Therapist Reacts to A QUIET PLACE
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- Опубліковано 23 чер 2024
- Grief, trauma, parenting... these are all difficult to navigate under the best of circumstances, and nearly impossible during an apocalyptic monster invasion. Yet somehow John Krasinski and Emily Blunt face it all with strength and love in A Quiet Place.
Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright talk about the powerful relationships and stunning filmmaking in A Quiet Place. There's a lot we can learn about dealing with grief, healing after tragedy, parenting, marriage, and of course how to survive if sound-detecting monster creatures invade the planet.
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Our ONWARD episode also talks about dealing with grief and healing from loss:
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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Luke Mclean
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis - Фільми й анімація
Jonathan: SHHHHHHHH ᴵ'ᵐ ᴶᵒⁿᵃᵗʰᵃⁿ ᴰᵉᶜᵏᵉʳ, ˡⁱᶜᵉⁿˢᵉᵈ ᵗʰᵉʳᵃᵖⁱˢᵗ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᴵ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵐᵒᵛⁱᵉˢ
Also Jonathan: *aggressively eats popcorn*
Plus that look Alan gave him.
That is how I would cope with a horror movie
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*ah yes, finally some GOOD HECKIN POPCORN*
I deeply appreciate your formatting of this comment! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
But seriously, "sandwich the kids with love and safety" is the way to go. In the fellowship of the ring Aragorn always was in the back, the hobbits walking in front of him. It shows affection and protective instincts. And that the hobbits are kids in every way
Give us more examples of healthy marriages in the big screen.
that's adorable 🥺😂
Unless if you are sitting down. My parents had to always separate us or we would be too rowdy.
What Aragon did is also standard pack behaviour.
Shows that it was completely instinctual, not a learned 'I have to do this to be the guy who does the right thing' display.
Legolas and his elven eyes in the front scouting, Aragorn in the back making sure everyone is safe.
@@TheMajorStranger yup, look at packs of dogs: the more... assertive or scouting ones out front, guards, bruisers and tanks in the rear.
I love the they hired a young actress with a disability, she TAUGHT THEM sign language to make sure it was authentic.
Damn that's awesome
Johnathon said there was an interpreter.
@@NightWink129 The actress also worked with an interpreter on set, but she helped the other actors playing the family with their sign language.
That is indeed awesome.
that's so cool!
6:29 is a great example of how hiring a deaf actress to play a deaf character emphasizes the skill of speaking sign language. She truly SPEAKS with her hands; when she says "stop" you can hear her voice. She hasn't just learned for the purpose of the film but she's already lived her life with her hands as her most expressive and communicative sense. Isolating the sound of her hands on her palms in that scene makes it so powerful. And for that, I think she's a great young actress, especially in this role.
I remember hearing or read that John Krasinski was set on making sure a Deaf actress would play the role
I personally love how they f-ed up the Second Movie so hard that it retrospectively makes those 2 UA-camrs here be wrong about 'Its good how they grieve: No one's at fault" by showing us that those Parents ARE STUPID BEYOND STUPID and kinda killed their Child.
This. She uses her sign language to communicate way more than just words. You can see the tone, the pacing - all the stuff you would see in a spoken language. You can tell this is someone who truly speaks that language - not just someone who's learned to mimic the words.
Not that it's not awesome to learn other languages, including sign. It's just always gonna be pretty obvious to an extent who is a "native" speaker versus who has been taught later in life, because there's always certain things you can't pick up on from a crash course.
@@LordofFullmetal Random Question:
Ever thought of using the report-system that UA-cam has to get the plattform to be less s-ual and p0rn-filled?
Cause its easy, i tell ya, to search them up and flag them real quick.
@@slevinchannel7589 the relevance is?
When he said "guilt should have a purpose" that struck me hard. Guilt should serve the purpose of motivating you to set things right, and once that's done, it is useless. It's such a self-evident concept, but I wish I understood it years ago.
And I find it hard to keep that mentality. It's easy to go back into the box of beating yourself up.
That speech about guilt was more useful to me than anythyn several therapists, psychologist, etc have ever said to me.
But you back then probably wouldn’t have ever understood what it really meant and even if they did, you were too young to have the confidence to apply it
It's easy to understand in theory but hard to really follow it
I learned about the "good guilt and bad guilt" in their analysis of Tony Stark's PTSD. Very profound. I'm getting free therapy on this channel.
The sad thing is that people would die for their kids in a blink of an eye, but wouldn't learn to love them better, wouldn't do the hard work of getting rid of their own issues so the kids can have a good life - the very life the parents would die for to preserve. How many people have a chance in their lifetime to actually give their life for their kids? It's far easier sometimes to physical give than to give the deeper gift of spiritual and emotional health.
So much this.
I don't remember where I heard this quote, but it went something like "it's easy to say I'd die for you, true love is when you can say I'll live for you" I think I messed it up but something like that.
@@0ptixs didn’t the joker tell Harley Quinn that in suicide squad before they jumped into the vat of acid?
OMG absolutely this. I wish more people realised the damage they did by not dealing with their own stuff.
@@mollybean461well I really hope not because I really liked that quote
The way Emily Blunt says, "My hands were *free*," just breaks my heart. When tragedy strikes, we can fixate on the smallest details of how we might have changed the outcome, and I think this is a perfect portrayal of that.
That scene absolutely breaks me every time I watch it. Her performance is just phenomenal.
17:22 she's giving her brother what he wanted: a light-up toy. She's cutting the green cord that connects the sound, so even in death, her brother can safely play with his toy (and any other passersby won't be put in danger by accidentally triggering the sound).
It's so mortifying that all they had to do cut one wire and change their walking formation to avert a tragedy.
@@wesleywallace4426 true, if she just hadn't given him the toy and the parents had the children in their sight then he wouldn't have died, i blame all 3 of them cause who let's their toddler walk behind them, especially in a monster filled world, that's ridiculous
@@glamgirl854 they are still children and they are still human
@@glamgirl854I think that’s what makes the story so great, to me it seems like they all blame themselves (maybe except for the oldest son)
@@stephaniesantiago92 exactly, there's lots of cases where kids go out playing and someone gets killed by accident.
I want to thank Alan for being so open and honest about his experiences and struggles. It's so brave to talk about that in general, but doing so on a platform like this is really amazing. It helps me understand that vulnerability is okay. It's awesome. I mean, I wish you didn't have these struggles in the first place but I deeply appreciate the way you trust us the way you do.
Wow, thank you! The thing is, everybody has struggles. We all just need to recognize that in each other, help and support each other where we can.
Thank you for earning my trust!
All the struggles I've ever had were solved by my self, but being vulnerable to someone else and admitting to those vulnerabilities and struggles sure does feel better than just keeping them piled up like toxins fucking up my self, but does it make the other party listening to me fucked up if it is i think I'll just keep my trauma to my self
@@nolashingout4940 depends on the party so just know that you can trust them enough to treat you well and that they can handle understanding your situation
@@everythingdibs344 It's my boyfriend, i feel OK in being vulnerable to my big lug
@@nolashingout4940 good for you
I'm a young woman who's hard-of-hearing and used hearing aids all my life. I loved this movie, but my dad literally cannot watch it. He stopped at the part when the dad tries to give the daughter upgraded hearing aids; it just hits way too close to home for him. If my dad ever finished the movie, he'd be a sobbing mess :'(
thats so sweet, what a wonderful dad
Hope you and your dad are doing well
If your dad _does_ ever finish the movie, you better be nearby to reassure him that both you and he are ok. {thumbs up}
@@kwalker123 Absolutely!
has he watched the whole movie yet?
It was actually Millie (the daughter's) idea to include the line "I have always loved you." The daughter realizes when her dad signs it that he never stopped loving her or that he blamed her for her brother's death, and I think it makes her reaction to his sacrifice more profound.
I have had many therapists tell me that I have to have self love before someone else can love me. I always took that in as I’m not worthy of others love until I love myself which, of course, was not at all helpful. This is the first time I’ve heard self love explained in way that made total sense to me and I finally got it. Between the self love talk and talk of guilt (healthy vs unhealthy) this is a perspective shifting episode. Thank you so much for doing this show.
If the therapists phrased it as "you have to love yourself before someone else can love you" then they need to be kicked repeatedly in the crotch. I was told "if you don't love yourself you can never *believe* or accept that someone else loves you" and also that I can't actually give of myself if I don't value that which I am giving. You need to know that you are *worthy* of love and also that what you give of your time, your emotion and your engagement is of value because *you* have value.
I know the 'love yourself first...' blah blah but so hard to actually do it
@@mwuahugz1115 I don't think you need to love yourself. Just thinking that you are okay sometimes and doing the best you are mentally able to do, is enough. Everything else just pushes too much pressure on yourself and doesn't help at all.
Edit: And as Wolf NZ Outdoors said you need to know that you have value. I think that's the single most important thing to realize: You have value simply because you exist and because you are you and therefor you have the right to express yourself and get a piece of the world for yourself.
As a gay man who took years to learn to love himself I have always, always hated the line from Rupaul’s catchphrase “if you can’t love yourself how the hell you gonna love somebody else”?. Just because all those yrs of not truly loving myself DOES NOT mean I was incapable of loving others. I LOVE my baby brother and I LOVE my best friend. They are my rocks in life. So how dare anyone in this world make me feel that way. Or say it’s not love.
@@wolf1066 Being somebody with low self esteem and always being surrounded by people who are always more competent than me in more ways than one, it's really hard to believe I'm of any kind of worth. Almost 3 years ago, I got into a relationship with my friend. It was really rocky since I'd just gotten out of an online relationship with a cheating ex. I was constantly paranoid, looking at the end and knowing it's gonna end the same way. But somehow, she'd always have the patience to reassure me. During one of these episodes, she told me "You don't have to be scared, I love you". Something so small and so simple, and something we tell each other everyday, that was the first time in my life I actually felt safe. I can't ever thank her enough for being my hero
"Healthy marriage movies" I am once again preaching to 'The Addams Family' relationship between Gomez and Morticia.🖤
At least the old ones. The original and the Black and white were about a crooky family that even thou they are diferent and have diferent values, they treat other with kindness and respect. Even thou they are rich they respect others and NEVER UNDERVALUE OR MISTREAT no one.
Most of that was lost on the movies, even the old ones.
I will never not like a comment recognizing their healthy relationship 🖤
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YESS☝️
Did anybody else infer that when John screams he was actually showing for the first time his grief for the loss of his son while simultaneously releasing it?
This is totally that. That scream is grief, not bravery. Like, it totally was brave, but the emotion behind that is the soul-wrenching grief behind the loss of his son.
For me, it didn't read as grief for his son, but rather grief for his daughter and how he never realized how just much she was hurting. I'm sure it was meant to have that be cumulative, as of course he had pent up grief, but I read that mostly as about his daughter and the fact that he knew he was losing them all in that moment.
Wow I never would’ve realized that myself, I also can’t help but think maybe the stress and overwhelming emotions he feels trying to protect his family and failing to do so also coming out as well? I love how many interpretations you can make of his scream.
@@justarandompeep8945 Along with the fact that he was going to finally die
Wow, that's an incredible observation. Love it
I hope your kids watch these videos and understand just how much you love them. The world needs more dads like you two.
Aw.. Thanks. We try. Don't always succeed.
@@CinemaTherapyShow and that's okay 🙏
@@catherine7818 I didn't expect the comments to make me tear up today.
I'm 17, and lost my dad to Covid in Janurary, it's been months and I'm still battling with guilt and denial, but you're videos are very helpful and they help me confront my pain 🙏 thank you guys
You're very welcome, and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Sorry for your loss.
I pray and hope u r at peace. Jesus is still with u.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry ❤️
We finally got both Alan and Jonathan get emotional. You are building and empire over tears and vulnerability. We love it
My emotions aren't as near the surface as Alan's (which is not an insult, just an observation) but they're definitely there. See our Inside Out ep for the other time so far that the movie and conversation got to me :) We've got an episode coming up where I go "full Alan." I was a wreck, in a healthy way. After filming we laughed as I empathized with how exhausted he must feel after our shoots. - Jonathan
@@CinemaTherapyShow Can't wait!!! And don't worry, most of the time I tear along with you guys. Bring forth the tears!!!
What do you mean "finally"?
Read my thoughts! I was pleased to see Jonathan get emotional this time too, which made sense, considering the subject matter. Keep crying and choking up and being vulnerable! Our society needs this! Perhaps now more than ever.
@@summerskull9379 They meant it as a tease I think, as Alan is always the one getting openly emotional during movies that have an influence (e.g. Inside Out), and Jonathan is a little more tough-skin (comes with being a therapist I think because I keep getting lectured about me being emotional, but I ignore them as it is my way of showing empathy to others and I am majoring in psych, soooo....yeah. Let me be empathetic to be sympathetic :). But yeah, this commentor is saying there's a movie where both Jonathan and Alan are crying and are openly emotional for similar reasons (fathers).
Fun little ASL fact! At 2:58 when the dad calls her Beautiful, and she answers by puffing her cheeks out: Meaning she’s calling herself fat. And that’s why he says “forget I said anything”
Thank you! Love little things like that, it's always the details that make it!
My husband is hard of hearing and my son’s long term partner is deaf. This film is so special to our family because of how it explores non-verbal communication and family bonds. All three of us have at least one disability that messes with our ability to navigate socially outside our home, but what doesn’t often get explored well in movies or other media is how it affects us inside our families and homes - especially in difficult times and tragedies. This film does that, and the sound design is actually like a character in the movie so we who hear perfectly can appreciate the story that much more.
The dad's sacrifice destroyed me ...the theaters was crying everyone was sobbing. This movie represented so many things in a beautiful real way
Actually, I totally recommend Coraline. I'd like to see your take on the neglectance present in the movie. Unless you guys see another theme. Ok bye 😄
Ooh, yea!
Yes pls
Omg yes
Yeah!
Yes please
Cinema Therapy: Watching two men show how "safe" it is to express emotions. (And cry with them.)
And somehow, it just makes me feel safe and warm and fuzzy, and oddly loved by these internet strangers who don't even know I exist. Somehow, I feel like we're friends.
I love Cinema Therapy.
We are friends Michelle. Internet crying friends? That's a thing, right?
Why would it be "unsafe" ?
@@ZemplinTemplar because sometimes people are not given, or do not realize they have, a "safe space" to cry in. This is especially so with men that have experienced toxic masculinity and are taught "men don't cry."
Been binging and crying all day. damn, it feels good. thank you.
I love that everyone's characters have a real story:
The mom is worried about going into labor
The sister feels guilty and wants to prove herself
The brother feels like he needs to grow up too fast
And the dad carries all of their safety on his shoulders
I also immediately panicked when I saw that they didn't have the family 'safety sandwich'🥺 but it just showed how exhausted they were that. How their whole lives were centered around staying alive, they missed a small but very important thing.
“More horror should be beautiful” “it can convey more than any other genre” YES! This is exactly why I love it
Is your icon asexual aaron burr
@@pissfrog hurrrrr👀
You should watch 1408, the saddest horror movie I can think of.
"As adults we take things for granted, like of course they know ... but they don't."
This is a statement that i wish my parents had heard before during my childhood.
sending love and light your way 💛
@@ambriaashley3383 thank you so much. I wish all of the beautiful people who read this the same ♡
Sending virtual hugs and warmth, darling
@@alishalobo1677 thank you so very much. I wish you the best, kind soul ♡
@@hamsterlp0372 🥺♥️
At 22:20, where Jon talks about the person being the room with you and "would they yell at you and blame you for this?" made me cry. I have never cried from watching any UA-cam video before, but it really got to me. On my 14th birthday, my 4 year old nephew was murdered by my sister and her boyfriend. This whole time, I've blamed myself for his death and that it should've been me who died. I struggle with "why am I here and not him?" and even at 20 years old, it is so hard to let go of the what ifs, the guilt, the blame, the shame, etc. I have struggled for so long, trying to prove to myself and everyone that I deserve to live. And hearing Jon say that, I couldn't even look at the screen. It's so hard to hear after years of building resentment towards my family and towards myself, years of hating myself, and being full of regret. It was something I needed and I cannot thank you enough.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with such an unimaginable nightmare. I truly hope that you are able to find some healing and peace, and that you can let go of the guilt that you feel. Of course you deserve to live and you do not need to prove that to anyone. It's clear that you loved your nephew and that you would have protected him if it had been within your power. Please reach out and ask for help and support. You will find it.
wow, i'm so sorry for your loss, i cannot imagine having this type of tragedy happening in my family, what happened was not your fault, hope you doing better now
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid”
I could not just scroll past your comment.
Your comment is so bravely shared. I am so sorry for your loss, and SO MUCH loss in so many ways. 💔
You are still quite young, and you have a lifetime to find new reasons to love and move into a life that is full of deep meaning. Do not lose hope that your golden heart knows the way. Trust it. Know that you are indeed worthy and capable of love in all its forms.
Peace and comfort to you as you heal at your own pace. Please be gentle and kind to yourself.
~ Love and Light ~
What a fucking awful thing to go through. I wish you love and healing in your journey, and the skill to be kind to yourself.
I really appreciate the dad saying “it’s no ones fault. Even though he must have felt a huge amount of grief and guilt over it. But he doesn’t put the burden of his own conflicted emotions on his son. He tells him what he genuinely believes is the truth even if he himself struggles to accept because he’s just a human being.
Nobody is at fault because blaming someone wouldn't have a productive purpose.
@@wesleywallace4426 logically that’s the answer. But logic and reason is extremely hard to see through grief and loss sometimes. Especially in these kinds of stressful situations.
He's wrong.
It's the fault of the monster / alien that killed him.
About the trend of scary movies: creators FINALLY realized that they can't just be about fear and jump scares, so they actually have to write a decent story. The community much appreciates it.
Oh yes, the jump scares were being so over-played and obvious that it just wasn’t fun anymore. ‘Oh, they think the person/monster is dead’ but jumps up for one more ‘fright’ scene, pa-lease(!!!!!!!) not again!!
*Write = put down words
*Wright = last name of the brothers that invented the plane
@@viirinsoftworks1304 thanks, wrote too fast didn’t notice
Also jumpscares are just "gotcha" moments but in this movie it's actually a sign of danger. In other movies the tension goes away after the jumpscare but here it doesn't go away because we know something else is coming
@@Kharis- ...when you're still scared after it's over 🙌🙌🙌
John Krasinski's yell. It's so painful. Just something about that yell.
It's like he's yelling at both the pain he and his family are in and anticipating the pain that's coming for him and them.
I burst into tears every time I hear that yell. He KNOWS that this yell is going to be one of his final acts and it's his one and only chance not just to save his daughter, but to let out all of his pain and frustration that he can't express because _even speaking_ would put his family in danger.
It felt wrong to like this comment but it is valid; that scream is primal. It scares me.
I was fine until that scream. It broke me. It's a quarter to three in the morning and I'm ugly crying into my doritos.
I’ve never seen a yell like that in movies, and here’s why it’s so unique. You see it build before it happens. Krasinski’s neck tenses up, his eyes widen, he’s crying. He is fighting against every nerve in his body. Every nerve is screaming at him NO. DON’T. STAY ALIVE. He doesn’t want to die. But he would die for his kids and that’s how it is.
I always bloody cry at the ‘I love you. I have always loved you.’ Followed by that scream filled with so many different emotions and that beautiful score in the backround. John krasinski is honestly such an amazing actor and this film proves it; he can do sooo much with just his face.
The "DAMN IT JIM" was the exact comedic relief I needed after Lee's primal scream to save his children. Thank you for that 😅 A Quiet Place is my favourite movie of all time because of how intricate it is, how full of soul it is, and how truly beautiful the story is-- not to mention how unique it was! I want more fresh ideas! this video was so good thank you 🙏💕
"If you're worried you're messing your kids up, you're probably not."
I feel personally attacked with gentle understanding... I've watched most of your videos and this made me cry.
Idk I don’t find this true, if you’re worried you should always ask the children/child you parent how they think you’re doing or what they need you to do for them :) act on the concern
@@googoogaga7986 For sure! I'm always working on ways to improve my parenting. But this struck me personally as I struggle with OCD and my kids are only toddlers :)
@@somebodyinparticular5951 I empathize so much with this. I deal with post partum anxiety and OCD and it makes me constantly worry I'm doing something wrong as a parent. It sucks.
This comment thread is interesting. I have a parent who worries a lot too. He's my dad, and he deals with slight narcissism, anxiety, and passive-aggressive tendencies among other things. I love him, but I know he worries a lot sometimes. I think the suggestion of listening to your children and always trying to improve is really good. Remember that they change over time. Treat them as the person they are right now, not the person they were when they were younger or the person you expect them to be. Take your time and be willing to learn. I hope this advice isn't dumb or repetitive or something, you guys seem like good parents. It just reminded me of my parents because they deal with a lot of mental heath issues too, so I felt like I should say something.
@@elizabethlinse5 That's good advice. Even with toddlers, as soon as I think I have them figured out they change and require a different approach. I relate with you and your relationship with your dad. And that's part of the worry, not being my parents, learning from their mistakes and treasuring the things they did right. Thank you for your input.
This series has become so comforting that I'm no longer able to play it in the background while I do other work, because I always just get sucked back in to the video lol
Excellent. My sinister plan is working to perfection....
I always felt that the Yell at the end was him letting go of everything all at once. His fear his grief everything. It was such a powerful scream that was more than just a "Hey I'm over here"
The characters names were actually revealed after the first movie! (They have now also been said in the sequel)
Dad - Lee Abbott
Mom - Evelyn Abbott
Daughter - Regan Abbott
Oldest son - Marcus Abbott
Son that died - Beau Abbott
The baby’s name hasn’t been revealed. They might not even have named him (it is a boy) due to the other stressors in their life at the time (Beau’s death, focusing on staying quiet, Lee working on Regan’s cochlear implants, general survival and finally the events of the birth and them trying to flee)
They should name him “The Boss Baby”. You know? Like a little man. A little dude in a suit.
John Krasinski really said, "ASMR, but make it a horror movie with sudden, loud noises."
At least the jumpscares make sense in context, and therefore aren't as annoying.
@@JUNJYR Exaaaaaactly.
then it made 300 million dollars
You mean asmr with ads in them?
@@Andrey-up3qw LOL FR THO
My mum's friend and her husband lost their 22 year old son about 5 years ago. He had a massive stroke, basically sudden death.
They have another son, and they've all been in this healing journey ever since. Both parents immediately went into "we can't afford to fall apart, we have another son who just lost his brother". They all take care of each other like that, they grieve for their own loss but they don't forget what the other parent or child lost too. They are amazing, Im so happy to hear them laugh and enjoy life now.
My husband lost his older brother, who was 36, few years back and his family did the same. They're knitting became a lot closer and it was heart breaking but amazing to see how strong they were for each other. Much love💕
Oh my God. I would never recover from that. 😔 It would take a huge amount of strength to keep going after that.
That scream at the end of the movie is so emotional for me every time. It isn’t just a sound to make sound, there is feeling in it too. John Krasinski is a phenomenal actor and it hurts my heart so much in that moment. Well done! You made me love a horror movie (and I get scared and don’t watch horror). 👏
"And I never had a case of them saying 'yeah, they would'."
My therapist asked me to imagine a person that I lost and what they would say to me if they were here. And let me tell you, Jonathan, I absolutely broke down because I could not imagine anything else than they saying "yes, you should be guilty, you should be ashamed, you should do penance" because that is all I heard from them my whole childhood. I am happy that you never experienced that, because that means your patients are better than some of us.
I LOVE that there is 2 white males, adults, husbands and fathers, openly crying, being vulnerable and crushing on handsome guys on UA-cam in 2021.
I love you guys so much! Thank you!
PS: people, please respect my experience and my comment. I'm not bringing up gender and race to be disrespectful. I live in a reality that these factors are brought up as an excuse to have toxic masculinity on the table. THAT'S ALL! I'm not being disrespectful, I am literally telling them that I love them. Why can't people understand "well, she mentioned that because she thinks that this is important somehow, that's her life, her experience, but she is talking about good stuff, about love and recognition so I don't agree with all of her words therefore I'm going just to scroll down"??? That's not that difficult. Peace!
What a beautiful comment ❤️
This is nothing new. I am brown from Pakistan. I always found white men to be way more expressive than other men of colour.
@@arraikcruor6407 what
Did you have to really bring up race..?
@@dangermenatwork its true, within POC communities its even more frowned upon for men to be emotional than it is for white men
I love Darth Vader in the background, being like, “Damn it, why couldn’t I have been a good dad like this dude?”
In the end, he ended up doing something similar.
He screwed up a lot along the way, but he died being a good dad.
@@Justanotherconsumer you know, that’s true!
I lost my brother when I was 15 and I'm now 17, I know that my parents love me and that my dad would die for me in a heart beat if it means I could live. But even with that knowledge there are still times when I see my parents so washed up in guilt and grief that I don't always feel it. This movie does such a great job at not only showing a parents intense pain at losing a child but also the siblings pain as well. Now if you excuse me I have to go clean my face because of all the ugly crying I just did.
I love how Alan is comfortable with opening up and crying on camera. It shows that this is really a safe space
As much as I love the sentiment of "dying for your children" I wish more parents were just more present in the day to day. My father would always do grand gestures (buying an expensive gift, driving several hours to get me when I was stranded, etc) but never wanted to go to soccer games and recitals, didn't want to help me with my homework, didn't want to play with me. As an adult our relationship is a bit strained. He's incredibly hurt because he'll say "I did this for you, and that for you, how could you think I don't care?" and it's hard to argue with that. He's always there when the going gets tough, but he didn't want to put the effort into knowing me and supporting me, the boring everyday stuff that my mom always loved and cherished. Being consistent and showing up is just as important as the big moments in life.
I wonder how much of his choices were affected by different love languages or values? Your example reminded me of a communications class I took in college and supposedly, men are more inclined to show love in big gestures whereas women focus on the small details. Don't you just wish we could all learn to communicate better? :-/ Coming from someone that has a far-from-ideal relationship with her own parents.
You’re dads wrong and imperfect..... and that’s okay. But the things you mentioned were bigger for you than for him. You being stranded is harder for you than him have to go out of his way to pick you up. That’s not that hard for him. But him getting to know what your likes and interests are requires more of him than of you. You just have to say your likes and interests. He has to actually try and engage that. He’s wrong . “ I did this for you, how is that not caring?” It’s not. He’s wrong.... and that’s okay. We move forward. ( I have the same kind of parents. They paid for all my wisdom teeth to be pulled when I was 18 and in big pain. But they never taught me teeth hygiene, took me to regular dentist appts, and didn’t pick me up on time once surgery was over. And they don’t think they’re wrong )
Man, I felt that. Big gestures are proof of love, always, but they're only the bricks of a relationship. What keep those bricks together is the cement, and that's what the small things are. That day you sat down and watched something together, the game you played together, even the attention given when you talked about something you liked, those cement the love brought by the big things.
It's hard for a wall to stand up with only bricks.
I'm sorry this is how things went for you. 💜
I'm in a sort of similar place, except my parents split when I was still very young and I only got to see my dad once every couple of years, so in that limited time he would show his love for me (or as far as I can tell that was the motivation, could've just been him trying to 'make it up to me') in material ways. Buying me the food I wanted, giving me like 300$ to play in an arcade by myself while he went in a casino, taking me to an amusement park or beach... but he never really participated. He used money and stuff to essentially 'buy' my love (which, ironically, he later judged me for accepting) and as a replacement for his own. He was also too embarrassed to show non-material forms of affection, like a hug, or just saying 'I love you'. We haven't been on good terms or even spoken for... almost ten years now. I don't think he didn't love me, or that he was a bad man (even though there was plenty about him I didn't like)... I just think he was bad at being a good father.
He did an interview on Colbert about how he didn't really make a horror movie. He made a movie about a family that just happened to take place in a horror story. It was a very excellent insight.
Krazinsky was brilliant-as an actor, director, producer-just brilliant.
I remember watching this in theater, its has a very unique experience..it feels that as you were watching, you also try not to make sound in the cinema..it feels like the audience experienced the same feeling/situation as the movie's character.
oof as someone whose dad was raised in that traditional "masculinity= not showing emotions" its so eye-opening to hear these two men just verbalize how much they love their kids but also recognize that that sometimes isnt received.
Jono is crying too? We are all crying now. Im crying, I can feel everyone else crying.
We all crying in the club this morning 😭
I'm not crying... it's allergies! I was...cutting an onion. There is something in my eye...
I'm an Alan. I cry at everything. Give a commercial 30 seconds and a hook and I'm reaching for the tissues.
... I carry a handkerchief with me to the cinema...
We all cried. And it was wonderful ✨
Im also crying, especially at the 'you dont actually mean that, you just say you do' part
Even when my mom’s been at her angriest with me (and I’ve given her a lot of reasons to be angry with me growing up lmao) she’s always said “I still love you, I’ll always love you, I want to strangle you right now, but I’ll always love you” lmao. Which is something I really appreciate because sometimes children doubt their parents’ love. I did, and having that assurance (and especially when she was furious) really meant something.
Said goodbye to my lovely Biscuit (the dog in my profile pic) a month ago, and I've really been struggling with feeling guilt over not picking up on her having a tumour sooner, and anger at my parents who were with her more often. Logically I know there's nothing we could've done - she'd been to the vets one week before it made her collapse and they noticed nothing - but the guilt has been huge. The moment where you spoke about thinking about what your lost loved one would want for you hit me like a ton of bricks. She was the sweetest most loving dog I've ever met, despite being abused until we rescued her at age 4 - all she ever wanted was for us, her pack, to be together and happy (and for someone to throw a ball for her occasionally). Thank you for reminding me to think of that 💕
Hey thanks for your comment. I had to put down my dog last month (the dog in my profile pic) due to a tumor also. I am struggling with guilt because we already had it removed once and we were waiting and literally watching it grow on the vets advice before getting it removed again and then in 2 days it got so swollen so fast that it couldn’t even be operated on. I really miss him. I know that being guilty about it doesn’t help anything, but it’s hard to shake. I hope you’re doing better now than you were when you wrote your comment.
I would 100% die in this situation cause even my blinking is loud
LOL Vids or it didn't happen!
I would be a goner pretty quickly, I can't shut up.
In a single generation, humanity would forget there was ever a food crop know as "beans".
I'd probably die in extreme depression, since it means that I wouldn't be able to talk at all. The pandemic hits me hard, since I can't meet my friends, and the little interactions I have everyday with them are the one that keeps me going. I've been fighting over a trauma (caused by my mom who refused to acknowledge, pushing the "fact" that it's always been my fault for "being difficult") since I was 11 (I'm currently 22) without any professional help since my parents don't trust people with psychology background (a.k.a. degree), saying "they're just full of theories without any real implementations to the real life". With that being said, it's really hard to get one without them knowing, for obvious reasons...
Gimme UA-cam, a basement, and some soft food and I’ll happily live down there for years. Without a single word.
When the guy who "doesn't cry" starts to cry, you know something's hitting hard 😭
LOL. So true!
@@CinemaTherapyShow please can you cover the HTTYD trilogy
I had this video on in the background while getting my work done for the day, and just hearing the emotion in their voices actually got me tearing up. Great insights and wonderful introspections. this is why I subbed after the first time I saw one of these videos. Keep up the great work you guys!
Wow, thank you!
I have a very strong emotional connection to seeing A Quiet Place. I feel like it basically pulled me back from the brink of a nervous breakdown. I was feeling probably the worst I ever had - I was supposed to be going in to work after a breakfast meeting, but emailed to make an excuse because I was already feeling on the verge of full on snotty ugly crying. It was the hottest day of the year so far, and my feet randomly took me across Waterloo Bridge and into Leicester Square. For some reason I decided to see what movies were on - probably just so I could sit in the cool darkness. The first screening I could find was about 11am, and it was a Quiet Place. You wouldn't think it would be the kind of movie I would want to see in that frame of mind, but when the lights came up afterwards I felt a thousand times better. Me and the only other person in that auditorium wordlessly turned to each other and exchanged a look, and ended pausing to have a conversation about how good it was. It's not the first time a movie has saved me, and I'm sure it won't be the last. Thank you guys, as always, for a wonderful and insightful reading of the movie
Why were you freaking out though?
@@Puppy_Puppington A long story. Poor mental health prompted by realising I'd been unhappy for a long time in a long-term relationship. This episode happened shortly before I decided to end that relationship
I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child. A family friend lost her daughter, and after a few years she stopped keeping touch with a lot of her old friends, because they refused to understand what that did to her. She eventually just straight up told on of them, “If you expect me to go back to the way I was before, I don’t want you in my life anymore. The woman I was before my daughter died is gone. There are some parts pf who I was that are never coming back, and you just have to accept that.”
I have a love/hate relationship with horror films, but this one looks like it’s worth watching.
Tbh, a quiet place is more of a thriller/suspense rather than true horror. It became one of my top 3 favorite movies :) great tension, good story, and great character relationships. Highly recommend.
John Krasinski said himself he didn’t intend for it to be a horror movie. It was more of a “what would you do for your family” kind of movie. I claim it as one of my favorite horror movies just because it is terrifying at parts though. But it’s terrifying because of that element. If it was just John’s character out there fighting aliens, it would be no where near as interesting. It’s the pain, the struggle, the love, that really makes this a terrifying situation. I highly suggest you watch it, even if you have to cover your eyes at the scary parts 😉 it’s really a wonderful movie
@@sadielapiers1847 I personally love how they f-ed up the Second Movie so hard that it retrospectively makes those 2 UA-camrs here be wrong
about 'Its good how they grieve: No one's at fault" by showing us that those Parents ARE STUPID BEYOND STUPID and kinda killed their Child.
@@TwinsBigLikeTia I bet you loved Aliens.
Losing my child has always been a fear, and I almost did. You figure that you must deserve it somehow. Even though we made it through, it was heartbreaking at the same time
As someone who practically raised my younger brother, I would without a doubt sacrifice my life for him. In a heartbeat. It's nice to know I'm not the only one.
I lost my brother 3 years ago. I was able to tell him I love him. He said he knew. I would have given my life for him. I know that to the core of my very being. I was not given the chance. I miss him daily. I wish I had him so I could still tell him I love him and to hear his voice, and feel his warm hand.
John did an interview on Colbert the other day where he said his goal was basically to write a family drama with the trappings of horror, in the hopes it would be that much more impactful because you cared about the characters. I imagine he would take your analysis as a high compliment.
In the scene with the daughter, I really appreciate the fact that he accepts that she's not ready to accept his love and he gives her the new hearing aids and allows her the time to heal, letting her know that he'll be there for her when she's ready, and not trying to force it.
10:55 alan opening up took such guts. Wow lots of respect for this man.
Thank you for speaking about loss of a child. I personally have lost my babies and you saying, " it was nobody fault, nobody saw that coming" spoke volumes of healing to me. Thank you.
The scene where the father sacrificed himself for his daughter is never fails to make me teary-eyed
Can you guys react to Coco and talk about the familial bonds in it?
OMG! PLEASE! Coco is magnificent!
Omg this too☝️
OHHHH THAT WOULD BE THE BEST
Watching Coco for the 1000th time with my daughter while reading our comment
OMG yessss
the popcorn thing was me in the theatre lMao i had to take small and slow bites so i didnt disturb anyone XD
How the hell did you manage to not eat all your popcorn before the movie started?
@@daenite2480 i think i got through like half of it HAHAHAH and my friend was sitting next to me a eating freaking bag of CHIPS i couldnt stop laughing it was so loud
Same was with a friend of mine, he ate entire handfuls of popcorn whenever a loud scene was (Like with the waterfall and so on) and every other part of the movie he barely touched the popcorn
@@daenite2480 easy solution: show up late
we did not watch it in the movie theatre for that particular reason, it would have made my partner c r a z y. :')
“If it’s not something you can change or do differently then your guilt doesn’t serve a purpose” holy crap I really needed that. Thank you Jono. I have real issues with guilt particularly with asking for things like food, water, clothing, toiletries, advice, or help with something. I just try to deal with it myself and go as long as I can without asking for it because I feel like such a burden to whoever I’m asking for things. I know it’s unhealthy but I just can’t not do it yk?
I forgot how much this movie hurt. I just watched A Quiet Place 2 and that hurt too(was such an amazing movie), but this one really set the tone for the world and the relationships.
You're the first person I've ever heard having something positive to say about the sequel.
Oh my god I have never cried so quickly in my life, despite all the other times I've cried watching you guys
Thanks?
Lol same. It is a compliment.
I'm not a parent but I'm the oldest child, when I'm walking with my younger siblings I always have to see them, I always walk behind them. I feel panicked when I can't, even my friends, I have to see them lmao
Know that feeling
Guardian instincts. That is natural to many but also developed by parents and older siblings. We are wired to protect the young
What do you want to bet, the writers wrote the scene for a reason, and the actors reacted with, "WAIT! You're doing it WRONG!" and then had to deal with "but plot reasons!"
@@AuntLoopy123 ..... what does that have to do with my comment? I don’t mean to sound rude, I’m just really confused
@@tiny-angry-chicken Because you do it right, with always keeping the kids in view, when walking, but in the movie, the parents were in front, with the kids behind? And Alan was saying how he freaked out at that, and "you're doing it wrong!" at the screen.
Sorry I wasn't more clear.
That first scene, the dancing scene, i watched it again recently for my mom and she didnt pay full attention at the start (the lil joke she makes about being bloated and his reaction) and i replayed it for her because that little moment, along with the rest of the scene of course, just show so much tenderness and chemistry between them.
I went into the theatre ready for a thriller type movie and ended up crying practically the whole time. As a wife and mother of 4, this movie hit me hard so unexpectedly. Such a great movie! 😄😭😭😭😭❤️
I think my favorite thing about this film (other than everything) is its depiction of such a healthy family! And a healthy family going through so much. They’re not just doing fine because everything is great; they’re struggling and hurting and staying focused on each other, and you get to see the consequences of grief and guilt and both good and poor communication. So, so good.
“If we get stuck in blame, they don’t heal.” That, this episode really is beautiful as heck. That just hits home for me. ❤️
I love the scene where Evelyn and Lee are dancing together because of the emotion and expression on their faces, but also the way they start listening to music. Being able to listen to music when the world has to go silent would be the treating thing.
thank you Alan for telling your story about self-loathing and not believing people who showed love to you. it's relieving to hear it from you in a way that you had it in your life and now you're better, it gives me hope 🖤
Yes but when I look at Alan he is such a sweet loveable person. When I look at myself a see something crooked and twisted and all made of netves and tension and the only reaction I think I may get from people is irritation, awkwardness and a wish for a quick run away. Nothing to love here :/
*nerves.
Whenever you read this, somewhere right now in the world, someone is crying with Johnathan and Alan
me reading this crying right now haha!
Me rn 😭
The part about messing your kids up is so true. My dad was very abusive and did real mental damage to me as a kid which will affect me for the rest of my life but he ALWAYS said he was a great dad and told me other kids would die to have a dad like him. He never worried about being a good dad. I also just think he’s a sociopath but yeah :/// very true, you guys make me feel valid all the time
I’m sorry that happened to you and I thank you for sharing your story! As someone commented above, sometimes parents struggle showing their kids emotional and spiritual love/health especially if parents struggle with their own issues. My father was also verbally and physically abusive due to his own mental health and the way he grew up. Although at the same time there was no doubt in my mind that I knew he would give his life for my siblings and I. He literally walked around with holes in his shirt to provide for us, but him being consistent(and owning up to his mistakes) in the way he loved us was hard and confusing to deal with as a child . It caused me to have mental health issues that I still deal with at 26 years old. I just hope those who are watching this video keep these words that would told in mind with their children or future kids because it’s so easy to cause damage in a child’s psyche.
Here’s to us having more love and emotional/spiritual health to ourselves and with those around us 💗.
That's so messed up. Where are you at rn. Are you ok? In a more healthy space?
im sorry ur dad was awful. my dad's similar. he's emotionally and verbally abusive, and i feel ruined as a person (especially as an adult) as a result. my dad is too stubborn and prideful to admit he was a horrible father...
@@memyselfandi7782 yes, I am a full blown adult now. I’ve lived on my own for 4 years now and am in a very healthy relationship and get lots of therapy! Thank you💖 hope you’re in a safe and healthy space too
@@theultimateusukfan I feel for you, but pls know that you are not ruined. Everyone has different hardships and that doesn’t mean any of us are ruined. You are deserving of so much love and respect. Hoping nothing but the best for you and your healing process. I believe in you and I’m so proud of you for getting this far❤️
At first, I thought you guys only focused on purely wholesome animated films, but I didn't expect you would analyze horror movies.
Your work has not only made therapy and entertainment made accessible to your country, but also around the globe; it's such a unique channel where people can share their experiences and talk about mental health with platforms such as Cinema Therapy.
You guys are wonderful!
By the way, I would love to recommend making an analysis for Peter Graham in the film, "Hereditary".
I find this character as someone who can be a representative of young men who are incapable of showing their vulnerability. Furthermore, through the eyes of Peter, we can also get a view of the family's sanity and how they descended into chaos in the end of the film.
The film was so great and horrific!
Man, when Alen started talking about why he goes to therapy i got goosebumps because i very much relate.
1. My mom passed away recently and she suffered from her own mental health struggles and was very emotionally distant and unavailable throughout my childhood so we had a very distant relationship. She passed away from cancer 2 months ago and i am dealing with what is considered "complicated grief".
2. My whole family is very distant and i also grew up feeling unloved or not worthy of love. I didn't really have any secure attachment as a kid as my dad was even more unavailable as my mom. So i both related to the part about grieving and not being at the same phase of grief as everyone else but also growing up feeling like "if they really knew me they wouldn't love me" or "the longer someone knows me the more they're view me the way i view myself". Its a terrible feeling especially when grief is added to the mix. I have this bad habit of not letting people help me because deep down, i worry its a burden and i believe i am not worthy of burdening anyone. I'd rather carry my pain alone so i isolate a lot
@Elle Marie
I do the same (isolate myself that is) for the same reason.
The couples names are Lee and Evelyn, the kids are Regan and Marcus, and their son that died was named Beau
Seeing two men so emotional talking about their kids (and other kids through the film) is one of the most beautiful thing I've seen in a long time. We need more men like you!
12:00 I always thought the "Just stops" from the daughter was either "Stop it, you're not as crafty as you think you are and you'll never be able to make a functioning device" or "Stop trying to fix me as if I'm broken (as in discriminating her for being deaf)"
I love how Alan opens up and lets the tears flow. And that gives John permission to do so too. John’s voice wavered a bit in the beginning, but he gave in and expressed himself so beautifully by the middle/end.
Thank you for exemplifying how two masculine men can express themselves in a healthy manner. It heals me to watch it happen in real life.
when they started talking about how you don’t accept other people’s love when you don’t love yourself i started to get emotional because i once wrote: “I love so fiercely and so strongly it brings me pain, because I can’t turn it in towards myself. Half of the love I give to other people should be for me, yet I’m riddled with holes and wounds, so my cares and affections pour out from me until there’s none left to salvage.”
so i know it all too well lol
edit: thanks for all the kind words in the replies, i feel a lot less alone :)
That was beautiful.
That was the best comment I've read in my entire life, thank you! ✋❤️❤️
oh my god thank you
Dang that’s actually good and not an edgy 14 year old
I've had many moments like that. Heck, even now I still partly struggle with that myself. However, I've learned that thinking and imagining myself in a room as a little child crying helped me sympathize myself and instead of hating myself for the mistakes I did, I forgave myself because every desicion I've done was to help me cope with not feeling loved. So I deeply suggest you try that too: close your eyes, imagine you're walking on this dark room, then you come across a light, and there is a little child crying. Imagine the child is you, and then imagine what you'd say to them and what you'd do in that situation. It really helps :)
Everyone: *crying*
Jonathan: I always wondered if I'd give my life for another person...because I kinda like being alive.
Me: god damn it, let me cry already.
You probably need more time.
@@beerenmusli8220 I personally love how they f-ed up the Second Movie so hard that it retrospectively makes those 2 UA-camrs here be wrong about 'Its good how they grieve: No one's at fault" by showing us that those Parents ARE STUPID BEYOND STUPID and kinda killed their Child.
@@slevinchannel7589 Ooooofda.
@@beerenmusli8220 Yep...
@@slevinchannel7589 that’s a great opinion that doesn’t need to be repeated on every single comment on this video.
I think this was one of the only episodes where you guys got me to cry and tear up, just because of what you said hit me like a sledgehammer. There are days when I feel like the daughter, and I push people away because I feel like their actions are patronizing, or like my friends and family all hate me behind my back, and it's such an alienating feeling. And when Jonathan said that it was like a bucket with a hole in it, and that unless I loved myself, all the love that I get from other people, no matter how much I got, it would all drain out, I felt that. Most days, I'm okay, but some days man, it's just really hard to acknowledge that the love I get is actually, well and truly love, and not just pretend love. Something for me to think over.
12:48 I was tearing up so bad from what John and Alan were talking about until "YUP!! IT LEAKS!!" Just made me burst out laughing. 🤣🤣 Sad tears to happy tears for a brief moment.
You guys should react to A Silent Voice! Such a beautiful story that is from the bullies’ point of view. Deals with sign language, disability, bullying, redemption, mental illness. So, so good.
Coming soon! We already shot the episode!
@@CinemaTherapyShow Oh my gosh YESSS!! 🙌🏽 you guys are quick!
I’ll forgive you for getting me with the jump-scare at the end now😂
A silent voice omg that’s such a great movie :’)
@@CinemaTherapyShow THANKS!!!! LOVE YOU
@@CinemaTherapyShow I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS ONEEEE! I'M SO THRILLED YAYAYAYAAAAAY
Oh, man... The amount of honesty and pure emotion of these guys, without any trace of toxic masculinity, is such a breath of fresh air. Thank you!
*limiting masculinity. Is the term these guys use, for more on that you should watch their other video on Aragorn.
@@thescholarlychronicler1805 Sure will. Thanks!
The look in his eyes as he tells her he loves her... you can see so much earnest love and care and affection. Gets me everytime.
Just found you and started watching a couple days ago and have thus far consumed many many episodes, every single one making me cry. I love you guys!
On the subject of healthy marriage movies, please do The Addams Family. To this day, Gomez and Morticia are still the ultimate healthy power couple.
You speak the truth!
Nothing can top those two. Though for another good couple, for some reason I kept thinking of The Mummy II. Like most sequels would have had the couple from the first film bickering and making comments about married life as comedy fodder but the comedic moments were mostly situational "Oh that just happened" or snappy one liners but the couple and their son to best of my memory were always loving and protecting each other and scared for each other and nearly lost each other and that closeness is also what drives the action I think in part because you know if any one of them was lost the family would be devastated. Gosh I need to watch both of those again.
Absolutely, they have such a wonderful marriage, they express their joy in each other all the time, and they don't care who knows it. It's amazing. :)
@@Kahtisemo I was thinking of The Mummy Returns the entire time when trying to think of another couple XD I recently rewatched it and noticed just how well that family really UNDERSTANDS each other and how much love exists between Rick, Evy, and Alex. In addition, Brendan Frasier and Rachel Weisz have the best on-screen chemistry I've ever seen in my life which adds to the believability of their characters' marriage.
@@JessCsBooks RICK! Thanks, like I said it's been quite a while since I've seen the movie and I remember Evey and Alex but for some reason I was blanking on Rick so I decided to just skip using names.
Which I suppose says a lot about how well that's done that even years later, I may not remember all the details but the love and emotion and a few very distinct scenes made a very clear impact. I do really need to watch that again.
Train to Busan, a zombie movie that does a fabulous job telling the story of a parent’s love for their child...
it was so sad aidhjssh
@@madmissmadairy Who knee a zombie movie could be so moving?
@@cassied7048 ikr :(
Dude, we watched it once in class. We all cried, you could hear silent sniffles coming from various spots around the room.
@@GenerallyChaotic6839 IN SCHOOL?? WHAT CLASS??
This was such a vulnerable and emotional video, I cried towards the end :’) there was so much empathy and emotion, this one might be my favorite video from you guys
Amazing video, thank you guys!!
The beginning made me laugh so hard. My boyfriend brought KETTLE CHIPS to eat during this movie. It was so embarrassing.
I come here to see two amazing Dads in touch with their feelings, sometimes also a movie review.
Y'all make such lovely videos!! Wonderful work!
You guys are amazing ❣️ I did not expect to cry.. Thank you for what you do. You both are awesome!
What you said about parents worrying about messing their kids up is so true.
I work in child protection and I see so many parents every single day who genuinely don’t care about the well-being of their children and it’s so heart breaking.
That is heartbreaking just hearing it, wow!
Well flip...
I was a kid in the 1960s when "the pill" came out.
My first thought was "From now on every child will be wanted."
Damn to hell the people who fought contraception and abortion.
And oh yes, as soon as the Supreme Court overturned Roe, many of those same groups
started talking about ending contraception.
Every child deserves to be wanted.
My very best wishes to you "Lovable Teal Cow".