The best received wisdom in the world came from a little old lady: "There is nothing as overrated as sex, and nothing as underrated as a good bowel movement."
I like that saying. Any way. I am now 71 years old. When I was younger I went through all that and more as most of us do. Any way. Here is a point of view that does have a humor aspect to it. So there are Males and Females , And We Are Supposed to Get Along ?! Do you get it?? ------ When I was younger , sex was Real Important. - Now that I am older , Sex Is Way Over Rated. - I can easy live with out it and All Is Fine. - Masterbation 1 or 2 times a month to relieve that part , and All Is Fine. - A lot more to life then sex. - 7.5 Billion Humans on the planet now , more are Not Required. - My vas deferens were cut a Long Time Ago in my late 20's , not sure of the year.
One of my best friends in elementary school was a really nice pretty girl who would sit with me on the bus. I remember one time, we were talking about what we thought an orgasm would feel like. She said "I think it's suppose to be like a really good poop but better" I'll always remember that. She was an angel lol
I went through a divorce about 5 months ago after 6 yrs of marriage so this being single thing is odd for me. Not having sex though? Who cares? I mean it just baffles me that people are so obsessed with it. Like you said Joe, just focus on being a good person and live your life with honor.
SCA? I've been in 31 years, I'm a Peer, active, but after suddenly becoming single, it turns out I'm past the age of desirability. And putting up camp is really difficult alone.
@asdf I was channeling "Fraser" from the old series _Dad's Army_ - an aging, dour and somewhat pessimistic Scot whose main catch-phrase seemed to be "We're DOOMED! DOOOOOMED, I tell ye!" in a rich deep accent anytime things didn't look good to him - of course, it always worked out for them in the end... as I'm sure things will eventually. :)
@@Not_a_number_ :) Yeah, good value. John Laurie was *brilliant* in that role. Watched a stage production of Dad's Army (2 short stories to make up the "play", my brother-in-law played Capt. Mainwaring) and they managed to get in a lot of the classic catch-phrases. Sadly, there wasn't an opportunity in the plot for Frazer to intone "We'rrrre DOOMED! DOOOOOMED, I tell ye!"
THANK YOU. There is nowhere NEAR enough objectivity and kindhearted perspective out there on this topic. I'm a chick who's had an uncommon amount of direct conversations with socially awkward and/or maladjusted and/or confused guys, and the way people discuss the incel community/phenomenon is way too damn one-dimensional and sneetchy and generally boils down to blaming people for having legitimate social disorders. And that behavior from society just perpetuates the feedback loop and worsens the problem. People need to hear this message. Great video, I knew it would probably be good going in because I love your channel but this is absolutely stellar. Thanks for speaking out on this very delicate topic, particularly with such candor and vulnerability.
Thank you, Joe, for being so kind and empathetic. I imagine people on both sides of the issue could gain empathy for the “other” through this video. We need more of this in society. You’re a good guy.
Joe speaks the truth as usual. I just showed this to a mate of mine who has been falling into the incel community. He watched, sat silently for a couple of seconds, got a bit teary eyed and then said the golden words "Aaaaaah, right. That makes more sense" So well done Joe, I think you saved at least one. Good show, old chap and big love. :-)
@@panta_rhei.26 Thanks for asking dude. He's doing fine, he's thrown off the black dog now. (I'm English so we have to use a Churchill reference, it's the law. :-) )
Ahhh... The Human Condition Pain, envy, frustration, loneliness, disappointment, insecurity, social pressure, angst, remorse & depression. And then it’s only down from then on.
I've always thought most people seem to have an unusual approach to attracting people. Firstly, they seem to see whoever they are trying to attract as a different species. It doesn't matter whether you are trying to attract a man or a woman, the rules of attraction are generally the same. Secondly, the word attractive is misleading, because, whilst looking good can be helpful, it can also be a hindrance in many cases and looking good is a very small part of being attractive. When people think the answers are to look good, have money, have a decent job and material things, they are not thinking on the right lines at all. There are people who will be attracted to those things, but they are a minority and are likely to end up unhappy or disillusioned. The answer is simple. Think about the qualities you like in other people, then emulate those qualities. Some of these things can be difficult to emulate, like being funny, but many are easy, like being kind, thoughtful, considerate, caring, helpful, honest, reliable, etc. Anyone can do these things and their lives will be better as a result. It's no good to just pretend to be these things either, you have to genuinely adopt these attributes as a way of life, people can easily see through insincerity. People also need to accept that life is not a level playing field. Some people are just more attractive than others and it's still not about looks, it's most likely to be genetic, people are subconsciously drawn to people with good genetics, so that will help. The real key is just trying to be the best version of yourself.
Passion about a subject - virtually anything - is attractive. I met my first gf because I was talking passionately about my job (at the time) dealing with asylum seekers. Women like empathic men, who try to do things that make the world a better, more interesting place.
Not an "Incel," just a 27M going through a hard spell for a few years since a 5yr thing ending and just...Unsure. I'm diagnosed Asperger Syndrome and come with my quirks that many seem as too much or open/honest (no honeymoon period, very...structured, in my own way...)...I lost a major piece of me, that although my own choice out of toxicity, it left me feeling hollow and empty like a husk or shell, and since I've had to focus on my self in ways that pushed me forward in some ways (identifying a diagnosis of PTSD I had long since been pushing aside confirmation of) and backwards in others (fallen faith in my own abilities and skills; employment for example; animal medical field...I had to leave for now). Basically, and perhaps some oversharing here so I apologize, I had just changed in ways I wasn't ready for without my other part, and lets face it; I wasn't meant to enjoy change whether necessary or not lol THIS was...major, to say the least. I'm on the upswing now, at least I like to hope so. I'm a man of plausibility, certainty and scrutiny. If I cannot fact check, the topic cannot be researched or tangibly tested, or a result seems unlikely by all forms of logic, I check out. Hope...It's one of those. I rarely feel it. I almost always scrutinize the feeling when it arrives, test it against previous occasions to apply for likely outcomes given newer parameters, and accept or deny based on that...Then work forward with either continued hope or distracting from it with a hobby like gaming or gardening or art or fishing or something. You have always made realistic sense. Not just to me, but as a whole. I've enjoyed your sense of humor; I've pondered much of what's been presented by you across your videos; I've given reflective thought to myself and my own view of...EVERYTHING because of you. Thanks to you, really. I watched this knowing of the Incel concept and having witnessed the toxicity as you've described it, and have long since accepted how you presented this factually speaking. As a person who often puts logic before emotion when entertaining the more "human" of experiences...I think I needed this reminder. I'm thankful to you for the hope that you've given me. You have a friend on Long Island, NY, and again, thank you.
What advice would you give a guy who's already gone through the process of self improvement and saw no improvement in his dating life regardless? I gained ~40 pounds lifting weights. I went from 5'8 and 115 pounds to 157 pounds over the course of several years, staying lean enough to have a little bit of ab definition. Graduated college and started my first salaried job at $50K/year in a modest cost of living area. Improved my conversation skills to the point that people seemed so fascinated with me I was getting asked to lunch constantly. I still couldn't even get my foot in the door in the dating arena. If I have to improve much more than that just to become adequate enough to be considered date-able by the very worst of women I don't think it's worth the effort...
Its not may place to tell anybody how to be/not be. But since you laid this out there I'd just like to suggest that what swings between our legs is only one (or three depending on how you count) of the many things we can focus our attention on. What wobbles between our ears is capable of engaging with the eternal mysteries and grand scope and fine poetry of existence. I'm pleased to have come to the point where taking a good whiz is the highest purpose to which my plumbing can be put. If we only ever look down at our zippers we never see the stars.
My best advice would be to develop and cultivate your social circle. From what I can tell, the social circle is the main problem for high functioning incels.
@John Sampson I don't really think I need your opinion since your outlook on life is quite pathetic. But the fact that you need to compare yourself to a "Chad", whatever that is in your mind and rely on laughably simplistic views popular in the manosphere shows that you have failed to develop a healthy mindset. For as long as that doesn't change, your situation won't either.
Why did you have to pay for her food? If someone was so repulsive to me, when the bill came I’d say “We’re Splitting it.” It’s not as if she could refuse to pay for the food she ate... Maybe I don’t have the same perspective because 1. I’m gay and 2. I’ve lived in Germany most of my life where splitting the bill is normal even for couples, but having someone behave like that and be so entitled to assume I’d pay for it? I’d be furious with myself for weeks if I paid.
Dude, I went through that from my late teens to early 20s. You're right. In my case I remember just giving up on finding someone and just went to work to buy video games and that was it. Then 1 day I meet my future wife at work, dated 5 years, and been married for 15 years. She's easily my best friend. So yeah, just find what makes you you. Just be happy. Honestly, if I never went down this route and stayed single, I'd still be finding new things to try. Traveling would be awesome for a man in his 20s with nothing holding you back. See the world.
@@chlorine5795 I believe they specifically mean christianity and that an intelligent designer would not have created such a fundamental problem in how humans work when theyre supposed to be created in a perfect image. Alternatively from an evoultionary standpoint both 1) the desire to pass on your genes as a male and 2) the desire to be selective of a mate in order to get the best genes for your offspring as a woman are reasonable developments. The disparity comes from the lack of intelligent design; rather it just worked
I know I'm over 2 years late to this convo and I'm posting this during the video...haven't seen the whole thing yet, but in 2020 now I think the newer thing is to call guys who praise a woman "simps". Sometimes men are indeed simps... the word meaning being too attentive or too submissive to women. The problem is, it's gotten so bad that if you pay a woman a compliment now, to some, you become a simp. That just reeks of bitterness to my ears. I've heard so many incels talk angrily about how they'd treat the woman so well... like a queen... and yet the woman chooses the jerk instead of them. Here's the thing... the women don't want a simp. They DO want to be treated well, but they want a man who is their own person. A man who is interesting (Joe Scott is hitting on this very point as I'm listening to the video). They want to find the man interesting. They really don't want a jerk, but self-confidence IS attractive to them. Arrogance isn't, but sometimes one gets confused for the other in both directions. Beyond that... I've noticed many incels are angry not because they are rejected by ALL women, but because they are rejected by the women they want. Meanwhile, there are women who are wonderful that probably never get the time of day from the incels... double standards.
I am an artist and a shaman, I have just begun living in my 61st year on Earth. I have always appreciated your honesty Joe. Keep up the good work young man. Peace.
Great video and content. You're correct about being a better person. If you focus inward you can become great, attractive and successful. Self-development is what we need to save the world. Thank you Joe for the mention. Cheers!
The secret to getting laid...... Be amazing, be full of love and light and passion, and then when the panties hit the floor have no expectations of ownership or lordship for the encounter.
My wife came home from a 6 week course (she's in the Australian Army ) and said to me "I'm no longer in love with you and I think we should seperate" we had been married for 4 years and together for 14 years, so to say it hit me out of nowhere will have to do until I find better understatement. I left and had no where to go, so I lived in a shelter that I built myself in a huge rainforest. Lived there for 9 monthes, and it was Hell. Ive been homeless now for 6 years. My confidence level droped so low that you would need an excavater to get to it. I mean how could I date women and say "hay, did you want to come back to the tent I have pitched in a friends back yard" hahahahaha!! Not F*#king likely. So as a consequence, I haven't had sex in 6 years, the last person I slept with was my ex-wife before she went on her course. I wouldn't know where to start even if I had my own place. I haven't asked a girl out in 20 years! Anyways, thought I would share that. Please if your going to comment, be gentle :)
There is probably some backpacker girl out there who would think you are living the dream while she sits in an office. Time heals all wounds, even if self inflicted. Def find yourself a place to live. Living in the elements is no joke.
Have you tried getting involved in the drug community? It worked for me when I was in your place. It's great for networking, motivation, breaking through stigmas, and sometimes you get to feel good, better than good. Just don't do meth. If you start doing meth, you're gonna have a bad time.
Maybe give Tinder a try and advertise yourself as homeless and make clear what you're looking for. You might not get a pretty 22 year old 6 foot blonde, but if you're in a bigger city, given enough time, you might find either someone in a similar situation or just someone who doesn't care about material things. Anyway - good luck, mate! Oh and I wouldn't go down the drug road Notmade ofPeople. In many cases that can also lead to the opposite (invert) or in the worst case lead to an early grave. Also, pretty tricky terrain, too many criminals involved - have to be careful.
I disagree with everyone here. The way to dig yourself out of the hole is to focus on you. As soon as you pull yourself up from the hole you're in, which you can do, you'll get you're shit together, and that's what makes you attractive. Girls don't want a guy that's just desperate to love someone, they want a guy that's dependable with his own passions and hobbies.
So true, @Joe Scott - TMI . Once you become comfortable in your own skin, stop worrying about what others think of you, etc., THAT is attractive. Players are unattractive. Narcissists are unattractive. Misogynists are unattractive. People that are well-read, empathetic, & have generous spirits are attractive.
If a man is asking a woman on a date, he should expect to pay. If a woman asks a man on a date, she should pay. Why do men even pursue women in the first place, then complain that they had to make the effort in doing so? I've had men turn down my offer to split the bill, then use the fact they paid for the date against me when things don't work out.
People tend to bash the other people going through any given misfortunate, UNTIL THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO THEM. THEN they come crawling to the very people they had been mocking and scoffing, asking them, "How did it happen to you? What was it like for you? How did you deal with it? Can you please tell me how to fix my problem, since you've been through the same thing before??? People are just absolute trash when it comes to how they treat people who have a problem that THEY don't have or have never experienced before... The lack of consciousness, situational awareness, and situationally appropriate empathy and compassion in people today is just absolutely UNREAL. People are no longer civilised, but arrogant, condescending, cold, callous, ruthless, brutal...until something happens TO THEM.
I feel like we just had a heart to heart. It makes me sad so many people are in pain and you really shared yours tonight and more so sympathized openly & genuinely. Look where you've got come. Your wife is a lucky lady today although or because you suffered and rose to the challenge. Thx Joe
Wholly “F”, I needed this right now. Been following you awhile and enjoy your content. But your honesty slapped me across the face on this one. Been a rough few months. No more Pitty Potty.
Having a "dry spell" for a couple years is normal. Mine has been almost 20 years. And for the record, Incel has been co-opted by woman haters, leaving those that don't actually hate women, but just acknowledge they were dealt an unfortunate hand, to retreat to TFLers (true forced-loneliness). I considered myself a TFLer until very recently, precisely because of the whole "internalizing" thing. I haven't broken that 20 year dry spell yet, but I'm positive it'll happen soon. I really hope I'm not deluding myself again, though...
There is a popular saying, at least among half of the population, that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Simple question: Why would this only go for women? I suspect the Sixties made things worse for a lot of men, by (1) loosening sexual more and thus making it so that if you couldn't get laid there MUST be something wrong with you, and (2) promoting the idea that sexuality is an inseparable part of having a worthwhile life.
> Once you stop looking for it, it finds you(referring to attention) FFS, I'm so sick of being surrounded by people fiending for my attention including literally this second ad I'm typing this. I can never be alone and that's all I fixing want in life. Can I just not have attention? Please? I don't give a damn about all this reverse psychology bullshit the world wants to impose on me. I'm not pretending I don't want attention just so I can have it. I don't want it!
Joe, I came across you on your other channel a while ago - for sciency stuff - and then later for that video on decapitation which is world class. But it's this channel which is in many ways more interesting. There's a reason why people like you - you're a good guy. All the best to you and yours from my little patch of England.
The part where you talked about how You can focus on bettering by yourself and having motivation to make yourself a more desirable and happy person if you don’t have to worry about a girl anymore. For me the thing is having a girlfriend (I just had my first breakup a week ago) was the first real thing to motivate me to exercise more, to work even harder in school, to make myself a better person for her. I was always doing it for her, and that was much more motivating than doing it for me per say. I’m trying to recover but idk if this is more common than I think it is.
You are so very wise, Scott. At least, now you are. I am a woman and my worst years were my twenties and some, not all my thirties. But, by the time I reached forty, I felt more like I Did belong in my skin! In conclusion, don't worry, your forties are coming, fast. You will SHINE!!
I think this was one of the most informative videos I have seen. I hope it makes it out there for these guys to see because it would indeed help them turn things around. Your whole idea about finding something to get into (constructive for sure) would make them more attractive is right on target. Thanks for the great video.
Thank you Jill. I think of this topic often and I’m glad you have finally adjusted. I think that you and your wife are a great embodiment of this movement.
Nicely said. I've learned that over and over. If I'm lonely and let it get to me I know I come across as needy or desperate. The best relationships I've had happened when I was focused on bettering myself. Doing your own thing is very attractive.
I disagree that its the same... No matter how homely or unattractive a woman is, SOMEONE will have sex with her.. if your a very unattractive man, you are not getting laid! (Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, but its not the same.)
Everyone has seen honey boo boo. Possibly the most unattractive vulgar woman ever got knocked up 3 times. It won't be impossible for an unattractive guy to get laid but if he is a 2 she will have to be a -3.
Yon can be a savagly unattractive man as long as you have £150 to spare youre getting fucked. For women ..not so much ... yes a man has lower standards and she will find it easier but them as a rule Women are not looking to get fucked they are looking for someone to share their lives with and that is *MUCH* harder then getting a cheeky fumble with an Escort!!!!
We don't just want sex though. PIV sex (penis in vagina) does NOTHING for us. Now, if a guy wanted to volunteer to eat my pussy I would be all over it but men feel entitled to getting their dicks wet but not getting ME wet.
Iv seen guys put a few buff pics of themselves on tinder and include they were ex pedophiles and still got matches. If you dont have the looks you gotta make up for it other places. But yeah that blew my mind when I saw that some women would date a pedo if he was attractive.
I used to spiral a lot in my late teens and twentys, because not being able to pick up girls was (and still is) associated with being a loser, and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. And seemingly, there were only losers and assholes, because seemingly only assholes could get into any kind of relationship. Then I figured out that I am, in fact, a freak. Freaks are the best kind of people
So you're jealous because women can find casual sx with a person who doesn't care about them, so what's that saying about what you want with a woman? What about if women want a hero gentlemen type who don't spend their time online promoting wife beating? It isn't so easy to find that
It's funny that you think all "women" are conventionally attractive, able-bodied younger women. Women who aren't attractive, women who have a physical disability and older women do not have the "pick of the crop" at all. The term "incel" itself was coined by a woman who was going through a prolonged dry spell.
The guy is talking about "average" women when they are young. Of course the older women get the harder it is for them to compete with younger women. Severe disabilites also have an effect on their chances. But they still can get laid pretty easily if they lower their standards because men are far less likely to turn down a one night stand unless you are 500 lbs and have something green growing out of your face. The issue is an average guy is more likely to be with an average woman than an average woman will be with an average man.
Bullshit. "average woman" to you also apparently means beautiful women are average, like you don't understand what "average" means. But again, beautiful men are far, far, far more choosy lookswise when it comes to their dating preference. Why do you think this behaviour is solely a female problem?
Men forget casual sex might be fun for some women but not worth the risk going back and he's creepy or evil and you're physically weaker. Sometimes it's easier to say you want more than upset someone you hardly know. I didn't want to be serious for a long time but fucking around was scary and held stigma. So guys, it may not be something you did wrong she won't go home with you, it's unfortunately what _other_ guys have done (and again -- possibly stigma) and a lot of us have scary experiences. I do. I have no idea why this was recommended 5yrs later but your honesty is appreciated. I enjoy this channel. ♡ I guess the chance is tiny this is seen.
Although there are many who confuse them, "just going through a dry spell" is not the same thing as involuntarily celibate. There are many men AND women (yes, women can be "incel" too) with life circumstances that make involuntary celibacy a real thing. It isn't always something that can be fixed with a little patience and self-confidence boost, and it isn't something restricted to single people. There are many many people around the world trapped in sexless relationships. They are committed to a partner they love with whom they don't get to engage in physical expression of their feelings. This can be a terrible position to find oneself-- just being perseverant in the "dating scene" can't fix that dilemma when the dating scene is out of the picture. The cumulative emotional damage of repeatedly feeling rejected by the person one loves over and over, thousands of times, can be absolutely enormous and crippling. Feeling worthless and undesirable and hopelessly trapped can completely destroy a person's self worth. Finding help isn't as easy as the video suggests. Yes, we live in a modern society with many sources for help, but connecting to the right support can be a huge struggle. Some people suffer in the hurt, dark, depressed, crushed world of rejection for YEARS before finding a professional willing to take on their problem. Involuntary celibacy is not a problem routinely addressed by the bulk of therapists and counselors out there.
I was in a relationship like this. I loved her very much. Still do, but she wasn't sexually interested in me anymore so, I left her. I don't regret it.
The use of the word trapped...as if the man has no agency. Is he physically chained to this woman person? Staying in an intimacy-less relationship is a choice. Why play the victim? The other person has stated what they want out of the relationship. If that isn't enough, go. Clearly the 'victim' has weighed the options and chosen to stay. Also, sex or intimacy are not human rights. They are not actions and feelings one is entitled to, but something people share with whom they will. Continuing that line of thought brings us to a simple conclusion. There is no entitlement to intimacy or partnership, no matter the reason for one's lack of a sexual partner. People have preferences, and it's a shame if you don't fit the bill, but that doesn't mean you are a loser or victim, and it doesn't make them evil for choosing what they choose. What Joe says is absolutely applicable to all. One ought at some point be happy or at least content with one self and life. That happiness comes from within, not from a partner or sex. Those who haven't figured that out are doomed to be miserable and immature. The partner comes later, if at all. And if they don't, relationships are many things. Friendships, interests, activities for instance. As for what women want. The days of women depending materially on men and therefore having to settle for, obey and service are over. They have been for some time. Many women and men in the modern world want an equal partner to share their life with, not to baby someone who deep down is immature, insecure or demanding and who will play victim when life gives them lemons.
I'm 33 and 5'6 and I've been ignored by 99% of women my entire life. I'm just recently realizing it's because i'm 5'6 and it's been a really rough time.
Oh Joe... Try being a middle-aged woman who's involuntarily single. Yeah, he suddenly walked after 19 years. I'm finding that I'm not the target demographic for anything. A woman at 55 basically isn't wanted. Men want younger, hotter women. I look like someone's mom. I'm supposed to just be happy with playing with my grandkids. I'm supposed to buy a twin bed and give up on love and sex because who wants someone like me? ( And these are 'friends' saying these things) A post-menopausal woman is worth nothing on the dating market. I'm decent looking, carefully groomed, well educated, personable, in therapy (after being dumped abruptly, coping is needful). I'm active, have hobbies, unloved in politics. But. But. At least a young guy has a life of opportunities ahead. I've been slide-lined with years ahead of me .
You’re still active in SCA? As much as anyone can be right now, that is. Stay healthy and eventually you and someone will find each other in that very tight community. If your ex was in SCA that makes it harder I’m sure, but there’s always a place in a grown man’s heart for a skilled woman with a sharp mind and a open heart. It’s just a matter of the right grown man. Give yourself time and give life time to get out of our massive quarantine. Your life will shine as bright as you let it. I’m only 47, but I’m damn glad I’m married to a 45 year old. Younger people are definitely easy to look at, but much harder to listen to!
I hear you Laura..same boat, older men want younger and hotter women, dating sites are just a scam..given up on that. Like Joe said i focus on myself now and my inner peace and whatever I find joy in.
Not all older men want a younger woman. There ARE mature men out there who value life experience, emotional maturity, kindness, integrity and a thousand other traits not based in sex or personal image. I think most men really want someone they can be their complete self with, just like most women do. The dudes who won't consider you for who you are, aren't really worth your time anyway. Ask yourself "what do I value?". BE what you value. If you say you value kindness, for example, but won't look at the available and kind "joe average" guy because he isn't as hot as Harrison Ford, you are being hypocritical.
@@wisecoconut5 Older men who struggled to find women in the past may be wishing to have children of their own, and older women cannot have children. Others who are looking for companionship on the other hand are something else yet again.
You didn't touch on the good number of self identified Incels who are disfigured or have very visible signs of disease or sickness that leave them pariahs in the dating world. There are Incels with all sorts of mental and physical disorders who may otherwise have their lives together but are truly shunned in any romantic sense for obvious reasons. Not even going that severe there are incels who are just objectively (as far as anyone they've ever encountered has indicated) ugly, just off-putting to look at, to the point their dating prospects are nil and void. These are people who aren't just going through a dry spell, they may be virgins in mid-life or go decades between even being thought of by someone else in a romantic sense if at all. Just thought it odd that you didn't mention this type of Incel as they surely have the most valid claim to the title.
Yeah those folks have a rough road. I hope they can find their own support groups that aren’t as toxic as the incel forums that the rest of us have seen. They surely deserve better than self loathing, or persistent anger at a society with no room for them romantically. Some sort of emotional/social support network to fill in the empty spaces that society fills for everyone else. It isn’t fair, no one gets what they deserve, and that’s the good news about the universe. In the end, we have to support each other, and the truly undatable folks deserve the care and support of someone. Online, I hope it can be each other, and not the self-abusive poseurs, the narcissists and violence enthusiasts who make the incel “community” dangerous to themselves and others. It deeply sucks though, I absolutely acknowledge that.
@@robinsonkaspar3395 we should be allowed to end our lives with a doctors assistance because we want it, not because we need to be on the verge of death already!
Joseph Samarrippas yup, luckily we’d been together a decade before we got married so I knew what I was in for. Wouldn’t change it though, eventually you realise there’s more to life... but damn, sometimes 🙄
thanks man, I wanna say personally I am 29 and I have a 4 year old son that me and my son watched his mother walk away about a year ago and never looked back. its sad, I love science , technology and I do believe in higher powers, god of course, I have seen a lot in the last 7 years that has made the basic definition of myself.
Joseph Samarrippas I’m 30 with a 6 year old boy. Man that’s tough, I don’t know how I’d cope going through something like that. Sounds like he’s got a great dad to be teaching him about the beauty and wonder of the world around him even when you must feel surrounded by crap. Keep strong, doing what you’re doing and one day he’ll make you as proud as I’m sure your parents are of you.
Having been in too many dry spells the one thing that got me out of it was the realization that there are advantages to being single. There is not such thing as a perfect situation. Conversely there is not such thing as a completely imperfect situation. Preferable? Maybe. But, make the most of the situation you are in. I found that being in a relationship is restricting. Being single you can do anything at any given time. Stay up late and go for a 2am drive. Binge watch Star Trek until 4am. Any time someone else is involved they need to agree to it or at least aware of it.
There used to be female incels like in 2004. I did a study in college and there was a forum where I communicated with them. (which no longer exists). The word incel once meant insecure and projecting. Now it means insecure projecting entitled impulsive men. It's my observation that the only "toxic masculinity" that exists in the real world comes from the most entitled and impulsive men. Incels are, by and large, the types who objectify people. They see men as more handsome and better than them and women as pieces of meat who all hate men. TL; DR: Today's "incels" are all the same, and none are good people.
To be fair I think there's a difference between having dry spells and being a kissless virgin in your mid 20's. I know it because I was a kissless virgin at 26. I even was a member of the infamous "love-shy" forum. After that I've had a couple of really brief relationships and really long dry spells, but it's not the same once you know what it's like to be loved, or at least what it's like to have somebody who actually cares about you. I'm in a relationship right now, and I've never felt so much loved in my life. It's nice.
+jeromesnail It's not only about the feeling of someone caring about you but the fact that somebody actually desires you. Somebody that lustfully desires you and eventually validating you. I've never ever had that feeling until now at the age of 38 going on 39 I know I sound pretty fuckin pathetic but hey some people just aren't handed with a good stack of cards. I look a lot younger for my age by the way.
You're right and he has no clue what he's talking about. I'm a good looking guy that can get laid so I've always felt bad for incels and see why they are upset. Joe on the other hand clearly views himself as a former incel who worked past it. Which isn't the case... I wouldn't take his opinion seriously. May sound weird but I think incels only real allies (aside from each other) are guys who can get laid easily. We don't try to make ourselves the victim...instead we actually feel bad for you.
Time is both an enemy and an ally as life fills out. The influence of hormones has its time of dominance and it would truly benefit us all to realize this. Errors are made when confronted with an imperative, but admitting that possibility will help you proceed with your life. Loving your self will open a cascade of love for others. Keep on truckin’‼️
Very well said Joe. Will just add this myself as well, guys have no rush what so ever. A colleague of mine was actually 40 when he had his first child. It's also way easier to figure out what you want in a partner after you have figured out yourself first. I also believe most girls will break up with a guy that hasn't figure himself out first because they will usually reach a point where the girl want to move things forward (have kids for example) but the guy will stay where he is.
You have some ok advice for some people but be careful there are other ppl out there really hurting and been going through this for up to decades. This whole thing can become quite complex and very tragic.
On a more serious note; I met my wife when I had basically given up "looking", and started just doing my own thing. While I would perhaps turn a phrase differently than you, I strongly agree that your premise has merit.
It's not focused on lack of sex. It's the lack of attention or feeling loved as well. I watched a debate between a non-insane incel and a UA-camr recently, it's mostly guys that think genetics or uncontrollable circumstances keeping certain guys from ever experiencing affection or emotional support. A lot of these guys have problems or are just (not to be rude) really ugly or awkward and have gone 30 years never having a real conversation with a girl or knowing what a kiss is like. I feel bad for the regular guys that've fallen into that mindset, I could've related back when I was 19. But there's a psychopathic literally homicidal side of the community, that side of it is just crazy.
If you go anywhere incels congregate, you can't separate the misogyny from the incel. What woman who doesn't have an ulterior motive wants to put the energy into caring about a guy who worships a mass shooter who wanted to put women into concentration camps to starve to death? If they just want to be loved, they should stop thinking of women as the enemy.
Do you see a world where only beautiful people ever find love? In the last step of the scientific theory, you must compare your "theory" to real life and if it doesn't match, it's entirely wrong. Unless you are an incredibly shallow person regardless of gender, a bad personality trumps even good looks.
Do you want to point out where, exactly, I called you shallow? Holy fuck, man. Persecution complex, much? Again, look at your theory compared to the real world. If your theory needs "woman" to equal hot, pretty young woman in order to accurately represent what you see out there, you and your theory is full of shit.
And realistically, I see a hell of a lot more pretty young women with ordinary looking guys who make them laugh than I do see handsome young men with ordinary girls who make them laugh. So...if your theory is correct, surely you must agree with me that men are by far the worst offenders of this blatant behaviour?
I’ve read some of the posts from these guys. They are covered in spots from people using 10 foot poles on them. The ones I read were self important and unbelievably gross and obnoxious. They need to look at the,selfs and put on deodorant instead of blaming others. The last part of what you said is dead on.
The best advice I ever heard about finding a relationship with the opposite sex was, place yourself round them! Years later when I worked in a job with 50% women and 20% gays. I discovered this is SO TRUE!!!
Very random video! But I totally agree with your argument. The fact that you have relationship problems is your responsibility. Taking that responsibility is uplifting in itself. When you do you can start focusing on the elements in life you can control and don’t worry about the things you can’t!
I hated when people used to give me this advice. I couldn't be told that. I had to do it myself. I've been on a two year dry spell and at this point I stopped trying because I still have too much I have to get on order myself. So, some people can't be told this but have to arrive to it organically. I'm not necessarily happy being single. But, I'm not miserable or bitter about it like I used to be. It also helps that there's much more on my plate now than in the past. So, there's a distraction there.
Honestly, I've heard the word used as an insult a lot. Its painful to hear, as if we as humans should make fun of anybody who is involuntarily apart of anything they dont want to be. All that will do is reinforce (true or not) the negative views the have and push them to further extremes. We're all humans with flaws, but everyone has some redeeming qualities. Life is about trying to find those and improve on them, imo.
No self-respecting woman wants to date a man who is unemployed or underemployed, and it's not all about money. What's appealing about a guy who is lazy, lacks ambition, or is incompetent?
You are so wrong. I'm a self-respecting woman (with my own money, car, and home), and I have dated unemployed and underemployed men. That absolutely does not mean that someone is lazy, lacks ambition, or is incompetent. The majority of people are unemployed or underemployed at times in our lives, including myself, and it has nothing to do with any of those things, and rarely does. Shame on you for being so ignorant and shallow. Your comment makes women (mostly you) look bad.
There are probably multiple reasons for this. A main one, THE main one in my opinion, is that women buying men food or drinks randomly is not a social norm. That is a male norm, that conveys his ability to provide financial security. Women need security like a man needs approval, so please give this a thumbs up ; )
There seems to be a label for everything these days. It was only a few years back that particle physicists thought there were thousands of different types. “The particle Zoo”. It turns out that there were only a few types exhibiting different behaviors. One mans analogy.
Standard Model of Getting Laid :) Like particle physics, getting laid has ups, downs, charm, strangeness, and if you're gay, tops and bottoms:) Unfortunately, my interactions with women have so far been mostly been weak Interactions :( :)
Try some sunrisehoodie videos. He is on the rational side of MGTOW and it is a powerful way of thinking in focusing on bettering yourself and think of women as a 2nd priority if a priority at all. There are a few other MGTOW channels that are ok but you have to watch out for the extreme ones that just bash women.
Hmm yes its funny as one gets older... I now realise that a number of girls were actually throwing themselves at me but at the time I thought they were just fascinated with my opinions, or that all girls act the same with all guys. The best was a great girl who said 'my dad would really like you' and 'I want lots of kids' - or the tour courier who sent me 'girls just wanna have fun' on the last day. Wasted.
Being 54, i suddenly realized that finding your "tribe" is essential, as you said Joe, finding your neesh with people who understand your values, given that once you have established how you tick, you reach out, do what you love and that will attract like minded people. My feel is that we tend to over complicate personal relationships when we have been alone for an extended period of time.
My friends and family consider me bizarre because I am voluntarily chaste. While I have had relationships in the past (nearly getting married once), I ultimately decided relationships aren't worth the effort or drama. I do benefit by being an introvert; I don't typically get lonely or feel the need for companionship and I thrive on solitude.
I find this rather fascinating. As a gay man, I’ve always found it VERY easy to find someone to have sex with. I’m not even very attractive - more average than anything - but guys always want sex, so you can always find someone to hook up with. It made my 20s and 30s quite fun. I even made some great friends that way, after hooking up with them. I only wish I had gotten over my reluctance to have casual sex at an earlier age. I honestly think easy sex is a factor in why some straight men hate gay guys. They’re jealous, but they hide that in disgust or moral reprehension.
I'm also a gay guy who was a big slut in my twenties. For years I envied straight guys (and i still think fatherhood looks pretty great) and I had no idea how frustrating their twenties can be. One of my best friends was gay in his twenties and thirties but became heterosexual in his early forties, and I think he got the best of both worlds. He had a ton of sex before 40, and then after 40 he was fairly well sought after by women. Now he has a wife and daughter, and seems quite content.
Self love my friend, you can't expect someone to love you, if your unable to love yourself, not in a vein way but in a position of self respect. Know who you are and understand your ability to love, once your there you'll understand not everyone deserves to be part of your life.
As someone who has been in relationships with both genders, I can honestly say that both genders have their own peculiarities when it comes to dating and sex. There are plenty of women who can't get laid. Mostly that's about attractiveness, where with men, it's often the "creep factor." Even a good-looking guy who has money will strike out with women who look past the surface. Men are simply less likely to look past the surface when what they want is to get laid.
Thank you Joe. This is a topic that is on my mind alot lately- I'm a single male, and while I'm confident in my appeal, I do have a hard time finding women of the kind I am seeking. I'm lucky to have a passion-making youtube videos, for which you have been an important part of my inspiration/motivation..but I have really wanted to find a way to vocalize some of these things to alot of my single friends who struggle as well. I applaud you for how you address this. You're awesome, man. And you've given me some great ideas for how to share some thoughts with my bachelor buddies
It's a interesting topic for sure. My younger brother is single and I've noticed the single men around me tend to be very picky in my opinion sometimes shooting way out of their league. I'm curious when u say "kind" of woman what u mean. Totally not judging or being all feminist or anything. Just honestly curious. I study human sexuality and relationships as a hobby. 😁
Shauna Williams my point was essentially that for most men, getting any woman to look twice is a challenge, let alone figuring out how to identify ones which will be suitable matches without using inefficient methods
Men tend to have to either settle for the women who find them attractive - usually because of some niche trait and not because of overwhelming compatibility - remain single, or "trade up" as it were
You seem like a pretty reasonable, well to-do guy and I appreciate you not bashing but also understanding on all cylinders. I don’t really believe in love, but I try to stay positive contrary to my negative life experiences.
You shouldn't pay for the food like 100% of the time. We're in the 21st century - modern society. Women have equal rights and equal responsibilities. I only started paying for my old lady after we got together and were together for some time. Not that I mind it, it's just a matter of principle. If you want a strong, independent woman, get her to buy you a couple of beers in the bar on the first date, then return the favor on the next date. I'm sick and tired of spoiled princesses that are entitled to the world just because they have a vagina. Respect is a thing you earn, not a birthright.
I very much dig joe and his content. I live in dallas, literally ive seen joe irl several times, ive never approached or bothered him, but i very much identify with him, im pretty sure we went to the same high school, i think he was a jr when i was a freshman, so beyond the awesome space/science just cool videos he makes i connect with his content, very much makes me feel like talking to a friend, lss he is a little to the left of me politically, so i dont really like his sjw tangents, but this video is fair, its great, and honest, and very open, good show ol boy, i really enjoyed this one.
I think more important is having good social life.Most incels have real problem with social life and communication. Cause if you had a real friend or more friends you dont must to think about some girls , random problems , you just losing your time on some funny things
I always questioned why I can’t get a date...and I mean literally zero dates and I was always told to just be more confident, put yourself out there or just focus on improving yourself and girls will find you attractive but nothing ever worked until I found out about the blackpill and the reason I can’t get a date is not about my confidence it’s about my looks, height and race. I mean I’m 5’5 how the am I supposed to grow to 6’ to be attractive and don’t try to tell me about that friend of a friend who is 5’5 and has a gf girls already made it clear if you are not 6’ they are not attracted to you.
It seems like the best and worst part of the internet are the same thing: the ability to find groups of people you identify with and can sort of... grow, and bounce off each other. I wonder if, in the past, the lonely people just found meaning in something other than sex or relationships? Monks and nuns come to mind - their commitment helps them focus more on helping others than themselves. I wish people saw that life has so many more options, and types of relationships, than this one that they struggle to have. Life still has very real meaning, whether you find "the one," or get laid a lot, or whatnot. We are complete people on our own, and lives of solitude could have shown them that, but that is somehow still not what they see. They think they are missing so much by not dating, but I'd argue they have a GREATER opportunity than most ever get to see the world, and themselves, as they truly are. I myself am almost debilitatingly love-shy, and I say these things not as their enemy, but as someone who also understands rejection, though it's a somewhat different sort of rejection than that of an incel.
Came here looking for a definition of a word I'd heard. Left here knowing how to be a better person. Thank you, Joe.
The best received wisdom in the world came from a little old lady: "There is nothing as overrated as sex, and nothing as underrated as a good bowel movement."
I like that saying.
Any way.
I am now 71 years old.
When I was younger I went through all that and more
as most of us do.
Any way.
Here is a point of view that does have a humor aspect to it.
So there are Males and Females ,
And We Are Supposed to Get Along ?!
Do you get it??
------
When I was younger , sex was Real Important.
-
Now that I am older , Sex Is Way Over Rated.
-
I can easy live with out it and All Is Fine.
-
Masterbation 1 or 2 times a month to relieve that part ,
and All Is Fine.
-
A lot more to life then sex.
-
7.5 Billion Humans on the planet now , more are Not Required.
-
My vas deferens were cut a Long Time Ago in my late 20's ,
not sure of the year.
this is my facebook bio now! Thanks!!!
One of my best friends in elementary school was a really nice pretty girl who would sit with me on the bus. I remember one time, we were talking about what we thought an orgasm would feel like. She said "I think it's suppose to be like a really good poop but better" I'll always remember that. She was an angel lol
#testify
Sounds like nobody ever made that little old lady wet the sheets.
I went through a divorce about 5 months ago after 6 yrs of marriage so this being single thing is odd for me. Not having sex though? Who cares? I mean it just baffles me that people are so obsessed with it. Like you said Joe, just focus on being a good person and live your life with honor.
My life changed in my early 30s when I finally started asking "What is it I have to offer someone?" vs "What can I get out of someone else?"
I met my wife of 30+ years while pursuing my own interests in historical reenactment....
Nuf said.
Good video Joe.
Nerd
@@VideoboxInc I was more athletic than most nerds, but fair enough. Besides jerd sounds wrong. 😁
@@ghrey8282 as confederate soldier ?
SCA? I've been in 31 years, I'm a Peer, active, but after suddenly becoming single, it turns out I'm past the age of desirability. And putting up camp is really difficult alone.
@@WawanGunawan-oz6gi medieval reenactment. Never anything as recent as the civil war.
"The internet is a reflection of humanity..."
We're DOOMED! DOOOOMED, I tell ye!
@asdf I was channeling "Fraser" from the old series _Dad's Army_ - an aging, dour and somewhat pessimistic Scot whose main catch-phrase seemed to be "We're DOOMED! DOOOOOMED, I tell ye!" in a rich deep accent anytime things didn't look good to him - of course, it always worked out for them in the end... as I'm sure things will eventually. :)
OMG! I LOVE Dad's Army! 🤣 I really heard his voice when reading that.
@@Not_a_number_ :) Yeah, good value. John Laurie was *brilliant* in that role.
Watched a stage production of Dad's Army (2 short stories to make up the "play", my brother-in-law played Capt. Mainwaring) and they managed to get in a lot of the classic catch-phrases. Sadly, there wasn't an opportunity in the plot for Frazer to intone "We'rrrre DOOMED! DOOOOOMED, I tell ye!"
true but I personally think the human sociology plays a bigger impact than the human psychology.
We’re doomed if we wanna be.
THANK YOU. There is nowhere NEAR enough objectivity and kindhearted perspective out there on this topic. I'm a chick who's had an uncommon amount of direct conversations with socially awkward and/or maladjusted and/or confused guys, and the way people discuss the incel community/phenomenon is way too damn one-dimensional and sneetchy and generally boils down to blaming people for having legitimate social disorders. And that behavior from society just perpetuates the feedback loop and worsens the problem. People need to hear this message. Great video, I knew it would probably be good going in because I love your channel but this is absolutely stellar. Thanks for speaking out on this very delicate topic, particularly with such candor and vulnerability.
Amen! From what I have seen of incels, this is a social skills and mental health disorder. Sneering and judging don't help.
This channel needs to be rebranded "The Wisdom of Old Man Joe".
Thank you, Joe, for being so kind and empathetic. I imagine people on both sides of the issue could gain empathy for the “other” through this video. We need more of this in society. You’re a good guy.
Joe speaks the truth as usual. I just showed this to a mate of mine who has been falling into the incel community. He watched, sat silently for a couple of seconds, got a bit teary eyed and then said the golden words "Aaaaaah, right. That makes more sense" So well done Joe, I think you saved at least one. Good show, old chap and big love. :-)
powerful
Amazing
@@JonathanDLynch T'was pretty cool. Thanks for commenting, I'd forgotten that one! It's been a busy year.
@@jimbass1664 Yeah I'm pretty sure this video has been recommended to everyone recently. But good on ya. Any idea if his situation has improved?
@@panta_rhei.26 Thanks for asking dude. He's doing fine, he's thrown off the black dog now. (I'm English so we have to use a Churchill reference, it's the law. :-) )
I was 22 before I had my first girl. We're still together, it's our 29th wedding anniversary next week.
Colin Jones “Had” my first girl?! 😂 what kind of terminology...
Any way you take it, it's true 😉
then you won the coin toss of marriage and its 50% failure rate.
that's like saying 'i could have been an incel like you, but then i met 1 girl when i didn't have any options'
@@Kidmeification operantly it works 30 years later they are still together.
Ahhh... The Human Condition
Pain, envy, frustration, loneliness, disappointment, insecurity, social pressure, angst, remorse & depression.
And then it’s only down from then on.
But you're missing the other half of our human experiment. Perfection is a paradox, but we may one day be able to finally lock onto _Good_ 😏
I can confidently say that YOU are probably NOT a Motivational Speaker...LOL
I've always thought most people seem to have an unusual approach to attracting people. Firstly, they seem to see whoever they are trying to attract as a different species. It doesn't matter whether you are trying to attract a man or a woman, the rules of attraction are generally the same. Secondly, the word attractive is misleading, because, whilst looking good can be helpful, it can also be a hindrance in many cases and looking good is a very small part of being attractive. When people think the answers are to look good, have money, have a decent job and material things, they are not thinking on the right lines at all. There are people who will be attracted to those things, but they are a minority and are likely to end up unhappy or disillusioned.
The answer is simple. Think about the qualities you like in other people, then emulate those qualities. Some of these things can be difficult to emulate, like being funny, but many are easy, like being kind, thoughtful, considerate, caring, helpful, honest, reliable, etc. Anyone can do these things and their lives will be better as a result. It's no good to just pretend to be these things either, you have to genuinely adopt these attributes as a way of life, people can easily see through insincerity. People also need to accept that life is not a level playing field. Some people are just more attractive than others and it's still not about looks, it's most likely to be genetic, people are subconsciously drawn to people with good genetics, so that will help. The real key is just trying to be the best version of yourself.
I’m proud to say that all my romantic issues are mine and mine alone.
Passion about a subject - virtually anything - is attractive. I met my first gf because I was talking passionately about my job (at the time) dealing with asylum seekers. Women like empathic men, who try to do things that make the world a better, more interesting place.
Desperation is just about the least attractive feature one can have, man or woman
Not an "Incel," just a 27M going through a hard spell for a few years since a 5yr thing ending and just...Unsure. I'm diagnosed Asperger Syndrome and come with my quirks that many seem as too much or open/honest (no honeymoon period, very...structured, in my own way...)...I lost a major piece of me, that although my own choice out of toxicity, it left me feeling hollow and empty like a husk or shell, and since I've had to focus on my self in ways that pushed me forward in some ways (identifying a diagnosis of PTSD I had long since been pushing aside confirmation of) and backwards in others (fallen faith in my own abilities and skills; employment for example; animal medical field...I had to leave for now).
Basically, and perhaps some oversharing here so I apologize, I had just changed in ways I wasn't ready for without my other part, and lets face it; I wasn't meant to enjoy change whether necessary or not lol THIS was...major, to say the least.
I'm on the upswing now, at least I like to hope so.
I'm a man of plausibility, certainty and scrutiny. If I cannot fact check, the topic cannot be researched or tangibly tested, or a result seems unlikely by all forms of logic, I check out.
Hope...It's one of those. I rarely feel it. I almost always scrutinize the feeling when it arrives, test it against previous occasions to apply for likely outcomes given newer parameters, and accept or deny based on that...Then work forward with either continued hope or distracting from it with a hobby like gaming or gardening or art or fishing or something.
You have always made realistic sense. Not just to me, but as a whole. I've enjoyed your sense of humor; I've pondered much of what's been presented by you across your videos; I've given reflective thought to myself and my own view of...EVERYTHING because of you. Thanks to you, really.
I watched this knowing of the Incel concept and having witnessed the toxicity as you've described it, and have long since accepted how you presented this factually speaking.
As a person who often puts logic before emotion when entertaining the more "human" of experiences...I think I needed this reminder.
I'm thankful to you for the hope that you've given me.
You have a friend on Long Island, NY, and again, thank you.
What advice would you give a guy who's already gone through the process of self improvement and saw no improvement in his dating life regardless? I gained ~40 pounds lifting weights. I went from 5'8 and 115 pounds to 157 pounds over the course of several years, staying lean enough to have a little bit of ab definition. Graduated college and started my first salaried job at $50K/year in a modest cost of living area. Improved my conversation skills to the point that people seemed so fascinated with me I was getting asked to lunch constantly. I still couldn't even get my foot in the door in the dating arena. If I have to improve much more than that just to become adequate enough to be considered date-able by the very worst of women I don't think it's worth the effort...
Its not may place to tell anybody how to be/not be. But since you laid this out there I'd just like to suggest that what swings between our legs is only one (or three depending on how you count) of the many things we can focus our attention on. What wobbles between our ears is capable of engaging with the eternal mysteries and grand scope and fine poetry of existence. I'm pleased to have come to the point where taking a good whiz is the highest purpose to which my plumbing can be put. If we only ever look down at our zippers we never see the stars.
My best advice would be to develop and cultivate your social circle. From what I can tell, the social circle is the main problem for high functioning incels.
@John Sampson
I don't really think I need your opinion since your outlook on life is quite pathetic. But the fact that you need to compare yourself to a "Chad", whatever that is in your mind and rely on laughably simplistic views popular in the manosphere shows that you have failed to develop a healthy mindset.
For as long as that doesn't change, your situation won't either.
@@jaywilliams4397
It's the truth that good looking people have access to more sex? Yep. But it's not the truth that everyone else get nothing.
@@jaywilliams4397
No, it's not. The data does not show that.
Why did you have to pay for her food? If someone was so repulsive to me, when the bill came I’d say “We’re Splitting it.” It’s not as if she could refuse to pay for the food she ate... Maybe I don’t have the same perspective because 1. I’m gay and 2. I’ve lived in Germany most of my life where splitting the bill is normal even for couples, but having someone behave like that and be so entitled to assume I’d pay for it? I’d be furious with myself for weeks if I paid.
Dude, I went through that from my late teens to early 20s. You're right. In my case I remember just giving up on finding someone and just went to work to buy video games and that was it. Then 1 day I meet my future wife at work, dated 5 years, and been married for 15 years. She's easily my best friend. So yeah, just find what makes you you. Just be happy. Honestly, if I never went down this route and stayed single, I'd still be finding new things to try. Traveling would be awesome for a man in his 20s with nothing holding you back. See the world.
The fact she called them freaks, would have been a deal breaker for me. It's not the word, but the way she saw them. That word said it all.
It's coded into women DNA to be picky about potential mates. It's in men DNA to procreate. This causes some issues.
Checkmate theists
@@fuckYTIDontWantToUseMyRealName lol, what does that mean ? I know, I am kinda woooosh ,may be that's why I am also a perpetual incel .
@@chlorine5795 I believe they specifically mean christianity and that an intelligent designer would not have created such a fundamental problem in how humans work when theyre supposed to be created in a perfect image. Alternatively from an evoultionary standpoint both 1) the desire to pass on your genes as a male and 2) the desire to be selective of a mate in order to get the best genes for your offspring as a woman are reasonable developments. The disparity comes from the lack of intelligent design; rather it just worked
I know I'm over 2 years late to this convo and I'm posting this during the video...haven't seen the whole thing yet, but in 2020 now I think the newer thing is to call guys who praise a woman "simps". Sometimes men are indeed simps... the word meaning being too attentive or too submissive to women. The problem is, it's gotten so bad that if you pay a woman a compliment now, to some, you become a simp. That just reeks of bitterness to my ears.
I've heard so many incels talk angrily about how they'd treat the woman so well... like a queen... and yet the woman chooses the jerk instead of them. Here's the thing... the women don't want a simp. They DO want to be treated well, but they want a man who is their own person. A man who is interesting (Joe Scott is hitting on this very point as I'm listening to the video). They want to find the man interesting. They really don't want a jerk, but self-confidence IS attractive to them. Arrogance isn't, but sometimes one gets confused for the other in both directions.
Beyond that... I've noticed many incels are angry not because they are rejected by ALL women, but because they are rejected by the women they want. Meanwhile, there are women who are wonderful that probably never get the time of day from the incels... double standards.
I am an artist and a shaman, I have just begun living in my 61st year on Earth. I have always appreciated your honesty Joe. Keep up the good work young man. Peace.
Great video and content. You're correct about being a better person. If you focus inward you can become great, attractive and successful. Self-development is what we need to save the world. Thank you Joe for the mention. Cheers!
When I was 14 or so an older gentleman I was fishing with looked at me and said, "You can't make someone else happy if you aren't happy yourself kid."
The secret to getting laid...... Be amazing, be full of love and light and passion, and then when the panties hit the floor have no expectations of ownership or lordship for the encounter.
My wife came home from a 6 week course (she's in the Australian Army ) and said to me "I'm no longer in love with you and I think we should seperate" we had been married for 4 years and together for 14 years, so to say it hit me out of nowhere will have to do until I find better understatement. I left and had no where to go, so I lived in a shelter that I built myself in a huge rainforest. Lived there for 9 monthes, and it was Hell. Ive been homeless now for 6 years.
My confidence level droped so low that you would need an excavater to get to it. I mean how could I date women and say "hay, did you want to come back to the tent I have pitched in a friends back yard" hahahahaha!! Not F*#king likely. So as a consequence, I haven't had sex in 6 years, the last person I slept with was my ex-wife before she went on her course. I wouldn't know where to start even if I had my own place. I haven't asked a girl out in 20 years!
Anyways, thought I would share that.
Please if your going to comment, be gentle :)
There is probably some backpacker girl out there who would think you are living the dream while she sits in an office. Time heals all wounds, even if self inflicted. Def find yourself a place to live. Living in the elements is no joke.
Ben Rawner no sir, it is no joke, and I say to your backpacker "Try it"
Thank you for the reply :)
Have you tried getting involved in the drug community? It worked for me when I was in your place. It's great for networking, motivation, breaking through stigmas, and sometimes you get to feel good, better than good. Just don't do meth. If you start doing meth, you're gonna have a bad time.
Maybe give Tinder a try and advertise yourself as homeless and make clear what you're looking for. You might not get a pretty 22 year old 6 foot blonde, but if you're in a bigger city, given enough time, you might find either someone in a similar situation or just someone who doesn't care about material things. Anyway - good luck, mate!
Oh and I wouldn't go down the drug road Notmade ofPeople. In many cases that can also lead to the opposite (invert) or in the worst case lead to an early grave. Also, pretty tricky terrain, too many criminals involved - have to be careful.
I disagree with everyone here. The way to dig yourself out of the hole is to focus on you. As soon as you pull yourself up from the hole you're in, which you can do, you'll get you're shit together, and that's what makes you attractive. Girls don't want a guy that's just desperate to love someone, they want a guy that's dependable with his own passions and hobbies.
So true, @Joe Scott - TMI . Once you become comfortable in your own skin, stop worrying about what others think of you, etc., THAT is attractive. Players are unattractive. Narcissists are unattractive. Misogynists are unattractive. People that are well-read, empathetic, & have generous spirits are attractive.
I deny the whole "Incel" premise. Women are not sleeping with these guys voluntarily.
rejected celibate? recel
@@fabiansalazar1703 Crybaby works.
Glenn Martin
crybaby would be a pretty apt description if these men weren't going and shooting up women's yoga studios...
Until the internet, we just called em losers.
Those women are "revols" --- they voluntarily reject men who believe they are "incels." 😁
If a man is asking a woman on a date, he should expect to pay. If a woman asks a man on a date, she should pay. Why do men even pursue women in the first place, then complain that they had to make the effort in doing so? I've had men turn down my offer to split the bill, then use the fact they paid for the date against me when things don't work out.
People tend to bash the other people going through any given misfortunate, UNTIL THE SAME THING HAPPENS TO THEM.
THEN they come crawling to the very people they had been mocking and scoffing, asking them, "How did it happen to you? What was it like for you? How did you deal with it? Can you please tell me how to fix my problem, since you've been through the same thing before???
People are just absolute trash when it comes to how they treat people who have a problem that THEY don't have or have never experienced before...
The lack of consciousness, situational awareness, and situationally appropriate empathy and compassion in people today is just absolutely UNREAL.
People are no longer civilised, but arrogant, condescending, cold, callous, ruthless, brutal...until something happens TO THEM.
this is a very key point which is completely overlooked
Yeah exactly
OMG!! REALLY! no wonder you can't get any.
Perhaps you're associating with the wrong people? True empathy can be hard for a lot of people, but I see people try all the time.
I feel like we just had a heart to heart. It makes me sad so many people are in pain and you really shared yours tonight and more so sympathized openly & genuinely. Look where you've got come. Your wife is a lucky lady today although or because you suffered and rose to the challenge. Thx Joe
Wholly “F”, I needed this right now. Been following you awhile and enjoy your content. But your honesty slapped me across the face on this one. Been a rough few months. No more Pitty Potty.
Having a "dry spell" for a couple years is normal. Mine has been almost 20 years. And for the record, Incel has been co-opted by woman haters, leaving those that don't actually hate women, but just acknowledge they were dealt an unfortunate hand, to retreat to TFLers (true forced-loneliness). I considered myself a TFLer until very recently, precisely because of the whole "internalizing" thing. I haven't broken that 20 year dry spell yet, but I'm positive it'll happen soon. I really hope I'm not deluding myself again, though...
same :)
There is a popular saying, at least among half of the population, that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Simple question: Why would this only go for women?
I suspect the Sixties made things worse for a lot of men, by (1) loosening sexual more and thus making it so that if you couldn't get laid there MUST be something wrong with you, and (2) promoting the idea that sexuality is an inseparable part of having a worthwhile life.
> Once you stop looking for it, it finds you(referring to attention)
FFS, I'm so sick of being surrounded by people fiending for my attention including literally this second ad I'm typing this. I can never be alone and that's all I fixing want in life. Can I just not have attention? Please? I don't give a damn about all this reverse psychology bullshit the world wants to impose on me. I'm not pretending I don't want attention just so I can have it. I don't want it!
I think your perspective on this is spot on, Joe. I enjoy your take on most things, keep up the positivity.
Joe, I came across you on your other channel a while ago - for sciency stuff - and then later for that video on decapitation which is world class. But it's this channel which is in many ways more interesting. There's a reason why people like you - you're a good guy.
All the best to you and yours from my little patch of England.
The part where you talked about how You can focus on bettering by yourself and having motivation to make yourself a more desirable and happy person if you don’t have to worry about a girl anymore. For me the thing is having a girlfriend (I just had my first breakup a week ago) was the first real thing to motivate me to exercise more, to work even harder in school, to make myself a better person for her. I was always doing it for her, and that was much more motivating than doing it for me per say. I’m trying to recover but idk if this is more common than I think it is.
You are awesome, Joe. Thank you for your output on the subject and your kind words
You are so very wise, Scott.
At least, now you are.
I am a woman and my worst years were my twenties and some, not all my thirties.
But, by the time I reached forty, I felt more like I Did belong in my skin!
In conclusion, don't worry, your forties are coming, fast.
You will SHINE!!
I think this was one of the most informative videos I have seen. I hope it makes it out there for these guys to see because it would indeed help them turn things around. Your whole idea about finding something to get into (constructive for sure) would make them more attractive is right on target. Thanks for the great video.
Thank you Jill. I think of this topic often and I’m glad you have finally adjusted. I think that you and your wife are a great embodiment of this movement.
this is some of your best content. bless you Joe!
I needed this video man. Social anxiety is what fucks me up too
Nicely said. I've learned that over and over. If I'm lonely and let it get to me I know I come across as needy or desperate. The best relationships I've had happened when I was focused on bettering myself. Doing your own thing is very attractive.
I disagree that its the same... No matter how homely or unattractive a woman is, SOMEONE will have sex with her.. if your a very unattractive man, you are not getting laid! (Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, but its not the same.)
Everyone has seen honey boo boo. Possibly the most unattractive vulgar woman ever got knocked up 3 times. It won't be impossible for an unattractive guy to get laid but if he is a 2 she will have to be a -3.
Yon can be a savagly unattractive man as long as you have £150 to spare youre getting fucked.
For women ..not so much ... yes a man has lower standards and she will find it easier but them as a rule Women are not looking to get fucked they are looking for someone to share their lives with and that is *MUCH* harder then getting a cheeky fumble with an Escort!!!!
There are lots of unattractive men getting laid. Power and money go much, much further.
Simply not true, looks have little to do with ability to get laid, EVERYONE can get laid
We don't just want sex though. PIV sex (penis in vagina) does NOTHING for us. Now, if a guy wanted to volunteer to eat my pussy I would be all over it but men feel entitled to getting their dicks wet but not getting ME wet.
Iv seen guys put a few buff pics of themselves on tinder and include they were ex pedophiles and still got matches. If you dont have the looks you gotta make up for it other places. But yeah that blew my mind when I saw that some women would date a pedo if he was attractive.
I used to spiral a lot in my late teens and twentys, because not being able to pick up girls was (and still is) associated with being a loser, and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. And seemingly, there were only losers and assholes, because seemingly only assholes could get into any kind of relationship. Then I figured out that I am, in fact, a freak. Freaks are the best kind of people
The ladies do have it easier. Even if they don’t want something deeper they can still pick they cream of the crop.
Interesting enough a lot of them don't seem to think so when you ask them..
So you're jealous because women can find casual sx with a person who doesn't care about them, so what's that saying about what you want with a woman? What about if women want a hero gentlemen type who don't spend their time online promoting wife beating? It isn't so easy to find that
It's funny that you think all "women" are conventionally attractive, able-bodied younger women. Women who aren't attractive, women who have a physical disability and older women do not have the "pick of the crop" at all. The term "incel" itself was coined by a woman who was going through a prolonged dry spell.
The guy is talking about "average" women when they are young. Of course the older women get the harder it is for them to compete with younger women. Severe disabilites also have an effect on their chances. But they still can get laid pretty easily if they lower their standards because men are far less likely to turn down a one night stand unless you are 500 lbs and have something green growing out of your face. The issue is an average guy is more likely to be with an average woman than an average woman will be with an average man.
Bullshit. "average woman" to you also apparently means beautiful women are average, like you don't understand what "average" means. But again, beautiful men are far, far, far more choosy lookswise when it comes to their dating preference. Why do you think this behaviour is solely a female problem?
Men forget casual sex might be fun for some women but not worth the risk going back and he's creepy or evil and you're physically weaker. Sometimes it's easier to say you want more than upset someone you hardly know. I didn't want to be serious for a long time but fucking around was scary and held stigma. So guys, it may not be something you did wrong she won't go home with you, it's unfortunately what _other_ guys have done (and again -- possibly stigma) and a lot of us have scary experiences. I do. I have no idea why this was recommended 5yrs later but your honesty is appreciated. I enjoy this channel. ♡ I guess the chance is tiny this is seen.
Although there are many who confuse them, "just going through a dry spell" is not the same thing as involuntarily celibate. There are many men AND women (yes, women can be "incel" too) with life circumstances that make involuntary celibacy a real thing.
It isn't always something that can be fixed with a little patience and self-confidence boost, and it isn't something restricted to single people. There are many many people around the world trapped in sexless relationships. They are committed to a partner they love with whom they don't get to engage in physical expression of their feelings. This can be a terrible position to find oneself-- just being perseverant in the "dating scene" can't fix that dilemma when the dating scene is out of the picture.
The cumulative emotional damage of repeatedly feeling rejected by the person one loves over and over, thousands of times, can be absolutely enormous and crippling. Feeling worthless and undesirable and hopelessly trapped can completely destroy a person's self worth.
Finding help isn't as easy as the video suggests. Yes, we live in a modern society with many sources for help, but connecting to the right support can be a huge struggle. Some people suffer in the hurt, dark, depressed, crushed world of rejection for YEARS before finding a professional willing to take on their problem. Involuntary celibacy is not a problem routinely addressed by the bulk of therapists and counselors out there.
I was in a relationship like this. I loved her very much. Still do, but she wasn't sexually interested in me anymore so, I left her.
I don't regret it.
The use of the word trapped...as if the man has no agency. Is he physically chained to this woman person? Staying in an intimacy-less relationship is a choice. Why play the victim? The other person has stated what they want out of the relationship. If that isn't enough, go. Clearly the 'victim' has weighed the options and chosen to stay.
Also, sex or intimacy are not human rights. They are not actions and feelings one is entitled to, but something people share with whom they will.
Continuing that line of thought brings us to a simple conclusion. There is no entitlement to intimacy or partnership, no matter the reason for one's lack of a sexual partner. People have preferences, and it's a shame if you don't fit the bill, but that doesn't mean you are a loser or victim, and it doesn't make them evil for choosing what they choose.
What Joe says is absolutely applicable to all. One ought at some point be happy or at least content with one self and life. That happiness comes from within, not from a partner or sex. Those who haven't figured that out are doomed to be miserable and immature. The partner comes later, if at all. And if they don't, relationships are many things. Friendships, interests, activities for instance.
As for what women want. The days of women depending materially on men and therefore having to settle for, obey and service are over. They have been for some time. Many women and men in the modern world want an equal partner to share their life with, not to baby someone who deep down is immature, insecure or demanding and who will play victim when life gives them lemons.
I'm 33 and 5'6 and I've been ignored by 99% of women my entire life. I'm just recently realizing it's because i'm 5'6 and it's been a really rough time.
@@star5328
You're lucky that they just ignore you, and don't insult, slander and malign you for daring to find them attractive, or approach them.
@@Lanfeartyve Well said.
Oh Joe...
Try being a middle-aged woman who's involuntarily single. Yeah, he suddenly walked after 19 years. I'm finding that I'm not the target demographic for anything. A woman at 55 basically isn't wanted. Men want younger, hotter women. I look like someone's mom. I'm supposed to just be happy with playing with my grandkids. I'm supposed to buy a twin bed and give up on love and sex because who wants someone like me? ( And these are 'friends' saying these things) A post-menopausal woman is worth nothing on the dating market.
I'm decent looking, carefully groomed, well educated, personable, in therapy (after being dumped abruptly, coping is needful). I'm active, have hobbies, unloved in politics. But. But. At least a young guy has a life of opportunities ahead. I've been slide-lined with years ahead of me .
You’re still active in SCA? As much as anyone can be right now, that is. Stay healthy and eventually you and someone will find each other in that very tight community. If your ex was in SCA that makes it harder I’m sure, but there’s always a place in a grown man’s heart for a skilled woman with a sharp mind and a open heart. It’s just a matter of the right grown man. Give yourself time and give life time to get out of our massive quarantine. Your life will shine as bright as you let it.
I’m only 47, but I’m damn glad I’m married to a 45 year old. Younger people are definitely easy to look at, but much harder to listen to!
I hear you Laura..same boat, older men want younger and hotter women, dating sites are just a scam..given up on that. Like Joe said i focus on myself now and my inner peace and whatever I find joy in.
@@robinsonkaspar3395 My grandmother found love at 72 after her husband died.
Not all older men want a younger woman. There ARE mature men out there who value life experience, emotional maturity, kindness, integrity and a thousand other traits not based in sex or personal image. I think most men really want someone they can be their complete self with, just like most women do.
The dudes who won't consider you for who you are, aren't really worth your time anyway. Ask yourself "what do I value?". BE what you value. If you say you value kindness, for example, but won't look at the available and kind "joe average" guy because he isn't as hot as Harrison Ford, you are being hypocritical.
@@wisecoconut5 Older men who struggled to find women in the past may be wishing to have children of their own, and older women cannot have children. Others who are looking for companionship on the other hand are something else yet again.
You didn't touch on the good number of self identified Incels who are disfigured or have very visible signs of disease or sickness that leave them pariahs in the dating world. There are Incels with all sorts of mental and physical disorders who may otherwise have their lives together but are truly shunned in any romantic sense for obvious reasons. Not even going that severe there are incels who are just objectively (as far as anyone they've ever encountered has indicated) ugly, just off-putting to look at, to the point their dating prospects are nil and void. These are people who aren't just going through a dry spell, they may be virgins in mid-life or go decades between even being thought of by someone else in a romantic sense if at all. Just thought it odd that you didn't mention this type of Incel as they surely have the most valid claim to the title.
Yeah those folks have a rough road. I hope they can find their own support groups that aren’t as toxic as the incel forums that the rest of us have seen. They surely deserve better than self loathing, or persistent anger at a society with no room for them romantically. Some sort of emotional/social support network to fill in the empty spaces that society fills for everyone else.
It isn’t fair, no one gets what they deserve, and that’s the good news about the universe. In the end, we have to support each other, and the truly undatable folks deserve the care and support of someone. Online, I hope it can be each other, and not the self-abusive poseurs, the narcissists and violence enthusiasts who make the incel “community” dangerous to themselves and others.
It deeply sucks though, I absolutely acknowledge that.
@@robinsonkaspar3395 we should be allowed to end our lives with a doctors assistance because we want it, not because we need to be on the verge of death already!
If you think you’re going through a dry spell now just wait until you’re married 😂
dude you don't have to be married to know. just living with the same person for years is equivalent to married life to an extent.
Joseph Samarrippas yup, luckily we’d been together a decade before we got married so I knew what I was in for. Wouldn’t change it though, eventually you realise there’s more to life... but damn, sometimes 🙄
This made me laugh so hard.
thanks man, I wanna say personally I am 29 and I have a 4 year old son that me and my son watched his mother walk away about a year ago and never looked back. its sad, I love science , technology and I do believe in higher powers, god of course, I have seen a lot in the last 7 years that has made the basic definition of myself.
Joseph Samarrippas I’m 30 with a 6 year old boy. Man that’s tough, I don’t know how I’d cope going through something like that. Sounds like he’s got a great dad to be teaching him about the beauty and wonder of the world around him even when you must feel surrounded by crap. Keep strong, doing what you’re doing and one day he’ll make you as proud as I’m sure your parents are of you.
Having been in too many dry spells the one thing that got me out of it was the realization that there are advantages to being single. There is not such thing as a perfect situation. Conversely there is not such thing as a completely imperfect situation. Preferable? Maybe. But, make the most of the situation you are in. I found that being in a relationship is restricting. Being single you can do anything at any given time. Stay up late and go for a 2am drive. Binge watch Star Trek until 4am. Any time someone else is involved they need to agree to it or at least aware of it.
There used to be female incels like in 2004. I did a study in college and there was a forum where I communicated with them. (which no longer exists). The word incel once meant insecure and projecting. Now it means insecure projecting entitled impulsive men. It's my observation that the only "toxic masculinity" that exists in the real world comes from the most entitled and impulsive men. Incels are, by and large, the types who objectify people. They see men as more handsome and better than them and women as pieces of meat who all hate men. TL; DR: Today's "incels" are all the same, and none are good people.
To be fair I think there's a difference between having dry spells and being a kissless virgin in your mid 20's. I know it because I was a kissless virgin at 26. I even was a member of the infamous "love-shy" forum.
After that I've had a couple of really brief relationships and really long dry spells, but it's not the same once you know what it's like to be loved, or at least what it's like to have somebody who actually cares about you.
I'm in a relationship right now, and I've never felt so much loved in my life. It's nice.
+jeromesnail It's not only about the feeling of someone caring about you but the fact that somebody actually desires you. Somebody that lustfully desires you and eventually validating you. I've never ever had that feeling until now at the age of 38 going on 39 I know I sound pretty fuckin pathetic but hey some people just aren't handed with a good stack of cards. I look a lot younger for my age by the way.
You're right and he has no clue what he's talking about. I'm a good looking guy that can get laid so I've always felt bad for incels and see why they are upset.
Joe on the other hand clearly views himself as a former incel who worked past it. Which isn't the case...
I wouldn't take his opinion seriously.
May sound weird but I think incels only real allies (aside from each other) are guys who can get laid easily. We don't try to make ourselves the victim...instead we actually feel bad for you.
Time is both an enemy and an ally as life fills out. The influence of hormones has its time of dominance and it would truly benefit us all to realize this. Errors are made when confronted with an imperative, but admitting that possibility will help you proceed with your life. Loving your self will open a cascade of love for others. Keep on truckin’‼️
Wonderful post. Absolutely agree. Thanks Joe.
Very well said Joe. Will just add this myself as well, guys have no rush what so ever. A colleague of mine was actually 40 when he had his first child.
It's also way easier to figure out what you want in a partner after you have figured out yourself first. I also believe most girls will break up with a guy that hasn't figure himself out first because they will usually reach a point where the girl want to move things forward (have kids for example) but the guy will stay where he is.
Thanks Joe. Great video. I only hope that the right people hear it.
I was think that mean every day sex and when you wish no need to ask
You have some ok advice for some people but be careful there are other ppl out there really hurting and been going through this for up to decades. This whole thing can become quite complex and very tragic.
On a more serious note; I met my wife when I had basically given up "looking", and started just doing my own thing.
While I would perhaps turn a phrase differently than you, I strongly agree that your premise has merit.
Gender dynamics are completely different at 20, 30 and 40.
I have given up some time ago and since then its even worse. As a man nothing in your life will come your way by itself unless you make it come
@Zeke Bean the things i enjoy dont include people tho
It's not focused on lack of sex. It's the lack of attention or feeling loved as well. I watched a debate between a non-insane incel and a UA-camr recently, it's mostly guys that think genetics or uncontrollable circumstances keeping certain guys from ever experiencing affection or emotional support. A lot of these guys have problems or are just (not to be rude) really ugly or awkward and have gone 30 years never having a real conversation with a girl or knowing what a kiss is like. I feel bad for the regular guys that've fallen into that mindset, I could've related back when I was 19. But there's a psychopathic literally homicidal side of the community, that side of it is just crazy.
That settles it I guess.
If you go anywhere incels congregate, you can't separate the misogyny from the incel. What woman who doesn't have an ulterior motive wants to put the energy into caring about a guy who worships a mass shooter who wanted to put women into concentration camps to starve to death? If they just want to be loved, they should stop thinking of women as the enemy.
Do you see a world where only beautiful people ever find love? In the last step of the scientific theory, you must compare your "theory" to real life and if it doesn't match, it's entirely wrong. Unless you are an incredibly shallow person regardless of gender, a bad personality trumps even good looks.
Do you want to point out where, exactly, I called you shallow? Holy fuck, man. Persecution complex, much? Again, look at your theory compared to the real world. If your theory needs "woman" to equal hot, pretty young woman in order to accurately represent what you see out there, you and your theory is full of shit.
And realistically, I see a hell of a lot more pretty young women with ordinary looking guys who make them laugh than I do see handsome young men with ordinary girls who make them laugh. So...if your theory is correct, surely you must agree with me that men are by far the worst offenders of this blatant behaviour?
Yep you nailed it.
Be yourself and let your light shine.
And nurture friendships that exist purely for companionship.
I’ve read some of the posts from these guys. They are covered in spots from people using 10 foot poles on them. The ones I read were self important and unbelievably gross and obnoxious. They need to look at the,selfs and put on deodorant instead of blaming others. The last part of what you said is dead on.
The best advice I ever heard about finding a relationship with the opposite sex was, place yourself round them!
Years later when I worked in a job with 50% women and 20% gays. I discovered this is SO TRUE!!!
Joe, you're an awesome dude. Thanks for this PSA. You nailed it here.
Very random video! But I totally agree with your argument. The fact that you have relationship problems is your responsibility. Taking that responsibility is uplifting in itself. When you do you can start focusing on the elements in life you can control and don’t worry about the things you can’t!
I hated when people used to give me this advice. I couldn't be told that. I had to do it myself. I've been on a two year dry spell and at this point I stopped trying because I still have too much I have to get on order myself. So, some people can't be told this but have to arrive to it organically. I'm not necessarily happy being single. But, I'm not miserable or bitter about it like I used to be. It also helps that there's much more on my plate now than in the past. So, there's a distraction there.
Honestly, I've heard the word used as an insult a lot. Its painful to hear, as if we as humans should make fun of anybody who is involuntarily apart of anything they dont want to be.
All that will do is reinforce (true or not) the negative views the have and push them to further extremes.
We're all humans with flaws, but everyone has some redeeming qualities. Life is about trying to find those and improve on them, imo.
No self-respecting woman wants to date a man who is unemployed or underemployed, and it's not all about money. What's appealing about a guy who is lazy, lacks ambition, or is incompetent?
You are so wrong. I'm a self-respecting woman (with my own money, car, and home), and I have dated unemployed and underemployed men. That absolutely does not mean that someone is lazy, lacks ambition, or is incompetent. The majority of people are unemployed or underemployed at times in our lives, including myself, and it has nothing to do with any of those things, and rarely does. Shame on you for being so ignorant and shallow. Your comment makes women (mostly you) look bad.
I never had a random girl buy me a drink or a date paying for my dinner.
@@BloomingFireHeart No shit. The world's full of gold diggers.
Same bro. But I haven't bought for rando's either. Some women might be offended if you try to buy them a drink or dinner.
Same.
There are probably multiple reasons for this. A main one, THE main one in my opinion, is that women buying men food or drinks randomly is not a social norm. That is a male norm, that conveys his ability to provide financial security. Women need security like a man needs approval, so please give this a thumbs up ; )
Richard Ramirez--- the serial killer-- had packed courtrooms of female admirers.
There seems to be a label for everything these days. It was only a few years back that particle physicists thought there were thousands of different types. “The particle Zoo”. It turns out that there were only a few types exhibiting different behaviors. One mans analogy.
Standard Model of Getting Laid :)
Like particle physics, getting laid has ups, downs, charm, strangeness, and if you're gay, tops and bottoms:)
Unfortunately, my interactions with women have so far been mostly been weak Interactions :(
:)
@William Loudermilk I miss the time when I cared about that sort of thing. This year has brought far greater disappointments than this.
As a single 22 year old guy who has been feeling rough this year, I’m so glad that I found this video. That Incel stuff is so depressing and selfish.
Try some sunrisehoodie videos. He is on the rational side of MGTOW and it is a powerful way of thinking in focusing on bettering yourself and think of women as a 2nd priority if a priority at all. There are a few other MGTOW channels that are ok but you have to watch out for the extreme ones that just bash women.
Get out there and experience life and get something to contribute to others and practice the art of caring and treating others great.
Hmm yes its funny as one gets older... I now realise that a number of girls were actually throwing themselves at me but at the time I thought they were just fascinated with my opinions, or that all girls act the same with all guys. The best was a great girl who said 'my dad would really like you' and 'I want lots of kids' - or the tour courier who sent me 'girls just wanna have fun' on the last day. Wasted.
Being 54, i suddenly realized that finding your "tribe" is essential, as you said Joe, finding your neesh with people who understand your values, given that once you have established how you tick, you reach out, do what you love and that will attract like minded people. My feel is that we tend to over complicate personal relationships when we have been alone for an extended period of time.
My friends and family consider me bizarre because I am voluntarily chaste. While I have had relationships in the past (nearly getting married once), I ultimately decided relationships aren't worth the effort or drama. I do benefit by being an introvert; I don't typically get lonely or feel the need for companionship and I thrive on solitude.
This video made me fall in love with you. So articulate and awesome in reasonableness. Keep on keeping on brother. 😎👍
I find this rather fascinating. As a gay man, I’ve always found it VERY easy to find someone to have sex with. I’m not even very attractive - more average than anything - but guys always want sex, so you can always find someone to hook up with. It made my 20s and 30s quite fun. I even made some great friends that way, after hooking up with them. I only wish I had gotten over my reluctance to have casual sex at an earlier age.
I honestly think easy sex is a factor in why some straight men hate gay guys. They’re jealous, but they hide that in disgust or moral reprehension.
I'm also a gay guy who was a big slut in my twenties. For years I envied straight guys (and i still think fatherhood looks pretty great) and I had no idea how frustrating their twenties can be. One of my best friends was gay in his twenties and thirties but became heterosexual in his early forties, and I think he got the best of both worlds. He had a ton of sex before 40, and then after 40 he was fairly well sought after by women. Now he has a wife and daughter, and seems quite content.
I'm gay too, and we gays know it's easy to get laid, it's finding the "genuine relationships" that are hard to attain, socially and romantically
What a great perspective to have! Excellent advice IMO, Joe.
Self love my friend, you can't expect someone to love you, if your unable to love yourself, not in a vein way but in a position of self respect. Know who you are and understand your ability to love, once your there you'll understand not everyone deserves to be part of your life.
I love you Joe! You are such an awesome human being... thank you! ❤❤❤
I've been an incel. But, after my last girlfriend, I'm a total volcel.
As someone who has been in relationships with both genders, I can honestly say that both genders have their own peculiarities when it comes to dating and sex. There are plenty of women who can't get laid. Mostly that's about attractiveness, where with men, it's often the "creep factor." Even a good-looking guy who has money will strike out with women who look past the surface. Men are simply less likely to look past the surface when what they want is to get laid.
You're now my philosopher. I can relate to this. It's true and yes if an individual has that aura -- people will notice. Great PSA.
Thanks Joe you're a good guy. This video hit home for me.
Thank you Joe. This is a topic that is on my mind alot lately- I'm a single male, and while I'm confident in my appeal, I do have a hard time finding women of the kind I am seeking. I'm lucky to have a passion-making youtube videos, for which you have been an important part of my inspiration/motivation..but I have really wanted to find a way to vocalize some of these things to alot of my single friends who struggle as well.
I applaud you for how you address this. You're awesome, man. And you've given me some great ideas for how to share some thoughts with my bachelor buddies
Ty T nice coment man :)
It's a interesting topic for sure. My younger brother is single and I've noticed the single men around me tend to be very picky in my opinion sometimes shooting way out of their league. I'm curious when u say "kind" of woman what u mean. Totally not judging or being all feminist or anything. Just honestly curious. I study human sexuality and relationships as a hobby. 😁
Shauna Williams able to name a book they've read, for one thing. That alone pretty much ensures I will be single til I return to academics
Shauna Williams my point was essentially that for most men, getting any woman to look twice is a challenge, let alone figuring out how to identify ones which will be suitable matches without using inefficient methods
Men tend to have to either settle for the women who find them attractive - usually because of some niche trait and not because of overwhelming compatibility - remain single, or "trade up" as it were
You seem like a pretty reasonable, well to-do guy and I appreciate you not bashing but also understanding on all cylinders. I don’t really believe in love, but I try to stay positive contrary to my negative life experiences.
You shouldn't pay for the food like 100% of the time. We're in the 21st century - modern society. Women have equal rights and equal responsibilities. I only started paying for my old lady after we got together and were together for some time. Not that I mind it, it's just a matter of principle. If you want a strong, independent woman, get her to buy you a couple of beers in the bar on the first date, then return the favor on the next date. I'm sick and tired of spoiled princesses that are entitled to the world just because they have a vagina. Respect is a thing you earn, not a birthright.
Tell me about it. Look at all the gold diggers in the world.
ua-cam.com/video/Ve33ajrEGCQ/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/1oLAzBvG3rs/v-deo.html
Correction: Women have equal rights but do not want equal responsibilities. But the “entitlement princesses” you are spot on.
Sure but mating rituals exists for a reason.
I very much dig joe and his content. I live in dallas, literally ive seen joe irl several times, ive never approached or bothered him, but i very much identify with him, im pretty sure we went to the same high school, i think he was a jr when i was a freshman, so beyond the awesome space/science just cool videos he makes i connect with his content, very much makes me feel like talking to a friend, lss he is a little to the left of me politically, so i dont really like his sjw tangents, but this video is fair, its great, and honest, and very open, good show ol boy, i really enjoyed this one.
The best way I've heard Incels described is "failed narcissists".
I think more important is having good social life.Most incels have real problem with social life and communication. Cause if you had a real friend or more friends you dont must to think about some girls , random problems , you just losing your time on some funny things
most of them are spergs
You nailed it 100% Great video.
Thank you, Joe ♡
I always questioned why I can’t get a date...and I mean literally zero dates and I was always told to just be more confident, put yourself out there or just focus on improving yourself and girls will find you attractive but nothing ever worked until I found out about the blackpill and the reason I can’t get a date is not about my confidence it’s about my looks, height and race. I mean I’m 5’5 how the am I supposed to grow to 6’ to be attractive and don’t try to tell me about that friend of a friend who is 5’5 and has a gf girls already made it clear if you are not 6’ they are not attracted to you.
It seems like the best and worst part of the internet are the same thing: the ability to find groups of people you identify with and can sort of... grow, and bounce off each other. I wonder if, in the past, the lonely people just found meaning in something other than sex or relationships? Monks and nuns come to mind - their commitment helps them focus more on helping others than themselves. I wish people saw that life has so many more options, and types of relationships, than this one that they struggle to have. Life still has very real meaning, whether you find "the one," or get laid a lot, or whatnot. We are complete people on our own, and lives of solitude could have shown them that, but that is somehow still not what they see. They think they are missing so much by not dating, but I'd argue they have a GREATER opportunity than most ever get to see the world, and themselves, as they truly are.
I myself am almost debilitatingly love-shy, and I say these things not as their enemy, but as someone who also understands rejection, though it's a somewhat different sort of rejection than that of an incel.
Finally, somebody who gets it! Thanks for the definitive video on this much discussed, misunderstood topic