i'm at the end of 20 min mark and i'm tearing up on the 20:27- that i'm a wonderful, beautiful person with lots to offer the world. i'm the youngest of 3 daughters and like you, an absent (affluent) father and i'm 42 and yet the heartbreak still hasn't gone away. your channel rocks thank you as I have never heard that my basic needs were not met and explains my tendencies towards striving towards perfectionism and i swear your channel is saving me. i thank God for you.
interesting, I found myself in confrontation with someone who has narcisstic qualities, I kept moving and stretching my body and it really helped me to shift out of my old program of shutting down and repressing. i was able to be direct and unemotional, only because i never stopped moving I kept stretching out the constrictions I felt happening in my body and that translated to me finding my voice yay!! Thanks to you, I understand why I was doing that! Before I felt a little foolish as to WHY I was doing that, it felt good but also weird! I'm learning to trust my body, it never lies. your videos are a bright spot in my day, love the easy and relaxed way you hold yourself and deliver informations. like a friend. Peace.
This is a really accurate description on how a CPTSD flashback feels. Just to add something... when you’re feeling that gut pain (or chest, abdomen) chances are you are already being attacked by the critic. The inner critic is usually what starts the flash-backing. The key is recognizing its perfectionistic and endangering attacks, these deep, beliefs that are difficult at first to recognize.
Hello you beautiful healer! I am currently trying to heal from another (but different) narcissistic relationship. Your videos have been very much a lifeline for me. One thing that doesn’t seem to sit well with me that you (and pretty much all coaches say) at least in my experience, is about all of the reasons to be abused are formed in childhood. If you’ll hear me out for just a second... maybe the most damaging statement my mum ever said to me (which I took as gospel) was “If you treat others well they will treat you well”. If you blindly go out into the world with a belief like that, I have learned the hard way that it makes you an absolute prime target for narcs. I know it is no scientific term obviously, but I have coined it as the “Ned Flanders syndrome”. Where the safety of your family often doesn’t prepare you for the lack of safety from others in the world! Just my take on it anyway. Thanks so much for your videos!!!
interesting point and I more closely identify with that versus having had childhood traumas but I do recognize that I was always in a lonely and somewhat neglected state just due to circumstances that we not in my parent's control. To this day, that seems to be my biggest wound as well as conditioning from late youth having been in what I now see as a cult.
I swear listening to this is like listening to myself talking. Father was basically absent. Always gone getting drunk somewhere. I cannot go into a lot of details about everything in public. My brother and I used to rock ourselves to sleep when we were growing up. I think it was a form of self soothing. The childhood trauma is definitely at the core of everything. We were groomed for narcissistic abuse. At least I became aware of it and did not go to the grave never having a chance at a better life and the possibility finding true love. We are fortunate to have that opportunity. I feel bad for those that spent their entire lives living through the abuse and never knowing any better. I’m thankful I have learned and have been given a chance. The road to recovery is a tough journey. It’s been over a year on my journey and sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards. Who put this treadmill in reverse? Probably a narcissist when I wasn’t looking.
“Wet and dark and grimy”... that’s exactly how the fear and shame feels! I try to describe it to people as “black tar in my chest.” It’s really an awful feeling and grieving hard seems to be the only thing that gets rid of it. Thank you!
OMG!!!! You are completely telling my story! I feel so pathetic as a male right now, but I am absolutely crying rivers right now thanks to you being sooo understanding!!!
Thank you so much. You took me on a journey to the depths and then back up. Things have been slowly moving forward and upward, but for a long while I was almost constantly sobbing in the panic attack and shame/ fear crying emotion, I would even lash out at myself, too in the bathtub. That was very abusive to myself. Now I can see that and cellularly understand how non loving and non in reality that perception of reality is, although I had to go through it, I think to release it. Sorry I’m rambling. Love and attention are synonymous. I agree. I give my love to you and to everyone else recovering from this state. This video was very helpful 💗🌸💗
I had flashbacks all my life and didn't know they were called this way. I knew my parents were abusive but didn't connect the point the were abusive with I suffered abuse. Recently found out I've got C-PSTD and it's hard to explain how it happened (mostly it was emotional, mental, financial and spiritual). The physical stopped when I was teenager
It's pretty rare but I think a GENUINELY sincere apology and maybe a request for forgiveness will instantly neutralize the root of any particular PTSD. But this is beyond typical narc capability.
your comment makes no sense, apology for what? You mean to contact the abuser and ask them to say they are sorry, i wonder what world you live in..... hahahaha, that would be nice. If you mean forgiving yourself, then that makes more sense. Like apologizing to your inner child for critisizing them so much and making them feel responsible. "I am sorry little me, I am so sorry I blamed you all the time, when you were innocent, just a child and it was he/she who should have loved and taken care of you"
I got an "apology" just recently- right before our son was married. " You are a forgiving person. I KNOW I have forgiven you for all the negative things you did to me and I hope you will forgive me as well." Externally, I was a grey rock, but internally it bothered me for many many many days."
The narc that was in my life called me "sensitive," which I knew I was, but it brought me into my current stage of self-discovery. Apparently, and admittedly, she repeatedly gets herself into these push-pull relationships with men, where she kind of leads them on. I think I was the 1 that made her recognize this, & it made me recognize the pattern in relationships that I'm drawn to. The emotional unavailability and lack of intimacy, eerily reminded me of my mom. Apparently, we both had abusive mothers, so it's sad, odd and interesting that we're opposites. Btw, I have chronic lower back issues, arthritis, some digestive issues, & CTS. Some of these things I attribute to my brief time in martial arts or playing music since I was 5, but it's definitely related to my emotional distress over the yrs.
I have suffered my whole life with this..... and I am learning what is going on thanks to you. I am going to try to understand where it all started. Time to heal.....
your videos have been profoundly helpful at just the right time for me, thanks for another amazing video - it helps so much to know I am not alone in my experiences and healing journey
You are amazing, you are very clever and bright, your videos are kinds of very compassionate friends to me. thank you so much. Lots of love from Germany.
Thank you so very much for not only having the articulate, personal presentation but for truly being an example of what it means to embrace healing in it's most gentle manor. The world today seems that many people are not gentle or humble but I am grateful that you exude those qualities and are one of few 'safe' people that I feel I can trust to consider their guidance. I feel like you are a friend and have no ulterior motive. Thank you from my heart, your videos help me alot!
You are so amazing! I really do think your beauty shines out! The videos I have watch have helped me soooo much! Helped me label a lot of things in my life. And how all the traumas have a reoccurring fear of abandonment for me. I have a load voice inside telling me how worthless I am. When I know that I am not! It has been a year and a half I have trying to recover from being doormat!
My ex narc would tell me I was easy and that I took things so well when he would get me upset. "You're so easy", "You handle it so well" Those sayings he would say often to me. I feel like such a fool for putting up with this for 2 years. He would record me on his phone my reaction after belittling me. Doing so, he would laugh and calm down so it was me who looked crazy, in the video. It saddens me that there are people out here with no remorse and pushes you to get a reaction.
I am currently going through the same phenomena. For me, the line was "you are so sensitive" or "you are too open". This would trigger me so bad before I learned to recognize it.
I have flash backs all the time of my relatioship with the narcissistic partner which ended 8 months ago. They are flash backs of him, things the two of us did, good times, bad times, the traumatic discard etc. I see him so much in my mind’s eye. I don’t know if it’s grief or ptsd. My therapist told I have ptsd from the relationship and the way I was discarded. It’s like the relationship keeps playing in my mind with out me wanting it to. It’s very painful- and yet having those flash backs or memmoreis of him in some way is comformting almost like an addiction. Maybe this is a trauma bond bc there is still that part of me that wants him to return. I’m sharing this because I don’t really understand why this is happening to me in the after math of the relationship being over. Not sure if this makes sense.
Yes, it makes perfect sense and your evaluation is spot on. It is the trauma bond. Unfortunately, the flashbacks will persist unless you begin to stalk and eliminate the haunting thoughts. Sometimes, just knowing that you are having a flashback can be enough to feel relief. Next, it is about reaffirming your safety and finally, eliminating the thoughts all together by focusing on the present moment and the future you want to create for yourself. Also, remember what the person did to you. In order to move on, you will need to stop idealizing the good times and acknowledge the devastating effects of their hurtful acts. The healing process requires your participation. Time alone will not heal. It will only conceal. Sending my best to you!
Soul GPS Thank you for taking the time to answer me sand validate what I'm going through. When you say stalk the thought or flash back are you talking about the process you describe in this video?
Yes, we must train to become mind ninjas: reprogramming the negative talk of the inner critic towards positive championing. John Bradshaw's 'Homecoming' and Peter Walker's book 'CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving' is a great resource to look into for this. Hugs to you!
This is the hardest part not being able to do certain things because of the major triggers that it can set you back they invalidate and devalue any good memory you have with them so you really go through a long period of time being hyper sensitive and cautious.
I have to say something. When you were talking about the wound in the chakra in your stomach it really was an eye opener for me. I don't know anything really about chakras but I have been going through a lot lately. I have felt this pain in my stomach as well. I thought I may be getting an ulcer so much stress. As I was cleaning my son's room and listening to this video the pain moved into my lower back almost like sciatica. I just breathed through it and sat down. I still feel it but not as intense as it was. I have a lot to do today and it's most inconvenient but I guess my body is forcing me to deal with myself.
Thank you so much for being here & sharing this information~ You have no idea how this has helped me because I love to listen to your voice as a form of self therapy to help me heal~
That's super cool that your polish. I'm half polish and my mom is full polish and her mom had a lot of traumas in ww2 which made my mom to be severely narcissistic and even psychopathic tendencies From what I told and the age my mom grew up in ( the 60s) a lot of the Eastern European families had a lot of abuse She manipulated my dad severely and kept me and my brother from him and all my life I've attracted narcissistic friends, boyfriends, teachers, co workers I think I have c PTSD and codependency and trauma bonding. My biggest struggle is getting off my feet everyday to do things. The inner critic is so strong that even as I'm writing this I'm like wtf am I doing It's insidious. Honestly.
watching this whole video is getting me triggered and nauseous, it is uncanny I recognize everything. Its like you and I are the same person, it is freaky. 15:34 about the nauseous feeling, I remembered it, just IT. I did not know I had felt that until you described it. I also used to freeze and go into my own world, in fact in all my childhood I would read read read if I was not able to go dream by myself you know. So I would just read my life away. It was my father, he beat us, but it did not happen all the time. Mostly he was just abusive in all other ways, but he would really affect me because he would beat and kick the animals we had. Had a huge flashback today off the time he forgot to feed my horse for a week when I went to the city. I was only 12 but I still feel the guilt of not calling and reminding him. The horse was still alive due to the fact he had an automatic water feeder. So he could drink. Will never forget how he looked when I got there. He was just barely hanging in there. The strange thing was I saw my mom as a hero but slowly realized she never actually got abused physically, but mentally for sure, I am not minimizing, but still we were the kids and she knew that he beat us and said nothing. It was like she just turned a blind eye to all he did. I saw her as an angel and him as a demon. When she said we had to be strong and keep going and see the positives, I did just that, in fact sometimes hid what he did so not to get her sad. Today I realize my mom is most likely a covert narcissist. In fact she often speaks fondly of him and tells me she has sexual dreams of him. It is horrible. If she is not a covert narcissist then she is so co-dependent that she has forgot her own personality and lives on controlling others. Maybe she did that as the guilty conscience was too much for her. In any case, that is neither here nor there. Need to focus on me now ans stop analyzing everything.............
Dear SOUL GPS / it turns out I have pstd & I was never treated for it. I went for clinical counseling for 5 years & felt no progress. This was talk therapy, group therapy, art therapy, & individual therapy. I felt like it was a waste of time, but I kept going because it gave me something to do. ~ A daily purpose. I was trying to recover from multiple personal loss in my life. ~ The clinic that I went to was primarily focused on prescription drugs as a solution. I did not accept any drugs, as my system is already super sensitive to chemicals .. ~ At the time I was diagnosed with mild depression. ~ I thought my goal was to learn how to behave better, & communicate better. So I did my best to try to learn those better behaviors around formal settings. ~ Meanwhile, on the inside I was struggling with feeling / feelings. It turns out, I don't want to have feelings at all, they upset me because they are so powerful ..& it takes over my body. I feel out of control. It ruins my happy, peaceful moment. And then it's hard for me to get back to where I was before the upset. ~ So I do everything I can to try to protect myself from any possible triggers, which is usually persons saying nasty things to me, or scary things . ~ I do a good job protecting myself that way. But still, since I live & work in a very busy place in NYC, well it's a challenge. ~ The other thing is that I am legally blind, so I am not as mobile & physical as I would like to be. I have to walk around slowly w, a dog, and people are always coming up to me to play with the dog, and they ignore me while the focus is on the dog. This upsets me as well. ~ Right now I am being evicted from my low cost apt, by a new mgmt. company. ~ I am emotionally maxed out, so I am just living in the moment. ~ I have found some utube life coaches who also teach, feel your feelings. That this is an important thing to do. Because to try to hold it back once it starts is not a healthy thing to do. So, I am practicing feeling my feelings as they come up. I am practicing ALLOWING the feelings to pass through me. I am practicing being z kind, loving witness to my feelings as they arise. I am practicing listening to my inner being. I am practicing not doing anything unless I feel like I want to. ~ Before, I only did what I thought I should do based on pleasing the masters in my life. Now, I dropped all of that. I only do what I want, when I want, how I want, or nothing at all. I am retraining myself to be self directed, not remote controlled. ~ I feel I am making good progress there. ~ I am practicing minding my own business, Esther Hicks teaches that. ~ I used to look for people to rescue, so I could forget about myself. Why forget ? Because I didn't like being in my body, in my feelings, in my thoughts, in my memories which was all pain, fear, loss, destruction. ~ At some point I even thought I was suffering because God was punishing me. Well, I learned from Joseph Prince, that God doesn't do that. God just LOVES everybody, including me. ~ I used to think there was no hope for me, but DrJoe Dispenza teaches on the neuroplasticity of the brain, and how it is possible to relearn, retrain, & regrow new neural connections in the brain. ~ I learned from Matt Kahn, to just be with your feelings & love that, as it arises. Not to look for someone else to love me. Because it's like you said, the real root problem is self abandonment. I absented myself, I looked for other people & places to pour my love, and energy into, because I felt I was not worthy ... Now, I am taking back my focus & attention, and put it back to ME. It's not always nice, especially with the pop up flash backs, in visuals, in thoughts, in feelings. But, I am decided to LOVE myself. 🐹 I am decided to stand by myself. I am decided to take care of myself. I am decided to cherish myself, no matter how I think, feel, or have some problems. I have decided to respect myself. And I speak up for myself. I don't let people disrespect me.🌹 It's like I'm growing up all over again. 🌼🤗 And this time, I'm the mom & dad 🙋🏻 Thank you for the teachings on this subject. I find your approach seems to be social/clinical. ~ I had a friend who studied psychology & she used me as her test case, then she used what she learned about me to control me, & damage me even further. She could have used her understanding to coach me & help me, but she wasn't a well person herself. Just because a person can go to college, & study psychology doesn't mean they are mentally healthy & totally trustworthy. I found that out through experience. There are corrupt doctors, teachers, etc. ~ I see how I open myself to exploitation because I give too much trust, too quickly. Nowadays, I am more selective, discerning, and slow. I don't make any fast, snap decisions about anything, ~ And most of all, I don't allow myself to be led. ~ What I mean by that, is no remote controlling. I self direct. 💝 Thank you for sharing. 🌷
Hi Precious Soul GPS,i have to say that this video was very good,and helpful for me to learn,and get a better understanding of all that happen in the past,and how to get threw all of the traumas suffered, and you do explain it very well thank you 🙏 Denny 😘
yeah they act like you don't have a right to privacy. there always violating people's privacy, I noticed a lot of people look pass and don't mention this red flag behavior in narcs. There's a constant obsession of violating peoples privacy repetitively.... on a regular basis constantly gaslighting you for their sick amusement...
Cptsd and anxiety almost ruined my life that's how I ended up in the shelter I shouldn't be in the shelter at all I deserve better place than that !!!!!! I know my worth and value...oh lord please come to rescue me in the shelter I shouldn't be in the shelter at all I deserve better where are you my lord !!! I need help ...I'm educated and intelligent what I'm I doing in the shelter I need help please I know people no gear me !!!!
Lately, that feeling of feeling like I have no right to exist, I feel almost suicidal and the adrenaline courses through my body. I have Ulcerative Colitis. I am self-healing all of it. Thank you for your assistance.
Hello Kim! I'm so sorry you feel so down. CPTSD can do that. You not only have the right to exist but you are needed in the world! This self-healing process often helps uncover our purpose. Please read Pete Walker's book 'CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.' Knowing what is happening and why will help you move through the dark moments faster. Also, check out the free SOS program on my website, if you haven't yet. Warm hugs to you!
Soul GPS Thank you. I will look into the book. It is truly a wonder I am still alive. Could use a warm hug from you and Meredith - my wonderful teachers. I woke up in the middle of the night with that feeling again. It is not even human feeling.
I think we are stronger than we think, we went through all the abuse and it didn't change our core. On good days I know this. On bad days it's more difficult to remember it, but it is getting better and having other people going through the same thing helps alot.
It could be the location of your primary wound. Have you looked into chakra healing? Mine is in my solar plexus, third chakra. The heart/chest is the fourth chakra. Best wishes to you!
www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12236/is-your-heart-chakra-blocked-heres-how-to-open-it.html anika marie, this is a link about the heart chakra and why it is blocked and how to open your heart chakra. Tnx to recommendation of Soul GPS, I searched for this toppic. It is an eyeopener to me. Hopefully it will also be good info for you dear.
My elder sister was so traumatized and neglected, ridiculed and left alone (when she got her first period at 12 and literally thought she would bleed to death...) guess what my parents decided to do for that day? Leave her completely alone and go for a nice day on the beach... I wanted to stay with her but they forced me to go too.
In my cptsd, I fight because that isn't what I did in real life. I'm angry at my ex boss. I still have anger spirals. How can I let it go and stop being so mad?
Make a conscious effort to let it go...for your sake. Hanging onto the anger is only hurting you more and is in a way, still giving them control. If you're stuck being around them and cannot disconnect-- perhaps you're still to young to move out, or disabled etc. , you must start looking and hearing them like you would a science project . Figure out what tactics they use to trigger you and practice keeping yourself calm. Walk away take a huge breath and let. it. go. Also find activities--Plant a garden , volunteer at the soup kitchen, go horse back riding, play basketball local schools you can shoot for hours, local sports venues like the Y, join a group and play cards, take up pottery ..maybe fishing .....but always practice keeping negative thoughts out of your head and looking for positive things around you and in your new experiences while you're trying new things.
My Father used to say "What did you do with the money your Mom gave you for singing lessons?" when I was a child. Others really enjoyed my singing. But, I never did anything with it.
The narc in my life hid me from my biological father against court orders, allowed her husbands to abuse me, cut me off from any positive family connections and lied to me about my heritage, told a room full of people she "didn't care if her husband assaulted me, if she had to pick between me and her husband she would pick her husband" (I am her child), married me off to keep her abusive husband in the house, told me I needed to stand on my own two feet when the husband she married me off to left me to raise our child alone; ... then, after DECADES of her crap, when I FINALLY stand up for myself and demand an apology, she has her new husband tell me I am no longer welcome to contact her. They sent me a link to this video suggesting my boyfriend and childhood friend was the narc I should be concerned about.
I've a question,an old mentor would not retire,he set up an office in the music department an continued to run this group for 30 more years he was a kind narcissistic controlling person who was worshipped but had nasty secrets the new conductor was his puppet what kind of person is this?
+Soul GPS Well THIS just explained WHY the whole thing with my stepmother just LIVES DAILY WITH ME. I had done so much work on myself. The Narc says wow you should have KILLED her, she must have really fucked you up! I tell him, I WAS FINE UNTIL HE CAME ALONG. I had swept all that under the rug and built a successful life. So yes this is IT EXACTLY....
Much better in English Ms Ewa! But I think you should still publish/broadcast your work in Polish as there is not many great information in Polish and the society in Poland needs the acknowledgement of the NPD and PTSD so much! I think it’s due to the stigma of abuse in general in Polish mentality and society 👍🙌😃 blessings from UK 🇬🇧Anita Stevens
I had flash back it was fucking cool i got into a fight it was good i closed my eyes and it was fucking worrying i saw my life as i got bullied then i won
Excuse me I was a little girl that was force fed methamphetamine and raped by my dad for 13 yrs. It's not my fault. I didn't know what boundaries were.
i'm at the end of 20 min mark and i'm tearing up on the 20:27- that i'm a wonderful, beautiful person with lots to offer the world. i'm the youngest of 3 daughters and like you, an absent (affluent) father and i'm 42 and yet the heartbreak still hasn't gone away. your channel rocks thank you as I have never heard that my basic needs were not met and explains my tendencies towards striving towards perfectionism and i swear your channel is saving me. i thank God for you.
I love how real you are. It's refreshing.
interesting, I found myself in confrontation with someone who has narcisstic qualities, I kept moving and stretching my body and it really helped me to shift out of my old program of shutting down and repressing. i was able to be direct and unemotional, only because i never stopped moving I kept stretching out the constrictions I felt happening in my body and that translated to me finding my voice yay!! Thanks to you, I understand why I was doing that! Before I felt a little foolish as to WHY I was doing that, it felt good but also weird! I'm learning to trust my body, it never lies.
your videos are a bright spot in my day, love the easy and relaxed way you hold yourself and deliver informations. like a friend. Peace.
This is a really accurate description on how a CPTSD flashback feels. Just to add something... when you’re feeling that gut pain (or chest, abdomen) chances are you are already being attacked by the critic. The inner critic is usually what starts the flash-backing. The key is recognizing its perfectionistic and endangering attacks, these deep, beliefs that are difficult at first to recognize.
Hello you beautiful healer! I am currently trying to heal from another (but different) narcissistic relationship. Your videos have been very much a lifeline for me. One thing that doesn’t seem to sit well with me that you (and pretty much all coaches say) at least in my experience, is about all of the reasons to be abused are formed in childhood. If you’ll hear me out for just a second... maybe the most damaging statement my mum ever said to me (which I took as gospel) was “If you treat others well they will treat you well”. If you blindly go out into the world with a belief like that, I have learned the hard way that it makes you an absolute prime target for narcs. I know it is no scientific term obviously, but I have coined it as the “Ned Flanders syndrome”. Where the safety of your family often doesn’t prepare you for the lack of safety from others in the world! Just my take on it anyway. Thanks so much for your videos!!!
interesting point and I more closely identify with that versus having had childhood traumas but I do recognize that I was always in a lonely and somewhat neglected state just due to circumstances that we not in my parent's control. To this day, that seems to be my biggest wound as well as conditioning from late youth having been in what I now see as a cult.
I swear listening to this is like listening to myself talking. Father was basically absent. Always gone getting drunk somewhere. I cannot go into a lot of details about everything in public. My brother and I used to rock ourselves to sleep when we were growing up. I think it was a form of self soothing. The childhood trauma is definitely at the core of everything. We were groomed for narcissistic abuse. At least I became aware of it and did not go to the grave never having a chance at a better life and the possibility finding true love. We are fortunate to have that opportunity. I feel bad for those that spent their entire lives living through the abuse and never knowing any better. I’m thankful I have learned and have been given a chance. The road to recovery is a tough journey. It’s been over a year on my journey and sometimes I feel like I’m going backwards. Who put this treadmill in reverse? Probably a narcissist when I wasn’t looking.
“Wet and dark and grimy”... that’s exactly how the fear and shame feels! I try to describe it to people as “black tar in my chest.” It’s really an awful feeling and grieving hard seems to be the only thing that gets rid of it. Thank you!
OMG!!!! You are completely telling my story! I feel so pathetic as a male right now, but I am absolutely crying rivers right now thanks to you being sooo understanding!!!
Thank you so much. You took me on a journey to the depths and then back up. Things have been slowly moving forward and upward, but for a long while I was almost constantly sobbing in the panic attack and shame/ fear crying emotion, I would even lash out at myself, too in the bathtub. That was very abusive to myself. Now I can see that and cellularly understand how non loving and non in reality that perception of reality is, although I had to go through it, I think to release it. Sorry I’m rambling. Love and attention are synonymous. I agree. I give my love to you and to everyone else recovering from this state. This video was very helpful 💗🌸💗
I had flashbacks all my life and didn't know they were called this way. I knew my parents were abusive but didn't connect the point the were abusive with I suffered abuse. Recently found out I've got C-PSTD and it's hard to explain how it happened (mostly it was emotional, mental, financial and spiritual). The physical stopped when I was teenager
It's pretty rare but I think a GENUINELY sincere apology and maybe a request for forgiveness will instantly neutralize the root of any particular PTSD. But this is beyond typical narc capability.
dboy6400 Absolutely impossible from the true narcissist I’m afraid 😟
@@AnitaMStevens I think this comment is true....but yes, it fucking sucks....... awful people
I an apology form a narc, doesn't mean anything, behavior repeats itself
your comment makes no sense, apology for what? You mean to contact the abuser and ask them to say they are sorry, i wonder what world you live in..... hahahaha, that would be nice. If you mean forgiving yourself, then that makes more sense. Like apologizing to your inner child for critisizing them so much and making them feel responsible. "I am sorry little me, I am so sorry I blamed you all the time, when you were innocent, just a child and it was he/she who should have loved and taken care of you"
I got an "apology" just recently- right before our son was married. " You are a forgiving person. I KNOW I have forgiven you for all the negative things you did to me and I hope you will forgive me as well." Externally, I was a grey rock, but internally it bothered me for many many many days."
Extremely helpful on a hard day. Thank you
I'm sorry you are struggling... It will pass. But do do the work. Otherwise, time will only conceal, not heal.
I'm gonna apply this. Thank You. I had a really hard episode on NYE and i wish i knew this then .
The narc that was in my life called me "sensitive," which I knew I was, but it brought me into my current stage of self-discovery. Apparently, and admittedly, she repeatedly gets herself into these push-pull relationships with men, where she kind of leads them on. I think I was the 1 that made her recognize this, & it made me recognize the pattern in relationships that I'm drawn to. The emotional unavailability and lack of intimacy, eerily reminded me of my mom. Apparently, we both had abusive mothers, so it's sad, odd and interesting that we're opposites. Btw, I have chronic lower back issues, arthritis, some digestive issues, & CTS. Some of these things I attribute to my brief time in martial arts or playing music since I was 5, but it's definitely related to my emotional distress over the yrs.
I have suffered my whole life with this..... and I am learning what is going on thanks to you. I am going to try to understand where it all started. Time to heal.....
your videos have been profoundly helpful at just the right time for me, thanks for another amazing video - it helps so much to know I am not alone in my experiences and healing journey
You are amazing, you are very clever and bright, your videos are kinds of very compassionate friends to me. thank you so much. Lots of love from Germany.
Thank you so very much for not only having the articulate, personal presentation but for truly being an example of what it means to embrace healing in it's most gentle manor. The world today seems that many people are not gentle or humble but I am grateful that you exude those qualities and are one of few 'safe' people that I feel I can trust to consider their guidance. I feel like you are a friend and have no ulterior motive. Thank you from my heart, your videos help me alot!
Thank you for your words, Leanna. Sending oodles of support your way. 💛
You are so amazing! I really do think your beauty shines out! The videos I have watch have helped me soooo much! Helped me label a lot of things in my life. And how all the traumas have a reoccurring fear of abandonment for me. I have a load voice inside telling me how worthless I am. When I know that I am not! It has been a year and a half I have trying to recover from being doormat!
My ex narc would tell me I was easy and that I took things so well when he would get me upset. "You're so easy", "You handle it so well" Those sayings he would say often to me. I feel like such a fool for putting up with this for 2 years. He would record me on his phone my reaction after belittling me. Doing so, he would laugh and calm down so it was me who looked crazy, in the video. It saddens me that there are people out here with no remorse and pushes you to get a reaction.
I am currently going through the same phenomena. For me, the line was "you are so sensitive" or "you are too open". This would trigger me so bad before I learned to recognize it.
These damaged predators --freaks of nature
I have flash backs all the time of my relatioship with the narcissistic partner which ended 8 months ago. They are flash backs of him, things the two of us did, good times, bad times, the traumatic discard etc. I see him so much in my mind’s eye. I don’t know if it’s grief or ptsd. My therapist told I have ptsd from the relationship and the way I was discarded. It’s like the relationship keeps playing in my mind with out me wanting it to. It’s very painful- and yet having those flash backs or memmoreis of him in some way is comformting almost like an addiction. Maybe this is a trauma bond bc there is still that part of me that wants him to return. I’m sharing this because I don’t really understand why this is happening to me in the after math of the relationship being over. Not sure if this makes sense.
Yes, it makes perfect sense and your evaluation is spot on. It is the trauma bond. Unfortunately, the flashbacks will persist unless you begin to stalk and eliminate the haunting thoughts. Sometimes, just knowing that you are having a flashback can be enough to feel relief. Next, it is about reaffirming your safety and finally, eliminating the thoughts all together by focusing on the present moment and the future you want to create for yourself. Also, remember what the person did to you. In order to move on, you will need to stop idealizing the good times and acknowledge the devastating effects of their hurtful acts. The healing process requires your participation. Time alone will not heal. It will only conceal. Sending my best to you!
Soul GPS Thank you for taking the time to answer me sand validate what I'm going through. When you say stalk the thought or flash back are you talking about the process you describe in this video?
Yes, we must train to become mind ninjas: reprogramming the negative talk of the inner critic towards positive championing. John Bradshaw's 'Homecoming' and Peter Walker's book 'CPTSD from Surviving to Thriving' is a great resource to look into for this. Hugs to you!
This is the hardest part not being able to do certain things because of the major triggers that it can set you back they invalidate and devalue any good memory you have with them so you really go through a long period of time being hyper sensitive and cautious.
Michael Boyle 💗🌸💗
I have to say something. When you were talking about the wound in the chakra in your stomach it really was an eye opener for me. I don't know anything really about chakras but I have been going through a lot lately. I have felt this pain in my stomach as well. I thought I may be getting an ulcer so much stress. As I was cleaning my son's room and listening to this video the pain moved into my lower back almost like sciatica. I just breathed through it and sat down. I still feel it but not as intense as it was. I have a lot to do today and it's most inconvenient but I guess my body is forcing me to deal with myself.
Thank you so much for being here & sharing this information~ You have no idea how this has helped me because I love to listen to your voice as a form of self therapy to help me heal~
This is such a great video! Thank you so much
That's super cool that your polish. I'm half polish and my mom is full polish and her mom had a lot of traumas in ww2 which made my mom to be severely narcissistic and even psychopathic tendencies
From what I told and the age my mom grew up in ( the 60s) a lot of the Eastern European families had a lot of abuse
She manipulated my dad severely and kept me and my brother from him and all my life I've attracted narcissistic friends, boyfriends, teachers, co workers
I think I have c PTSD and codependency and trauma bonding.
My biggest struggle is getting off my feet everyday to do things. The inner critic is so strong that even as I'm writing this I'm like wtf am I doing
It's insidious. Honestly.
watching this whole video is getting me triggered and nauseous, it is uncanny I recognize everything. Its like you and I are the same person, it is freaky. 15:34 about the nauseous feeling, I remembered it, just IT. I did not know I had felt that until you described it. I also used to freeze and go into my own world, in fact in all my childhood I would read read read if I was not able to go dream by myself you know. So I would just read my life away. It was my father, he beat us, but it did not happen all the time. Mostly he was just abusive in all other ways, but he would really affect me because he would beat and kick the animals we had. Had a huge flashback today off the time he forgot to feed my horse for a week when I went to the city. I was only 12 but I still feel the guilt of not calling and reminding him. The horse was still alive due to the fact he had an automatic water feeder. So he could drink. Will never forget how he looked when I got there. He was just barely hanging in there.
The strange thing was I saw my mom as a hero but slowly realized she never actually got abused physically, but mentally for sure, I am not minimizing, but still we were the kids and she knew that he beat us and said nothing. It was like she just turned a blind eye to all he did. I saw her as an angel and him as a demon. When she said we had to be strong and keep going and see the positives, I did just that, in fact sometimes hid what he did so not to get her sad. Today I realize my mom is most likely a covert narcissist. In fact she often speaks fondly of him and tells me she has sexual dreams of him. It is horrible. If she is not a covert narcissist then she is so co-dependent that she has forgot her own personality and lives on controlling others. Maybe she did that as the guilty conscience was too much for her. In any case, that is neither here nor there. Need to focus on me now ans stop analyzing everything.............
Dear SOUL GPS / it turns out I have pstd & I was never treated for it. I went for clinical counseling for 5 years & felt no progress. This was talk therapy, group therapy, art therapy, & individual therapy. I felt like it was a waste of time, but I kept going because it gave me something to do. ~ A daily purpose. I was trying to recover from multiple personal loss in my life. ~ The clinic that I went to was primarily focused on prescription drugs as a solution. I did not accept any drugs, as my system is already super sensitive to chemicals .. ~ At the time I was diagnosed with mild depression. ~ I thought my goal was to learn how to behave better, & communicate better. So I did my best to try to learn those better behaviors around formal settings. ~ Meanwhile, on the inside I was struggling with feeling / feelings. It turns out, I don't want to have feelings at all, they upset me because they are so powerful ..& it takes over my body. I feel out of control. It ruins my happy, peaceful moment. And then it's hard for me to get back to where I was before the upset. ~ So I do everything I can to try to protect myself from any possible triggers, which is usually persons saying nasty things to me, or scary things . ~ I do a good job protecting myself that way. But still, since I live & work in a very busy place in NYC, well it's a challenge. ~ The other thing is that I am legally blind, so I am not as mobile & physical as I would like to be. I have to walk around slowly w, a dog, and people are always coming up to me to play with the dog, and they ignore me while the focus is on the dog. This upsets me as well. ~ Right now I am being evicted from my low cost apt, by a new mgmt. company. ~ I am emotionally maxed out, so I am just living in the moment. ~ I have found some utube life coaches who also teach, feel your feelings. That this is an important thing to do. Because to try to hold it back once it starts is not a healthy thing to do. So, I am practicing feeling my feelings as they come up. I am practicing ALLOWING the feelings to pass through me. I am practicing being z kind, loving witness to my feelings as they arise. I am practicing listening to my inner being. I am practicing not doing anything unless I feel like I want to. ~ Before, I only did what I thought I should do based on pleasing the masters in my life. Now, I dropped all of that. I only do what I want, when I want, how I want, or nothing at all. I am retraining myself to be self directed, not remote controlled. ~ I feel I am making good progress there. ~ I am practicing minding my own business, Esther Hicks teaches that. ~ I used to look for people to rescue, so I could forget about myself. Why forget ? Because I didn't like being in my body, in my feelings, in my thoughts, in my memories which was all pain, fear, loss, destruction. ~ At some point I even thought I was suffering because God was punishing me. Well, I learned from Joseph Prince, that God doesn't do that. God just LOVES everybody, including me. ~ I used to think there was no hope for me, but DrJoe Dispenza teaches on the neuroplasticity of the brain, and how it is possible to relearn, retrain, & regrow new neural connections in the brain. ~ I learned from Matt Kahn, to just be with your feelings & love that, as it arises. Not to look for someone else to love me. Because it's like you said, the real root problem is self abandonment. I absented myself, I looked for other people & places to pour my love, and energy into, because I felt I was not worthy ... Now, I am taking back my focus & attention, and put it back to ME. It's not always nice, especially with the pop up flash backs, in visuals, in thoughts, in feelings. But, I am decided to LOVE myself. 🐹 I am decided to stand by myself. I am decided to take care of myself. I am decided to cherish myself, no matter how I think, feel, or have some problems. I have decided to respect myself. And I speak up for myself. I don't let people disrespect me.🌹 It's like I'm growing up all over again. 🌼🤗 And this time, I'm the mom & dad 🙋🏻 Thank you for the teachings on this subject. I find your approach seems to be social/clinical. ~ I had a friend who studied psychology & she used me as her test case, then she used what she learned about me to control me, & damage me even further. She could have used her understanding to coach me & help me, but she wasn't a well person herself. Just because a person can go to college, & study psychology doesn't mean they are mentally healthy & totally trustworthy. I found that out through experience. There are corrupt doctors, teachers, etc. ~ I see how I open myself to exploitation because I give too much trust, too quickly. Nowadays, I am more selective, discerning, and slow. I don't make any fast, snap decisions about anything, ~ And most of all, I don't allow myself to be led. ~ What I mean by that, is no remote controlling. I self direct. 💝 Thank you for sharing. 🌷
Hi Precious Soul GPS,i have to say that this video was very good,and helpful for me to learn,and get a better understanding of all that happen in the past,and how to get threw all of the traumas suffered, and you do explain it very well thank you 🙏 Denny 😘
yeah they act like you don't have a right to privacy. there always violating people's privacy, I noticed a lot of people look pass and don't mention this red flag behavior in narcs. There's a constant obsession of violating peoples privacy repetitively.... on a regular basis constantly gaslighting you for their sick amusement...
Drug addicts
So absolutely true!
Everyone should read CPTSD by Pete Walker, thanks for this Eva
Your videos are super helpful. Thank you so much.
Cptsd and anxiety almost ruined my life that's how I ended up in the shelter I shouldn't be in the shelter at all I deserve better place than that !!!!!! I know my worth and value...oh lord please come to rescue me in the shelter I shouldn't be in the shelter at all I deserve better where are you my lord !!! I need help ...I'm educated and intelligent what I'm I doing in the shelter I need help please I know people no gear me !!!!
such valuable and helpful insight, thank you Ewa
Lately, that feeling of feeling like I have no right to exist, I feel almost suicidal and the adrenaline courses through my body. I have Ulcerative Colitis. I am self-healing all of it. Thank you for your assistance.
Hello Kim! I'm so sorry you feel so down. CPTSD can do that. You not only have the right to exist but you are needed in the world! This self-healing process often helps uncover our purpose. Please read Pete Walker's book 'CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.' Knowing what is happening and why will help you move through the dark moments faster. Also, check out the free SOS program on my website, if you haven't yet. Warm hugs to you!
Soul GPS Thank you. I will look into the book. It is truly a wonder I am still alive. Could use a warm hug from you and Meredith - my wonderful teachers. I woke up in the middle of the night with that feeling again. It is not even human feeling.
The second of your very reassuring videos that i have watched.. Thankyou.
I think we are stronger than we think, we went through all the abuse and it didn't change our core. On good days I know this. On bad days it's more difficult to remember it, but it is getting better and having other people going through the same thing helps alot.
This was so helpful. Thankyou. ❤️
Dziekuje poprostu po ludzku dziekuje. Kurtyny caly czas spadaja.
Thank you for your help ☺️🙏
Jestes wspanialym czlowiekiem Ewa.
This is soooo helpful to me!❤
Thanks for your Video,I lover it -its empowering!
Thank you so much! amazing video!!!
I feel that pain in my chest and heart when the ptsd hits what do you think that can represent?
It could be the location of your primary wound. Have you looked into chakra healing? Mine is in my solar plexus, third chakra. The heart/chest is the fourth chakra. Best wishes to you!
www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12236/is-your-heart-chakra-blocked-heres-how-to-open-it.html
anika marie, this is a link about the heart chakra and why it is blocked and how to open your heart chakra. Tnx to recommendation of Soul GPS, I searched for this toppic. It is an eyeopener to me. Hopefully it will also be good info for you dear.
I love u so much , god bless u
My elder sister was so traumatized and neglected, ridiculed and left alone (when she got her first period at 12 and literally thought she would bleed to death...) guess what my parents decided to do for that day? Leave her completely alone and go for a nice day on the beach... I wanted to stay with her but they forced me to go too.
Thank you again!
Do you have a video for how to deal with the anger from after or during narc abuse ?!?
In my cptsd, I fight because that isn't what I did in real life. I'm angry at my ex boss. I still have anger spirals. How can I let it go and stop being so mad?
I would like to know that also....how do we let go anger idk?
Make a conscious effort to let it go...for your sake. Hanging onto the anger is only hurting you more and is in a way, still giving them control.
If you're stuck being around them and cannot disconnect-- perhaps you're still to young to move out, or disabled etc. , you must start looking and hearing them like you would a science project . Figure out what tactics they use to trigger you and practice keeping yourself calm. Walk away take a huge breath and let. it. go.
Also find activities--Plant a garden , volunteer at the soup kitchen, go horse back riding, play basketball local schools you can shoot for hours, local sports venues like the Y, join a group and play cards, take up pottery ..maybe fishing .....but always practice keeping negative thoughts out of your head and looking for positive things around you and in your new experiences while you're trying new things.
wow someone who can explain me, thanks.
thank you for this
My Father used to say "What did you do with the money your Mom gave you for singing lessons?" when I was a child. Others really enjoyed my singing. But, I never did anything with it.
The narc in my life hid me from my biological father against court orders, allowed her husbands to abuse me, cut me off from any positive family connections and lied to me about my heritage, told a room full of people she "didn't care if her husband assaulted me, if she had to pick between me and her husband she would pick her husband" (I am her child), married me off to keep her abusive husband in the house, told me I needed to stand on my own two feet when the husband she married me off to left me to raise our child alone; ... then, after DECADES of her crap, when I FINALLY stand up for myself and demand an apology, she has her new husband tell me I am no longer welcome to contact her. They sent me a link to this video suggesting my boyfriend and childhood friend was the narc I should be concerned about.
Thank you!!!
Merci beaucoup.
Thank you🌸
love this video ...wonderful,u r so beautiful by the way ...thank u so much
I've a question,an old mentor would not retire,he set up an office in the music department an continued to run this group for 30 more years he was a kind narcissistic controlling person who was worshipped but had nasty secrets the new conductor was his puppet what kind of person is this?
+Soul GPS Well THIS just explained WHY the whole thing with my stepmother just LIVES DAILY WITH ME. I had done so much work on myself. The Narc says wow you should have KILLED her, she must have really fucked you up!
I tell him, I WAS FINE UNTIL HE CAME ALONG. I had swept all that under the rug and built a successful life.
So yes this is IT EXACTLY....
Much better in English Ms Ewa! But I think you should still publish/broadcast your work in Polish as there is not many great information in Polish and the society in Poland needs the acknowledgement of the NPD and PTSD so much! I think it’s due to the stigma of abuse in general in Polish mentality and society 👍🙌😃 blessings from UK 🇬🇧Anita Stevens
Thank you
I had flash back it was fucking cool i got into a fight it was good i closed my eyes and it was fucking worrying i saw my life as i got bullied then i won
persistent! prayer against them destroys them and exposes
i feel anger and hatred to my abusers. It kinda make me feel happy now!
Excuse me I was a little girl that was force fed methamphetamine and raped by my dad for 13 yrs. It's not my fault. I didn't know what boundaries were.
😢