Episode 109: No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr Robert Glover
Вставка
- Опубліковано 17 жов 2024
- If you’re anything like me, you’re a recovering “nice guy”, or maybe you still are a “nice guy.” A lot of men may hear that and wonder what’s wrong with being nice. There’s nothing wrong with being nice until it comes at the expense of your own well-being.
Dr. Robert Glover, the author of the book No More Mr. Nice Guy, joins us to talk about the myth of the nice guy, common negative symptoms the nice guy experiences, how to implement the “Healthy Male Rule,” and how you can eliminate the nice guy once and for all.
Want maximum health, wealth, relationships, and abundance in your life? Sign up for our free course, 30 Days to Battle Ready.
orderofman.lin...
Download the NEW Order of Man Twelve-Week Battle Planner and maximize your week. orderofman.lin...
Join the Iron Council brotherhood:
orderofman.lin...
Support the Order of Man mission by picking up merchandise:
orderofman.lin...
Connect with us on the socials:
Instagram orderofman.lin...
Facebook orderofman.lin...
Twitter orderofman.lin...
Join the Order of Man Facebook group:
orderofman.lin...
You don’t get what you deserve in life, only what you negotiate.
You got it sir
"If you want to manipulate a nice guy to get him to do what you want, call him selfish" 18:00
Wow, that hit home. My ex wife did this often... i played the nice guy game and i lost.
Me too
Me too, my friends even tell me what they would’ve done, and that I need to quit being so nice.
Same
@@fredflinstone8750 amazing I'm from Flint so I guess that makes me a Flintstone or two
Jesse Day my ex played this all the time and I bought it.
Be dangerous, but disciplined. Learn to say no and mean it.
Hail Lobsters
@@rkreaden6038 LOL, good one
Dangerous how?
@@Wisdom1357 Dangerous in that you, as a man, are a protector and guardian. That you will not cower or flee but stand between the “monsters” and those you love and care about. To put it another way, your the wolf that keeps the other wolves away from the door.
@@budapestmole okay. I respect that. I see what your saying. I would add on by saying it would be wise to take a self defense class such as martial arts or boxxing to develop one's arsary. That way one can become dangerous by adapting to that type of intensity when faced with adversity.
Domineering mothers and weak fathers in the family cause so much damage to their male children. So much disfunction is passed down through the generations.
Yes absent fathers too and fathers that pay no attention (neglect). Boys need great dads.
@@noweare1 Robert Glover left his only son at 2 yrs old... For his mom to raise on her own. What a hypocrite
The government loves a society of weak men.
@@noweare1o}😊o{o{{{{{{{{oo{{{poop{{o
And the female children. They become like the mothers.
Ryan Holidays book, “the obstacle is the way” got me through one of the hardest moments in my life. I would listen to it over and over on Audible for days. I recommend it. Hearing the quotes from stoic philosophers makes me feel strong and limitless. And it got me to realize that the secret to making a million is making better investment.
I started out with a financial advisor called *" Rochelle Dungca Schreiber ".* Her honest approach gives me complete ownership and control of my positions, and her rates are incredibly affordable given my ROI. However, do your due diligence before contacting a financial advisor.
Heard many good recommendations about Roch Dungca-Schreiber by some YT channels, Seminars and other platforms, how can i reach her?
You can glance her name up on the internet and verify her yourself. She has years of financial market experience
Thanks so much I was able to find her page and I already leave her a message.
The world needs more good men, not “nice guys.”
Truth!
Not "gentlemen" either.
We need more nice guys who aren't doormats.
Yeah, but define good.
So simple but this comment slapped me in the ballz.
Nice story at the end. I live alone and work from home, so I can say and do whatever I want. However, when I do this around other people, it sometimes gets awkward - because they are not used to it. i saw my neighbor waxing his new car recently, so we started chatting. We talked about our recent weight loss and the routes we walk each day. Then his wife comes out. I say hello and then joke, "hey, since he is putting the wax on, you should take the wax off." She frowned and said, "you getting yourself into trouble now..."
btw, the thing that made me realize i was being a blue pill SIMP was the book Boundaries. once I started saying NO to my ex-wife, WW3 erupted. She said "When we met, I thought you couldn't hurt a fly. But now i realize you are so stubborn!" She wanted someone she could manipulate. The pastor we were seeing for 10 years kept telling me to "love her." well, shit - I was! But she was not reciprocating. I finally realized I was being abused - by her and the church. I kicked both to the curb.
Well said..👊😎
@Scorp Six Four I guess that's the disconnect, you believe Jesus was just a man( fictional? He existed, no doubt). But those who choose to believe he was more than just man cant just be labeled simps. Sure there's some inconsistencies but overall it's your choice to believe, your choice what type of lens you want to see the world.
To me it just sounds like it's coming from a place of anger, not humility or respect. I'm sorry that whatever tarnished your trust in the world is causing you bitterness now.
Lmao good move bro, she will meet the real jerkoff and call crying,hit that ignore brother, too many woman out there, and some dont manipulate and play games. Enjoy the hunt!
@Scorp Six Four lol simp is being used for everything now even religion and politics. religion controlled women for thousands of years so tf you talking about women couldn't even speak in church, they had to be covered and listen tot h
their man how is that a simp religion. you sound dumb as fuck if you got issues with religion at least come with the normal arguments don't just speak bullshit
Alan Munoz wrong
This book plus “When I Say No I Feel Guilty” are truly gems.
Good book. Fun book. Start with no.
I read, When I say no I feel guilty. It's about asserting your rights, not through aggressive behavior, but through verbal skills.
Yes
"Feel the fear and do it anyway." I had that book as audiobook and it helped me a lot.
That's deep
Do you know the author's name
I believe the authors name is Susan Jeffers.
Wish I'd heard this as a teenager. I was a nice guy for years all it got me was taken advantage of.
When I'd finally had enough things changed..... for the better.
I'm not a nice guy. But I've got a big heart. Yet women call me a jerk because I'm not doing what they want. I'm not a jerk either. I'm strong willed. There's a difference.
Great way to be God speed 🙏💪
If a women calls you jerk, wear it as a badge of honor! As a recovering nice guy, I love it now. Online dating is so dumb, I just try to make the girl block me as fast as possible. Usually she blocks me or fucks me.... Win/win
I know how you feel, if they really wanna be around you,they can deal with it!
As I nice guy I even been called by a woman "son of a slut" after doing every word she said
Bro are we from the same tribe? Lol . What matters is that you have heart. So many don't. Weakness is promoted now days it's sick.
I'm reading this book now, & soooo much of it is hitting home with me ! I'm researching the MGTOW movement too. It's just amazing to me how much time, effort, mental energy, $$$$, etc., we spend (& lose) on "getting the girl", my best friends talk about it daily !! I was married for 13 years, with 2 kiddos, she cheated on me, been divorced 14 years now ~ I've since dated 10-15 women, some briefly, some for years, have now been out of a 1-1/2 year serious relationship for 6 months, not dating or pursuing anyone new on purpose ~ I'm too much of a "Nice Guy" and sacrifice too much of me for "her" ~ I'm done for awhile, I need to figure out what I want, and who the new me will be ~ peace.
Jeff Hindman with you, brother. I have one friend with benefits rn, and that's all i need for.... only thing is we agreed on being truthfull.
Not worth it bro. Just do you and for you. The women will come easily.
How’s it going?
By being Mr. Nice Guy I am in the final stage of loosing my wife and ruining my marriage and more important I discovered that I have lost myself the last 10 years. I don't know if there is enough time to save the marriage but there is definitely enough time to become a happy person. Right now I am changing and taking care of myself which is top priority in my list. Taking care of my body, health, mind, spirit and emotions. Through my happiness people around me are going to be happy. I don't need to be a giver in a way to try to extract love from others simply because I am starting to loving myself.
Hope you got through okay mate!
@@visionbishop9517 thank you bro. I forgot about this comment.. wow it has been 2 tough years and there are so many things that have happened.
The months following that comment I got totally broken & destroyed. I got divorced (that’s not what destroyed me emotionally though), lost my job, my body was just a step before crashing (i had numb arms, pain in my chest and hard time to breath). I went into a dark place and even thought about giving an end.
But then I looked myself in the mirror, thought about my life and my little son and took a decision to not give up on me and him. Things do get better with time, by creating habits, being disciplined and consistent. We don’t need to be nice guys, we need to be good men, know our worth and attract the right people next to us.
Thank you for checking on me, I hope you are doing well 🙏
Going thru what u experienced and it gave me hope. thingsll be okay. Thanks. Happy u made it ok too.
@@senyordoug8296 thank you and I am so sorry for what you are going through.
You will get much stronger out of this no matter the outcome believe me. Just do not give up on yourself and don't be too hard on yourself. It might take years and lots of breakdowns to stand up but you can do it.
Embrace your emotions, cry it out if you feel like and take it step by step. Try to be a bit better every day whatever you choose to do (gym, reading, other activities etc). There are days you will feel that you make 3 steps ahead and then a day that takes you back 10 steps but never give up brother. Keep going. Don't look for motivation, be disciplined.
Also do not let anyone make you believe that you are "just sad". Many times we are being told how we should or not feel and that we as men we cannot be broken but can be just bit sad, that we need to man up and not be like kids/boys. That's so wrong, because women, especially the ones that we fully love, can really destroy us emotionally when the trust is lost. It is wounds that none can see but it's always there.
It is a long journey and I come to realise most of the mistakes from my part during the past years but ALSO all the red flags that i chose to ignore in my partner and all those tough but important conversations I should have had with her. I chose to be "nice" to not fight and take the blame or if I would start discussing she would try to make it look like it was my fault or have a painful argument that would prevent me from trying to discuss again.
So being nice it might work short term.. but long term it clashes with your core values and it destroys you emotionally while it creates inequality inside the relationship.
Excellent! Glad to hear. Keeeeeep pushing bro!
My marriage has gotten so much better and my wife has moved closer to me and seems to appreciate me more ever since I started to say ...NO.....!...I used to put up with silly tantrums and her emotional rollercoaster and unreasonable behavior !..one day I had enough and so with a very clear and precise statement , I said NO ! I will not puit up with your behavior and irrational conversation , I laid out the facts of the situation and told her I would not hear anymore about it until she started to act like an adult and behave with reason and I closed the door and walked off and the next 12 hours there was silence the day after she was as sweet as apple pie and super nice to me and apologized for being so stupid ...I had a hard time believing it but when I come across as being hard she responds very well indeed .......Women are children and should be treated as such !
I observed the same things in my parents marriage.
They're not children but their encouraged to behave as such.
That sounds like BPD...I hope for you it's not!
You are a MORON if you actually think women are children and should be treated a such simply because your wife acted like a selfish retard
Beware of a person who takes kindness for weakness.
This describes ALL Women.
Lots of people out there like that.
Usually the same who think ruthless and smart is the same
Can you explain further?
life does not give you what you deserve but what you ask. so start being assertive .
Absolutely....thats not taught! Ugh
I was taught to be a nice guy...over the years of being taken advantage of, I have hardened and developed a "blackheart". Now, I am a Good guy. The difference...Good guys hit back!
And make sure you hit back harder.
You have to stick up for yourself, and for every situation there has to be a line in the sand, a point where you will commence pushing back strongly.
Thank you! Great talk. Us men need to hear this. We all need a tune up.
Hi dear men...you all are awesome.
My husband read this book and now he's a totally different man...thank God, this safed our marriage.
There are still tons of "NICE GUYS" out there, a lot of work to do.
Thanks for this podcast 🤗😘
What steps did you take to save your marriage? Or was it purely all on him to change?
Yea I’m curious to know if this was a team effort or simply all your husbands responsibility.
Yea guys good comments. Basically it was all his responsibility and fault for your failing marriage. I know it's not in your nature to be accountable for your own actions, but I'd say do your part and lose some weight l. Tighten up all parts of your body. If you haven't done that for ROI (return on investment) then he's a fucking idiot
@@4Mikes4Mindset4 well said
@@Austin-M3 exactly
For a good part of my younger years I was an asshole of guy. Got plenty of attention from women and jealous comments from guys. My wrong doings never burned my conscience. After a heartbreaking relationship I turned into a "Nice Guy"; reasoning that it was because "I didn't try hard enough" that we didn't work out. The biggest difference I immediately noticed was how everyone started treating me. Men started looking down on me and women started treating me like I was some weak willed idiot. Even after I laughed at them and point blank calling them out on their BS games, they would still look down on me. So I turned back to the Asshole and never looked back.
Good for you.
Great false dilemma jackass
Far out
There is a fine line you have to tow, outwardly for the most part, it is beneficial for you to appear more of an asshole to deter others from devaluing you. In personal dealings, letting on that you have kindness in you should also benefit you and offset the initial “asshole” impression. It creates a dynamic that works better than just being one or the other.
Sarcasm?
This book saved me. Thank you Dr. Glover.
Dr Robert Glover is a genius. He's discovered a major life changer. His book is amazing. Nice Guy Syndrome isn't as simple as it sounds.
@@enlightenedturtle9507you said nothing at all. Fools love to believe themselves to be above all issues in others haha. Only intelligent individuals are capable of self reflection and empathy.
Being Nice and Good deeds are a thin line. Being nice is a good deed and has its rewards don't be concerned about what people think of you or what they do to you. on the day of judgement you'll see the rewards. Remember the Bible and Quran teaches The act of kindness.
A nice guy doesn't have to be a doormat. Too many people think the two are synonymous. They aren't. Be a nice guy, but don't let people fuck with you.
I read his book in 2020, did the workbook too. Also did two 2 month batches of therapy and by mid 2021 I was a new man, I feel I went from adult boy to MAN. Awesome. Thanks for the assistance Dr. Glover, you really get out what you put in.
What I'm understanding from this is Dr. Glover is determining that nice guys give in order to multiple an outcome that he desires. If the guy gives of themselves then they deserve something in return without additional effort. He is recommending being honest and setting your boundaries and admitting what you expect. It is having respect for yourself and what you have to offer.
He isn't suggesting being a prick. One side doesn't have to lose for you to win. An alpha man or a leader will a situation better than they found it.
And this ladies and gentleman is proof as why people have earned their hate and rightfully so be hated.
You're not a nice guy if you're not nice to yourself. Amazing
What helped me is to STOP being the "old-fashioned" gentleman. The only women I show any special respect or kindness are the women I know & who have earned it. The women I don't know I treat with the basic respect I show men.
Finally a fucking straight forward answer, what am I supposed to do to change my actions
Like how Dr. Glover explain's through a story about what it is to be a man. Great podcast
I'm always friendly, never mean. There's no need to be tough. You're in control always, you set the tone. Women are only stars because of you..
No, you are the star because of her.
Dr. Glover book changed my life . I encourage all men to read this book
I cant thank you enough for creating this, its a day of serious breakthroughs hearing this podcast. Much respect to you.
Dont GIVE,make others EARN your loyalty,respect and love.... time will tell if their really in it for the right reasons. Dont be so hard up for anyone! Unless they deserve it, then skys the limit!
It is quite scary. Yesterday I just thought 'No more Mr Nice Guy' should become my new motto. And today my feed is topped by this 5 years old video.
I agree with all of this and tried making changes (I’m an extreme nice guy and women initially love it, then despise it). After trying to change and finding it very draining, I settled on; I’m a nice guy, you don’t like it, beat it. That I am comfortable with and it isn’t draining.
Man this was so great too hear. Im def. a "nice guy". And when you guys said to be selfish and focus on yourself. It hit me so deep. I really appreciate the words of wisdom.
Forgive me Lord for I have simped. This book lead me to discover the red pill and mgtow. I'm tired of being the nice guy that's always so afraid of conflict.
Many will need to simp before taking the red pill, unfortunately.
I have kinda simped but mine was because I was afraid of making mistakes due to a “trauma”
Fear was causing me to come off needy and just not being who I actually was, happens to all of us
@Freki Bodgaedir Not really. It's just not being taught or shown the manipulative nature of most Wahmen. They do the things wahmen tell them to do because they think they will have sexual success. Penis thinking, it's called.
@Freki Bodgaedir Agree that both Men and Women manipulate. Just in the way you are suggesting that I alter my speech in not using the term Simp to gain your respect, if my interpretation of your comment is accurate. The use of your controlling and subjective language is to intimate that any man who uses the term does not come from a ''good family' (also a subjective comment and opinion on your part). I don't think that is the case at all. Not being a simp is being able to have self respect and to be able to stand up for yourself. Any good family raising well rounded children would instill these values, would you agree? A man is a simp if he let's people, mainly whamen, walk all over him in the hope he can trade appeasement to get what he wants. With whamen, it's generally sex.
If it's your conjecture that using a colloquial and base adjective to describe a morally weak person is immature, then it is your opinion. It's certainly not a trait that defines a person's maturity which appears to be the point you are suggesting. What's wrong with calling a 'spade a spade'? The PC left are happy to use labels to cajole, belittle, denigrate and control the language and behaviour of those that don't agree with them. Yet, the left dislike the same ideology being used to describe the very same behaviours they exhibit. This is where post modernist Foucaultian thought fails as it presumes a subjectivity not constrained by labels, yet exists in the very same world to be able to create new labels. It's intellectual hypocrisy at its worst.
You don't get what you want in life, you get who you are.
All men should familiarize themselves with the meaning of hypergamy and how it affects ALL men. If you don't know what it is do a YT search.
Thanks... will do.
Wow, if I could have the dedication towards something the way I do towards those contracts, I'd be unstoppable, that's somethin to strive for. Quitting this shit is harder than quitting cigarettes
learn to love myself well. filling my cup so I can love others well
The only power other people have over you is that which you allow them to have. Regain your power and self respect
Giving my gift to the world .
Being nice doesn't get you laid.
Agreed.
@@Orderofman One word about U.S.A. women............. These women don't want to ignore their Satan flesh nature.
@@unitedstatesirie7431 Let me laugh less loudly please, women are from all the place, and I'm sure Satan is crying in his own corner
@@InnerEagle there is an interesting book I read in the late 1990's titled, 'THE SERPENT SEED" an interpretation about the book of Genesis in the HOLY BIBLE about Eve having sex with the fallen angel Satan.
Watch the 1975 movie called 'THE WICKER MAN' scene where the police officer walks into the graveyard.
Angels cannot have sex because they are spirit beings, but is it possible that a fallen angel can have sex with a human women if the fallen angel enters an animal such as a serpent snake.
The serpent animals had legs at one time in history, but GOD cursed the serpent to crawl on it's stomach by removing it's legs because it tempted Eve to sin as written in the book of Genesis.
How did Adam and Eve know they were naked ?
Satan (speaking through the serpent) explained to them how to use the penis of Adam and vagina of Eve for sexual intercourse.
The Satan serpent was in a tree and it's possible that the "fruit" that Eve and Adam "eat" was actually the sperm from the sex organ of the serpent entering the mouth & anus of Adam and the mouth and vigina of Eve.
After that happened Adam and Eve inherited Satan's evil, sinful nature.
Their bodies changed drastically after they "eat the forbidden fruit" offered by the serpent to age as time went by year after year and got sick. Then also their body parts broke down and they eventually died.
Ever since their sin in the Garden of Eden all people on Earth have inherited the Satan flesh nature.
Look at the sperm cells of men. The sperm cells look like small little snakes (serpents) !
The HOLY BIBLE says, "Flesh and blood will not inherit the Kingdom of GOD."
This is why we must be born again.... born again spiritually, because our Satan flesh nature bodies will not be allowed in Heaven to be with GOD who created people.
All people have inherited the Satan flesh nature from Adam and Eve because they listed to the lies of the fallen angel Satan.
The LORD GOD KING JESUS will give born again Christians new bodies.
"Long live the new flesh."
~ Quote, 1983 'VIDEODROME'
It is interesting that a dragon is the main mascott of Communist China and is honored and worshiped by the Roman Catholic Vatican church in Rome, Italy.
Read what the dragon (serpent) represents in the book of Revelation in the HOLY BIBLE. It represents the evil fallen angel Satan.
UNITED STATES I. R. I. E.
Investigation Research International Educator
The real "X-Files"
US 4252935977
AGENT Sinne'
-----------------------------------------
@@unitedstatesirie7431 When I read the title you said, "serpent seed" you got me attention, because there is an italian old man who used that title(italianized) or something like the descendency of the serpent, where he talks of patriarcatry but hell, ill take a look into that!
I am working on converting out of the nice guy mental disorder. I agree with all that was mentioned during this discussion and will be purchasing the book. I remember I was talking to my ex’s sister and she said “that’s because your a nice guy” it hit me like a hook from Mike Tyson. I have been called a ass hole since because I didn’t agree with someone else beliefs. It felt like a badge of honor, it told me I stood on my own beliefs vs nicely agreeing with them so “they like me.”
"Women sometimes forgive the one who abrupt the opportunity, but never the one who misses it."
- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand
Bullshit
My first husband was a good person...a good son..a good little boy.I had no dobt he loved me but his mother came first and eventually he turned me INTO his mommy too, a second one, although my personality was different from hers. I was 17 and he was 21 when we married. She really would have preferred if he had stayed at home living with her forever just as her youngest child, another son did. Her daughter married a man three doors down so she stayed home with Mama too. Mama was a cloying woman a vulnerable narcissist, and the husband walked out on her when the children were young. That made her cling much tighter to them all of course.
I had our son when we had been married a year and a half. He was 6 mos old when I had to go to work fulltime because my husband couldnt keep a job. I was night admissions officer at a hospital. He got jobs, none lasted more than a few months. He really did want me to be his mother too, support HIM, cook, clean, do the yard work and I did do it all because though I was young, I was conscientious and competent. He stayed in front of the TV watching old black and white movies. I never argued with him about any of it, never nagged, just tried to figure out why he could not keep a job. Finally after seven years of it, I pitched in the towel , we never argued ever...I just knew he would never change. He never hit me , drank, went out to bars, played around on me and why would he? He had the perfect wifey...good sex, AND a second Mommy too, who made no demands of him. He was an infantalized man.
I had started college the year before I left him. I took psych courses a full course load,made straight As in everything. I had found a part time job at the college but when I entered college I told him...now it is up to you whether we eat or starve.
FINALLY he got a job and stuck with it. Then I KNEW he COULD have done it all along.Probably he knew I had one foot out the door. After my freshman year I LEFT him. He had a new girlfriend in a couple of months...he turned HER in to a Mommy...He had two kids with her, worked sometimes, didnt other times, she held a full time job for 50 years...she is 70 and STILL working. Now she is supportimg her grandchildren. She always had free rent, her parents owned a triple decker outside Boston so she had a free apt and later inherited the house. My ex died about 10 years ago.
Meantime I became a clinical psychologist,always worked at the universities I was attending. I became a uni adminstrator and was offered a presidency just before I retired at 50 to sail the Caribbean. You have to be able to hoist sails. It was time. After nearly 10 years of sailing we moved ashore my mate of 41 years built our tropical home with local labor. He passed away a while ago.
I have had a great life. I am so grateful I left my first husband. I grew up....and up and up. He never did. It just isnt enough to be a mere nice guy. You have to have a core that is you, that is admirable. You have to be a man a woman can live up to. It isnt about what you earn or power. In soceity, its about CENTEREDESS. I was attracted to my mate because of the way he held himself. It wasnt fake braggadocio, it wasnt cockiness it was strength, inner strength and outer strength he exuded.He wasnt going to pretend to be one thing he wasnt and he never did with anyone, so
authenticity.
He was bankrupt when I met him. He had been a mutimillionaire and lost his large construction development business, his car dealership, his rentsl properties commercial and residential and his partnership in a bank. He graduated university with nothing so he built it all. He was still the man who had DONE all that. His wife walked out when he went bankrupt...she had been in it for the lifestyle. I was already providing my own lifestyle and didnt need that. His head was unbowed...his spirit undefeated, he exuded a quiet confidence. He loved saiing I loved sailing. I retired early so we could do the sailing. We had adventure, we had joy. He was an avid reader. As a professor, so was I, IT was central to what each of us were. We wanted to travel, to see the world I invested my retirement well as he taught ME investing but it was my investing. He alwys worke u til we sailed. He lived every day for that day and never wanted to own alot after he had lost it all. He spent his money on our pre retirement travel and he bought the boats we had one smaller one preretirement.He never again wanted to exchange LIVING in the moment for slaving away to build up businesses only to have them crumble due to Federal monetary policy. That is what had happened to him when Jimmy Carter was president.
I lost a giant of man.
That's an amazing story. Inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
@@ImranChaudhry Thank you... It was a loong story but my life has been long and happy, I was lucky to choose the right man for me, eventually... Wiishing you the same in choosing your mate... The right person MAKES your life better and better, the wrong person has the potential to destroy you if you let them, so pick wisely. It is a risk, choosing but a calculated one. My advice to everyone is wait to have children with a person til you see their true character. Have relationships, that is how we learn who WE are and what we need from another person but dont make a permanent choice ie marry and have children til you know who THEY really are, that they are THE one.
Yup I am a nice guy, and I am often finding myself in a situation where things just aren't reciprocal, and it took the break off of a relationship for me to see that. - We are often blind until we fall on our asses so too speak. -
This is not acceptable too me and I didn't realize it until the way a recent relationship almost re-sparked… she and I were talking for 3 years then just before she met someone else I did something that I admittedly should have discussed with her, but before it got too serious with him, she finally broke it off with me, it obviously broke every bit of niceness in me/willingness to be nice to her, I cut off all talk with her, then almost a week ago now she comes back into my life. "I miss talking too you" well that is great I try to reconnect too her, and I realized my mistake about not including her in a big decision that would affect us both, albeit I still believe I would have been making the right decision I relented and changed my goals for her a bit. (BIG mistake) - I am also realizing how much I despise saying good night or good morning to her and just radio silence for hours, and finally I get a "sorry I was busy" and me making an excuse/saying oh it's alright! … Bah it is time I am honest with that, nah it isn't ok not when I generally reply to you right away. - Sometimes that doesn't even happen until the next day. - Once or twice is ok to a point but when it just becomes a habit for them, it wears thin and it is beyond irritating. - Something that is ok once can easily become a bad habit so we have to be weary of that fact.
I am also indeed an yes man.
I would NOT say I am afraid to let others do things for me, but what IS true is that I LOATHE asking them for help/to do something that they should. I.E Return SOME of the favors. Asking for a job/promotion. (I do NOT like asking people for help, I feel if they really wanted me then they would have said so before we parted ways.)
I say no more, I am not going to be specifically blunt/rude when I tell people no, but I am so going to work on it more.
@SIOUXICIDE * I agree
@SIOUXICIDE * Haha that was harsh, but I hear you thanks for the wise yet crude words. lol
It truly is easier to ignore when I don't get a text or w/e when my mind is on other things. xD
Also good advice on bouncing ideas/sand lines off of others to make sure I am not being unreasonable with the requests.
Treat them the same as they treat you
Nahh treat them just a smidgen worse. Otherwise they never respect you
I was a nice guy, until I noticed people trying to use it to their advantage. I still give people what they want, but I create a different type of "covert contract" now. This contract states that; whatever Im giving, is going to give me access to something I want of theirs. In other words, Manipulative information gathering or giving for the purpose of getting what I want.
Once I understood how ruthless the world really is I had to change. There's more, but I think I've already said too much, purposefully...
If needed, and if your pride is of no issue, become a puppet on a string.
I always say being nice is a choice. Don’t be nice in order for someone to step on your neck.
Ok I accept that I have been a "Nice Guy" as I tried hard to be patient and understanding of my girlfriend's (now ex) struggle with Bipolar Disorder. The end of the relationship is the best thing for me to get back on track.
Run. I hope you have moved on and wish you well brother.
My only goal is to man up ❤thanks for your positive videos
This sit down was very helpful and inspiring.! And real " I haven't read my book in 15 years!! What did i say?" Lol epic but respectfully real!!
Women.... enough thanks. Got out of the last relationship 12 years ago now, never looked back, never money issues, never get told where to get of or what to do, never unappreciated but most importantly why the hell would any man want an Owner/ Manager, that will be burning through your recourses then rob you blind when they inevitably abscond? I am a "Better Man", and cherish my freedom, thanks.
I have to add a couple of things. Both are contributing factors in my life. First, being raised by a feminist, I was groomed to be the antithesis of every perceived vice of the "chauvinistic," "perverted" male population. Second, like so many of us, I was taught to treat others as I would want to be treated. So, to some extent, these "contracts" you speak of were seeded and cultivated.
Good talk. I love it when a Dr. Keeps it real and uses the F word (about true selfish people who don't give F*** about anyone else.) Great insight into this subject and paradigms that vex a majority of the US male populace. Thumbs UP.
That last statement resonated with me. I bought a trampoline at BJs and I was struggling to lift it into my vehicle and this black guy in a police uniform came up to me. He had a child with him. He asked if I needed help. I said yes and he picked it up like it was nothing and threw it into my vehicle. This weighed like 250 pounds and he tossed it like it was nothing. I will never forget it.
I am not a nice guy and I am not a people pleasing person but because I am polite I get mistaken for a nice guy before I get a chance to let them know who I am . I asked a woman out today and she wasn't interested . I didn't let it get to me . Ever since I got clean from drugs 21 years ago I have had three relationships one was okay the 2nd one was toxic and scary !!! The 3rd one I broke it off before it got toxic , but since I have been clean I have seemed to have lost my edge with women , when I was high I didn't care and women liked that but now I have my own home a good job and can't seem to get a date !!
Great job on getting and staying clean. I think you gotta integrate your dark side a bit. Maybe not be so polite as that is the first thing people pick up on.
Dr Glover is the best! thanks!
Excellent talk
"That sucking sound" yeah, been there, and it's quite ironic how I see the same passive aggressive always afraid, empty and hungry for love attitude in my GF which pushes me toward breaking up. But fought so hard as a knight to save her from depression as beside all that she is the sweetest of souls.
This helps a lot to articulate my thoughts, and maybe give her a final nudge to get her act together. If not, gotta man up and cut the cord, maybe I can't save her, but I'm sure as hell not going down with her... there is so much wonder in this world to see, so much value to give back... gotta love the grind
Been there, i rescued my wife after her being molested by father, brother and mothers boyfriends. Been married 28 years but what a wild ride. They turn on u after a while. I stayed for the stability of my kids.
Its a hard decision (guys want to fix and provide)
Excellent! Thank you for posting this.
careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how you want to be treated.
Holy fuck shit! This is so good! 😆… I used to be the extreme opposite and likewise I had a reputation for being a tough guy, in charge, controlling and easily getting women! Especially younger hotter women that used to shock me and everyone else! Then 4 years ago It was like I found religion again for the 1st time! I finally came full circle, stopped all bad habits became the nice guy that everyone (especially my wife) always wanted me to be! Literally my life (both public and private) is like that of a well-known old gentleman and Christian Pastor combined! and at first it was good but as i became more and more boring and nice my wife lost interest and many other things within this same category dramatically changed for the worst! This ultimately resulted in her cheating on me and this year, she divorced me! This would have been our 19th year of marriage together! Now as I keep doing more and more for her than ever before and getting no where, I realized the other day (on an epic scale) that I have become “that guy” and I told her it too! I also told her NO to many things and I told her I understood why she doesn’t respect me… because I don’t respect myself! Then I just randomly (like some kind of an odd miracle) stumbled onto this channel/video and started listening! Not even sure why I did start or continue but now I’m not only watching it for a 2nd time but I’m very greatfull…Thank you!!
If your watching this an unsure about what your hearing and or scared to take this advice and run with it…. Trust me! This mans statements, opinions and solutions to this issue is 100% spot on! I know from having extensive experience on both sides of this reality… What he is saying is 100% true!!! And to the decent person struggling with this issue… I know what you’re thinking! But I can tell you the world is not divided between those that dominate and those who don’t! It’s not about being a selfish asshole! It’s about remembering that old fashioned timeless universal truth! “That you can only get what you first give” respect yourself, set boundaries, be a man of principle and never compromise on them! Then and only then will you experience people in your life like, loving and respecting you!!!
Epic. Thank you both.
Be a nice guy..be bold and brave but don't let anyone piss in your head or treat you like a doormat :)
I read his book and honestly just now I think I understand some things. All his points here and book are in line with my experience. But I never thought and never felt I'm the problem for bad things going on in the family. I can recall few situations but I never though nor I think now I was abandoned although when I look back I surely was on so many levels. But what he points out we internalize it and we do not think that its just deep in subconscious that still governs your behavior and view of the world wether you realize it or not. You THINK one thing but your behavior hows something else. Basically its hard to know yourself.
Definitely, same happened to me. Things not working out and I was just getting confused and not understanding why all this shit happening. I was neglected as a child and that set a weak foundation that I never realized.
There's so much value in this, thanks
Wow....this makes so much sense to my situation in life right now... definitely need to adjust.
Great content guys amazing working so much appreciation ❤️
Great video. Super. Once and for all killed and buried my Mr unhappy Nice guy. Thank you
Holy fucking shit this talk was eye opening, at multiple points i felt a huge discomfort because i feel like he is really describing me, god damn.
Thank you and a great big thank you to the doctor, i am def going to get his book.
Hell F*cking ya. Man I've wanted to make something like this for so long. You are killing this channel!
I’m not a bad guy, but sometimes I have to ask what a bad guy would do.
I remember reading his book 10 or 12 years back it was one of those red pill book (I think every such book should have a mark "red pill")
Pages through pages the book seemed so damn true and hard that it used to give me nightmares and I wanted to quit reading it but I finished it..... this book and other book like this one made me strong and attractive and was good in handling women till I lost touch with all my books and my computer...... guess what....... the world took toll over me and all the teachings washed away and I was kicked on my balls by women whom I was with 10 years....
Now while healing I was recollecting some readings from this book and I got the youtube suggestion.....
I havent heard even single minute and I have written the comment........
The above UA-cam picture of the blue-eye guy all in black looks like he is about to break into Bank of America...LOL 👀
42:55 Great definition of a man!
I voted for Ross Perot and he was absolutely right about that big sucking sound. It happened. BTW, Ross Perot died in September 2019.
He should've won that '92 election - there were huge shenanigans at the time to shut him out of the club.
If you're a "Nice Guy" you had horrible parents.
Thanks, I know it, I still have them
quite sad it ended so soon dr glover seemed to have a lot more to talk about
JC!! What a great discussion!
I’m going to check the website... I’m a Jordan Peterson listener and new to this channel but it may help me
Great book! I ruined my first copy with highlighted sections and lots of notes...So I bought a second copy...Eye-Opener...read it and see how we have been conditioned to 'be nice guy'. Respectful, confident & courteous..sure...but 'nice guy' doesn't work.
whats the name of the book?
Keep it going Men!
Love this book. Read it many times.
Superb. Great information. Thank you!
Good story at the end...made my day
As to why they say.. Nice guys finish last!
That saying has been around forever..
It's funny how all it takes to remain firm with ugly people is never smiling. If you don't smile much, you have the upper hand. Expressions count for a lot and ugly people like to prey on good vibes like a basic smile to introduce yourself. I know when I introduce myself like a bad-ass and even put on an ugly face, people act overly nice. Bottom line, I'm an empathic person so I don't act mean for fun. The streets hardened me.
Too bad it has to be that way. Some people take niceness as weakness.
My New year's resolution is going to become a 'no more Mr.Nice guy'
Fantastic! What a powerful story at the end!
I have abandonment issues. I have issues making mistakes. I have issues when other people make mistakes and cover those up like my own. This is because I was punished because my brother was a liar growing up and I had to pay the price for his mistakes.
Man... I learned no to be a yes man/nice guy in my mid 30s... late but learned.
Nobody is nice but only your heart's can be determined that your 9ic
This just change my life. Pray for me as I try to break through these simp mangina shit that has ruined my life.
Thank you 💯
I've always been raised not to ask for help and just take control of what I can. However, this has also pushed me to always trying to offer help to others without them even asking. Doing for others is what makes me happy, but it becomes toxic as I am not a selfish person and feel overly selfish trying to focus on me. Hopefully, I can change and become the better person I want to be. Not an A$$hole, but not that NG anymore either.