DARVO: Watch for this very sophisticated form of gaslighting!
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- IF YOU ARE A RISK of immediate danger or abuse, please get in touch with the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233.
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They do this when you catch them cheating, stealing, lying ....
Wow, thank you. This perfectly articulates what I've experienced.
my childhood ...adulthood...the work place....the healthcare system as a patient... 4 decades of this. Rock bottom, finally healing
You are healing 💪 trust your self... Too many narcissistic people and their "flying monkeys" (from Alice and Wonderland) spreading untruths to raise their egos and feed their demons! Forgive and let go.. ❤️🙏
I have been in this situation for fifty years.
Im only now understanding this.
I will never forget or forgive my family.
Selective hearing or memory they used to call it so
Forgiveness is for you not them. You deserve to be free. You deserve to be healthy. You deserve to let go of the pain. I wish you peace.
If you choose to never forgive… they get to continue to control you. Don’t give them that.
Move on, go no contact, protect your future and present peace but, forgive bc without that component, you’re as unwell as they.
My mom's favorite line whenever I try to talk to her about something is "oh I'm just the worst mom in the world then!" 🙄
Yep. She blame shifted on to you.
hmm interesting, my mom said the same
❤ my mother too! Always
@Uufda651:
My covert ex husband pulls the same crap. Or he will say: "I know. it's all my fault." And after a while and sick of his baby talk I say : "yes it is!"
💐
My narcissistic husband doesn’t often have an accusing tone… he doesn’t “seem” upset by his tone. YET, everything she just enacted will still come out… within the 15 mins of monologue (in which I’m not supposed to get bored with, interrupt or disagree with) is delivered.
Not all narcissists sound like they’re going off. They mostly say the same thing but, many can remain in “control” of an emotional tone.
Don’t let this woman’s example fool you into thinking you have to have someone sound like they are gaslighting you aggressively. Many do so with a demeanor that simply suggests you are out of your mind, out of control, out of touch and lucky for you… the narcissist is there to explain and keep the calmness of your relationship.
OMG, I have heard this before but now I understand that it has happened to me AT SCHOOL! Thank you for reminding us, because although it takes time, we DO eventually GET IT!
Deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Basically blame you. Their a poor victim. DARVO..
Spot on. Could have saved me trauma if I had known about that years ago.
I stopped mowing the lawn and stopped taking out the trash. Doing that resolved the entire problem.😊
That’s one way to solve things
WHAT IF.... they complete DARVO and immediately apologize for it because I made them aware they were being toxic?
Wow did not know THIS is DARVO. Thank you. He does that all the time. He is literally DARVO in person.. 😵
😪😪 so awful and frustrating
This explains a lot ...
My sister smeared me to our elderly Dad out of no where saying I'm a drug user and alcoholic!! I'm straight lace and she laughed saying" She didn't say it and Dad is senile!!" She then says " why do you start stuff?!*. Ugh.
What my mom attacks me for is NOT bringing an issue up, haha.
She used to be very emotionally abusive, but after I've moved out for a year, with no intention of coming back, she really got her crap together. Especially after we had a long talk. I'm still emotionally pretty fucked up, but it often makes me wanna cry happy tears how much she's changed for us kids.
..now the next step is still to convince her to go to therapy
Hope you can do that but I’m not so optimistic about the treatment outcome
Exactly you're right on it happened to me
I unfortunately realized this in the workplace, when I had a supervisor that knit-picked at me, scolded me for making the smallest mistake (such as not pulling my hand away quick enough, after placing an item on the counter I. front of the customer, for them to grab it)). I was so careful to not hand it directly to the customer, got lectured for not pulling my hand away from the counter quickly (after placing the item on the counter (because of Covid)), and then the assistant manager comes along a few minutes later and hands a loaf of bread directly into the customer's hands. And yes, I have definitely learned to never confront anybody who is bullying me, because they somehow suddenly get treated like the victim, from all of their friends. I could never figure out how people could become so mindless as to think about whether or not the bully was the one being a bully, and that the victim was actually the victim.
people who are unable to accept any fault for anything are so frustrating... Double whammy when theyre manipulative
It is
My covert narcissistic husband whom I'm separated from but still have ties with pulls that one all the time. I say "Don't get mad at me because you did something wrong to me and I don't like it."
I find that tactic to be very immature and drama-based.
My daughter does this … so hard to be around her and always walking on eggshells.
Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender
OUR POLITICAL SYSTEM IN A NUTSHELL
im glad that I haven't met as many ppl like this as I see videos on the topic
I’m thrilled. It’s a foreign concept to you. I hope it stays that way.
Or someone ur deal with in the system an they do this. ITS SOOOOO FRUSTRATING. Liars shouldn't be in charge of families an the poor children . Imagine a child dealing with this an then they take the mom away an blame the mom for reporting the abuse in foster care when my children reported to me. It's insidious, we need to Vet these people better.
Best explanation ever
My life
😪😪
Thank you ❤
You're welcome 😊
I grew up with this
😪😪
@@KerryMcAvoyPhD it was really helpful. I haven’t heard that term DARVO before. I have been listening to narc videos since UA-cam came out and that made so much sense. Acceptance that it is what it is, is the rough part, but once we see the pattern of DARVO, it’s a lot harder for them to mess up our map of reality. Thank you. 🙏
Oh I just heard the beginning. It's a form of gaslighting
The acronym is so so helpful for spotting crazy making.
And reminding self, that's it's time to use DEEP and JADE. 💭🧘
Happy Summers 🏊🏼♀️🍦
It's helpful in instances of *actual abuse*, no in instances where you're upset because someone argued with you.
I live this every day
Thats baby momma talk
Interesting. How so?
@@KerryMcAvoyPhD or just woman talk, always change subject and flip the script to favor them.
how awful. I would use identifying that kind of talk as a red flag and avoid getting into any situationship with someone who does that.
You have beautiful hair
I've liVed in a darvo sewer my whole life
Everyday toilet _ 🚽 nvest in toilet paper
Could you speak on guilt from the victims end, when they try to escape the abuser?
why do I feel so guilty for wanting to get away from my narcissisticly abusive husband, who I and everyone knows is bad and consistently abusive... why do I feel so guilt bound when I try leave him?
I have also been working with therapist to come out of freeze response in my nervous system
I see his game and evil tactics and hate it and want away from it... frustrated with this battle
Thank u Kerry! God bless you always!❤
Mommy!
Take out your own garbage..?
trump does this all the time.
It's a great way to avoid discussing the topic at hand.
Sounds like a friend of mine
That means dont bother even talking to them
has it ever occured to you it's not what you say, it's how you say it. just from this clip, your statement was condescending as well as putting all the responsibility on the other party. of course they will instantly be defensive.
Oh, I agree nonverbal communication adds another layer of the psychological punch, but it's also the words being used--the diversion away from the topic at the expense of the speaker.
I don’t agree, sounds like an overly sensitive and juvenile take imo
@@Da_bear-ij9gm vwe are all welcome to decide what kind of discourse we want in any given relationship.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm ok, i'll give you an example, my wife kicked me awake early one saturday morning and asked me "are you going to mow the effing lawn today or not", the grass was still wet with the automatic sprinklers going at 7am, i told her if she wanted it mowed that bad she could go do it herself. i had already planned to mow the lawn that day after the grass dried but with that kind of attitude i felt she needed to learn you can't mow wet grass. now as for being overly sensitive, nope, in her statement asking about the rubbish was fine, it's the "what was the deal" on the end that was unnecessary and gaslighting which puts a person on the defensive. just pointing out that you can't call someone out for gaslighting when you make statements to gaslight or belittle them as well.
Is that the same as gaslighting🎉.
Whts it called when they was never any talk of said issue at all but they say there was and i must of forgot .,.
It's an effective way of dismissing the issue and you.
DARVO only applies to *abusive relationships*, your example is incorrect.
My example is abusive, and it is gaslighting. It is also DARVO. Any communication that diverts the subject off the topic and attacks the speaker to avoid or sabotage the relationship is dysfunctional.
My sister smeared me to our elderly Dad out of no where saying I'm a drug user and alcoholic!! I'm straight lace and she laughed saying" She didn't say it and Dad is senile!!" She then says " why do you start stuff?!*. Ugh.
Raised with an adopted mentally disabled brother by parents who were just not capable of doing this because they were not qualified. A perfect storm to bloom into an enabler for further abusers. He can't help but blame everyone else? Not a healthy way to raise a healthy child like me. No accountability for this poor choice. Ever. It was somehow my fault. Sorry excuses for being irresponsible.
How many tricks to their trade do they have ????? Theres so much to them. How does one find the time to master all this ???? Really disturbing
There are a lot. Sometimes it feels like too many. 😪
💯 accurate, thank you 🙂💖
girls do that all the time lol
not a girl thing, just an asshole thing
No one said anything about gender but your defensiveness speaks volumes