Should You Be Out at Work? | LGBTQ+
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- Опубліковано 5 лис 2022
- A lot of the time, we spend MORE time with our coworkers than our own friends... which is pretty crazy to think about. That being said, we want to go to work feeling like we can be our full selves! rainbows and all!
Is it safe to come out at work? How do you assess this?
What helped us when coming out: • 3 Things That Helped U...
What scared us the most when coming out: • Coming Out: What Scare...
Love,
A + L
/ one99four
/ lilianmbrilliant - Розваги
Soooo friends! not the most fun topic, but hey! not everything is peachy. We would love to know if you have also ever experienced any homophobia in your workplace? and if so, how did you deal with it? ☺
please be the voice of women in iran and lgbtq people who wants their right...
I've only just started telling friends good friends that I like women. Nobody thought it was a problem I'm still a dear friend to them. But where I worked I always hid it. Didn't dare. I don't even know if my parents knew. I always tell myself my whole life has been a lie, I am now 76.While I write this I have to cry .Why did I never do anything about it yes fear.And if I follow everything in the media I think we are not so tolerant sad enough ... I love you and I'm glad you are so open and can be. And that I write this is another victory. Congratulations on your marriage 💐💐💕. Greetings Gré
When I go to work I love to live a private mysterious life. Sometimes life is a million times better when no one knows your personal business.
Haha love a good mystery! I totally get why you’d like to keep things private. Different folks different strokes.
-A ❤
I agree. I don’t talk to anyone about my relationships and family anymore. I especially don’t talk to anyone queer or lgbt. The family, love and marriage are things own be the secular state. They’re no longer neutral.
I worked a lot at restaurants / bars and it does depend somehow on the employer whether I feel safe or not, but more importantly it depends on the guests. There might be days where I don't feel safe as a woman, not to speak as a queer woman, and days where all guests seem chill.
It did though make me feel a lot better that one of my (male, cis, white) employer told me he would not accept any kind of discrimination at his restaurant and would personally interfer if I told him to / he heard/saw something.
I think it is great to talk about these topics, we are luckily that we have always felt safe to be out in our jobs. Doesn't mean we haven't had a fair share of comments, questions and judgements, but we are grateful to be safe and happy.
I'm working in a German company that's very supportive in diversity including LGBTQ+... They will fly the pride flag during pride month, participate in the CSD parade, etc.. But I still hesitate to come out as I know for a fact that a few of my very close colleagues are homophobic.. Although company's policy says no tolerance to discrimination but what would the company do if I reported discrimination from my colleagues or my bosses? I'd love to be out and open to everyone so when someone asked me how was your weekend, I could say "my gf and I went to... " instead of just standard reply to avoid answering.. But at the moment it's more stressful than comfortable to come out.. Hopefully I'll find the courage to come out in near future..
I was always out at my workplace. Of course, I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, so it's fairly easy here for the most part. I can't imagine having to keep my personal life a secret, especially when it comes to sharing what my wife and I did on the weekend, etc.
Love your videos! Thanks for talking about this topic and being so open! Sending you lots of support and love from the U.S!💕🌈🙌
i’m an OBGYN. i’ve only held a couple positions because i just graduated two years ago, but i did locums in the UK and Italy during covid. i always ask about hospital’s ethics toward queer and trans people-patients and employees. i also vet practices heavily in regards to their practices regarding patient sexuality and gender. it’s really important to me that every patient is treated the same: that sexuality and gender are established from the jump in fair and discrete ways ie. “do you have sex with semen-producing partners?” and asking patients to write their pronouns and gender on their forms if comfortable and by me introducing myself with my pronouns when i meet new patients.
edit: my partner is a journalist and is trans. they also vet the company first. they ask what measures the company takes to address diversity, equity, and inclusion and what their policies are regarding safety and happiness for trans employees.
Thank you for your thoughts on this interesting and iimportant topic. I've been working in the academic world for more than 20 years now and all I can say is that this is a really queer friendly environment - at least here in Europe. We are a bunch af queeries at our department / faculty and we have a growing number of LGBTIQ+ students in our courses who are wonderfully out and open about their sexuality. However, we all feel the rather cold headwinds growing stronger that are caused by the changing political environment due to the unfortunate overall situation caused by the pandemic, the war in Ucraine and its consequenes as well as climate change ... and when a storm is coming up its first snd foremost minorities who are the first to be hit hardest. So, let's stick together in our wonderful community and keep supporting each other. Thank you for doing exactly this, Lilian and Alexis 🥰👍🌈❤️!
You two are just the loveliest - I've been following your videos for years. As a fellow lgbtq member, your content always brings me a sense of comfort, so thank you. I've slowly been coming out at work, at a very corporate, cis white men run company and as challenging as it has been I have not experienced any outward discrimination, there are still a lot of problematic aspects though in other ways. I'm very private at work so I choose wisely with who I share personal details of my life with. So I say start with baby steps if you're unsure of how to be open at work!
Hello
If I’m employer there is no label. I will choose to see each individual strength and performance. Every one will have fair share to shine. 👍
My current job is genuinely supportive of the LGBT community. One employee made a transphobic comment and refused to use a certain person's pronouns correctly. It was immediately addressed and never happened again.
I appreciate this topic. My partner and I have a friend who has been bashing my partner about not coming out at work and it hurts her feelings. She had to get out of a really bad work situation and just needed to get a job where she could leave her work at work when the day was done. I am wondering how people feel about this intense scrutiny she’s getting from our friend. We are actively distancing ourselves from this person because they just seem to alway have an opinion about what we’re doing wrong but that’s a story for another time.
That friend is NOT a friend.
Love the way you speak. You really good at this. Specially together. Thank you for contacting filming for us.
Love Alexia’s hoody. Please share the name of the store! It’s beautiful colour ❤
I´m currently living in Brazil and in a process to become part of a english school as a teacher. There are a lot of straight students but I feel that the place is friendly. Sadly the thing that´s been dissapointing me is my family..
This is so interesting!! I'm a freelancer and work with costume for film so my workplace changes a looot and I have to keep coming out a lot.. In one way it's very open in costume but then also there can be a lot different kinds of people from all walks of life in film (pros and cons).. I try and gage the peson I'm currently talking to and drop something gay into the conversation haha.. Sometimes though I find it very hard if it's a group of people and the vibes feel very straight and they are talking about relationships for example not knowing that I'm gay, if I don't feel comfortable sharing anything myself it can feel so frustrating!! But then it's really important to remember that it's because of the people and that it's not just your job to share but their job too to make people feel included
I have the pleasure to work at a queer owned indie video game studio 🥰
Before that I never talked about it at work and naturally put up walls with my co workers
I basically hide it unless I have a connection with a coworker. If I talk to them frequently enough on a personal basis, I would mention I have a girlfriend. I don’t go out of my way to let my entire department know my sexuality.
Job interviewer (in German): “So, i don’t know if i should ask this… Do you have children, husband?”
Me: “I have a girlfriend… *awkward silence* and a cat…2000 km away [immigrant]”.
In the end: got the job after that awkwardness 😅
as a person who is looking for a job and uses they/them pronouns, it's definitely hard to find a job that is supportive and understands the diversity of the lgbtq+ community
I'm not out at work (but to my only workfriend who is my age and my "style") because I can't be sure about the reaction of the people that work with me. I'm also afraid about rumors that could come with the coming-out and I don't wanna or don't have the energy to do pedagogy during my working hours so I never speak about my private life, and if I talk about it I remain vague only talking about what I did (and never who with) on my week-end for example. And today one of my colleague made a really transphobic remark which made me grateful to have said nothing about my sexual orientation !
At my place of business people will publicly be affirming but in the hallways use slurs, negative comments and jokes.
I make a point to shake my head and leave the area which makes people uncomfortable. That’s my intention. Sometimes I’d like to say “uh ..are referring to me?” Maybe I will when we leave the area.
I live in the US in a primarily liberal state but there are pockets of very scary communities. It’s lovely to be out but unfortunately not always safe.
Me encanta su canal, son una inspiración para muchos. Saludos desde Tijuana BC Mex.
As a person who worked in Toronto (and Alexis is from there), I would not expect anyone to express anything against someone being an LGBT+. We did not have anyone openly out in the office, however if we did, my colleagues couldn’t care less about anyone’s personal business. God bless Canada for the people’s mentality and letting people be what they are.
It was a “white men” office (since you guys have mentioned that) and no, no one asked you about your personal relationship situation unless you wanted to share. The same goes for interviews. This is the law!
So, the bottom line is: I can’t speak for all of Canada, but from what I saw, people are educated enough to accept others or at least keep their opinion to themselves at work.
Love that y'all are addressing topics that are pressing to our community. Thanks for being awesome Alexis and Lilian!
Adore you ladies immensely
Such a good useful video!! I think that it depends a lot on how young your colleagues are tbh. The company I worked for didn't care about diversity, my bosses were white cis men and my supervisors were straight cis white women, BUT my actual colleagues with whom I worked closely were really young, so we were all under 30yo, and there were quite a few who were queer, which made me feel so much better at my workplace. So even though we were also working with quite a few cis white men around us who had a pretty backwards mentality, I felt supported and less alone, it was really cool tbh because we would talk about it quite a bit, it was a relief to be able to talk openly about certain experiences we had at work, I'm so glad we had each other. :) Now I'm hoping to find other places where there are queer people working with me as well. And yes, my goal is indeed to be freelance in a couple of years time, and to be open about being queer so that queer people can contact me knowing I am a safe space. :))
Lots of good tips!! ♥
I was doing the dishes and thinking about a particular gay guy who has a podcast and is very much openly gay and how cool is that his workplace seems to be LGBT+ friendly because we live in a conservative country and then I go in my bed and open UA-cam and this is the first video that pops up. 😂👀 I mean I've been a subscriber of this channel for a long time so the video didn't pop up that randomly, but still the timing was kind of funny
Alexis should play a grown up version of El "Eleven" from Stranger Things like in a flash forward or something.
Me happy knowing practically half the workers at my job are gay ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜 that includes ✨MOST✨ of management. It’s not my forever job or perfect by any means by thankful I’ve never had to worry about homophobia coming from inside the workplace and I think if it ever came up it wouldn’t be taken lightly
Subject not fun but has to be discussed and considered, and brought up some great topics and points. It is difficult when or where to say it and is it safe and thank you for bringing this video up it is important
Lillian have you ever thought of dying your hair dark brown? I think it would look so so good! Love you both xo
I think She is a lot darker natural . But I love Her hair.
Truly said I love you guys 🌹❤🔥
I find that the social political semantics are tricky ( and subjective) at my work. I work at a very... ("blue voting" in American terms) public hospital. The powers that be go above and beyond to say that that they support minorities, but their way of doing such is allowing certain cultural groups to proselytize around the state facility, and only white people will typically be held personally accountable for anything anti-LGBTQ. If the alleged offender is from another demographic, this is usually followed by a memo to staff in general, and no individual accountability. It only enables the bigotry, and does the opposite of discouraging.
I for one am transitioning and unfortunately, maybe a quarter of my workspace is so far supportive and understanding. A friend who (in looking for a "boyfriend") had been strongly flirting, and opts out of conversations once I bring up LGBTQ stuff. Growing my hair out has mainly gotten some people saying that it's my "COVID hair", some people thinking that it's because I like rock music, some people believing that I as "a man shouldn't have long hair", and they ask if they can make wigs out of my hair. Then, my charge nurse is always asking when I'll donate my hair. Even some very far left wing support my long hair only as long as they get to recognize me as some male iconoclast. Then, I can't tell you how dysphoric I get when someone calls me "sir" or "Mr. ...", or saying that I'm "the man".
Really, when a patient looked across my desk curiously wondering if I was a guy or a woman, a friend (who I'm out to described it as rude).I was like "Given what some people overtly say without any fear of consequence, passing so much for cis woman that a patient can't definitively tell is surprisingly affirming.
My experiences as a lesbian mechanic in a unionized airline autoshop were a nightmare. If you've seen "North Country" that has been closer to my experience as a lesbian on the job without the happy ending, and that movie came out after my experiences started. I wish that movie had come out 10 years earlier.
Finding a lawyer by myself was a dead end and ultimately they worked and are still working to reinvent
me into a pariah, nut or slut.
One of the classic comments I will never forget was "We're being held hostage", during a sexual harassment
training because of the aggressive sexual misconduct on the job. The complaints I made with HR made me not "likeable".
If you are by yourself your life could change forever into a unending struggle against misogyny and lesbophobia.
Do not assume you will have the support of any community when having problems with male dominated Unions that can travel anywhere in the world.
😢
I had recently lost my job over Transphobia.
💜I am so sorry. Stay strong.
@@AreaheKwili Thank you. I will
Wow. That is just ridiculous! I’m so sorry. That workplace does not deserve someone like you! I hope your next job will be more open minded! And accepting of our beautiful community. Stay strong!! ❤
- A
@@alexisbrilliant8895 thanks Alexis.
I personally prefer companies that don't make a big deal about it, and that treat meanness to queer people the same way they treat meanness to anyone else.
Authenticity is one of my top values and it is quite painful for me to not be 100% authentic, no matter where I'm at. What I've realized is that the people that I've had issues with aren't even overtly hateful; they dislike me because my mere existence is a challenge to their belief systems. I've always had a lot of haters and the higher I climb, the more I seem to accumulate. Women especially tend to be very jealous and envious of me because I am very authentic, happy, and I'm very very good at what I do. It intimidates them.
Where homophobia comes into play is where people don't understand that one can be gay and be whole. They don't understand that I can be happy, successful, confident, competent, and gay at the same time. Their brains just don't understand how it could be possible and I think it makes them upset. They expect gay people to be unsuccessful, broken, isolated, and mentally ill, so I think seeing me really bothers them.
Do you speak English or Dutch at your workplace.
The comments I've read so far all sound very nice and civilized, but do not represent my personal experiences
as a lesbian mechanic in a unionized airline autoshop. If you've seen "North Country" that has been closer to
my experience as a lesbian on the job without the happy ending, and that movie came out after my experiences started. Finding a lawyer by myself was a dead end and ultimately they worked and are still working to reinvent me into a pariah, nut or slut.
One of the classic comments I will never forget was "We're being held hostage", during a sexual harassment
training because of the aggressive sexual misconduct on the job. It made me not "likeable".
If you are by yourself your life could change forever into a unending struggle against misogyny and lesbophobia.
Do not assume you will have the support of any community when having problems with male dominated Unions that can travel anywhere in the world.
Love seeing you two and how in love you are in your videos !
I work for a worldwide company right now. It is in the corporate policy that nobody should treated differently, and we had a training about it. But…I live in a country where in theory there is no discrimination against LGBTQ+ people but in reality the government is really homophobic and so are the people. I know that I can’t lose my job because my sexuality, but I know that there is a high chance there would be someone who would treat me very negatively. It is really hard for me, because my really close colleagues are so sweet and I know that they would accept me like that, but I didn’t know that for a long time according to the homeoffice situation due to corona virus.I started to lie to them from the beggining, that I am single and even now I am scared to tell them it is not true.I never told them that I’m straight but they assumed and obviously I didn’t correct them. But in fact I live with my partner for about 4 years now, and we just got engaged. This was a very tough situation too because many coworkers of mine got engaged too around that time that i did and they all talked about their proposals and the wedding plans but I just could not and it was hearthbreaking.( In my country same sex couples are not allowed to get married) Our plan is to move to a more accepting country where we can marry each other and for the first time we could be completely ourselves without the need to lie about us to anyone.
My sexuality was never an issue. except In Toronto coming out of a lesbian bar attacked verbally from a group of men..We beat them & left!.. & " St Charles Hotel was raided by the Cops! I sold advt. did market research!, Just had 82 birthday living in London Can ah dah!..When you come here..I will buy you both lunch K eh! I managed the 1st Canadian Women soccer team in Germany France & Switzerland in 1973!
ciao, sono di un paese in medioriente dove viviamo e respiriamo omofobia...
ho lavorato per un anno nell'archivio di una NGO e una volta ero in toilette, (ovviamente abbiamo toilette solo per donne e altre solo per uomini... ), e quella volta sono entrate 2 donne, non sapendo che io fossi dentro, hanno parlato di me e una di loro ha detto che da quando ho cominciato a lavorare lì, si sente più sicura se andasse nella toilette degli uomini.
aveva paura di me, "la lesbica"...
ma io non ho mai fatto coming out nel mio posto di lavoro, perché ho paura di farlo, la gente non mi accetterebbe.
e in più, non mi permetterei MAI di provare con nessuna in un posto di lavoro! allora non so perché aveva paura di me. e poi se sono lesbica non significa che mi piacerebbe qualsiasi donna! ho i miei gusti.
infatti non conoscevano nemmeno il mio nome, ero chiamata: "quella nuova".
tutto il loro discorso è partito dai miei capelli rasati e il mio modo di vestirmi!
allora devo avere capelli lunghi e mettere i tacchi e vestiti "più femminili" per poter lavorare in pace nel mio paese?!
mi dispiace tantissimo cio que hai vissuto nel tuo lavoro! Questa omofobia non si puo tolerare. Spero che tu possa trovare un posto dove possi essere te stessa senza dovere cambiare vestiti, capelli o nascondere la tua identità!
@@HermelJaworski grazie!
My workplace is LGBT friendly tho I’m Not out.. I’m afraid even tho I know they would accept it 🫠
That’s understandable. It’s all up to you and whatever makes you feel the most comfortable 🫶
- A
@@alexisbrilliant8895 thank you🥹
Did anyone tell you you looked beautiful today?....♧.... adore
Since two guys were recently killed in Slovakia just for holding hand and going to have a coffee and after the incident the Slovakian goverment acted like nothing happened and everything is fine. You either stay "normal" in my country or you are out so.... Greetings from Czechia.
Tschüss!
Dear Alexis and Lilian, you know that I enjoy watching your videos, don't you? Let me tell you something, you are not targeted for your sexual orientation but for being a woman speaking out! It's when we express our feelings and opinions frankly and publicly, especially inhabiting a woman's body that we become the number 1 target. Ironically, some gay men are the first ones to target us. Yes, of course, there are straight men and women who eventually will not like the lesbian or gay status but that is not what I am referring to. What I am pointing out to you is criminal behavior from people who need a "scapegoat" as an excuse to impose their will onto others. Their goal is control over other people in general, and the environment that they are a part of. The goal -- even though often unconscious -- is to impose one's will onto others. I am talking about very aggressive and uncivilized behavior. You suggested that the problem is when the CEO is a white male. Rest assured that that is not the problem, my dear friends! The CEOs of the company I work for are very open-minded as far as diversion and inclusion are concerned. And yet, they too are subject to this terrorism that I am talking about - not from within the company but from a larger social scale. Take care of yourselves. I send you my love....💌
It's uncivilized dominance that has led the world to wars and has kept us all in captivity via technology. The "typical male" whether he is white or black does not want that. It's about interpersonal integrity more than one's sexual orientation but some gay males have proven to "score the lowest" in that regard.
🌹🌹🌹❣️❣️❣️👍👍👍
I experience sexism against women the most in my cis hetero male workplace environment.
🌈💋I Love💋 you 💋girls 💋🏳️🌈👭🏻🏳️🌈🌹🌹💋
😎😃😊😜😍😘💖
Awesome... Cute as fuck. Cheers
👑👑
A lot of ethnic groups are very negative towards lgbtq in yhe workplace
What do you mean?
@@HermelJaworski i mean different people from more conservative cultures working in lgbt friendly cultures can tend to be very unaccepting of homosexuality
@@sarebear5207 Thanks for clarifying what you meant. I think that there are homophobic people in many cultures and that it is not an ethnic issue
With such a troubling topic, you both have only increased suicidal thoughts and tendencies.
I wonder if professional prostitutes have this problem?
I keep saying that I am a lesbian man... NOone believes me!.......♧
You both no boring to see each other,,,,,, please do some romance in vedios.