In Tanzania, it is Umoja. Same philosophy I think. That's what got that country to unite 120+ different tribes under one banner without the infighting we saw amongst their neighbors over the years. BTW, Mark Shuttleworth got the inspiration from that word and named the most popular (elegant, and beautiful for us nerds) linux distro in the world Ubuntu too.
I love Ubuntu philosophy. I follow the One Small Town movement founded by Michael tellinger. There is an amazing Ubuntu town forming in Lebanon, another in South Africa, and many more are getting started. I can't wait to live in one❤
I absolutely love the reframing of "I spent 8 hours managing toxic shame" instead of "I spent 8 hours doing X task that feels like it should have taken much less time" as a way of looking at procrastination
I'm scared of reframing it that way because surely km being too soft on myself?? Everyone else calls it procrastinating so why does it have to be something euphemistically cute for me? I keep not looking after myself or even eating and showering when it would make my lie so much better if I did
@@EllinIsLividI kind of agree with you, but I think it depends of how you feel with yourself. If you think that you are trash and there is something inherently bad with you for procrastinating, rephrase it might help you to unconsciously understand that is not who you are, it is a behavior that you learned to regulate your emotions. If you understand this, you doesn't hate yourself and you are trying to deconstruct that behavior, I guess it is okay to see tasks and procrastination time as a whole.
@@EllinIsLividself-punishing doesn’t work. Punishing people into behavior - never - works, it’s at best a prison. Compassionate redirection does. If reframing helps it’s a good strategy.
I keep watching these videos over the last couple of days and I have memories coming in then I lose track of what is said then I disocciate then I fall asleep. I'm seeing all the sleeping I've been doing as a good thing.
@@zannapics I briefly attended a mindfulness meditation supervision group run by the mental health team's mindfulness 'guru'. That wasn't his title it just sums him up quite well I think! I mentioned how I fall asleep during mindfulness meditation and he said it could be because I'm disocciating due to trauma! This was quite a shocking revelation to me. I didn't think of myself in that way back then. I was still a functioning person. It all caught up with me eventually! Thanks for your response. That makes sense too. But also, using your brain uses up energy. So accessing memories that might stir the emotions can be energy sapping too I guess!
3:41 - 1. Trauma Responses are not character defects 6:13 - 2. Dysregulation disrupts concentration 8:58 - 3. People need support the most when they're struggling the most 12:27 - 4. It is normal to not know things 15:52 - 5. Align your life to your wants, needs and passions 17:47 - 6. Your triggers are not your core authentic self 20:37 - 7. Procrastination is often you taking time to deal with overwhelming feelings 24:34 - 8. People may bet the wrong cues from you 28:38 - 9. Good people do bad things 32:06 - 10. Hope often comes from a change in circumstance ---- Titles are mine, did what I could to summarize Edit: Lol, as I was writing this someone else did exactly the same thing. Oh well.
They aren't free. I had this video start with 2 ads, then 5 ads through out the video. Now if you pay for UA-cam you don't get the interrupting ads. So either way that ad and subscription revenue pays the creator of the content. That's why people do this content.
3:41 1. The neurotic behaviours and emotional regulation strategies you adopted are not character defects but trauma responses 6:13 2. You cannot concentrate when you are dysregulated (so healing will make you smarter) 8:58 3. People need most support when they are struggling (so when you make a mistake reach out for support) 12:26 4. It is normal to not know things that you have not been taught, or you were taught while dissociated (ask) 15:52 5. You need to figure out who you are, what your wants, interests and passions are. Get to know yourself! 17:47 6. Your triggers are not you core authentic self. There is the mask, a layer of trauma triggers etc., and then the real self 20:36 7. When you procrastinate you are often responding to overwhelming feelings, esp. toxic shame. Taxes... 24:34 8. Other people are taking cues from you as to how to interact with you, so if you are not showing certain things (like sadness) other people cannot respond to it. 28:38 9. Good people can do bad things. How well we learn to correct that behaviour is in proportion to how much love and guidance we receive. 32:06 10. As adults we have more agency and have options other than to dissociate, but to actually change our circumstances to change our emotional state.
I’ve spent over 10 years seeing therapists and psychologists and never have I understood my cptsd as well as I do now, thanks to the clarity and precise information you provide. Both my brain and my soul thank you so very much.
❤ 100% this is me. I deeply resonate with all ten. Failed relationships, hard to focus & concentrate, freeze state - u can't move or think u r just scared shitless & trying to fugure out why I am like this, always thought I should know the answers, such horrible negative self - talk, doing things I KNOW BETTER than to do . . But still did it. It all makes sense now. First 7 yrs of my life where extremely TRAUMATIC. 3 months old my biological Dad was jealous (according to Mom) he would take a bat and hit the couch I was sleeping on just to startle and wake me up. That alone would more than do it, imo. According to my family he was a narcissistic punk who got in a lot of trouble. My Mom just wanted someone to love (grew up in alcoholic environment) and he just made her MISERABLE. She even attempted suicide while carrying me. I have NEVER MET, SPOKEN TO OR HAVE A PHOTO, NO OTHER FAMILY. Mom told me it was up to me if I wanted to contact him, but he will make your life hell. My junior year he called thinking I would be graduating but I did 2nd grade twice not for being held back either I told my grandparents that's the grade I was in. I am 57 yrs young now and wowzers what a ride it's been with all the obstacles and trying to figure out what's wrong with me . . THIS IS MY SAVING GRACE BCUZ EVEN TO THIS DAY I STILL FUNCTION FROM TRAUMATIC RESPONSE AND IT DEEPLY AFFECTS MY RELATIONSHIPS. I THOUGHT IT WAS THEM, NOT ME. COMPROMISE lol. I certainly hope & pray this video and word of mouth get this out there bcuz I JUST KNOW HUMANITY NEEDS THIS INVALUABLE INFORMATION. I NEVER DID MEET MY BIO DAD, BUT I THINK KEEPING TOXIC PPL OUT OF MY LIFE IS VITAL AND KEY TO MY HAPPINESS. THE LAST THING IS I BELIEVE MY GRANDSON WHO JUST TURNED 10 WAS RECENTLY DIAGNOSED ADHD . . . AFTER WARCHING THIS VIDEO 100% CPTSD. FOSTER CARE AT ABOUT 3 MO. OLD AND SEPERATED FROM HIS TWO OLDER SISTERS. HIS DAD WAS AN ALCOHOLIC NEVER PHYSICALLY HURT THE CHILDREN & LOVES THEM DEEPLY. UNFORTUNATELY, IN 2020 ABOUT 6 MONTHS APART THE CHILDREN LOST THEIR GPA & THEIR DAD TO DRUG OVERDOSE. TRAUMA IS REAL AND OBVIOUSLY WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE BODY/MIND/SOUL. PRAYERS FOR ALL OF US AS WE MOVE OUT OF CONTROL, GREED & POWER ERA INTO LOVE, PEACE AND HARMONY. UNITE AS ONE, DO NOT ALLOW SEPERATION TACTICS TO USE AGAINST ONE ANOTHER. GODSPEED BLESSINGS
Nr.5 makes me overwhelmingly sad. In my mind, to be safe, I must: 1. assume what I'm supposed to be knowing, without anyone telling me or god forbid without me asking, 2. teach it to myself and not bother anyone with my existence, 3. become expert at it overnight and never ever make even the tiniest mistake, or I'm in trouble. I just can't live like this anymore, it's exhausting 😢
The book "The talent code" by Daniel Coyle, says that one of the best things that you can do to learn better is to make a mistake, i used to think the same way that you express, but that book open my mind and the way that it explains the way we learn in relationship to the brain it makes so much sense, i love that book, hopefully it helps you too. I'm still in the process and say to myself as much as i can that making mistakes is good, but i prefer the word "accidents", because i have a better relationship with that word than with the word "mistake" :)
I remember at twenty eight I had a very skilled therapist tell me that I was amazingly hard to read. He said he had no idea what I was thinking or feeling. He had never worked with someone who was so unreadable. No wonder I spent most of my life feeling invisible in a group.
I got there realizing they did the best they could with the tools they had as well. We forget our parents likely had some trauma as well, and that affects how they parent.
12:40 Maybe that's why once I started healing I realized there's a lot of things in life that I've learned on an intellectual level but had never made an emotional connection with. It is only once that emotional connection is made that I'm able to truly integrate what I had learned, even if its decades later.
3:42 1st lesson 6:13 2nd lesson 8:59 3rd lesson 12:26 4th lesson 15:53 5th lesson 17:48 6th lesson 20:37 7th lesson 24:34 8th lesson 28:39 9th lesson 32:06 10th lesson All these were EYE OPENING! I always felt stupid for not being as productive as my peers at work but no, I'm not stupid, I'm just chronically stressed and dealing with my triggers and that's why I can't focus as easy as them and therefore make more mistakes. Again, all these were soooo important, thank you so much! I feel better with myself lol
“”When you live with chronic triggers - you do have less hours in a day” - Bravo!! Probably - the best explanation of procrastination I’ve heard so far, and I’ve heard a good few dozens of them!! The world is lucky to have you working through your own traumas and telling people about your journey! I admire of how you make a lemonade of lemons! Just wow! Thank you for sharing. Right now I’m struggling with the job search and it makes so much sense every word you’re saying about the triggers. Whenever I find the job - you’ll be the second one, after Ukrainian army I donate to! Thank you!❤️❤️❤️
Totally I used to spend hours making a resume, sending it. I never learned how to use the computer program necessary to format it, nor was I a fast typer. I was too ashamed to ask for help.
Jesus Christ, Heidi. You have got to be the best communicator on these topics in the world. Your breakdown and your delivery are like watching a psychic symphony orchestra draw a mental/emotional/dynamic map of my childhood 😄. I click on your videos for the title but I end up enjoying watching a virtuosa at work. Amazing. The dots you help me connect and reconnect on a regular basis are extremely valuable. If/when you start offering 1-on-1 coaching, I want to know about it.
I was thinking the same. Some people have a LOT of knowledge on a subject. Some people are good communicators. Heidi is strong in both knowledge and communicating.
My parents shamed and ostracized me for my neuroses their chaos abuse and neglect caused. My whole life they e treated me like a broken messed up person who chooses it.
I was in such a toxic shame state right before I got the notification about this new video. I was saying things like, “I’m worthless. I’m broken. I shouldn’t be here.” I remembered that when I was around 5 years old, I said to myself, “I wish I was never born”. All 10 of these resonated with me on some level or another. I’m in my 50s and don’t really have an idea of who I am. I’ve always had to rely on others to validate me. I’m working on healing and hope that I will feel some kind of peace or contentment before I’m no longer on this planet. Thank you for another great video, Heidi.
Same here. Same state before the notification. Same age. Same place in life. I was determined to mimic ‘normal’ people and became a successful ‘achiever’. I built an amazing external framework for every validation need. Multiple redundancies. My entire identity was wrapped up in that. As long as I could keep moving, I could keep a trail of trauma boulders in my rear view. When the world went into lockdown, 50 years of unresolved issues rained down with zero external validation to prop me up. Now, I’m beaten down and sitting in this disgusting swamp of shame. It’s sooooo unpleasant! Heidi’s perspective gives me hope I’ll eventually slog my way through the layers of muck and get to meet my real self on the other side. Looking forward to seeing you there too!
As someone who has a long Journey as well, I want to Tell you, that you will find Peace and contentment. I believe in that. And it's also statistically the Most likely outcome, when you keep working on it. Also, you are in your 40s. It's been like 30 years at most since trauma was really beginning to be understood. So don't be ashamed of being Born so early in History. But you're welcome to be grateful to Heidi and also to yourself for the work you're doing or even Just trying to do. Edit: also when it comes to "who am I", a therapist on UA-cam once said "Who do you want to be? That's where I would start." It's hard to internalise, but so worth it once you do.
@@IsSheRebeccaRyan "The Swamp of Shame". That is a great way to put it, my Internet stranger-friend. So you were there, too, when I wrote that? It sucks that we are both there but the fact that I was not completely alone gives me some hope when I couldn't find any. I numbed myself when I was a teenager, withdrew, as I just couldn't process what was happening. I had learned earlier in life, unconsciously, that I couldn't completely trust my parents...well, parent after my father left. No one to ask for help although I would not have been able to put into words what I was experiencing..."I'm fine" would have said. Heidi was one of the first UA-camrs that I came across almost 2 years ago when I was searching using keywords like CTPSD, attachment styles, childhood trauma, and so on. I also hope that, with the resources we have such as Heidi (and my own work with a therapist), I will find my authentic self on the other side. And, perhaps, we will run into each other. P.S. - Does your username have your real name in it? Don't reply here if you don't want to! 🙂
@@KarnodAldhorn Thank you for your reply. It's hard and painful work...but I can't let myself give up and slide back into just "existing" so I do my best to keep on keeping on, despite the times when I'm in that "Black Pit" of depair, trying to claw my way out. By the way, I'm in my 50s and, with professional help, I can remember experiencing shame and neglect as early as 4 year old. It may have started earlier than that but I just can't remember that far back. Thank you again.
I am 70. I have been on treatment for 3.5 years. My mom is a Covert Narcissist. I didn't realize that until I was 64. 😢. I am healing now. I have blocked her from life. That is hard, but my life is so much better. In addition, I had to go NC with my half-siblings also. I do miss my 1/2 sister. I tried to make-up with her. DEAR MOM HAS HER MIND SCRAMBLED. I figured out IMHO that she has DELUSIONAL THINKING with the sub-group against a particular person. (ME) I finally realized that there is NOTHING TO DO TO HELP HER. 😢. The stories she has against ME are pretty delusional. HER ideas are not logical. For example: The neighbors are moving out because I have been telling lies about her. I don't know her neighbors, I have never talked to them. Anything that might be her problem because of her delusions, or just because they are buying other properties to advance in their housing situation. Many were college students who have graduated in the last 4 years. Me? I am getting better and better mentally. I do find that I am triggered more and more. I am learning what to do to help myself. 😊😮. Sending good vibrations to you!
I recently started watching Foundation, and this quote caught my attention: "...when people are afraid to do their job right, they’re certain to do it wrong. That’s poor stewardship." Your comments about doubling down on self criticism when we make a mistake due to a high cost of mistakes in childhood, makes so much sense. Being "taught" that prioritizing "don't get things wrong" over "get things right" truly was poor stewardship.
Heidi your content is high quality and authentic. Some of the channels that I used to follow earlier such as crappy childhood fairy and Jerry wise relationship systems, bought their membership and services too, have become very UA-cam algorithm focused and a bit gimmicky now. Please don’t lose your authenticity!
You just described Gen X. Our teachers and parents expected us to know things before we were taught them or just shown them once. We were whipped, switched, taken to help fire and brimstone sermons, whipped for not being still as toddlers at church, or ignored. And yes we had lead fittings on the hose pipe, too.
16:00 "You have to get to know yourself and figure out your unique wants, interests, and passions are and then align your life with those things." How do I do this? The more I dig into who I am and what my interests are they're all coping mechanisms, like 100% of what I do and why can be summed up into reducing the amount of energy I have to expend and only recently (thanks to your videos and therapy) have I realized that my "lack of energy" has just been me shame spiraling constantly. I can count on one hand the number of times I have genuinely liked something in my life and it wasn't for the reason to remove discomfort elsewhere. I'm not even sure where to begin attempting to get to know myself and I'm not sure what's a mask and what is myself at this point.
It's okay not to have all the answers right away. I believe in learning by doing. Just yesterday I read that we should think and analyze less. We should do and experience new things and the true self will emerge naturally over time.
I found it helpful to enlist the body - e.g. try stuff and see if the heart reacts positively, does it make my heart leap in a good way? or give me energy? (embodiment is living as a whole mind-body-self, but it's easy to shut of body signals along with feelings)
There's a brilliant book titled "Who You Were Meant To Be" by Lindsay Gibson that tackles this exact question! It has been hugely helpful to me on this journey. She has some exercises to find clues that point to what that numbed-out sense of your "true self" really wants. One I enjoyed was going through life, noticing and writing down whenever you feel a little backseat-driver impulse, where you watch someone and think "oh, I wouldn't do it like that!" and end up imagining yourself in that task. She gives an example of a man who, whenever he watched TV, would imagine how he would perform the role differently than the lead actor on screen. Of course he had no experience, it wasn't his ego talking, but that playful inner child who sees a game that looks fun. It's important to note that the book isn't about abandoning your real life and becoming a struggling actor/singer/whatever. But about discovering and feeding the starving parts of your true self. I think the man in the example ended up joining a community theatre and that was plenty for him, he found joy in a new hobby. Basically start by noticing what gets your imagination going - even if it looks at first glance to be jealousy or an inflated ego. No single thing is THE ANSWER, but if you start making a list, you'll see patterns to explore.
Right at this moment I’m on my third day procrastinating buying a plane ticket for a funeral. Needed to hear this. “Your brain becomes an inhibition machine much more than a learning exploring machine.” Well, that’s for sure.
Can you do it one step at a time? So start by just getting your bank card out for the transaction and leave it there for a moment, then bring up the web page and go and make some tea, etc. I find it helps me to break the spiral. Just one step and lots of positive self talk along the way. Sending love and I’m also sorry for your loss ♥️
Yeah, putting in effort to do something that is basically going to touch on old trauma and maybe even add some...no wonder you're holding back on that.
I think videos like this can save the world. It is exactly what a child growing up in trauma needs in ADULT life to save themselves. Thank you Heidi!! ❤❤
I'm an autistic trauma therapist. I love this video. I think it helps to contextualize why people with C-PTSD and autistic people may look very similar, aside from the fact that they are highly comorbid.
This is something I have been trying to figure out for myself actually. I relate to both conditions and am quite sure I have CPTSD, but I also feel I am on the spectrum (based on research I have done over the past year or so) but I can't be too sure ofc...50% of the time I'm sure and 50% of the time I question it. Unfortunately I don't have the resources in my country to seek a diagnosis, so this is the best I got. I'm assuming that once I successfully deal with my CPTSD is when I'll be able to really tell.
I appreciate your comment- i was thinking how it sounds like ASD1 (at least) as well as CPTSD, and it seems pretty rare to grow up with ASD one (I’m highlighting that one because it’s easier to miss than when someone has more challenging features in their autism? But maybe that’s not a valid point…) Anywho- I think it’s rare to grow up with ASD and not have CPTSD. Especially when it goes undiagnosed. And I have been trying to sort out if I have both, as well! Can’t afford the assessment so… this helps. Thank you!
Are you a trauma therapist who is autistic, or do you mean you are a therapist for autistic people who have trauma? I learned about asd and cptsd about 5 years ago, and they both described me to a tee. I couldn't tell which I'd been struggling with all my life, then realized it's both. I call it traumautism.
Ooo thank you! I’m a young adult and I feel so overwhelmed by all the things I was never taught. I am now struggling to learn how to be a capable functioning adult through trial and error without support.
... But you do have support! This video is a good example of the kind of precise support you're receiving... Pay attention and you'll start noticing it's everywhere... Always! May the love that you are be revealed; may all the veils be lifted for you 🤗♥️🙏
I was diagnosed with adhd at 21, and have a a couple years ago started to suspect my symptoms are actually from my childhood trauma. You described so well my struggles, I felt so seen and validated, almost cried with relief. I used to feel incompetent, lazy and whenever I tried to convey what was happening I was just told that I wasn't interested. So I also started to mask. This video was so reassuring. I've also noticed how my attention has been improving greatly since working towards healing. As many of your other videos, I felt like one more layer falling off, if that makes sense. And it felt like healing! Thank you so much, Heidi ❤
My parents repeatedly told me that self esteem is made up and "liberal mumbo-jumbo". I was 12 and even I knew they were wrong. I had to wait until I was 18 to access therapy.
I learned that people were crazy and dangerous after moving to a small town in Utah. Every day I was attacked, bullied, harassed, beaten, and nearly killed over and over again for 5 years (5th - 10th grade). I never did anything to anybody except occasionally fight back when I had to. I'm nearing 50 now, but I still isolate and put on a cold, mean face to deter the chimp-minded masses looking to hurt anyone they think is vulnerable or more talented than themselves in any way. Isolation sucks, but in general it beats dealing with monsters. I've had mixed experiences since that time and would like to be able to let go and learn how to meet sane, kind, and stable humans. I know they exist, but have no idea where to find them.
I have found the kind people in the hobbies and interests I have - crafts, studies. My guard is up so high these days, but I have a very, very small quality group of people who I care deeply about and who care about me. There are good people. I promise, and I understand why you protect yourself so fiercely. You’re worth protecting ♥️
I love how you said we have less time in the day, I've always felt that way but couldn't understand why, and now I fully get it. I also was always masking that I was fine and upbeat and minimizing my problems because "other people have it worse" was how I rationalized it.
same here!! for much of my childhood I really struggled to process and remember what other people were saying to me, and I wondered if it was due to some sort of hearing or memory issues, but given that I also spent so much of my childhood dissociating, the dissociation could explain my struggles in this area just as easily if not more so.
OMG you NAILED this!! thank you. The idea around our triggers are not our core is HUGE. My AA sponsor said "Dude, you're like Jon the Unworthy" when I explained to him what was going on. I've never been able to heal that although I have been able to address my triggers. BUT here's something odd. I actually managed to go back to University and get a degree I wanted. I got really high grades and I had finally slayed the demon in my mind that I'm not smart enough. I then went to work and worked about 8-9 years in a very fast paced industry. Which led to disillusionment, burnout and ultimately to me walking away from that job. NOW that I've been unemployed for a bit and working to get new skills in that area - I'm finding it harder and harder to actually DO the things I need to do in order to quality for a new job. I'm honestly not sure how to address this as the thing I wanted for so many years is now mine BUT there are now a LOT of triggers around it and I find myself just doing other things. Any suggestions? I'm honestly kind of baffled by this but what seems to happen is similar to your talk about doing taxes. Where one thing pops into my mind, reminds me of something in the past, then BAM I'm triggered and then the whole dysfunctional train of "YOU'RE NOT WORTHY" just stops and unloads in my mind. This happens even when I've enjoyed my time studying and feel fired up about this new stuff I"m learning. My mind will ultimately work on me and keep me distracted from doing those things I need to do. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
@ 9:56 "...so your brain becomes an inhibition machine..." Oh, yes it does!, on so many deep levels! Thank you Heidi, this is so well thought out and expressed. ANOTHER ONE to pore over many times.
Heidi Priebe is doing so many of us a profoundly great service! I was at first alarmed and angered because I - very unwisely - read the comments section before I listened to Heidi's deeply knowledgeable and consoling talk. I saw comments such as "my parents weren't terrible, they were just deficient" and "my parents did the best they could". Those might perhaps be true statements for some, but such statements can be very upsetting, demoralizing, and enraging to those of us who had truly malicious parents or cold-hearted parents who only felt legally bound to provide us food and a place to sleep. My two siblings and I had both - one parent a sadistic gaslighting narcissist and the other one a cold-hearted "non"-parent (practically a stranger) who avoided us as much as he could. Under their "parentage", I myself as the eldest child and most displaced, had been moved moved 22 times from my birth to graduating from high school. So we knew none of our extended families, rarely had any friends longer than a year or so, and never felt a sense of home anytime during our growing up. But we were all ridden with guilt (for things I now know were totally innocent!) and we never learned how to play any sports or swim or develop a hobby. My father gave away my LP record collection (some worth thousands today), I watched him accidentally drop and break my sister's entire beautiful fairy lamp collection and only laugh. My mother shot me in the leg one Xmas because she was convinced I'd stolen money to buy her exquisite gift (which I'd worked all year to buy) - I spent Xmas day in ER nearly bleeding to death (she said it was "accidental"). She mocked my brother as an "egghead wannabe" (he had a genius IQ!!!) until he dropped out of college. Our two parents attended none of our graduations, though I had three. There are NO photos of any of us in cap and gown. There is far too much more to tell... I spent decades in therapy...not as effective as even one of Heidi's videos...and I still suffer crippling CPTSD. My younger brother took his own life when he was 42, and my little sister got lost in drugs and alcohol and overdosed. Parents were just "deficient"..."doing the best they could"? That sure doesn't describe mine, and I'll wager I'm not alone.
@@Valentina-Steinway Dear friend, I understand you completely. Maybe cold canned slimy sliced beets, tasteless canned string beans, and burned little hamburger patties as the usual dinner for me and my siblings lets you understand how food was also an unhealthy relationship with food for me and brother and sister. Hopefully this can help you know how much I understand you. Meanwhile, my father dined lavishly with friends from work, and my mother feasted on the food she kept in her private refrigerator (and microwave) in her bedroom suite. I was treated for malnutrition repeatedly during my life.
Me too! I now realize CN Single Mom metered out our food. I and my other brother she had on her list we given very little to eat. We were left hungry and yet not enough to get in trouble for not feeding us properly. I was the same size and didn't grow from second grade until 4th grade. I feed myself by eating fruit and vegetables given to me by elderly folks in the neighborhood. I ate raw hamburger, onions, and potatoes under the sink. I fixed the hamburger so she couldn't tell it had been disturbed. I would swig milk out of the carton. Eat the fat and crumbs from skillets. I ate lard, butter and shortening out of the can. I had stomach problems my entire childhood. I was told I had a week stomach. I was told i wasnt growing because i had " a short dad." I am the shortest child out of ALL of my cousins. I am shorter than Most of them who are 4-10 inches taller than me. My step dad came into my life and saved me. In retrospect he always took us to buffets. I was finally feed decently. He passed 30 years ago. Thankfully I was feeding myself during this time. I struggled with weight after I left home. When I left I was 90 lbs and about 4'10" I grew to 4'11.3/4" inches from 17 YO to 21. I have been trying to look up more about this subject but I don't find out much about it. 😢😮❤ GB. @Valentina-Steinway
@@pamelahawn9300 It makes me heartsick to read the story of your childhood, Pamela. I too suffered from underdeveloped muscles (all my life), had rheumatic fever with a lasting heart murmur, mononucleosis, and was hospitalized for a week with the flu, all before I was five years old. This was just the beginning of a life of poor health. Constantly being moved, stressed, and poorly fed seem very likely causes. It still fills me with despair how people like our parents treat their children so badly - with no love in their hearts. Both my parents were robust (not fat, just well-built) and had excellent eyesight and teeth, but I've had thin bones, poor eyesight, and bad teeth (they didn't take me to a dentist until I got a toothache - no checkups ever). It's hard for us not to hate them for all the neglect and suffering they inflicted on us, both emotionally and physically. But hate only keeps us miserable. Every day I have to work at letting go of the past, inwardly talking myself down from the the urge to hate, loving myself enough to cleanse my thoughts and emotions of negativity, shame, fear, etc. We must not let all that burn us up - that means the bad parents win. Though this modern world is filled with great stresses and uncertainty, I AM glad that now we finally have so much more understanding like this to console us, even if it's coming so very late in our lives.
@@pamelahawn9300 - I still have an eating disorder, and body dysmorphia. I had terrible 😢 stomach problems, due to stress and an undiagnosed attitude the time lactose intolerance. When I’m hungry now, I lie to myself and say,” you can’t be hungry…. I wait a couple hours before I really eat. I’ve gained and lost much weight in the last 20 years. Trying to get better ❤️🩹 Thank you for your answer!
Please make a "part 2" of this video, or better yet, an ongoing series. Even as someone who is very conscious of my c-ptsd symptoms and working through healing/recovery, I had no idea how much of this I needed to hear. Some of it hit very hard and very deeply. Ugh. I have so much to work on... Please keep going.
Don’t forget to work on your nervous system too. Trauma gets stored in your body so talk therapy will only take you so far! What I realized at almost 2 years. Lots of free info/nervous system regulation videos on UA-cam! Look up somatic experiencing
My experience is that there's no complete healing without Psil0cyb!n trips (maybe there's other psychedelics that could compare but I haven't tried them). Heidi is so good, that a lot of what she talks about are things I've had breakthroughs with on trips!!
@@alisiademi I wish psybin worked for me. I had high hopes, but it only made things worse. I felt >more< isolated and separated from the world, and convinced that 5u!c!d3 was my only option. After a few trips I had to give up on it. I feel like I'm getting better results from |V| D |V| 4 though.
This is the second recommendation to Tim Fletcher. He has whole series about understanding complex trauma, healing and development of the wounded inner child and you as a person that tries to normalize your life. The second part is christianity. But from the perspective of complex trauma. I'm actually against religion, but this is the only way I can digest the Holy Bible. I'm watching Tim Fletcher almost daily when I'm making dinner, or even more often. Sometimes watching Tim Fletcher can be confrontational or even triggering, but in the best possible healing way. I now know how far I came and with what I am still struggling with. And that complex trauma takes a lifetime and commitment to yourself to deal with it on your own. Good luck with your healing journey.
I am stunned. I have never heard anything this compassionate, informative and life-changing in almost 30 years of therapy and recovery from addiction. I will listening over and over. Brava for your work and dedication in this area.
So sick and tired of all friends trying to convince me that I just have to love my self. They don’t understand how impossible it is. And eventually the get tired of me and the friendship ends.
You're right, it's impossible to just pull a switch and love yourself! Instead, try to be kind to yourself. Try to treat yourself with respect! Even when you made a mistake. Especially when you made a mistake! I'm sure you feel compassion for other people. You are allowed to show the same compassion towards yourself! Really ✨
It’s always been incredibly weird for me to hear that from “friends.” What makes you think I don’t love myself? There are things I want to get better at, that’s pretty damn loving in my opinion to want to sharpen certain skills. To release shame that I developed about certain aspects of my life and take accountability for my behavior in all areas. How exactly do you see me, because the way you’re talking to me makes me feel like YOU don’t love me and you’re projecting that justification on blaming me.
I spent the day playing a video game because it allowed my brain to regulate. When I was done, I cleaned my whole bathroom- a task I’d been procrastinating on for a while.
Please do a TED Talk!Your sharing is like a continuous stream of the story of my life. I first heard the term cPTSD just a couple years ago. It was officially added to the world health organization’s (WHO) list of health conditions in 2022.
I'm glad that #10 was #10 because I felt like it was being spoken in a foreign language. My mind couldn't wrap itself around what was being said. After I heard the word hope, nothing made sense.
When you said " it's not the true quality of the soul" just made me cry. My dad was a Pentecostal preacher ( I am almost 60 years old) and a violent alcoholic. My mom grew up in a crazy household with a( mentally )sick mom herself. My spirituality is everything.
I identified as having ADHD for much of my teenage years (I was a textbook case, I checked every box, and my psychiatrist agreed) and was later diagnosed with autism as well, and for much of that time I believed all my symptoms (difficulty focusing, difficulty remembering information, difficulty regulating my emotions, difficulty feeling and identifying my emotions, difficulty making eye contact, difficulty receiving criticism, restlessness, etc etc) were things I was born with, were a fundamental part of who I was, were something I should be proud of as a member of the neurodivergent community. I still deeply appreciate the neurodivergent community for helping to take the shame out of these things for younger me, but the further along I get in my C-PTSD healing journey, the more and more my symptoms are receding, and the more obvious it’s becoming that all these things were much more temporary responses to trauma than they were an unchanging part of me!
this video really reminds me of this - especially the parts about struggling to concentrate and struggling to remember things you learned while dissociating!
I just discovered you as I venture into healing from sexual abuse and battle with CPTSD. What a godsend you are. I am watching and rewatching all your videos. Already you have allowed me to see so many things in a different light. I just wished I got to your warning “don’t try these without a therapist” as I plunder through the CPTSD Workbook and experienced a weekend of hell of constant flashbacks and night terrors. As a male survivor I felt overlooked and unwelcome from MeToo. I feel very welcome here. Thank you. 🙏
My son is home again, metoo and unfortunately im the trigger cuz retired leo. But 3 yrs now few broken bones bruises yelling etc brealthrough has come and in time he will be himself ready for anything. Persevere is all i can say I love him and you I will help if i can Or go away if i must. Do no harm. So dude ur lucky u found the voice. Im happy for you, your on the road. Now i m on the road. My sons on the road. Self awareness, you first. I did mantras, mahakatha, then religions, then green mile and here we are. Its gona b jyst fine cuz we have knowledge now, knowledge is power. I wish you the best, here if u want to chat. I can let you chat with son if u both agree. Mite help. Anywho, grannie here over and out. #loveNLite Nameste
I am 64 years old and you have just described my life without me knowing what was wrong with me. I literally could not understand what was wrong with me now I have some insight thank you. I will pursue this.
After a lifetime of struggle I'm starting to actually feel like the weight is lifting. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of understanding and healing. Wishing you love and blessings in abundance.
I absolutely love you, your channel, your advice, your wisdom and helping all of us to work through our trauma and help us to overcome our pain, social issues and challenges in life. My therapist never explained it this well. You are the best and should seriously win an award for your work. Keep up the amazing content. We truly appreciate you for creating this channel for the broken ones.
Wow, the whole "dissociating while you were learning so you didn't learn" thing and its associated "I'm messed up in a way other people aren't" concept is so unreal to hear put to words! Some days I won't click on Heidi's new video as it comes out (sometimes for weeks) because I feel entirely unable to truly hear the lessons put out in the videos and to allow them to have the impact that such fundamental, amazingly articulated ideas could. I've tried to press play and really focus as much as I can, but ultimately I turn out to be right when that feeling of "I can/can't learn right now" comes up. I really haven't understood what was going on there, only able to categorize the side of me that's able to get something from content like Heidi's as "better" and the side of me that isn't as "worse". My work on that has grown more towards better being able to recognize those states and act from them (in the academic side of my life - just not bothering to show up to school on days I know I'm not learning anything today anyways vs not allowing the shame to prevent me from continuing to show up on the days I can). I did not expect a Heidi video to help me better understand where the behavior that sometimes stops me from watching her videos comes from! Anyways, another masterclass in both content and presentation of that content from Heidi! Cherish every polished, gentle, kind sentence that comes out of this channel. Thank you!
Thanks! I was in therapy for decades, never had so many Ah Ha moments as I have since you started with ‘Self esteem month’ I am amazed how at the age of 47 I am still held captive by my triggers. I get triggered from other humans, failed every exam or job interview so it was impossible to break free completely. But even seeing the light at the end is better than dying in the dark. Your work will not be wasted, I will internalize the healing massages and save myself somehow. Be well and safe from hurt and harm.
Damn... Pretty much every single point in this video is a perfect description of me. What I do take some comfort in is that I recognise these points more strongly in my past self than in my current self, I think this does help me see that I have made quite a bit of progress
Heidi, Thank you so much. You have just now taught me that it's not a character flaw. I am totally addicted to self improvement as the scapegoat of the family. Thank you for your hard work and exceptional channel.
Holy Shit! How did you manage to put all of this together?!?? You are so incredibly smart and generous. Thank you for such great information! Wish you were my therapist ❤
why am I always in tears less than a minute into all of your videos? After 58 years on this Earth..believing it was always ME while I jumped hurdle after hurdle life threw at me ..jumping like a show horse while dying inside. Thank you Heidi. I've been masking myself my whole life. I'm just now understanding the truth.❤
🤯🤯🤯 I'm 58 years old, have been in therapy for 24 years and I've never heard ANYTHING like this! The shame I've been manipulated with isn't natural? I've been gaslit my whole life by family who deny my experiences and shame me for feeling them. One time, when I was telling my brothers my feelings, my boundaries and how they've treated me, my oldest brother turned it around on ne and said, "You're blaming others on your actions. Why don't you take responsibility?" TOTAL gaslighting, total projection. but I fell for it and felt shame. In the back of my mind, though, I was thinking, "Why can't they see what they're doing to me and why don't they care?" I have felt completely unheard. Anyway. Liked. Commented. Subscribed. Paused and replayed, saved and shared twice. Thank you so much! After all this time, I have something to show my therapist that explains exactly how I need to heal. You said this list could go on? Well, please do! I know I'd really appreciate a part 2, and I'm sure others would, too, if they learned as much as I! Again, thank you! ❤❤
Fantastic video sister, a great reminder not to beat the sh*t out of myself for things uncontrollable. She just described every day of 62 years. My first introduction to the world was a scalpel across my head at birth in '61 to a woman who hated motherhood and showed me every day, multiple beatings and traumas eventually culminating in me getting shot in the face during Katrina rescue ops, and that same mother leaving me to suffer afterwards, all while slandering me to someone I loved. The trauma started literally on day one and it never stopped, and a mother's wound is the deepest, so at 62 I still have the reflexes of a mongoose and, hypervigilance of an Indian scout on guard, the reactions of a cornered animal in the past, a heart of stone and a solid distrust of everyone, especially women. But Heidi alluded ever so slightly to the real cure, and it has nothing to do with this kinetic reality, but a spiritual one, the soul. I never want notice nor pity, so the only reason I divulged the above "sad story" is that it is my only known true verifiable example of the potential depths of CPTSD damage, the effort required to overcome it, and the source I used to do it. After years of tears and thousands spent, the ONLY thing that ever made 22,000 days of CPTSD and severe depression abate, was to FINALLY go silent still and inside in order to release the illusions and delusions of this "reality" and the stories created within. When I realized that I was not the sum of my experience here, or the traumas or my mother's feelings for me, and that I am a multidimensional consciousness just playing around in and with the role of a damaged human being while manifesting experience. Only when I understood what is really going on here, why I suffered for decades, and why I still show the "scars" of a broken spirit, only then was I able to still a very angry mind, forgive everyone, especially myself but including the man who shot me in the face, and the abusive mother who left me to suffer afterward. There is absolutely relief in vital information such as Heidi is giving, but NOTHING outside of the real you is going to truly and permanently "heal" your true self, I tried. Our minds and our entire physical nervous systems have been literally overloaded, some have shorted out completely. I for example have multiple TBI's, scarring on my brain and titanium plates in my face, and so we are all hardwired for the fight and the response, both emotionally and physically. So we have to rise above and separate from the damaged body. I personally have zero flight response, only fight, so I used to attack viciously and decidedly, crushing others instantly like I'd been done. So I beg their forgiveness. Heidi's wonderful information soothes and explains so very accurately and well, while the higher self can heal from within. I've found it is the only thing that can reach deep enough for these types of ancient wounds. Love of the Creator to all you kids, you got this, this is a tough school, and you're doing fine.✌🙏
Wow! I've been doing some serious emotional work for over a decade. I've figured out (through Alanon support) and have healed a lot of this. I was severely neglected and my parents were alcoholic and there was a lot of abuse and trauma. That idea that I'm not showing my emotions is a slap in the face - in a good way. A lot to digest. Thank you! ❤
For the past 3 weeks I’ve spiraling and isolating myself over all this… some of this things I realized but for the rest you’ve put them into words words. This has been the journey of a lifetime specially for the last 6 months where it hit me that my whole life, childhood and way of being in this world was not normal but was a response to how I’ve been treated. I went for 3 months straight to a psychologist but I stopped since I feel she didn’t fully get the picture (now I realized I have normalized so many things that I didn’t feel like mentioning them hence I was not telling the full truth to her) and I felt I couldn’t trust her (because of how much shame I got going on). I have isolated myself from all the few friends I have and I am facing med school expulsion since I can’t attend my practices being in the state that I am but I don’t know how to ask for help nor to explain myself without “outing” my parents. I am at that point you mentioned last where I truly have no hope anymore. Thanks for this video I feel it will help lots of people ❤
Bro this video just made me rethink myself, my whole life experience and all of my relationships with other people at a deep core level, hard to accept but maybe I'm not the cause but the perpetuator of my own trauma
@5:33 when she said “I’m gunna say it one more time” I was like 😅oop then she went and said it and like I suspected I started crying like a lil baby…❤thank you Heidi. Truly.
Another deeply relateable video. Thanks Heidi. When I'm really struggling, I feel like the BIGGEST burden on the people that actually care about me. Then, when I instinctually isolate (to protect them from my negativity and depressed mood), the hope for a better life through the social connections I truly crave withers away. Why does heailing from these deep shame wounds seem so impossible?!
Used to do that, too, for years. Then the crushing weight of pretending made the mask fall off. NGL, the flux of change was not easy to go through and several people known for years could not hang with the fuller expressed me. My quality of life and feeling authentically my self has improved. You will find your tribe(s). And develop self-love because you are (we each are) worthy of realizing our unique potential-- even in this difficult world. Check out a good definition of love in 1 Cor 13:4-7 and give it to yourself. Fill your cup! and document your growth by journaling or similar.
Thank you for this video. I've been working on healing from cptsd for several years, and I find myself trying very hard to overcome the feeling that I am a terrible person. I have dreams about the people I've hurt running away from my self, and then I wake up to work that can pay very well but is specifically triggering in ways that I find totally unbelievable I willingly subject myself to it. The thought cycles have been so gnarley I sometimes go a week or more without working which has put me in very precarious situations... it's almost like I've been setting myself up for something cataclysmic to happen. I've been taking NPD tests, ASPD tests, Schizophrenia tests, wondering why everyone I love so much seems to become more and more distant as I go. Anyway this video made me just break down and cry finally and I felt such a huge release of tension. The way you name and frame the experience is 10/10. Thank you so much
One lesson I recently realized, healing from C-PTSD at first FEELS like climbing a tall mountain but it's sometimes more like walking through a door that you didn't know existed. E.g. my therapist noticed I had low self esteem and that I didn't want to "bother" a guy to ask him out. All she had to do is say "I don't think you'll bother him," and I asked him out. Of course, there's a lot of behind-the-scenes work that I've had to do, but when healing happens, it's like "oh! Being normal is that simple!"
Interesting thing you said about item 4: you mentioned that it's okay not to know things that you haven't been taught or that you learned when partially dysregulated. And I think you mentioned that what happens to your brain automatically applies the shame emotion, and the reason is because of what you said earlier, that what we do is apply shame when we make mistakes because of earlier training, when there was a severe consequence for making a mistake. So I'm seeing what you're saying, that's another way that the shame emotion starts taking over... So anytime that we face the situation where we don't know what to do, the default position in the cptsd person is just to apply shame, saying to themselves, "I should know this."
Absolutely incredible 10 out of 10 of these completely resonated with me. So grateful for these videos Heidi. Been sending them to my siblings too and we’ve all been working on healing together ❤
I feel so understood by what you say. So many years, i am so damaged, abused,neglected, bullied but was told, all is my fault, i feel so different with others and so lonely, helpless. Now i know i did not do anything wrong, just because i was a kid and met the heartless parents. I did not do anything wrong. But now i have to face all this damaging and fix them, its so hard.
Thanks Heidi. Hope is out there ! I have CPTSD but I've known it for only a couple years. Before that, I went to several psychotherapists and other therapies. I hardly made any progress. They tought me the usual emotions management tips but that served no purpose. I finally stumbled upon a complex-trauma-informed therapist. If any one out there is searching, I found competent help in the new therapy "Compassionate Inquiry" founded by Gabor Mate.
Amazing video! So true, we get smarter and more focused when we start to heal. For two decades I tried to learn to be organised without use because my brain was an “inhibition machine” until I started to heal. Thank you Heidi! I recently came across this book on CPTSD, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror Judith Lewis Herman. It explains trauma in a way that relates to EVERYONE and explains it in GREAT DETAIL. It is a painful read I should warn but it’s is worth it.
"It's not because you just don't have the grit to get through things that you find unpleasant." I'm always between jobs, I constantly lose motivation and I fear a challenge. Everyday I feel like a failure. Thank you for normalising this and putting it into perspective. I need to do some work on my inner child and hopefully one day I can learn to absorb all of life's vicissitudes.
I did have a "spirit guide" in my youth. It once said, "Often, you are hard on yourself. Try instead to see only the lesson and not a definitive statement of your worth." It blew my mind then. Now, Ms. Priebe says something similar. Her encouragement helps. When I feel vulnerable, I have learned to ask for patience, kindness, and encouragement-- not just from others, but also from myself.
Miss Melissa- I am so happy for you, finding this support at your age. May you grow strong, compassionate and confident and live the good life you deserve!❤
Living with CPSTD my memories are almost non existent except for the loss of my Mum when I was 15. I was dissociated from age six due to the abuse and I numbed myself with alcohol and substance abuse. Now that I am sober, I live with severe anxiety and chronic pain and I don’t know who I am. Do you believe that unless you have a family member remind you of the memories that you may never remember? My CNS is firing on all cylinders and I am extremely disorganised and I can’t concentrate. The shame I carry is debilitating. I truly believe that shame is so much more than an emotion. It’s kind of like a core belief. People who have been completely on their own since the age of early teens and have no family contact isolate due to the fear of trust and shame. I am now understanding the that community is very important but where do you begin if you can’t concentrate on engaging with other people. I have tried to book online free trauma groups however I talk myself out of attending because I am too unwell and I used to be outgoing but I can’t engage. Talk therapy is fine but it doesn’t help people who are in constant flight, fight and freeze responses and their bodies don’t feel safe. I apologise if this does not make sense. I am pushing myself to complete burnout daily and pure exhaustion and sleep deprivation because all I do is have racing thoughts about ways and ideas of how I can heal or get to a point where I can experience a day of understanding what it feels like to function. I pace around in circles and have a list of things to do that is six pages long. I am great at beginning something and within minutes I have to get up and pace and lose things. It’s so difficult living in total chaos on your own in isolation for many years. It is the million dollar question of “ Where does a person begin?” Because there is so many things to do to heal. Thank you for this awesome video. I am very grateful.
Thank you for this information. I’ve been in trauma therapy for a while and my therapist has diagnosed me with C-PTSD. As you were reading I kept thinking this is so me. Thankful for EMDR and all of the tools available now. I’m 59 and it’s time for healing.
Thank you! I did have a guardian within myself; I understood that I was being abused and that it wasn't my fault. Although I'm still quite distrusting and hypervigilant in protecting my physical and emotional boundaries.
I have been working on healing shame and getting more present with my core self since 2019. I have made so much progress! It’s so worth working on this. I finally feel like my life is on track and I can make meaningful progress.
The 7th bit about having X hours to do a task due to Y hours dealing with trauma triggers causing X-Y actual time doing the task was something I've told myself was the case for years, but this being the first time I've heard someone else say it was refreshingly validating. Not to say the rest of what you said wasn't especially useful, too. Peace and thanks.
This is, by far, one of the most comforting, helpful videos I have ever watched! I feel like I have an understanding of the confusion and intolerable pain I've suffered my entire life. Thank you so much ❤
That tribe is in South Africa. And that act of the circle is the Ubuntu philosophy. Ubuntu means " I am because we are".
In Tanzania, it is Umoja. Same philosophy I think. That's what got that country to unite 120+ different tribes under one banner without the infighting we saw amongst their neighbors over the years. BTW, Mark Shuttleworth got the inspiration from that word and named the most popular (elegant, and beautiful for us nerds) linux distro in the world Ubuntu too.
@@agentsmidt3209 I am actually in Tanzania. Thank you for adding that.
😊
I love Ubuntu philosophy. I follow the One Small Town movement founded by Michael tellinger. There is an amazing Ubuntu town forming in Lebanon, another in South Africa, and many more are getting started. I can't wait to live in one❤
This warmed my soul man, I want that sense of community
I absolutely love the reframing of "I spent 8 hours managing toxic shame" instead of "I spent 8 hours doing X task that feels like it should have taken much less time" as a way of looking at procrastination
I'm scared of reframing it that way because surely km being too soft on myself?? Everyone else calls it procrastinating so why does it have to be something euphemistically cute for me? I keep not looking after myself or even eating and showering when it would make my lie so much better if I did
@EllinIsLivid, I'm afraid the answer to your question might be in a literal typo (life vs lie)..
It ties everything back to 'managing shame'
🌻
@@EllinIsLividI kind of agree with you, but I think it depends of how you feel with yourself.
If you think that you are trash and there is something inherently bad with you for procrastinating, rephrase it might help you to unconsciously understand that is not who you are, it is a behavior that you learned to regulate your emotions.
If you understand this, you doesn't hate yourself and you are trying to deconstruct that behavior, I guess it is okay to see tasks and procrastination time as a whole.
@@EllinIsLividself-punishing doesn’t work. Punishing people into behavior - never - works, it’s at best a prison. Compassionate redirection does. If reframing helps it’s a good strategy.
@@justb4116that’s was very insightful
CPTSD recovery is exhausting. Thanks for the reminder that my fatigue is not "my fault".
You're also not alone, know that struggle very well. You'll get this.
100% Thank you❤
I keep watching these videos over the last couple of days and I have memories coming in then I lose track of what is said then I disocciate then I fall asleep. I'm seeing all the sleeping I've been doing as a good thing.
@@warriorqueen9792 sleep helps to process when the mind is shut off
@@zannapics I briefly attended a mindfulness meditation supervision group run by the mental health team's mindfulness 'guru'. That wasn't his title it just sums him up quite well I think! I mentioned how I fall asleep during mindfulness meditation and he said it could be because I'm disocciating due to trauma! This was quite a shocking revelation to me. I didn't think of myself in that way back then. I was still a functioning person. It all caught up with me eventually! Thanks for your response. That makes sense too. But also, using your brain uses up energy. So accessing memories that might stir the emotions can be energy sapping too I guess!
3:41 - 1. Trauma Responses are not character defects
6:13 - 2. Dysregulation disrupts concentration
8:58 - 3. People need support the most when they're struggling the most
12:27 - 4. It is normal to not know things
15:52 - 5. Align your life to your wants, needs and passions
17:47 - 6. Your triggers are not your core authentic self
20:37 - 7. Procrastination is often you taking time to deal with overwhelming feelings
24:34 - 8. People may bet the wrong cues from you
28:38 - 9. Good people do bad things
32:06 - 10. Hope often comes from a change in circumstance
----
Titles are mine, did what I could to summarize
Edit: Lol, as I was writing this someone else did exactly the same thing. Oh well.
Thank you.
Thank you for this!! ❤
How can I bookmark your summary? It is helpful to have as a cheat sheet when things get out of hand with others.
thank you! not exactly the same so still appreciate your summary
Thank you
I can't believe you provide all these videos for free. You are such a blessing to this world!
Right!❤
Bless you too! @carneades
Totally Agreed. She is AMAZING!
They aren't free. I had this video start with 2 ads, then 5 ads through out the video. Now if you pay for UA-cam you don't get the interrupting ads. So either way that ad and subscription revenue pays the creator of the content. That's why people do this content.
That’s not why she makes this content tho, just a bonus for her effort ✨
3:41 1. The neurotic behaviours and emotional regulation strategies you adopted are not character defects but trauma responses
6:13 2. You cannot concentrate when you are dysregulated (so healing will make you smarter)
8:58 3. People need most support when they are struggling (so when you make a mistake reach out for support)
12:26 4. It is normal to not know things that you have not been taught, or you were taught while dissociated (ask)
15:52 5. You need to figure out who you are, what your wants, interests and passions are. Get to know yourself!
17:47 6. Your triggers are not you core authentic self. There is the mask, a layer of trauma triggers etc., and then the real self
20:36 7. When you procrastinate you are often responding to overwhelming feelings, esp. toxic shame. Taxes...
24:34 8. Other people are taking cues from you as to how to interact with you, so if you are not showing certain things (like sadness) other people cannot respond to it.
28:38 9. Good people can do bad things. How well we learn to correct that behaviour is in proportion to how much love and guidance we receive.
32:06 10. As adults we have more agency and have options other than to dissociate, but to actually change our circumstances to change our emotional state.
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Thanks for this sumup!
Really pithy summary, thanks.
Thank you so much.
Excellent summary, thank you 😊
I’ve spent over 10 years seeing therapists and psychologists and never have I understood my cptsd as well as I do now, thanks to the clarity and precise information you provide. Both my brain and my soul thank you so very much.
Same! She explains it so simply and it gave me so many "Oh wow! That's why I do that" moments. Why can't all therapists make it this simple.
Same
❤ 100% this is me. I deeply resonate with all ten. Failed relationships, hard to focus & concentrate, freeze state - u can't move or think u r just scared shitless & trying to fugure out why I am like this, always thought I should know the answers, such horrible negative self - talk, doing things I KNOW BETTER than to do . . But still did it. It all makes sense now. First 7 yrs of my life where extremely TRAUMATIC. 3 months old my biological Dad was jealous (according to Mom) he would take a bat and hit the couch I was sleeping on just to startle and wake me up. That alone would more than do it, imo. According to my family he was a narcissistic punk who got in a lot of trouble. My Mom just wanted someone to love (grew up in alcoholic environment) and he just made her MISERABLE. She even attempted suicide while carrying me. I have NEVER MET, SPOKEN TO OR HAVE A PHOTO, NO OTHER FAMILY. Mom told me it was up to me if I wanted to contact him, but he will make your life hell. My junior year he called thinking I would be graduating but I did 2nd grade twice not for being held back either I told my grandparents that's the grade I was in. I am 57 yrs young now and wowzers what a ride it's been with all the obstacles and trying to figure out what's wrong with me . . THIS IS MY SAVING GRACE BCUZ EVEN TO THIS DAY I STILL FUNCTION FROM TRAUMATIC RESPONSE AND IT DEEPLY AFFECTS MY RELATIONSHIPS. I THOUGHT IT WAS THEM, NOT ME. COMPROMISE lol. I certainly hope & pray this video and word of mouth get this out there bcuz I JUST KNOW HUMANITY NEEDS THIS INVALUABLE INFORMATION. I NEVER DID MEET MY BIO DAD, BUT I THINK KEEPING TOXIC PPL OUT OF MY LIFE IS VITAL AND KEY TO MY HAPPINESS. THE LAST THING IS I BELIEVE MY GRANDSON WHO JUST TURNED 10 WAS RECENTLY DIAGNOSED ADHD . . . AFTER WARCHING THIS VIDEO 100% CPTSD. FOSTER CARE AT ABOUT 3 MO. OLD AND SEPERATED FROM HIS TWO OLDER SISTERS. HIS DAD WAS AN ALCOHOLIC NEVER PHYSICALLY HURT THE CHILDREN & LOVES THEM DEEPLY. UNFORTUNATELY, IN 2020 ABOUT 6 MONTHS APART THE CHILDREN LOST THEIR GPA & THEIR DAD TO DRUG OVERDOSE. TRAUMA IS REAL AND OBVIOUSLY WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE BODY/MIND/SOUL. PRAYERS FOR ALL OF US AS WE MOVE OUT OF CONTROL, GREED & POWER ERA INTO LOVE, PEACE AND HARMONY. UNITE AS ONE, DO NOT ALLOW SEPERATION TACTICS TO USE AGAINST ONE ANOTHER. GODSPEED BLESSINGS
Nr.5 makes me overwhelmingly sad.
In my mind, to be safe, I must: 1. assume what I'm supposed to be knowing, without anyone telling me or god forbid without me asking, 2. teach it to myself and not bother anyone with my existence, 3. become expert at it overnight and never ever make even the tiniest mistake, or I'm in trouble.
I just can't live like this anymore, it's exhausting 😢
The book "The talent code" by Daniel Coyle, says that one of the best things that you can do to learn better is to make a mistake, i used to think the same way that you express, but that book open my mind and the way that it explains the way we learn in relationship to the brain it makes so much sense, i love that book, hopefully it helps you too.
I'm still in the process and say to myself as much as i can that making mistakes is good, but i prefer the word "accidents", because i have a better relationship with that word than with the word "mistake" :)
I so get this!
Man, I got tired just reading that.
Thanks, I never got to see the rules I have to follow laid out plainly. I was just trying to follow the rules.
I remember at twenty eight I had a very skilled therapist tell me that I was amazingly hard to read. He said he had no idea what I was thinking or feeling. He had never worked with someone who was so unreadable. No wonder I spent most of my life feeling invisible in a group.
I had the same experience. It's starting to make a lot of sense.
Hugs!! ❤❤❤❤❤
Sounds like at least you got some honest feedback.
The way you talk and the words you use are so gentle. It really helps to internalize the content of the video and to not feel shame about it.
A therapist told me: your parents weren't horrible people, they were deficient. That really helped me understand.
I got there realizing they did the best they could with the tools they had as well. We forget our parents likely had some trauma as well, and that affects how they parent.
Mine were horrible people. Especially my father. I grew up with a Stalin
@@alexandrugheorghe5610if they were horrible, they were deficient
maybe.
some parents really are/were fundamental shit monsters, and that cannot be simply dismissed away or apologized for.
@@coreylawson1103 true
12:40 Maybe that's why once I started healing I realized there's a lot of things in life that I've learned on an intellectual level but had never made an emotional connection with. It is only once that emotional connection is made that I'm able to truly integrate what I had learned, even if its decades later.
This is so true for me too
There are so many things I understand about myself intellectually that just don’t feel right. It’s not emotionally true.
3:42 1st lesson
6:13 2nd lesson
8:59 3rd lesson
12:26 4th lesson
15:53 5th lesson
17:48 6th lesson
20:37 7th lesson
24:34 8th lesson
28:39 9th lesson
32:06 10th lesson
All these were EYE OPENING! I always felt stupid for not being as productive as my peers at work but no, I'm not stupid, I'm just chronically stressed and dealing with my triggers and that's why I can't focus as easy as them and therefore make more mistakes. Again, all these were soooo important, thank you so much! I feel better with myself lol
Thank you! Super helpful ❤
Thank you :D Its so helpfull for understanding and memory to get an overview.
Your in an abusive environment
“”When you live with chronic triggers - you do have less hours in a day” - Bravo!! Probably - the best explanation of procrastination I’ve heard so far, and I’ve heard a good few dozens of them!!
The world is lucky to have you working through your own traumas and telling people about your journey!
I admire of how you make a lemonade of lemons! Just wow! Thank you for sharing.
Right now I’m struggling with the job search and it makes so much sense every word you’re saying about the triggers. Whenever I find the job - you’ll be the second one, after Ukrainian army I donate to!
Thank you!❤️❤️❤️
Totally
I used to spend hours making a resume, sending it.
I never learned how to use the computer program necessary to format it, nor was I a fast typer.
I was too ashamed to ask for help.
“Fewer hours” lol 😂
Jesus Christ, Heidi. You have got to be the best communicator on these topics in the world. Your breakdown and your delivery are like watching a psychic symphony orchestra draw a mental/emotional/dynamic map of my childhood 😄. I click on your videos for the title but I end up enjoying watching a virtuosa at work. Amazing. The dots you help me connect and reconnect on a regular basis are extremely valuable. If/when you start offering 1-on-1 coaching, I want to know about it.
"...watching a virtuosa at work!" Yes! Well said! 🤗
Agreed! Seconded! Hear hear!
So agree!!
I was thinking the same. Some people have a LOT of knowledge on a subject. Some people are good communicators. Heidi is strong in both knowledge and communicating.
She has changed my life several times over. I am eternally grateful.
My parents shamed and ostracized me for my neuroses their chaos abuse and neglect caused. My whole life they e treated me like a broken messed up person who chooses it.
"In order for life to feel meaningful, you have to get to know yourself and figure out what your unique wants, interests, and passions are."
✨She’s describing my whole life, and I feel so heard✨
I was in such a toxic shame state right before I got the notification about this new video. I was saying things like, “I’m worthless. I’m broken. I shouldn’t be here.” I remembered that when I was around 5 years old, I said to myself, “I wish I was never born”.
All 10 of these resonated with me on some level or another. I’m in my 50s and don’t really have an idea of who I am. I’ve always had to rely on others to validate me. I’m working on healing and hope that I will feel some kind of peace or contentment before I’m no longer on this planet.
Thank you for another great video, Heidi.
Same here. Same state before the notification. Same age. Same place in life. I was determined to mimic ‘normal’ people and became a successful ‘achiever’. I built an amazing external framework for every validation need. Multiple redundancies. My entire identity was wrapped up in that. As long as I could keep moving, I could keep a trail of trauma boulders in my rear view. When the world went into lockdown, 50 years of unresolved issues rained down with zero external validation to prop me up. Now, I’m beaten down and sitting in this disgusting swamp of shame. It’s sooooo unpleasant!
Heidi’s perspective gives me hope I’ll eventually slog my way through the layers of muck and get to meet my real self on the other side. Looking forward to seeing you there too!
As someone who has a long Journey as well, I want to Tell you, that you will find Peace and contentment. I believe in that.
And it's also statistically the Most likely outcome, when you keep working on it.
Also, you are in your 40s. It's been like 30 years at most since trauma was really beginning to be understood. So don't be ashamed of being Born so early in History.
But you're welcome to be grateful to Heidi and also to yourself for the work you're doing or even Just trying to do.
Edit: also when it comes to "who am I", a therapist on UA-cam once said "Who do you want to be? That's where I would start."
It's hard to internalise, but so worth it once you do.
@@IsSheRebeccaRyan "The Swamp of Shame". That is a great way to put it, my Internet stranger-friend. So you were there, too, when I wrote that? It sucks that we are both there but the fact that I was not completely alone gives me some hope when I couldn't find any. I numbed myself when I was a teenager, withdrew, as I just couldn't process what was happening. I had learned earlier in life, unconsciously, that I couldn't completely trust my parents...well, parent after my father left. No one to ask for help although I would not have been able to put into words what I was experiencing..."I'm fine" would have said.
Heidi was one of the first UA-camrs that I came across almost 2 years ago when I was searching using keywords like CTPSD, attachment styles, childhood trauma, and so on. I also hope that, with the resources we have such as Heidi (and my own work with a therapist), I will find my authentic self on the other side. And, perhaps, we will run into each other.
P.S. - Does your username have your real name in it? Don't reply here if you don't want to! 🙂
@@KarnodAldhorn Thank you for your reply. It's hard and painful work...but I can't let myself give up and slide back into just "existing" so I do my best to keep on keeping on, despite the times when I'm in that "Black Pit" of depair, trying to claw my way out.
By the way, I'm in my 50s and, with professional help, I can remember experiencing shame and neglect as early as 4 year old. It may have started earlier than that but I just can't remember that far back. Thank you again.
@marconius You put this so well. I’m in my 60’s and I’m in this place too. Good luck and thanks for posting. My best to you.❤
I’d give many thousands of dollars to have had this information 20 years ago. I lost the best years of my life to trauma. I know now.
You're not alone. I am 68 nd still struggle with dissociation and other trauma responses
@@storeymark❤
I am 70. I have been on treatment for 3.5 years. My mom is a Covert Narcissist. I didn't realize that until I was 64. 😢. I am healing now. I have blocked her from life. That is hard, but my life is so much better. In addition, I had to go NC with my half-siblings also.
I do miss my 1/2 sister. I tried to make-up with her. DEAR MOM HAS HER MIND SCRAMBLED. I figured out IMHO that she has DELUSIONAL THINKING with the sub-group against a particular person. (ME) I finally realized that there is NOTHING TO DO TO HELP HER. 😢.
The stories she has against ME are pretty delusional. HER ideas are not logical. For example: The neighbors are moving out because I have been telling lies about her. I don't know her neighbors, I have never talked to them. Anything that might be her problem because of her delusions, or just because they are buying other properties to advance in their housing situation. Many were college students who have graduated in the last 4 years.
Me? I am getting better and better mentally. I do find that I am triggered more and more. I am learning what to do to help myself. 😊😮.
Sending good vibrations to you!
me to.. I am 49.
we are before our time, as always..
I recently started watching Foundation, and this quote caught my attention:
"...when people are afraid to do their job right, they’re certain to do it wrong.
That’s poor stewardship."
Your comments about doubling down on self criticism when we make a mistake due to a high cost of mistakes in childhood, makes so much sense.
Being "taught" that prioritizing "don't get things wrong" over "get things right" truly was poor stewardship.
Wow! Thank you for sharing that.
This is spot on! Thanks for sharing❤
Heidi your content is high quality and authentic. Some of the channels that I used to follow earlier such as crappy childhood fairy and Jerry wise relationship systems, bought their membership and services too, have become very UA-cam algorithm focused and a bit gimmicky now. Please don’t lose your authenticity!
Facts
You just described Gen X. Our teachers and parents expected us to know things before we were taught them or just shown them once. We were whipped, switched, taken to help fire and brimstone sermons, whipped for not being still as toddlers at church, or ignored. And yes we had lead fittings on the hose pipe, too.
16:00 "You have to get to know yourself and figure out your unique wants, interests, and passions are and then align your life with those things." How do I do this? The more I dig into who I am and what my interests are they're all coping mechanisms, like 100% of what I do and why can be summed up into reducing the amount of energy I have to expend and only recently (thanks to your videos and therapy) have I realized that my "lack of energy" has just been me shame spiraling constantly. I can count on one hand the number of times I have genuinely liked something in my life and it wasn't for the reason to remove discomfort elsewhere. I'm not even sure where to begin attempting to get to know myself and I'm not sure what's a mask and what is myself at this point.
Yeah I know the feeling. It’s very confusing.
THIS. I find this so relatable
It's okay not to have all the answers right away. I believe in learning by doing. Just yesterday I read that we should think and analyze less. We should do and experience new things and the true self will emerge naturally over time.
I found it helpful to enlist the body - e.g. try stuff and see if the heart reacts positively, does it make my heart leap in a good way? or give me energy? (embodiment is living as a whole mind-body-self, but it's easy to shut of body signals along with feelings)
There's a brilliant book titled "Who You Were Meant To Be" by Lindsay Gibson that tackles this exact question!
It has been hugely helpful to me on this journey. She has some exercises to find clues that point to what that numbed-out sense of your "true self" really wants. One I enjoyed was going through life, noticing and writing down whenever you feel a little backseat-driver impulse, where you watch someone and think "oh, I wouldn't do it like that!" and end up imagining yourself in that task.
She gives an example of a man who, whenever he watched TV, would imagine how he would perform the role differently than the lead actor on screen. Of course he had no experience, it wasn't his ego talking, but that playful inner child who sees a game that looks fun.
It's important to note that the book isn't about abandoning your real life and becoming a struggling actor/singer/whatever. But about discovering and feeding the starving parts of your true self. I think the man in the example ended up joining a community theatre and that was plenty for him, he found joy in a new hobby.
Basically start by noticing what gets your imagination going - even if it looks at first glance to be jealousy or an inflated ego. No single thing is THE ANSWER, but if you start making a list, you'll see patterns to explore.
Right at this moment I’m on my third day procrastinating buying a plane ticket for a funeral. Needed to hear this.
“Your brain becomes an inhibition machine much more than a learning exploring machine.” Well, that’s for sure.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Can you do it one step at a time? So start by just getting your bank card out for the transaction and leave it there for a moment, then bring up the web page and go and make some tea, etc. I find it helps me to break the spiral. Just one step and lots of positive self talk along the way.
Sending love and I’m also sorry for your loss ♥️
Yeah, putting in effort to do something that is basically going to touch on old trauma and maybe even add some...no wonder you're holding back on that.
Are u nervous about going to the funeral?
I think videos like this can save the world. It is exactly what a child growing up in trauma needs in ADULT life to save themselves. Thank you Heidi!! ❤❤
I'm an autistic trauma therapist. I love this video. I think it helps to contextualize why people with C-PTSD and autistic people may look very similar, aside from the fact that they are highly comorbid.
This is something I have been trying to figure out for myself actually. I relate to both conditions and am quite sure I have CPTSD, but I also feel I am on the spectrum (based on research I have done over the past year or so) but I can't be too sure ofc...50% of the time I'm sure and 50% of the time I question it. Unfortunately I don't have the resources in my country to seek a diagnosis, so this is the best I got. I'm assuming that once I successfully deal with my CPTSD is when I'll be able to really tell.
I appreciate your comment- i was thinking how it sounds like ASD1 (at least) as well as CPTSD, and it seems pretty rare to grow up with ASD one (I’m highlighting that one because it’s easier to miss than when someone has more challenging features in their autism? But maybe that’s not a valid point…)
Anywho- I think it’s rare to grow up with ASD and not have CPTSD. Especially when it goes undiagnosed.
And I have been trying to sort out if I have both, as well! Can’t afford the assessment so… this helps. Thank you!
There's such a thing as an ausltis
Are you a trauma therapist who is autistic, or do you mean you are a therapist for autistic people who have trauma?
I learned about asd and cptsd about 5 years ago, and they both described me to a tee. I couldn't tell which I'd been struggling with all my life, then realized it's both. I call it traumautism.
Ooo thank you! I’m a young adult and I feel so overwhelmed by all the things I was never taught. I am now struggling to learn how to be a capable functioning adult through trial and error without support.
We all need support. Perhaps you could find a mentor or a support group.
... But you do have support! This video is a good example of the kind of precise support you're receiving... Pay attention and you'll start noticing it's everywhere... Always! May the love that you are be revealed; may all the veils be lifted for you 🤗♥️🙏
Same
I was diagnosed with adhd at 21, and have a a couple years ago started to suspect my symptoms are actually from my childhood trauma.
You described so well my struggles, I felt so seen and validated, almost cried with relief.
I used to feel incompetent, lazy and whenever I tried to convey what was happening I was just told that I wasn't interested. So I also started to mask. This video was so reassuring.
I've also noticed how my attention has been improving greatly since working towards healing. As many of your other videos, I felt like one more layer falling off, if that makes sense. And it felt like healing!
Thank you so much, Heidi ❤
this!! I very much relate; I’m glad you’re also having this experience :)
My parents repeatedly told me that self esteem is made up and "liberal mumbo-jumbo". I was 12 and even I knew they were wrong. I had to wait until I was 18 to access therapy.
I learned that people were crazy and dangerous after moving to a small town in Utah. Every day I was attacked, bullied, harassed, beaten, and nearly killed over and over again for 5 years (5th - 10th grade). I never did anything to anybody except occasionally fight back when I had to. I'm nearing 50 now, but I still isolate and put on a cold, mean face to deter the chimp-minded masses looking to hurt anyone they think is vulnerable or more talented than themselves in any way. Isolation sucks, but in general it beats dealing with monsters. I've had mixed experiences since that time and would like to be able to let go and learn how to meet sane, kind, and stable humans. I know they exist, but have no idea where to find them.
I have found the kind people in the hobbies and interests I have - crafts, studies. My guard is up so high these days, but I have a very, very small quality group of people who I care deeply about and who care about me.
There are good people. I promise, and I understand why you protect yourself so fiercely. You’re worth protecting ♥️
I love how you said we have less time in the day, I've always felt that way but couldn't understand why, and now I fully get it.
I also was always masking that I was fine and upbeat and minimizing my problems because "other people have it worse" was how I rationalized it.
Watching my attention span expand exponentially. As opposed to watching my frustration fluctuate as my focus flounders.
You explain things so beautifully. I'm starting to think I don't have Auditory Processing Disorder, but CPTSD instead.
Genuinely asking: what made you think it was APD instead of CPTSD? they're such different disorders, surely
@EllinIsLivid APD has no short term memory.
same here!! for much of my childhood I really struggled to process and remember what other people were saying to me, and I wondered if it was due to some sort of hearing or memory issues, but given that I also spent so much of my childhood dissociating, the dissociation could explain my struggles in this area just as easily if not more so.
OMG you NAILED this!! thank you.
The idea around our triggers are not our core is HUGE. My AA sponsor said "Dude, you're like Jon the Unworthy" when I explained to him what was going on. I've never been able to heal that although I have been able to address my triggers.
BUT here's something odd. I actually managed to go back to University and get a degree I wanted. I got really high grades and I had finally slayed the demon in my mind that I'm not smart enough. I then went to work and worked about 8-9 years in a very fast paced industry. Which led to disillusionment, burnout and ultimately to me walking away from that job. NOW that I've been unemployed for a bit and working to get new skills in that area - I'm finding it harder and harder to actually DO the things I need to do in order to quality for a new job.
I'm honestly not sure how to address this as the thing I wanted for so many years is now mine BUT there are now a LOT of triggers around it and I find myself just doing other things. Any suggestions? I'm honestly kind of baffled by this but what seems to happen is similar to your talk about doing taxes. Where one thing pops into my mind, reminds me of something in the past, then BAM I'm triggered and then the whole dysfunctional train of "YOU'RE NOT WORTHY" just stops and unloads in my mind. This happens even when I've enjoyed my time studying and feel fired up about this new stuff I"m learning. My mind will ultimately work on me and keep me distracted from doing those things I need to do.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
@ 9:56 "...so your brain becomes an inhibition machine..." Oh, yes it does!, on so many deep levels! Thank you Heidi, this is so well thought out and expressed. ANOTHER ONE to pore over many times.
Heidi Priebe is doing so many of us a profoundly great service! I was at first alarmed and angered because I - very unwisely - read the comments section before I listened to Heidi's deeply knowledgeable and consoling talk.
I saw comments such as "my parents weren't terrible, they were just deficient" and "my parents did the best they could".
Those might perhaps be true statements for some, but such statements can be very upsetting, demoralizing, and enraging to those of us who had truly malicious parents or cold-hearted parents who only felt legally bound to provide us food and a place to sleep.
My two siblings and I had both - one parent a sadistic gaslighting narcissist and the other one a cold-hearted "non"-parent (practically a stranger) who avoided us as much as he could. Under their "parentage", I myself as the eldest child and most displaced, had been moved moved 22 times from my birth to graduating from high school. So we knew none of our extended families, rarely had any friends longer than a year or so, and never felt a sense of home anytime during our growing up.
But we were all ridden with guilt (for things I now know were totally innocent!) and we never learned how to play any sports or swim or develop a hobby. My father gave away my LP record collection (some worth thousands today), I watched him accidentally drop and break my sister's entire beautiful fairy lamp collection and only laugh. My mother shot me in the leg one Xmas because she was convinced I'd stolen money to buy her exquisite gift (which I'd worked all year to buy) - I spent Xmas day in ER nearly bleeding to death (she said it was "accidental"). She mocked my brother as an "egghead wannabe" (he had a genius IQ!!!) until he dropped out of college.
Our two parents attended none of our graduations, though I had three. There are NO photos of any of us in cap and gown. There is far too much more to tell...
I spent decades in therapy...not as effective as even one of Heidi's videos...and I still suffer crippling CPTSD. My younger brother took his own life when he was 42, and my little sister got lost in drugs and alcohol and overdosed.
Parents were just "deficient"..."doing the best they could"? That sure doesn't describe mine, and I'll wager I'm not alone.
You got food at least….
I didn’t. I have had an unhealthy relationship with food my entire life.
@@Valentina-Steinway Dear friend, I understand you completely. Maybe cold canned slimy sliced beets, tasteless canned string beans, and burned little hamburger patties as the usual dinner for me and my siblings lets you understand how food was also an unhealthy relationship with food for me and brother and sister. Hopefully this can help you know how much I understand you. Meanwhile, my father dined lavishly with friends from work, and my mother feasted on the food she kept in her private refrigerator (and microwave) in her bedroom suite. I was treated for malnutrition repeatedly during my life.
Me too! I now realize CN Single Mom metered out our food. I and my other brother she had on her list we given very little to eat. We were left hungry and yet not enough to get in trouble for not feeding us properly. I was the same size and didn't grow from second grade until 4th grade. I feed myself by eating fruit and vegetables given to me by elderly folks in the neighborhood. I ate raw hamburger, onions, and potatoes under the sink. I fixed the hamburger so she couldn't tell it had been disturbed. I would swig milk out of the carton. Eat the fat and crumbs from skillets. I ate lard, butter and shortening out of the can. I had stomach problems my entire childhood. I was told I had a week stomach. I was told i wasnt growing because i had " a short dad." I am the shortest child out of ALL of my cousins. I am shorter than Most of them who are 4-10 inches taller than me.
My step dad came into my life and saved me. In retrospect he always took us to buffets. I was finally feed decently. He passed 30 years ago. Thankfully I was feeding myself during this time.
I struggled with weight after I left home. When I left I was 90 lbs and about 4'10" I grew to 4'11.3/4" inches from 17 YO to 21.
I have been trying to look up more about this subject but I don't find out much about it. 😢😮❤ GB. @Valentina-Steinway
@@pamelahawn9300 It makes me heartsick to read the story of your childhood, Pamela. I too suffered from underdeveloped muscles (all my life), had rheumatic fever with a lasting heart murmur, mononucleosis, and was hospitalized for a week with the flu, all before I was five years old. This was just the beginning of a life of poor health. Constantly being moved, stressed, and poorly fed seem very likely causes. It still fills me with despair how people like our parents treat their children so badly - with no love in their hearts.
Both my parents were robust (not fat, just well-built) and had excellent eyesight and teeth, but I've had thin bones, poor eyesight, and bad teeth (they didn't take me to a dentist until I got a toothache - no checkups ever). It's hard for us not to hate them for all the neglect and suffering they inflicted on us, both emotionally and physically. But hate only keeps us miserable. Every day I have to work at letting go of the past, inwardly talking myself down from the the urge to hate, loving myself enough to cleanse my thoughts and emotions of negativity, shame, fear, etc. We must not let all that burn us up - that means the bad parents win.
Though this modern world is filled with great stresses and uncertainty, I AM glad that now we finally have so much more understanding like this to console us, even if it's coming so very late in our lives.
@@pamelahawn9300 - I still have an eating disorder, and body dysmorphia.
I had terrible 😢 stomach problems, due to stress and an undiagnosed attitude the time lactose intolerance.
When I’m hungry now, I lie to myself and say,” you can’t be hungry….
I wait a couple hours before I really eat.
I’ve gained and lost much weight in the last 20 years.
Trying to get better ❤️🩹
Thank you for your answer!
life hurts
so much trauma
so much suffering
heartache and despair
rage and grief
I can no longer bear the darkness
So beautiful that you know the prayer that always works. You know it so well you chose it for your name. ❤
Please make a "part 2" of this video, or better yet, an ongoing series.
Even as someone who is very conscious of my c-ptsd symptoms and working through healing/recovery, I had no idea how much of this I needed to hear. Some of it hit very hard and very deeply.
Ugh. I have so much to work on...
Please keep going.
Tim Fletcher here on youtube has an extended series on C-PTSD. I haven't sat down an watched it yet, but my cursory examination tells me it's good.
Don’t forget to work on your nervous system too. Trauma gets stored in your body so talk therapy will only take you so far! What I realized at almost 2 years. Lots of free info/nervous system regulation videos on UA-cam! Look up somatic experiencing
My experience is that there's no complete healing without Psil0cyb!n trips (maybe there's other psychedelics that could compare but I haven't tried them). Heidi is so good, that a lot of what she talks about are things I've had breakthroughs with on trips!!
@@alisiademi I wish psybin worked for me. I had high hopes, but it only made things worse. I felt >more< isolated and separated from the world, and convinced that 5u!c!d3 was my only option.
After a few trips I had to give up on it. I feel like I'm getting better results from |V| D |V| 4 though.
This is the second recommendation to Tim Fletcher. He has whole series about understanding complex trauma, healing and development of the wounded inner child and you as a person that tries to normalize your life. The second part is christianity. But from the perspective of complex trauma. I'm actually against religion, but this is the only way I can digest the Holy Bible. I'm watching Tim Fletcher almost daily when I'm making dinner, or even more often. Sometimes watching Tim Fletcher can be confrontational or even triggering, but in the best possible healing way. I now know how far I came and with what I am still struggling with. And that complex trauma takes a lifetime and commitment to yourself to deal with it on your own.
Good luck with your healing journey.
I will b listening to this video daily until it is engrained in my brain. How can u possibly know so much about me! Its so very comforting.
I am stunned. I have never heard anything this compassionate, informative and life-changing in almost 30 years of therapy and recovery from addiction. I will listening over and over. Brava for your work and dedication in this area.
So sick and tired of all friends trying to convince me that I just have to love my self. They don’t understand how impossible it is. And eventually the get tired of me and the friendship ends.
You're right, it's impossible to just pull a switch and love yourself! Instead, try to be kind to yourself. Try to treat yourself with respect! Even when you made a mistake. Especially when you made a mistake! I'm sure you feel compassion for other people. You are allowed to show the same compassion towards yourself! Really ✨
You should watch the video by crappy childhood fairy about what people without trauma get wrong about loving yourself
then go ahead and keep hating yourself , its serving your self pity
It’s always been incredibly weird for me to hear that from “friends.” What makes you think I don’t love myself? There are things I want to get better at, that’s pretty damn loving in my opinion to want to sharpen certain skills. To release shame that I developed about certain aspects of my life and take accountability for my behavior in all areas. How exactly do you see me, because the way you’re talking to me makes me feel like YOU don’t love me and you’re projecting that justification on blaming me.
What they're doing is toxic positivity.
I spent the day playing a video game because it allowed my brain to regulate. When I was done, I cleaned my whole bathroom- a task I’d been procrastinating on for a while.
Great job!
Please do a TED Talk!Your sharing is like a continuous stream of the story of my life. I first heard the term cPTSD just a couple years ago. It was officially added to the world health organization’s (WHO) list of health conditions in 2022.
Yes. Great idea. Do a Ted talk
I'm glad that #10 was #10 because I felt like it was being spoken in a foreign language. My mind couldn't wrap itself around what was being said. After I heard the word hope, nothing made sense.
Same here
My wife and I are like. Heidi is dropping a new video.
When you said " it's not the true quality of the soul" just made me cry. My dad was a Pentecostal preacher ( I am almost 60 years old) and a violent alcoholic. My mom grew up in a crazy household with a( mentally )sick mom herself.
My spirituality is everything.
I identified as having ADHD for much of my teenage years (I was a textbook case, I checked every box, and my psychiatrist agreed) and was later diagnosed with autism as well, and for much of that time I believed all my symptoms (difficulty focusing, difficulty remembering information, difficulty regulating my emotions, difficulty feeling and identifying my emotions, difficulty making eye contact, difficulty receiving criticism, restlessness, etc etc) were things I was born with, were a fundamental part of who I was, were something I should be proud of as a member of the neurodivergent community. I still deeply appreciate the neurodivergent community for helping to take the shame out of these things for younger me, but the further along I get in my C-PTSD healing journey, the more and more my symptoms are receding, and the more obvious it’s becoming that all these things were much more temporary responses to trauma than they were an unchanging part of me!
this video really reminds me of this - especially the parts about struggling to concentrate and struggling to remember things you learned while dissociating!
I just discovered you as I venture into healing from sexual abuse and battle with CPTSD. What a godsend you are. I am watching and rewatching all your videos. Already you have allowed me to see so many things in a different light. I just wished I got to your warning “don’t try these without a therapist” as I plunder through the CPTSD Workbook and experienced a weekend of hell of constant flashbacks and night terrors.
As a male survivor I felt overlooked and unwelcome from MeToo. I feel very welcome here. Thank you. 🙏
My son is home again, metoo and unfortunately im the trigger cuz retired leo. But 3 yrs now few broken bones bruises yelling etc brealthrough has come and in time he will be himself ready for anything. Persevere is all i can say
I love him and you
I will help if i can
Or go away if i must. Do no harm.
So dude ur lucky u found the voice. Im happy for you, your on the road. Now i m on the road. My sons on the road. Self awareness, you first. I did mantras, mahakatha, then religions, then green mile and here we are. Its gona b jyst fine cuz we have knowledge now, knowledge is power. I wish you the best, here if u want to chat. I can let you chat with son if u both agree. Mite help.
Anywho, grannie here over and out. #loveNLite
Nameste
I am 64 years old and you have just described my life without me knowing what was wrong with me. I literally could not understand what was wrong with me now I have some insight thank you. I will pursue this.
After a lifetime of struggle I'm starting to actually feel like the weight is lifting. Thank you so much for sharing your gift of understanding and healing. Wishing you love and blessings in abundance.
I absolutely love you, your channel, your advice, your wisdom and helping all of us to work through our trauma and help us to overcome our pain, social issues and challenges in life. My therapist never explained it this well. You are the best and should seriously win an award for your work. Keep up the amazing content. We truly appreciate you for creating this channel for the broken ones.
We’re not broken.
@@vemrithYou are right, we are not broken in terms of 'damaged for all time', but we are injured...feels like broken...we can heal✨
Wow, the whole "dissociating while you were learning so you didn't learn" thing and its associated "I'm messed up in a way other people aren't" concept is so unreal to hear put to words! Some days I won't click on Heidi's new video as it comes out (sometimes for weeks) because I feel entirely unable to truly hear the lessons put out in the videos and to allow them to have the impact that such fundamental, amazingly articulated ideas could. I've tried to press play and really focus as much as I can, but ultimately I turn out to be right when that feeling of "I can/can't learn right now" comes up. I really haven't understood what was going on there, only able to categorize the side of me that's able to get something from content like Heidi's as "better" and the side of me that isn't as "worse". My work on that has grown more towards better being able to recognize those states and act from them (in the academic side of my life - just not bothering to show up to school on days I know I'm not learning anything today anyways vs not allowing the shame to prevent me from continuing to show up on the days I can). I did not expect a Heidi video to help me better understand where the behavior that sometimes stops me from watching her videos comes from!
Anyways, another masterclass in both content and presentation of that content from Heidi! Cherish every polished, gentle, kind sentence that comes out of this channel. Thank you!
Thanks! I was in therapy for decades, never had so many Ah Ha moments as I have since you started with ‘Self esteem month’ I am amazed how at the age of 47 I am still held captive by my triggers. I get triggered from other humans, failed every exam or job interview so it was impossible to break free completely. But even seeing the light at the end is better than dying in the dark. Your work will not be wasted, I will internalize the healing massages and save myself somehow. Be well and safe from hurt and harm.
Damn... Pretty much every single point in this video is a perfect description of me. What I do take some comfort in is that I recognise these points more strongly in my past self than in my current self, I think this does help me see that I have made quite a bit of progress
This isn't the first time i've cried during one of your videos. You explain everything perfectly!
People accuse me of having adult ADHD but I never knew how CPTSD affected attention span. This makes so much sense now. Very comforting.
OMG, I wish I could give this a thousand likes!!! Thank you Heidi for sharing these insights with such clarity. ❤❤❤
Excruciatingly helpful.
Heidi,
Thank you so much. You have just now taught me that it's not a character flaw. I am totally addicted to self improvement as the scapegoat of the family. Thank you for your hard work and exceptional channel.
I'm literally crying rn. I've never felt so comforted and seen in a healthy way... Thank you
I always look forward to fabulous hair and a thorough brush down of my rusty soul here!
Holy Shit! How did you manage to put all of this together?!?? You are so incredibly smart and generous. Thank you for such great information! Wish you were my therapist ❤
why am I always in tears less than a minute into all of your videos? After 58 years on this Earth..believing it was always ME while I jumped hurdle after hurdle life threw at me ..jumping like a show horse while dying inside. Thank you Heidi. I've been masking myself my whole life. I'm just now understanding the truth.❤
Love this channel Heidi! You have a gift! ❤
🤯🤯🤯 I'm 58 years old, have been in therapy for 24 years and I've never heard ANYTHING like this! The shame I've been manipulated with isn't natural? I've been gaslit my whole life by family who deny my experiences and shame me for feeling them. One time, when I was telling my brothers my feelings, my boundaries and how they've treated me, my oldest brother turned it around on ne and said, "You're blaming others on your actions. Why don't you take responsibility?" TOTAL gaslighting, total projection. but I fell for it and felt shame. In the back of my mind, though, I was thinking, "Why can't they see what they're doing to me and why don't they care?" I have felt completely unheard.
Anyway. Liked. Commented. Subscribed. Paused and replayed, saved and shared twice. Thank you so much! After all this time, I have something to show my therapist that explains exactly how I need to heal. You said this list could go on? Well, please do! I know I'd really appreciate a part 2, and I'm sure others would, too, if they learned as much as I! Again, thank you! ❤❤
This is amazing on so many levels. It is psychoeducation presented so professionally, but it is also kind and compassionate and full of hope.
Fantastic video sister, a great reminder not to beat the sh*t out of myself for things uncontrollable.
She just described every day of 62 years. My first introduction to the world was a scalpel across my head at birth in '61 to a woman who hated motherhood and showed me every day, multiple beatings and traumas eventually culminating in me getting shot in the face during Katrina rescue ops, and that same mother leaving me to suffer afterwards, all while slandering me to someone I loved. The trauma started literally on day one and it never stopped, and a mother's wound is the deepest, so at 62 I still have the reflexes of a mongoose and, hypervigilance of an Indian scout on guard, the reactions of a cornered animal in the past, a heart of stone and a solid distrust of everyone, especially women.
But Heidi alluded ever so slightly to the real cure, and it has nothing to do with this kinetic reality, but a spiritual one, the soul.
I never want notice nor pity, so the only reason I divulged the above "sad story" is that it is my only known true verifiable example of the potential depths of CPTSD damage, the effort required to overcome it, and the source I used to do it. After years of tears and thousands spent, the ONLY thing that ever made 22,000 days of CPTSD and severe depression abate, was to FINALLY go silent still and inside in order to release the illusions and delusions of this "reality" and the stories created within.
When I realized that I was not the sum of my experience here, or the traumas or my mother's feelings for me, and that I am a multidimensional consciousness just playing around in and with the role of a damaged human being while manifesting experience. Only when I understood what is really going on here, why I suffered for decades, and why I still show the "scars" of a broken spirit, only then was I able to still a very angry mind, forgive everyone, especially myself but including the man who shot me in the face, and the abusive mother who left me to suffer afterward. There is absolutely relief in vital information such as Heidi is giving, but NOTHING outside of the real you is going to truly and permanently "heal" your true self, I tried. Our minds and our entire physical nervous systems have been literally overloaded, some have shorted out completely. I for example have multiple TBI's, scarring on my brain and titanium plates in my face, and so we are all hardwired for the fight and the response, both emotionally and physically. So we have to rise above and separate from the damaged body. I personally have zero flight response, only fight, so I used to attack viciously and decidedly, crushing others instantly like I'd been done. So I beg their forgiveness. Heidi's wonderful information soothes and explains so very accurately and well, while the higher self can heal from within. I've found it is the only thing that can reach deep enough for these types of ancient wounds. Love of the Creator to all you kids, you got this, this is a tough school, and you're doing fine.✌🙏
You are awesome!💚
Thank you so much. Your words have touched me deeply
Wow! I've been doing some serious emotional work for over a decade. I've figured out (through Alanon support) and have healed a lot of this. I was severely neglected and my parents were alcoholic and there was a lot of abuse and trauma. That idea that I'm not showing my emotions is a slap in the face - in a good way. A lot to digest. Thank you! ❤
Your work is fantastic Heidi, thank you
That end bit about the world outside our heads is better than the one inside is a real allegory of the caves innit…
For the past 3 weeks I’ve spiraling and isolating myself over all this… some of this things I realized but for the rest you’ve put them into words words. This has been the journey of a lifetime specially for the last 6 months where it hit me that my whole life, childhood and way of being in this world was not normal but was a response to how I’ve been treated. I went for 3 months straight to a psychologist but I stopped since I feel she didn’t fully get the picture (now I realized I have normalized so many things that I didn’t feel like mentioning them hence I was not telling the full truth to her) and I felt I couldn’t trust her (because of how much shame I got going on). I have isolated myself from all the few friends I have and I am facing med school expulsion since I can’t attend my practices being in the state that I am but I don’t know how to ask for help nor to explain myself without “outing” my parents. I am at that point you mentioned last where I truly have no hope anymore. Thanks for this video I feel it will help lots of people ❤
I pray for you , keep believing in yourself , it is possible to heal ❤
Bro this video just made me rethink myself, my whole life experience and all of my relationships with other people at a deep core level, hard to accept but maybe I'm not the cause but the perpetuator of my own trauma
I’m in tears. Thank you so so much. I feel so seen for the first time in my life.
@5:33 when she said “I’m gunna say it one more time” I was like 😅oop then she went and said it and like I suspected I started crying like a lil baby…❤thank you Heidi. Truly.
Another deeply relateable video. Thanks Heidi. When I'm really struggling, I feel like the BIGGEST burden on the people that actually care about me. Then, when I instinctually isolate (to protect them from my negativity and depressed mood), the hope for a better life through the social connections I truly crave withers away. Why does heailing from these deep shame wounds seem so impossible?!
Used to do that, too, for years. Then the crushing weight of pretending made the mask fall off. NGL, the flux of change was not easy to go through and several people known for years could not hang with the fuller expressed me.
My quality of life and feeling authentically my self has improved. You will find your tribe(s). And develop self-love because you are (we each are) worthy of realizing our unique potential-- even in this difficult world.
Check out a good definition of love in 1 Cor 13:4-7 and give it to yourself. Fill your cup! and document your growth by journaling or similar.
Is that disorganized attachment disorder aka fearful avoidant attachment?
Earing this bring such pain, having nearly no one, my family is now a threat. 42 years old no life...
Dr Heidi Priebe you are my hero. i wish i could help people the way your videos have helped me
I needed this so much today....my "spirit guide" tells me to stop being so hard on myself. I'm only a human being trying to heal and get better ❤
I know exactly how I feel, but letting other people know how I feel has always been dangerous and I can’t let them know.
That sounds completely understandable.
You help me to be healthier, thank you.
Thank you for this video. I've been working on healing from cptsd for several years, and I find myself trying very hard to overcome the feeling that I am a terrible person. I have dreams about the people I've hurt running away from my self, and then I wake up to work that can pay very well but is specifically triggering in ways that I find totally unbelievable I willingly subject myself to it. The thought cycles have been so gnarley I sometimes go a week or more without working which has put me in very precarious situations... it's almost like I've been setting myself up for something cataclysmic to happen. I've been taking NPD tests, ASPD tests, Schizophrenia tests, wondering why everyone I love so much seems to become more and more distant as I go. Anyway this video made me just break down and cry finally and I felt such a huge release of tension. The way you name and frame the experience is 10/10.
Thank you so much
One lesson I recently realized, healing from C-PTSD at first FEELS like climbing a tall mountain but it's sometimes more like walking through a door that you didn't know existed. E.g. my therapist noticed I had low self esteem and that I didn't want to "bother" a guy to ask him out. All she had to do is say "I don't think you'll bother him," and I asked him out. Of course, there's a lot of behind-the-scenes work that I've had to do, but when healing happens, it's like "oh! Being normal is that simple!"
Interesting thing you said about item 4: you mentioned that it's okay not to know things that you haven't been taught or that you learned when partially dysregulated. And I think you mentioned that what happens to your brain automatically applies the shame emotion, and the reason is because of what you said earlier, that what we do is apply shame when we make mistakes because of earlier training, when there was a severe consequence for making a mistake.
So I'm seeing what you're saying, that's another way that the shame emotion starts taking over... So anytime that we face the situation where we don't know what to do, the default position in the cptsd person is just to apply shame, saying to themselves, "I should know this."
Absolutely incredible 10 out of 10 of these completely resonated with me. So grateful for these videos Heidi. Been sending them to my siblings too and we’ve all been working on healing together ❤
I feel ashamed of being ashamed of myself... how to break the cycle 🙄
"Letting Go" by David Hawkins might be helpful.
I feel so understood by what you say. So many years, i am so damaged, abused,neglected, bullied but was told, all is my fault, i feel so different with others and so lonely, helpless. Now i know i did not do anything wrong, just because i was a kid and met the heartless parents. I did not do anything wrong. But now i have to face all this damaging and fix them, its so hard.
PLAIN WORDS I CAN UNDERSTAND. God bless your soul.
Thanks Heidi. Hope is out there !
I have CPTSD but I've known it for only a couple years.
Before that, I went to several psychotherapists and other therapies. I hardly made any progress. They tought me the usual emotions management tips but that served no purpose.
I finally stumbled upon a complex-trauma-informed therapist. If any one out there is searching, I found competent help in the new therapy "Compassionate Inquiry" founded by Gabor Mate.
Amazing video! So true, we get smarter and more focused when we start to heal. For two decades I tried to learn to be organised without use because my brain was an “inhibition machine” until I started to heal. Thank you Heidi!
I recently came across this book on CPTSD, Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence - from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror
Judith Lewis Herman. It explains trauma in a way that relates to EVERYONE and explains it in GREAT DETAIL. It is a painful read I should warn but it’s is worth it.
"It's not because you just don't have the grit to get through things that you find unpleasant." I'm always between jobs, I constantly lose motivation and I fear a challenge. Everyday I feel like a failure. Thank you for normalising this and putting it into perspective. I need to do some work on my inner child and hopefully one day I can learn to absorb all of life's vicissitudes.
Good people can do bad things sometimes is a sentiment I wish I had learned much earlier. It is healing to hear it now.
I did have a "spirit guide" in my youth. It once said, "Often, you are hard on yourself. Try instead to see only the lesson and not a definitive statement of your worth." It blew my mind then. Now, Ms. Priebe says something similar. Her encouragement helps.
When I feel vulnerable, I have learned to ask for patience, kindness, and encouragement-- not just from others, but also from myself.
I’m only 16 minutes in and I’ve never understood myself so well. Thank you for this video!
Miss Melissa- I am so happy for you, finding this support at your age. May you grow strong, compassionate and confident and live the good life you deserve!❤
Living with CPSTD my memories are almost non existent except for the loss of my Mum when I was 15. I was dissociated from age six due to the abuse and I numbed myself with alcohol and substance abuse. Now that I am sober, I live with severe anxiety and chronic pain and I don’t know who I am. Do you believe that unless you have a family member remind you of the memories that you may never remember? My CNS is firing on all cylinders and I am extremely disorganised and I can’t concentrate. The shame I carry is debilitating. I truly believe that shame is so much more than an emotion. It’s kind of like a core belief. People who have been completely on their own since the age of early teens and have no family contact isolate due to the fear of trust and shame. I am now understanding the that community is very important but where do you begin if you can’t concentrate on engaging with other people. I have tried to book online free trauma groups however I talk myself out of attending because I am too unwell and I used to be outgoing but I can’t engage. Talk therapy is fine but it doesn’t help people who are in constant flight, fight and freeze responses and their bodies don’t feel safe. I apologise if this does not make sense. I am pushing myself to complete burnout daily and pure exhaustion and sleep deprivation because all I do is have racing thoughts about ways and ideas of how I can heal or get to a point where I can experience a day of understanding what it feels like to function. I pace around in circles and have a list of things to do that is six pages long. I am great at beginning something and within minutes I have to get up and pace and lose things. It’s so difficult living in total chaos on your own in isolation for many years. It is the million dollar question of “ Where does a person begin?” Because there is so many things to do to heal. Thank you for this awesome video. I am very grateful.
Thank you for this information. I’ve been in trauma therapy for a while and my therapist has diagnosed me with C-PTSD. As you were reading I kept thinking this is so me. Thankful for EMDR and all of the tools available now. I’m 59 and it’s time for healing.
Thank you! I did have a guardian within myself; I understood that I was being abused and that it wasn't my fault. Although I'm still quite distrusting and hypervigilant in protecting my physical and emotional boundaries.
I have been working on healing shame and getting more present with my core self since 2019. I have made so much progress! It’s so worth working on this. I finally feel like my life is on track and I can make meaningful progress.
The 7th bit about having X hours to do a task due to Y hours dealing with trauma triggers causing X-Y actual time doing the task was something I've told myself was the case for years, but this being the first time I've heard someone else say it was refreshingly validating. Not to say the rest of what you said wasn't especially useful, too.
Peace and thanks.
This is, by far, one of the most comforting, helpful videos I have ever watched! I feel like I have an understanding of the confusion and intolerable pain I've suffered my entire life. Thank you so much ❤