Monogamy Is Boring, And That's Okay
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- Опубліковано 19 чер 2024
- My response to "Monogamy is Sexy" & "when you disagree with me..." by Hannah McNeely.
0:00 - intro
1:39 - most people are monogamous
2:19 - she doesn't understand polyamory
2:45 - "open relationships just don't work"
4:25 - jealousy
7:05 - poly people "aren't willing to do the hard work"
8:22 - happy people cheat, too!
11:20 - polyamory isn't just about sex
12:29 - is monogamy unnatural?
13:39 - monogamy is boring
15:35 - p in the vg
18:19 - "true monogamy"
21:03 - i absolutely fall prey to utopian concepts
22:57 - no relationship is perfect
25:26 - "consensual cheating" lol
26:16 - you're all too sensitive (apparently)
28:00 - offending people shouldn't be the goal
30:37 - what monogamous couples can learn from polyamorous relationships
33:03 - "it's my opinion" doesn't make you immune to criticism
35:10 - oh. my. god.
37:08 - thoughts on my blm videos
39:27 - youtube stuff
Hannah's videos
• MONOGAMY IS SEXY
• when you disagree with...
Why Happy People Cheat
www.theatlantic.com/magazine/...
What Monogamous Couples Can Learn From Polyamorous Relationships, According to Experts
time.com/5330833/polyamory-mo...
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“One of the greatest things about becoming older is that you realize.. your own mediocrity.”
😂 girl this is literally the mantra of my life
Right on point Jacon!
😂😂😂😂
Haha tell me about it!!
😂😂 I love this bird!!so real and a dry sense of humour is so fun!!
i literally been thinking about that A LOT and im only 20..........
Omg, yesss! Me too! I used to be so scared of being mediocre but honestly its not that bad 😂
She definitely seems like the Christian girl in high school unironically (and proudly) saying "modest is hottest".
This was exactly my impression
Ha, you remind me someone awesome who says that and owns it: Micarah Tewers, she says "modest is hottest" to make her shorts high waisted, and then goes around doing insane things in her RV.
@@theyoutubeanalyst3731 ok, you got me a little, Micarah IS a queen.
Lol, I dress very modestly (why should others know that I have skin? I’m not confirming it, you should use your imagination) but I will full own the fact that modestly is not the hottest. There is no modest version of a halter, sadly.
@@ChandaurRoshini oh yeah, I tend to dress "modestly" or whatever too, I'm not criticizing "modesty" I'm criticizing the cringe. The cringe is reeeeal 😂
Polyamory and open relationships aren't for everybody. Same with monogamy
I honestly feel like neither is for me. I guess agamy works the best for me.
I kinda agree, but there is always a person that will get their feelings hurt in this type of relationship, at least be honest with everyone involved what are you expecting from it.
@@magdalliee people get hurt in monogamous relationships as well.
@@magdalliee how emotionally immature of you! people get hurt no matter what type of relationship it is. ofc you have to be honest with your feelings. not communicating and lying and cheating for that matter is not polyamory. thats just being a bad person lol
@@naomi-art-stuff girl i know, maybe i haven't worded my opinion correctly. I've just expierenced not knowing that someone was in an open relationship. Dude was hiding it from me. It wasn't the nice feeling ;) so i am speaking from expierence. If he was honest i wouldn't get into this relationship in the first place.
calling polyamory/open relationships consensual cheating is like calling martial arts consensual assault. that's not how this works. that's not how any of this works.
lol perfect!
You're absolutely on point. But I have to say, calling martial arts consensual assault is really effing hilarious because damn, that's how it sometimes feels.
@@HanajimaSensei I mean, you're kinda right. Like "yes please beat me into a pulp uke"
Yes! Truth. Cheating isn't the act of having multiple sex partners and or being in a more than one romantic relationship at a time. Cheating is the act of lying about it. Its the disregard for the boundaries and trust of the other partner.
Perfect analogy.
"I listened with an open mind"....and then closed it right back up, lol.
Yup. Pretty much.
Listening with an open mind doesn't mean you have to end up agreeing with the other person's position.
@@RantsandHeadaches that's very true, but she is basing her arguments on very weak, misinformed reasoning and is low key saying that people who don't agree with HER are wrong. Not terribly open minded....
Yes...and I'll tell you EVERYTHING about my own beliefs whilst refusing to listen to a single thing you say about yours !!!! 🤔
Open mind my left butt cheek, she's like a walking cliche for the statement "I'm really open minded" !!! 🤣
@Rioters Aren't Protesters ....so you don't support people wanting to have their love recognized as love then !!!!??? 🤔
I think the main thing is that people just need to mind their own business. She is making generalizations about people that are polyamorous/ in an open relationship. Life is complicated and she shouldn't bring people down for doing something that she obviously doesn't understand.
Not to mention she came back with “do your research” without actually citing any sources, as well as was snarky to her audience who she had hurt and offended. So uncool. Cancel culture should have come for her...
@@chelsey9987 Seriously! Why can't cancel culture be helpful for one!!!
Why does she need an opinion on this? Who asked her?
PRECISELY.
She’s just uneducated and stupid. As a poly person I’m just wondering why she’s discussing something she really has no idea about.
I love the way you’re discussing all of this, I feel like you’re my cool aunt who’s giving me unfiltered relationship advice and making sure I won’t tell my mom what we talked about.
I think there’s a relatively important distinction between poly relationships and open ones? I’m not in either community myself so correct me if I’m wrong, but i think poly is more like developing fully formed relationships with multiple partners, while “open” relationships are more about having multiple sexual partners? Just something I think might be worth noting!
Poly has to be defined by the participants, it can be a number of things. Mostly it's being in a relationship that also allows for its participants to be in (potentially several) other relationships. It is usually an open relationship that also allows for those other relationships to become partnerships and not just hookups / dating or whatever.
That can be one way, but not necessarily.
I take open relationships as something that goes into the poliamory "spectrum". Open relationships are a way that someone in a mono relationship can explore themselves and how they feel about it, with respect and constant comunication. One can choose to open the relationship for various reasons and not everyone on the relationship has to sleep with other peoole if they dont want to. It depends of the couple and the people in it. I have an open relationship, but the girl I'm with, is one I am super in love with, same as my other and first partner.
Is super subjective.
I’m in a open relationship but it’s just about sex. My husband is the love of my life and I only want to be with him. But I have certain sexual needs that he just can’t provide for me. (I’m bisexual so I want to experience women as well as my husband) and with him, he wants to explore his sexual desires as well and some of the things that he wants, I just can’t provide for him and that is absolutely okay!
polyamory is a type of open relationship. If you break down the term it's "multiple loves" and has a much more relational aspect than, say swinging or kink things. Which would also be open relationships, but not polyamory
In a way, you are right, in that the definition of open relationship most people use are usually about casual dalliances as opposed to full fledge committed relationship, but the broader definition of open relationship would cover polyamory, while poly is specifically about the commitment and emotional investments that goes towards relationship with all parties involved being fully aware of the arrangement. In other words, open relationship is being an "ethical slut" while polyamory is akin to loving many romantic partners. Both are not considered cheating.
In either case though, communication is, as with many relationships including monogamous ones, the key to success. In addition, both form around the concept of compersion, which can be simplified down to the opposite of jealousy (namely, instead of being possessive usually as a result of one's insecurity, one is instead happy as long as their partner is happy, even if it is with other romantic partners).
I am mono, but my partner is poly and is seeing someone else (although he defines me as his primary partner, so the poly he practices is hierarchical). I might not be the most qualified person to talk about it, but having indirect experiences with it helps me to understand it better, I guess.
who hurt her lmao... she says everyone is projecting onto her while she is literally projecting...
exactly what i thought, like just mind ya damn business hannah
I think if someone has jealousy or would be hurt by their partner with someone else, they don't have to "evolve." They just have to find another partner that is on the same page. No one should feel upset or distressed in a relationship and just learn to "put up with it."
Yeah, I liked the Video overall but that Part Made me uncomfortable. That is just not the relationship I want and I don't Think I have to put up with my Partner cheating on me.
I am glad i am not the only one with this opinion. When she said that i was like what the hell? Would she the same thing in regards to a couple in a polyamorous relationship?
If one of them wanted to be in a manogamous relationship then maybe thier partner should just evolve to make that person happier?
No i dont think she would.
I agree. I don't necessarily think that you are more evolved when you don't feel jealousy. It is very natural feeling. We don't feel this kind of jealousy when it comes to friends or family. Maybe it is there for reason and it is supposed to protect us from getting hurt. And I am not talking about toxic jealousy.
If two adults have decided that they want to be in a poly relationship then this is what they have signed up for. They typically acknowledge that there might be periods of jealousy and feelings that they need to work through.
They are free to change their minds and exit the relationship if it is not working for them.
I would not be interested in a poly relationship. I know the is about myself so I wouldn’t even attempt it.
That said I don’t think the desire to work through jealousy is inherently bad. Some of the worst interactions I have had with men have been due to incredibly unhealthy levels of jealousy that should never be encouraged.
It is a natural human emotion but I think more people need to learn to keep it in check.
That said there will be some bad actors. That’s true of any relationship.
I’m going to be blunt. I have a habit of it.
I come from the OG line of sex positive feminism. I have no idea what happened in 2010 or why most people call themselves sex positive today while promoting every sex negative radfem policy, written or inspired, that sex positives fought tooth and nail to shut down in the 1980s - 1990s.
They’ve been fed a lot of misinformation at Uni and online but one thing truly sex positive that I would love to see return is the idea that you are an adult woman. You can make mistakes. You can learn from bad decisions. You can change your mind…
(You can enter a poly relationship and find it’s not for you.)
without the need for government/legal intervention supported by Christian Nationalists.
I’ve seen a few dramatizations going around on Twitter portraying the guy as inherently bad/wrong because the couple agreed to enter a poly relationship, the woman changed her mind and the guy wanted to end it because being poly clearly wasn’t working for her.
That’s a best case scenario. Move on. It’s nice when people are upfront, even if it does hurt your feelings for a moment because they didn’t say it nicely or you like them or …It’s worse to waste your time while becoming more involved.
Unfortunately many younger people have been taught that an awkward teen - early 20 something guy cannot say, “I do not want to be in a sexless relationship” on their Uni campuses.
This is a listed example under “coercion” in most campus policies but it does not meet the legal requirements for coercion by any stretch of the imagination.
Expecting that guy to stay in a monogamous relationship with you under threat of reporting him for coercion actually is much closer to the standard definition for coercion under the law.
I’ve seen the same mentality extended to poly relationships. It’s not like they had an agreement to be strictly monogamous. It was the opposite of that.
Again, I’m not saying that there are no poly jerks. I’m sure there are several, but move on if it’s not working for you. If a guy (or girl for that matter) says I don’t want to be in a sexless relationship and you are not interested in a sexual relationship… move on.
If you agree to an open relationship and it is not working for you… move on.
That’s the only way that one or more people will not be doing something they do not want to do.
Sex is important to SOME. There's no one way everyone has to have their relationship, and asexual relationships are totally valid. Not everyone's needs are the same.
Thank you! 👏
Yes! I was disappointed this wasn’t mentioned. And some people want to have a primary relationship that is sexless or where sex isn’t prioritized, allowing for sexy secondary relationships. And there are a million more variations.
This comment 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Indeed!
I am asexual so I support this. Lots of asexuals are poly so they don't have to give their partners sex. So their partners can get sex elsewhere.
Steps to being Hannah Mcneely:
1.Feel personally attacked by someone 's beliefs or lifestyle
2.Completely misunderstand said belief or lifestyle
3.Make moralizing video which completely disregards other people's circumstances and motivation for their decisions
This is just another thing people need to be open about in the beginning. Some people are interested in open relationships, some people aren't. Some people wants kids, some people don't. Some people want marriage, some people don't. If I went on a few dates with someone and found out that they didn't want monogamy, I'd know they weren't for me and vice versa. People, just be open about what you want in life, it's not hard and will save you a LOT of struggle in the future.
It feels like shes struggling to differentiate between "this is morally wrong" and "this isnt something I personally want to do." Seems to be mistaking her opinion for fact. I wouldnt want to be in a poly relationship but that doesnt mean it's wrong, its just not for me.
Typical conservative Christian behavior.
It is wrong and if you're a Christian it's important to remember (and learn why) polygamy is sinful; people don't use the word sinful anymore now days it's just so much indifferentism it's toxic, there are goods and evils and rights and wrongs, absolutes in this world... 'It's morally wrong and It's something I wouldn't do' should be hand in hand in the Christian person's moral conscientious mind.
@@mr.mrs.j7599 no, its wrong in your opinion. Your opinion isn't fact. Christian beliefs arent fact.
@@mr.mrs.j7599 evrn if it's sinful in your group/mind, the main thing is not to judge. romantic/sexual lives of other people aren't really other's field of work (except when there is physical/sexual abuse or if you know person very well and see that they feel bad)
@@mr.mrs.j7599 The thing is, sweetheart, not everyone believes in your sky daddy and his arbitrary rules.
New title of this video: “Reasonable, Happily Married Adult Explains Nuances In Relationships To Zoomer Puritan”
zoomer? shes like 31
Lia S. Ehh, whatever, she looks really young and is generally tone deaf and immature 🤷🏼 so equated that to being young and naive.
HW as a zoomer I take great offence to that
What angered me about Hannah's video was not only that she bashed another lifestyle that she clearly doesn't understand, but that there was absolutely no reason for her to do so in the video. She could have made the whole video about how great being monogamous is without mentioning poly or open relationships at all. Then she dug her hole deeper with the second video which, to me, came off as highly immature. People's comments in the first video seemed very respectful yet she acted as if they were all bashing her directly (like she did to poly people...the irony). I hope she learned something from all of this, even if she doesn't say it out loud.
polyamory is obviously not just about sex, polyamorous asexuals exist too, hi 👋
was about to pop in and say that! I'm dating an ace polyam person :)
Interesting, how does that work? Would that just be a friendship?
I'm here too!
@@Shelf_improvement It's more intimate than just friendship.
@@Shelf_improvement I have normal romantic relationships just without sex
She sounds like she’s defending something personal that no one brought up 🤔
Idk why but hearing her describe sex as "hot and steamy" made me laugh. 😂
It made me cringe deeply 😂
@@lizrivera389 so deeply 🤦🏾♀️
Cringey
So sweet :)
It made me want to barf 🤮
Girl Defined is so proud of you, Hannah.
Omg same thought!
😂
Im a year late and was about to comment this. Strong girl defined vibes
Poly human here. Personally much happier than when I wasn't. I remember watching her video and being so shocked. I unsubscribed like a minute in to her video. She clearly has never spoke to a poly person. There is so much trust and communication that lays the foundation in poly relationships that I might argue the connections are deeper. Anyways you look amazing and have such a great view on this topic! 💚
I'm glad to hear that you're happier! I have a question for you, if you are willing to answer: how'd you come to the conclusion that polyamory was the thing for you? Did you just decide to try it in a relationship in the past and realized that it worked better for you than monogamy? Hopefully this isn't offensive!
@@kelleyreeves965 I remember ever since I first heard about it being a legitimate thing I was always intrigued. After being in a few toxic monogamous relationships I decided the next person I was with, I wanted them to at least be open to the idea. Once I was comfortable enough with my partner and our communication was solid, we started experimenting with bringing in other people and it's been great! I'm also pansexual so it's (tmi) really sexually and emotionally fulfilling being able to be with multiple genders without losing the connection I have with my main partner.
Yeah right.
@@3t3rn1ty1nf1n1t3 ??
Alyssa Spivey don’t listen to them. It’s just a troll. I’m glad you’ve found relationships that work for you. I’m so happy. It’s also nice to hear from one poly individual to another. :)
Two of my partners are married. Being married doesn't necessarily mean you aren't polyamorous. I'd say quite a few people discover their polyamory while married to other people.
Oh! Here's my fave! X
That’s why she corrected herself by putting the “*are monogamous” edit in there
Aren't you the one who
made a video about BDSM and what fifty shades of grey got wrong?I saw your video in my reccomend video section.
“G spot baby, that’s the secret” I’m cackling 😂
I never thought I’d hear Swayze say “you gotta get nasty”
xD
Sex also is not a requirement of a relationship, which doesn't seem to be acknowledged at all here...
Whenever someone says "I'm seeing more of this all over social media", really just means they're stuck in an echo chamber... and should stop clicking links that relate to that given topic....lmao
I mean, not necessarily that they should stop clicking the links so much as they should pause to evaluate it, look up the opposing side, and the research from places that are as unbiased as possible.
@@JacquelineUnderwood Thank you for your paralleled comment LOL
“I dont have to approve of polyamory” you dont get to approve or disapprove of anyone’s relationship but your own
well I think regarding this situation yes, you cant put your own sexual needs on someone else and judge when they arent the same as you. But you know domestic abuse and stuff... you can probably care a bit
Yes you can. I can disprove of a lot of things, but I don’t have the right to stop people from doing what they want.
Ashu Mishra shut up
Well, between limits: it does become "your job" to intervene when you spot possible abuse/illegalities (the prime example is seeing someone grooming somebody that's way too young)
isn't that what she said? You said "you don't get to approve" and she said "I don't have to approve" isn't that the same thing? I
That women is insufferable, how you're able to sit through her videos is beyond me !
As someone who was polyamorous for several years and is currently monogamous, I'll say that there are many positive and negative things that can happen in polyamorous relationships, just like there are many positive and negative things that can happen in monogamous relationships. Ultimately it wasn't right for me and I would argue it isn't right for most people (something I said when I was poly as well) but some people can make it work and it can be a wonderful thing. And I definitely agree polyamory is a lot more difficult and not taking the easy way out at all. But some people find it worthwhile to put in that work and that's awesome!
I've seen a lot of poly relationships fall apart, but I've also seen lots of monogamous relationships fall apart. It just happens for different reasons. Both lifestyles are complicated for different reasons. I love my boring monogamous life, and I loved my polyamorous life for a while. It's just about finding what works for you and your partner.
Also honestly why should I give a shit about other people's relationships? They don't affect me at all. Just because something didn't work for me doesn't mean it can't work for others.
There is another option: serial monogamy. Where you have multiple romantic relationships during your life and those on itself are all monogamous. Quite a lot of people do that nowadays without realizing that :p
It's different then the idea of staying with one partner your whole life.
This is so important because there are plenty of monogamous people who have dated multiple people over the course of their lives. They’re essentially living a polyamourous lifestyle in that they are giving their hearts to multiple people but instead of doing it at the same time with multiple people they’re doing it one person at a time. There really isn’t a huge difference now that I think about it
This is brilliant!
That’s actually the way that humans evolved. Biologically, we aren’t meant to be with one partner for our entire lives, unlike some other primate species that literally stay together until death.
They cheat while in their "monogamous" relationships though
Swayze, maybe you should become a sex educator. The youth could use someone like you. Also, Hannah's video just comes across as "monogamy good, polyamory bad" with no real proof beyond her own feelings.
Sex educator, food educator, just an amazing and well-rounded woman. Her kiddos are lucky to have her as a mom.
A. S. true ❤️
Poly here.
Thank you so much for providing a reasonable response to this. It's very important to hear a monogamous person validate poly relationships to those who dismiss them.
(I should also say that the same goes the other way around; some poly folk occasionally sneer a little at the idea of monogamy. Don't listen to them.)
I'm not offended at all, I'm angry she is preaching on something she, VERY CLEARLY, does not understand. Xoxo
the reason we don't talk about monogamy is that it's the default, same as straight, white, Christian (in the US and Europe) etc, that's why we don't pay special attention to them, people need to stop pretending it's marginalization rather than being the prevailing "thing"
I don't like that she is just narrowing it down to polyamory is all about sex 🙄
That's because she has no idea what she's talking about, which is why she shouldn't have made a video in the first place.
Yep
Just like there are asexual monogamous people... There ARE asexual polygamous people.
"Ya gotta get NASTY!"
That’s what I like to hear.
Can we also talk about how open relationships and poly relationships are not the same thing haha
You know it would probably be better if we stopped justifying and expecting people to justify their sex lives if they are consenting adults. None of these relationship types are better than the other.
I mean calling out and educating people about unhealthy relationships, but that's more of an interpersonal issue than just "this TYPE of relationship won't work".
You need nuance and ACTUAL psychology and sociology, not you're own biases and insecurities.
Hannah is definitely giving off annoying Christian youth group girl vibes.
Her sister Ellen waited till she was married to lose her virginity
Girl defined realness 💁🏻😂
Yeah I personally don’t really go to youth group because of some of the ppl there are soooo annoying. ✋😔 I feel like a bad person for saying that hhhjjkhb
It's adorable how she (Hannah) thinks that these different types of relationships can't exist in a non-combatant sort of way. Polyamorous folks aren't out here just rioting against monogamy; one might think they just want their lifestyle to be respected and understood.
Did anyone else get the feeling she was trying to convince her husband to stop cheating on her? 😂😂
Her husband cheated on her?!?! 😮
In my personal experience and what I've seen from several poly people I know, being "poly" can easily lead to an abusive situation. I've known multiple men to say "well you said you were cool with this when we met, so I'm going to f*ck this person and if you don't like it you can leave". These were obviously hugely problematic people, and I don't think that they should be considered genuinley poly with that behavior. Still, it gets lumped in thanks to that label they've adopted.
Yeah I have a few friends in poly (in one case, open) relationships and there is a ton of drama and bs for all of them. I can't help but compare their love lives to my other friends who are married who don't seem to have any huge problems.
However, this is just anecdotal. I don't doubt that there are some people who can make poly relationships work (they must have amazing communication skills!) And of course marriages can have just as many problems.
I kind of suspect though that sometimes less mature people are drawn to poly/open relationships, because they think they can handle it (but they can't). Again, this is just based on what I've observed, and I'm sure I have some biases too.
@@marzipanmango I have a ton of friends who are poly and they all seem very happy and stable in their relationships. I don't know how they find the time to balance it all, but somehow they manage. Everyone I know who is monogamously married however, seems utterly miserable. I even run into strangers sometimes who will tell me how overrated marriage is. There are definitely abusive people in poly (just like there is in monogamy) but overall, I think poly have figured something out that the rest of us haven't.
She reminds me so much of the fundamentalist Christian girls I grew up around. I will never understand these type of videos that are made only with the intention of telling someone else their personal lifestyle choices that do not hurt anyone are wrong!
Anyone who thinks poly relationships are easy has never watched sister wives. Lol
Fìfì Fẹ́mi yeah, no shit. That’s why I said poly relationships, not polyamory. Polygamy (notice the prefix, poly) falls under poly relationships. 🙄
Polyamory doesn’t need to be something that works for her but to immediately say it doesn’t work for anybody or that it’s purely sexual is just gross. It’s not for me, but what other people do is none of my business. Glad you made a video about this.
She literally says the same weird shit republican politicians used to say about gay marriage.
I literally spit out my drink when she said "G spot baby"
I'm loving this sex-positive Swayze (also "p on the p" had me dead :'D)
I can’t find ONE person I like and want to keep around. How do people find multiple!? 😅
@@goodsoup2583 how sadly ignorant
Right like I can’t even find one decent person how I’m supposed to find 3 😭
Yes!! 😂😂
People are different, I, for one, fall for the simple things and don't expect to like everything from one person, so in that way multiple people can each in some way fullfill desires and needs in me, and I can do that for them in the best way I can.
You don’t have friends? That you like for different reasons and do different stuff with?
Same shit. But romantically and/or sexually. Maybe you trying to find a perfect mate is the issue. Maybe not. I don’t know you. 😘
In a nutshell, she’s bored of her life and relationships, and very jealous of anyone who dares to live happily and freely
Yeah she's definitely projecting. Or her husband is bored and looks at other women and she's jealous.
I think that is rather unfair to say. Sounds like an attack on her and not a critism on her views. I'm monogamos and will remain that way, and I'm not bored. I am daring to live happily and freely as a polyanamarous person would. I think a backhanded way of critising her is not the way to go.
At the end of the day it is all ok to be poly or mono if you want to as long as it hurts no one
BlueLight did you watch the video and read my comment? She’s the one attacking people’s way of living hun, not me 😂 I’m in a mono relationship myself, but don’t make UA-cam videos bashing others ways of life!
@@lou_jk yep, I did. I still don't think its a good method of critising people. Jelousy is a term overly thrown around nowadays in my opinion, and the comment by nickolta T is just an assumpion. I bet she (miss fisher's sister, forgot her name) is extremley happy, just with a weird view and I would say innapropriate method of getting her point across
@@bluelight2681 it's more saying the SHE is as a person, rather than simply as someone whose monogamous. SHE has issues with jealousy and trust, thus can't imagine being secure in a non-monogamous relationship.
She keeps repeating this idea that people use poly "to heal their relationship." That people doing poly are doing it because their "real" relationship is deficient. There are certainly people who try that, and yeah, it usually fails. But the people I know who are in happy, long-term poly relationships are NOT going into it because they're trying to fix something broken at home. No more than people have a second child because there was something wrong with the first one. It's not this instead of that, it's "yes, and..."
She also seems to see this dichotomy between commitment (monogamy) and casual relationship (poly). But commitment means commitment. It is not the same thing as exclusivity. You can be 100% committed to a long term relationship with one of your partners AND have other partners, as long as later comers know what commitments you've already made to someone else. Again, commitment and exclusivity don't need to be the same thing. Yes, and.
I just can't imagine wanting another relationship when I still get high on life from having sex and being with my fiance who I've known nearly a decade. It's like taking the best drug ever but thinking OMG I NEED ANOTHER DIFFERENT DRUG" in the midst of a best high.. It's just not gonna happen. It makes me think people must be a bit bored or unoccupied by their relationship if they have room for something else. Maybe they've never felt a truly amazing relationship, or they just have a need for constant newness.
Also we have an identity. If your identity is unstable or fluid and you don't really want to feel like "yourself", people will seek out new partners like a new drug, because they want to feel like someone else. It's rarely ever about the other person or true love in my opinion. It's wanting to escape yourself via relationships/romance/sex in many cases imo.
@@ByeByeBelly Pff, okay. You are kinda psychoanalyzing a whole group of people who you probably haven't talked a lot to. If polyamorous people said "I just can't imagine being so insecure that you cling to one partner in fear of them finding someone better or being so lazy as to only wanting to deal with one partner and ridding yourself of the possibility to make loving relationships with so many other people" that would be just as bad. You can't just assume people's intentions and then state them like facts! Polyamourous relationships are not inherently better or worse than monogamous ones. And in my opinion it is a sign of insecurity to put the preferences of others down instead of accepting that we have different needs and wants and that your way of living is not better then anybody else's. (As long as you don't hurt anyone of course)
@@ByeByeBelly that's why I have only one true friend!! I don't have any need to see other people than my one true friend because I can only have fun and commitment and love for one friend.
Also I only have a true relationship with one of my sisters because who needs 2 sisters if you have one true sister who really understands you and where you're coming from.
I don’t watch Ellen Fisher anymore, it was interesting to see her conservative Christian views come out over time. I think that family is highly conservative but they hide it because they fully know their audience is mostly liberal. I’m curious why she is choosing to stray from her usual content?
She made enough money that she can be real about her feelings now . Deals done , brands made , no regrets lol
I mean... you can’t blame it on Christianity.... there are SO many poly- relationships in the Bible. 🤷🏻♀️
Yes but then at end they realized it was a big mistake and they had to face consequences.
Christians are allowed one partner. What you are referring to is Judaism and the mosaic law...prechristian stuff
Li that’s true.
@Breathewitheyesclosed tell me about it ✋🙄
I don't know if there's even one poly-relationship in the bible that was peaceful.
I WANTED THIS VIDEO SO BADLY THANK YOUUU
Why♡?
@@merino989 I watched hannah's vid recently and it triggered me so much. She seemed sooo ignorant and closed minded and I really want to hear other peoples opinions.
I didn't but I am glad we got it, I love how open minded and understanding she is
@@shivanipatel3513 I'm open minded too. Let's hook up.
My best friend of 35 years has been in many relationships, most of which were open or polyamorous. From my purely anecdotal and second hand info from them, they had issues in both monogamous and poly relationships. And also really positive relationships both ways.
I think this is highly dismissive of how these relationships can work and why people choose to have them.
My friend is female to male transgender. They recently transitioned but they’ve always been gender fluid. They also explained to me that they preferred relationships with women exclusively but enjoy sex with men. They’ve felt more comfortable with poly or open relationships than they have with monogamy. Can I relate? Not at ALL. Do I understand? Yes. Completely.
Thank you for this. I love hearing reasonable people.
Eh. Hannah McNeely is pregnant and getting ready to release an ebook. She’s boring and probably holds a lot of regressive views but more than anything, I think she’s tryna drum up subscribers and get that money.
Yeah, I think she’s trying to tap into the Girl Defined audience because she’s just painfully dull on her own. I think her sister is a little dull too, but that’s just imo.
Boring and dull aren't concepts I think about. Monogamy isn't automatically boring and poly new wave types can be boring people too.
byebyebelly
Sorry, I was saying that she and her videos were boring. Not that monogamy was boring.
I think her personality is just very dull. Monogamy is a-ok in my book, though!
@@MartianBlues11 Agree, they're both incredibly dull, humorless people. The only reason anyone even watches Ellen's channel is bc of her kids. Now that they're not in the videos she gets very few views compared to her old videos. Living in Hawaii will only get you so far on SM with that personality lol
Monogamy/polyamory is not a black and white discussion. I'm reading a book about evolutionary psychology and there is SO much that goes into this topic and why we do what we do..... but it goes far beyond "One way works and one doesn't....". She doesn't seem to KNOW much about this topic, she just has a lot of opinions. :)
What is the book called??
yeah, whats the book called?!! 😯
Sex at Dawn?
What is the book!?
@@onlyresilience6276 the moral animal
Poly IS a lot of work! Honestly the reason it works for a lot of people is that it's fulfilling work. They get enough out of their romantic relationships with more than one individual that the work is worthwhile. Some people aren't so excited about being in love that it's worth two or three partners' worth of work, just like some people aren't excited enough about learning to play the violin to do the work, or learning a new language, or whatever you will. And that's okay! Not everyone needs to play the violin, and not everyone needs to be poly. But for the people who really love music it's worth working hard to keep up with three partners at once ... I got my metaphors fucked up but you get where I'm going.
Maybe also just some people think it is more fulfilling to just have that one person. Like the reason I am not poly in my current relationship is that I don’t want to be with anyone else. In my past relationship (open relationship) that was different cause the emotions were different
@@MsJassi13 And that's totally okay too!
I love how she (Hannah) speaks with such authority on something she has never experienced and could never fully understand.
I hate when people go into topics like this with little to no information about it. She is essentially talking about polyamorous or open relationships like the people doing it in a healthy way haven’t talked about it and researched it extensively with their partners. Monogamy isn’t attractive to everyone, and we shouldn’t pressure people to strive for it.
Actually she's wrong, based on Esther Perel's research often intensified emotional intimacy leads to lessened sexual intimacy
Yes, basically you dont want to f with passion your friend... I also love Esther
that makes total sense to me
There are other research that suggest women in long standing relationship orgasm more often and easier.
@@adapienkowska2605 That doesn't mean it's because of an emotional bond. It could just be that the partner actually learns what they need to do to make a woman orgasm.
@@christina7454 Yes, how is that not intimacy?
I looked into the profanity thing in the Abby/Greg video and it turns out you can be demonetized because your t-shirt in the thumbnail contains profanity. So that’s probably why they did that.
Ive seen so many relationships and people who get hurt by someone claiming polyamory cuz they thought it was an easy out, didnt get the easy out, then either left thier actually polyamorous partner(s) or got dumped by thier partner(s). The downside of polyamory becoming more well known is that people who want to cheat try to use it as an excuse.
Sounds like she is confusing an OPEN RELATIONSHIP with POLYAMORY. You can be monogamous AND poly. I know several triades that have been together forever.
Plus, hasn't she ever heard of Sister Wives? There's your Xian equivalent of monogamous and poly.
She really needs to get out more. Sheesh.
ohhh good point. that's exactly what's happening
I’m assuming she’s thinking of like a closed three or even four person relationship maybe. Where a guy has a wife and a girlfriend or a married couple have a boyfriend and a girlfriend and it’s just those three or four people?
I legit thought she was Ellen Fisher and when you said a different name, I thought I was having a stroke.
Same lmao
lmaooo
I barely look like I was born in the same planet as my siblings and there are people walking around this earth that look like they have a twin that was born five years late lmao
It’s interesting how christians like Hanna speak on how wrong they feel this is and refer to it in the secular community but they never comment on the mormons and everything wrong in their polygamist relationships.
This is a misinformed statement.
Who has she “listened” to. It’s like she read one person’s bad experience and made generalizations about all polyamorous relationships. The subtle Christian ideas are nauseating. Ugh I can’t stand Hannah and her response to all the responses was super condescending.
For real! Like I can respect that she is Christian and that she has her morals surrounding that, but she can't seriously expect everyone to have the same values as her can she?? It's like she can't understand that people are different and have different lives than her
I never interpreted the «perfect imperfections» part of John Legends song as imperfections such as forgetting to do laundry. I rather think he sings about «imperfections» such as that crooked nose, from when they broke their nose playing sports, or that soft mum belly that comes from growing and giving life to your children, and other things that society can view as imperfect, but that you might find perfect or sexy or beautiful - because it’s a part of your partner.
This doesn’t surprise Hannah and her sister are two of the most sanctimonious people on UA-cam. I don’t recall many videos where they’re not criticizing everyone else’s life. Albeit in a backhanded way, but it’s there. Even outside veganism. The way they live, where they live, the way they raise their kids, exercise etc is all done better than you.
"Holier than thou" types. They're everywhere 😒
"Maybe they just need to lick something" I'm dying because I was thinking the exact same thing! 🤣
lmao XD
Could not click on this video fast enough. I’ve been waiting for someone to call out her ignorance. And the fact that her response to the criticism she received was another pretentious video, where she basically said “when you disagree with me, it’s doesn’t mean that I’m wrong”. She completely ignored all of the legitimate responses, and that kind of says it all. She’s not willing to accept that she can make mistakes. Which is ironic because the theme of her videos was that everyone else is needs to be more open to accepting different ideas., Hannah, girl please take your own advice 😘
I especially find the "poly doesn´t work" trope funny because like 40% of all marriages are being divorced, probably most of them were intended monogamous (that number is for Germany, though). The conclusion of this is certainly not that monogamy doesn´t work in general though.
I enjoyed your reaction to her video. Personally though, from what I have seen, people I know that have a polyamorous relationship experience a lot of drama and fighting with each other. I don’t believe it usually works out for most people honestly.
WAC That may be true! I’m not saying it can’t workout, I have just never seen it workout and I know lots of people who are in poly relationships.
I think its because some people in poly relationships shouldn't be in relationships at all. Its not that they should be in monogamous relationships instead, its that they don't have the emotional maturity to build any kind of successful relationship
I hope that makes sense.
It's probably just like any other monogamous relationship. Some workout some don't, some are horrible, some are great. Personally I've been in a poly relationship for 6 years now and we are reall happy but I do know people who are doing horribly so it certainly depends
Abby Nicole Very true! Great point.
Cucaracha Roach That’s so awesome that you’ve had a successful poly relationship. All the best!
I know what she’s talking about circulating on social media which is people pointing out that hardline monogamy is the only option for anyone ever kind of ties in to the way capitalism has kind of invented the nuclear family structure and rejects like community based familial or relationship structures. This doesn’t mean that anyone is ever saying monogamy is inherently bad, but it’s important to talk about why things in society are the way they are; e.g: why is monogamy that is solidified in marriage the only option and why is it looked down upon when multiple generations of family live in the same home or when parents need outside help to care for their kids they’re considered “inadequate” when that was the norm for such a long time!!! I saw someone say the other day “capitalism plays into all of this because 25 nuclear families need 25 tool kits but a community based living structure only needs 2 or 3.” Same thing goes for monogamy; it’s easier to keep people in a single family household when they’re expected to eventually marry a single person and move away from their childhood homes. Idk, just my take 🤷♀️
Woah :o
Monogamy still existed in hunter gatherer societies. The only people who practice polyamory are privileged millennials and religious nuts.
40 lashes I’m not saying monogamy hasn’t always existed whatsoever! What I’m saying is that the way monogamy exists today is very cookie cutter and everyone is expected to follow the same path (grow up, get married to someone of the opposite sex after dating them for a year or two, move away from your immediate family, and pop out a couple of kids and raise them without any outside assistance). Generally speaking, if people don’t do the stuff I listed exactly the way people expect them too, it’s looked down upon, but that path in itself isn’t old. It’s an invention of society. Even if a couple was monogamous long ago, they weren’t married and chances were their children were raised communally and they still lived with their relatives. Im not even saying that getting married and doing the other stuff I said is bad! But it’s worth considering whether you’re doing things because it’s actually what you want or if it’s what people expect you to do. I myself am monogamous and in a long term relationship and I want to get married eventually! But that’s what I want, and I can recognize that it’s not for everybody.
@@rust44 this video and a lot of the comments are kind of irking me... You just won my internet for the day. Im glad I kept scrolling! Also, love love love CEGF!
Off topic but your shirt is really cute.
i think so too!
Came here to say exactly that ^_^
Right?
@Li I know!
She’s (Hannah) coming from a Christian perspective and it’s disturbing.
enib she’s not talking about the pros of it, she’s saying there’s no other successful way to be. 🤷♀️
I was 18 and in a long distance relationship. I asked my partner about open relationships which he said no to, and then cheated 😂 this sent me on a quest of research and I ended up being convinced that poly is the best option for me and for many. It’s a lot of retraining your thoughts and working thru your emotions. I am 21 now and so far so good! I have learned that although you don’t run out of love to give, you do run out of time and energy. Also you can be poly and only have 1 partner!
i think she missed the point (hannah) the difference between poly relationships and people who just cheat is consent. those who are open to more than one partner in a relationship are all aware and happy that its happening therefore if all involved is not being betrayed why does anyone feel the need to prove them wrong? also if you have and opinion and share that opinion with everyone than you have to be open to talking about it if not than why share?
Have the only poly people this woman has encountered been unicorn hunters trying to get her to be their third?
There’s a possibility.
😂
This is one of the favourite videos of you I've watched so far.
I've been in a long term polyamorous relationship up until the end of last year and a lot of things didn't work out in the end but what definitely did work was talking about your feelings and expectations. And this skill has helped me immensely in my current monogamous relationship (I'm 23 so it's only my 2nd relationship).
Thank you actually listening and trying to understand what people talk about when they're talking about polyamory
Thank you so much for making this video. You did such a good job of explaining your own viewpoint while also speaking in an educated manner about polyamorus relationships and polyamory in general. I feel like this is what a lot of the commenters on Hannah’s original video were trying to convey.
If my partner wanted to become polygamous I wouldn't say "no" to him, because that's his personal choice. But I'd end our relationship right there because I do not agree with it. I'm not even considering jealousy or any other emotions, if it comes down to rational thought it would be virtually impossible for my partner to have the presence and commitment in our lives and relationship the way it was expected since that commitment, time, energy and money would be divided. This is very important because a relationship isn't just sex and cuddles, that's teen dating. And STDs would be the cherry on top of all this. Nope. Not for me.
Yeah this is exactly why I wouldn't want it either.
I have three partners and my time/energy/money is not divide in three... That's strange. Firstly we don't have the same level of commitment and second it's just a different way to manage our lives.
And also polyamory people are less prone to STDs because they get test regularly and uses condoms more often than monogamous people who cheat. That saying, you do you, it's your life 👍
@@sallys.2707 Me and my partner don't cheat on eachother, we love and respect eachother and don't really need anyone else. I can safely assure you that the very thought of cheating or fucking up what we have between eachother brings us both to tears. I cannot say if this is a forever thing, but this is how things have been and are between us.
I cannot use condoms, I have certain sensitivities (also can't use tampons, menstrual cups and regular pads, I actually do use bamboo and cotton reusable cloth pads).
I had to do blood tests to virtually all STDs not even half a year ago because of a procedure I had to go through and all came negative... I don't even have herpes, which is a really common one.
I can understand your perspective and how you feel and I do respect your life choices. But for me it would be unacceptable... I talk about "division" as in a comparison of what I have right now. We can't compare both our relationships and talk about partner commitments or their presence in our lives because we don't know eachother's realities. I for one love to be with my partner and spend all day in his company if I can. The only time we don't spend together is when we're working and even then we keep texting all the time... We have a really strong friendship bond as well. So, being this my reality, if he suddenly had less time for me, or stopped texting me during the day like is a normal thing for us it would be already perceived as a "division" to me. Because I'm comparing what it would be to what it is, for us, in our reality. There's really no room for a 3rd wheel in our relationship.
With that being said, and as I stated in my original comment, if he ever told me for whatever reason he felt the need for polygamy I'd respect his choice. But that's not for me and I'd walk away immediately. That's not something I want in my life or that is in any way beneficial to me physically, emotionally and financially. Quite the opposite...
Joana Covita it’s completely okay for you to be monogamous and I’m sorry that person is seeming to shame you/try to fear monger? Every kind of relationship that’s pros and cons and I’m very happy that you’re happy in your relationship. It’s also extremely heartening to heart of a monogamous person who wouldn’t try to force themselves to be poly or to be with someone who is poly when that wouldn’t fulfill their needs. I’ve met too many people who try to be poly for their partner and it’s just damaging to them, and I’ve had to make the choice to break up with monogamous people who said me being poly is okay but then it was obviously extremely bad for them. Knowing what your baseline needs are and being unwilling to bend on them is very important.
Wow thanks a lot for doing this video! As someone in an open relationship I can confirm that this is in no way the easy way out, it needs a lot of work, trust and good communication. And of course open relationships or polyamory aren‘t for everybody, the same as monogamy isn‘t for everybody. Everybody can live a happy relationship in their own way, no need to drag other people down.
Best video ever from you!! Thank you for speaking on this. I’m in an ethically nonmonogamous relationship. My primary partner and I both see other people, but those external connections are definitely intimate and emotional as well - not just sex. I’ve been in this sort of relationship for 10 years with 2 partners and it’s a core part of who I am! Fear of boring sex or monogamy had ZERO to do with why I landed on this relationship style. And yes - very few truly poly or ethically nonmonogamous couples are doing it to fix their relationship. In fact, many won’t even connect with other partners until they are confident things in their primary relationship are good.
Thank you! It's nice to have allies! You are well spoken and explained the whole concept and debunked myths about polyamory, without even being poly yourself! I admire that, and you and you have my love
There's nothing you can achieve with monogamy you can't with polyamory: discipline, raising kids, living together, planing a future, respect, boundaries...
Except monogamy lol
People can do what they want, it aint my problem. But the second a dude tells me he's into 'ethical non-monogamy' or 'ethical polyamory' or some other bs I run the other direction. In my experience, it's their way of manipulating you into thinking 'oh i'm not cool enough because i feel bad when my so sleeps with other people'. F that. Toxic and manipulative and emotionally abusive.
And how can you prevent/test for STDs? Monogamy is the only option if you care about personal health/well-being
Katelyn Brady not if you have regular partners who you are unprotected with and get regular testing. Any new/additional partners should be protected of course. As long as everyone is responsible and healthy, it can be a very positive experience.
Or polyamory just isn't for you and you do not want a relationship with someone who is poly. What is toxic or manipulative about the poly person being upfront with what they want in a relationship? You just have to be upfront yourself with that person that you want a monogamous relationship, wish them well, and move on.
@@river8783 Lol it's happened to me, where I am in a monogamous relationship, then the person tells me that I make them feel guilty, by existing in this relationship, for them wanting to sleep with other people. So they cheat, but it's not their fault because I 'made them feel guilty'. This comment is not to say 'all polyamory people are toxic'. Merely that my experiences with it have been monogamous guys who want an excuse for cheating. I communicate and am up front. Don't worry, you aren't on my relationship material list. People do what they want, but doesn't mean I consent to them doing it with me.
@Rachel Forshee Exactly!!! I have no problem with polyamorous people, they just are not my crowd. Everyone I've met with the 'ethical polyamory' label has been a fboi in disguise. Hopping on the latest trend to hide that they are just cheaters
I have to say your commentary often really helps me. I feel like I learn from your critical attitude and nuance without the judgmental tones that are often associated with that. These are things I find really important, so thank you!
i’m halfway through and this is a SICK video, i love it
I have a few friends in poly relationships, actually... Most of them, it's sort of who I hang out with. There definitely has to be a lot of communication and jealousy does occur, which requires more communication. People also in polyamory are just acknowledging that they can't have their needs met by one person, and that's ok. Polyamory isn't always about sex. Someone may be polyamorous with someone that can support them differently mentally.
A side effect of a good polyamory relationship is communication is key, so they're normally better at communicating than monogamous couples. It's a lot of work, and it's not perfect, but people that do it find it beneficial for their lives and needs, physically and emotionally.
Hannah sounds like some of those UA-camrs who are Christian and preach about not having sex until marriage and not being gay. Very judgemental and presenting her insecure opinions as absolute truth
This is legitimately one of my most favorite videos of yours
I love these videos because you are like my favorite rational, intelligent, internet, "big-sister". I've been watching you for years and I always appreciate how well thought out your arguments and opinions are. You honestly have helped me grow as a person and helped develop my own critical thinking. Thank you! 😊
i think the problem is with Hannah’s stance is that she is opposing something that doesnt affect anybody but the concenting adults involved. Like, I dont wanna be in a poly relationship so I am not, ta-da! Just like with gay marriage and things like that, there isnt an obligation to participate if you dont want to, so why dictate other ppls life
I think I would like to be the “other” in a poly relationship. Not just for sex, also to hang with occasionally. I just don’t want a long term monogamous relationship. I’ve tried. Nope.
Oh and I loved Greg’s response to your video.
See I would put myself in the non relationship having boat. I have friends not partners this way I can maximize the time I get to spend alone by not having to share my living space with someone else. I can be intensely intimate but only in small bursts like spend the evening and the night together and then maybe we just talk on online for the rest of the month. I think this sort of thing is easier for me though because I'm exclusively interested in men~ I dunno if my method would be nearly as successful for me if I wasn't. I'm also pretty close on a friendship level with anyone I establish that kind of arrangement with too because there is an emotional aspect. I just really like being alone a lot. Sorry I think I went on a tangent but this lady's closed minded veiws ignoring how different people may have different emotional needs kinda frustrated me haha.
that's basically where my mum is at. Since she has three kids, two grandkids, she doesn't want people who she'd bring into her family strongly, I know her friends she's kinda with, but like no one else is going to be in a relationship that makes them in any way a parent to me. Her family life is entirely her own but that doesn't mean she's doesnt' have any need for relationships that are intimate.
Kyle Colden Not a tangent..totally applicable and I agree with your thoughts of needing my own living space and alone time.
Haven't even started this video but I sincerely want to say thank you. Your videos give me a really important distraction and are a comforting spotlight of logic and rationality for me during hard times.
I always appreciate your point of view so much! Keep up the great work :) you really make people think and I think that is SO IMPORTANT!!
This is the cutest and most feminine shirt I have ever seen you wear....
You are truly my hero, this whole video (as always with you) is so respectfully, hilariously, and factually said 👏🏻
I'm new to this channel and I've been binge-watching all of your content.
You are hilarious and I adore how honest you are. THANK YOU for this content !
I definitely get the vibe from SOME poly friends online that they are more enlightened and interesting than their poor, boring monogamous friends. I resent their assumption that monogamous sex is somehow boring.
Hello! I'm your local comment section poly person and in my opinion, sex in monogamous relationships can be boring just like sex in poly relationships or even group sex can be boring. Sex isn't gonna be great all the time and that's okay! We shouldn't romanticize poly or monogamous relationships as automatically strengthening our sex lives. That sets unrealistic expectations. Good sex is largely about communication, not relationship status/arrangements.
Natalie Manka Thank you!!
I mean sleeping with the same person for years can get boring. Especially if that person isn't very sexually creative. That's why monogamous people cheat so often.