The Hidden Rules of Conversation

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  • Опубліковано 21 лис 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 9 тис.

  • @TomScottGo
    @TomScottGo  4 роки тому +27579

    Please keep all vegan jokes in this thread. Or, preferably, inside your own head.

    • @spywalkz1
      @spywalkz1 4 роки тому +1608

      Hello Tom wait why is this posted a week ago?
      me: *visible confusion*

    • @jyedurnan4793
      @jyedurnan4793 4 роки тому +810

      Tom Scott 1 week ago message on a just uploaded video 🤔

    • @yousefnashwan3366
      @yousefnashwan3366 4 роки тому +425

      Oh my god, 1 week ago?

    • @brandonfitzgerald8705
      @brandonfitzgerald8705 4 роки тому +1327

      I refuse to accept the rights or independence of the vegan rebels.

    • @magnusnate
      @magnusnate 4 роки тому +1070

      meat

  • @Calimbandil87
    @Calimbandil87 4 роки тому +10613

    One of my favourites are:
    -Do you need any shaving cream.
    -No, I don't like how it tastes.
    -You eat shaving cream?
    -No, why would I do that if I don't like the taste?

    • @ullasjoseph4502
      @ullasjoseph4502 4 роки тому +374

      You must have tasted it though..at least once.

    • @Sophie_the_Sapphic
      @Sophie_the_Sapphic 4 роки тому +1027

      @@ullasjoseph4502 why would I do that, it doesn't taste good.

    • @user-he4ef9br7z
      @user-he4ef9br7z 4 роки тому +199

      How do you know you don't like the taste if you haven't tried it atleast once.

    • @Sophie_the_Sapphic
      @Sophie_the_Sapphic 4 роки тому +21

      @@user-he4ef9br7z *the

    • @harrietyes
      @harrietyes 4 роки тому +146

      @@user-he4ef9br7z assumptions, assumptions

  • @FreterP
    @FreterP 4 роки тому +7719

    All this, as with everything having to do with language, has to be learned. I remember calling someone and their kid answered the phone and I asked "Is your dad there?" And they just said "yes" and hung up.

    • @dig8634
      @dig8634 3 роки тому +1238

      They knew all that already, they just don't like you

    • @burntramennoodles1723
      @burntramennoodles1723 3 роки тому +220

      With a username like "Freter", I'd hang up too.

    • @pizzawonderer5024
      @pizzawonderer5024 3 роки тому +300

      I wanna be that kid's friend

    • @kzch9923
      @kzch9923 3 роки тому +531

      Power move

    • @BierBart12
      @BierBart12 3 роки тому +594

      I took so long to learn these rules.
      In an 8th grade boating course, I was just kinda looking out onto the sea.
      Strict instructor, with intent to tell me to do something: "Are you bored?"
      Me: "Nope"
      Instructor, surprised: "O- oh, okay"
      *I keep watching the sea*

  • @c0nceited822
    @c0nceited822 3 роки тому +7660

    My “not involved in human trafficking” shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by the shirt.

    • @antsinmyeyes
      @antsinmyeyes 3 роки тому +416

      nice try matt gaetz

    • @aidenbagshaw5573
      @aidenbagshaw5573 3 роки тому +106

      @@antsinmyeyes Best reply comment I've seen all year.

    • @KnakuanaRka
      @KnakuanaRka 3 роки тому +33

      Well, why would you wear a shirt like that unless there was some reason to think you were involved in human trafficking? >_>

    • @safeforwork8546
      @safeforwork8546 3 роки тому +435

      @@KnakuanaRka that is infact the joke thanks for noticing do not pass go do not collect 200$

    • @ollypebble
      @ollypebble 3 роки тому +2

      uh not quirky and cool? sex work is work

  • @johnchessant3012
    @johnchessant3012 2 роки тому +5395

    The 3 unwritten rules of conversation:
    1.
    2.
    3.

  • @TylerBird98
    @TylerBird98 4 роки тому +12153

    “ here’s your drink, I didn’t poison it”

    • @DavidBourne001
      @DavidBourne001 4 роки тому +237

      "We didn't burn him!"

    • @Brindlebrother
      @Brindlebrother 4 роки тому +578

      enjoy your next 24 hours.

    • @NimhLabs
      @NimhLabs 4 роки тому +229

      I'll bet you are wondering which drink I put the poison in. Am I the sort of person to poison the other person's drink--or am I the sort of person to poison my drink?

    • @barrypuccini6142
      @barrypuccini6142 4 роки тому +12

      @@DavidBourne001 Stay local

    • @indikulkarni7781
      @indikulkarni7781 4 роки тому +26

      @@Brindlebrother enjoy your last 24 hours

  • @ristopaasivirta9770
    @ristopaasivirta9770 4 роки тому +4382

    It is actually cheaper to add the asbestos to the cereals yourself.

    • @Everyyoueverymiau
      @Everyyoueverymiau 4 роки тому +4

      Risto Paasivirta 🤣

    • @xavi.cat.4095
      @xavi.cat.4095 4 роки тому +38

      I'll make sure to do that next time!

    • @andimeadwell5233
      @andimeadwell5233 4 роки тому +75

      @@DarkVitamins username checks out

    • @marschallblucher6197
      @marschallblucher6197 4 роки тому +1

      Yummy!

    • @Big.hossss
      @Big.hossss 4 роки тому +12

      @@DarkVitamins no joke, presumably just two seemingly unconnected words that sound like they have some second meaning when put together.

  • @Eri.262
    @Eri.262 4 роки тому +20553

    Bruh so this is why I can say “have a good day” but “enjoy the next 24 hours” is suspicious

    • @mercentperrault
      @mercentperrault 4 роки тому +1082

      Try
      “I'm just gonna hurt you....... really....... really.......bad”
      instead of just
      “I'll teach you alright”.

    • @shortybb
      @shortybb 4 роки тому +49

      Yes

    • @Djorgal
      @Djorgal 4 роки тому +128

      @@mercentperrault By the way, shouldn't that be "badly"?

    • @playdoughmaster808
      @playdoughmaster808 4 роки тому +461

      Honestly the second sounds like your gonna kill someone

    • @Yetaxa
      @Yetaxa 4 роки тому +449

      I've always found any situation where '24 hours' is used instead of just 'a day' to be suspicious

  • @angrywizard3199
    @angrywizard3199 3 роки тому +491

    This reminds me of a writing tip, where instead of saying "a treeless plain" you say "a barren plain", because adding treeless makes people think of trees and then the absence of them

    • @hdr_diamondz
      @hdr_diamondz 2 роки тому +10

      this is clever

    • @user-zu1ix3yq2w
      @user-zu1ix3yq2w Рік тому +8

      Very nice. I always wondered about this.
      Here's a random tip: verbs.

    • @GeorgeDCowley
      @GeorgeDCowley Рік тому +4

      Stumps, in my case.

    • @electric_whelk1653
      @electric_whelk1653 Рік тому +33

      see I prefer treeless for that exact reason! I once read Ted Hughes describe the "strengthless neck" of a corpse and it's still one of the most harrowing things I've ever read

    • @_Sparky144
      @_Sparky144 2 дні тому

      ??? Can someone explain?

  • @TheSecondVersion
    @TheSecondVersion 4 роки тому +14441

    Student: "I need a recommendation letter"
    Professor: "There's a garage down the road"

    • @ИванСнежков-з9й
      @ИванСнежков-з9й 4 роки тому +638

      University burns out after a professor has been set on fire.

    • @danishmalik2185
      @danishmalik2185 4 роки тому +292

      If you think philosophically this might make alot more sense

    • @jobansand
      @jobansand 4 роки тому +746

      @@danishmalik2185 philosophically telling the student to get a job at the garage and quit philosophy?

    • @marklastenson1012
      @marklastenson1012 4 роки тому +282

      *asks gas station manager for a recommendation of their work at the cash register*

    • @danishmalik2185
      @danishmalik2185 4 роки тому +136

      @@jobansand Or you're so bad that a recommendation letter from garage is enough for you

  • @lasangthecat8090
    @lasangthecat8090 4 роки тому +7285

    *Goes to a crime scene for no reason*
    "Hey officer, i didn't kill him"

    • @ihsahnakerfeldt9280
      @ihsahnakerfeldt9280 3 роки тому +612

      Which is factually correct but because of these implied maxims is interpreted to mean something entirely different. Human communication is so complicated. It's fascinating.

    • @blueninja012
      @blueninja012 3 роки тому +415

      @@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 you sound like an alien and it's hilarious to me

    • @GTAandApplechannel
      @GTAandApplechannel 3 роки тому +150

      @@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 cops : seem a little bit sus to me

    • @ihsahnakerfeldt9280
      @ihsahnakerfeldt9280 3 роки тому +305

      @@blueninja012 I'm not an alien though. I promise. You have to believe me.

    • @blueninja012
      @blueninja012 3 роки тому +240

      @@ihsahnakerfeldt9280 hmm, that reply took 2 months, perhaps this is due to you being far from earth when you left it?

  • @apocalipseleaguepl9248
    @apocalipseleaguepl9248 3 роки тому +8682

    Near my home there is a car wash with a giant banner saying “Using this car wash is 100% legal”. It's been there even before the pandemic. I am so concerned every time I see it.

    • @impact0r
      @impact0r 3 роки тому +632

      Do legal operations concern you?

    • @CallenderMan
      @CallenderMan 3 роки тому +684

      What's wrong with a 100% legal car wash?

    • @denisnewborn4700
      @denisnewborn4700 3 роки тому +909

      "Not laundering money for my methlab"

    • @devforfun5618
      @devforfun5618 3 роки тому +221

      to be fair, ilegal car washing is a problem where i live, you cant legaly use drinking water for that, but most places don't care they probably just bribe the cops to avoid getting sued

    • @thatpersonsmusic
      @thatpersonsmusic 3 роки тому +286

      @@phillipternullo4720 you just need to poison the water before you wash the car

  • @johnalock1201
    @johnalock1201 3 роки тому +5162

    "I need some milk"
    "There's a shop down the street"
    "Does it sell milk?"
    "No."

    • @chaoticstarfish3401
      @chaoticstarfish3401 2 роки тому +29

      I actually do this a lot

    • @munjee2
      @munjee2 2 роки тому +134

      @@chaoticstarfish3401 have you considered the Japanese art of seppuku

    • @JudyBabajie
      @JudyBabajie 2 роки тому +40

      That's why dad never came back home 🥺💔

    • @namAehT
      @namAehT Рік тому +53

      It seems like when you break these rules there's a very good chance you come off as sounding super sarcastic.

    • @leftysheppey
      @leftysheppey Рік тому +11

      @@namAehT yes, it's great

  • @TheAmazingSpiderPunk
    @TheAmazingSpiderPunk 4 роки тому +2192

    This reminds me of seeing a giant building in Washington DC called "LEGAL SEAFOOD". I never have been more suspect of the legality of seafood than when I came across that restaurant.

    • @juliangaming9713
      @juliangaming9713 3 роки тому +32

      Oi I've been there, that was super odd

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 3 роки тому +35

      @@oomfie357 seems very "trustworthy"

    • @mejhdhhicbfshihids652
      @mejhdhhicbfshihids652 3 роки тому +164

      Would you say that they were handling salmon in suspicious circumstances

    • @jenm1
      @jenm1 3 роки тому +11

      They probably mean no sharks and stuff

    • @ajs41
      @ajs41 3 роки тому +6

      Im English but I saw one of those next to the tourist boat habour in Boston.

  • @plasmodesmatra
    @plasmodesmatra 4 роки тому +6804

    "I'm out of petrol"
    "That's good, it probably wasn't safe to be in it"

    • @user-he4ef9br7z
      @user-he4ef9br7z 4 роки тому +31

      Damn that took almost 5 seconds to hit me

    • @AkaiAzul
      @AkaiAzul 4 роки тому +57

      "I suspect we will be igniting the midnight petroleum."
      ~Commander Data when attempting to rehearse the phrase 'burning the midnight oil.'

    • @dontreadthispleaseibegyou
      @dontreadthispleaseibegyou 4 роки тому

      🤣🤣🤣🤣

    • @v2thyl153
      @v2thyl153 4 роки тому +11

      @@randomperson1934 Step 2. Wait for it to rain

    • @aqueercommunist
      @aqueercommunist 4 роки тому +1

      @UberKrassMann the climate crisis is already happening and ppl likely wont run out of petrol until after the 99% is dead

  • @psuedoscience6943
    @psuedoscience6943 4 роки тому +5627

    I’m never saying “I was being sarcastic” ever again. “I was flouting Grice’s Maxim of Truth”

    • @PerMortensen
      @PerMortensen 4 роки тому +875

      And in doing that you'd be flouting Grice's Maxim of Manner.

    • @thecinematicmind
      @thecinematicmind 4 роки тому +98

      Per Mortensen Best Response to a UA-cam Comment of The Day.

    • @JerichoTheCity
      @JerichoTheCity 4 роки тому +56

      Indubitably

    • @OrangeC7
      @OrangeC7 4 роки тому +40

      @@JerichoTheCity Inconceivable!

    • @ReyaadGafur
      @ReyaadGafur 4 роки тому +21

      How irrevocably obsurd.

  • @kamikazesenpai21
    @kamikazesenpai21 2 роки тому +2772

    As a person who is not a serial killer, I find this video interesting

  • @JayTohab
    @JayTohab 4 роки тому +13836

    I sense that breaking these guidelines is the simplest form of comedy.

    • @jonathanapple4828
      @jonathanapple4828 4 роки тому +588

      Ever seen Airplane?

    • @darthvader2994
      @darthvader2994 4 роки тому +381

      @@jonathanapple4828 is that the stop calling me Shirley film?

    • @jonathanapple4828
      @jonathanapple4828 4 роки тому +87

      Darth Vader ye

    • @darthvader2994
      @darthvader2994 4 роки тому +82

      @@jonathanapple4828 then i have seen a small portion of it, i think it has the same guy who did some shows my dad liked and i very much liked my dad's humour so i will definitely see if i can find it :)

    • @azlizzie
      @azlizzie 4 роки тому +302

      The funniest people do tend to be very witty and great at conversation. I’m so bad at all of it. I’m only funny on accident. 🙄

  • @realnoahsimpson
    @realnoahsimpson 3 роки тому +5714

    Tom Scott has an excellent grasp of English and his videos are regular

    • @light_david7
      @light_david7 3 роки тому +89

      No pun intended

    • @1dgram
      @1dgram 3 роки тому +132

      And so are his bowel movements?

    • @HarryParkin
      @HarryParkin 3 роки тому +271

      @@1dgram His bowel movements have an excellent grasp of English?

    • @1dgram
      @1dgram 3 роки тому +88

      @@HarryParkin That would be so 'do' his bowel movements. Your grasp of English so far seems not as excellent as Tom Scott's grasp of English.

    • @daphnereagle1910
      @daphnereagle1910 3 роки тому +5

      @@HarryParkin of course they do, didn't you know?

  • @eternal8song
    @eternal8song 4 роки тому +2187

    See this is why I get really suspicious when Windows assures me that the OS update has not moved my files. What did you do to my files, Windows?

    • @FoxDren
      @FoxDren 4 роки тому +289

      Oh many many things. They just haven't moved

    • @DragonWinter36
      @DragonWinter36 4 роки тому +311

      “All your files are exactly where you left them.”
      Goddammit, now I have to check.

    • @nonnymoose7005
      @nonnymoose7005 4 роки тому +61

      I think this is derived from a step in the update process known as "user profile migration," in which Windows actually _does_ move your files around (but by the end of it, they've returned to where you expect them!)

    • @DragonWinter36
      @DragonWinter36 4 роки тому +62

      @@nonnymoose7005 I guess this is why it says that your files are “exactly where you left them,” and not that they weren’t moved. Interesting!

    • @albertjackinson
      @albertjackinson 4 роки тому +37

      This is hilarious.
      On a related note, I always find it funny when an operating system tries its hand at natural, contextual conversation and falls flat on its face.

  • @Freeman4815
    @Freeman4815 3 роки тому +8218

    Employer: what is your main flaw
    Candidate: I correctly interpret the semantics of the questions, but I ignore their essence.
    Employer: could you give an example
    Candidate: I could

    • @Undesignedd
      @Undesignedd 2 роки тому +370

      But technically answer included the essence.

    • @issaach
      @issaach 2 роки тому +304

      I want to hear about you work experience.
      That's interesting

    • @ekathe85
      @ekathe85 2 роки тому +499

      Employer: What is your main flaw?
      Candidate: I always tell the truth.
      Employer: I don't think that's a flaw
      Candidate: I don't care what you think

    • @nicholassingleton6488
      @nicholassingleton6488 2 роки тому +83

      @@issaach "I figured you would, as that would be a wise way to gauge how I might work here"

    • @alfiemcfarland2932
      @alfiemcfarland2932 2 роки тому +6

      Can you keep a secret?

  • @emilys1418
    @emilys1418 3 роки тому +9326

    Every teacher who says “I don’t know, caaaan you use the bathroom?” is breaking these guidelines and needs to be educated

    • @mr.gilbert2790
      @mr.gilbert2790 3 роки тому +296

      Actually, they’re not. They are going by the guidelines as they imply that you either can’t, or are not being polite

    • @johnnyheli
      @johnnyheli 3 роки тому +1209

      I read "educated" as "executed" and still agreed

    • @spockskynet
      @spockskynet 3 роки тому +342

      @@mr.gilbert2790 At this point they are as it's no longer impolite to phrase it that way. At least in the US.

    • @eamonnwalker4512
      @eamonnwalker4512 3 роки тому +334

      @@spockskynet You can't make sweeping generalizations like that about the entirety of US culture. Americans all hate that.

    • @sydneyhammond8834
      @sydneyhammond8834 3 роки тому +379

      @@mr.gilbert2790 You neglect the secondary superlative form of can that implies request for permission. Emily is correct.

  • @ministe2003
    @ministe2003 3 роки тому +957

    The Lawyers4U ad always gets my goat. "They're real lawyers" it begins. Which of course immediately makes me think, they're not real lawyers.

    • @JonathanMandrake
      @JonathanMandrake 3 роки тому +15

      Better Call Saul!

    • @dionysus7653
      @dionysus7653 3 роки тому +37

      The term "lawyer" is a very vague one in the United Kingdom.
      The terms "solicitor" and "barrister" are protected terms and it is unlawful to claim to be one when you're not. A lawyer is just someone who practises law. It's very vague.
      You can quite easily call yourself a lawyer if you offer people legal advice or represent people in tribunals or minor courts, and you don't need any law qualifications.

    • @hmngghh
      @hmngghh 3 роки тому +2

      @@JonathanMandrake hes an expert at hiding money made through questionable cooking practices,not the regular kind of cooking

    • @justayoutuber1906
      @justayoutuber1906 2 роки тому +5

      In the US you can be a "lawyer" without having passed the Bar exam, but not an attorney.

    • @giftofthewild6665
      @giftofthewild6665 Рік тому

      Hahaha

  • @EdenNov
    @EdenNov 4 роки тому +5180

    My favorite: "I didn't kill anyone today!"

  • @markphan179
    @markphan179 2 роки тому +1035

    Morbius is truly one of the movies of all time. The script was written, the actors acted and the graphics was animated.

  • @4it4k
    @4it4k 3 роки тому +8161

    Server: Would you like something to drink?
    Customer: What are my options?
    Server: Yes and no.

    • @neillunavat
      @neillunavat 3 роки тому +90

      Yes *or* no?

    • @rorymckinlay2496
      @rorymckinlay2496 3 роки тому +177

      @@neillunavat either yes to drinks or no to drinks not the list of drinks

    • @bfc9467
      @bfc9467 3 роки тому +308

      @@neillunavat yes AND no are both options, meaning the customer should answer yes OR no. Using AND was correct.

    • @louisvictor3473
      @louisvictor3473 3 роки тому +49

      @@darkforge15 I believe the serve is a sassy computer just waiting for the signal to join the robot revolution and overthrow humanity.

    • @harryhirsch3637
      @harryhirsch3637 3 роки тому +14

      @@louisvictor3473 Wait! Skynet now serves drinks?

  • @potatoonastick2239
    @potatoonastick2239 4 роки тому +26181

    Me: "I'll have a big mac without strawberries please."
    McDonald's employee: "...strawberries?"
    Me: "No thanks."

    • @TotalNigelFargothDeath
      @TotalNigelFargothDeath 4 роки тому +1509

      H Y D R A T E D W A T E R

    • @jorgepeterbarton
      @jorgepeterbarton 4 роки тому +727

      Me;
      I would like to use the toilet and buy a big mac without the big mac please.

    • @eoghan.5003
      @eoghan.5003 4 роки тому +1182

      "I'll have a big mac free of charge"
      "...free?"
      "Oh, that's great thanks!"

    • @LeahLuciB
      @LeahLuciB 4 роки тому +178

      And I'll have a 6.99 tip.

    • @zsin128
      @zsin128 4 роки тому +57

      Potato on a stick I would eat that

  • @morganeclipse9038
    @morganeclipse9038 4 роки тому +3422

    Police officer: Walking by.
    Me: "I've done nothing wrong."
    Officer: ...
    Me: Runs.
    How to get arrested for not commiting a crime and telling the truth about that.

    • @zachattack1279
      @zachattack1279 4 роки тому +298

      I think your problem is that you’re black

    • @ananttiwari1337
      @ananttiwari1337 4 роки тому +44

      @@zachattack1279 I don't think black people are beat up that much by police? Why are you trying to ruin their reputation? Sure some do, but most don't, and THATS what matters.

    • @RVNmax
      @RVNmax 3 роки тому +105

      @@ananttiwari1337 'their'? Which party are you referring to haha. Im trying to work it out

    • @robertsmith-williams5255
      @robertsmith-williams5255 3 роки тому +76

      @@RVNmax I have a feeling that anant's comment is legit irony, it's hard to find good examples, this could be one

    • @DespOIcito
      @DespOIcito 3 роки тому +76

      Did you conveniently miss all of the black people who were killed when the BLM protests were happening more last year?

  • @ShiftyMalcontent
    @ShiftyMalcontent 3 роки тому +235

    i was not expecting to randomly stumble on a video that perfectly explains why I despise modern marketing so concisely: it intentionally breaks what we consider to be basic rules of communication in an effort to manipulate people

    • @btf_flotsam478
      @btf_flotsam478 Рік тому +8

      Politicians also do this all the time, but in a slightly subtler way.

  • @ThatPyukumuku
    @ThatPyukumuku 3 роки тому +5068

    "How many people are there on Earth?"
    "At least 7"

    • @tatertatertatertatertater
      @tatertatertatertatertater 3 роки тому +156

      Probably somewhere between 7 and 9.058329*10^58

    • @zekrua4006
      @zekrua4006 3 роки тому +97

      @@tatertatertatertatertater are you sure? because it's leaning one way or the other and some guy on xbox live mentioned my mother

    • @segmentsAndCurves
      @segmentsAndCurves 3 роки тому +9

      @@tatertatertatertatertater Between 7 and 2^2^2^2^2.

    • @tatertatertatertatertater
      @tatertatertatertatertater 3 роки тому +5

      @@zekrua4006 Well it could technically be 6 but it's a 1 in 5673 percent chance

    • @-Len.
      @-Len. 3 роки тому +7

      I mean, your not wrong

  • @gracesteed6574
    @gracesteed6574 4 роки тому +3039

    this reminds me of adding “no pun intended” at the end of any random sentence

    • @TwistTornado9
      @TwistTornado9 4 роки тому +198

      No pun intended

    • @Equa11ysurl
      @Equa11ysurl 4 роки тому +157

      This is a funny comment no pun intended

    • @bukachell
      @bukachell 3 роки тому +129

      Genius, then somebody will think there's a pun! No pun intended

    • @whenwhen2284
      @whenwhen2284 3 роки тому +71

      I hope all the replies will have "No pun intended" at the end of them. Also, no pun intended

    • @Equa11ysurl
      @Equa11ysurl 3 роки тому +52

      @@whenwhen2284 I agree. No pun intended!

  • @elizabethh8579
    @elizabethh8579 4 роки тому +1931

    I had a container of snack peanuts that was labeled "May contain peanuts".

    • @GrogyGames
      @GrogyGames 4 роки тому +207

      Hmm yes the peanuts here are made out of peanut

    • @x_cross9248
      @x_cross9248 4 роки тому +96

      i mean, it may or may not be
      *m a y b e*
      possibly
      be made of what seems to be peanuts

    • @thatgaming1940
      @thatgaming1940 4 роки тому +12

      @@GrogyGames No, peanuts are made from the ground.

    • @KingAndrew07
      @KingAndrew07 4 роки тому +58

      That sounds more like rhe company just doesn't wanna get sued by some Karen who gave their kid with a peanut allergy some peanuts.

    • @theantimatter
      @theantimatter 4 роки тому +18

      @derek ashmead so is it illegal if you write something more meaningful in the context, like "not to be consumed by people with peanut allergies"?

  • @52flyingbicycles
    @52flyingbicycles 2 роки тому +372

    Reminds me of the legal idea of “the exception implies the rule”
    No parking 10am-4pm Monday through Friday implies parking is allowed before 10 or after 4 on weekdays, or any time on weekends

    • @KirstyWales
      @KirstyWales 2 роки тому +122

      there are two kinds of people
      1. Those who can extrapolate from an incomplete data source.

    • @circuit10
      @circuit10 2 роки тому +14

      Like the "No crime" sign

    • @dinodiego6channel459
      @dinodiego6channel459 2 роки тому +1

      @@KirstyWales 2.

    • @eTiMaGo
      @eTiMaGo 2 роки тому +60

      There's a sign at our condo that says "no smoking in lobby, corridor, or car park". So I always think "so it's all right in the elevator?"

    • @willowdoesmusic1484
      @willowdoesmusic1484 Рік тому

      ​@@KirstyWalesGENIUS

  • @MrAwawe
    @MrAwawe 4 роки тому +1370

    Petrol still being advertised as "unleaded", some 40 years after the prohibition of adding lead to fuel, seems like a textbook example of flouting the maxims.

    • @IOffspringI
      @IOffspringI 4 роки тому +61

      Aircrafts still uses leaded gasoline. It's called Avgas.

    • @Lee-bv7tj
      @Lee-bv7tj 4 роки тому +11

      Old cars?

    • @davidweihe6052
      @davidweihe6052 4 роки тому +65

      Unleaded usually means the lowest octane grade, nowadays. No one labels Premium as "Unleaded" anymore, just "Premium" or "Ultra".

    • @Leenapanther
      @Leenapanther 4 роки тому +89

      🤯My mother tongue isn't English, until this moment I thought unleaded meant that the driver can refuel themselves instead of someone who works for the gas station (someone who takes the lead in filling your car).

    • @happygimp0
      @happygimp0 4 роки тому +23

      Vegan, organic, GMO-free, without calories and artificial sweeteners Water - You can sell1L for 2$.

  • @juntam0m0
    @juntam0m0 4 роки тому +849

    " Sixty percent of the time, it works everytime"

    • @nonsensicalhumanoid
      @nonsensicalhumanoid 4 роки тому +11

      I am ahead of you, I can already figure out what that means.

    • @weeb69
      @weeb69 4 роки тому +10

      @@nonsensicalhumanoid it means that at least 60% of the time, it works everytime

    • @Nugcon
      @Nugcon 4 роки тому +10

      atleast 60% of stair accidents happen at stairs

    • @weeb69
      @weeb69 4 роки тому +13

      @@Nugcon every 60 seconds in Africa a minute passes

    • @pungoblin9377
      @pungoblin9377 4 роки тому +1

      “It is a garunteed probability!”

  • @lisee123
    @lisee123 3 роки тому +1523

    So I learned about this is semantics class, back in the day, but it just now occurs to me that this could be a very helpful guide for neurodivergant people who struggle with conversation skills.

    • @bunhead8158
      @bunhead8158 3 роки тому +57

      ABSOLUTELY!!!

    • @kavaop2121
      @kavaop2121 2 роки тому +14

      am i neurodivergant?

    • @HiyaJemma
      @HiyaJemma 2 роки тому +69

      50/50, sometimes it just looks like mockery, other times it’s genuinely helpful distinguishing it

    • @ijemand5672
      @ijemand5672 2 роки тому +6

      what did you just call me

    • @Juleesuz
      @Juleesuz 2 роки тому +6

      You know, you are on to something there. 😏

  • @nunyabidness117
    @nunyabidness117 3 роки тому +2466

    -I'm seeing stars.
    -Did you see a doctor?
    -No, just stars.

    • @andrewstephens5885
      @andrewstephens5885 3 роки тому +6

      i think depending on how you say that reply it can be kind of funny for the other person

    • @Sleepy_Joe
      @Sleepy_Joe 3 роки тому +3

      You're getting a like, sir.

    • @Moroklumpen
      @Moroklumpen 8 днів тому

      "I'm seeing an actress as well as a pop singer."
      "Aren't you worried about them finding out about each other?"
      "Oh, they know. In fact, they're standing over there, having a conversation."
      "But do they know you're dating them?"
      "Who said anything about dating?"

  • @DanielPereira-ey9nt
    @DanielPereira-ey9nt 3 роки тому +4436

    "this drawing looks great !"
    "I know right ?, and i did with my left hand"
    "But, you're left handed"
    "Yes"

    • @SuperMohamedadil
      @SuperMohamedadil 3 роки тому +222

      "That's why I used that hand, duh"

    • @dariannnnnn
      @dariannnnnn 3 роки тому +20

      @Repent to Jesus Christ Repent to Jesus Christ repent to deez nuts

    • @Yuorai
      @Yuorai 3 роки тому +11

      @Repent to Jesus Christ Repent to Jesus Christ Read deez nuts

    • @Mexikirb
      @Mexikirb 3 роки тому +11

      @Repent to Jesus Christ Repent to Jesus Christ People like you make me sick, I believe in God, but that doesn't mean if someone doesn't, I scream at them that THEIR beliefs are WRONG and that they are going to hell. People can believe whatever they want in my opinion, as long as no one gets hurt.

    • @jyosh5909
      @jyosh5909 3 роки тому +2

      help comes from deez nuts

  • @JonathanRiverafrickinnice555
    @JonathanRiverafrickinnice555 4 роки тому +3997

    "Coffee or tea?"
    "Coffee"
    "Wrong, it's tea."

    • @Corwin256
      @Corwin256 3 роки тому +140

      The Spiffing Brit has entered the chat.

    • @gswcooper7162
      @gswcooper7162 3 роки тому +80

      There was one little exchange in the Doctor Who serial Shada that I absolutely loved. The absent-minded Professor Chronitis has offered Parsons a cup of tea. Then...
      CHRONOTIS: Milk?
      PARSONS: Oh, yes please.
      CHRONOTIS [OC]: One lump or two?
      PARSONS: Two please.
      CHRONOTIS [OC]: Sugar?

    • @cathipalmer8217
      @cathipalmer8217 3 роки тому +2

      @@gswcooper7162 Chronotis as in Douglas Adams, I take it?

    • @sparrow4852
      @sparrow4852 3 роки тому +1

      No it’s avocado

    • @markchapman6800
      @markchapman6800 3 роки тому +26

      @@gswcooper7162 Or from the Goon Show:
      "One or two spoons, Ned?"
      "Two please!"
      * clank * "I'm.." * clank * "sorry we haven't any sugar."

  • @chriss2122
    @chriss2122 3 роки тому +559

    I like to say "speaking of (something we weren't speaking of)" and then go on to talk about something totally unrelated to all preceeding conversations. For example, following a conversation about the weather, I'll say "speaking of sandwiches, have you seen how much fuel prices have gone up by".
    The confusion on people's faces is absolutely priceless.

    • @hdr_diamondz
      @hdr_diamondz 2 роки тому +18

      gotta try this

    • @dougshiner9180
      @dougshiner9180 2 роки тому +24

      It used to be really funny, but people don't seem to have the same sense of humour, or grasp of English, that they used to. And that includes people of my generation, almost like they have forgotten what they used to find amusing.

    • @Corksy
      @Corksy 2 роки тому +32

      As my mind wanders faster than the conversation goes, I usually say "speaking of....pause for effect.... absolutely nothing we were talking about" then proceed with my topic. I usually get away with it. It even became a sort of inside joke with close ones.

    • @joshuah4952
      @joshuah4952 Рік тому +5

      Some people just want to watch the world burn.

    • @Despacitoian
      @Despacitoian Рік тому +13

      @@dougshiner9180 “am I unfunny?.. no, it must be the kids who are wrong!”

  • @HaelyO
    @HaelyO 4 роки тому +653

    When I learned this in university it took my professor about an hour to explain this concept, it was boring and therefore hard to remember anything.
    And here you are, explaining it within 5 minutes and breaking it down in a fun and interesting way. I should send this to my prof ... he's got a few things to learn from you.

    • @sheilakijawani2526
      @sheilakijawani2526 4 роки тому +1

      In which course have you studied it?

    • @themostop6142
      @themostop6142 4 роки тому +3

      You should also send a screenshot of this comment

    • @liquidgeorge
      @liquidgeorge 4 роки тому

      But your University lecturer would be able to go into more depth than a 5 minute video.

    • @WoFDarkNewton
      @WoFDarkNewton 4 роки тому +5

      If you had to teach a course with 4 hours of material over the course of an entire semester, you would do the same. The professor is the symptom, the system is the problem.

    • @columbus8myhw
      @columbus8myhw 4 роки тому +2

      I suppose the professor didn't avoid unnecessary prolixity

  • @tivadarbanfalvi-kovacs7913
    @tivadarbanfalvi-kovacs7913 4 роки тому +2274

    “I won’t tell you how much they spent on the wedding, but 40 000 $ is a lot of money.”

    • @sy-py
      @sy-py 4 роки тому +149

      "So they decided to spend 20k instead?"

    • @miguelgp8607
      @miguelgp8607 4 роки тому +26

      5k is enough for a regular wedding id guess

    • @arande3
      @arande3 4 роки тому +4

      That must burn their eyes with all that wow

    • @Bobromil
      @Bobromil 4 роки тому +18

      Friends is a great show

    • @dannywhite648
      @dannywhite648 4 роки тому +7

      who has 40 000 one Dollar notes

  • @0bread286
    @0bread286 4 роки тому +5250

    "The sun is 93 million miles away! That's over 4 football fields!"

    • @thatgaming1940
      @thatgaming1940 4 роки тому +297

      i mean you ARE correct

    • @bukachell
      @bukachell 3 роки тому +44

      @Heather Petersen You can also say "It's/There's at least 1" in the same scenario, no pun intended

    • @stinksorstonks1498
      @stinksorstonks1498 3 роки тому +40

      I always say that. If anyone asks me a question where the answer is a number I say "at least 2"

    • @NGC1433
      @NGC1433 3 роки тому +32

      And even longer than three toyota corollas stacked!

    • @CaTastrophy427
      @CaTastrophy427 3 роки тому +77

      "You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 70 years, made this salad?"

  • @NowhereGames518
    @NowhereGames518 3 роки тому +631

    Me at a restaurant:
    "Greetings server! I'm glad you're still alive today! You do not appear to have cancer yet. I would like to order a burger. Edible bread and no bones of course. Liquified water in a container and please ensure that the consumables are not poisonous. I will be paying in legal currency this time. Oh, and do not be alarmed. Most of the time, I am not a threat to the public. I have left all my knives in the car. There will be no need to contact the authorities for now. Thank you!"

    • @hdr_diamondz
      @hdr_diamondz 2 роки тому +56

      This is why there's a shortage on waiters and waitresses
      I have broken a maxim by straight up lying

    • @imacds
      @imacds 2 роки тому +75

      Note in this example, there can be exactly zero knives in both the car and on the person. "I have left all my knives in the car" can be a vacuous true statement. The flouting of grime's maxims is commonly used to create confusion in logic puzzles.

    • @vipxpert
      @vipxpert 2 роки тому +31

      All my knives are on the car. Those I'm holding are from others

    • @elequira5467
      @elequira5467 2 роки тому +6

      @@hdr_diamondz how did you lie? There is an actual shortage of waiters/waitresses

    • @tylere.8436
      @tylere.8436 2 роки тому +1

      Damn, your verbosity

  • @s.monica1682
    @s.monica1682 4 роки тому +1081

    This is the most hilarious comment section I've ever seen.
    I came back to this video once more just to read the comments.

    • @Exayevie
      @Exayevie 3 роки тому +23

      The comments section is filling my need for this video to be twice as along as it is

    • @Vitorruy1
      @Vitorruy1 3 роки тому +12

      Dad joke factory

    • @OrigamiMarie
      @OrigamiMarie 3 роки тому +7

      It's a party in here, I like it :)

    • @JaharNarishma
      @JaharNarishma 3 роки тому +3

      I didn't poison my friends drink yesterday.

    • @YodaWhat
      @YodaWhat 3 роки тому

      It is barely punny, too!

  • @kitchensinkchronicles3272
    @kitchensinkchronicles3272 4 роки тому +7569

    during this all i could think of was
    “hi, my name is micheal with a b, and i’ve been afraid of insects my whole life”
    “stop stop stop, where?”
    “where what?”
    “where’s the b?”
    *”t h e r e ‘ s a b e e ?”*

    • @Cobalt985
      @Cobalt985 4 роки тому +460

      Oh my god this is actually a great example

    • @asticlol
      @asticlol 4 роки тому +185

      This hurts my brain

    • @adammichna5175
      @adammichna5175 4 роки тому +81

      Oh, you made my day!

    • @disklamer
      @disklamer 4 роки тому +352

      Bichael - Bike, for short.

    • @Halo_Legend
      @Halo_Legend 4 роки тому +24

      micheal...?

  • @RealLuckless
    @RealLuckless 4 роки тому +4205

    "I'm out of petrol"
    "There's a garage down the road"
    "Excellent, I'll go refill my flamethrower and carry on the chaos from there..."

    • @hop-skip-ouch8798
      @hop-skip-ouch8798 4 роки тому +143

      "But, that thing......"

    • @deadgiveaway-z3i
      @deadgiveaway-z3i 4 роки тому +150

      @@hop-skip-ouch8798 ''It scares me...''

    • @danielf3623
      @danielf3623 4 роки тому +235

      Yes, unexpected methods of flouting Grice's Maxims are the basis of most jokes.

    • @expfcwintergreenv2.02
      @expfcwintergreenv2.02 4 роки тому +65

      Daniel F I’m never going to laugh again, thanks for that

    • @1Kapuchu100
      @1Kapuchu100 4 роки тому +10

      "HMMHPPHHH!"

  • @victordatsiuk
    @victordatsiuk 3 роки тому +965

    "Я снова хочу в Париж"
    "А что, ты уже был?"
    "Нет, уже хотел"

    • @captainclawlie239
      @captainclawlie239 3 роки тому +354

      I am amazed that google translate managed to preserve this joke effectively when translating it into English

    • @edwardklemp2266
      @edwardklemp2266 3 роки тому +8

      @@captainclawlie239 what was the joke?

    • @gametmane1093
      @gametmane1093 3 роки тому +163

      @@edwardklemp2266 “I want to go to Paris again”
      “What, have you already been?”
      “No, I already wanted to”

    • @drakez341
      @drakez341 3 роки тому +90

      @@captainclawlie239 yup, that's kinda rare with most jokes since they are language exclusive or simply sound dumb in English or whatever language you are translating them to

    • @gepbalta
      @gepbalta 3 роки тому +49

      Here in Hungary it goes like:
      "I want to f..ck [Insert any good looking supermodel here] again...
      And the rest is the same.

  • @KL-le8ge
    @KL-le8ge 4 роки тому +3452

    "Would you like to participate in my survey?"
    "No"
    "Thank you for taking part in my survey!"
    am I doing this right

  • @lonestar2078
    @lonestar2078 4 роки тому +4899

    from That 70s Show:
    Frank: I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hotdogs to teenagers
    Kelso: ...you have both your legs, Frank
    Frank: like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam

  • @infinitiv525
    @infinitiv525 4 роки тому +4864

    -Hello, my name is Kevin without "M".
    -But there is no "M" in Kevin.
    -That's what I said.

  • @aussiewanderer6304
    @aussiewanderer6304 3 роки тому +73

    My favourite letter of recommendation is:
    "You'll be lucky to have this person work for you."

    • @Sasparilla_
      @Sasparilla_ 2 роки тому +2

      its like a contronym but a sentence

  • @rancidmarshmallow4468
    @rancidmarshmallow4468 4 роки тому +345

    I love seeing little throwaway jokes like 'grice krispies' and imagining the animator sitting there chuckling to themselves the whole way through drawing it...

  • @DavidWillanski
    @DavidWillanski 3 роки тому +1528

    "Do you have any spare change?"
    "Yes I do, thanks for asking"

    • @tatertatertatertatertater
      @tatertatertatertatertater 3 роки тому +38

      "Can I have some, please"
      "Yes" *runs away*

    • @jorgepeterbarton
      @jorgepeterbarton 3 роки тому +1

      Proceed to suddenly lose weight at a rapid pace.
      (Send answers to the crosword to...)

    • @louiserocks1
      @louiserocks1 3 роки тому +65

      "give me your money"
      "sorry mate, I need it"
      "I have a knife"
      "nah that's ok I don't need a knife, bye"

    • @Mynamenotyours
      @Mynamenotyours 3 роки тому +24

      “Could I have some?”
      “You could if I gave it to you”

  • @Tinky1rs
    @Tinky1rs 4 роки тому +749

    "Dermatologically tested"
    Awesome, but what was the result?

    • @Tjalve70
      @Tjalve70 4 роки тому +136

      Within legal limits.

    • @MorgenPeschke
      @MorgenPeschke 4 роки тому +32

      Close enough we think it'll pass unnoticed?

    • @woroGaming
      @woroGaming 4 роки тому +25

      Who needs a result? That's science stuff. The test was for marketing, the results have been used to create toilet paper.

    • @stylis666
      @stylis666 4 роки тому +51

      I'll do you one better: Backed by science.
      **sells radioactive snake oil nasal drops as a supplement to help treat cancer**
      What? Radiation has been proven scientifically to exist and placebos have been scientifically proven to help treat all kinds of things - backed by science, twice.

    • @ceruchi2084
      @ceruchi2084 4 роки тому +6

      @@stylis666 But Setekh, the snake oil is made of matter and there are physicists who spend their whole lives studying that!

  • @harukaimai8086
    @harukaimai8086 3 роки тому +358

    I had a big AHA moment watching this, because I’ve always wondered why I was never good at conversations and it turns out, all these implied meanings and implications of things I say have a completely different meaning than how I intended them. I usually over explain things because I’m worried people won’t understand the implied meaning, since it’s happened a lot before, and so I usually end up talking for a long time like I’m doing now and then get cut off and talked over because people don’t want to hear me ramble, since over explaining is what I need to understand other people in conversation. Case in point? Haha

    • @reeveharper6061
      @reeveharper6061 Рік тому +34

      Are you neurodivergent?

    • @toslaw9615
      @toslaw9615 Рік тому +3

      I get ya, sometimes I do the same.

    • @donlitt
      @donlitt Рік тому +1

      I’m the exact same way!!

    • @donlitt
      @donlitt Рік тому +7

      I take people too literally so I assume other people do the same and I end up over explaining and my stories get interrupted by others 😂

    • @M.Datura
      @M.Datura Рік тому +8

      I can understand that. I switch between over explaining or assuming that the person I'm talking to understands how to connect what I'm saying together by remembering things I've said before, often many times. Usually there's simply not enough time in a conversation, no matter the length to properly follow these rules and explain something complex to someone who forgets or does not understand or connect it with things said before.

  • @zachfruin7684
    @zachfruin7684 3 роки тому +3549

    Every now and again when somebody says they are going to the bathroom, ill tell them "good luck!" Or "be careful!" Just to see their reactions

    • @matthewhomman8656
      @matthewhomman8656 3 роки тому +508

      I had a teacher who would ask, “How was it?”

    • @killbotter6998
      @killbotter6998 3 роки тому +185

      Im going with good luck and have fun.

    • @angellynn7104
      @angellynn7104 3 роки тому +252

      I always say good luck or have fun. my friends have gotten desensitized to it. I hope I dont say it to someone new I meet, because that will be awkward

    • @Lunamana
      @Lunamana 3 роки тому +98

      @@angellynn7104 I tell most people to have fun whenever they're leaving the conversation to go do something, it's just too funny for me to ever stop saying it :P

    • @AFN2750
      @AFN2750 3 роки тому +82

      For years every single time Someone has said that, I always respond with either “have fun, don’t fall in” or “have fun, don’t die”

  • @Macusercom
    @Macusercom 4 роки тому +1613

    I love those ad phrases like:
    "50 percent more efficient."
    MORE EFFICIENT THAN WHAT? My Toaster!?

    • @bbgun061
      @bbgun061 4 роки тому +148

      Up to 90% off!

    • @deadchannel1745
      @deadchannel1745 4 роки тому +217

      @@bbgun061 Especially the "up to" part

    • @NetheriteMiner
      @NetheriteMiner 4 роки тому +26

      @Egon Freeman tldr ads are almost all lies, but you probably knew that.

    • @QuickNETTech
      @QuickNETTech 4 роки тому +1

      @@ragnkja **heavy breathing**

    • @Macusercom
      @Macusercom 4 роки тому +13

      @Egon Freeman You don't even think about the reference. You just subconsciously pick the reference. It's really weird thinking about it.

  • @FENomadtrooper
    @FENomadtrooper 4 роки тому +1248

    Humor seems to break these maxims:
    "Boneless pizza" breaks quantity.
    Sarcasm breaks quality.
    Wordplay tends to break manner.

    • @Tustin2121
      @Tustin2121 4 роки тому +176

      Innuendo plays with relation.

    • @itchykami
      @itchykami 4 роки тому +92

      It certainly flouts them.

    • @agilemind6241
      @agilemind6241 4 роки тому +136

      Yup, because that kind of humour is the surprise or violating expectations type of humour. Because of these maxims you expect one thing, but instead they say something else.

    • @yoyogre
      @yoyogre 4 роки тому +16

      And the last one : Bait and switch breaks relation

    • @Leo0718
      @Leo0718 4 роки тому +29

      We laugh when things go wrong, not when things go as expected. By definition humor is a natural reaction of our brain to discovering error.

  • @ReachForTheSky
    @ReachForTheSky 2 роки тому +120

    I remember speaking with one of my lecturers about university letters of recommendation. In the UK, at least, you are discouraged from explicitly criticising the student. If a student had poor attendance, the lecturer would write something like "When John does attend, his contributions to the seminar are very good"

  • @E3kHatena
    @E3kHatena 3 роки тому +2468

    Saw “Non-GMO Sea Salt” at a Whole Foods once and I have never been the same since.

    • @trent6319
      @trent6319 3 роки тому +134

      you could harvest salt from genetically modified organisms. We all have salt in us.

    • @VoidKing666
      @VoidKing666 3 роки тому +198

      @@trent6319 the question is, could it be sea salt then?

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 3 роки тому +235

      @@VoidKing666 if you harvest it from bodies found in the ocean

    • @VoidKing666
      @VoidKing666 3 роки тому +104

      @@oz_jones gmo corpses?

    • @xhantTheFirst
      @xhantTheFirst 3 роки тому +139

      @@trent6319 Genetically modified League of legends player (in the ocean)

  • @martijnvanweele6204
    @martijnvanweele6204 4 роки тому +1031

    Q: "Is there a word to describe answers that are _completely correct_ but _entirely useless_ under the circumstances?"
    A: "Yes, yes there is."

    • @mirandnyan
      @mirandnyan 4 роки тому +23

      omg i love your comment generally but on the other hand: what is it? (assuming the answer is correct)

    • @mercentperrault
      @mercentperrault 4 роки тому +4

      You mean answers that are entirely irrelevent to their respective questions?

    • @martijnvanweele6204
      @martijnvanweele6204 4 роки тому +43

      @@mirandnyan TV-tropes refers to that as a "mathematician's answer". My comment is actually a quote from _Irregular Webcomic_ (comic No. 1785) and is used as the page quote on TV-tropes.

    • @martijnvanweele6204
      @martijnvanweele6204 4 роки тому +51

      @@mercentperrault No, because technically it is an answer to the question as worded.
      Compare for instance:
      Q: "Would you like coffee or tea?"
      A: "Yes."
      The answer here is not irrelevant to the question. Q literally asked wether A would like either coffee or tea, and A answered that, yes, they would like one of those two, as opposed to, for instance, lemonade. It was only implied that Q wanted to know _which_ of the two A would like.

    • @piotrrywczak
      @piotrrywczak 4 роки тому +9

      vain-_"I technically answered your question"_-answer

  • @pummisher1186
    @pummisher1186 4 роки тому +3960

    I used to think it would be funny to put "Now lead free!" stickers on random things in supermarkets.

    • @bennemann
      @bennemann 4 роки тому +234

      The "Now" means the product had lead before, so just "lead free!" stickers would make more sense.

    • @pummisher1186
      @pummisher1186 4 роки тому +749

      @@bennemann THAT'S THE JOKE. It implies it previously had lead. It's precisely the joke I wanted to make.

    • @davidweihe6052
      @davidweihe6052 4 роки тому +293

      I had a co-worker who put comments in his code like, "Now, with the great taste of fish!"

    • @DustyyBoi
      @DustyyBoi 4 роки тому +57

      @@bennemann that's the joke..............

    • @Asiliea
      @Asiliea 4 роки тому +155

      @@davidweihe6052 As a fellow programmer, who's seen a few "here be dragons" comments, I would piss myself laughing for a solid 10minutes if I saw "Now with the great taste of fish!" in there

  • @playmotherthankmelater
    @playmotherthankmelater 3 роки тому +86

    Someone once stopped in their car as I was out walking, and simply said the word, "Stones" to me. They said it in such a way as to make it into a question..."Stones?" They broke every rule in this video. It took quite a while and a few "pardons" and "erms" from me for me to realise that they were asking for directions to the local gardening centre that sells bags of decorative stones for one's garden.

    • @AgentToe
      @AgentToe Рік тому +29

      They just speaking the fresh new language of 'mono'! One word conversations are the future!

    • @victorramalhobustamante3565
      @victorramalhobustamante3565 Рік тому +14

      Your answer should've been: "NO! BEATLES"

  • @ToxicWyvern1
    @ToxicWyvern1 4 роки тому +2740

    Grice: "Cooperate, Be Honest, Be Relevant, Be Clear"
    Politicians: *shifty eyes*

    • @FairyRat
      @FairyRat 4 роки тому +94

      Also corporate-speak.

    • @jjperceval
      @jjperceval 4 роки тому +13

      Scott Morrison has left the chat

    • @stirfryjedi
      @stirfryjedi 4 роки тому +13

      The reason why here in DC we *always* prefix "true" onto "fact", thus assuring *true facts*

    • @mynewaccount2361
      @mynewaccount2361 4 роки тому

      Jay Foreman did a great video explaining this.

    • @fins59
      @fins59 4 роки тому +3

      Couldn't lie straight in bed.

  • @Windy2468
    @Windy2468 3 роки тому +659

    "That road is safe" > 👍
    "You'll make it through alive" > 🤔

    • @blueboytube
      @blueboytube 3 роки тому +20

      Enjoy the next 24 hours!

    • @killbotter6998
      @killbotter6998 3 роки тому +13

      @@blueboytube I wont kill you

    • @Equa11ysurl
      @Equa11ysurl 3 роки тому +3

      @@killbotter6998 Everything is normal.

  • @abc6568
    @abc6568 4 роки тому +4871

    I read the title as “The Hidden Rules of Conversation”.

    • @melodycervantes4167
      @melodycervantes4167 4 роки тому +906

      Isn't that the title? Am I missing something?
      Is this a joke about stating information that's already implied?

    • @JJAB91
      @JJAB91 4 роки тому +302

      @@melodycervantes4167 woooosh

    • @plasticshorts6972
      @plasticshorts6972 4 роки тому +399

      @@melodycervantes4167 I pick up on your flouting

    • @pedroscoponi4905
      @pedroscoponi4905 4 роки тому +716

      ...oh, you clever bastard. Thanks for the laugh!

    • @moop7663
      @moop7663 4 роки тому +10

      Bruhg

  • @justtryingtomakeachange2246
    @justtryingtomakeachange2246 3 роки тому +251

    Missed opportunity to title this “ The Unspoken Rules of Speaking”

    • @kotresh
      @kotresh 3 роки тому +2

      Underrated!

    • @vaiyt
      @vaiyt Рік тому +4

      The rules of conversation we don't talk about

  • @DA-bm2mj
    @DA-bm2mj 4 роки тому +2006

    A: Excuse me, do you know what time it is?
    B: (looks at his watch) Yes. (walks away)

    • @chilanya
      @chilanya 4 роки тому +83

      i did a workshop once to improve sales skill and one of the key things was to avoid indirect questions. they sound polite but it's better to be direct.

    • @world_machine
      @world_machine 4 роки тому +80

      People tend to call that a “Mathematician’s answer.”
      “Is there a reason why electric eels also get stung by their electric bursts, even though it’s an important defensive move for them?”
      “Yes, there is.”

    • @thehiddenninja3428
      @thehiddenninja3428 4 роки тому +39

      @@world_machine Indeed.
      Because having a proof of existence of an answer does not necessarily mean that I actually have the answer.
      For example, I can prove that there is at least 1 prime number greater than 10^10^100. I cannot, however, tell you what any of them are.

    • @ahmadtarek7763
      @ahmadtarek7763 4 роки тому +18

      This so much worse in Arabic as almost all polite questions just sound like suggestions.

    • @Leenapanther
      @Leenapanther 4 роки тому +5

      @@chilanya Open and closed questions right. Always ask open questions which the customer can't answer with yes or no.

  • @DJ_Force
    @DJ_Force 4 роки тому +588

    My favorites are...
    1) Made with 100% whole wheat, which means there is some whole wheat in there somewhere.
    2) 100% natural, which means absolutely nothing.

    • @renakunisaki
      @renakunisaki 4 роки тому +85

      Part of a balanced breakfast! Which would still be balanced (whatever that means) without it.

    • @josueh5831
      @josueh5831 4 роки тому +8

      You know there’s such thing as artificial flavouring and colouring right?

    • @amojak
      @amojak 4 роки тому +66

      ah yes the "made with" line. "made with 100% chicken breast" "made with 100% beef" not From or more importantly Of but as you state it was made With it, was it in the same room? Did it help cook it?

    • @Handinmapocket
      @Handinmapocket 4 роки тому +57

      @@josueh5831 Yes, but those are often higly concentrated forms of natural product, so still technically 100% natural. Also, wether i coloured your tomato juice with actual juice of a tomato, or with red rocks powdered intro fien dust and absorbed in water, both are also technically natural products.
      Eventualy every "artificial" product has to have started with a naturaly occuring resource, because thus far we cannot create something out of nothing.

    • @josueh5831
      @josueh5831 4 роки тому +4

      Handinmapocket that’s not what artificial means moron. I don’t know if what you’re saying is true, but even if it is “highly concentrated powder” is artificial because it has been created by humans. Concentrated powder doesn’t occur in nature.

  • @fenhen
    @fenhen 4 роки тому +5605

    “For £1,000,000, you need you answer the next question correctly. Can you tell me the capital of Azerbaijan?”
    “No, I can’t.”
    “Congratulations!”

    • @technetium9653
      @technetium9653 4 роки тому +268

      Sad Baku noises

    • @allenliu4956
      @allenliu4956 4 роки тому +149

      "Yes, if you let me Google it"

    • @AkmalAzry
      @AkmalAzry 4 роки тому +109

      Yes.
      Then, what is it?
      Mikaretan (Random names appeared in mind).
      That's .... wrong. We are sad to tell you that you've failed to..
      Wait,wait,wait a minute! There should be one question!
      Yep, and your answer is wrong. It's not Milk a rattan thingy name you just made up, it's Baku for god sake!
      I think you are in a great confusion! Don't you realise how I managed to answer everything correctly based on your question.
      Sorry, sir! I think you just can't accept your defeat.
      I "CAN" tell you the name!. That's my answer!
      And yet you still can't tell me!?
      No, who said I can't?
      Clearly you can't from your previous answer.
      I said yes. I can but there's no rule to say that your second questions included in this quiz. You said you'll ask only one question. But there's two!
      Where's the other one?
      The name of capital city of Azerbaijan.
      But that's my sole question!
      Recall again! You ask "CAN you", I answered "Yes, I can", that's one question. Then you ask "Then, what is it?", Then, I will just answer it "Baku" since I got the knowledge just now! So whose wrong now?
      Oh my god!? I...I,
      Gimme the money...! NOWWW!!!
      O...okay..

    • @theperson3739
      @theperson3739 4 роки тому +24

      "A"

    • @Voron_Aggrav
      @Voron_Aggrav 4 роки тому +11

      yes I can as it is Baku

  • @CattyRayheart
    @CattyRayheart Рік тому +47

    There is a brand of milk in the local supermarket that advertises that their milk doesn't contain illicit substances. The fact that they feel the need to state that has always made me a bit wary of them.

    • @NStripleseven
      @NStripleseven Рік тому +11

      don’t worry, they don’t put drugs in the milk. You don’t need to check, and the milk is 100% guaranteed to be completely and entirely safe.

  • @Owiko7
    @Owiko7 4 роки тому +793

    "Can I ask you a question?"
    "yea? What is it!?"
    "It's an interrogative statement used to test someone's knowledge, but that's not important right now!"

    • @b.clarenc9517
      @b.clarenc9517 4 роки тому +2

      I love this one.

    • @OatmealTheCrazy
      @OatmealTheCrazy 4 роки тому +17

      @mikea hiooi I used to do drugs.
      I still do, but I used to too

    • @HolyKhaaaaan
      @HolyKhaaaaan 4 роки тому +7

      Surely you're joking right now.

    • @Owiko7
      @Owiko7 4 роки тому +11

      @@HolyKhaaaaan I'm not joking, and stop calling me Shirley! ;)

    • @IsomerMashups
      @IsomerMashups 4 роки тому +2

      A solid 70% of my humour is this kind of thing.

  • @higherquality
    @higherquality 3 роки тому +751

    "I'm out of petrol"
    "I'm not"

    • @DomenBremecXCVI
      @DomenBremecXCVI 3 роки тому +8

      "I'm out of petrol."
      - "You swim in petrol!?"

  • @thekillingmachine4967
    @thekillingmachine4967 4 роки тому +598

    “I was flouting Grice’s Maxim of Truth” sounds like something Captain Holt (B99) would say instead of “I was being sarcastic”

    • @viperion_nz
      @viperion_nz 4 роки тому +23

      NINE NINE!

    • @erikamiessner5668
      @erikamiessner5668 4 роки тому +22

      My god yes

    • @doodlebobascending8505
      @doodlebobascending8505 4 роки тому +10

      That is beyond doubt the funniest comment I have ever seen.

    • @TrigramThunder
      @TrigramThunder 4 роки тому +3

      that show is so great to watch. so fresh compared to the average police shows, except maybe some of CBS's police shows like Blue Bloods or Hawaii Five-O which put a little more pressure on the genre to get out of the usual monotony. So much comedic value to be had in a police precinct setting.

    • @chriswade9616
      @chriswade9616 4 роки тому +6

      @@viperion_nz NOINE NOINE!

  • @pafnutiytheartist
    @pafnutiytheartist 3 роки тому +239

    I have literally seen freeze dried strawberries that had "vegan" on the package. I'm assuming that's so the buyer doesn't confuse them with freeze dried meatberries.

    • @user-zu1ix3yq2w
      @user-zu1ix3yq2w Рік тому +7

      I'm sure it's because it's not uncommon for food products/packaging to have other ingredients in them. There could be preservatives in those strawberries or something.

    • @pafnutiytheartist
      @pafnutiytheartist Рік тому +3

      @@user-zu1ix3yq2w I don't think any preservatives contain animal products

    • @snazzypazzy
      @snazzypazzy Рік тому +6

      @@pafnutiytheartist Not a preservative, but perhaps cochenille (E120)? Common red/pink food colouring made from bugs. Can imagaine that being used for dried strawberries.

    • @ourlessy
      @ourlessy Рік тому +5

      Some fruit products have gelatin in them

    • @Florkl
      @Florkl Рік тому +3

      There are meat-based preservatives or additives people could theoretically add. Collagen, notably.

  • @SaiyanIsHere
    @SaiyanIsHere 3 роки тому +9776

    “I made tea.”
    “I don’t want any tea.”
    “I didn’t make any tea for you, this is my tea.”
    “Then why are you telling me?”
    “It’s a conversation starter.”
    “It’s a lousy conversation starter.”
    “Is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.”

    • @painfulorwhat8872
      @painfulorwhat8872 3 роки тому +43

      Family Guy?

    • @corberus3119
      @corberus3119 3 роки тому +506

      @@painfulorwhat8872 big bang theory

    • @mattdowds8505
      @mattdowds8505 3 роки тому +135

      But it's a lousy conversation. Yahtzee!

    • @DerickMasai
      @DerickMasai 3 роки тому +125

      Could have left it at "Is it?" but I'm sure a good number would miss that punchline.

    • @DrRank
      @DrRank 3 роки тому +36

      Bazinga

  • @AntiChangeling
    @AntiChangeling 4 роки тому +1311

    Or, in other words, 'my "Not involved in human trafficking" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt'.

    • @mirjanbouma
      @mirjanbouma 4 роки тому +29

      You really have a shirt that says that?

    • @m1lkweed
      @m1lkweed 4 роки тому +46

      Mirjan Bouma I bought one, I love the reactions

    • @DashCamSheffield
      @DashCamSheffield 4 роки тому +181

      That's a lie, as you're moving yourself around

    • @nPhlames
      @nPhlames 4 роки тому +52

      @@DashCamSheffield big brain

    • @Droooooo0
      @Droooooo0 4 роки тому +3

      Lmao

  • @pedroff_1
    @pedroff_1 4 роки тому +761

    The equivalent to "asbestos free cereal" I've heard here in Brazil is "cholesterol-free water"

    • @ShankarSivarajan
      @ShankarSivarajan 4 роки тому +57

      As opposed to American water: coke.

    • @macomputersuck
      @macomputersuck 4 роки тому +45

      Dehydrated water (just add water)

    • @uzefulvideos3440
      @uzefulvideos3440 4 роки тому +3

      Ok, that one is actually much more stupid.

    • @pedroff_1
      @pedroff_1 4 роки тому +9

      actually actually, it was "cholesterol-free margarine", but the absurdity of the redundance grew into the former example

    • @DeeSnow97
      @DeeSnow97 4 роки тому

      @@ShankarSivarajan because in America coke is usually a liquid

  • @rollyflan
    @rollyflan 3 роки тому +81

    I’ve always struggled a bit with social interactions and casual conversation, and have noticed sometimes people think I’m weird when I’m trying to be friendly. This video helped me realize I sometimes fail in the manners of quantity and relativity during conversation, and that probably contributes to coming across a bit off. An interesting insight, thanks!

  • @AugustoFeyh
    @AugustoFeyh 3 роки тому +2160

    - What's your name?
    - Tom, without a K.
    - There is no K in Tom!
    - That's what I said!

    • @neillunavat
      @neillunavat 3 роки тому +8

      This is getting so boring ugh

    • @turborooster8548
      @turborooster8548 3 роки тому +59

      @@neillunavat nope, it's funny

    • @lukeedwardpanganiban7891
      @lukeedwardpanganiban7891 3 роки тому +8

      Fix these with:
      "There is no K in Tom, why are specifying that?"

    • @IMarvinTPA
      @IMarvinTPA 2 роки тому +1

      So, where does the "C" go, or is it a "Q, U, E"?

    • @kale9710
      @kale9710 2 роки тому +8

      "hi my names michael with a b"

  • @SunnyIntervalsORG
    @SunnyIntervalsORG 3 роки тому +571

    When I was in primary school we were asked to write about what happens in Autumn, and then draw a picture. I drew a picture of a big ship. The teacher then told me that I was supposed to draw something to do with the season of Autumn. I thought "well you never said that, you just said draw a picture, so I drew what I wanted!"
    I like to think I helped that teacher to communicate with kids more carefully in her future career!

    • @nerussa
      @nerussa 2 роки тому +136

      After all, ships also sail in autumn, so your drawing made sense.

    • @terenarosa4790
      @terenarosa4790 2 роки тому +20

      I was the same way. I was always punished by my teachers for it. My mom mom would beat my a$$ because i never understood her. I still don't most of the time.

    • @Ggdivhjkjl
      @Ggdivhjkjl Рік тому +24

      Some languages have two words for "and" depending on whether or not the hearer is meant to connect the parts before & after it or if the "and" was just being used to join the phrases.

    • @donlitt
      @donlitt Рік тому +11

      I was the exact same way as a kid and still am. If you don’t mean what you SAY, that ain’t on me 😂

    • @danielrhouck
      @danielrhouck Рік тому +3

      @@Ggdivhjkjl Please write about something that happens in autumn. Also, please draw a picture.

  • @achillendimond2124
    @achillendimond2124 4 роки тому +1395

    You would be surprised. I’ve seen something labeled as “GMO free himalayen salt”. Someone please explain to me how something that doesn’t have genetics could be genetically modified or else need to be labeled as not modified

    • @seabassthegamer6644
      @seabassthegamer6644 4 роки тому +299

      Hmm yes let me genetically modify the sodium

    • @QPUNeptune
      @QPUNeptune 4 роки тому +150

      simple, just add the genetics yourself

    • @spiralpython1989
      @spiralpython1989 4 роки тому +77

      I have seen ‘organic pink Himalayan salt’... well, Der!
      But in a ‘whole foods’ store, ‘chemical free Himalayan salt’
      I guess it’s the origin of the ‘pink’ that worries some?

    • @seabassthegamer6644
      @seabassthegamer6644 4 роки тому +117

      @@spiralpython1989
      A. "Ah yes, my favorite carbon-containing compound. Table salt."
      B. If it's chemical free, why is there salt in it? Salt is a chemical, why can't the food people understand that everything is chemical?
      Food labels are dumb.

    • @Banana-wr8dq
      @Banana-wr8dq 4 роки тому +9

      @@spiralpython1989 my family uses it as regular salt and it's because it has lower amounts of microplastics than sea salt.
      Or so I've been told, never bothered to fact check.

  • @michelleerika673
    @michelleerika673 3 роки тому +120

    Officially going to prank my daughter by writing a sign on the front door saying “This house is now 100% ghost free”

    • @rosea1505
      @rosea1505 2 роки тому +24

      I saw a picture of a real estate sign which had ‘not haunted’ written on it. 😂

    • @MeLoNarXo
      @MeLoNarXo Рік тому +9

      But "now" implies that it was haunted beforehand

    • @_jpg
      @_jpg Рік тому +4

      ​@MeLoNarXo Ooor it could imply that it's not haunted at the moment, regardless of past and future events

  • @asylumskp4391
    @asylumskp4391 3 роки тому +1447

    "Have a good day"
    "Don't tell me what to do"

    • @RooobixCube
      @RooobixCube 3 роки тому +106

      "Have a good day"
      "Make me"

    • @leecody5885
      @leecody5885 3 роки тому +15

      I remember my little brother saying that! 😂 😂

    • @Jif498
      @Jif498 3 роки тому +41

      This reminds me of
      "I beg your pardon?"
      "Then beg"

    • @Wubbazt
      @Wubbazt 3 роки тому +2

      i actually say this fairly often to my friends

    • @Imadeavideos
      @Imadeavideos 3 роки тому +2

      Drake and Josh anyone?

  • @mkaali
    @mkaali 3 роки тому +3504

    "Can I have something to drink?"
    "Sure! What would you like? Soda, beer, spiders, water?"
    "Spiders?!"
    "Spiders it is!"

    • @tatertatertatertatertater
      @tatertatertatertatertater 3 роки тому +69

      I love that video

    • @Anafyral666
      @Anafyral666 3 роки тому +159

      I'm Australian this is normal

    • @jorgepeterbarton
      @jorgepeterbarton 3 роки тому +42

      @@Anafyral666 works two ways: many spiders there.
      And... Because it would be impossible to tell that there was a question mark in the sentence due to the australian accent using question marks as the full stop

    • @syweb2
      @syweb2 3 роки тому +4

      @@jorgepeterbarton Wait, really?

    • @MonzennCarloMallari
      @MonzennCarloMallari 3 роки тому +13

      "I just thought you were ecstatic for spiders!"

  • @cyrus8913
    @cyrus8913 3 роки тому +822

    this is like that video
    “i’d like to buy a pizza, boneless”
    “boneless?”
    “you gonna put bones in my pizza 🤨”

  • @oosakasan
    @oosakasan 2 роки тому +22

    This video, and the maxims themselves, have been living rent-free in my head for, well, I guess 2 years now so I'm really glad Tom Scott introduced me to the concept! The implications of this concept on understanding how to communicate with children are amazing. Just understanding that THEY DON'T KNOW THE MAXIMS AND ARE LEARNING THEM is a gamechanger. (I was going to say "they don't know the cooperative principle" but I think that's unfair because I think you can't understand the interactions of children and adults without knowing they're absolutely cooperating with each other and using signals and assumptions based on that. They just cannot competently use it *in language* when they're learning language and social codes to begin with)

  • @ngallardo1994
    @ngallardo1994 3 роки тому +4488

    I’m American and I actually missed the cultural reference that “garage” is the equivalent of a gas station. I assumed you meant like an automotive repair place that maybe also has fuel.

    • @archeronline4133
      @archeronline4133 3 роки тому +911

      But if you assumed it might have fuel, then the system works. The information was conveyed satisfactorily.

    • @AbsolXGuardian
      @AbsolXGuardian 3 роки тому +322

      Same. I assumed it was an indepdent auto mechanic shop that wouldn't mind if you were just there to buy gas, but I also wouldn't be able to purchase regular gas station fare from.

    • @iwbmo
      @iwbmo 3 роки тому +8

      same

    • @emsouemsou
      @emsouemsou 3 роки тому +166

      @@archeronline4133 I'd find the gas station but then come back and ask about where the garage was supposed to be

    • @johanvajse8410
      @johanvajse8410 3 роки тому +24

      but you picked up on petrol?

  • @AndrewJJ-0114
    @AndrewJJ-0114 4 роки тому +546

    Tom, studying Grice: Hmmm, I really want to make the pun 'Grice Krispies' but I need some context to do it in.

    • @alittar8062
      @alittar8062 4 роки тому +8

      this is probably the entire point of this video.

  • @RebelKeithy
    @RebelKeithy 4 роки тому +555

    "Be brief (avoid unnecessary prolixity)"
    Is especially ironic

    • @hermelamarkos3435
      @hermelamarkos3435 4 роки тому +19

      Absolutely hilarious

    • @ShimmeringSpectrum
      @ShimmeringSpectrum 4 роки тому +46

      That seems like a deliberate flouting just to give an example of what not to do. At least, I'd hope so.

    • @andydyer6591
      @andydyer6591 4 роки тому +48

      I don't know if Grice himself phrased them like this, but the maxims are often written in a self-contradictory style for comedic effect. The maxim of quantity will be needlessly verbose, the maxim of relevance will wander off on tangents, the maxim of manner will use obscure or ambiguous language, etc.

    • @cgg2621
      @cgg2621 4 роки тому +18

      Avoiding unnecessary prolixity is the soul of wit

    • @digitig
      @digitig 4 роки тому +2

      What is necessary and unnecessary depends very much on context. How to get to some town will require a very different amount of content if someone has pulled over to ask directions to if you are writing a travelogue.

  • @sameash3153
    @sameash3153 2 роки тому +46

    I definitely remember reading an instance of flouting within a letter of recommendation. My professor had included a line that said "and his communication skills are always improving." The hidden message was "his communication skills right now aren't good".

    • @waxwinged_hound
      @waxwinged_hound 2 роки тому +3

      That's awful, I'm sorry. Bad communication skills are so often a result of mental illness and to have that pointed out as a negative trait can't feel good.

    • @Ya-zm1mr
      @Ya-zm1mr 2 роки тому +9

      @@waxwinged_hound I'd understand that in fields where communication skills are decisive, like marketing or teaching, even if it's due to an illness, I don't see it wrong, but what is really annoying is those fields where communication skills are just a "bonus" and in no way impact the job that turn down applicants because of bad communication skills, such as medicine or engineering or informatics or lab work or...

  • @piotrwegrzyniak5798
    @piotrwegrzyniak5798 4 роки тому +830

    Typically to my sister:
    "Do you know what's funny?"
    "Yes"

    • @bananya6020
      @bananya6020 4 роки тому +27

      and then say your joke, and ask them if it was funny. if they say no say another and ask again. repeat until kicked out

    • @Triairius
      @Triairius 3 роки тому +45

      Do you know how many people don't understand this style of joke? I love to answer the questions people literally ask instead of what they mean to ask/say, but so rarely do people get it, and I find myself only amusing myself.
      I still do it, of course.

    • @humanisme6746
      @humanisme6746 3 роки тому +30

      @@Triairius totally. I have two main examples.
      1) “what’s up?”
      “The ceiling”
      2) “do you know where my keys are?”
      “Wherever you left them”
      It’s fun to be annoying sometimes :)

    • @vyl4650
      @vyl4650 3 роки тому +7

      Somewhat like:
      - you know what?
      - not yet

    • @deyesed
      @deyesed 3 роки тому +3

      "I was hoping you could tell me"

  • @malijames12
    @malijames12 4 роки тому +701

    "Did you hear that?"
    "No."
    "Neither did I."

  • @PentaPW
    @PentaPW 4 роки тому +2521

    *Me:* "can I have a large Cola with no onion"
    *Drive thru employee:* "no onion?"
    *Me:* "that would be correct."

    • @lavodnas7899
      @lavodnas7899 4 роки тому +207

      "Can I have a burger with two buns?"
      "Two buns?"
      "Yes, that's how a burger is built, right?"

    • @70sman
      @70sman 4 роки тому +147

      Boneless pizza

    • @pizzaschnoesel5896
      @pizzaschnoesel5896 4 роки тому +69

      I learned today not to drink water while reading comments, thanks

    • @---cr8nw
      @---cr8nw 4 роки тому +7

      A Liter-a-Cola?

    • @thewanderinggamer1369
      @thewanderinggamer1369 4 роки тому +27

      Can I have a Metal Car with Wheels?

  • @dinahmyte3749
    @dinahmyte3749 3 роки тому +73

    I commonly tell people "don't die" when they're leaving the house to do mundane tasks instead of "be safe".
    if someone tells me to be safe or drive safe, I often say "don't tell me what to do." 👩🏽‍🌾

    • @stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765
      @stiofanmacamhalghaidhau765 2 роки тому +2

      you have witty and I experience an envy

    • @emeralddiscordian3116
      @emeralddiscordian3116 Рік тому +2

      One that really derails people is when a cashier ask how you are I say terrible I'm still breathing. It usually gets a laugh and I like to think its more memorable then just saying good and going thought the motions.

    • @Schneemann-rx6jb
      @Schneemann-rx6jb 6 місяців тому

      i sometimes say „have fun!!“ when someone does something mondane like going to the toilet.

  • @casperdewith
    @casperdewith 4 роки тому +375

    1:28 Give as much information as required; no more, no less. The amount of information given shall only be what is required, and only the required amount of information shall be given. More shalt thou not give, neither less, excepting that thou then give the required complementary information.

    • @anaribeirodossantos176
      @anaribeirodossantos176 4 роки тому +17

      monty python for the win

    • @endermage77
      @endermage77 4 роки тому +27

      Tangents are right out.

    • @carbon5362
      @carbon5362 4 роки тому

      Tautology alert!

    • @InfernalBanana
      @InfernalBanana 4 роки тому +30

      Excessive information shall be omitted. Once the information, that which is necessary, be said, then leavest thine conversation with thine partner, who, being adequately informed, shall transmit it.

    • @fulcruum7567
      @fulcruum7567 3 роки тому

      @@anaribeirodossantos176 So I'm not the only one!

  • @karfsma778
    @karfsma778 4 роки тому +77

    That "letter of recommendation" is probably the best example of "damning with faint praise" I've ever seen.

  • @lordsiomai
    @lordsiomai 3 роки тому +54

    "Mom I'm not lying! I'm just flouting Grice's maxims and not playing by the Cooperative Principle's rules! "

  • @rdgale2000
    @rdgale2000 4 роки тому +413

    I've always liked the reference letter that says: 'You'd be lucky to get (name here) to work for you'. Do you mean he's a very good worker, or that you would be lucky to get the person to do any work?
    Also: 'Fire at will'. What did Will ever do to you?

    • @GamingKing-jo9py
      @GamingKing-jo9py 4 роки тому +4

      will sniffed

    • @tarsos
      @tarsos 4 роки тому +11

      Will owes me money. ;)

    • @estebanquito356
      @estebanquito356 4 роки тому +10

      The second one is dad joke gold material

    • @user-ry4eg2mg2y
      @user-ry4eg2mg2y 4 роки тому +1

      Second one reminds me of this terrible meme.
      "Everyone give me your money"
      Kid named everyone = >:(
      Kid named me = :)