come back in a couple weeks for *I spent a day with CONTORTIONISTS* UNCENSORED ON SPOTIFY ▸ open.spotify.com/show/5aOLuPenneHbhLh05fmkeu UNCENSORED ON APPLE ▸ podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-spent-a-day-with/id1550213250
If Victor isn't my mortician I'm not dying. I really like what he said about emotional attachment. "The ones who are detached from the emotional side of it are not good at their job. You have to be connected to humanity to serve humanity." it reminds me of a quote from Law and Order Special Victims Unit "don't worry when you feel something...worry when you stop." Emotions sucks, but they're part of humanity. If you lack that part....it's time to be concerned. And when it comes to fear of death, for me personally, I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of what's after. Like the fear of the unknown. Dying is easy. No need to be scared of that. But what comes next? Hmm.
I am afraid of ceasing to exist but I am not religious. I like to believe in the paranormal and existing as energy but still conscious but also having the choice to reincarnate and try life again OR stay energy in the vase universe/dimension. Here is how I look at it. Am I currently able to remember or acknowledge my existence before I was born? No. So, if there is no afterlife/nothing after. I will not be scared, anxious, or worried about not existing because there will be nothing. No thoughts. No Me. Just like it was before I was born. And if there is something after, Fun! We get to experience that. We may not be exactly who we are in this life but our souls/our essence will live on in a different form. "The law of conservation of energy is a physical law that states energy cannot be created or destroyed but may be changed from one form to another. " We are engery. That helps me. Hopefully it helps someone else!
My brother passed away by a car accident earlier this year. The mortician tried their best to make him presentable so we could see him, but they ultimately recommended we not see him. It was heartbreaking, but the mortician was so kind and compassionate.
I felt the same about my sister who was in a car accident, it still haunts me. It has only been 7 months so hopefully, the imagine goes away. My heart goes out to you!!
I lost my cousin in a car crash 2016, my father had to identify her body and still to this day was happy he didn't let anyone else see her beside her parents ofc. I remember being so mad and not understanding cause I was only 13, but now my last memories of her are happy ones and that's what my father wanted. I am sorry for your loss, however definitely think of those memories of him, even the petty fights.
@@Grace-mh6dm I think that’s exactly what the mortician was thinking for us. He didn’t want the last image of my brother to be traumatic. He gave us the option to see him but was very cautionary about his condition. My brother lost control and crashed hard into a lake. He was submerged for several days before somebody found him. Not only was he in bad physical shape, he wasn’t even the same color. Luckily nobody needed to identify the body because he had identification on him. Even knowing what condition he was in is enough to have dark thoughts.
I can’t get over how much Victor Looks like a mortician… from like the 50s. Can someone look like a mortician? Well, Victor does. It’s a vibe and I’m here for it.
That's what I was thinking, like he LOOKS like a mortician, he would even if he wasn't one. The lady doesn't look like one, but it's fascinating that she is one because she doesn't look like one. Ya get me
The way Victor said “Give me the rest of the day, how did it go?” and leaned forward he is so compassionate and such a great listener! Beyonce is a queen she is so gentle.
Everything about Victor is professional and likeable, but that moment is where he shows that he's also just really, really good at what he does. He's found his calling for sure.
I teared up when Breyonce said that she referred to her people as though they were still alive. Something about the idea of, despite death, we still carry the things that make us who we are, is so touching and comforting to me. I lost a very close relative to a long disease not too long ago, and this set something in me at ease. Thank you.
I completely understand and I appreciated that too. When my dad died 5 years ago, the funeral home kept calling him “the body and that made me sick and angry to my core.”
i completely agree. we had to put my dog down today and the vets, as they were picking her up and taking her away, were still cooing at her and telling her she was a good girl. it was the sweetest thing :,)
@@tahjricramberan9656I also wanna comment on the difference between people like that and Victor. When talking about the person themselves vs the conditions of their actual bodies. They're more than just bodies and he respects all parts of it.
Breyonce is not someone you would ever take for being a mortician but once she starts speaking of it she sounds like the most gentle mortician honestly.
@@HungVu-vs3dvIn my personal experience, people that work in the death industry are usually very hilarious people but also very gentle and empathetic people as well.
@@Mia-vj5lo these interviews really open up my eyes. I respected for all morticians; they did wonderful work. While Hollywood portrayed these people are evil
the way breyonce highlights still referring to deceased people as ‘miss’ and ‘mister’ made me feel so warm. my grandma just recently passed and i love to imagine the morticians that worked with her still giving her that humility 💖
I saw Victor's Wired interviews, Mortician Support. He's got quite the sense of humor and humble attitude. He explained his job in a way that is not morbid like you would think.
My grandma had dementia. In her last few years, I couldn't even stand to look at pictures of her. She wasn't her anymore, didn't know who I was, and her whole FACE was different. When I got to see her at the viewing, I was so thankful and overwhelmed, she looked like her again. I got to say my thank yous and goodbyes, knowing she could hear me for the first time in years. So much respect for morticians.
Ya because they shoved chemicals in her and pin there eyelids shut and brutalize there body and in 10 years she will look like grandma jerky instead of just rotting into the earth like we are supposed to
it really is difficult, i lost my grandfather last year and it does get hard looking at pictures, the last time i saw him whilst he was alive he looked too different but the viewing was amazing he looked like himself just a bit off.
People just think of morticians as just people that doll up dead people to look nice but really it’s about making the loved ones look like themselves again so they give a proper goodbye to their family.
I actually had a kind of opposite experience with my grandma because she was an absolute beauty in life, but her morticians did a terrible job... strangely I think it made it easier to say goodbye because it so clearly was not her anymore. She was shining down on us from somewhere else with her hair and nails done up perfectly 💅
I absolutely loved the guests. Breyonce is awesome, she has such a gentle soul and it shows she cares for her job. Victor is so calming and makes death so natural and not scary. They both make it so vulnerable and humanizing and it's beautiful
My dad was a mortician and I wanted to do that so bad, but schooling is so difficult to find and afford. He passed away and left me with all his personal stuff, including general notes he took and his mortorary coat. I hold a high level of respect for those in the foeld, because like my dad said: They are helping those who can no longer help themselves.
As a fellow funeral director I have to say, Victor is the kind of person we love to see representing our job in a respectful, and professional way. I really appreciate all he is doing and the way he speaks of what we do.
And what about Breyonce? This sounds real microagressive because that woman is as classy and PROFESSIONAL as it gets. You're weird as hell for this comment 🤨
@@claudeseymour Just because someone says one person’s name doesn’t mean that they don’t want to call other people out for their good deeds! There’s a lot of comments saying this about Breyonce, but nobody says anything about Victor not being mentioned in those comments. This is internalized sexism, please don’t have that mindset about these people. Everyone is respecting everyone here 🥰❤️
Victor is so well spoken and put together! He’s extremely intelligent, but just as humble about it. He seems so wise- like knowledge gained outside of text books or studied in school.
I fuckin love these people’s’ personalities. When he said “really? Give me the rest of the day, how did it go” you could tell hes engaged and thinking. Awesome people
Three things I feel I need to share without delving too deep: 1) Anthony's curls are looking especially divine, and his chicken in boiling water comment made me laugh 2) Victor is a literal angel and I hope he's doing well, as well as his family 3) Breyonce is Mother Death and I would do anything for her 🖤
I love how the two people Anthony got for the interview are someone who is basically a stereotype of a mortician from a movie (god that jawline and style!) and then someone who I would never expect to be one on the first glance. Really shows the range of people working in this curious profession!
And his voice tremored as he described what he saw. It still sticks with him and I think it guides how he conducts himself. He remembers that shock and he does what he can to minimize the same shock for the families of the deceased.
im in love with how victor and Anthony were literally just like having a therapy session for each other, it didn't feel like an interview at all it was more of a casual conversation between friends
The last few days before my grandpa passed, I couldn’t recognize him. He had such a big presence and his disease had him so small and fragile in bed. When we had his funeral, I was in absolute awe of how amazing he looked in the casket. That was my grandpa that I knew and loved and I am forever grateful I got to see him like that at least before we buried him. I’m so thankful to the mortician who worked hard for our family. Also to add I knew who victor was but I didn’t know Breyonce and she is so pretty and really cool!
glad to hear that you were able to have that closure. i think many people are off-put by the idea of an open casket funeral because humans are naturally disturbed by death. they dont want to acknowledge it in general, let alone when it comes to someone they care about, so they choose to avoid it seeing it. what they dont realize is that being able to see a loved one in that condition, when theyve been all cleaned up and well prepared, has the potential to replace unpleasant near-end-of-life memories of said person slowly fading away (in the case of natural death, like old age or disease) with one peaceful final memory. that way you dont have to feel like youre being haunted by the final image of that loved being that of someone you dont recognize. its like having something reclaimed.
Breyonce is so so sweet, I love how open she is about all of the emotional aspects. Made me tear up a few times there, just wanna give her a hug 🥺 I really liked watching a longer interview with Victor too
I'm not sure if you've seen but Victor's done a couple other videos! He did a WIRED interview which is why many in the comments say they recognised him. Not necessarily longer but it's still more from him!
Breyonce is someone you wouldn't think is a mortician but she's so lovely and lively it really does make you wanna live your life. She's so captivating 😭
When my boyfriend shot himself and died, I was amazed at how well they put his face back together. Thank you for the work you do, you made the last image I had of him not the fragments of his skull and teeth but his original vessel. His soul was gone, but at least I could say good bye to him without being traumatized.
At my embalming clinical this semester I was touched by the sign hanging above the door in the office, "We are doing what others can't, as well as don't want to have to do" I have that morbid curiosity like Breyonce appears to have. I feel that my willingness to see the ugliness that death can have makes me, someone who has no emotionally laden ties to the deceased in that moment, can provide someone who is experiencing grief with a dignifying and restful body image of their loved one. There actually are some embalmers who have chosen to embalm and prepare their own loved ones, but I highly doubt I could do so for my own close loved ones, I'd be too grief-stricken. I also think that it's helped me to slowly come to terms with own mortality. I've decided that making quality memories and finding/maintaining your happiness is most important in life and just holding on to the roller-coaster as it goes along. "Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are too busy in the air...." ❤
@OT7STAN I can't possibly imagine the pain you must be feeling. I've always told myself that losing a significant other to death would be enough to break me mentally. It gave me some hope to learn that aftercare is a very seldom mentioned aspect of funeral service. Each funeral home differs, but they should offer various services dedicated to checking in on you, providing you with memorial service options for later dates, support groups, reading materials about grief, and contact info for mental health services . What really set me at ease was that in mental healthcare there is normal grief counseling and then theres grief therapy for those of us experiencing grief thats quite complicated. Reach out to your resources to find yourself that very therapy if you feel the need. Its there for you.
I’m so thankful for morticians. My sister passed a month ago and I’m still grieving a bit. They tried their best with the makeup, though my sister looked a little bit grey on her cheeks, which didn’t help the overwhelming denial I was experiencing at the time- I kept having thoughts that she wasn’t actually dead- and that there was just a hyper realistic wax figure in her place I dearly dearly miss her- as her little sister, she was my idol. She was successful, thoroughly beautiful (inside and out), and it was incredibly difficult to accept her death and how she died. A couple days later I kept thinking about how the morticians will fix her up- make her look like she was just sleeping, gosh. It feels so unreal… If there’s an afterlife, I shall reunite with my sister.. one day in the future.
Sending you healing energy. I’m so very sorry for your loss, i know that there are no words to mend what you are feeling, but know that you will always be carrying your sisters energy with you wherever you go in life, she will be a guide for you & one day you will meet her again❤️
You Sound Like a lovely little sister, i Bet she ist proud of you! Im sorry for your loss. I Wish for you that your time To heal Is gonna get the Support and Love from your Loved ones♥️ together is a little easier Then alone 🥀
It would be a nice juxtaposition to do a round two featuring Caitlin Doughty (Ask A Mortician), and other eco-morticians. There's a pretty fast growing movement of death care that's focused on encouraging family to be more involved, and looking into different alternate solutions to standard funeral practices.
This career is a calling. And so so important. The care these people provide the living who mourn and all the respect they give the deceased. My father died a few months ago after losing his battle with addiction and all the help we got with his arrangements. The compassion they gave my family when we were all in very different grieving spaces was so beautiful. My mother was able to remember her husband as the man he was at his best because of them. And I’ll forever be grateful for that.
Victor's personality attitude, and perspective in regards of his job is genuinely amazing, makes you feel comfortable taking about death. mad respect for both of them.
@@frozenferal9992 oh yeah, I wanted to be a vet as a kid and then I found out what they actually do and my plans changed immediately lmao. I thought vets get to pet dogs all day long and just give them pills and occasionally a shot 😆
@@jajdhck Yeah, they really get misunderstood with what they do. Plus, you have to factor in that animals can't talk, so a lot gets missed in translation. Their owners come in knowing NOTHING. Imagine having to explain that the puppy has to get put down when it was acting seemingly mostly fine when they left the house. There are just so many layers. It's crazy. Saving animals, putting them down, and explaining to the human that can't even interpret for the animal.
My parents are both vets! My dad is a professor now but my mom has her own practice, & it gets pretty heavy sometimes but she’s good at it & enjoys her job for the most part. I’d definitely be interested to see Anthony talk to veterinarians!!
Yeah.. wanted to be a vet until I realized just how many dogs I'd try to help only to be put down... such an unexpectedly sad job after a few minutes of thinking
I absolutely love how Breyonce so much respect for the deceased and has so much compassion for them and for what she does even after all the time she's been working as a mortician.
When my grandpa passed a few years ago before he did I didn’t really recognize him as himself and then when it was the open casket I saw just him looking peaceful and he honestly looked like him before he was sick. I miss him so much but I’m grateful that he is at peace
@@RealBradMiller 🤣 Desensitized is maybe best. I had a boss who was a funeral director for years. Very funny guy with extremely dark humor, maybe not the most sensitive. They do see so much that can be very traumatizing.
I’ve been working at my local funeral home for nearly a year now as the housekeeper. I’ve gotten multiple raises & was offered to go from part-time to full-time. Needless to say, I love my work family & it’s safe to say they love me! I have always wanted to be a Last Responder, but never knew where to start, because I thought it wouldn’t be a practical job for me because I deal with mental illnesses daily and I used to not be able to even get out of bed. However, working around death put some life back into me & my passion to become a mortician had been reignited when my cousin had passed back in October. My coworkers are extremely supportive of me wanting to go to mortuary school & have been teaching me a lot. I’m more comfortable with talking to people now - in fact, I love meeting new people! - and I have more control of my mental health. Now, I just to have to stay focused on not talking myself out of going to mortuary school because backing out of things I desperately want is a toxic trait of mine🥴 I’m just glad I’ve finally figured out what I’m on this earth for at such a young age because I never thought I’d be successful after I dropped out of college a few years ago. I would’ve been a college junior had I stayed, but my heart wasn’t in it. I can tell my heart is in the funeral business because I want to be able to give families a final, beautiful viewing of their loved ones no matter the cause of death.
This really made me realize embalming is a form of art. The attention to detail and going above and beyond for the families in sensitive times is really admirable
i delt with the death of one of my friends at 14. the way the body was at the funeral was deeply disturbing to me and i still struggle with flashbacks and intrusive thoughts a few years later. i’ve been finding victor calmly talking about this here and in other interviews so helpful to safely think about the upsetting experiences and emotions i carried. if someone who is struggling with similar things reads this, i hope it can help you too. i hope victor knows how many people he is helping just by talking about his job. fly high z 🕊
This is really interesting! Would you care to explain what it was that upset you? Because it was my impression that a mortician's job kinda also entails that not happening. I mean the way they prepare and "restore" a body for viewing.
@@DaemlichesStueck The thing is, the mortician didn’t do that job. He bore frighteningly little resemblance to how he was when he was alive. Not like he was sleeping, he looked dead. His cause of death also became apparent, it was kept from us as it was unpleasant. I guess it highlights how important their job is.
Sorry about your friend. That must be so hard. Do you know Caitlyn Doughty's channel "Ask a Mortician"? She has a lot of different videos around death and grief. Many people have said that her videos have helped them, maybe you would like them, too. (Therapy is also always good but I know it's not always accessible.)
The setting of features was so fascinating to me when I got into the field. I remember I had a man who was a mechanic in life. He was in terrible shape for a natural death. He suffered from awful chronic pain and the expression that his face defaulted to was an awful grimace. Like full pinched eyebrows and tight lips as if he was clenching his jaw. Nothing we did could soften his expression and I had never known that was something that could occur.
In a world that has too many podcasts, Victor is a person that I want a podcast from. Anything that I can listen to him being passionate and funny and just vibing. Dude is a treasure.
When my mother in law died, I remember two people very specifically. The nurse in her hospice wing that was extremely kind and empathetic, and the funeral director who got us through the viewing and burial and funeral, and he was extremely sympathetic and connected to us. It's very important.
There is this K-drama called May I Help You, where one of the main charachters is also a mortician and the drama taught me exactly everything this video taught me too. That there is way more to the process and there are so many people and emotions involved. I'm truly grateful to all the morticians out there because they are truly strong and kind people that help both the living and dead.
as someone who is currently studying to be a mortician, thank you so much for doing this interview. i think a lot of morticians get a bad rep because of stereotypes in the media and societal taboos around death and this really helped to break down some of that and show the profession in the same light as any other job.
Victor M. Sweeney is one of my favorite people in this world, I enjoy every video he has ever participated in because he always approaches any given subject with respect. He also is so calm and helps you understand the technicalities, especially for someone like me who always wanted to follow that path, his process makes me hyped every single time.
Lost both my parents, my dad in 2021 and mum in this yr in July. This video made me appreciate the funeral home my family always goes to. They always don't like seeing us but having so many family members pass in recent years. But they feel apart of our family with how they look after us.
Honestly, I thought the same - yet Caitlin has her own channel and, in my opinion, a significant presence on youtube, so why not show other cool and interesting morticians? :)
Breyonce and Victor are so sweet. They deserve a great appreciation for doing this job and being so kind and caring not only to the deceased but to the family of the deceased.
“you have to be connected to humanity to serve and protect humanity” that is a perfect thing to say. This should be a policy for every job where you have to work with humans especially in a passionate way
It's great seeing someone like Breyonce in this line of work. She looks like a dope friend I could have, just a regular, fun lady who has an unusual job.
my nana passed away last September, when I saw her in the hospital hooked up to everything, it was terrifying. it wasn’t her!! but when I saw her at the viewing and the funeral in the open casket, she looked so so youthful and beautiful. i am so thankful for these people who make it their goal to bring calmness and remembrance to the toughest time in our lives.
Same- this year I had 2 deaths close to me, my MIL (80) and my Aunt (69). My Aunt was taken off of life support and seeing her intubated was so hard and she wasn’t herself. She was very meticulous about her appearance and she looked so beautiful at her viewing, hair and nails done perfectly just like she would have wanted. My Mother in Law died suddenly alone after collapsing. She was taken to the Medical Examiner’s office so couldn’t be embalmed until Day 3 and I think that made a difference. Mortuary makeup couldn’t cover the marks on her face from hitting the kitchen counter as she fell, she looked more swollen than usual and she had a pained expression on her face. It also didn’t help that her siblings kept wanting to delay her funeral until they could get there so her viewing was 8 days after she died when we put our foot down that we wouldn’t accomodate any more delays. They did the best they could but we weren’t happy with how she looked, she looked better and more “her” when I identified her body on Day 2.
@moseschrute It's interesting how something as simple as a face can change how people feel after a death. I never met my grandparents on my dad's side. I only knew of my grandma through photographs. She looked like a thinner, more tired version of me with a slightly bigger forehead and greener eyes. I did meet her mother, my Nona. Nona loved to dance, wear cute dresses, and eat delicious foods. She had a twinkle in her eyes when she saw her great grandkids and had a picture of us with our names on her fridge. The last time I saw her alive, she was dying of brain cancer and a stroke had left her shriveled and paralyzed in a wheelchair. The twinkle in her eyes was gone. My parent told me she wanted to die. I made a wish that she'd be happy. I dream of her, happy and dancing and wearing her pretty dress. I didn't see her body when she finally passed. I feel like she understands. I want to remember her as the happy Italian great grandma who loved salami and had a twinkle in her eyes when we came to visit.
Sometimes certain topics get a part two, this is one I'd love to see get a part two! Especially since this kinda covered "classic" embalming and the most common sort of experience people will have with a Mortician. If we get a second video I'd really like to see Caitlin from Ask a Mortician, because she's all about making sure alternative methods are known when the family has to decide what's going to work for their family member, and Anthony always coming in with just the best questions as an interviewer, I think the episode would turn out stellar!
I was hoping Caitlin from Ask a Mortician would be in this video but I assume her move is keeping her really busy nowadays. I was also hoping the morticians would be asked about The Mortuary Assistant game. Still an amazing video! Really happy I saw Victor in this episode. His Wired's Tech Support videos were awesome!
You should do an interview exclusively with Caitlin Doughty (Ask a Mortician), she is so fascinating, kind and funny. She deserves her own episode. She helped me be more comfortable with my and my loved ones mortality. Especially when I lost my first family member.
Caitlin is amazing! Also I don't think this video sugar coats or talks in a vastly different way about death and death preparations than Caitlin does on her own channel. It's weird to compare the two like that imo. Both these interviewees and Caitlin talk with a lot of passion, care, and respect for the dead as well as love for their work. Neither struck me as superfluous or sugar-coating
She's helped me so much with understanding death. She's also helped me realize embalming isn't necessary or the only way to care for a loved one post mortem. I've become an advocate for green burials.
@ChainsawBunny92 I wouldn't say that this video sugar coats things. In fact,Breyonce flat out says it's messy work at times and that she's had to work on children and babies and absolutely has to desensitize herself. Plus Victor more or less acted like a therapist and said "Tell me how your grandmother's funeral went", instead of beating around the bush.
My sister is a morticians apprentice and I’m shocked at how much she’s learned but also how intimate her job truly is. Normally in movies you see pale, grim, creepy men as morticians but it’s way more loving and intricate than that. God Bless morticians!
Anthony, I can totally relate to the present grieving vs the past. It’s because the day we learned of their death, we still knew them to be alive. The next day they’re gone and the past memories come forward, since their living is no longer the present. My mom passed away 4 years ago from a fatal heart attack. I requested to go up and see her before the ambulance took her away. This was my way of finding acceptance and peace from her passing. It is completely surreal. Seeing someone you love completely lifeless. The day before, my mom would’ve looked at me with loving eyes and interacted with me. After death, she was a statue of herself, not blinking or breathing. This may be too much for some people, but I had to see her in her final moments to familiarize myself with what happened to her. It helped me grieve.
This is my favorite episode. Have I been watching Caitlin's videos for years. Absolutely love Victor. My only disappointment is that Caitlin was not in the video.
Awesome! Another deathling in the comments. Hi! I love Caitlin Doughty’s (Ask A Mortician) videos. I learn so much from them and yes it would’ve been amazing if they’d interviewed her
totally agree, although these two seem very compassionate and good at their jobs it would have been nice to hear from another perspective of the funeral care industry. Maybe that is too fringe for an introductory video to the topic- but perhaps a future video?
Anthony! Daddy Padildo! please interview Caitlin from Ask a Mortician for a future episode relating to the newer ideas behind cremation and aquamation(sp?), and green burials! she is so fun and informative and I want to see her charity get more publicity as well
Fully agree she’s so fun in her videos. She’s one reason me and my mom talk about what we’d want for our funerals. Lol she can help Anthony plan his funeral like she had planned to do as a cross over episode when she was getting a tv show.
I'm a very visual person so when Victor tells the story of his first time seeing a body getting embalmed, I can't help but create images in my mind on how my late friend was embalmed and I just got emotional. I'm just happy people like Breyonce and Victor exist because at the very least, bereaved families like us can have some sense of peace seeing them.
I usually hate open caskets because the person never really truly looks like themself. However, my grandfather recently passed. He had been sick for a long time. And when I saw him, I was in awe of just how good he looked. It was a healing moment for me to see him seemingly whole again after watching him suffer for so long. He is the closest person I've ever lost and I am incredibly thankful that that was my last experience with him.
Wow... What an amazing, empathetic thing to do... Hand-stitching up an individual's face to prevent further trauma for their family... What dedication & HEART...
I love the contrast of the two. One, so emotional and real and raw, and one, so factual and informational (yet still, not cold❤) and textbook info we all want as well. Well done.
I had a physical reaction when Anthony said you grieve and then move on...that's not really true. Grief isn't something that goes away. I lost my dad six years ago now and I still grieve for him. It's just not constant anymore. It comes in waves and the waves just get further and further apart. My analogy is that it is like there's a huge hole in the ground. You know it's there and you learn to avoid it, but occasionally you still fall in.
you’re right. i made it feel cut and dry but that’s definitely not the case. i should have said that you “can move a little easier” rather than implying you can completely move on.
@@AnthonyPadillaThe feeling of missing someone can also be quite different depending on when that family member passes away. If they lived a long and full life its easier to get pass that sadness and celebrate their life. For someone that died before getting to that elderly age is a lot harder. They didn’t experience their full lives and they didn’t get to see you live your life. A sibling, a child, a parent that’s still middle aged, anyone that hasn’t reached the resolution of their life.
I think it depends on how you define grief, I don't think missing a person goes away, but I don't think missing someone is always grief. Once you've accepted that they're gone and the loss no longer consumes your thoughts, when you can think about them without feeling anger that they're gone, then you've moved on. The loss will stay with you but the grief will subside, eventually. There's no easy way to predict how long it will take, I grieved for 3 years for a not quite friend from highschool I hadn't spoken to in 2 years and hadn't really been friends with since 7th grade, but she died suddenly and unexpectedly 6 days after her 18th birthday, and the pain I felt over the unfairness of that stuck inside of me for years afterwards. Sometimes it just does. The sadness will stay, missing them will stay, but the grief will subside eventually.
@@butasimpleidiotwizardI like how you phrased that. Sometimes part of grief is missing someone but missing someone is not *always* grief. They can overlap but they don’t have to. There are some people in my life I lost where sometimes something will remind me of them and I miss them, but it’s not like trudging a ton of painful feelings because I know they lived a good long life. When it’s someone who maybe didn’t have the longest or best life, missing them can feel different at least for me it does. Because you’re not just grieving the person you’re grieving what could have been, the unfairness. When I miss someone who didn’t get to live their life the way they would have wanted that one’s a lot harder.
@@AnthonyPadilla I think it's the difference between "mourning" and "grief!" The mourning period is the hardest imo and once you're through that, it's grief. At least for me in my experience. It's also like how they talk about the stages of grief but it isn't a linear process. You go through each one randomly and at your own pace. Some you don't feel at all. Like I don't think I really did the bargaining bit. My grief has mostly cycled through depression and anger. Not anger at my dad, just...the world and everything in it.
My little sister passed away from unexpected illness earlier this year. The mortician who prepared her were very kind to me and my mom. This has been the hardest thing in my life I've had to face so I'll never forget that kindness.
Breyonce is such a sweet soul! I think that's something that a lot of people don't realize. The thought of a Mortician is either a clinically clean surgeon making precise cuts and conventionally dressed, or some Darkly Inclined maniac getting kicks from the process. Both of these extremes exist, but it takes a real compassionate soul to work with the dead, whether that's hospice care or prepping the body for a viewing one last time. I would have the compassionate part down, but I don't know if I could compartmentalize and unhook myself from having a personal connection to the dying and the dead. It's certainly not a job for everyone, but I'm grateful that it is for some.
This is one of the only episodes where I've cried, and nothing was really sad either. It's more tears about finding out that people care about people when others wouldn't, it gives me comfort in knowing that.
When he explained how he spend hours working to preserve that body so the family could see him one last time brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing and compassionate human being
Love love LOVE the death talks! I’ve been a Caitlin Doughty fan for years. The only thing I have an issue with, and this may have not been intentional, was Victor saying that the reason morticians embalm is for public health. Unless the deceased has a communicable illness, no one is at true risk from a dead body decomposing. This is harmful because it spreads fear around any form of natural burial/alternative funeral practices!! Just throwing it out there!
Whatever your opinion on embalming, I'm grateful that I got that time to experience the traditional Irish way to grieve with my family when my Grandfather died. I was living abroad as did many other family members, so it gave us time to come home for the funeral. And in traditional Irish fashion, my Grandfather was embalmed and stayed in his home with the family until the funeral. He was laid in a casket in the front-room, and family would gather there to talk to him, to swap stories of his life, cry and laugh together... There was no shortage of funny stories to tell! 😄 Everyone got a chance to spend some time alone with him if they wished, to grieve, to say some last words, to place an item into the casket... It was a strange yet wonderful experience.
this is similar to how we do it in māori culture! the casket will be open and with the family in the days leading up to the burial and we also interact with the person, tell stories about them and grieve. there’s a lot more that goes into it all of course but all that sounds the same, i think it’s actually a very healing and special way of sending someone off. it’s very cool to hear other cultures have similar practices ❤
@@teapotgoblinit's actually a pretty common thing! Before funeral homes and such existed there wasn't really anything else to be done with a body besides burial (including things like cremation in that term just to simplify it), and for a burial to be done preparations had to be made according to the culture's funeral traditions, which could take some time, and especially if the individual passed during bad weather or at night it may not be possible to begin some of those preparations right away. So, where better for a body to stay than with family? They likely would have died in the family home, so it would be the best and easiest place to prepare their body, allow the family to say their last goodbyes, and hold them while they waited to be formally sent to their next life. Of course, with modern embalming practices it smells a lot better and is a lot less confronting than it would have been back then, so that's one thing to be thankful for. It means families can wait longer to hold the funeral, giving more family the chance to attend, and giving everyone more time to grieve in the presence of their lost loved one.
He did a beautiful job of explaining our career and not making it creepy or morbid. You can tell he isn’t here to gain social credit, but to educate. Excellent job Victor ❤
My family dealt with death a lot, at a young age I went to a lot of funerals. I have a fondness for morticians like this, the amount of care they have for the dead and living. It was always so traumatic to see my loved ones suffering. Seeing them at peace always brought me so much healing. I’ve always had a respect for this line of work. But this video truly deepened my respect for this work. Victor and Breyonce are lovely people, thank you for all you do for us ❤
Both breyonce and victor did a great job explaining their professions! I thought I wouldn’t be hable to watch the full video because the topic is heavy but I ended up watching the entire thing! It was so interesting!!
My grandfather recently died and they let the family see him before he got cremated. Which he wasn’t embalmed. And he was very sick before he died. But they didn’t put any makeup on him or anything. I was so disturbed. It didn’t look anything like him. I appreciate people like this who put their heart and soul into healing families
I’m an intern at my local coroner’s office, and my experience watching my first autopsy was extremely similar to the reaction Victor had. I had done cadaver dissections before, but I still had a visceral reaction to viewing the autopsy. I got nauseous, and felt a little disconnected for a few days. Nothing will prepare you for seeing (and smelling) these things. However, this is a very rewarding field! At the end of the day, you’re helping people in a way nobody else really can.
My friend just died a few days ago and this video gives a little peace knowing she is being cared for. I miss her so much but thank you for this video. RIP my beautiful friend.
I’ve expressed my interest in studying to become a mortician to my Mum and she couldn’t understand it. I’m sending this to her in hopes she’ll get a better understanding of why. So thank ya☺️
it’s not the same as a person of course, but i watched my dog’s body sit in the garage for two days after she passed. decomposition absolutely goes quicker than you would think and trust me you do not want to see anyone you love change in that way. it’s absolutely a gift that these morticians give to the deceased’s loved once’s to preserve and “bring back” the original look of someone who’s died, and it’s such bs that some characterize the profession as weird or creepy
People are afraid of death, but death and those who care for the dead are brave - and a necessity. Morticians are some of the most artful and caring people. The dead can’t hurt you, but the living can. ❤
come back in a couple weeks for *I spent a day with CONTORTIONISTS*
UNCENSORED ON SPOTIFY ▸ open.spotify.com/show/5aOLuPenneHbhLh05fmkeu
UNCENSORED ON APPLE ▸ podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/i-spent-a-day-with/id1550213250
lit
WHOOOO
Papi
Dad
You should do one on Animal control officers! I feel like with media there’s so many misconceptions about them and they have a very interesting job
If Victor isn't my mortician I'm not dying. I really like what he said about emotional attachment. "The ones who are detached from the emotional side of it are not good at their job. You have to be connected to humanity to serve humanity." it reminds me of a quote from Law and Order Special Victims Unit "don't worry when you feel something...worry when you stop." Emotions sucks, but they're part of humanity. If you lack that part....it's time to be concerned. And when it comes to fear of death, for me personally, I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of what's after. Like the fear of the unknown. Dying is easy. No need to be scared of that. But what comes next? Hmm.
After is haven or hell
I think the afterlife is whatever you believe/want. I don’t think there’s just “heaven and hell” i believe everyone has a choice of what they want
I am afraid of ceasing to exist but I am not religious. I like to believe in the paranormal and existing as energy but still conscious but also having the choice to reincarnate and try life again OR stay energy in the vase universe/dimension.
Here is how I look at it. Am I currently able to remember or acknowledge my existence before I was born? No.
So, if there is no afterlife/nothing after. I will not be scared, anxious, or worried about not existing because there will be nothing. No thoughts. No Me. Just like it was before I was born. And if there is something after, Fun! We get to experience that. We may not be exactly who we are in this life but our souls/our essence will live on in a different form.
"The law of conservation of energy is a physical law that states energy cannot be created or destroyed but may be changed from one form to another. " We are engery.
That helps me. Hopefully it helps someone else!
@Patrick39 lmfao u just don't give up bro
"Dying is easy" is just wrong and ignorant
My brother passed away by a car accident earlier this year. The mortician tried their best to make him presentable so we could see him, but they ultimately recommended we not see him. It was heartbreaking, but the mortician was so kind and compassionate.
I felt the same about my sister who was in a car accident, it still haunts me. It has only been 7 months so hopefully, the imagine goes away. My heart goes out to you!!
I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙏
I lost my cousin in a car crash 2016, my father had to identify her body and still to this day was happy he didn't let anyone else see her beside her parents ofc. I remember being so mad and not understanding cause I was only 13, but now my last memories of her are happy ones and that's what my father wanted. I am sorry for your loss, however definitely think of those memories of him, even the petty fights.
I am so sorry for your loss,i hope they all are in a better place seeing you all do good in ur life
@@Grace-mh6dm I think that’s exactly what the mortician was thinking for us. He didn’t want the last image of my brother to be traumatic. He gave us the option to see him but was very cautionary about his condition. My brother lost control and crashed hard into a lake. He was submerged for several days before somebody found him. Not only was he in bad physical shape, he wasn’t even the same color. Luckily nobody needed to identify the body because he had identification on him. Even knowing what condition he was in is enough to have dark thoughts.
I can’t get over how much Victor Looks like a mortician… from like the 50s. Can someone look like a mortician? Well, Victor does. It’s a vibe and I’m here for it.
He looks, sounds, acts, and EVEN HAS A MORTICIAN NAME-
Victor M. Sweeney, it’s so crazy
I know hes too old for me. And hes married with kids. But he is absolutely adorable, im kinda fangirling about it 😂
@@picachugirl2036 VICTOR FAN CLUBB
That's what I was thinking, like he LOOKS like a mortician, he would even if he wasn't one. The lady doesn't look like one, but it's fascinating that she is one because she doesn't look like one. Ya get me
he’s hot.
The way Victor said “Give me the rest of the day, how did it go?” and leaned forward he is so compassionate and such a great listener! Beyonce is a queen she is so gentle.
❤❤
as soon as i read this victor said that!!
Everything about Victor is professional and likeable, but that moment is where he shows that he's also just really, really good at what he does. He's found his calling for sure.
I read this comment before watching the video and I was so confused when I read "Beyonce" 💀I think her name is "Br" not "Be" though.
I caught that, too. ❤
I teared up when Breyonce said that she referred to her people as though they were still alive. Something about the idea of, despite death, we still carry the things that make us who we are, is so touching and comforting to me. I lost a very close relative to a long disease not too long ago, and this set something in me at ease. Thank you.
I completely understand and I appreciated that too. When my dad died 5 years ago, the funeral home kept calling him “the body and that made me sick and angry to my core.”
i completely agree. we had to put my dog down today and the vets, as they were picking her up and taking her away, were still cooing at her and telling her she was a good girl. it was the sweetest thing :,)
We do the same thing at my funeral home, too. They’re no longer living, but they’re still people and deserve the same respect ❤
@@tahjricramberan9656I also wanna comment on the difference between people like that and Victor. When talking about the person themselves vs the conditions of their actual bodies. They're more than just bodies and he respects all parts of it.
This is why I have so much respect for morticians like her. Beautiful within the heart is the best part of a person.
I love how Victor was in so many interviews he's actually beloved
I saw Victor interview on Wired and oh my goodness he is such a delight!
SAMEE
I saw him in the Wired interviews, he's such a gentleman
Right‽ he's a mortician that I actually recognize which is crazy
I saw him on the thumbnail and thought I gotta watch this
Their appearances: 🔪🖤💀🌹🕸
Their personalities: 💖✨ 🌼🤗🌈
thas what goth is
Yep, that is basically me and everyone I've worked with in a nutshell. 🤣
You explained me to a t 😂
As a mortician, this is literally how all of us are like😂
this is so cringe
Victor M. Sweeney is the most mortician name to ever exist. It’s like Tim Burton himself wrote it.
Literally, victor from corpse bride and sweeny todd, that’s the most tim burton name ever
Thats because victor is an actual Tim burton character, but he makes a lot of similar looking characters so its perfect lol
He looks and sounds like a mortician too.
Except Sweeney Todd isn't written by Burton. 😅 Its by Christopher Bond and later adapted by Stephen Sondheim into a musical.
@@ihaveaplan.ijustneedmoney.9777 Who’s Sweeney Todd-
Breyonce is not someone you would ever take for being a mortician but once she starts speaking of it she sounds like the most gentle mortician honestly.
I liked her cheerful personality. She’s a rockstar
@@HungVu-vs3dvIn my personal experience, people that work in the death industry are usually very hilarious people but also very gentle and empathetic people as well.
@@Mia-vj5lo these interviews really open up my eyes. I respected for all morticians; they did wonderful work. While Hollywood portrayed these people are evil
@@HungVu-vs3dv It's a very necessary industry, it definitely deserves more respect than it gets.
I would trust her with my family. She was wonderful.
the way breyonce highlights still referring to deceased people as ‘miss’ and ‘mister’ made me feel so warm. my grandma just recently passed and i love to imagine the morticians that worked with her still giving her that humility 💖
I saw Victor's Wired interviews, Mortician Support. He's got quite the sense of humor and humble attitude. He explained his job in a way that is not morbid like you would think.
Exactly!
absolutely, I loved his video and the way he presents himself and his service
Gave you the thousandth like I couldnt let it stay at 999
That's were i know him from too! Those vids were informative but he also had an amazing if dark sense of humor to him
If you like those videos, I HIGHLY recommend you check out Ask A Mortician - Caitlin is phenomenal.
My grandma had dementia. In her last few years, I couldn't even stand to look at pictures of her. She wasn't her anymore, didn't know who I was, and her whole FACE was different. When I got to see her at the viewing, I was so thankful and overwhelmed, she looked like her again. I got to say my thank yous and goodbyes, knowing she could hear me for the first time in years. So much respect for morticians.
Ya because they shoved chemicals in her and pin there eyelids shut and brutalize there body and in 10 years she will look like grandma jerky instead of just rotting into the earth like we are supposed to
it really is difficult, i lost my grandfather last year and it does get hard looking at pictures, the last time i saw him whilst he was alive he looked too different but the viewing was amazing he looked like himself just a bit off.
People just think of morticians as just people that doll up dead people to look nice but really it’s about making the loved ones look like themselves again so they give a proper goodbye to their family.
I had a similar thing with my grandfather. One of the most difficult things being forgotten by a person that raised you. You have my condolences.
I actually had a kind of opposite experience with my grandma because she was an absolute beauty in life, but her morticians did a terrible job... strangely I think it made it easier to say goodbye because it so clearly was not her anymore. She was shining down on us from somewhere else with her hair and nails done up perfectly 💅
Breyonce deserves more love in the comments! She seems like such a genuine, kind and caring person.
She does! I was thinking this too
Frrr!! What an underhyped queen🥹
I so appreciate the love I am receiving from ppl like yall tho 🥹💕💕💕💕
agreed!! I think it’s because he’s a little more well known but she was great to listen to!
Yes! She’s amazing ❤
I absolutely loved the guests. Breyonce is awesome, she has such a gentle soul and it shows she cares for her job. Victor is so calming and makes death so natural and not scary. They both make it so vulnerable and humanizing and it's beautiful
My dad was a mortician and I wanted to do that so bad, but schooling is so difficult to find and afford. He passed away and left me with all his personal stuff, including general notes he took and his mortorary coat. I hold a high level of respect for those in the foeld, because like my dad said: They are helping those who can no longer help themselves.
It's fascinating to see their approaches to death and life, from Victor's deep respect for the dead to Breyonce's energy to live every moment.
Thanks for the comments ⭐
Wow 🎀 you have just been selected among the list of my my winners of my giveaway 🎁🎉🏟️
Let's chat on telegram ☝️☝️
I have commented to show my agreement
Breyonce deserves more love in the comments. Her compassion and gentleness when she speaks about the dead is so appreciated and inspiring!
I'm leaving this interview considering this line of work
shut up
@@KuniKarin01 no u
its not beyonce
@@zlydell3820 breyonce not beyonce
As a fellow funeral director I have to say, Victor is the kind of person we love to see representing our job in a respectful, and professional way. I really appreciate all he is doing and the way he speaks of what we do.
Plus he's keeping that image dapper as fuck. If the person doing my embalming isn't wearing a vest with a gold pocket watch -- is it even worth it?
I second that!
Both of them
And what about Breyonce? This sounds real microagressive because that woman is as classy and PROFESSIONAL as it gets. You're weird as hell for this comment 🤨
@@claudeseymour Just because someone says one person’s name doesn’t mean that they don’t want to call other people out for their good deeds! There’s a lot of comments saying this about Breyonce, but nobody says anything about Victor not being mentioned in those comments. This is internalized sexism, please don’t have that mindset about these people. Everyone is respecting everyone here 🥰❤️
Victor is so well spoken and put together! He’s extremely intelligent, but just as humble about it. He seems so wise- like knowledge gained outside of text books or studied in school.
i think everybode noticed that)
I fuckin love these people’s’ personalities. When he said “really? Give me the rest of the day, how did it go” you could tell hes engaged and thinking. Awesome people
Three things I feel I need to share without delving too deep:
1) Anthony's curls are looking especially divine, and his chicken in boiling water comment made me laugh
2) Victor is a literal angel and I hope he's doing well, as well as his family
3) Breyonce is Mother Death and I would do anything for her 🖤
💕💕💕💕💕
Breyonce is the most fabulous mortician I’ve ever seen
@@BreyonceVirgo what a beautiful woman, 🤘🏼😏🤘🏼 nice boots by the way!!
@@BreyonceVirgo ahhhh you beautiful soul, I simply adore you 😭❤️
I thought you were gonna say you would die for her, now that would have been ironic 😂
Breyonce is so sweet. I love how kind she is to the people she works with. It’s so imporant
I thought it was special that she didn’t refer the deceased person to just as “a body”.
@@SSMH6446 Me 🥺
i wonder if her parents named her beyonce but then she added an R to avoid confusion
@@geko9214 lol no, my name is actually Brianna but my friends started calling me ‘Breyonce’ because I guess I can be described as a diva 🤭
@@BreyonceVirgoyou’re awesome. Keep doing what you do. ❤
I love how the two people Anthony got for the interview are someone who is basically a stereotype of a mortician from a movie (god that jawline and style!) and then someone who I would never expect to be one on the first glance. Really shows the range of people working in this curious profession!
Victor's jawline is making my back arch Fr🤭😩
@@AtrenchcoatfullofWASPS LMAOO
@@roxier.138 Can you blame me though 😭
@@roxier.138 it was purring,my guy
@@AtrenchcoatfullofWASPSWHAAAAAT
Victor and Breyonce seem like such genuinely wonderful people. It was pleasure learning more about this from them
Victor talking about witnessing his first decedent was so captivating. You can tell the level of respect he carries for these people. It’s beautiful
And his voice tremored as he described what he saw. It still sticks with him and I think it guides how he conducts himself. He remembers that shock and he does what he can to minimize the same shock for the families of the deceased.
im in love with how victor and Anthony were literally just like having a therapy session for each other, it didn't feel like an interview at all it was more of a casual conversation between friends
Just goes to show how great Anthony is as an interviewer!!
@@Yue_mariin00 frrr
The last few days before my grandpa passed, I couldn’t recognize him. He had such a big presence and his disease had him so small and fragile in bed. When we had his funeral, I was in absolute awe of how amazing he looked in the casket. That was my grandpa that I knew and loved and I am forever grateful I got to see him like that at least before we buried him. I’m so thankful to the mortician who worked hard for our family.
Also to add I knew who victor was but I didn’t know Breyonce and she is so pretty and really cool!
glad to hear that you were able to have that closure. i think many people are off-put by the idea of an open casket funeral because humans are naturally disturbed by death. they dont want to acknowledge it in general, let alone when it comes to someone they care about, so they choose to avoid it seeing it. what they dont realize is that being able to see a loved one in that condition, when theyve been all cleaned up and well prepared, has the potential to replace unpleasant near-end-of-life memories of said person slowly fading away (in the case of natural death, like old age or disease) with one peaceful final memory. that way you dont have to feel like youre being haunted by the final image of that loved being that of someone you dont recognize. its like having something reclaimed.
Breyonce is so so sweet, I love how open she is about all of the emotional aspects. Made me tear up a few times there, just wanna give her a hug 🥺 I really liked watching a longer interview with Victor too
I'm not sure if you've seen but Victor's done a couple other videos! He did a WIRED interview which is why many in the comments say they recognised him. Not necessarily longer but it's still more from him!
@@djbreadx They said that they appreciated having a longer video of him, implying that they've already seen the WIRED one.
lowkey want both guests in one room so i can listen to them talk to each other about their experiences
OMG YES!
Breyonce is someone you wouldn't think is a mortician but she's so lovely and lively it really does make you wanna live your life. She's so captivating 😭
When my boyfriend shot himself and died, I was amazed at how well they put his face back together. Thank you for the work you do, you made the last image I had of him not the fragments of his skull and teeth but his original vessel. His soul was gone, but at least I could say good bye to him without being traumatized.
I'm so so sorry that happened to you. Rest in peace to your boyfriend and I hope some day you find peace.
At my embalming clinical this semester I was touched by the sign hanging above the door in the office, "We are doing what others can't, as well as don't want to have to do" I have that morbid curiosity like Breyonce appears to have. I feel that my willingness to see the ugliness that death can have makes me, someone who has no emotionally laden ties to the deceased in that moment, can provide someone who is experiencing grief with a dignifying and restful body image of their loved one. There actually are some embalmers who have chosen to embalm and prepare their own loved ones, but I highly doubt I could do so for my own close loved ones, I'd be too grief-stricken. I also think that it's helped me to slowly come to terms with own mortality. I've decided that making quality memories and finding/maintaining your happiness is most important in life and just holding on to the roller-coaster as it goes along. "Maybe I should hold with care but my hands are too busy in the air...." ❤
@OT7STAN
I can't possibly imagine the pain you must be feeling. I've always told myself that losing a significant other to death would be enough to break me mentally. It gave me some hope to learn that aftercare is a very seldom mentioned aspect of funeral service. Each funeral home differs, but they should offer various services dedicated to checking in on you, providing you with memorial service options for later dates, support groups, reading materials about grief, and contact info for mental health services .
What really set me at ease was that in mental healthcare there is normal grief counseling and then theres grief therapy for those of us experiencing grief thats quite complicated. Reach out to your resources to find yourself that very therapy if you feel the need. Its there for you.
A horrible trauma, but they gave his loved ones a gift by making him whole one last time.
Same here. My boyfriend died last year from suicide, and you couldn't even tell. I was grateful I could say goodbye. I'm so sorry for your loss.
They both seem like the most wonderful people
I’m so thankful for morticians.
My sister passed a month ago and I’m still grieving a bit. They tried their best with the makeup, though my sister looked a little bit grey on her cheeks, which didn’t help the overwhelming denial I was experiencing at the time- I kept having thoughts that she wasn’t actually dead- and that there was just a hyper realistic wax figure in her place
I dearly dearly miss her- as her little sister, she was my idol. She was successful, thoroughly beautiful (inside and out), and it was incredibly difficult to accept her death and how she died.
A couple days later I kept thinking about how the morticians will fix her up- make her look like she was just sleeping, gosh.
It feels so unreal…
If there’s an afterlife, I shall reunite with my sister.. one day in the future.
So sorry for your loss...
Sending you healing energy. I’m so very sorry for your loss, i know that there are no words to mend what you are feeling, but know that you will always be carrying your sisters energy with you wherever you go in life, she will be a guide for you & one day you will meet her again❤️
@@nicemmmm Thank you for the kind words, I’ll take them to heart.
This Christmas, I feel like she’ll be there with us when we open up presents :)
You Sound Like a lovely little sister, i Bet she ist proud of you!
Im sorry for your loss.
I Wish for you that your time To heal Is gonna get the Support and Love from your Loved ones♥️ together is a little easier Then alone 🥀
@@waterwolf982 ❤️❤️❤️❤️
It helps my heart to know that after my friends body was dragged down the stairs in a body bag...someone treated him with dignity and respect.
It would be a nice juxtaposition to do a round two featuring Caitlin Doughty (Ask A Mortician), and other eco-morticians. There's a pretty fast growing movement of death care that's focused on encouraging family to be more involved, and looking into different alternate solutions to standard funeral practices.
This career is a calling. And so so important. The care these people provide the living who mourn and all the respect they give the deceased. My father died a few months ago after losing his battle with addiction and all the help we got with his arrangements. The compassion they gave my family when we were all in very different grieving spaces was so beautiful. My mother was able to remember her husband as the man he was at his best because of them. And I’ll forever be grateful for that.
Wow🎁 you have been selected as the winner of my giveaway 🎉
Let's chat on Telegram 👆👆......
This is the main reason why I want to enter the field. It’s a calling it a career.
Not*
Victor's personality attitude, and perspective in regards of his job is genuinely amazing, makes you feel comfortable taking about death. mad respect for both of them.
Can you do I spent a day with Veterinarians? I feel like that would be interesting in how they mentally deal with their jobs
I could NEVER be a vet. All those poor babies...
@@frozenferal9992 oh yeah, I wanted to be a vet as a kid and then I found out what they actually do and my plans changed immediately lmao. I thought vets get to pet dogs all day long and just give them pills and occasionally a shot 😆
@@jajdhck Yeah, they really get misunderstood with what they do. Plus, you have to factor in that animals can't talk, so a lot gets missed in translation. Their owners come in knowing NOTHING. Imagine having to explain that the puppy has to get put down when it was acting seemingly mostly fine when they left the house.
There are just so many layers. It's crazy. Saving animals, putting them down, and explaining to the human that can't even interpret for the animal.
My parents are both vets! My dad is a professor now but my mom has her own practice, & it gets pretty heavy sometimes but she’s good at it & enjoys her job for the most part. I’d definitely be interested to see Anthony talk to veterinarians!!
Yeah.. wanted to be a vet until I realized just how many dogs I'd try to help only to be put down... such an unexpectedly sad job after a few minutes of thinking
I absolutely love how Breyonce so much respect for the deceased and has so much compassion for them and for what she does even after all the time she's been working as a mortician.
When my grandpa passed a few years ago before he did I didn’t really recognize him as himself and then when it was the open casket I saw just him looking peaceful and he honestly looked like him before he was sick. I miss him so much but I’m grateful that he is at peace
Breyonce is so cute and passionate about this! Victor has a buddhist peace about him, I love them both.
VICTOR'S BACK!!! God, this man needs to make a youtube channel, id love to hear him talk about his job all day
I second that!
He does have one guys.
Morticians are such interesting people. Detached yet kind. The last gift you can give a person.
Also Breyonce's outfit is 🔥. Those boots are amazing
I don't think detached is the correct word, maybe u bothered?
Edit: UNBOTHERED* Unintentionally went all "u mad bro?" at the end.
@@RealBradMiller 🤣 Desensitized is maybe best. I had a boss who was a funeral director for years. Very funny guy with extremely dark humor, maybe not the most sensitive. They do see so much that can be very traumatizing.
I’ve been working at my local funeral home for nearly a year now as the housekeeper. I’ve gotten multiple raises & was offered to go from part-time to full-time. Needless to say, I love my work family & it’s safe to say they love me! I have always wanted to be a Last Responder, but never knew where to start, because I thought it wouldn’t be a practical job for me because I deal with mental illnesses daily and I used to not be able to even get out of bed. However, working around death put some life back into me & my passion to become a mortician had been reignited when my cousin had passed back in October. My coworkers are extremely supportive of me wanting to go to mortuary school & have been teaching me a lot. I’m more comfortable with talking to people now - in fact, I love meeting new people! - and I have more control of my mental health. Now, I just to have to stay focused on not talking myself out of going to mortuary school because backing out of things I desperately want is a toxic trait of mine🥴 I’m just glad I’ve finally figured out what I’m on this earth for at such a young age because I never thought I’d be successful after I dropped out of college a few years ago. I would’ve been a college junior had I stayed, but my heart wasn’t in it. I can tell my heart is in the funeral business because I want to be able to give families a final, beautiful viewing of their loved ones no matter the cause of death.
How are you
This really made me realize embalming is a form of art. The attention to detail and going above and beyond for the families in sensitive times is really admirable
i delt with the death of one of my friends at 14. the way the body was at the funeral was deeply disturbing to me and i still struggle with flashbacks and intrusive thoughts a few years later. i’ve been finding victor calmly talking about this here and in other interviews so helpful to safely think about the upsetting experiences and emotions i carried. if someone who is struggling with similar things reads this, i hope it can help you too. i hope victor knows how many people he is helping just by talking about his job.
fly high z 🕊
This is really interesting! Would you care to explain what it was that upset you? Because it was my impression that a mortician's job kinda also entails that not happening. I mean the way they prepare and "restore" a body for viewing.
@@DaemlichesStueck The thing is, the mortician didn’t do that job. He bore frighteningly little resemblance to how he was when he was alive. Not like he was sleeping, he looked dead. His cause of death also became apparent, it was kept from us as it was unpleasant. I guess it highlights how important their job is.
I'm so sorry you went through that! :'(
Sorry about your friend. That must be so hard.
Do you know Caitlyn Doughty's channel "Ask a Mortician"? She has a lot of different videos around death and grief. Many people have said that her videos have helped them, maybe you would like them, too. (Therapy is also always good but I know it's not always accessible.)
The setting of features was so fascinating to me when I got into the field. I remember I had a man who was a mechanic in life. He was in terrible shape for a natural death. He suffered from awful chronic pain and the expression that his face defaulted to was an awful grimace. Like full pinched eyebrows and tight lips as if he was clenching his jaw. Nothing we did could soften his expression and I had never known that was something that could occur.
My grandfather has been a mortician my entire life so I’ve always had respect for the professional through him. appreciate the kindness of these folks
I love how Victor seems exactly like the type of person to be a mortician, but I also love how Breyonce isn’t who you’d typically see in the industry
In a world that has too many podcasts, Victor is a person that I want a podcast from. Anything that I can listen to him being passionate and funny and just vibing. Dude is a treasure.
Victor has such a gift with the way he explains things and speaks to people. I imagine he brings a lot of families comfort and peace.
When my mother in law died, I remember two people very specifically. The nurse in her hospice wing that was extremely kind and empathetic, and the funeral director who got us through the viewing and burial and funeral, and he was extremely sympathetic and connected to us. It's very important.
There is this K-drama called May I Help You, where one of the main charachters is also a mortician and the drama taught me exactly everything this video taught me too. That there is way more to the process and there are so many people and emotions involved. I'm truly grateful to all the morticians out there because they are truly strong and kind people that help both the living and dead.
Oooh gonna check out that K-drama.
as someone who is currently studying to be a mortician, thank you so much for doing this interview. i think a lot of morticians get a bad rep because of stereotypes in the media and societal taboos around death and this really helped to break down some of that and show the profession in the same light as any other job.
Victor M. Sweeney is one of my favorite people in this world, I enjoy every video he has ever participated in because he always approaches any given subject with respect.
He also is so calm and helps you understand the technicalities, especially for someone like me who always wanted to follow that path, his process makes me hyped every single time.
Lost both my parents, my dad in 2021 and mum in this yr in July. This video made me appreciate the funeral home my family always goes to.
They always don't like seeing us but having so many family members pass in recent years. But they feel apart of our family with how they look after us.
Sorry for your lost 🙏
Wish Ask a Mortician was on here. I freaking LOVE HER! But excited to watch other morticians as well
she would've been perfect
Indeed, I was super sad she wasn't in the video :(
How can you make a video about morticians without Caitlin Doughty?
Honestly, I thought the same - yet Caitlin has her own channel and, in my opinion, a significant presence on youtube, so why not show other cool and interesting morticians? :)
I guess we need a part 2!
The way u can hear their voice break multiple times is hearthbreaking
God I know, made me emotional.
Breyonce and Victor are so sweet. They deserve a great appreciation for doing this job and being so kind and caring not only to the deceased but to the family of the deceased.
4 minutes in and I’m in tears. Victor, your empathy and care is felt through the screen.
“you have to be connected to humanity to serve and protect humanity” that is a perfect thing to say. This should be a policy for every job where you have to work with humans especially in a passionate way
It's great seeing someone like Breyonce in this line of work. She looks like a dope friend I could have, just a regular, fun lady who has an unusual job.
I loved this episode. Breyonce and Victor seem like phenomenal people in their field. Would have also loved to see Caitlin Doughty!
I love victor so so much. He has such a calming presence and he educates so well.
my nana passed away last September, when I saw her in the hospital hooked up to everything, it was terrifying. it wasn’t her!! but when I saw her at the viewing and the funeral in the open casket, she looked so so youthful and beautiful. i am so thankful for these people who make it their goal to bring calmness and remembrance to the toughest time in our lives.
Same- this year I had 2 deaths close to me, my MIL (80) and my Aunt (69).
My Aunt was taken off of life support and seeing her intubated was so hard and she wasn’t herself. She was very meticulous about her appearance and she looked so beautiful at her viewing, hair and nails done perfectly just like she would have wanted.
My Mother in Law died suddenly alone after collapsing. She was taken to the Medical Examiner’s office so couldn’t be embalmed until Day 3 and I think that made a difference. Mortuary makeup couldn’t cover the marks on her face from hitting the kitchen counter as she fell, she looked more swollen than usual and she had a pained expression on her face. It also didn’t help that her siblings kept wanting to delay her funeral until they could get there so her viewing was 8 days after she died when we put our foot down that we wouldn’t accomodate any more delays. They did the best they could but we weren’t happy with how she looked, she looked better and more “her” when I identified her body on Day 2.
@moseschrute It's interesting how something as simple as a face can change how people feel after a death.
I never met my grandparents on my dad's side. I only knew of my grandma through photographs. She looked like a thinner, more tired version of me with a slightly bigger forehead and greener eyes.
I did meet her mother, my Nona. Nona loved to dance, wear cute dresses, and eat delicious foods. She had a twinkle in her eyes when she saw her great grandkids and had a picture of us with our names on her fridge.
The last time I saw her alive, she was dying of brain cancer and a stroke had left her shriveled and paralyzed in a wheelchair. The twinkle in her eyes was gone. My parent told me she wanted to die. I made a wish that she'd be happy.
I dream of her, happy and dancing and wearing her pretty dress. I didn't see her body when she finally passed. I feel like she understands.
I want to remember her as the happy Italian great grandma who loved salami and had a twinkle in her eyes when we came to visit.
Sometimes certain topics get a part two, this is one I'd love to see get a part two! Especially since this kinda covered "classic" embalming and the most common sort of experience people will have with a Mortician. If we get a second video I'd really like to see Caitlin from Ask a Mortician, because she's all about making sure alternative methods are known when the family has to decide what's going to work for their family member, and Anthony always coming in with just the best questions as an interviewer, I think the episode would turn out stellar!
I was just thinking about Ask A Mortician! I agree - this needs a part two.
Yes! Came to comment just that - we need another episode but with Caitlin as a guest!
I would also love to see Anthony interview her.
I was hoping Caitlin from Ask a Mortician would be in this video but I assume her move is keeping her really busy nowadays. I was also hoping the morticians would be asked about The Mortuary Assistant game. Still an amazing video! Really happy I saw Victor in this episode. His Wired's Tech Support videos were awesome!
Yeah fr so disappointed she wasn't in here 😭
Oh, that's why I clicked this, hoping she'd be here.
OMG same! She offers such a insightful perspective on death in general, and not to mention she also has a pretty cool personality. 😊
You should do an interview exclusively with Caitlin Doughty (Ask a Mortician), she is so fascinating, kind and funny. She deserves her own episode. She helped me be more comfortable with my and my loved ones mortality. Especially when I lost my first family member.
Caitlin doesn't sugar coat everything like this video does.
Caitlin is amazing! Also I don't think this video sugar coats or talks in a vastly different way about death and death preparations than Caitlin does on her own channel. It's weird to compare the two like that imo. Both these interviewees and Caitlin talk with a lot of passion, care, and respect for the dead as well as love for their work. Neither struck me as superfluous or sugar-coating
She's helped me so much with understanding death. She's also helped me realize embalming isn't necessary or the only way to care for a loved one post mortem. I've become an advocate for green burials.
@ChainsawBunny92 I wouldn't say that this video sugar coats things. In fact,Breyonce flat out says it's messy work at times and that she's had to work on children and babies and absolutely has to desensitize herself. Plus Victor more or less acted like a therapist and said "Tell me how your grandmother's funeral went", instead of beating around the bush.
Yes
My sister is a morticians apprentice and I’m shocked at how much she’s learned but also how intimate her job truly is. Normally in movies you see pale, grim, creepy men as morticians but it’s way more loving and intricate than that. God Bless morticians!
Anthony, I can totally relate to the present grieving vs the past. It’s because the day we learned of their death, we still knew them to be alive. The next day they’re gone and the past memories come forward, since their living is no longer the present. My mom passed away 4 years ago from a fatal heart attack. I requested to go up and see her before the ambulance took her away. This was my way of finding acceptance and peace from her passing. It is completely surreal. Seeing someone you love completely lifeless. The day before, my mom would’ve looked at me with loving eyes and interacted with me. After death, she was a statue of herself, not blinking or breathing. This may be too much for some people, but I had to see her in her final moments to familiarize myself with what happened to her. It helped me grieve.
This is my favorite episode. Have I been watching Caitlin's videos for years. Absolutely love Victor. My only disappointment is that Caitlin was not in the video.
Yeah she would've given a nice alternative death option ideas and views. Plus she's real fun and educational ✌️
Awesome! Another deathling in the comments. Hi! I love Caitlin Doughty’s (Ask A Mortician) videos. I learn so much from them and yes it would’ve been amazing if they’d interviewed her
totally agree, although these two seem very compassionate and good at their jobs it would have been nice to hear from another perspective of the funeral care industry. Maybe that is too fringe for an introductory video to the topic- but perhaps a future video?
Me too!
She is what made me want to go to mortuary school
Anthony! Daddy Padildo! please interview Caitlin from Ask a Mortician for a future episode relating to the newer ideas behind cremation and aquamation(sp?), and green burials! she is so fun and informative and I want to see her charity get more publicity as well
Daddy Pawhat 😭😭
Fully agree she’s so fun in her videos. She’s one reason me and my mom talk about what we’d want for our funerals. Lol she can help Anthony plan his funeral like she had planned to do as a cross over episode when she was getting a tv show.
I was sad they didn't get her on 😭
OH YES! Breyonce and Victor are wonderful but we also needed the Queen for sure. Caitlin is so fun !
I love caitlin
When she mentioned children and babies it broke my heart cause I never really thought about that :(
i love victor, his name rocks and he's just so kind and well spoken. i hope everything is going okay with him
i have such respect for these people, i could never do it, and it really takes a special kind of person to be able to do it
I'm a very visual person so when Victor tells the story of his first time seeing a body getting embalmed, I can't help but create images in my mind on how my late friend was embalmed and I just got emotional. I'm just happy people like Breyonce and Victor exist because at the very least, bereaved families like us can have some sense of peace seeing them.
Breyonce and Victor are some very wonderful humans and I’m glad they’re the type of people supporting vulnerable people.
I usually hate open caskets because the person never really truly looks like themself. However, my grandfather recently passed. He had been sick for a long time. And when I saw him, I was in awe of just how good he looked. It was a healing moment for me to see him seemingly whole again after watching him suffer for so long. He is the closest person I've ever lost and I am incredibly thankful that that was my last experience with him.
Wow... What an amazing, empathetic thing to do... Hand-stitching up an individual's face to prevent further trauma for their family... What dedication & HEART...
I love the contrast of the two. One, so emotional and real and raw, and one, so factual and informational (yet still, not cold❤) and textbook info we all want as well. Well done.
Hey! So which one of us was which??? hahaha.
I had a physical reaction when Anthony said you grieve and then move on...that's not really true. Grief isn't something that goes away. I lost my dad six years ago now and I still grieve for him. It's just not constant anymore. It comes in waves and the waves just get further and further apart. My analogy is that it is like there's a huge hole in the ground. You know it's there and you learn to avoid it, but occasionally you still fall in.
you’re right. i made it feel cut and dry but that’s definitely not the case. i should have said that you “can move a little easier” rather than implying you can completely move on.
@@AnthonyPadillaThe feeling of missing someone can also be quite different depending on when that family member passes away. If they lived a long and full life its easier to get pass that sadness and celebrate their life. For someone that died before getting to that elderly age is a lot harder. They didn’t experience their full lives and they didn’t get to see you live your life. A sibling, a child, a parent that’s still middle aged, anyone that hasn’t reached the resolution of their life.
I think it depends on how you define grief, I don't think missing a person goes away, but I don't think missing someone is always grief. Once you've accepted that they're gone and the loss no longer consumes your thoughts, when you can think about them without feeling anger that they're gone, then you've moved on. The loss will stay with you but the grief will subside, eventually. There's no easy way to predict how long it will take, I grieved for 3 years for a not quite friend from highschool I hadn't spoken to in 2 years and hadn't really been friends with since 7th grade, but she died suddenly and unexpectedly 6 days after her 18th birthday, and the pain I felt over the unfairness of that stuck inside of me for years afterwards. Sometimes it just does. The sadness will stay, missing them will stay, but the grief will subside eventually.
@@butasimpleidiotwizardI like how you phrased that. Sometimes part of grief is missing someone but missing someone is not *always* grief. They can overlap but they don’t have to.
There are some people in my life I lost where sometimes something will remind me of them and I miss them, but it’s not like trudging a ton of painful feelings because I know they lived a good long life. When it’s someone who maybe didn’t have the longest or best life, missing them can feel different at least for me it does. Because you’re not just grieving the person you’re grieving what could have been, the unfairness. When I miss someone who didn’t get to live their life the way they would have wanted that one’s a lot harder.
@@AnthonyPadilla I think it's the difference between "mourning" and "grief!" The mourning period is the hardest imo and once you're through that, it's grief. At least for me in my experience. It's also like how they talk about the stages of grief but it isn't a linear process. You go through each one randomly and at your own pace. Some you don't feel at all. Like I don't think I really did the bargaining bit. My grief has mostly cycled through depression and anger. Not anger at my dad, just...the world and everything in it.
My little sister passed away from unexpected illness earlier this year. The mortician who prepared her were very kind to me and my mom. This has been the hardest thing in my life I've had to face so I'll never forget that kindness.
Breyonce is such a sweet soul! I think that's something that a lot of people don't realize. The thought of a Mortician is either a clinically clean surgeon making precise cuts and conventionally dressed, or some Darkly Inclined maniac getting kicks from the process. Both of these extremes exist, but it takes a real compassionate soul to work with the dead, whether that's hospice care or prepping the body for a viewing one last time. I would have the compassionate part down, but I don't know if I could compartmentalize and unhook myself from having a personal connection to the dying and the dead. It's certainly not a job for everyone, but I'm grateful that it is for some.
Victor is so professional and at the same time empathic.
This is one of the only episodes where I've cried, and nothing was really sad either. It's more tears about finding out that people care about people when others wouldn't, it gives me comfort in knowing that.
When he explained how he spend hours working to preserve that body so the family could see him one last time brought tears to my eyes. What an amazing and compassionate human being
Love love LOVE the death talks! I’ve been a Caitlin Doughty fan for years. The only thing I have an issue with, and this may have not been intentional, was Victor saying that the reason morticians embalm is for public health. Unless the deceased has a communicable illness, no one is at true risk from a dead body decomposing. This is harmful because it spreads fear around any form of natural burial/alternative funeral practices!! Just throwing it out there!
Whatever your opinion on embalming, I'm grateful that I got that time to experience the traditional Irish way to grieve with my family when my Grandfather died. I was living abroad as did many other family members, so it gave us time to come home for the funeral. And in traditional Irish fashion, my Grandfather was embalmed and stayed in his home with the family until the funeral. He was laid in a casket in the front-room, and family would gather there to talk to him, to swap stories of his life, cry and laugh together... There was no shortage of funny stories to tell! 😄 Everyone got a chance to spend some time alone with him if they wished, to grieve, to say some last words, to place an item into the casket... It was a strange yet wonderful experience.
Strange? It sounds like an interesting story. Hope I would get that experience.
this is similar to how we do it in māori culture! the casket will be open and with the family in the days leading up to the burial and we also interact with the person, tell stories about them and grieve. there’s a lot more that goes into it all of course but all that sounds the same, i think it’s actually a very healing and special way of sending someone off. it’s very cool to hear other cultures have similar practices ❤
@@teapotgoblinit's actually a pretty common thing! Before funeral homes and such existed there wasn't really anything else to be done with a body besides burial (including things like cremation in that term just to simplify it), and for a burial to be done preparations had to be made according to the culture's funeral traditions, which could take some time, and especially if the individual passed during bad weather or at night it may not be possible to begin some of those preparations right away. So, where better for a body to stay than with family? They likely would have died in the family home, so it would be the best and easiest place to prepare their body, allow the family to say their last goodbyes, and hold them while they waited to be formally sent to their next life.
Of course, with modern embalming practices it smells a lot better and is a lot less confronting than it would have been back then, so that's one thing to be thankful for. It means families can wait longer to hold the funeral, giving more family the chance to attend, and giving everyone more time to grieve in the presence of their lost loved one.
@@butasimpleidiotwizard ah yeah that definitely makes sense, i hadn’t really thought of why things might be like that but it’s interesting to hear
@@teapotgoblin That's cool to hear that it's similar in māori culture. Thanks for sharing! ❤
He did a beautiful job of explaining our career and not making it creepy or morbid. You can tell he isn’t here to gain social credit, but to educate. Excellent job Victor ❤
My family dealt with death a lot, at a young age I went to a lot of funerals. I have a fondness for morticians like this, the amount of care they have for the dead and living. It was always so traumatic to see my loved ones suffering. Seeing them at peace always brought me so much healing. I’ve always had a respect for this line of work. But this video truly deepened my respect for this work. Victor and Breyonce are lovely people, thank you for all you do for us ❤
Both breyonce and victor did a great job explaining their professions! I thought I wouldn’t be hable to watch the full video because the topic is heavy but I ended up watching the entire thing! It was so interesting!!
My grandfather recently died and they let the family see him before he got cremated. Which he wasn’t embalmed. And he was very sick before he died. But they didn’t put any makeup on him or anything. I was so disturbed. It didn’t look anything like him. I appreciate people like this who put their heart and soul into healing families
Wow, that’s awful. I’m sorry for your loss.
They both have very calming voices. That’s good for the families that have the loved one who’s passed
I’m an intern at my local coroner’s office, and my experience watching my first autopsy was extremely similar to the reaction Victor had. I had done cadaver dissections before, but I still had a visceral reaction to viewing the autopsy. I got nauseous, and felt a little disconnected for a few days. Nothing will prepare you for seeing (and smelling) these things.
However, this is a very rewarding field! At the end of the day, you’re helping people in a way nobody else really can.
My friend just died a few days ago and this video gives a little peace knowing she is being cared for. I miss her so much but thank you for this video. RIP my beautiful friend.
im so sorry for your loss 🕊️
I’ve expressed my interest in studying to become a mortician to my Mum and she couldn’t understand it. I’m sending this to her in hopes she’ll get a better understanding of why. So thank ya☺️
Do what your heart desires no matter what❤️❤️ hope the video helped to give your mom a look into your perspective! Best wishes! :)
Also Ask a Mortician has changed a lot of people's views on the funeral industry, I'd highly recommend some of her videos
As a mortician, I absolutely love you giving our profession the attention it rarely recieves.
Breyonce & Victor thank you guys for everything thing that yall do.
it’s not the same as a person of course, but i watched my dog’s body sit in the garage for two days after she passed. decomposition absolutely goes quicker than you would think and trust me you do not want to see anyone you love change in that way. it’s absolutely a gift that these morticians give to the deceased’s loved once’s to preserve and “bring back” the original look of someone who’s died, and it’s such bs that some characterize the profession as weird or creepy
People are afraid of death, but death and those who care for the dead are brave - and a necessity. Morticians are some of the most artful and caring people. The dead can’t hurt you, but the living can. ❤