, what the rules are. It was free. After hearing bits if my story from other women, I realized I wasn't the only person this happened to. But regular talk therapy I felt like once I had vented and been validated, i was ready to DO something, not just talk about it. I asked how to deal with the trauma, they claimed we just talk about it. Frustrating. I had to do my own research to even learn that there were other types of therapy out there.
@Virginia Small Me too! Wasted thousands of pounds
There are better people who can help you better. Wow, what a bad experience for you!!
I had a therapist that flirted with my now ex husband, another that only wanted to talk about the holocaust, another one that took personal phone calls during therapy. I just started therapy again and started out by saying, "I need empathy" and I am getting it.
@@Moonflowers11 Unbelievable. Wow.
I talked with a therapist for many years, and i never felt I gained any insights or made progress. Ive learned more and healed more in the last two years, watching you, Anna, Patrick Teahan, Dr. Ramini, and Dr. Les Carter- all on UA-cam. I’m incredibly grateful, especially to you, Anna! Thank you for this amazing channel and sharing your gifts and knowledge!!❤❤❤
Agreed! And dr ramani (like les carter)💜🙏🏻
I agree, and I would add Dr. Susan Winter also. Her videos are the ones that helped me the most. Also, I trained as a therapist at a top University, but none of what I needed to learn was learned in school. All of the truly worthwhile things were learned from my own experience at work and in my personal life, as well as continued study that I did on my own.
@Happy Dog Wow
"You should only work with licensed therapists" is exactly what kept me stuck and continues to keep MANY people suffering with cptsd stuck due to lack of money, health insurance, access to appropriate therapists, and appropriate knowledge.... spoken by a survivor of 20 years of traditional talk therapy that BARELY moved the needle, myself.
@Texasgirlinacrazyworld Same here! Smh
@Texasgirlinacrazyworld yes, while furtively glancing at their watches throughout the 50 minutes....
@@FriendofDorothy oh my God, Yes yes yes! That killed me!!!
@Texasgirlinacrazyworld at $90, minimum, for 50 minutes,
@Texasgirlinacrazyworld try psychodynamic therapy and cognitive behaviour therapy
Attachment theory
Pray Give your stress, unhappiness and pain to God
Write diaries
Reflect on what you learned in your horrible experiences
God's love is bigger than all your suffering
✝️🫂🙂🙏☯️☮️X
I'm a licensed therapist. I send your videos to my patients regularly, including the videos in which you mention quiting therapy. You might not be licensed, but are clearly doing therapeutic work. Kudos! Insisting that a person only work through their trauma with a licensed therapist is like telling people they should only EVER exercise with a personal trainer. I have a feeling that the therapists that make those claims are worried about one thing: losing money. So there. Keep on making these great videos. They're also really helpful to us therapists who watch them! Ironic.
Your comments are so appreciated :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can relate to both side of this coin. I had therapist that would make me talk about the past and I had the same reaction complete disregulation. And it felt like talking about it was more about the therapist than me. Then resently I spoke to numerous therapists until I found one that promised that they would see me and not make me talk about the past. And then it was a game changer. I found an amazing therapist who would talk about my day to day life with me and how I was creating my reality.
yes I agree. I understand the point of exposure-style therapy and talking about our trauma. But when I finally found a therapist who focuses more on the present, the now, (ie we almost never talk about the past) it made a huge difference. If anyone here is interested, look for a therapist who is open to positive psychology + acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). Check out Steven Hayes's Ted talk (he created ACT) psychological flexability: turning pain into purpose.
All the advice I ever got was to “write a letter to my abuser but don’t send it.” It did nothing for me. I certainly didn’t want to discuss anything with my abuser even if they were not there. It derailed me. It made me feel intensely vulnerable because my abuser would have enjoyed knowing how they hurt me.
What did help, when discussing my intense abuse with anyone, was to pretend there was more than one of us being abused. I’d say “we” or “my brother and I”. It just made it easier to discuss. The listener would take what I said, no matter how outrageous it sounded, as truth. If there was another person with me then there was a witness so it must have happened. Even therapists don’t always know how perverse and strange an abuser can be. The truth can seem unbelievable!
@@lloyannehurd same reason I like picking "they/them" in preferred pronoun questions ❤
@stacy youst
I have used “they/them” for most of my life but in the beginning I didn’t know why. It was just that I felt an inner relief of tension when I did it. Thanks for the back up reply.
My doctor put me in touch with a woman who wouldn't talk about my past. I found it extremely frustrating because as I see it all my problems stems from past experiences and she wanted to talk about here and now. I totally close off from the world so nothing happens day to day, we had nothing to talk about and she kept saying it doesn't matter what happened in your past trauma is trauma and we need to learn how to deal with now. I felt it was a real struggle to have conversation about nothing so eventually I said she just had to sit and listen to my life story so we can try and get somewhere. Then she said she needed time to process her emotions as I was telling her. Her emotions! She's supposed to be my therapist, I shouldn't be needing to deal with her triggers. I just wanted her to pick through my issues and help me deal with things. I just wanted her to listen to me but instead she wanted to brush the past under the rug. I was so pissed off. She said well if you are getting nothing from therapy it's ok to stop. But I wanted to finish the course, but ended up quitting a week early because she just kept nagging me to quit. I feel talking to her annoyed me so much and didn't help at all.
Yes! It was the same for me! It's redundant to tell your past story over and over to keep it and the pain alive!
Exactly. Why do I want to be a broken record and relive it over and over to someone who doesn't really know and care about me? It just didn't work for me.
@@myfuturepuglife Yes and so many of my therapists would forget and ask me the same questions many times that it became untenable to continue! If I didn't matter enough to remember anything about me, why was I going to that therapist- is what I thought! This is not helping I would think!
@@myfuturepuglife your statement is a feeling many of us share 💜💜💜💜💜
I agree...they are interested in the 'story' but not in helping you get to the right ending to it.
Yes and those stories have neural pathways that we need to weaken so we can create newer ones that allow us to address the present & future in a more helpful, positive, constructive way.
"It's a movement that recognizes HEALING as the result we want, not just treatment, not the preservation of old rules and ideas about who's in charge of healing. I'M IN CHARGE OF MY HEALING, YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR HEALING. We ask professionals for guidance and we ask survivors for guidance, and when it doesn't work, we try something else." Anna Runkle is dropping the truth bombs we all need to hear. Thank you to this community and thank you to Anna for destroying unhelpful mental health paradigms.
💯💯💯
God it makes me so mad when these therapist claim that people like YOU are harming people. It's exactly people like YOU and other youtubers who actually help people, NOT the licenced psychologists. I've known people who went to therapy for 30-40 years without feeling any better.. Then they found a coach or a counselor that had knowledge about dysregulation and dysfunctional family systems on UA-cam and started working on themselves with those UA-cam videos as the backbone - and had amazing transformation. I'm one of those people.
they don't like truth to challenge their "authority" and cash flow
Me too! I found a narcissist abuse/c-ptsd coach here in UA-cam online group therapy since January and it's been nothing short of amazing!! I'm healing finally ❤️
Well, speak for yourself. My therapist has been a tremendous force in furthering my own healing and personal development
I realize the first part of my comment may come across as a little flip but my point is, don’t casually disparage ALL therapists because of your own experience. This isn’t even what Anna is saying. She is explaining that she gave therapy a very honest shot, and found it still wasn’t for her and is telling her viewers that there is absolutely nothing wrong with them if it doesn’t work for them either, and that there are other options.
That’s it, not that all therapy = bad.
I feel the need to explain this because clearly most people don’t have critical thinking skills and automatically make the thought jump from a nuanced statement to a black and white blanketed one.
This is eye opening as a marriage and family therapy masters student! Marriage and Family therapists are trained to approach therapy by looking for dysfunctional systems and patterns in families and not just what pertains to the individual. And postmodern and narrative therapy models are very person centered and reject the idea of the therapist as the expert. They see the person as the expert on their own life experience. It is definitely worth interviewing and getting to know several therapists because there are so many different models and approaches
Its so true living through the trauma yourself can help others greatly. Now. I never am ashamed of my past and I will do anything for anyone else to help them through because no one should ever feel the pain I did. I find a lot of those with trauma and mental illness can really help and guide each other. I can speak for everyone but I am so here for everyone and anyone who has suffered and needs guidance with their CPTSD.
The science of C-PTSD and emotional regulation should be taught in any psychology licensing process.
Agreed!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Similarly, doctors hardly study nutrition. It's a system for big corporations and insurance companies. Thank God for our current technology where we can find ppl like Anna who truly want to help. 💟
So true. Unfortunately therapy is a money making business. They don’t seem to really care about people and their problems.
family systems too including practice with real patients, and nobody knows how to help schizophrenics. That has to change too
It’s not?!?!?
I've never had luck with therapists. I'm so good at hiding my true feelings that I find myself saying what I think they want to hear and not my true feelings.
I think that's something that we women are trained into doing. I've seen very good therapists who have helped me a lot (having spent much time and money to do so and well worth it) and it wasn't until one pointed this out that things began to change for me. GL
I came to EMDR after several tries with regular talk therapists. My last talk therapist before EMDR once broke down in tears during session because she couldn't figure out how to help. Of course she's just human and was having a human response, but it felt so invasive to me; I couldn't believe that, now, I was responsible for making her feel like she was good at her job, despite the lack of progress we were making, so I had to cut it off.
Sounds VERY uncomfortable!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can totally relate. I remember having trouble writing checks at the end of a session. I didn’t feel “safe” talking with therapists because I had immediate issues that I needed to work on - as a single mom with 2 special needs kids I didn’t have time to play around; I needed to find a way to be more present and did not need to waste my time entertainingly some stranger. I felt like my boundaries were constantly being violated by my therapists….they always wanted to go back to the childhood crap. I still have great contempt for and distrust of traditional mental health practitioners.
You are not alone.
-Cara@TeamFairy
At a very, very vulnerable point in my life I had a therapist tell me, after three sessions, that I was just "determined to be miserable". This was over 15 years ago and I still hear it clearly. Fortunately, I found a better therapist many years later whose methods really helped me. I think healing can come from many places and the only important thing is that we find something that helps us heal, and have the best possible life we can. I hope everyone out there struggling finds what they need.
That's a harsh thing to say to someone coming for help- glad you found what you needed :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Therapy can be a hit or miss and when it’s a “miss” the effects are severe. Being vulnerable to any individual (licensed or not) can be scary.
Thank you for sharing, this video was helpful for me!
hey Anna, before I watch this video I need to thank you so much. You've changed my life. I started talking to a guy recently and he was nice but immediately started talking about sex. I stopped him and laid out my boundaries. I told him that I can't force him to respect my boundaries but if he isn't able to respect them, he can leave. I wasn't like this before, I used to give in, I was a people pleaser. I'm happy single and I'll be happy if I find a good person. Thank you once again❤
Thank you so much for sharing your AMAZING progress...I get what a big deal that is :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
EMDR worked for me! Did not need to talk anything thru. So helpful.
I have consulted multiple licensed therapists (and one psychiatrist) who have failed to provide meaningful guidance or recommendations. I can tell you that some of them made both my mental and physical health even worse. A licensed therapist once told me "I wish my father would have committed suicide like yours did, he would have died sooner and I wouldn't have had to deal with my father's death caused from smoking cigarettes". Or another one of my favorites: "Don't come see me if you're gonna complain about everything". That's what a licensed therapist told me, wish I was conveying a hyperbolic remark, but it's literally what she said to me.
From that, I learned not trust a licensed therapist just because they have a license. It takes SO MUCH MORE than a license to be a good professional.
I think that whatever hate you get is from people who don't really understand trauma. I've tried multiple approaches in trying to heal from trauma, and to me, you are one of the few people that understands how it works. I don't mind you not being a therapist at all. For the content that you provide to the public, I am very thankful to you and your team. I'm looking forward to starting my course soon!
No, I completely believe you as I've had similar experiences working with many therapists over the years with most not helping and some further harming me saying and doing some very inappropriate things. I know those experiences were horrible for me and I've been doubted when I tried to talk about some of it which just makes it worse. So I wanted to say I believe you and you're not alone ❤
@@strashnayavedma9674 Thank you ❤ I'm doing so much better than before, and I'm still learning about the different processes and options available to people like us. I hope that you are doing better, too ❤ it takes work, but with the guidance of people like the Fairy it all becomes clearer and things start making sense
@@renisauria I'm glad to hear you're doing better! It's still a struggle for me but I do feel like I'm slowly but surely making progress finally!
I had a licensed therapist tell me that I just had a really awful life, as far as she could see nothing could be changed, and then she asked me what I expected her to do about it in a dismissive voice.
@@meagiesmuse2334 I get that therapists are also people like us, but comments like those do more damage and no good. I feel you, sorry that you had a similar experience
Anna, my ex-spouse suffered severe childhood trauma. You have helped me understand what might be going on with her, and given me the grace of being able to feel compassion instead of anger. Thank you so very much for that. I truly appreciate the work you are doing, and I hope mental health professionals will embrace it.
Therapy was gaslighting for me. CBT in particular taught me that my reactions to the wrongdoings is the only thing I can control. Sure, this is true, but this just not applicable on trauma survivors/traumatic situations. As a trauma survivor, I took that as “if I didn’t have this reaction, maybe things would have been different” this is harmful because I essentially found a way to blame myself for my trauma in a different way. CBT also taught me to see the other persons side/empathize, again, this is great in a non traumatic/non abusive conflict, but not in the latter. Therapy operates as a one size fits all model, and trauma does not fit these models.
I hear you with CBT doing more harm than good. It set me back years.
It assumes the self is a closed system and doesn’t put enough weight on identifying the relational and societal causes of trauma.
Consequently, it is hard to see what is not our fault and what is our responsibility. This is dangerous, as the full brunt of responsibility for what happened to us falls on our shoulders to deal with-when we were probably already dealing with toxic shame, self-blame, and overwhelm to begin with.
I’ve found narrative therapy to be more helpful if you’re looking for a different one-on-one modality to explore.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you the best with your continued healing journey. 💛🌿
Lovely Anna, I’ve working as a psychotherapist for the past 25 years. I find your work down to earth and effective. I think those therapist who say you shouldn’t do this are insecure and closed not to learn what’s out there. Keep up the good work sis. ❤️
Appreciate this!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I just told a therapist I felt like I was getting worse and quit and was told I was quitting "the process". It was unbelievable and made me feel like I was being crazy but the evidence was there. I'd taken a few weeks off because I was really suicidal and didn't want anyone involved if the worst happened and after the suicidal feelings passed I saw me handling things better and felt more in control but I didn't want to be thinking I was better when I wasn't so I asked to go every other week...he said no...every week or nothing. I knew I had to do what made me strong so I had to go but now I'm dealing with another abandonment and by a therapist so I've been feeling really bad. Thank you. This is really reassuring that I was right it was making me worse and not feel so down on him...he didn't know. Thank you so much for this and all your videos! 💖🐾🗡️
Therapy is amazing, it helps untangling so many things we have gone through and get it out of our chest. Unfortunately, I don't think neither the field of therapy nor the field of justice knows enough about CPTSD to help us move through it safely. I agree with you about the fact that most of it creates dysregulation instead of really healing us.
If you already are struggling, it is a fool's gamble to think that these people can help and the field itself refuses to do the work to help us which forces us to gamble with them or just do it alone.
I had a theraphist that used EFT(tapping technique) while talking through stuff, and I always left the session feeling lighter and positive. When leaving a regular pshycologist I would always leave worse then when I came in, heart and mind racing. So I totally agree.
Personally, therapy helps me seeing myself and understanding my emotions.
I’m in therapy since about 9months and I’ve recognized that it isn’t such an easy & magical process as I expected it to be. BUT: I feel like I have a lot of new tools that help me by dealing with my own life-and by “tools” I don’t mean concrete instructions but understanding and new perspectives.
E.g. before I’ve started therapy I’ve never actively questioned simple things like “why did I react this way?” “why did I feel this way?” I wouldn’t try understanding what happened but judging myself based on whether my reaction/feeling made me a bad person or not.
Now I most of the time feel much more relaxed and not-at-war with myself. It very slowly helps me in gaining self-awareness and by that confidence and better self-esteem.
Is also helpful to stop obsessing about “am I a good or bad person?”. I just concluded I am just a person.
I have also gotten this from therapy but only over years and years of trying everything and I still need help because it's not just reactions holding me back at this point. Finding DBT skills was life changing for me but I still don't have much of a life and can't even work. therapists label me as resistant every time I need to slow down but this work is exhausting and I've been doing it for 2 decades now. It's impossible for people like me to continue to make progress like that; it's been DECADES of work, I will need to rest at times.
Sounds like you’re on your way and found a good track. The best ones are pretty difficult and kind of a slog but the mountain can still be beautiful on the way up OR down - or on side tracks! The healing is rarely linear or contained to one small thing. It really feels like there are a lot of good, regulated mental health options now.
PLEASE KNOW THIS!!! I have CPTSD. I show your posts to my lovely hubby (a police officer of 25 yrs) & my 17 yr old son. You use the words I don’t know how to use, & they watch you & GET IT!!! You are helping sooo many people on so many different levels that you’re not aware of! TY SO MUCH!! 💕
That is incredible!! So happy to hear Anna's videos have been helpful for you and your family. So much healing. - Ashley, Team Fairy
Get your husband the therapy he needs
I worked recently with EMDR and for some reason I still got dysregulated and felt very abandoned by the therapist who let me go home, suicidal, after the sessions. His apparent disinterest in hearing what happened to me was a trigger in itself. I've literally told nobody most of my stories and felt weirdly invisible in my life and childhood. I would like to try it again after I get anyone to witness some of my experiences and even tell me whether they were as wrong as they felt and why they've haunted me for decades. Maybe after I feel exhausted by the telling, then I could sit there and robotically move my eyes back and forth in order to clear or reprogram those neural pathways.
I think we forget that we can also let the therapist know what we need, instead of letting them guess. Because every client has different needs, even from session to session. So maybe in that instance with your therapist, the following session you could have let him know that you need some “debrief” time after the EMDR before going home. And as much as some people don’t want to verbalize over and over what happened in the past, it is important that someone has heard our story at least once. Hope this helps 🙏🏻💕
you could have had bad luck with the therapist maybe. I mean, there are therapists with high narcissistic personalities too of course, I had more than 1. Something else is that you might not have been able (yet) to ask for what you needed and express your feelings. I understand you need the recognition. Even a 'wow!' can be so soothing. Yet... we need to learn to go do that for ourselves (called 're-parenting'). Otherwise, we let another person, again, have power over our happiness. And we know that's dangerous. I would like to encourage you to try emdr again with someone else and express your needs and wants. And maybe try something like CoDA (Codependents Anonymous).
@@d.2110 My understanding about getting EMDR therapy is, at least for the most part, you don't just go do EMDR. The therapist and client need to develop some sort of trust first, which of course takes some talking. Some people WANT to talk. It's just that they need the right person to talk to about it.
@@d.2110 Really just depending on the professional to read the signs as I am not a professional and didn't know I had become disregulated. I tried to get another appt but was unable for a week, during which time I made plans to drive into the ocean.
@@bc2578 Tell it to the bees! (I agree the apathetic or cynical response does not foster trust.)
Anna, I love your messages. I've been seeing a therapist for years, and only start watching you this year. I have healed so much in the past few months from watching your videos! I found that my therapist tried to fix the symptom while you go right to the core. For years, I've been following my therapist's advice, reading the books she suggested, yet, each time I finished a session, I felt more angry and worthless. Since watching your videos and doing the daily practice, I've learned to calm myself down, and to accept me and love me for who I am. I have one "good bye" session scheduled with my therapist in June, and that's IT!!! I am still learning/healing, but I am more confident that this is my journey, and only I know what's the best for me. Yes I am my therapist.
Good for you for realising that you are the expert when it comes to knowing what works best for you. A good therapist knows that and works with you on that basis. Unfortunately many don't. You're making great progress, and I wish you all the best in your continued healing journey.
you've more to offer than any therapist I have ever dealt with. let all the people with letters behind their name set down, shut up, and take notes. luv what you do, kudos!
I had many therapists that didn't help at all but my last one did. I had an intensive group and private therapy course and we did DBT sessions. It was much less talking therapy and more based on skills and coping mechanisms. She taught me how to cope in the present moment and wasn't so focused on the talk therapy. X
THIS. THIS, is why I've avoided therapy for narc mum abuse!
For over 10 years.....
My misery does not like company.
When I'm NOT thinking about it, or suffering from the abuse of the day, the very LAST thing I want to do, is TALK/ THINK about it!!
And yes, I HAVE tried therapy in the past. Just winds me up, and makes me super hyper manic. The mouth runs 1000 miles an hour! And I just end up a drained mess. For days, sometimes....
It's all that built up trauma flooding out. Just as you said!
It's upsetting as hell, for some of us, to speak about it.
Especially, when we get so few precious moments of peace!
So glad someone gets it! 🙏
This video popped up in my suggesteds, and I dropped everything immediately to watch it! This is truly incredible! 🤭
YOU, are incredible! 🥰
You've helped me SO much the past cpl years!
More than a therapist ever did/could. THANK YOU! 🙏❤️
Unfortunately, my gp wants me to start 'therapy' now.🙄😔
She said, I think you're schizophrenic.😂
THATS, how upset I get/am, when I have to see her.
No. Not schizophrenic.
I have severe cptsd from over a decade of my mum's abuse. THAT, and I KNOW I have medical cptsd. I've been suffering from several health issues, and severe chronic pain, this past decade, as well. Snowballed......
Coinkydink? Me thinks not.🤔
Mind, body, connection!!
Of course the constant abuse made my health fail.
One disease turned into yet another, and so on. Rinse, repeat.
Unfortunately, now that I've healed enough to have broken the trauma bond, and am trying to leave her property, my health is at rock bottom. The gp has/ is sending me for a multitude of tests and scans. Cancer.
The MRI on my spine showed 'holes' in my spine. Next scan is the full body one, where they inject RADIOACTIVE DYE into the BONE MARROW. 😬😳
Im really tripping on this one.
Cancelled twice already.
Gotta do it. I'm trying to get disability, and one must do everything the Dr. orders, or no disability.😬😔
I NEED THIS DISABILITY ASAP!!
I'm leaving one way or the other.
Almost out. Even with my extreme chronic pain, I get up every day, and push through.
I WILL NOT DIE HERE!! NOPE!
She would LOVE to watch it happen.... Would RELISH it.
She's sociopathic, as well.
Whatever her official diagnosis, I do know for sure, she's one masochistic, evil, sick puppy.
I WILL NOT GIVE HER THAT!!
I WILL NOT GIVE HER THE PLEASURE OF WATCHING MY DEATH!! (I'm 51, btw.)
Severely trauma bonded all these years. What a sad shame.
If only I'd known what a narc was in the first place.😒
But, live and learn. Right??
All lessons. The Divine plan.
Gotta believe that, or I'll lose my mind....
I broke the cycle , btw.🤭😁💪
My dawta, is loved immensely, and knows it. She turned out incredible! Heart of gold, well rounded, just an amazing human overall. I did it!! Yay!! 😁🤭🥰
When I think of this as my life's purpose, and reason for all the trauma and abuse, I am a-o-k.
I'd do it all again, if I had to.
Just for her. To break this curse.
I AM AT PEACE. 🙏❤️🥰
Sorry, this is so lengthy.
I'm hoping others who read this, will realize just HOW BAD it can get.
Maybe someone will heed my warning. RUN NOW! GET OUT!
THEY WILL NEVER EVER EVER CHANGE! IT ONLY GETS WORSE AS TIME GOES ON!!
RUN! RUN! RUN! GET OUT NOW!!
SAVE YOURSELF!! PLEASE!!🙏
And dear madam, screw those aholes who've just got to inject their 'opinions'. Seriously!! 🙄
Pay em' no mind. F'ers.🤭😇
(They're probably narcs! 😁😒)
A medical degree is wonderful and all, but THIS is something one MUST live through, to actually, TRULY, comprehend.
It really IS. It's hell on earth.
Keep on doin' you, boo!! 😘
You're helping soooooo many ppl. God knows, you've helped me tons! I love you so much!
You are a queen!! 👑❤️🙏😘
I once went to a family therapist, who when I arrived, fiddled around for the first 5 minutes trying to find my file. I was paying $55/hour. I had an appointment, so he certainly knew I was coming. Seeing him was the biggest waste of time (and money). Now if I have a problem, I talk to God in prayer, and he helps me find solutions. It's cheaper, and deepens my faith.
I am a therapist. I appreciate and relate to what you are saying. I also quit therapy. I like your writing technique and I could see how it could work. When I was really in crisis with health a couple years ago, what helped me was Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) aka "tapping." I believe that the processes are all similar as in your writing technique, EMDR, and EFT, where you make a simple statement about the trauma and then allow the meditative mind to process it. My tapping coach is not a licensed therapist, yet working with her has been really helpful. I think that the agency I work for has retraumatized people, in some cases, by being too aggressive with traumatized people. I hear and appreciate what you are saying. Thank you.
This subject stirred me so much I wrote out all the ways talk therapy has not only failed me for the 30 yrs I've been seeking help but has further traumatized and harmed me in so many ways, realized I missed the whole video, deleted, and went back to pay attention to what you're saying. 😂 To make a long story short YES!! I'm so right there with you! I make better progress on my own with books, videos by people like you, and other sources.
Thank you for this video... I've been in talk therapy and started EMDR last year. It has helped, but I also had to retell and relive horrendous memories that would put me out for days. On the side, I also diligently did work on my own-- I was consistently writing, journaling, learning about how to regulate myself through channels like yours and talks by Dr. Gabor Mage and Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.
What I didn't know is that there is no need to retell the traumas during EMDR. This is completely news to me, because I have been asked to retell out loud what memories are within my head, the flashbacks and bad things that happened, the session would end with me being completely and utterly dysregulated and overwhelmed. The therapist would also tell me how bad my childhood was compared to theirs, or would give endless validations even when it made me feel uncomfortable. There were also emotional reactions my therapist would have while in EMDR that would lead to me feeling shut down. They made it seem like I needed to keep retelling past truamas until I was numb to it... Which hasn't been the case at all.
Before ending the sessions with my therapist, I will try to do EMDR without having to say out loud those stories. Thank you once again for sharing!
I experienced the opposite. The therapists I met didn’t want to hear my story at all. I had remained silenced for years and once I garnered up enough courage to discuss the trauma; I was constantly shut down. I know now that I simply needed help processing the emotions connected to the traumatic events but the therapists I hired never gave me that chance. Now that I am in my thirties, I have processed those painful emotions through self-talk and a supportive spouse, so if there’s such a thing as luck then maybe that’s how I lucked out in this awful circumstance. 🤷🏽♀️
Dissociative issues are so much more prevalent than is recognised:
I thought of you when I read this quote from "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation" by Janina Fisher -
"As the client reports “too much activation,” “too much noise in my head,” “too many thoughts going too fast,” or “critical voices humiliating me,” the therapist asks her to see what happens if she asks the parts to “just sit back a little” or “sit back and make more room for you. Explain that you can help them better if they will sit back just a little.” Framed in this way, the parts are not threatened, and there is something in it for them-the availability of help."
-from Janina Fisher book on
I hope someday that The Body Keeps The Score and Waking The Tiger will be required reading for all therapists. 🙏Until then... we have wonderful resources like this channel that help us where traditional ones fail. Thank you for everything you do, our lovely Fairy! ❤️
I hope so too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I was in talk therapy for trauma phobia ,anxiety & I couldn't believe what this Physciatrist was telling me "your not suppose to feel like that," "your suppose to feel like this"
I'm feeling invalidated, if I said something about my age (I'm a senior & so is she in our 60's) she would correct me to say age is but a number. & I'd say we'll I'm way older & been around longer than a 30 year old!! This wasn't therapy it was her control, I got the heck away & dumped her & the antidepressant I was on!! Because I know it's OK to feel what I was feeling until I'm healed!!
After a time of feeling so numb and beaten down, I Feel Soo inspired by you, so much that I thought you were a therapist!! but you are shattering walls and so incredible! Thank you.
All in one morning, I’ve been in tears, laughing, smiling, angry, aware and feeling all of it. So alive and it’s feels tiring but good and freeing.
I don’t care about certification anymore, I care about relating with real human content. Thank you 10 million times to you and your videos helping me feel more connected, inspired and supported.
Since I stopped talking about the horrible things that happened to me I have a better life. I still talk about it sometimes just so that people know what I'm dealing with, but all in all, I stopped talking about my bad parents and various other issues all the time.
I don’t talk to anyone about my past but the therapy I went to. Some people don’t feel safe telling people what they went through and a therapist is meant to be a safe space. When you can’t speak about your traumas with friends or family the only ppl left is a therapist.
Anyone ignorant enough to call you "dangerous" is a part of the CPTSD problem, Anna. Your courses and videos are affording me an effective way to true healing. Please keep up the good work!!
Thank you.
Goodness this was so beautiful to see you come out and speak on what You are in this healing movement ✨🌸😌
I really had the luck of my first therapist being well versed in these new theories. She was wonderful. I genuinely believe the stunt in my emotional growth over the last few years was largley in part of loosing her when I had to move.
I just discovered your channel today & wish I found you sooner!
My (5th) therapist of 5 yrs. suddenly left the clinic I've been going to for 12 yrs/ short notice.
I was left hung to dry, hard-detoxing from psych meds I've been on 11 yrs., as the clinic nurse never renewed my prescriptions, never returned calls or messages...all while the head psychiatrist went on vacation.
The 7yr. anniversary of my father's death last month coincided with my last phone session with her, after being denied entry into the clinic (phone only) during the 3 yr. pandemic unless I got vaccinated.
Unfortunately, health issues @ 68 made that a huge no-no.
This has been 3 weeks in hell, left alone through grueling physical withdrawals & disregulation.
Ten years ago, I begged them for EMDR therapy, having read so much about it, but it was denied unless I was addicted to opioids as a 'drug seeker,' despite already being prescribed cancer-strength pain meds for long term stress turned into fibromyalgia.
Watching this episode pulled me out of darkness swallowing me & 180° shifted me out of that place.
This information may have saved my life today, and I'm grateful.
Thank You🙏
You're welcome here!
Thank you. I went through this from about 13 onward, over 2 decades also. I learned what disregulation means from YOU Anna. Thank you. I thought I was just really sad and upset.
I'd be told "times up" and feel SO VULNERABLE! Soaked in tears, trying to breathe, while getting shuttled out for the next client. So many times I left shattered, ready to step in front of a bus. Often I'd have to pull over into a nearby parking lot to recover before I could drive home. When I'd say something about it, they took it like I was complaining or not trying. I also got shut down with annoyed looks and comments. When a therapist picked apart how I dressed, insisting if I looked better I wouldn't feel bad, she didn't think that maybe I dressed kind of sad because I was broke, and often homebound with agoraphobia, stress and depression. Talk about feeling hopeless from a therapist! She completely missed what was at the base of it.
I tried EMDR too, but they had me relive the trauma first. I'm going to try it again without the first weeks spent on detailing my history & feeling retraumatised. Therapy is not good for all. This subject needs to be shared, often. For a long time I felt like if therapy doesn't work, I'm doomed or broken. Thanks to Anna and other alternatives I found. Everyone is unique. Keep trying and give yourself credit for hanging on.
The first time I made the daily practice I felt I never lived before. I kept asking myself how I was living with all of this pain, and how incredibly the practice removed it and gave me room to breathe or to truly live. It's been years now and I still have the same effect and people around me wanted to know the secret power that gave this courage to handle the world. Thank you Anna you make my life better and I am in tears writing this to you. I love you.
I had therapy as well but it NEVER worked, it did not progress into healing. To be honest, it made me feel more of a victim mentality. This channel and similar are MOST helpful to me. I found myself being dishonest to a therapist as well because I didn't want them to "think" I wasn't "improving"...... I knew HOW I got emotionally damaged..... I NEVER learned how to overcome it all.... the therapist (I had 4 different ones) did most of the talking explaining to me what trauma was, something I already knew.
The issue is that when an image of “health” is created and pursued, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy for those deemed “unhealthy” by comparison. They’ll be stuck there forever- because the image of health, in reality, relies on the image of non-health to sustain it.
It’s quite the paradox- and the solution lies in not finding the solution ;)
So right.
I appreciate that you don't claim to be a therapist. You talk about what helped you. It might help us, it might not, but it's not hurting us to try. I'm so glad you're doing well now.
I'm 57 with a narcissistic father and passive aggressive codependent mother. First husband angry and second husband narcissistic. I've been in and out of all types of therapies, etc. throughout my life. Everything you say rings true to me. None of the therapists helped at all. I mostly felt worse. I just kept reliving the past and creating more chaos. Dr. Joe Dispenza was the first person who actually helped me (meditation and not talking about the past at all, just moving towards feeling good emotions), but I got stuck on needing to heal my past (without reliving it and expecting antidepressants to fix it). I needed to heal my past so that I would stop co-creating my messy life. Although I have been seeking relief and help all my life, until I believed that I could heal, I was just going around in circles going no where. And you appeared in my life magically. THANK YOU! I've watched about 15 of your videos so far (all in 3 days) and WOW! How did you know? No one knew. No one could help. No one understood until you came along. Wow. I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
Ketamine therapy has been really helping me. I've been in various types of therapy on and off for 34 of 39 years. Very few times has therapy been helpful and often times it ends up being traumatizing. Not just re-traumatizing, but new trauma in addition to old trauma. I don't know how ketamine therapy works to help but it feels like an emotional reset.
Thanks for sharing your experience, interesting stuff!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I am just in the process of signing up for Ketamine infusion therapy too. It is my last ditch try at resolving my CPTSD. Talking for years and years to professionals has not helped. I am entering my late 60's and would like to have year or two of clarity, energy, closeness and relative peace. Depression, anxiety and fear have secretly ruled my adult life and colored most of my choices. I'm adept at covering, hiding and lying about it. I got treatment for my drug addiction (3 1/2 yrs clean from opiates and tranquilizers), divorced my husband of 38 yrs, quit smoking after doing it for 50 yrs, and am trying to care about and love myself the best that I can. I wish I didn't feel so damned sad and kind of hopeless. I recognize the realities of my life and it is terrifying to feel so shaky, even after making significant progress. I am hoping against hope that Ketamine is helpful. The hype on it about brain reset and growing new neural pathways is promising and appealing. My fingers, toes AND eyes are crossed!!!
It sounds scary to me to get Ketamine in the mail and do it yourself. What if you have a bad reaction? What are you supposed to do then? I have seen ads in my UA-cam feed. Thats not disturbing, Lol.
@@beckythornton6470MDMA is better for ptsd
My therapists enjoy talking with me too much so it becomes like a hang out session which is so awkward for me as the client. Your videos are so helpful and so validating. Thank you. ❤️
I’m a therapist, and your are spot on. I’m rocking with you.
Thanks for sharing about your past conflicting experiences with talk therapy, Anna! I’ve had similar experiences with being dysregulated during and after therapy sessions- dealing with the judgment and/or blank stares. And minimal to no practical coping techniques/guiding insights. Your free exercises and advice as preventatives/approaches to manage triggers from your own research, practice and compassion- (practical ways to ground and deal with CPTSD)- are gifts to the world. Thanks for your generosity and courage. Your openness, innovation, honesty and persistence in helping people with CPTSD starting with your own journey is what makes you as impactful and trustworthy as you are. It shouldn’t be radical for mental health professionals / counselors to connect to clients in the way that you do (sharing your own personal experiences and practices in managing CPTSD) in the field- yet that framework of division/distance is still prevalent. Each survivor of abuse and neglect has the right to figure out their own unique path to recovery and growth… and thank goodness for platforms like yours where folks are exposed to accessible techniques / free guidance - to feel seen/heard/empathized. Keep up the wonderful work :)
Wow, what you share here is SO important and I've never heard it talked about. Thank you so much for getting it out into words. What's going on in the present often has to be dealt with first, and looking into the past isn't always helpful at a given point. The only talk therapy I have found helpful is with soul mates (rare friends) I've known and built trust with over time, who share equally from their own lives, and don't charge $ for their time.
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This advice was life changing for me! I thought I was too broken for therapy to work! This totally explains why talk therapy has not worked and the way you described it, is scientific. The "hopefulness" that next session will be better, is the worst part...or maybe it was all the wasted money!?
Glad it was helpful! I relate to the wasted money (omg it still hurts)!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Knowledge is power. Understanding how we got this way is the foundation we need. Talk therapy wants you to figure it out yourself but to have some help you realize this isn’t your fault, and not reliving it is priceless. Thanks for this.
I agree. I have a stutter and it gets so bad when I try to narrate traumatic past events. I find writing really easy and healing. I cannot afford a therapist and your channel has really helped me.
Thank you so much for sharing, glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've written hundreds upon hundreds of pages to my mother in this year like last year to my sadistically Catholic mother but now I don't give her Narc Supply by sending her them. No more books of stamps 4 months or so, so far.
I love what you are doing Fairy. I am a therapist and I recommend your channel frequently. I totally agree that talk therapy is not going to do anything for trauma. I felt very sad for you that your therapy brought you so much grief- until EMDR. Yes EMDR and Somatic Experiencing both release a different part of the brain than talk. Let’s keep learning and sharing what we discover.
👏❤️👍🙏
Bless you for knowing who you are and sticking to your vision! Glad you’re not listening to “threatened” therapists who think you t help others!
I could never label what I felt during therapy sessions.. You helped me finagle my way out of ruining myself further thank you for the enlightenment!
Along a similar vein, I homeschooled my children. I'd get flack from some who who educated & licensed to be teachers, my own mother in law being one of them. Now that my children are grown, respectable & successful business in their chosen businesses, she tells me I knew what I was doing as the proof is in how my children behave & treat others. I knew how to raise & teach my 3 children due to my own life experiences. So, when I hear you that those who are educated & licensed are hassling you, my question is what do THEY need therapy for? If they are threatened by you, they need to take stock of the fact that we are not all square pegs that fit in square holes. We are all unique & those who find success should be honored & praised for marching to their own drum. I appreciate the confidence you exude as you tell 'them' just who the hell you are! You do it with might & are empowered in who the hell you are! U Go, Anna!
Thanks for your support of Anna's work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
My therapist made me so uncomfortable, she made a list of things that I was to do and I felt so pressured that I stopped going to see her.
Love you Anna! Count me as a life you have saved by teaching what you have learned, when no one else could. I thank the stars for your teachings every single day!✌️💜✨️
Alfred Adler has an entire chapter on therapy and fees, and why it's ripe for abuse. The fact is when you're charging by the hour with no clear cut marks of "success", the opportunity for a therapist to waste hours just letting you spin your wheels is too great. Easy money. The fact is whether its Depth Psychology or SSRIs or Cognitive Behaviorial Therapy or any of it, the need FAR outweighs good help. Most therapists have NO clue how to help. And in most modern cases, theyre either there to let you talk and talk and make money, or they're drug dealers. It is VERY hard to find someone with actual answers. (And thats why I love this channel).
**btw in case youre wondering, Alfred Adlers theory on psychology is actually enormously simple. He believed that in our youth we suffered blows based on our body defects or humiliation that gave us an Inferiority Complex and our entire life is spent trying to cope with that wound. Normally we do this by developing a Superiority Complex that drives us to horrible decisions trying to get one over on others. To essentially employ a Power drive to heal: and if youre successful you become a perfectionist and work obsessed. If youre bad at it you become maladaptive, defeated and withdrawn.
To combat this, he said we need to develop "Social Usefulness", that is to do basic tasks and jobs where we help others. Thats it. Simply being useful to someone else. This is kinda like Alcoholics Anonymous where the goal is to take you and your bad decisions out of the center of your world, and be there for others. Not in an enmeshed, codependent way, but in a genuine way. To get out of your head, be productive, build confidence as a productive person that eventually can be dependendable. To Adler, that's what was healing.
@@tinaonline2619 the Adler book is called The Individual Psychology of Alfred Adler. It's big but pretty easy to read. Really insightful.
I'm very into Adler as a masters level student in a family therapy program. He deserves much more credit for his philosophy than he receives in our culture (of "rugged individualism")
This video is a gift for mankind. We are each responsible for our own healing journey! ❤
I also made nearly no progress while working with my therapist. I doesn't help me to talk about my feelings and why I feel this or that way. It's like a discussion, why my cake recipes never work - interesting, but I need solutions and practical advice how to fix things. Your videos helped me immensely to gain more insight and - the most important thing - to change my strategy/ behavior. Thank you so much! ❤️
Thanks so much for sharing, love the cake metaphor :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for this!! Anyone out here reading this if you’re in therapy and it’s the right thing for you, right on! And I am not saying that I would never go back to therapy however it is so helpful to know that I am not the only one that it wasn’t a miracle cure for
Best possible answer you could give, not defensive, no hurt feelings, because you know who you are so much that this does not offend you. That is proof of how effective this is
You are such a kind and open hearted lady. Thank you for sharing your story
I've been trying your writing technique and it worked for me, and my sister. I'm recommending it to my friends, even my teenage nephew, whenever he had a nightmare.
Thanks for being an excelent example of living a life with purpose.
That's great!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Surely the most 'qualified' person to help me with my mental health is someone who has felt it, been through it and then truly understand its affects. There has been 'healers' on this earth as long as there has been humans so for the longest time these were people who shared their experiences and wisdom, those who had the urge and expertise to help others not just having studied it in books. Hearing you talk about your own experiences in itself helps me so much, to know I'm not alone or being judged for how i am feeling. Keep doing yiur amazing work, thank you so much for providing so much free content meaning its accessable to so many who would struggle to get help otherwise 🥰
As a therapist with a doctoral degree, I think YOU are WONDERFUL! Your work is important! There are many roads to healing; how short-sighted of the nay-sayers to think only licensed therapists can help. Carry on! #cptsdrevolution #partofthemovement
You are the ONLY voice that hits the nail on the head for me. You were there, so was I. You came out the other side. You're helping me get there too. Therapists, while compassionate, never lived it, just studied it (it's pretty easy to tell). Hence why they couldn't spot the signs in you back then, it wasn't in the textbook yet. Thank you for encouraging us to take ownership of our healing. No one around me understands that I CAN do this myself. Sometimes flailing around looking for answers lands you right in the lap of exactly what you need.
Wow! I'm 73 and experienced childhood trauma. I knew I had problems in my 20s but never got any kind of professional help. In my 50s after too many years sabotaging myself in every possible way except becoming addicted to drugs or alcohol, I self diagnosed as having bipolar disorder based on symptomatic behaviors. I avoided cognitive behavioral therapy but do take mood stabilizing meds. Only now, thanks to what in learning from Anne, Dr Ramani, and the gentleman who wrote The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, I'm beginning to understand the physical effects in the developing brain and how to heal (neuroplasticity). The brain is like a muscle; use it or lose it and we can learn to regulate our emotions rather than allowing a diagnostic label to define us. Thank you!!
I will say it definitely depends on the therapist and how the person is approaching their problems in all fairness but a lot of this is so valid . Especially remembering that there were times without therapy and even therapists will agree you don’t have to talk about past stories or truamas to get better 👍👍
ASD. Verbal + audio sensory overload are a constant source of anxiety & burnout. Talk therapy is like prescribing smoking to someone who has lung cancer.
Writing thoughts/feelings gathers cotton wool & knits them into a blanket.
Thank you for this! I have had the exact problem you describe every time I have tried therapy. The story you tell about being flustered and unable to write the check is sooo relatable. I can’t tell you how many times I have felt that way in my daily life. Repeating the trauma stories doesn’t make sense to me especially when I’ve worked through so much of it in my own way already.
The last time I sought help I saw both a therapist and psychiatrist. I was not only thrown completely out of wack emotionally for the duration of the process, but I felt like the psychiatrist completely ignored what I was telling him. Rather than listening to my concerns over my current life challenges and the anxiety it was causing, he told me I was depressed and insisted on prescribing anti-depressants.
His reasoning was that I cried when I talked about my childhood and in his words “crying isn’t a symptom of anxiety.” I told him I didn’t agree with him but had a very difficult time articulating my feelings probably because I was experiencing the disregulation you speak of. His total dismissal of my struggles with anxiety, which has been a life long issue for me, was incredibly demoralizing and also triggered a lot of shit from my past surrounding feelings of never being listened to and understood.
I was so angry and disillusioned by this experience it impacted me for weeks after breaking it off with both the therapist and the psychiatrist and it brought about a temporary depression I had not been experiencing previously.
I have always sought to heal myself of my past traumas since I’ve never had any luck when seeking the help of others, and I have been successful at this in a lot of ways, but I still struggle all the time. It is amazing to hear someone talk about similar experiences and to offer alternatives to traditional therapy. Thank you so so much! ❤️
The writing it and then reading it to my sponsor is what worked for me too. That's how my sponsor did steps with me - starting with step one. When I sponsor someone, that's how I ask them to do it too. Sometimes we have to start with and practice with slogans and then move to step one.
I definitely have had some rough therapy experiences.
I first saw one at age 12, just a few sessions with a child psychologist that my Mom eventually screamed and cursed at during a brief session between the two of them.
When I was 16, I was sent to a neuro-psychiatrist who I confided in about self harm, feeling suicidal and being verbally and physically abused by my parents. I told her I'd rather go to a group home or psych ward than live them. She then asked them to come in for a session and right in front of them did the following: 1) accused me of cutting for attention (all my cuts were hidden). 2) said the state law of legal corporal punishment was on my parent's side so they were allowed to hit me. 3) that if I entered inpatient treatment I would manipulate my doctors into believing I was sicker than I was so I could stay longer. I was stunned and felt very, very alone and small. I stopped seeing her shortly after.
I tried a couple more times in the years after but never had stable insurance so I couldn't really build trust.
Finally in my mid 20s, I met a counselor I could really confide in and after I told her a deep, shameful and painful secret, she moved her practice and I never saw her again.
One day when I have good insurance I want to try again but this has been truly exhausting.
Anna you are an amazing force of nature and healing. You have helped me so much. I've had to access free help as I cannot afford therapy and your videos are so helpful, insightful and connecting for me. You have shone light on my dark areas and accelerated my healing, along with the 12 steps, which led to a relationship with God. Keep going and thank you.
Yeah, I had two young lady therapists bully me in an outpatient program because I didn't return their flirtations. Both moved on to other clients romantically, but actually bullied me. Crazy out there.
One wasnt even my therapist.
My therapist has helped me see the way my brain thinks, and tools to correct it. I do feel horrible after my sessions and cry all day, but with time I can see the shroud of darkness lifting and it’s beautiful out.
Healing pain takes pain and I’m willing to go through the fire to come out gold.
Anna, I want to thank you ❤ your channel started my healing journey and learning about Dysregulation saved me. Keep up the fight everyone! Having CPTSD for me is like being at war with my self BUT, there are tools to win the everyday battles that Anna provides to us all ❤ Thanks again ❤
I agree Anna, It took a somatic and trauma-informed therapist using EMDR and other transformative therapies to help me. I think the problem I had with basic talk therapy is the therapist didn't ask the right questions.
I had a life changing therapist who specialist childhood trauma and sexual abuse. I found her in my early 30s after experiencing more trauma with several and even many other therapists who claimed to be specialist in trauma. By the time I met my beloved therapist, it took almost a year just to undo the trauma from being harmed by these previous therapists. This therapist literally took me by the hand and supported me in a calming reassuring manner that always validated my feelings and fears, and was able to put the abuse separate from me and who I was. I can go on and on about how life changing she was, but sadly, she passed away from cancer. I was devastated from her loss as if she was like my family but I thought I had enough tools to keep me going. But sadly, about 5 years ago, I had some life altering events. And three years ago I had a stroke. So your videos and another online therapist have been my life line because I don’t trust the therapists out there after experiencing my early damage done by therapists. I take with your global statement that therapists don’t work or cause more damage, etc. Although some or many are not good quality, there are a few superior therapists. I would encourage us wounded travelers to find what is out there, to find that needle in the haystack like I did. I would certainly not want to discourage people to seek help but in due diligence. In honor of my beloved Sherry Hummel, I speak up on her behalf. She changed lives in her lifetime.
I am a therapist and I have CPTSD. I agree and this video is powerful. If talk therapy is not making you better, absolutely you should leave and find something that does work. i do suggest CCF episodes to my clients. Whatever it takes to increase awareness and healing . Happy recovery people. Get there anyway you can!
What are CCF episodes?
Thank you for your clarity here Anna! I can relate more then you know. I did do EMDR once. My eyes rolled back in my head. I had a hard time recovering from that. Even had a migraine. Talk therapy has done the same with my focus and the lack there of. I am ready to start your free Course about deregulation. It has been a long journey here. What you say makes a lot of sense and I'm finally ready to give it my best effort to succeed! Thank you Anna!
Sincerely, Nina in Colorful Colorado ♡
My talk therapist stated she didn't believe I had been sexually abused as a child even though documentation existed when I reported to the police through an agency, was investigated by social services, and other victims were found. A year of wasted therapy and resources. She quit the practice with a two weeks notice although she had a good reputation and was highly recommended. Therapy is service. Sometimes it's necessary to shop around. Good to hear the therapy of quality discussed from a consumer POV.
It’s been the same for me as well. What first helped me was finding wonderful people such as you Anna, providing information that helped me realize and lift the fog on what’s actually happening with me - properly diagnose this as CPSTD rather than the whole list of disorders I’ve been given. Thank you for everything you’re doing to help people 🙏🏻
This also encouraged me to take charge of my own healing. Techniques and practices that help me get out of the mind and into the body are working wonders. And a major thing (perhaps the most) has been guided plant medicine workshops (such as Ayahuasca) which have allowed me to process and heal. I’m finally finding self love for the first time in my life.
Well, I'm a therapist who work with CPTSD on a daily basis, and I agree with you: teaching a fragile patient skills to regulate their anxiety is critical before going into any sort of trauma - either spoken or imagined. Mostly we eventually (and very carefully) get there, but if not, then we'll work with the patient's problems in other ways. There are different techniques for this/different models like IPT/ISTDP/EMDR etc. To just expose someone to their trauma without working with regulating the anxiety first risks causing re-traumatisation/a dysregulated response above the threshold as you said. Then again, there are differents schools for this and perhaps there is a preferred tradition in the States I'm not aware of (I'm not American).
I will also just mention the other side of the coin when it comes your, and others, critique of "talk therapy": It's very common with patients who "just want to talk", and who can get fairly annoyed when I point out that just talking is in fact not therapy. Not everyone is open to the idea they might have to work on their behaviour, learn different techniques etc to heal. Anyway, thank you for sharing your perspective and valuable experiences when it comes to healing from complex trauma, I will certainly watch more of your videos :)
I'm about to start my practicum (as an MFT student trainee) in 2 weeks, and I'm drawn mostly to experiential and somatic approaches, whereas so many others in my cohort just want to take a "person-centered" approach and just "be a safe vessel" for the client. Effffff That! I have explicitly told therapists (and PhD psychologists!), "you need to interrupt me and guide me when I'm dysregulating" ... They'd try for a few weeks then back to the same old "and how does that feel? What do you want to do?" bullcrap. Thank goodness I found my current therapist who has me slow way down to do the necessary somatic work, and to really understand it in order to accept that the work is worth doing.
I found you right before my father died, after caring for him 18 yrs. Codependency, abandonment, and more. I know my past. Just looking forward to my future and so grateful to you ❤ 🙏.
I will be checking out your course, thank you.
I stumbled upon this, have been glued to your valuable and insightful stuff for the last few weeks. Your stuff is brilliant, a goldmine. I am still disocciatve after years of work.
I trained as a therapist, but it was dysregulation, what I understand as dissociation, lack of the ability to focus, prevented me from finishing my license and I had to go on disability to survive. This probably coincided with becoming aware of the horrific childhood stuff and that cluttered my mind so much, I would go blank, was in a fog of overwhelm, frequently and couldn't even hold a job at McDonald's. I'm busy mining gold on your channel and am so grateful I discovered you and your experiences and ways of dealing with cPTSD. When I tried EMDR for 6 months, I would come out feeling worse than I went in. I said a trained monkey could have done the job and probably would have given an empathic grunt now and then. The guy acted so robotic, which came across to me as cold and uncaring. I felt re-traumatized from that. Your work is extraordinarily insightful. You get it. Thank You for sharing your valuable words.
Thank you for taking the time to comment! So glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
THANK YOU! It is given FREELY as bad advice often. Many people don't know that there are really bad therapist out there. AND if you are lucky to get a really good one, it still can be more of a set back. Good luck finding someone trauma-informed if you feel it is for you.
You are making such an amazing contribution to CPTSD understanding!!! I love the voice you are contributing - you are incredibly aware and real, unlike many people who speak on this stuff, and you are demonstrating that changing the world doesn’t require set qualifications and starts with healing yourself! You are a beautiful demonstration of self-healing and it is a blessing to see you working your magic! ✨✨❤️
I suggested this video to my therapist because of how I was feeling and was told to not watch. LOL. I don't think they even looked at it.
Anna, this matches my experience perfectly (well, all but the check-writing part). I ended my decades-long work with a therapist a couple of weeks ago. And then I found your channel and website three days ago. I was blown away by it. Thanks for all the wonderful work you continue to do.
I was asking the therapist am I doing therapy wrong because I was suffering just as you explained with the dysregulation and cptsd symptoms. Thank you for validating my experience and emotions so kindly. Sending positive vibes xo
@Walter Nicolas is messaging lots of ladies on here ... BEWARE. I have blocked him myself
I felt that meditation, journaling and prayer about what my subconscious is bringing up helped me more.
you've hit the nail on the head for me, my childhood trauma is multi layered from parents to institutional ect, recently I had what I would call invasive therapy and the childish notions I used to protect myself for all those years were cleared away, and I recalled exact details. in a nutshell I've spent the last 3 years in a triggered state.
Thank you for showing me there is a way out of this mindset.
You are a beautiful amazingly brave soul...thank you for your passion and assertiveness to advocate for the "desperate" people that want nothing more than to heal and be the best versions of themselves!! Thank you!!
Thank you for the support - we're glad you're here! - Ashley, Team Fairy