My own teen question cards are now available on etsy since so many of you asked about them. They are inexpensive getting to know you cards, you can find them here: www.etsy.com/shop/TheGratefulTherapist#
I am going to do a first session of my career with a teen tomorrow and made notes of what you said in the video. Wish me luck and I hope I became as likeable amongst teens as you are :)
Best of luck! Def use my teen question cards. Have them on your table in case you get stuck or nervous. They are linked in the description. Must have. xo Quenby
Great ideas. I can see why the teens love you 😉. My daughter has been to multiple therapists and counselors and I agree that building that relationship is the most important at first but there’s a point where some therapists should put on their professional hat. My daughter has even told me mom they just talk to me about their life or pretend to be my friend still. She has had all women except one man therapist and he pushed the limits but never went too far and she actually was more responsive to him and she’ll tell you that too. He was her favorite. We got further in that short amount of time than we ever did with some others long term.
Wendy THANK YOU. That is an awesome point. Yes, the therapist needs to be PROFESSIONAL all the time. The therapist sharing all about their life or pretending to be a friend, is overdoing it. I agree. A counselor can share about their lives but "with boundaries" is essential. I hope you daughter finds a therapist she LOVES. Keep looking until she says "I love her/him" about the counselor. They can gently push, and you can love them for it. xoxoox Quenby
I am soooooo thankful to find your channel!! I started as a clinical therapist in Sept. 2022 and honestly feel overwhelmed. For me it‘s difficult to take it slow, because most of the parents put a lot of pressure on me to fix the problem now. Thank you for this video🙏🏼
Thank you so much Sheryl. I educate my parents in the very beginning. I do my 1st session with the parents. I explain that I need to build and relationship and trust with my client or we will not make any progress. I have never had a parent NOT understand this. When I explain it, they get it. Thanks Quenby
Thank you for this video! I’ve been a therapist for teens for 2 years and I started second guessing my work due to a difficult few weeks with some clients. This video was very reassuring and comforting. Thank you for sharing!!!!
I recently “got out” of a toxic relationship. I’ve blocked him on social media but can’t seem to block his number. He texts me sometimes to try to hook up or to tell me about new girls he has. I know I’m way too good for him but it still hurts my heart deeply. I would love a video on recovering from relationships that are only hurting you.
Hi Madelynn, wow, I know how hard that can be. Did you watch my video on Boundaries? That might be a good start. Good job separating yourself! It's hard and it might hurt for awhile but it's important. xo Quenby
Thank you so much for posting this! I'm not the most confident when working with this age group but it's been comforting and validating to hear that I have the space and wiggle room to be a little more laxed and authentic around them.
I’m so glad I found your channel. I’m starting private tutoring with two teen siblings in January (they’re both failing math), and even though I think it’ll be fine, I do want them to feel respected and safe! This is my first time tutoring teens, and I feel like it’d be good to take the time to prepare. Admittedly that’s partially anxiety talking, haha. Thank you for this content - I’m a big fan of giving people options and space, and an “out” if they want one, though I’m not sure if I’ll always be able to (hw, exams, deadlines, etc). I like your advice about being authentic!
I love that you want to help the teens. I have several videos on the channel about working with teens, one on teens with anxiety too, so I hope it helps. Thank you Quenby
My parents forced me to go to therapy as a teen and I hated it. When I left home in1983 I vowed I'd never see or talk to them again and I haven't. To be honest I don't even know if they are still alive.
The really sad thing is that once I lost trust in my parents I've been unable to trust anyone ever since. Thankfully I have a job where I can work from home, which means I never have to leave my apartment or mix with people. My world may be small but it's safe.
Such a helpful video! I just graduated grad school as a new therapist and may be working with teens. Needless to say I’m pretty nervous 😬 any advice for a new therapist getting into the field? I have experience with counseling college students but risky teens, not so much. Thanks again for this great video!
Yes, have soooo much advice on working with teens ha hah. I just put out a video about teens with anxiety so I hope you check that out too and let me know what you think. My #1 tip is TAKE YOUR TIME don't rush the work build the relationship first. Quenby
Thank you for this wonderful video! I just finished the first session with my teen clients. Two of them in a single day and I wouldn't have built rapport with them as smoothly as I did had I not watched your video. This was super helpful for me in connecting with them. They were very hesitant at first to have sessions with me and they were very quiet and resistant to share but I followed all of your tips and by the end of the session both of them want to continue having sessions with me. At first I was worried that perhaps the cultural difference would render some approaches ineffective but that wasn't the case earlier. I will be watching all of your videos for more helpful tips and I hope you post more in the future.
Hi Kimberly, thank you for coming to watch this video. I thought of you while making it. I will have many more on working with teens in the future. Best of luck to you with your grandson. xo Quenby
I really appreciate your videos and channel. I am a clinical social worker wanting to make a change from working with adults to working with adolescents. In addition to curiosity and excitement, I also notice my insecurities in embarking on this. Would love to see more videos like this and also how to work on CBT skills with young folx. Thank you again for your content!
I am so glad to hear you will be working with teens. They need you. Most people in my area don't accept teens. It is a hard population in some ways and many people feel like you do, a bit insecure, and that stops them from wanting to work with teens. I wish you the best! Thank you for your comment! Quenby Gallahan, LMFT
thank you for your tips - very helpful. My teen client doesn't want to talk. The issue his parent took him to the therapy for is they are not being social, they don't talk. I find it very hard to work with them.
I know what that is like. Do you have a supervisor or mentor to consult with? My personal opinion would be not to push them to talk. Do art. Let them take time to open up to you. Quenby
I am an LAMFT and I struggle with this. We work with teens in the context of the family unit, so we are always with other family members. They do feel forced at times, and are angry or resentful, and here I am, another adult wanting something from them. Thank you for making these videos.
Argh that can be so hard. I do not see teens who are NOT willing to be there. It does not work. Can you have the family as your UNIT and then still see the teen one-on-one?
Quenby, Great video, good advise and awesome tips for working with teens. As a special education teacher i taught in a middle school, and these teens are especially misunderstood and hard to reach.... but like you said if you take it slow and build the relationship they usually come around... good job on another great video!! Debbie
Thanks for saying this Debbie! Wow you were a SE Teacher, such good work! Yup, but I love the hard to reach teen because it's so beautiful when eventually you make connection oxox Quenby
Do you have some helpful ice breaker questions for teens who are reluctant to elaborate? When open needed questions still bring out very brief answers, and it’s difficult to bring some life into the session.
Of course! Did you check my digital downloads? I have teen question cards and also teen check in questions designed to draw teens out, both are on etsy. But...if you can't draw them out with your questions and they are only giving brief answers, I might switch tactics. I would do some art while talking so they may feel more comfortable, or I would find out what they DO like to talk about, Baseball? Soccer? video games? music, anything to get them rolling.....let me know Quenby
Thank you. One of the best tips I have for newer counselors is to just BE YOURSELF. It is okay to have a personality and be a therapist. Esp with teens bc they can sniff out a fake in minutes. Good LUck!!
Hi Whitney thank you for your comment. I think my suggestions would be similar for mandated therapy.....I move right in and talk about the fact that its mandated and what that is like for the teen... i.e. "tell me what you think about court requiring therapy for you". If you can talk about the teens resistance and let that be allowed, you are better off. I have had sessions where the entire session is about how stupid the Teen thinks counseling is....and by allowing room for those thoughts and feelings, the teen begins to trust me.
So, I'm a school counselor, and I have a middle school kiddo that refuses to talk with any adult, refuses to go to therapy, and is refusing to do any school work. This kiddo is going to have to repeat the 7th grade. I recommended to the mom that she try doing counseling herself, since her kiddo won't go. She agreed to do so, but hasn't. She's still trying to get her kiddo to go, but that's not working. Any ideas on how else to approach this situation?
Is there anyone who the kid will talk to, like a specific teacher or coach who can be a bridge? That might be an inroad. Without knowing what the kid is dealing with its hard for me to advise. IF I can get a kid through the door, they stay 99% of the time. The kid might be afraid , tho probably won't admit it. Can you find a gentle entry, like a walk around the campus, something less threatening than your office? . Move in SLOW. Think fear rather than resistance. Hope any of this helps. Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist Thank you so much for your reply, Quenby! :) I do think this kiddo is afraid to talk. He exhibits signs of depression and anxiety, and he may have a fear of abandonment (dad left the picture a year ago). I did try to get him to go for a walk with me, but he wasn't feeling it :( I even invited him to play cards or do some art with me (or whatever he would enjoy). Other teachers have tried similar approaches and nothing has worked. I think if I had more time to do more classroom guidance lessons and support groups it might encourage him to open up to me, but I've only been in my position since this January and we have about 6 weeks of school left this year. I'm feeling at a loss here, but I don't want to give up.
I had this teen who was required to give a drug/ substance test and counseling report. The teen blocked completely and nothing could make him talk- all he said was I’m here for a drug test just give me the results I don’t need therapy. I could tell he felt betrayed and judged and his drug test was negative but even after that he insisted that he wasn’t going to talk and he was upset! It was so difficult to be a helper to him
Yes, well it was a set-up for you as a counselor. It is so hard when the teen feels forced. It is harder to build the relationship. I would start by talking about the fact that he was required. "what is it like to be required to be here" Don't be afraid to addess it head on. Quenby
It's a really good video! Can you share to us about the tools you mention on your video? Like question card, icebreaker. I think i need variation of the tools. Thank you!
I had a completely traumatizing experience with a therapist as a teenager. I wish it never happened. Even 10 years later I still have flashbacks from it. I feel so jealous of people who had positive experiences in therapy growing up. The therapist I saw was extremely controlling and egotistical and I wasn’t allowed to say no to anything. It sucks because the memories won’t go away but I’m also averse to going back to therapy because of this. Working with teens like this has so much responsibility because you can do so much harm but also a lot of good. I wish all therapists who worked with children were committed to not doing harm but this isn’t the case…..
Omg! That’s so horrible! Sorry to hear that :( How long did you continue to work with that therapist and have you told about ur feelings to ur parents?
My first video of yours! Very helpful, thanks. I am going to check out your one on Boundaries as you suggested to another viewer, but have you done one on teenage relationships in general? That is a big topic1 in my experience...
So happy you found this helpful Curious what you mean by a video on "teenage relationships" let me know and I am happy to do one. I have several videos on counseling teens. Quenby
I have a client that is in their early 20s. My client said that they trust me but I feel resistance and also the client says 'I don't know' I've found tools online with changing the way I ask my client but still the client will say I don't know how I'm feeling. I've given many tools and tried different methods to get her/him to open up freely with little success. The found client cannot identify his/her feelings, so long story short how can I help his/her identify her/his feelings, flat affect/appears miserable and body language is negative and the client doesn't see a future for herself/himself.
i'm under the impression that, as the parent or guardian, they can request to see any or all progress notes, or request any information that they want to know about . i dont believe it is always completely confidential for teenagers, and i've been in situations where, due to risk of the severity of the substance being experimented, i was advised and required to involve the parent, which ultimately broke the rapport and trust completely.
Yes, it’s definitely a concern. Certain things I feel they can know but not address, just keep an eye on it so they don’t feel like they were betrayed.
Hey, I commented a little while ago on this video asking some questions. I had my first session yesterday and it went great. I like the counsellor I was given to work with. Only problem is, there isn’t really any confidentiality. If my parents call her, she will tell them everything I said. I need to specifically tell her not to do so if I want something to be kept private. That really sucks. Thanks again for calming me:)
Hi Kianna, I have Never Heard of that. You have a legal right to confidentiality. Are you seeing a Therapist, or some other type of support person? Social workers and Therapists have to protect your privacy legally. Google it. Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist thanks, that is what I have heard countless times before and that’s why it caught me off guard. I’m seeing a psychologist. Could it possibly be a different situation because I don’t have a therapist? It’s all so confusing. Could it also be because I live in Canada? I believe she mentioned something about how because I am under 18 that made a difference. Does that make sense?
In the USA, a clinical psychologist have a similar legal and ethical mandate to protect a minors privacy as a Therapist or MSW. There are exceptions to confidentiality, such as if a client is suicidal, etc. I suppose it could be different in Canada, but I would look it up and then have a conversation with your Clinician about it. If you are seeing a school psychologist it may be different so do your research and also ask questions and most importantly get the mental health support you need to feel healthier and better.
@@thegratefultherapist thank you, I am not seeing a school counsellor but I don’t think that makes any difference. I did a bit of research and it turns out that at least in my province, if your under 18, it’s really up to my parents whether it’s confidential or not. I guess it also depends on my maturity? Anyway, I have my next session tomorrow and will definitely be asking some questions regarding the matter. I am not currently suicidal so I’m guessing that will make a difference. It will be hard to get the needed help because of the lack of confidentiality but I’m sure it can help in some way or another. I will update on what she said tomorrow.
@@thegratefultherapist ok, I got answers. It turns out that my psychologist doesn’t use the same words as I do and kinda just gives a general idea of what I said to my parents. If they ask more specific questions, she is required to give more specific answers. I guess it helps a bit. Not much though. She told me that she would look into other services out there that are more confidential. I guess I just have to wait and see. Thanks for your help:)
Thank you so very much for all the tips. What are your go to tools (games, workbooks, art, etc) that you use to get the reluctant teens to express themselves ? Thanks a lot ,
I have a few videos on what i do with teens in therapy, so check those out and let me know what other questions you have. My teen question cards are my #1 go to. I also like book making and collage with themes. xo Quenby
Thank you for this very helpful video :) I'm sure you are a wonderful therapist. I am currently working as as art therapist with teens in an impatient unit, I run groups and I am really struggling with engagement at the moment! I was just wondering if you might have any tips or activity suggestions? Thank you :)
Yes, I could write you a book on running groups with teens since I did it for Hospice for 10 years. First, watch my other video on groups. I have a template too and some activity suggestions. Then...if I don't provide enough info in that video, let me know your questions. xo Quenby
also....if they are not engaged and participating he way you want, I personally would work on SAFETY in the group, helping teens feel more comfortable is my #1 intervention
@@thegratefultherapist thank you for this! Yes I agree, it is something I have been working on in the groups, I appreciate all your useful tips. Rosie :)
How do you justify to insurance companies that youre building rapport and taking it slow? With cash clients i think its easier to convince parents to pay out of pocket long term, but not insurance.
Oh Gosh that is a huge question! It depends on how severe the eating disorder is. It becomes a medical issue depending on what is going on. Def a ref to the MD is important too. For me, the way to start is always to be GENTLY CURIOUS and understand what it is about for the teen. xo Quenby
Is it different if the student if actually very young rather than a teen? Approaching them, therapy? I have a student who lives in a struggling home with a grandmother, 2 sisters and a brother, his siblings are all caring and kind but he has a hard time in school since Kindergarten. I can understand if no one pays any attention to him, but his lash outs, outbursts, and pouting, there has to be pain there but does not know what to do with it you know? I am not a therapist, just a first grade assistant and I am willing to help since I see him during lunch and recess, would it be appropriate, okay? How would I go about this? I do have my own class to be with, but I just worry for him and it breaks my heart. How can I help him? Frustration starts every time when Reading comes up in class, our principal knows but how can we get into action to help him though?
I work in an elementary school one day a week. I have several kindergartners and 1st grade boys like this. Can you work with the school Counselor and principal to make a plan? I Coordinate with the school team on these matters. One of my kids gets 20 mins with an aid, like you, daily to give him extra attention. They take a walk or make art and it helps!
Hi! I'm a mental health counselor with a limited permit. I have a teen client I talk to through Telehealth. We have been working together since middle of July and she continues to often be resistant. We had a breaking point back in October-part of November where she was opening up more and actually wanting to talk with me. However, she opened up one day about previous school experiences she has had that annoyed her. The next week, I decided to bring this up again to explore and she shut down and said she was irritated with me for bringing it up and that she only wanted to talk about it that one time. I empathized and never brought it up again , but since then she has basically recessed herself. How can I try to help her feel comfortable again to talk about anything at all? I am running out of ideas of things to do each week, so I often talk about anime (her favorite type of show) with her
I'd like to add, that I am also hesitant on talking about anime so much because I also don't want to make it seem like that is my way of forcing to be a friend on her. I personally do not watch the genre much, but I have watched it more often now so that I could try to get to understand her better.
Hi Michelle, Do you have a Supervisor? A clinical Supervisor if you are "limited permit". Def talk to them if you do. It is hard to say for certain what to do since I don't know much about the HX of our client, but my strategy is to BE HONEST and transparent, and use immediacy. So...I might say something like 'I notice you seem to have pullled away from me again since we talked about XYZ and I want to reconnect with you. ".....etc etc. Name it. Name what is happening. BE CURIOUS and gentle. Hope this helps. Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist Hi Quenby, yes I do have a supervisor. She has tried to help me with it but she mostly just has focused on telling me things like that the client may be testing me and testing me to see if I'm really going to stick around for her. I actually did say what you said in one of our last sessions. I said "I noticed that for a while you were engaging with me and that recently that has changed." I didn't exactly name the part that has changed, but one time I did address that "it seems like you just wanted to talk about this situation one time and did not want to talk about it again after that." and she basically said yes. Now, I feel like I don't know how to get it back together but I will try to keep exploring with my supervisor about it. Thank you!
i have a question so if you get asked if you have ever or though about self harm and they say yes does the therapist have to break confidentiality for that kind of thing
Thanks for your tips, it really make me want to try when counseling with teens..So, about the confidenfiality, do we always need to say it in the counseling so the client will feel secure and know what issue can break the confidentiality?
It's very important for clients to know confidentiality and when therapist can break it. Confidentiality was the first thing my therapist said to me. It's builds trust and it informs clients with their rights.
Huh, I’m “the teen” but I still found this useful. My teacher at school is the one who is forcing me into counselling. She is basically pushing my parents into forcing me to do counselling. (Long story.) I’m TERRIFIED at this point. I really don’t want to do this. Just a question, if I tell the counsellor that I have had suicidal thoughts in the past, are they required to tell my parents that? Even if I no longer have these thoughts? I’m just curious. This video helped calmed me down a bit so thank you for that.
Thank you so much for this comment. I hope you meet your new counselor and are no longer terrified. Try to stay open to the idea that just maybe it could help you. School counselors may have different rules than me, I am an LMFT. I do not have to break confidentiality for thoughts of suicide, but I do have to break it for plans, actions, if I am afraid you are really going to make an attempt, to put it simply. Ask your counselor questions. Good luck Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist thank you, I have a feeling that because it’s not actually a school counsellor they are setting me up with, the confidentiality will probably be stronger and they won’t be required to report as much as a school would. I wonder if because I live in Canada, the rules may differ as to what is needed to be reported. I’ll let you know once I have my first session or two. Something I’m trying to do more of in my life is to stay more positive and optimistic about things. I have a good feeling that counselling could benefit me in some way. It’ll sure be hard to do especially because I trust practically no one. Thanks again for responding so quickly
@@kiannacat9330 Hi Kianna. I really love Quenby's approach too :) It's also very cool to see that you, a teen, commented on here. I'm a school counselor, in WA State, and I just wanted to let you know that with matters of confidentiality for school counselors it is the same as outside counselors/therapists. I would only disclose to parents suicidal ideation if there was intent: plans and means to act upon it. I hope that helps. Best wishes for a happy and healthy future for you!
@@terimcallister6231 thanks a lot! While it doesn’t help too much, it’ll be good to let my psychologist know at my next session. It’s nice to know this information. Who knows, maybe the school counsellor I have next year will have stronger confidentiality than the psychologist I have now. Thanks for responding and giving some guidance. Have a nice day and so forth!
I don't know what you mean exactly by an unhealthy attachment with the Therapist. In my view, the relationship is one of the most important aspects of therapy with kids. I love them up. I build a genuinely caring relationship (always with professional boundaries) and don't ever worry about "too attached " but happy to hear more about what you mean. Thanks Quenby
I like most of what I've heard on your channel, but i think the confidentiality is extremely detrimental. I don't think it's right for a therapist to conceal from a parent if they know te minor child is engaging in risky behavior. To me that's horribly irresponsible. Also, sometimes teens will triangulate, & when they don't want to acknowledge that something they're doing is resulting in an undesired outcome they're experiencing or the therapist is asking them about a certain behavior, some teens will lie about their parents or other people to the therapist & place blame on them to avoid personal accountability Then a therapist might actually believe these lies & inadvertantly make false reports about people they haven't even taken the time to know, based soley on the minor's words. Some people will say "children would never lie," but when you ask a therapist or google what to do if your child is lying, the advise you'll find is often, "Don't worry, lying is a perfectly normal part of childhood," so which is it, "children don't lie," or "it's totally normal for children to lie?"
My own teen question cards are now available on etsy since so many of you asked about them. They are inexpensive getting to know you cards, you can find them here: www.etsy.com/shop/TheGratefulTherapist#
I bought the cards and was wondering how do you use them? Just by pulling each and asking the questions ?
I am going to do a first session of my career with a teen tomorrow and made notes of what you said in the video. Wish me luck and I hope I became as likeable amongst teens as you are :)
Best of luck! Def use my teen question cards. Have them on your table in case you get stuck or nervous. They are linked in the description. Must have. xo Quenby
Please also give some tips/ideas and activities for telehealth with teens. Thank You
Great ideas. I can see why the teens love you 😉. My daughter has been to multiple therapists and counselors and I agree that building that relationship is the most important at first but there’s a point where some therapists should put on their professional hat. My daughter has even told me mom they just talk to me about their life or pretend to be my friend still. She has had all women except one man therapist and he pushed the limits but never went too far and she actually was more responsive to him and she’ll tell you that too. He was her favorite. We got further in that short amount of time than we ever did with some others long term.
Wendy THANK YOU. That is an awesome point. Yes, the therapist needs to be PROFESSIONAL all the time. The therapist sharing all about their life or pretending to be a friend, is overdoing it. I agree. A counselor can share about their lives but "with boundaries" is essential. I hope you daughter finds a therapist she LOVES. Keep looking until she says "I love her/him" about the counselor. They can gently push, and you can love them for it. xoxoox Quenby
I am soooooo thankful to find your channel!! I started as a clinical therapist in Sept. 2022 and honestly feel overwhelmed. For me it‘s difficult to take it slow, because most of the parents put a lot of pressure on me to fix the problem now. Thank you for this video🙏🏼
Thank you so much Sheryl. I educate my parents in the very beginning. I do my 1st session with the parents. I explain that I need to build and relationship and trust with my client or we will not make any progress. I have never had a parent NOT understand this. When I explain it, they get it. Thanks Quenby
Thank you for this video! I’ve been a therapist for teens for 2 years and I started second guessing my work due to a difficult few weeks with some clients. This video was very reassuring and comforting. Thank you for sharing!!!!
I'm so glad the video was reassuring! I understand those difficult weeks. You are doing great! Thanks Quenby
I recently “got out” of a toxic relationship. I’ve blocked him on social media but can’t seem to block his number. He texts me sometimes to try to hook up or to tell me about new girls he has. I know I’m way too good for him but it still hurts my heart deeply. I would love a video on recovering from relationships that are only hurting you.
Hi Madelynn, wow, I know how hard that can be. Did you watch my video on Boundaries? That might be a good start. Good job separating yourself! It's hard and it might hurt for awhile but it's important. xo Quenby
I wish school would educate students this , especially during highschool
I've just started my clinical placement. Your videos are a life saver!
Oh thank you so much for your feedback!
Thank you so much for posting this! I'm not the most confident when working with this age group but it's been comforting and validating to hear that I have the space and wiggle room to be a little more laxed and authentic around them.
Yay I am so glad to hear this. Keep me posted on how it goes. Quenby
I’m so glad I found your channel. I’m starting private tutoring with two teen siblings in January (they’re both failing math), and even though I think it’ll be fine, I do want them to feel respected and safe! This is my first time tutoring teens, and I feel like it’d be good to take the time to prepare. Admittedly that’s partially anxiety talking, haha. Thank you for this content - I’m a big fan of giving people options and space, and an “out” if they want one, though I’m not sure if I’ll always be able to (hw, exams, deadlines, etc). I like your advice about being authentic!
Good luck with your tutoring! Thank you I appreciate you watching-- Quenby Gallahan, LMFT
@@thegratefultherapist Thank you so much!
Goooood stuff thank you. Working with some teens for the first time in a while and want to be very successful for them.
I love that you want to help the teens. I have several videos on the channel about working with teens, one on teens with anxiety too, so I hope it helps. Thank you Quenby
My parents forced me to go to therapy as a teen and I hated it. When I left home in1983 I vowed I'd never see or talk to them again and I haven't. To be honest I don't even know if they are still alive.
I'm so sorry to hear this Peter! I am sure you had good reasons to set these Boundaries. I wish you well.
The really sad thing is that once I lost trust in my parents I've been unable to trust anyone ever since. Thankfully I have a job where I can work from home, which means I never have to leave my apartment or mix with people. My world may be small but it's safe.
Such a helpful video! I just graduated grad school as a new therapist and may be working with teens. Needless to say I’m pretty nervous 😬 any advice for a new therapist getting into the field? I have experience with counseling college students but risky teens, not so much. Thanks again for this great video!
Yes, have soooo much advice on working with teens ha hah. I just put out a video about teens with anxiety so I hope you check that out too and let me know what you think. My #1 tip is TAKE YOUR TIME don't rush the work build the relationship first. Quenby
Thank you for this wonderful video! I just finished the first session with my teen clients. Two of them in a single day and I wouldn't have built rapport with them as smoothly as I did had I not watched your video. This was super helpful for me in connecting with them. They were very hesitant at first to have sessions with me and they were very quiet and resistant to share but I followed all of your tips and by the end of the session both of them want to continue having sessions with me.
At first I was worried that perhaps the cultural difference would render some approaches ineffective but that wasn't the case earlier. I will be watching all of your videos for more helpful tips and I hope you post more in the future.
wow, thank you so much for sharing this with me. It truly made my day to get this comment. I am working on more videos. What would help you? xo Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist I would love to watch a video about approaching sibling issues with teens. That would help a lot. Thank you.
Thank you Quenby for making this video. It helped me as a grandparent trying to help our grandson. You are gifted in many areas. Thank you again. ❤️
Hi Kimberly, thank you for coming to watch this video. I thought of you while making it. I will have many more on working with teens in the future. Best of luck to you with your grandson. xo Quenby
Am so grateful i came across your videos,thanks for the fantastic job
Oh thank you so much that is kind of you. Let me know what other videos I can make for you. Quenby
this is so helpful! i’m a recent MSW wanting to work with teens
This makes me so happy. What other videos can I make you? I have one with 3 activities to have for every Teen session xo Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist Perhaps one on crisis counseling/interventions with teens! Ooh I’ll have to check that one out!
@@bowsandpearls Okay thanks for the suggestion! I was on the Sonoma County Crisis Response team for yeas so I will think on a video. xo Quenby
I really appreciate your videos and channel. I am a clinical social worker wanting to make a change from working with adults to working with adolescents. In addition to curiosity and excitement, I also notice my insecurities in embarking on this. Would love to see more videos like this and also how to work on CBT skills with young folx. Thank you again for your content!
I am so glad to hear you will be working with teens. They need you. Most people in my area don't accept teens. It is a hard population in some ways and many people feel like you do, a bit insecure, and that stops them from wanting to work with teens. I wish you the best! Thank you for your comment! Quenby Gallahan, LMFT
I have my first teenager counseling session tomorrow and I am in Practicum II Internship, so this information is very helpful.
Best of luck! I hope it goes well for you. Allow yourself to learn. Let us know how it goes. Quenby
I'm coming back to work with teens after 2 years, this information is so helpful. Thank you so much
thank you for your tips - very helpful. My teen client doesn't want to talk. The issue his parent took him to the therapy for is they are not being social, they don't talk. I find it very hard to work with them.
I know what that is like. Do you have a supervisor or mentor to consult with? My personal opinion would be not to push them to talk. Do art. Let them take time to open up to you. Quenby
Thank you so much for this!! As a new therapist, this was very helpful :)
I am so happy it helped you. I have a new video up on teens. What other videos do you want? Xo Quenby
Very clear and helpful advice
Thank you!! You have always been so good with kids and teens yourself! xo Quenby
I am an LAMFT and I struggle with this. We work with teens in the context of the family unit, so we are always with other family members. They do feel forced at times, and are angry or resentful, and here I am, another adult wanting something from them. Thank you for making these videos.
Argh that can be so hard. I do not see teens who are NOT willing to be there. It does not work. Can you have the family as your UNIT and then still see the teen one-on-one?
Quenby,
Great video, good advise and awesome tips for working with teens. As a special education teacher i taught in a middle school, and these teens are especially misunderstood and hard to reach.... but like you said if you take it slow and build the relationship they usually come around... good job on another great video!!
Debbie
Thanks for saying this Debbie! Wow you were a SE Teacher, such good work! Yup, but I love the hard to reach teen because it's so beautiful when eventually you make connection oxox Quenby
Do you have some helpful ice breaker questions for teens who are reluctant to elaborate? When open needed questions still bring out very brief answers, and it’s difficult to bring some life into the session.
Of course! Did you check my digital downloads? I have teen question cards and also teen check in questions designed to draw teens out, both are on etsy. But...if you can't draw them out with your questions and they are only giving brief answers, I might switch tactics. I would do some art while talking so they may feel more comfortable, or I would find out what they DO like to talk about, Baseball? Soccer? video games? music, anything to get them rolling.....let me know Quenby
Me a teen who wants to be a teen therapist after i graduate
That is so great! You will be able to help so many teenagers because you understand what it is like to be a teen and need support. Thanks Quenby
I’m about to start a residential counselor job! Not that I talked to you but I can see how you are easy to talk to.
Thank you. One of the best tips I have for newer counselors is to just BE YOURSELF. It is okay to have a personality and be a therapist. Esp with teens bc they can sniff out a fake in minutes. Good LUck!!
I would love love love to see a video on doing therapy with teens and building that rapport if it is court ordered and they don't want to be there
Hi Whitney thank you for your comment. I think my suggestions would be similar for mandated therapy.....I move right in and talk about the fact that its mandated and what that is like for the teen... i.e. "tell me what you think about court requiring therapy for you". If you can talk about the teens resistance and let that be allowed, you are better off. I have had sessions where the entire session is about how stupid the Teen thinks counseling is....and by allowing room for those thoughts and feelings, the teen begins to trust me.
SO helpful! Thank you :) love the work you’re doing here! As a new therapist I’m just soaking in all of your videos.
Loving your energy & ideas! 😊 thank you!
Hi, this video is super helpful! Thanks for all the great tips!
Glad it was helpful! I appreciate your feedback - Quenby
So, I'm a school counselor, and I have a middle school kiddo that refuses to talk with any adult, refuses to go to therapy, and is refusing to do any school work. This kiddo is going to have to repeat the 7th grade. I recommended to the mom that she try doing counseling herself, since her kiddo won't go. She agreed to do so, but hasn't. She's still trying to get her kiddo to go, but that's not working. Any ideas on how else to approach this situation?
Is there anyone who the kid will talk to, like a specific teacher or coach who can be a bridge? That might be an inroad. Without knowing what the kid is dealing with its hard for me to advise. IF I can get a kid through the door, they stay 99% of the time. The kid might be afraid , tho probably won't admit it. Can you find a gentle entry, like a walk around the campus, something less threatening than your office? . Move in SLOW. Think fear rather than resistance. Hope any of this helps. Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist Thank you so much for your reply, Quenby! :) I do think this kiddo is afraid to talk. He exhibits signs of depression and anxiety, and he may have a fear of abandonment (dad left the picture a year ago). I did try to get him to go for a walk with me, but he wasn't feeling it :( I even invited him to play cards or do some art with me (or whatever he would enjoy). Other teachers have tried similar approaches and nothing has worked. I think if I had more time to do more classroom guidance lessons and support groups it might encourage him to open up to me, but I've only been in my position since this January and we have about 6 weeks of school left this year. I'm feeling at a loss here, but I don't want to give up.
I had this teen who was required to give a drug/ substance test and counseling report. The teen blocked completely and nothing could make him talk- all he said was I’m here for a drug test just give me the results I don’t need therapy. I could tell he felt betrayed and judged and his drug test was negative but even after that he insisted that he wasn’t going to talk and he was upset! It was so difficult to be a helper to him
Yes, well it was a set-up for you as a counselor. It is so hard when the teen feels forced. It is harder to build the relationship. I would start by talking about the fact that he was required. "what is it like to be required to be here" Don't be afraid to addess it head on. Quenby
You are phenomenal! Thank you
You're so welcome!
This is good. Thank you!
I just started working as a children's therapist.....looking to your page to help me on this journey.
You are wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
You are so welcome
Loved and agreed with everything you said in this video. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much. Great video; started working with teens this covers the basics
Great to hear! just remember BUILD THE RELATIONSHIP first and you will be great. Quenby
It's a really good video! Can you share to us about the tools you mention on your video? Like question card, icebreaker. I think i need variation of the tools. Thank you!
I will make something and let you know. Thanks Quenby
This was so helpful!Thank you
Thank you so much!
Great video for those starting out. Thank you.
Thank you I appreciate your feedback! Quenby
I had a completely traumatizing experience with a therapist as a teenager. I wish it never happened. Even 10 years later I still have flashbacks from it. I feel so jealous of people who had positive experiences in therapy growing up. The therapist I saw was extremely controlling and egotistical and I wasn’t allowed to say no to anything. It sucks because the memories won’t go away but I’m also averse to going back to therapy because of this. Working with teens like this has so much responsibility because you can do so much harm but also a lot of good. I wish all therapists who worked with children were committed to not doing harm but this isn’t the case…..
Omg! That’s so horrible!
Sorry to hear that :(
How long did you continue to work with that therapist and have you told about ur feelings to ur parents?
Thanks so much for this very insightful video :)
Glad it was helpful! I appreciate your watching xo Quenby
good video! thanks!
Glad you liked it! Thank you Quenby
My first video of yours! Very helpful, thanks. I am going to check out your one on Boundaries as you suggested to another viewer, but have you done one on teenage relationships in general? That is a big topic1 in my experience...
So happy you found this helpful Curious what you mean by a video on "teenage relationships" let me know and I am happy to do one. I have several videos on counseling teens. Quenby
I have a client that is in their early 20s. My client said that they trust me but I feel resistance and also the client says 'I don't know' I've found tools online with changing the way I ask my client but still the client will say I don't know how I'm feeling. I've given many tools and tried different methods to get her/him to open up freely with little success. The found client cannot identify his/her feelings, so long story short how can I help his/her identify her/his feelings, flat affect/appears miserable and body language is negative and the client doesn't see a future for herself/himself.
Thank you for sharing your insights! This was so helpful.
Julie, this makes me soooo happy. I have several other videos about working with teens, let me know what else might be helpful. Quenby
i'm under the impression that, as the parent or guardian, they can request to see any or all progress notes, or request any information that they want to know about . i dont believe it is always completely confidential for teenagers, and i've been in situations where, due to risk of the severity of the substance being experimented, i was advised and required to involve the parent, which ultimately broke the rapport and trust completely.
Yes, it’s definitely a concern. Certain things I feel they can know but not address, just keep an eye on it so they don’t feel like they were betrayed.
Any advice on how to plan tools when having a teen virtually who is struggling open up? Thank u!
Thank you, that was really useful 👍
I am so glad the video helped you. I am editing one now about when teens don't talk in therapy. xo Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist That would be useful too, thank you.
Great tips!
So glad you learned something, what other videos can i make for you ? Quenby
Hey, I commented a little while ago on this video asking some questions. I had my first session yesterday and it went great. I like the counsellor I was given to work with. Only problem is, there isn’t really any confidentiality. If my parents call her, she will tell them everything I said. I need to specifically tell her not to do so if I want something to be kept private. That really sucks. Thanks again for calming me:)
Hi Kianna, I have Never Heard of that. You have a legal right to confidentiality. Are you seeing a Therapist, or some other type of support person? Social workers and Therapists have to protect your privacy legally. Google it. Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist thanks, that is what I have heard countless times before and that’s why it caught me off guard. I’m seeing a psychologist. Could it possibly be a different situation because I don’t have a therapist? It’s all so confusing. Could it also be because I live in Canada? I believe she mentioned something about how because I am under 18 that made a difference. Does that make sense?
In the USA, a clinical psychologist have a similar legal and ethical mandate to protect a minors privacy as a Therapist or MSW. There are exceptions to confidentiality, such as if a client is suicidal, etc. I suppose it could be different in Canada, but I would look it up and then have a conversation with your Clinician about it. If you are seeing a school psychologist it may be different so do your research and also ask questions and most importantly get the mental health support you need to feel healthier and better.
@@thegratefultherapist thank you, I am not seeing a school counsellor but I don’t think that makes any difference. I did a bit of research and it turns out that at least in my province, if your under 18, it’s really up to my parents whether it’s confidential or not. I guess it also depends on my maturity? Anyway, I have my next session tomorrow and will definitely be asking some questions regarding the matter. I am not currently suicidal so I’m guessing that will make a difference. It will be hard to get the needed help because of the lack of confidentiality but I’m sure it can help in some way or another. I will update on what she said tomorrow.
@@thegratefultherapist ok, I got answers. It turns out that my psychologist doesn’t use the same words as I do and kinda just gives a general idea of what I said to my parents. If they ask more specific questions, she is required to give more specific answers. I guess it helps a bit. Not much though. She told me that she would look into other services out there that are more confidential. I guess I just have to wait and see. Thanks for your help:)
Just stopped by to say hi:)
Aw that is so kine of you Lindsey! Hope you are doing well, xo Quenby
Thank you so very much for all the tips. What are your go to tools (games, workbooks, art, etc) that you use to get the reluctant teens to express themselves ? Thanks a lot ,
I have a few videos on what i do with teens in therapy, so check those out and let me know what other questions you have. My teen question cards are my #1 go to. I also like book making and collage with themes. xo Quenby
Thank you for this very helpful video :) I'm sure you are a wonderful therapist. I am currently working as as art therapist with teens in an impatient unit, I run groups and I am really struggling with engagement at the moment! I was just wondering if you might have any tips or activity suggestions? Thank you :)
Yes, I could write you a book on running groups with teens since I did it for Hospice for 10 years. First, watch my other video on groups. I have a template too and some activity suggestions. Then...if I don't provide enough info in that video, let me know your questions. xo Quenby
also....if they are not engaged and participating he way you want, I personally would work on SAFETY in the group, helping teens feel more comfortable is my #1 intervention
@@thegratefultherapist thank you for this! Yes I agree, it is something I have been working on in the groups, I appreciate all your useful tips. Rosie :)
Excellent
Thanks for your comment! Quenby
How do you justify to insurance companies that youre building rapport and taking it slow? With cash clients i think its easier to convince parents to pay out of pocket long term, but not insurance.
Sounds like your teens are basically respectful- what if they aren’t?
Thank you for your channel! What suggestions do you have for working with teens with eating disorders?
Oh Gosh that is a huge question! It depends on how severe the eating disorder is. It becomes a medical issue depending on what is going on. Def a ref to the MD is important too. For me, the way to start is always to be GENTLY CURIOUS and understand what it is about for the teen. xo Quenby
If I can get him in the door with you, can you do like, a video session with him?
Hi There, I am only able to see people who live in California since that is where my license is. If you are in CA, email me. Thanks
Is it different if the student if actually very young rather than a teen? Approaching them, therapy? I have a student who lives in a struggling home with a grandmother, 2 sisters and a brother, his siblings are all caring and kind but he has a hard time in school since Kindergarten. I can understand if no one pays any attention to him, but his lash outs, outbursts, and pouting, there has to be pain there but does not know what to do with it you know? I am not a therapist, just a first grade assistant and I am willing to help since I see him during lunch and recess, would it be appropriate, okay? How would I go about this? I do have my own class to be with, but I just worry for him and it breaks my heart. How can I help him? Frustration starts every time when Reading comes up in class, our principal knows but how can we get into action to help him though?
He's only first grade. :(
I work in an elementary school one day a week. I have several kindergartners and 1st grade boys like this. Can you work with the school Counselor and principal to make a plan? I Coordinate with the school team on these matters. One of my kids gets 20 mins with an aid, like you, daily to give him extra attention. They take a walk or make art and it helps!
Hi! I'm a mental health counselor with a limited permit. I have a teen client I talk to through Telehealth. We have been working together since middle of July and she continues to often be resistant. We had a breaking point back in October-part of November where she was opening up more and actually wanting to talk with me. However, she opened up one day about previous school experiences she has had that annoyed her. The next week, I decided to bring this up again to explore and she shut down and said she was irritated with me for bringing it up and that she only wanted to talk about it that one time. I empathized and never brought it up again , but since then she has basically recessed herself. How can I try to help her feel comfortable again to talk about anything at all? I am running out of ideas of things to do each week, so I often talk about anime (her favorite type of show) with her
I'd like to add, that I am also hesitant on talking about anime so much because I also don't want to make it seem like that is my way of forcing to be a friend on her. I personally do not watch the genre much, but I have watched it more often now so that I could try to get to understand her better.
Hi Michelle, Do you have a Supervisor? A clinical Supervisor if you are "limited permit". Def talk to them if you do. It is hard to say for certain what to do since I don't know much about the HX of our client, but my strategy is to BE HONEST and transparent, and use immediacy. So...I might say something like 'I notice you seem to have pullled away from me again since we talked about XYZ and I want to reconnect with you. ".....etc etc. Name it. Name what is happening. BE CURIOUS and gentle. Hope this helps. Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist Hi Quenby, yes I do have a supervisor. She has tried to help me with it but she mostly just has focused on telling me things like that the client may be testing me and testing me to see if I'm really going to stick around for her. I actually did say what you said in one of our last sessions. I said "I noticed that for a while you were engaging with me and that recently that has changed." I didn't exactly name the part that has changed, but one time I did address that "it seems like you just wanted to talk about this situation one time and did not want to talk about it again after that." and she basically said yes. Now, I feel like I don't know how to get it back together but I will try to keep exploring with my supervisor about it. Thank you!
i have a question so if you get asked if you have ever or though about self harm and they say yes does the therapist have to break confidentiality for that kind of thing
Thanks for your tips, it really make me want to try when counseling with teens..So, about the confidenfiality, do we always need to say it in the counseling so the client will feel secure and know what issue can break the confidentiality?
It's very important for clients to know confidentiality and when therapist can break it. Confidentiality was the first thing my therapist said to me. It's builds trust and it informs clients with their rights.
Great
Huh, I’m “the teen” but I still found this useful. My teacher at school is the one who is forcing me into counselling. She is basically pushing my parents into forcing me to do counselling. (Long story.) I’m TERRIFIED at this point. I really don’t want to do this. Just a question, if I tell the counsellor that I have had suicidal thoughts in the past, are they required to tell my parents that? Even if I no longer have these thoughts? I’m just curious. This video helped calmed me down a bit so thank you for that.
Thank you so much for this comment. I hope you meet your new counselor and are no longer terrified. Try to stay open to the idea that just maybe it could help you. School counselors may have different rules than me, I am an LMFT. I do not have to break confidentiality for thoughts of suicide, but I do have to break it for plans, actions, if I am afraid you are really going to make an attempt, to put it simply. Ask your counselor questions. Good luck Quenby
@@thegratefultherapist thank you, I have a feeling that because it’s not actually a school counsellor they are setting me up with, the confidentiality will probably be stronger and they won’t be required to report as much as a school would. I wonder if because I live in Canada, the rules may differ as to what is needed to be reported. I’ll let you know once I have my first session or two. Something I’m trying to do more of in my life is to stay more positive and optimistic about things. I have a good feeling that counselling could benefit me in some way. It’ll sure be hard to do especially because I trust practically no one. Thanks again for responding so quickly
@@kiannacat9330 Hi Kianna. I really love Quenby's approach too :) It's also very cool to see that you, a teen, commented on here. I'm a school counselor, in WA State, and I just wanted to let you know that with matters of confidentiality for school counselors it is the same as outside counselors/therapists. I would only disclose to parents suicidal ideation if there was intent: plans and means to act upon it. I hope that helps. Best wishes for a happy and healthy future for you!
@@terimcallister6231 thanks a lot! While it doesn’t help too much, it’ll be good to let my psychologist know at my next session. It’s nice to know this information. Who knows, maybe the school counsellor I have next year will have stronger confidentiality than the psychologist I have now. Thanks for responding and giving some guidance. Have a nice day and so forth!
Hi I’m wondering about best tips for avoiding a teen developing an unhealthy attachment with counsellor/therapist, given weekly sessions stage?
I don't know what you mean exactly by an unhealthy attachment with the Therapist. In my view, the relationship is one of the most important aspects of therapy with kids. I love them up. I build a genuinely caring relationship (always with professional boundaries) and don't ever worry about "too attached " but happy to hear more about what you mean. Thanks Quenby
I like most of what I've heard on your channel, but i think the confidentiality is extremely detrimental. I don't think it's right for a therapist to conceal from a parent if they know te minor child is engaging in risky behavior. To me that's horribly irresponsible. Also, sometimes teens will triangulate, & when they don't want to acknowledge that something they're doing is resulting in an undesired outcome they're experiencing or the therapist is asking them about a certain behavior, some teens will lie about their parents or other people to the therapist & place blame on them to avoid personal accountability Then a therapist might actually believe these lies & inadvertantly make false reports about people they haven't even taken the time to know, based soley on the minor's words. Some people will say "children would never lie," but when you ask a therapist or google what to do if your child is lying, the advise you'll find is often, "Don't worry, lying is a perfectly normal part of childhood," so which is it, "children don't lie," or "it's totally normal for children to lie?"
Can there be a whole video on kids being forced into therapy? Dealing with a lot of that lately🥲
This is very helpful! Thank you for making this video