Just found you guys. I am an ENFJ and I don't really care what people think about me BUT I care so very much about how people feel about me. Learning the difference between the two has helped me immensely.
Thank you for this. My enfj mom keeps sending me pseudohistorical TikToks, and I'm not sure how to tell her she isn't the best at picking out information. I'll start by sending her this video.
I would disagree on society's value of thinking in general to a degree. Society has a very high value on extroverted thinking, but as an INTP, a lot of the stuff I love and think about is not valued because it doesn't necessarily push towards a goal.
Maybe if you phrase external validation as “ noticeable somehow respect for/looking up to what they do” lol the te heroes might get on board with the concept of external validation 😂🧐 *runs away before I get beaten by a Te hero 😆. Also question, what would external validation look like for let’s say an Se user. Asking as a probably ISTP/ESTP not sure which lol. I think I do need some form of this but I am wondering if us and te users maybe associate the phrase “external validation” with like a very words of praise type of love style which I certainly do not identify with. But external validation can be something other than this , and in that way I think u could be right about that external validation& external functions correlation🧐 💭
Hmm.... .....okay.... So.... Hmmm...... So enfj will excel in providing for a crowd what they want, and esfj excels in providing for a crowd what they need... ExFJ -a host, good at taking care of their crowd. That is their strength, if I understand.
Since everyone has 2 extroverted functions, wouldn't a person always "get hit twice" when someone insults their 4th role? I mean in its own way Te cares about what others think (reputation and all), Se cares about the experience it's creating for others (to the best of my knowledge). Don't have as firm of a grasp of Ne (yet), but with an extroverted function (which wants validation) either in the first or 2nd role, wouldn't that mean that "no matter what, everyone is taking a double hit when their 4th role gets criticized?" (no issue if I'm wrong, just seeking clarification)
I think what they meant in this case is about having Fe as your dom function in particular. Because Fe naturally cares SO much about external value systems aka what people value (even if it's the biggest piece of garbage of value e.g. shallow or unfair or downright amoral) they have this pull to adapt to those value systems and be whatever it is that they observe being valued by people. So, in that sense, when they are in an environment which places a high value on logic (esp Ti logic which is much more refined and than Te) they can feel extremely self conscious if they feel they are not meeting that criteria that people around them seek. And since they are so good at being aware of people's values, they become super extra aware of their own limitations around Ti. That way I'd say it's even a triple "hit" because then it adds another extra layer of insecurity when not only are they aware of that value but unable to meet it, but also when someone else points it out. And usually not in the nicest way probably.But THEN since their Fe is sooo much about others , they have even a harder time developing their introverted function simply because it's unlikely they'll feel a desire to explore it themselves. Unless it's somehow recommended by someone else. So that actually makes it into a quadruple hit. It takes actual self awareness and desire for growth to go that deep into your psyche , and some people are just not inclined to do it. So much so, they don't even realise it's the very thing that's actually creating problems in their life and they're doing a disservice to both themselves and others by being stuck in only one mode and never developing other facets of their personality. And THEN when you consider the nature of Ti,and how individualistic and detached from the "norm" it can be, that can add even more reluctance to develop it since they might have to actually start thinking for themselves and realise that maybe some of those so called "values" that they are so eager to accommodate, might not be valuable or hold any truth or meaning at all. Which I imagine can seem like a very uncomfortable, very ego shattering notion. But then again, that's the whole point of the inferior function. Is to balance your dom so you don't go so overboard with it, you become a one dimensional image of your true self. But.. I know a lot of Fe Doms and unfortunately they are probably the ones least likely to want to self improve. They might say they do, but it's usually just following yet another trend and just cause you read self help books and posting "self care" photos on Instagram, doesn't mean you're actually doing the work. You're just doing the outward behaviours that you are taught that "look" like self improvement. Which, you know... Is once again Fe.
esfj is likely to have higher Ti thanks to their Si parent ( more instropective ) compared to enfj, or maybe you are exfj who grew up with parents who happened to be Ti dom/ Ti parent
Oh man, this is not correct at all. ESFJ and ENFJ don’t judge thinkers because they’re thinkers, we judge people that we perceive as selfish because of our high Fe. ESFJ is a bottom up Ne-Ti thinker who thinks constantly and is constantly learning new information from the outer world and formulating paradigms on the spot in all situations, being an introverted thinker doesn’t mean you have to introvert to think lol. The ESFJ has a very powerfully practical real world thinking process. The ENFJ is a top down thinker, who takes in the paradigm, turns it into an abstract concept to measure it against the past and future outcomes using Ni and then breaks it down into individual components using ti to determine accuracy of the information. If an ESFJ wants further info or needs to analyse the information further, they’ll tend to seek out knowledgeable people. If an ENFJ needs further information they tend to use research, data, and study in an introverted manner. The ENFJ has a very forward thinking, big picture planning thinking pattern. ESFJ’s are logically accurate in the present, ENFJ’s are logically accurate when predicting future outcomes. They make a great team when paired together. I have an iq of 133 and an EQ of 124, I’m ENFJ. My spouse is roughly the reverse of those figures, ESFJ. We do not ever doubt our intelligence nor feel insecure about our ability to think lol. Being 2 standard deviations above the mean intellectually, most people appear to not be thinkers to us, even the “thinking” types. For us, turning off the thoughts is more of a problem, because creating harmony in the world (ENFJ) and creating harmony in the family, and local community (ESFJ) takes a lot of problem solving. Our only real issue with the world is that most other people don’t care the way we do. Whether a person feels less or more smart is generally to do with whether they are or not, in comparison to those around them, regardless of cognitive stack. All people think, all people formulate logic, the only difference is what is motivating that. With us it’s the need to make life better for others, whereas the t types generally do it for personal gain.
I like this perspective, I think all have validity and truth in them. Unfortunately lack of self care is to my husbands detriment (he’s an ENFJ) but he is hands down the most brilliant person I know. The systems and thoughts he puts into creating this exact thing you were mentioning, ideal living quality for all on ALL levels and needs, is astounding. His ideas and the way he executes them are revolutionary. It’s one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. But unfortunately I do wish he was more selfish because it’s literally impacting his health in more ways than one and me trying to “stop” him hardly helps. He’s a people machine and feels uncomfortable taking too much time for himself and puts himself last all the time. I used admire this about him but now I just want for him to brave, go out of his comfort zone, and create balance instead. I’m trying to help as much I can, just by helping him become more aware.
"The best way to take care of them is to take care of yourself." Well, damn. I've been seen. - ENFJ
Just found you guys. I am an ENFJ and I don't really care what people think about me BUT I care so very much about how people feel about me.
Learning the difference between the two has helped me immensely.
20-30 mins of silent sit down and watching / observing your inner thoughts as the witness will help with this function greatly.
Thank you for this. My enfj mom keeps sending me pseudohistorical TikToks, and I'm not sure how to tell her she isn't the best at picking out information. I'll start by sending her this video.
I would disagree on society's value of thinking in general to a degree. Society has a very high value on extroverted thinking, but as an INTP, a lot of the stuff I love and think about is not valued because it doesn't necessarily push towards a goal.
Wow, this is some serious approach to MBTI. Just discovered your channel.
Thank you for the video, it was very enjoyable.
great video !
Maybe this will help me see if my father is ESFJ
Maybe if you phrase external validation as “ noticeable somehow respect for/looking up to what they do” lol the te heroes might get on board with the concept of external validation 😂🧐 *runs away before I get beaten by a Te hero 😆. Also question, what would external validation look like for let’s say an Se user. Asking as a probably ISTP/ESTP not sure which lol. I think I do need some form of this but I am wondering if us and te users maybe associate the phrase “external validation” with like a very words of praise type of love style which I certainly do not identify with. But external validation can be something other than this , and in that way I think u could be right about that external validation& external functions correlation🧐 💭
Love the enthusiasm!
Hmm.... .....okay.... So.... Hmmm...... So enfj will excel in providing for a crowd what they want, and esfj excels in providing for a crowd what they need...
ExFJ -a host, good at taking care of their crowd. That is their strength, if I understand.
Since everyone has 2 extroverted functions, wouldn't a person always "get hit twice" when someone insults their 4th role? I mean in its own way Te cares about what others think (reputation and all), Se cares about the experience it's creating for others (to the best of my knowledge). Don't have as firm of a grasp of Ne (yet), but with an extroverted function (which wants validation) either in the first or 2nd role, wouldn't that mean that "no matter what, everyone is taking a double hit when their 4th role gets criticized?" (no issue if I'm wrong, just seeking clarification)
I think what they meant in this case is about having Fe as your dom function in particular. Because Fe naturally cares SO much about external value systems aka what people value (even if it's the biggest piece of garbage of value e.g. shallow or unfair or downright amoral) they have this pull to adapt to those value systems and be whatever it is that they observe being valued by people. So, in that sense, when they are in an environment which places a high value on logic (esp Ti logic which is much more refined and than Te) they can feel extremely self conscious if they feel they are not meeting that criteria that people around them seek. And since they are so good at being aware of people's values, they become super extra aware of their own limitations around Ti. That way I'd say it's even a triple "hit" because then it adds another extra layer of insecurity when not only are they aware of that value but unable to meet it, but also when someone else points it out. And usually not in the nicest way probably.But THEN since their Fe is sooo much about others , they have even a harder time developing their introverted function simply because it's unlikely they'll feel a desire to explore it themselves. Unless it's somehow recommended by someone else. So that actually makes it into a quadruple hit. It takes actual self awareness and desire for growth to go that deep into your psyche , and some people are just not inclined to do it. So much so, they don't even realise it's the very thing that's actually creating problems in their life and they're doing a disservice to both themselves and others by being stuck in only one mode and never developing other facets of their personality. And THEN when you consider the nature of Ti,and how individualistic and detached from the "norm" it can be, that can add even more reluctance to develop it since they might have to actually start thinking for themselves and realise that maybe some of those so called "values" that they are so eager to accommodate, might not be valuable or hold any truth or meaning at all. Which I imagine can seem like a very uncomfortable, very ego shattering notion. But then again, that's the whole point of the inferior function. Is to balance your dom so you don't go so overboard with it, you become a one dimensional image of your true self. But.. I know a lot of Fe Doms and unfortunately they are probably the ones least likely to want to self improve. They might say they do, but it's usually just following yet another trend and just cause you read self help books and posting "self care" photos on Instagram, doesn't mean you're actually doing the work. You're just doing the outward behaviours that you are taught that "look" like self improvement. Which, you know... Is once again Fe.
@@mariyabardarska5895 holy guacamole this is so well written, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this
@@ekaterinal8631 idk if you trolling but if not, thanks and hope it brought some new perspective on things
@@mariyabardarska5895 it was sincere!
@@mariyabardarska5895 dude can you be my therapist. I'm an ENFJ and you and the girls one the video have explained my whole life. 😅
I'm fairly sure I'm an ExFJ, but I am extremely logical and realistic and have very high Ti. Is that possible?
esfj is likely to have higher Ti thanks to their Si parent ( more instropective ) compared to enfj, or maybe you are exfj who grew up with parents who happened to be Ti dom/ Ti parent
Oh man, this is not correct at all. ESFJ and ENFJ don’t judge thinkers because they’re thinkers, we judge people that we perceive as selfish because of our high Fe. ESFJ is a bottom up Ne-Ti thinker who thinks constantly and is constantly learning new information from the outer world and formulating paradigms on the spot in all situations, being an introverted thinker doesn’t mean you have to introvert to think lol. The ESFJ has a very powerfully practical real world thinking process. The ENFJ is a top down thinker, who takes in the paradigm, turns it into an abstract concept to measure it against the past and future outcomes using Ni and then breaks it down into individual components using ti to determine accuracy of the information. If an ESFJ wants further info or needs to analyse the information further, they’ll tend to seek out knowledgeable people. If an ENFJ needs further information they tend to use research, data, and study in an introverted manner. The ENFJ has a very forward thinking, big picture planning thinking pattern. ESFJ’s are logically accurate in the present, ENFJ’s are logically accurate when predicting future outcomes. They make a great team when paired together. I have an iq of 133 and an EQ of 124, I’m ENFJ. My spouse is roughly the reverse of those figures, ESFJ. We do not ever doubt our intelligence nor feel insecure about our ability to think lol. Being 2 standard deviations above the mean intellectually, most people appear to not be thinkers to us, even the “thinking” types. For us, turning off the thoughts is more of a problem, because creating harmony in the world (ENFJ) and creating harmony in the family, and local community (ESFJ) takes a lot of problem solving. Our only real issue with the world is that most other people don’t care the way we do.
Whether a person feels less or more smart is generally to do with whether they are or not, in comparison to those around them, regardless of cognitive stack. All people think, all people formulate logic, the only difference is what is motivating that. With us it’s the need to make life better for others, whereas the t types generally do it for personal gain.
I like this perspective, I think all have validity and truth in them. Unfortunately lack of self care is to my husbands detriment (he’s an ENFJ) but he is hands down the most brilliant person I know. The systems and thoughts he puts into creating this exact thing you were mentioning, ideal living quality for all on ALL levels and needs, is astounding. His ideas and the way he executes them are revolutionary. It’s one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. But unfortunately I do wish he was more selfish because it’s literally impacting his health in more ways than one and me trying to “stop” him hardly helps. He’s a people machine and feels uncomfortable taking too much time for himself and puts himself last all the time. I used admire this about him but now I just want for him to brave, go out of his comfort zone, and create balance instead. I’m trying to help as much I can, just by helping him become more aware.