As others have commented, in NVC, "disrespected" is not a Feeling; rather, it is a judgment of another person's actions. Using "passive" Feeling words like disrespected, bullied, antagonized, manipulated, abandoned, etc. is disempowering, as the speaker is not taking full responsibility for their own Feelings and is instead blaming the other person. This makes the other person defensive, which creates disconnection - the very opposite of NVC's intent. Also, asking someone not to come to class at all if they are more than one minute late is not an example of a Request "that meets everyone's needs." Given the inherent power imbalance in the student-teacher relationship (student is not free to say no to the Request) and the severe consequence of missing an entire class when arriving just two minutes late, this "Request" is actually a demand. This video should be redone, as it misrepresents two of the four core components in the NVC Strategic Framework (Feelings and Requests).
I agree. The request or demand seems unreasonable in my opinion. One minute?? Really? It seems like it was just a hastily developed example, in my opinion. I think the rest of the video was helpful, though.
I was just about to post all of this, but you have already said it so well! There is no negotiation at the end either, no asking the student what they are feeling and needing, and seeking solutions together.
❤ this comment. In crucial conversations, expressing feelings can convolute and derail a conversation. I've never heard of the different types of feelings but I intuitively understand and love that mentioned this. Where can I find a list of disempowering/empowering feelings?
Yep. Maybe he feels hurt. Maybe he feels angry. Maybe he gets distracted when she comes in late. His needs might include respect but it's important to explain what that looks like to him. He can make a request and she has the choice to say yes or no. He could ask her about her schedule. Does she not have time to reach the classroom after her bus arrives? He can request clarity. They can brainstorm suggestions including Jay starting to teach 5 minutes later. There are so many possibilities.
Hello Sprouts team. I'm super grateful for all the content and wisdom you spread to the world 🙏 And super happy you did one about NVC, a way of living that brought so much in my life. In this spirit of sharing, I managed to see a few improvements in New Jay's practice of NVC (kudos to him for investigating new ways of connecting!) - "what seems to be anger might in fact be sadness" -> different parts of Jay (with different needs) can actually be behind various emotions. So he could be feeling anger because of his need for respect, and sadness because of his need for contribution not being met. - "He shares he feel disrespected when someone is late for class" -> I'm afraid this formulation would tend to raise some barriers rather than serve the connection (feeling disrespected can sound like the fault is in this other, similarly to "feeling harassed, feeling betrayed, feeling blamed, etc"). If Jay wanted to avoid this risk, he could phrase it in a way that made him entirely responsible for his feelings, by also connecting his uncomfortable feeling to his unmet need. Maybe he could say : "When I saw that you arrived several minutes after the beginning of the class 3 times this week, I feel frustrated because I need some respect for the time and effort I put in my work" ... And then maybe ensuring that he is still fully connected to Ann by asking her what she understood. - About the request, I really hope Jay is open to a "No" that would make his request different from an expectation. In the service of the connection with Ann (this is the goal of NVC !) and to help him meet his possible need for understanding, he could have asked Ann what was going on on her side when she arrived late. There could be billions of reasons that he could empathize with (Ann visiting an ill parent, suffering from a kind of condition, etc.) Hope it can help Jay in his practice of NVC ! 😁😁 💚
Yes, I like everything you said, especially the part about empathy. Connecting with what is going on with the other person as the first priority would establish trust and make a mutual arrangement much more likely.
“Disrespected” isn’t a feeling, though. It’s an interpretation of the other’s action. Thinking you’re being disrespected might have you feeling sad or disappointed or hurt.
Yeah I was also really cringing at that point. It’s such an important part of nvc to know that “feelings” like “disrespect “ are not actually feelings… so a bit of a shame that they use that as an example of a feeling lol. But otherwise an awesome video. Really well done! And well written
Exactly - some NVC cheat-sheets list these “faux feelings” that are really evaluative words confused with feelings, e.g. attacked, abandoned, ignored, invisible, manipulated, let down, unappreciated, etc. This can also helps to recognise when someone else uses these faux-feelings that are really masking an accusation.
Do you agree that you can feel cold, even if it's not truly cold by all standards. Feeling disrespected and is as subjective as feeling cold. What might be disrespectful for me might not be for you, or might be a complete misunderstand of the situation. That's the whole point of the video. Communication in order to be able to clarify feelings and define expectations.
The whole point of NVC@@victorivens05 is to *remove* the subjective, judgmental interpretations of others' actions, which is usually damaging to the relationship. Expressing that you're feeling cold is entirely different from expressing you feel disrespected *by* someone else - which is an accusation they're unlikely to appreciate. If the request you make at the end of NVC is based on your subjective interpretation, it's unlikely to be honoured.
This communcation style has helped me a lot in my personal life. I feel upset that you guys did not pay somebody for their VO work, and I am wondering if you'd be willing to pay them and or anybody else whom you've done the same thing to?
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
I like the way of presenting NVC and at the same time I have some „buts“. I worked with Marshall and so it is more than meaningful to me to protect this treasure: * NVC is a mindset, a way to live, a different way to see human beings and there behavior * Disrespect- is no feeling… * There is no concret request about what the teacher would like the student to do or say right then… his „request“ - his wish is a need and it would be helpful to say a concrete to do… * I miss the part of hearing eachother (empathy) and clearing myself (selfempathy) * For me there is no “spectrum” between non-violent and violent communication. In my view they are fundamentally different. Another way of expressing this concern is I would have liked it if the animation made even clearer than it already tried to that NVC is more than the three visible steps… it is about intent and energy. At all: thanks for the great way of showing and explaining the great way to live in more honest and empathic relationships - to make the world a more peacefully place❤🙏🙏
"All violence is the result of people trucking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that subsequently those people deserve to be punished" marshall Rosenberg
This is true for small things. But it's important to note that sometimes our pain DOES derive from others, and setting firm boundaries with harsh words or actions as a pattern interrupt or form of dominance when they are not open to any mature, constructive communication can be necessary.
Big fan of your work, Sprouts! Just want share an observation. Saying that someone is 20 min late seems to me a form of judgement especially because of the connotation that comes with the word 'late'. The idea is to observe the way a CCTV camera would observe/record an event, metaphorically. So, in this case, the observation would then be ' I see that you arrived 20 minutes after the start time.' Happy to hear your thoughts in case it differs on this. Please keep the videos coming! I am a big fan!
Good video. BUT...telling someone to "not come to class AT ALL if you run later than ONE MINUTE" seems like a pretty "violent" response to a minor transgression. Teacher Jay seems to have seen the trees but missed the forest. He's practicing the mechanics of the model while missing the overarching concept of communicating with Compassion.
I agree with your comment. Jay says he wants them to respect each others values, but he doesn't ask for her side of the story. This example is STILL supposing that other people are the cause of your problems. However, if he is able to use his observation of facts ("this is the third time this week you've been late") and then gather more facts by checking in with her ("Is there something happening that is getting in the way of your being on time?), THAT is showing real empathy. She may be taking care of a sick parent/child or her ancient car keeps breaking down. Effective dialogue is about MUTUAL respect to achieve MUTUAL goals. ("I care about what's important to you, and you care about what's important to me.) If he gets her side of the story and THEN says, "if it happens again don't come to class," that's pretty messed up. Wouldn't a more compassionate response be, "You've been late to class three times in the last week. When you come in late, it interrupts the class and throws me off my game. I'd like to understand more about what is happening that is keeping you from getting here on time."
"All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people, and that consequently, those people deserve to be punished." Pretty accurate.
Pain is mans own Personal responsibility No one can make you Feel pain it has All to do with the pleasure you Deny Others. Every man is responsible for his own Sins. Shalowm Amen Hallelu Yahh.
Violence used to mean physical aggression and force. The problem with redefining language that appears to appeal to liberal values, is that it ignores the fact that 7/8 of the world's population don't share these liberal values. It is therefore extremely self entitled and negligent to mislead people in liberal societies into thinking that the definition of violence can be shifted to the use of language. It is clearly part of a wider effort to impose critical race theories and identity politics. By accepting that speech can be violent (therefore categorized as hate speech under current legislation) the door is open to criminalize and ostracize 'problematic' free speech. This is a race to the bottom and leads to politically correct hegemony, mob like witch hunts, institutional authoritarianism and cultural oppression. These are hardly outcomes that evoke ideals of non-violence. I think a better way to describe this point is to call it non-conflict language. This seems far more accurate and helpful. And I agree that the 1 minute late rule is over the top. I would speak to the student about why they are consistently late. Is there a problem in thier journey or life? Is there a misunderstanding? Are there barriers that I can fix, that they face? Then, I would suggest solutions for them to try. This is a solution focused non-conflict approach. It's just common sense and doesn't require damaging liberal society by attacking free speech.
I had to read up until "I think a better way to describe this point is to call it non-conflict" to understand where you were coming from. Perhaps it would be helpful to start the sentence with that, as you make a good point about defining language as violent. I think a better way to think about why Marshal Rosenberg coined it non-violent is because it helps steer conversations away from violent outcomes, not necessarily implying that violence is inherent to language.
I completely agree. Look at Dr. Petterson's conversations and lectures on this topic. Especially on limiting speech to only what doesn't risk offending anyone. The "speech is violence" push isn't taking us anywhere good. Maybe there is an underlying agenda at play, or maybe people are short-sighted. Maybe both. Both, is where I'd put my money. It's essentially sophistry. The consequences are too numerous and lengthy for a comment, but can easily be found, such as my Dr. Petterson example. For whatever examples of potential good you can name, the magnitude of harm is far greater. As the saying goes, weak men make hard times.
Soooo...the word "violent" dates back to the 14th century and one of its earliest definitions is "...especially furious or emotional". Is society to blame because of our personal limited understanding of words and definitions? Or was this simply your way to tell us that you're pro-MAGA without telling us you're pro-MAGA?
There may well be a reason for the student arriving late so she needs to be asked by someone, what is wrong to make her late, giving her a chance to express her needs. Others have said this in so many words.
We all forget this legendary example of using NVC: G(giraffe): "You fight with the strenght of many man sir knight!" J(jackal) - Does not respond G: I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me at my court at Camelot. J - no response G: "You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?" J - no response G: "You make me sad. So be it!" J: *NONE SHALL PASS*
First thing, do what you gotta do to make sure the people you hire get paid on time in the future, alright? If everyone got better at observing and listening to other people and their feelings, as well as their own, I think social anxiety as a whole would decrease quite a bit. And it's a great accountability tool as well, for both people, although I don't think New Jay's solution was the best, since you can't miss too many college classes without failing the class entirely. It might've been better to ask why Ann was late so often, maybe help her fix whatever's causing her to be late, and use the first solution as a last resort. Pretty solid communication method overall, though.
Secondly, saying that I feel disrespected when one is late for class also seem to be pretty violent as we are trying to connect feeling to the observation. The ideal way is to learn that your feelings came up not because of the observation but because of your needs. So, another way to put across the above sentence is 'I felt respected because my need is that all of us remain present right from the start of the class because that shows that you all value these lessons.
This started with a false dichotomy. If your only intent was to explain what you call non-violent communication, then just do so. In addition to your misrepresentation of the kinds of communication that can take place, you also misrepresent violence. Violence is a lot more nuanced topic than just "Violence bad!" While I agree that punishment is a stupid methodology, this video does not actually prove that. You also completely ignored the expectations of the others, i.e. the social context AKA culture. In some social contexts the first "violent" interaction would be seen as more inclusive because the late student is still treated as a member of the group and the second "non-violent" interaction would be seen as isolating them socially while depriving them of their education. In such a culture depriving a student of education is the violent act, because education is a requirement for being a student. You are basically erasing them. And that is only example of an alternative social context. In many other social contexts these situations wouldn't arise for various reasons, and in others they would be handled so completely differently that the violent-non-violent dimension doesn't apply at all.
As a heads up, it is "Nonviolent," all one word. I hope you've read the book and perhaps can acknowledge in the description box that this is much more than about speaking a certain way; it is a consciousness that takes integration and practice. Marshall taught this and it and lives on through the Center for Nonviolent Communication, their certification program, and many other NVC organizations.
I can't find words for why, exactly, but the example of problem solving being "if you're more than 1 minute late for class, just don't come at all" feels Real Bad. Like assuming the student is an adult, bc kids don't tend to get the freedom to show up so late... why should the student sacrifice the time that they CAN be in class, just bc the teacher is easily offended? Really, it's barely any different than the example where he makes a snide remark and assigns unnecessary work, it just has the fake veneer of niceness. The fact that it's hard to disagree with nice- seeming stuff in the moment actually makes it _worse_, in my experience.
I agree. It's just another form of manipulation. I think the premise that we should try to identify _exactly_ how we feel and _why_ we feel the way we do is important. I'm still often ignorant of my true feelings in the heat of the moment and consequently I make poor decisions. There's no chance of moving beyond a barrier if you can't identify it. However, the actual method of communicating with people is so 'nice' it doesn't leave room for assertiveness on the side the recipient. It might work, if the recipient employs the same method but I think this is unlikely to happen. If the goal is leaving everyone feeling satisfied, why not ask Ann why she is so often late and if there's anything he can do to help/accommodate her (sincerely). He could express his honest feelings surrounding the matter whilst also being considerate of hers. He might find there's more to the situation than meets the eye, she might be just as stressed as he is and doesn't know what to do. She might change, she might not. He might be able to help, he might not. A problem that people must come to terms with is that sometimes things just don't turn out the way you want and you just have to deal with it. I agree with you. Also, if the underlying idea is that suffering is not inflicted by other people, why would her absence improve things? It sounds like a theory from somebody who is desperate to live in a perfect world or wanted to profit from other's desperation. Or perhaps I'm just pissed off at the fictional pathetic excuse for teacher 😀
Hey could you guys please pay him for his work. He is working hard and deserves to get paid for his work. And dodging emails or deleting comments is not cool. Please pay him.
Saying “I feel…” +participle form is not non violent…it’s an indirect accusation. In order for it to be non violent he should mention the actual feeling (a noun or an adjective) “I feel angry because I tell myself l/I imagine that you don’t respect me when you show up late to class”. That way he takes responsibility for what he feels and thinks. Saying “I feel disrespected” is implying that someone made you feel that way.
From my own point of view, you need to invest smartly, if you need the good things of life. so far i've made over $505k in raw profits from just q4 of the market from my diversified portfolio strategy and i believe anyone can do it you have the right strategy. mutual funds takes long time but investing smartly is the key for short term. Most of us tend to pay more attention to the shiniest position in the market to the cost of proper diversification.
I'm an amateur investor, i have 2 IRAs, I do not like the cookie cutter responses from Fidelity, Vanguard Schwab, etc 7%-9% year on average, how do you invest?
My portfolio is very much diversified so it's not like i have a particular fund i invest in. plus i don't do that by myself. i follow the trades of LAUREL JANE MORGAN. She is a popular broker you might have heard of. I can correctly say she's worth her salt as a financial adviser as her diversification skills are top notch/ I say because i see that in her results as my portfolio grows by averages of 10 to 15% on a monthly basis. unlike i can say for my IRA which has just been trudging along. my portfolio just mirrors what she trades and not just on some particular industries of my choosing.
Normal people buy in at high prices the stock market goes down, companies buy stocks back cheaper by introducing some "disaster" Stock rises after a disaster and the cycle repeats.. Having a good entry and exit strategy, will make succeed in the stock market.
@@d_ken By following trades do you mean copying her trades, as is done in etoro? Are you giving her your money or the money stays in your account? I have heard about copying trades but have not looked into it but i have an idea of what it is.
@@veeragrawal2976 Yeah exactly. My money stays right in my account. It's all programmatic. plus it's relatively much easier to set up and connect my accounts than creating a financial pan and drafting investment strategies myself. my account just mirrors her trades in realtime
there is no spectum in between. late is a judgement, disrespected is not a feeling, desires is not what we share, we share needs, and that is definetely not a request, that is a rule.
"He feels disrespected ..." and Ann is obliged to take care of his feelings? Would it not be more respectful --- and pragmatic --- to point out that Ann is missing out by arriving late. Or, if he must focus on feelings, that she is disturbing the entire class? As to his feelings, would it not be healthier (and more mature) for him not to take the behavior of others so personally?
Every journey begins from where you are, and a conversation is a shared one. Therefore, being aware and present of your mental state allows you to employ strategies to calm those emotions if they would get in the way of good communication. This why it is often advised to think before you speak. Not just to think about what you want to say, but to prepare to listen properly. If one is anxious, or angry, or triggered, the ability to comnunicate effectively and without aggression or defensive behaviour is markedly reduced. Also, it must be said that the script in this video did not succeed in communicating how difficult effective yet, compassionate communication is. It is demanding. It is much easier to miscommunicate because of the cognitive deficits caused by stress or emotion. One finds harder to actually be present and give one's full attention to the person you are communicating with. And to be calm and considerate enough to say things in a way that doesn't give cause for regret.
Good point. The video may not have used the best example because the teacher is an authority figure--they are not equals. So, the teacher could have said, "I expect you to be here on time, and I want to know why you're consistently late." That's "nonviolent," and it makes the student responsible for her behavior rather than the student being responsible for the teacher's feelings.
@Emmy MacDonald Unfortunately, "for the sake of argument" they used a rather immature "resolution". Given that mature (read, less reactive) attitudes are more personally protective and socially considerate, should we not all strive for emotional maturity in our interactions?
@Tóth Gábor In which case, as an authority figure, the teacher could delineate (to the entire class) appropriate consequences for a pattern of lateness --- and then and then impose the consequences on line-crossers. Making the issue a personal question of "feeling disrespected" might be appropriate in a playground, but not in a classroom. I suspect that the "resolution" is based on the principle that "I'm worried about your health" is less insulting than "You're too fat!"
Where is the observation? It seems it's all about his feelings and the communication is a monologue on his part. Observation is trying to determine why she is late, and non violent communication is a part of that observation through dialogue. Or maybe I'm missing something in the lecture.
I think communication styles are more nuanced than just two poles and I think that people are not consistent with their style. It can change depending on who they're communicating with, the setting, even the time of day (you don't want to catch me before I've had coffee.
I think that the early statement that communication styles varied between violent and non-violent covered the extrêmes. Also, you not having coffee is within your locus of control. Perhaps you should avoid human contact until you do.
Communicating with selfish people who ignore others' needs is difficult, you can present facts and evidence, appeal to their morals and show them that they are harming others, but they go back to "mah freedumb".
THIS ASSUMES A COMPETENT COUNTERPARTY, WHEREAS THE MAJORITY ARE STUPID AND COWARDLY. WHAT DOES JAY DO WHEN ANNE SHOWS UP LATE ANYWAY, OVER AND OVER AGAIN? AND WHAT IF THEY’RE PARTNERS, NOT TEACHER/STUDENT OR EMPLOYER/EMPLOYEE? HOW DO YOU COMMUNICATE NONVIOLENTLY WITH STUPID AND COWARDLY PEOPLE? CHEERS. 🧸
My pain is derived from the laws that other people enforce, and would not exist if the laws and customs were not in place. It is only because of the laws and cultures that people act in an unnatural way so as to cause my pain. In a small group of likeminded people, I would not be in pain. There are literally groups of people who go out of their way to prevent that from happening.
I am reading this book at the moment and I¡m unable to reconcile the fact that not everyone's interactions are as "pure" as portrayed in the book or this video. There are people who simply want to piss you off or directly hurt you and I don't see how this method can be applied in these cases. How is a woman who is constantly verbally abused by her partner benefit from this? I can see how it could be beneficial among friends, but I really think it could be dangerous and even victim blaming in other cases. I'm pretty sure other people have better articulated thoughts about this than me and could shed some light on this topic.
I like this. But as HopeMoffatt in her comment says "disrespected' is a belief about what the student DID to the teacher. It is not a feeling/emotion. Also, the "request" is missing any indication that it's really a request. To seem more like a real request I would want it to lead in with "How would you feel about agreeing to ....". Finally.... I understand that none of us are always functioning/living in non-violent communication consciousness. I am not confident that there is, as the animation said at the start, a "spectrum" between non-violent and violent communication. In my view they are fundamentally different.
Just wanting to echo many of the comments below. I like the graphics and it's a great effort. however there are a few things that are factually incorrect in terms of this being an NVC explainer. I wonder if you would consider tweaking it and re-uploading it. Disrespected is not a need, 'late' does have a judgmental tone to it 'after the set time' is more neutral; the teacher requesting that the student does not come in if they are 1 minute late has a demand/ punishment vibe because it is one-way communication and they have not addressed or invited the needs of the student into the dialogue and come up with a solution that works for both of them. These were the main three that jumped out at me, but there are other points as people have mentioned below.
Non violent communication is easily gamed and manipulated. If used properly it can be revolutionary in a very positive way. When gamed it can create a deeper level of distrust then violent communication. "Feeling disrespected" IS an evaluation not a feeling. A teacher is a person of authority with power over their students. When a teacher "requests" a student not show up if they are more than one minute late, it reads as and probably is a demand with a fig leaf of politeness.
This example is horrible. Don't show up for class if you are 1 minute late?! If a student is late it is their loss for missing the teaching, why would the teacher feel disrespected? Just let it go. It's not like people deliberately decide to be late.
I do like this model. I am learning n about it so I can be better at communicating with my partner. However, asking a student not to come to class at all when they are one minute late is ridiculous. Teachers also have to recognize that life happens for students too. Sure, set boundaries and make requests, but make them realistic. Like at least a 15 minute grace period like at the doctors office. (P.S. I am a teacher).
I find it difficult to consistently engage in non violent discourse when everyone in America de facto resorts to violent communication. Where do I find this patience? The wolf in me wants to engage in the same communication then shut down and disregard. I'm sick of the shallow bullshit communication styles of Americans. It's depressing as fuck.
Limerence is a state of mind which results from romantic or non-romantic feelings for another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated. Limerence can also be defined as an involuntary state of intense desire. From: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
@@lucsteffens this idiotic victim. Mentality ilk is killing the west. Soon. They will experience real violence so they won't have to. Invent some idiotic word violence. People who believe this nonsense are soft. And have never experienced anything.
Stupid people like to change definitions to things to get their way. People that aren't low IQ take notice of this manipulative tactic that plays on words. It is called omission. They try to lie without lying.
I appreciate the effort but please fix the error. Marshall Rosenberg would be very clear that when you tell someone you feel disrespected it is an accusation not heart to heart communication of a need for respect New Jay is worse than old Jay if his request is to not enter if one minute late. Who pays his salary and how does this meet the student’s need for learning? What makes NVC valuable is to teachers is that after a request is made the student might have a conflicting need and can say No. The teacher would listen to the student and might find out that public transportation or a work schedule causes the student to be 20 minutes late The teacher can get his need for respect met when he realizes how much effort the student is making to be just 20 minutes late Your cartoon is not a good representation of NVC. I will use it to have a discussion of how people with not enough training misuse the model.
No, communication is not violent. Unless you are inciting violence then it is Not protected under freedom of speech. Communication is anti violence. Progressive propaganda though is violence.
I didn't quite get something. If some people trick themselves that their pain is derived from other people, where is it derived from. Is it from their lack of good communication skills? Can someone explain this please? Thank you.
Verbal and written communication can't be violent. Sure, words can hurt, but that does't make them violent. In this context there are many words I can think of that are a better fit than violent and non-violent.
Verbal and emotional abuse effects the health directly causing same physical problems as physical abuse. If it's bad enough sometimes verbal and emotional is considered physical abuse especially when someone gets in someone's face or personal space while in a rage. Or if threats are made.with coercion or a physical threat.
I don't think this goes deep enough to fully represent the book. I understand this is only a 5 minute video, so a full representation would be important. I requested a disclaimer saying this video is helpful, but not supplementary
When I watch the clip I feel irritated and sad. I have a need for equality and consideration and accuracy. Would you be willing to redo the clip and include enquiry into the students experience and feelings and remove the incorrect labelling of the word " direspected" as a feeling. I think this is a poor explanation of nvc and am worried others will use it as an example.
I found this very interesting and I wonder if this has anything to do with cancel culture and how people will seek to punish those who made them feel uncomfortable despite not actually disrespecting them.
It appears quite violent to me to expect a student to be absent from a class for being late with just 1 minute. Is the student expected to go shoot up some heroin while the class is underway or something? What's so nonviolent about forcing one person's needs onto others? I'm left with the impression that either this video does not properly introduce the concept, or that the concept is severely flawed. As such I feel "disrespected" watching this coercive bullshit.
Teachers and students are not On equal footing…. You aren’t on equal footing with your boss either.. I can see the teacher expressing him being desrespected with ann is late. Which it is. But the simpy pandering than maintaining a frame if authority…. The world is made of hierarchy. Its setting up kids for failure and a super harsh awaikening if they think a boss will at all pander to them in a empathetic manner. There has tobe a middle ground. Coz school is meant to prepare you for the harsh world. Not be the harsh world. But i cant see this going well. Ive been in positions of authority. My clients didnt want to hear excuses. They paid for a service. That service was time bound. If my people just show up willy nilly im in trouble. And the more i would pander the their sensibilities the less respect i got. They didnt reapect me anymore. To the point i was let go. Your are their boss. Nit their friend. Sure there needs to be a middle ground. They are humans and not machines
In both these modelstge conversation didn't happened. one model debates aggressively and another model delivers passively, one would wonder where is the discussion or conversation?
Why is "new Jay" so upset when Ann is the one losing out on education and he is getting paid to be there? Ann should be upset with herself for wasting her potential growth. 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
She should yes. But also any teacher there not just for a job would likely feel upset if their class isn’t taken seriously. He/she is still giving their time and time is what our lives are made of. We don’t get any extra
@@joshuaarnold1895 true that feelings play a part when there is disrespect in ones profession, but Jay shouldn't let one late student ruin the education of the others because he wants to waste time belittling her. He should've just acknowledged Ann's tardiness and had it reflect in her grades. He has a job to do and there are those responsible enough to show up on time that rely on his teachings. She wants to waste her life, so be it.
@@RPO808 i understand. i was simply replying to your q about why he'd be upset. But i do agree that since she paid for the class, how she performs is her responsibility and he's there to do his best to teach not preach his morals or values.
Let me be very direct: Until I can verify that you pay your full staff, I will never use or reference in anyway your channel or content in my classes, or recommend to anyone seeking educationally aligned video content.
Why do you call it a non violent communication? I think people are free to express themselves, constructively of course. Discipline comes in many forms in which it can be interpreted as cruel or unnecessary but behind the big picture a positive message is reflected. If you're putting yourself as victim whenever your conduct is inappropriate and add titles to justify your actions then you will never experience learning.
Should have taught this to teachers decades ago. We were bought up with daily violence from the teachers, leather straps and canes used almost like punctuation for any real or perceived transgression of the rules the teachers had concocted in their psychopathic brains. Sometime after leaving school at the age of 15 I calculated that I had been hit something like 5000 times with a hand, belt or cane, ie several times a day, alongside of sarcastic and cutting putdowns, including about the pedigree of ones parents. I still find it impossible to concentrate or learn anything new without feeling the stress that had accompanied learning when at school. ie what I am trying to say is that the ONLY means of communication we were bought up with was violent communication. The girl arriving late to school in this cartoon would have had been sent to the headmistresses office and had a slap across the face. I even remember one teacher had a thing about pulling boys pants down and slapping their arses in from of the whole class.
As others have commented, in NVC, "disrespected" is not a Feeling; rather, it is a judgment of another person's actions. Using "passive" Feeling words like disrespected, bullied, antagonized, manipulated, abandoned, etc. is disempowering, as the speaker is not taking full responsibility for their own Feelings and is instead blaming the other person. This makes the other person defensive, which creates disconnection - the very opposite of NVC's intent. Also, asking someone not to come to class at all if they are more than one minute late is not an example of a Request "that meets everyone's needs." Given the inherent power imbalance in the student-teacher relationship (student is not free to say no to the Request) and the severe consequence of missing an entire class when arriving just two minutes late, this "Request" is actually a demand. This video should be redone, as it misrepresents two of the four core components in the NVC Strategic Framework (Feelings and Requests).
I agree. The request or demand seems unreasonable in my opinion. One minute?? Really? It seems like it was just a hastily developed example, in my opinion. I think the rest of the video was helpful, though.
I was just about to post all of this, but you have already said it so well! There is no negotiation at the end either, no asking the student what they are feeling and needing, and seeking solutions together.
❤ this comment. In crucial conversations, expressing feelings can convolute and derail a conversation. I've never heard of the different types of feelings but I intuitively understand and love that mentioned this. Where can I find a list of disempowering/empowering feelings?
Yep. Maybe he feels hurt. Maybe he feels angry. Maybe he gets distracted when she comes in late. His needs might include respect but it's important to explain what that looks like to him. He can make a request and she has the choice to say yes or no. He could ask her about her schedule. Does she not have time to reach the classroom after her bus arrives? He can request clarity. They can brainstorm suggestions including Jay starting to teach 5 minutes later. There are so many possibilities.
".. not to come to class at all if she runs later than 1 minute." < How is this a viable solution? 2:50
Good point because that is not what Nonviolent Communication advocates at all. The video misrepresents NVC here and in a couple of places.
Pay will akana for his voiceover work.
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Anna Akana fans: allow us to introduce ourselves
Did you not pay your contractor because your channel of a million views only got 15k views?
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Hello Sprouts team. I'm super grateful for all the content and wisdom you spread to the world 🙏 And super happy you did one about NVC, a way of living that brought so much in my life.
In this spirit of sharing, I managed to see a few improvements in New Jay's practice of NVC (kudos to him for investigating new ways of connecting!)
- "what seems to be anger might in fact be sadness" -> different parts of Jay (with different needs) can actually be behind various emotions. So he could be feeling anger because of his need for respect, and sadness because of his need for contribution not being met.
- "He shares he feel disrespected when someone is late for class" -> I'm afraid this formulation would tend to raise some barriers rather than serve the connection (feeling disrespected can sound like the fault is in this other, similarly to "feeling harassed, feeling betrayed, feeling blamed, etc").
If Jay wanted to avoid this risk, he could phrase it in a way that made him entirely responsible for his feelings, by also connecting his uncomfortable feeling to his unmet need. Maybe he could say : "When I saw that you arrived several minutes after the beginning of the class 3 times this week, I feel frustrated because I need some respect for the time and effort I put in my work"
... And then maybe ensuring that he is still fully connected to Ann by asking her what she understood.
- About the request, I really hope Jay is open to a "No" that would make his request different from an expectation. In the service of the connection with Ann (this is the goal of NVC !) and to help him meet his possible need for understanding, he could have asked Ann what was going on on her side when she arrived late. There could be billions of reasons that he could empathize with (Ann visiting an ill parent, suffering from a kind of condition, etc.)
Hope it can help Jay in his practice of NVC ! 😁😁
💚
Yes, I like everything you said, especially the part about empathy. Connecting with what is going on with the other person as the first priority would establish trust and make a mutual arrangement much more likely.
“Disrespected” isn’t a feeling, though. It’s an interpretation of the other’s action. Thinking you’re being disrespected might have you feeling sad or disappointed or hurt.
Yeah I was also really cringing at that point. It’s such an important part of nvc to know that “feelings” like “disrespect “ are not actually feelings… so a bit of a shame that they use that as an example of a feeling lol. But otherwise an awesome video. Really well done! And well written
Exactly - some NVC cheat-sheets list these “faux feelings” that are really evaluative words confused with feelings, e.g. attacked, abandoned, ignored, invisible, manipulated, let down, unappreciated, etc.
This can also helps to recognise when someone else uses these faux-feelings that are really masking an accusation.
Do you agree that you can feel cold, even if it's not truly cold by all standards. Feeling disrespected and is as subjective as feeling cold. What might be disrespectful for me might not be for you, or might be a complete misunderstand of the situation. That's the whole point of the video. Communication in order to be able to clarify feelings and define expectations.
The whole point of NVC@@victorivens05 is to *remove* the subjective, judgmental interpretations of others' actions, which is usually damaging to the relationship. Expressing that you're feeling cold is entirely different from expressing you feel disrespected *by* someone else - which is an accusation they're unlikely to appreciate. If the request you make at the end of NVC is based on your subjective interpretation, it's unlikely to be honoured.
I was about to say the same.
That has to be the worst video I’ve seen from this page. It starts with a false dichotomy.
Please pay Will Akana for his VO work, or your channel will literally be reported
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@@sprouts thank you for replying and hopefully giving an honest response
Hi, why haven't you paid Will Akana for the work he did for you?
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This communcation style has helped me a lot in my personal life. I feel upset that you guys did not pay somebody for their VO work, and I am wondering if you'd be willing to pay them and or anybody else whom you've done the same thing to?
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Pay your voice over freelancer
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To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
Amen
Thank you...I needed that...😢
Thanks @The Chancellor
They're kind words, thank you. Back at you!
I like the way of presenting NVC and at the same time I have some „buts“. I worked with Marshall and so it is more than meaningful to me to protect this treasure:
* NVC is a mindset, a way to live, a different way to see human beings and there behavior
* Disrespect- is no feeling…
* There is no concret request about what the teacher would like the student to do or say right then… his „request“ - his wish is a need and it would be helpful to say a concrete to do…
* I miss the part of hearing eachother (empathy) and clearing myself (selfempathy)
* For me there is no “spectrum” between non-violent and violent communication. In my view they are fundamentally different.
Another way of expressing this concern is I would have liked it if the animation made even clearer than it already tried to that NVC is more than the three visible steps… it is about intent and energy.
At all: thanks for the great way of showing and explaining the great way to live in more honest and empathic relationships - to make the world a more peacefully place❤🙏🙏
I agree with all you have feedback here Angela:)
HEY PAY FOR MR.AKANA, HE DID HIS JOB, YOU DO YOURS.
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"All violence is the result of people trucking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that subsequently those people deserve to be punished" marshall Rosenberg
*tricking
This is true for small things. But it's important to note that sometimes our pain DOES derive from others, and setting firm boundaries with harsh words or actions as a pattern interrupt or form of dominance when they are not open to any mature, constructive communication can be necessary.
@@humbertolvx no it doesn´t
How about we pay people for the work that theyve done! Using nonviolent communication.
Our freelancers how was in charge of this job got sick and then there was a big misunderstanding. Sorry for that guys. And sure we pay!
Pay Anna's brother!
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Big fan of your work, Sprouts! Just want share an observation. Saying that someone is 20 min late seems to me a form of judgement especially because of the connotation that comes with the word 'late'. The idea is to observe the way a CCTV camera would observe/record an event, metaphorically. So, in this case, the observation would then be ' I see that you arrived 20 minutes after the start time.' Happy to hear your thoughts in case it differs on this.
Please keep the videos coming! I am a big fan!
How about avoidant communication style? Like how You're avoiding Paying Mr.Akana or answering Emails?
Hey -- if Anna Akana's brother did work for you guys and you haven't yet paid him, will you please take care of that immediately?
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@@sprouts Great - thank you.
Good video. BUT...telling someone to "not come to class AT ALL if you run later than ONE MINUTE" seems like a pretty "violent" response to a minor transgression. Teacher Jay seems to have seen the trees but missed the forest. He's practicing the mechanics of the model while missing the overarching concept of communicating with Compassion.
I agree with your comment. Jay says he wants them to respect each others values, but he doesn't ask for her side of the story. This example is STILL supposing that other people are the cause of your problems. However, if he is able to use his observation of facts ("this is the third time this week you've been late") and then gather more facts by checking in with her ("Is there something happening that is getting in the way of your being on time?), THAT is showing real empathy. She may be taking care of a sick parent/child or her ancient car keeps breaking down. Effective dialogue is about MUTUAL respect to achieve MUTUAL goals. ("I care about what's important to you, and you care about what's important to me.) If he gets her side of the story and THEN says, "if it happens again don't come to class," that's pretty messed up. Wouldn't a more compassionate response be, "You've been late to class three times in the last week. When you come in late, it interrupts the class and throws me off my game. I'd like to understand more about what is happening that is keeping you from getting here on time."
💯
@@kristinarylands1511 Exactly!
Is it true you're not paying your voice actors?
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@@sprouts awesome.
Thank you very much for paying Mr Akana and settling this disagreement. Have a great day everyone
"All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people, and that consequently, those people deserve to be punished."
Pretty accurate.
Pay Anna's brother!!!
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Pain is mans own Personal responsibility
No one can make you Feel pain it has All to do with the pleasure you Deny Others. Every man is responsible for his own Sins. Shalowm Amen Hallelu Yahh.
Violence used to mean physical aggression and force. The problem with redefining language that appears to appeal to liberal values, is that it ignores the fact that 7/8 of the world's population don't share these liberal values. It is therefore extremely self entitled and negligent to mislead people in liberal societies into thinking that the definition of violence can be shifted to the use of language. It is clearly part of a wider effort to impose critical race theories and identity politics. By accepting that speech can be violent (therefore categorized as hate speech under current legislation) the door is open to criminalize and ostracize 'problematic' free speech. This is a race to the bottom and leads to politically correct hegemony, mob like witch hunts, institutional authoritarianism and cultural oppression. These are hardly outcomes that evoke ideals of non-violence. I think a better way to describe this point is to call it non-conflict language. This seems far more accurate and helpful. And I agree that the 1 minute late rule is over the top. I would speak to the student about why they are consistently late. Is there a problem in thier journey or life? Is there a misunderstanding? Are there barriers that I can fix, that they face? Then, I would suggest solutions for them to try. This is a solution focused non-conflict approach. It's just common sense and doesn't require damaging liberal society by attacking free speech.
I had to read up until "I think a better way to describe this point is to call it non-conflict" to understand where you were coming from. Perhaps it would be helpful to start the sentence with that, as you make a good point about defining language as violent. I think a better way to think about why Marshal Rosenberg coined it non-violent is because it helps steer conversations away from violent outcomes, not necessarily implying that violence is inherent to language.
I completely agree. Look at Dr. Petterson's conversations and lectures on this topic. Especially on limiting speech to only what doesn't risk offending anyone. The "speech is violence" push isn't taking us anywhere good. Maybe there is an underlying agenda at play, or maybe people are short-sighted. Maybe both. Both, is where I'd put my money. It's essentially sophistry.
The consequences are too numerous and lengthy for a comment, but can easily be found, such as my Dr. Petterson example. For whatever examples of potential good you can name, the magnitude of harm is far greater. As the saying goes, weak men make hard times.
Soooo...the word "violent" dates back to the 14th century and one of its earliest definitions is "...especially furious or emotional". Is society to blame because of our personal limited understanding of words and definitions? Or was this simply your way to tell us that you're pro-MAGA without telling us you're pro-MAGA?
There may well be a reason for the student arriving late so she needs to be asked by someone, what is wrong to make her late, giving her a chance to express her needs. Others have said this in so many words.
I kindly ask you pay Will Akana for his VO work, thanks in advance
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We all forget this legendary example of using NVC:
G(giraffe): "You fight with the strenght of many man sir knight!"
J(jackal) - Does not respond
G: I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me at my court at Camelot.
J - no response
G: "You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?"
J - no response
G: "You make me sad. So be it!"
J: *NONE SHALL PASS*
First thing, do what you gotta do to make sure the people you hire get paid on time in the future, alright?
If everyone got better at observing and listening to other people and their feelings, as well as their own, I think social anxiety as a whole would decrease quite a bit. And it's a great accountability tool as well, for both people, although I don't think New Jay's solution was the best, since you can't miss too many college classes without failing the class entirely. It might've been better to ask why Ann was late so often, maybe help her fix whatever's causing her to be late, and use the first solution as a last resort. Pretty solid communication method overall, though.
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Secondly, saying that I feel disrespected when one is late for class also seem to be pretty violent as we are trying to connect feeling to the observation. The ideal way is to learn that your feelings came up not because of the observation but because of your needs. So, another way to put across the above sentence is 'I felt respected because my need is that all of us remain present right from the start of the class because that shows that you all value these lessons.
This started with a false dichotomy. If your only intent was to explain what you call non-violent communication, then just do so.
In addition to your misrepresentation of the kinds of communication that can take place, you also misrepresent violence. Violence is a lot more nuanced topic than just "Violence bad!" While I agree that punishment is a stupid methodology, this video does not actually prove that.
You also completely ignored the expectations of the others, i.e. the social context AKA culture. In some social contexts the first "violent" interaction would be seen as more inclusive because the late student is still treated as a member of the group and the second "non-violent" interaction would be seen as isolating them socially while depriving them of their education. In such a culture depriving a student of education is the violent act, because education is a requirement for being a student. You are basically erasing them.
And that is only example of an alternative social context. In many other social contexts these situations wouldn't arise for various reasons, and in others they would be handled so completely differently that the violent-non-violent dimension doesn't apply at all.
It's basic stuff, one event explained to a child
They miss Everything 😄
True
As a heads up, it is "Nonviolent," all one word. I hope you've read the book and perhaps can acknowledge in the description box that this is much more than about speaking a certain way; it is a consciousness that takes integration and practice.
Marshall taught this and it and lives on through the Center for Nonviolent Communication, their certification program, and many other NVC organizations.
hello, pay people for the work you contracted them for please.
-An Anna Akana viewer
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I can't find words for why, exactly, but the example of problem solving being "if you're more than 1 minute late for class, just don't come at all" feels Real Bad. Like assuming the student is an adult, bc kids don't tend to get the freedom to show up so late... why should the student sacrifice the time that they CAN be in class, just bc the teacher is easily offended? Really, it's barely any different than the example where he makes a snide remark and assigns unnecessary work, it just has the fake veneer of niceness. The fact that it's hard to disagree with nice- seeming stuff in the moment actually makes it _worse_, in my experience.
I agree. It's just another form of manipulation.
I think the premise that we should try to identify _exactly_ how we feel and _why_ we feel the way we do is important. I'm still often ignorant of my true feelings in the heat of the moment and consequently I make poor decisions. There's no chance of moving beyond a barrier if you can't identify it.
However, the actual method of communicating with people is so 'nice' it doesn't leave room for assertiveness on the side the recipient. It might work, if the recipient employs the same method but I think this is unlikely to happen.
If the goal is leaving everyone feeling satisfied, why not ask Ann why she is so often late and if there's anything he can do to help/accommodate her (sincerely). He could express his honest feelings surrounding the matter whilst also being considerate of hers. He might find there's more to the situation than meets the eye, she might be just as stressed as he is and doesn't know what to do. She might change, she might not. He might be able to help, he might not. A problem that people must come to terms with is that sometimes things just don't turn out the way you want and you just have to deal with it. I agree with you.
Also, if the underlying idea is that suffering is not inflicted by other people, why would her absence improve things? It sounds like a theory from somebody who is desperate to live in a perfect world or wanted to profit from other's desperation.
Or perhaps I'm just pissed off at the fictional pathetic excuse for teacher 😀
You've hit the nail on the head, really. Don't have anything to add, except for generic "very much agree" heh.
Hey could you guys please pay him for his work. He is working hard and deserves to get paid for his work. And dodging emails or deleting comments is not cool. Please pay him.
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Saying “I feel…” +participle form is not non violent…it’s an indirect accusation. In order for it to be non violent he should mention the actual feeling (a noun or an adjective) “I feel angry because I tell myself l/I imagine that you don’t respect me when you show up late to class”. That way he takes responsibility for what he feels and thinks. Saying “I feel disrespected” is implying that someone made you feel that way.
From my own point of view, you need to invest smartly, if you need the good things of life. so far i've made over $505k in raw profits from just q4 of the market from my diversified portfolio strategy and i believe anyone can do it you have the right strategy. mutual funds takes long time but investing smartly is the key for short term. Most of us tend to pay more attention to the shiniest position in the market to the cost of proper diversification.
I'm an amateur investor, i have 2 IRAs, I do not like the cookie cutter responses from Fidelity, Vanguard Schwab, etc 7%-9% year on average, how do you invest?
My portfolio is very much diversified so it's not like i have a particular fund i invest in. plus i don't do that by myself. i follow the trades of LAUREL JANE MORGAN. She is a popular broker you might have heard of. I can correctly say she's worth her salt as a financial adviser as her diversification skills are top notch/ I say because i see that in her results as my portfolio grows by averages of 10 to 15% on a monthly basis. unlike i can say for my IRA which has just been trudging along. my portfolio just mirrors what she trades and not just on some particular industries of my choosing.
Normal people buy in at high prices the stock market goes down, companies buy stocks back cheaper by introducing some "disaster" Stock rises after a disaster and the cycle repeats.. Having a good entry and exit strategy, will make succeed in the stock market.
@@d_ken By following trades do you mean copying her trades, as is done in etoro? Are you giving her your money or the money stays in your account? I have heard about copying trades but have not looked into it but i have an idea of what it is.
@@veeragrawal2976 Yeah exactly. My money stays right in my account. It's all programmatic. plus it's relatively much easier to set up and connect my accounts than creating a financial pan and drafting investment strategies myself. my account just mirrors her trades in realtime
Yall you can contact them at their website in the channel banner
there is no spectum in between. late is a judgement, disrespected is not a feeling, desires is not what we share, we share needs, and that is definetely not a request, that is a rule.
"He feels disrespected ..." and Ann is obliged to take care of his feelings? Would it not be more respectful --- and pragmatic --- to point out that Ann is missing out by arriving late. Or, if he must focus on feelings, that she is disturbing the entire class? As to his feelings, would it not be healthier (and more mature) for him not to take the behavior of others so personally?
That's what I thought too.
Every journey begins from where you are, and a conversation is a shared one. Therefore, being aware and present of your mental state allows you to employ strategies to calm those emotions if they would get in the way of good communication. This why it is often advised to think before you speak. Not just to think about what you want to say, but to prepare to listen properly. If one is anxious, or angry, or triggered, the ability to comnunicate effectively and without aggression or defensive behaviour is markedly reduced. Also, it must be said that the script in this video did not succeed in communicating how difficult effective yet, compassionate communication is. It is demanding. It is much easier to miscommunicate because of the cognitive deficits caused by stress or emotion. One finds harder to actually be present and give one's full attention to the person you are communicating with. And to be calm and considerate enough to say things in a way that doesn't give cause for regret.
Good point. The video may not have used the best example because the teacher is an authority figure--they are not equals. So, the teacher could have said, "I expect you to be here on time, and I want to know why you're consistently late." That's "nonviolent," and it makes the student responsible for her behavior rather than the student being responsible for the teacher's feelings.
@Emmy MacDonald Unfortunately, "for the sake of argument" they used a rather immature "resolution". Given that mature (read, less reactive) attitudes are more personally protective and socially considerate, should we not all strive for emotional maturity in our interactions?
@Tóth Gábor In which case, as an authority figure, the teacher could delineate (to the entire class) appropriate consequences for a pattern of lateness --- and then and then impose the consequences on line-crossers. Making the issue a personal question of "feeling disrespected" might be appropriate in a playground, but not in a classroom. I suspect that the "resolution" is based on the principle that "I'm worried about your health" is less insulting than "You're too fat!"
I appreciate these videos for personal growth. Thank you!
Where is the observation? It seems it's all about his feelings and the communication is a monologue on his part. Observation is trying to determine why she is late, and non violent communication is a part of that observation through dialogue. Or maybe I'm missing something in the lecture.
Agreed
Great explanation!!! Will start practicing it :)
Great
Anger is usually extreme or permanent fear under the surface.
I think communication styles are more nuanced than just two poles and I think that people are not consistent with their style. It can change depending on who they're communicating with, the setting, even the time of day (you don't want to catch me before I've had coffee.
I think that the early statement that communication styles varied between violent and non-violent covered the extrêmes. Also, you not having coffee is within your locus of control. Perhaps you should avoid human contact until you do.
Communicating with selfish people who ignore others' needs is difficult, you can present facts and evidence, appeal to their morals and show them that they are harming others, but they go back to "mah freedumb".
Saw a couple in the comment section. Selfishness plain and simple.
THIS ASSUMES A COMPETENT COUNTERPARTY, WHEREAS THE MAJORITY ARE STUPID AND COWARDLY. WHAT DOES JAY DO WHEN ANNE SHOWS UP LATE ANYWAY, OVER AND OVER AGAIN? AND WHAT IF THEY’RE PARTNERS, NOT TEACHER/STUDENT OR EMPLOYER/EMPLOYEE? HOW DO YOU COMMUNICATE NONVIOLENTLY WITH STUPID AND COWARDLY PEOPLE? CHEERS. 🧸
Can y’all pay Anna’s brother thanks
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Brilliant summary!
My pain is derived from the laws that other people enforce, and would not exist if the laws and customs were not in place. It is only because of the laws and cultures that people act in an unnatural way so as to cause my pain. In a small group of likeminded people, I would not be in pain. There are literally groups of people who go out of their way to prevent that from happening.
I am reading this book at the moment and I¡m unable to reconcile the fact that not everyone's interactions are as "pure" as portrayed in the book or this video. There are people who simply want to piss you off or directly hurt you and I don't see how this method can be applied in these cases. How is a woman who is constantly verbally abused by her partner benefit from this? I can see how it could be beneficial among friends, but I really think it could be dangerous and even victim blaming in other cases. I'm pretty sure other people have better articulated thoughts about this than me and could shed some light on this topic.
I like this. But as HopeMoffatt in her comment says "disrespected' is a belief about what the student DID to the teacher. It is not a feeling/emotion. Also, the "request" is missing any indication that it's really a request. To seem more like a real request I would want it to lead in with "How would you feel about agreeing to ....". Finally.... I understand that none of us are always functioning/living in non-violent communication consciousness. I am not confident that there is, as the animation said at the start, a "spectrum" between non-violent and violent communication. In my view they are fundamentally different.
Pay your workers please
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PAY YOUR ARTISTS!!!!!
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Just wanting to echo many of the comments below. I like the graphics and it's a great effort. however there are a few things that are factually incorrect in terms of this being an NVC explainer. I wonder if you would consider tweaking it and re-uploading it. Disrespected is not a need, 'late' does have a judgmental tone to it 'after the set time' is more neutral; the teacher requesting that the student does not come in if they are 1 minute late has a demand/ punishment vibe because it is one-way communication and they have not addressed or invited the needs of the student into the dialogue and come up with a solution that works for both of them. These were the main three that jumped out at me, but there are other points as people have mentioned below.
Non violent communication is easily gamed and manipulated. If used properly it can be revolutionary in a very positive way. When gamed it can create a deeper level of distrust then violent communication. "Feeling disrespected" IS an evaluation not a feeling. A teacher is a person of authority with power over their students. When a teacher "requests" a student not show up if they are more than one minute late, it reads as and probably is a demand with a fig leaf of politeness.
This example is horrible. Don't show up for class if you are 1 minute late?! If a student is late it is their loss for missing the teaching, why would the teacher feel disrespected? Just let it go. It's not like people deliberately decide to be late.
Great work 🥳 Thank you 💜
“Violent” is a dumb word to use for this.
I do like this model. I am learning n about it so I can be better at communicating with my partner.
However, asking a student not to come to class at all when they are one minute late is ridiculous. Teachers also have to recognize that life happens for students too. Sure, set boundaries and make requests, but make them realistic. Like at least a 15 minute grace period like at the doctors office. (P.S. I am a teacher).
Ty from am parts of my heart's desire ♥ 💓 💛 ❤ 💖 💗
I find it difficult to consistently engage in non violent discourse when everyone in America de facto resorts to violent communication. Where do I find this patience? The wolf in me wants to engage in the same communication then shut down and disregard. I'm sick of the shallow bullshit communication styles of Americans. It's depressing as fuck.
That’s Very Interesting
Y’all gonna pay Anna Akana’s brother?? Not paying your creatives is disrespectful and nasty.
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Pay Anna Akana’s brother please
Sure!
This is clearly just some content farm, only a step above the likes of animated story time videos for kids.
Could you do a video/series on limerence? I think many people will get their priorities right once they understand what that is.
Limerence is a state of mind which results from romantic or non-romantic feelings for another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one's feelings reciprocated. Limerence can also be defined as an involuntary state of intense desire.
From: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence
Everyone, *Happy New Year* Sheesh, *2022*
Just dropping a dislike so you don't do these type of things again, always pay your clients
Communication is never violent.
This is idiotic.
That sounds like passive agressive and generalization and probably a disagreement on the violent definition. What is the intent of the comment? 😁
@@lucsteffens this idiotic victim. Mentality ilk is killing the west.
Soon. They will experience real violence so they won't have to. Invent some idiotic word violence.
People who believe this nonsense are soft. And have never experienced anything.
@@lucsteffens the only violence communication is done with fists
If it's just verbal, it's not "violent." Manipulating language like that undermines your message.
Stupid people like to change definitions to things to get their way. People that aren't low IQ take notice of this manipulative tactic that plays on words. It is called omission. They try to lie without lying.
I appreciate the effort but please fix the error. Marshall Rosenberg would be very clear that when you tell someone you feel disrespected it is an accusation not heart to heart communication of a need for respect New Jay is worse than old Jay if his request is to not enter if one minute late. Who pays his salary and how does this meet the student’s need for learning? What makes NVC valuable is to teachers is that after a request is made the student might have a conflicting need and can say No. The teacher would listen to the student and might find out that public transportation or a work schedule causes the student to be 20 minutes late The teacher can get his need for respect met when he realizes how much effort the student is making to be just 20 minutes late Your cartoon is not a good representation of NVC. I will use it to have a discussion of how people with not enough training misuse the model.
Just pay the man. Yall have the money for it.
Thanks for you comment. There was a confusing - a miscommunication. Note that he’s been paid already.
Does not work when the other person is stupid, and he is actually directly affecting you
We would like you to communicate Will Akana his money
Thanks for you comment. There was a miscommunication. Note that he’s been paid already.
i love the animation and content. may i know what app you you using to make this animation?
No, communication is not violent. Unless you are inciting violence then it is Not protected under freedom of speech. Communication is anti violence. Progressive propaganda though is violence.
Last sentences of video was true
I didn't quite get something. If some people trick themselves that their pain is derived from other people, where is it derived from. Is it from their lack of good communication skills? Can someone explain this please? Thank you.
Verbal and written communication can't be violent. Sure, words can hurt, but that does't make them violent. In this context there are many words I can think of that are a better fit than violent and non-violent.
Good point
The notion of emotional violence can somehow fit with violent communication. Violence is not longer perceived as exclusively physical.
@@sprouts Pay Mr. Akana before you go on making videos telling people how to better themselves.
Verbal and emotional abuse effects the health directly causing same physical problems as physical abuse. If it's bad enough sometimes verbal and emotional is considered physical abuse especially when someone gets in someone's face or personal space while in a rage. Or if threats are made.with coercion or a physical threat.
I don't think this goes deep enough to fully represent the book. I understand this is only a 5 minute video, so a full representation would be important. I requested a disclaimer saying this video is helpful, but not supplementary
When I watch the clip I feel irritated and sad. I have a need for equality and consideration and accuracy. Would you be willing to redo the clip and include enquiry into the students experience and feelings and remove the incorrect labelling of the word " direspected" as a feeling.
I think this is a poor explanation of nvc and am worried others will use it as an example.
I found this very interesting and I wonder if this has anything to do with cancel culture and how people will seek to punish those who made them feel uncomfortable despite not actually disrespecting them.
Disrespect is not a feeling. Its a big mistake of the video. I hope you get your money back from whoever made this.
It appears quite violent to me to expect a student to be absent from a class for being late with just 1 minute. Is the student expected to go shoot up some heroin while the class is underway or something? What's so nonviolent about forcing one person's needs onto others? I'm left with the impression that either this video does not properly introduce the concept, or that the concept is severely flawed. As such I feel "disrespected" watching this coercive bullshit.
Teachers and students are not On equal footing…. You aren’t on equal footing with your boss either..
I can see the teacher expressing him being desrespected with ann is late. Which it is. But the simpy pandering than maintaining a frame if authority….
The world is made of hierarchy. Its setting up kids for failure and a super harsh awaikening if they think a boss will at all pander to them in a empathetic manner.
There has tobe a middle ground. Coz school is meant to prepare you for the harsh world. Not be the harsh world. But i cant see this going well.
Ive been in positions of authority. My clients didnt want to hear excuses. They paid for a service. That service was time bound. If my people just show up willy nilly im in trouble. And the more i would pander the their sensibilities the less respect i got. They didnt reapect me anymore.
To the point i was let go. Your are their boss. Nit their friend. Sure there needs to be a middle ground. They are humans and not machines
In both these modelstge conversation didn't happened. one model debates aggressively and another model delivers passively, one would wonder where is the discussion or conversation?
Soo when are y’all gonna pay the person that drew these aka Anna akana’s brother 🤔🤔🤔
Thanks for your comment. Note that he's been paid already. There was a miscommunication between Akana and our team but it all sorted now.
This is why civilization will crumble.
Why is "new Jay" so upset when Ann is the one losing out on education and he is getting paid to be there? Ann should be upset with herself for wasting her potential growth. 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
She should yes. But also any teacher there not just for a job would likely feel upset if their class isn’t taken seriously. He/she is still giving their time and time is what our lives are made of. We don’t get any extra
@@joshuaarnold1895 true that feelings play a part when there is disrespect in ones profession, but Jay shouldn't let one late student ruin the education of the others because he wants to waste time belittling her. He should've just acknowledged Ann's tardiness and had it reflect in her grades. He has a job to do and there are those responsible enough to show up on time that rely on his teachings. She wants to waste her life, so be it.
@@RPO808 i understand. i was simply replying to your q about why he'd be upset. But i do agree that since she paid for the class, how she performs is her responsibility and he's there to do his best to teach not preach his morals or values.
@@joshuaarnold1895 ah, I'm sorry I misinterpreted your statement. Thank you.
That's amazing! ❤️
Let me be very direct: Until I can verify that you pay your full staff, I will never use or reference in anyway your channel or content in my classes, or recommend to anyone seeking educationally aligned video content.
Thanks for your comment. Note that he's been paid already. There was a miscommunication between Akana and our team but it all sorted now.
In short, hurting people, hurt others. Spread love instead of hate.
Why do you call it a non violent communication? I think people are free to express themselves, constructively of course. Discipline comes in many forms in which it can be interpreted as cruel or unnecessary but behind the big picture a positive message is reflected. If you're putting yourself as victim whenever your conduct is inappropriate and add titles to justify your actions then you will never experience learning.
Hey pay up
Done
Should have taught this to teachers decades ago. We were bought up with daily violence from the teachers, leather straps and canes used almost like punctuation for any real or perceived transgression of the rules the teachers had concocted in their psychopathic brains. Sometime after leaving school at the age of 15 I calculated that I had been hit something like 5000 times with a hand, belt or cane, ie several times a day, alongside of sarcastic and cutting putdowns, including about the pedigree of ones parents. I still find it impossible to concentrate or learn anything new without feeling the stress that had accompanied learning when at school. ie what I am trying to say is that the ONLY means of communication we were bought up with was violent communication. The girl arriving late to school in this cartoon would have had been sent to the headmistresses office and had a slap across the face. I even remember one teacher had a thing about pulling boys pants down and slapping their arses in from of the whole class.
Please pay Anna Akana's brother for their work. It's shitty not to
Thanks for you comment. There was a confusing - a miscommunication. Note that he’s been paid already.