It’s honestly quite simple. If a man wants a serious relationship with a woman, she wouldn’t need to be watching relationship coaches online to figure out whether or not he wants more from her. You will know when you have found a man who really wants you because he will not confuse you. He will make his intentions clear.
That is very much wishful thinking. I will spare you the details, but often intentions cannot be recognised by others properly. Just making your intentions clear is not enough. You have to really ensure the intentions are associated to actions, or you'll risk being seen as straying from your own intentions. "You've changed" they'll say. It's honestly quite simple you say? Its not at all. The younger someone is, the more likely it is someone assumes to understand your intentions as opposed to actually understanding them. You cannot challenge something you cannot understand, and thus if one expresses intentions it'll seem as if they're accepted or at least not denied. Would you say NOT experiencing the confusion is more important than understanding someone's intentions? Because in their honest form, people are quite confusing and contradictory. Are you implying you don't want a real human in the relationship? Of course this is how I see it. I wonder how you see it.
There is a great saying in Hebrew "if there is a doubt then there's no doubt". When someone loves you and wants to be with you, you will have no doubt about that.
Thanks, Matthew! I really think 99% of the time if someone really likes you and values you they will commit and invest. Saying they are just not ready, but they like you is more like saying "I don't like you that much, but I like you a little and you're good for me at this time." You become ready for someone you really want in your life.
I love this! So so much! "Confusion is closure." That's so helpful for me cuz like a lot of people I've been in these situations recently where people didn't want to commit or have a full fledged relationship and used those excuses. This will be something I carry with me to remind myself, hey confusion is closure. They're confusing me about what they feel for me and what they want to do about it. That's all I need to know and can gracefully make my exit lol. Thank you Matthew!!
“I want you to have someone whom can give you everything you deserve.”- Without a clear explanation or discussion about what I deserve and by who’s estimation. “I’m moving to Richmond.”- Then proceeds not to move a year later. “My decision of not wanting kids includes not wanting someone else’s children.” - After knowingly dating a person with children. “Unfortunately I am really busy and I have quite a lot going on coming up too. Can we aim for a future date a month away?”
Hit the nail on the head. Creating confusion whilst keeping the door open! Yessss. In this scenario I've learnt (having watched a lot of law of attraction dating gurus) that when someone is doubting your suitability or pulling away due to their own doubts, or lack of interest or whatever, the best option is to make the option to leave super easy. So offer them an out. So in essence having an abundance mindset and removing yourself in an assertive manner. Like be understanding, no convincing or reasoning. Just say I don't wish to be in a situation with someone who isn't sure. Wish you all the best. Laters.
This video reminds of this guy I was dating in my 20s...once he told me he was too cold to leave the house so my best friend suggested I tell him to call me in spring 😂
I know my worth and what I want, and since he isn’t sure at the moment and in the future, pls continue to stay indecisive while I will move on to find someone who is sure of me
It's been years that I remind myself of this profound quote of yours: "you have your reasons, but I have my reality." And when ever I doubted my own truth it didn't end up well. Thanks dear Matthew for repeating it again and implying how important it is😊
Great video Matthew! No one wants to be with someone who is flakey and doesn't know what they want. Avoiding that mess is good enough incentive to move on.
Or they are playing the field. They have other options or they are more interested in someone else than they are in you. And they want to.keep you around just cause they can get attention from you.
Yessss even if he really won’t commit for mental block and it’s not just a bs excuse… you gotta go, the fact is still that he won’t commit to you 😅 it’s hard to know when to give up but you gotta give yourself a deadline
I would love to have had the opportunity to say that ... "keep your confusion, I'll keep my reality" but normally they just don't even talk to you anymore... it just doesn't have a closure.
belive me people know when they are loved... however he was bad or using you, he will always remember... cuz u have gave him pure thing... the perfect reply is not to reply
@@ocheerup1324 just let him regret every second he gave up on you... know your wothr, love your self as you should... and remember that u were pure, that's enough reply cuz people with good heart like you R rare nowadays
Thanks Matthew, this video gave me so many damn answers. Confusion is closure and I’ll leave him with his confusion and I’ll move on with my reality 😢, hard but I’ll try my best to do it “clean”
This resonates with me so much, my guy told me he has too many loose ends hence the reason he can’t have a relationship. I’m not in that relationship anymore found out the bullshit with my own eyes as he was seeing other people 😂
I agree that there are toxic situations and people who are emotionally unavailable, may be cheating, make all of the excuses about being busy with work and stringing you along if they feel lonely but I also believe in duality, someone who says they like you too much can be a real “excuse” which is vulnerable but lacks self awareness. Sounds like the person is asking for more reassurance and feel like they can get really hurt so it does suck and make things less fun since this kind of person needs a lot of reassurance. I believe things can be worked out but if the person giving the excuses doesn’t want to work on a solution then yes it’s probably just an excuse to exit. People that aren’t emotionally available run the risk of losing a match when letting someone go to work on themselves but it’s the best choice instead of dragging someone through the mud, with you, of self sabotage.
Sometimes I don’t understand myself. I leave relationships because I can’t commit. But spend months and years grieving what I had with them, and the loneliness always gets to me. Such a curse :/
Yes. There can be done sth about it. Good for you to recognize this pattern about yourself. I recognized it very late. Look into fearful avoident attachment style.
@@wf4983 you’re right. After many therapy sessions and introspection, I’ve realised I fall somewhere into the anxious-avoidant attachment style. It’s scary, really. I’m just 25 and I’m leaning towards a life of complete independence.
@@TheSoundofTanay I know. I lead a life if hyperindependence for many years. But if you stay avoident for too long (I mean, there are positive sides to this, too - like concentration on your carreer for a while, avoidance of pain, etc.) over time you will find yourself in a place where a lot of your needs are not met, and these unfulfilled needs (emotional needs) will leave you with even bigger wounds. So, better to work on these things earlier than later ... I just wished I would have bern given the tools 10 years earlier
@@wf4983 thanks for your words. I do think about this a lot. But how do I even satisfy my needs? I have friends and family, so they’re my emotional support. The longing for a partner comes and goes, but it doesn’t hurt too much. I crave sex but I get too attached to a person and I don’t know if casual sex is for me.
Adults need to grow up. It’s not hard to tell the truth. “It was nice spending time with you, but it’s not a good fit. I wish you the best.” “You seem like a great individual, but we want different things. I will not be proceeding with you, but I wish you the best.” Etc. keep it brief, respectful-but direct and true. No more effing playing around with peoples feelings.
If it is not a clear YES then it’s a clear NO. 😂 You could be a whole package but at the wrong address. Been there, done with it! They will never be ready! Move on, for your sake 🎉
Again this is perfect. However hard it might be to walk away , walking away is the only option . Know our worth and value however difficult it might be to accept closer .
Let him be confused. Actually, let him be as confused as he needs or as he wants to be. You will only observe his confusion for what it is. Do not try to understand him. Do not try to solve his confusion. Just observe, so you can move on faster.
you made my day man. I am very new in relationship kinda thing and she was exactly like this, her excuse was that she has lot of insecurties and trust issues due to her past and II was taking it as a challenge to make her trust again. great advice, hat's off to you.
Well. That is easier said than done. It is really hard and I am finding it impossible once I have fallen in love. Maybe I will do better next time if that happens again. In my case....it was because a woman from the past showed up again and THIS time he was interested in her. So he was ready, and with me, until the day she showed up. He wanted her more. He WAS lying to me.
Matthew you are an absolute Angel to these women, you pulled a lot of women out of heartache. You matter in this world 🌎. Thank you for being you and sharing your knowledge and giving hope! ❤️👍
Sometimes people just don’t want to hurt you, but confusion can be even more painful. We all know what love feels like, and truly why are we expecting less when we would never let someone feel this way especially if we had any say in it? It’s not right and we wouldn’t do it. So why do we let ourselves accept it?
This is there excuse to have a bit of fun & run, leaving us hanging on something so illogical w/o knowing how to respond to their heartlessness. Confusion is closure, yep: we’re done!! There is no returning back to me!!
KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid. Love is very simple thing. But ppl with ulterior intention try to make things so complex and confusing, purposely. There time when I do my final proclaimation of love to her, she ask me back that if I have love her so much, what is her fav food. Then I already know....whatever I given to her, she can use those answer just to say I don't understand her that much because I don't know what her favorite food. Confusion is closure. I should told her that she like to eat Shet ...
i think it's important to value our self & appreciate our feelings... w can't let ourself to be attached to people they don't want to be committed... it's very manipulating when someone makes our feelings centered around him, while he wants to examine all the opportunities... we have to value & self-estem our self cuz we deserve better people
Yeah. Thank you again: confusion is closure - that is very helpful. But! Most of the time it isn't that easy: because (at least to me) people have never said these things that you mentioned: I like you too much. Or. I'm too busy, etc. Really, that is soo obvious. The hard thing is to distinguish between real feelings of fears that the other person might have (and to be honest: who can say that they never experienced these fears themselves, I mean to a certain degee that's understandable) and plain excuses... And then you are right in the end: nobody has the right to be confused or fearful forever - so: confusion is closure (at some point)
Agreed… if he has said “you deserve better” or “I like you too much” I would have ran. But he said he was struggling with depression from major life changes and was seeking therapy. All along he just didn’t want to be with me. They can be sneaky AF and it’s not always cookie cutter… except if you know in your gut something is off - listen to it. I had a feeling but he said and did all the right things for months until one day he woke up and didn’t.
Please God help me to always remember these 4 things when it comes to my friendship with him... 1) This is about HIM. HIS BEAHVIOR. This does not reflect in any way, whatsoever, on my own worth. 2) My self esteem needs boosting and healing; this is why the loss of him, leaves me so despaired. 3) I'm in the driver's seat. It's not just up to him to dictate how this is going to go! 4) I need to be with myself, invested in my self, present with me.
What I heard was ‘I don’t want a relationship….’ - at least, he was clear…. Even for 6 months before that we built a connection. We were never intimate or an item…. What I know is that he is unhealed from his only past relationship which was traumatic… which he is not even aware of. I ended the connection and said I needed to end the it because I needed to respect the way I feel ie told him that I really liked him and made it clear but he said it was just friendship. Yet he got in touch recently despite saying that he wouldn’t bother me. I know he misses me because we did have a very special connection (intellectually, shared interests and there was attraction). Will ask one more time what he wants one last time and where I stand and then I will move forward clearly.
Why are you going to ask him anything else at this point? Despite the connection he told you how he felt. Anything beyond that is him trying to take advantage of you and you might allow it, because he reached out to you?? Of course he misses you. So what?! That doesn’t mean he will respect you and proceed to cultivate a relationship-which is what you want. Don’t sell yourself short. Stay away, don’t ask him anything-you will make yourself look bad.
@@RunninChic620 thank you for your lovely message. So I al not asking him anything… and I don’t intend to sell myself short. I just intend to express myself once and for all… be in my power, authentically and vulnerably - it is part of me learning to do this ie honouring myself and explain that when he does reach out, this is what it creates… and as a result, I am cutting him off entirely and block him. I could just block him, however this is not the way I operate. I want to be clear and this is purely to be aligned with myself… not for him, just for me, so I am fully in my power.
@@gaellelebray I'm in the EXACT same situation. Although he has admitted to having feelings but only wants to remain friends because he's not avaiable for a romantic relationship because of unsettled personal issues. I can't possibly know if it's bs or not, or how much he does feel for me, but bottom line is he's not willing to take it any further. That hurts me and so I left. Nothing else to ask.
@@Ljounieh well done for staying in your power! You deserve someone who is emotionally available. I am sure you have a lot to offer, don’t settle for less than you deserve! There is someone out there who will exactly match your energy! Much love to you brave soul! 💝
This came at the right time! He came on strong and was fighting for me. Then there was a shift and suddenly he is not ready. He has been hurt. He is too busy with work. Blah blah blah
I soooo wish I had heard this 2 years ago!!! Confusion is closure, confusion is closure, confusion is closure! At least I am now armed with that information before going back out into the dating war!
Great video thanks. I got the bullshit excuse of. "It's a me thing" and assuming we wanted different things without actually asking me. Thanks for not being sure, it makes room for someone who will be!
I was wondering how to approach this exact situation with someone and have been frustrated and confused. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much for making this video.
Whenever I hear your videos, I cry thinking about the past relationship I had, But helping me to move on ... thanks Mathew... appreciate your great work
Human beings are simple creatures. If they want something, they want it now, this instant. They don't want it later, ever. Let me repeat, they don't want it later, ever. Take emotions and rationalizations out of it. Even if they legitimately had a reason why they can't commit, they will tell you that they do and communicate for you to be there for them later because they genuinely love you. It doesn't matter what kind of attachment issues they have. This is a constant when someone wants you. So if they give you an excuse. Believe them and run. Don't walk.
The guy I’m with says it should be good enough for you that I’m good to you and treat you nice. That in itself should be enough instead of taking the next steps. And that he’s the only one that will treat me right and love me like he does. 🚩
I already walked away some months ago, confused if whether this decision is the best for me but seeing this video confirmed that I made a good decision. Confusion is closure!
They are just not interested, plain & simple. It’s a rejection. We feel bad when we get rejected, it’s understandable. So what? You only need one YES, and you’ll encounter many many NOs before that YES. But the YES will come, be patient.
Just WOW. This is exactly what had just ended in my life. He said that he wasn't in love with me but had feelings to me. What is that supposed to mean? Never called me a gf after 5 months of seeing each other where for 2 months we literally were living together. He doesn't want a relationship because of his business but he wished we continued the way we were. After I left him he asked me to stay. And I stayed. After I left him second time he found another girl whom I knew as his friend. And now I know about the number of women he actually has. And I see it's exactly what you say: monopolizing me and leaving the door open for an easy exit! Hope I will move on fast... Signed for your marathon for confidence boosting. Thank you, Matthew!!!
Thank you Matthrew! This helped a lot, wish I learned about simplicity before I tried to find a solution when my hinge date I spoke with for 2 weeks on the phone suddenly said "Honestly, This connection isn't working out for me" out of the blue a day before our meet up date that she pushed forward because she was excited. I know she had trauma in the past and got into a traumatic accident the day before. I wish I was more understanding about it though to make her more at ease instead of forcing a fix. That way maybe she can one day feel free to text me if she ever wants to talk again.
It's ironic to me you dropped the video today..today I decided to walk away from exactly this type of guy i met online who lovebombed me for months with so beautiful words then found the most unimaginable reasons why he can't meet me yet because he got hurt in the past so he is unsure and his career and family is first and blah blah blah.. and now I'm hurtbroken because i let him go and lost all my chances by doing that.. when i should be thinking what's best for myself.. :(
I didn’t realize this until I flipped out at him at a bar because he was allowing another girl to talk to him/follow him around all night (we were in a big group) and then ultimately ask for his number - to which he obliged - right in front of my face, and when I yelled, “this is GOODBYE, GOODBYE… we’re fucking done” he had a drunken blank look on his face, I said “you don’t even have anything to say to that?!!” he goes “well it SUCKS you’re telling me we’re completely done, but I just have to take it on the chin & try to have a good rest of my night with my friends.” It was at that point I realized that everything he ever said to me was a lie, he didn’t really like me/care about me, he never had intentions of being with me seriously (even though he told me he did), and I had no idea who the person in front of me was. Or now I did have an idea, and it was that he’s a complete fucking loser / asshole, not the sweet/deep/genuine guy he made me believe he was for 2 months.
“I can't live up to your expectations” (expectations-to see each other more then once a week, and we didn’t even have a real talk about that, i just told him i will be happy to see him more often)… “I am too busy. But i don’t intend to stop communicating with you. “ Now these words make me sick. I believed him. Almost a month ago. No communication.
This was such a fun silly video. Thank you for making me laugh. I’ll keep my head up high when I hear these things. Cheer me on to move past through these situations. Thanks for the new term Occam’s razor. 5:10
Commitment is too risky to make it worth it. Most explanations do not include this truth but are done so as not to make things harder than they already are.
After chasing me and texting all day long and complimenting me excuses: you could be too high maintenance; I cannot give you what you want ie cut down on alcohol as I love it. Bloody cheek. He thinks he is a gift to women😢
In my case there’s no excuses being given just an unwillingness to be a true partner., it’s more like we are living parallel lives and see each other 1-2 times a week. I’ve made it clear I need more time together and there’s no effort for him to accommodate that aside from texting and calling all day every day 😅 which is very nice but is not what builds a relationship in my opinion. 😢
you need to leave the situation and find someone who can give you what you want. pls don't hold a pity party in the comment section, take accountability and responsibility for your life.
@@jlina giving her tough-love advice, as someone who once stayed far too long in situations that weren't making me happy or fulfilling my needs. but by all means, if you wish to stay with a non-committal confused loser and hope things will change for years/decades, be my guest. i'll be out here dating to find the man of my dreams, taking control of my life!!!!
It’s honestly quite simple. If a man wants a serious relationship with a woman, she wouldn’t need to be watching relationship coaches online to figure out whether or not he wants more from her. You will know when you have found a man who really wants you because he will not confuse you. He will make his intentions clear.
That is very much wishful thinking. I will spare you the details, but often intentions cannot be recognised by others properly. Just making your intentions clear is not enough. You have to really ensure the intentions are associated to actions, or you'll risk being seen as straying from your own intentions. "You've changed" they'll say.
It's honestly quite simple you say? Its not at all. The younger someone is, the more likely it is someone assumes to understand your intentions as opposed to actually understanding them. You cannot challenge something you cannot understand, and thus if one expresses intentions it'll seem as if they're accepted or at least not denied.
Would you say NOT experiencing the confusion is more important than understanding someone's intentions? Because in their honest form, people are quite confusing and contradictory. Are you implying you don't want a real human in the relationship?
Of course this is how I see it. I wonder how you see it.
i agree with that... but intentions without actions is worthless... some people can be very tricky, like dreaming with actions to achieve them
This is really true.Sad
💯 true
We received, we don’t give in the beginning!
This is why women laugh when people say “men are simple”. Most women (some do) don’t spend time with and date a man they wouldn’t commit to
Confusion and intermittent reinforcement are red flags for me. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Totally 💯
it's indeed
There is a great saying in Hebrew "if there is a doubt then there's no doubt". When someone loves you and wants to be with you, you will have no doubt about that.
That's beautiful! That really spoke to me thank youu for sharing
it's true, a real feeligs from the heart can't be mistaken
I am a confused guy = I am exploiting your empathy to keep you around to validate my needs for security whenever I want to. Hard pass!
"If someone really likes you, you know! But when they don't, then there's confusion." ~Judge Faith Jenkins
that's one of the best quotes...
Thanks, Matthew! I really think 99% of the time if someone really likes you and values you they will commit and invest. Saying they are just not ready, but they like you is more like saying "I don't like you that much, but I like you a little and you're good for me at this time."
You become ready for someone you really want in your life.
Omg that's so true! "You become ready for someone you really want in your life." That's golden right there I'm gonna use that!
Perfect comment.
yeah it' really hurtful when U R committed & willing to build something, while the other part is just hanging out till he gets better opportunity
@@victoraccordI felt this …… was…..so so hard for me
@@nicoletacherechesu1576 i can understand... just let go, and know that u deserve better
I love this! So so much! "Confusion is closure." That's so helpful for me cuz like a lot of people I've been in these situations recently where people didn't want to commit or have a full fledged relationship and used those excuses. This will be something I carry with me to remind myself, hey confusion is closure. They're confusing me about what they feel for me and what they want to do about it. That's all I need to know and can gracefully make my exit lol. Thank you Matthew!!
yeah excuses aren't acceptable... it's either they do their best to work it out, or we can't let them in to our lives
@@victoraccord period!
“I want you to have someone whom can give you everything you deserve.”- Without a clear explanation or discussion about what I deserve and by who’s estimation.
“I’m moving to Richmond.”- Then proceeds not to move a year later.
“My decision of not wanting kids includes not wanting someone else’s children.” - After knowingly dating a person with children.
“Unfortunately I am really busy and I have quite a lot going on coming up too. Can we aim for a future date a month away?”
That was just annoying to read. People are people.
@@CYellowan, that was all from the same person in the last two weeks. My “stepping away” script is headed his way.
Makes me sick
I just had that all of it! OMG (except the kids part).
seriously?!! how can someone be so opinionated that fast!!!
Hit the nail on the head. Creating confusion whilst keeping the door open! Yessss.
In this scenario I've learnt (having watched a lot of law of attraction dating gurus) that when someone is doubting your suitability or pulling away due to their own doubts, or lack of interest or whatever, the best option is to make the option to leave super easy. So offer them an out. So in essence having an abundance mindset and removing yourself in an assertive manner. Like be understanding, no convincing or reasoning. Just say I don't wish to be in a situation with someone who isn't sure. Wish you all the best. Laters.
So me
that's definitely important... when we know our worth & know how to love ourselves... we can walk away easily cuz we know that we deserve better
I wouldn't even offer them an out. I'll just move on in silence...they'll notice that I no longer have time for them...
He/she is not just into you. Just excuses. Men will be with you if they want to. Nothing can stop them.
I hope you meet someone who really values you
''NOT INTO YOU'' that's short and meaningful '
@@victoraccord ok grammar warrior
@@lorenahoffmann1494 thanks, trying to be better
This video reminds of this guy I was dating in my 20s...once he told me he was too cold to leave the house so my best friend suggested I tell him to call me in spring 😂
I know my worth and what I want, and since he isn’t sure at the moment and in the future, pls continue to stay indecisive while I will move on to find someone who is sure of me
It's been years that I remind myself of this profound quote of yours: "you have your reasons, but I have my reality." And when ever I doubted my own truth it didn't end up well. Thanks dear Matthew for repeating it again and implying how important it is😊
i hope you find the one that lifts you up & appreciates you... someone know your value & truly loves you
@@victoraccord thanks 😊I hope the same for you ✨
Great video Matthew! No one wants to be with someone who is flakey and doesn't know what they want. Avoiding that mess is good enough incentive to move on.
truly indeed when u know that u have given all u have u can walk away peacefully
When someone won't commit, in my experience, its because there's something about the other person that is putting them off.
Or they are playing the field. They have other options or they are more interested in someone else than they are in you. And they want to.keep you around just cause they can get attention from you.
No. It’s something in themselves. If they want to commit, they will choose someone to commit to instead of wasting people’s time.
Yessss even if he really won’t commit for mental block and it’s not just a bs excuse… you gotta go, the fact is still that he won’t commit to you 😅 it’s hard to know when to give up but you gotta give yourself a deadline
Real gem here. Confusion is closure. Just wow
“Confusion is closure.” 💯
I would love to have had the opportunity to say that ... "keep your confusion, I'll keep my reality" but normally they just don't even talk to you anymore... it just doesn't have a closure.
I agree :/ I would have left but he left first. Makes me sick feeling so used.
belive me people know when they are loved... however he was bad or using you, he will always remember... cuz u have gave him pure thing... the perfect reply is not to reply
@@ocheerup1324 just let him regret every second he gave up on you... know your wothr, love your self as you should... and remember that u were pure, that's enough reply cuz people with good heart like you R rare nowadays
@@victoraccord thank you.
Thanks Matthew, this video gave me so many damn answers. Confusion is closure and I’ll leave him with his confusion and I’ll move on with my reality 😢, hard but I’ll try my best to do it “clean”
How did it go
This resonates with me so much, my guy told me he has too many loose ends hence the reason he can’t have a relationship. I’m not in that relationship anymore found out the bullshit with my own eyes as he was seeing other people 😂
that's really sick, and it's hurtful when you try to build something while the other part is just observing
Very well said. Portraiting himself as a sympathetic character, creating confusion in the situation
I agree that there are toxic situations and people who are emotionally unavailable, may be cheating, make all of the excuses about being busy with work and stringing you along if they feel lonely but I also believe in duality, someone who says they like you too much can be a real “excuse” which is vulnerable but lacks self awareness. Sounds like the person is asking for more reassurance and feel like they can get really hurt so it does suck and make things less fun since this kind of person needs a lot of reassurance. I believe things can be worked out but if the person giving the excuses doesn’t want to work on a solution then yes it’s probably just an excuse to exit.
People that aren’t emotionally available run the risk of losing a match when letting someone go to work on themselves but it’s the best choice instead of dragging someone through the mud, with you, of self sabotage.
Indeed.
You deserve better. I don't want to hurt you. I'm not ready for a relationship. Close the door and move on.
Confusion is closure, easy to say, very hard in reality……… thank you for your true words
Sometimes I don’t understand myself.
I leave relationships because I can’t commit. But spend months and years grieving what I had with them, and the loneliness always gets to me. Such a curse :/
Yes. There can be done sth about it. Good for you to recognize this pattern about yourself. I recognized it very late. Look into fearful avoident attachment style.
@@wf4983 you’re right. After many therapy sessions and introspection, I’ve realised I fall somewhere into the anxious-avoidant attachment style.
It’s scary, really. I’m just 25 and I’m leaning towards a life of complete independence.
@@TheSoundofTanay I know. I lead a life if hyperindependence for many years. But if you stay avoident for too long (I mean, there are positive sides to this, too - like concentration on your carreer for a while, avoidance of pain, etc.) over time you will find yourself in a place where a lot of your needs are not met, and these unfulfilled needs (emotional needs) will leave you with even bigger wounds. So, better to work on these things earlier than later ... I just wished I would have bern given the tools 10 years earlier
@@wf4983 thanks for your words. I do think about this a lot. But how do I even satisfy my needs? I have friends and family, so they’re my emotional support. The longing for a partner comes and goes, but it doesn’t hurt too much.
I crave sex but I get too attached to a person and I don’t know if casual sex is for me.
You're fearful avoidant. Look up Thais Gibson's channel.
Adults need to grow up.
It’s not hard to tell the truth.
“It was nice spending time with you, but it’s not a good fit. I wish you the best.”
“You seem like a great individual, but we want different things. I will not be proceeding with you, but I wish you the best.”
Etc. keep it brief, respectful-but direct and true. No more effing playing around with peoples feelings.
If it is not a clear YES then it’s a clear NO. 😂
You could be a whole package but at the wrong address.
Been there, done with it! They will never be ready! Move on, for your sake 🎉
Again this is perfect. However hard it might be to walk away , walking away is the only option . Know our worth and value however difficult it might be to accept closer .
it's always hurtful to walk away... but sometimes our finest cure is in our deepest pain
What gets my goat is…”I’m actually a really nice guy” as they gaslight, ruminate & breadcrumb you 😂🤬
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Let him be confused. Actually, let him be as confused as he needs or as he wants to be. You will only observe his confusion for what it is. Do not try to understand him. Do not try to solve his confusion. Just observe, so you can move on faster.
you made my day man. I am very new in relationship kinda thing and she was exactly like this, her excuse was that she has lot of insecurties and trust issues due to her past and II was taking it as a challenge to make her trust again. great advice, hat's off to you.
Well. That is easier said than done. It is really hard and I am finding it impossible once I have fallen in love. Maybe I will do better next time if that happens again. In my case....it was because a woman from the past showed up again and THIS time he was interested in her. So he was ready, and with me, until the day she showed up. He wanted her more. He WAS lying to me.
Sorry. Went through a similar situation. Gross. 😢
Matthew you are an absolute Angel to these women, you pulled a lot of women out of heartache. You matter in this world 🌎. Thank you for being you and sharing your knowledge and giving hope! ❤️👍
Sometimes people just don’t want to hurt you, but confusion can be even more painful. We all know what love feels like, and truly why are we expecting less when we would never let someone feel this way especially if we had any say in it? It’s not right and we wouldn’t do it. So why do we let ourselves accept it?
This is there excuse to have a bit of fun & run, leaving us hanging on something so illogical w/o knowing how to respond to their heartlessness. Confusion is closure, yep: we’re done!! There is no returning back to me!!
I laughed so hard this morning..."I am not the bad guy....."😂😂😂
Confusion is closure, I wish I knew that 1 year ago
KISS = Keep It Simple Stupid. Love is very simple thing. But ppl with ulterior intention try to make things so complex and confusing, purposely. There time when I do my final proclaimation of love to her, she ask me back that if I have love her so much, what is her fav food. Then I already know....whatever I given to her, she can use those answer just to say I don't understand her that much because I don't know what her favorite food. Confusion is closure. I should told her that she like to eat Shet ...
i think it's important to value our self & appreciate our feelings... w can't let ourself to be attached to people they don't want to be committed... it's very manipulating when someone makes our feelings centered around him, while he wants to examine all the opportunities... we have to value & self-estem our self cuz we deserve better people
Yeah. Thank you again: confusion is closure - that is very helpful.
But! Most of the time it isn't that easy: because (at least to me) people have never said these things that you mentioned: I like you too much. Or. I'm too busy, etc. Really, that is soo obvious. The hard thing is to distinguish between real feelings of fears that the other person might have (and to be honest: who can say that they never experienced these fears themselves, I mean to a certain degee that's understandable) and plain excuses...
And then you are right in the end: nobody has the right to be confused or fearful forever - so: confusion is closure (at some point)
Agreed… if he has said “you deserve better” or “I like you too much” I would have ran. But he said he was struggling with depression from major life changes and was seeking therapy. All along he just didn’t want to be with me. They can be sneaky AF and it’s not always cookie cutter… except if you know in your gut something is off - listen to it. I had a feeling but he said and did all the right things for months until one day he woke up and didn’t.
"Confusion is closure." I like that. Thank you ❤
Please God help me to always remember these 4 things when it comes to my friendship with him...
1) This is about HIM. HIS BEAHVIOR. This does not reflect in any way, whatsoever, on my own worth.
2) My self esteem needs boosting and healing; this is why the loss of him, leaves me so despaired.
3) I'm in the driver's seat. It's not just up to him to dictate how this is going to go!
4) I need to be with myself, invested in my self, present with me.
What I heard was ‘I don’t want a relationship….’ - at least, he was clear…. Even for 6 months before that we built a connection. We were never intimate or an item…. What I know is that he is unhealed from his only past relationship which was traumatic… which he is not even aware of. I ended the connection and said I needed to end the it because I needed to respect the way I feel ie told him that I really liked him and made it clear but he said it was just friendship. Yet he got in touch recently despite saying that he wouldn’t bother me. I know he misses me because we did have a very special connection (intellectually, shared interests and there was attraction). Will ask one more time what he wants one last time and where I stand and then I will move forward clearly.
Why are you going to ask him anything else at this point? Despite the connection he told you how he felt. Anything beyond that is him trying to take advantage of you and you might allow it, because he reached out to you?? Of course he misses you. So what?! That doesn’t mean he will respect you and proceed to cultivate a relationship-which is what you want. Don’t sell yourself short. Stay away, don’t ask him anything-you will make yourself look bad.
@@RunninChic620 thank you for your lovely message. So I al not asking him anything… and I don’t intend to sell myself short. I just intend to express myself once and for all… be in my power, authentically and vulnerably - it is part of me learning to do this ie honouring myself and explain that when he does reach out, this is what it creates… and as a result, I am cutting him off entirely and block him. I could just block him, however this is not the way I operate. I want to be clear and this is purely to be aligned with myself… not for him, just for me, so I am fully in my power.
@@gaellelebray I'm in the EXACT same situation. Although he has admitted to having feelings but only wants to remain friends because he's not avaiable for a romantic relationship because of unsettled personal issues. I can't possibly know if it's bs or not, or how much he does feel for me, but bottom line is he's not willing to take it any further. That hurts me and so I left. Nothing else to ask.
@@Ljounieh well done for staying in your power! You deserve someone who is emotionally available. I am sure you have a lot to offer, don’t settle for less than you deserve! There is someone out there who will exactly match your energy! Much love to you brave soul! 💝
Any update on what happened
It also work with friendships!
This came at the right time! He came on strong and was fighting for me. Then there was a shift and suddenly he is not ready. He has been hurt. He is too busy with work. Blah blah blah
For me that sudden shift meant that there was someone else that showed up that he was MORE interested in.
@@GenerallySmiling could be! Who knows babe!
It's the sudden shifts that kill me
OMG totally feel this! 💯
I soooo wish I had heard this 2 years ago!!! Confusion is closure, confusion is closure, confusion is closure! At least I am now armed with that information before going back out into the dating war!
Confusion is closure. Brilliant! Thank you 😊
Great video thanks. I got the bullshit excuse of. "It's a me thing" and assuming we wanted different things without actually asking me. Thanks for not being sure, it makes room for someone who will be!
I was wondering how to approach this exact situation with someone and have been frustrated and confused. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you so much for making this video.
Confusion is closure.
Indeed. F that.
Whenever I hear your videos, I cry thinking about the past relationship I had, But helping me to move on
... thanks Mathew... appreciate your great work
This really hit home! Such a great video. It also made me laugh very much! Thank you for making 😊
If they wanted to they would.
Human beings are simple creatures. If they want something, they want it now, this instant. They don't want it later, ever. Let me repeat, they don't want it later, ever.
Take emotions and rationalizations out of it. Even if they legitimately had a reason why they can't commit, they will tell you that they do and communicate for you to be there for them later because they genuinely love you. It doesn't matter what kind of attachment issues they have. This is a constant when someone wants you. So if they give you an excuse. Believe them and run. Don't walk.
The guy I’m with says it should be good enough for you that I’m good to you and treat you nice. That in itself should be enough instead of taking the next steps. And that he’s the only one that will treat me right and love me like he does. 🚩
Great stuff once again. Thanks for making things clear, Matthew.
I'm not the bad guy... 🤣🤣🤣 Amazing! 🤣🤣🤣❤
I already walked away some months ago, confused if whether this decision is the best for me but seeing this video confirmed that I made a good decision. Confusion is closure!
They are just not interested, plain & simple. It’s a rejection. We feel bad when we get rejected, it’s understandable. So what? You only need one YES, and you’ll encounter many many NOs before that YES. But the YES will come, be patient.
The last few sentences were profound. Thank you so much Matthew
Ive been chasing this man for 21 yrs. Crazy that ive accepted this.
Matthew has excellent impressions of the confused guy. Thank you.
Matthew, you hit it out of the park once again.
Already sign up. Mathew thank you for all that you do for us. We gain full of knowledge cuz of your kindness and compassion. ❤❤ Love you always
Just WOW. This is exactly what had just ended in my life. He said that he wasn't in love with me but had feelings to me. What is that supposed to mean? Never called me a gf after 5 months of seeing each other where for 2 months we literally were living together. He doesn't want a relationship because of his business but he wished we continued the way we were. After I left him he asked me to stay. And I stayed. After I left him second time he found another girl whom I knew as his friend. And now I know about the number of women he actually has. And I see it's exactly what you say: monopolizing me and leaving the door open for an easy exit! Hope I will move on fast... Signed for your marathon for confidence boosting. Thank you, Matthew!!!
Yes the problem is invented
I love that confusion is closure! 💛
It’s exactly what I am experiencing the whole year 😂 thank you Matthew. Spot on
I can't thank this guy enough for eveything he has shared
Wow, this video knocked it out of the park for me today. Thank you Matthew ❤
You and Audrey in this video are hilarious 😂😂😂❤
Bless u for spending your time and energy to speak the hard truth. You are changing lives and sometimes saving lives too Mathew 🙏🏼
Here’s another: “I don’t want to create you expectations.”
I needed to hear this today. I am now at peace about closing that door for good
Forget the most powerful. I love you as a person. But not as my girlfriend. After 1 year and 4 months of relationship 🤯
Thank you so much for this “confusion is closure “
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Though I already knew it..😅
Yeah
Thank you Matthrew! This helped a lot, wish I learned about simplicity before I tried to find a solution when my hinge date I spoke with for 2 weeks on the phone suddenly said "Honestly, This connection isn't working out for me" out of the blue a day before our meet up date that she pushed forward because she was excited. I know she had trauma in the past and got into a traumatic accident the day before. I wish I was more understanding about it though to make her more at ease instead of forcing a fix. That way maybe she can one day feel free to text me if she ever wants to talk again.
After watching this video and rethinking about my life ,it blew my mind ,that how the person is trying to use me by behaving exactly how you described
It's ironic to me you dropped the video today..today I decided to walk away from exactly this type of guy i met online who lovebombed me for months with so beautiful words then found the most unimaginable reasons why he can't meet me yet because he got hurt in the past so he is unsure and his career and family is first and blah blah blah.. and now I'm hurtbroken because i let him go and lost all my chances by doing that.. when i should be thinking what's best for myself.. :(
You did the right thing
Matthew, you are the best of the best !
I wish I meet someone like you.
Handsome, clever, respectful, and left-handed ! I love left-handed people.
Audrey is adorable on the GIANT kitty bed!
I didn’t realize this until I flipped out at him at a bar because he was allowing another girl to talk to him/follow him around all night (we were in a big group) and then ultimately ask for his number - to which he obliged - right in front of my face, and when I yelled, “this is GOODBYE, GOODBYE… we’re fucking done” he had a drunken blank look on his face, I said “you don’t even have anything to say to that?!!” he goes “well it SUCKS you’re telling me we’re completely done, but I just have to take it on the chin & try to have a good rest of my night with my friends.” It was at that point I realized that everything he ever said to me was a lie, he didn’t really like me/care about me, he never had intentions of being with me seriously (even though he told me he did), and I had no idea who the person in front of me was. Or now I did have an idea, and it was that he’s a complete fucking loser / asshole, not the sweet/deep/genuine guy he made me believe he was for 2 months.
“I can't live up to your expectations” (expectations-to see each other more then once a week, and we didn’t even have a real talk about that, i just told him i will be happy to see him more often)… “I am too busy. But i don’t intend to stop communicating with you. “
Now these words make me sick.
I believed him. Almost a month ago. No communication.
So true. Love it, well said !!!
Confusion Is Closure….i like that! Ty Matt
This was such a fun silly video. Thank you for making me laugh. I’ll keep my head up high when I hear these things. Cheer me on to move past through these situations. Thanks for the new term Occam’s razor. 5:10
❤This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you MH you are doing such a good thing. ❤
This made me cry at the end. Thank you
Commitment is too risky to make it worth it. Most explanations do not include this truth but are done so as not to make things harder than they already are.
This video was so funny 😂 I’ve definitely been the excused and the excusée at different points of my life 🙈
After chasing me and texting all day long and complimenting me excuses: you could be too high maintenance; I cannot give you what you want ie cut down on alcohol as I love it. Bloody cheek. He thinks he is a gift to women😢
Thank you for the clear vision.
Confusion is the problem of any person
In my case there’s no excuses being given just an unwillingness to be a true partner., it’s more like we are living parallel lives and see each other 1-2 times a week. I’ve made it clear I need more time together and there’s no effort for him to accommodate that aside from texting and calling all day every day 😅 which is very nice but is not what builds a relationship in my opinion. 😢
you need to leave the situation and find someone who can give you what you want. pls don't hold a pity party in the comment section, take accountability and responsibility for your life.
@@qwertyyxoxo let her talk ......... dont have a power trip in the comments either
I had a guy that only wanted to see me once a week but texted me every hour on the hour you're right it is not the same!
@@qwertyyxoxo and you felt the need to say this why???
@@jlina giving her tough-love advice, as someone who once stayed far too long in situations that weren't making me happy or fulfilling my needs. but by all means, if you wish to stay with a non-committal confused loser and hope things will change for years/decades, be my guest. i'll be out here dating to find the man of my dreams, taking control of my life!!!!
Love you sir
Good talk
Yep ! I liked it a lot ! Totalt clear stuff ! Thank you, I shall tell him !!❤
This is exactly what I needed to hear right now. xxx
Oh my god, that behind you is a window, not a wallpaper! What a beautiful view 😮