How ABANDONMENT WOUNDS affect us | Healing an abandonment wound after a BREAK-UP
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- How ABANDONMENT WOUNDS affect us | Healing an abandonment wound after a BREAK-UP
What is an abandonment wound or a fear of abandonment? An abandonment wound refers to an emotional injury that likely happened early on life, that was never properly tended to. Later on, our abandonment wound can be triggered or ripped open again, often as the result of a painful breakup. Abandonment wounds are often at the core of our grief when losing a relationship. Healing an abandonment wound is one of the key aspects of successfully moving through heart break. In this video, I discuss how abandonment wounds affect us and why it hurts so bad when a relationship ends. If you're wanting to know how to stop hurting after a breakup, how to heal from a broken heart or feel as though you're not coping with a breakup, exploring your inner abandonment wounds or fear of abandonment is likely key to your healing. The great news is, is that if an abandonment wound is at the core of your heartbreak, healing is entirely within your control!
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I'm Ash Nord, your truth-bombing fairy godmother for everything love, dating and relationships. With so many idealistic, romanticised Hollywood messages about love out there, my mission is to be an honest, unfiltered source of information for individuals and couples seeking honest relationship advice and love lessons. No games, no manipulation tactics, no teachings about how to trick someone into liking you… so, if that’s what you’re looking for, I’m probably not your girl. My content is geared towards those wanting to learn more about REAL intimacy and togetherness with their partners or future partners. I have a psychological focus (I'm a psychology student) and a genuine passion for understanding how humans relate to and connect with one another. If you're into that type of thing, or would simply like to hear personal stories about my own life experiences and romantic relationships, then stick around! I got you.
DISCLAIMER: Please note everything stated in this video and all videos on my channel are purely my personal opinions and are for entertainment purposes only. I am not a qualified professional and as such my opinions should not be taken as psychological advice.
My devastation comes from the fact that it feels like my life has changed completely following being discarded. She's still in her house, still does what she wants when she wants. Even got a new guy moved in. Meanwhile I'm back living my mother desperately trying to figure life out. It's just not fair.
I see that you left this comment 1 year ago. I would be so interested in hearing how you are doing now. I felt like this comment could have been left by me, just from a female perspective. When my bf and I got together and were ready to move in together, we moved into his childhood home owned by his parents due to low availability of housing during COVID was terrible. Well I thought this was a blessing at first. But it ended up being my curse. We broke up within the past few weeks and I had no plans in place to protect me if something like this were to occur. I moved out because I couldn’t be treated so unkindly anymore. He hadn’t wanted me to go many times before but over time, as I began to put my foot down more and more, he just figured it was easier to let me go and encourage me to go instead of having to be accountable for his mistakes. I had nowhere to go besides my parents house, where they were not prepared for me & my young son to live currently, and became immediately displaced into a downward spiral of facing all my childhood trauma, and feeling extremely kicked while I’m already down. He has stayed happily put in the home he was raised in, where his parents do not live anymore, living his same life. I know I will heal. I’ve been through extremely tough times before. But I’m definitely resentful and hurting right now so I just related to this comment tremendously.
@@Listenlyssa Hi! Thank you for posting. We'll I'm not going to lie its been tough. A year on, my ex wife (we finalised a very quick divorce on Christmas day....) became pregnant with her third child to this new man in March and is due any day now. Its my two that I worry for. Its more change, and one I don't think they are prepared for. Of course they are excited, but it's going to have an effect on them if nothing else. Personally, I've been on a hell of a journey that's been very hard. But the positives of breaking away from my narcissist ex wife are that I'm a better person now and more importantly I'm a better dad to my kids. Yeah I'm Still living with my mum, but we are a good team, we make it work when the kids are over. They love it here so much! I co parent with my ex as best I can. In short I started healing by just taking a step back, learning from what happened. I read, and still read loads. I established my own boundaries. I rebuilt myself. I sought out therapy and got the help I needed. I joined mental health groups, which was very hard the first time but knowing someone knows what you're going through helps so much, looking up and seeing another guy in the room nodding at what you are saying is huge. I'm sorry to hear your story. But it does get better. Even looking at my post a year ago gets to me. I thought there was no way through. And yet, here I am still standing. I remember when I posted that I was so very very low. I'm here if you want to talk some more. Thanks for your message!
Michael x
Exactly same situation i am in now 😞
@@michaelbateson8636 That is so amazing to hear!
I can deal with a break up just fine. A simple adult conversation before a break up would help me move on significantly. Not closure just a initial break up in general. I can see two people that once loved each other breaking up in a healthy way it makes more sense and its ideal. But when you go from seeing someone and sleeping next to them everyday to them ghosting you because they cant handle the break up like an adult. Thats the kind of abandonment that destroys my soul. Thats what makes break ups detrimental to my physical and mental health and I shut down. But what has helped me understand is "If they loved you or cared about you they wouldnt do anything to hurt you regardless if the relationship worked out or not and the person that ghosted you did not have any respect for you and you have no business crying over someone like that."
I hear you!! I really resonate with your feelings here, as I feel the same way. Someone ghosting you and not having the decency to have an open conversation is one of the hardest things to move on from! ❤️
My ex told me “i love you” then two days later called me with another dude on the line saying “she moved on” then ghosted me permanently…
Totally agree!
I love that Ashley talked about this. I realize now that my ex was a good guy and I needed him because of the love he gave me. Now, I see that it's the time to start loving myself and be my own best friend and lover. So everyone start loving you by being kind to yourself.
Ashley thank you and could you do a video on why your inner wounds can make us feel like we are still a child.
I’m so happy it resonated with you! These are some incredibly powerful insights you’ve shared here. Being your own best friend and approaching yourself with love and compassion is so important ❤️ THAT’S healing!
Absolutely, I will certainly talk about inner child related topics more. But in opinion, wounds being triggered often makes us feel child like again because it takes us back to those early moments where the wounding began ❤️
Yes but how do you love yourself ?
@@avenue4313 think of all the things you want to hear said from the best lover you could have......you matter......your important......you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.......you are gorgeous.....then write those things down and start saying at least one to yourself every day. It will feel like you are lying to yourself because you are not use to it. However, as you keep saying it it will become normal.
this is something i really needed to hear today. have come so far in my healing since the breakup but there’s still this underlying anxiety and pain that i couldn’t quite place. this explains so much. thank you for this video
After 8 month of breakup i still feel so low at night. Negative energy increases during night time and i cry a lot every night..I am working on myself.But i dont why i cant forget all our memories..i watch your all videos. It gives me lots of positive energy..
I understand and can totally relate.. Nights are unfortunately the worst time. It's the only time where you're forced to be alone with your thoughts. I keep asking myself when will the tears stop? How long before I can feel whole again? ...
Some days are good other days are total write offs.
I hope you find reasons to feel positive again..
Yes, nights and mornings are often the worst time when going through a grieving process. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s an awful experience and feeling. I don’t think forgetting your memories should be the goal. I think replaying memories, as painful as it can be, is our way of processing. However, it’s when it turns into rumination that it can be problematic. Do you practice any form of journaling at all?
@@AshleyNord Journaling sounds like a great idea! Silly question, how would you start? I feel like so much happened I wouldn't know what to write about or where to start. Any suggestions? I did do this thing where I wrote a list of good things and bad things about the relationship and ultimately why it ended but tbh It didn't help me because the feeling of intense loss was still there.
On a side note can I just say thank you. Honestly ever since I've watched your videos I no longer feel like I'm a crazy person going insane. I've watched all there is out there desperately trying to find content that helps me understand and validate what I went through but by far yours has been the most impactful. Thank you 👍💜
😢
Very helpful. I lost my mom. At a very young age and I move with my family who somewhat just tolerated me and I never really felt good enough, so always went above. And beyond to prove myself make people love me and make people stay. I see that now.
Yea what I feel the most is the feeling of abandonment for sure, like I was used, disposable and then tossed away. Like we spoke, chatted every day, every couple of hours for like half a year almost, Sharing our deepest thoughts and talking about so much, friends family, experiences everything. I really felt and we talked about it to like we would no matter what be huge parts of each others lives, that we would never want to hurt each other ever. Fast forward and now she's blocked me, refuses to talk to me, everything, not following me on social media or anything, and she's talking with someone else. It for the first time in 5+years felt like I was belonging somewhere, I really felt like I finally felt like home, that I finally got a break and I started to figure out what I wanted, who and where I wanted to live etc, everything. And now it feels like all trust has been thrown away, all the feelings, I still have all of it left in me, feeling tossed away and uncared for, abandoned like I wasn't even a blip on her radar. It's overwhelming anxiety, I cry every day so much, I feel so insanely lonely and forgotten. Going from chatting and talking about everything multiple times a day to complete no contact, that's so insanely rough for me. And we shared a friend group that was really important to me too and I had to leave and block that too completely because I couldn't avoid her. And now I'm all alone, not talking to anyone, by myself, after 1.5 years of chatting with all of them every single day for hours and hours, and with her, and now it's nothing, everything just wiped out out of existence. I don't have a family to rely on, or close friends, other than the ones I had to leave. I felt fulfilled, I felt like I belonged, like I knew what I wanted to do with my life, things started falling into place. And now it's all gone, crashed and burned. Is it really worth the love? To have to deal with this pain and suffering when it ends, if I knew I had to go through months of this pain beforehand I probably would've never contacted her, even if I felt an intense love every single day, I was in heaven, and now I'm in weeks and weeks of hell and torture. Not only because I have abandonment issues, and I have an anxious attachment style, but it was also my first "real" love, first time it felt truly right. And I was in peak love when she broke up with me, like hitting a concrete wall with a car, instant stop just like that. And I still feel all that love in me. God, please I just want to get past this and be happy.
I understand how you're feeling dude completely. The truth is she chose not to be with you. There's no amount of backtracking or wishing that will change that. That DOES NOT make you any less valuable. You aren't going to be alone forever, There's someone out there that can love you more and better than they ever could out there. Keep your head up, you're not alone in this.
I am so sorry to hear this. It is a very difficult time for you. I feel the exact same way. I tell myself to just move forward, keep walking forward. One day the pain won’t hurt so much anymore. I can’t promise when that day will come but it will.
Be well, buddy.
It seems like you’re talking directly to me. I’m recovering from a breakup, the failed attempts to bring her back has me feeling even more worthless and borderline crazy, I don’t really wanna tell anyone in my life because I’m embarrassed but these videos, I keep watching over and over and they’re just what I needed to hear.
I was distraught then when I realized what the real issue is my anxiety started dropping.
I love how she speaks with true emotion and experience
Amazing thank you. Recently broken up with my partner 3-4 months ago stayed living together for most of that but she moved out end of November. I know she wasn't the right woman for me but I did love her and am heartbroken it's over and contemplated if I could somehow get her back even though she had moved on with someone else. Pretty sure this abandonment issues is causing my head and heart to spin out of control. I'm getting there and starting to let things go and process and move forward with strength & courage now. Thank you for this video. Really confirms I don't need to chase or wish back an ex who wasnt great for me 🙌
Needed this at 3am. Thank you ♥️
It’s been 3 years since I was discarded by my ex. I gave her my all, tried to be her rock and show compassion and patience. And she through me away like week old trash.. I’ve certainly made progress with my healing, but just saw some things the other day that have set me back SO far.. I feel like there’s something inside of me just suffocating to death.. like I’ll never be me again. And I’m terrified. I’ve never felt this at the ending of ANY relationship.. Are there any suggestions from ANYONE??
Your channel is gold, really needed to hear this.
Could you do a video on how to let go of that detrimental hope that an ex will maybe come back? I don’t want to hold on but I can’t seem to let that shred of hope within me die.
I don’t know why but I think a lot of my issue is that subconsciously I'm treating this pain, yearning and heartache as my last tangible connection to my ex. Even if I consciously want to let it go and move on, it's proving difficult to give up this last thread tying me to him and what we had. I don’t know how to let go.
You are so insightful and I’m so glad and thankful I found this channel. Subcribed
I’m so happy you think so! ❤️😊
This is a fantastic topic suggestion - I might just have to cover this one next (or very soon)! Stay tuned! But yes, I think what you’re describing here is very common and something I can personally relate to!
This has helped me so much in a moment when Im feeling consumed with grief and obsession over my recent breakup. Instead of allowing my mind to perseverate on this guy, who I know deep down, isnt right for me, Im hoping I can let my attention stay on that unhealed wound and in recognizing that my strong feeling are more of a response to past needs unmet, and arent really about him at all. Thanks!
My FAVORITE notification to see by far!!!!! Love you girl you literally are such a savior for me thank you for taking your time to make videos for us, they’re truly life changing and I’m constantly referring back to them to help me through situations in my life. You’re an angel, hope you have the best day girl you deserve it!!!
Aww this is so heartwarming! This makes me so happy to read 😊❤️ thank you so much for your lovely words. I’m so happy my content is meaningful for you!
I really need someone to talk to :/ but I feel abandoned by my therapist and I never want to talk to anyone again
Thank you sooo much. I am in a loving relationship he is amazing to me and alot of people came back from my past to say sorry and wanted to be in my life. Some people i accepted even when i knew i should have not...all due to i never wanted them to feel abandoned like me. Then i would hurt all over again. I needed this in order for me to continue to grow. Sometimes we don't know the root so it becomes confusing...but this was a eye opener for me.
I needed to hear this. Thank you.
You’re so welcome! ❤️❤️
this was super helpful, thank you
Recently found your channel at a time I needed it the most. You’ve made me reflect and feel stronger already. Thank you so much 🤍
I’m so happy you found me! I’m so happy that my content resonated with you and encourages you to reflect. Sending you lots of love ❤️❤️
Same here. I’ve been struggling for months now and after watching your video I feel better already 😊
she promised to never leave , but still broke her promise and left me saying that she doesnt feel satisfied with me anymore , i was always caring for her , calling her day and night , asking for how she feels , now she calls me "childlish" and that she wants a true man and not me ...
I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this ❤️ we can give someone our all, but unfortunately that doesn’t mean it will be reciprocated. Sending you lots of love!
@@AshleyNord Thank you
Yessss 👏 👏 amazing advice ✨💕✨
So happy you think so!! ❤️
Thank you ❤
You have great insight. Thx
Thank you for this 🤍
Great video Ashley! Loved the insight and depth as well!
Thank you so much! ☺️ so happy to hear you enjoyed it!
Thank you once again 💛
You’re so welcome! 😊❤️❤️
Thank you so much. I needed to hear this.
You’re so welcome! Thank you for watching ❤️❤️
perfect timing 🖤💀
forreal i needed this lol 💀💀💀
Yay! 😊🙌🏼❤️
Love this video! Thankyouuu
Thank you
You have no clue how much you video hit the spot like u answer then snd read my mind so thank u
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me (MR OSEKHAMETALOR) how he help many people to bring there lover back.,
Whstapp me
+1 9-7-2 5 3 4-8 3 9 9
Thank you for this really ❤️...
Thank you so much for shedding light on this! I’m currently trying to understand and accept why my ex abandoned me they way he did. I went from publicly being his Queen to now barely nothing at all. This healing process is far from over but this video helped me out. Thank you and God bless! ❤️🩹😔🙏🏾
Thank you Ashley.
You’re so welcome!! ❤️
Needed this I made a video on my channel I’m journaling my breakup :(
Making a video to get your thoughts and feelings out sounds like a great idea! Journaling, whether written or spoken, is so powerful!
@@AshleyNord thanks for the reply I have made two videos Iffffff I know it’s a big ask maybe you could check them out
I refer to something you said in my latest video although it’s scattered thoughts I need to work on my delivery
Thanks
Thank you so much for those words I felt like I was so alone right now, but I really want to heal & focus on myself now. 😢
I got rejected by my narcissistic father i was shocked and angry i tried so hard to be a pleaser didnt work. I felt abandonment i have rejection wound and not enough wound and loss wound
Ashley, you are a queen reincarnate. This video helped me so much, so thank you.
Oh this is such a flattering comment! 🥺 thank you so much, that’s so sweet ❤️ I’m so happy this video resonated with you! 🙏🏼
Hi. I hope you will notice me. I ended the relationship and now I feel bad thinking that we should have talk about out relationship and tried to fix it. Now my ex is not replying to me and cut all communication. Im not hoping that we will be together again as I know for sure my ex doesn't want me anymore. I want to know if what I did was wrong and how to stop missing my ex.
I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this - that sounds really tough. Unfortunately if you’re ex isn’t receptive to trying to work things out, then it’s out of your hands 😔 all you can do is let them know where you’re at, that you’re sorry and how you’re feeling (and that you’d like to work on things), and put the ball in their court. It’s impossible for me to know whether or not you made the right or wrong decision ❤️
Can this be caused by friends at young age? I was often discarded as a friend... by people who considered me their "bff" first.
Omg this might be it. I always thought I had no abandonment wounds because my family is loving and giving.
Absolutely! Abandonment wounds can be caused by all sorts of things - it doesn’t have to be family/parents!
do you think it's possible to feel abandoned/ostracised without actually being abandoned by anyone? i feel like as a child i felt that way in my head and ended up creating that wound within myself
What a great question! Yes, I absolutely think this is possible. I think there are a lot of us out there who likely feel ostracized or as though they didn’t quite “fit in” despite not being overtly abandoned by anyone in particular.
i feel the same way, i haven't been abandoned by anyone in my life. But now after a breakup i feel so scared of being alone in this world. I know it is only my anxiety but the feeling is so overwhelming. I feel like it's the end of the world. It SUCKS.
My abandoment wound from my parents and previous exes was so deep that I ended up pushing my partner away bc I was so scared of him leaving me…and I regret it bc he did love me and now he resents me, making the wound even deeper and its my own fault.
Thank you for this wonderful and soothing video. I needed this so bad right now. I wasn’t happy in a loving relationship. I realized that my happiness and self-worth relied deep within me. We broke up because an argument turned physical, and although I know we both played a part in that argument that led to our break-up, it was truly for the better because I had to heal myself and understand where this self-loathing and worthlessness came from. Deep down I knew it wasn’t fair for either of us to be together, especially if one (me) isn’t happy or satisfied with themselves. You cannot bring a half person to a relationship and expect the other person to complete you. I knew it wasn’t his responsibility to make me happy. He tried really hard, and did the best he could, and I still wasn’t happy. I love him so much, I hate the way we broke up, but I had to let him go to save myself.
Abondoment wound . Parents not there emotionally. Ripped new wound. You are not your wound. Your inner child afraid. Getting ex back not it.
Your unprofessional opinion is MUCH more valuable then so so many professional ones I’ve received thank you so much
Hi, I hope you will read my cmnt, I was in relationship with someone I thought that I don’t love him. ( I told my friend that I don’t and she took a screenshot of our conversation and sent it to him ) he just blocked me without saying a word, I really don’t know what should I do ☹️( btw I do love him )
You're the best 👌 💓 thank you for sharing your experience with us hope u r at a safe place now from your past trauma 😊 sending u lots of love 💗
Great video Ash!
Aww thanks Mick!! ❤️
The one thing that helped me the most was to apply all the love I didn't get from my parents, but applied to my (ex)husband, to myself and ONLY myself! At first it was awkward to talk to myself, especially in a warm and loving way (beating up myself was on the daily) but it becomes your inner voice and it's so nice when you have yourself.
I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. I agree, being kind and compassionate towards ourselves feels extremely foreign and unnatural at the start. But it absolutely does become your inner voice and the position in which you make decisions for yourself.
I’m sorry to hear you’re still having to have contact due to the divorce process. I’m sure this is extremely traumatizing. But there will come a point where that will come to an end!
I can help u
+2349038518881
This is LIFE-CHANGING! Thank u!!!
Me rn all i had is her now i have no1 😭😭
I'm glad to explained the lights at the start of the video . Ifyou didn't I might have thought you had a poltergeist.. lol
Haha!! Yes, it would have been a bit unnerving 😂
Thank u so much, your words are very soothing and helping with the healing…
You’re so welcome! And I’m so happy to hear that this video resonated with you ❤️ sending you lots of love!
Please make a video of being left for someone else
I will certainly add this to my future topics list! In the meantime, I’ve made quite a few videos about watching your ex move on with another person that you may find helpful. Although it’s not exactly the same, a lot of the themes will still apply ❤️❤️
I made a peace with myself, after a failed relationship 23 years ago. Finally I looked at what happened (I don't know why I did that), and I figured out something was bothering me. I wasn't guilty when I moved on with my life fast beside carrying my sorrows and. .. Also I finally realized how bad was that person is, that I had a glorious and vivid picture of. The reality is I'm thanking God that my Ex requested separation 23 years ago. Here I am looking at my story I found the person I loved was just on my mind and never existed.
I'm so excited my broken marriage has been restored my ex lover is back after he left me and our kids for another woman. I was so happy to me (MR OSEKHAMETALOR) how he help many people to bring there lover back.,
Whstapp me
+1 9-7-2 5 3 4-8 3 9 9
Your videos are the most helpful about this topic that I have found so far. Thank you 🙏
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Love this topic! Needed it so much😍
So happy it resonated with you! 😊❤️
Good video...keeps it real.
Hello friend, I can recommend you to the powerful love specialist who helped me get my ex back in less than 3 days, he can also help you..
Whatspp him..
This is such a great video! I love this. It is what I needed to hear. Thank you so much! You deserve more subscribers.