Sorry about the ending everyone, I must’ve accidentally deleted the last clips before exporting! But I was basically saying that rationalizing a concept vs living it are so different and it takes a long time to get there. So don’t feel discouraged if you KNOW something, but feel like you’re not necessarily DOING it. You will get there eventually ❤️❤️❤️ This workbook amzn.to/3U7Gsvn is a great resource for anyone who thinks they may be dealing with OCD symptoms and don't know where to start. I highly recommend seeking some kind of therapy specifically for ocd though. It's been life changing for me ❤
As a therapist who also loves makeup, and has had a disordered relationship with food ... I truly commend your bravery and courage for sharing your story. I teach my clients the principle of "All or Something." I have to practice it too. I also really challenge the words "good" and "bad" because they are judgment words. I prefer using the words positive/negative and healthy/unhealthy. If I can offer any other tips, not professional advice, just lmk. I would love to chat more about your journey. Much love. 🤍
I can relate so much to this healthy eating but on the back of your mind having a toxic relationship associated with food. It took me also a huge lot of introspection, gaining a few pounds on allowing myself anything I wanted and a full mind reset. After a year I'm landing on a sweet spot and I'm very happy about the process. I think you're doing incredibly good in being honest with yourself and of course, I love your make up! Ah it takes 21 days to create a new neurological path, so eventually things can change quite swift if you stay consistent. Lots of love Alex
I couldn’t relate to the fitness part of the video because I’ve never been very active but the second half where you were letting yourself eat whatever you wanted to heal your relationship with food was super relatable. I am working on healing my inner child relationship especially around screen time and working and it’s so hard. It got REALLY bad before it started to get better. I am still working on it but I am doing my best to trust the process and love myself through it. Thanks for sharing ❤
Thank you so much for being vulnerable. I have struggled most of my life with OCD, binge eating, and major sugar addiction ❤ I appreciate you. Stay strong 💪🏼
When you mentioned the bit about wanting to film by noon, and if you didn't, you'd be like "fuck it, day's shot, we'll do it tomorrow." 1000 times this! Reminded me of college. I'd have a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday class, and if I didn't go Monday, I'd feel like an asshole going Wednesday without a good excuse, so I'd wuss out and not go. And then Thursday would roll around and I'd be like, "The week is shot, so fuck it, I'll go next week." Oh, how many classes I dropped like that. The shame spiral is real. Just remember this: We are all beautiful works in progress. Forgive yourself and move on-- you can't fix the past; we can only control *now*. ❤
I remember that video you did about sugar. And having done the good vs bad food in my life in the past, it concerned me. BUT, I also expected that this one would come out one day because you are a brilliantly curious learning human. I'm sad this is hard for you but happy that you feel able to share this. And I know this will help others as well. And listen, if sugar and wheat do bad things to your body, that doesn't mean they or your body are villains. They just don't get on. So it's ok to limit stuff that makes you sick... so long as you avoid the all or nothing and black and white about the food itself.
Thank you so much, this comment means a lot, especially that you were able to watch that other video with understanding. Thank you for the genuine kindness in your words 🙏🏼❤️
I feel like I’m in the same boat as her with the timeline being different, right now almost a month into not eating any sugar and I feel all of the things she described in the last video, almost like you found the solution or something so seeing this is like looking into the future and now I’m a little nervous about it lol
I’ve done that for sure, just never realized I was doing it. “if I’m sleeping, I’m not eating”. And then of course, I’ve wasted a whole day so then I shame spiral because I wasn’t at all productive…. Thanks for sharing this.
The shame spiral is tough. The first step is just trying to notice when you are judging yourself and remind yourself not to. It’ll take take time to let go of that ❤️
I have an addictive personality too. Progress not perfection is so fucking cliché but it's also a good mantra to remember to be patient and kind to yourself.
It’s true though. I also like to say “I’m practicing….” whatever it is. I’m practicing making healthy choices, I’m practicing xyz. That helps me for 2 reasons-1. I have an addictive personality so I tend to go ALL IN and it isn’t sustainable for me 2. It releases me from the pressure and allows me to celebrate progress without self depreciation over the little “downfalls”. I’m practicing and I’m doing my best.
Thank you for speaking so candidly about this. I'm convinced that orthorexia is a silent epidemic and wish there were PSAs about it on TV and social media. As someone who has been in recovery since 2017, I will say that it is exhausting and difficult but so, so worth it to get help from both a therapist and a registered dietitian who specializes in eating disorders. These people save lives.
I'm also convinced it's rampant! I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Proctitis and while recovering from that flare up I definitely developed orthorexia. It's real and I hope it's talked about more.
I just looked up what that was because I had seen it a few times in the past few days and the first video that came up. Was somebody just talking shit about all the studies that have come out about it… They were clearly triggered and being defensive, but it was scary because, that kind of video is usually not as promoted on UA-cam in my experience. Anyway, no matter what some dietitian says, if you feel shitty about the way you’re eating that is valid and you should look into it…
I struggle with the all-or-nothing mentality in other areas of my life. Especially with good vs. bad days. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey, and thanks for sharing because you’re helping me process my thoughts on my journey too ❤
I’m a degree qualified nutritional therapist in the UK and also someone with my own personal journey with nutrition and health, so I want to offer a couple of insights based on both professional expertise and personal experience. First, people seem to fall into one of two groups when it comes to food restriction. The first group (the one I’m a part of), finds that abstinence is the only thing that works and that restricting food is the only path that brings relief and lets us heal our relationship with food. Think alcoholism-having a bit of alcohol is a disastrous decision. The second group finds that restriction causes such a severely stressful mindset and negative relationship with food that this approach is the worst thing they can do for themselves. It’s vital to determine which camp we fall into if we want to overcome our challenges with food. The next insight is that, I am sorry to tell you, there absolutely are “good” foods and “bad” foods. I realise that no one wants to hear this, but it’s the truth. Where people get all messed up about this, however, is not the food being “good” or “bad”. That is simply a generalised assessment of nutritional quality and benefit/harm to the body when consumed. Instead, it’s how they feel about themselves based on whether they ate a “good” or “bad” food. What we actually need to work on is not beating ourselves up but simply looking at what we eat without emotion and learning the ability to assess and understand without judgement. The third insight is that the true healing of our relationship with food comes when we reclaim our power of decision making in our food choices. When we get off the blood sugar roller coaster causing physiological cravings that we’re powerless to ignore, when we learn to find other coping mechanisms for our emotional distress and need to change our mental state. The way through comes when we reach the point when what we realise we want is to CHOOSE nutritious (“good”) food not because we’re restricting or abstinent or will feel terrible for choosing “bad” foods but because we genuinely just want to choose the “good” food for its own sake. Because we’ve finally learned how to support ourselves in healthy and positive ways in all areas and are no longer using food to change our state of mind and relieve our distress or ignoring the undeniably horrible impact on our health that eating the “bad” foods brings. BUT we also no longer beat ourselves up if we occasionally have a “bad” food. We simply observe, reflect, and decide if that was a choice that served us or not, and if it didn’t, we figure out what made us make that choice and try to do better mindful and commit to doing differently in future because we love and value ourselves without judgement. If I eat a “bad” food, that doesn’t make me a “bad” person.
Excellent comment. Candy is a bad food. An apple is a good food. It’s ok to recognize that. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you have a bad food once a month.
Love this comment so much!! Essentially, goal is to NOT even want something ultra processed, “bad” for health. That’s not restriction, if you simply do not want it and choose whole Foods that nourish you, instead
This has come at the perfect time for me as I’m trying to tackle my binge eating disorder and OCD but I don’t know where to start 😫 Love seeing non-make up related videos from you Alex, you’re so easy to listen to.
There’s a really great workbook on Amazon, I’ll link it in my pinned comment. It’s for OCD and I’ve been using it in addition to my OCD therapy but its would be a great way for you to start on your own! 🙌🏼
I feel you, I've struggled with BED for 2 years, I recovered and I'm going back there slowly...its hard, it's not just something you snap out of ..CBT is perfect to "retrain" your brain ❤ and meditation!
Thank you for sharing this very personal video about your struggles. I'm 69 and was in my 30's, just married (now divorced 8 years) when I became OCD about cleaning, laundry, cooking, baking, perfect holidays, etc. I've also suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life. I don't have a problem with food binging though since my divorce I don't cook like I use to and my diet is terrible but I have digestive health issues, back and sciatic pain that I just eat what is easy. I mainly obsess about my apartment being clean. Dust drives me crazy. Anyway, your video gave me some insight into this behavior I didn't have before. I think you are a beautiful, talented, and funny young woman and have recently found your channel and enjoy your videos. Again, thanks for being so open and honest about your personal journey. Take care! 💙💙
CBT is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, I wish they would teach it in schools. As a generalization, we aren’t taught to process and it’s honestly absolutely vital to walk in this world in a way that serves us and others.
I’m only halfway through this but I have to stop and just say thank you so much for sharing. Thank you. I feel less alone. I don’t know what to do, but I feel less alone and I’m going to seek some help. Thank you, Alex. Really. Btw- I’m 47 and have two small kids. Your reach is beyond what you perhaps think. ❤
27:28 this is a very good example of how we shouldn't jump into judging people over what they say. Something may sound negative to us because of all the lore we associate with it. But the person may be coming from a completely different background. There are bad ways/reasons of/for quitting sugar, but there are also good ones. It's about mindset. This shouldn't be controversial. It's sad that it is, it just pushes people from one extreme to the other 🤷🏻♀️ Anyway, hope you are doing better, both mentally and physically
Thank you love, I appreciate it! And I totally agree. I think the internet makes it easier not to consider where someone else might be coming from and it’s so true that those knee jerk reactions push people to extremes. I always appreciate comments like yours because it reminds me that there are people who are understanding out there! 🙌🏼❤️
Thanks for this video! Now that I'm older, I try very hard not to be an all or nothing thinker. It's super destructive to get down on myself and not accept my flawed but beautiful self. Women get so much shit throughout their life about food, fat, health. Let's just hold each other up and do what we feel is best for ourselves, right? It's our path, and only we can walk it! p.s. Goth look is Siiiiiiiick, sister! 💀 Fucking love it!
RIght there with you. I've never really talked about this in detail like this to anyone (except for the general problem a counselor and support group). It's reassuring to see someone like you talk about this. Black and white thinking was discussed at length in my eating disorder support group. So harmful, but hard to fight. My problem started for me when I was 13. Traumatic family situation from 4 on. I'm 59. It's been a rollercoaster--a total management issue. I feel for you. I'm relaxing more about it as I get older because what a f*cking waste of time in our lives--really. I hope that will happen for you at some point. And, my dark circles are even worse than yours, but I haven't noticed any food plan makes it any better--Italian background. Please know that you're a natural beauty and no one wouldn't think so--just as you are. Wishing you (and everyone else dealing with this stuggle) patience, self-love and strength.
im not so healthy with food, but for me, with anxiety in food, I learned to recognize in my feelings what is the need of my body that claims satisfaction. When I feel bored, lonely, I don't know what to do or I can't think of new ideas, I also feel a void that is difficult to fill... I'm looking for new routines, spaces, feelings, activities or just company, like right now. That makes me feel full, in another way. And exercise has to be a reward, not a penalty. I don't like the gym, but I really like swimming :). I also learned that there are times when you have to eat, even if you are not hungry... lots of kisses! thank you for this invitation to think (us) together.🧡🧡🧡
❤ Thanks for being so open with us. 2023 was my most bad year, too. In my case it was drinking alcohol everyday. I started therapy in January and it was the best thing that could happen. Feeling good again now 🎉
I’m so glad I watched this video. Thank you for sharing your story. Its made me realize that my ocd affects me so much more than I thought. ❤ Praying for you and your ocd journey!
I love dis 🥺 thank you so much for sharing. It makes me realize that even in my most isolated moments and thoughts, I’m not alone in my struggles. ❤ YOU AREN’T ALONE BABE
if something needs just a liiiiitle bit of sweetness, i sometimes use *glycine* powder, an amino acid that tastes sweet and is important for many processes in the body. not a complete sugar substitute obviously (you only use a few grams usually), but an amazing puzzle piece for a refined sugar-free life. you're welcome! 😁
The tomato plant is taking forever to grow cause it has almost no light. Fruiting plants are generally sun slvts. That looks like a seed germination station. That's hydro right? Cause if that's soil the tomato wants far far more soil space. Weeping leaves are usually a sign of water logging. An those bronzed areas in other plants typically a pH imbalance. Which is hard to fix if you have many plants in the same resivore an others arent locking out nutrients at the current pH. Blah blah blah etc etc 😅
You are so profoundly honest and intelligent in your approach to mental health issues. Thank you Doll.❤ I am 63 yrs and have suffered my whole life with MH and specifically OCD. Thank you for advocating and using your amazing "make-up" platform to express the things you do. I live in FL and the back to back hurricanes have wrecked my OCD. The loss of control from no gasoline or traffic lights not working, no garbage collection, debris and power lines down everywhere ...O.M.G. Our kids moved in for a couple of weeks as they had no power. I love them dearly, along with my granddaughter...but the messes, noise, chaos has me so on edge. I am on my husband's last nerve! I can't control anything, so I want to control everything. My diet is shit. Eating too much junk...then not eatting. Depriving myself. I keep saying that "this too shall pass", "hang on". Dear God, help me! And all of us. 😢
New subbie here, and I have enjoyed your videos so much. I bet you didn't think you would get the many comments from others who relate to you 100%. Women who have OCD often suffer in silence 😔 . I have since College onset. I'm 67 now, and the anxiety of routine, overthinking, PERFECTION (my nemesis) still plagues me, but to a lesser degree. Food is the go to for control, but I never didcuss with anyone. I dare not mention to family, they wouldn't understand imo. I love them, but this is real, and overwhelming at times. I have to force myself to accept less accurately, errors, mistakes. The things that are trivial to most, are at times monumental to me, ESPECIALLY when overly tired. You're very mature and intelligent. You understand your limitations and triggers. I never heard of CBT, but I will research. Doing this video helps you, and those watching to get validation that OCD is real. I'm glad you are getting therapy. I wish that I could have done so years ago, when I didn't understand what was happening. btw, your dark circles aren't bad. I'm fair skinned too, and have them. They always look more prominent imo because of that. I use RMS, UNCONCEAL It's one of the best I've tried to lighten up. Oh, I loved the goth makeup. Beautiful 👍 Francine
Thank you for sharing so much and being so vulnerable. I love your tutorials but I also love these videos. It’s refreshing and soothing to listen to someone talk about their journey, even if it’s not necessarily your situation. Your authenticity is unmatched and so appreciated ❤
The authenticity and the vulnerability you show in these “vlog” style videos is inspiring and brave. So enjoyable and relatable (to me) to watch - I am throughly enjoying them. Thank you for sharing and bringing awareness 💙
Oh boy. I feel you on so many levels here. I’ve emotionally ate pretty much all my life, been restrictive, all or nothing, binging, etc etc. I have autism and am one of the many, many folk on the spectrum who experience all this fun time business. I’ve now connected with a dietitian who has ADHD and specialises in binge eating. She’s amazing and gets my fun brain. Would recommend connecting with someone (ie a professional) who understands neurodiversity. Thank you so much for sharing your story too. I appreciate you, your openness and your strength 💜
Thanks for sharing your story. It's a really similar situation,and I'm trying to cut down/swapping to more natural sugars to feel better mentally and physically. The hardest part is "relapsing" when someone puts an unhealthy snack in front of me, and then it's back to shoving it all in my mouth. Or when you start cutting yourself some slack, and you keep slacking more and more.
i just want to say a HUGE thank you for speaking so frankly about this, i've struggled most of my life with restricting/binging/purging and am trying so hard to recover and restore some kind of balance. to hear other people i admire talk openly about this helps massively. i've been careful after YEARS of black and white thinking to also not fall into that where i can, especially with food, but it's so hard! i LOVE rachael wrigley, too! it was a revelation when i found her, glad you found comfort in her too :)
Ok wait I got to the kind of "all or nothing, black and white" thinking part and wowwww it's meeee. I think mine is for sure related to neurodivergence but it's rare to hear someone express the same things I'm still working through!
Thank u so much for sharing this! I don't have OCD but some parallel difficulties w/ thinking and cognition affecting multiple areas of life (all-or-nothing, black-and-white, inflexibility, tedency to ruminate/obsess/perseverate, optimal decision paralysis) and it's very validating to see that the way I've learnt to manage with it is similar to what you describe
Just wanted to say thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing your struggles. I have struggled with eating disorders, exercise addiction and bursts of ocd throughout most of my life (I'm nearly 36) and now after being weight restored for the longest I've yet managed my other weird compulsions are so strong it's beginning to become a real problem. I havent said that out loud yet. It's so hard to stay away from everything online and not get sucked in convincing yourself you're doing it for 'your health.'
Ugh I just want to give you the biggest hug! thank you so so much for this upload! This gives me hope! Progress over perfection🙏🏼 Thank you Angel!🫶🏻✨💕 Ps I wish I can like this video 1000000 times!!
I can relate a lot to what you have mentioned and am looking into getting assessed for ADHD (hyperactive thoughts, hyperfixations/addictions to short term interests and hobbies, addiction to sugar ie self-medicating the reward system in my brain, not finishing things etc etc) Here in the UK it is becoming clearer that many people are being mis diagnosed with OCD, bipolar, anorexia when they are actually autistic or have ADHD. ARFID is an aversion to eating linked to neurodivergence.
So relatable, the all or nothing mindset is incredibly prevalent in us ADHDers I fall into that trap when it comes to housework, exercise, good/bad habits, entertainment, learning...the list goes on I wish I was diagnosed as a child, but that just wasn't often done to little girls back then. I don't know how old your son is, but I am very happy he was able to get a diagnosis. For a lot of us, a diagnosis is the beginning of our journey into no longer hating ourselves a lot. For children, it gives them access to tools that they will use for the rest of their lives.
He’s 27 and all or nothing was horrible to deal with. He’s doing great now. Not over eating anymore and is exercising now and not wanting to sleep all day. Doing better at his job. Lots of positive things happening with him.
I could write a novella about how much this resonated with me. One of my disabilities causes me pain *every time* I eat. I figured, "If I'm going to be in pain, it's going to taste good!" On top of that I'm an "all or nothing" type - if I'm having a piece of cake it's going to be an XL piece or none at all. Binge eating was essentially a lifestyle driven by wanting to cut down on the number of times I was in pain per day. And, like I knew it eventually would, my habits led to my developing diabetes. However due to hospital stays I know the exact 4 month period when it hit. After watching my Mom go through neuropathy I decided I was going to do everything in my power to reverse it. And I did! I'm technically in "remission" but I no longer have to use insulin or any medications. My pancreas is healed. But while trying to heal I went over the top. I became obsessed which is easy for me to do as I have a borderline clinically obsessive disorder. I had a rule that I would not eat anything with more than 10 total carbs each meal (I no longer do that at least). If I "splurged" that was a tick against me and I'd have to make up for it the rest of the day and/or the following. I still have that mentality and I'm working on it but it still feels logical to me at the moment. "Good foods" and "Bad foods". Wanting control and not having it even with fresh and organic foods because of natural sugar content. In short, I feel you. And honestly until I watched this I kind of felt like I was either the only one who did the "that's a point against me" thing, OR it's how everyone is so why am I being called out? Going to be speaking to my own therapist today and that will be a topic. I appreciate you sharing your journey so openly. Thank you.
I just wanted to say that I feel you really deeply. I’ve had a variety of eating disorders (primarily “atypical” anorexia, essentially just anorexia when you aren’t at an underweight BMI) for a good decade of my life. From middle school through most of college, i spent most of my time starving or being yeeted into treatment centers. Nearly all of my time in college was lost to the pandemic or eating disorder treatment. Treatment never worked. I’d go for months, gain the weight, do what I was told, then nearly immediately relapse when I was discharged. I don’t know what clicked, but after a particularly traumatic round of treatment in 2020/2021 where they improperly re-fed me and I gained 60 lbs, I realized I was sick of living like this. I had never in my life been able to count anything related to food in a healthy way. But something clicked, and I was determined to count my macros with the explicit intention of not starving myself to death. I dove into the science of weight loss and nutrition, and I started eating balanced and frequent meals. Before this I was starving during the day and binging a days worth of calories at night, so I felt like shit ALL the time. For the first few weeks of eating 3 meals a day and snacks and incorporating protein (which I had SORELY neglected), I felt so good that people thought I was manic. But I wasn’t. I was just finally fueling my body. That drastic positive change kept me going. I did have some slip ups where I restricted calories more than I should’ve, but 3 years later and I consider myself recovered from my eating disorder. It’s not perfect- I still have a lot of shit to work out with my body and my brain. My eating disorder was just a symptom of a lot of other things. I often can barely tolerate seeing my body. But I no longer act on that, or use restriction as a way to exert control over my life. I struggle with adhd/autism and debilitating perfectionism. But I no longer take it out on my body. I truly believe everyone can recover- and I believe YOU have to define what recovery is and looks like for you. Treatment centers have a purpose, recovery communities have a purpose, but only you can find what recovery is for you. No one could tell me what to do or how to recover or to want to recover. I had to genuinely want to get better, and not just not have an eating disorder, but to feel good being alive. Sending everyone here so much love. Recovery is possible.
Hi Alex, you have no idea how much your words speak to me. I’ve had the same sugar issue as long as I can remember. I’ve started acupuncture last week for a few things, including my sugar addiction, they said allergies and sugar is the easiest thing to get rid of. It’s all still very new but I’ve heard it before so here we go. I’m hopeful🙏🏼 Allergies already much better after one session, also been eating less sugar the last two days🤷🏼♀️Let’s see. Something to think about.
I can relate so much to your experience and really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability with sharing it all. I think most of us in this age range have a very complicated experience with food and eating. So much of it is because of the media, processed food manufacturers, capitalism in general!! It’s HARD and near impossible to be mentally and physically healthy at the same time in this environment. I don’t have it figured out yet either, trying to walk that fine line of food freedom and eating things that nourish my body. Same with exercise. Sending love your way 🩵
Nothing but love and support for you, Alex. I’m glad you’re on this journey and hope you continue to feel better, regardless of ups and downs along the way. ❤
Even though my story looks different, the inner mechanisms and self-made traps are very relatable. I always appreciate the Alex talk time, and thank you for sharing your journey ❤
Omg, it's not crazy. It happens. To tens of thousands of us. You're telling my story. Over the years I've gotten better with my relationship with food. It's helped, because now I've had to learn a lot more and make more changes all of a sudden due to some serious health problems that diet can partly fix. So, telling mortality to step the f back is not as hard as it could be. That's something 😊
Hey, Alex! I think you are very courageous, and I am so glad you are sharing with us. I was diagnosed with CPTSD two weeks ago, which is Complex (or in some (my) cases, Childhood) PTSD. I am beginning to learn about the "back of your mind to protect yourself" concept and it shows that for you and myself, even though we have different conditions, there is a lot of deep work going on. I send you a giant hug and applaud us both, because this is a way in which we can heal ourselves. We rock, and I believe it's worth the work. Sending Love and Courage. I love you, dear friend! Lili
You are so courageous talking about this. Sometimes you just have to talk to the mountain and tell it, out loud, "You have no control over me" This works for anything that is trying to control our lives. We have to take control back! 💪
So much of this resonated. This stuff is complicated and painful so thank you so much for sharing. I’m sure you’ve reached so many people with your story.
I love the new mindset on sugar, it feels correct, for you personally restricting sugar felt like self abuse to me, like for me it wouldn't be abuse at all to cut out sugar it just depends on the person.
I heard that if you crave sweets or chocolate alot its because you need company and you feel lonely so if you try being around people or talk to people when you get the urge to eat a bunch of sweets that might work, mainly because we as people we need connection. Thats what i heard.
I’m sure there’s some truth to that, but I personally often crave sweets when I’ve been around a lot of people for a whole. So I think it’s very individual.
Ooh I love the goth look! But on a serious note, yeah I hear you….i have similar issues but also have been dealing with a horribly long stint of major depression (I have it constantly but some months are worse than others)… being on meds, this is the worst it’s been since before meds. it was therapeutic to listen to you. Maybe I should think about seeing a therapist again! I hope you continue on your healing journey. ❤❤❤
Alex! I'm sooo happy to hear that you're healing... As a nutritionist/ dietist , when I've watched your video back then I obviously couldn't judge you because of your diet choice... just because you need to treat people as individuals and understand how each body works with different diets. But watching this now, knowing everything that was going on... I'm really proud of you! I've gone through the same thing with dieting and exercising... lost my period for almost a year... on my way back to getting healthy I got real bad binge eating. But I hope I can encourage you by saying that I gets better... your body will understand how you can satisfy yourself with just a little bit of candy or whatever... also, this is already super long but a tip for you is: when you're hungry, try to have something nutritious first and then, the candy or chocolate. Also, you can maximize that wonderful moment of eating those things by sitting down, paying attention to every bite and being real cozy while eating it... that makes you enjoy the whole experience waaay more! Hope I can help! Wish you all the best 💚
Thank you so much for this video and for being vulnerable with us. Sometimes it’s important to hear that we are not alone to struggle… the makeup look is dope! ❤
Happy to see your growth on this, I remember that video and thinking oh poor Alex - I saw that mindset and hurt for you. I didn’t comment but felt for you. Good luck on your journey!
Thank you so so much for talking about your relationship with food. I have had very similar struggles, it’s nice to hear others talk about it, I don’t feel so alone now. Xxo
Sweetheart. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your relationship with food and your body and your health is complicated and life long. Sending hugs and support. ❤
Scrambled eggs are best with pepper, basic light green peppers fried before you add eggs or those huge dark green peppers fresh on the side. And add a tiny bit of feta cheese on the side … heaven
Listening to you on this video I felt like the same thoughts are inside of my head too sometimes. . I too am a Virgo, & I think to some extent I have a mild form of OCD too. It helps so much to hear this, & to know we all have our struggles of some kind. Thank you for your honesty & bravery in discussing these thoughts. You are a beautiful person inside & out!
Speaking of isolation. Being able to listen to this, given my own personal thoughts. With how people are bullies especially when it comes to me sharing anything. Always wanted friends where these sort of discussions are ok to have. Luckily others on other channels were willing to share their exercise routines.
Nice job sharing, Alexandra. I know it must be hard-it’s hard for everyone, but you have a lot of people watching on top of the hardness of just being vulnerable. I like getting to know the people I watch on UA-cam, so I appreciate you sharing. It’s helpful for us to”regular people” to see the human side of the makeup artist, influencers, etc, that we like to watch online. I’m also glad your therapy is going well 💜
Alex you are incredibly brave for sharing your struggles with food, honestly I think a lot of women struggle because we have been programmed to think we need to look a certain way and be fit so if we begin a path of junk food and sugar we are bad. I personally think moderation is key and if we eat sugar we are not bad. I hope I am getting my point acrossed. The journey of being a woman and remaining young, fit and attractive is unattainable for most of us all the time so basically you are not alone, we all feel it to some degree. Thank you for taking the time to share your journey
I am allergic to sugar cane. Finally, after many failed attempts, I was able to beat sugar. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Horrible. But the other side of the coin is how great I feel and I am not ever going back! You can do this and will feel so good you will never regret it!
I'm so glad to hear your'e getting help for yourself. I've known ever since I started watchng you that you were as anxiety ridden as me. I hope it's helping! Your content is great and your make up is beautiful!
I love the balanced perspective you've come to. You can both allow yourself to have to sugar (or whatever food) and refrain from labeling it "bad" or "good" and falling into that self-judgement and punishment mindset AND you can check in with your body and acknowledge that eating that much sugar doesn't feel good and leads to unpleasant physical symptoms and health outcomes. This is the way. Slowly working towards letting things be what they are, a whole picture with both beneficial and harmful effects.
I always appreciate it when you share these kinds of things. I feel I must recommend the podcast Maintenance Phase. They debunk a lot of fad diets and myths about dieting, food, bodies, health, etc. It’s hilarious but informative, subversive, inclusive, and compassionate.
Good on you Alex for being so open and honest. I was told I’m pre diabetic so I’ve had to cut down on sugar and change my diet as I’m insulin resistant. It has been hard but we can do it. I’m sure of it we just take it a step at a time.
I have these weird obsessions with food where I literally plan my binges. When is the next time I will be home alone? What food do we have? And it’s always junk! It’s a tough tough thing. It helps knowing we are not alone out there! I have been working on it. It’s a long journey to change the brain 🧠 Thank you for sharing! It means a lot!
I am this way but with salty crispy carbs like chips. Been working on letting go of that shame. The more shame and denial I felt towards the food, the more I desired it.... It really threw me for a loop learning this about myself. How black and white I viewed food, diet, and fitness. And like Alex said, with other aspects of my life too. School, work, chores, etc. Toxic is the correct word, Alex, because this thinking really is hurting us. I'm doing better now. It's been a year since I had a bad breakdown and sought therapy. The body dysmorphia is hitting less. I feel more neutral about how I look now. Food is still touch and go. There are more days now where I feel neutral towards food, but if I fall back to bad habits like not eating enough, then the cravings creep in. I'm hoping that my relationship with food gets a little better every year.
I've been told by doctors to limit my refined carbs/sugar because of insulin resistance - I'm very grateful for your videos about it because they're super informative!!
I don’t know if this is helpful but getting to the root of why the binge feels so intense and uncontrollable could help your relationship with the foods you choose to binge with. Like, for me, my entire family including myself has had a terrible relationship with that cycle of binge and restrict. There’s always been, in my experience, some unmet need underneath the behavior. Eating is often a salve for emotional pain. Like the binge and the craving isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom. The second I internalized this, the more grace I was able to give myself about it.
Okay forgive me because I have not finished the video just yet, but this is sounding verrrry familiar. And I am not a mental health professional and am in no way capable of diagnoses. But I will say in my personal experience as someone with ADHD, I felt very similarly about sugar. ADHD is inherently characterized by a dopamine deficiency in the brain. Dopamine has to do with the reward circuitry in the brain, and in particular, satisfaction. People with ADHD need more of the same sugary food than other people do to get the same level of satisfaction. Using sugar/carbs as a source of dopamine is SUPER common in people with ADHD. (It also helps with focus, funnily enough. I used to down pints of Ben & Jerry’s in order to write papers in college.) Medication is not for everyone, but I found that once I treated my ADHD, those issues all but evaporated. I no longer felt this insatiable need to satisfy this invisible hunger. I could be 1000% wrong so please disregard if it doesn’t resonate. But I highly recommend seeking a professional opinion if you have ever struggled with focus or any other ADHD-like symptoms!
You’re so cool. You’re also giving me so many words for what I’ve been going through for a long time. Starting ERP therapy on Friday! I didn’t realize the all or nothing was sort of an OCD thing but I’ve done this my whole life.
Hi Alex! I just wanted to say that you are not alone in this dark circles world. There are many people with dark circles. In my case I have them since highschool, I think they might be genetic. But I've never been so deep into the make up world. People always told me I had flawless skin and I never used make up, nor skincare (didn't even know about it). Just used a little color corrector, a little powder blush, lip balm and invisible mascara and I was ready to go. But that was until... before pandemic, if I can recall. During the pandemic I fell into depression, insomnia problems and began to eat very bad. But was that or not eating at all. And that ended in some eating disorders and hypothyroidism. I've always been a bit insecure with my dark circles. And, as a consecuence of all this, my dark circles grew darker, my skin changed and I aged. It was a time when I was ashamed to go out, the simple idea of anyone seeing me in that face was terryfing. That's when I started following your videos. You were the first I encounter that has as darker circles as mine, and you're videos always amazed me. You are a real artist. And I tried to follow your advices in making up the dark circles. But, unfortonately, I'm not as good as you and I can't get my dark circles disappear completely. But I do my best. I am now 39 and what I've learnt in this years is that therapy not always work. But you have to learn to embrace yourself, surround yourself of good people who can give you the love and support you need. And, whats more importart, to learn to give yourself the love you deserve. So, I learnt to embrace my dark circles, accept that they will be with me the rest of my life and I don't have to feel ashamed of them anymore. Fuck what people think of them! Just do the skincare you need, eat balanced and sometimes you can let yourself have some rewards. Make up only for special ocassions and just be happy!!!
This was a really wonderful video thank you , your not alone, I so appreciate you doing this video and showing us that have some of the same issues we are not alone 💜🌻✌🏻👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Don't bother with the people commenting about your dark circles‼️ I've always had them, like you, and their visibility fluxates just like one's weight or skin, and it's nobody else's business. Some videos of yours that have been very validating and inspiring to me are your _Before you get filler..we should talk..._ video, as well as a video on Alx Talx, _Dark circles..and assumptions about them_. I'm working on accepting that the dark circles are part of us. They're hereditary, and sometimes they'll be darker and sometimes not, sometimes I'll feel self conscious about them, other times not. And try to find the self trust in not letting people's misinformed comments get to us. I'm really happy you're working with therapy 💙 I'm looking to do the same. I wonder if it's because OCD and ADHD/ADD overlap a lot, but I recently got a diagnosis a couple of years ago, and a lot of things you have talked about in old videos and stuff I have resonated with a lot. I seem to seek sugar and/or food for dopamin hits, I'm struggling still to find some balance but understanding the chemical imbalance in my brain makes it a bit easier to work with hehe. Thank you for continuing being inspiring and open 💕 much love
I've only gotten to the part where you mentioned wanting to round out your meals a bit more and Taylor Grasso (shes a dietician) on tiktok really helped me with this concept. As someone who struggled previously with disordered eating she really helped me shift focus from restrictive diets to just making sure what I eat is nutrient dense and well rounded. She focuses a lot on adding (nutrient dense foods) to a plate vs subtracting which has really really helped me, she even shows what she gets from different fast food places with her thinking in mind. Not sure if the remainder of your video follows this trajectory but I figured I would put this resource here for anyone perhaps struggling with trying to make sure they have a well rounded meal, power packed snacks, foods that are delicious, filling and good for me in a variety of ways.
This makes so much sense. Parts of this are quite relatable, too, as someone who had historically struggled with control too. I’ve managed it well but the option is there, ya know?
That's me: All or nothing. For instance, I work, work until I collapse. Or I would stay away from Doritos (cool ranch, my favorite) for several months but eat a half bag of party size in one sitting, etc. I haven't had ice cream in 6-7 years but have been resisting the temptation of buying it because I'm concerned that I would eat the entire thing of Haagen-Dazs in one sitting. Don't know how not to live like this though🥺
if you know you can't control it, don't tempt it. pretending like you can manage it is also a trap lol, like forcing an alcoholic to a club were everyone is gonna be drunk. keep close what you do feel like you can eat in manageable amounts.
I appreciate this video and your vulnerability so much! TW: disordered eating, disease, sugar I’ve also struggled with disordered eating, body image, and OCD. I have recently found out I have NASH which is not currently dangerous, but I need to be making my diet more balanced and various, and according to doctors “avoid sugar”. Which is just like…… awful to hear after being in therapy and treatment for so long trying to unlearn that sugar is bad. Anyways, I appreciate what you said about knowing you need to be doing something but not doing it yet (paraphrasing horribly) because that’s exactly what I’m doing with trying to repair my liver. I don’t know who to listen to or who to believe right now and I’m just trying to live in this world?? Like damn?? So thank you, you’re doing great all around.
Hi. I would offer a distinction in hopes that it can help you currently. Prior to any medical diagnosis the “bad” we do to ourselves from the food isn’t yet evident, but we can know the progression and general information. It is fear based. In contrast, after a medical diagnosis, it’s not a fear, it’s an actuality. Separating the past sugar situation with the current sugar situation can make it easier to get on board. Best wishes.
This so resonates with me. I've had a sugar addition my whole life. I have struggled to keep it under control although I know how bad it is for me. I'm a healthy eater otherwise. It is a total mindset for sure. This is how my mind works....if I buy cookies, my mind tells me the sooner I eat up those cookies the sooner I'll be rid of them so I can get back on track 😅 Now what I'm trying to do when I do buy a sugary snack is im trying to convince myself that I can eat those cookies like a normal person and eat only 2 or 3 instead of half the bag. Sugar is a constant struggle for me. I believe its as bad as being addicted to drugs or alcohol. Once sugar enters into my bloodstream I start craving it more. I don't know if ill ever get a grip on it. I keep trying but I love chocolate, donuts, Reese Peanut Butter cups 😋😂 and all that bad stuff HA I'll never let it completely win. I will always fight it. Thanks for sharing. You are not alone. I totally get you. Wishing you the best.
I love the goth look, You look fabulous as usual. But I was wondering since you brought up false lashes Have you ever put the individual lashes on your bottom as well? I'd love to see you do a tutorial on that. I enjoyed you opening up about your personal stuff too, It was nice.
I read the F-it diet the other year which helped me and made perfect sense. I do eat sugar but there’s certain candy/sodas that I won’t stop till it’s gone. So it’s tricky cause I don’t want to diet but I do want to feel better and lose the extra weight I’ve put on which makes me feel unhealthy. At the moment I get my treats on set days of the week otherwise I don’t stop. I do think I’m addicted to sugar. Thanks for sharing xx
You're such a queen for doing this video. I stuggled too with OCD and food for a long time, although my OCD was more like verifying everything and preparing everything just in case, doing things in order etc About food, I did episodic "no sugar challenges" in highscool and after, not because I wanted to lose weight (I was already too slim, genetically), but because I heard about sugar being an addiction and I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't addicted. It was a very reassuring success. That being said I still like the taste so I still eat sugary things often 😋 After that, a part of my mind wanted to try the opposite too, to indulge in sweets and chocolate and see what happens, if I was fated to become fat and unhealthy. Fast forward to last year. I had a job at a drugstore and the food was free for the employees. At the beginning I was like well you ain't gonna eat sweets all day that's bad for your health. But I hated that job so much I said fck it, if I'm here working like a slave might as well take every profit I can from the situation. So I ended up eating a chocolate bar at every pause, and taking multiples bags of sweets to home each night, eating them all by myself (I was never allowed to do that as a child, I could only ate a few candy at a time). Six months later, I quit. No physical consequences : I didn't get bigger by a single kilogram (granted I was constantly on my feets running around for the job). And I didn't became diabetic either. I like to think that it was just my brain desperately needing sugar to function at max all the time and taking all of it lol. But anyway I saw my body and mind could handle the two extremes of the evil sugar lol, it was an interresting scientific experiment that cut down a lot of stress from my life. To recap, for a long time I was morally scared shitless of becoming a "drug" addict and physically scared shitless of becoming diabetic or ill in general. Sometimes you gotta experience things to really feel them and be reassured. Now I have another job, better, and I'm still the same underweight sweet toothed girl. Just less anxious about the consequences of my potential behaviour. Wow it was really long lol. To anyone who read that, salute
I can so relate to what you're saying about feeling like crap when eating sugar! My body feels like its been poisoned the next day when i eat it. I allow my self to eat it but find that now that im aware that its the culprit of my joint pain, I dont want it as much.
Sorry about the ending everyone, I must’ve accidentally deleted the last clips before exporting! But I was basically saying that rationalizing a concept vs living it are so different and it takes a long time to get there. So don’t feel discouraged if you KNOW something, but feel like you’re not necessarily DOING it. You will get there eventually ❤️❤️❤️
This workbook amzn.to/3U7Gsvn is a great resource for anyone who thinks they may be dealing with OCD symptoms and don't know where to start. I highly recommend seeking some kind of therapy specifically for ocd though. It's been life changing for me ❤
Thanks, Alex ❤
As a therapist who also loves makeup, and has had a disordered relationship with food ... I truly commend your bravery and courage for sharing your story. I teach my clients the principle of "All or Something." I have to practice it too. I also really challenge the words "good" and "bad" because they are judgment words. I prefer using the words positive/negative and healthy/unhealthy. If I can offer any other tips, not professional advice, just lmk. I would love to chat more about your journey. Much love. 🤍
Knowing something is the first step to doing it. Having it come into your head regularly even if you're not able to do it yet is a good thing.
I can relate so much to this healthy eating but on the back of your mind having a toxic relationship associated with food.
It took me also a huge lot of introspection, gaining a few pounds on allowing myself anything I wanted and a full mind reset.
After a year I'm landing on a sweet spot and I'm very happy about the process.
I think you're doing incredibly good in being honest with yourself and of course, I love your make up!
Ah it takes 21 days to create a new neurological path, so eventually things can change quite swift if you stay consistent.
Lots of love Alex
I couldn’t relate to the fitness part of the video because I’ve never been very active but the second half where you were letting yourself eat whatever you wanted to heal your relationship with food was super relatable. I am working on healing my inner child relationship especially around screen time and working and it’s so hard. It got REALLY bad before it started to get better. I am still working on it but I am doing my best to trust the process and love myself through it. Thanks for sharing ❤
Thank you so much for being vulnerable. I have struggled most of my life with OCD, binge eating, and major sugar addiction ❤ I appreciate you. Stay strong 💪🏼
Thank you love, you too ❤️❤️❤️
When you mentioned the bit about wanting to film by noon, and if you didn't, you'd be like "fuck it, day's shot, we'll do it tomorrow." 1000 times this! Reminded me of college. I'd have a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday class, and if I didn't go Monday, I'd feel like an asshole going Wednesday without a good excuse, so I'd wuss out and not go. And then Thursday would roll around and I'd be like, "The week is shot, so fuck it, I'll go next week." Oh, how many classes I dropped like that. The shame spiral is real. Just remember this: We are all beautiful works in progress. Forgive yourself and move on-- you can't fix the past; we can only control *now*. ❤
I remember that video you did about sugar. And having done the good vs bad food in my life in the past, it concerned me. BUT, I also expected that this one would come out one day because you are a brilliantly curious learning human. I'm sad this is hard for you but happy that you feel able to share this. And I know this will help others as well.
And listen, if sugar and wheat do bad things to your body, that doesn't mean they or your body are villains. They just don't get on. So it's ok to limit stuff that makes you sick... so long as you avoid the all or nothing and black and white about the food itself.
Thank you so much, this comment means a lot, especially that you were able to watch that other video with understanding. Thank you for the genuine kindness in your words 🙏🏼❤️
Yes this!!
I love this comment!
I feel like I’m in the same boat as her with the timeline being different, right now almost a month into not eating any sugar and I feel all of the things she described in the last video, almost like you found the solution or something so seeing this is like looking into the future and now I’m a little nervous about it lol
Also wonder if there is a way to skip through the expire therapy binging part and fix the relationship without getting re addicted idk
I’ve done that for sure, just never realized I was doing it. “if I’m sleeping, I’m not eating”. And then of course, I’ve wasted a whole day so then I shame spiral because I wasn’t at all productive…. Thanks for sharing this.
The shame spiral is tough. The first step is just trying to notice when you are judging yourself and remind yourself not to. It’ll take take time to let go of that ❤️
I have an addictive personality too. Progress not perfection is so fucking cliché but it's also a good mantra to remember to be patient and kind to yourself.
It’s true though. I also like to say “I’m practicing….” whatever it is. I’m practicing making healthy choices, I’m practicing xyz. That helps me for 2 reasons-1. I have an addictive personality so I tend to go ALL IN and it isn’t sustainable for me 2. It releases me from the pressure and allows me to celebrate progress without self depreciation over the little “downfalls”. I’m practicing and I’m doing my best.
@@monicapatton1405 Yes, positive self talk is so helpful🖤
Me too. I’m such a perfectionist and have a really addictive personality, and they kinda kick my ass
Thank you for speaking so candidly about this. I'm convinced that orthorexia is a silent epidemic and wish there were PSAs about it on TV and social media. As someone who has been in recovery since 2017, I will say that it is exhausting and difficult but so, so worth it to get help from both a therapist and a registered dietitian who specializes in eating disorders. These people save lives.
I'm also convinced it's rampant! I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Proctitis and while recovering from that flare up I definitely developed orthorexia. It's real and I hope it's talked about more.
I just looked up what that was because I had seen it a few times in the past few days and the first video that came up. Was somebody just talking shit about all the studies that have come out about it… They were clearly triggered and being defensive, but it was scary because, that kind of video is usually not as promoted on UA-cam in my experience. Anyway, no matter what some dietitian says, if you feel shitty about the way you’re eating that is valid and you should look into it…
I struggle with the all-or-nothing mentality in other areas of my life. Especially with good vs. bad days. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey, and thanks for sharing because you’re helping me process my thoughts on my journey too ❤
I’m a degree qualified nutritional therapist in the UK and also someone with my own personal journey with nutrition and health, so I want to offer a couple of insights based on both professional expertise and personal experience. First, people seem to fall into one of two groups when it comes to food restriction. The first group (the one I’m a part of), finds that abstinence is the only thing that works and that restricting food is the only path that brings relief and lets us heal our relationship with food. Think alcoholism-having a bit of alcohol is a disastrous decision. The second group finds that restriction causes such a severely stressful mindset and negative relationship with food that this approach is the worst thing they can do for themselves. It’s vital to determine which camp we fall into if we want to overcome our challenges with food. The next insight is that, I am sorry to tell you, there absolutely are “good” foods and “bad” foods. I realise that no one wants to hear this, but it’s the truth. Where people get all messed up about this, however, is not the food being “good” or “bad”. That is simply a generalised assessment of nutritional quality and benefit/harm to the body when consumed. Instead, it’s how they feel about themselves based on whether they ate a “good” or “bad” food. What we actually need to work on is not beating ourselves up but simply looking at what we eat without emotion and learning the ability to assess and understand without judgement. The third insight is that the true healing of our relationship with food comes when we reclaim our power of decision making in our food choices. When we get off the blood sugar roller coaster causing physiological cravings that we’re powerless to ignore, when we learn to find other coping mechanisms for our emotional distress and need to change our mental state. The way through comes when we reach the point when what we realise we want is to CHOOSE nutritious (“good”) food not because we’re restricting or abstinent or will feel terrible for choosing “bad” foods but because we genuinely just want to choose the “good” food for its own sake. Because we’ve finally learned how to support ourselves in healthy and positive ways in all areas and are no longer using food to change our state of mind and relieve our distress or ignoring the undeniably horrible impact on our health that eating the “bad” foods brings. BUT we also no longer beat ourselves up if we occasionally have a “bad” food. We simply observe, reflect, and decide if that was a choice that served us or not, and if it didn’t, we figure out what made us make that choice and try to do better mindful and commit to doing differently in future because we love and value ourselves without judgement. If I eat a “bad” food, that doesn’t make me a “bad” person.
Excellent comment. Candy is a bad food. An apple is a good food. It’s ok to recognize that. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you have a bad food once a month.
Love this comment so much!! Essentially, goal is to NOT even want something ultra processed, “bad” for health. That’s not restriction, if you simply do not want it and choose whole Foods that nourish you, instead
Thank you for this!
This has come at the perfect time for me as I’m trying to tackle my binge eating disorder and OCD but I don’t know where to start 😫 Love seeing non-make up related videos from you Alex, you’re so easy to listen to.
There’s a really great workbook on Amazon, I’ll link it in my pinned comment. It’s for OCD and I’ve been using it in addition to my OCD therapy but its would be a great way for you to start on your own! 🙌🏼
@@AlexandraAnele you’re a sweetheart, thank you x
I hear ya girl! I'm in the same boat. Sending you love and good vibes ❤
I feel you, I've struggled with BED for 2 years, I recovered and I'm going back there slowly...its hard, it's not just something you snap out of ..CBT is perfect to "retrain" your brain ❤ and meditation!
Bro, “if I’m sleeping, I’m not eating” is 100% relatable 💙
Thank you for sharing this very personal video about your struggles. I'm 69 and was in my 30's, just married (now divorced 8 years) when I became OCD about cleaning, laundry, cooking, baking, perfect holidays, etc. I've also suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life. I don't have a problem with food binging though since my divorce I don't cook like I use to and my diet is terrible but I have digestive health issues, back and sciatic pain that I just eat what is easy. I mainly obsess about my apartment being clean. Dust drives me crazy. Anyway, your video gave me some insight into this behavior I didn't have before. I think you are a beautiful, talented, and funny young woman and have recently found your channel and enjoy your videos. Again, thanks for being so open and honest about your personal journey. Take care! 💙💙
CBT is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself, I wish they would teach it in schools. As a generalization, we aren’t taught to process and it’s honestly absolutely vital to walk in this world in a way that serves us and others.
This resonates so much with me. The whole good/ bad and all/ nothing dynamic has been haunting me for as long as I can remember. It’s a long journey.
I’m only halfway through this but I have to stop and just say thank you so much for sharing. Thank you. I feel less alone. I don’t know what to do, but I feel less alone and I’m going to seek some help. Thank you, Alex. Really. Btw- I’m 47 and have two small kids. Your reach is beyond what you perhaps think. ❤
27:28 this is a very good example of how we shouldn't jump into judging people over what they say. Something may sound negative to us because of all the lore we associate with it. But the person may be coming from a completely different background.
There are bad ways/reasons of/for quitting sugar, but there are also good ones.
It's about mindset.
This shouldn't be controversial. It's sad that it is, it just pushes people from one extreme to the other 🤷🏻♀️
Anyway, hope you are doing better, both mentally and physically
Thank you love, I appreciate it! And I totally agree. I think the internet makes it easier not to consider where someone else might be coming from and it’s so true that those knee jerk reactions push people to extremes. I always appreciate comments like yours because it reminds me that there are people who are understanding out there! 🙌🏼❤️
Thanks for this video! Now that I'm older, I try very hard not to be an all or nothing thinker. It's super destructive to get down on myself and not accept my flawed but beautiful self. Women get so much shit throughout their life about food, fat, health. Let's just hold each other up and do what we feel is best for ourselves, right? It's our path, and only we can walk it!
p.s. Goth look is Siiiiiiiick, sister! 💀 Fucking love it!
Alex you are the best, most real and truly honest creator I have ever known of! Thanks so much for everything you have taught us
RIght there with you. I've never really talked about this in detail like this to anyone (except for the general problem a counselor and support group). It's reassuring to see someone like you talk about this. Black and white thinking was discussed at length in my eating disorder support group. So harmful, but hard to fight.
My problem started for me when I was 13. Traumatic family situation from 4 on. I'm 59. It's been a rollercoaster--a total management issue. I feel for you. I'm relaxing more about it as I get older because what a f*cking waste of time in our lives--really. I hope that will happen for you at some point.
And, my dark circles are even worse than yours, but I haven't noticed any food plan makes it any better--Italian background. Please know that you're a natural beauty and no one wouldn't think so--just as you are.
Wishing you (and everyone else dealing with this stuggle) patience, self-love and strength.
im not so healthy with food, but for me, with anxiety in food, I learned to recognize in my feelings what is the need of my body that claims satisfaction. When I feel bored, lonely, I don't know what to do or I can't think of new ideas, I also feel a void that is difficult to fill... I'm looking for new routines, spaces, feelings, activities or just company, like right now. That makes me feel full, in another way. And exercise has to be a reward, not a penalty. I don't like the gym, but I really like swimming :). I also learned that there are times when you have to eat, even if you are not hungry... lots of kisses! thank you for this invitation to think (us) together.🧡🧡🧡
i have ocd and it means so so much when my favorite creators talk about their own experiences. thanks for opening up!
Struggles with OCD are traumatic (had them … paralysing .. but, been long time, and I largely healed ) … strength to everyone here ! 🌸❤️
❤ Thanks for being so open with us. 2023 was my most bad year, too. In my case it was drinking alcohol everyday. I started therapy in January and it was the best thing that could happen. Feeling good again now 🎉
I’m so glad I watched this video. Thank you for sharing your story. Its made me realize that my ocd affects me so much more than I thought. ❤ Praying for you and your ocd journey!
I love dis 🥺 thank you so much for sharing. It makes me realize that even in my most isolated moments and thoughts, I’m not alone in my struggles. ❤ YOU AREN’T ALONE BABE
if something needs just a liiiiitle bit of sweetness, i sometimes use *glycine* powder, an amino acid that tastes sweet and is important for many processes in the body. not a complete sugar substitute obviously (you only use a few grams usually), but an amazing puzzle piece for a refined sugar-free life. you're welcome! 😁
The tomato plant is taking forever to grow cause it has almost no light. Fruiting plants are generally sun slvts. That looks like a seed germination station. That's hydro right? Cause if that's soil the tomato wants far far more soil space. Weeping leaves are usually a sign of water logging. An those bronzed areas in other plants typically a pH imbalance. Which is hard to fix if you have many plants in the same resivore an others arent locking out nutrients at the current pH. Blah blah blah etc etc 😅
You are so profoundly honest and intelligent in your approach to mental health issues. Thank you Doll.❤
I am 63 yrs and have suffered my whole life with MH and specifically OCD. Thank you for advocating and using your amazing "make-up" platform to express the things you do.
I live in FL and the back to back hurricanes have wrecked my OCD. The loss of control from no gasoline or traffic lights not working, no garbage collection, debris and power lines down everywhere ...O.M.G. Our kids moved in for a couple of weeks as they had no power. I love them dearly, along with my granddaughter...but the messes, noise, chaos has me so on edge. I am on my husband's last nerve!
I can't control anything, so I want to control everything.
My diet is shit. Eating too much junk...then not eatting. Depriving myself.
I keep saying that "this too shall pass", "hang on". Dear God, help me! And all of us. 😢
Praying for you to have restoration and peace 🙏🏻
New subbie here, and I have enjoyed your videos so much.
I bet you didn't think you would get the many comments from others who relate to you 100%.
Women who have OCD often suffer in silence 😔 . I have since College onset. I'm 67 now, and the anxiety of routine, overthinking, PERFECTION (my nemesis) still plagues me, but to a lesser degree.
Food is the go to for control, but I never didcuss with anyone. I dare not mention to family, they wouldn't understand imo. I love them, but this is real, and overwhelming at times.
I have to force myself to accept less accurately, errors, mistakes. The things that are trivial to most, are at times monumental to me, ESPECIALLY when overly tired.
You're very mature and intelligent. You understand your limitations and triggers.
I never heard of CBT, but I will research.
Doing this video helps you, and those watching to get validation that OCD is real. I'm glad you are getting therapy.
I wish that I could have done so years ago, when I didn't understand what was happening.
btw, your dark circles aren't bad. I'm fair skinned too, and have them. They always look more prominent imo because of that.
I use RMS, UNCONCEAL
It's one of the best I've tried to lighten up.
Oh, I loved the goth makeup. Beautiful 👍
Francine
Thank you for sharing so much and being so vulnerable. I love your tutorials but I also love these videos. It’s refreshing and soothing to listen to someone talk about their journey, even if it’s not necessarily your situation. Your authenticity is unmatched and so appreciated ❤
The authenticity and the vulnerability you show in these “vlog” style videos is inspiring and brave. So enjoyable and relatable (to me) to watch - I am throughly enjoying them. Thank you for sharing and bringing awareness 💙
Oh boy. I feel you on so many levels here. I’ve emotionally ate pretty much all my life, been restrictive, all or nothing, binging, etc etc. I have autism and am one of the many, many folk on the spectrum who experience all this fun time business. I’ve now connected with a dietitian who has ADHD and specialises in binge eating. She’s amazing and gets my fun brain. Would recommend connecting with someone (ie a professional) who understands neurodiversity. Thank you so much for sharing your story too. I appreciate you, your openness and your strength 💜
Thanks for sharing your story. It's a really similar situation,and I'm trying to cut down/swapping to more natural sugars to feel better mentally and physically. The hardest part is "relapsing" when someone puts an unhealthy snack in front of me, and then it's back to shoving it all in my mouth. Or when you start cutting yourself some slack, and you keep slacking more and more.
i just want to say a HUGE thank you for speaking so frankly about this, i've struggled most of my life with restricting/binging/purging and am trying so hard to recover and restore some kind of balance. to hear other people i admire talk openly about this helps massively. i've been careful after YEARS of black and white thinking to also not fall into that where i can, especially with food, but it's so hard! i LOVE rachael wrigley, too! it was a revelation when i found her, glad you found comfort in her too :)
This is SO relatable. Your journey is so similar to mine. Thank you so much for sharing your evolution on this and in general!
Ok wait I got to the kind of "all or nothing, black and white" thinking part and wowwww it's meeee. I think mine is for sure related to neurodivergence but it's rare to hear someone express the same things I'm still working through!
Thank you for sharing! I admire you so much for being vulnerable and openly talking about these things. ❤
Thank u so much for sharing this! I don't have OCD but some parallel difficulties w/ thinking and cognition affecting multiple areas of life (all-or-nothing, black-and-white, inflexibility, tedency to ruminate/obsess/perseverate, optimal decision paralysis) and it's very validating to see that the way I've learnt to manage with it is similar to what you describe
Just wanted to say thank you for being vulnerable with us and sharing your struggles. I have struggled with eating disorders, exercise addiction and bursts of ocd throughout most of my life (I'm nearly 36) and now after being weight restored for the longest I've yet managed my other weird compulsions are so strong it's beginning to become a real problem. I havent said that out loud yet. It's so hard to stay away from everything online and not get sucked in convincing yourself you're doing it for 'your health.'
Ugh I just want to give you the biggest hug! thank you so so much for this upload! This gives me hope!
Progress over perfection🙏🏼 Thank you Angel!🫶🏻✨💕
Ps I wish I can like this video 1000000 times!!
57 y.o. So appreciate what you're sharing. I learn SO MUCH from the younger genz. Thank you so much for sharing. Jars of m&ms. God, I love you.
Celery is actually extremely nutritious! It’s a common misconception. Lots of vitamins and minerals, fiber, and it’s an antioxidant!
💯 I was going to say that 😂
It’s because it doesn’t fall onto “protein” or “fat” hype that people think it’s not valuable. Fiber and vitamins are not buzz words with food.
You are truly a beautiful human being. ❤
I can relate a lot to what you have mentioned and am looking into getting assessed for ADHD (hyperactive thoughts, hyperfixations/addictions to short term interests and hobbies, addiction to sugar ie self-medicating the reward system in my brain, not finishing things etc etc) Here in the UK it is becoming clearer that many people are being mis diagnosed with OCD, bipolar, anorexia when they are actually autistic or have ADHD. ARFID is an aversion to eating linked to neurodivergence.
My son is that way with sugar and just a month ago, he was diagnosed with ADHD. 💜 He seems to be on a better path now 💜
So relatable, the all or nothing mindset is incredibly prevalent in us ADHDers
I fall into that trap when it comes to housework, exercise, good/bad habits, entertainment, learning...the list goes on
I wish I was diagnosed as a child, but that just wasn't often done to little girls back then.
I don't know how old your son is, but I am very happy he was able to get a diagnosis. For a lot of us, a diagnosis is the beginning of our journey into no longer hating ourselves a lot. For children, it gives them access to tools that they will use for the rest of their lives.
He’s 27 and all or nothing was horrible to deal with. He’s doing great now. Not over eating anymore and is exercising now and not wanting to sleep all day. Doing better at his job. Lots of positive things happening with him.
What helped the sugar problem?
The meds she put him on is Vivanse(sp?). It’s has an ingredient that suppresses appetite. He was binge eating.
I could write a novella about how much this resonated with me. One of my disabilities causes me pain *every time* I eat. I figured, "If I'm going to be in pain, it's going to taste good!" On top of that I'm an "all or nothing" type - if I'm having a piece of cake it's going to be an XL piece or none at all. Binge eating was essentially a lifestyle driven by wanting to cut down on the number of times I was in pain per day.
And, like I knew it eventually would, my habits led to my developing diabetes.
However due to hospital stays I know the exact 4 month period when it hit. After watching my Mom go through neuropathy I decided I was going to do everything in my power to reverse it. And I did! I'm technically in "remission" but I no longer have to use insulin or any medications. My pancreas is healed.
But while trying to heal I went over the top. I became obsessed which is easy for me to do as I have a borderline clinically obsessive disorder. I had a rule that I would not eat anything with more than 10 total carbs each meal (I no longer do that at least). If I "splurged" that was a tick against me and I'd have to make up for it the rest of the day and/or the following. I still have that mentality and I'm working on it but it still feels logical to me at the moment. "Good foods" and "Bad foods". Wanting control and not having it even with fresh and organic foods because of natural sugar content.
In short, I feel you. And honestly until I watched this I kind of felt like I was either the only one who did the "that's a point against me" thing, OR it's how everyone is so why am I being called out? Going to be speaking to my own therapist today and that will be a topic.
I appreciate you sharing your journey so openly. Thank you.
I just wanted to say that I feel you really deeply. I’ve had a variety of eating disorders (primarily “atypical” anorexia, essentially just anorexia when you aren’t at an underweight BMI) for a good decade of my life. From middle school through most of college, i spent most of my time starving or being yeeted into treatment centers. Nearly all of my time in college was lost to the pandemic or eating disorder treatment. Treatment never worked. I’d go for months, gain the weight, do what I was told, then nearly immediately relapse when I was discharged.
I don’t know what clicked, but after a particularly traumatic round of treatment in 2020/2021 where they improperly re-fed me and I gained 60 lbs, I realized I was sick of living like this.
I had never in my life been able to count anything related to food in a healthy way. But something clicked, and I was determined to count my macros with the explicit intention of not starving myself to death. I dove into the science of weight loss and nutrition, and I started eating balanced and frequent meals. Before this I was starving during the day and binging a days worth of calories at night, so I felt like shit ALL the time. For the first few weeks of eating 3 meals a day and snacks and incorporating protein (which I had SORELY neglected), I felt so good that people thought I was manic. But I wasn’t. I was just finally fueling my body. That drastic positive change kept me going. I did have some slip ups where I restricted calories more than I should’ve, but 3 years later and I consider myself recovered from my eating disorder.
It’s not perfect- I still have a lot of shit to work out with my body and my brain. My eating disorder was just a symptom of a lot of other things. I often can barely tolerate seeing my body. But I no longer act on that, or use restriction as a way to exert control over my life. I struggle with adhd/autism and debilitating perfectionism. But I no longer take it out on my body.
I truly believe everyone can recover- and I believe YOU have to define what recovery is and looks like for you. Treatment centers have a purpose, recovery communities have a purpose, but only you can find what recovery is for you. No one could tell me what to do or how to recover or to want to recover. I had to genuinely want to get better, and not just not have an eating disorder, but to feel good being alive.
Sending everyone here so much love. Recovery is possible.
Hi Alex, you have no idea how much your words speak to me. I’ve had the same sugar issue as long as I can remember. I’ve started acupuncture last week for a few things, including my sugar addiction, they said allergies and sugar is the easiest thing to get rid of.
It’s all still very new but I’ve heard it before so here we go. I’m hopeful🙏🏼 Allergies already much better after one session, also been eating less sugar the last two days🤷🏼♀️Let’s see. Something to think about.
I can relate so much to your experience and really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability with sharing it all. I think most of us in this age range have a very complicated experience with food and eating. So much of it is because of the media, processed food manufacturers, capitalism in general!! It’s HARD and near impossible to be mentally and physically healthy at the same time in this environment. I don’t have it figured out yet either, trying to walk that fine line of food freedom and eating things that nourish my body. Same with exercise. Sending love your way 🩵
Duuuude. Thanks for sharing your journey 🫶🏻 love you
🙏🏼❤️
Nothing but love and support for you, Alex. I’m glad you’re on this journey and hope you continue to feel better, regardless of ups and downs along the way. ❤
Even though my story looks different, the inner mechanisms and self-made traps are very relatable. I always appreciate the Alex talk time, and thank you for sharing your journey ❤
Omg, it's not crazy. It happens. To tens of thousands of us. You're telling my story. Over the years I've gotten better with my relationship with food. It's helped, because now I've had to learn a lot more and make more changes all of a sudden due to some serious health problems that diet can partly fix. So, telling mortality to step the f back is not as hard as it could be. That's something 😊
Hey, Alex! I think you are very courageous, and I am so glad you are sharing with us. I was diagnosed with CPTSD two weeks ago, which is Complex (or in some (my) cases, Childhood) PTSD. I am beginning to learn about the "back of your mind to protect yourself" concept and it shows that for you and myself, even though we have different conditions, there is a lot of deep work going on. I send you a giant hug and applaud us both, because this is a way in which we can heal ourselves. We rock, and I believe it's worth the work. Sending Love and Courage. I love you, dear friend! Lili
You are so courageous talking about this.
Sometimes you just have to talk to the mountain and tell it, out loud, "You have no control over me"
This works for anything that is trying to control our lives. We have to take control back!
💪
So much of this resonated. This stuff is complicated and painful so thank you so much for sharing. I’m sure you’ve reached so many people with your story.
I love the new mindset on sugar, it feels correct, for you personally restricting sugar felt like self abuse to me, like for me it wouldn't be abuse at all to cut out sugar it just depends on the person.
True, it’s so individual!
I heard that if you crave sweets or chocolate alot its because you need company and you feel lonely so if you try being around people or talk to people when you get the urge to eat a bunch of sweets that might work, mainly because we as people we need connection. Thats what i heard.
I’m sure there’s some truth to that, but I personally often crave sweets when I’ve been around a lot of people for a whole. So I think it’s very individual.
Yeah thats interesting @@AlexandraAnele
Ooh I love the goth look! But on a serious note, yeah I hear you….i have similar issues but also have been dealing with a horribly long stint of major depression (I have it constantly but some months are worse than others)… being on meds, this is the worst it’s been since before meds. it was therapeutic to listen to you. Maybe I should think about seeing a therapist again! I hope you continue on your healing journey. ❤❤❤
Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable ❤️❤️❤️
Alex! I'm sooo happy to hear that you're healing... As a nutritionist/ dietist , when I've watched your video back then I obviously couldn't judge you because of your diet choice... just because you need to treat people as individuals and understand how each body works with different diets. But watching this now, knowing everything that was going on... I'm really proud of you! I've gone through the same thing with dieting and exercising... lost my period for almost a year... on my way back to getting healthy I got real bad binge eating. But I hope I can encourage you by saying that I gets better... your body will understand how you can satisfy yourself with just a little bit of candy or whatever... also, this is already super long but a tip for you is: when you're hungry, try to have something nutritious first and then, the candy or chocolate. Also, you can maximize that wonderful moment of eating those things by sitting down, paying attention to every bite and being real cozy while eating it... that makes you enjoy the whole experience waaay more! Hope I can help! Wish you all the best 💚
Not me eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch from the box watching… 😂
And I'm not eating Cinnamon Chex, either...😂
Thank you so much for this video and for being vulnerable with us. Sometimes it’s important to hear that we are not alone to struggle… the makeup look is dope!
❤
Happy to see your growth on this, I remember that video and thinking oh poor Alex - I saw that mindset and hurt for you. I didn’t comment but felt for you. Good luck on your journey!
Thank you so so much for talking about your relationship with food. I have had very similar struggles, it’s nice to hear others talk about it, I don’t feel so alone now. Xxo
Sweetheart. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. Your relationship with food and your body and your health is complicated and life long. Sending hugs and support. ❤
My little 10 year old niece is being treated for OCD right now. That is a very real thing. Sending love to all ❤
Scrambled eggs are best with pepper, basic light green peppers fried before you add eggs or those huge dark green peppers fresh on the side. And add a tiny bit of feta cheese on the side … heaven
Listening to you on this video I felt like the same thoughts are inside of my head too sometimes. . I too am a Virgo, & I think to some extent I have a mild form of OCD too. It helps so much to hear this, & to know we all have our struggles of some kind. Thank you for your honesty & bravery in discussing these thoughts. You are a beautiful person inside & out!
Speaking of isolation. Being able to listen to this, given my own personal thoughts. With how people are bullies especially when it comes to me sharing anything. Always wanted friends where these sort of discussions are ok to have. Luckily others on other channels were willing to share their exercise routines.
Nice job sharing, Alexandra. I know it must be hard-it’s hard for everyone, but you have a lot of people watching on top of the hardness of just being vulnerable. I like getting to know the people I watch on UA-cam, so I appreciate you sharing. It’s helpful for us to”regular people” to see the human side of the makeup artist, influencers, etc, that we like to watch online. I’m also glad your therapy is going well 💜
Alex you are incredibly brave for sharing your struggles with food, honestly I think a lot of women struggle because we have been programmed to think we need to look a certain way and be fit so if we begin a path of junk food and sugar we are bad. I personally think moderation is key and if we eat sugar we are not bad. I hope I am getting my point acrossed. The journey of being a woman and remaining young, fit and attractive is unattainable for most of us all the time so basically you are not alone, we all feel it to some degree. Thank you for taking the time to share your journey
I am allergic to sugar cane. Finally, after many failed attempts, I was able to beat sugar. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. Horrible. But the other side of the coin is how great I feel and I am not ever going back! You can do this and will feel so good you will never regret it!
I'm so glad to hear your'e getting help for yourself. I've known ever since I started watchng you that you were as anxiety ridden as me. I hope it's helping! Your content is great and your make up is beautiful!
I love the balanced perspective you've come to. You can both allow yourself to have to sugar (or whatever food) and refrain from labeling it "bad" or "good" and falling into that self-judgement and punishment mindset AND you can check in with your body and acknowledge that eating that much sugar doesn't feel good and leads to unpleasant physical symptoms and health outcomes. This is the way. Slowly working towards letting things be what they are, a whole picture with both beneficial and harmful effects.
I always appreciate it when you share these kinds of things. I feel I must recommend the podcast Maintenance Phase. They debunk a lot of fad diets and myths about dieting, food, bodies, health, etc. It’s hilarious but informative, subversive, inclusive, and compassionate.
Good on you Alex for being so open and honest. I was told I’m pre diabetic so I’ve had to cut down on sugar and change my diet as I’m insulin resistant. It has been hard but we can do it. I’m sure of it we just take it a step at a time.
I have these weird obsessions with food where I literally plan my binges. When is the next time I will be home alone? What food do we have? And it’s always junk! It’s a tough tough thing. It helps knowing we are not alone out there! I have been working on it. It’s a long journey to change the brain 🧠 Thank you for sharing! It means a lot!
I am this way but with salty crispy carbs like chips. Been working on letting go of that shame. The more shame and denial I felt towards the food, the more I desired it.... It really threw me for a loop learning this about myself. How black and white I viewed food, diet, and fitness. And like Alex said, with other aspects of my life too. School, work, chores, etc. Toxic is the correct word, Alex, because this thinking really is hurting us. I'm doing better now. It's been a year since I had a bad breakdown and sought therapy. The body dysmorphia is hitting less. I feel more neutral about how I look now. Food is still touch and go. There are more days now where I feel neutral towards food, but if I fall back to bad habits like not eating enough, then the cravings creep in. I'm hoping that my relationship with food gets a little better every year.
Thanks for the advice and the updates ❤
I've been told by doctors to limit my refined carbs/sugar because of insulin resistance - I'm very grateful for your videos about it because they're super informative!!
Really enjoyed this video and I must say I think u looked super pretty in ur natural element with no makeup. 💜💜
I don’t know if this is helpful but getting to the root of why the binge feels so intense and uncontrollable could help your relationship with the foods you choose to binge with. Like, for me, my entire family including myself has had a terrible relationship with that cycle of binge and restrict. There’s always been, in my experience, some unmet need underneath the behavior. Eating is often a salve for emotional pain. Like the binge and the craving isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom. The second I internalized this, the more grace I was able to give myself about it.
Okay forgive me because I have not finished the video just yet, but this is sounding verrrry familiar. And I am not a mental health professional and am in no way capable of diagnoses. But I will say in my personal experience as someone with ADHD, I felt very similarly about sugar. ADHD is inherently characterized by a dopamine deficiency in the brain. Dopamine has to do with the reward circuitry in the brain, and in particular, satisfaction. People with ADHD need more of the same sugary food than other people do to get the same level of satisfaction. Using sugar/carbs as a source of dopamine is SUPER common in people with ADHD. (It also helps with focus, funnily enough. I used to down pints of Ben & Jerry’s in order to write papers in college.) Medication is not for everyone, but I found that once I treated my ADHD, those issues all but evaporated. I no longer felt this insatiable need to satisfy this invisible hunger. I could be 1000% wrong so please disregard if it doesn’t resonate. But I highly recommend seeking a professional opinion if you have ever struggled with focus or any other ADHD-like symptoms!
Interesting, thanks! I've been considering seeing someone - I seem to fit much of the criteria. I didn't know this was a "symptom."
To make the eye look more ethereal, maybe add a shimmery/glittery lilac purple on top if the whitish parts 🤩
You’re so cool. You’re also giving me so many words for what I’ve been going through for a long time. Starting ERP therapy on Friday!
I didn’t realize the all or nothing was sort of an OCD thing but I’ve done this my whole life.
Your videos are perfect asmr for sleeping, thank you!
All of this describes me. Thank you for sharing ❤
Hi Alex!
I just wanted to say that you are not alone in this dark circles world. There are many people with dark circles.
In my case I have them since highschool, I think they might be genetic. But I've never been so deep into the make up world. People always told me I had flawless skin and I never used make up, nor skincare (didn't even know about it). Just used a little color corrector, a little powder blush, lip balm and invisible mascara and I was ready to go. But that was until... before pandemic, if I can recall. During the pandemic I fell into depression, insomnia problems and began to eat very bad. But was that or not eating at all. And that ended in some eating disorders and hypothyroidism.
I've always been a bit insecure with my dark circles. And, as a consecuence of all this, my dark circles grew darker, my skin changed and I aged. It was a time when I was ashamed to go out, the simple idea of anyone seeing me in that face was terryfing.
That's when I started following your videos. You were the first I encounter that has as darker circles as mine, and you're videos always amazed me. You are a real artist. And I tried to follow your advices in making up the dark circles. But, unfortonately, I'm not as good as you and I can't get my dark circles disappear completely. But I do my best.
I am now 39 and what I've learnt in this years is that therapy not always work. But you have to learn to embrace yourself, surround yourself of good people who can give you the love and support you need. And, whats more importart, to learn to give yourself the love you deserve.
So, I learnt to embrace my dark circles, accept that they will be with me the rest of my life and I don't have to feel ashamed of them anymore. Fuck what people think of them! Just do the skincare you need, eat balanced and sometimes you can let yourself have some rewards.
Make up only for special ocassions and just be happy!!!
This was a really wonderful video thank you , your not alone, I so appreciate you doing this video and showing us that have some of the same issues we are not alone 💜🌻✌🏻👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Don't bother with the people commenting about your dark circles‼️ I've always had them, like you, and their visibility fluxates just like one's weight or skin, and it's nobody else's business. Some videos of yours that have been very validating and inspiring to me are your _Before you get filler..we should talk..._ video, as well as a video on Alx Talx, _Dark circles..and assumptions about them_. I'm working on accepting that the dark circles are part of us. They're hereditary, and sometimes they'll be darker and sometimes not, sometimes I'll feel self conscious about them, other times not. And try to find the self trust in not letting people's misinformed comments get to us.
I'm really happy you're working with therapy 💙 I'm looking to do the same. I wonder if it's because OCD and ADHD/ADD overlap a lot, but I recently got a diagnosis a couple of years ago, and a lot of things you have talked about in old videos and stuff I have resonated with a lot. I seem to seek sugar and/or food for dopamin hits, I'm struggling still to find some balance but understanding the chemical imbalance in my brain makes it a bit easier to work with hehe.
Thank you for continuing being inspiring and open 💕 much love
Oh my God! It's as though you were inside my head. Thank you for sharing your OCD and the need to have it all if you were having any! I feel seen!!
I've only gotten to the part where you mentioned wanting to round out your meals a bit more and Taylor Grasso (shes a dietician) on tiktok really helped me with this concept. As someone who struggled previously with disordered eating she really helped me shift focus from restrictive diets to just making sure what I eat is nutrient dense and well rounded. She focuses a lot on adding (nutrient dense foods) to a plate vs subtracting which has really really helped me, she even shows what she gets from different fast food places with her thinking in mind. Not sure if the remainder of your video follows this trajectory but I figured I would put this resource here for anyone perhaps struggling with trying to make sure they have a well rounded meal, power packed snacks, foods that are delicious, filling and good for me in a variety of ways.
Could not agree more - I have learned so much from Taylor!
This makes so much sense. Parts of this are quite relatable, too, as someone who had historically struggled with control too. I’ve managed it well but the option is there, ya know?
That's me: All or nothing. For instance, I work, work until I collapse. Or I would stay away from Doritos (cool ranch, my favorite) for several months but eat a half bag of party size in one sitting, etc.
I haven't had ice cream in 6-7 years but have been resisting the temptation of buying it because I'm concerned that I would eat the entire thing of Haagen-Dazs in one sitting. Don't know how not to live like this though🥺
if you know you can't control it, don't tempt it. pretending like you can manage it is also a trap lol, like forcing an alcoholic to a club were everyone is gonna be drunk. keep close what you do feel like you can eat in manageable amounts.
My philosophy is to not keep it in the house but have treats on a night out. YMMV since I know it can lead to binging for some
I appreciate this video and your vulnerability so much!
TW: disordered eating, disease, sugar
I’ve also struggled with disordered eating, body image, and OCD. I have recently found out I have NASH which is not currently dangerous, but I need to be making my diet more balanced and various, and according to doctors “avoid sugar”. Which is just like…… awful to hear after being in therapy and treatment for so long trying to unlearn that sugar is bad. Anyways, I appreciate what you said about knowing you need to be doing something but not doing it yet (paraphrasing horribly) because that’s exactly what I’m doing with trying to repair my liver. I don’t know who to listen to or who to believe right now and I’m just trying to live in this world?? Like damn?? So thank you, you’re doing great all around.
Hi. I would offer a distinction in hopes that it can help you currently. Prior to any medical diagnosis the “bad” we do to ourselves from the food isn’t yet evident, but we can know the progression and general information. It is fear based. In contrast, after a medical diagnosis, it’s not a fear, it’s an actuality. Separating the past sugar situation with the current sugar situation can make it easier to get on board. Best wishes.
This so resonates with me. I've had a sugar addition my whole life. I have struggled to keep it under control although I know how bad it is for me. I'm a healthy eater otherwise. It is a total mindset for sure. This is how my mind works....if I buy cookies, my mind tells me the sooner I eat up those cookies the sooner I'll be rid of them so I can get back on track 😅
Now what I'm trying to do when I do buy a sugary snack is im trying to convince myself that I can eat those cookies like a normal person and eat only 2 or 3 instead of half the bag. Sugar is a constant struggle for me. I believe its as bad as being addicted to drugs or alcohol. Once sugar enters into my bloodstream I start craving it more. I don't know if ill ever get a grip on it. I keep trying but I love chocolate, donuts, Reese Peanut Butter cups 😋😂 and all that bad stuff HA I'll never let it completely win. I will always fight it. Thanks for sharing. You are not alone. I totally get you. Wishing you the best.
I love the goth look, You look fabulous as usual.
But I was wondering since you brought up false lashes
Have you ever put the individual lashes on your bottom as well?
I'd love to see you do a tutorial on that.
I enjoyed you opening up about your personal stuff too, It was nice.
I read the F-it diet the other year which helped me and made perfect sense. I do eat sugar but there’s certain candy/sodas that I won’t stop till it’s gone. So it’s tricky cause I don’t want to diet but I do want to feel better and lose the extra weight I’ve put on which makes me feel unhealthy. At the moment I get my treats on set days of the week otherwise I don’t stop. I do think I’m addicted to sugar. Thanks for sharing xx
You're such a queen for doing this video. I stuggled too with OCD and food for a long time, although my OCD was more like verifying everything and preparing everything just in case, doing things in order etc
About food, I did episodic "no sugar challenges" in highscool and after, not because I wanted to lose weight (I was already too slim, genetically), but because I heard about sugar being an addiction and I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn't addicted. It was a very reassuring success. That being said I still like the taste so I still eat sugary things often 😋
After that, a part of my mind wanted to try the opposite too, to indulge in sweets and chocolate and see what happens, if I was fated to become fat and unhealthy.
Fast forward to last year. I had a job at a drugstore and the food was free for the employees. At the beginning I was like well you ain't gonna eat sweets all day that's bad for your health. But I hated that job so much I said fck it, if I'm here working like a slave might as well take every profit I can from the situation. So I ended up eating a chocolate bar at every pause, and taking multiples bags of sweets to home each night, eating them all by myself (I was never allowed to do that as a child, I could only ate a few candy at a time). Six months later, I quit.
No physical consequences : I didn't get bigger by a single kilogram (granted I was constantly on my feets running around for the job). And I didn't became diabetic either. I like to think that it was just my brain desperately needing sugar to function at max all the time and taking all of it lol. But anyway I saw my body and mind could handle the two extremes of the evil sugar lol, it was an interresting scientific experiment that cut down a lot of stress from my life. To recap, for a long time I was morally scared shitless of becoming a "drug" addict and physically scared shitless of becoming diabetic or ill in general. Sometimes you gotta experience things to really feel them and be reassured.
Now I have another job, better, and I'm still the same underweight sweet toothed girl. Just less anxious about the consequences of my potential behaviour.
Wow it was really long lol. To anyone who read that, salute
I can so relate to what you're saying about feeling like crap when eating sugar! My body feels like its been poisoned the next day when i eat it. I allow my self to eat it but find that now that im aware that its the culprit of my joint pain, I dont want it as much.