Side note: The converse is also true regarding sharing and a focus on natural consequences to the other child! If your child decides of their own volition to willingly share his/her toys with a sibling without any adult intervention, it’s not necessary or effective to say “good sharing” or “thank you for sharing”, because then you are taking away their intrinsic motivation to do so in the future as you unintentionally reorient the focus of their good deed on the external praise you are now offering. It is instead better and more effective - if you even feel a need to say anything at all - to point out the consequence of the child’s action on the other child. For example, “I know how special that toy is to you. Look how happy she is that you’re letting her have a turn with it. She is smiling so much!”
Hapa Family I have read about this before and it is something I struggle with and have to try very hard to remember to work on. Thank you for the reminder!
I just stumbled on your videos about positive discipline approach and find it interesting. Do you have advice or know tools that caters with multiple birth siblings other than the book you recommended? I have identical triplet boys that are going to turn 3 year olds in April. I deal with toy snatching/ grabbing from other siblings often, etc. I am a first time mom that needs more inputs from experienced mommas.
Can you promise never to take these videos down? I am panicking they wont be here once I have a child - and each time I watch your videos, I am always like, wow that is an amazing idea, I will do it myself, I have to remember all of these tips for future reference :D
I think after the vlogs stopped i strated to make more notes and look into the references listed in the descriptions and in the end of the books there are more recommendations to look into. It is helpful to have these and i rely on them a lot so often but I'm trying to get into making time for these topics to plan more concretely for the changes and make more routine habits of observations gradually changing my mindset over the past 2 years with her videos helped but now it feels like i can focus more on the details of the topics and try to seek the practical tips that i can implement.
Regarding the special time, and remaining present in the moment, I remember when I was first breatfeeding my daughter when she was little, and just being so bored thinking of all the things I could be doing, that I had to be doing, and then I realised that breastfeeding my child was the MOST important thing I could ever be doing with my time, and in that moment it was my sole job. And that really helped put into perspective the time I spend with my daughter in general. Now she's older and I still consider spending time with her to be incredibly high priority, because being a mother and a wife is more important than anything else I could be doing, including working. Nothing is more important than time with family.
Being the oldest sibling I loath the “give it up to the younger sibling” mentality. As a result, (I’m an aunt of 7 and tend them frequently) I am big on boundaries and communal toys (first come-first serve) vs. special toys.... I’ve found by giving each their own special space and special toy storage. It really eliminates fighting and Even as their aunt we have special time, they love it. When they’re with me at night, they each get special time and one story/deep talk. The older ones typically want to vent off their frustrations/their favorite part of the day, what they learned/what they hope to do tomorrow. The younger ones want snuggles and stories. Now, that I’m pregnant with my first, all of the same rules will apply across the board. They love coming here, they love how safe they feel and how even and fair things are.
This is all great advice!! One thing I'd add is modeling I-language to your child. They didn't make their little sister sad, no one can really make anyone feel anything. Their sister is sad. They probably don't want their sister to be sad even if they didn't make them sad. I know it sounds very small, but this distinction is actually very important, especially later on in their life. For some really good books on the matter I recommend reading Harriet Lerner's works.
Watching this and Supernanny coincidingly gives me ever more admiration for you and all the other parents working hard and continuously educating themselves in order to be better and more present parents for their kids. Some of those Supernanny parents need that book😁
I really enjoyed this video! And I agree on how often us parents tell the oldest the he or she is the baby you can share and not sympathize with them. Thank you for sharing this was a very good video 💜
Thank you! I have an 8-year-old son and my youngest is a toddler and they constantly get into sibling scuffle. I'm still learning and this post really is insightful.
Hi Ashley! I just want to say thank you for making these videos. I´m still quite young but some day I want to have children. Thats why I´m interested about different parenting and raising methods. Your channel have been a great resource for my first touch to Montessori. Your videos are very educative, well-structured and your way of speaking and telling is very explicit and interesting. Greetings from Finland!
One of my pet-peeves in a preschool toddler classroom is when teachers use "sharing" to mean that a child must give up the toy s/he was playing with. If Child A is playing with a toy and Child B wants a turn, Child A usually expected to give it up. No. Sharing sometimes means that Child B needs to accept that s/he has to learn to wait for a turn. I also refuse to use the "just a baby" excuse. Often, it demeans the "baby". Do you have the same expectations for Mia as you do for Kylie in regards to behavior? Of course not. That doesn't mean Mia isn't capable of learning. Too many people use "she's just a baby" as a reason to not redirect and TEACH the baby. Certainly, there may be a time to take the older child around and remind her that the sibling is younger and is still learning, but it can be done in a way that has the older child part of the teaching process. If a younger sibling is constantly knocking over blocks, maybe the older child can help show the younger sibling how to stack blocks. Or if an older child is making a mess after the older child put it away, maybe the older one can help teach the younger one to put the toys back in the basket. And sometimes, turning things into a game can help. How many blocks can Kylie stack before Mia knocks them down? Racing the baby in building a block tower can be a LOT of fun. I would still love to hear more about managing spaces in regards to safety when it comes to independence for the older child because there may come a time where Mia may be able to get into something that's more age appropriate for Kylie, but moving it out of Mia's reach may mean Kylie can't reach it either. I know there's a balance to making sure the environment is safe for baby while still maintaining an older child's freedom/independence. (I imagine a simple solution would be that certain areas, like Kylie's bedroom might be a "yes" space for Kylie but not necessarily for Mia. I know other households have rules like "Legos are only allowed in this room or at the table" for safety reasons. Oh and not only does forcing siblings to play together not help anything, but it's not even 100% developmentally appropriate at this time. At their ages, Kylie might be transitioning into a stage where she's starting to play WITH others (going from parallel play to associative play), but both girls are still at a point where it's perfectly natural for them to play independently while in the same space.
Hi, I am a french viewer, I read a lot about children, but I have lots of difficulties with my boys nowadays and I wanted to thank you for your video that reminds me lots of basics things to say and to do. I am ready now for next conflicts ! Thank you
I just want to say how MUCH I appreciate you making this series. I listen to it here in Austria while I am on a walk with my second baby. What was your occupation before? Because you are sooo good in explaining!
Thank you for this video and all of your content! I am a nanny working with several toddlers from different families every day and so much of your content has been invaluable for me as a caregiver. I will be starting Montessori teacher training this fall and couldn’t be more grateful that I stumbled across your channel last year!
love this video and the way you presented the content of dr markham's book! i particularly appreciated your point about "feeling bored" during special time meaning we most likely arent being present.. such a true reminder
Thank you, Ashley! As a mom of two, this is so helpful to me. I really appreciate you taking time and sharing such positive parenthood with all of us. Love, Aya😘
Preventive preparation of environments is a great reminder to help avoid some obvious strife. One-on-one time for a parent with each child is extremely important throughout their lives. No one wants to think they are not worthy of companionship unless they are in a pair/trio/group.
Ashley this video is GOLD! Yes!!! Empathy is the easiest, most natural tool we can use but many of us in the moment tend to forget so easily. Thank you so much for sharing 😊 Also at clip 7:30 is some great advice for my coparent that I myself couldn’t previously put into words for him to understand and follow.
Hi Ashley! I asked you about siblings attention problem and I am so thankful to you for this video! You always give me positive feelings. Sending love from Tokyo.
Great points! I have a 10 year old and a 2 year old.... its a struggle. My 10 year old loves to build and play with things on the ground. He also actually usually likes playing with his little sister... But something I noticed with my older child and even just other kids in general is when they are playing someone kinda becomes a "dictator" and starts saying things like "no that block doesn't go there" and removes or moves the piece that the other child puts on. Or "no that character can't do that. He has to do this" ... Something else I am trying to work on with my kids is my kids is picking something up and playing with something when they think the other child is done with it (when like the other child puts it down and picks something else up, or walks off for a moment). I try to remind them to ask first, but most of the time they seem so wrapped up in playing and wanting to see that toy, I don't think they really even think about the fact they need to be asking first. And they'll be like "I thought they were done because they sat it down" . . And I try to encourage kids to trade, but tell them the trade has to have around the same "fun value" or "significance" as the object they are wanting from the trade... for instance my 2 year old was playing with a figurine, so her 8 year old cousin attempts to trade an empty Easter egg for it. My 2 year old didn't go for it luckily, but I had to explain that when you trade something it has to similar value. So he went and got a girl figurine and she traded the ninja figurine with him.
This is fabulous. Thanks for the ideas! I feel like I use some of these ideas but I don’t verbally empathize with the baby. She needs that too. Thank you for the reminder to keep talking and showing the love!
Thank you thank you! I have a 2 year old daughter and another daughter due in May and I’m freaking out over jealousy/ sibling things. This helped ease my anxiety! Will definitely check out this book.
Thank you for this video! I think it is really helpful. I have a toddler and one on the way and am trying to prep both myself and my toddler as much as i can for the baby. Its a whole new world for me as well as for her especially as i am an only child.
Loved this two video series on siblings. We are ttc for our second and I’m now wondering how I would do with 2 kids. Great video, advice and suggestions!!!
I love special time with my girls. We try to do it each day with each of them but we recently started taking our older one out alone without her baby sister to do something just the 3 of us and she loves it and it looks like she's really appreciates it. 😊❤🎀
I'm waiting for my second baby and I recently read this book (I can recognize the ideas from it). Hopefully this got me a little bit more prepared for what's coming.
One on one time is something that is so important to me. I definitely try my best to have someone on one with each child every day. I want to make sure they know that they are equally special to me. Having your child working on a higher surface works great until the youngest becomes old enough to reach. Jacob is at that phase right now where he loves to break things and Dominic loves to build and needs his concentration. Unfortunately, Jacob is able to reach and climb wherever Dominic goes since they are only 14 months apart. It makes things a little bit more complicated now lol But we are working through it. This was all really great advice! I do own that book as an ebook but have not read it yet. I really should though. Your videos are always so informative you can tell you put so much work into them. Well done as always!💗
Thanks for this educational video. we have a one and only who is 13 months and we have friends with a 5 year old and a 1 month old and sharing and playing together can be very difficult. My daughter wants to take everything the 5 year old plays with and Play with the 5 year old that doesn't work out so well. And the 5 year old wants to play on their own and never share but block the little one from any activity they are doing. So we will be using this tips for the next play date.
I'm elated that your family got well finally! Hope you guys gain very strong immune system from now on! I appreciate your filming! Thank you for your positive lifestyle! Love from Kazakhstan!
I love this! My baby girl will be here soon and I’m curious as to what I have to look forward to with my little boy (2years old) and the new babies interactions. So insightful! May God bless you and your family
I bought this book because of your recommendation but I haven't read it yet... I don't have any excuse why, but now I feel better because I think you summarized it very good. I hope I will take the time and actually read it. My two girls are nearly the same as yours! Greetings from Germany.
I’ve been searching for this information and wondering how I can support my kids to develop a positive sibling relationship. I went ahead and brought the book to explore further. Thank you so much
Will you make a video on your favorite Montessori books? Esp the holidays are coming up and I plan to gift my new parent siblings a copy of a good Montessori book
I love your videos, Ashley! There’s just so much good information! Haha I’m only 22 and don’t have any kids myself, but can’t wait to use this advice someday in the future 💓
I always try allow the kids to work it out themselves and suggest different options. If it becomes a screaming match, sometimes I’ll also remove the toy entirely and reintroduce in a couple mins to see if they are able to work it out then in a way they feel is fair between themselves once emotions are less intense. Mine are 3.5 and 1.5.
Hello Ashley! I have a question. How do we practice this with other kids toys.?Such as cousins or friends. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and it’s hard when the other child is not yours to explain that taking away toys is not nice but how can I explain to my children the reason for the other child’s behavior?
Awesome! I so need this. But I need help the other way too, like it’s not just my baby who is coming after my older toddler toys but my 2.5 year old not letting my 9 month old baby to play at all!!! She keeps snatching his toys all the time. How to tackle that?
I would address the snatching issue the way that I described in the video. At 2 1/2, he is more than capable of beginning to understand how to ask for a turn and waiting. :)
I totally agree with everything your saying but it’s almost against my nature to hold back the words. I mean it’s literally hard lol. Before I even know I’ve said anything I say no (toddler) share that you with him.
I know this video is a bit old, but I am just now watching it! (Love all your videos by the way. We are just starting to incorporate montessori into our home four our 10 month old!) But I have a question regarding "taking turns" when it comes to things like screen time. Our 10 month old gets NO screens at all (other than video chatting grand parents sometimes because they live out of state) and we plan to hold off on nothing til age 2, and he is our only child right now, but there will come a time when we will have another...but like what if one child is watching something and the other child wants to watch something else? Obviously that one child only gets a very limited amount of time to watch something (we plan on 1 hour max per day once he is 2) and he can't just decide when he is "done" otherwise he probably would spend all day on screens...:) Do you just have the other child wait until the first childs hour is up and then they can watch what they want to watch? We only have one TV in our home.
Hi! I m a mom of twin boys 16 months. I dont know if there is any mention of twins in Montessori books, but I was wondering if you could make a video about montessori life with twins! Especialy I m thinking about how each of them manage to play independently so as to finish his activity without worrying what his brother doing the same moment and be distracted! Also the one (but the other sometimes too) always wants his brother's toy! I try to take him and keeping away from the other as you say to this video but he s very upset . Sorry for all that words, I dont know maybe I m worrying too much but I would appreciate if you could say something about twins ! Thank you very much !!
I really enjoyed your video, even though we're a one child family, it still provided some helpful tips. It did bother me a bit when you said at the beginning that having one child is easy, as it certainly doesn't feel that way!
@@HapaFamily Oh I know you didn't mean to offend. What you actually said was - 'parents of one child often find it pretty easy to manage the day-to-day needs and challenges of having a child' and I just think this was a bit of an unfortunate way to phrase it (and actually your reply to my comment implies that this isn't actually what you believe). As a mum of one very active and strong-willed toddler who has never slept through the night, I just do not find it easy at all, but already have some negative feelings around just how challenging I find it all, so it just struck me, that's all. I don't particularly think that the point you were making required a comparison in this way between having one and two children. If you'd just said that having more than one child in the house brings different challenges, or something of the kind, then of course that wouldn't have been contentious. I am a long-term supporter of your channel and also don't mean to offend, of course. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
For Special Time, can this happen during one child's nap? Or is the purpose more to demonstrate that despite the sibling being present, my attention is on you (in which case it would have to happen when a second adult is also present)?
Love your videos! Thanks for sharing all examples! Got a question on waiting for the turn. If we are on the playground, my 2,5 yo daughter is on the swing all the time. When other children come and want to swing as well, I ask them to wait till my daughter is done. Children at our playground usually undestand that or their parents explain them this rule, so no one is very angry with that. However as expected, kids come back after while and ask for their turn. My daughter usually refuse to do so and she repeat this everytime they come back. Her swinging last long and she will insist that she is not done. I want doing “waiting on the turn” and respect my daughter desire, but it gets akward how she doesnt want finish her turn and share not even some time and she doesnt really emphasize when I try to explain the consequence that other children are unhappy as they wainting for their turn for long time. It seems she doesnt really care and I dont know what to do to here. Would be ok ask her ask her to finish it or move her attention to something else in order she will get off the swing? Or should I let it be and swing her further? What is your experience here?
Zuzana Drabikova Vozarova I think when it comes to public property and space it makes sense to follow social/cultural norms and expectations for taking turns etc. In general at my house we try to follow the expectation that you wait until someone is completely done and fulfilled with using an item before someone else can take it . This doesn’t always go over well because my kids are still little but I have faith that they will figure it out over time. When it comes to using public space and public property it is important for my kids to learn that there are different expectations. Of course, your daughter is only 2.5 and doesn’t really get this concept. From her perspective she’s enjoying her swing, why the heck would she give it up?! What sometimes helps with my 2.5 year old if I anticipate he will have a difficult time with a transition is to do A LOT of pre teaching. Before you leave for the playground, in the car and when you arrive review expectations for the swings. When she is on the swing give several gentle reminders about taking turns. Give a 5 minute then 1 minute warning before she has to get off. When it is time for my son to transition out of a preferred activity I pick him up and tell him “say goodbye to the swings, we will come back later!” I would say 75% of the time if I take these steps he will transition without a problem. Sometimes he still tantrums but he is still just a toddler!
You put this SO PERFECTLY into words, exactly what I was going to recommend! I explain that at home, “long turns” are the rule. On the playground or play dates (even at home play dates), “short turns” are the rule so that we’re being fair and everyone gets a turn eventually before the play date is over. :)
I always stuggle with doing montessori exercises with my first. I'm trying to teach language and letters with cards and then the little one comes over and destroys everything lol oh well, we'll have to manage expectations for now.
Thanks for sharing this!! I was wondering if the book addresses these practices with a smaller age gap? How do you respond with the children are 2 years apart or younger?
Question! How should we handle play dates when we promote turn taking and the parents of the other child promote sharing? For example their child takes a toy my son is playing with and I know I need to tell the other child that my son isn’t done with his turn but the parents look at me like I’m being mean to their child. They think my son should “share” which seems to just mean any time a child wants a turn they just snatch the toy and that’s acceptable. Any suggestions?
I advocate for my child when she cannot yet do it herself, if she is clearly bothered by it. Yes, I will do this on play dates and at the library, too. :) 🤷🏼♀️ I’m not worried about what other parents think, I’m doing what I feel is best for my child’s sense of respect and their learning for how to eventually handle the situation on her own.
Karly Sheridan what I teach the children in my preschool classroom is if there is one item then sharing means you need to take a turn because the other child is currently using this toy. If items are more than one - like LEGO’s and blocks then they can share them. In play date situations I would advocate that method.
Great advice!! I’m always watching your videos. Just wondering what can I do if my 19 mo daughter takes toys from other babies (In a gentle way) and babies are fine with that. What should I say or do? Thanks!!
There isn’t a need to hover constantly and play referee, esp if the younger child doesn’t seem bothered. But if it’s becoming a habit, you also don’t want to let it go unchecked - what you allow, you encourage. Perhaps have a conversation with your child about it at a neutral time, role play with her about how to ask for a turn (or to observe and wait until the baby is clearly done with the item), so she is better prepared with the tools she needs to act accordingly in the future. After this conversation, I would keenly I observe the next few times and step in to remind her and help her put it into action.
Can u pls advice on my toddler who is 30 months old hitting his cousins when they don't share toys with him? He is hitting them , me but it wasn't his behaviour until last month! It's a new misbehaviour. Advice me pls
i dont have second baby, but these ideas seems works for my baby to play with others kids in the park or library activity room, one question if other kid snatches the toy from my baby, can i make him to notice the consequences of his action ??it sounds not like our jobs don’t know what their parents will think of it ....
If your child is upset by it, you could simply state, “It doesn’t look like (your son) was done with that yet, but you can have a turn when he’s done. Would you like to be the one to give it back to him, or would you like my help?” If the snatching child has trouble returning the toy, you could kindly but firmly help him/her return the toy. But in social situations where you may not feel comfortable doing this, it may be easier for you to just empathize with your child about what happened and how he feels about it, and then kindly help him move on to a different toy or activity. I would also work on role play with your child at a later time at home, and teach him to advocate for himself so you don’t always have to be the one stepping in to do this for him eventually. Ideally, these are things he will be able to say on his own once he is verbal enough and has had enough practice.
I feel like this video could have been made a tiny bit more concise, 30mins is a little long and I feel like the same amount of information could have been done in 20minutes or so. I know editing is a pain though so thank you for all your work ☺️
Thank you for the feedback. ☺️ I always strive for shorter videos, but sometimes I just have too many thoughts that I don’t want to let go unspoken. 😬 This was one of those times.
I usually like to include overlay videos for you guys to make videos easier to watch, but as I explained in the video, I don’t like to film my children having playtime conflicts, as I cannot be there for them in the capacity that I need to be if I am otherwise busy with grabbing a camera. Thanks for understanding!
I feel like the Montessori philosophy from 0 - 3 years has a system that's designed for an only child. which makes perfect sense for that particular developmental stage, when kids discover the world and cooperative play and interpersonal relationships are still too complicated. An inmerse and concentrated child is a beautiful thing... but kids don't live alone, and they get a little sibling at that point usually, so they come and destroy their constructions and want to see what they are doing.... and activities like cooking or gardening are hard when there's a crawling baby that needs to be held... oh well... it's just life I guess, the montessori approach can be good sometimes but not always
Side note: The converse is also true regarding sharing and a focus on natural consequences to the other child! If your child decides of their own volition to willingly share his/her toys with a sibling without any adult intervention, it’s not necessary or effective to say “good sharing” or “thank you for sharing”, because then you are taking away their intrinsic motivation to do so in the future as you unintentionally reorient the focus of their good deed on the external praise you are now offering. It is instead better and more effective - if you even feel a need to say anything at all - to point out the consequence of the child’s action on the other child. For example, “I know how special that toy is to you. Look how happy she is that you’re letting her have a turn with it. She is smiling so much!”
Hapa Family I have read about this before and it is something I struggle with and have to try very hard to remember to work on. Thank you for the reminder!
I just stumbled on your videos about positive discipline approach and find it interesting. Do you have advice or know tools that caters with multiple birth siblings other than the book you recommended? I have identical triplet boys that are going to turn 3 year olds in April. I deal with toy snatching/ grabbing from other siblings often, etc. I am a first time mom that needs more inputs from experienced mommas.
Can you promise never to take these videos down? I am panicking they wont be here once I have a child - and each time I watch your videos, I am always like, wow that is an amazing idea, I will do it myself, I have to remember all of these tips for future reference :D
Ohmygod same! I hope none of these videos EVER go away
I think after the vlogs stopped i strated to make more notes and look into the references listed in the descriptions and in the end of the books there are more recommendations to look into. It is helpful to have these and i rely on them a lot so often but I'm trying to get into making time for these topics to plan more concretely for the changes and make more routine habits of observations gradually changing my mindset over the past 2 years with her videos helped but now it feels like i can focus more on the details of the topics and try to seek the practical tips that i can implement.
Regarding the special time, and remaining present in the moment, I remember when I was first breatfeeding my daughter when she was little, and just being so bored thinking of all the things I could be doing, that I had to be doing, and then I realised that breastfeeding my child was the MOST important thing I could ever be doing with my time, and in that moment it was my sole job. And that really helped put into perspective the time I spend with my daughter in general. Now she's older and I still consider spending time with her to be incredibly high priority, because being a mother and a wife is more important than anything else I could be doing, including working. Nothing is more important than time with family.
Being the oldest sibling I loath the “give it up to the younger sibling” mentality. As a result, (I’m an aunt of 7 and tend them frequently) I am big on boundaries and communal toys (first come-first serve) vs. special toys.... I’ve found by giving each their own special space and special toy storage. It really eliminates fighting and Even as their aunt we have special time, they love it. When they’re with me at night, they each get special time and one story/deep talk. The older ones typically want to vent off their frustrations/their favorite part of the day, what they learned/what they hope to do tomorrow. The younger ones want snuggles and stories. Now, that I’m pregnant with my first, all of the same rules will apply across the board. They love coming here, they love how safe they feel and how even and fair things are.
This is all great advice!! One thing I'd add is modeling I-language to your child. They didn't make their little sister sad, no one can really make anyone feel anything. Their sister is sad. They probably don't want their sister to be sad even if they didn't make them sad.
I know it sounds very small, but this distinction is actually very important, especially later on in their life. For some really good books on the matter I recommend reading Harriet Lerner's works.
I love how you explained each item in detail, giving mommas a clear picture of how to put them into practice. Thank you!
Watching this and Supernanny coincidingly gives me ever more admiration for you and all the other parents working hard and continuously educating themselves in order to be better and more present parents for their kids. Some of those Supernanny parents need that book😁
It’s like you know exactly what I need to hear each week 🤭 so excited to watch
Carissa Nunez hey Carissa nice to see you here 😝💓
I really enjoyed this video! And I agree on how often us parents tell the oldest the he or she is the baby you can share and not sympathize with them. Thank you for sharing this was a very good video 💜
Thank you! I have an 8-year-old son and my youngest is a toddler and they constantly get into sibling scuffle. I'm still learning and this post really is insightful.
Hi Ashley! I just want to say thank you for making these videos. I´m still quite young but some day I want to have children. Thats why I´m interested about different parenting and raising methods. Your channel have been a great resource for my first touch to Montessori. Your videos are very educative, well-structured and your way of speaking and telling is very explicit and interesting. Greetings from Finland!
One of my pet-peeves in a preschool toddler classroom is when teachers use "sharing" to mean that a child must give up the toy s/he was playing with. If Child A is playing with a toy and Child B wants a turn, Child A usually expected to give it up. No. Sharing sometimes means that Child B needs to accept that s/he has to learn to wait for a turn.
I also refuse to use the "just a baby" excuse. Often, it demeans the "baby". Do you have the same expectations for Mia as you do for Kylie in regards to behavior? Of course not. That doesn't mean Mia isn't capable of learning. Too many people use "she's just a baby" as a reason to not redirect and TEACH the baby. Certainly, there may be a time to take the older child around and remind her that the sibling is younger and is still learning, but it can be done in a way that has the older child part of the teaching process. If a younger sibling is constantly knocking over blocks, maybe the older child can help show the younger sibling how to stack blocks. Or if an older child is making a mess after the older child put it away, maybe the older one can help teach the younger one to put the toys back in the basket.
And sometimes, turning things into a game can help. How many blocks can Kylie stack before Mia knocks them down? Racing the baby in building a block tower can be a LOT of fun.
I would still love to hear more about managing spaces in regards to safety when it comes to independence for the older child because there may come a time where Mia may be able to get into something that's more age appropriate for Kylie, but moving it out of Mia's reach may mean Kylie can't reach it either. I know there's a balance to making sure the environment is safe for baby while still maintaining an older child's freedom/independence. (I imagine a simple solution would be that certain areas, like Kylie's bedroom might be a "yes" space for Kylie but not necessarily for Mia. I know other households have rules like "Legos are only allowed in this room or at the table" for safety reasons.
Oh and not only does forcing siblings to play together not help anything, but it's not even 100% developmentally appropriate at this time. At their ages, Kylie might be transitioning into a stage where she's starting to play WITH others (going from parallel play to associative play), but both girls are still at a point where it's perfectly natural for them to play independently while in the same space.
Hi, I am a french viewer, I read a lot about children, but I have lots of difficulties with my boys nowadays and I wanted to thank you for your video that reminds me lots of basics things to say and to do. I am ready now for next conflicts ! Thank you
I just want to say how MUCH I appreciate you making this series. I listen to it here in Austria while I am on a walk with my second baby. What was your occupation before? Because you are sooo good in explaining!
Thank you for this video and all of your content! I am a nanny working with several toddlers from different families every day and so much of your content has been invaluable for me as a caregiver. I will be starting Montessori teacher training this fall and couldn’t be more grateful that I stumbled across your channel last year!
love this video and the way you presented the content of dr markham's book! i particularly appreciated your point about "feeling bored" during special time meaning we most likely arent being present.. such a true reminder
Thank you, Ashley! As a mom of two, this is so helpful to me. I really appreciate you taking time and sharing such positive parenthood with all of us.
Love, Aya😘
ahhh the little moments... that was my AHA! moment of last week, maybe 10 minutos of just observing "the montessori way".... ahh those give me energy!
Preventive preparation of environments is a great reminder to help avoid some obvious strife. One-on-one time for a parent with each child is extremely important throughout their lives. No one wants to think they are not worthy of companionship unless they are in a pair/trio/group.
Ashley this video is GOLD!
Yes!!! Empathy is the easiest, most natural tool we can use but many of us in the moment tend to forget so easily.
Thank you so much for sharing 😊
Also at clip 7:30 is some great advice for my coparent that I myself couldn’t previously put into words for him to understand and follow.
Hi Ashley! I asked you about siblings attention problem and I am so thankful to you for this video! You always give me positive feelings. Sending love from Tokyo.
Great points! I have a 10 year old and a 2 year old.... its a struggle. My 10 year old loves to build and play with things on the ground. He also actually usually likes playing with his little sister... But something I noticed with my older child and even just other kids in general is when they are playing someone kinda becomes a "dictator" and starts saying things like "no that block doesn't go there" and removes or moves the piece that the other child puts on. Or "no that character can't do that. He has to do this" ... Something else I am trying to work on with my kids is my kids is picking something up and playing with something when they think the other child is done with it (when like the other child puts it down and picks something else up, or walks off for a moment). I try to remind them to ask first, but most of the time they seem so wrapped up in playing and wanting to see that toy, I don't think they really even think about the fact they need to be asking first. And they'll be like "I thought they were done because they sat it down" . . And I try to encourage kids to trade, but tell them the trade has to have around the same "fun value" or "significance" as the object they are wanting from the trade... for instance my 2 year old was playing with a figurine, so her 8 year old cousin attempts to trade an empty Easter egg for it. My 2 year old didn't go for it luckily, but I had to explain that when you trade something it has to similar value. So he went and got a girl figurine and she traded the ninja figurine with him.
This is fabulous. Thanks for the ideas! I feel like I use some of these ideas but I don’t verbally empathize with the baby. She needs that too. Thank you for the reminder to keep talking and showing the love!
Thank you thank you! I have a 2 year old daughter and another daughter due in May and I’m freaking out over jealousy/ sibling things. This helped ease my anxiety! Will definitely check out this book.
Thank you for this video! I think it is really helpful. I have a toddler and one on the way and am trying to prep both myself and my toddler as much as i can for the baby. Its a whole new world for me as well as for her especially as i am an only child.
Loved this two video series on siblings. We are ttc for our second and I’m now wondering how I would do with 2 kids. Great video, advice and suggestions!!!
I love special time with my girls. We try to do it each day with each of them but we recently started taking our older one out alone without her baby sister to do something just the 3 of us and she loves it and it looks like she's really appreciates it. 😊❤🎀
I'm waiting for my second baby and I recently read this book (I can recognize the ideas from it). Hopefully this got me a little bit more prepared for what's coming.
One on one time is something that is so important to me. I definitely try my best to have someone on one with each child every day. I want to make sure they know that they are equally special to me. Having your child working on a higher surface works great until the youngest becomes old enough to reach. Jacob is at that phase right now where he loves to break things and Dominic loves to build and needs his concentration. Unfortunately, Jacob is able to reach and climb wherever Dominic goes since they are only 14 months apart. It makes things a little bit more complicated now lol But we are working through it.
This was all really great advice! I do own that book as an ebook but have not read it yet. I really should though. Your videos are always so informative you can tell you put so much work into them. Well done as always!💗
Thanks for this educational video. we have a one and only who is 13 months and we have friends with a 5 year old and a 1 month old and sharing and playing together can be very difficult. My daughter wants to take everything the 5 year old plays with and Play with the 5 year old that doesn't work out so well. And the 5 year old wants to play on their own and never share but block the little one from any activity they are doing. So we will be using this tips for the next play date.
I'm elated that your family got well finally! Hope you guys gain very strong immune system from now on!
I appreciate your filming! Thank you for your positive lifestyle!
Love from Kazakhstan!
From KZ here too! 😀
Slipped in some mindfulness teaching 🤣 I love it!
I love this! My baby girl will be here soon and I’m curious as to what I have to look forward to with my little boy (2years old) and the new babies interactions. So insightful! May God bless you and your family
I bought this book because of your recommendation but I haven't read it yet... I don't have any excuse why, but now I feel better because I think you summarized it very good. I hope I will take the time and actually read it. My two girls are nearly the same as yours! Greetings from Germany.
I’ve been searching for this information and wondering how I can support my kids to develop a positive sibling relationship. I went ahead and brought the book to explore further. Thank you so much
I just discovered your channel and it’s awesome 👏
First minute and a half is exactly what happen with mine 15 months old and 3 years old. We want to plant a seed before things get out of hands.
Amazing information!
Lots to think about since baby 2 is arriving in a few months. Great video!
Will you make a video on your favorite Montessori books?
Esp the holidays are coming up and I plan to gift my new parent siblings a copy of a good Montessori book
Hi! I already have a video on that -- you can check it out here :) ua-cam.com/video/bmleXaKQ158/v-deo.html
@@HapaFamily youre the best! Thank you!!
I love your videos, Ashley! There’s just so much good information! Haha I’m only 22 and don’t have any kids myself, but can’t wait to use this advice someday in the future 💓
Ahhh crying. Idk why but it hit the heart. Thank you! Number 3 due next month, so far so good but these are great reminders.
I always try allow the kids to work it out themselves and suggest different options. If it becomes a screaming match, sometimes I’ll also remove the toy entirely and reintroduce in a couple mins to see if they are able to work it out then in a way they feel is fair between themselves once emotions are less intense. Mine are 3.5 and 1.5.
sugar addict in due mar 11 but hoping for 8th as it’s my moms birthday
Thank you so much for this video!
Hello Ashley! I have a question. How do we practice this with other kids toys.?Such as cousins or friends. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and it’s hard when the other child is not yours to explain that taking away toys is not nice but how can I explain to my children the reason for the other child’s behavior?
Awesome! I so need this. But I need help the other way too, like it’s not just my baby who is coming after my older toddler toys but my 2.5 year old not letting my 9 month old baby to play at all!!! She keeps snatching his toys all the time. How to tackle that?
I would address the snatching issue the way that I described in the video. At 2 1/2, he is more than capable of beginning to understand how to ask for a turn and waiting. :)
I totally agree with everything your saying but it’s almost against my nature to hold back the words. I mean it’s literally hard lol. Before I even know I’ve said anything I say no (toddler) share that you with him.
Thank you! Great informative video as always
I know this video is a bit old, but I am just now watching it! (Love all your videos by the way. We are just starting to incorporate montessori into our home four our 10 month old!) But I have a question regarding "taking turns" when it comes to things like screen time. Our 10 month old gets NO screens at all (other than video chatting grand parents sometimes because they live out of state) and we plan to hold off on nothing til age 2, and he is our only child right now, but there will come a time when we will have another...but like what if one child is watching something and the other child wants to watch something else? Obviously that one child only gets a very limited amount of time to watch something (we plan on 1 hour max per day once he is 2) and he can't just decide when he is "done" otherwise he probably would spend all day on screens...:) Do you just have the other child wait until the first childs hour is up and then they can watch what they want to watch? We only have one TV in our home.
Hi! I m a mom of twin boys 16 months. I dont know if there is any mention of twins in Montessori books, but I was wondering if you could make a video about montessori life with twins! Especialy I m thinking about how each of them manage to play independently so as to finish his activity without worrying what his brother doing the same moment and be distracted! Also the one (but the other sometimes too) always wants his brother's toy! I try to take him and keeping away from the other as you say to this video but he s very upset . Sorry for all that words, I dont know maybe I m worrying too much but I would appreciate if you could say something about twins ! Thank you very much !!
I really enjoyed your video, even though we're a one child family, it still provided some helpful tips. It did bother me a bit when you said at the beginning that having one child is easy, as it certainly doesn't feel that way!
I didn’t think so either, until I had a second! 😂 In any event, didn’t mean to offend. Only speaking from my own experience.
@@HapaFamily Oh I know you didn't mean to offend.
What you actually said was - 'parents of one child often find it pretty easy to manage the day-to-day needs and challenges of having a child' and I just think this was a bit of an unfortunate way to phrase it (and actually your reply to my comment implies that this isn't actually what you believe). As a mum of one very active and strong-willed toddler who has never slept through the night, I just do not find it easy at all, but already have some negative feelings around just how challenging I find it all, so it just struck me, that's all.
I don't particularly think that the point you were making required a comparison in this way between having one and two children. If you'd just said that having more than one child in the house brings different challenges, or something of the kind, then of course that wouldn't have been contentious.
I am a long-term supporter of your channel and also don't mean to offend, of course. I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
Laura Mason I agree, I certainly could have worded that much better. 🙃 Thank you so much for being understanding and for all the support. 💕
For Special Time, can this happen during one child's nap? Or is the purpose more to demonstrate that despite the sibling being present, my attention is on you (in which case it would have to happen when a second adult is also present)?
Great video! What can I do when my 3 year old gets jealous of my 9 month olds baby toys and wants to take them away from my younger son to play with?
He must be taught/helped to wait until his baby brother is done with the toy before he can have a turn. :)
Really useful videos! I see my two nephews are hating each other and fighting each other on toys and food everyday. 😂
hi thank you so much for the sharing i love your channel , i want to ask about the 2 green books behind you "cd" and "ef"
They are part of the Bob Books box set that is also behind me. :)
Love your videos! Thanks for sharing all examples!
Got a question on waiting for the turn. If we are on the playground, my 2,5 yo daughter is on the swing all the time. When other children come and want to swing as well, I ask them to wait till my daughter is done. Children at our playground usually undestand that or their parents explain them this rule, so no one is very angry with that. However as expected, kids come back after while and ask for their turn. My daughter usually refuse to do so and she repeat this everytime they come back. Her swinging last long and she will insist that she is not done. I want doing “waiting on the turn” and respect my daughter desire, but it gets akward how she doesnt want finish her turn and share not even some time and she doesnt really emphasize when I try to explain the consequence that other children are unhappy as they wainting for their turn for long time. It seems she doesnt really care and I dont know what to do to here. Would be ok ask her ask her to finish it or move her attention to something else in order she will get off the swing? Or should I let it be and swing her further? What is your experience here?
Zuzana Drabikova Vozarova I think when it comes to public property and space it makes sense to follow social/cultural norms and expectations for taking turns etc. In general at my house we try to follow the expectation that you wait until someone is completely done and fulfilled with using an item before someone else can take it . This doesn’t always go over well because my kids are still little but I have faith that they will figure it out over time. When it comes to using public space and public property it is important for my kids to learn that there are different expectations. Of course, your daughter is only 2.5 and doesn’t really get this concept. From her perspective she’s enjoying her swing, why the heck would she give it up?! What sometimes helps with my 2.5 year old if I anticipate he will have a difficult time with a transition is to do A LOT of pre teaching. Before you leave for the playground, in the car and when you arrive review expectations for the swings. When she is on the swing give several gentle reminders about taking turns. Give a 5 minute then 1 minute warning before she has to get off. When it is time for my son to transition out of a preferred activity I pick him up and tell him “say goodbye to the swings, we will come back later!” I would say 75% of the time if I take these steps he will transition without a problem. Sometimes he still tantrums but he is still just a toddler!
You put this SO PERFECTLY into words, exactly what I was going to recommend! I explain that at home, “long turns” are the rule. On the playground or play dates (even at home play dates), “short turns” are the rule so that we’re being fair and everyone gets a turn eventually before the play date is over. :)
I always stuggle with doing montessori exercises with my first. I'm trying to teach language and letters with cards and then the little one comes over and destroys everything lol oh well, we'll have to manage expectations for now.
Thanks for sharing this!! I was wondering if the book addresses these practices with a smaller age gap? How do you respond with the children are 2 years apart or younger?
Yes, it does! Covers all sorts of scenarios! :)
You are glowing
I used to think that Kylie was 4 !!!
I was so wrong !!!!!
Question! How should we handle play dates when we promote turn taking and the parents of the other child promote sharing? For example their child takes a toy my son is playing with and I know I need to tell the other child that my son isn’t done with his turn but the parents look at me like I’m being mean to their child. They think my son should “share” which seems to just mean any time a child wants a turn they just snatch the toy and that’s acceptable. Any suggestions?
I advocate for my child when she cannot yet do it herself, if she is clearly bothered by it. Yes, I will do this on play dates and at the library, too. :) 🤷🏼♀️ I’m not worried about what other parents think, I’m doing what I feel is best for my child’s sense of respect and their learning for how to eventually handle the situation on her own.
Karly Sheridan what I teach the children in my preschool classroom is if there is one item then sharing means you need to take a turn because the other child is currently using this toy. If items are more than one - like LEGO’s and blocks then they can share them. In play date situations I would advocate that method.
Thank you so much!
How do you stop older child not to play/disturb the activity that you have put up for younger baby?
Great advice!! I’m always watching your videos. Just wondering what can I do if my 19 mo daughter takes toys from other babies (In a gentle way) and babies are fine with that. What should I say or do? Thanks!!
There isn’t a need to hover constantly and play referee, esp if the younger child doesn’t seem bothered. But if it’s becoming a habit, you also don’t want to let it go unchecked - what you allow, you encourage. Perhaps have a conversation with your child about it at a neutral time, role play with her about how to ask for a turn (or to observe and wait until the baby is clearly done with the item), so she is better prepared with the tools she needs to act accordingly in the future. After this conversation, I would keenly I observe the next few times and step in to remind her and help her put it into action.
Hapa Family thanks so much for your kindly response!!! You’re helping so many parents!!!
Can u pls advice on my toddler who is 30 months old hitting his cousins when they don't share toys with him? He is hitting them , me but it wasn't his behaviour until last month! It's a new misbehaviour. Advice me pls
i dont have second baby, but these ideas seems works for my baby to play with others kids in the park or library activity room, one question if other kid snatches the toy from my baby, can i make him to notice the consequences of his action ??it sounds not like our jobs don’t know what their parents will think of it ....
If your child is upset by it, you could simply state, “It doesn’t look like (your son) was done with that yet, but you can have a turn when he’s done. Would you like to be the one to give it back to him, or would you like my help?” If the snatching child has trouble returning the toy, you could kindly but firmly help him/her return the toy. But in social situations where you may not feel comfortable doing this, it may be easier for you to just empathize with your child about what happened and how he feels about it, and then kindly help him move on to a different toy or activity. I would also work on role play with your child at a later time at home, and teach him to advocate for himself so you don’t always have to be the one stepping in to do this for him eventually. Ideally, these are things he will be able to say on his own once he is verbal enough and has had enough practice.
I feel like this video could have been made a tiny bit more concise, 30mins is a little long and I feel like the same amount of information could have been done in 20minutes or so. I know editing is a pain though so thank you for all your work ☺️
Thank you for the feedback. ☺️ I always strive for shorter videos, but sometimes I just have too many thoughts that I don’t want to let go unspoken. 😬 This was one of those times.
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🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
all im thinking about is what if you have 3 or 4 kids haha
Not only speak, we need see pictures
I usually like to include overlay videos for you guys to make videos easier to watch, but as I explained in the video, I don’t like to film my children having playtime conflicts, as I cannot be there for them in the capacity that I need to be if I am otherwise busy with grabbing a camera. Thanks for understanding!
I feel like the Montessori philosophy from 0 - 3 years has a system that's designed for an only child. which makes perfect sense for that particular developmental stage, when kids discover the world and cooperative play and interpersonal relationships are still too complicated. An inmerse and concentrated child is a beautiful thing... but kids don't live alone, and they get a little sibling at that point usually, so they come and destroy their constructions and want to see what they are doing.... and activities like cooking or gardening are hard when there's a crawling baby that needs to be held...
oh well... it's just life I guess, the montessori approach can be good sometimes but not always